sandhya

Just wasted 24 hours of my life watching 24

2012-01-26T23:10:00.000-08:00

My brother bought us the Apple TV for Christmas and I have to say this amazing gift is ruining my life! Netflix...YouTube...imovies all at my fingertips. Hours and Hours of entertainment right in my living room. Oh my! This little box will change the way people watch TV. I mean who watches TV realtime anymore?

As all you faithfull blog readers know: I don't watch tv...aside from the fact that I have some hearing problems I find it a big waste of time. In the grand scheme of things there are so many other things I can do with my time. There really is no TV show that interesting...

Well I decided to test out the Apple tv by "getting into" some TV Show. Besides, with a new baby, I need to rest so I decided to pick a show and dive into it. Maybe it will force me to sit down and relax. Everyone recommended 24. And boy did I get into it. This show become such a priority in my life that everything else took a back seat. The laundry began to overflow... Rekha's playroom quickly became a warzone... Instead of lavish homemade dinners I opted for quick Trader Joe meals. My daily routine was totally off track. But beyond tasks not getting done, I found myself a changed person. I was constantly on edge: irritable. When I wasn't watching an episode.. I was unfocused and waiting for an opportunity to catch the next episode. The anticipation of not knowing what was going to happen was killing me. Because of my hearing problem I was annoyed with Anish for making so much noise while I tried to watch TV. Baby crying, Rekha asking for food.., I mean seriously don't bother me. I am busy. Frankly I can't imagine how people watched this show when it was actually running. Waiting for the next episode must have killed some of you.

The plot is outrageously addicting. It's not possible so much could happen over the spam of 24 hours. But the adrenaline rush we got off it was well worth it's movie magic. Generally I am not a fan of Keifer Sutherland. But boy did he nail the role of his lifetime as Jack Bauer. Even the Allstate guy did an amazing job as President. I was quite happy they killed off Jack's wife... her acting skills were terrible. I mean jeez, could they not find anyone else, she was such a bad actress it was distracting.

Anyways.... so that brings me to my point. As I finish watching Season 1 of 24... I realize that I just wasted 24 hours of my life. I spent 24 hours watching a lame ass tv show. I didn't learn anything, I don't feel better about myself...my house is in disarray.. I am mad at Anish for making too much noise when I watch TV, my children are neglected. I literally just wasted 24 hours of my life.

So the question now is there are 8 seasons of this damn show... do I dare watch Season 2?

iphone 4s's camera rocks!

2012-01-12T15:49:00.000-08:00

I am pretty impressed with the iphone 4s camera + the many apps out there to help filter and enhance photos. Of course this is no where near replacing my camera, but for those moments where I don't have my canon 1D next to me, it works well. Also I can finally take pics of myself! Here is a montage of our trip to SB. All pics taken with the iphone 4s and enhanced on the iphone using various apps...Love it.

The little Mexican Man

2012-01-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

Trying to leave the house with an infant is such a huge task. It is a 5 step process:
Step 1: Prepare the baby: Feed him, dress him, change his diaper, lock him into the carseat.
Step 2: Get the diaper bag - Make sure its fully loaded, get blankets, baby bjorn and tissues.
Step 3: Start the car's engine so car will be warm before I bring Jeevs into it.
Step 4: Put everything(cellphone, purse, diaper bag) into the car so you don't go back into the house and leave baby in car... and finally...
Step 5: Put Jeevan in the car and quickly take off before he wakes up.

There is do much to go in the few minutes before you leave the house, I am usually frazzled and on automatic pilot getting racing through the steps like a bulldozer on fire.

So here I am on Step 4 with diaper bag, purse, cellphone, and keys in hand opening the front door to head to my car so I can drop off this stuff before I bring Jeev into the car. I open the front door and what do I find to my horror: A little Mexican man standing there. He freaks me out so badly I scream bloody murder and am seconds from throwing my cellphone at him and then jabbing him with my keys. For a second I didn't know what he was (man, beast, animal?). WTF is he doing there!
I mean, really, it's the last thing you expect to see when you open your front door. He gets so scared he screams too and then apologizes profusely as he hands me his house-cleaning business card with shaking hands. Talk about perfect timing. If he walked up a few seconds later we would have missed this fatal interaction.

I grab the card from him and say "Jeez you almost gave me a heart attack" and he says "I think I just had one too". And then I have a flash thought of how funny it would be if we died this way. Two strangers who scare each other to death. I am not sure how forensics would explain this. It would be a total mystery to everyone. Did he attack / threaten her? Did she attack him? Why was the car's engine on? Not to mention, if I did have a heart attack, can I press charges and would this count as unintentional murder?

Also what is up with vendors coming to right up to my door. I get one vendor a day here in Los Gatos. Stop bothering me! I already have an excellent gardener and house cleaner...

Swish Swish Swish

2012-01-05T14:02:00.001-08:00

I have a hearing problem. It has manifested in many ways in my life. I can't hear certain sounds and I have a hard time pronouncing certain words. But beyond hearing and speaking the worst side affect is I can't focus on things when there is peripheral noise. I hardly watch TV simply because I need to be in an isolated situation (no distracting sounds around me) to understand what they are saying. Its become such a problem that i use subtitles at every opportunity when I watch TV and movies.

Certain sounds take precedent over everything I am doing and really annoy me. Kind of like when you hear a siren you stop doing what you are doing and you instantly focus on where that noise is coming from... Thats what it is like when I hear crinkling sounds; like scrunching of plastic bags, paper bags, opening mail, rustling paper...and now squeaky workout pants.

So, Anish has taken a huge liking to working out these days. In fact he is going to the gym so often I thought I would spruce up his gym attire by buying him a few workout pants, and shoes. No better way to support his new hobbie... Little did I know that my present would start infringing on our lifestyle potentially jeopardizing our marriage. I buy Anish a few pairs of those Nike workout pants. You know what I am talking about. They are ultra comfortable and they go swish swish swish when you walk in them. Well Anish finds them so wonderful he decides to wear then all the time....

Around the house... Swish swish swish. After work...swish swish swish...running errands...swish swish swish. I am trying to watch Season 1 of 24 ( requires major concentration) and all I hear is swish swish swish on the couch next to me. Jeevan cries and Anish swishes to his room to pick him up (perhaps waking him up even more). One day he was so tired he fell asleep in them and let me tell you I didnt sleep that night. I was jolted awake every few minutes with the swish swish swish from his tossing and turning. I didn't realize this was such a problem in our relationship until we took a trip to Santa Barbara.

Now I am not a sweats person at all. You will never see me in sweats and rarely in workout clothes. Even a quick jaunt to the local grocery store warrants a nice outfit. After all who knows who you will run in too. As it is I can't go anywhere without seeing someone I know. I always make it a point to look nice and till now so did Anish.

So the shit hit the fan on our mini get-away vacation to Santa Barbara
Here we are enjoying the wonderful scenery and beautiful landscape around us and walking through downtown SB and all I hear is swish swish swish. I can't concentrate and I am getting increasingly annoyed but I cant figure out why. And then as Anish chases Rekha down the street it hits me. Its the damn work out pants. First of all a part of my brain can't comprehend why he is wearing workout pants in public and the second half of my brain can't concentrate on anything except the swish swish swish. So I lose it and tell Anish to take them off!

Now the irony is I bought him those pants. And I bought several pairs of them. So basically I dug my own grave and well... You know the rest of that saying so I better just live with it. Damn it.

Give us back the damn drone

2011-12-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

What ceases to amaze me is how idiotic the Iranians look on a consistent basis. I mean, lets be frank here, YES the USA was spying on Iran with this drone, and YES the spying mission failed miserably, and YES it landed on Iran's territory... but it belongs to us... so give it back! I want to bet the Iranians didn't even know what this object was when they found it. We probably had to tell them, I can just see US Secret Service explaining this one "umm... see this flying saucer looking plane that landed in your territory... its a drone and well we were spying on you with it... and umm...can we have it back?" To which they responded "ha ha ha... finders keepers losers weepers... lets put this drony object on display to show the world who has power now"... followed by the crazy evil laugh HA HA HA. The funny thing about all of this is, not only are they not giving it back, they have it on display in some random corn field in Iran for all of their people to view.... with fat security guards that I could take out if I was in position to forcefully take it back. "Look what we found" they proudly proclaim. Are the people of Iran that idiotic? Do they not realize how foolish they look? Or better yet, are we in Kindergarten where we don't return our toys? Where is Iran's dignity on all of this?

Also, what is up with the security guards being hands on with our drone. Stop touching it. You have no idea what you are doing and you are going to mess it up. I mean what could they possibly be talking about as they lift the flaps: "See this is the secret compartment where the drone juice goes...". These guards should be focusing on making sure no one steals it... and the Iran scientists who plan on taking it apart should enforce a rule "Iranian Guards are not to touch the drone". I mean jeez, do we have to give them pointers on how to steal and take care of a drone as well?

Welcome Jeevan Krishna Murthy

2011-11-21T12:16:00.001-08:00

I am quite thrilled to announce the birth of our second child: Jeevan Krishna Murthy. While I was hoping to get a few weeks of rest before this little guy showed up, I am so thrilled to finally met him. He arrived 4 weeks early: a whole 6 lbs 13 ounces of pure joy. He is as healthy as can be and as wonderful as I imagined. We named him Jeevan because there is no better way to define life than by him. I am so grateful to God to be a Mom again. I wish there was a way to capture the feeling of holding your own child for the first time. There are no words to describe it. So for now, pictures will have to do. Here are a few from the baby announcement photoshoot

Season of Rest...

2011-11-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

It is now Day three of my never ending Maternity Leave, and well... I am starting to feel that small but little chirp inside of me saying "Whatcha you going to do in this life?". It didn't let me waste any time before it started to pester me. Why is not being ambitious and chasing a dream not enough? Or is it enough? Am I so programmed to be successful or work my ass off to be successful that I can not remain still. Is it possible I can spend the rest of my life just raising kids, loving my husband, cleaning my house, gardening... Would I find peace in this, or was I meant to do more. I can't help but think I have a higher calling...

I just had lunch with my good friend Jeannie who is very capable of knocking sense into me and she said "Sandhya, this is your season of rest. Stop doing... just be". And she is right. I am going to just be. This time, as I transition into the next chapter of my life, I have a secret weapon that I never had before. God on my side.

A new chapter?

2011-11-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

It is time to start the next chapter of the Sandhya Murthy life... yes entering a new phase.. baby #2 is 18 days away.. I just ended a small project manager contract job and embarking on a "no end date" maternity leave. The question is what am I going to do with all this free-time. I have a influx of wedding / photography request emails that I am choosing to obnoxiously ignore and garage full of boxes from our recent move to Los Gatos that I am choosing to ignore as well. Afterall I am 9 months pregnant I can relax if I want too. Or can I? That is the ultimate question. Can I function without a cell-phone ringing off the hook, without emails to respond too and without demanding people wanting things? We shall see... For the time being there is nothing to do... except prove to Anish that I rested during the day.

For the time being I am going to go consolidate my HD's (I need more space) and organize a few closets.

I am hoping Life will tell me what it wants out of me, rather than me trying to find out...

The perfect cup of tea

2011-03-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would share my recipe for the perfect cup of tea...

If I had to pick only one food / drink to eat for the rest of my life, I would have to pick a nice hot cup of tea. It truly is my best friend. My day begins and ends with tea... so it is only just to begin this blog with an entry on how to make a good cup of tea.

Servings

2 cups of tea

Ingredients

2.5 cups of water

4 cardamoms with shell

5 mint leaves

3 teaspoons of honey

0.5 teaspoon of fresh nutmeg

2 tablespoons of loose black tea

3 tablespoons of whole milk

sugar as needed

Utenstils needed

boiling pot

multiple spoons

tea strainer

mortar and pistol

Prep Time

Approx 15-20 Min

Instructions

1. Crush the cardamom in a mortar and pistol. This will break the seeds out of the shell.

2. Place water, cardomom, mint leaves, nutmeg and loose tea on the stove and bring to a boil

3. After water is boiling add honey and milk

4. Once milk boils take it off the stove

5. strain the tea into the serving cup to remove all the items from the liquid

6. Serve hot and add sugar as needed.

Enjoy some of the best tea

What it feels like to be happy

2010-04-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

I feel truly happy and content right now and I thought I would remind you all what it feels when you feel at ease with the world....

I am sitting on my couch staring out the window. The smell of pinesol and clean floors brisk my senses but quickly are scurried away by the breeze coming in from the window next to me. My feet are up and a nice hot cup of tea sits next to me. I am not the richest person.. I am not the smartest person... I am not the most beautiful person... and I am certainly not the best person in the world. There are a lot of things I want in life... there are a lot of griefs I would like to discuss with God. But right in this moment...everything seems so far away...I am simply here...Despite what is going on in my life..all I feel right now is the wind...the smell of pinesol.. and the wonderful tea. This is all I am right now. There is nothing more. Let me repeat that (there is nothing more) I feel very present. There are a lot of things I can stress about it, I should be extremely worried about stuff and I should probably be working on things to get ahead. But right now I CHOOSE to stay present and simply be. Our lives are so short... so short... and no matter how successful, smart I am in... in the end these moments are the ones I will remember. Peace... connectivity to the world... and this very strong notion to simply go with the flow... I can be the greatest photographer or the richest person but in the end The only gift I can give to this world is peace and love and in this moment I know this...which is why I feel so happy and content.

So if you are looking for what I feel right now. Turn the computer off. turn the TV off. Find a chair with a view outside. Grab a cup of tea and just sit there. 10 minutes. I promise you will feel it.

Just a thought

2010-04-04T00:33:00.000-07:00

You are your deepest driving desire is
As your desire is, so is your will
As your will is, so is your deed
As your deed is.. so is your destiny
- Brihadaranyaka

Lesson 5: My world is a reflection of my thoughts

2010-03-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have been spending quite a lot of time meditating and living in the present and, I am not too sure if everyone has the same experiences, but I find that if I think about something. It happens. For example, I will be thinking about one of my long lost friends and he will send me an email. I will be thinking about my site pinksutra.com and all of a sudden I see the word pink all around me. I will be thinking "I need to buy a flower to decorate my new living room with" and my daughters school will have an orchid sale. Coincidence? I think not. Is it possible, everything we think manifests into reality. Do we have such power? Or are we too humble, scared to believe we do?

Is it possible, by thinking of it, I made it happen? Or do I have ESP powers that know what will happen in the future so I only think of it because it will happen? Or have I tapped into another realm where our souls/minds are working at another level, and it can now hear me. So when I think orchid flowers, somehow they manifest into my life. Or when I think about my friend, I tap into his soul network and he thinks of me too and thus the email?

Yes, I am a bit crazy right now with my soul search.. but rest assure all this thinking will subside and I will be a new person! Can't wait!

The power of coincidences

2010-03-21T01:06:00.000-07:00

I believe I am the queen of coincidences. They happen all around me and with such force I can not ignore them. I thought I would share a cute one with you all today. I was at the park running around with Rekha. Anish is at a bachelor party in Vegas and so I thought to myself "Wonder if Anish is thinking about me?" and then my little social-bug runs up to a little boy to play with him. And coincidently his name is Anish.

So is Anish thinking about me while he hangs out with his buddies in the city of sin? Absolutely yes.

I always get the answers I am looking for from God through coincidences...do you?

Lesson 4: Everything you think about today is a reflection of your past.

2010-03-21T00:42:00.000-07:00

I had the most amazing day...I took my little girl to the beach. We brought blankets, lunch, shovels and pails...and of course my camera to make sure I got these precious moments on digital-film. I was so excited about the day and what fun we would have that I even left my cell-phone in the car. The weather could not have been more perfect and it was actually warm enough in HMB for us to step into the water. What a great day ahead of me!

As much as I was enjoying the day.. I found myself feeling sad as flashbacks of my childhood and all the stupid little things about me flooded my mind. I am not sure why my brian of all days decided today is the day to reminisce about the embarrassing moments of my past, which is rare for me because I never think about the past. But today for some reason I wanted to get down to the nitty gritty about dealing with the embarrassing things from the past.

I thought about how I wasn't the best dressed in school...and how I had tape around my glasses for years...how I had a few pounds to lose...how awful I looked in my grade school yearbook...I thought about all the awful things I said to my friends and family throughout the years. I thought about how I yelled at my Mom in my teenage years over really careless things... I thought about all the opportunities for career advancement lost because I keep quitting / changing my job. I thought about friends I have lost because I was not good enough at keeping in touch(Of course I purposely cut out a lot of negative-friends which is still a good thing). And this awful feeling of shame and hatred overwhelmed me.

And then I looked over at my little girl. So happy... so young... I have been very good to her. The best Mom possible. I really work hard on it. Every step is a journey and I am making sure she is happy. I am teaching her, above everything else, to be a happy person. And what a hypocrite I am being in the process. Here I am running around in a circle with her singing "the hockey pockey" while internally I am hating myself for who I am. Can she see right through me? If she can, what am I teaching her?

So I did something today. I forgive myself. I forgive myself for constantly changing jobs. I forgive myself for being such a dork in high-school. I forgive myself for being so selfish that I couldn't make time for my friends. I forgive myself for not being able to lose these last few pounds of Rekha weight. Quite simply: I forgive myself.

I realize my happiness level today has everything to do with how we dealt with the events that have happened in the past. Every feeling we go through in the past affects who we are at this minute. And if we can not let it go and forgive ourselves for feeling angry, shameful... that feeling builds and builds to the point where we start to hate ourselves. Lets all forgive ourselves for the misery we caused and start with a clean slate tomorrow! I am excited about what the day will bring.

Living a blessed life on the streets?

2010-03-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

There is a homeless man in Milpitas that I feed quite regularly. He hangs out on Main Street and just roams up and down the street. Kind of hard to miss since on most days he is wearing bright yellow overalls. Not too sure if its a reflective tactic to wear bright yellow or if its all he could find. But, as everyone knows, I have a sore spot for homeless people and while one can argue that they "didn't try hard enough" or perhaps "they lived a bad life so they deserve their fate" I think there are a lot of mental diseases out there that handicap people and as lucky as you and I may be... homeless people probably just didn't have any family or friends to help them like we do.

While usually, I pull up next to him and hand him a Jack in the Box meal and quickly leave, last month: I finally got the nerve to ask him what his name is and he said "Otis". Today I finally got the nerve to ask him if he was happy and he smiled in his teethless glory and said "I am the luckiest person in the world and live a blessed life". I was a little taken a back. I expected the wrath of misery to exude from him after I asked him that question and was quite shocked to learn he was happy in his filthy clothes and homeless state. He seemed to be a "God" believer as he carries a cross around his neck. I wonder, if he is so happy and believes in God, why can't he have the luxuries I have: A home, family, food... Did God fail him, or was he not able to use the powers of God to his benefit? Or, better yet, is living a blessed life have nothing to do with having, even, the simpliest things we need to survive?

We are quick to jump to conclusions that people need to have things(home, car, job) to be happy. If you really look at this homeless man, he has no job to worry about, no bills to paym he gets feed enough to survive... probably has a good enough place to sleep. Occasionally people like me will engage in conversations with him. Why do we assume we need more in life to be at peace?

My theory on how to be happy...

2010-03-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering my short life of 34 years these last few days wondering what the key to happiness and peace of mind could be? Could it be that I have been missing the mark for all these years and the solution was so easy, I absolutely ignored what was right in-front of me?

In my observation of people I have realized there are two types of people (The Happy and the Unhappy) and a very distinct difference between the two. You probably can not see the difference as I can, but a part of you can certainly feel it on a level I can not explain. You see, we are all connected on different level and while I am sitting here writing this blog and Anish packs the dishwasher, we are not talking to each other on a physical level. But we are connected and deeply engrossed in conversation on a different level. I am not quite ready to explain this yet because I have not quite figured it out myself. But bear with me on this. (No I am not crazy!)

Happy people exude a warmth that surrounds their being. People want to talk to them and be around them. They are the people that carry smiles on their faces and laugh with their bellies. They utter compliments as bartisas at Starbucks and they motivate people. The beauty behind being a happy person is they do not even know they are doing it.

People that are unhappy carry this aura of despair. It surrounds them like the plague and frankly no one wants to be around them. They look tired, depressed... They smoke... They fight.. the world has betrayed them and they are out for revenge. The sad thing behind being a unhappy person is they know it and they can not do anything about it.

See we all have the same problems. We don't have enough money... We don't have a nice enough house... We don't have a good job... But why is it, some people choose to be happy in the same circumstance while others rot in misery stressing about how to get it.

If I were to ask you would you rather have that porsche or happiness what would you choose? For me the answer is quite obvious. To take that further, if I were to tell you the key to happiness has nothing to do with changing your circumstances or getting a better job, salary, finding the perfect man, but rather everything to do with your state of mind and forming a connection with God would you believe me? I read this years ago in a self-help book and probably threw the book away because it sounded so rubbish. But lately my life has taken so many wrong turns I picked up that book and took a moment to understand what the guru's of happiness have been saying and knew all along...

See, despite what religion, philosophy, mantra you follow, God exists. There is truth to the Bible, Bhagavad Gita, Koran, and all the other books out there. You can choose to ignore him or embrace the love that can be gained by accepting him. To me God is not a person or a diety to be worshiped, but rather an omnipresent force when used effectively can bring miracles into our lives. It seems like all of a sudden everything is making sense. You see we are all connected, your pain is my pain. My joy is your joy. Your success is my success. My failure is your failure. We are all connected. And in order to be happy, we have to share our love for each other and have faith that God will give us what we need to survive. It has been proved again and again. Miracles happen daily...coincidences that can not be explained are all around us. How can you NOT believe there are greater forces at work?

So how do you become happy when things are failing all around you. You stop.. Stop worrying.. stop obsessing.. stop thinking..stop trying so hard. Reach out to God and don't ask what he can do for you, ask what you can do for him and miracles will begin to unfold all around you. When you can give love to people that have hurt you, the guy that cut you off on the freeway, the overworked Starbucks cashier who made you the wrong latte... you will be happy. It is only in giving we can find happiness. So try it out tomorrow, with compliments, thank you's, smiles spread your love. I promise you will have a good day...

Lesson 3: You are never really angry for why you think you are angry

2010-03-11T07:40:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning quite angry. Running 2 businesses, having 1 kid makes no time for me to do things for myself: like go to the gym, relax, have a cup of tea, read a book. So I made a pact with myself back in Oct to get up at 6 AM and hit the gym then Starbucks to just relax and prep for the day ahead. I try to do this everyday and I am actually pretty good. Well seeing as I went to bed at 2 AM last night, getting up at 6 this morning was just too difficult. So I hit the snooze..and when I did wake up 7:30, I was quite angry with myself.

"Damn it", I thought. "Why didn't I wake up?". I was quite angry at myself for something so unjustified. As I step outside myself I know its ridiculous to assume I will be perfectly fine on 4 hours of sleep. If I need to sleep in, by golly, I should have the respect to be nice enough to myself to do it. And so I dived deeper into why I was angry. Was missing the workout so critical? Was it missing my cup of coffee at Starbucks? Is my schedule for the day thrown off because I woke up 1.5 hours later?... Did I let myself down?.. hmm.. Have I ever let myself down before? Have I ever let someone else down? and then I hit the nail on the coffin.

Coming from a extremely ambitious parents I worked hard as a kid to please them rather than to understand why I was doing things or enjoy things. God bless them, as my parents did the best they could. But there was a lot of pressure to make them happy. And I remember that look of disappointment on their faces, oh so well, when I brought home the B rather than the A. So today, as an adult, I carry that fear with me. I am just too hard on myself.

So this morning, I was not angry because I missed a good workout or my schedule was disrupted, I was angry because I had disappointed my parents back in the day and that fear crept back in when I missed my mark today.

I am going to forgive myself for waking up late, and I am going to let it be. Life is just so short. If we dive into everything that makes us angry, we will find a root cause and realize the REAL reason why we are angry has nothing to do with what just happened.

Lesson 2: Your thoughts do not mean anything

2010-03-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

We spend so much time thinking about the past and the future. We stress about what happened at the party last night, the presentation we have to give tomorrow. When was the last time we stopped and just practiced being present.

I consider myself to be a fairly present person. At least way more than my husband. I never, hardly ever, think about the past. My flaw is I obsess about the future. I find myself dreaming, hoping, wishing. There are so many adventures to go on, and I find myself analyzing and finding a way to make them all happen. I am starting to realize that the greatest adventure I could have is the one I am having right now as I write this blog entry. The thoughts, memories, dreams that roam through your head do not mean anything. They should not have an effect on your mental state. They should not make you happy or sad.

Just as objects have no meaning, so do the thoughts in your head. Lets practice being present today and notice how the thoughts in your head impact your state of mind. Let them go and lets just be!

Lesson for the day: Objects do not mean anything

2010-03-08T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am not a materialistic person. I don't like to go shopping and while I will spend $400 on a pair of Gucci sunglasses because I value its beauty.. I do not have an obsession with objects. We live in a materialistic world where we are forced to compare and contrast ourselves to everyone around us. We equate happiness with how big their house is, the car they drive, the purse they carry. But there is a lot of truth in knowing the happiest person is the one that has no material objects and can still be happy. Easier said then applied to our lives? I agree. There are times where I want that large house with a huge backyard so badly...I feel this sadness overcome me... because the truth is on our income, living in the bay area, we simply can not afford it. So does that mean we will live a sad life? Absolutely not. We refuse.

Objects (houses, cars, purses) do not mean anything. They will not bring happiness. Its only when you can separate yourself from your belongings that you can begin to really understand what it is you need to be happy. Everyone of us is fighting demons in our head. We are not good enough... not pretty enough... not rich enough... not smart enough.. Who is telling us this? Why do we believe this? Is that 100K car going to fill the void of believing we are not rich enough?

So the lesson I am working on today is why do I feel I am not good enough? Even if I have failed at everything around me I am still a good person. A very good person that has done wonderful things to the people in my life. I believe, being a good person is a bigger accomplishment than being a successful photographer and entrepreneur. The objects I own mean nothing. The Lexus I drive means nothing. The awards I have won for photography mean nothing. In the end, its the lives I touch that mean something... From the person serving me coffee at Starbucks to my family.. Its only loving these people that can bring me joy.

Mistaken Identify

2010-03-07T14:28:00.000-08:00

I finally get a taste of my own medicine... and man it hurts. So we all know that the Great Mall is a huge breeding ground for Amway Predators. I have been approached by my Desi Amway Friends so often, I am tempted to wear a shirt that says "I am a diamond...So Don't ask" just to scare them away. Of course, I am not a diamond... or even a member of Amway and there was one lady who really questioned me when I said I was.. forcing me to just walk away.. but none the less the Amway tactics are quite foreseeable and very predictable. When I see any Desi approaching me, I know what is going to happen next. Here are the top 3 pick up lines:
1. Excuse me, do I know you?
2. Hi, Are you Seema's (insert any relation)?
3. Do you work at (insert a company name)?

So the other day, Anish and I were walking around the mall, when I see someone that looks familiar. In fact, I was convinced he was an old coworker from HP. Its been about 7 years since I last saw him so I was not too sure, but I thought I would ask.
This is how the conversation goes:
Me: Excuse me, do I know you?
Guy: (shifting) No...
Me: Did you work at HP?
Guy: No..
(At that point I know its not him.)
Guy: (annoyed and bursts out)Okay listen... I am not interested in Amway Pyramid.
Me: (Flabbergasted...if I could turn pink, I would turn really pink...shocked..offended...but quite amused.). What? OH NO...
Guy: Its okay...

Denied...and quite shocked at the accusation...But what did I expect approaching a random Desi person at the Great Mall? I should have been smarter than that. So this is what it feels like when we deny the Amyway reps...Remind me again why anyone would pick an Amway profession?

Now lets analyze to understand what happened by looking at the conversation. 2 of my sentences are straight out of the book of Amway.. No wonder..I think I need a new hairdo.. and rest assure I ain't approaching anyone ever again with the "Do I know you?" line at the Great Mall again.

The divine intervention

2010-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

One thing I have learned in my 34 years of living is my life always works on my side. Circumstances / events are constantly unfolding around me that question my faith and then like a shock to my system go back to reinstalling my belief that there is a God. Is there a God? I think I spent 33 years of my existence in the belief that we live and die and there is no purpose. But these last few months have started a shift in my being...

I, of all people, do not consider myself a faithful God follower. I am quite spiritual in nature and do believe in the powers of the Universe.. but the whole belief that there is "someone watching protecting us" as well as "You are a part of God's plan" and "Everything happens for a good reason" is all questionable for me. Is there someone watching us? or better yet, does having a fundamental belief / faith that "God is watching us" make our lives more peaceful? If the ultimate goal is to be at peace, then why not put all your eggs in the basket of "Surrendering to God" to see what happens?

I have been reading books after books on spirituality and talking to my dear friends about what they believe and my good friend Jeannie says to me "Sand.. why don't you ask for a sign? Ask God to prove he exists". As funny as it was I did. I said "God, if you exist then why don't you have a bluebird land on my fence" and sure enough three days later, I happened to be outside and a bluebird landed on my fence. Not only did it land on my fence it stared at me for a good 20 seconds. I actually got scared when it happened and I think the exact words out of my mouth were "What the f***K?" but then I thought to myself "Okay major coincidence..there are a ton of bluebirds around right?". Never saw the bluebird again...

So I took it a step further and said "God if you do exist and can control things that happen around me then I want to run into someone substantial on this vacation". I was hoping it would be a friend from the past...but oh no... apparently my friends are not good enough...God sent me Deepak Chopra.

So lets talk about Deepak...Why is he substantial in my life?

Well Freshmen Year of college, my dear roommate introduced me to a joke that had me in hysterical laughter. "If Oprah Winfrey marries Deepak Chopra.. her name is Oprah Chopra". I found this joke to be so funny, I used it as a gauge on wether this person is worthy to be a friend. If they laughed, they passed the test and if they didn't, well they suck.
This joke is such a profound piece of my life, I literally told it to everyone I meet to look for a reaction. So it made it to my list of top ten things to do in life "Tell Deepak Chopra my Oprah Chopra Joke". I remember hearing he was in town once, and I searched for him to tell him this joke and couldn't find him. Time passed and I grew up and while I still tell the joke here and there, it really is not that important to me. So here I am at the airport and who is sitting next to me" Mr Chopra himself.

And I knew this was a sign. A sign that there is some greater forces at work within us. I see God as a sacred force inside ourselves that on that level can connect with everything around us. That can make miracles happen if we ask. I don't know if this makes sense, and I am still learning.. but I think I get it now..

So I dare you to ask for a sign that God exists...Let me know what happens..

Sharks in Venice?

2009-04-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I have an insane fascination for shark movies... I have seen them ALL. I will never pass up a shark movie no matter how bad they look. The truth of the matter is no one has succeeded at creating an effective shark movie except Steven Spielberg's JAWS. Actually let me put a little emphasis on that statement “NO ONE HAS EVER CREATED AN EFFECTIVE SHARK MOVIE EXCEPT STEPHAN SPEILBERG’S JAWS”. In fact, most shark movies don’t even make it to the theatre. Most are quickly, like the ugly family secret, re-routed to the DVD video rental market without even a second’s delay. In fact the statistics of Shark movies that make it to the theatre versus the ones that were re-routed to DVD is staggering. I am surprised anyone would even risk making a shark movie. Lets face it, there is a high chance it will fail. But every once in awhile, there comes a fearless director who decides to face the challenge...

Since I don’t get to go to the theatres much these days, you can imagine how excited I was browsing through Blockbuster’s rental aisle to find a bloated row of “Sharks in Venice” available for rental. It appears no one else wants to rent this movie, but oh I was excited. I mean what a great concept! In fact, I will even go as far as to say: In the world of Shark Movie Scripts I do not think its mentally possible to conceive a better idea than sharks infesting the lurky waters of the canals in Venice. I mean brilliant. Just brilliant. Its a golden plot holding, oh, so much promise.

I rush home to tell Anish of the great rental I found for us to watch that evening and from the moment I show Anish the “Sharks in Venice” DVD cover all sorts of illnesses begins to develop. “Baby I think I need to go to bed early today”... Or “ I already took out my contacts and I can’t find my glasses”... Fine, Lets face it Anish does not share the same fascination with Sharks movies that I do...SO I set out to watch this movie on my own...
But I should have known this was movie was a disaster waiting to happen by the cover. A cartoon version of an evil shark on steroids bursting from a canal with the title Sharks in Venice dribbling blood across the top and a headline: starring Stephan Baldwin written boldly across the bottom. Which Baldwin? Yeah you heard me Stephan Baldwin? Never heard of him? Me neither. And Frankly he was such a bad actor I was left wondering who needed each other more, a bad movie needing a semi-celebrity actor or a bad actor needing a semi-movie.

This low-budget film really had the look and feel of a low budget film. You kind of get the feeling they hired some struggling day-worker trying to make a buck to run around with a hand-held camera. Its sort of like porn movie meets National Geographic's. There are scenes where the leading ladies, hot Italian detective with low cut blouse and jealous Baldwin wife are snapping at each other in some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. You wonder if the next thing that is about to happen is Stephen Baldwin and these two women in a menage a trois.. .But no no no.. instead the director spans to a shark swimming in the ocean (yes they tried to play off national geographic footage of sharks in the ocean as the canal). I mean its just terrible. There is this one scene where two random drunkards are fighting in an alley next to a canal and the guy starts getting frisky with the girl and what happens? Dare I say Super-Shark saves the day? A roaring beast of a shark shoots out of a canal grabs the villain with his furious jaws and saves the damsel in distress. Do I see a Shark comic hero character in the future? Now, let me give you some advice Mr. Director. If you are going to make a movie about sharks at least do some homework. Sharks need to gain A LOT of momentum to jump out of the water. In fact they begin their ascent miles and miles deep to even get a small jump. And we both know canals are not that deep.

Anyways... When Steve Spielberg was making JAWS he would joke and say “This is going to be the end of my career and I will be the laughing stock of Hollywood”.. Little did he know that even 30 years after his brilliant film no one would would ever be able to come close to conquering the horror of a giant beast in the water like he did.

For those that care, here is the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDD9jGMlxNQ

My Baby turns ONE!

2008-06-25T14:40:00.001-07:00

As I reflect back on the first year of Rekha's life I get extremely emotional thinking about what an amazing journey this has been. She is just one years old, but I think the profound effect she has had on my existence is way beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Not only has she made me a better person, instilled years of patience in my restless soul but she has also forced me to appreciate the beauty in the smallest things as she finds joy in plugs, menus, table clothes. I have a new found love for life and a new found reason to not be careless. I want to be there when my baby goes to kindergarten, graduates highschool, college, gets married. There is SO much to look forward too. As I think of all the things that are to come, I can't help but get emotional. Infact, motherhood has brought on new tear buds like you wouldnt believe. I cry at everything. I cry at my clients weddings. (ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY). I cry watching Oprah. I cry when people tell me sad stories. I CANT stand to see any object be hurt no matter how ugly or gross. I have turned into this extremely emotional loving person. I want to hug and kiss everyone. What the heck is happening?

My uncle used to always call me a bird because you couldnt catch me and I was constantly running from one place to another. All that has changed as I have slowed down. I dont honk in traffic or haphazardly cross lanes. I don't curse at slow drivers. I take my time, sometimes I am late but you know what, its all okay. Rekha has taught me its okay.

She is something so precious in my life, I am starting to become fearful of things that could possibly go wrong. I have never feared anything in my life but now I find myself constantly scooping my surrounding for predators, every night I get on my hands and knees and sweep the floor making sure there is nothing she could possibly put into her mouth. She is just so precious, sometimes I am afraid to stop looking at her because she may be gone in a blink. Anish and I will stare at her thinking "Wow, is she really ours? and how could we possibly make something so beautiful".

And ohh how much has our life changed. I wake up at 6 and go to bed after midnight. There are bottles to boil, baby lunch and dinner to make, clothes to wash, trash to dispose of, diaper bags to pack, toys to pick up, floors to mop, carpets to clean. I have to feed her, bathe her, prepare bottles, arrange her clothes, entertain her, take her to all sorts of programs to increase baby motor skills. I have a little person next to me that wants to cuddle when I am feverishly working to meet client deadlines. For a while she had bad reflux and colic and she cried and spit up a lot, but I never got frustrated I never complained. I never get annoyed and I NEVER let her know "Mommy is too busy to read "Goodnight Gorrilla". This is the least I can do for someone who has changed my life so much.

Somewhere early in Rekha's life I decided to quit my job at HP. It was a very tough decision to make and not one day do I regret it. We had a lot of options, Nannies, Daycare, My mom offered to quit her job. But I decided early on that I want to raise my own child. I want to be the main influence my baby has on who she is in life. I can be blamed if she decides to be a bum, but I know my baby is going to do something great.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, I disagree. I think it takes 6 siblings who have nothing better to do than come over and hang out. I can not even begin to Thank my siblings. Rekha's eyes light up when she sees them and frankly I can not think of anyone else that makes her so happy. The support and love they have shared is just empowering. Rekha really is the luckiest girl. I can not imagine a baby having more love and support than she does. I know if something were to happen to Anish or I, my siblings would be there in a heartbeat to take care of Rekha and that is the best gift of assurance I could ever have.

Every few weeks Anish and I will reflect back and grade ourselves on how we are raising Rekha. We will be in the car or having dinner and we will ask ourselves "How do you think we are doing so far? Have we done well?" and so far all we have given ourselves is A's. (Good job Anish :))

So cheers to my baby as she turns one! HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I am sooo excited for your life. All the places you will go, the things you will see, the journeys you will have. I just can't wait and I am so happy to be apart of it. Anish and I promise we will do everything in our power to make sure you have an extremely joyful and wonderful life. I love you so much. Mum Mum.

How come these guys are exempt from wearing helmets?

2008-03-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

Since when is a turban equivalent to a helmet?

Idiots in power

2008-03-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

What is up with people being in the position of United States of America's Presidency NOT being able to pronounce words or not knowing the basic facts. McCain confusing Shiite and Sunni is JUST as bad as Bush mispronouncing Abu Gariabh and just as bad as Hillary not being able to pronounce Mohmoud Ahmadinejad. Come on people! At least get the basics right. Even I (a TOTAL IDIOT when it comes to history) know the difference between a Sunni and Shite Muslim. Isn't this common knowledge?

What I just dont understand is: If Hillary has fired everyone on her staff why the heck doesnt she fire her speech writer. Thats the person that needs to go. Listening to her is like listening to a history lecture. Heck, I think I could do a better job writing her speeches.

Here are some pointers I think Hillary should take into consideration:
+ Stop saying "You Know..." Did the speech writer write that on your notecards or is this your way of adding natural language to your speech. Either way stop it. I have nightmares of you saying "You know..."
+ Stop looking at your speech cards. You have given the same speech AGAIN and AGAIN. How can you NOT have it memorized yet?
+ Change your outfit. Throw away your whole closet and start from scratch. I would hire McCain's wife's designer. She's got it down.

Right now my mentality is teetering between hours and hours of CNN and reading "The New Earth" from Oprah's book club. Quite a stark difference between the two. CNN is making me cynical while "The New Earth" is trying to get me appreciate the idiosyncrances of people. I think my brain is about to explode.

GO OBAMA
Oh and GO UCLA: Twelve is my lucky number.