Fertility Frenzy: Tales of trying to get pregnant

Can Essential Oils help with fertility?

2015-05-18T17:38:00.005-05:00

When I was struggling to stay pregnant I went to a reflexologist, which is a similar concept to acupuncture. She would always use essential oils. I never asked why she used them. I thought it was for the fragrance.

In the last five months, I have discovered essential oils. It all started after a winter where my boys and I passed cold after cold to each other. I heard some friends talking about essential oils and how they help treat symptoms and ward off colds.

I thought it sounded liked some hocus-pocus, hippy approach. As fate would have it, I got home that day and my 2.5 year old said he was really cold. I felt his head and he was burning up with fever. We had just gotten over the flu two weeks before. I decided to order the Premium Starter Kit from
Young Living Oils and an oil my friend raved about called RC.

I have to say I was intimidated when the kit came. But my results using have been amazing. To name a few benefits, I treated Evan's ear infection without antibiotics. The doctor confirmed he had an ear infection but was healing on its own and don't give the RX unless the pain comes back. My kids have had probably twelve ear infections between them and his was the first time I was ever told not to start medicine right away. I used Young Livings Purification and Lavender on the outside of his ears and down his neck. I used thieves oil on his big toe to fight the infection.

When I got sick, I used RC and it stopped my runny nose and coughing for hours. I used their Panaway blend when I hurt my shoulder and eased pain working minutes. And like a moron,
I wiped out on my driveway taking out the garbage. I seriously got road rash and was bleeding. I made a mixture of oils to disinfect and soothe the pain and it helped tremendously. I also realized my husband should be the one taking out the garbage.

I solved sleep issues for me and the boys with cedarwood and lavender. And when I got back from taking Josh to the ER after a bloody injury, I used Stress Away to take the edge off. It actually worked. It sounds like what people say Xanax does.

Bottom line, everything I have tried to use the essential oils for has worked.
I keep hearing about an oil called Progressence Plus Serum. It is supposed to help
women with fibroids (the bane of my conceiving existence), PMS, hormonal migraines, weight loss, and INFERTILITY.

I wish I had known about Progressence Plus years ago. I truly would have tried anything and Young Living Oils are organic and all natural. Progressence Plus is derived from a particular yam. The application is one to two drops behind your neck each night before bed. The recommend using at night because it can make you sleepy. Sounds like it couldn't be easier.

Leave a comment if you have tried Progressence Plus to help with fertility issues. I would love to hear if it helped you.

If you want more info, here is the link. I am happy to answers general questions about essential oils- it is my latest obsession.

Mirena? Mire-NO!

2014-08-23T08:38:00.000-05:00

At my six week follow up after having Joshua, my OB recommended the Mirena IUD. I was hesitant to get it because of the low dose hormones but she insisted it really didn't affect people. Sounded good to me. Four weeks later I went to it put it.

I had read horror stories of it being excruciatingly painful. It wasn't. It felt sort of like getting an HSG, if you have ever had one, but so much quicker (like seconds) and not that intense.

Within two days of having the Mirena inserted, I put on 8 pounds. And I was on a post baby diet so I know it wasn't what I was eating. 8 pounds. And I couldn't get any more than a pound off the entire time I was on it, while dieting. Next, I realized I was feeling moody. Just sort of down and that is not my personality.

I went back to the doctor and was seen by a nurse. She told me that people don't gain weight from Mirena and it something I am doing wrong with my diet.

I left and researched it on the internet and there were lots of other people that had this weird weight gain phenomena. The common link seemed to be people who got Mirena before they had lost the baby weight. Next I saw countless accounts of women saying they felt like there were in a fog and then had it taken out and life went back to normal.

Next, I never stopped bleeding. I had it in for four months and maybe had 10 days I wasn't spotting or having a period. This birth control works great, because you are never going to want to do it if you are bleeding all the time. I think eventually your period is supposed to stop all together but that never happened for me.

Reading that all these other people had similar side effects convinced me to have it taken out. Eight hours later, it was just like I read, I felt a fog lift off me. It is hard to explain in words, but I just felt better. I wish I could saw I lost 8 pounds over night. I lost about 2 in a couple days.

Apparently, side effects are rather rare with the Mirena. I guess I am just one of the lucky ones.

Got some 'splaing to do

2014-08-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

I have gotten a couple of e-mails since my last post asking where I disappeared to. Well a funny thing happened. Not terribly long after I was pondering what my future held in my post "Unknownitis", we started filling in the blanks.

First, we decided to leave the city and move to the suburbs. As we began looking for houses, we decided to throw some more stress into the mix and started trying for baby number two. Our grand plan was to have them three years apart. Clearly, we weren't in the express lane with having our first, so we started trying early.

I decided I would be breezy and by breezy I mean I would be completely obsessive but not chart my temperatures. I began by getting round up all my old friends: The Clearblue Fertility Monitor, Sticks, and pregnancy tests. My Ob had given my a prescription for progesterone to combat my luteal phase defect.

As we all expected, I wasn't actually breezy, I was more like the dictator of conception. Romantic right? 9 days past ovulation I tested. As I waited nervously, the faintest, and I mean faintest of lines emerged.

I told my husband, who was in an utter state of disbelief, and then I called the fertility doctor to get seen immediately. I didn't have to go to the fertility doctor, but I like that you get monitored weekly. After the trauma of miscarriages, I needed all the reassurance I could get.

The nurse calls and tells me my HCG was at 24, expect to miscarry. Kudos to her for her exemplary bedside manner. I remind her that I am 9 DPO. She wasn't impressed and told me if I didn't start to miscarry come back in two days. Two days later my numbers were about 50. The nurse said my numbers doubled but were still low and she thought I would miscarry. I asked to speak to a doctor. He comes on the phone and says my numbers are low. I said I was 11 dpo. He said, oh, then you are fine, congratulations.

And those were the first few days of carrying Joshua. The pregnancy was relatively uneventful. He was another anterior placenta baby, which worked out great for me because he was active enough to let me know he was alive and kicking, but his kicks were buffered so I wouldn't be kept up all night by his acrobatics.

During this time we decided to build a house. I spent my days playing with Evan and taking him to classes, working on the house, and feeling guilty that Evan's world was about to be turned upside down. He was very clear that he wasn't in the business of being a big brother. He literally would take my clothes and pillows to cover my belly. If someone asked if he was excited to be a big brother, he would shout "NO!". But his most notable act of defiance took place four days before my planned c-section.

It was a Thursday- my last morning Evan would be at preschool before the baby would come. I had big plans. I had a pedicure lined up and planned to spend the rest of the time preparing for the baby's arrival.

The night before, Evan started fighting us about bed. He was still in a crib, and in an effort not to make hate this baby more than we all anticipated he would, we didn't take his crib from him to give to the baby. Back to the bedtime war. He had been in a sleep sack up until a week before when he started unzipping himself. He hoisted one leg over the crib railing. I threatened, "if you jump out of your crib, you will never sleep in it again". He loved that crib. He returned his leg to the crib and began whining. I left the room and then thud. He flipped out of crib, and landed flat on his back. On the hardwood floor. I about died.

And so, what was to be my last carefree morning turned into a frenzy of converting a crib to a bed, buying new bedding, and decorating a room, so Evan would be happy to see his beloved crib was no more.

A couple days later Joshua was born. He was much calmer than Evan had been and seemed to be an easy baby. Being a second time mom, I was convinced, I wouldn't stress the small stuff.

Every thing went according to plan until my little guy ended up getting meningitis at 10 days old. After he recovered, we were on lock down for six months. We had to minimize his interaction with kids and Evan did too. He could only go to school - no activities, because they didn't want him to bring home germs. That made for a long winter. Joshu is a littler fighter and is completely healthy today.

The week after Josh turned one, we move to our new house. I honestly felt lame, for lack of a better juvenile term, not living in the city. I felt like an impostor watching the evening news, since I didn't really live in Chicago. But life is easier. You don't have to add 30 minutes to go anywhere to make sure you can park. You don't have to feed meters to go anywhere. And playdates- it was so easy to just have people over and go to there houses and park in their driveways. The boys loved having a basement and a yard.

And now you are up to date on the 40,000 foot view of our lives these past two years.

And it all comes back

2014-08-22T21:12:00.001-05:00

Today I saw on Facebook that a friend of my husband had a baby. I actually fought back tears reading the news. Years ago, before I even started trying, his wife confided in me that they were having trouble getting pregnant. It took them nine years to get their baby. Nine years.

I feel my life was changed for the year and a half we struggled to keep a pregnancy. The disappointment, the feeling that it will never happen for us, the pangs when it happened for other people, the tests, the doctor appointments, the rise and fall of testing every month.

I want her to know that all she has been through will one day be something she will be thankful for having endured, because it all led to their beautiful baby girl.

I thought about how I felt when I first brought home Evan, rocking him in his glider at night. I used to think that no baby could ever be more loved or more wanted. But then life happens. Cuddly babies turn to obstinate toddlers, and hard core negotiators. And somehow, that feeling of immense gratitude that glided me though colic, teething, and sleepless nights dissipated. So today, when I saw our old friend's news, I felt the yin and yang of parenthood. Babies are miracles, the greatest gift you could ever dream of- not a guaranteed rite of passage. And babies are hard. Toddlers are harder and if I don't stop and give myself one of those time outs I am always threatening, I will lose sight of how lucky I am to be fighting over bedtimes and sweeping the floor around my 1 year old's chair four times a day. I could just get a Roomba.

Unknown-itis

2011-08-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

Several months back I was talking my baby for a walk and we passed the neighborhood school. It occurred to me then, I really have no idea where we will be living when Evan is ready for kindergarten. In all honestly, I don't know where we will live when he is ready for preschool. And the latter presents problems because I need to start trying to get on waiting lists.

We live in the city and while there is more than enough room for 2 adults and one toddler, things will be too close for comfort with another baby. On one hand, I am in no rush to leave the city. Even though we don't have a yard, we are a very short work to the largest park in the city and can even walk to the city zoo. We know we wouldn't sell this place to get another place in the city. A move means a move to the suburbs, which means a significantly longer commute for my husband who now takes a bus and need be, it is about a 15 minute car ride.

I feel there are a lot of factors when determining when to have a second child.
1) finances- luckily we have much of the gear from the first child, but would need another bed and likely a bassinet, which we didn't use the first time around. Evan costs us about $200 a week in food, diapers, classes, and supplies, so I can assume through toddlerhood we would double this. Plus they pick up more activities and expenses with age.

2) Spacing of kids- ideally I would like three years apart between kids, but after the struggle to have the first kid, I can't assume it will just happen. It could take a long time- so do I start early or start when I would want and prepare myself the age gap could be much greater?

3) Housing- this is a big one. We have a three bedroom place but the third bedroom is on a different floor. We use that room as a guest room/office/ and my workout room that I use daily. I would be sad to give it up. I never had the baby stay in our room because my husband was working. As soon as he cried, I turned off the monitor, closed my bedroom door, closed his door, and took care of him so my husband could sleep. I don't want a baby that doesn't sleep through the night sharing a room with Evan and keeping him up. So either the new baby could sleep in our room, or I will be post c-section sleeping on a pull out couch in my former workout room. It just isn't ideal. But it isn't ideal to move while pregnant, with a newborn, or two toddlers either.

I suppose there are no right answers. Change is difficult, but I don't want to jump the gun and sell our city home until I know we need to move.

Here's What they Don't Tell You

2011-07-25T15:38:00.000-05:00

If you are having problems getting pregnant, people want to lift you up by telling you all the good things that life without kids means. Sleeping for starters, freedom to come and go as you please, seeing a first run movie in the theater- you get the picture.

Here is the big one you probably have not been told- with children comes disparaging comments about your parenting from your in-laws. If things were strained before, just wait until baby comes along. I get along well with my in-laws, but sometimes I cannot believe the things that are said.

Let's take today. My mother-in-law comes over to see Evan. I am slightly freaking out about his lack of language acquisition (another post to come on this) so I have been making a conscientious effort to label things and repeat words. He thinks animal noises are funny. Please forgive this digression, but why are there so many baby products geared around farm animals? Maybe this is ethnocentric because I have lived in a city or suburb my whole life, but it seems like overkill. Evan alone has a tracker toy that totes along a wagon of animals, a little people farm, and a page in his 100 first baby words book dedicated to farm animals. They sell baby flash cards of just farm animals. I guess they are cuter the Little People meter maids and streets and sanitation workers.

As I was complaining- Evan picked up his animal book and I started doing my new word game with him. In my view, there is only so many times you can ask, "what does the cow say?" and get no response. So now I ask, "what does the cow say when he is happy" and I say moo all excitedly and tickle him, and then I ask "what does the cow say when he is surprise?" and I bark moo and lift him unexpectedly. I run through a rainbow of emotions and the move on to another animal who is also feeling overly emotional. He thinks this is hilarious. So she asked why was I doing this. I responded, "to help him build vocabulary and to learn to label his feelings?" And she says, "you need help." with her mouth cocked up and this judging look in her eye that my sister-in-law and I have seen all too often.

It is not like I can snap, "I would like to see you do better" since the product of her parenting is my husband. I guess these judgments come with the territory, but I could definitely do without the snarky remarks.

Can I be Breezy?

2011-07-14T17:12:00.000-05:00

My good friend from grad school introduced me to the term "breezy". As in, "Do you think he is going to call you." To which she would respond, "I am not going to worry about it, I am trying to be breezy," as she slyly glances down to see if her phone forgot to ring and she had a missed call from the man being discussed. Well for her, a man, a good one at that, did call back and she was married last year after being "breezy" about getting engaged. And now, with that same breezy attitude, she is taking a stab at getting pregnant.

We met for lunch this week and I asked when she was testing and she said she wasn't sure, in a couple weeks, she wasn't tracking her cycle. Of course, on account of her being breezy. This is so antithetical to everything I stand for, I rudely retorted, "You are not 16 in the back of a '67 Chevy, you need to do some planning here!" We are super close, so I can say this sort of thing to her.

And so the reality dons on me, that I don't think I can breezily try for baby number two. I kind of thought I could take things as they come. However, I was speaking to a friend who went through several rounds of IVF to have her daughter. Since it was such a struggle, they "aren't preventing". Yet every month, she starts to feel nervous during the TWW and gets disappointed when she isn't pregnant, even though she isn't fully trying yet.

Part of me thinks, no matter what happens in TTC a second child, I am a mom and love being one, and we could be happy as a family of three. Then reality seeps in and makes me realize I might be internally a fertility freak again, living by the reading on my monitor and waking everyday at same early morning minute to get an accurate temp reading.

I think it is fair to say I don't wear breezy well.

Those Girls

2011-07-12T08:19:00.001-05:00

If you are anything like me, (and hopefully you are not), I secretly judged how other pregnant people acted when I wanted to be pregnant. Like the ones that complained how hard, tiring, uncomfortable, inconvenient (feel free to fill in the blank) it was to be pregnant. And those that made their husband's carry their purses because they were just too dainty to do so.

I vowed I would not be one of those girls. And as a matter of integrity, I wasn't. I was so determined to be grateful and to let the world know it. As my husband could tell you, one of my favorite phrases is, "you should be so lucky", usually used humorously as to why he should feel so fortunate that I love him so much. This great turn of phrase can easily be applied to the moms-to-be, whom I liberally judged. You should be so lucky that your back aches and your rings are too tight. You should be so lucky you get winded going up a flight a stairs and can't bend to tie your laces. I did, however, suspend harsh judgement for those that were legitimately in a bad way such as excessively nauseous requiring hospital visits and severe sciattic nerve pain. Bedrest also garnered my sympathies. Otherwise, if you waddled and wailed about it, you were on my list.

When I was pregnant with Evan, I vowed to complain as little as possible. The god's honest truth, the most uncomfortable part of being pregnant for me (outside of taking progesterone and having an anal strep exam in my third trimester) is the consistent need to use public bathrooms, which repulses me. But there were months that I didn't sleep and heartburn was my number one trusted companion. I just didn't want to be like, those girls.

In my own mind, I felt like I was better because I knew what a gift it was to feel those symptoms, because I knew what it was like when the symptoms suddenly went away. However, I had an eye-opening experience the other day. I was talking to someone that had lost a baby, was told she may never be able to carry a child, and then went on to have a child after four rounds of IUI. She said, she was the opposite, she was so excited to finally be one of those girls that could complain about her back, her lack of a waistline, and the kicking that kept her up all night.

So while I have now walked a mile in those swollen feet, and know what it is like from an insider's and outsider's perspective, I realize now I was too judgmental. And maybe if you find yourself rolling your eyes at your rotund, complaining friends, just know you too will soon be wanting to complain about the trouble with being pregnant. So be careful what you judge, because you will really want to complain when your time comes.

Gone but Not Forgetten

2011-07-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

I have been a bad blogger. I felt like once I had a baby, readers stopped commenting or sending me notes, because I was no longer one of them. I thought to a degree, that there is a kinship among those of us who have worn our brand of scarlet letter, that you root for each other because it is a success story and something that helps us hold on to hope.

Recently, I have received a flurry of e-mails from readers who have found the blog after researching things like luteal phase defect, progesterone, the Clearblue Easy monitor. It got me thinking, maybe there still is a place for me in this space, because I completely identify with the person I was when I started the blog.

My title of the post is Gone but not Forgotten, because I will never forget what I went through in order to have a child and that influences each day of my life. It is still very much apart of me.

A couple of week's ago, I went to the Ob/gyn for my annual exam. A woman came out from an exam room, sat on a couch across from me and was quietly crying. I also saw about 4 very pregnant women waddling about, oblivious to what this girl was going through. But I had been that teary-eyed girl in the waiting room. She said during her exam they didn't hear a heart beat and she was waiting for an ultrasound. She was in her first trimester. The same thing happened with me when pregnant with my son, I told her, and he was fine. I got called back a couple seconds later and I couldn't calm down, because I was so upset about this woman, and wanted to know that her baby was okay.

This past weekend I was at a party and was speaking to someone I had met, and liked, over the years. She had twins a couple months after I had my son. Turns out we went to the same fertility doctor. We started talking about what we went through and how hard certain situations had been like friends announcing they accidentally got pregnant, siblings getting pregnant at the same time we had miscarriages, and the constant need to pee on a stick. There is an understanding we shared of what we have been experienced and an appreciation of what we have.

In some sadistic way, I miss charting temps and turning my monitor on each morning. I actually miss the nervousness of the TWW. With that said, I am jumping back into the blogging game because I know from emails, that there isn't as much information on the web as we would like. And I also know, that some people, like myself, take comfort in knowing that if someone had their silver lining than I will too.

Reunion Reflections

2010-10-23T21:59:00.001-05:00

This weekend was my ten year college reunion. It also coincided with a visit from my parents, so I decided not to partake in any sponsored events but to see a couple people coming in. It is really amazing to see how ten years changes a person. Take for instance one of my closest friends from college. He was my polar opposite, he was a raver, did drugs, spoke to his parents only on Sunday. If it was someones birthday, anniversary, or someone happened to be sick, you better hope it happened on Sunday or he wouldn't be a'callin'. I on the other hand thought pacifiers were only for babies, had rounded out my tenure as Students Against Driving Drunk President before my freshman year of college, and spoke to my parents daily. Today he is incredibly successful, went to Harvard Business School, is married to the sweetest girl, and just had his second baby. He came over to meet Evan and we hung out in his nursery and talked baby stuff for 2 hours. Never in a million years could I have foreseen this exchange 10 years ago.

At night, my parents and Greg stayed with Evan while I met some girls from my sorority at a bar. Of the 7 of us, only one other had kids (pregnant with number two and had bought herself some boobs since college, but I digress.). Another two were married. Of the marrieds, one had moved to the suburbs years ago and the other was leading this high powered life commuting between capital hill and her house a couple states away to be with her husband. And then there were the fabulously single, traveling to Africa for work, acting on national commercials. Then to hear what other friends were doing, was unbelievable.

When asked if I was going back to work since having a baby, I said, "no, not for at least a year, maybe longer. It took a lot of work to get him, so I want to stay home and enjoy him for a while." And it was left at that.

After dinner, the group was heading over to a bar but I wanted to go home and check on the baby. The married friend from the suburbs said, I got the impression you had trouble getting pregnant. I said, "seriously, if you ever need to know anything about this stuff, feel free to call me, I feel like I know all there is to know." She said, "I doubt as much as I know."

Apparently, they have been trying for four years. She lost 2 babies around 20 weeks. It is some genetic disease and any baby they have will have a 1 in 4 chance of having it. There is some test they could do on eggs, but they only offer it in Germany. We talked for a minute or two but the group wanted to go to the bar.

I am sure it will all work out for her, but emotionally, what a nightmare until that baby is born. What I can't get out of my head is how she is even able to attend this reunion. You know one in three people is going to have a baby and you know there are going to be people like my raver friend that you would never think would have kids by now and has two, or people who were hard-core partiers or totally bitchy people and they have kids. I just don't know after two horrible losses like that if I could stomach a reunion.

I think there is a kind of kinship among people who have had issues, so I feel really glad I made some comment about having had trouble. Versus the pregnant girl with the new boobs who order a ginger ale and said "read into this however you want". It just goes to show you that you never know what other people are going through. But it isn't just about pregnancy. One of the girl's mom was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer and given a grim prognosis. Prior to hearing this I had said how my parents flew in for the weekend to see Evan. She isn't married, doesn't have kids, and her mom might never see her have children. For me, the reunion was a lesson in general to be a more compassionate person, which is ironic, because I think more often then not, people use reunions to show off about how far they have come since way back when.

Baby Boom

2010-10-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

All of you trying to get pregnant should come hang out with me because it seems almost everyone I am friends with has fallen pregnant. I am half kidding, but I do have about 7 pregnant friends now and one that I suspect is pregnant. And no joke, for all but 2 of them, it happened the first time out of the gate.

Now at this point, Evan is 3.5 months and the true light of my life. I am completely fine with everything I have been through because if it hadn't happened, he wouldn't be here and it would be some other kid. But I still deeply feel the pain of a couple of my friends that have been trying for years. And it isn't fair that it can be so hard for some, especially people you know would make fantastic parents.

A couple weeks ago, we were hanging out with a group a friends and another one of the couples announced their pregnancy, adding the third pregnancy to our little group of couple friends. A little while after the announcement I was sitting and three of the guys were talking about how people act like it is so hard to get pregnant, but it was so easy. The other two agreed saying it happened their first time and the other confessed it happened for them without really trying.

Herein lies this issue with family planning. You have no idea if it is going to take 1 month or 2 years. Even now, I have identified an ideal three month window to conceive a second kid (yes, we all know I am a planner), but what a joke that is. There is no guarantee we would be able to have another baby and particularly, one conceived in my perfectly packaged three month window to optimize the children's age differences and my delivering maternal age. You would think I could be breezy trying for a second, but clearly, that isn't in my cards.

Where's the Team?

2010-09-06T18:13:00.000-05:00

I came across a great article in Self about infertility. The crux of the article is since people aren't vocal about their fertility issues they aren't getting much needed support with family, friends, other people battling the same issues, or insurance companies. There were a couple of points in the article that struck a chord with me.

1) If you have a disease, there are tons of organizations that offer support. There are organized walks and people proudly wear ribbons in support. Since infertility has been kept in the dark, many people don't feel like they can talk about it or where they could turn for help.

2) Who can help: The article tells of being in a fertility doctors waiting room. Nobody speaks or directly looks at someone else. But in the chemo room, people offer suggestions for mitigating side affects. Recently my friend mentioned that at the fertility doctor her sister saw, it was all anonymous. Another thing, the article mentions the group Resolve, that focuses on infertility support. Throughtout my entire process, from the day a nurse praticitoner handed me an infertility packet, through my surgery, to countless meetings with doctors and all the handouts available at the OB/GYN and RE's offices, I never saw literature or was told of Resolve or any other support group for that matter. My sister-in-law said she bet there would be a group at the women's hospital. There wasn't.

I checked out the Resolve website, http://resolve.org/, and you can look up resources in your state. It also has guides to insurance coverage for fertility treatments by state, overview of tests you can take to identify fertility issues, options for treatment/adoption, articles about how infertility affects your relationship, and how to get involved in advocacy issues.

3) The article accurately described many of the feelings I had trying to get pregnant. In addition to dreading certain social situations, they mentioned how it was hard to plan the rest of your life, like trips, buying a car, house, etc. Many times I thought about switching jobs, but thought I would rather stay at the same place if I am going to get pregnant soon. I didn't want to plan trips. We wanted a new car but I didn't know if we needed a bigger one. We bought a bigger condo on the assumption that we would have kids soon, but I didn't feel confident to get one in the suburbs, because I didn't want the suburban life without kids.

4) It made me think about something I never thought about previously. I feel like I am the eternal optimist when it comes to other people's fertility. If it is someone who I had fibroid, I say look at me. If it is someone going through IVF, I mention friends who have had successes. You want people to have hope and I really do believe that it will happen in time. But the article says, there isn't really support for people that it doesn't work out for. And that is why these issues need more attention.

Here is the article. Let me know what you think.
http://www.self.com/health/2010/08/breaking-the-silence-on-infertility?currentPage=9

The Pressure is On

2010-08-24T11:34:00.000-05:00

When you date someone for a long time, people always ask you, "When are you going to get married?". And finally on your wedding day, you naively believe the pressure is finally off, until an overzealous aunt pulls you off the dance floor to ask, "So, when are you having kids?".

When you finally have a baby you think, the pressure is definitely off now, I have hit my milestones. But no. Pretty soon, you are not only asked by others, but find yourself asking, "when will you have baby number two?".

There are several factors I have begun to weigh in terms of not only when, but if there will be a baby number two.

In the let's get this going camp:
1) Factor 1: I love me some babies - For me, call it hormones, or joy of motherhood, but I get sad that Evan is growing up so quickly. I dread when he becomes so squirmy he doesn't want me to cuddle him and I am fairly convinced he will not let me kiss attack him when he is fifteen. I know all ages have great things about them, but I really am enjoying the baby stage.

2) Factor 2: Age- I am already 32 and the doctor said I can't even conceive until at least 8 months post baby, which means the absolute earliest I could have a kid would be when I am 34. But I don't really want two kids under 2. So I likely would be 35 when I have my second kid and I believe that automatically puts me in the high risk category.

3) Factor 3- Fibroids and Fertility- yes, the two F's that have pretty much ruled my life for the last couple of years are back. As of my c-section, I didn't have any new fibroids, but some can sprout up because doctors believe that if you have fibroids once you will have them again. Assuming I don't have fibroids, who knows how easy or hard it will be to get pregnant again. This makes me more inclined to start earlier than I ideally would have wanted. Plus, I will be several years older than my first time around.

And in the why do in eight months what you can do in three years or never camp:

1) Factor 1: Savings- Last week my husband and I met with a financial advisor to discuss saving for college. She estimated that when Evan and our second kid will be in college, tuition and room and board, will be between $80k-$120k a year. So if we wanted to pay for private school for our 2 kids and retire at 60, we would run out of money at 68. Awesome.

2) Factor 2: Housing- We live in a condo in the city and would need to move sooner if we had a second kid because two kids couldn't fit in Evan's room and the room downstairs is too far removed from the rest of the apartment to put an infant or a toddler. Plus, I don't want to move while pregnant or with a newborn because I know I will be the one doing all the work to pack and can't imagine going house hunting with a toddler and a newborn.

3) Factor 3: Career- I am staying home with Evan but plan to either go back to a marketing job or switch careers, but only take a couple years off. If I had a second baby, my re-entrance would be put on hold. Which I would be fine with, except for the fact that we apparently can't retire if we pay for college. I have given consideration to a complete change of careers since I can't work the type of hours I worked before and be the kind of mom I want to be. So this factor is a little more fluid.

4) Factor 4: All eggs in one basket- if we just had one kid, it would be more likely that we could pay for his college, we would have more time to spend with him and encourage him on all his endeavors and we would have more financial freedom in our old age.

I read an article a couple weeks ago in Time about only children and how society just assumes that you will have a second child. When the author told people she was only planning to have one, everyone, including the grocery check out woman told her, "you will change your mind." Why does this stranger think she knows better than the woman herself, that she will want more kids?

It seems there will always be a societal pressure telling you that you aren't on the fast track or the right track for that matter. Whether it is finding a boyfriend, getting engaged, having an appropriately long engagement, having your first child in an acceptable amount of time, having a second kid, buying a house, signing kids up for the right preschools, activities, SAT prep courses. It seems endless. These societal conventions can be a nice road map to life, but what if you don't want to married, have kids, have multiple kids or live in the suburbs? What if you don't care if you kid goes to a top college or college at all for that matter? Perhaps this is the new version of keeping up with the Joneses. It isn't about fancy cars, lavish trips, or big houses anymore. It is doing what is expected of you at the acceptable time. Maybe that is why it has been hard for some many to see people in their age cohort get married and have kids when those aren't possibilities for themselves at that time.

Practically speaking, it makes sense to have one child, but emotionally speaking, I know I will have intense baby fever in a year or two. We will see how I handle the internal and external pressure.

The Difference A Year Makes

2010-07-19T10:04:00.000-05:00

A year ago tomorrow my life was quite different than it is today. After having two miscarriages and about 3 months of testing, I was scheduled to have my mutant fibroid removed, in the hopes of ever having a child.

On July 20th of last year, I was wheeled into the operating room for a myomectomy. I remember coming to in the recovery room, dazed and in pain. I was just hoping beyond hope that the surgery would do the trick and I could one day have a child. I tried to approach the surgery and recovery as steps to getting my baby. I had been initially told we would have to wait until January 2010 to start trying again.

As my hospital stay drew to a close, the doctor told me I only had to wait six weeks to try. It was so unexpected. We had even planned a trip to Italy in October to help keep my mind off of not being able to try and enjoying what would hopefully be our last big trip before the baby. We found out the day before we left for Italy that I was pregnant.

If you had told me on the day of the myomectomy that one year from then I woud have a three week old baby, I wouldn't have believed it.

I definitely think my experiences of trying to get pregnant have colored my experience as a mother. I truly feel so appreciative, even during those middle of the night feedings. It goes so quickly and I know I will miss this time when he just wants to be held. I will miss how he looks up at me when his pacifer falls out and he wants me to fetch it for him. I am just amazed by him.

When you are in the thick of fertility issues, it is really easy to believe it isn't going to happen for you. I definitely felt like that a lot and not even in a self pitying sort of way. It is more of like coming to terms with the fact that you can only control so much. Think about my story when you feel like this, because in a year, you could be sitting with your newborn baby.

Two and a Half Weeks in the Trenches

2010-07-16T09:27:00.000-05:00

Now that I have been through labor and home with a new baby, here are some thoughts on products I absolutely love and others I haven't needed thus far.
1) Since I ended up needing a c-section, I didn't benefit from this advice but have been told by two friends Dermaplast is a lifesaver. I bought 2 bottles in prep for labor. Basically, after a normal delivery it really burns (because of stitches) to pee. So spray the Dermaplast, then squirt warm water with a water bottle, and then spray again with the Dermaplast. The product numbs you. I bought it at Target.

2) If you have a c-section and are in a lot of pain when coughing, sneezing, laughing, ask the nurse for an ab binder. It looks like an athlete's version of a girdle. It holds you in tight. I wasn't given one with my fibroid surgery when I could have used it. They gave me one on my last day in the hospital, it felt good, but for no good reason, I never wore it again. If you aren't given one, hold a pillow into your stomach when you have to cough/sneeze to help brace muscles.

3) Breastfeeding: Bring the Boppy pillow to the hospital. I did, but didn't use it. So I should say, bring it and use it. It is really hard to figure out how to position the baby that is flailing desperately to find your boob. Also, realize they are supposed to latch on with a wide latch. I didn't know this and got so bruised the first two days, I wanted to cry the following 5 days while feeding.

4) Bottles: I was doing both breastfeeding and bottles. Breastfeeding isn't going well so I think I am going to start transitioning to formula only. I have been using Dr. Brown's bottles. People say there are too many parts. It takes about 5 seconds to put it together, I don't see the big deal. I think they are good, they are supposed to reduce spit up. Evan doesn't spit up much, so I am going to assume the bottles do the job. Dr. Brown's also makes a microwave sanitizer. I sanitized everything pre-baby. The night nurse we had when I got home said just take a big bowl with hot soapy water to clean the bottles each day (I do about twice a day). Once a week, I put them all in the microwave sanitizer.

5) Swaddle Designs receiving blankets: I love these. They are very cute and nice material. They are much more expensive than Carter receiving blankets but the quality difference explains the price discrepancy. At the beginning we always swaddled him in these blankets. Now he kicks out of a swaddle but we use these still most of the day. They have a normal blanket material and muslin one. I use the muslin one in the stroller because it is 90 degrees out and I want him covered from sun and germs but want the material to be breathable. I have about 4 of each material, which seems like a lot, but spit up and pee happens, more than you'd like.

6) Multi-use pads: I got a pack of multi-use pads at Buy Buy Baby. It is a water proof sheet. I have on the changing table. This has saved us many, many times, especially having a boy. Also, I have two kinds, one are fabric on both sides and the other has fabric on one side and plastic on the other. I don't like the plastic sided one as much.

7) Bouncy Seat: I try to make his crib a night time experience, so when he naps in the day, it is in his bouncy seat. I have the Fisher Price Zen seat, but it might have been discontinued. I don't use the music or vibration modes, I am saving those for fussy emergencies. I also use this when he is being calm and I need to get things done, because I can strap him in.

8) 2 Strollers: We have a nice, expensive stroller (the Uppa Baby) which is fantastic because it handles so well and corners tightly. It also has good shocks which is great because the sidewalks here are really uneven. It has a bassinet for newborns. It also has a sun shade to protect his face and most of his body. I also have a snap n' go that my car seat snaps into. I keep it in the trunk and it is good if I drive somewhere and don't want to deal with taking the big stroller. It doesn't however maneuver nearly as well as the Uppa Baby.

9) Cloth diapers: I had bought a ton of cute ones from Swaddle Designs, but I find I just use tons and tons of the cheap generic ones that I got in a ten pack from Buy Buy Baby. I use about 3 a day.

10) Baby detergent: I started off using Dreft for everything but it is a waste of money. I bought a huge thing of the Costco free and clear detergent.

11) Formula: Speaking of Costco, the pediatrician told me to use the Kirkland (Costco brand) formula. It is made by Similiac and significantly cheaper. We have had no issues. He isn't too gassy, sleeps well, and has put on weight.

12) Video Monitor: We got the Summer Best View Handheld Video Monitor. Our sound didn't work but I called and they are sending a replacement. I am so glad I didn't get just a sound monitor. It really comes in handy because sometimes in the middle of the night I put him down and he is fine, but not asleep. And then I get back in bed and I hear a little fussing. If I didn't have the monitor I would get up and check him, which honestly is so hard when you are very tired. And this dance can go on and on. But I just watch the monitor to determine if I need to get up. Plus sometimes I see him flailing when he isn't crying. So I know to get a bottle ready before he blows.

13) Big Sponge: For the first week or two, you can't submerge the baby in a bath because of the belly button or circumcision. You have to give a sponge bath to a slippery baby. They sell at Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby this oversized sponge that you can lay the baby on. They have one that looks like a frog and one that is tan. I got the tan one because it was bigger. Just makes the process easier.

14) Books: I have a lot of books for a kid starting to read, with one or two words on a page. But I found when Evan is fussy, he likes to hear the sound of my voice, so I read to him. I have gone through all of our longer books and I am getting bored. I just went out and bought more today. I suppose I could read him US Weekly or my book club book too, but at least this way I am growing his library.

15) Bottle Drying Rack: Bottles don't dry in my dishwasher and also I don't want to wash bottles with soiled plates. So I hand wash everything and then put it on the dryer. I bought a Dr. Brown's one, but I don't know if it matters what you use.

16) Soothie Pacifiers: These are the only ones he seems to like and keep in his mouth. I have heard this from other friends too. We make a conscious effort not to give him the pacifier when putting him in his crib to sleep. I have heard from friends this kills you for 2 years because they cry every time it falls out and won't sleep well. I use it a lot when changing him and it is true, every time it falls out (happens several times a diaper change) he screams.

17) Footed PJs: I should have bought more of these. I have a ton of sleep sacks and sleep gowns. The sleep gowns make it easy to change him at night (I am awful at all the snaps on the footed outfits) but Evan is a squirmer and within two seconds his legs are out and I don't want him getting too cold.

18) Gauze: If your son is being circumcised the doctor will tell you to dress the penis with Vaseline and gauze. The Vaseline should be in the tube not the jar and the gauze should be 3x3 squares. I bought all the supplies pre-baby so had no idea how much to buy. First off, gauze is kind of pricey. It is between $7.50 and $9.00 a box of 25. I started off with 2 boxes of 25. Well it wasn't nearly enough because he goes through at least 10 diapers a day and you switch it with each diaper change. I think I ended up buying 5 boxes of 25 and 2 boxes of 10, so a total of 145. I did have to continue using it for 5 extra days because he had some extra bleeding. So assume you need 100. I also used 2.5 tubes of Vaseline.

19) Pampers Thick and Sensitive Wipes: I thought all wipes were created equal until we ran out and my delivery of the next batch wasn't in. I sent my husband to CVS to get some. I told him I wanted Pampers thick and sensitive, if they didn't have it, get Huggies thick and sensitive. He couldn't find these two words on either Pampers or Huggies, so he bought a CVS wipes. They were horrible. I would need 4 to clean up after a diaper, versus typically one, maybe two of the Pampers. Plus I had to work hard to clean him with the CVS.

Things I am yet to use:
1) A Swing: Luckily we borrowed this. I am sure he would like it but I am saving it as a last resort when he gets really fussy

2) A Pack n Play: Everyone told me I would have the baby sleep in my room. I didn't think I would since his room is next to mine, we have a video monitor, and he would keep my husband up who had to work. But I listened to my friends. Before the baby arrived, we set it up in our room. Now it is like a dumping ground for laundry I haven't had a chance to put away. From his first night home we put him in his crib. If I didn't have a video monitor, I would have had him in my room. Some people do it because you are getting up so much to feed the baby, especially if you are breast feeding. I found it was easier to sit on the recliner in his room with a Boppy then feed him in bed. Also, until I got the hang of it, he would fall off all the time and cry and no doubt that would have made for a very grumpy hubby.

It's All Good

2010-07-10T22:35:00.000-05:00

We got the results back from the tethered chord test and it doesn't look like Evan has a problem. It is such a huge relief. I basically stalked the pediatrician for the results. She said we would just monitor for other symptoms but at this point, she isn't concerned.

I was good about keeping myself off the internet during the scare, because let's be honest, I pretty much feel webmd is the closest I will get to having a doctor in the family. Now that this crisis is over, I have given myself permission to Google his latest ailment, which is his belly button is bleeding, even though he lost his umbilical chord almost a week ago. Here is where the Internet is good. Apparently this is very normal.

In other news, we went to dinner tonight with another couple and Evan and it was a roaring success. I am shocked as I have found parenthood to be all about timing. You have to make sure he is fed, freshly diapered, and calm before going. A tightrope act that begins an hour before your departure. And then there is the added element of luck that the feeding will be sleep inducing and not one of his wide awake sessions.

Baby is crying...

Marking his Territory

2010-07-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

We just came from the first pediatric visit. Evan marked the occasion by peeing all over the scale. Guess he learned at an early age, it is no fun being weighed. He also spit up over the examination table.

The good news, he gained back a lot of the weight he lost after birth. Also, the heart murmur that was detected in the hospital wasn't heard. The bad news is she thinks he might have something called tethered chord. His back isn't straight when it connects to sacrum. It could be nothing or it could be serious. We now have to go to get an ultrasound in two days. If that goes well, we are done. If it doesn't, we wait a couple months and do an MRI when he is old enough to be sedated. And if that shows he does have a tethered chord, he would need surgery.

I am keeping it together better than I did over the heart murmur and forcing myself to stay off webmd. It is just so awful to think something could be wrong with him. I have been a mess over his circumcision, I can't imagine him going through surgery.

The doctor did say the practice sends about 25 kids a month for the ultrasound and only 1 to 2 have the surgery every year. I am trying not to get ahead of myself.

Evan is Here!

2010-07-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

Looking back on the last two years of miscarriages, surgery, frustration, pain, I can safely say it is all worth it and would do it all again just to have my baby.

Evan was born last Monday morning. Of course he came into this world with flare for drama. I was scheduled to be induced on Monday at 12:30am. Sunday, I woke at 4 am with contractions about 26 minutes apart. This went on for 5 hours. I never went back to sleep.

At 7pm, they started up again. I wanted to go out for a big dinner because I likely wouldn't eat for a full 24 hours. At the restaurant, they were about 7 minutes apart. Not too painful. We got home and waited to go to the hospital for induction.

At 1am, we were taken to our delivery room. The previous Thursday, I had been 2cm. They immediately started me on pitocin. Very quickly the contractions got painful. They said I could have the epidural at any time but be mindful I would be stuck in bed for up to 18 hours.

My husband went to sleep, despite me panting loudly. They came in to break my water. I thought this hurt, it was like the most invasive internal exam of you life. And then the flood gates open. You continue to leak and leak. They said it would leak through delivery. They put a towel between my legs to make it more comfortable. Around 3:30 it got what I considered unbearable.  If I could cry during the killer contraction that put me over the edge, I would have.  When it ended, I yelled to Greg who was somewhat far away on the couch to wake up, page a nurse, and get my epidural.

Around 3:45am, I was prepped. At this point, my body was uncontrollably shaking, which they said is normal. The epidural was no big deal. He said it could take between 3 minutes and 45 to get it in the right place. Luckily, he got mine in relatively easy.  First they give you a shot to numb you. It barely hurt and I didn't care at that point. They it feels like this weird pressure but doesn't hurt.

Once it was done, they let Greg back in the room. I could still feel my legs in a good way. Each hour you turn from side to side because the bottom half gets more medicine. Since I had some feeling in my legs, it wasn't too hard to turn. I could feel contractions to the extent I knew they were happening and was slightly uncomfortable during big ones, but it was totally doable.

At this point  I had been up for 24 hours. I tried to sleep now since I had pain relief.  It didn't happen but I was resting. Around 6 they came and put oxygen on me and said the baby's heart was dipping with contractions and this should help. Apparently it did.   I had heard this was common, especially with induction.

At 7:30 the doctor came in. She said she had a c-section at 8 and would come by after. She said I was 5cm and 90% effaced. She said if there were any issues, another doctor from the practice would come in to see me.

At 8am, I had just dozed off and the nurse screams, "Dana, turn on your other side!". I do. And thirty seconds later she shouts, "go back to the other side." In the next couple of seconds, 8 people literally run in the room, including the back up doctor. I was so scared, there aren't even words. Greg wakes up to this stampede. They shouted to me, "get on you hands and knees now!"

Apparently the baby's heartbeat dropped to 56. It should be between 120 and 160.  I started pleading with the doctor to just take him out now, I don't care about a c-section, just get him out. She just rubbed my back and said, let's try this first. They had me in this modified child's pose for 30 minutes, while his heartbeat got up to an acceptable range. Pitocin was stopped.

At 9am, my original doctor came back and said she wants to give it another hour but he hasn't dropped enough, I am not dilating fast enough, and we are expecting a large baby which she didn't think would fit through me, but she wanted to give it a shot. At 9:45  I hadn't progress and he wasn't tolerating contractions very well.

She said I could wait longer but at this point my c-section would bump other people scheduled for one and didn't want to make it an even more critical process. I said get him out. Within five minutes, I had signed consent forms, my meds were adjusted for surgery, Greg was in hospital garb, and I was being wheeled to the operating room.

Once inside, I internally freaked. At this point my legs were completely numb and they make you move yourself onto this skinny board of a table. Then they adjust you by people holding sheets up in the air to roll you. I thought I was going to end up on the floor. I thought I was going to hyperventilate and asked for something for nerves. They said they could but the baby would get it so I said forget it. They put up a drape so I couldn't see my body and they brought Greg in. They have your arms outstretch on these tables, so we were able to hold hands through the surgery. I heard a couple scary things during the surgery, such as "I am having trouble getting him out" and even more alarming, "they are donating the cord blood as a benevolent act, I am not sacrificing their care for the blood, get back here". At that point I was freaking again.

Meanwhile you don't feel pain but you do feel pressure. When the pressure got intense and the baby wasn't out yet, I got nervous. A minute or two later a nurse said, "he is coming soon". About a minute after that, Evan Carter was born crying. I started crying too. I was so relieved and so happy. They put him on the warmer which I could kind of see to the left of me. But I was so tired and dizzy from sleep deprivation it was hard to stay focused. Greg got up to cut the cord. He took pictures so he could bring them back and show me. The baby cried the whole time and then they swaddled him up and gave him to Greg. He immediately stopped crying and looked at him with wide eyes.

They finished me up and at this point I could care less about what was being done to me. Once I was transferred to the bed to wheel me to recovery, I got to hold Evan. He is so adorable. Oh, and the kicker, he weighed 7 lb 14 oz, not the 9.5lb they were expecting. How crazy is that?

We stayed in recovery for 2 hours and then got transferred to my room. I stayed four days. He has been such a good mellow baby. And shockingly, we have been pretty mellow too.

For those who have had a myomectomy, the pain of that surgery is about 10x worse then a c-section. It is completely manageable and the pain absolutely pales in comparison to having a fibroid removed.

Here are some pics.

And here is one of the two of us.

And him in all his cuteness:

Bump Watch 2010, but Maybe will Go to 2011

2010-06-24T17:56:00.000-05:00

Seeing as my mom was in town, she was insistent on coming to the doctor with me. I don't like people going to the doctor with me. Not my mom, not my husband, but she doesn't care.

First they hook me up to the non-stress test. At first he wasn't very active but he finally woke up and I thought everything looked good. The doctor came in and she said there was one low heart rate and she wanted me to go to the hospital to be monitored after the appointment. I thought it was overkill. I told her, even though my blood pressure was 120/80 at the office, it had been higher at home the last couple of days but never more than 133/82, which is still in the safe range. She said even though I didn't have protein in my urine, this was more reason to send me to the hospital for a full pre-eclamptic work up.

She did my exam and I was still 2 cm, hadn't dropped, and hadn't dilated more. I did have my bloody show during the exam. I have read that labor is usually with 48 hours of the show but she said not necessarily. She then sent me to get an ultrasound to check my fluid. It came back at 16, so it dropped to a much more normal level. I met with her after and she said that basically she was looking for something to induce me today.

On the walk over to the hospital, I ran into my fertility doctor whom I love. We talked for a couple minutes and am thrilled she was staying in Chicago. She was a fellow and not sure if she would get the full time gig. She is so sweet, gave me a hug, and told me she had recently asked my OB about me. I thought maybe I am having this baby today because it would be full circle seeing her on the day I had him.

We get to the hospital and I get hooked up to the machine in triage. After 1.5 hours, everything came back normal, he was more active than I have ever felt him. And I had 5 contractions while I was there. The nurse said unfortunately they weren't regular and being past due, I should be having contractions. Again she said they wouldn't induce because it increases the likelihood of a c-section.

I asked the OB about the induction process. She wants me to start off with pitocin and once it gets going and I am uncomfortable, I can get the epidural. They will break my water, but they need him to drop before they can break the water because to avoid a prolapsed cord which is very serious. She said since I am going in at 12:30am, she thinks that I will have the baby late that afternoon or during the evening.

All in all no changes since last time, just a waste of a day, except I did get a really cute 3-D ultrasound pic.

And the bump watch continues...

At Peace

2010-06-22T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have made peace with the fact that I will likely see my 41st week mark come and go this Saturday. One of my biggest fears of labor was being in excruciating pain and being sent home from the hospital or told I can't come in yet. If I am induced, I won't have that issue. I will have all the blood work done ahead of time so when I want the epidural, I can get it. I won't have to be in the tiny, dingy triage room, there is a nice delivery room waiting for me.

Speaking of epidurals, this has been my birth plan since day one. I was speaking to a friend of mine whose wife had a baby in May. She went naturally because they were concerned the epidural would cause Autism, which I had never heard. He asked if I was going natural and I said, "Oh, no, I want the drugs." And he asked, "Well you aren't even going to try to see if you can do it on your own?"

I was a bit shocked because he isn't a Birkenstock footed, hemp necklace wearing type of guy. Not to say at all that people that go sans drugs are hippies, it just seemed so out of character for him. And let's not forget he is a guy. It isn't like his wife who powered through natural labor is saying this to me.

So I said, "All my friends say they are miserable and then they get an epidural and everything changes." So he pushes, "Don't you think you could be stronger than your friends?"

And I said, "No". Wouldn't that be a clear example of hubris if I thought I was stronger and braver than my friends? And everyone knows hubris is a fatal flaw.

So we won't see eye to eye on this one. I see on the social networking sites that there are tons and tons of people who go without drugs and really look down on people who get epidurals. I even watched the Ricki Lake documentary, "The Business of Being Born" about the process of home birthing naturally with a midwife and that didn't sway me a bit. My doctor said 98% of the babies they deliver use epidurals. She said even people who think they will go natural switch during labor. Personally, I don't want to have to be in pain if I don't have to, especially since you have your mental faculties about you. To each his own. I just can't wait to meet the blessed anesthesiologist.

It's Out of Hand...Literally

2010-06-21T15:07:00.001-05:00

Another fun adventure at the doctor's office. I want to start with a piece of advice- always try to get the first appointment of the day. Since I am in my 40th week, I couldn't book my appointment much ahead of time and ended up with an 11:00 ultrasound and an 11:45 doctor's appointment. I had to wait a lot longer than that because they got backed up.

I started off with the ultrasound. He looked good, moving well. My fluid is dropping (a good thing since I had a lot) and was at 19.5. She did the weight estimate and are you sitting for this? They think he weighs 9 lbs 1 oz. That's like a toddler. If I don't deliver until next week, he could be 9.5 pounds. He put on 1lb 7oz in the last 13 days.

I then when in to see the doctor. I asked her to sweep my membranes. She cautioned me that normally it doesn't work unless you are doing several days in a row, but she would try. Well she begins the exam and says because I haven't dropped at all, she can't reach far enough to do the sweep. She said I am still 2 cm for the 3rd week in a row and maybe if I am lucky 50% effaced but it is hard to tell because I am so high.

My blood pressure was a bit elevated but she wasn't concerned. It could have been because I just found out I am going to birth a cute little turkey. She said she isn't too concerned about the size now, we don't have to talk c-section yet. She doesn't think he will grow much in the next week until my induction.

Next steps, I go in Thursday for another NST (non-stress test) and a doctor exam. They will re-evaluate if they shoud move up my induction. Right now, I am scheduled to get to the hospital at 12:30am, early Monday morning of next week.

I really feel like it is never going to happen on its own. I think because the fluid is still pretty high, he is pretty comfortable and happy floating around in there.

She said I could go any time if my water breaks, adding being late and the weather were on my side. She added if they induced me now, when he clearly isn't ready, my chances of a c-section dramatically goes up.

Taking Matters into my Doctor's Hands

2010-06-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

I am officially past my due date. Yes, I am aware I am the same person that just wanted to make it to at least 28 weeks, then 32, and finally 37. But now I am the person who spent what seems like forever waiting for the magical day, June 19th to arrive. It is a strange feeling when your due date comes and goes and you realize it not only wasn't magical, it was pretty much meaningless.

I have to say I am not miserable. Most people say the last month is awful. I definitely am sleeping worse and feel huge but I am certainly doing just fine. I am feeling external pressures though. First, my parents. Without my consent they bought tickets to come up to Chicago for June 18th. I feel guilty that they are stuck up here for another couple weeks. I do have to say they have been great about it. Normally when they are here, I see them almost all waking hours and spend my life in the car shuttling them back and forth from activities. Since they got here, I have seen them for about 4 hours a day. They have taken more cabs than normal, and are great about saying go home to rest, we will be fine on our own.

The second external force is my husband. In my 39th week, a switch flipped and all of a sudden he got really nudgy about getting the baby out. He wants the baby here and yesterday. He wants me to spend my days running the stairs in our house and keeps trying to make me take even more walks in the oppressive heat. I am choosing to find it endearing.

And then there are the family members that put in requests. My mother-in-law was pushing for a specific day because she was scheduled to work with someone she hated on that day and wanted out of work. My sister-in-law was going out of town and told me I had to wait. My sister said she didn't want it to happen this past weekend because she wanted to be able to get some quality sleep on her days off.

Tomorrow I will be 2 days late. I am scheduled to be induced June 28 (a week from tomorrow). I am considering asking the doctor to sweep my membranes.

I hadn't heard prior to pregnancy. Essentially when you are close to your due date, the doctor, during an internal exam, sweeps her fingers across you cervix and detaches your membrane that supports the water bag from the uterine wall. From what I have read, 50% of people will go into labor within 48 hours.

The procedure is quick, typically under a minute, but reports range from uncomfortable to very painful. Susposedly, it works much better if you are already dilated. As of last Tuesday, I was dilated to 2 cms. Some people are not impacted. Some lose their mucus plug or have their bloody show (two things I have not experienced), which are signs that labor should happen soon. Many have cramps and contractions, although they don't always lead to labor.

I asked one of the doctor's in the practice two weeks ago if their group did it. She joked she does it as long as she isn't on call- meaning she doesn't want to be at the hospital that night delivering you. I think this bodes well for me, because the doctor I am seeing tomorrow is the one scheduled to induce me next week.

I do have apprehension about this. My plan after the doctor is to meet my parents for lunch. I fear having bad contractions or worse, my water breaking in public shortly thereafter. My mom did say, if I am feeling anything, we will all cab back to my place, they will pick up lunch, and stay with me until my husband can get home. I also am concerned that it will make me very crampy and have bad contractions that don't lead to labor.

Speaking of water breaking, I found out in the last 2 weeks my amniotic fluid level is high. Normal at this point is 12-14. Mine has been ranging from 21-25. So I pretty much have twice as much fluid as a normal person. I anticipate my water breaking will bring on quite the flood. I am cool with that, I just don't want my mattress to be ruined if it happens at night. I love my mattress. I attribute being so comfortable in pregnancy in part to my amazing mattress. I am taking proper precautions to ensure the safety of said mattress. At first I was sleeping on a towel, starting about 39.5 weeks. Then I asked the doctor for those puppy pad looking sheets they sometimes use at the ob/gyn's during procedures. They gave me a bag full. I decided it wouldn't be enough. So now, under my sheet, I have a waterproof crib liner and a towel. I am not messing around, I love my mattress. Greg suggested I just sleep in the bath tub. I think he was kidding.

I will keep you posted as to if I end up getting my membranes swept tomorrow, what it feels like, and if it works.

The Case of the Uneventful Pregnancy

2010-06-09T18:13:00.000-05:00

Givenmy rocky road to a sticky pregnancy, I freely admit, I felt fully entitled to an uneventful pregnancy. I have been very lucky and have gotten just that.

Sure there was nature's cruel joke of anterior placenta, which meant I didn't feel the baby nearly as much as a normal person, which puts a paranoid pregnant person like myself in a tizzy every once in a while. But the upside of this is his kicks and jabs really aren't that uncomfortable and I don't usually have trouble going back to bed after one of my many mid-night bathroom breaks because he can't settle down.

I barely had morning sickness, had good energy allowing me to work out through most of my third trimester, and am still pretty comfortable with only 1.5 weeks to go. At about 33 weeks, the baby situated himself in the most uncomfortable position rendering me miserable and after about a day of pleading with him and much time spent in downward dog, my sweet baby obliged and moved off this horrid spot. So I truly was the keeper of an uneventful pregnancy.

I guess the kid didn't want to set the precedent of being a momma's boy and decided to stir things up this week.

Monday night, we decided to go out to dinner and while out, he was kicking something fierce. I was so uncomfortable I actually left the table to get up and walk to try to calm him down. During my 3 pee breaks of the night, I noticed I didn't feel him at all, which was unusual. I normally feel him for a minute or two and then we both go back to sleep. Tuesday morning, I got up around 6:30 and realized I hadn't felt him. I did some of my tricks to stir him and nothing. Given the anterior placenta, I didn't freak. Around 9, while in the car on the way to the doctor, I resorted to my most annoying of tricks. Essentially I pat my stomach to make a clapping noise and follow up by poking at his feet. He hates this. And yet nothing.

Once in the doctor's room, the nurse asked about movement and I told her it had been a long time since I felt him. They immediately sent me for an NST (non-stress test). I had had this twice before, once after the car accident, and once just to get a baseline given the anterior placenta. They put these big bands around your belly with two receptors. One tracks his heartbeat and one tracks contractions. I was given a button to press when I felt movement.

As soon as I was hooked up, his heartbeat was detected and strong. So I felt relief. The nurse left for about 30 minutes and I hadn't felt him once. The nurse returned and gave me juice to get things going and I maybe felt him twice after that. This wasn't good.

Then the doctor came in. She said "I don't like what I am seeing. He isn't being reactive. His heartbeat is in a normal range so this test alone isn't telling me I need to get him out today, but if I don't see improvement in the next 15 minutes, I am going to send you for a biophysical work up and if those results aren't good, we are going to look at getting the baby out." She then did my internal exam (2 cm!!) and said maybe that would irritate him and get him going.

Well it didn't. She had the nurse come back and collect the print-out for the machine. About 20 minutes later they told me I was going to need the biophysical work up. You might be thinking I was freaking out. Shockingly I wasn't. Since his heartbeat was normal, I figured need be, we could get this baby out within the hour if we had too. And since I have had the fibroid surgery, I am not afraid of a c-section.

About another 20 minutes go by and they take me in for the biophysical work-up. This is just a detailed ultrasound. They measured amniotic fluid, growth, and specific baby movements. Everything was good and I got such cute 3-D pictures. He definitely plumped out. His cheeks are so cute you could eat them. After this test, I had to wait 45 minutes to meet with the doctor to discuss my results. She told me since the second test came back normal we didn't have to deliver me that day but they wanted me to come in the following morning for another NST.

I managed to stay really calm the rest of the day which is more than I can say for my husband and my mom, who currently isn't speaking to my dad because he had his cell phone off during the baby drama. It wasn't until about 9pm that I started worrying what if something happens between tonight and tomorrow morning. Luckily he knew he had to go back to be a docile son and gave me some good kicks before I fell asleep. This morning he was active too.

The test this morning went fine. He improved since yesterday so they said I just need to be really vigiliant about movement and they would see me at my appointment next week.

This was a pretty eye-opening experience for both me and my husband. I am completely prepared in terms of my hospital bag, his room, his things, addresses for birth annoucements, and so forth. But I have been a bit of a freak when it comes to the brutal reality that he actually has to come out and what that entails. My husband is quite the opposite. He isn't worried about the birth process (likely since it isn't his parts squeezing out a baby) but hasn't done anything to prepare like packing for the hospital and turning in his FMLA paperwork. When I was being tested and told things weren't going well, I just wanted him out that second. I didn't care if it meant another surgery or a 3 day labor, I just wanted him safe. Greg on the other hand started freaking out about random things, like the Hep B vaccine and the ointment they put on newborn eyes. He started worrying about something at work that is due Monday but now might have to get down that day.

And once his freak out passed, the oddest thing happened. He wanted this baby here and yesterday. He ran into our neighbor who swears she went into labor from having to go up and down stairs a lot during a move. She went like 5 weeks early, so probably something else was up or the fact that she was lifting heavy stuff and going up and down stairs. So now he keeps telling me to start climbing stairs and when I push back, he said, let's get him out.

Even though this scare turned out to be no big deal, I can no longer say I have had a completely uneventful pregnancy. Hopefully this means I will have an easy, short, 3-push labor.

Room with a View

2010-06-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

Here are the pictures of the nursery!

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

2010-06-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I was offended. At dinner last Saturday, a friend of my husband's asked if I complained a lot and was emotional over nothing being pregnant. My charming husband basically said yes. I got pissed. I rarely complain and I don't think I have had one emotional outburst related to pregnancy. He admitted I don't complain much but do say I am uncomfortable a lot. I shield him from about 90% of the weird things that have transpired over the last nine months. He admitted I could be a lot worse. I feel like he has no idea, but I let it go.

So not 24 hours after said conversation, I was sitting on my bed putting together an iTunes playlist for while I am laboring at the hospital, I find myself on the verge of tears. Greg comes in the room and makes small talk, but I feel like if I spoke my tear ducts would betray me. He asks, "why are you so quiet?" I said, "I don't know, I just feel emotional." He asked if it was the song. I laughed said no and then busted out crying. Both of us were taken aback, since this is really abnormal for me.

On one hand, I felt sad that I wouldn't be pregnant for very long. I will miss it. Check back with me in two weeks on this emotion, but for now, I love feeling the baby in my belly. And he is so easy. We go everywhere together. Also, being pregnant is all-consuming. Everything you do or don't do is baby related. What you eat, what you lift, places you go, invitations you decline. Then came the fear of child birth. I know he has to come out and I know centuries of women have done it before me. That's great for them, but I am apprehensive and don't know what to expect. Given the agony of my false labor a couple nights prior, I started doubting my threshold for pain. Next I started thinking about how long it has been since I found out I was pregnant. At conception, he was the size of a pen point and now he is about 7 pounds. I started thinking how long ago it was the first time I saw him on a ultrasound and the sheer relief I felt to see his little heart flutter, or how it felt like a million years ago, that I went price gun crazy registering at Buy Buy Baby with my mom in Florida.

My better half helped me reel in my craziness, although he is less than sympathetic about being nervous about childbirth. The rest of my meltdown, he handled like a champ. And he was smart enough not to have a boastful moment about his declaration the previous night about me being overly emotional.

This week, I continue to focus on nesting, cleaning things that have been sorely ignored. I also have been spending a lot of time sitting in his room reading or talking on the phone.

As far as progress, not making much. Still 1 cm, no change from the last two weeks. I technically have 2.5 weeks to go.