Little Green Pastures

Happy

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 24 May 2012 15:14:00 +0000

My little sis [who is living with us for the summer] brought home daisies yesterday. They are happy.

And I am too, mostly.

Life has thrown a lot of punches, but we aren't knocked down so hard that we can't get up.

This morning I took a walk and the sight of doughy baby knees in the stroller made me smile.

Thank you for all of your advice, encouragement and love as I've been dealing with health issues. My gallbladder looks good and nothing seems too serious that I can't be mended.

The main problem is my iron. It's in the pits. So much so, that I probably should have a transfusion, but the the doc is giving me a bit of time to get it up myself. Daily doses of floradix and already I am feeling much better.

My day will be happy. I hope yours is too.

Will We Fly?

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 16:28:00 +0000

From the backseat, he asks these profound questions like, Why can't we hear God's voice?, and How will we get to Heaven...will we fly?.

I think things through and sometimes my answers seem right. Spoken in a way he can understand. And other times, I wonder if he gets it. That maybe some of this stuff is too complicated for his four year old mind.

These conversations often turn to his brothers and sisters. He knows each of them by name and can't wait to get to Heaven to play with them.

Daddy, do you think Heaven has toys?

Daddy answers, I'm sure Heaven has the coolest toys.

Oh. Oh, yeah. But they are only for boys. Boy toys.

I ask what his sisters are doing.

He pauses, then replies. They're just dancing around.

Dancing around with Jesus.

My heart stills then beats widly with sorrow and joy.

Oh, yes. His young mind understands.

Oft times, better than my old one.

Postpartum Nausea

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:33:00 +0000

I don't talk a lot about my nausea during pregnancy. In general, I'm a private person, so most of you probably don't know that I was sick the entire pregnancy with August. I mean like I threw up the day before he was born. As tough as it was, I always kept in my mind the thought, "It has to end sometime. This baby will eventually be born."

And he was and he's beautiful and wonderful.

But I'm still sick.

I had no idea that the nausea could keep going. It hasn't been nearly intense as during pregnancy. For months it's been coming and going, fifteen minutes here, an hour there. I would only throw up once or twice a week.

Until about two weeks ago. Then it started getting much, much worse. Some days it's debilitating, and I often can't function, or I'm barely functioning. I have no patience, I snap at the kids, I'm tired and just plain crabby.

Before you say, "WOMEN, get thee to a drugstore and buy a pregnancy test," don't worry. Been there, done that. Too many times.

It was getting really expensive, so I bought a pack of twenty-five on amazon.

Ahem.

Along with being very private, I'm also a bit neurotic.

So here I am. Feeling sick at this very moment. Discouraged. A little bit scared, wondering has anyone else ever experienced this? When will it end? Will this be my life?

Thursday I'll have blood work done in hopes of gaining answers, and some relief.

I'm ready for this to be done.

Light[er]

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 15:10:00 +0000

The Light shines in the darkness.

And the darkness cannot overcome it.

I'm so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love I've received in response to my last post. The prayers, phone calls, emails, texts and cupcakes have been water to my soul.

Oh, the power of bringing things to the light. There is so much freedom in the light, in surrender.

I'm still struggling, but my emotions no longer feels too big. The voices screaming in my head have quieted.

And I hear whispers of hope.

White Flag

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 01:07:00 +0000

My text read, I need help.

That's it.

Cryptic, right? My poor husband. But it was all I could get out.

Everything feels big. Too big for me. And I'm being crushed by it's weight, unsure of who I am.

I'm in survival mode and have been for some time. I'm trying to come out of it...to pull myself up.

But I can't.

I need help. It's scary and it's lonely.

But my white flag is waving.

Just write.

R S Valentine

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 21:12:00 +0000

We have had sick babies in our house for almost two weeks. And on Monday, our sweet little August was diagnosed with RSV.

When Sylas was little, we were scared to death of him getting RSV, so when I heard the doctor say the test was positive, I immediately thought hospital.

But no. Not August. Our tough little eating machine has held his own, and we have been able to avoid the hospital and treat him at home. Every day he is improving and yesterday was the first day he didn't need a breathing treatment in almost a week.

Just in time. On Sunday we will be dedicating August at our church and we will spend the weekend celebrating his life. The Morrisons are coming in from Minneapolis and we'll have a big dinner with both sides of the family.

Life has been crazy, but someday I really do need to tell you more about the baby of our family. He is the sweetest, jolliest little fella, and I'm so happy he's well.

Freeze Please

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:57:00 +0000

Yesterday, Ryan came home and said, I want to freeze time and go away with you for awhile.

Yes, Love. Me too.

We don't want to hurry our kids along towards independence. We want to enjoy them in all of their neediness and enjoy each other.

It's difficult to do both. Do you ever feel this?

I was looking through my photo albums and found this photo Ryan took of me. It was my birthday, two days before August made his rapid arrival. And now our sweet babe is five months old.

Time. Please freeze.

Princess Style

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:06:00 +0000

How is it that she's older?

She turned 3 and started a massive growth spurt....like she finally grew out of her 18-24 month jeans.

She had her first friend birthday party.

We continued our cupcake tradition and after each one [the frosting] was devoured we heard the sound of sugar. Squeely, giggly sugar. And then we sent it all home.

Happiest 3rd Birthday, my sweet.

Also, wow I need to change the pictures on my sidebar.

Some Words Tumbling Out

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:53:00 +0000

I'm frustrated as they call me. Mommy, mommy MOMMY! A little peace please. I perform my tasks in a hurry hoping to get on to bigger and better things. As if to say this. HERE. What I'm doing, isn't a dream come true.

There I am cleaning up vomit for the one hundred millionth time, and unspeakable joy fills my soul. It hits me.

This is not a part, but the whole.

This is it. And I'm renewed with wonder at the task I've been given. In time, these tiny people will not be so de-pendent. They will rush and forget to call and someday leave. There will be less demand. And I will long for it.

For now, I package up my [other] dreams ready to be opened in their own beautiful time. They will wait. My littles will not.

So when the baby wakes for the 5th time, teeth trying to push through, I open my arms and pull him close and nourish and comfort and be.

This is who I am.

I am mother.

Linking up with the lovely Heather, just write.

Three

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 05:05:00 +0000

Happiest third birthday, Ivy Pearl.

You are so very loved.

[More party pictures to come].

From Us to You

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 14:52:00 +0000

Wishing you all a peaceful and joy-filled Christmas.

With love,

The Morrisons

It's That Time of Year

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 22:14:00 +0000

When I don't post for like...ummm...weeks, I'm at a loss at where to start.

Events have happened, emotions have been felt and funny things have been said. How do I put it all in one post?

I'm often asked if this time of year is hard for me. And yes, usually it is. I dream of all the could have beens, but I'm doing okay. I feel full and happy and so very much in love with my life. I miss my babies like crazy, but the pain feels less this year.

Less pain is nice.

But it scares me. I fight feelings of guilt. Like I should always feel a wrenching pain. But as I process and reflect, I realize that I do always feel pain. And it's always deep, but the severity has lessened. My heart is not whole, and will never be fully healed on this side of Heaven.

But don't we all live with the pain of loss? This world is broken.

I know that for many of you, this will be your first Christmas without someone very dear to you.

Or it may be your 10th Christmas without a loved one, but your pain is still wrenching and you find it hard to breathe this time of year.

Like I did a couple of years ago, I want to remember with you. If you feel led, please leave a comment saying who you will be remembering this year. It would be my greatest honor to pray that your heart would find peace and be filled with joy.

God bless you, friends.

Don't Judge Me

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 16:38:00 +0000

Do you remember this?

My goal of getting rid of the pacifiers before August was born was only slightly successful.

We got it down to one. He wasn't ready. I was huge and tired. It wasn't happening.

Then our friends came for Thanksgiving and gave me this brilliant idea.

Bribery. A reward.

"Sylas, if you can sleep five nights without your paci, we'll give you a Packer beanie hat."

Three nights down, two to go.

It's totally working.

Thankfulness Day Three

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:01:00 +0000

I turned, and there she was, standing in my kitchen.

She wasn't supposed to be home. Not until Christmas.

My sweet baby sister, Kyrsten. Giving of her time working at the Dream Center in Los Angeles is home for three days.

Words cannot describe how thankful we are.

Thankfulness Day Two

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 12:11:00 +0000

On Sunday we were at my parents house and Sylas put his name badge from Children's Church over his eyes. He was trying to get around without his vision.

Ryan looked at me and said, "I'm so glad he can see." I was caught off guard, realizing that all too often I get caught up in Sy's struggles and forget to be thankful for all that he has overcome.

He weighed 15 ounces, for goodness sake.

And look at him! He can see.

I'm so very thankful.

Thankfulness Day One

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 15:22:00 +0000

Life is busy. It just is.

But this week, I'm determined to be purposeful in my thankfulness.

It's how I want to live really, with a thankful heart. So many other things creep in and push the thankfulness out. I'm glad for the reminder of a National Holiday to get me back on track.

Today I'm thankful for a giggly girl, who shows me that even in death, there is joy to be found and there is always hope for the future. He [Jesus] will make all things new.

What is filling your heart with thankfulness today?

In 24 Hours

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 21:41:00 +0000

I snap and I'm harsh.

I hug and I'm gentle.

Some days I want more.

And others, less is more.

My mind screams, desperate for peace.

I'm at war within myself.

I'm two people. Trying to shed the old and become the new.

Before bed they love to read, The Night the Scary Beasties Popped Out of my Head, and inside I ask, "Why won't they pop out of my head?"

At Starbucks, I showed August off to the Barista and she rubbed her own burgeoning belly. She's due in the Spring she says and they can't think of a name for their boy.

Before I could stop myself, I say, "What about Bennet?" At the sound of his name tears form and I'm overcome, thankful for the dim lights at the counter.

She loves the name [of course she does] and is going to mention it to her husband. My heart is torn.

I want to say his name every day. It makes me happy and sad. But mostly happy and that feels a little bit like healing.

As I was feeding August upstairs, Ryan burst in the room. "It's 11:11 on 11-11-11," he said. "Let's kiss."

So we did.

Too Much of a Good Thing [A Giveaway]

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 18:19:00 +0000

Suck suck swallow breathe.

Gentle rhythm, soothing to the soul.

We are getting there, he and I. It's been a battle, but it's been worth fighting for.

August - 3 1/2 weeks

Ryan said I could feed triplets. And it's true.

While many women [especially those who have battled with a horribly stressful low milk supply] might think oversupply is a wonderful problem to have, it doesn't come without it's challenges. And the truth is that many mamas give up breastfeeding because of their abundance.

I know. I gave up with Ivy. I tried for 6 weeks and unfortunately did not seek out the help that was needed and went to exclusively pumping milk for 11 and a half months.

Why is something so natural, so difficult?

With August, I have been determined. I've joined breastfeeding boards, talked to 3 different lactation consultants, attended breastfeeding groups [or boob groups as they are so endearingly called] and have gone to extreme measures [cabbage leaves on the breasts, multiple doses of sudafed] to lower my supply.

August is 9 weeks today and it's getting better. Slowly. Every feeding no longer feels like it's all hands on deck with crying and gulping and sputtering.

August - 6 weeks

Suck suck swallow breathe.

We are getting there.

August has his 2 month check on Wednesday. I'm anxious to find out his weight. He has been our fastest grower.

If you're up for a giveaway, feel free to leave a comment guessing his weight and height and the person that is closest to both numbers, without going over will win a $10 giftcard to Starbucks. Pumpkin Spice Latte, Baby.

[To help you in your guessing, at 3 weeks of age, August was 8 pounds 14 oz. and 19 1/4 inches long].

Winner will be announced Wednesday evening.

UPDATE: Due to a sick Sylas and Ivy, August's 2 month check has been moved to Friday afternoon. I'll post the winner after that. Keep the guesses coming!

Congratulations to Little Misses' Mama who guessed August's weight and height exactly!!!! 12 pounds, 2 oz and 21 inches long. Great job!

There's No Place Like Home

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 17:51:00 +0000

And we've been spending a lot of time there.

So much sickness in the house and it's making me crazy. I think [I hope] we are nearing the end. The kids feel good. I feel good. Now we are waiting on the daddy. Sometimes I wonder why we live in this state and not in some warmer climate that isn't a breeding ground for germs.

And why can't I put them in a bubble so they will always be safe?

But this makes us [our bodies] stronger, right? Better equipped to live. And maybe that's how it is with all of life.

The hurts, the joys, the grief...if we don't experience these things and we protect ourselves in our own personal bubble, who would we be?

Safe, yes.

But alone.

And with no depth of character.

So we pry our eyes open, and drink chicken noodle soup, and we love and we live.

Out of the bubble.

Pink [Small Style]

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 15:43:00 +0000

It's a new era.

Mingled with the matchbox cars, I'm finding glittery chapsticks and princess crowns stewn about our home.

Ivy Pearl loves pink. Everything pink.

She is beauty and spunk and grace sandwiched between two boys.

A happy waking, sweet voice talking, tight squeeze giving little Love.

She is delightfully girl.

On Ivy:

Dress - Matilda Jane

Tights - Matilda Jane

Boots - Primigi Enoras

Linking up once again with Mama Loves Papa.

It's on the List

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 14:13:00 +0000

Do you see it? Go to the middle and then down a few. It's been there every day, but not getting crossed off.

I'm often asked how the transition from 2 to 3 has been. Of course it's difficult and more intense as I now have to care for an extra person...one who depends on me for his very food, but the transition itself has been smoother than 1 to 2.

I'm finding I need to be more scheduled. Especially for meal planning and grocery shopping. A quick run to the grocery store becomes a 2 hour ordeal.

I now make a to do list every day. It's keep me focused, and even if only three things have been crossed off, it leaves me with a small sense of accomplishment. SO.MANY.THINGS do not get done, but those things will wait.

These littles will not.

They will continue to grow and flourish and take my breath away with who they are.

I refuse to miss this.

Up

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 12:34:00 +0000

Right before I got pregnant with August, I made an appointment to see a counselor. I was in a dark place and I was struggling. By the time my appointment came, I was deep in the throes of nausea so it was cancelled.

And now, that place seems distant. In the darkness of that place, lying on my bed in agony, I was given the grace to take more steps toward healing.

My heart still aches. It always will. But it's less like a searing knife and more like a remembering.

I call August, Bubba. Ivy and Sylas think it's the funniest thing. Especially Ivy. She says, "Not Bubba."

Then yesterday, I heard her talking to him and it made me smile when her sweet voice said, "Hi Bubba."

Last night, August was up for more than 3 hours straight. He hasn't been awake for more than an hour at a time since his birth, so this was new.

And tiring.

As I sat rocking him in the chair, I wondered if that last 15 minutes before bed while he was sleeping peacefully, I should have been doing the same instead of staring in wonder at his beautiful face.

Nah.

My Loves

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 01:44:00 +0000

Be still my heart.

The Story

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 15:33:00 +0000

It's quiet here. Sylas is at school. Ivy and daddy are swimming at the YMCA.

And me? I'm sitting in a chair with my baby snuggled into the moby wrap. I'm in awe of his soft skin and sweet baby breaths and delicious scent. We were discharged together. This is a first and quite frankly, a dream come true.

Now for the story.

I woke up Monday (Labor Day, how fitting, right?) at 6:45 a.m. with my first strong contraction. Thinking to myself, hmmm....this might be it, I started timing. I timed for 30 minutes and the contractions were 5 minutes apart. By this time, both Sylas and Ivy were in our bed and I said to Ryan, "This might be it. Maybe we should get ready?"

My parents were out of town for the weekend, so I called my sister and warned her that we might need her a bit later in the day. Ryan proceeded to get the kids breakfast then jump in the shower. I dressed, made the bed, finished packing my bag and started the dishes. It was now 7:45 a.m., contractions were two minutes apart and becoming unbearable. I thought to myself, "Maybe we should get going."

You think?

I called my sister again and told her to come right away. The only problem is that it was a 30 minute drive for her and then a 30 minute drive to the hospital. At 8 a.m., not able to wait any longer, Ryan called some friends from church who lived nearby. It is incredible how fast this awesome dad and 3 kids were at our house. Their baby was even asleep when Ryan called and still they were at the house within 5 minutes.

The drive to the hospital was excruciating. All the while I was praying I wouldn't have this baby on the highway and also gouging the center console of our Honda Pilot to death. I'm still digging vinyl out of my fingernails. Sorry Love.

We arrived at the hospital at 8:40 a.m., they checked dilation at 9 a.m.....I was at a six. By 9:30, I said, " I REALLY NEED TO PUSH!" Checked again, dilated to a 10. And at 9:54 a.m., screaming his sweet little head off, August Nathaniel entered the world.

He was posterior, or as one nurse said, sunny side up, which apparently slowed down my labor. Pushing him out that way sans drugs was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, but if he would've been facing down, my midwife was sure he would've been born in the car.

Sylas and Ivy are completely smitten and taking their role as big brother and sister quite seriously.

Thank you for your well wishes on the last post. Your words of encouragement and love mean more than you know. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

I know we will.

He's Here!

noreply@blogger.com (Brianna) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 20:24:00 +0000

This is The Daddy (aka Ryan). Our family would love to introduce you to August Nathaniel Morrison. He came to us this morning at 9:54am at 35 weeks and 6 days. He is 6 lbs 8oz, 19 1/2" and doing great. Brianna is doing very well too. More pictures to follow, but in the meantime...