AaWaRaGi

NeVeR SToP aGaiN

2007-10-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well this is not the first time when i have been taken aback over this,we have started a journey with lot of courage,everytime you stop in between leaves me in thoughts.Today i found myself a little agonized over this,i can understand your responsiblities towards your bondings.
It looks like a letter to you on this blog albeit its nothing like that, i am writing though today i didn't felt like.I don't know how long we will be together in this journey which breaks in between.I hope we will carry it.

JoY & SoRRoWs

2007-10-05T01:50:00.000-07:00

Life is all about the two inseprable phenomenon joy & sorrow,when one comes in life the other one waits for its turn,they are inseprable beacause if one is sleeping with you the other is around you guarding,you looking at you.
Its easy to advice or write but one can understand the the hollow nature of words,being alone is good for a while but being alone all your life is something which is a lie to oursleves,if we love the lonliness we could go by it for the whole life,but then why we need or wish a companion,you may deny but as life wil move on you will feel the need of that companion,the compassion by which one put his hand over your head and washes away the tears from his/her fiery fingers,the moment once longed for.
Why to deny that feeling if i carry it,if i carry and longed for a soul who understand the needs of human and who himself/herself carries it.
This blog gives me a way to put my feelings on this balck and white space and to make you read and understand may be we both carries this but we can't go with this.
This is what u always made me to understand..thanks for keeping the journey on.

???????????

2007-10-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

The battle within me,chasing me every night,pushing me in the lap of land,still i show the courage to fight.
I am ruthless at times to what life has brought to me,i won't succumb to it,i will chase it till i achieve it.
I will not fall prey to the darkest of night,i will go on in my search to the existence of my own life,where i am not an individual but i am an army that fights for their survival in the battlefield.
You will come with me or not to strengthen the army,i will beg you not,its my own fight and i will fight alone,winning or losing is a matter belief.

Zara si gard-e-hawas dil pe laazmi hai faraaz,
Wo ishq kya hai jo daaman ko paak chahta hai"

HoLd Me To WaLk ToGeThER

2007-10-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

Every time I come to write on this blog i don't know what happens, the words flows like the rivulets from the upward mountains, as gush of water flows to the downward with the noise that can be heard from a distance. I know not with time where will we tread but the imaginations set here needs a hand to nurture them, the passion and desire to make it real. Art will be worthless if it doesn't reach to the imaginations you have set.
Its a dream world where we are part of a unique style of confessing, pouring the feelings which have earlier not been profoundly understood or taken as to understand.

Every imagination and art if not reached to its destination it will be worthless, it might be remembered as a failed attempt to the world, so where you are at the verge of making it a failed attempt or succeed in bringing humanity to understand the Art of communication, Communication in the positive framework gives a cheerful existence in future without the regret of losing the path.

Once it may look to you a childish wordings of a mature person but ask once to yourself, the dreams of your eyes may die a death you wont ever wished under fulfilling others expectations, it might look harsh to you, the people who brought us to the world, don’t they really believe in the world of your dreams, if they don't it will be worthless to die for, if they do its worth to give them what the expect of you.

It may be a road less traveled but this one we have chosen to travel in the due course of life, with a promise the path may be steep but togetherness will bring the courage to walk on those roads which are scary and fearful.

So here i am with a word,” I have scattered my dreams under your feet, tread softly."

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created in years or even generations.

MiRaGE ???

2007-10-02T02:27:00.000-07:00

Life always looks a mirage when u are not confident in your journey.Agree this or not,when a carvaan sets in the never ending desert towards its destination it follows a set route,but at times when the carvaan is out of stock it goes in search in the different directions,it come across mirages but in those mirages lies the stream of fresh water.Its the intuition of human intelligence to understand and follow the route rather than scared and sit idle somewhere.
God helps those who help themselves,everyone knows that pur fate is written before we came to existence,knowing this you can sit idle and wait for the things to happen which has been written before,but mind you it changes with time,you hard work,your belief to reach your set goals make Almighty to change the route and destination of your fate.
Main waqt ko baandh to nahi sakta,naa hi kisi insaan ki soch aur uskey raaste ko rok sakta hoon,par main ya to dua kar sakta hoon ya phir us raaste ki taraf badh sakta hoon jahan woh mirage hai aur tumhein yeh dikha doon ki usi mirage mein kahin woh jharna behta hai,jo thanda hai,jo tumharey honto ki pyaas mita sakta hai,jo tumhein us mithas ke ehsaas kara sakta hai jis se tumhari zindagi abhi tak naa aashna thi.
Shyad in lafzo ki garmi mein bahut kuch pighal jaaye,tumhara jawab shayd meri soch ke against ho,tum shayad mujhse agree nahi karo,kyonki hum dono ki soch shayad mukhtalif hai,lekin kya yeh apne aap mein ek mojza nahi ki hum ek doosre ki baat se inkaar to akrte hai magar ek doosrey ki baaton mein apne liye woh comfort feel karte hai jo shayad aur baaton mein naa ho,yeh kaisa rishta hai,jo hai bhi aur nahi bhi,yeh kaise raaste par hain hum,jahan haath ko thaamna bhi chahte hai aur nahi bhi.kyon hai woh darr tum mein? zindagi darr ke saath nahi jee sakti..
Girte hain sheh sawar hi maidaan e jung mein
woh tifl kya girenge jo ghutno ke bal chalein.

AaWaRaGi

2007-09-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

safar mein dhup to hogi jo chal sako to chalo
sabhi hain bheed mein tum bhi nikal sako to chalo

idhar udhar kayi manzil hain chal sako to chalo
bane banaaye hain saanche jo dhal sako to chalo

kisi ke vaasate raahein kahan badalati hain
tum apane aap ko khud hi badal sako to chalo

yahaan kisi ko koi raastaa nahin detaa
mujhe gira ke agar tum sambhal sako to chalo

yahi hai zindagi kuch Khwaab chand ummeedein
inhi khilauno se tum bhi bahal sako to chalo

har ek safar ko hai mahafus raasto ki talaash
hifaazato ki rivaayat badal sako to chalo

kahin nahi koi suraj, dhuaan dhuaan hai fiza
Khud apane aap se baahar nikal sako to chalo

TiShNaGi

2007-09-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

Aawaragi ki apni manzil hai,yeh ek talaash hai us manzil ki jahan aa kar sab kuch theher jaata hai,jahan insaan ka khalipan aur khalish mit jaati hai,tishnagi ko rahat aur bechaini ko qarar mayassar hota hai.
Jab tumhari zubaan samjhne wala koi saath aa jaaye to wahi manzil ban jaati hai..
Meri baat se shayad tum ittefaq nahi rakhte lekin har kisi ki tarah aankho mein sapne aur dil mein armaan hotey hain,waqt ki bedili aur maazi mein humarey kadwey experiences kabhi kabhi us raah par chalne se rok lete hai jo raah shayad hamari manzil ko jaati hai.
Dard ki shiddat lafzo se kahin zayada dil ke andar hoti hai,usko hubahu utarana mushkil hi nahi namumkin sa ho jaata hai,shayad aadha adhoora dard in panno par simat ke reh jaata hai,jo hum samjh baithte hai ki uska pura ehsaas ismein dikh gaya,lekin aisa nahi hai aur bhi ghum hai jo dikhaye nahi jaa sakte,jiski aawaz har kisi ke kaan tak nahi pahonch sakti,lekin jab is raah mein chalte hue humse koi aisa shakhs takrata hai jo hamari tarah ho,jo bhala ho yaa bura ho,par jo ehsaas ko samjhta ho,tum chup raho to usey yeh pataa chal jaaye ki tumne kuch kaha hai,aur woh besaakhta uski zubaan par aajaaye..
Kisi par yaqeen karne ke liye waqt ki bandish nahi hoti,kisi ne kya khoob kaha hai,
Parakhna mat parkhne mein koi apna nahi hota,kisi bhi aaiene mein der tak chehra nahi hota..
I still believe there is something which made me to keep on writing to you, to show you the true feelings of me, one may not agree that it could happen in so less time. But feelings doesn't come or wait for the time, they are like the dreams if you catch them they will stay with you or else next day those eyes will b full of another dreams.
So hold on or let me hold you before any of us get to another dream..
Bus waqt ki saari uljhan hai jo har waqt pareshaan karti hai
Kuch soch ke baitha jab bhi main yeh soch pareshaan karti hai..
Shayad ab tak aap ko meri khalish aur merey andar chupe hue us dard ke ehsaas ka andaaza chal gaya hoga?
Yahi hai woh jo har waqt mujhe pareshaan karti hai,jisey saath le kar chalne ki sochta hoon wahi raah mein aagey badh jaata hai,ya phir haalat ki majburiya usey chalne nahi deti,mujhe nahi pataa ki tumhari kya majboori hogi,tumhaare kya haalat hai,yeh to mere halaat ki kahani hai jo sirf meri zubaani hai,shayad is se zayada main aur kuch nahi keh sakta.

Thaam lo ki dil ab bhi muntazir hai tumhare jawab ka
Ho sakta hai mere saath tujhey raanayian na miley..

LeTs Go AlOnG

2007-09-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Now we are slowly moving,you may agree or not but we have started journey to a road less travelled.
I am not in search of just a girl,I am in search of that understanding where once wondering thoughts gets the calmness where one's emotions couldn't be played but taken as the flowing river which passes by you and everyone loves the noise it makes.
The sight of a falling leaf gives us immense pleasure but no one ever capable of understanding the fate of that leaf which reached to the dust and forgotten forever,it won't come again too the shoots,but the new one will again give the calmness to our eyes.
This is what a human life became,the words of sympathy is there but actions always decieve them.no one wish to leave on mercy but everyone believes in the true compassion.
Aawaragi has Destiny, you may not agree but yes either death or feeling of contentment.somewhere wandering comes to an end when you reach to a stage where you sense the music,where you can understand the chirpping of birds and when the calmness of night fills you with eternal thoughts.
Main ek gurezaa lamha hoon
ayyam ke afsoon khane mein,
main sota hoon aur jaagta hoon
aur jaag ke phir so jaata hoon,
sadiyon ka puraana khel hoon main
Main mar ke amar ho jaata hoon.
I will not stop,neither i will ask you to look back but hold on i am coming Along if you wish to take me with you.

DeStiNy LeAdS To EaChOtHeR

2007-09-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

It is one of the feelings that made me to search for the one who deny not, nor accept but forcing me to enjoy the moments of it. Aawaragi ends up where soul meets its soulful existence, the trance of your eyes reaches to soul.
The unknown looks very much known to me, the degree of it is felt inside me but may be not her.
Many a times i thought its what i call my destiny but some supernatural power pushes them away from me, at times i left aghast over the play of life, but i never lack the faith on true existence of that unknown, unseen,
i know she exist.
She is getting close to me, she is somewhere, understanding it, but may be denying it so that it may not hurt.
I wish to walk along, I wish to hold on the roads, which lead nowhere, but walking on the ways brings the joys of life and ecstasy in it.
If i believe there is something which made you to write here, the feeling that comes may not stay for long in you, but the wind wish you to fly in this. Feel the freedom of togetherness; we don't choose the destiny we are here to walk together.
Walk with me, you wont deny it that with sincere words i am asking you and that must be reaching to you, belief is not created with time. You show your belief and you will be believed.
Once Gandhi said,” believe it and there will be enough light for you but not for those who don't want to believe it".
Faith is an OASIS, which can't be reached by the caravan of thinking.
With this faith i move, with this belief i wish to walk with you, Destiny will open its doors once you show the courage to follow the path of journey.
Give me some light to move on.

36 HoUrS oF iNsAniTy

2007-09-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

36 HOURS OF INSANITY

This was the End of a painful past, a relation that wrecked me some 5 months back has left scars of solitude over my existence, and each day was passing as I am getting roasted in the hell of fire.
Every dream of my eyes melted and came running over my cheeks, every hope of my own happiness vanished from my face. I started treading in the world of despair where everything became insipid to my existence.
I was with my own concentrating with my work, pushing myself hard to keep myself away from any thought of foreign world, I was within my soul and heart.
No one ever have thought a mistaken message from a mobile will switch your emotion from its helm to heights and then leave you on the brink of another tale of seclusion.
My mentors have never thought their to be future will be too disheartened over the play of life, they shouldn't be either by now, another painful reminiscence added to its feather.

No one can ever say or agree that a 12 hours illusion will reach to a real melody for a moment and when it will clear from the eyes, the eyes will be dampen with the mist.

It was a usual afternoon in the office, he was about to go for lunch, by the time his mobile phone began vibrating, he went to his pocket and bring out his phone, the screen was showing a message received, it wasn’t a surprise either to see a text message, surprise was after that, It was from some unknown number, when he read the text he thought about his friends, may be one of them has changed his number and trying to play a prank with him, he called that number no one picked the call to answer but again after 5 minutes another message came from that number.

Saying,” did you called me, I am having a sour throat, so won’t be able to talk, by that time he was a bit sure in his mind that it’s a game of his friend.

Then he replied,” who is this”? The pitch was a little high to make that side to get angry,

Again the response was quite same but this time the identity was there, “don’t you know how to talk? I am Pooja, if you remember?

He got puzzled, thinking which Pooja.

He asked his colleague for his phone and made the call this time from his number and this time he heard the voice of that lady, a quite an serene voice, he apologized for his previous messages, but the call ended in between as she was a bit feeble in her voice.

It started like this and then it didn’t stop till the midnight of that startling day.

Every message was bringing them closer, there was affection in them with a mixture of care in hard words. He found himself swaying away in those letters, which was dipped in the essence of sincere words of affection. It drove him; he was falling in the deep abyss of Love once again.

But when destiny chooses anyone for its play no human can stand, they have to fall like an autumn leaf on the ground. The feeling was immense, not for a moment he thought it should end, but as the day is envelope by the darkness of night so is everything has to reach to its end.

Dusk looks as the dawn of his life, where things isn’t set but are beginning to accentuate with the calmness of night, when two hearts keep pace with their beats, and it looks as the sound of music to them.

It went on till 1 am. The night was dark; when they ended their conversation it made them feel that there is a beautiful day after this night of romance, when life will sing to them the melody of eternal peace.

With the break of dawn, he went to see his phone and again some messages were waiting for him, then he came to know that she didn’t slept whole night. He woke up at 6:30 and went up to call her, but she didn’t picked the call, then he understood that now she was in the lap of a luxurious sleep.

At 7 he reached to the office it was his usual timing but was feeling weak on his feet, he knew it that viral has attacked him but he didn’t stop there. He started his work, he never made an excuse of his ill health though so many times he have been under such condition, his loneliness has took a toll on his health but his going was still efficient as usual. He finished his work and took a break for coffee and medicine, he was fasting but he knew if he kept on no way he will be going to justify his work in the office, so he broke it that day.

8:30 am his phone again started ringing this was Pooja’s call,

“Good morning! So you have woke up, didn’t you sleep whole night”?

She replied,” Good morning! After such soothing feeling how could I sleep”?

She still wasn’t feeling well but trying to fight hard to start her day and moving to office. They kept on talking till she reached to her Car.

She stopped in the midway in the market to get the medicines, which he asked her to take, he told the chemist over the phone, and then she moved from the place and drove to her office.

“I reached Office jaan” a message came.

He in his worst dreams hasn’t thought about the things, which are coming on the fore, which may change his thinking forever. Whole day passed with the affectionate words and the letters of love dipped in the beautiful feeling of temptation and compassion towards each other. Time was slowly moving towards the evening, an evening that may open the horizons of joys or abyss of darkness to him. He kept on thinking whether to go or not and in his heart those messages has made a ripple in the wave of emotions which by that time reached to its height, if it hasn’t consoled or reached to the arms of his feelings he might have went into the pool of tears.

At 5:45 his friend arrived to his office and they decided to go out somewhere though he was still weak on his legs but he can’t deny him as well, he asked her over the phone to pick him from the place.

He was jacked in running emotions about her, he found himself restless as time was so slow, moving at its pace. His restlessness was at its peak, when she finished her office he was sweating like hell, his phone started ringing again, and he picked it up, she asked him to come but she wasn’t able to get the place and he has to ask her to wait where she was. He took an Auto and ran to see her, the painful hours of separation was about to fly away.

When he reached to the place he started looking everywhere to get a glimpse of her and when he didn’t found he called up, she was some 20 meter away from him in her car, he reached to her with a lazy walk, he found himself weak, he opened the door and got inside and then tightened the seat belt, she gave a look on his face, he was sweating and that made her to take the first move, she extended her hand and reached to his forehead, it was smoldering in fever like an iron is heated in the fire.

She started talking and asked,” shall we go straight to your place as you are not feeling well and fever is taking toll on you,” he denied to accept her point and asked her to drive him somewhere, where they can have a cup of coffee together.

They silently sat and she drove in search of a place where they can sit and talk for sometime, but luck was not with him, they went to In & Out where they can have coffee.

He asked her to have it but she too was not in a good health, her sour throat has made her to deny the coffee. They came out of the place and stood outside near her car, talking and few tender touches with emotion that led them to be together at this hour of night.

He was absolutely under the wings of her care and every moment was ceaseless, time flew like it never came for them.

On the way towards there home he was melting down, he didn’t want the time to go away but there was nothing he can do about that. She left him at his place, standing silently for some moment, he didn’t understood whether she was willing to go or feeling like staying there.

As she drove away from his eyes, he went to light a cigarette and followed the car but in the darkness he didn’t able to find her way, he returned back with a mixed feeling of ecstasy and sadness.

Like every bright day comes a lonely night that leaves a person in to the abyss of horrible dreams and that night was no exception, after a beautiful meeting where two hearts meet to follow the dreams went awry and he was left sulking alone in the darkness of that night. He tried to call her again and again, messaged her again and again but no response brought the comfort to his night. Night followed by another day of anguish when every word came hurting him, making a gorge in his heart.

After two days of pain and despair when he felt life is nothing but another name of miseries, illusions turned into disillusion, he kept on asking and made her to feel the guilt of his pain and distress that she brought to his soul. It might have made her to open her mouth for the first time and the words that came running to him hit him hard and knocked him down. Still he wishes to believe them but confused over this.

Listen Sam,”The day I came after meeting you my mother told me that son of her good friend is coming to see me for marriage, can you imagine how torn I am? I can’t be honest to my feelings for that guy, will be cheating on him and with you I can’t ever think of a future.”

These words came hurting him but he kept himself light in the moment, not to utter a word that would bring pain to her.

He said,” why u didn’t, told me that day only, I would have been pleased to your sincerity towards your parents rather than walking amidst tear in your eyes.”

She became vociferous,” what should I have told you, I was shocked to hear it, I wasn’t able to think anything, my consciousness was no more with me to understand and think anything.”

It brought him a little comfort to his crying soul; he felt it deep and thought she must be true, may be they were never destined to go on.

He felt those words and left he wandering, it might be a proverbial cloud, which dispersed with the first ray of the sun but he still walks in the memory lane of that moment.

A weak now has passed, his sulking eyes still believe to see that face, to meet her once again and to ask her, what it meant to you when you uttered four divine letters “LOVE” and what you felt when you said,”JAAN”.

In the heat of running emotions, he still goes to that place, the petrol pump in the evening to feel the wonderful time he has with her, the fragrance of her are still scattered in the Air, every evening he feels her innocent touch to his forehead which left him dreaming and made him a wanderer.

One can say it was Insanity of the moment, but still I feel it wasn’t Insanity but an emotional upsurge, which left one sulking, and one moving in life to find a beautiful tomorrow.

BeGiNniNg

2007-09-26T03:31:00.001-07:00

In search of true feelings my days and nights went on wandering,more i wandered more i was into abyss of wandering.No where i found contentment to my soul,no where i saw a person of belief,more i searched more i failed into it.
Someone said,"no longing ever left unfulfilled"with that belief i stayed awake,in the silent nights,just to find the person who understands the language of silence.In which you talk through your twinkling eyes,where you feel your words have got its true meaning.
May be what i am writing could be discarded by her,but my beliefs and faith wont deject me again, there is something in her which made me to write,which pushed me to open the distinctive feeling which every heart has.At times we don't have the language to say it.
The journey has no destination but the purity of it lies in the journey without a thought of reaching to any destined place but to walk together in search of contentment of soul.
I have put what i felt about you,i am holding my breath with my finger crossed,when you come to write,you will find me extending my hand to hold me in the journey rather than thinking about its DESTINY.

Shehar ki raat aur main naashaad-o-naakaaraa phiru
jagmagaati jaagati sadakon pe aawara phiru
Ghair ki basti hai kab tak dar badar maara phiru

ae Gam-e-dil kyaa karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

jhilmilate qumqumon ki raah mein zanjeer si
raat ke haathon mein din ki mohani tasveer si
mere seene par magar chalati hui shamsheer si

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

ye rupahali chao ye aakaash par taaro ka jaal
jaise sufi ka tasavvur jaise aashiq ka Khayaal
aah lekin kaun jaane kaun samajhe jee ka haal

ae Gam-e-dil kyaa karuu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

phir woh toota ek sitara phir vo chuti phuljhadi
jaane kis ki god mein aaye ye moti ki ladi
huk si seene mein uthi chot si dil par padi

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

raat ha.Ns ha.Ns kar ye kahatii hai ke maiKhaane me.n chal
phir kisii shah_naaz-e-laalaaruKh ke kaashaane me.n chal
ye nahii.n mumkin to phir ai dost viiraane me.n chal

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

har taraf bikhari hui ranginiya raanaiya
har qadam par isharatein leti hui angadaiyaan
Badh rahi hai god phailaaye hue rusavaaiya

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

raaste mein ruk ke dum le lu meri aadat nahi
laut kar waapas chalaa jaaun meri fitarat nahi
aur koi humnavaa mil jaaye ye qismat nahi

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

muntazir hai ek toofaan-e-balaa mere liye
ab bhi jaane kitne darwaaze hain vaa mere liye
par musibat hai mera ahad-e-vafaa mere liye

ae Gam-e-dil kya karu ae vahashat-e-dil kya karu

jee mein aata hai ki ab ahad-e-vafaa bhi tod du
un ko paa sakataa hu main ye aasaraa bhi chod du
haan munaasib hai ye zanjeer-e-hawaa bhi tod du

BeEtEy LaMhEiN

2007-09-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

Guzar rahein hai din aur kat rahi hai raat
sisak raha hai dil aur bhar gayi hai aankh,
Khushiyon ke saare pal simat rahein aaj
jaana hai bahut door chod ke ab saath,
Aayenge bahut yaad guzre jo pal ek saath
kabhi chai ke woh pyaale samoso ke baad,
Apni umang mein naa sun na kisi ki baat
Woh hamare sir ka karna besabri se intezaar,
Phir unka kehna humse ab to kar lo class
Par hum hawa ke jhonke na sunte unki baat,
Aaye yahan to roya dil dekh ke khand-har
Ab to yahan ka maamla badla hua hai aaj,

Hum to burey nahi they yeh sochte hai aaj
par apne class ki ladkiyan jaane nahi yeh baat,
Jab aatey sessional hota naa kuch pataa
Phir khol ke kitaab karte nakal ki baat,
Seminaar mein naa kholi humne kabhi kitaab
television aur gappo ka bus tha wahan par raaj,
Hoti pitaayi kuch ki jo bolein woh kabhi
par the woh besharam badla na kuch kabhi,
Woh takraate juniors humse baar-baar
aise the seniors humto unke yaar,
Chairman tak to rehta tha humse tang
Neta hamara rehta tha unke sang

Ab jaa rahein hai hum sab peeche chod kar
kar ke hawale saltanat tum juniors ke sir,
Karna hamesha yaad humko yeh soch kar
Hum bhi tumhare jaise the jab aaye the is sheher,
Yaadon mein rakhna tum humko is tarah
muskuraata rahey yeh maazi bus tumko dekh kar..