The Reserve Clause

Tease and Triumph: An Arsenal Supporter's Constant Battle

2012-07-05T11:16:00.003-04:00

Written by: Kevin McGarr, The Reserve Clause

It’s a script that I’ve seen played out far too many times in my years as a devoted Arsenal supporter. The club’s most talented player is set to leave. Captain Robin van Persie announced that he would not sign a new contract with Arsenal, paving the way for the club to sell him this summer for approximately £20m+, or risk losing him on a free transfer if they decide to see out the final year of his contract.

It’s a move that, on one hand, breaks my heart, and on the other hand, further strengthens my love for Arsenal. Arsenal have long been known as fickle—not paying the borderline absurd wages that clubs such as Manchester City and Barcelona have been known to offer, not spending huge amounts of cash in the transfer window to bring in world-class talent, and opting to nurture and grow their youth squad in to formidable stars.

Sometimes it works out, others it does not. But the truth is, players come and go. In the end, it’s a business and players have their own ambitions. Some want to win trophies, some want to collect huge paychecks, and others (the very rare few) want to remain loyal to the club that they call home.

But the one thing that has never changed for me through all the drama, all the players leaving, the good seasons and the bad ones, is my love for Arsenal. Some might call it an obsession, some might call me insane, but the truth is that I can’t help myself. Waking up bleary-eyed and hung over at 7:15 a.m. to watch Arsenal play on a Sunday morning after getting home four hours earlier has never phased me. I became infatuated with Arsenal a long time ago, and never plan on letting go.

This season I’ll likely see a new Arsenal squad, with a new captain. Again. Hopefully they’ll challenge for the title, but regardless I’ll be awake at 7 a.m. thanks to Advil and Tums (shout out to Pat Hammer, who put me on to the almighty hang over cure) on a Sunday cheering on the mighty Gunners.

Come on Arsenal!

2012 Mock NBA Draft

2012-06-28T16:12:00.000-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer & Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause

If you couldn't tell from Tuesday's piece, we love the NBA Draft here at The Reserve Clause. So it only makes sense to bust out our own mock draft, an annual practice in complete futility, but a good time nonetheless. While it may be impossible to attempt to predict which rumors were true and which were simple smokescreens, we even threw in a couple trade predictions.

In honor of the 2012 draft, and in an effort to keep this a quick read (okay, we're lazy), we're keep descriptions to 12 words or less. Here goes:

1. New Orleans Hornets: Anthony Davis, PF, Kentucky

Moving on...

2. Charlotte Bobcats: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, SF, Kentucky

Bobcats trade pick to high bidder, guessing Cleveland for #4 and #24

3. Washington Wizards: Bradley Beal, SG, Florida

Barnes could be the choice, but getting Ariza changes priorities.

4. Cleveland Cavaliers: Harrison Barnes, SF, North Carolina

Charlotte moves down, still gets the scorer they need.

5. Sacramento Kings: Thomas Robinson, PF, Kansas

Could see them trading down, but if not, great pick here.

6. Portland Trailblazers: Damian Lillard, PG, Weber Stat

Small-school Lillard is a risk with a high ceiling.

7. Houston Rockets (via Golden State Warriors): Andre Drummond, PF/C, UConn

Rockets move up and get big man of the future.

8. Raptors: Dion Waiters, SG, Syracuse

Colangelo pats himself on the back for doing nothing. Gets his guy.

9. Detroit Pistons: John Henson, PF, North Carolina

Dumars gets a defensive big to pair with G-Money.

10. New Orleans Hornets: Austin Rivers, PG/SG, Duke

Rivers represents BPA and Gordon-to-Indiana insurance.

11. Portland Trailblazers: Tyler Zeller, C, North Carolina

In desperate need of a C, Blazers get a solid one.

12. Golden State Warriors (via Houston Rockets): Jeremy Lamb, SG, UConn

Paired with Curry, Lamb gives them scoring duo lost in Ellis trade.

13. Phoenix Suns: Terrence Ross, SG/SF, Washington

Team with a lot of needs goes for the HR swing.

14. Milwaukee Bucks: Meyers Leonard, C, Illinois

After losing Bogut, Bucks add a legit 7-footer.

15. Philadelphia 76ers: Terrence Jones, PF, Kentucky

Brand's getting older and more injury-prone.

16. Golden State Warriors (via Houston Rockets): Arnett Moultrie, PF, Mississippi State

Great big to pair with Bogut, Warriors are team of the future.

17. Dallas Mavericks: Kendall Marshall, PG, North Carolina

Kidd is FA and on his last legs. Also "Deron-stays" insurance.

18. Houston Rockets: Andrew Nicholson, PF, St. Bonaventure

Morey loves advanced stats and they all say Nicholson is real deal.

19. Orlando Magic: Moe Harkless, SF, St. John’s

A team with a lot of holes opts for a safe pick.

20. Denver Nuggets: Perry Jones, SF/PF, Baylor

With a loaded roster, Denver can afford to roll dice.

21. Boston Celtics: Jared Sullinger, PF, Ohio State

With 2 firsts, Boston takes chance on immense talent with injury concerns.

22.Boston Celtics: Fab Melo, C, Syracuse

Someone needs to close the lane to LBJ and D-Wade.

23. Atlanta Hawks: Royce White, PF, Iowa State

Josh Smith on perpetual trade block and Royce can ball.

24. Cleveland Cavaliers: Quincy Miller, SF, Baylor

Cavs continue rebuilding effort with intriguing wing player.

25. Memphis Grizzlies: Marquis Teague, PG, Kentucky

An exciting young team gets backcourt help.

26. Indiana Pacers: Draymond Green, SF/PF, Michigan State

Day-Day could provide real minutes to this dangerous young team.

27. Miami Heat: Festus Ezeli, C, Vanderbilt

Heat need inside defensive presence more than anything.

28. Oklahoma City Thunder: Doron Lamb, SG, Kentucky

When you're this loaded, you take best prospect available.

29. Chicago Bulls: Tony Wroten, Jr., PG/SG, Washington

Bulls need guard help as D-Rose misses more games.

30. Golden St. Warriors: Furkan Aldemir, C, Turkey

Can't come over till 2014, Warriors sit and wait.

There you have it. Be sure to come back tomorrow to see how we did (i.e. make fun of us).

Morey the Magician

2012-06-26T11:10:00.002-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @andrewsmclean)

For most fans, the NBA season ends when a champion is crowned, the trophy parade makes for a fitting finale to a long season. But for me, the fun is just beginning. The off-season marks the beginning of draft season. With it comes the combine, the rumors, the smokescreens and the trades. For someone who's a fan of GMs as much as players, this is my time.

This morning the Rockets and GM Daryl Morey traded Chase Budinger, the high flying ginger, to the Wolves for the 18th pick in the draft. For most, this is a rather inconsequential, run-of-the-mill deal. And, in reality, it is. It doesn't mean Houston is cleaning house and it doesn't make Minnesota much more dangerous than they were yesterday. But there's another, more interesting, layer to this.

In the 2009 draft, with the Detroit Pistons on the clock with the 44th pick, Morey gave Pistons GM Joe Dumars a call offering a future protected 2nd rounder and some cash for the spot. Dumars, not liking what he had to choose from at that point in the night, made the deal. The pick was top 40 protected in 2012, top 35 protected in 2013 and 2014 and unprotected in 2015.

Fast forward to 2012 and that future 2nd is now the 44th pick in this year's draft. For Detroit, the deal has worked out well. They pick from the same spot, but now in a deeper draft, and picked up a little cash along the way.

But for Houston and Morey, it was GMing magic. In two simple sleights of hand, he turned the 44th pick into the 18th pick in the same draft. Whether he uses that spot to select a talented prospect who slid further than expected or packages to either move into the lottery or trade for a veteran, Morey has shown why he's one of the most respected GMs in the league.

While everyone pays attention to the big signings and blockbuster trades, it's under-the-radar moves like this that truly builds a team into a contender. I can't wait for the next couple days.

Stay tuned for The Reserve Clause's mock draft on Thursday.

This Year's U.S. Open was Just Plain Boring

2012-06-18T09:12:00.002-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @Zach_Hammer)

I’m a total golf snob and watch at least portions of each tournament, and all of every major. It’s what I do. It helps me aspire to be a better weekend duffer. It’s not just that, it’s the fact that I’m in love with the game.

Golf, in the Tiger Woods era, has transcended its “old, rich guy sport” moniker. It now reaches people of races, creeds and sexes of all ages. That’s a good thing. It’s a great sport, and is one that can connect all of these people. To many of these folks, watching major tournaments whittle down on Sundays are highly dramatic sporting events. But not this year. This year is painful to watch and here is why.

1. Low Scores: Last year, Rory McIlroy rang in the new era of golf when he won the Open with a score of -16. He completely dominated the field and had the tournament wrapped up by the turn in his final round. Nobody else stood a chance, yet I was glued to the TV waiting to see what magnificent shot he would pull of out of his hat next. This year’s tournament is just painful. Coming into Sunday I would not have been shocked if the winning score was over par. That’s not good, entertaining golf. Shame on you, USGA. Your job is to make our national championship as exciting as possible, but when professional golfers are posting scores that a weekend duffer like myself is capable of posting, adjustments need to be made.

2. Lack of storylines: Sure, ESPN was riding the early Tiger lead to the core, and was praying that he’d pull out some “Tiger magic” on Sunday. Instead, what happened? Bogey, Bogey, Double Bogey to open his final round. See ya, Tiger! The best story line therefore fell to Beau Hossler. The 17-year old soon-to-be high school senior was in contention to possibly win the tournament, which as an amateur alone is pretty incredible. But as typical amateurs do, they slip in the final round. Now we’re stuck with aging stars Ernie Els and Jim Furyk. Sure, I get the “importance” of an older golfer winning. Thanks, but no thanks.

3. The other TV event: It’s just too bad that the more entertaining matchup is running while the final pairings make their way around the back nine. I’ve already switched channels. Why? Because it’s not boring.

I love golf and will always love golf. This column is not meant to imply that I think that the game is boring, just that this particular incarnation of our national championship doesn’t do it for me. Maybe it’s the thick fog forming over the Olympic Club or the sleepy San Francisco golf fans? I don’t know. Either way, congratulations to Webb Simpson. He certainly deserves it. I just hope that he gives the USGA a sincere ear-full after the tournament is over. He probably won’t.

Comparing the Incomparable

2012-06-15T10:01:00.001-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (@andrewsmclean)

This year marks the 20th anniversary for the 1992 Dream Team, the group of basketball superstars that forever changed the game. If you haven’t checked it out yet, do yourself a favor and watch the amazing NBA TV documentary, “The Dream Team”.

Not only did this elite squad inspire youth from around the world to pick up a basketball for the first time, jumpstarting the careers of guys like Dirk Nowitzki, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili, but they instilled a sense of national pride in this country that many young kids had never before felt. One of my earliest sports memories is experiencing pure awe at the dazzling passes, the seemingly unreachable alleys and the thundering oops that followed.

This year’s Olympic squad is packed with a new group of basketball heavyweights, but nothing will ever compare to that team, comprised of 11 future superstars (and the hilariously inadequate Christian Laettner), led by a coaching staff that included two more Hall of Famers in Chuck Daly and Mike Krzyzewski, the current Olympic coach. While the team itself is incomparable, fun can still be had from finding current comparisons for each member of the team. The attempt is not to create a current Dream Team, but rather to simply pay individual homage to each player by recognizing their current counterpart.

THE CREATORS

Magic Johnson: LeBron James

Magic is a rare player who transcended a single position – a 6’9” creator capable of playing all five positions. In my mind, there’s only one modern player who can compare, and it’s the game’s current best.

Other candidates: None

John Stockton: Chris Paul

Stockton holds the NBA records for most assists and steals, an amazing honor for a single player. Chris Paul is a threat to lead the league in both categories in any given season (2nd in both in 2012, 4th and 1st in 2011, and 1st in both in 2009).

Other candidates: Steve Nash, Tony Parker

THE SWINGMEN

Michael Jordan: Kobe Bryant

The world may never see another Jordan, but Kobe is the closest I’ve seen since: a dominant wing scorer with unmatched athleticism and a wicked competitive nature.

Other candidates: Dwyane Wade

Clyde Drexler: Dwyane Wade

Wade deserves some credit for his willingness to take a backseat to LeBron this season for the betterment of the team. He has shown the ability to lead a team, evidenced by his inclusion above as a candidate for Jordan’s comparison. But Drexler too boasted an all-around game, finishing with career averages of 20/6/5, closely mirroring Wade’s 26/6/5.

Other candidates: Rudy Gay

Scottie Pippen: Kevin Durant

Some may see this comparison as an insult to Durant, and while it may not fully take into account his ability to dominate a game, Pippen is much more than Robin to Jordan’s Batman. In his prime a 20/8/6 threat, Pippen could also change the game on the defensive end, something Durant is showing an increased ability to do. Bonus points for them both being drafted by the Seattle SuperSonics, a fact fans often forget for both players.

Other candidates: Carmelo Anthony, Danny Granger, Rudy Gay, Paul Pierce

Larry Bird: Dirk Nowitzki

GASP, a non-American! Recall that the point of the column isn’t what I think the current U.S. Olympic team should look like. That’s been done to death. I don’t want to write that tired piece, and you don’t want to read it. What we’re doing here is finding current comparisons for each Dream Teamer, and Dirk and Bird’s game are strikingly similar. They're both creative big men who extend defenses out to the arc and show unexpected athleticism and playmaking ability for their size.

Other candidates: Kevin Durant

Chris Mullin: James Harden

Admit it, you thought I was gonna choose Mike Miller, didn’t you? Mullin was a efficient scorer with high percentages across the board, including 51% from the field, 38% from distance and 86% from the stripe. These match up favorably to Harden’s 2012 averages (and projected future averages) of 49%/39%/85%. While Harden doesn’t score in the mid-20s like Mullin, he hasn’t been asked to. If he decides to leave OKC for more money in his next contract, look for The Beard to increase his scoring as he’s tasked with leading a team.

Other candidates: Carmelo Anthony

THE BIGS

Charles Barkley: Kevin Love

This felt like an easy one. Both are undersized, scrappy double-double machines who can battle in the paint with the best of them.

Other candidates: Paul Millsap, Lebron James

Karl Malone: Blake Griffin

The Mailman was a freight train with tracks leading straight to the hoop. If you got in his way, you paid for it, much the same way Griffin makes victims of brave (and stupid) defenders who choose to challenge him at the rim. Both players show a strength and athleticism that’s near impossible for a single defender to handle.

Other candidates: Amare Stoudemire, LaMarcus Aldridge

David Robinson: Dwight Howard

They came into the league under very different circumstances – The Admiral a 24-year-old fresh off serving in the Navy, Howard as an 18-year-old straight out of high school – but their games are very similar. Both are true centers with elite rebounding and defensive skills. Howard would be smart to seek out Robinson as a mentor, and end the current Dwightmare.

Other candidates: None.

Patrick Ewing: Andrew Bynum

The fact that Bynum gets compared to a Dream Teamer shows the dearth of big men in today’s NBA, and is frankly an insult to Patrick Ewing. That said, I’ve tasked myself with picking a comparison for every player, and Bynum is as close as it gets among modern choices.

Other candidates: None.

Christian Laettner: Anthony Davis

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think about this one too much because Laettner is very much an afterthought when looking over this roster. I simply went with the most widely-respected collegiate about to be drafted.

Other candidates: None.

There you have it. But before you starting screaming about the glaring omissions, I remind you that this isn’t a list of the top players in the NBA, nor the players I’d select for the current Olympic team. These are the closest comparisons I could put together for each of the original Dream Teamers.

That means amazingly talented players like Russell Westbrook, Derrick Rose and Rajon Rondo all missed out because the Dream Team didn’t have an athletic PG like that (Magic was so much more than a PG). Had Isiah Thomas not been blacklisted from the team, those guys would have found a great comparison, but he didn’t, so they didn’t.

Debate time: Did I miss anyone? Disagree with a comparison? Let me know your thoughts in the Comments below. Without debate, sports just aren’t as fun.

The More Perfect, Perfect Game Catch

2012-06-14T10:11:00.000-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @Zach_Hammer)

Every perfect game or no-hitter has that one, monumental, game saving play. Matt Cain may have pitched the "most perfect" perfect game last night, and his accomplishment certainly had that special moment, game saving play courtesy of Gregor Blanco.

In 2009, then White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle also was perfect. Defensive replacement, DeWayne Wise robbed a home run to save it.

I want you to tell me which play was better.

First up: DeWayne Wise Robs Gabe Kapler:

Second up: Gregor Blanco Robs Jordan Schafer:

Ready...Set...GO!

All the Presidents Men

2012-06-12T10:01:00.001-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @andrewsmclean)

When you’re young, your friends are either your parents’ friends’ children or the kids who live closest to you. And, as a parent, it makes sense. When you’re 3 years old, you’re not overly selective about who you eat dirt with.

The first “best friend” I can remember was named C.J. I couldn’t tell you anything about him. Not his last name. Not his hair color. Not what, if anything, the initials C.J. stood for. Nothing. Except that he lived a block and a half away from me. Then he moved. So my next best friend was Ryan, who lived a block over.

As you get a little older and enter elementary school, you gain a slightly greater freedom of choice over your friends. That weird kid who pulls out his own hair on the bus? Pass. The scabies brothers? Think I’ll keep my distance. But standards are still relatively low. Sure Derek poops his pants a couple times a month, but he also has the coolest mini-football, complete with built-in whistle for full effect. I can live with the smell.

If it wasn't for the Vortex, Derek would be hanging out with the hair muncher.

And as you make your way through school, you become more and more selective about your friends, increasingly choosing those whose interests match your own. With the addition of a driver’s licenses at 16 and landing your first job, which means money that is solely your own, your world expands once again.

Post-high school, be it college or the real world, sees the last of those reins broken, where you enjoy the total freedom to spend time with whoever you choose. This is a very important part in anyone’s life, where good decisions can benefit you for the rest of your life, or poor decisions can haunt you for just as long.

That’s why I’m here to help. While I don’t claim to be an expert on social skills (seriously, check my Twitter feed), I do have a little insight I can share. Everyone wants to experience power in their lives, so to me there’s no better model than the most powerful man in the free world, the President of the United States himself.

One of the most important things a President tackles upon election is the creation of his Presidential Cabinet. The goal of this exercise is to create a well-balanced group, one devoid of weakness (or at least a fatal flaw). If the President is weaker on foreign affairs, he selects an especially experienced Secretary of State.

To me, it’s only logical that we apply this same philosophy to selecting our friends. Sure it’s great to hang out with sports fans when you’re a sports fan, but that doesn’t make for a well-balanced group devoid of fatal flaws. You need to cover your weaknesses.

So let’s begin. What are your areas of vulnerability? Maybe you don’t know shit about cars. Then you’ll need a car guy. Your neighbor Don changes his own oil – make friends. What if you need to move sometime? Your cousin Eddie’s got a truck – get back in touch. Hate doing your taxes? Take a stroll through the accounting department and start laughing at Phillip’s boring jokes.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t hang out with other sports fans if you’re a sports fan yourself, but that can’t be the sole reason. What happens if you’re coming home from a game and your radiator overheats? What are you going to do then?

What if you’re buying a massive grill for a Super Bowl party and don’t want to pay the exorbitant delivery charges? You’re not getting it home in your Jetta.

Sure his burps are flammable (and he'll prove it from time to time),
but Eddie's ability to haul huge shit makes it all worth it.

What happens when you get notice of an audit from the IRS and would rather avoid jail time if at all possible? It’s too late to befriend boring Phillip. He’ll be on to your motives by then.

While being able to talk about the best ways for a secondary to defend screen passes is all well and good, I contend not being stuck on the side of the road, not unnecessarily shelling out a wad of your hard-earned cash and not being charged with tax fraud is even better.

So take an objective look at those around you. Go to your Facebook page. Scroll through your friends. Do you have your Don, your Eddie, your Phillip? If not, it’s time to get to work assembling your Friend Cabinet. You’ll thank me when you buy that massive grill.

2012 NBA Finals Preview

2012-06-11T21:54:00.001-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause

Before I even get started down the path of no return, know this—we all got what we wanted. Well, I at least got what I wanted. No offense to the Spurs and their ageless, ball movement offense and incredible coaching staff, this is what the league office has been hoping for all season. Seriously, David Stern has now got a bigger grin/smirk on his face than when the Lakers v Celtics rekindled their bi-coastal rivalry in the 2008 Finals. This rivalry has everything that the league needs: intense fans (well, at least in OKC), star-studded courtside patrons (well, at least in Miami), great coaching (well, at least in OKC), and superstars (well shoot, I guess they’re in both OKC and Miami).

Here’s the way this is going to work, I’ve spent serious time contemplating five key areas that are essential to winning this thing. I’ve looked at all of the stats, all of the material that I could get my hands on, watched every single game throughout the entire NBA Playoffs and have come to a conclusion that some will like and some will hate; that’s the nature of the beast, ladies and gents. So here we go, put on your best stadium handout fan shirt, and let’s get this thing going.

Backcourt

For those of you that didn’t know, OKC doesn’t start James Harden. He was the Sixth Man of the Year, which in most scenarios means that you are the best guy that can’t start in the League—dumb. Regardless, I can’t count “the Beard” in this category. Westbrook and Sefolosha start and a great starting pair they are. Westbrook’s athleticism is off-the-charts crazy good. A score-first point guard that has averaged a shade under 22ppg in the Playoffs, he is fearless and carries the first unit. He will need to improve on his playoff average of 2:1 assist-to-turnover ratio if he wants to truly dominate. No fear, he gets his. Sefolosha is a big off-guard and will be responsible for guarding both Wade and James. Tough task for anyone. Sefolosha has the ability to do it, and can be counted on to have at least one game where he “goes off” for 15.

D-Wade and Chalmers are an outstanding duo. I may be in the minority here, but Chalmers has the potential to be a top-5 point guard in the league in no time. How couldn’t he be when he has three superstars (Wade, James, Bosh) to work through? Trust me, Chalmers is the real deal. His 3:1 turnover-to-assist ratio trumps Westbrook, but they’re two totally different players. When the ball is in Chalmers’ hands, and he’s got a look, it’s usually from downtown. At 36%, his 3P% could use a little work, but when he’s got an open jumper, it’s going down—count on that. On to Wade…’nuff said. He’s got a ring and knows what it takes to win one—get another superstar and jump on their back to a banner (see: O’Neill, Shaq). He’ll get his shots, but needs to dismantle Sefolosha and get 25 per game in order for this team to be successful. As Wade goes, so does LBJ. That isn’t to say that James needs Wade to be productive, because he doesn’t, but when he’s on the floor, it opens and he can dribble, drive, dish, or go right to the bucket.

EDGE: Miami.

Frontcourt

In OKC they refer to the quadrant of Westbrook, Durant, Harden, and Ibaka as the “Big 4”. I have no problem with that. This team is built for longevity and is the blueprint for front office supremacy. What people don’t realize is that Ibaka is only 22 years old and has been playing basketball for a few, short years. That astounds me because he is ready to trump Dwight Howard as the best defending big man in the game. All NBA Defensive Team, a ball magnet around the rim, he keeps shots from getting off in the paint. There’s no reason to think that it stops here. If he can bring even one iota of an offensive game into this series, Miami is in trouble down low. Perkins will play the role of the bruiser. He needs to stay out of foul trouble and finish around the rim, which has been his Achilles heel this entire run. If he can pull down low double-doubles, Miami will not know where to turn.

Bosh is a perennial All-Star. His extended jumper range killed Boston in Game 7 and could be a major factor in getting Ibaka away from the rim. He’s no defensive liability, but not nearly as strong as the OKC frontcourt men, yet he’s a great help-side defender and can play from the elbow extended. He’s a mid- to high double-double machine and needs to fill it up in this series. Udonis Haslem will be called on to be the anti-Perk in this series. He needs to hit the 10-footer with consistency, bring a defensive mindset to this series, otherwise, they’re going to have issues.

EDGE: OKC

Superstars

No doubt about it, this is the most difficult category to consider. On one side you have the “Big 3” and on the other you have the “Big 4”. However, I’m taking another look at this, and I need to be objective. The true superstars in this series are Durant and James—don’t argue with me on this, because you all know that it’s the case. Stats are really a push. On one side you have the two-time reigning scoring champ, on the other you’ve got a perennial MVP. It’s too difficult a task to look at this as a one-on-one, apples to oranges comparison. It can’t be done. So here’s how I’m doing this: FANTASY DRAFT! If I were to start a team from scratch and held the first pick, these two would, without question, be the first two picks. But…I can only pick one. If I’m starting a franchise from square one and needed to draft the guy that I’m building my team around it’s LeBron James. Sorry haters, he’s the best player in the NBA hands down. I want a guy that can play any position on the floor, is a willing scorer, willing defender, and willing leader. I don’t care if he hasn’t hit a game winner, you don’t need to when you beat teams by double digits in the fourth quarter. People seem to forget that.

EDGE: MIA

Bench

This won’t take long, I promise. Miami has nearly $50M tied up in three guys. That doesn’t yield much in terms of bench help. Pat Riley has done an admirable job of putting proven guys around the “Big 3” that fall well within the cap limitations, but that simply isn’t enough. OKC has everything that a bench needs. Star player (Harden), scrappy, team-first defender (Collison), career winners (Fisher), and a dead red spot-up shooter (Cook) that when given minutes, can contribute. This one is over. No doubter here.

EDGE: OKC

Coaching

Scott Brooks was a career backup point guard in the league. He made it the hard way, coming up through the CBA and other strange affiliates before landing in great situations in Houston. He played with championship teams and knows what a team needs to do to win. He’s a former Coach of the Year after posting perhaps the greatest franchise turn-around in League history, taking them from a 23-win season to a 50-win season. That’s admirable, regardless of drafting and other circumstances. His players love him, the city adores him, and he fits the bill.

Spoelstra is an enigma. He is seemingly the “Queen of England”, which amounts to a “prisoners run the asylum” type of situation. He has very little to do with the success of the Heat, other than the fact that he was able to hold the team together through the vast expectations preceding them, which is admirable but not enough. He knows that he needs to win right now and he will do what he needs to do to accomplish that. Otherwise, he’ll be looking for a job on Vinny Del Negro’s staff. He’ll be the guy cleaning the clipboard on the sideline.

EDGE: OKC

Final Say

I personally cannot wait to see how this series unravels. There are so many intriguing sub-plots: Can the Heat’s personification of the anti-Moneyball team be realized?, Can the upstart Thunder trump the powerful “Big 3” and begin their expected dynasty a year earlier than anticipated? Regardless of how this shakes out, expect fireworks and insane games. You don’t want to miss this, it’s going to be BIG!

PREDICTION: OKC IN 6.

Euro 2012 for Dummies

2012-06-11T10:17:00.000-04:00

Written by: Brian Fisher, The Reserve Clause

Resident TRC Soccer expert breaks down what you should and shouldn't watch for in the Euros.

Location: Co-hosted by Poland and Ukraine

Time: June 8^th- July 16^th (televised on ESPN networks)

Why to Watch: Next to Champions League football (or soccer), and perhaps elite European league football, this tournament boasts the best players and best product the sport has to offer. It’s often joked that the European championships are basically the World Cup without Brazil and Argentina.

History: The current World champions (victors at 2010 World Cup), Spain, are also the current European champions (UEFA (Union of European Football Associations) Football Championships (“Euro 2008”). Nine countries have won the tournament since its creation in 1960, and it’s been played every four years thereafter. Germany has won the most European championships (3 times), and Spain and France have both won it twice. The other winners are Denmark, Czechoslovakia, the Netherlands, Soviet Union (inaugural winners), Italy and Greece.

Format: The finals include the 14 teams that qualified, which began with 51 qualifying European countries competing. The two host countries, Poland and Ukraine, qualify for the finals automatically. Four groups of four teams play in a “round robin” group stage, with each team playing the other teams in their group once. Each match is worth “3” points for a win, “1” for a draw, or “0” for a loss. The 2 teams with the most points amassed from this stage in each group advance into the quarterfinals or “knockout” stage and play single elimination games until a country is named eventual European champion.

Group Previews:

Group A-

Poland-

What you need to know: As the host country, Poland have a little added pressure and motivation to at least advance out of the group stage. The White Eagles should benefit from their familiar surroundings and a lot of local support. They have the talent and group to do so as well. This definitely one of the toughest groups to call, in one of the most unpredictable tournaments, but the Poles have the look of a team good for at least making it to the knockouts.

Who to watch (established players): Robert Lewandowski, Jakub Blaszczykowski (“Kuba”) and Ludovic Obraniak

Names to remember (future stars): Wojciech Szczesny and Lukasz Piszczek

How far will they go: Quarterfinals (group runners up)

Greece-

What you need to know: The surprise champions of the 2004 European championship, the Galanolefki (“Blue-white”) struggled to find the same magic in 2008 or the last World Cup. In addition, the identity of the Greek team seems to be changing. A side noted for its organization, collective defensive effort and opportunistic offense, this Greek side features some exciting young creative players which promises a more ambitious and attacking approach to the tournament.

Who to watch: Theofanis Gekas, Giorgos Samaras, and Socratis Papastathopoulos

Names to remember: Sotaris Ninis, Giannis Fetfatzidis, and Kyriakos Papadopoulos

How far will they go: Group Stage (fourth place)

Russia-

What you need to know: Probably the most underrated and underappreciated footballing side in the tournament, Russia has historically done well in this tournament. This Russian squad has plenty of experience, talent and motivation to challenge any team in the tournament. This tournament is known for producing surprise winners (Denmark ’92 and Greece ’04), and Russia would be a decent bet as a dark horse winner for this one.

Who to watch: Andrey Arsharvin, Roman Pavliachenko and Yuri Zurkov

Names to remember: Alan Dzagoev

How far will they go: Quarterfinals (group winners)

Czech Republic-

What you need to know: The Czech Republic come into the 2012 Euros as a team that looks to have missed their chance. A golden generation that included Tomas Rosicky, Milan Baros, and Petr Cech, now look a side in need of a facelift and injection of youth. This Czech team looks bereft of new ideas, and as such, little is expected of them in this tournament. In fact, they may look so underwhelming, that they may just get underestimated and therefore be dangerous. Can this aging side find enough to sneak out of this group? It wouldn’t be all that shocking to see them find their way to the knockout rounds.

Who to watch: Tomas Rosicky, Milan Baros, Jaroslav Plasil and Petr Cech

Names to remember: Tomas Necid, Tomas Pekhart and Marek Suchy

How far will they go: Group stage (third place)

Group B-(“Group of Death”)

Netherlands-

What you need to know: The Netherlands are perennial underachievers in senior international tournaments (just 1 European title and no World Cup titles), and were runners up in the 2010 World Cup. This Dutch squad have plenty of attacking options and world class talent. If there is a weakness on this squad, it is in defense where Oranje is a bit slim on quality and depth. Team chemistry seems to always be an issue with Dutch teams in big tournaments as well, but you get the sense that this current generation has one big run left in it.

Who to watch: Robin Van Persie, Klaus Jan Huntelaar, Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder, and Ibrahim Afellay

Names to remember: Kevin Strootman, Gregory van der Wiel and Luuk de Jong

How far will they go: Finalists

Denmark-

What you need to know: If Denmark were in another group, I’d say the Danes could potentially surprise some folks in this tournament. Denmark is solid in front, middle and back, and has played very well throughout qualifying. However, this group is likely too tough for the Danes to get either of the top two spots.

Who to watch: Nicklas Bendtner, Christian Eriksen and Daniel Agger

Names to remember: Christian Eriksen, Simon Kjaer, Nicolai Boilesen and Mathias Jorgensen

How far will they go: Group stage (fourth place)

Germany-

What you need to know: The three time champions, and runners up from Euro 2008, the Germans are undoubtedly one of the favorites to win the tournament. Depth, experience, flair and leadership, this current German squad seem to have it all…including motivation after falling just short in the last Euro tourney and deep run in the World Cup. Die Mannshaft are a smart bet to go the distance.

Who to watch: Philip Lahm, Bastien Schweinsteiger, Mario Gomez, Miroslav Klose and Mesut Ozil

Names to remember: Mats Hummels, Mario Gotze, Andre Schurrle, and Toni Kroos

How far will they go: Winner

Portugal-

What you need to know: Most of the attention on the Portuguese team will be on Cristiano Ronaldo, and rightly so. Unquestionably, Ronaldo is the second best player in the world (to Messi), and an absolute “game changer”. Add to the side Nani and Fabio Coentrao, and you’d think the strength of this squad was attacking, however defense and experience is likely to be the deciding factor if Portugal get out of this group. Portugal had both a strong showing in the 2010 World Cup and Euro qualifying on the basis of one of the stingiest defenses in Europe. If they can hold down the Dutch or Germans in the group games, they have an excellent chance of getting out of this group.

Who to watch: Cristiano Ronaldo, Nani, Fabio Contraeo and Pepe

Names to remember: Joao Moutinho and Nelsen Oliveira

How far will they go: Group stage (third place)

Group C-

Spain-

What you need to know: The 2008 Euro and 2010 World Cup champs will once again be one of the prohibitive favorites to win the tournament. No David Villa is a problem, as is the perceived fatigue and lack of motivation for much of the Spanish squad, which has already accomplished more than any of their predecessors. All that being said, this is a special, special group of players, and no side offers as much technical ability or the depth of La Roja.

Who to watch: Xavi Hernandez, Andres Iniesta, Juan Mata, Cesc Fabregas, Xabi Alonso and Gerrard Pique

Names to remember: Jordi Alba, Fernando Llorente and Javi Martinez

How far will they go: Semi-finalists

Italy-

What you need to know: As of writing this article, the two-time champs are still playing in the tournament, however more alleged corruption and betting scandals are threatening not only Italian club football, but also the national team for this tournament. Potentially huge losses in defense, as well as uncertainty of who’s going to supply the scoring upfront with a number of talented, but inconsistent and enigmatic options for selection, makes this Italian side look particularly vulnerable. However, if we’ve learned anything over the years in international football, it’s never count out gli Azzurri. This experienced squad will know how to get results.

Who to watch: Gianluigi Buffon, Giorgio Chiellini, Daniele De Rossi, Andrea Pirlo and Ricardo Montolivo

Names to remember: Leonardo Bonucci

How far will they go: Group stage (third place)

Republic of Ireland-

What you need to know: Ireland has been able to shake off the disappointment from their inauspicious elimination from the last World Cup finals to put together an impressive qualification campaign for the Euros. Led by perhaps the most experienced international manager in the tournament, Giovanni Trappatoni, the Boys in Green have used an industrious style of play and solid organization to make Euro finals, and could just shock in this group.

Who to watch: Robbie Keane, Aidan McGeady, Kevin Doyle, and Richard Dunne

Names to remember: James McClean and Shane Long

How far will they go: Quarterfinals

Croatia-

What you need to know: The Blazers are often overlooked in these large international tournaments, and there are plenty of recognizable, experienced players on this squad, however Croatia seems to searching a bit for an identity as well as their best lineup. Croatia could end up surprising, if they get out of the group stage, but seems as if they’ve left it a bit late to hit their stride in this tournament.

Who to watch: Darijo Srna, Eduardo, Luka Modric, and Vedran Corluka

Names to remember: Ivan Perisic, Ivan Rakitic, and Sime Vrsaljko

How far will they go: Group stage (fourth place)

Group D-

Ukraine-

What you need to know: Co-hosts with Poland, and like their Polish counterparts, will benefit from home support, but also feel the pressure of playing at home. Ukraine still relies too much on players such as Shevchenko, who are years beyond their prime, and this is a pretty tough group regardless. It seems a daunting prospect for the Yellow-blues to find their way out of group D.

Who to watch: Andriy Shevchenko, Anatoliy Timoshchuk, and Andriy Voronin

Names to remember: Andriy Yarmolenko and Maksym Koval

How far will they go: Group Stage (fourth place)

Sweden-

What you need to know: The Blagult (“blue-yellow”) look a more offensively ambitious and creative side than in the last few tournaments under their new coach. The Swedes are always well organized and play within themselves. Like the two giants in this group, they also boast one of the best strikers on the planet, in Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who is capable of turning a game on his own. The Swedes are definitely the dark horse pick to get out of this group, and perhaps a decent long shot bet to win it all.

Who to watch: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Kim Kallstrom, Sebastian Larsson and Christian Wilhelmsson

Names to remember: Rasmus Elm and Emir Bajrami

How far will they go: Group Stage (third place)

France-

What you need to know: France offer nearly as much talent and depth as any team in this tournament. In addition, they look to be a side with purpose and understanding under Laurent Blanc. A number of players are in very good form of late, including a number of sparkling offensive players. Could Euro 2012 be the launching pad for an even deeper run in World Cup 2014? It would seem a decent bet, but don’t count out Les Bleus realizing their massive potential in this tournament.

Who to watch: Kareem Benzema, Hugo Lloris, Franck Ribery and Patrice Evra

Names to remember: Olivier Giroud, Yann M’Vila, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa and Mathieu Debuchy

How far will they go: Semi-finals

England-

What you need to know: England is perennially a favorite to do well, if not win major international competitions such as the European championships. Unfortunately however, the soccer crazed country that boasts the best support and arguably best club football in the world, is continually disappointed by their talented, but enigmatic national team. The Three Lions offer up a similar squad for this tournament, complete with big names, accomplished internationals and plenty of young talent, however their plenty of question marks as well, particularly in defense, as well as upfront, as England will be without their star, Wayne Rooney, who is suspended for the first two matches of the tournaments. England still looks a team with too much talent and experience to not advance out of this group, but they’ll need players like Steven Gerrard, Ashley Cole and John Terry to be in top form.

Who to watch: Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard, Ashley Cole, Ashley Young and Joe Hart

Names to remember: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Phil Jones and Martin Kelly

How far will they go: Quarterfinals

Knockout Predictions

Quarterfinals-

Russia vs. Netherlands

Germany vs. Poland

Spain vs. England

France vs. Ireland

Semi-finals-

Netherlands vs. Spain

Germany vs. France

Final-

Netherlands vs. Germany

Champion-

Germany

Most Outstanding Player:

Mesut Ozil, Germany

Golden Boot (leading goal scorer):

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden

Top 10 Albums of 2011

2011-12-31T11:43:00.003-05:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @andrewsmclean)

You may have wondered where we've been. I know, this blog has been more ignored than a scandal at Penn State. But worry not, we've just been hunkered down, listening to every single album released over the past year – ignoring family, friends and mandatory court dates. And all for you, dear reader.

#1 – TV on the Radio – Nine Types of Light

A great album from a band increasingly known for great albums. For my money, there's not a more energetic, creative group going today.

Favorite song: Caffeinated Consciousness

#2 – Say Hi – um, uh oh

This album shows a ton of range, and Say Hi is my favorite discovery of the year. Only took me 7 studio albums (and a name change - dropping the terrible "to Your Mom") for me to take notice. Not bad.

Favorite song: Devils

#3 – Sam Roberts – Collider

This was also my favorite concert of the year. Bad news: there was a criminally small crowd. Good news: it resulted in an amazing, intimate atmosphere and one hell of a show.

Favorite song: Partition Blues (though not the most "single"-friendly song on the album)

#4 – Adele – 21

I know this isn't the "coolest" pick I could make, but this is a stellar album and this chick can belt it.

Favorite song: Rolling in the Deep

#5 – Jay-Z & Kanye West – Watch the Throne

While disappointing compared to what it could have been, it's still a quality release with some really good stuff.

Favorite song: Otis

#6 – Big Sean – Finally Famous: The Album

A very promising debut from another member of Kanye's stable of artists.

#7 – Radiohead – The King of Limbs

Only rated lower because they've put out so much good stuff, this unfairly gets held to ridiculous high standards.

#8 – Black Keys – El Camino

I'm glad to see this Ohio duo working with Danger Mouse again, as I felt Brothers was a step back from Attack & Release (although I realize I'm likely in the minority on this). This one could move up the list on repeated listens.

#9 – Childish Gambino – Camp

Another promising hip hop debut, from a multi-talented dude - Donald Glover of Community fame.

#10 – Decemberists - The King is Dead

I love the turn they took with their sound, embracing a more country sound.

In addition to the songs above, a couple other tracks I really liked over the past year include:

Das Racist – Michael Jackson

Gotye – Somebody That I Used to Know

Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi (ft Jack White) – Two Against One

Did I miss anything? Let me know in the Comments below.

Daily Bet - NFL Sunday

2011-10-02T11:38:00.000-04:00

Written by: Josh Hammer, The Reserve Clause

Well ladies and gents, needless to say, I'm back! I'm going to offer up a few picks for today's NFL games. It's up to you if you want to parlay my picks and get a better payout. Here we go!

1. Buffalo Bills (-3) at Cincinnati Bengals (+3)

The over/under is set for 44 points in this match up. I gave this match up about 5 seconds of my time before I unanimously decided that the Buffalo Bills would win this game easily. Therefore, I pick the Bills to cover the spread.

MY PICK: Buffalo Bills to cover spread of -3

2. Atlanta Falcons (-5) at Seattle Seahawks (+5)

     Today I am looking to see if the Seahawks will once again test out a new offensive line combination. They have yet to find one that gives their QB enough time to hit his receivers without getting happy feet (Jay Cutler knows how that feels!). While we are still on the Seahawks and their offensive struggles, it's only a matter of time until Tavaris Jackson gets replaced by Charlie Whitehurst. I continue to see struggles by the Seahawks.

MY PICK: Atlanta Falcons to cover spread of -5

3. Pittsburgh Steelers (+3.5) at Houston Texans (-3.5)

     The over/under is set for 45.5 points in this match up. This was a 15 minutes thinker and I finally decided on the high flying Texans to take this game. Playing at home and having Andre Johnson as your star player with no one on the Steelers D that can cover him, look out!

MY PICK: Houston Texans to cover spread of -3.5

So there are my picks for Week 4 in the NFL. Remember, bet at your own risk but know that if you parlay my 3 picks I have just given, then you will be receiving a nice little deposit from your bookie! Good luck and GO LIONS!

Scarlett Johansson Nude!

2011-09-16T17:35:00.004-04:00

By: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause

That title alone should set a new record for most hits on a single article. (Currently my Stadium Food piece, for those wondering.)

Wednesdays are the worst. While Mondays get all the bad rap, at least there are the great stories from the weekend to share. Like the one where your buddy tells you how he met this questionable chick, brought her back to his place, only to find his roommate had brought the same chick back to the same apartment the night before. Or about the time you left your phone in a cab, only to have the FBI show up at your door for supplying communication devices to known terrorist organizations.

But Wednesdays don’t have anything like that. No one has wild Tuesday nights. Well, only alcoholics, and no one listens to stories from alcoholics because at some point they stop being funny and start getting depressing. Unless he pees himself. Then it’s funny again.

Wednesdays aren’t close enough to the last weekend and not yet close enough to the next one. They’re when we need a nice pick-me-up the most. Well, this Wednesday came through. By mid-morning, the Twitter world was abuzz with talk of Scarlett Johansson nude pictures. God must have finally heard my prayers! On a scale of 1 to 10 of celebrities we most needed a good leaked nude photo of, SJ is a 37.

This little gift from above got me thinking. Is there anything better than Scarlett Johansson nude? After some serious soul searching, I decided no. Need some proof. Well, because this is a PG 13 site, I won’t share the pictures here. (Seriously, it’s called Google, go use it yourself). But I will give you five awesome things that aren’t even as awesome as Scarlett Johansson nude.

1. Playing Madden ‘12 with Bill Belichick

For some reason, the 18-25 demographic continues to line up at video game stores for hours in anticipation of the latest installment of Madden. Why? No clue. Maybe it’s the excitement of the two minor tweaks that the folks over at EA added to this year’s game. Maybe these booger-eaters just have no plans for Friday nights and just stocked up on a bulk purchase of Cheetos.

While I’m at a bit of a loss when explaining the Madden phenomenon, if you’re going to spend time coaching up a bunch of pixels, why not compete against the cream of the crop? And anyone who didn’t already think “The Hoodie” was the best in the business needs to watch NFL Films’ “A Football Life”, following Bill Belichick through the 2009 season. This guys never stops coaching, which is what would make it that much cooler to beat his ass repeate with the “Annexation of Puerto Rico”. BOOM!

2. Throw a 100mph fastball in an appearance as the opening pitch guy.

I for one am sick and tired of MLB teams bringing out these novelty honorary first pitch people who have zero arm. This is the great American pastime that we’re talking about. Everyone should be able to put a little zing on a baseball. (Don't believe me? Check out the video below. Number 2 was definitely robbed of the top spot.)

Now imagine someone like Henry Rowengartner skipping out to the mound to open up a game. Most unsuspecting fans would find it cute that a Little Leaguer is going to try and throw from 60-feet, but what if he rears back and lets one absolutely rip? How awesome would that be? Most of the bullpen catchers who catch the first pitch don’t even wear protective equipment. Imagine the horror and attention that the pitcher would get if he smashed the catcher’s face? Would the catcher still smile and sign the baseball? Who really cares about a signed baseball from a guy who would be selling life insurance after the season anyway? Nobody, but they would care about the ringer who went from throwing the ceremonial first pitch to getting a spot in the rotation.

3. Running a drunk 40-yd dash, on concrete, outside of a major tourist attraction.

You’re gonna have to trust me on this one, as I’ve done it and it was awesome. I ran a 5.13 by the way, but I’m pretty sure the timer was a step slow (he was drunk too, after all), and I puked afterward so I was obviously carrying unnecessary weight at the time.

4. Flying in a human squirrel suit

No explanation necessary here.

5. Being Adam Richman

Here is the guy that all men wish that they could be. He gets paid to be a total slob, the guy we’d all be if appearance and personal health didn’t matter. Believe it or not, Adam Richman is worth an estimated $8M. His job description entails travelling the country to stuff his fat face full of extremely unhealthy food in legendary portions. But who in their right mind wouldn’t sacrifice a little body weight for $8M?

I imagine only a fraction of you made it to the end without giving up on me and going to check out Ms. Johansson, but I thank those of you who did (or at least came back). Did I miss anything? If so, let me know in the Comments below.

The Silly Season in Review

2011-09-16T15:26:00.001-04:00

Written by: Brian Fisher, The Reserve Clause

The European football transfer window has arguably become as compelling for many a club supporter as the actual football in which it’s meant to support. For better, for worse, for love of its “fantasy football” appeal, or hate it for all its perceived greed and disloyalty, it’s importance and effect on European clubs’ aspirations and futures is undeniable. This year’s transfer window did not disappoint, as clubs spent nearly £500 million between June 1^st and September 1^st. Here is a breakdown of just some of the higher profile business done during this summer transfer period:

Top 10 impact transfers- This is not a ranking of the individual players, but rather a ranking of the players that I believe will have the greatest impact with their new clubs:

1. Samir Nasri to Manchester City - The former Arsenal man is the perfect creative engine to the machine Roberto Mancini is trying to build at Eastlands. The Citizens have depth and strength in every position, but lacked a bit of creativity and endeavor that Nasri is sure to provide. I predict a massive season for Manchester City, and the signing of this player will be a huge reason why.

2. Alexis Sanchez/Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona - Ok, cheating a little bit here, but the point to including both players here is speak to the importance of having quality depth in order for Barcelona to cement its place as the one of the elite club sides in the history of European football. Barcelona has been very fortunate to play with a relatively small squad in as many as six or seven major competitions per season. During that time, they have avoided serious or lengthy injuries to Xavi, Messi, Iniesta and David Villa. Manager, Pep Guardiola, knows eventually their luck is sure to run out, and with Xavi over 30 now, and Messi having played a ton of football the last three years, rotating the squad a bit more frequently is a necessity. Sanchez/Fabregas give them “world class” quality depth.

3. Juan Mata to Chelsea - Andres Villas-Boas “new look” Chelsea side looks more like the old look, aging Chelsea that stumbled to third in the EPL. Additionally, Chelsea missed out, yet again, on the Champions League glory owner Roman Abramovich so deeply desires. AVB has been able to bring in a few quality, young additions including Romelu Lukaku and this Spanish playmaker, Mata, who should provide a bit of creativity and energy the Blues are badly in need of.

4. Sergio Aguero to Manchester City - Manchester City plays the transfer market like a game of Football Manager, and on the surface, the purchase of the Argentine hit man looks simply like more “player hoarding”, however Aguero brings the Citizens qualities and versatility that the club does not have currently. Aguero can play on either wing or lead the line through the middle, and his goal scoring record in La Liga is undeniable.

5. Ashley Young to Manchester United - Ashley Young to Manchester United - Many scoffed at the price paid for the Villa man, and some even wondered where he’d fit, but with the retirement of Paul Scholes, and Ryan Giggs on borrowed time, Sir Alex knew it was time to start to rebuild his squad. Young brings pace, creativity, and a wonderful right foot, which has been in evidence already in this young season.

6. Javier Pastore to Paris Saint-Germain - PSG, has often been called a “sleeping giant”, as the only large club located in Paris, France. Now owned and backed with Qatari money, the French side needed to show intent this summer. Along with a bevy of high profile signings, no transfer was a bigger sign of ambition than the Argentine playmaker’s move from Palermo to the Parc des Princes. Pastore will be asked to settle quickly, but assuming he can acclimate, he could be central to the rise of a new European football power.

7. Nuri Sahin to Real Madrid - Borussia Dortmund was able to hang on to most of the exciting, young talent that took the German Bundesleagua by storm last season; however, they couldn’t keep Sahin. A move to the Bernabeu was too much for the tremendous Turk to pass on. Still unknown where Sahin will fit exactly, but a player of his vision and tremendous passing ability is likely to see a lot of time this year. Is Xavi Alonso now on borrowed time?

8. Diego Forlan to Inter Milan - with Samuel Eto’o curious move to Russian side, Anzhi Makhachkala, Inter needed a proven goal scorer to replace his productivity. The Italian giants couldn’t have found a better fit than the veteran Uruguayan. Forlan needed a change of scenery anyway, and the San Siro and Serie A looks just the place for Forlan to extend what has been an already terrific career.

9. Fabio Contraeo to Real Madrid - Madrid’s squad is an embarrassment of riches to most in comparison to most European clubs, but the left side of the pitch was an area most pundits and fans alike felt needed strengthening. This Portuguese import fits the bill in that he can play both fullback or further of pitch, and his energy and attacking ability gives an already scary-good side just another weapon for clubs to consider.

10. Santi Cazorla to Malaga - Another club, like PSG, with big ambitions backed by Qatari money, is the Spanish outfit, Malaga. The Andalusia side has made a number of eye-opening signings of quality footballers over the past two windows, but bagging this wonderful winger was certainly the biggest coup yet. It’s seriously doubtful that Malaga will have enough to challenge Madrid or Barca, but with adding players of the quality of Cazorla one wonders if they can compete for the top 4 in La Liga and a Champions League spot. My guess is “yes.”

Did Arsène Wenger Save His Ass?

2011-09-10T17:28:00.000-04:00

Written by: Kevin McGarr, The Reserve Clause

If you've been following the English Premier League, you'd know that, at the moment, Arsenal are pretty much the laughing stock of the league. Through the first three matches of the season, The Gunners have only secured one point and were embarrassed last sunday at Old Trafford, losing 8-2 to Manchester United. As a die hard Arsenal supporter, this pains me very much.

I grew up watching Arsenal win the double in '01-'02. And then there was the Invincible season. Ah, yes, '03-'04 season. The Gunners became the second team in the history of football to go throughout the season without a single defeat. The won 26 matches, drew 12, lost none, and ended the year with 90 points. If you can tell me who were the first team to go undefeated (without looking it up), I'll give you a shout out in my next article. Leave your answers in the comment box below. Hint: Lancashire.

Anyways, back to 2011-2012. Arsène Wenger is notorious for being rather stingy when it comes to the transfer window. My fellow Gooners and I have become accustomed to what is known as “The Wenger Plan.” This “plan” consists of opting to not buy experienced, quality players and, instead, buying younger, undeveloped players in which Wenger can mold in to his system.

With the departure of Cesc Fabregas, Samir Nasri, and Gaël Clichy, Arsenal were looking rather thin in the experienced players area, and dropped critical points at the beginning of this season. Arsène Wenger looked to be on the hot seat if he did not improve the situation quickly. In the final two days of the transfer window (Aug. 30 & 31), Arsenal went in to overdrive and bought a bevy of experienced players who addressed major problems in the Arsenal starting eleven.

Here are Arsenal's newest players:

Per Mertesacker (from Werder Bremen), CB. Over 70 caps for the German National Team and tons of experience in the Bundesliga, this 6'6” giant will anchor the middle of the back four alongside Thomas Vermaelen.

André Santos (from Fenerbahçe), LWB. Brazilian defender. Need I say more?

Park Chu-Young (from Monaco), F. Captain of the South Korean National Team, just a hair under 6'0, and has been referred to as the “Asian Kaká.”

Mikel Arteta (from Everton), MF. Creative midfield (which Arsenal needed) with a nice shot, ability to allude defenders, wonderful vision, and is a positive influence on younger players.

Yossi Benayoun (from Chelsea on loan), MF. Creative midfield who, when not hurt, has the ability to possess the ball and not force passes. Captain of the Israeli National Team.

Social Media Showdown - Gilbert Arenas vs. Joe Mande

2011-09-01T13:32:00.001-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @andrewsmclean)

This week offered one of the great Twitter battles I've had the pleasure of experiencing, Gilbert Arenas vs. Joe Mande. In case you missed it, I'd like to take a few minutes to give you the round-by-round breakdown of this epic match.

The Bios:

Gilbert Arenas (Twitter handle: @agentzeroshow) is an NBA player, perhaps most famous for brandishing a gun during a locker room argument over gambling debts with a teammate. History has since treated him kindly, as now that the other fine gentlemen in the little disagreement was just arrested for murder, Gilbert is now the less-crazy one of the two.

Joe Mande (Twitter handle: @joemande) is a comedian from New York City, appearing on VH1’s Best Week Ever and Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham. He’s a must-follow on Twitter, famous for his takedowns of moron celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, Jose Canseco and Russell Crowe.

The History:

This battle was all set up with Joe Mande’s awesome piece on Gilbert Arena’s various Twitter profile pictures. Before you go any further, read it. Then read it again.

In a shocker, Gilbert didn’t take too kindly to it, and the fight was on. Let’s get to the weigh-ins and get this battle started.

Tale of the Tape:

Gilbert Arenas – According to NBA.com, 6-foot-4, 215 pounds

Joe Mande – From photos, I’ll say 5-foot-6, 165 pounds (Editor's update: In an awesome turn of events, Joe himself has DM'd us to correct his measurements: "It's actually 5'9" 145". Sorry, Joe!)

Michael Buffer, take it away.

ROUND 1

Gilbert comes out of his corner aggressive, but without a lot of power:

@agentzeroshow: so i was write that the no talented joe mande wrote it

Mande is unfazed, countering with an early body shot (although not the cool kind off of hot chicks):

@joemande: Yes, you were 100% write.

ROUND 1 WINNER: MANDE. The scorecard now reads Mande 1, Gilbert 0. Early on we get a look at each fighter’s strategy. Gilbert plans to come out firing, with no regard for spelling, grammar or general intelligence. Mande is content to sit back and let Gilbert punch himself out, an ode to Muhammad Ali’s famed Rope-a-Dope strategy to take down the mighty George Foreman.

ROUND 2

Undeterred by his Round 1 beating, Gilbert charges back out.

@agentzeroshow: to be honest the funnest thing u said in the article was ur a comedian..i was on the floor laughn at that part

At this point, Mande must know the bout is over. If Gilbert’s total illiteracy didn’t spell defeat (or, according to Gilbert, "spell defete"), his middle-school comebacks certainly did. Mande lets up, allowing this fight to last a little longer.

@joemande: Oh, thx!

ROUND 2 WINNER: DRAW. Still Mande 1, Gilbert 0.

ROUND 3

Energized by his success (read: lack of total failure) from the last round, Arenas draws back and swings with all his might:

@agentzeroshow: If u were the normal jackass media i would have let it slide but ur not even good at ur job!!

This was the turning point in the battle, as Mande lands a monster roundhouse right:

@joemande: Look up your 10-11 stats.

(In case you’re curious, here are the stats in question.)

Down goes Gilbert! Down goes Gilbert! The ref stands above him and begins his 10 count. Five passes, and Arenas still lies on the canvas, struggling to regain his senses. The ref reaches 8, and Gilbert rolls to his knees and staggers up just before the 10 count.

ROUND 3 WINNER: MANDE. With that haymaker landed, the scorecard now shows Mande 2, Gilbert 0. Not sure how much longer this one can last.

ROUND 4

Gilbert is visibly woozy from the last round, coming out confused and disoriented:

@agentzeroshow: im only following u now joe..i dont wanna mess ur punchline"righttttttttt"

Mande continues his effective counterpunching:

@joemande: I don't want you to mess it, either. What?

After doing some quick research, Arenas is back with another gem:

@agentzeroshow: u charge 5 dollars a a tic lmaoooooo hookers charge more for jokes

Seeing the end is near, Mande again pulls back on the power, and lands a soft shot to the shoulder:

@joemande: Alright. But you're the one buying jokes from hookers.

ROUND 4 WINNER: MANDE. This one can’t last much longer. Either the ref is going to have to stop the fight or someone’s going to get hurt.

ROUND 5

At this point, I don’t even think Arenas knows where he is or what he’s saying. Coming out with this one, he proves my observation to be correct:

@agentzeroshow: i cant stop laughn..imma go back to my rm its almost 5 o'clock jackoff hr...

This is tough to watch. It’s like those terrible bum fights, but one of them is a trained UFC brawler. Mande sees the ref about the call the match, and winds up for his finisher:

@joemande: Have fun jacking off. And proving my point.

That’s it! This one’s over! The ref steps in and guides the tiny Mande to his corner.

Ladies and gentlemen, with a 5th Round Knockout, your champion, Joe Mande! Mande takes a few laps around the ring, thanking his cheering fans. Looking down at a beaten Gilbert Arenas, some remorse sets in.

Maybe this wasn’t a fair fight from the start. In one corner, you had a professional comedian, trained in wise-crack comments at celebrities’ expense on the mean streets of VH1. And in the other corner, you had a guy who could barely stay coherent for 140 characters.

Mande walked over to Gilbert, extended his hand, and helped him to his feet:

@joemande: Extending an olive branch to @agentzeroshow. You can do my show any time you're in NYC. Thursday nights at UCB-East. $5, hookers enter free.

With that, one of the most vicious beatdowns in all of social media ends with a touching moment. I, for one, hope Agent Zero takes him up on the offer. My prediction: Gilbert plays to a standing-room only crowd of scantily-dressed women, with a total paid gate of $10.

Hoop Dreams

2011-08-31T14:11:00.000-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause (Twitter: @andrewsmclean)

If I had it my way, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. I’d be too busy training – taking jumper after jumper in the gym I built in my multi-million dollar mansion – to write this. But I’m not, so hey, I’ve got a few minutes for you guys.

Sorry, kids, it ain't happening. Start practicing your typing skills now.

It’s always fascinating to hear an adult confess what they wanted to be “when they grew up”. On any given playground around the country, there are dozens of would-be astronauts, veterinarians and movie stars. In reality, when all is said and done, it turns out there were a lot more cashiers, receptionists and line cooks than originally planned. While all are valuable, important occupations, they clearly lack the glamour of most children’s dream jobs. But in all honesty, if a child grew up dreaming of punching a time clock, working for some guy in wrinkled Dockers and an ugly button-up shirt, I’d send them to therapy. That’s not normal.

As for me, I was going to be an NBA star. I’d be selected first overall in the draft and play center for the Detroit Pistons. In fifth grade when we were to predict where we’d be in 20 years, I wrote that I’d be playing alongside four of my elementary school buddies winning championship after championship.

But, really, I was just humoring my friends. I mean, with the odds stacked so much against making it to the pros, I’d have to drop them along the way. Nice knowin’ you, homies. Maybe you can visit my mansion sometime.

Dream caption: Bulls guard Michael Jordan (23 - left) takes comfort from teammate Scottie Pippen moments after Pistons phenom Andrew McLean (unpictured - too busy celebrating) dominates him once again.

So I practiced in my driveway every day, dreaming of playing alongside Isiah Thomas and Bill Laimbeer (clearly ignoring relative ages). The only thing that would break me out of my fantasies of schooling the great Air Jordan was the loud rattle of our cheap fiberglass garage door as I airballed 20-footers I just knew I could bury.

Airballs aside, and you’ll just have to trust me on this, I was a pretty decent player. Even as I began eating more than playing (or anything else it now seems) and ballooned in size, I could still play. Embarrassed as much by the prospect of not fitting into the jerseys as anything else, I never tried out for my middle school teams. But that wasn’t the end of my dreams. Who ever said a few games as a 13-year-old decided a career in professional sports? Hell, as the oft-told story goes, Michael Jordan didn’t even make his Junior Varsity team.

Several knee injuries through my early teen years further slowed my progress (except in my waist size, as I was progressing at lightning speed there). With these setbacks, I realized a career as the Pistons’ franchise center wasn’t quite as attainable as I once thought. From what I observed, and trust me that I kept close watch, there weren’t many slow, 6’3” centers with bad knees getting drafted, never mind first overall.

So my dreams of basketball stardom dropped from the pros to college. In its new incarnation, my dream had me shocking everyone, this no-name walk-on who only played because the star player suffered some catastrophic injury (don’t worry – he may be able to walk again one day). The season seemed over, that is, until #3, Andy McLean (yeah, still Andy at that point), stepped on the court and started dropping threes, killing the competition with and-1 drives where I would just get leveled and get up like it was nothing. Like Dwyane Wade, minus the wheelchair. The announcers would compare my toughness to the legendary Brett Favre – no Brett Favre would start being compared to me.

Well, needless to say, I single-handedly carry my dark horse school (yet undecided, but it really didn’t matter) through the Big Dance, hoisting the championship trophy in early April and winning the Tournament MVP in the process. Yes, that would be my dream. (For sports fans, think an even less athletic Gerry McNamara – far-fetched, to be sure.)

But, apparently, if you only play once every couple months, your skills begin to diminish. Who knew? So as the years went on (complete with additional knee injuries here and there for good measure), I enrolled in college at Western Michigan University knowing I wasn’t ever going to step foot on the court as anything other than a fan.

By sophomore year, I saw my brother Nick after months of being away, and the guy had dropped probably 80 pounds, making me the fat brother. If some distant cousins were trying to remember which of us was Nick and which was Andy, I pictured them recalling, “Oh yeah, Andy is the fat one. Andy like candy. Nick like quick.” And with that, I knew it was time to lose some weight.

So I worked extremely hard, determined not to be the fat brother. I suppose it would have been easier to sabotage him, but sneaking Snickers bars into turkey sandwiches on wheat bread is even tougher than it sounds.

Now a comparatively-svelte 210 pounds, I began to play basketball at Western’s rec center more, slowly chipping away the years of rust. My dreams of basketball domination were once again adjusted, this time from college phenom to rec center star. I’d show up, still looking soft and undefined, surely not like a player to worry about, and take over the game. While I had long ago given up the dream of being able to dunk a ball, I could still take over a game with killer jumpers and dazzling passes, showing off my impeccable basketball IQ.

Playing occasionally, I quickly realized that some of the other players’ athleticism was too much for me. While I held my own in half-court games, full-court was always a game of fast breaks. With shaky knees I had accepted as mine for the rest of my life, I couldn’t envision waking up one morning with newly-acquired blazing speed.

In my junior and senior years, I learned the game of racquetball, briefly flirting with the dream of going pro there instead, until I realized a pro racquetballplayer probably didn't exist, and if it does, was about as glamorous as a school bus driver (with apologies to those brave souls).

So I graduated from Western, and my dream of being a rec center star left with me.

Future caption: Andrew McLean (34 - front row, second from left) took the Kalamazoo YMCA league by storm with his superior skills, until he was permanently banned from the premises following an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction caused by his inappropriately short-shorts.

These days, with a life more rich than I could have ever dreamt of as a fifth-grader, I still house my hoop dreams deep down. At this point, they've been relegated to dominating half-court games at the local YMCA. Yes, it’s come to fantasizing about draining shots over 5-foot-tall, bald accountants wearing jean shorts and knee-high socks, but it’s my dream, dammit!

And maybe one day I can pass these dreams on to my sons, forcing them to attempt to accomplish what I never could. And isn't that what being a parent is all about?

Top 5 Items Needed for the Night of Your Fantasy Football Draft

2011-08-30T13:49:00.000-04:00

Written by: Josh Hammer, The Reserve Clause

5. Madden 2012

- With the latest installment of Madden being released 2 days ago, you have had enough time to run your favorite team and favorite players’ stats through the roof. It's too bad your Madden stats won’t beef up your fantasy scores at all.

4. Tip Sheet

- It never hurts to know who your opponents are drafting prior to your selection. You have to keep your eyes open so you can counter their picks and hopefully trump them with your own. You and I both hope that the fantasy projections are somewhat close according to ESPN’s finest when that number one running back is taken and you have to settle for the number two.

3. Lucky Rabbit’s Foot

- It never hurts to have a little luck on your side when it comes down to who is available and who isn’t to determine if you have even the slightest chance of winning your fantasy football league this year.

2. Jersey of Your Favorite Player

- Everyone knows that you have to dress for success right? Don’t act like you don’t go all out for your draft, even if you’re all alone in your one bedroom apartment, and pop on your latest Ndamukong Suh threads.

1. Case of Beer

- You must make sure that you make the right draft picks early on but if you’re like me then you lose interest after the first 6 rounds. To fix this, you will need some “proper hydration” to make it through all the rounds of your draft (I prefer Rolling Rock).

Daily Bet - San Diego Padres vs Los Angeles Dodgers

2011-08-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

Written by: Josh Hammer, The Reserve Clause

Spread: San Diego Padres +1.5/Los Angeles Dodgers -1.5

Over/Under: 6

Tonight we have an inner division battle between the Padres and the Dodgers. The Padres will send Mat Latos (6-12, 3.74 ERA) while the Dodgers will counter with Clayton Kershaw (16-5, 2.51 ERA. Instantly I am drawn to the over/under for this game. Although Kershaw is lights out and is trying to make his case to win the NL Cy Young, I still believe he will give up at least 2 runs. Orlando Hudson has been on an absolute tear this month and the Padres like seeing the production they paid for. In the other dugout, Latos has been pitching better than his record indicates but I still see the Dodgers putting up at least 4 to 5 runs. Therefore, I am absolutely loving the over in this matchup.

MY PICK: OVER of 6

Daily Bet - Chicago Cubs vs Milwaukee Brewers

2011-08-28T11:18:00.000-04:00

Written by: Josh Hammer, The Reserve Clause

Spread: Chicago Cubs +1.5/Milwaukee Brewers -1.5

Over/Under: 8.5

In today's early Sunday match up, the Cubs will throw Casey Coleman (7.25 ERA) into the pit with Brewers Zack Greinke (4.22 ERA). The Cubs are 1-7 against the Brewers this season. The brew crew are on an absolute tear at home this year putting up a 49-16 record at Miller Park. Today I look for Greinke to also continue is home dominance and add to his 9-0 record at home this season. Mix the Brewers bats and their former Cy Young winner (Greinke 2009 AL winner) together and you can count on the Brewers covering the spread against the Cubs today.

MY PICK: Milwaukee Brewers to cover the spread of -1.5

Summer Music Festival Wrap-up

2011-08-28T11:15:00.000-04:00

It's always a sad day when the weather starts to cool off and the sun goes away at 5pm. Here in Chicago, the only thing that can prepare me for winter is to put on my snow suit and stand in front of a max speed fan for a few hours. But what better way to pay homage to summer more than sharing some of the highlights of the summer concert festival that was? From Pitchfork to Coachella to Lollapalooza, I have compiled a playlist of some of the best performances of the summer, spanning the country. Enjoy, you uncivilized heathens:

It's a Sunday morning, that means we all need to get ourselves out of bed and actually do something with ourselves today. My plan? Maybe go to the driving range or something. Grammy Award winning artists, Arcade Fire got everyone's attention at Coachella this year with their closing number "Wake Up". Even though I'm not entirely sure that Win Butler isn't actually Two Face, he and his band sure can rock. Who would have ever thought that a band comprised mostly of strings could sound this b?

Just because I like my readers, I thought that I would give you a double shot of Wiz Khalifa. Maybe I'm biased because Wiz hails from my home state, but he's still one of the best new rappers in the game. Personally, Wiz should have probably been slated to play at night just so we could see the mushroom cloud of smoke hovering over the crowd. Regardless of how inebriated the crowd and/or Wiz were when this show went down, it's a shame that I couldn't get to Cali for this show.

Delta Spirit is a band that really should just release new material in time for summer. In this video, they play the summer anthem, "Trash Can" at this year's Lollapalooza festival. Some of the talent at Lollapalooza has dipped slightly, but Delta Spirit has to be considered a pure speculation pick. Having them play at a festival like Lolla is kind of like taking an undrafted rookie running back in the late rounds of a draft, then having him blow up and lead the league in rushing (see Arian Foster). Most people aren't quite sure of what they're going to get, but as soon as you put them in the lineup, they make your team (festival) miles better. Here's looking at you, Delta Spirit--you just rushed for 1,600 yards.

Last but certainly not least, my favorite performance of the entire summer festival series--"Wide Eyes" by Local Natives. I may be a little biased here too, as I've seen these guys on a few occasions and let me tell you, they can blow the roof off the place. Somewhere, David Crosby is crying tears of joy that another Laurel Canyon band is proudly carrying the torch of the great LA bands that came before them. Let's not forget that Taylor Rice has maybe the coolest moustache in the business.

I'm sure that I missed some great performances. If you see a glaring weakness in any of my favorites, let me know.

Top Tweets of the Week (August 22-27)

2011-08-27T14:33:00.000-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause

First thing's first: I'm not stupid. I know that a week isn't just five days, but when you sit at work all day waiting on your TweetDeck timeline to update so you can fight your way through, that IS your week. Technically, the weekend is just a time to consume way too stale beer and find the best $1 pizza slice that the city offers. Now that that whole mess is settled, let's jump into it.

I'm breaking this down in descending order (that means that it goes backward from 5 to 1, just in case you needed a definition).

5. @KjMcGarr: “Irene” was the go code in Black Hawk Down.”

-What a movie! There is nothing like Josh Hartnett leading men to save Jeremy Piven's dumbass. It all could have been avoided if Piven simply knew how to fly a damn helicopter. I flew a helicopter in my friend Aaron's house last week and I must say--it isn't that difficult. C'mon Piven, you're Ari Gold for god's sake...you're better than that. Regardless of his flying inadequacies, I have to do it:

Matthews: "All units, Irene. I say again, Irene!"

Durant: "Fu**in' Irene!"

4. @Rosenberg_Mike: “The government has asked several hundred thousand people to leave New York City. That is long overdue.”

-Is there a single city in the world that could possibly better itself anymore by getting several hundred thousand people the hell out of dodge more than NYC? I love the city--perhaps the greatest city on earth, but my estimates put the amount of "I Heart NYC" vendors somewhere around "several hundred thousand". The world would be a much better place if we didn't have to see someone from Iowa City wearing one of these shirts while working on their cattle farm.

3. @JimCarrey: "My avatar is the eye in a self-portrait called 'What Have You Don?' an unavoidable question u ask yrslf when u take any creative risk.?;P"

-Someone should probably tell Ace Ventura that the only reason that he has so many followers is that people are obsessed with his fall from grace. Seriously, who in their right mind puts out an Emma Stone infatuation video with the hope that people actually think that it's a joke? Oh, the Mask, you really are a beauty. Your movies haven't been relevant since you wore Gack on your face and fought crime. But you're really, really rich, so if I were you, I'd just continue to think that people actually care about you.

2. @ericstonestreet: "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! Mom watch. Mom. Mom watch this. Mom. Mom. Mom watch! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom watch this.'--how I get a hot mom's attention at a pool."

-Man, this guy has way too few followers. Stonestreet is the anchor of the popular comedy show, Modern Family. He plays the overweight, extremely feminine Cameron and kills every single episode. Aside from MF being the best sitcom on TV right now, Stonestreet is a stupid hilarious tweeter. All tweeting aside, he might have come up with the most brilliant pickup line in history. What kind of woman doesn't get turned on by a grown man pulling off the perfect can-opener? I'll have the results of this pickup line back to you very soon.

1. @TheCousinSal: "I will miss my Uncle Frank dearly. A great man, friend, comedian. Please enjoy this classic: Uncle Frank"

-Listen, not all top tweets have to be about fart jokes or infatuation issues (insert Carrey joke here). The great Uncle Frank from the Jimmy Kimmel Show passed away this week. Uncle Frank was a former NYPD officer and in his 20 years of service he was known to have only arrested 6 people. Rather, his thought was that a good lecturing did just as much to change the minds of criminals. As one of maybe ten fans of the show, it certainly is sad to see him go. God speed, Uncle Frank!

Daily Bet - Atlanta Braves vs New York Mets

2011-08-26T12:17:00.001-04:00

Written by: Josh Hammer, The Reserve Clause

MLB Pick for August 26, 2011:

Spread: Atlanta Braves -1.5/New York Mets +1.5
Over/Under: 7.5

In tonight's match up in Flushing, NY, we have Tim Hudson (13-7, 3.01 ERA) rolling against Chris Capuano (9-11, 4.68 ERA). Any time the Braves send Tim Hudson out to the mound you can expect a gem to be tossed. Also, the Mets have only won 6 times in the month of August so I expect Hudson to shut them down tonight and not allow them to reach 7 wins on the month. The Braves have only lost a series to the Mets once since 1998.

MY PICK: Atlanta Braves to cover the spread of -1.5

The Thing About Stadium Food

2011-08-25T22:24:00.002-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause

America is in the midst of a crippling recession with no real recovery in sight, unemployment rates are staggeringly high from coast to coast, and the stock market rises and falls with the ferocity of a diving pool at a fat kids camp, yet there’s one thing we Americans refuse to give up: Our goddamn stadium food.

My brother is a grocery store flier shopper. Every Sunday he pours through grocery store flyers to plan his meals for the week. I, on the other hand, believe saving cash is all well and good, but when it gets down to actually walking the grocery aisles, I’m about as disciplined as Dominique Strauss-Kahn (see, I read real news too). But as different as we may be, there is still that one beautiful thing that brings cheapskates and irresponsible idiots together: the $14 baseball helmet nachos.

As Americans, we may spend our weekdays clipping coupons and buying TP in bulk, but we are still more than happy to dole out stacks of cash for those delights that lie behind the heavy steel counters. Last fall, my brother and I made our way through the concourse at an NFL game to find a restroom when a smell so delicious hit me that I instantly forgot the reason we climbed all those stairs. I turned to my brother, who was equally entranced, and we made our way barreling down the concourse, through an old lady and likely a small child or two, until there they stood before us in all their glory: gigantic roasted turkey drumsticks. We had to have one.

After an excruciating wait, it was finally our turn to approach the heavy steel oasis and place our order. As the elder brother, I took the lead: “Two ridiculously large turkey legs, please.” The woman behind the counter turned to her left, tightened her back brace, bent at the knees, and with all her might lifted two massive pieces of poultry out of the roaster and onto a pair of woefully undersized plates. “That will be $44.”

I, a shameless consumer of $8 hummus, was appalled. “$44? That’s insane. Does it come with anything else?”

“Nope,” she answered, “just the leg. You want ‘em or not?”

“Not for $44 I don’t.”

Without batting an eye, she moved to the next customer, who promptly ordered our turkey legs, then brushed us aside to grab a stack of napkins before walking away victorious. It was obvious right then and there that I had made a terrible mistake.

My brother stepped in. “Ma’am, we’ve changed our mind about the ridiculously large turkey legs. We didn’t know they came with unlimited napkins. We’ll take two.”

He handed over $50, told her to keep the change, and we had finally secured our prize.

At that moment, my brother didn’t care that he just forked over $50 of his hard-earned dollars, or that the same amount of money could buy him groceries for the week. He had gotten exactly what he wanted, and there on the concourse, there was no recession, no unemployment rates, no depressing 401K statements. We had our chemically-enhanced turkey legs, roasted in pure lard, and nothing else mattered.

And that’s the great thing about stadium food. There is no place on earth that you could get a chicken-fried elephant ear and not care that you just sacrificed your cheese and butter for the week. In a world of penny pinching and downsizing, we still hold stadium food sacred.

So while we may have missed the go-ahead score, nearly peed our pants in the 4th quarter since we never did get to that bathroom, and my brother ate ramen and ketchup for a week, on that fall afternoon, we were millionaires.

Daily Bet - Royals vs. Blue Jays

2011-08-24T12:28:00.000-04:00

Written by: Andrew McLean, The Reserve Clause

Well, Josh is still on vacation touring his Top 10 Lighthouses of the East Coast, so it's my turn to take a crack at this whole degenerate betting column he has going.

Before I hit you with my pick, let me preface this by saying I don't bet. Never have and never will. It's not that I don't know sports, I'm just a cheap bastard, which fellow Reserve Clause contributor Zach Hammer can fully attest to. So with that little disclaimer aside, let's get to what the three of you clicked here for.

Spread: Over/Under 8

Both the Royals and Blue Jays boast some real hitters in their lineups, so an Over/Under of just 8 almost seemed insulting. Either team can do that on their own any given night. While the Jays trot out their ace, lefty Ricky Romero (2.73 ERA), the Royals are counting on Luke Hochevar, owner of a bloated 4.93 ERA, to shut down the likes of Jose Bautista, Adam Lind and Edwin Encarnacion. And with both teams also sporting shaky bullpens, I like the over on this one.

MY PICK: OVER 8

There it is, my first, and possibly only, Daily Bet. Best of luck, and Josh will be back soon, with a full slideshow of gorgeous lighthouses to share.

Daily Bet - Braves vs Cubs

2011-08-23T16:04:00.000-04:00

Written by: Zach Hammer, The Reserve Clause

Spread: Over/Under 11.5

While Josh is golfing on one of the Top 5 courses in America, I'm going to try to fill in for him. It's been almost a week since he gave everyone any insight into how to lose your money. I thought that I'd throw a curveball and actually win all of you some dough. I know...it's a crazy thought, right?

Here we go. If there is one team in all of baseball that I love betting against, it's the Chicago Cubs. This is one of the worst offenses in baseball and they continue to put money in my pocket by betting against them. So why change my philosophy today?

The Braves are a flat-out buzzsaw right now. They hit, catch and pitch as well as any team in the MLB. The easiest way to predict wins is by looking at a team's bullpen (most notably the back end). The Braves have perhaps the best 7, 8 and 9th inning guys in the business. That may not mean much to you, but to betters, having a good bullpen means no runs. Aside from the bullpen, Atlanta has the shut down SP to bridge the gap.

MY PICK: UNDER of 11.5