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Natural ways to delay ejaculation

2018-10-14T09:46:00.001-07:00

Lifelong premature ejaculation starts early. This usually occurs when as a teenager, you start experimenting with sex and experiencing first sexual contact with under-developed sexual capacity. Ideally, teenager hood period is the last stage of the sexual formative period, it is not a good time to start off sex; this is the late stage of the sexual parts of all the sexual organs. There is a need for those organs to fully develop all their sexual capacity before addictively engaging such organs in active services.

This type of premature ejaculation case is usually harder to treat and often has deeper psychological causes. Bad habits may also contribute (such as masturbating to ejaculate as fast as possible in order to avoid getting caught).

Acquired PE happens later in life and is usually triggered by either psychological (stress or relationship issues) or physical causes (diabetes or high blood pressure, use of substances like marijuana, smoking, eating of synthetic food items, untreated ulcer diseases, some blood type groups, consumption of alcohol, some side effects of some drugs, some local herbal substances, obesity, mid-life-year-crisis).

Acquired PE suddenly begins in a man who has had normal sexual performance up until then.

We also have variable – PE that occurs irregularly and inconsistently, perhaps with one partner or only with specific partners. This is the most dangerous type and it is extremely difficult to treat.

We also have subjective PE – a condition in which a man thinks he experiences PE, but a medical doctor or sex therapist determines that there is no issue. This is psychosomatic in nature and it is easily treatable. When the mindset is well, handling every issue of premature ejaculation becomes a walkover.

This is an old school method most of our forefathers used in their relationships; it is simple but highly effective. But many husbands ignore it. Never ignore but take good care of your wife’s foreplay need. Longer foreplay can help increase satisfaction of your wife as well as delay your ejaculation. Longer foreplay can improve your relationship by reducing dissatisfaction, frustration and performance-related anxiety.

Be aware that the more pressure men feel during sex, the more likely they are to suffer from PE, but when you take time to give and enjoy giving your wife heavy erotic and breathtaking foreplay, you both will develop a good communication.

And good communication will help you overcome many issues and any discrepancies between your desires and those of your wife.

Good communication also helps you to focus on other sexual pleasures: this can decrease anxiety and help you gain better control over your ejaculation.

During heavy and stimulating foreplay, you and your wife should try breathing deeply together during sex. While both of you are breathing deeply together, you, the husband, should try controlling your breathing. Then go for deep, long breaths. Breathe in through the nose and out from the belly. This is surprisingly effective and relaxing, and automatically helps to delay ejaculation.

One way to get even with premature ejaculation is for couples to cultivate the habit of getting naked together when alone with full privacy in view. Not just when you’re having sex, but around the house. It has been discovered by sex therapists that when husbands get to see their wives’ luscious body a lot, it will most times not get him quite as excited and that might help him keep going during sex until they are both satisfied in bed. However, with this way, I always tell wives to come up with something new and be creative so that they will still turn him on. He will not get tired of seeing your body. This simply gets him used to having a hot wife and keeps him from being overly aroused when you’re getting it on.

Another way is to slow down the tempo and pace of your thrusting in and out. This technique requires you to slow the pace of pelvic thrusting and varying the angle and depth of penetration before the “point of no return.” When done in conjunction with engaging your pelvic muscles, this approach becomes very effective.

You can also try climax control condoms. This has been specially designed in such a way that with or without sensitivity, you can delay premature ejaculation at your own pace.

This is because men with PE condition cannot identify the feelings that happen right before orgasm – this is the point of no return. In other words, men with PE are unable to recognise that they are about to come until it’s too late. This makes it difficult for them to pace themselves and prevent ejaculation from happening too soon, which also means that their stamina never has a chance to improve. But with climax control condom, this can be achieved.

Do all you can to keep calm and breathe. If you find yourself breathing too fast and shallow, or making more noise than usual when breathing, it could be a sign you’re getting closer to the point of no return. Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for four seconds. HOLD for four seconds. Then breathe OUT for four seconds. If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.

One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and buttocks especially, then try to relax instead. If you lie on your back with your wife on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.

Relax your mind. Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so. So, try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feel calm that everything is just fine.

I would appreciate men to know that there is a condition called androgen deficiency, a problem of low testosterone level in the body. This is a condition where men experience a decline in the reproduction of the male hormone testosterone with aging, but this also occurs with a disease like diabetes. Along with decline in testosterone, some men experience symptoms such as fatigue, weakness, depression and sexual/erectile problems.

Unlike menopause in women which represents a well-defined period in which hormone production stops completely, testosterone decline in men is a slower process. The testes, unlike the ovaries, do not run out of the substance it needs to make testosterone. A healthy male may be able to produce sperm well into his eighties or longer.

It is also relatively easy to diagnose menopause in women – their menstrual period stops. Diagnosing decreased testosterone level in men is trickier and requires a blood test to check the level. So, consequently, the condition often goes undetected. That is why I always recommend that men close to 40 should undergo PSA test (Prostate-specific antigen test).

Definitely, loss of testosterone in men leads to testosterone deficiency, which has a bad impact on a man’s ego and takes toll on his health. Among other potential causes of testosterone deficiency are: injury or infection to the testicles, chemotherapy or radiation treatment, genetic abnormalities such as extra x chromosome, too much iron in the body, dysfunction of the pituitary gland, medications, stress, and alcoholism.

Of the estimated 4 to 5 million men with low testosterone, only 5 per cent are currently being treated. About one in every 10 men between the ages of 40 and 60 has low testosterone. Among men over the age of 60, the numbers jump to one in every 5 men, according to researchers. The handy treatment is TRT – Testosterone Replacement Therapy, but some schools of thought have queried whether it is healthy or needful.

A few numbers of studies have shown that TRT in men who have low levels of the hormone may improve libido, enhance sexual performance/ function, increase bone mineral density, increase muscular mass/strength, and help improve mood; however, the adverse effects of TRT outnumber the advantages. One of them is sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts. TRT causes the body to make too many red blood cells, which can increase the risk of heart disease. It causes acne or other skin reactions, stimulates noncancerous growth of the prostate and possibly stimulates growth of existing prostate cancer, enlarges the breasts, limits sperm production and causes testicle shrinkage. So, if you are considering testosterone therapy to help you feel younger and more vigorous as you age, know the risks before you make your decision.

There are the second categories of men who have low level of testosterone, not because of aging but because of a disease called hypogonadism, a condition in which the body is unable to produce normal amounts of testosterone due to a problem with the testicles or with the pituitary gland that controls the testicles.

Testosterone is a hormone produced primarily in the testicles. It helps maintain men’s bone density, fat distribution, muscle strength, mass red blood cell production, sex drive and sperm production. Testosterone peaks during adolescence and early adulthood.

As man gets older, his testosterone level gradually declines typically about one per cent a year after age 30. It is important to determine in older men if a low testosterone level is simply due to the decline of normal aging or if it is due to a disease (hypogonadism). TRT can improve the signs and symptoms of low testosterone in men with hypogonadism case with fewer side effects than in old age men.

Testosterone therapy can help reverse the effects of hypogonadism, but it’s unclear whether testosterone therapy would have any benefit for older men who are otherwise healthy.

Many also want to know if testosterone therapy helps increase sex drive in women. Well, research shows that testosterone hormone does impact sex drive as well as remedies other sexual problems in certain women with sexual dysfunction. But the long-term safety of testosterone therapy for women is unknown. Testosterone therapy usually is prescribed only for women who have low libido but sufficient estrogen levels.

Testosterone is one of the best sex hormones present in both gender but more pronounced in men. It regulates mood and fuels up sex drive. A slow drop in testosterone is a normal part of aging. Low testosterone can cause visible changes in some men, such as thinner muscles, loss of body hair, smaller, softer testicles, and larger breasts. As testosterone level drops in a man, the bones may get thinner, weaker, and more likely to break. Less energy, mood changes and poor concentration are a sign of low testosterone.

A drop in testosterone level doesn’t always interfere with sex, but it can make it more difficult for a man’s brain and body to get aroused. Some men may notice a drop in libido, while others may lose interest in sex completely. Low testosterone can also make it tougher to get or keep an erection. Testosterone helps a man’s body make sperm. When levels of the hormone are low, his sperm “count” can be low too. Without enough sperm, he may not be able to father a child.

Questions and answers

I have lost hope in him and his penis. What should I do?

It is sad but the truth is that banana is stronger than my husband’s penis. When we newly got married, all went well sexually. The penis was hard, strong and active, but lately what I noticed is that my husband’s penis shrinks inside him by the day. As if that is not enough, it takes him ages to get aroused and sometimes he may never ‘get up’. Then as soon as we are celebrating his arousal, he goes softer like an overripe banana. I am fed up; I need you to get me a vibrator. I am not sure things can ever get better because it has been like this for years. I have lost hope in him and his penis. For me, his penis is just a decoration and nothing more. Please, do not preach to me; just get me a good vibrator.

Mrs. Odopolo Ejiro

Hi Odopolo, you said when you were newly married; sex was ‘ebano.’ Now that things are not rosy, you want to back out? No! Please, before you resign to fate, both of you can visit a sex therapist together. Remember the marriage relationship is for better, for worse. I am certain both of you can weather the storm together and get a permanent solution to the problem.

Can I really cope with this arrangement?

I am an ardent reader of your column. I appreciate your prowess. But can I really cope with this arrangement? I love my wife and we have a wonderful marriage and a fantastic sex life. But whenever she is pregnant, we MUST abstain from sexual activities. The reason is that few years ago, we had a premature baby but lost the baby after few weeks in spite of all medical interventions and experts’ skills. And shortly afterwards, we lost another pregnancy. On the basis of this, the doctor advised we should abstain from sex whenever my wife is pregnant. This really worked when a new baby was added and we eventually became parents. The joy of the new addition of children really did not make me feel the burden of the instruction against sex whenever my wife was pregnant. But recently, anytime she is pregnant, I struggle a lot to keep to the commandment of the doctor. Now she’s pregnant, although I have abstained from sex as previously advised, my problem is that I find it so difficult to handle or control my urge for sex. As a matter of fact, my urges are becoming unbearable; I don’t want to engage in extramarital affairs and I get irritated with the idea of masturbation. What is the alternative?

Bisilimu Opagunjelo

Mr. Bisilimu, due to the fact that the joy of having a healthy baby born to the family is very important in the union, yet it does not rule out the fact that your sexual urges are important. But from the look of things, it seems that you have to pick between sex and going through the stress you went through during the first pregnancy. However, there are other ways you can manage your sexual urges with your wife while she is pregnant.

One, both of you can engage in heavy romance – foreplay and caressing –while you can replace her vagina with her inner thighs. Thereby, you will still wisely, carefully with all discretion, engage in your usual sexual activities but this time around, your point of ejaculation will not be her vagina but in-between her thighs. However, this has to be with doggy style position while both of you are securely lying on the bed.

Secondly, she can perform a blow job on you in a very comfortable position considering the fact that her extreme comfort matters.

How to create delicate lovemaking moments

2018-10-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sex can always be beautiful within and without all year round in every marriage. I am strongly of the opinion that much more can be added to the wealth of knowledge any couple out there may have acquired. Creating delicate lovemaking moments has been researched to be one of the many ways sex can be enhanced between married lovers.

Many couples take sexual techniques for granted but believe me, they are still the best of many links to sexual fulfillment.

Sexual technique is simply the act of treating your spouse in a very special way during sex to enhance their passion for sex. In other words, sexual technique is following a sexual and sensual pattern.

To start with, there must be a proper preparation if sex must be enjoyed; careful groundwork is essential. Preparation begins long before bedtime; sex starts in the morning and not at bedtime.

The first homework is to settle any known or foreseen quarrel as soon as possible. Get ready for sex with a positive mindset. Many a time, couples find it difficult to have good sex because of life challenges but I have observed that if couples always wait for a perfect situation for sex, they might not find one. So, a positive mindset for any sexual activity is very important.

At any given time, filth, uncleanness and poor sense of orderliness have ruined many anticipated sexual thoughts. You must be neat and clean, and at the same time be seductively attractive and sexually appealing. Oral, armpit, vulva and penis hygiene should be well-observed, especially when the penis is uncircumcised.

The pubic hair should not be shaved in a way that will be coarse and cause irritation to the skin of your spouse. Most times, as simple as it appears, this has ruined good passionate sex and made some husbands develop quick ejaculation while some wives have to apply hot water to heal themselves.

Neatness is one of the guiding rules for successful lovemaking. Sex has turned out to be a nightmare just because of some offensive odour from the genitals. Since sometimes sex might be unpredictable, it is important to brush the mouth twice daily, especially when retiring at night.

This is very important because if there is a need to have oral sex, you must brush your teeth to prevent giving each other infections. Many couples contact some form of toilet disease just from unwashed mouth, because the same bacteria responsible for toilet disease are mostly also found in the mouth.

The bed should be laid with clean or new bedspread; old, stinking bedspreads are a turn-off for spouses. Get enough privacy; make sure your doors are locked to prevent the mind from being distracted. At no time should a lover disapprovingly take off their partner’s clothes in an offensive manner. It is important that both husband and wife slowly undress each other; this is an exciting part of the technique. The moment this has been done, the best part of the groundwork has been achieved. As a matter of fact, these particular habits mostly usher in the love play.

Getting each other aroused before the husband penetrates his wife is important; this can be done by holding each other lovingly, caressing each other tenderly, kissing, and carefully touching and fondling each other’s sexual organs.

At this point, couples should submit to each other by letting their partners know their sensitive areas and points of triggers. For many ladies, it is the clitoris and the breasts, especially the nipples. Let him know that it takes time before your sexual organs respond, especially the clitoris.

Make him kiss and use his tongue to caress your breasts, nipples and neck gently and lovingly, then later your genitals. As this goes on, the nipples become erect and the clitoris increases in size. Caressing should not be done in a hurried way. Take enough time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing in lovemaking. The emotions and sensations should build up and be intensified gradually. Do not stop the stimulation once it begins; continue in an ever-increasing manner.

Basically, the whole body of a loving couple is an erotic zone. For the man, the nape of the neck, the back of the ears, the breasts, the armpits, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the groin, the pubic hair, the shaft of the manhood and the eye of the manhood are especially their most sensitive areas. All these should be kissed tenderly or caressed gently with the hand and tongue. If the man’s skin is too dry, you can get a bottle of baby lotion and seductively rub on the body parts; it will send sexual signals to the whole body.

The female erotic zone includes the base of the neck, the base of the hair, the lips, the armpits, the breasts, especially the nipples, the tummy, the navel, the inner parts of the thighs, the pubic hair, the clitoris, the lips of the vagina and the inner parts of the vagina.

All these could be tenderly touched and caressed with the man’s hands or tongue. Caressing various areas of your partner’s body shows an interest in the whole person.

In foreplay, the husband and the wife should talk freely to each other. They should tell each other what they want.

While gently caressing each other, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs apart so that the man will be able to gently play with her genitals. As her husband caresses her, she in turn plays with his nipples and the shaft and eye of his manhood.

Aside from the things already mentioned above, do you know how much hugging and cuddling your lover needs before and after intercourse? How about the sexual fantasies each partner nurtures? Paying a little extra attention to your sex life may be all it takes to transform it from a boring experience to an intense experience.

Couples put lots of efforts into their careers, friendship and parenting-they read books and improve on all other areas in their lives. Well, that is not a bad idea at all. But good sex requires the same level of research, information and attention, which means that making time for sex matters a lot.

Hug each other for 20 seconds each day and flirt with each other. Even when there isn’t time for sex, make sure your partner knows you want to have one with them at any available time. Send a romantic message to your partner’s phone or e-mail. Daydream about making love to your spouse while doing the laundry, dishes, and while at work or during your free time and so on.

What is the appropriate time to teach children about sex?

In this computer age, when everything is computerised, what is the appropriate age for children to read about sex?

Mr. Martins Paul

All children are not alike. But parents’ primary focus each time they want to start introducing sex education to each child or children in general should be to be real friends with them. It is very easy to pass any message across to someone you have already won their confidence, friendship, trust and love. Such persons will not only accept whatever idea you are bringing to them but will consider your idea as the best. This is why some rapists and child molesters try to become so friendly with the child they want to abuse that it will be so difficult for the child to break away even when they know the act is not right. So be a friend, hero and confidant to your child. Then the next step is to be able to understudy the child’s peculiarity; that is, their level of intelligence, exposure, and area of interest. Also, know your child’s circle of friends, his special games and aspirations. Then study his pattern of questions. Now while studying their pattern of questions, make sure you are not reprimanding them or curtailing their originality. Whenever you choose to start, always make the subject matter appear as if it’s not really a big deal. When you put up a face and posture that suggest that it is serious, they will likely keep quiet.

Is sharing rooms with our children a subtle form of child abuse?

My husband has two teenagers from his previous marriage while I have one from my previous marriage. We are newlyweds sharing a bedroom apartment with these teenagers. My question is: how healthy is it for us as parents to be caressing each other in the presence of these children since we cannot afford a bigger place for now and the passion for sex is very high between my husband and me? Is it safe to be sharing rooms with our children? Is this a subtle form of child abuse?

Mrs. Sunday Saheed

You might not be able to afford the type of accommodation you desire but the point is that even when you are living in a seven-bedroomed apartment, you can or may still dress up in the presence of your children or caress in front of them or make love around them. So the issue is not about the number of rooms; it is about making sure you create a sex safe environment for them. Do not unnecessarily expose them to some things or allow some thoughts to cloud their minds because of your actions. There are better ways to have passionate sex without giving the teenagers any clue about your actions. If you bathe together as a couple and have sex while doing that, they won’t know that you have sex while doing that. You could have a quick one when they are away on errand or in school.

My big boy always has an erection while accessing the Internet

I am a woman with three boys aged between five and seven years and in other not to disturb me with their endless demands and questions, whenever I’m busy with domestic chores, I allow them to play games on mobile devices with Internet facilities. But recently, I discovered that my eldest boy always has an erection while he is playing game or accessing the Internet. Please how can I intervene because even when I stop him, he goes to his friend’s house and still comes home with an erection? Help me!

Worried single parent

Unfortunately many games have been programmed with one form of sexual act or the other. As a matter of fact, even Facebook and Twitter are so overpopulated that our children are not only exposed to sexual perversions and pornography, but also are in daily contact with sex perverts and rapists. These sex perverts and rapists using the platforms are growing in number per minute. The number of sexual assault cases related to both social media sites has reached incredible heights; and half of those cases involve victims under the age of 16. Even when you try to stop them, they quickly defend it by saying that it is “harmless” chatting. Some of those chatting with these young children, especially girls, encourage them to send sexually explicit images on their mobile device. Some adults encourage young children to pornographic sites. Facebook and Twitter have billions of users. The point is that almost everyone has an account with the social media platforms and that naturally means exposure to sexually explicit contents and crimes. As much as there’s really no way for Facebook to control who joins the platform, it is important for you to let your children understand the negative effects that such platforms have on lives, future and well-being of children.

I can’t differentiate between normal erection nor prolonged painful one

I am 35 years old and I recently started having sex after a long abstinence from sex due to my profession. I am a professional boxer, and professional boxers sometimes have to abstain from sex for many months or even a whole year.

But my challenge now is that it seems that I can’t differentiate between normal erection or prolonged painful one. I am not sure if I ejaculate either. How long does it take for an average man to ejaculate during sexual intercourse? Sometimes, I get so confused I don’t understand my body at all. Sometimes, I take a lot of alcohol to stay longer during sex but despite that, my system seems to have broken down. I am in a dilemma, can you help me?

Derin Morris

When one alters the normal system of the body, it is possible the body mechanism gets abnormally disrupted; that is when a person starts experiencing this type of interruption. It took you some years to get into this mess, so you have to take things easy and work towards an ideal body system. An erection begins in the brain. Physical and/or mental stimulation cause nerves in the brain to send chemical messages to nerves in the penis, telling the penile blood vessels to relax so that blood can flow freely into the penis. Once in the penis, high pressure traps the blood within the tissue of the penis. This causes the penis to expand and sustain an erection. When you turn off this process, you alter normal erection. A normal ejaculation, which is the release of semen at climax, is triggered when the man reaches a critical level of excitement. That makes sexual stimulation to cause nerves in the penis to send chemical messages or impulses to the spinal cord and into the brain where other chemical messages are sent back to the penis through the spinal cord, causing ejaculation. When this is also altered because you choose not to allow any form of excitement at all, it can affect the average number of minutes it takes to ejaculate. All things being equal, an average man ejaculates within 9.6 to 15.5 minutes. To worsen the situation, you consume lots of alcohol which you have to stop immediately. Alcohol does not assist in prolonging ejaculation; rather, it undermines the quality of your ejaculation and power to stay erect. What alcohol does is that it helps you get aroused quickly and shortly afterwards; it drops your level of energy and competency.

By Funmi Akingbade

Marital truths about an incredible sex

2018-10-12T03:14:00.000-07:00

The truth still remains that when you’re with the right person, sex is always a blast. As much as sex is a human need, it has been researched that until both married couple work together to satisfy each other and explore possibilities of newness and creativity, sex between two people may not be that fantastic. One of the greatest propellers of an incredible sex is when both partners are extremely comfortable with each other. And once you’re really comfortable, you can find ways to spice things up. But it has been observed that in a typical African setting, many couples end up extremely caught up with loads of activities and before you know it, the best part of their lives has been spent taking care of every other person but themselves. This subtly creates lack of intimacy required for a healthy sexual relationship.

However, extending all possibilities and making use of every available surrounding can provide spontaneous sexual encounters and compensate for lack of time. For instance, partners can make it a habit to cuddle each time they are together; cuddling is all about mood and ambiance which does not require any time allocation. It’s peaceful to lie in someone’s arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV in the background. It’s so nice to hear nothing but your lover’s breath against the backdrop of the evening or early morning.

Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship, though it is not a bad idea for married couples to have separate rooms for logistic reason, it is a brilliant, exceptional and superb idea to share a common room; it is not only healthy but comforting. Falling asleep together is very romantic, and it’s amazing to fall asleep in your lover’s arms.

There are times when couples accidentally bump into each other. Make use of that opportunity to quickly caress yourselves in a suggestive sensual and sexy style, or while dining together, gently slip your hands into the private part of your spouse under the dining table; you will be amazed to see the extent of the effect on the union. As a matter of fact, it recreates and rekindles sexual awareness for many couples.

If sex often feels like a race to orgasm for lack of time and opportunity, talk a little; massage each other’s neck, shoulder, back, feet or any uncommon area in the body of your mate. You both can consider taking some time out to catch your breath, reconnect and relax. Eat some mints, kiss each other with the taste of mints and feel the energy of each other’s breath. Lie back and let your level of arousal fall considerably and like a volcano rise again.

Using of hands can help couples go all the way because the hand is one of the crucial skills of getting it on. From the moment you start cuddling, you should already be erotically grasping your spouse’s hips, stroking their arms, back or tight, or sliding your fingers around the breast.

From caressing to grabbing to slight tingling; there are countless ways you can increase the pleasure of any giving moment by getting your hands involved. There are many spouses that had helped their partner to orgasm just by simply being skillful with their fingers via manual stimulation.

Besides, manual stimulation helps the receiving partner to enjoy every bit of the action while the giving partner closely watches with high arousal longings.

Many times, husbands do not know what to do to get their wives to their sexual peak; why not try manual simulation of their clitoris. Manual simulation is incredibly important for women. To have an orgasm, some of them, if not most of them, need a little more of clitoral contact than intercourse.

All you have to do during sex as the man is at intervals reach down and rub her clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed to increase her chances of having orgasm regardless of her level of circumcision or drop of libido. For some women, manual stimulation is the only way they can connect and appreciate sex with their husbands. Doing this is not something many men know how to carry out, but it is something they have to learn; sexual act is a learning act. Make sure that the vagina is wet enough and handle the area very gently to avoid hurting her. And lastly, never try to insert a finger into a dry vagina.

While husbands are busy on the clitoris, the wives can comfortably find a way of performing an unforgettable blow job on the penis of their husbands. No husband runs away from a seductively performed blow job. Many husbands crave for it; they want to experience it on a regular basis. They look out for it like a well-prepared dish of assorted delicacies.

I also want wives to know that no husband would want to remain obstinate being aware of the extra packaging that comes along with well-arranged sex. The aroma of a hygienic, sparkling, fresh, dirt-free, vagina fluid is one of the erotic sexual staying on power and tip-offs for many husbands. So, keep your vagina inviting, captivating, appealing, tempting and enticing always.

Husbands, the woman’s surest gateway to a good sex is through 100 per cent carefulness and tenderness. When you ignore it, you are cutting real first-class sex out of the relationship. And what most wives want in bed is a man who is not clumsy and at the same time, who knows how to control the timing of his ejaculation while love play is on, so that both spouses will get the maximum pleasure from sex.

The longer a husband lasts, the deeper his climax, the sweeter the sex for his wife.

This is simply because wives often need to feel close before feeling sexual whereas husbands often need to be sexual to feel close. Besides, 87 per cent of women do not climax through penetrative sex alone.

Most women need some form of extra stimulus, massaging and clitoral caresses. All these help to build a woman’s excitement level before thrusting, and prevent clumsiness because the average woman needs around 20 to 28 minutes of connection.

One major reason many wives are not active sexually is because their anticipated sexual escapade and thrill is frustrated, cut short and curtailed by their husbands’ inability to control their ejaculation timing. If there is anything that is most clumsy for women, it is this singular act.

Remarkably, this can easily be achieved; it is so easy to develop complete self-control to the extent that any husband can actually choose when to ejaculate during sex: and when you have this level of control, your sexual self-confidence will be so high that you can confidently satisfy your wife in bed any time!

Most wives love the inner part of their vagina being caressed with their husband’s finger; so for a supercharged experience, experts recommend the ‘fingering of the vagina or sucking of the nipple [around one per cent of women can reach orgasm from breast stimulation alone] and the clitoris which can keep your wife moaning with delight! The husband should fondle his wife’s labia for at least five minutes before touching her clitoris.

So, while caressing your wife, it must not be done clumsily in a rush, it is advisable for the wife to take a comfortable position with legs wide apart so that her husband will be able to gently play with her genitals.

Sometimes, just touching a wife’s breast is enough to bring her to orgasm while other women are almost totally unresponsive. Therefore, husband, if your wife seems indifferent to your advances, there’s no point insisting; far better, to try to discover her other erogenous zones. In addition, wives do not feel guilty if you do not enjoy breast play. Remember it is not unusual and things can change.

Breasts should be handled with care for guaranteed pleasure, majority of wives love having their breasts fondled. However, there is one important rule: be gentle and handle them with care. Only few wives enjoy having their breasts pinched, or manhandled.

Questions!!! Answers!!!

Can’t explain precisely what my wife wants

Can you kindly explain the science of a female desire linked to her breast? I am clueless about how to satisfy my wife’s fantasies; she only gets aroused sexually when I only stimulate her breast. To her, I should treat her breast in a special way but all my efforts have amounted to a rigid, stony being on bed. How do I get her into the mood? Do you have an idea of how to give her breast a special treat? She is really busty anyway.

Nurudeen Oba

First and foremost, you have to mentally register her breast as one of your ‘turn-ons.’ Once in a while, deliberately let your eyes wander around her breast and before you know it, you will begin to discover how absolutely gorgeous those breasts are. Make it a habit to be fascinated with her breast each time she lifts her shirt over her head and watch as her large breasts bounce whenever she moves around. You will have realised that sometimes, you will notice a hard on by just looking at her breasts. It will really become a turn-on. During time for lovemaking, make sure your eyes roam on her breasts. Encourage her to laugh as this will make her breast to jiggle. Learn how to undo the hook of a brassiere in a very seductive manner, allowing her bra to hang loose over her large breasts; this will make the nipples hard, standing at attention and begging to be sucked. At such moment, take each one of them in your mouth and suck gently. What you will notice is that your wife will immediately throw her head back and groan softly, then let out a cry of pleasure and invariably collapse in pleasure. At this point, you have given her breast a good treat which will make her satisfy you also. When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, researchers have discovered that women want sex just as much as men do, but men do not take out quality time to locate their hot spots.

My husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker

With my husband, sex irritates me big time; I don’t even enjoy it anymore all because my husband is an ex-hardcore sex worker. Each time we are making love, my husband must scream so hard, say some dirty languages. As a matter of fact, he is so obsessed with dirty talks and the worst of it all is that he mentions some strange names that make me think promiscuity just runs in his veins. If sex is not in agenda, my husband is a nice, kind-hearted person, but as soon as it’s time for sex, I feel like an ‘ileya’ ram going to be slaughtered.’ This looks like a sex prison to me, please help.

Mamiska Itanda

Have you ever sat your husband down and really had a heart to heart discussion about this? If no, you just have to summon courage and nicely share your fears with him. While discussing with him, let him know that mentioning names of ex sex partners is a height of low respect for you, that you deserve some respect as the legal wife. On the other hand, I need you to know that to some spouses, screaming is sexy but many of such spouses do not realize that screaming can only be sexy if their partner is also a screamer. Most of the time, partners could get turned off when their ear drums are getting ready to explode. For hard core sex workers, either an ex or a current one, they have formed a habit and they just have to deliberately work to change if it is offensive to their partner. Besides, the neighbors may hear you! Same precaution goes for obsessive dirty talk.

My wife is behaving funny

I’m just recovering from stroke and I am grateful to God, I am quite fit now to walk around and do some of my normal daily activities, but I have one big problem- my wife. She wants us to keep having sex as before or at least close to it. She said it will not harm me, but I don’t buy into this and since then, she has been behaving funny. What do you think?

Daddy Joe

After a heart attack, some men and women fear that any type of sexual activity will provoke another one. People feel that if they›ve had a heart attack, it›s not a good idea to stress their bodies with sexual activity. But less than one per cent of heart attacks could reoccur from having sex. It makes sense to think of sex as a form of exercise: If your doctor clears you for physical activity, you›re also likely safe for sex.

Changing Positions

Funmi, when going from missionary to woman-on-top, how do we maneuver the switch while keeping my husband’s penis inside me? Whenever we try this, my husband’s penis just pops out.

Mrs. Monday

I am sure most couples marvel at the expertise of most of the sex actors and wonder when such can be a reality in their home. However, the truth of the matter is sex is not always as flawless and faultless as presented. People knock heads, are twisted up in the sheets and, for a moment get disengaged. It can be awkward to change positions in one smooth moment; most couples stop and reconnect.

However, to give the flawless sex, start with missionary position close to the edge of the left side of the bed. Keeping your right leg straight, wrap your left leg around your husband’s waist and hook your left arm under his shoulder. Pushing off with your right arm, keep a firm grip on your husband as you roll him onto his back toward the right side of the bed in one sweeping motion. If he slips out, stick him back in and resume your captivating section.

Help, we have a fairy-tale sex goal that is destroying our sex life

Please, how attainable is simultaneous orgasm? My husband said this should be our next sexual goal, but I think it is more of a fantasy than a reality. He expects that anytime we are making love; besides, he is hyper active, I can’t even match his speed. How can l be helped?

Mrs Deborah

The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that married couple gets aroused and then responds at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body’s natural response mechanism. Just tell your husband that if he does not expect this to happen by all means, you will be the best on sex bed. Instead, keep kissing passionately, every day. Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship. Sometimes I wonder if wives really understand how intense their husband’s sex drive is or how intrinsic a man’s sexual fulfillment is to his self-acceptance. Remember, men and women are different. If wives have their husbands’ testosterone levels, they’d be a lot more interested in sex. Try and keep up with him, you will soon meet up. By Funmi Akingbade

Things to know about premature ejaculation

2018-10-11T01:59:00.000-07:00

A man is created to be the head of his household, but when anything threatens that authority, a man must fight it with all his energy. Premature ejaculation is considered as an aberration and here are important things to know about it, to help you overcome it now without further delay:

PE is the release of spermatozoa before the wishes of both sexual partners. In other words, with the condition, there is the release of sperm cells in the vagina before the man or woman is ready.

Weak erection, weak ejaculation or erectile dysfunction can almost be described as similar to PE. The difference is that with weak erection, the man goes soft or completely flaccid and weak, while still at the level of imagination and arousal or while still on active service. The challenge is majorly about the physiology of erection and all the organs involved in the interplay of erection.

But with erectile dysfunction, the penis cannot perform as required or cannot do more than required, such as the penis going for more rounds of sexual intercourse at any point in time. This could be due to lots of reasons which could be placed under some categories.

Here are some important things to know:

Organic category: Cases that fall under this category are mainly due to faulty functionalities of some organs leading to some backfiring effects on the penis, e.g. hypertension, diabetics, ulcer, and problems with the prostrate leading to low libido or poor libido and so on. Problems with the urethra, anxiety of performance, and so on. Problems with depression; recently, it has been recorded that many husbands are more depressed than their wives. And when a man is depressed, he loses his erection and also his ability to perform regardless of any stimulation and enhancers.

Substance category: Cases that fall under this category are mainly due to the use of substances. Such cases could be as a result of smoking, consumption of alcohol, too much consumption of artificially brewed drinks, too much consumption of synthetic and processed foods, such as sugar and the like.

Environmental category: These cases are mainly due to excessive unavoidable stress condition, age, unhealthy marriage life, that is characterised by unforgiveness, anger, vengeance and hatred.

Lifestyles category: These have to do with issues surrounding eating habit, general unhealthy lifestyle, such as getting infected with sexually transmitted diseases, addictive masturbation, anal sex and others.

If there is one sexual problem that can threaten and has threatened the existence of a good marriage, it is PE, weak erection and erectile dysfunction. Some wives may sometimes put up with husbands with small penis sizes, especially when they have mastered the art of staying on longer inside their women and giving them pleasure. But when a man [especially with a small penis] cannot get his lady to ask for more, it is a sign of big trouble. The truth is that if that happens, there are two possibilities: it is either she gets satisfaction from another man (it could be your driver) or gets out of the relationship.

It is a direct attack on the man’s self-esteem. A man who cannot satisfy a woman in bed is in trouble, as he cannot be said to be in charge of the house. If a man has little or no money but he is well endowed under belt and smart with it, he is a winner anytime with his woman. But when a man comes too quickly, wetting the bed instead of holding his wife spellbound in bed, he is not in charge. His ego is likely to be progressively deflated.

Eventually such a man will lose control of the wife. Believe me, I am a woman and I can tell you it is an exceptional, extraordinary, unusual, uncommon, rare and God-fearing woman who will remain faithful to a man who cannot ‘perform’ in bed. Low productivity: When a man cannot perform his role as husband in terms of sexual satisfaction, his general energy level will be affected and there is the likelihood that he will be depressed most of the time and overwhelmed with the stress of what to do. And when depression comes in, a man cannot perform at his optimum level at work. And this can cause a series of problems, including loss of job or slide in the fortunes of the business.

Poverty: When a man cannot concentrate, it also means that he cannot function at his best. When a man is in top shape, he can multitask and generate income from multiple sources but when his energy level is down, his productivity is also at the lowest ebb and gradually laziness sets in, which ultimately brings poverty.

Health problems: Good sexual relationship is not only medicinal, it reduces aging; it helps to increase the production of essential male sex hormones and bring good health. When a man and a woman enjoy moments of unhindered sexual life, they tend to be energetic. However, when a man discovers that he is not up to it in terms of his sexual responsibility, all manner of complicated health problems set in, which can lead to depression.

Spiritual angle: It is also a sin for a man to fail to perform his sexual responsibility to his wife. Giving money is good but being unable to satisfy your wife is even a greater responsibility. A woman may even be willing to leave a rich man who cannot perform in bed for a poor man who is a dynamite in bed! You had better believe it!

Questions and answers

My husband says frequent sex is not healthy

My husband says frequent sex is not healthy, how do I change his mind? Here is my story. My husband and I have been married for over four years. After our marriage, we had to live in different cities. I was in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, while he lived in Asaba, Delta State. We only met once in every two weeks. This lasted for about one and a half years, though, we got on very well and our sex life was fantastic.

Thereafter, I got a job in Ibadan and we started living together. Ever since, our sex life has gone bad. Whenever it comes to sex, we argue a lot. Our sex life has become a way of releasing tension. Nowadays, I am lucky if we have sex once in a week. Even then, I would have to beg him, on my knees. He only consents after he has had a couple of drinks. It is so frustrating. If I try talking to him about it, he gets defensive and says he believes that sex should just come naturally. He would then add that planning for it or learning about it makes it artificial. To make matters worse, our lovemaking ends abruptly, with him ejaculating within a few minutes and rolling off to sleep and snore. We rarely cuddle after that. We usually go to sleep or get up to do something else. All these I can manage, but the one I desperately need an answer to is the fact that my husband says frequent sex is not healthy. How can I make him believe otherwise?

Mrs. Seriously Disturbed

Most of the e-mails I get are usually from men, although some also come from women who muster the courage to share their problems with someone they have never met. This is the reason I try to always respond to such questions. My intention is to always reward the courage displayed by such women and also lend a helping hand.

I find your case intriguing, particularly that you have to beg your husband for sex. Most times, this type of complaint comes from men. However, I must confess that this is a problem that I mostly come across in my mails and during seminars.

I think many couples find themselves in this type of situation because they do not know that it is common for passion to ebb in relationships. As I have written here on many occasions, no matter how much we may think we are in love, it is normal for passion, and even lust, to ebb. Couples must learn to notice when this is happening and take proactive steps to remedy the situation.

When a marriage is young, it is normal for couples to devour each other at a moment’s notice. Moreover, this usually happens without either of them having to make extra efforts. This is wonderful while it lasts. Afterwards it is natural when it stops happening to both spouses. At this point, both partners have a choice, either to watch their sex life go downhill or learn how to create passionate sex, which takes a lot of effort and time. Fortunately, the effort is so richly rewarding with pleasure, excitement and surprise, that such couples will wonder why they had not done that before now!

Therefore, on this score, your husband is wrong to have thought that sex should not be ‘planned or learnt. Sex is good when it is spontaneous, but then what should a couple do when it ceases to be? Sex, like any other human activity, can be planned and learnt. Moreover, drinking lots of alcohol before sex does not increase sexual performance, it only increases sexual desires and most times, the after effect of the alcohol drains off energy for good performance.

Having said that, it may be difficult to offer advice to you without having the full details of other non-sexual factors that may be responsible for your husband’s behaviour. Some unaddressed factors may be predisposing factors to such behaviour. Sometimes, the attitude, actions, comportment or hygiene of a spouse can make the other spouse to stay off sex.

One of the main challenges of a typical African marriage, especially in Nigeria, is that couples do not create leisure time for their sexual harmony. A typical couple knows how to work, make money but not how to take time off and learn how to flavour their sex lives. Make time for each other, at least, once every week: no family, no friends, and no business. You must learn how to set aside several hours where the focus would be you, your mate, your relationship and your sexuality. You need this to stoke up the fire of your sexual passion. It may or may not include sexual activities, but it should always be sensual, intimate and fun.

You can also watch good movies, particularly romantic movies with your husband. While I frown on pornographic films, I encourage couples to watch any of the videos prepared by sexologists and made to improve couples’ sex lives. It is also a way to bring spark to one’s sex life.

While I know that your husband may show little interest in all these since he says that it is not good to plan for sex, I am sure he would be interested to know that sex does not have any adverse effect on health. It is indeed very beneficial to one’s health. In fact, a recent study claims that sex may be the best form of experience after all.

Funmi, how do I know if I am close to having an orgasm as a wife?

I wanted to ask how I would know if I am close to having an orgasm? There are times when my body tightens up in a way that seems similar to when my husband has orgasms. However, it’s not followed by a sense of release or uterine contractions. Do you think this happens when I’m on the way to having an orgasm? Are other women experiencing the same?

New bride

Yes, I think you’re on the way to orgasm when that happens. Building tension is a key component of heading toward climax. But the arousal may not have increased enough to get you over the edge to release.

There are really two ways to look at orgasm: physiologically and experientially. Let’s look at each.

First, the physiology of an orgasm by medical professionals and scientific researchers says it is the build-up and orgasm through physical characteristics — that is, what’s actually happening in your body. Leading up to a climax, the blood vessels in the genitalia dilate, meaning that a woman’s vulva will swell up. The inner vaginal lips will become two to three times their normal size. The blood flow can also cause the body to have a flush, particularly on the neck and chest. Rate of heartbeat, breathing, and blood pressure increase and when on verge of having an orgasm, blood flow causes the lower area inside the vagina to become firm. A wife’s breasts may swell, the areola of her breasts (shaded part around the nipples) flattens, and the clitoris pulls back from the pubic bone. The climax, however, has not happened until rhythmic contractions occur.

There is actually a lot going on, and you’re almost certainly not aware of all that as they are happening. It is likely that your husband will not also be fully aware either, as you are both hopefully caught up in the passion of the moment. Experientially, the female climax has certain features most wives recognise, but it can also be individual. One wife may flush a lot and another, not so much. One wife may feel her pulse strongly, and another isn’t aware at all. One wife may feel the contractions strongly, and another less strongly.

Here is a list of what some other wives’ experiences looks like

Increasing leg twitches, a feeling of warmth in the whole pelvic region, and a build-up of tension similar to the build-up before a sneeze.
Legs start twitching and the leg muscles automatically become tense. The pelvic region in general will become tense and there’s a feeling of warmth or tingling. And then there’s the wave as the tide hits.
Some say their stomach drops like on a roller coaster, just before you go over the top, then they have the most peculiar feeling to hold perfectly still and not breathe.
Some say there is a very intense feeling in the clitoral area that builds up. All their muscles tense up. This continues till they can’t take it anymore and then the release comes.
Some experience the good feeling of what is happening intensifying and it gets more and more intense until they can’t take it anymore, then it comes like an electric explosion.
Some say they feel a lot of pressure, but it’s pleasurable. It’s warm and tense in the clitoral area. Sometimes, they say their body shakes a little bit. Breath comes in gasps. Muscles tense up right before it happens.
Some say it is a strange sensation that starts from the pelvic region and travels up the left side of their spine, to the brain — then, fireworks. Then the leg twitches, and sometimes they feel something “like a pelvic sneeze.”
One wife in particular says: “I feel like I’m moving closer and closer to something amazing—good sensations everywhere and everything feels so good and much more intense. When it happens— it feels like ‘fireworks exploding in my brain and all over my body.’
Some say it is a tingling, tickling, spark-like sensation. They also feel swelling in that area and stimulation at times feels like it’s too much to handle. They also complain that they cannot keep their hips still… then it feels like a runaway train or fireworks that go in every direction in the end.
One said: ‘I can no longer focus on what I’m doing (like kissing or touching his back).
Another one said mostly it seems like my toes just curl up and I feel just warm and fuzzy, nothing real intense, but my breathing stops, and I just feel so close and connected with my husband. By Funmi Akingbade

25 rare ways to boost sexual confidence in 2018

2018-01-06T00:20:00.000-08:00

One: It is now a global fact that couple’s sexuality is simply a part of the fabric of living and if couples are not expressing themselves sexually to the maximum due to lack of confidence, they are not living life to the fullest as married lovers. Sex stimulates spouses physically and mentally; it makes couples healthier. It is a terrific exercise that relieves stress and enhances sleep. It creates a feeling of intimacy; sex is just too good, clean, delicious and fun.

Two: Lack of confidence makes couples with good intention destroy their relationship just because they shy away from exploring all that sex has to offer. Lack of confidence makes couples believe that hot sex is somehow beyond their reach, or is meant for some privileged couples.

Three: I have discovered that a fantastic sex life begins with confidential thoughts and great attitudes towards sex. So therefore, it is not only within the power of spouses to have satisfying hot sex, but their responsibilities. Spouses should not wait for the other partner to turn them on, but rather confidently turn their partners on. The more active a couple is in giving and seeking pleasure, the more they think about sex. And the more a partner thinks about sex, the sexier they feel. And the sexier they feel, the better sex both of them will have and the more their confidence grows.

Four: Let your imagination run wild, savour every moment. Wife, sucking on your husband’s finger or sucking on your finger seductively is a gateway to teasing him before the ‘show’ begins. Finger sucking gives you an exhilarating, elating, exciting and ‘be-in-the-mood’ feeling. Fingers are extremely sensitive and the sensation of having it inside a lover’s mouth delivers a warm, soft thrill. Open mouth kisses are far sexier that close-lipped peck. Let your husband enjoy the feeling of your hot breath and wet tongue against his skin.

Five: Pay attention to those areas that are seldom appreciated. Take your husband’s nipples, each one between your teeth for a gentle bite. Men’s nipples are not as sensitive as a woman’s, but they still get erect when licked, kissed and bitten. The flesh in-between the penis and the scrotum should be licked as if you are licking an ice cream. The surprise of feeling fingertips, lips or tongue on these sensitive parts will shoot tiny shivers of hot pleasure up the man’s spine. A man’s back is very sensitive, it responds well to erotic stimulation. Place lots of lubricant in your palms and rubs the back.

Six: Each time you make love as a couple, let there be an intense connection. For instance, the husband should take control of the action before the time of thrusting by cradling his wife’s head in his hands and whispering sweet words into her ear. This is a sure access into a total rapturous pleasure. Wife, at this stage, you should wrap your arms and legs around your husband’s body and pull him closer to you for deep penetration. Make sure you match the rhythm of each thrusting with a corresponding lifting of your pelvic to his and let out some stimulating sounds, moaning and seductive sexy words. Holding hands during sex is fantastic. Grasping your spouse’s hands is also a romantic way for you to provide added support and balance when he or she is moving up and down on top of you.

Seven: Encourage your wife to straddle you on the edge of the bed and give her neck, breasts and nipples plenty of loving attention while you are intertwined. Encourage your wife to put up a show with her breasts by telling her how striking and sexy they are and how much you love watching them move and dance.

Eight: Husband, one of the greatest sex escapades is to allow your wife to take the lead whenever she is on top of you and follow her lead. When she moves down on you firmly to achieve deeper penetration, thrust up slightly and when she is moving quickly or intermittently, stay still and let her have her way. This instruction is particularly good for husbands with small organs. The wife should also keep her body upright to make sure she is not bending the penis in an uncomfortable manner. Just move up and down, with an occasional side-to-side wiggle. Squatting also allows for a greater range of up and down motion. Try rotating your hips in a small circle or moving very slowly from side to side as you raise and lower yourself unto your husband.

Nine: Climb on your husband as he sits in a chair. Let your legs fall comfortably on either side of his body and grab the back of the chair, using the chair to rock your body back and forth. Sit in such a way to create friction between your clitoris and his abdomen, and simultaneously move his manhood inside your vagina. This is not only erotic, terrific, invigorating, exquisite and fabulous, but also gives room for a full-frontal seduction. This makes you, as the wife, to feel incredibly sexy and this position is fantastic for inducing hot orgasm.

Ten: Your husband’s manhood should always be given undivided attentiveness. Please, as a wife, do not let a day pass without playing with your husband’s manhood unless on doctor’s order. Do not nurse the idea that the penis can wear out as a result of too much sex, blow job or foreplay. In fact, according to researchers, the human penis is stronger, more revitalised, energetic, activated and ecstatic when put to daily use. So, make a ring with your thumb and index finger and slid it up and down over the head and the very top of the shaft; these are the most sensitive parts of the penis. Wrap your entire hand around the penis for a fuller, slightly less intense; yet, equally enjoyable sensation.

Eleven: This twisting motion can be very erotic, revitalising, fulfiling and uninhibitedly passionate that it can lead to premature ejaculation. I always say that what most wives want in bed is a husband who knows how to control the timing of his ejaculation while the penis is on ‘fire and torture’, so that both spouses will get the maximum pleasure from sex. One major reason many wives abandon the penis is because their anticipation for sexual escapade and thrill is frustrated, cut short and curtailed by their husbands’ weak erection and erectile dysfunction. But do you know that this can easily be achieved? It is easy to develop complete self-control so that you can actually choose when to ejaculate during sex, cure your weak erection and regain your sexual self-confidence.

Twelve: Many husbands enjoy having their prostate gland stimulated during sexual encounter? Wife, locate the area of the skin directly behind his testicles and push upward with the pads of your fingers or your tongue. In fact, tugging gently on the skin can release some extra ‘oomph’, ‘hmmm’, ‘yes’, ‘thank you’, with eyes closed. Stimulate the penis from top to bottom with both fists descending one after the other, so that instead of an up-and-down motion, there is a continual downward stroke. This is enjoyably glorious. Create a ring around the base of the penis with the thumb and index finger of one hand. Hold it there, squeezing gently, while stroking the rest of the penis with the other hand. This helps to engorge the penis and make ejaculation a full calming, peaceful, reassuring force.

Thirteen: Getting hot and yummy? Well, that is what sex should be between husband and wife. And I would suggest here that wives should never allow tradition and culture to place an embargo on their strife to openly voice out their sexual desire. In lieu of this, over the years, many wives have lost their sexual confidence and libido. What presents itself in a typical marriage is a bed where the woman is only to be seen and not heard. Yet, each time I consult with many husbands, the complaint I receive is that their wives are extremely inactive when it comes to sex, and the cause of this is lack of confidence and grit.

Fourteen: A mind filled with confidence helps turn a timid wife to a sex expert. A confident spirit helps put the hands to action and the hands though, they cannot speak verbally, they can speak volumes by their action.

Fifteen: Wife, from the moment your husband starts kissing you, you should move for your husband’s hips, caressing his arms, back, thighs or slide your finger around the nape of his neck. From caressing to grabbing or tender scratching, there are countless ways that you can increase the pleasure by getting your hands involved because those hands are exceptionally gifted.

Sixteen: In addition to using your hands to enhance every aspect of doing the deed, bringing your husband to orgasm via manual stimulation is a highly underrated experience. Manual stimulation allows a wife to closely watch her husband’s reactions and this gives the wife a clue as to the kind of stimulation he needs to climax during thrusting in and out. Don’t be afraid to go beyond using your fingertips. The penis shaft is usually more responsive to an encompassing full-hand hold.

Seventeen: When you want to get your fingers on your husband’s penis, rub them through his pants or boxer or work your hands down the front of his jeans, boxers or trousers. Wrap your fingers around his manhood and begin to cuddle, do it softly so that you are not pulling on the skin.

Eighteen: Gently squeeze his penis or even wag it from side to side. You should never be overly rough and don’t rub it too quickly or too tightly without adequate lubrication. Many couples make use of Vaseline to prevent dryness of the vagina; please, there are better lubricants than Vaseline, which can cause infection and create bad odour for many women who have narrow vaginal pathway. For couples who love public display of affection, the hand job is one of the few sexual acts a wife can engage in. A little under-the-table groping can be a lot of fun, as long as privacy is ensured. This is a great way to get hot before getting home. And if both of you are home, to make this work better, cultivate the habit of sitting close to one another. By this, the wife can easily play with the penis or the scrotum of her husband without being noticed.

Nineteen: The point I am trying to explain here is that if couples do not develop enough confident to do some silly things with each other’s sex organs, both of them will soon get tired of sex.

Twenty: You can bring your man to the brink of paradise and keep him dangling there in heavenly suspense until he begs for mercy by giving him series of tantalising attention you would want him to give you. So start by caressing his manhood carefully, not absentmindedly. Pay attention to how he is responding and give him more of what makes him breathe faster.

Twenty-one: If he is circumcised, use a slow, light, up-and-down stroke when his penis is not lubricated. You can also just trail your fingers up the length of the shaft, and over and around the head. Since most men get erection first thing in the mornings, you can set your alarm 15 minutes before you have to be up, strip down, take his hands in yours, and gently guide them over your body. Make them linger on your nipples and your clitoris. It is a big way to wake him up. Many husbands love women who crave pleasure and take matters into their own hands, literally.

Twenty-two: Fine-tune his touch during foreplay, guide his hand to your clitoris and show him how to touch you with the rhythm and firmness you like.

Twenty-three: Try to press and release his fingertips against your clitoris several times, then use his finger to make small circles in either direction to hit all of your nerves. For a twist that will turn you on, lie facing each other, take his penis, and use the tip of it to demonstrate how you like your clitoris to be touched.

Twenty-four: Manipulate his moves. During sex, it is easy to let clitoral action fall by the wayside since the majority of positions fail to hit that hot spot. Moreover, lack of contact is the main reason why so many wives have trouble reaching orgasm. To get clitoral stimulation during sex, hop on top, and have him stroke your clitoris (the thumb works well here). In the missionary position, grab his buttocks, and guide him to thrust slowly and deeply so your clitoris rubs against his pelvic bone. During doggie-style, he can reach around with one hand and firmly press two fingers on your clitoris for added sensation while he thrusts to help take you over the edge.

Twenty-five: Another way of doing this is to focus on the backside of your wife during foreplay; I am not referring to her buttocks. I mean, the backside of her body. Most husbands usually focus on the front side of their wives body, which means they are neglecting a lot of nerve endings. So, husband, try standing behind your wife and start kissing the nape of her neck, then slowly move down her spine. This also puts you in the perfect position to reach around and cup her breasts or stimulate her manually.

Questions and answers

Which is the best under the circumstances?

Funmi, do you know which positions give the couples most pleasure if the husband wants to really penetrate so deeply but has a small penis? It seems we have made do with all I can offer. Although, my wife is not speaking out, I can read her mind. She is just tagging along with me; she is not satisfied.

O’Neil Bukunmi

It seems that a man is programmed subconsciously such that for them to be satisfied sexually, deep penetration is necessary.

But many researchers have discovered that most women enjoy shallow penetration, close to the clitoris, as this area holds the majority of the sensitive nerve endings for sexual pleasure.

On the other hand, for purposes of achieving bigger penis size, there are certain sex positions that can maximize pleasure for small penises by hitting the right spot inside the woman’s vagina.

Keep in mind that the most sensitive area of the female vagina is a region close to the clitoris and the area is known as the G-Spot. You have to particularly, work and focus on this area when giving your wife an unforgettable sexual experience.

One of the most popular sex positions for small penises is the “Doggie Style” or entry from behind. Many wives truly enjoy this position, especially if you can reach and stimulate her clit while rocking. When having sex, it is not just penetration that matters, but foreplay plays a crucial role towards satisfying your partner.

Obviously, men with medium-sized and smaller penises should focus on foreplay. Foreplay alone can bring an intense and unforgettable arousal for the woman.

Through foreplay especially when done appropriately, a man can deliver a woman to a complete and full arousal. Even with a small penis, she will beg you for that most awaited penetration.

Funmi Akingbade

22 unlimited sex pleasures for this season and beyond

2017-12-30T04:21:00.000-08:00

One of the great things that accompany Christmas and the New Year season is the pleasure it brings along. And how else can a married couple enjoy memorable pleasure than having sex as hot as possible? So today, let us see how far you should be hot for each other, it is actually as simple as ABC.

One: When sex is on the agenda, the greatest mistake any husband would make is not to take advantage of the situation and really go down on the wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina very carefully. Nipple, clitoral and vaginal stimulation can be the high point of foreplay for any wife, anytime. It can even be the main ‘event’ of the night or an erotic act that a couple return to frequently during a long sexual encounter.

Two: Manual stimulation is incredibly important for wives to have an orgasm. Most wives need a little more nipple, clitoral and vaginal contact than intercourse. Warm wet and intimate stimulation can be just as fun and satisfying as full intercourse.

Three: Actually, 87 per cent of wives prefer nipple, clitoral and vaginal caressing to all other forms of foreplay.

Four: Many wives fantasise about lying back and having their husbands go down on them, but many cannot express it. Moreover, if you want to sexually pamper your wife or want her to be consumed literally with enticing sexual feelings, try this out this Yuletide.

Five: Do more than playing with the nipples, vagina and the clitoris; you can actually feast on them. There is something about a husband feasting his eyes, hands and mouth on his wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina that can translate the couple into another world of ecstasy, bliss and elation.

Six: The sensation of the tongue on the nipples, clitoris and vagina, is usually enough to make couples hyperactive with pleasure. However, according to research, many husbands do not lick the right places well or sometimes; they do not stay long enough to make their wives climax.

Seven: During sex, reach down and rub your wife’s clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed that her chances of having orgasm will be increased. For many wives, manual stimulation of these areas is the only way they can climax. Rubbing the nipples, vagina and the clitoris the right way is not something husbands just naturally know how to do; it is something they have to learn. When a wife’s vagina is not yet lubricated, ‘never’ try to insert a finger or penis into it; that is ‘pure legal raping’.

Eight: Studies have shown that husbands staring at their wives’ breasts for 10 minutes a day can improve their total well-being.

Nine: The human lips, tongues and genitals are the most sensitive areas of their bodies.

Ten: The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Eleven: The tip of the clitoris has 700 nerve endings, more than what is found on the head of the penis.

Twelve: The most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina is the first two inches; that is where the majority of the nerves endings are located.

Thirteen: A woman’s skin is 10 times more sensitive to touch than a man’s own.

Fourteen: During arousal, increased blood flow causes a woman’s breasts to swell by 25 per cent; and when stimulated, the vagina expands six inches wider.

Fifteen: As a wife is turned on, blood rushes to her vulva, causing the vagina to release a smooth liquid called ‘drops of Jupiter’. The average duration of a female orgasm is six seconds. The Japanese word for orgasm translates as, ‘I have died and gone to heaven’. Now carefully stimulating your wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina can make her also utter this statement.

Sixteen: One step at a time is the best secret code; so while together, have your hands under her then stroke her clitoris through her panties to build the anticipation of feeling your fingers against her wet skin. Even if you have seen your wife’s nakedness a thousand times, don’t rush to take off her panties every time.

Seventeen: Take the action to the next level by sliding your hand under her panties. Don’t just rub the nub but start kissing your wife’s knee up to her inner thigh or from her navel down to her clitoris, then directly to her labia, and then find your way to her nipples.

Eighteen: A wife’s inner thigh is very sensitive. Incredibly, some wives can even have orgasm just by their feet being messaged. Starting your journey to the clitoris by kissing her thighs is still the best. This gives your wife intense pleasure and builds her anticipation for the trill to come. Ask her to hold her legs up and out of the way; this allows you better access to the vagina.

Nineteen: If you want to hear whether she is moaning with pleasure, ask her not to sandwich your ears with her thighs, you will be amazed with the varieties of ‘melodic rhythms’ coming your way! Pay close attention to the moaning and make sure she is not moaning because she is in pain.

Twenty: As you listen to her moans of pleasure, keep stimulating the clitoris and the surrounding areas with all your four fingers. Apply light to firm pressure using an up-and-down motion, slowly circling the area. All this provides wonderful sensation and are helpful in bringing your wife to climax.

Twenty-one: You can vary the pressure and speed, depending on what she likes best. While on her clitoris, plant several little kisses (on it) and flip your tongue directly around it. On the other hand, you can simultaneously insert your finger into her vagina and caress it as the clitoral kissing is going on, by using the thumb to drive her wild and the other hand to rub her pubic heap.

Twenty-two: Husband, use the tip of your tongue to brush, tap, or flip the clitoris in an up-and-down and/or side-to-side motion. Try it slowly, then quickly, and even more quickly. The tap can be light or firm.

Questions and answers

My husband’s sexual desire is low

My husband and I have been married for three years. He is 42 and I am about to turn 31. Few months into our marriage, he was very affectionate and loving and we had sex quite regularly. Then it reduced to twice a week, then once a week. Now, it is once in three or more weeks and there is little affection in our relationship. I try to be playful and initiate sex, but it usually ends with my husband giving an excuse (such as being too tired or having too much work to do) and me feeling embarrassed and unattractive.

We have discussed this issue several times and he says that he is very much attracted to me but that it is hard for him to get in the mood because of all the stress from work. He has also told me a few times that he feels that I pressure him for sex so much.

It is still difficult for me to imagine a husband feeling pressured to have sex with his wife. What I also don’t understand is if he’s attracted to me as much as he says he is, wouldn’t having sex help alleviate some of that stress he’s feeling?

When we do have sex, it seems like as soon as I am “ready”, he wants to have sex instead of enjoying the foreplay for a bit longer. It makes me feel like he just wants to get it over with. In addition, when we have sex, he usually wants reverse cowgirl or to be behind me instead of a more affectionate position where we can kiss and make eye contact, which is important to me.

We used to be affectionate but now, I get a pat on the back in the morning when we leave for work and maybe a hug. If I try to be affectionate (not to initiate sex, but really just to make out), he might give me a few kisses back but it does not feel like he is into it and he usually manoeuvres me into a cuddling position and falls asleep.

After he told me he felt like I pressured him to have sex, I did my best to back off. The point is that I want some sort of affection. Is it wrong to want affection? I would really like some advice from you. I want to make him happy but I want to be happy too. I hate feeling as if I am a sort of abandoned project, as if I am not attractive enough for him.

Joyce, Badagry

It seems as if he has a low sex drive. From your letter, it looks like you have succumbed to the fact that you are not going to have any active sex life again. It is in the best interest of the marriage for you to express to him that having a strong sexual relationship is important to you and that if he is unable to meet your needs, he should at least meet you halfway. Besides, he is your man. Study him, read him like a book, pamper him like a kid, comfort him like a mother, and get to know how you can win him to your side. I am quite certain you have all it takes to do that. Also, look for his areas of interest and be genuinely interested; this will endear him to you. I know several couples who have been in this situation and 99 per cent of the time, it ended up sweet.

No sign of blood to show she was deflowered

I have been married for close to seven weeks and my wife and I were virgins, but up till now, I have not been able to deflower her. I have tried so hard, but it looks like whenever I penetrate, there is no more depth to go. Moreover, I discovered that whenever it seems as if I have managed to penetrate satisfactorily enough and have released, immediately she gets up, all the sperm pours out of her again in large quantity. The amazing part of it is that we have not seen any trace of blood since we started having sex. Honestly, we are getting worried. What can we do?

Peter Eduloye, Oyo

Your complaint is typical of inexperienced newlyweds and it is expected. Firstly, it is not all virgins that may bleed while breaking their hymen. The hymen, which is a thin but tough membrane found at the entrance of the vagina, may be absent at birth or may be lost during vigorous physical sporting activities. This may explain why you are not seeing blood. Though, the initial breaking of the hymen during sexual intercourse may bleed slightly because of damage to the membrane, this may not be so in some cases because of its classification. There are three types of hymen, the very fragile hymen (which breaks easily few years into puberty); the regular hymen (which breaks at young adult stage); and the tough hymen (which takes months or even years to break, especially when the lady is 25 years and above). If you relax, practise more of foreplay and try to calm down a bit; you will in no time deflower her. The reason why sperm still pours out of her may simply be because she is still tight, which is also typical of a vagina that was not sexually active prior to this time. As times goes on, things will fall into place.

I only enter his bedroom whenever he needs sex

The only time I enter my husband’s bedroom is when he needs sex, any other time, he shuts his door against me. He said that is the tradition in their family and that he is more productive sleeping alone. There have been occasions when the children fell ill in the middle of the night; he only came out of his room, insisting we nursed the child in my room and not his. Curiosity had made me break into the room when he was away but I did not find anything unusual; his slogan is ‘stay in your room, I don’t share a room with a woman’. But I am not just a woman; I’m his wife. This has made me to deny him sex, am I doing the right thing?

Maureen Paul

Ideally, couples should share everything together, including the bedroom. Secluded privacy is not actually for married people. Spontaneous sex, which is still rated as the best sex, happens more often among couples that share same bedroom and mattress. Besides, some crucial marital issues may be best discussed and solved at night. Separate rooms will not help make this happen. It is also easier for couples to reconcile their differences while sleeping together in the same bedroom than while sleeping in separate bedrooms. But nevertheless, some people may be more productive, experience quality rest and get more privacy with separate rooms. I still think it is best to discuss this.

I am helpless

I have almost given up on my premature ejaculation problem. My first wife fled with my children on some spurious and unfounded excuses. But ostensibly, it was because of this nagging ailment. I have done all that is physically, spiritually and medically possible in the quest for a solution to the problem, but I have failed woefully. This has not deterred me though because I know that God‘s care and mercy extend beyond any imaginable limits. I believe your advice and counsel in this area can help me. You have certainly started a medium that would free millions of people from their fears and helplessness as regards marital sexual fulfilment. I am a helpless man in this area.

Helpless man

I would love to say that you are not helpless because you have not extensively exhausted all medical solutions. This is because there are always new discoveries every day that may help you out. Researchers are of the opinion that they would likely come up with varieties of solutions. Besides, there is nothing greater than God. To contribute my quota, I would love you to try some of these natural herbs and exercises and I am sure they will be of help to you. Medicine is taking a giant stride as regards these cases.

Funmi Akingbade

13-21 of the 25 sexual things to know before Christmas (III)

2017-12-17T08:15:00.002-08:00

Thirteen: Never forget that marital sex boosts self-esteem in both the wife and husband at every stage of their career, business or endeavours. Boosting self-esteem is one of the 237 reasons people have sex, as observed by the University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex, marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she says. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected and what you want, it raises it.”
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Fourteen: Amazing marital sex improves intimacy and binds couples together more than any other joint ventures in life. Having sex and orgasm increase levels of oxytocin, the so-called love hormones, which helps us to bond and build trust. Researchers from the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59 pre-menopausal women before and after contact with their husbands ending with hugs. They found out that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels. According to the researchers, “Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond.” Higher oxytocin has also been linked to a feeling of generosity. So, if you suddenly feel more generous towards your spouse than usual, credit the love hormone and credit the sexual activities.

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Fifteen: Good sex is a pain relief natural herb. Sex reduces pain and inflammation. As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase; arthritis pain reduces and PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex – you can thank those higher oxytocin levels. In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapour and had their fingers pricked, lowered their pain threshold by more than half. Even sex shortly after delivery helps to heal episiotomy pain faster than medication. What a great gift God gave the married couple!

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Sixteen: Amazing healthy sex reduces prostate and breast cancer risk. ‘Frequent ejaculations, especially in the 20-year-old men and above, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life,’ Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men that were diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s and 50s. But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s, reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third. Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly. The spasm experienced during ejaculation usually sends a reflect muscular post-spasm stimulation all over the pelvic region of the man, helping to splash the prostate with more than enough nutrient-oxygenated blood. As for the breast, each time the breast is been caressed, stimulated, fondled, it automatically allows the spread of nutrient-oxygenated blood into the milk lobs thereby helping the breast to remain healthy and reducing the risk of breast cancer.

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Seventeen: Never forget that sex strengthens the pelvic floor muscles of both the husband and wife, thereby reducing the risk of bladder leakage, weakness of the pelvic floor, and weakness of the reproductive organs of both man and woman especially the urethra, bladder, virginal wall, penis tissue and the epididymis. So, this is good news for men suffering from erectile dysfunction. When a man practices more of Kegel and pelvic wall exercise and applies the practice during sex, he should be certain of getting a better grip on his erection and ejaculation. For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegel during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimise the risk of incontinence later in life. To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor as if you are trying to stop urine flow. Count to three, then release.

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Eighteen: As a couple, are you experiencing lack of good sleep or insomnia? Well, the good news is good sex helps you sleep better, especially when you drink moringa tea shortly before or after sex. The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

Nineteen: The old woman fable of bedroom tricks still work wonders in revitalising the sex bed. One trick is never to ignore deep kissing; it has a way of stimulating your most sensitive regions, particularly your privates. While kissing, gently run your fingers up and down inside of each other’s arms; it is a teasing and sensual way of creating a sensation that will leave the two of you craving for the real show. At this point, I would encourage the wife to caress her husband’s organ lightly with her fingertips, until it is fully erect. Then, she should wrap her hand around it, and apply more pressure, as if she is pressing a pear fruit to know if it is ripe. If you are not sure he is erect enough, ask him. It may sound funny, but I can assure you that your man will find it erotic. Men appreciate direct sexual, sensual question while in bed. You could say, “Honey, how does that feel?” A wife should also learn to touch and caress her husband a few inches away from his organ. She should learn to run her fingers through his pubic hair, caress his lower stomach and stroke his inner thighs; this will build eagerness and get him ready for action.
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Twenty: Husbands should remember that, in bed, a little bit of aggression makes sex more exciting. So, a husband should be firmer, pinning his wife to the bed, especially when it is the missionary position. And as you are reaching orgasm, try slowing down to an intensity of about 75 per cent of your full speed; stay like that for about one minute, and then pick up the pace again. This will further enhance pleasure and prolong the feeling of enjoyment slightly. This technique will make your orgasm more intense. When a husband is hard and highly erect, the wife could use one hand to push his erect organ up, towards his stomach, and then use her tongue on the underside of his shaft. She could also move her head from side to side to cover more surface area. While doing this, he could return the favour by stroking her G-spot using the ‘come hither’ method.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into this without being explicit, because we will not be able to treat that fully. Next week, we will start a series on ‘G-spot’ in men. Before then, married couples go ahead and have fun.

Twenty-one: You cannot deny that having sex or making love is one of the most enjoyable activities for married couples. But you need to know that it can also lead to untimely death if not properly controlled. Death can occur during sex for a number of reasons, generally because of the physical exertion and strain of the activity, or because of unusual clarifying circumstances and some underlying medical condition. Sudden death during sex accounts for approximately 0.9 per cent of all sudden deaths. Numerous notable cases of individuals dying during or from sex have been recorded and reported. For example, Nelson Rockefeller, one of the modern figures who was also former Vice-President of the United States, died of a heart attack during sex. Last king of the Huns in Europe, Atilla, was also recorded in history of being killed by a heart rendering deadly orgasm.

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Questions and answers

What’s the usual age for the first time erection? My six-year-old is always having frequent erection especially in the morning; I am worried and I don’t know what to do.

Mr. Eerie Akpan

As a matter of fact, some boys are born with erections while in the uterus. Ultrasounds normally show that babies can have erections right in the womb; so boys get erections when they are even under the age of one. But it is typically very obvious when they get to their early teen – that is when the sex hormone testosterone is active. But when a six-year-old has an erection, it may not be a reason for the alarm if it occasionally happens early in the mornings when he baths or cleans or touches the penis area. But when it becomes a frequent occurrence accompanied by pains and a turgid erection that does not subside, it is better to take the boy to the family doctor. Morning erections normally last longer till men get to adulthood. Men usually have three to five erections each night, often while they dream.

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I have more than two nipples

I have a big problem. My two breasts are not only abnormally unequal but I have an extra nipple on my left breast and it has hair around it. This has made me not to accept any relationship proposal from any man. I cannot even have my bath when others are in the bathroom. I cannot dress up in the presence of others. I am afraid of surgery. What can I do please?

Simisola Tomomere

When you take nipple size and breast shape into account, more than 88 per cent of women report a difference in sizes. So both breasts may not be the same size. Strange as it may sound, some people have more than two nipples. About one per cent of women have them, and twice as many men. But they’re often smaller than other nipples, so there might not be a reason for you to worry. They show up at birth, usually along the body’s “milk line”, somewhere between shoulders and legs. It’s rare, but they can form on other parts of the body, including the forehead and foot. I think this cannot prevent you entering into a meaningful relationship. I would rather suggest you date someone who really loves you and accepts you the way you are and who is worthy of your trust. Hair around your nipple is not an uncommon thing. It’s normal to have a few small hairs on the nipples, or the dark skin around the nipple. If it bothers you, clip it with small scissors but do not pluck or shave it because it can cause ingrown hairs and infection.

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I can’t get my penis up

I am very fit and I’ve been sexually active since I was 15. Now, I am in my early 30’s and I do a regular medical check-up every four months. Shamefully, I have lost count of many women who refused to put up with me because they couldn’t get my penis up. During sex, I would have to hold my penis down and tight with my fingers like a ring just to make it strong enough for erection. Are there other reasons penis can’t get up? Help, I am dying gradually!

Owen Peters

Sometimes when a man has serial sexual partners, there may be a possibility of being intimidated especially when he is overwhelmed with the feeling that he needs to perform a little more than usual. This is a major reason why you may lose erection as a healthy man. If you’ve been drinking heavily, there’s a good chance your penis might not be able to perform. Besides, online porn is probably the greatest hidden contributor to bedroom ED, because of overuse or overindulgence of it. If you are the type that is addicted to porn and masturbating several times a day, however healthy you may be, you may likely end up not having an erection. Is your mind clouded with issues of life or something is troubling you or are you feeling guilty about something? This aspect of mental instability paralyses a man more than anything else regardless of the high state of well-being.

Will my sexual desires change during pregnancy?

I just got married and my husband says he does not only love sex but he will be making love to me even while I am pregnant till the last stage of my pregnancy. I am okay with this but my fear of his obsession is, supposing my sexual desire changes during pregnancy, does that mean he will be unfaithful? He has actually threatened that if I am not very responsive, he will have to seek for sex anyhow.

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Tricia Seiseiko

It is normal for your desires to be different now that you are pregnant. Changing hormones cause some women to experience an increased sex drive during pregnancy. But others may not be as interested in sex as they were before they became pregnant.

Sex is important in a marriage relationship especially in a new union but it is important for your husband to know that sex is not the only thing in a relationship. Sex, as a final act of commitment, is a powerful statement of love that deepens marital commitment and rekindles excitement and it is designed to exist within certain boundaries. A normal husband should be more caring than threatening his wife when she is pregnant with their child. Every act of sex outside of marriage cheapens both sex and marriage. If there is a need for him to stay off sex for sometime during your pregnancy, I think he should happily do that, this is not as if he is to abstain from basic life necessities, such as eating or drinking or breathing. Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never a necessity

Funmi Akingbade

25 sexual things to know before Christmas

2017-12-13T23:22:00.001-08:00

As everyone is about to enter the hustle and bustle usually associated with Christmas period, I want to quickly infuse into the hearts of all the married lovers and couples in a relationship, some 25 ‘never-forget’ discoveries they need to know and be familiar with this season. These 25 discoveries are accessible facts married couples can easily adopt while in the spirit of Christmas. So, enjoy as you read and make sure your sex bed does not experience any dull moment all through this Yuletide.

One: Never forget the fact that every human being is created as a sexual being and all human beings have the ability to reach orgasm at any given time even within seconds. This is because male and female orgasm has been defined as, “an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tension.” Although, there are other definitions, most of the time, the word, ‘tension’ is recurrent. This suggests that if and when sexual intercourse comes up between two married lovers, hot, superb erotic and unimaginable orgasm is expected to be a normal activity when sex is going on. Orgasm during sex should be expected frequently between couples, giving room for utmost unhindered sexual satisfaction.

Two: During orgasmic sexual intercourse, a lot of incredible things happen in human body. Whenever any couple experiences sizzling and burning orgasm, their hearts pump faster while both of them breathe heavily to fuel their muscles. Then, hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin send instant messages about this sexual activity to the couple’s brains and other sensitive parts of their bodies. In a jiffy, blood is pumped into the genital regions to create the tension that ultimately triggers a pudenda reflex (this is a muscular spasm of the genitals). The immediate reflex results in the pelvic-floor muscles, contracting between five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals. This is the wonder of the orgasm that couple must experience and look forward to experience while in the spirit of Christmas!

Three: Sexual therapists have made it clear that orgasm experience helps to burn out some amount of fat around the heart tissues and neural pathways in the spine. This explosive discharge of a neuromuscular tension is not only peculiar to the male gender, as it is also present in the female gender. The most prominent and sensitive female organ that could trigger orgasm anytime there is sexual activity is the clitoris. This organ is about two inches above the vaginal opening, located in front and above the opening of the urethra (urine outlet). It is the most sexually sensitive part of the female reproductive organ; it becomes slightly enlarged and erect in response to sexual stimulation. This is called the female ‘sexual trigger.” Most married women do not experience orgasm because their husbands hardly take quality time to lovingly and gently caress this organ during foreplay. Sufficient stimulation of this organ during foreplay produces the orgasm experience in nearly all women.

However, it should be noted that this must be done with utmost care, as many husbands had, in the course of caressing the clitoris, inflicted untold pains on their wives. What is expected of such husbands is merely a feather touch caressing, or better still, using their tongue or hands to stimulate the organ, which produces orgasm within a twinkle of an eye. Unfortunately, in most parts of the African continent, this wonderful structure is usually removed or mutilated during female circumcision.

Four: Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. More than 60 percent of women must have direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. In fact, believing a woman should achieve orgasm through intercourse alone is like expecting a man to reach orgasm by only stroking his testicles. Do not ignore the facts of anatomy. A woman’s clitoris is similar to the head (glans) of the man’s penis. Often, the clitoris isn’t stimulated by intercourse. If the head of the penis wasn’t involved in intercourse, the man wouldn’t climax easily!

This does not mean that it is proper for a man to reach for his wife’s clitoris immediately. Women come in all shapes and sizes-physically, emotionally, and particularly, sexually; so the only safe way to approach her clitoris is to find out what she wants and what she likes. It is only few and rare women that are okay with ‘starting’ quickly for their clitoris; most women will be offended or turned off if their husband goes straight to their clitoris first and skip fondling the non-sexual areas. Like the penis, the clitoris engorges with blood during arousal. Touching her before she is aroused can be unpleasant, or even painful to most women.

Five: Most women differ greatly in the way they enjoy having their clitoris stimulated, and the manner of stimulation can vary during the different stages of lovemaking. It is helpful (and can be fun) for a wife to show her husband how she wants to be stroked by placing her hand over his own and actually putting pressure on his fingers to demonstrate where she likes to be touched, how lightly or firmly, and how slowly or quickly she likes the movements to be. The other nerve- invested areas are the nipple, the breast, the lips of the vaginal, and the lobs of the ear.

Questions Answers

Can I still give birth again?

I’m a 30-year-old lady and I have used the contraceptive injection for over four years now because of the new joy I got shortly after getting married. My period has stopped for some time and I am afraid that I may not conceive again. I am worried because my husband and I are thinking of settling down to have a family of our own and the fear of not being able to conceive is affecting my sex life.

Anxious woman

Amenorrhea (temporary stoppage of periods) is a common side effect of the contraceptive injection. It may take up to a year for your menstrual cycle to return to normal after stopping the three-month injectable contraceptive. However, this should not affect your ability to conceive. All you need to do is relax and try to enjoy sex for the fun of it and not because you want to get pregnant.

Question two

Unbearable pain during sex

I’m 30 years old and I just got married. My wife and I were both virgins before we got married. Every time we make love, she feels an unbearable pain. We always have sex quickly or not all, because she once said it would be better if she died than endure the pain. It has been a month since we got married but she still complains of the pains. I also ejaculate very early.

Anonymous

I believe the greatest thing any couple could do for each other is to ensure that they both enjoy sex to the fullest. Your experience is common among newly married virgins. Just give yourself time to adjust to your new life. For now, sex will continue to be somewhat painful for your wife, until she gets used to being penetrated. But that should not put both of you off sex. I suggest you see that the sexual conditions are right for the two of you so that her mind will be free to focus on relaxing. I also suggest you see a sex therapist who will teach both of you how your sexual bodies work and how you can enjoy sex in a more satisfying manner. Do not feel embarrassed. This is but a learning process.

Question three

My organ is too small, I don’t want to lose my woman

I am a fan of yours and I have been following your write-ups for some time now. Ever since then, my sex life has not been the same. My wife and I are always blessed by each edition, may God in His infinite mercy continue to bless and enrich this column with great knowledge. I have a problem with my penis. It is very small, and my woman is complaining, please what can I do before I lose her.

Monday Alao

This is an immense problem that plagues our men – both young and old, rich and poor, highly influential and the commoner – not only in our country but the whole world and it has been a major concern to many. However, I would love to give a word of advice. Over the years of my being a sex therapist and a sexologist, I have discovered that these following tips have saved a lot of marriage relationships with or without the use of penis- enlargement drugs.

One, if your wife is not complaining, just accept yourself as you are.

Two, if your wife is complaining, then apply the followings:

A: When having sex, engage in varieties of dog style position such as spoon style or side by side style position or any other form of sex than the basic missionary position. The trick of these styles is that it normally reduces the length of the vaginal of the woman. This is because she is not standing straight, sitting straight or bending slightly. With these positions, her virginal is automatically shorter than the usual length when she is straightened up. And when you enter her from whatever angle, your penis will be able to fully fill up the remaining part of her vaginal.

Two, if you are extremely smart with delivering a very good passionate, erotic foreplay; you can easily bring her to the verge of climaxing prior to your entering her and you will be able to get her to orgasm with any size of penis.

Three, make sure you learn the skill of pre-sex fingering and clitoris banqueting. Master it and become an expert with it. What I mean by ‘clitoris banqueting’ is taking quality time to work on the clitoris at the same time, finger the first few inches of her vaginal very extensively. When this is done, it usually compensates for the fullness of the small size penis because by the time you have done justice to her clitoris and the tip of the vaginal with your fingers, your small penis will just finish the job easily.

Four, you can always try many natural herbs available from highly recommended company for increase in size of the penis.

Five, practice more of blow-job with her valval than penetrative vagina sex.

Can I still love him?

‘I don’t love my hubby’

I don’t feel anything when he touches me. Your column made me to believe that you could solve my problem. Sorry, I am not good at writing. I am 37 years old and have been married for 10 years. I have five children, but I have never enjoyed sex with my husband and I believe that I am frigid. After I got married, I told my friend and she took me to a medical doctor, who said my problem was not medical but emotional. He also asked me if I love my husband and if I had ever been raped in my life. The truth is that I am not in love with my husband. I only married him because of pressure from my family that I was getting old. After this visit to my doctor, I have managed to tolerate my husband, but I am not even aware of his touch, neither do I feel anything when he enters me. That’s how we have managed to have five children. But I don’t think it will be ideal to stay idle and do nothing about my condition. I keep changing doctors and I used traditional medicine to no avail. However, what surprises me is that in all these years, my husband has never complained. He has never revealed that he has noticed my lack of response. When I discuss it with my doctor, he said maybe my husband was the problem and he invited him. But my husband refused to go. Please help me because I don’t know what to do. I have only written 10 percent of what is happening.

H.I

I think your problem needs an urgent attention. Try and see me, you need lots of counselling.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual order

2016-06-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

The best of anything or everything is best enjoyed when it is done well and done properly. One of the frequent complaints of many married lovers is that their spouses are not orderly or the act of sex is very clumsy and un-interesting. One of my quotes of good sex is usually ‘a place for everything and everything in place.’ Whenever couples give priority to good organography for sexual intercourse, they do not only enjoy lasting sex; they enjoy bounding sex, they enjoy sex till old age, they enjoy the type of sex each party looks out for. So today, I want to assist couples on how to take their spouse into attaining the best sexual responses. The sexual response is actually the natural sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a spouse becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, which include releasing their minds, bodies and will in total abandonment during sexual act. Knowing how your spouse responds during each phase of the cycle enhances the relationship and helps married couples pinpoint the cause of any sexual challenge.

This sexual order is in four phases- excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Both men and women experience these phases, although the timing usually is different. For example, it is unlikely that both married couples will reach orgasm at the same time. In addition, the intensity of the response and the time spent in each phase varies from person to person. Understanding these differences would definitely help spouses better understand one another’s bodies and responses, and enhance the sexual experience.

Phase 1: excitement: general characteristics of the excitement phase, which can last from a few minutes to several hours, include the following: muscle tension increases, heart rate quickens and breathing is accelerated. Skin may become flushed (blotches of redness appear on the chest and back). Nipples become hardened or erect, blood flow to the genitals increases, resulting in swelling of the woman’s clitoris and labia minora (inner lips), and erection of the man’s penis, vaginal lubrication begins, the woman’s breasts become fuller and the vaginal walls begin to swell, the man’s testicles swell, his scrotum tightens, and he begins secreting a lubricating liquid. This does not just occur if some steps are not taken. For instance, couples can learn to give good sexual speech through whispering, phone calls and text messages. Do you know that with a single sexual and sensual call, you can get your spouse so aroused at his or her desk and he or she will be counting minutes just to get to you.

Hello, now, before you make that call, pick your tone: flirty, seductive, romantic, macho, dominator. When he or she answers, stay silent for a few seconds. Then, in your sexiest voice, describe how you would like him or her to kiss you, touch and undress you. Then take him or her through the finer details of how you are going to give him or her the most amazing oral sex ever. Non-verbal communication is a good element to spark up the best sexual response cycle in our partner. You can groan and moan, but you can also breathe, stay silent and then repeat such. By the time you hang up, you’ll have your spouse so hot, his or her main problem will be hiding the fast breathing, and erected penis(for men) from colleagues as he or she sneaks away from his or her desk with a head full of sexual thoughts, treats and escapade for the night.

Put to use the power of the smooching. This speeds up the response of the other party. While you are smooching, try kissing around the edges of the lips, then run the tip of your tongue over them. The longer you can delay before inserting your tongue, the more sensual it will be. Lift your spouse’s face and teasingly kiss him or her around the chin and jaw, moving down to the sensitive areas of the neck and throat. Then extend your passion to a tongue bath: where you cover every inch of your spouse’s body with kisses.

Phase 2: plateau: general characteristics of the plateau phase, which extends to the brink of orgasm or climaxing, include the following; the changes begun in phase 1 are intensified, the vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow, and the vaginal walls turn darker in dark women and purple dark in fair complexioned women. The woman’s clitoris becomes highly sensitive (sometime may even be painful to touch) and retracts under the clitoral hood to avoid direct stimulation from the penis. The man’s testicles are drawn up into the scrotum. Breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure continue to increase. Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands. Muscle tension increases. Believe you me, this stage can also be ignited if couples become more creative such as giving each other deep caressing even with the clothes on. This can deliver some certain sexual thrill. Spouses can simulate each other with all the moves they would perform if both of them were nude, but make up your mind to stop yourselves from shedding your clothes. Then when you both notice you have got to the stage of no return, pull off your clothes and slid into this stage of sexual response cycle.

Phase 3: Orgasm stage: this is the climax of the sexual response cycle. It is the shortest of the phases and generally lasts only a few seconds. General characteristics of this phase include the following: involuntary muscle contractions begin; blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates, with a rapid intake of oxygen; muscles in the feet spasm, there is a sudden, forceful release of sexual tension. In women, the muscles of the vagina contract. The uterus also undergoes rhythmic contractions. In men, rhythmic contractions of the muscles at the base of the penis result in the ejaculation of semen, a rash or goose pimple or sex flush may appear over the entire body. Two basic things accelerate this stage; careful clitoral stimulation and excellent high quality thrusting in and out.

Phase 4: resolution or the after play experience or often-called ‘aftercare’. During resolution, the body slowly returns to its normal level of functioning and swelled and erect body parts return to their previous size and colour. This phase is marked by a general sense of well-being, enhanced intimacy and, sometimes, fatigue. Some wives are capable of a rapid return to the orgasm phase with further sexual stimulation and may experience multiple orgasms. However, many husbands need recovery time after orgasm called a refractory period, during which they cannot reach orgasm again. The duration of the refractory period varies among men and usually lengthens with advanced age. This is actually not the same thing as inability to go for the second or third round of sex though but a stage of recuperation which more often than not corrects itself within a short period. Women take longer to relax and recoup after orgasm; this is the best time for reassuring communication and comforting cuddling. Few sweet caresses and gentle cuddling can be enough to wrap up a full life sexual encounter; husbands, do not leave your wife hanging.

From research, the fear of pregnancy most time prevents some couples from experiencing this sexual response cycle and they are not very comfortable with many available family planning methods. Condom can still do the trick. Condoms, when used properly, are very effective in preventing unintended pregnancies. Please, use only water-based lubricant oil- lubricants based such as Vaseline will weaken the condom and cause it to break. You can contact me for some of these lubricants. To prevent overflow of semen after sex, husband should withdraw from his wife immediately, holding onto the base of the condom. This will prevent the condom from slipping off and possibly leaking inside his wife’s uterus. Until I come your way, again this is your bedroom instructor. Wishing you a sexy and sweet weekend.

By Funmi Akingbade

Sexual health challenges (II)

2016-06-04T08:29:00.001-07:00

Adequate, relevant and up to date information, they say, is the best life saver and best friend. Last week, we started the series on sexual health and today, by the special grace of God, we shall be rounding off our discussion on it.

The issue of low or inadequate testosterone is one area both husband and wife should be knowledgeable about. Many signs of low or inadequate testosterone have been mistaken for heart problems or fever problems or sometimes typhoid problems.

In many men, low testosterone can alter some typical masculine features and these men may start experiencing painful breasts or breast enlargement or rapid loss of body hair. Also, they start noticing shrinkage in their testicles and in most cases, it may be difficult for them to get or keep an erection. In fact, hot flashes are most often seen in men who have very low testosterone. Many men believe that testosterone only relates to sex, no. It also helps to build bone in men and when it is in low supply, it may lead to frail bones and osteoporosis. Testosterone may also help keep muscles strong. It helps produce red blood cells, boosts mood, and aids thinking. Low testosterone may cause anaemia, depression and trouble concentrating.

I always suggest that when men approach the age of 40, it is just wise to go for random check-ups because one of the life threatening dangers of low testosterone is that men with low testosterone don’t have symptoms. Only a blood test can tell what your testosterone levels are. When a boy starts to get a beard and pubic hair, testosterone has fully manifested. It affects hair growth in men. Addictive consumption of processed substances such as alcohol, smoking, some steroid medications and extreme processed foods can lower testosterone. Sadly, alcohol is directly toxic to the testicles, especially during the production of testosterone and it seems to affect the release of other hormones related to men’s sexual function and fertility. Shrunken testicles are a common sign of low testosterone in alcoholic men with liver disease, as well as lower libido and sexual potency. Enlarged breasts are common in heavy drinkers because alcohol sometimes may help convert testosterone into the female hormone, oestrogen.

When it comes to sexuality, many couples blame sexual dis-satisfaction on many things but the real one. One thing is certain; and that is when the purpose of a thing is not known or discovered, abuse is inevitable. Many married couples mix libidoral challenge with sexual challenges and emotional challenges. We will do our best to help find solutions to these. Firstly I need every couple out there to know that faulty gender libidoral expression, sexual health challenges such as premature ejaculation, weak erection, erectile dysfunction, frigidity both in husband and wife and animalistic expressions of sexual desires and need are all interwoven; so therefore we can actually use almost same method to cure them all. So relax and read attentively.

To prevent many mistakes, bear it in mind that sexual satisfactions should not be solely directed to an individual alone in the relationship. You first satisfy your spouse before thinking of your own satisfaction. This means you have to be really present during the act; you have to pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips, and theirs. The best love happens when the world falls away and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you’ll be one being, delighting in each other’s bodies, minds, and souls. This should not be the moment when the wife will remember the food on her gas cooker or the cry of the baby or the downpour of rain while her clothes are on the cloth line. Monotony of these actions and attitude over the years kill libido and accelerate premature ejaculation.

Sexuality mistake also comes when couples do not deliberately find a good place for sex; passion has its place; a place that’s clean and uncluttered, not the mattress that is filled with the urine of the baby or room cluttered with the head ties, dresses and make up gadgets of the wife. The sheets are fresh; do not reserve new bedspread for visitors only. Pamper yourself and your spouse with the luxury of the new bed spread. The pillows are plump. The laundry is out of sight. The music is pleasant. Or spicy. Or slow. Or hot. There are fresh flowers or well-tended plants that can spice your room. Sex can take place in your bedroom, where the door is locked, so your hearts can open. But don’t limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Erotic passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the pent house, the grazing land, the beach–wherever you and your lover connect and privacy is hyped.

Many couples [especially some husbands] believe that it is when they do some out of this space action that they can rectify their libidoral mistakes or sexual health blunders, but do you know that novelty is actually an aphrodisiac? Passion ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of the new has been proven from ages to always challenge the old and leads to new pathways of ecstasy. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your spouse’s. Simple changes can be stimulating too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, a new technique. Or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, or a new dirty talk such as the use of local language to describe the sexual organ of your spouse while having foreplay. But oddly, this is the time and moment many married husbands start having extra marital affair, thinking their wives were actually the cause of either their premature ejaculation, weak erection, quick ejaculation, inability to go for many rounds, erectile dysfunction, lack of libido and even impotency. The truth of the matter is familiarity actually breeds contempt. When and if you are so conversant, acquainted, accustomed and familiar with the same woman sexually, display libidoral expression, sexual and erotic fantasisies over some period of years, the possibility of you being able to easily interpret, decipher and decode all her sexual moves and even surprises is very high. And simply because of this, many husbands start off with extramarital escapades but if you give such new sexual relationship some few years, you also experience the same sexual dissatisfaction you had with the first woman. In other words, extra marital affairs mistake does not enhance good sexual performance nor keep good libido.

Another mistake couples make is using sickly tool to want to run a marathon. Many of our vaginas are sick. High percentage of the penises is quarter to pack up, while the prostrate is clamouring for survival. To experience best of sex, you must be healthy. Strength, stamina and flexibility, all enhance the passionate experience. Steadily work towards boosting each. You’d be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. If you also take conscious effort to alkalinize your body system and take less of acidified and synthetic meals, you’ll have more energy for lovemaking. And if a wife takes time out to firm her vagina and works on her clitoris and the same time use good natural supplement, you’ll feel better about your body. Many prostrate problems like inflammation of the prostrate, cancer of the prostrate can really be handled by simply eating raw tomatoes and beetroot fruit on a daily basis while eating blended onions, egg, small raw pap, local banana, apple and milk and two cloves of garlic and ginger once in two weeks will rectify penis tissue abnormalities, especially it will prevent premature ejaculation. And the consumption of unripe plantain and cucumber with bitter kola will take care of weak erection with early stage of impotency. It is very important to recognise that there is a connection between diet and sex. Make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion and discover new depths to your enjoyment. And also bear it in mind that food eating by people who love healthy sex must be 80 per cent raw and 20 per cent cooked.

Couples do not give priority to hygiene. Never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth. Shave, shower, brush the teeth, use fragrance sparingly, watch out for little sharp things like fingernails. Be smooth. Be touchable. On the other hand, don’t become obsessed with your appearance; that’s generally unattractive. Just notice anything that might take away from someone enjoying your body, and take care of it. Don’t let the trap of culture seal your lips; be flirtatious, say sexy, funny little things. Like so many things that give rise to passion, that will make your husband get instant erection and your wife’s vagina starts vibrating for a penis to enter fully. These gestures make erotic lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom.

Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner’s body, you can go as far as carefully putting your clean hands on his penis and start caressing it, or you the husband can trickily dip your fingers inside the panties of your wife, place one of the fingers on the clitoris while the two or three others inside the tip of the vagina and start thrusting in and out with the fingers while looking into her eyes with fire that can easily signal your desire such as ‘I am hot’. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your spouse know just how much you want them.

To be continued

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Alcohol and erection

I see many people drink alcohol and they are still fine sexually. I really don’t want to buy that crap and lies that alcohol is the reason for my poor erection. Although I have been having issues with my ejaculation for three years now, a friend talked me into taking alcohol insisting that it helped in his inability to perform sexually. Initially, it helped; I could go for five rounds and still wanting more but now, the reverse is the case. I can barely sustain erection. The point is I try to reduce my alcohol consumption. Please, do you think it is alcohol that is disturbing my erection? Honest reply please.

Mr. Michela olokolale

I would say yes with authority. I think you got deceived because you think everybody is alike, no. Our genes differ and that is why your friend’s issue with alcohol and erection has not gone bad. But I can assure you that it will be sooner or later. But alcohol has only one assignment: destruction of our system. Alcohol never makes you sober; you can’t be sober-minded if you are not sober. It is a depressant; anything that depresses should be avoided at all cost. It leaves you worst not better, what you do in moderation, your children will do it in excess. Show me a family where alcohol has made a positive difference in their lives and health, you will not find one. Alcohol does not allow you to have self-control; it is a mind altering legal drug and the simplest drug is a silent poison. Alcohol is addictive. It is a numbing agent for pain and sorrow that only God can heal. Many regrets are associated with alcohol. Alcohol makes us to act in ways we normally would not have. Alcohol kills the brain cells, destroys the nerves and tissue of the penis. It is provided for false peace. It is a money, time and destiny waster. It leads to all bad behaviours. Alcohol makes you behave stupidly; it has ruined many marriages. If you do not want your teenager to start drinking, do not show them how. Alcohol lowers the ability to resist evil. Alcohol fills our mind with impure thoughts. Instead, drink water or water melon, fruits with egg white every night, it will restore your potency. Drinking two glasses of water in the morning helps activate the internal organs. Drinking one glass of water before a meal helps in digestion and weight loss. Drinking one glass of water before bed time helps prevent stroke or heart attack.

No climaxing in spite of high libido

I have never experienced orgasm. I am not circumcised, I love sex, I demand it from my husband more regularly than he asks me. I cannot stay two days without it but I have never experienced orgasm but I like missionary position. Help

Lola Oghoku

Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax.

But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the Coital Alignment Technique, or CAT. Have your husband move his entire body up about two inches. Your husband’s pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm. Besides, let him concentrate more on your clitoris to the extent that you start breathing fast and panting; this is the starting point of orgasm. Although when it comes to sexual behaviour, no two people are always alike, some women can reach orgasm with any position. A wife who thinks about sex has more orgasm than those who do not.

I need more facts about penis

I am a new bride to be, can you tell me some facts and figure about penis/vagina and their functionality?

Nicole Enjupo

On the lower part of the penis is a V shape tissue that is very sensitive to stimulation. Bigger testicles produce more sperm but not necessarily better quality. On average, the heart beats 70 times per minute but during orgasm, the heart races at 115 beats per minute. It takes 17 muscles to smile and over 100 muscles to have an orgasm. On average, couples spend two weeks of their lives kissing, the record for the longest kiss is 29 hours. In a one minute kiss, you actually burn 26 calories, 80 per cent of husbands are turned on when wives wear sexy lingerie and expose their nipples and clitoris. Women’ skin thins out when they are aroused, most men can maintain an erection for 40 minutes. In the US, the average time for sex is 10; 34pm, but Nigeria has no viable data. A woman’s sex drive is at its peak just before her period. During sex, the testicles retract into the body to protect them from getting knocked around especially during vigorous thrusting in and out and some clumsy movement. Married couples have sex 52 times a year, that is once a week, men experience an average of seven erections in a day five of them when he is asleep. Men’s nipples have the same level of pleasure receptors as women’s nipples, orgasm releases chemicals that curb appetite, so sex helps you lose weight.

The average speed of an ejaculation is 20 mph, husbands find it incredibly sexy when women take the initiative and swing their breast and buttocks, cold shower can increase the production of sex hormone in men and women.

2016-06-01T02:07:00.002-07:00

Funke Fajemisin-Ibrahim to Inner Wheel Nigeria District 913

20 September 2015

15 Common Habits That Can Damage Your Kidneys.

Here is a list of habits you should avoid:

1. The Sugary Soda Habit – A study carried out on employees at Osaka University in Japan suggested that drinking two or more soda drinks a day (diet or regular) may be connected with a higher risk of kidney disease. 12,000 employees were included in the study, and those that consumed larger amounts of soda were more likely to have protein in their urine. Protein in urine (proteinuria) is an early sign of kidney damage, but, when discovered at that stage, the disease can still be reversible.

2. Smoking – Smoking has been linked to arthrosclerosis. The narrowing and hardening of blood vessels affects the blood supply to all vital organs, including the kidneys. According to the study published in Clinical Pharmacology and Therapeutics, two cigarettes a day are enough to double the number of endothelial cells present in your blood. This is a signal of arterial damage. Clinical Journal of the American Society of Nephrology cites many different studies conducted since 2003 which all link smoking to decreased kidney function.

3. Vitamin B6 deficiency – A healthy diet is important for good kidney function. According to the studies performed at the University of Maryland Medical Center, vitamin B6 deficiency increases your risk of kidney stones. For optimal kidney function, you should consume at least 1.3 milligrams of vitamin B6 daily. The richest sources of this vitamin include fish, chickpeas, beef liver, potatoes and starchy vegetables, and non-citrus fruits.

4. Lack of exercise – Exercise is another good way to protect your kidneys. A large study published in 2013 in the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology suggested that postmenopausal women who exercised had 31% lower risk of developing kidney stones. Generally speaking, maintaining a healthy weight will reduce your chances of kidney stones, so get moving.

5. Magnesium deficiency – If you don’t get enough magnesium, calcium can’t get properly absorbed and assimilated, which can result in calcium overload and kidney stone formation. To prevent that, consume green leafy vegetables, beans, seeds and nuts. The mighty avocado is a good source of magnesium as well.

6. Frequent sleep disruption – We all like a good night’s sleep. And so do our kidneys. Science Daily reports that chronic sleep disruption can cause kidney disease. According to Dr. Michael Sole, Cardiologist and founding director of the Peter Munk Cardiac Center and Professor of Medicine and Physiology at the University of Toronto, kidney tissue gets renewed during the night, so sleep interruptions can cause direct damage to this organ.

7. Not drinking enough water – Our kidneys need to get properly hydrated to perform their functions. If we don’t drink enough, the toxins can start accumulating in the blood, as there isn’t enough fluid to drain them through the kidneys. The National Kidney Foundation suggests drinking at least 12 glasses of water per day. An easy way to see if you’re drinking enough is to check the color of your urine.

8. Not emptying your bladder early – When nature calls, you should listen. Retaining urine in your bladder is a bad idea. If done on regular basis, it can increase the urine pressure in your kidneys and lead to renal failure or incontinence.

9. Consuming too much sodium – Salt is important for the body, but you should limit your intake. Over consumption can raise your blood pressure and put too much strain on the kidneys. No more than 5.8 grams of salt should be eaten daily, so take it easy with that salt shaker.

10. Consuming too much caffeine – We often consume more caffeine than we think we do. It features in many soft drinks and sodas, and before you know it, your blood pressure goes through the roof and your kidneys start complaining.

11. Pain-killer abuse – Way too often we take medications too fast, in too big doses and not in the right way. When pain occurs, it’s so easy to just swallow the pill. But, you should think twice. All pharmaceutical drugs come with side effects, and many cause damage to the kidneys. Having said that, there are some drugs that you should be taking. See the next point.

12. Missing your drugs – High blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are two very common conditions that are often brought on by our life style and unhealthy diet. If you already have them, be aware of the damage they can cause to your kidneys and protect your precious organs by taking the prescribed medications.

13. Too much protein – According to Harvard University, too much protein in your diet can harm the kidneys. The by product of protein digestion is ammonia – a toxin your hard-working kidneys need to neutralize. More protein means more effort for the kidneys, which can, over time, lead to decreased function.

14. Not treating common infections quickly and properly – We are all guilty of sometimes ignoring simple colds and flu, and pushing our bodies to the brink of exhaustion. But that can cause kidney damage. Studies have shown that people who are reluctant to rest and heal properly, often end up with kidney disease.

15. Too much alcohol consumption – The toxins found in alcohol not only damage the liver, but also your kidneys. According to Kidney Health Australia and American Kidney Fund, one way to avoid kidney disease is to drink alcohol in moderation.

Must Share Please

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (4)

2016-05-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

As much as I would have loved to put an end to this topic last week and move on to another interesting topic entirely, I kept on getting countless calls, WhatsApp messages, SMS and hectic visits to my office due to the effect the topic has generated so far. So I deemed it necessary one more time to do justice to this topic to the best of my ability. So today, we shall be looking at another two reasons husbands run after office affairs. Many husbands fall victims of ‘office affair’ in the bid to avoid marital stress. They would rather unwind in a stress-free, conducive, weird but wonderful spot than being at home with their wives. An affluent Ghanaian tourist who was visiting my office for the second time, came in at about 11am to collect some erotic, educative films, lubricants and sex tools for himself and his ‘call girl’ which he had earlier on ordered for. Knowing he was married and had previously been treated with the Chinese herbs for enlargement of penis with a fantastic result; I wanted to know why he opted to go on vacation with a ‘call girl’ and not his wife. ‘Sir, why do you prefer to watch such educative erotic films with a total stranger and not your wife?’ I asked. His instant response was an eye opener. “Madam, I have just one life to live, I want to live it to the fullest; I do not want to die before my time.” ‘Really,’ I replied, ‘are you hiding from kidnappers or running away from hired assassins or what is actually after your life?’ I asked because to the best of my knowledge, this client has a wife that any man would die to have; she is beautiful, elegant, and highly influential. It took him a moment before he actually answered in a low sad voice. He said, “hmmm madam, you know how these things are, before marriage, most Nigerian women often curtail their unpleasant manners, act of devilish jealousy and misbehaviours just to get the man hooked but the moment she starts sharing your bed, kitchen and your cheque book, it does not take long for distinct bad habit to expose itself, even when you are willing to understand, tolerate and bear it, that is the time they are ready to frustrate your life. I know it is not fair for me to do what I am doing but madam, I have tolerated my wife’s ill-manner long enough. I need to live again.

“Do you know that for the past twelve years of marriage, my wife has always denied me sex time and again, all in the name of her rubbish meetings because of the position she occupies in the office and society. We only have sex once in three months or at her convenience and that is when she has made me less than a man with her speech and attitudes. I have begged, bought her things, established her in business and even bought a copy of your book, Sexual intimacy in marriage, just to feel the passion of sex with the woman I love, married and want to spend the rest of my life with, all to no avail. My wife is a beauty to behold, with excellent shape but she thinks she is too good for me. She would give one thousand and one reasons why I must be sex starved especially when she wants to prove a point or wants to have her way. Her ‘middle name’ is ‘no sex for you’. Why do I have a wife yet suffer tremendously from rejection 24/7? As much as I would in all sincerity love to take these films home to her for both of us to enjoy, can I tell you what I would get in return? accusations, abuses, rebukes, scolding, lectures, tell offs, castigations, chastisement and preaching. So madam, if you were in my shoes, would you not go for a ‘call girl? Most times, the culture blames men for infidelity but has the culture ever wondered what some of such men are going through in the bid to make their marriage work? Many women are devil incarnate in their behaviour, especially when things are not going their way. I want to live!!!”

Without doubt, the tool of sex is one of the most important ‘can’t do without’ for most men and women. Many times, wives allow whatever differences they have to affect their sex life; when a wife constantly nags, compares, appears too good for the man, disrespects and criticises her husband, the memories of such actions stay longer than expected and such memories do not have expiring date. When a wife does not mind her words, she may mistakenly be sending her man into the arms of ‘call girls’ or office girls because memories affect sexual melody. Research has shown that a husband’s sex drive and libido is directly linked to his ears. The tendency to run away from negative speeches and speaker to positive one makes husbands run into the arms of ‘call girls’ and arms of a female co-workers. I got this direct statement from a barrister that I will call Lopeonje, ‘these girls do not make unattainable demands, take undue advantage, nor ‘school’ you like a mother.’

Wives, do not use demeaning words to describe your husband’s penis or sexual activities, or sexual inadequacies; rather enhance every shortcoming with positive speech. When a wife compares her husband’s sexual skill with her former lover or a porn video, this is an open cheque to try someone new and ‘call girls’ and office co-workers are always the first to heed such calls and beckons. Do not place a ‘price tag’ or embargo on your sexual organs; if you do, some immature husbands may go for the lesser bidder. From research, many ‘call girls’ are not using ‘juju’ on your husband; they just know how to treat them like an irreplaceable and most important customer. Many wives forbid their husbands from touching their breasts because they don’t want to be rough handled. Yes, as much as your breast should not become a tissue paper in the hands of your husband, it is one area that arouses their sexual triggers. Tell them how best to handle this special commodity.

Believe it or not, a dirty, unclean, untidy and an unorganised woman sends her man running to the arm of a ‘fine articulate, sexy female co-worker with good body odour’. Remember, there is a place for everything and everything must be in place. Learn how to be orderly, neat, and well kept. Some husbands would rather pay for the service of a ‘female co-worker or call girl’ than have sex with a dirty wife whose vagina, armpit and hairdo smell.

Many wives fail to interpret their husband’s libidoral preferences and language. Some husbands want wives that are very entertaining in bed, they want to be mentally stimulated which means looking sexy gets them hot! While some are straightforward and down-to-earth in sexual matters, they are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying at all times. Another category of men are those with strong, electrifying and deep sexuality, but very particular about hygiene. Good hygiene stimulates their erotic appetites, which can be voracious when awakened.

Music or other forms of sensual, non-verbal expression will strike a chord in some husbands; it opens the floodgates of passion, which can be both insatiable and possessive. They love to listen and feel every moment, they love fresh, clean, and uncomplicated body aroma. Touch is magic to them, and they love long, sensual kissing sessions. The neck and the ear lobe are sensitive zones for such husbands. Kiss and lick it gently, run your fingers on it softly, clutch it tenderly as you kiss slowly and sensually. Undress slowly, this makes them to be solid and strong in bed.

Another set of men are aggressive, action-oriented, often impatient, and at times even a bit impulsive; they find any sort of delay or deferral almost impossible to bear. While others are easily carried away by excellent personality, fine character and nice speeches, the key technique to turning such husbands on is admiration, praise and more praise.

A wife must be a mistress of seduction, giving room for adjustment. According to research, men appreciate foreplay for the same reasons women do; it feels good physically and the extra anticipation makes their orgasm more intense. The common consensus that men like it fast and furious is only a myth. Husbands really like seeing their wives naked; it is a sure fire libido trigger. When a man sees a sexy image, his testosterone levels rise, spiking his sex drive and making his penis erect.

The longer you let his eyes linger, the more aroused he will be. While he is on the bed, peel off your clothes slowly. Keep the lights on and tell him he can look but not touch. Rotate around and let him view you from different angles, then lean unto him for a few close-ups. To draw his gaze to a certain body region, brush your fingers over it or cup it in your hands. Alternatively, keep the area covered a bit by wearing a lacy bra or bum shorts. When you finally remove that last item, he will feel like he is seeing something like a taboo, which is a turn-on move that will slowly bring his craving to a boil. The ultimate take-him-prisoner movie is a move ‘call girls don’t miss out on and who says you can’t make it happen for him.

While he is on his back, scoot down so you can touch the skin and awaken the nerves, so you get him ready for a more direct stimulation later on. Boost his bliss even further by gliding your tongue along each crease while his knees are bent and his legs are spread slightly. This position will make him feel more vulnerable, magnifying every sensation your mouth makes.

From my personal experience and interactions with many couples, I have discovered that sex and money are the two most important ingredients in marriage. When the two are present, a marriage enjoys unqualified bliss but when any of the two is missing, just one outcome is possible: unending crises. The way and manner rich wives handle money is another reason why many husbands run to call girls just to nurse their ego.

He who pays the piper calls the tune is a very true statement but when the wife is the one paying the piper, she must wisely and subtly call the tune.

Have the best of sex life till next week when I come your way. I am still your loyal bedroom instructor.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (3)

2016-05-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how the present topic we are dealing with has generated many responses from our numerous readers from home and abroad. Well, today we shall still examine another reason or reasons why office affairs have become an endemic situation. Believe it or not, the quest and longing for blowjob is one of the reasons many partners especially the husbands find themselves in the arms of another woman. Before you think this is not a good enough reason why a highly educated, responsible, complete gentleman and a good father will condescend so low to fall into the arms of a co-worker just to receive a blowjob, you need to ask what is so special about blowjob men. As strange or anti-culture or anti-tradition blowjob appears, it is one of the many fantasies of most husbands and oddly, the wives of these husbands behave as if blowjob is a death sentence. They live in denial and blind themselves to the need of their husbands who live and dream of this act of sexuality.

Majority of husbands love blowjob but few voice it out for fear of being reprimanded. From the various feedback so far, there is a way ‘many of these ladies in the office perform blowjob that some of these husbands do not only wish their wives would know, but keep making them ask for more. A few days ago, a top executive booked an appointment with me in my Lagos clinic. He wanted to receive a private sexual health counselling because one of his best friends just died recently in his hotel room while having a romantic session, one of which is a ‘classical’ blowjob treat. His friend, a highly successful man was married with two children but prior to the time he received the blowjob treat, he had suffered a mild stroke.

In the course of our discussion, he said, “Madam, we husbands know the right thing to do, we are aware we should not cheat on our wives but many of these office girls know how to dish out breathtaking blowjob styles that our wives frown at which we enjoy to the fullest.”

“What do you mean by this, sir? I enquired anxiously. “What I am saying is that these office girls understand and appreciate our sexual cravings; they play the game by the rule and know the right place to hit. Though dirty sometimes, that is what makes it more interesting, appealing, tempting and alluring to many of us. These girls have originality and take initiatives that make us go gaga. If same requisition is asked from our wives, the way and manner these wives will size us up with a disdain look makes you think as if you just slaughtered a living being. And in view of this, we try to play along to make them believe we are the perfect husbands and get all we want from these office girls at little or no expense.”

I am sure many wives are not in good terms with me because they think I am not encouraging bonding between them and their husbands, but on the contrary, believe me, my concern is to see a sexually responsible husband; a man who would be sexually loyal to his wife and a good father to his children. However the truth has to be told that originality and initiative work well on the psychic of men than you can ever imagine, and that is why it is very important for wives to be up to the task. You must learn the secret trade codes of these ‘office girls and send your husband off their back before they send you packing from your matrimonial home. My fellow sisters, are you good in bed? What is the most memorable and most incredible sex you have ever given your husband lately that can erase his memories of alternatives, blowjob inclusive? When his mood never strikes, what trick do you play to instigate sex? Have you ever performed an erotic dance in front of your husband until he caves in and reacts? The word blowjob sounds so awful to some wives, but the absence of it in some marriages can affect the home adversely. Let us dig deep into the practical details on this sexy treat.

According to research, 33 per cent of husbands say they wish their wives would surprise them with blowjob when they walk in the door, while 54 per cent of them want blowjob as foreplay. Fifty-one per cent of husbands complain that their wives ignore their scrotom during blowjob season. Wisdom then demands that if this is the case, nothing stops a wise spouse to phone or text her husband when he is almost home, and then ambush him with a full dose of blowjob.

As soon as you both are on bed, lay side-by-side by him, put your head near his penis waste no time, start licking his penis. As you lick his penis, let your hands massage his ‘balls’ rubbing them simultaneously. Mrs. Young who went home and practised blowjob on her husband discovered that one of her husband’s ‘balls’ was bigger and this worried her. Please do not let this ruin the thrilling pleasure of the service you are rendering. It is normal for one ball to be bigger than the other; they are like feet, breasts, hands and ears: no two are identical.

One way to give your man earth-shattering blowjob pleasure is to caress his penis and scrotom until he has an erection; stroke a flat hand all the way down his penis, over his balls and on to his inner thighs, then slowly move it back up again. The sensation will be most intense around the tip of his penis but by continuing the stroke, you will get him used to the different levels of arousal in each area.

Trail your tongue down his shaft to the area between his testicles and the base. Purse your lips together, and lightly suck on the patch of skin. It is packed with nerve endings, so any attention you give it will feel heavenly. One thing that ‘call girls’ employ as a turn on for husbands is enthusiasm. In fact, lots of them have a hard time fully enjoying themselves sexually because they worry that their wives hate being down there. Please let him know you like it by softly moaning as you take him into your mouth.

With blowjob, his temperature rises slightly when he is aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable addition. Put on the air-conditioner or point a fan in his direction so that while you are between his legs, he is feeling both warm from your mouth and a cool breeze from the fan or air-conditioner. The combination can send him over the edge. How I wish you will try this, this night and give me a call.

The ridge of his penis where the tip meets the shaft is very sensitive to touch. Place your lips around that ridge like a vice. Apply firm pressure as you would squeeze fruit, then release and repeat. This movement perks up the nerves and lets him relax, which can feel good. There is another unique way to give his frenulum, which is the tiny bump on the underside of his penis where the shaft meets the tip, a treat. Just place the tip of your finger on it, and then take his shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the joint, he will exclaim in pleasure.

You probably already know a man is visual, but it can be hard for him to get a decent view while you are down there lavishing his penis with devotion and worship. Place a standing mirror next to you so he can check you out. The combination of feeling and seeing you will blow his mind; I am so certain no ‘female co-worker’ can compete with this.

Many wives run from blowjob because they do not want their husband to ejaculate into their mouth. There is no big deal at all. All you need to do is ask him to signal to you when he is about to climax so you can move your mouth from his penis but keep on stimulating him with your hands.

Lastly, another way to get these female co-workers off the back of your husband into forever blowjob bliss is this: start pleasuring him orally by sucking him, and when he’s close to climax, put his penis between your breasts. You can heat up his passion by rubbing some baby oil into the cleavage of your breasts, then, place your palms on either side of your breasts and push them together as he slides the shaft of his penis back and forth until he gets to climax. No matter how many times he makes demand on you, the goal is to make it as pleasure-filled as possible. If any wife out there can do this, you will not only win the heart of your husband over again, there would not be need for you to worry over ‘call girls.’

Another reason married men go after their female office co-workers, stay out at night and hang out with the boys is because many of the girls serve them lots of natural aphrodisiac food and erotic films. They give them one off-time treat that makes these men come over and over again. Aphrodisiacs are substances, usually food, drinks or films that enhance sexual desire and energy that affects sexual ability. Aphrodisiacs have been used from centuries and couples still turn to them to give an increase in sexual desire. I always encourage couples to try aphrodisiacs to spice up their libido. There are many products both natural and artificial that fall into this category; there are imported ones and they are available in our clinic. These girls do not only prepare food with aphrodisiacs, they directly apply them on their body for the man to eat from. For instance, nothing stops a wife from smearing her vagina with pure honey while her husband licks from it. How about serving him with a hot ‘tiger nut drink?’

Some common available ones include combination of watermelon and egg white, locreal drink, ginger, bananas, roasted nuts, cucumbers, ginseng, tomatoes, local popcorn, onions, curry leaves, honey and chocolate. They have an immediate effect on the couple’s moods and they are sensual-inducing spice and since they produce results, awaken and provoke sexual energy, why not go for them? The list is unending if a wife takes it upon herself to go more than she has gone, many of the husbands will stay home more. Until next week, keep your sex bed fire blasting.

By Funmi AkinGbade

The 7 Characteristics Of An Eagle And Why They Are Lessons For Good Leadership

2016-05-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

1. Eagles Have vision if you ever happen to see an eagle sitting high above the tree or cliff of a stiff mountain, watch closely and see how attentive the bird is. The body sits still and the head will be tilted side to side to observed what is happening below, around and above it. Even if its flying close by, you can observe how keen its eyes are looking for its prey. Eagles have a keen vision. Their eyes are specially designed for long distance focus and clarity. They can spot another eagle soaring from 50 miles away.

Does this characteristic ring a bell in your mind? I am sure it does. Look at great leaders of this world who have come and gone. There are many great leaders that came and went but one characteristic that is common in all is"Vision". Vision is a successful leadership characteristic take Abraham Lincoln for example. Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, guided his country through the most devastating experience in its national history, the Civil War. He had a vision, to save the union and free the slaves. He is considered by many historians to have been the greatest American president.

You must have a vision that guides and leads your team towards the organization's or societal goals. The vision must be big and focused. A big, focused vision will produce big results.

2. Eagles are fearless. An eagle will never surrender to the size or strength of its prey. It will always give a fight to win its prey or regain its territory.

Try and watch the video on how the Golden Eagle displays remarkable hunting strategy, preying on goats much larger than itself by throwing them off the cliff face.

No matter what the size of that person or what weapon they maybe holding, you would attack them without thought or regard for yourself. It wouldn’t even dawn on you to be afraid because your instinct is to protect that which you love and cherish.

Successful leaders are fearless. They face problems head on.

3. Eagles are Tenacious

Watch an eagle when a storm comes. When other birds fly away from the storm with fear, an eagle spreads its mighty wings and uses the current to soar to greater heights. The eagle takes advantage of the very storm that lesser birds fear and head for cover.

Challenges in the life of a leader are many. These are the storm we must face as leaders to rise to greater heights. Like an eagle, a leader can only rise to greater heights if he takes up the challenges head on without running away from it. This is yet another leadership characteristic.

4. Eagles are High FlyersEagles can fly up to an altitude of10,000 feet, but they are able to swiftly land on the ground. At 10, 000 feet, you will never find another bird. If you find another bird, it has to be an eagle.

An eagle doesn't mingle around with the pigeons. It was Dr. Myles Munroe who said that. Pigeons scavenge on the ground and grumble and complain all day long. Eagles are not.

They fly and make less noise waiting for opportunities to strike their next prey or glide with the current of the storm.

Great leaders are problem solvers.

They don't complain like the pigeons do. They love to take challenges as the eagle does when the storm comes.

5. Eagles Never Eat Dead Meat

An eagle never eats dead meat. In other words, an eagle does not scavenge. It only eats the meat from the prey it kills itself. Eagles eat raw and fresh meat What a great act of true leadership.

A true leader spends time with people who are vibrant and liberal in thinking. You have to be with people who can think, make informed decisions and take actions.

These are the people who bring changes to the society. They are lively and active people. Go out and look for them.

According to Tony Buzan, a proponent of the techniques of Mind Mapping and mental literacy, these type of people are called change thinkers and change makers.

There is a saying that goes like this:"People you hang around with and the books you read eventually determines the person you become."

6. Eagles posses VitalityEagles are full of life and are visionary but they find time to look back at their life and re-energize themselves. This happens at about the age of 30. What happens is that when the eagles reach the age of 30, their physical body condition deteriorates fast making it difficult for them to survive.

What is really interesting is that the eagle never gives up living, instead it retreats to a mountaintop and over a five month period goes through a metamorphosis.

It knocks off its own beak by banging it against a rock, plucks out its talons and then feathers. Each stage produces a re-growth of the removed body parts, allowing the eagle to live for another 30 - 40 years.

There are times in your life as a leader that you must look back and take stock of your life. The good and the bad experiences you have been through as a leader. Are you keeping in trend with the current knowledge trend? Do you need to improve your certain areas in your life as a leader? Great leaders are the ones that always do "check and balance"of their personal and professional lives and make an effort to learn things every day.

7. Eagles Nurture their younger ones Believe this or not.

Eagles are known for their aggression. They are absolutely ferocious aren't they? Any one who doesn't have a total knowledge of this great bird will say yes. What is more astonishing with this bird is their ability to nurture their young ones. Research has shown that no member of the bird family is more gentle and attentive to its young ones than the eagles.

This is how it happens. When the mother eagle sees that time has come for it to teach the eaglets to fly, she gathers an eaglet onto her back, and spreading her wings, flies high. Suddenly she swoops out from under the eaglet and allows it to fall. As it falls,it gradually learns what its wings are for until the mother catches it once again. The process is repeated. If the young is slow to learn or cowardly, she returns it to the nest, and begins to tear it apart, until there is nothing left for the eaglet to cling to. Then she nudges him off the cliff. True leaders are not bosses. They grow with their people. They strive to make individuals in the organization or society grow to their full ability. They teach and guide just like the mother eagle does. They never stop giving challenges but never give-up empowering and directing.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break (2)

2016-04-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, we started a series on why office affairs seem difficult to break. Today, we shall proceed with the continuation. Lopsided libidoral match is a common complaint among women who seek office sexual pleasure outside their matrimonial bed, particularly among those married to men far older than they are, or women who possess a higher sexual libido. It is also common among women in their second or third marriages.

It is no longer a taboo today to see women possessing a high insatiable sexual appetite, and the moment these cravings are in short supply, the tendencies to seek for availability is usually on the rampage. The other Thursday, I paid a visit to a famous shop on Victoria Island and as I was about entering the store, I noticed a loudspeaker van neatly parked not too far from the store. As I moved nearer, the salesman came out with a microphone singing the praise of some aphrodisiac drug for women. To my surprise, a number of women crowded round this man to examine the products in public! Before now, such was not common, but times are changing fast. Many husbands are not aware of the fact that their wives have more sexual taste bud than they have especially when these wives are highly enlightened and exposed. Many wives with high insatiable sexual appetites now go for artificial penis, younger penis and any available penis while they give excuses of working late at work. One of the reasons why this is rampant is the fact that many of their husbands do not really care to sexually satisfy them or they are down with different kinds of erectile dysfunction cases and are not ready to find solution to such ailment. Also sometimes, such husbands are not sexually experienced, relevant or inspiring sexually. They either don’t care or do not take the feeling of the wives into recognition.

Imbalance sexual drive is a culprit why married women seek sexual pleasure at work places. I have seen what happens to marriages when husbands have little or no desire for sex and the wives yearn for it desperately.

Read what a woman said during a recent visit to my office.

‘Please help me. I am 38, married to a 53-year-old man with a three-year-old daughter. For the past three years, my husband has avoided being sexual with me. We have gone from having sex twice a week to now, if I am lucky, once in four months. I am miserable and I cannot keep living like this; sex means a lot to me. Many times, I have to excuse myself from the living room to anywhere to masturbate. I am not only addictive masturbator but I have all sorts of didos but I will give all these up for my husband to just give me sex just once in a week. I am ashamed to say this to my friends but please, I am dying gradually without sex. And to make it worse, I have begun to fall for one of my office workers who has history of going for more than one rounds with sexually starved women with no fees attached. This is not a new thing in my office but my problem is, will this not destroy my marriage?’

One out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 per cent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year! In addition, low sexual desire is not only “a woman’s thing.” Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is the world’s best-kept secret. People with low sexual desire are generally married to partners who want more sex; those whose sexuality, intimacy, physical closeness, and connection are extremely on high demand. Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it is good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership. Husband, if your libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain. In order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality strength within.

Although once in a while, every man, even with the highly sexed husbands, experiences occasional lows in their sex drive. However, when a husband’s libido is nowhere to be found, there is danger. There are many reasons to stretch oneself for solution because unsatisfying sexual relationships often cause disaffection, isolation, division, alienation, free office infidelity, and divorce. In most relationships, the spouse with the lower desire sets the pace for the sexual relationship, controlling when and how it happens. Am I saying you should have sex any time your spouse desires or that you should go through the motions just to keep peace? No! Many husbands with lower sex drives are essentially saying, “I know you’re sexually unhappy. I won’t do anything about that, but I still expect you to remain faithful.” Can you see what is wrong with this picture? What many of such husbands get at the end of the day is a woman who has got hooked with an office affair and finds it hard to break because of the satisfaction and fulfilment. It is best for a partner not to be sexually involved with another fellow who makes the victim sexually satisfied than his or her legally married partner. When this is the order of the day, such victim may be forever hooked sexually to the person that brings him or her to the point of no return when it comes to sexual satisfaction. When you decide to make sexuality more important, you and your wife will become more emotionally connected and you can trust her sincerity. You will not only feel closer to your wife, but you might also discover your sexual appetite has not really vanished; it was merely camouflaged maybe because of stress, sickness or work! Knowing why you are not so interested in sex will not boost your desire, doing something about it will.

There are practical ways out. You can adopt the ‘old Nike slogan solution’ which says, “Just do it.” Are you wondering how? Will having sex when I am not in the mood boost my desire? Human sexuality experts once assumed all people experience sexual desire in a similar way: something triggers a sexy thought, which triggers an urge to act. Sexual stimulation then makes you feel aroused. However, recent studies show that for some husbands, sexual desire does not precede arousal; it actually follows it. Some husbands rarely (or never) find themselves fantasising about sex, but when they become sexual with their wives anyway, they become aroused. Once aroused, there is a desire to continue.

Just because a husband is not hungry for sex does not mean he has a problem with arousal. Lots of husbands with low sexual desire actually enjoy sex once they get started. Now listen, hormones do not have to be raging; you do not need an overwhelming feeling of passion. Many times, husbands with lower desire have sexual urges; they are just more subtle than their wife’s is. Husbands, you might notice your wife looks great in her tight short jeans and have a fleeting thought about sex. The thought may not linger, but it is there. Rather than allow these moments to go unnoticed, heed them and act on them fast.

Quickly seize the opportunity; take her there and march her straight to the bedroom. Make her bend over the side of the bed so her stomach and breasts are against the mattress and her feet are on the floor, legs spread comfortably. As you, the husband penetrate her from behind, lift her legs from just above the knees, hold them apart, and thrust in and out. With her body angled slightly downward and her legs apart, you will get deep penetration. Moreover, since her hips are in your grip, you can thrust away with total abandon. In addition, you can easily view her sexy rear and watch yourself move in and out of her. Your penis is perfectly slanting for her pleasure and when you are getting close to climaxing, shift your hands from her hips to her clitoris. This sudden but subtle adjustment will make for an extra lively ending as you gain even more control.

Alternatively, you may decide to give her the ‘stand and deliver sex’ still wearing her tight short jeans by making her lean against a wall with her legs slightly spread, facing you. Just grab onto the back of her thighs and hold them against your hips, lifting her up and pushing her back into the wall for an advantage, then thrust away as though you are cruising a new car. The fact that you both are up-close-and-personal, your wife’s cravings for face-to-face intimacy is fully delivered with guarantee. In addition, stand-up sex also scratches that I-need-you-now itch that plagues passionate wives; this position is primal and versatile — perfect for a quickie.” In addition, tell her to squeeze her thighs together, this will narrow her vaginal canal, which in turn enhances the friction you will feel.

Again, tell your wife to lie on her side with her arms above her head. With you on your side and your body perpendicular to hers, tell her to slowly raise her top leg while you inch your lower body between her legs. Once you are joined at the groin, grab her shoulders while she anchors herself on the floor. This sideways sex position is one for the record books that your wife would not forget in a hurry! On top of the typical thrusting, you two can enjoy some serious shallow grinding. Moreover, this new entry angle allows you to explore every inch of her inner chamber, especially the often-ignored sides, providing you with an array of options; it will not take much to send your sex drive flying.

Some husbands with low desire say they’re more interested in making love under certain conditions—at certain times of the week, after a huge contracts, or a good raise at work, on vacation or after a long erotic massaging. Identify what is different about the times you feel more inclined, and take advantage of those moments. In other words, if cold baths turn you on, go into the shower or bathroom with your wife and act it out. Try acting more sexual. Mr. Victor, a 42-year-old orthopaedic nurse, was in my office with his wife. After intensive counselling section, he discovered that the key to boosting his interest in sex was watching his wife bathing/ sleeping naked under the cloth and watching erotic educative films together. This does not only heighten his interest in sex, but also draws him closer to his wife.

To those older husbands who are married to younger women, there will be times when you really do not feel like having sex. Instead of just saying no or “I’m too old for that,” which feels like a rejection to your wife, offer an alternative. You could say outright, ‘come have sex with me’. Alternatively, “honey my body needs a massage’ after which I’d love to go on a sex trip with you”. Remember sex is a gift; make up your mind to give the gift of being sexual even when you do not feel like it. Some studies suggest that as many as high percentage of men say their sex drive is not what it used to be before initiating sex but after initiating it, the sex drive skyrocketed. In addition to this, the use of natural herbs against weak erection, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation is available for a permanent one off cure and the permanent effect of this will take you from a zero level to surplus level.

Another reason why many married women secretly seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is when they find themselves married to husbands with small penis and who do not smartly put it to use or ready to do anything about it. The bigger the better is the slogan of many women today. As I said earlier on, husbands with such challenge can now smile because of the newly discovered Chinese herbs that have been making waves with fantastic result. Do not let your union become a sex-starved union; create intimacy by meeting her desires, it serves as an assurance of commitment to one another. According to researches, many wives with husbands who are not well endowed crave for bigness and fullness. Although many may and will not voice it out, nature has made it in such a way that you always yearn for what you don’t have.

By Funmi Akingbade

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

2016-04-23T17:33:00.001-07:00

Regrettably and sadly, I have witnessed countless marriages and relationships that have been irrevocably ruined by the negative effects of office affairs/romance. Many homes have been damaged by this menace and many children have become fatherless and destitute all because of a simple office affair. Cheating in marriage by means of office affairs is a common phenomenon today. In one way or the other, spouses cheat on themselves and defile their matrimonial beds, in their offices, shops, and places of work and even inside their matrimonial homes with their paid workers. Statistical record shows that by the eighth and tenth year of marriage, a great percentage of couples would have been actually unfaithful! Why is this so? Why do spouses cheat on each other? Why is office affair a common phenomenon that many couples are now very comfortable with? Can our marriage be free from this plague? What are the causes of this terrible behaviour and can there be any solution?

The first reason while spouses cheat on each other or prefer the warmth of some other fellows than their married spouse is when one partner feels that he has been forced or trapped into the marriage against his or her wish. Unwanted pregnancy or an arranged marriage where there is actually no genuine love and commitment could be reason for any of them to cheat on the other especially in their different places of work.

As much as parental advice or counselling from a resource person is good, when it comes to decision making, the will and decision and choice of the person involved should be paramount. Even God who has the final authority over our lives still allows us to take decisions on our own. It is wrong to marry someone against your wish; the moment the love is not flowing, it may never flow. As much as parents want the best of life for their children, when it comes to marriage, the best thing for parents to do is guide those intending to marry and help them make the right choice.

Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.

It is also advisable not to patch up a problematic and faulty courtship. If those problems or challenges are obvious reason why the relationship should not be solemnised, it is better to call it quits. A broken courtship is better than a frustrated, heartbreaking and hypertensive marriage that may invariably lead to divorce. Many people are consenting adults and live-in adults all because they are careful of challenges. Instead of living in with someone to examine if he or she is good enough, why don’t you look at the red lights and make up your mind on time?

Let’s dialogue for a minute here, why do people desire marriage? Why do people love marriage? Why does everybody dream of a good marriage? Firstly, you want to be loved, cared for, appreciated and fulfilled. Secondly, it is the desire for a committed relationship based on the readiness. The third reason for desire for good marriage is the deep belief that it will make us complete, secure and happy or provide something lacking in our lives. I would love to say that the third reason for marriage may not be valid in most cases. Because it has been researched that marriage can become many things, but there is no guarantee that it would make anyone to be completely happy or secure. Your happiness depends on you as an individual. If you cannot be secure and happy as a single person, you will never be as married, because the single ‘you’ is the same married ‘you’.

No miracle will happen after the wedding. If you are unhappy, unproductive, insecure, or immoral as a single person you will be the same as married; no other human being can make you happy apart from God. Miracle can only happen when you work on yourself and develop a positive mindset about life. Marriage should not be a goal we aspire to, but a decision we make after God has assisted in the choice of partner. Because one of the many reasons for office affairs is the fact that many partners keep saying that the other married partner is not making them happy and they have finally found happiness in either someone else’s wife or husband. They claim the fellow they are having affairs with understands them more than their married partner and so on. These are all excuses not to work on your marriage relationship.

Too often, I see singles forcing themselves on any available person. The result is usually a life of misery, compromise and cheating on each other, finding solace in office or place of work affairs and eventually divorce. As much as you attach importance to marriage, it should never be rushed into. After all, it is not a do-or-die affair, neither is it an eternal state.

Another reason many married partners start office affairs and are forever hooked on it is mere curiosity. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. There are instances where a partner wants to try something new, either for the fun of it or out of boredom or out of not being appreciated or just to satisfy his or her curiosity. Most times, a partner may not just get curious unnecessarily and deliberately cheats on the other. It may just because the other partner is not being sensitive to the other’s sexual desire, craving, fantasy, high libidoral differences and needs, and desire to try something new, something spicy and something tasty, just to experience some fun and get out of the routine of having sex only in the bedroom with the light out, with the same bedspread and the same [missionary] position. I am sure you will laugh and think it is not enough reason for a partner to cheat on another, but you will be shocked to hear the agony in the voice of some spouses after the deed has been done, and the worst has caught up with them. Before marriage ceremony or wedding ceremony, many intending couples can have stolen sex anywhere, everywhere and even inside the ‘molue’ or bus’ but immediately after the official marriage rites, many [wives] just forget that sex is very important in marriage relationship. And before you know it, many husbands are having serial sexual partners not even bothering to ask their wives for sex, because they are tired of daily flimsy excuses, the love they have for their wives notwithstanding. And of course, that is why such ‘other women’ have a strong grip on such wives’ husbands. Because it is the person that feeds the dog that will successfully put a rope on the neck of the dog. Many of our husbands’ necks are in the hands of office co-workers, call girls, house helps, road side bread sellers and so on.

Partners should not take each other for granted, thinking, once married, ever committed. Ordinarily and ideally, our spouses should be committed to us after marriage regardless, Yes, but that is when we are ‘on point’ on our marital roles. Been ‘on point’ is not enough or sufficient reason to neglect our ever-green, relevant on-time sexual responsibilities. Taking each other for granted [especially on sexual matters] leads to spouses cheating on each other and having unbreakable office affairs. Do not leave your marriage life to chances; at times, what goes up does not necessarily come down. In essence, be a sensitive lover. You must be able to code and decode your partner, learn how to spice up your marital bed, look for avenues to keep the flame of romance, seduction, friendliness, and newness burning. Marriage is sweet; do not lose your partner as a result of insensitiveness. Besides, outright denial of marital dues leads to either of the spouses cheating on each other.

When a spouse is denied of love, affection, appreciation and sex due to one flimsy excuse or insensitivity, there is a possibility of seeking for such things outside the home. God does not support sexual denials. As a matter of fact, He says that we do not have the right of ownership over our bodies, when it comes to sex. Even in the case of fasting and prayer, there must be a mutual agreement, the consent of your partner must be sought. Do not allow sex, affection and understanding to become a scarce commodity in the home. There is a likelihood of searching for it outside, especially in the offices and different places of cheap substitutes by all means, simply because they are essential commodities. Just like air, water and food, these are the things we need to grow; we cannot grow without them. Human beings are products of love who respond to affectionate gestures. Many unyielding husbands or wives claim they are naturally not romantic, they shouldn’t have got married in the first place, that you are not romantic is not an excuse, you can learn how to if you put your heart in it. Learning to appreciate your spouse over the little or big thing they do is a beautiful source of growth in marriage, it enhances good sex. Learn to display unexpected love, learn to ‘out-love’ your spouse, even when it is obvious that they do not deserve it. It is a magic that works wonders, because you do not know the extent someone else outside is putting in place just for a one night stand with your husband or wife. Do not be heady when it comes to learning for change; do not deliberately hoard money. Many married wives are victims of deliberate money starvation. Let there be a free flow of money between both of you, in case of obvious short supply, let there be a display of honesty and sincerity, so that the temptation may not arise for the weaker partner. Spouses should not dogmatically display ownership right on money, nor should couples personify properties. For instance, when a spouse says ‘you can’t enter my car,’ ‘if you are not pleased you can leave my house,’ ‘don’t touch my television set.’ The habits of buying things in their names only or in the names of their parents goes a long way to negatively affect the other party, producing a sense of ‘I don’t think I belong here.’ and such partners are highly vulnerable. Your marriage can be affair- proof if you work at it. Office affair has claimed many homes and our partners that are involved in it are very smart with their action. Please beware.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am afraid of having sex

It is always nice reading your column. I am a virgin at 28, I am pretty and admirable, but I am scared of sex. This caused me many failed relationships. Now I am married, the problem is still the same and I am worried. What do I do?

Enechilo Ebube

Hi Ene,

There is actually nothing to be afraid of, the most important thing is to marry a man that will both love you and respect you as a wife and a woman, which I think you have now. And since this is in place, you can now share your thoughts with him and ask him to help you work out the issue of sex together. I am sure things will actually fall in place. Nothing is scary about sex. It is to be enjoyed. Have a better perspective towards it. Besides, take things one after the other, you cannot have the same sexual experience like someone who has been in it for a while. I would advise you relax and let romance, foreplay flow naturally. Wait till you get wet fully and participatory; take the bull by the horn by putting the penis inside your vagina yourself. This goes a long way to remove fear and help you overcome clumsiness.

Mouth odour threatens my marriage

I am in my early thirties, I met a guy a year ago, and we have started talking about settling down together. He has passed the test that I, my family and pastor did for him. As a matter of fact, my parents and his are close. I really like him, but the only challenge I have is that he has mouth odour. I noticed this three months ago. He is the kind of person I want to spend my entire life with, but the odour is really offensive to me. What can I do? I will appreciate if you can help.

Bukolawole

Hello Bukola,

There is actually no problem at all; all you need to do is introduce him to a lot of mouth washes available and mints that would last for several hours. Also introduce him to hydrogen peroxide, this helps a lot. Lime wash also helps to remove products that can make mouth smell. With wisdom, assist him to do a proper mouth wash whenever he is washing his mouth. Do you know that mouth odour is a typical human thing? Due to the fact that some of us were not good at oral hygiene while we were younger and because of poor health information, some do not take proper care of their mouth. No matter how good the oral hygiene, mouths do smell because of the effects of germs and bacteria that work on the remnants of the pieces of food items left in the mouth cavity. So if he can brush immediately after meals, it will help a lot. That is why dentists recommend mouth wash at least twice a day.

How can we handle this wisely?

I am writing on behalf of my elder sister who is married with three kids. Recently, she took in and her husband asked her to abort it as he was not ready for another baby. Now, she bleeds whenever she makes love with her husband. She has been treated several times for infection but the husband has refused to go for a test, not to talk of getting treated, especially when it is a well-known fact that the husband engages in extra-marital relationships.

Concerned sister

I am not in support of abortion. However, if she is sure of her husband having affair and each time she gets infected after a sexual act with her husband, I think it is wise she stays off sex till she delivers her baby. She should do so till she is fully treated and till the man is fully treated. Which means NO SEX until she if fully aware of his free STD status. There should not be sentiment attached to this. STDs have a lot of health hazard and it is one of the potential causes of infertility and cervical cancer.

Why office affairs seem difficult to break

2016-04-23T13:59:00.001-07:00

Be man enough to make a firm decision on your choice of marriage partner; it will go a long way to stabilise your marriage and help the two of you to weather the storm of life together.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am afraid of having sex

Enechilo Ebube

Hi Ene,

Mouth odour threatens my marriage

Bukolawole

Hello Bukola,

How can we handle this wisely?

Concerned sister

How long should sex last?

2016-04-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

many people would describe sex as good, exciting, electrifying and refreshing, especially if done with consent and in a favourable atmosphere.

The benefits identified to be derivable from the exercise include improved immunity through the increase in the levels of immunoglobulin A; reduction of blood pressure; a good form of exercise; reduces pain as well as brings about the release of feel good hormones; reduces stress and the likelihood of prostate cancer in men and improved bladder control in women.Interestingly, the duration of the act may not really matter in determining whether the identified benefits would be derived from it or not, and according to experts, the duration does not even matter when it is done for procreation.

But findings have shown that longer sexual intercourse does not only boost a man’s ego, it helps him to enjoy the act the more. While for women, the longer the act, the more the likelihood of them reaching orgasm.

But the question is, How long should good sex last?

According to a study by two scientists, Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, from the Pennsylvania State University in the United States, good sex does not necessarily have to last for hours. In fact, they said it could last for minutes. In their post onsciencedaily.com, they noted that satisfactory sexual intercourse should actually be between three and 13 minutes.

The researchers involved 50 members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the study, and these members include physicians, nurses, psychologists, marriage and family therapists and social workers who have attended to thousands of patients over several decades.

These participants categorised the time sex should last, according to experience, into four, namely too short, adequate, desirable and too long, and the measurement of the time starts from the penetration of the vagina to the actual ejaculation.

The experts categorised sexual intercourse that lasts between one and two minutes as “too short”. They said if it lasts between three to seven minutes, it is “adequate”, if it is between seven and 13 minutes, it is “desirable” while any romp in the sack that lasts between 10 and 30 minutes is deemed to be “too long.”

The researchers pointed out that people tend to judge their performance or that of their partner by the dictates from the society, and not what is okay for them.

They said, “A man’s or woman’s interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner’s functioning relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society’s messages; formal and informal. Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse.”

Corty, who is an associate professor of psychology, said their survey would help to rekindle people’s confidence in themselves and trim down on their fantasies, noting that the situation at hand had made people to have unrealistic expectations.

He added, “This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. With this survey, we hope to dispel such fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data about acceptable sexual intercourse, thus preventing sexual disappointments and dysfunctions.

“Also, if a patient is concerned about how long intercourse should last, these data can help shift the patient away from a concern about physical disorders and to be initially treated with counselling, instead of medicine.”

Meanwhile, another study by a psychologist, Dr. Brendan Zietsch, from the University of Queensland, Australia, sought to unravel how long penetrative sex should last. For the sake of avoiding complexities, he said given that there are many other activities that come before sex, like foreplay, the actual time of sex should also be when the man enters the woman. But, what did he arrive at?

About 500 heterosexual couples drawn from around the world participated in the study, and what he did was to give each of them stopwatch and he told them to press start at the time of penile penetration and they should press stop at ejaculation. He observed that even though using a stopwatch was not a perfect measure, it was better than asking people to state how long it took them as there would be biases.

He said, “I know there’s a lot more to sex than putting the penis into the vagina and ejaculating, but the rest is not always easy to define (kissing? Rubbing? Grinding?). To keep things simple and specific, we’ll just focus on the time to ejaculation.”

After the study that lasted one month, Zietsch was able to deduce from the data he collated that the range of the time people had sex was between 33 seconds and 44 minutes. He then pointed out that the average across all the participants was five minutes, four seconds.

He also observed that the use of condom, which according to some, reduces the sensitivity of the penis, did not make any difference, noting further that the age of the couples played a role as younger couples, aged between 18 and 30, lasted longer (six minutes, five seconds) than older couples, 51 years and above, who lasted for four minutes, three seconds.

Also, the participants recorded that in spite of the varying times their romp in the sack lasted, they were satisfied. Thus, Zietsch therefore noted that as far as sex is concerned, there is no standard or normal time that it should take as long as the parties were satisfied.

Commenting on the findings of the studies, a psychologist, Prof. Oni Fagboungbe, said it would be difficult and unrealistic to establish a certain time as the standard duration that sexual intercourse should last.

He said the goal of sex is for both partners to be satisfied, such that they would reach orgasm. He noted that regardless of the time it takes, as long as both parties are satisfied (ejaculation in the case of the man and orgasm in the case of the woman), the deed had been done.

He said, “The essence of sex is to make the persons involved to reach orgasm and enjoy it, but we are not the same, so we cannot actually put a time limit on when one should reach orgasm because it depends on individuals.

“Actually, it is the act of the man that makes the lady to reach orgasm, so a man must be able to locate the woman’s erogenous zone so as to assist her to reach orgasm. And since sex is an act, people can practise and learn it to be better in it and that is why some men use drug to delay the ejaculation.”

Speaking on the factors that could make the man not to be able to perform well to the extent of satisfying a woman, he said the factors responsible could be psychological or physiological, adding that the size of the penis also plays a prominent role in sexual enjoyment.

He said, “The ladies’ vagina has walls that are sensitive and responsive to touch. So, if the penis is too small, it is like wearing an oversized shoe, it won’t match, but if the penis is big enough and firm, it will be able to touch all the necessary areas, like the erogenous zones, especially the ones within the walls of the vagina.

“Likewise, the physiological factors have to do with the health of the organs responsible, for example the turgidity of the penis to be able to penetrate well and deep, and the state of health of the man. The psychological factors on the other hand include depression, tiredness, lack of concentration while the act is going on and the psychological acceptance between the parties is also key. Both parties have to be willing and prepared.

QUITTERS DON'T WIN AND WINNERS DON'T WIN

2016-04-21T21:54:00.001-07:00

A lady was driving along with her father. They
came upon a storm and the young lady asked her
father, What should I do? He said "keep driving"..
Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was
getting worse. What should I do. The young lady
asked? Keep driving, her father replied. Ahead of
her, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also
pulling over. She told her dad, I must pull over
now, I can barely see ahead. It is terrible, and
everyone is pulling over! Her father told her.
Don't give up, just keep driving! Now the storm
was terrible, but she never stopped driving, and
soon she could see a little more clearly. After a
couple of miles she was again on dry land, and
the sun came out. Her father said, "Now you can
pull over and get out. She said But why now? He
said When you get out, look back at all the people
that gave up and are still in the storm, because
you never gave up, your storm is now over. This is
a testimony for anyone who is going through
"hard times" Just because everyone else, even the
strongest, gives up. You don't have to...if you keep
going, soon your storm will be over and the
sun will shine upon your face again.
I read this story when I almost gave up on my
dream and it inspired me to keep moving, I want
to say to you today, keep moving.

WORDS FROM A FATHER TO A SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

2016-04-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.
2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, in our days, we had many wives and many children because of our large farm-lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.
9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
13. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that knows everything, everyday.

More on the women spot

2016-04-15T19:37:00.001-07:00

Having established the fact that the female G-spot is not only real but highly influential and important in achieving the best sexual relationship between couples, I would love each married lover to explore this timeless gift. Most times, many wives shy away from the fact that they should guide their husbands to locate and stimulate their ‘G’-area. There is no reason to shy away from things that will encourage oneness and deep intimacy between husband and wife. From experience and counselling, I have yet to see a man who will refuse the offer of good sex from his wife, all things being equal. To guide your husband to your ‘G’-spot, here is the easiest way to start off.

Have him gentle-slip a finger or two inside your vagina, and then softly feel along your upper vaginal wall. If he is having trouble finding the right spot, encourage him to kiss you, touch your nipples or the outer vulva area in a feather-touch manner. Remember, the more aroused you are, the more your ‘G’-spot area will stand out conspicuously, making it easier to locate. Also consider placing a few pillows under your buttocks and your legs, which will open your vagina more and give him greater access. Once he hits the spot, ask him to massage it in slow, gentle circle. I jokingly tell husbands that this is the time your gentleman-ess is mostly appreciated. If you put too much pressure on that spot, you will not only be hurting her but will make your wife have good reason to say no to sex the next time. Let him try different caresses, such as figure eight or rapid sequence of pulses. The ‘G’-spot area can take a lot of pressure, so you may want him to treat you to light tapping. Have him use just the tip of his finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on the ‘G’-spot, but kindly make sure your nails are well cut and clean, if not you will constantly treat yeast infection popularly known as toilet disease all because of your carelessness, clumsiness and lack of good hygiene.

There is a biological reason for this awesome, the most intense moment of touch. By tapping, it is as if your husband is touching your ‘G’-spot for the first time over and again, building waves of sensation that can culminate in an incredible climax or orgasm. Like I said earlier on, I am here to do justice to all that the ‘G’-spot has to offer. To further booster the joy of stimulating the ‘G’-spot area, there are some sex moves that increase ‘G’-spot pleasure.

A woman on top position is a definite ‘G’-spot winner at any time even when she is few months into her pregnancy, or she has been labelled frigid. Just think about it when you are facing your husband, yet leaning back at a slight angle, his penis naturally rests against your upper vaginal wall, and even the slightest thrusting means he can easily stimulate your ‘G’-spot area. Being on top puts you in control of the depth and speed, letting you adjust your husband’s penis so his stokes can always hit the spot. But I need to emphasise here that husbands that have problem with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction may not enjoy themselves very well at all because they ‘come’ easily; that is, they reach orgasm in few seconds. If you find yourself in this category as a husband, kindly call me up as a sex therapist to show you the way out. It is just a simple remedy and you will go for this type of treat all the time.

Doggie-style, which can also be called touch your toes or bend-down or thunder-kiss is another style that also offers maximum access especially if you are lying on your stomach with your leg slightly spread out only slightly and your tummy raised up comfortably. While your weight lies on your upper chest giving room for the husband to roam his hands around your breast, and the other one is taking care of the G-spot. Being on your stomach with your legs closed together allows your leg to sandwich your vaginal walls, so it is almost impossible for your man’s penis not to come in contact with your ‘G’-spot.

Missionary position is another style that helps do justice to this G-spot treat. To get the best of missionary position, it is always wise to go with the missionary modified version in which you are on your back with your knees bent and feet resting flat on the bed. Raise your pelvic by propping a few pillows under your buttock. Your husband should sit up and enter you first with one third of his penis so that he is thrusting at a slightly upward angle, which gives his penis access to your upper vaginal wall. This idea of only entering the vagina with the one third of the total length of the penis always helps husband with too big penis or husband with quick ejaculation. This way, you will feel direct stimulation of your ‘G’-spot with each back and forth thrust.

The last but not the least is the ultimate trick for G-spot bliss. And I always tell couples to save this type for their wedding anniversary day or a special holiday occasion. This is one bedroom trick involving the G-spot that tops them all when it comes to a knee-bucking climax; the blended orgasm. This combines G-spot stimulation while your husband plays with the clitoris, working up to a double-your-pleasure-orgasm. The reason why this is so is that the nerves of the clitoris extend very closely to the root of the G-spot, so reaching its sensual peak via the two types of touching at the same time is about as intense as it gets. But to experience a blended orgasm during foreplay, wives should have their husbands caress their clitoris with the man’s fingers while he is massaging your G-spot with one or two fingers with his other hand. The rule of the game here is that every hand must be on deck. As you get more excited, let your pelvis move to meet his fingers so you rhythmically meet the space of his thrusting and at the same time you are almost thrusting against his hand. Ask him to caressingly brush pass your clitoris with his tongue while he is manually manipulating your G-spot.

Finally, when you cannot take it any more, encourage your husband to stimulate every and all your inside and outside sexual pleasure zone until you surrender to orgasm as if an earthbound volcano explodes. One thing is certainly sure here: you will experience both deep physical pleasure and deep emotional connection and most of it all any physical illness or ailment will disappear and you both will be relaxed, stress free and re-energised. However, I would love to sound a note of warning here; you may not experience this as a fresher but I can assure you that constant practice creates perfection. The more you stimulate and incorporate it into your sex collection, the easier it becomes to achieve G-spot paradise. Beside having more sex, you can deepen the sensation you feel by regularly doing Kegel exercises, deep breathing exercise and deep clitoral foreplay. Repeatedly doing Kegel exercise will strengthen your vaginal muscle and gives you a tighter grip during sex that helps to add more pleasure to your G-spot. Besides, it also aids in normal vaginal delivery and prevents the minor surgery called episiotomy. Once more, here is how to practise Kegel exercise: zero in on the muscle of your pelvis that can stop the flow of urine; squeeze as tight as you can, hold for five seconds and then release. Repeat ten times in a day. Do the exercises during your downtime while stuck in the traffic, in the shower, or sitting at your desk at work, ten minutes of Kegel exercise in a day should make your G-spot more responsive and serviceable. This also helps husbands with weak erection. Aside from this, there are also some recently discovered natural remedies in diets and supplements that will take care of this type of disappointing turgidity one time off. For details, kindly contact me for help.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

My female patients are ready to give me more sex than my wife

I am a medical doctor in my fourth year of marriage with two children.

Before I got married, I was a playboy and loved having sex a lot. I also know that I am good at satisfying ladies’ sexual desire. I had exposed a lot of ladies to discover how much they can actually enjoy sex. I am a very selfless lover and also very patient.

I had two months of ecstatic love making with my wife two months into our relationship before we got married. Then we could not just have enough of each other. But she has gradually lost interest in sex.

I have also tried many tricks and efforts to make her find sex interesting, but when she seems to start picking up, she will fall back again. At times she shows all the eagerness to improve on her love making, but this never lasts. I am also a man who would like a woman to initiate sex once in a while, otherwise it becomes boring. Tell me is sexual intercourse twice in a week too much? I love my wife and I do not intend to engage in extra marital affairs, but my penis is complaining of being underutilised and I am tempted to break my vows especially when I daily see the nudeness of lots of patients in the hospital. On a daily basis, these patients will give more than I ask for. Please help.

Dr. Aaron Brown

Dr. Brown, I can understand you perfectly well, but have you taken quality time out to discuss this issue with your wife in details as you did now? I have observed that it is far easier for some married men to discuss with other women about their sexual challenges than to do same with their wives. Secondly, have you taken quality time out to really understudy the female sex and sexuality behaviours, a female libidoral physiology, her love language, her peculiar sexual preference, fantasies and so on? How about her temperament? I am asking you this because you are well educated. I am sure that if you do this, half of the job is done. Besides, if I may ask, is she having babies every year or every other year or is she in her child rearing age? Does she have anyone to help her out with the house chores? If she is in that state, there would be a likelihood that sex may not appeal to her. More also when a woman is overburdened with house chores coupled with the task of raising children, she won’t be the kind of sex partner you so much desire.

More so, how do you view communication, affection, and open display of attention, compassion, tenderness and love play? Do you skip all this or see them as unnecessary? If yes your wife will always look for an avenue to give excuses. Or are you always in a rush to finish fast, skipping foreplay? If you do, she will always look for avenue to refuse you the joy of sex. Or are you suffering from premature ejaculation but refuse to seek medical help or sex therapist’s advice? Always remember that undiluted attention, affection, and expressed love, opens a husband up to his wife’s sex ‘tank.’ She will and can go miles with multiple sexual rounds if such is in place. Remember a woman who you can easily gain access into her heart will open her legs any time of the day.

How can I retain my wife’s first love?

Thank you for that insightful column in Saturday Punch, especially your recent publication. I am a pastor and I had a very close knit marriage relationship before with my wife but I took her love for granted; I betrayed her trust, lorded other women over her, presented them as being more valuable than her. I sense she stopped loving me because along the line, my wife started keeping late nights and endlessly chatted with people I don’t know. Recently, I discovered that the frequency of love making has dropped, she is not bothered and we are not really talking about it. It is killing me because I still love her. I want my wife back. What should I do?

Depressed pastor

You must have hurt your wife to the extent that she stopped loving you, maybe if you start all over again she will respond better. Naturally, a wife finds it easier to forgive in a marital relationship more than the male spouse. It is wrong to lord other people over her because there is nothing that threatens the security of a wife than the thoughts of another woman competing for the attention and affection of her husband. Nothing is more painful, more disrespecting, belittling and degrading than that. I am sure you saw her as an asset, that is why you can’t bear losing her but you should have considered this before hurting her. You should know that wives love to be in a marriage relationship as a team where both parties are committed to make the other happy. When a husband puts his wife first above everyone and everything except God, it gives such wife the sense of security and honour. This is what any married wife hungers for. Such wives oversaturate their husbands with good erotic sex; they obey your last command in anything. If you give your wife undying commitment, relate to her with all honesty and selfless love, she will turn around. Do not take your wife for granted anymore. When a partner in marriage relationship takes the advantage of his spouse’s meekness, loyalty and goodwill for desperation, the effect is always brutal. Do not misuse or abuse your spouse’s trust; you will definitely end up regretting after losing her.

How many sexual spots does a woman have?

2016-04-08T19:41:00.001-07:00

There are lots of controversies about the many spots in a woman’s body; how many are they? What are their functions? Are these spots real? Well, there are many sexual zones in a woman’s body but only one spot is recognised by sexologists and medical personnel and that is called the ‘G-spot. Yes the G-spot, what on earth is so extraordinary about the G-spot area? A lot! Yes, every woman has one. To achieve the G-spot paradise, all you need is information. And today, I am going to give you the details of how you can utilise the stimulating power of G-spot to boost your sex life as a couple.

Even if you have not explored its exclusive power, you must have heard about the G-spot and all its intricacies. The spot is an erogenous zone located inside the vagina. It can produce some pretty intense sensations. At the same time, it can also produce extreme frustrations, disappointment and dissatisfaction because it is, for many women, elusive and mysterious. Although the whole notion of the G-spot is hardly new, sex researchers and therapists have been flaunting it for years in the medical field, though skeptical about whether it really exists.

The G-spot is a real part of the female anatomy. This fact is newly documented in MRI scan and biopsies by medical doctors. Thanks to this new research, one can now realise that every girl is capable of experiencing more concentrated sexual pleasure and powerful orgasm.

There are disagreements about the actual size of the G-spot. It ranges from a quarter inch to a couple of inches along the upper walls of the vagina; about an inch or two past the female vaginal opening. Underneath are highly sensitive tissues that, when touched the right way, trigger feelings of sexual happiness and contentment.

The G-spot sensation, as described by most women, is more intense than those sensations they feel via clitoral stimulation. According to most of those women, there is more of a warm flushing feeling that resonates deeply through and throughout their entire body. Even experts who always believed in the G-spot were not sure whether it was a distinct gland or merely a collection of nerve endings extending from the underside of the clitoris. Here is what researchers are sure of: G-spot is its own entity and is actually equivalent to an organ in the body. This is known as female prostrate because their tissues surround an area that produces chemicals similar to that of male prostrate, a gland that creates fluids to nourish the sperm. Another similarity between the male prostate gland and the G-spot is that when the G-spot is aroused, women experience wetness more than they do during other types of stimulation. Some women disclosed that they ejaculate some clean, clear, colourless fluid when they reach orgasm. Where and how to locate the G-spot? First and foremost, all you need to do as a wife is to lie back and just relax; embarking on your first G-spot mission location can really be wearisome and it will definitely take a lot of patience and persistence. Locating where it is can be done in two ways.

The first is the wife locating it by herself, or with the assistance of her husband. When I am counselling others, I always encourage the second way, that is, the husband helping out in locating the spot. If you as a wife want to do it yourself, start by spreading your legs and bending your knees, so that your vagina is open and will be easily accessible. With your palm facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your finger tips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. By so doing, you are actually seeking a spongy puckered or slightly ridged area, like the roof of your mouth. If after several minutes you are still coming up empty handed, this is the time to call in for your husband’s assistance. Tell him to caress you the more because when you are aroused, the G-spot is filled with fluid and becomes larger because you have an easy time locating it if you are turned on by your husband. One strange tip-off is that you will experience a sudden need to pee. Because the G-spot is so close to the urethra, touching it often triggers the urge to pee feelings. However, there is no need to run to the rest room because this is just a false alarm. The urge will go after some time. Now locating the G-spot by yourself is just to let you know you have one and nothing more. But I am always of the opinion that the best way out is to engage your husband in locating this mystery spot to take you to this paradise of serial orgasm.

By Funmi Akinbade

Just for your knowledge April 2, 2016

2016-04-02T02:48:00.003-07:00

What differentiates an authority in a subject from a novice is not the acquisition of knowledge but proper application of adequate, relevant and up-to-date applied knowledge. Being in love alone with your partner does not automatically make you a good spouse, but when you put all acquired knowledge in its place at the appropriate time, then you have the best of a marital relationship. Today, I just want to give the couples out there some information that will help each partner treat their spouse better when it comes to bedroom activities. An investigation by the Centre of Atlanta National Opinion Research, USA, shows the average married couples have sex 66 times a year. In the report, it says couples under the age of 30 have sex 109 times a year. For those above 40 years, the average is 70 times a year. For those between 60 and 70 years, it is 52 times a year.

Experts say human sex drives differ according to gender, temperamental makeups, environmental surroundings and societal beliefs and that a woman’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than that of a man. While men may be rigidly straightforward and specific about what arouses them, most women have a less-directed sex drive.

Also, studies have shown that although women are more likely to be influenced by irrelevant factors than the men, their sexual desires are extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

While it has been proved that a woman’s sex drive, to a large extent, depends on the level of intimacy she is able to establish with the opposite sex and her state of upbringing, a man has a naturally high libido. That does not mean that men don’t seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do. The truth is that most men crave more foreplay and they just view sex differently. Sex is more like a food to a man; it goes this way: I am hungry, someone prepared my food and I eat [it does not really matter in most times who provides the food, the fact that I was fed matters]. But sex is more like a meal to a woman-; she is hungry, she needs food but she is more particular about the feed, the feeding and the process and the constituent of the meal. That is why a “woman wants to talk first, connect first, and then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side. It is their language of intimacy,” an expert once said.

Studies after studies illustrate that a man’s libido is stronger and more straightforward than a woman’s sex drive. The sources of women’s libido, experts insist, are much more difficult to pin down. It’s common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Men want sex more often than women at the beginning of a relationship, in the middle of it, and much later. About two-thirds of men admit that they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it. In the same breath, they confess that they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being refused sex by their wives. More than 80 per cent of married men confess to having cheated on their wives and they blame it on their wives’ insensitivity to their sexual needs and lack of creativity in bed. Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. Some women have been heard to confess that sexual desire originates much more between their ears and between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan, hence the romance, affection, and the foreplay. It’s more about anticipating how to get there. The longing is the fuel for desire. Just as one analyst put it, a woman’s sexual desire is more contextual, more subjective and more layered on a lattice of emotion. In contrast, her male companion doesn’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since his attitude to sex is simpler and straightforward. Most married women are more influenced by the attitude of their peer group in their decision about sex. Wives who are not religious are likely to have liberal attitude about sex: they let go and release themselves to the pleasures that sex has to offer than the religious ones. Well-educated women are most likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices, even as there is a possible inconsistency in their expressed values about sexual activities. Most married women under the age of 60 think about sex less than once a day. While the majority of married men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasises less. Men are subject to spontaneous sexual arousal, as well as frequent and varied fantasies. The notion that older married women are likely to experience orgasm during sex within the context of faithful and loving relationship is false. The truth is that married women who have clocked 50 and above are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place at a totally strange environment. Researchers speculate that the coming together of a long separated spouse may find the novelty of a new experience arousing. Most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual functions and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses. The result is that they are better able to explain to partners what feels good for them. However, spouses who become too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners. Women experience orgasms differently from men. While researchers find it tricky to quantify issues like the differing quality of male versus female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there. On the average, a man’s involvement in actual sexual intercourse lasts four minutes, from the point of entry until ejaculation (ideal time should be at least 10 minutes). Anytime lower than four minutes is considered to be premature ejaculation. Usually, it takes a woman between 15 and 18 minutes to reach orgasm. This illustrates the differences in how long it takes both sexes to achieve sexual orgasm. Just as 75 per cent of married men report they always reach climax with their wives, 29 per cent of married women admit that they have orgasm with their husbands. Most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of their female organ. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. Also, it is not true that the G-spot of a woman anatomy is found in the anterior vaginal wall. On the contrary, the G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for vaginal orgasm, as well as a catalyst for female ejaculation. However, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy. The study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes. The average length of the male organ is between eight to ten inches when erect, and around 4.6 inches when flaccid. It varies in sizes considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best known causes of this ‘’shrinkage’’ phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing. It is advisable to stay off stress. Only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while six per cent of married women report a similar preference. Men are likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include intercourse or foreplay.

Masturbation can cause injury to the male sex organ. Frequently, or overly vigorously, masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis and men who masturbate face down can injure their urethra. This is a major cause of erectile dysfunction.

That sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples is false. While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapists about sexual activity, sex remains a healthy form of exercise for older people. Researchers who tracked 914 married women for 20 years found that having sex more than two times a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found that frequent sex was not associated with stroke.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am losing him gradually

My husband is one of the most beautiful personalities I have ever come across. He is quite considerate and gentle, but I am the problem here. When he is away, I long for his touches and even get wet over just thinking of him. But when he is in the house, I immediately get irritated by his touches, I do not want him sexually because I just do not enjoy sex with him at all. He pisses me off so much that I shout him off. After some time, I noticed he left me to myself and recently I found out he is having an affair and I cannot even complain because I know I am not satisfying him sexually. Please help me, how can I improve my sex life and win my husband back?

Mrs. Apalanfu Cordelia

You were not only careless about your relationship, you were also childish about your approach to sex with him. One of the five cardinal onuses of marriage is good satisfying sex from either of the partner to each other. And a good wife must not only be up to the task, she must also work at it as if she is going to be tested in an examination hall. Marital sex should not be taken for granted at any time of the relationship at all. So, start all over by first and foremost, worming your way back into his heart and bed and do all the things he had previously asked you to do before now about sex, fulfil his cravings, fantasies, yearning and let him know his touch is not only electrifying but you will give up everything to have him touch you again. Let your husband know that you are not frigid; if not, you will not be experiencing wetness at the mere thought of him whenever he is not around. Then take time to address your mindset that you will not only satisfy your husband sexually; that you will become like a ‘’call girl’’ to him, because whatever the mind can conceive, the body can achieve. Then synergise your thoughts with your positive actions. When you concentrate on these things, your inner power will flow beyond your imagination. So run now, go get your husband back.

My scrotum is alarmingly dropping day in day out

Help me and save me ma. My scrotum is not only dropping by the day, but it is so sagging now that it is longer than my penis. I am a young man in my forties and I discovered this sagging of my scrotum two years ago. It is not only getting so obvious now but that it is even longer than my penis. Please I am worried, my wife is not happy about this at all. What can I do?

Actor John Oladipo

Many things can be the reason for this; first if you had had issue with sexually transmitted infection or disease that was not well treated, this may have led to descending infection affecting the epididymis, the inner scrotal wall or the general composition of the testes, causing the alkali PH of the scrotum to be much lower than the acidic level of the scrotum. Secondly, when you stay in a very hot environment or you are addicted to always putting your laptop on your lap while working on your system, the radioactive agent might radiate to the direction of your scrotum which is not very healthy for the scrotum. Or it may be that you wear extremely tight nylon underwear morning, night and evening. This does not give adequate aeration to the scrotum, giving room for trapping in of too much heat which will definitely work against the normal environmental condition of the scrotum. Besides, it may also be as a result of some hormonal malfunctions which will need a fast medical attention. So I would suggest you see an O and G obstetric and gynaecologist or a neurologist. You definitely need medical interventions.

I love sex especially during pregnancy, I crave for it, am I ok?

Madam, please kindly help me out here, I am a married woman that enjoys good sex but the problem with me is that I love sex more during my pregnancy periods. I crave for it and now it has become an obsession. I am presently pregnant and unfortunately, my husband is not around, he went on assignment and because I needed sex desperately, I had to hunt for sex by all means. I have had it with up to six men with this present pregnancy. I am so ashamed of myself because this is not the first time it is happening, I have been involved in sex with many men as soon as I am pregnant even when my husband tries to talk me out of it, thinking it is not healthy for me. [I am not sure he knows I seek other men for it each time he denies me). Please what can I do?

The pregnant wife

This is not normal as much as sex is okay during pregnancy if there are no medical cautions. Having sex indiscriminately with any jack and jerry will not only pollute your sex bed, it has a negative effect on the unborn child. I would suggest you see a clergyman or your spiritual leader; you urgently need prayers of deliverance.

Does diabetes prevent one from impregnating his wife?

Dear Funmi, I have been diagnosed with diabetes and while I was going through examination, I discovered that the diabetes actually started the month my wife and I got married. And since then, it has been difficult for her to get pregnant. She said it was because I was diagnosed with diabetes and that explained why we have been finding it difficult to have children. Because I am not only diabetic, I am on my diabetic drugs although I later discovered that I do not have erection nor desire for sex, especially after taking some of my medication. Please enlighten me.

Mr. Regarliman Sunday

First, it is not diabetes that is preventing the arrival of a baby. Secondly, erection is not the same thing as libido nor ejaculation nor conception nor sperm count. Diabetes is an organic disease that prevents good erection, good staying on power, good penis condition, but it does not affect the quality, quantity and liveliness of the sperm cell meant for baby making. While the drugs of anti-diabetes also do untold danger to sexual system altogether, it’s not acting directly on the testes. However, these organs intermingle with others to create harmony. So I would rather you get some natural sperm count booster, get some herbal to do a total curative overhauling of the body.

By Funmi Akingbade

Just for your knowledge April 2, 2016

2016-04-02T02:48:00.001-07:00

Also, studies have shown that although women are more likely to be influenced by irrelevant factors than the men, their sexual desires are extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am losing him gradually

Mrs. Apalanfu Cordelia

My scrotum is alarmingly dropping day in day out

Actor John Oladipo

I love sex especially during pregnancy, I crave for it, am I ok?

The pregnant wife

Does diabetes prevent one from impregnating his wife?

Mr. Regarliman Sunday

By Funmi Akingbade

3 Top Secrets to Making Sex Last Longer

2016-03-30T01:30:00.001-07:00

There is a secret to making sex last longer that only few people know of.

This secret lies in a phase during sex that is often neglected by many. It’s the phase right after sex.

Some call this powerful time The After-Love.

The Power of the Time after Sex

The After-Love is almost a time of meditation we are open, relaxed and peaceful. Energy flows, and inspiration follows.

It’s a time of being.

We are fully present, and the consciousness of life surrounds us with ease.

It’s a time where we feel a different truth to our bodies. There is a sense of well-being and calmness, softness.

It can be a time of quiet where no words are needed or a time of sharing from the heart.

It’s a time when we return to ourselves and to the world. It is indeed a magical time with many gifts.

Sadly, it’s often a time so short that we don’t allow ourselves the fullness of receiving all that it has to offer.

So let us take a look into different ways to extend this phase and thus sex.

Make the Most of the After-Love Phase

Here are 3 things we can do to spend more time in this beautiful place:

#1 Edging

This is one of the most powerful lessons we can share about pleasure:

Take orgasm out of your sexual experience.

Make it less of a focus and instead, swim towards your edge. Build the fire of pleasure. Ride the waves of sensation, of feeling, of emotion for as long as you like or as long as you can.

Get close to the peak, but not so close that you cannot step back.

Then simply be. Take shelter in the After-Love for as long as you can.

It can stay with you for days.

#2 Stay Connected

Extend your After-Love by consciously connecting with your partner.

Remain present after pleasure, whether you orgasm or not.

Breathe together, and look into each other’s eyes

The deeper you breathe, the more everything will slow down and the more present you will be. The breaths will also help keep you in your body and out of your head.

#3 Listen To Your Body

Allow your body to follow in the direction of the energy. After some sexual experiences, we may feel energised, fiery even. Let that flow through you in the form of dance and sound.

Let it come from within.

If you are feeling slow and soft, let your body express that. The movements and sounds you make will keep the energy alive in your body.

The After-Love truly is a wonderful gift. If we chose to open it it may offer to us many expanding and empowering experiences.

It may offer us deeper insights, unexpected inspiration.

It may offer us more self-love, peace of mind and physical energy.

From http://ourintimatesecrets.com