FerialShmerial

2015-03-31T10:29:00.004-07:00

On baby announcements.

2014-11-19T13:28:00.001-08:00

Baby announcements are hard for me. As a woman who struggles with infertility, it's hard to scroll through adorable photo after photo, video after video, of creative announcements of expectation, hope, and joy, and not feel the bitter pangs of jealousy and wonder if that will ever be me.

(Photo source)

I was speaking with a co-worker the other day and we were talking about moving, change, and transition. She mentioned the term "happy-sad", feeling glad and devastated at the same time. We talked about what an interesting emotion this happy-sad is. Happy-sad is how I feel about my friends who are pregnant. It's a very confusing feeling. I am SO THRILLED for them, and somehow so crushed for myself. I won't lie and tell you that my sadness isn't often mixed with jealousy; that I don't get angry and feel embittered toward God for providing to others what I so desperately want myself. I do do those things, and I am not proud of that.

As with everything else in life, I get a choice on how I respond to this. I don't want to live my life in jealousy and bitterness. I don't want to live for the future and be absent in the present. I WANT to embrace my current season of life, even if it is not everything that I hoped and dreamed. I WANT to trust that God's plan is bigger and better than my own. I WANT to be content and choose joy in all circumstances.

In chapter 12 of the book of Romans, Paul describes what it looks like to be a member of the body of Christ--what it looks like to be a Christian:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:9-18 ESV)

What an amazing checklist! And what a lot to strive for, by God's grace and through the powerful work of the Holy Spirit: genuine love, outdo with honor, rejoice, be patient, show hospitality, provide for needs, live in harmony, etc. What stood out to me most, though, was verse 15: Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

To my dear, dear pregnant friends (and my friends with kids): I rejoice with you! Please, please never be afraid to share your wonderful news with me--I want the opportunity to celebrate you and to celebrate new, miraculous life! And, if you think of me, please pray that I would indeed "rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer."

With so much love,
Ferial

Hello there.

2014-10-31T13:19:00.001-07:00

Hello, blog, I forgot you existed for the last 5 months.

I also haven't chosen a resolution song for the last 5 months. Oh well. There's grace for that.

A friend recently mentioned to me that she wandered over to my blog to see what I was up to. Well, according to this internet space of mine, I haven't done anything in the last 5 months which is, of course, entirely untrue. I'd like to be able to get back into blogging and updating, and recording these ordinary and lovely and difficult days of ours. I want to document each season of our life, even the ones that aren't as bright and shiny and adventurous. And, I want to do all this remembering and documenting without the pressure of entertaining. This space is for remembering, sharing, and doing life together.

So, here's to updates, thoughts, and remembrances.

For posterity's sake, here is a quick outline of what has been going on in my heart and life lately:

The hubs and I completed the Whole30 this past summer.

Incredible results! We are so pleased and amazed at discovering more and more about how our bodies and minds are directly affected by the food we eat. We are committed to sticking to a mostly Paleo diet now and plan to do another Whole30 in the new year.

We welcomed a tiny little nephew into our family.
We attended some beautiful weddings, traveled, and surprised family.
We've worked hard, gotten to play a little, carried on in ministry, and are learning tough lessons on what it means to be content in and through all things.

Here's to more updates, more blogs, more reflections, more remembrances.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

(Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV)

Resolution Songs // Month 5

2014-05-07T21:28:00.002-07:00

Image Source

This month started out kinda hard. What with the news of the loss of a sweet baby boy and with Mother's Day coming up, I just didn't feel like choosing a song this month. Too much sadness around and inside, too much pain, too many questions and doubts and angry shouts to the sky.

But then I realized, that's exactly the reason why I decided to do this thing, this resolution song thing. The very purpose of my commitment to this was to choose faith, choose joy, choose encouragement, choose to not wallow. And tonight on my drive home from work, I sang along to this song with all my heart. In the midst of confusion, of pain, of grief, of hopelessness, of questions and doubts, I sang. I sang for Jacqui and Dan, I sang for dear friends who have also lost little ones, I sang for my sick friends, I sang for my hopeful friends, I sang for my questioning friends and my lost friends. I sang out in my own brokenness, I sang this truth out to Jesus, because it was all that I could say.

"I need You more than anything."

What can compare
To the love of Jesus
Who can repair
Every broken thing
No other One
Can break this darkness
No other name
No other name

I need You
More than anything
Jesus I need You
More than anything

Through the calm and the storm
In the chaos
Though the mountains will crumble
You will not
Never failing Your promise eternal

All Sons & Daughters

When the dream dies

2014-04-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

The dream. Go to college. Write a novel. Get married. Travel the world. Own a home. Find a career. Be a rockstar. Save your marriage. Have a baby. Homeschool your kids. Reconcile with your family. Retire.

Dreams come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors, and we all have different tastes. I love hearing people's stories and dreams, hopes for the future, and starry-eyed plans. But what happens when your dreams don't seem to come true? Granted, we dream until we die, and I believe that it's never too late to see a dream achieved. However, what of the athlete who gets into a car accident and can never play ball again? What of the 39-year-old single friend? What of the betrayed and abandoned lover? What of the barren wife?

What happens when our dreams seem shattered and altogether unachievable? What do we do when there is no plan B? How do we keep calm and carry on in the face of hopelessness?

Honestly, I don't know.

Scripture has a lot to say about hopelessness, and I take comfort in God's Word and in the knowledge that He is faithful and the most understanding of our trials.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

James 5:13

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

And yet, practically speaking, what do we do when the first dream "dies"? I know that "give up" is the wrong answer here. So, do we pursue a new dream? Do we relentlessly continue to pursue the first dream? Prayer, community, and studying the Scriptures are musts for me. But what else? How then should we live?

Again, I'm not entirely sure.

One thing I do know, though. It's a phrase that I've held onto for the last handful of years, one that my husband and I repeat to each other as encouraging reminders:

"One faithful moment at a time."

That's all that we're sure of. This moment in time. Jesus could return or take us home at any time. We have now. Let's be as faithful as we can be with it.

It's definitely not a satisfying answer to all of the hopelessnesses of life. But, it's one that I cling to.

Want to take home your own copy of my One Faithful Moment art print? Enter below to win your own free art print.

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.

Here's to many faithful moments to come.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Resolution Songs // Month 4

2014-04-04T16:07:00.000-07:00

Choose Joy. This month, I want joy. I choose joy, in spite of hardship and depression, in spite of selfishness and setbacks, in spite of doubt and fear. I CHOOSE JOY. I want it.

The pain will not define us

Joy will re-ignite us

You're the song

Of our hearts

Jesus Christ is the only way to true joy. What an amazing thing that He provides! On top of salvation (which is MORE THAN ENOUGH), He wants to fill us with joy (Romans 15:13). For this month, April 2014, I choose to take part in that plan. I choose joy. Thank you, Jesus, that YOU make JOY available to us!

This song, "Joy", is from The Rend Collective's newest album The Art of Celebration. It is fantastic and I highly recommend it. Deep and powerful lyrics of praise accompanied by intricate and bright, celebratory tunes. There's no better song that encompasses my commitment to choosing joy this month.

"Joy"

We're choosing celebration
Breaking into freedom
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

We cast aside our shadows
Trust You with our sorrows
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

We're dancing to the rhythm of Your heart
We're rising from the ashes to the stars

You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul
The joy joy joy making me whole
Though I'm broken, I am running
Into Your arms of love

The pain will not define us
Joy will re-ignite us
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

The dark is just a canvas
For Your grace and brightness
You're the song
You're the song
Of our hearts

We're dancing to the rhythm of Your heart
We're rising from the ashes to the stars

You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul
The joy joy joy making me whole
Though I'm broken, I am running
Into Your arms of love

You're the joy
The song in my heart
The hope of my soul

In the shadows
In the sorrows
In the desert
When the pain hits
You are constant
Ever-present
You're the song of my heart

You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul
The joy joy joy making me whole
Though I'm broken, I am running
Into Your arms of love
Into Your arms

On Photos

2014-03-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

I have been inspired recently by a dear Insta-friend to take more photos with my husband. She and her husband have made it a priority to take a photo together each week, for memories and for their children.

I love this idea. It's so easy for me to take photos of beautiful things--places I've been, meals I've cooked, people I love, my cats. But John and I rarely get behind the camera together. I think we both like taking photos, and it's also just easy to forget to take pictures together. Or I don't have any makeup on and am feeling self-conscious. This should not be. I want to remember us, at every age and stage, with every haircut, made-up or not, dimples, wrinkles, and the on-coming grey hairs and all. I love us, and here's a photo to prove it.

What I Love Wednesday: Mini Budget Binder

2014-03-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Wednesday!

I just wanted to pop in quickly so that I could participate in the lovely Krystina's link up party: What I Love Wednesday. :)

Something that I am currently loooving is my new Mini Budget Binder.

Mique from 30 Hand Made Days provides all of the printables and instructions to make your own Mini Budget binder on her website. Click here to check it out!

My new Mini Budget Binder is not only adorable, but it is so practical. I love the pages for monthly and weekly tracking, as well as keeping tabs on savings and debt, and even a place for menu planning! I spent about $10 in total for the mini binder and printing out the wonderfully designed pages from Mique. I'm so glad to have this cute little binder by my side to keep our budget organized and on task.

What tools work for you and your budget?

Happy Wednesday!

Resolution Songs // Month 3 + Some Goodies

2014-03-03T14:55:00.001-08:00

Goodbye, February. Honestly, I'm not that sad to see you go. For such a short month, it felt like you took a really long time to get through. You had your ups and downs, but I feel that there were a lot more downs than ups. Until next year, February, and keep all the downs with you, eh?

February's Resolution Song was such a good one. I must shamefacedly admit that I didn't learn to play this one. Time really got away from me this past month. BUT, I did sing it all the time. I even set this song to be my alarm in the morning so that I woke up with it in my head. It was an incredible reminder, especially the lines:

"Beautiful One, you saved my soul, You are my everything, You make me whole. What can I give, but give my all? You're so deserving."

For this month's Resolution Song, I chose a song from Switchfoot's new album Fading West. On a quick side note: Fading West is an INCREDIBLE album. If you haven't heard it yet, give a listen here. And then come back and thank me. Yes, it's that good.

I chose the song The World You Want. I want to be accountable for my actions. I want to remember. I want to hope. I want to speak truth. I want change the world. I want to glorify Jesus.

"The World You Want"

I'm kickin up the pieces
I'm trying out adhesives
I'm trying to fix a place that feels broken
All my words they fail me
My voices don't avail me
I'm trying to say the hope that's unspoken

Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it
Every day you're alive
Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it

The world feels so malicious
With all our hits and misses
Feels like we're in the business of rust
It's when I stop to listen
All the moments I've been missing
I finally hear a voice I can trust

Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it
Every day you're alive
Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it
Every day you're alive

You change the world
You change the world
You change the world
Every day you're alive
You change the world
Honey, you change the world
You change my world

You start to look like what you believe
You float through time like a stream
If the waters of time are made up by you and I
If you change the world for you, you change it for me

What you say is your religion
How you say it's your religion
Who you love is your religion
How you love is your religion
All your science, your religion
All your hatred, your religion
All your wars are your religion
Every breath is your religion yea

Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it
Every day you're alive
Is this the world you want?
Is this the world you want?
You're making it
Every day you're alive

You change the world
You change the world
You change my world
Every day you're alive
You change my world
Honey, you change my world
You change my world

----------

I designed this print as a visual reminder also. Go ahead and treat yourself with coupon code "YOUCHANGETHEWORLD" for 30% off in my shop until the end of the month!

Aaaand, one last thing! A freebie! For those of you freakishly organized types like myself, here is a a cute, minty fresh, March 2014 desktop calendar--free to download, save, and display! Click here to download the desktop calendar. I think it looks great paired with my IKEA bookshelf background.

Happy March, everyone! Here's to spring, new life, and changing the world one breath at a time.

Resolution Songs // Month 2

2014-02-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else feel like January 2014 even happened? SO FAST JANUARY.

From what I can remember, January was a good month. We went ice skating, continued to nest in our new home, saw Gungor in concert (AMAZING show! See them live if you can!), and spent lots of time with friends. We are loving our small group and really enjoying doing life with some wonderful people. AND, I'm going to be an auntie! I'm so thrilled for my brother and sister-in-law. #babyzoub

There were also some hard moments. Moments of doubt, arguments, mild depression, fear, and anger. I won't pretend like the bad staff didn't happen in January. But, in the good times and the bad times, I found my resolution to be oh so helpful. I sang my song over and over again, and the music spoke truth and shed light into my heart. You have come to save us, Lord.

For this month, February, I wanted to choose a song that could act in the same way. A song that would be a truthful reminder, a sharp weapon against negative thoughts + feelings, an exclamation of praise. And I think I found the perfect one. I chose, "You Saved My Soul" by Rivers & Robots. Rivers & Robots is a talented, young indie worship band out of Manchester, UK. I highly recommend their album, Take Everything (2012). I love their bright, layered sound, and their intricate, Psalm-like lyrics.

I pray that God will use this song in my life over the next month. Give it a listen and let me know what you think. I look forward to updating you, bloggy friends, on what God gives me with this song.

How are your resolutions going?

Let the new song arise

From every tongue and tribe

Every mountain high

And every valley

Let our love burn bright

All through the darkest night

Let the flames take flight

To the one who gave it all to have my heart

And from the very start, He knew every part of me

Who I would be, and how He'd make me to give Him glory

Beautiful one, You saved my soul

You are my everything, You make me whole

What can I give but give my all?

You're so deserving

So I will love You Lord

With all my heart and soul

All my mind and strength

Just like You told us to and

You are here

Your spirit lives in me

You've opened my eyes to see

You are no more behind a temple wall, You gave Your life for all

Waiting for an open heart to open wide, and You'd come inside

And breathe new life

credits

from Take Everything, released 20 July 2012

Resolution Songs // Month 1

2014-01-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. When we take the time to evaluate and reflect on the past year, and think towards the new year--making plans, goals, and resolutions. We purchase gym memberships, start meal-planning, buy datebooks, and set the alarm clocks. There are reading plans and recipes, new schedules and appointments, cleaning and cooking and settling back into routines now that the holiday confetti has settled.

I'm not one for resolutions generally. I've become jaded and cynical, knowing that I can make all the plans in the world, but life always gets in the way. Perhaps that makes me a giver-upper, undedicated, and lazy--or perhaps that just makes me realistic. Either way, I stopped making resolutions years ago. I've seen others just choose one little word to set the theme for their upcoming year, words like "grace", "joy", and "gratitude". I really liked this idea, and I've spent the last few days trying to come up with my word for 2014. I got nothing.

And then inspiration struck whilst scrolling through my Instagram feed, from none other than Ms. WifeySinger herself. She writes:

"instead of resolutions for the year, i am taking a month at a time. disciplining, organizing, forgiving, trusting, changing."

Amen. I love this idea. One month at a time, step-by-step; crawling, walking, sprinting, crying, screaming, laughing--however the month finds me. As I thought about what inspires me and speaks to me most, it was an easy answer: music. Music moves me at my core, communicates straight to my heart, and leaves me changed every time.

And thus, here is what I resolve for 2014, with admirable purpose and unwavering determination: I resolve to choose one song for each month of this year--12 songs total--to meditate on, learn to sing and play, and let shape and change me. I commit to prayerfully choosing each song and posting them here on this blog, for accountability and remembrance.

And that's it. Without further ado, here is January's Resolution Song:

Come to Save Us

All Sons and Daughters

You have come to save us

You have come to save us, Lord

You have made a way here

You have made the way clear

You have come to save us, Lord

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

You are light and fire

You are our desire

You have come to save us, Lord

You’re the hope among us

You’re the peace that binds us

You have come to save us, Lord

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords

Light of the world, You shine

King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords

Light of the world, You shine

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

King of all the other kings on earth

Autumnal Update

2013-10-14T21:23:00.001-07:00

Happy Fall, ya'll!

(normally, it would be weird for a California girl to be caught saying "ya'll", but I blame my southern greeting on my dear friend, Jordan, who has influenced my life--and my speech, it turns out. Jordan is from Arkansas and has the southern belle-est drawl of them all)

I digress.

I wanted to pop in and give ya'll an update on what the Trams have been up to lately.

We are completely loving this cooler, fall weather--and all of the seasonal scents, to boot.

Not to mention, boots + sweaters + scarves, oh my.

A dear friend of ours had a birthday recently, and we celebrated by going out for nomlicious Korean food, and then going for Korean karaoke! Korean karaoke is the same as any other kind of "Asian" karaoke, in that it's not like a karaoke bar where you sing to the entire room. You rent out a private room and just sing with your friends! IT'S SO FUN.

And, it felt like we were home. We are SO homesick for Korea sometimes.

The hubs and I have had the privilege of leading a Young Adults small group through our church. We are so enjoying the small group setting and we have such a great group of people! Our church's Young Adult Ministry is called YAM (^^), and so when we created the small group we decided to name it "Small Potatoes". We are so pleased with ourselves.

Our small group is going through the book Jesus + Nothing = Everything and I am really enjoying it so far. I can tell that this book is really going to stretch me, and it has already brought on some great discussions within our group, as well as some great quotes to meditate on.

I've also had the best time being a part of the worship team at our church. I've always loved leading worship, and there is something so humbling and wonderful about playing with such a talented and passionate group of musicians. I'm so grateful.

There's also been a few new designs in my shop. I'm loving having the creative outlet, and I've had the privilege of working on some beautiful custom projects lately--specifically some Save the Dates for some dear friends (I'm so excited for their wedding!).

And for those of you who made it all the way through this loooong update,

I'd like to bestow upon you a reward. ^^

How about BUY 1 GET 1 FREE in the shop?

Head over to Ferial-Shmerial Designs, add one print of your choice to your cart, mention the words "AUTUMN YEAH" in the note to seller box along with the title of a second print of your choice, and I'll send you both prints for the price of one. Early Christmas shopping, anyone?

I'll be honoring this deal until midnight on OCTOBER 21, 2013.

Happy Fall, ya'll.

Feeling the love

2013-09-15T15:09:00.001-07:00

Love is in the air for me.

It's autumn, my absolute f a v o r i t e time of the year!

I've been feeling love in so many areas of my life these days.

Love from the Lord, as He blesses us with important lessons and incredible blessings.

Love from my husband, as he is patient and gracious with me.

Love from my parents, as they are so generous to us.

Love from my baby sister, who is leaving for college in just two short days.

And love from dear friends, who always seem to know when to call and text and love me well.

And so, I've added two very LOVE-inspired new art prints to the shop!

And until Friday, 9/20/13, enjoy the coupon code

SHIPIT2ME

for free shipping on your Ferial-Shmerial Designs order!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

L A M E N T A T I O N S 3 : 2 2 - 2 4

i heart us. Giveaway Winner!

2013-08-26T18:43:00.001-07:00

Congratulations Marla! You will receive an email from me so that we can coordinate getting your new print!

Thank you everyone who participated in this giveaway. I'll be making them a regular event with Ferial-Shmerial Designs, so stay tuned!

Happy Monday!

i heart us. >>> Giveaway!

2013-08-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.

It's giveaway time! :)

As a big THANK YOU to all of you for your amazing encouragement and support as I opened

my Etsy shop this week, I am giving away this new Ferial-Shmerial Designs Art Print

before it goes up in the shop!

The "i heart us." 8x10 art print features a canvas texture with colorful ink splatter background.

All it takes to enter this giveaway is to leave a comment on this blog post.

Please leave your email address with your comment so that I can
get in touch with you if you win.

Please utilize the Rafflecopter widget below for up to 6 ways to enter this giveaway!

This giveaway will close at MIDNIGHT, Pacific Time, this Sunday 8/25/13.
The winner will be announced on Monday, 8/26/13.

Thank you for supporting Ferial-Shmerial Designs!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Something Exciting!

2013-08-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

I did something today that I've been planning and dreaming about for over a year.

That's right! I finally did it!

I opened my Etsy shop!

May I introduce, Ferial-Shmerial Designs.

I've got 8 beeeeautiful prints up in the shop right now, and plan on adding more and more. :)

Please go take a looksie over at the shop and let me know what you think!

I would love and appreciate feedback, as well as design inspirations.

Also, if you have any custom order queries, let me know! ^^

And, you can use the coupon code

OPEN20

until Sunday, 8/18/13 for 20% off your order in celebration of the grand opening!

Thank you so much for all of your support.

I'm so excited for this new adventure!

PinterTest: Date Night Passport

2013-08-09T11:55:00.001-07:00

This little book is one of my new favorite things.

May I introduce, the date night passport.

I found this idea on Pinterest.

View the original pin here.

The basic idea is that you collect all of the places that you've wanted to visit for a date, write them down in this "passport", and visit them throughout the year for date nights. I am confident that this passport will help alleviate the hubs' and I's constant habit of "You choose", "No, you choose".

We sat down the other night and started adding entries to our date night passport and had a great time doing it!

We included the name of the place, dollar signs to indicate how spendy the date would be, and an address. Once we've visited the place we can stamp our passport. I'm excited to choose a stamp for the occasion, perhaps a custom stamp will need to be ordered (oh joy!) ^^.

Happy date-nighting!

What will go into your date night passport?

A San Francisco Saturday

2013-06-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we spent a wonderful day in the city with some good friends,

enjoying the beautiful cool weather (it was 100* inland and 75* in the city!) and getting ready for a Five Iron Frenzy concert that night.

Started the day at SightGlass Coffee and I didn't feel cool enough to be there.

Good coffee though! :)

Picnic lunch at ~~Full House~~ Alamo Park!

Drinking chocolate at Christopher Elbow Artisanal Chocolate.

Talk about the perfect dessert! You know how with most desserts you have to eat like 11 Oreos in order to feel satisfied? (I'm not saying it's right to eat 11 Oreos, it's just what happens) Well this delectable little cup of perfection was just the right size, not too sweet, and was the most wonderful balance of flavor. Mocha flavored and topped with a cloud-like vanilla bean marshmallow it was just right. The hubs and I split one of these cuppa-goodnesses and were perfectly satistfied.

Traipsing through the city with these lovely folks!

I'm so thankful for great friends.

Then off to The Regency Ballroom for the FIF show!

We got to meet the band! :D

Epic show!

We closed out the night by heading to Mel's Diner for some late night yummies. I don't have any pictures of that though because I was too tired to think of it. #gettingtoooldforthatcrap

What are your plans for the weekend?

Dear baby sister,

2013-06-13T15:13:00.001-07:00

Last week you graduated from high school.

I am so, so proud of you. For 12 years, you have persevered through tests, exams, studies, classes, teachers, friend drama, boys, stress, and much, much more. I have watched you grow into a beautiful, talented, gracious, and well-rounded young lady. You are so loved and admired, and everything you touch turns to gold. You are inspring to me in so many ways, and I just wanted you to know that I am bursting with pride and love for you.

Happy graduation, dearest!

InstaLife: May 2013 // and the beginning of June too...

2013-06-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it's June already??

May was a difficult month, a long + difficult month.

But it was a good one too, a good + necessary month.

There was some cat-walking, some encouragement, some swimming and sun fun, and lots of driving.

There were some cute clothes, some writing about what hurts, some more encouragement, and a reunion with a Korea-forever-friend.

There was a #Tramdateday to the Boon Fly Cafe and Heart's Desire Beach at Tomales Bay State Park.

I celebrated a dear friend who received her Master's degree, started running, geeked out to Star Trek, and received the CUTEST early anniversary present from the hubs.

I celebrated my baby sister who is GRADUATING FROM HIGHSCHOOL this week.

And then I felt old about it.

And then I celebrated our 6th anniversary.

John and I started a tradition last year (on our 5th anniversary) that we would both write a letter to each other every year on our anniversary, and that letter would not get to be opened and read until the following year's anniversary. So last year we wrote our first letters, and this year we got to read them and then write letters to open and read next year. It's a beautiful tradition and yes, John's letter made me cry. It's a lovely thing to look back and reflect on the past year, see how we've each grown, and look forward and hope for our future.

Here's to 6 years of marriage, to my graduating sister, to the beginning of summer,

and here's to hope!

Follow along with me on Instragram, @ferial

Love >> Hope >> Courage

2013-05-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Thank you.

Thank you for reading my PCOS post.

Thank you for caring, for your encouraging words, and for your prayers.

I feel so loved and supported, and I'm so grateful to have you all in my life. I know that the sadness will come again, but right now I feel loved, hopeful and am trying to be courageous.

God knew I needed the encouragement. And He used you.

He also sent encouragement in the form of Hillsong United and their song, Take Heart.

Have you heard it? It's so good.

As I listened to the song, a few lines stuck out to me.

Take heart // Let His love lead us through the night // Hold on to hope // Take courage again

And that's exactly how it works, isn't it?

His LOVE gives us HOPE, and "hope does not disappoint" but brings COURAGE.

BUT,

it has to be in that order.

If we try and be courageous without the hope that is provided through Jesus Christ by the love of the Father, then we fail all together.

I want that true courage.

And I would so appreciate your prayers, dear friends + family, as John and I pursue courage in the face of the struggle that is infertility.

It's time.

2013-05-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't wanted to write this blog post.

I've put it off for almost a year.

But, it has become evident that God wants me to write it and put it out there.

He's used dear friends, random occurrences, blog posts, and Scripture to show me that my story is important--and thought it is difficult, it's time to get it out.

Last year I wrote a blog post called "Someday Baby".

I wrote about having "baby fever" and our thoughts on starting a family.

Well, it's been over two years now since those first thoughts of excitement and fear--wondering if I was pregnant, lively discussions over baby names, Pinterest pins, and hopes for the future.

Two years.

You see, I have PCOS.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

I've done hours upon hours of research about this syndrome and I'm still not even really sure what's wrong with me. And you know what? That's how I feel. I feel like something is wrong with me. I mean, wasn't I created to do this? To birth children? To raise a family? To re-create? And yet, somehow, I'm broken.

I apologize for the negativity. That's why I didn't want to do this--didn't want to write down these feelings. Because writing them down makes them more real; I have to feel these feelings all over again and as you may have realized by now, this sucks.

Last week we all celebrated Mother's Day.

I had so many mothers to celebrate, especially my own. But I must admit that there was a big part of me that was fighting the sadness. Fighting the feelings of overwhelming despair and insufficiency.

Will I ever be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother?

Most days I don't feel the sad. Most days pass by normally, marriage and work and friends and church and cat and cleaning and music and cooking and crafting and driving and worship and life. But there are moments--holding a friend's sleeping child in my arms, watching a father twirl his little daughter, hearing a mother comfort her toddler at the store, seeing baby shoes--when my heart aches.

And I'm not sure what the point of this blog post really is. I'm not depressed or insanely jealous or going crazy. I'm not sick or constantly worried or even unhappy with my life. I'm just currently not a mother, wanting to be, and experiencing confusion and heartache sometimes.

And, I guess, I just wanted you to know.

Sudsy Thoughts

2013-04-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

I do some of my best thinking whilst doing dishes.

Tonight as I was sudsing along, I was thinking about one of my clients.

She's a big time smoker.

Multiple packs a day.

She also had severe COPD and asthma.

She's tried to quit many times, tried everything under the sun.

She has a ton of people supporting her, keeping her accountable,

and yet she knows nothing but failure.

She's literally killing herself with every puff, but she just can't stop.

I've found myself judging her recently.

Why can't she just quit? She's killing herself!

Her life could be SO much better if she'd just quit!

Concerned, prideful thoughts.

And then I thought: What's killing me?

Pride?

Sugar / fat intake?

Gluttony?

Lies?

Impure thoughts?

Jealousy / comparisons?

Media absorption?

Laziness?

And the list goes on.

There are so many favorite, pampered sins that I take puffs of--multiple packs a day.

And it's killing me.

"Have mercy on me, O God,

according to your steadfast love;

according to your abundant mercy

blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

and cleanse me from my sin!"

Psalm 51:1-2

What an amazing realization to come to whilst doing dishes.

I'm dirty like these dishes.

Praise God that He's a good dishwasher.

Quotable: Eternal Sunshine

2013-04-08T15:13:00.001-07:00

I was encouraged this week by this quote from this lovely lady's blog

and thought that I'd pass it your way as well.

I think I need to paint this quote on the ceiling above my bed

so that it's the first thing I see in the morning.

Enjoy the eternal sunshine today, my friends.

Praise Him!

A Foray Into Forgiveness

2013-02-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a grudge holder.

I'm not proud of it, and I really am trying not to be.

And it's not to the point of high blood pressure or anything like that.

But, I remember everything, the good and the bad.

I was sitting in our church about a month ago, struggling to figure out why

I was having such a hard time worshipping during the musical set.

I didn't feel like singing, I was distracted,

and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't refocus my mind.

Musical worship is a love of mine, but I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

This lasted a few weeks.

But in the moment, I didn't really notice.

It's interesting how we don't see our own destructive patterns

until after the fact.

Even if those patterns last long months or years.

In this past month, God confronted me with two people that He wanted me to forgive.

The first person I have not seen or talked to in a long time,

and honestly, I had thought that my bitterness towards them was long gone.

It was striking to discover that it was only buried,

and that the coals still burned fiery hot when the air touched them again.

The second person I had been harboring negative feelings towards

for the last few months, without realizing how big the bitterness had become.

With both people I was adamantly opposed to forgiving them.

I told God, "No."

I justified, made excuses, ignored, changed the subject,

and begged to be let off the hook.

I made sure to re-tell God about how crappy those people were to me

and how they didn't deserve my forgiveness.

And then God reminded me that

I didn't deserve HIS forgiveness.

And that if I chose to withhold my forgiveness,

the evil would continue when I had the chance to stop it right there.

So, I did it.

Through much prayer,

I forgave.

And last Sunday at church,

I sang my heart out.

Click here to download this free printable I designed for the occasion.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts,

kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and,

if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other;

as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."
Colossians 3:12-13