The Houghs

Back in the Game

2011-11-03T20:59:00.000-04:00

September 26, 2011 marks my first day back to work after nearly a year off.

I've grown spoiled to being home with my girls and the thought of going back into the workforce was a bit nerve racking for me. I just couldn't jump that hurdle of dropping them off at a daycare for nearly 9 hours out of the day; the idea made me quite sick. With my unemployment quickly running out, I was forced to take action.

As always, God was looking out for me and out of the blue came an interesting opportunity. If any of you remember Alayna's little boyfriend, Derrick (back in the first kiss blog); he had moved from our old school to a new one that his parents quite happily recommended. I knew they didn't offer a discount for Abby's age, so I was hesitant to even try. But, try I did, and with success. Upon walking in the door with my application, the director told me she had been waiting for my application. Thank you Seth (Derrick's dad) for telling them whatever you did. I quickly received an interview, of which I was allowed to bring Abby along and we chatted on the floor of the office while she climbed around and played with toys. This lady was awesome! Upon waiting a day to determine my already planned Christmas vacation would not be a hinderance, I was happily offered a position w/ the option of childcare that would not break me. And get this, part time! Yes, I could still have time in the morning w/ my girls, give them a nap in their own beds and wake them up for a few hours at school w/ some new friends (Alayna reunited w/ Derrick) and I close out the building being done by 6:30. Perfection.

Alayna happily accepted her new surroundings w/ open arms and a quick attachment to her new teachers. She's so resilient. Abby has taken a bit more work. She's not so use to being away from me, but as time has gone by, she has slowly stopped crying the whole time and I believe is soon to wander away from the gate in her class that she has taken up as her own post. Near the door, and "closer to home" as her teacher would put it.

I, myself, have ventured into new territory in the clubhouse (the after school kids, ages 5-10). Definitely a change of pace from my preschoolers, but I'm excited to learn how to deal w/ this age range before our girls reach it. Wish me luck.

-Kris

The Great Cordoba Heist

2011-10-24T19:24:00.000-04:00

As some of you may or may not already know, I used to play the drums. Awesomely.

Alas, the last time I touched a set was the infamous Virgil Q's Dixieland Kazoo Revue show, the night before I graduated from Western Michigan (at 8am... that was rough). Anyway, two months after flying out to Africa and beginning my stint of service with the Peace Corps, my set was stolen out of a storage unit and I haven't played the drums since.

I still cry a little whenever I see a drum set.

Ovation Balladeer LX

Anyway, I tried picking up guitar for awhile, and played the hell out of it while in Africa. And while it was easier than the drums, I never really got all that excited about it. Nowadays we have three acoustics lying around the house collecting dust (if my instruments were kids, my guitars would be those emotionally-scarred, forgotten children from a previous marriage).

Michael Kelly F-Style Mandolin

Well, when I got back from the Peace Corps I decided it'd be a good idea to try out a new instrument, and made the genius move of dropping $600 on a fancy mandolin (not my wisest purchase by any means)... only to realize later that learning the mandolin was about as hard as translating the Rosetta Stone (i.e. nearly impossible).

The Uke-ular Arsenal

Finally, in 2008, I picked up the ukulele, and took to it like a hobo to crack (or bottom shelf gin, depending on the hobo). Since inheriting my grandpa's old Harmony concert uke, I've slowly been adding to my 'Uke-ular Arsenal' (much to the wife's dismay). I've acquired a few sopranos and another concert, but have really been wanting a tenor-sized ukulele (they have a longer fretboard and a deeper, richer sound).

Cordoba 25TK Koa Tenor

So, over the course of the last few months, I've conducted some intense research - both online and in music stores. Eventually, I settled on the Cordoba Tenor 25TK - their top-of-the-line, solid koa wood ukulele. Check it out. It's gorgeous, but, at $400, not something I could get away with spending on myself with Christmas coming up.

Then, one day, as I sat in my office at work during my planning period, I decided to check something out on Amazon. When I opened up my account page - BAM!! - I noticed that the Cordoba 25TK had dropped down to $176... and there were only three left.

Immediately, I crapped my pants...

Then, after driving home from work, I checked online again. One of the three had already sold. So, throwing caution to the wind, I signed up for one of those Amazon credit cards and pounced on the uke.

Minutes later, the price sky-rocketed back up to $302.

So, as I'm an Amazon Prime member, I received the instrument with free two-day shipping. Upon tuning the instrument, I realized there was some rattling going on when playing the C and E strings. At first I thought it was the nut, but there was something metal rattling about in the headstock whenever I shook the instrument. I had no idea what the hell this was.

In the past, I've had great customer service from the local Guitar Center luthier - he's fixed a couple of my ukes in the past - so I took it in to him to have a look over it. He, too, at first had no idea where the rattling was coming from, but eventually figured it out: turns out that two of the tuning peg plates was loose, causing the vibration whenever the strings were played. At $15, not a huge deal at all.

Nevertheless, I wasn't pleased I had to drop $15 on an instrument right out of the box - even if it was already 70% off the list price. I wrote Amazon a pointed letter, citing poor product oversight on their part in their shipping the product to me in such a state. Within hours, they notified me that they no longer had the instrument, and that it was sold through a third-party seller. To satisfy me, the disgruntled consumer, they offered to refund me 30% - $65!! - for my trouble.

Taking all this into consideration, this meant that I was able to score a beautiful, new ukulele that normally costs $400 for a mere $115.

The lesson to take away from this whole ordeal? Use Amazon for everything. Everything possible. Definitely doing so for Christmas this year.

Holy Jebus do I love that site...

- Brian

The Care Bear Scare

2011-09-05T07:15:00.030-04:00

Of all the shows that our kid has become infatuated with over the last month or so, none have become so popular as those damn Care Bears.

They were like crack for little girls back in the '80s, and, sure enough, our eldest has just stumbled upon one, gigantic pile of crack.

She cannot stop watching the Care Bears. It's the first thing on her mind when she gets up, and the last before she goes to sleep.

She-Ra, He-Man, SpongeBob, Nemo, Muno, Toody, Brobee, Plex, Foofa, Lil' Chef, Daddy, Mommy, Abby, Baby Jesus, Clint and Santa Claus combined have nothing on the the Care Bears.

Of course, that's our own fault. We figured, 'Hey, we already owned the two, full-length Care Bear movies... and they can't be worse than the shit that's on TV right now anyway, right?"

Well, anything will turn to TV cancer once you watch it every day for a month. And now the Care Bears are cancer. I've watched so much of those stupid, touchy-feely bears lately that I've begun to follow these creatures and analyze their escapades.

After a month or two of 'field study,' I've compiled a list of grievances with the Care Bears (and the Care Bear Cousins):

This is what occupies my TV a good, solid chunk of the time. There are many plot holes in this picture, and if there is a God in Heaven, it better not have been received well by critics.

1. Care-a-Lot, a horrible spin on 'Camelot', is the apparent headquarters of the Care Bears. From all the footage we've been shown over the years, Care-a-Lot is evidently located high up in the clouds. From the look of things, these are Cumulus clouds (the fluffy ones). Cumulus clouds hang low in the atmosphere, right? Of course they do.

Hear me out.

During one scene in Care Bears II: A New Generation (see DVD case above), the matriarchal bear, True Heart, is shown parachuting down from Care-a-Lot on a high-priority mission... FROM OUTER SPACE!

Yes, Outer Space. The stratosphere, and all of Earth, is in her view as she leaps down.

Now, first of all, this is impossible. Her body would've been crushed by the vaccuum of space. Also, were she somehow resistant to the affects of deep space, her little, furry body must surely burst into flames and explode upon reentry into the Earth's atmosphere.

Yet it doesn't.

None of this is explained, and none of it makes any sense. She just parachutes from deep within the bowels of space, through the upper reaches of the atmosphere, and safely lands at her desired spot...

....with an infant bunny Swift Heart on her back! What the hell - you call that parenting?!

2. The majority of this film takes place at a summer camp, yet not once do any adults appear to be watching over the children. As one who works with kinds on an almost daily basis, I can assure you that this is a huge liability concern. Letting minors operate their own summer camp is highly illegal, plus costly. Kids break crap all the time - you can't trust them with anything. Trust me.

I really hope someone went to jail over such child neglect.

3. The Caring Meter, which appears to monitor 'feelings' throughout the world, is a standard feature of both the movies and the TV series. Nevermind the fact that the practice of monitoring feelings is unconstitutional, and breaks numerous Federal laws (the Caring Meter's use probably not even protected under the Patriot Act). The very fact that this Meter seems to be always breaking leads me to believe the construction work put into said meter was outsourced, further leading me to believe that other people know about this meter. This opens the door to outside factions getting their hands on it and using it against us.

God help us all if it falls into the hands of terrorists.

4. The Care Bear Stare. Even when I was a kid, something about this bothered me. You can call this whatever you want - light, feelings, love, kindness, positive energy, whatever - it still doesn't change the fact that something from the Care Bears' bodies is shooting out and hitting somebody else.

This isn't a weapon, or electric energy, or anything like that. It's coming from their stomachs, where their food is digested. Now, it can be dressed up in hearts and rainbows 'til the cows come home, but it doesn't change the fact - not even for a second - that the Care Bears are going to the bathroom on people.

...how the hell has nobody else picked up on this?!

5. Dark Heart. He's the villain. I'm pretty sure he's somehow affiliated with the Beastie Boys too (check out the track suit). He can shape shift into a wide assortment of animals, as well as a storm cloud and a dragon, but rarely uses these in his efforts of capturing the Care Bears. Instead, he relies on his ability of sweet-talking pre-pubescent girls at summer camps.

"A favor now, for a favor later..."

Dark Heart is a registered sex offender, and has no business being around summer youth camps.

....plus, he looks a hell of a lot like Peter Pan, who lured groups of young boys back to his lair and refused to let them grow up. Much like Michael Jackson, who is, with any luck, burning in Hell.

6. In Care Bears the Movie (the first one), the Care Bears meet - by accident - the Care Bear Cousins. The Cousins are much like Care Bears, only they're not just bears - there's a lion, an elephant, a monkey, a dog, a cat, a raccoon, a rabbit, etc. But they don't have symbols on their chests like the 'Bears do - they earn those at the end of the movie.

Nothing ridiculous there.

But wait.

Care Bears II: A New Generation, the second Care Bears movie, serves as a prequel to both the original movie and the TV series. In it, the Care Bears are shown as babies alongside the Care Bear Cousins. In addition to this, they all have their chest symbols intact from the very beginning (see picture). Furthermore, it shows both the Care Bears and the Care Bear Cousins growing up in Care-a-Lot and assuming control over the cloudish domain.

...so how the hell are we supposed to believe that they only met each other for the first time years later, when the first movie takes place?! It makes NO sense. NONE! This is a huge, gaping plot hole, and I seriously hope someone lost their job over this oversight.

If I had to wager a guess - and I do fancy myself a gambling man - I'd assume that there was a falling out of some kind between the 'Bears and the 'Cousins. Perhaps some sort of a Care Civil War, or something. Cloud cars were employed. The Care Bear Stare was implemented to horrific fruition. The aftereffect of which - witnessing such carnage firsthand - drove the surviving 'Cousins from Care-a-Lot and into exile in the Forest of Feeling (where they're found in the first movie).

Of course, this wouldn't explain why their chest emblems were suddenly missing, nor the 'Cousins not recognizing the Care Bears when they first meet them...

...SCREW IT. I give up.

- Brian

Love and Marriage

2011-08-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

Hi gang,

So we had ourselves a wedding yesterday. Pretty good time.

Let me first start off by saying how much I hate traveling with children. I hate it. Traveling with kids is right up there with having pruney fingers for me - it makes me want to vomit and cringe and punch the nearest person to me right square in the face.

Here's why.

We finally made it back to our house down here to Orlando around 9:30pm or so, and to say it was a long trip would be an understatement. The entire trip back to Florida was plagued by inconvenience and misadventure. I-75 was under construction and, at times, at a complete stand-still. With two screaming kids in the car, this was awesome.

After a few hours on the road - losing about an hour and a half in idiotic traffic - we finally got to the Detro Metro Airport. It had been a long, long weekend, and the girls were exhausted, and, as can be expected, the plane ride back was excruciatingly bad. Nevermind the fact that, taking into consideration they were so tired, we had to carry both girls through the airport while somehow juggling two toddler car seats, a stroller, and all of our suitcases.

Good times.

But let's backtrack, here - I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's back up to the day of my brother's wedding...

We had taken it relatively easy Friday night, as we did have to look our best for a wedding and all in the morning. I got up before everyone else, and decided to watch one of my all-time favorite movies, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Eventually, we threw in a few boxes of pastries from Clare's Cop's and Donuts and chased it down with a few mamosas. Breakfast of champions.

I'll spare you the details of the actual wedding and reception, as there was a lot that went on and it can probably be summed up best with pictures. Seeing how my dad has already posted a ton of pictures from that night, I'd advise you to check out his website Here.

A couple last thoughts on the weekend, however:

1. Never engage in a conversation with any of the guys that work on a party bus. He's gross, and every story he's got to share isn't worth sharing unless you're a mondo perv. You're going to walk away from the whole thing feeling like you just contracted Hepatitis.

2. Next time you have to give a speech, use a PowerPoint. They seem to work out quite well.

3. Don't contract my child to be a Flower Girl unless you want to see her underwear.

4. Label everything you own. At all times. Sunglasses, liquor, suit jackets, etc. Ton of stuff lost this weekend. I'm not happy about it.

4. Traveling with kids sucks. Let no one tell you otherwise.

Slainté,

- Brian

Houghs, Assemble!

2011-08-28T09:40:00.001-04:00

Hey players.

So I started school this week with students. Nothing too crazy - they're all really, really small compared to my kids last year. Seem like a decent enough bunch, though.

But I'm not here today to talk about work. Nay, readers - I'm here to detail to you the course of events that led the Houghs to Michigan this weekend.

First of all, before I get started, I'd like to provide you with a link to my dad's website, where he was good enough to post a bunch of pictures up from the weekend. There's a lot of supplemental pictures on there that I didn't post here. Saves me a lot of time. Click Here.

_________________________________________

Here we go.

My younger brother, Chris, decided to get married on the weekend I went back to school. Not necessarily my preferred weekend to take three days off of work (and drop $2,000), but what the hell - I'm the Best Man, he's my brother, and, in the end, that's more important.

So we flew out of Orlando on Thursday morning, setting off on what would be one hell of a long day of travel. I'll spare you the gory details, but you can imagine how awesome it was traveling with a 3 year old and 1 1/2 year old (pfft...).

Boarding the O.I.A. Terminal Tram

En route to the O.I.A. Terminal, via the Tram

We're on a TRAM!!!

Bat Out of Hell

Hanging out, 8am...

Killing time in the Terminal...

SPIDERS!!!

Settling in before take-off...

En route to Michigan

Tray tables = endless fun.

The Care Bears... yes, again. This time in a plane!

Descending into the scenic paradise that is Detroit, MI...

Enjoying Michigan a Ford Fusion, drivers and common sense along the I-75 corridor

Entering the Mid...

As could be expected, we were thoroughly exhausted by the trek but nevertheless excited to be back in the Glove. By car, by shuttle, by monorail, by airplane, by bus, and finally by rental car, we finally reached Clare, MI around 5:30pm. The Houghs established headquarters at my Dad's house, where dinner, our siblings (with significant others/families), and good weather greeted us:

Our rental - 2011 Ford Fusion

Cornhole and shenanigans in the backyard

The Cannonball and Blake (and some handsome guy)

Walking on grass that doesn't hide fire ants and snakes (and stab your bare feet when you walk on it) was a rare treat for our girls...

The Cannonball

Yours Truly and Godzilla

Aunt Annie and Cannonball attempt to destroy the infamous McNeilly Pond Bass

Oh shit, it's the Care Bears! Again!!

Utilizing the room in my dad's house that's used twice a year...

The Basement... on Holidays, one can find the Houghs here.

Congratulatory cigars from a cigar shop on Orange Blossom Trail I frequent...

Rowley and Cindy

Slainté

Bride and Groom (as of tomorrow)

Wouldn't be a Hough Family hoe-down without this...

...or this.

__________________________________

On Friday, while Yours Truly and the rest of the Borthers nursed hangovers, Kris and Alayna accompanied Lyssa and Cindy to some pedicure joint in town.

Morning after, poolside...

The Hough Toes get some attention...

Who knows why she keeps making this bizarro face...

I don't know what this is... some of you chicks out there probably do.

After the Pedicures, Kickin' out Ya-Yas with Nana

Afterwards, later on in the afternoon once the girls had napped, the entire extended Hough clan traversed over to Pettit Park for Abby's Blessing (we had a similar ceremony for Alayna two years ago, up at the Sanford Community of Christ campgrounds waterfront). Once again, John and Jann Wolf were good enough to conduct the ceremony, with me and Kris' moms reading verses. We wanted to keep things short, so we were able to save Abby's soul from eternal damnation within thirty minutes.

Not too shabby.

Abby

The masses assembled

Alayna and Annie

In our family, Uncles have to wear green shirts.

Preparing to save infant's soul from the fires of Hell...

Grandmas

The Blessing

Us with the Wolfs

The majestic Tobacco River

Following Abby's Blessing, we followed some of the siblings over to one of Clare's cornerstone establishments, the Dairy Phil, for ice cream, before heading over to the Clare Methodist Church for Chris and Jenna's wedding rehearsal. Both Kris and I grew up with this place, so it was cool to haul the kids over to scarf down some sugar in order to ruin their dinner later. But, what the hell... we generally come up to Clare for Christmas. Who the hell wants to eat ice cream in subzero temperatures?

Nobody I'd want to associate with...

The Hough girls try out the Phil's ice creamery.

Fans

Watching McEwan gridlock

Marcy (Kris' mom), Abby and Kris

Fortunately for everyone involved, the Wedding Rehearsal took nowhere near as long as Kris and I's rehearsal five years prior. Of course, Chris and Jenna were having a smaller wedding in a much smaller church, so I guess they didn't need to worry about as many logistical hang-ups.

Thank. God.

Alayna with Grandma and Papa John

The Hough Clan. Enjoying themselves.

Naps.

The Cannonball did not want to stay still for any of this. This came as a surprise to NO ONE.

The Wedding Wild Cards...

After wedding practice, we got to hit up yet another famous Clare establishment for the rehearsal dinner - Buccelli's Pizza. If God Himself slung pizza in some sort of a holy pizza contest where deities were allowed to enter and compete, he'd definitely earn himself a big, shiny silver medal when up against Buccilli's. After all, he's God, right? I bet his pizza would be awesome.

Best. Pizza. On. Earth. I will duel anyone who says otherwise.

...I'm serious. If you have some lame opinion about world's best pizza that in any way, shape, or form that contradicts mine, provide me your mailing address and I will come and I will fight you. To the death.

Kris and the girls, about to head to Midland with Mom and John

Having consumed 3,000 calories or so in a single seating, I accompanied my fellow borthers and groomsmen to a series of liquor stores for provisions and then set up our pre-wedding headquarters back at Dad's. Meanwhile, Kris took the girls to my mom's house in Midland in order to help them prepare for the morning's bound-to-be-horrifying task of doing Alayna's hair and making her put on her Flower Girl dress.

I cannot begin to describe how happy I was to not be a part of that process.

Back in the Basement...

Borthers

The briar calabash Chris gave me for a Best Man gift (a much-appreciated gesture, as I never made it out to the Smoker's Club on this venture - something I always try and do while traveling back to Michigan).

Who wouldn't want to marry this guy? Am I right, ladies?

- Brian

Settin' Up Shop

2011-08-15T15:30:00.001-04:00

Well, it's about time to go back to work.

(we wouldn't want all those Tea Partiers thinking we teachers were a bunch of lazy, whining unionists, loafing around all summer and mooching off tax-payers, now would we...)

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, this year I'll be moving down to 6th grade in order to teach Ancient History - a position I've been gunning for for nigh on two years now. As you'll recall, 7th grade Social Studies used to be World Geography and Cultures - a position I've held for four years. Alas, this year it was being retooled into Civics and Economics... which is about as boring and painful for me as watching mold grow.

(I'm allergic to mold)

So, as Spiderman* is good enough to point out for us, with great power comes great responsibility. Moving down to 6th grade meant a lot of work had to be done, both physically and mentally. I had to toss out all my old lesson plans - which was a painful, painful endeavor - and begin creating new ones (not as much fun as you'd think).

I've never taught 6th graders before, and the mentality there is bound to be different than that of seasoned 7th graders. For starters, they're younger. Generally, my 7th graders ranged in age between 12 and 15. 6th graders, therefore, are going to be in the 11 to 14 range. There's overlap there, so it most likely won't be too much of a drastic difference. However, 6th graders are new to the school - they're fresh out of elementary school, they're doe-eyed and awkward, and haven't developed that middle-schoolish hormonal self-destruct function that so many of my students have had in the past.

Lesson planning aside, the worst part about moving down to another grade level was the physical aspect of the ordeal: moving to the Trailer Park.

At my school, the 6th graders, for the most part, are held in a vast sea of portable classrooms on the edge of the school. This may or may not have anything to do with keeping them as far away from the 8th graders on campus as humanly possible (lots of those 8th graders are larger and hairier than me - I don't blame them). So beginning last week, Yours Truly began hauling out all the furniture, files, boxes, and stockpiles of crap out of my old classroom and moving them - all by myself - into my new trailer.

In the sauna that is Florida in the summer, you can imagine how much fun that was to do with a handcart.

Anyway, after a week or so, all my stuff was moved out of my old room and into my new room. As I began the tedious and time-consuming chore of hanging up crap on the walls, unpacking boxes, and filing away paperwork, I brought along the Cannonball to get her out of the house (and Kris' hair).

Fortunately, we had a laptop hooked up to an LCD projector... which means we had plenty of Care Bears on hand.

So here's some pics of Alayna and my room for the upcoming school year.

Enjoy:

The Trailer Park

My Trailer

View from my Veranda

View from the Rear Steps

And the Move-In Process Begins...
This was my room looked like when I showed up to start the whole process...

____________________________

By the End of Day Three - Everything Moved In

_______________________________________

The Cannonball shows off some of her artwork

Runs in the Family...

The Care Bears... again.

Alayna, showcasing a procedure rarely seen in the classroom.

Hard at work...

...what's sad is that her work is bound to be better than some my middle schoolers' work

________________________________________________

(Updated as of August 20th, 2011) Here's what my room looks like now:

Mr. Hough's room

Emergency/Teacher Door (from my desk)

The Command Center (a.k.a. Teacher's Desk)

Front Entrance

Behind the American Flag is a storage room. They used to be bathrooms, but a few years they took out all the sinks, toilets and plumbing. Most teachers use theirs for storage, but I use mine for...

An Impromptu Man Room

- Mr. Hough

* = technically it was Voltaire, but he's not as cool.

The End of Summer: Videos and Pics from the Hough Gals

2011-08-08T17:22:00.048-04:00

As NOFX is so good to point out to us, folks, August 8th is indeed a beautiful day.

Hope you're enjoying it...

As we wrap up a gorgeous summer of backyard tanning, garage sale-hunting, pool-lounging, kindle-reading, souvenir-buying, pipe-smoking, toddler-wrangling, hotel-patroning, fort-touring, birthday-celebrating, and prolonged-sleeping, I'd like to take post one, last update of pics and videos of the kids from over the end of summer. Before the school year kicks off and we all become lame again.

Enjoy.

- Brian

Bizarro dress-up sessions

Ring Around the Rosie

Watching Dad sweat like a jerk...

Sunburnt

The girls' bedroom (rearranged)

Alayna and Kris

Goodnight Moon - one of Abby's Favs

For being older than World War II, this book still hooks kids like crack.

...it also works as a hat.

May this image haunt your dreams

Abby's can-can routine

Duplos at Downtown Disney

Hugs

The Cannonball tries on her Flower Girl dress for Chris and Jenna's upcoming wedding

My newly acquired Mahalo UK-30 Soprano Ukulele. I bought this off Amazon for $20 so that I could keep a cheapo uke in my classroom to play during lunch and planning periods. For an additional $9, I bought two pirate decals and a set of Aquila strings off ebay and, voilà - the Pirate Uke.

Backside of the Pirate Uke

The Hough girls carjack a vehicle in the Florida Mall.

Yes. We're those parents.

Making Bookmarks at Chick Fill-A

Practicing handwriting

Abby Reads Colors

Horseridin' at Chuck E. Cheese's

Driving irresponsibly at Chuck's

DUCKS!!!

Swinging (sort of...)

Photo by Alayna

Swordplay!

Making bookmarks

A crib for 'Baby Sister'

At the new park

Climbing

One Old Bag

2011-08-03T19:22:00.024-04:00

Hi y'all.

As you all may remember, I turned 30 last year. I wasn't happy about it, and it wasn't all that awesome( Remember?).

This year, it's Kris' turn to hurl herself through the 3-0 gauntlet, but she didn't seem all that concerned about it (which was weird).

She started off the day taking the kids to the Kissimmee Aquatic Center (alongside her cohorts from the Hunter's Creek Legion of Moms), before having her hair chopped off and styled.

Check it out:

The Hough girls - Kissimmee Aquatic Center

Alayna and some random kid

Abby

12 inches off the top...

Oh, and Alayna and I baked/designed a cake and cupcakes, too. The Cannonball was set on yellow, and I'm not one to argue with the boss. Here's some pics of our bakery prowess:

The Cannonball takes charge of the finishing touches

Bizarro cupcakes, courtesy of Alayna

Healthy lunch

Abby doesn't care for baked goods all that much, but that chick will mow down frosting like a sum'bitch...

Finished products

Happy broads

In closing, here's some video of Abby playing with cans. She did this for a half hour.

Enjoy:

- Brian

The Golden Age of Cartoons

2011-07-27T14:25:00.035-04:00

There sure is a lot of garbage out there on television. Especially for kids.

Not like when I was growing up. Back then, in the glory days of the 1980s, the shows on TV were little more than glorified commercials hawking cheap, plastic action figures... but at least they were up front about it. And they were way sweeter.

...and that is exactly why Hollywood keeps making movies based on TV shows I grew up watching, by the way.

So let's flash forward to today. PBS, Nickelodeon, Disney... what used to be stalwarts in childrens programming back in the day have now turned towards computer animation and sex (have you watched Disney's pre-teen shows recently?!) to entice kids. Furthermore, most cartoons nowadays run a whopping 12 minutes in length in order to accommodate the next-to-nothing attention span of today's youth.

Taking this into consideration, we here at the Fortress of Houghitude have always tried to steer our kids towards quality childrens television and away from those annoying, TV characters that make parents want to kill themselves. Alayna might be able to identify Dora, Barney or Elmo, but she sure as hell doesn't ask for them (thank God).

Not in my house.

It definitely helps that we don't have cable, but instead opt to stream Netflix through our Nintendo Wii. This option, for us, is way better, since all the shows we're interested in are on there anyway, and without the commercials.

It's also a fraction of the cost (despite the ridiculous price hike set for September). There are tons of shows to introduce one's kids to, so we're constantly trying out new things in order to maintain our sanity and avoid having to watch the same crap over and over again.

Now, being products of the greatest era in television known to man (the '80s), I've tried to introduce numerous old shows to our kids over the last two years... some with more success than others.

The Cannonball never took to the Muppets and Fraggle Rock like I wanted her to, and only occasionally will sit and watch Sesame Street (though, in her defense, that show is still nearly an hour long). That's disappointing for me, as I'm a huge Jim Henson fan.

If I had three wishes, one of them would definitely be for the Muppets to be real, live in my house with me, and be part of my every day routine.

Jesus, that'd be awesome.

Anyway, while we haven't had a lot of success with the aforementioned shows, some others have proven to be sure-fire gold. Here's a breakdown of what's 'hot' in the Hough household.

1. She-Ra. This one came out of thin air. A lot of people try to get their kids into all the same hobbies they have, and, to some extent, we're guilty of this as well. I bought the Cannonball a ukulele, we do tons of arts and crafts around the house, and our kids are well-versed in music.

Same goes for TV. Kris had tried, in the past, introducing a horde of girly kids shows from the '80s to Alayna - shows that she used to watch when she was growing up. Among these, were such chick-classics as My Little Pony, Rainbow Bright, and Strawberry Shortcake - but none of them really caught on.

Then, one day, Kris tried She-Ra: Princess of Power...

Ka-boom.

This is what I imagine She-Ra, Rainbow Bright, and Strawberry Shortcake look like during their time off-set...

The Cannonball was a big fan. Shortly after becoming hooked on the show, she started taking interest in the toy swords we have lying around the house, and the result was as follows:

2. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. This one was a follow-up sure-fire after she started watching She-Ra. For those of you not brought up in the '80s or otherwise unfamiliar with the Filmmation company's animated juggernauts, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe debuted in 1981 and was massively successful. Four years later, they launched She-Ra as the chick alternative. She-Ra, as it turns out, is He-Man's twin sister, and He-Man actually guest stars in practically every other episode throughout season one of She-Ra: Princess of Power. So, as Alayna watched more and more episodes of She-Ra, she began liking He-Man more and more.

Enter Masters of the Universe: one of my personal favorites from my own childhood, and a huge reason why I'm still obsessed with swords today. Surprisingly enough, and despite what you may have heard elsewhere, I think this show has held up pretty damn well. I have no problem sitting through an episode or three at any given time.

I'm weird, though.

When I was little, this is what I wanted to do when I grew up. I still think it'd beat teaching.

3. Star Wars. There comes a time in every dad's life when he has to approach the inevitable. How to introduce your child to Star Wars. Moms don't understand this. They can't.

It is truly a delicate task, see for yourself.

Alayna has watched bits and pieces of Star Wars: A New Hope, but I don't think she's old enough yet to appreciate the cinematic masterpiece for all its worth. I mean, the kid still refers to the droids as 'robots.'

I think I'm going to hold off on this one for awhile. The Force is not yet strong in this one...

6. The Littles. This one we introduced a couple months ago, but occasionally pull it out in order to break up the monotony. This show was not as well-known back in the day as, say, He-Man or She-Ra, but was still pretty big. I think the original show was in Dutch or French or something. Who knows. Anyway, it was made by the same people that did G.I. Joe... so that's a plus in my book.

7. Care Bears. This little gem wasn't one I was too familiar with back in the day, but we figured it couldn't be worse than a giant, singing, purple dinosaur or a little Hispanic girl with a knack for cartography who hangs out with a boot-sporting monkey. I mean, it was for chicks, right? And it had morals? Why not.

Anyway, we own - for whatever reason - the two Care Bears movies, and, on a whim, decided to try and introduce the Cannonball to the 'Bears...

Holy crap.

Not since Yo Gabba Gabba has a show taken off with our kid this much. If the recent trend continues, and I think it might, Kris and I will have both of these movies memorized within a month. I guarantee it.

- Brian

St. Augustine - Day III

2011-07-14T22:34:00.047-04:00

Time for the final chapter, fans and fanettes.

Day II was a draining, draining day. Shuffling about in the 95+ degree weather (with 100% humidity), trying not to lose our patience with our bored and sweaty kids when they do something stupid (and kids are always doing something stupid), and trying to squeeze in as much of the surrounding attractions as humanly possible.

Like this, for example..

For Day III, we decided to take a far more leisurely approach - we wanted to take our time and soak in the city a little more. I had already seen the Castillo, and my rage had subsided since our not-as-cool-as-it-could've-been experience at the Pirate Museum, so I didn't really care all that much how we spent our last day in St. Augustine (I did want to check out the Spanish quarter and visit the infamous Fountain of Youth,in order to obtain immortality and maybe a shirt). As for Kris, she wanted to take the girls to a nearby, gigantor wooden playground and hit up a few last souvenir shops before hitting the road.

The girls just wanted to hang out back in the hotel room - eating pretzels, spilling drinks, watching Ratattouille (however the hell you spell that) on my MacBook, and more or less resuming the behavior they usually exhibit at home.

Go figure.

Well, we managed to do a little bit of everything during our last hurrah through the Old City, and we were still able to hit the road by 6pm, which put us back at our house in Orlando just in time to put the kids down for bed, unpack our luggage, and pass out.

Enjoy the pics and video. Slainté.

- Brian

The St. Augustine Visitor's Center. We had to check out of the Pirate Haus by 10am, so we were forced to check into the nearby parking garage and figured it'd be worth it to snoop around the adjacent visitor's center.

A Spanish rapier found among the wreckage of the Acona (pretty sure that's what the name was), a Spanish ship that sunk off the coast of St. Augustine with all her crew.

Yours Truly and some super big priest that will haunt my dreams for a long, long time.

...and here's his nasty sister. Or Shrek. I can't tell.

A replica (not to scale, or necessary likeness) of a 16th century Spanish galleon. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

Some creepy fountain outside the Visitor's Center the kids wanted to play in

One of the oldest cemeteries in North America

...and again

Enjoying a morning pipe

The Oldest Drug Store in America/Pharmacy in America (St. Augustine seems to have a lot of "Oldest _____ in America"s)

A crapload of antique medicines, toiletries, and whatever else

The counter

Look out, ladies - this guy ranks 'Wild' on the ol' Passion Scale...

Some over-priced toy/doll store (wherein Kris failed to read the posted signs)

Walking to lunch at Barefoot Bill's

Some old, dilapidated (and probably haunted) house that was for sale. I was serious about buying it and taking up a job as a pirate full-time, but Kris wasn't having it. It would definitely be a fixer upper (however you spell that), but hell... so is the house we're in now.

At Barefoot Bill's

Abby, about to turn into the Hulk

Shenanigans at Barefoot Bill's.

After lunch (where we were served by some creature whose sex we couldn't determine - I hate it when that happens), Kris let the kids hang out in the church courtyard while I ran down to a particular gift shop to pick up the necessary souvenir shot glass I had seen the previous day.

The Catholic church of St. somebody-or-other

Abby gettin' out her Ya-Yas

Down by the Market Plaza

Walking through the Plaza

Back in the Cathedral courtyard

Strolling along, having a pipe

We loved pushing this beast around St. Augustine. Absolutely loved it.

The place to go when you need to bury a Huguenot

Ripley's Believe It or Not (...we didn't go there.)

We decided to check out a nearby playground that came highly recommended by Captain Conrad at the Pirate Haus. The kids needed to burn off their pent up energy (after being strapped into a stroller or otherwise being forced along, sweaty and bored with what their parents were doing), so we figured it'd be worth it in the long run for us to let them go nuts for an hour or two...

The playground, conveniently located right across the street from our parking garage (and our air-conditioned Tactical Family Transport Vehicle... which we were looking forward to after spending the duration of the day in a humid, Hell-furnace)

Arriving at the Playground...

Swingin'

Goofin' off

Abby, enjoying herself

Alayna, not enjoying herself

After hanging out at the playground for a while, we drove out to the infamous Fountain of Youth, located outside St. Augustine's historic downtown district, where conquistador Ponce de Leon landed in 1513.

The entrance gates Tons of Spanish moss in the area, which appropriately makes everything look really, really old

Posted sentry and informational signboard

Kris asking for admission info from a local swordsman and some chick from "Joyzee"

Entrance to the Fountain of Youth

The Spanish used this exact spring when they first landed in St. Augustine, and the local Injuns believed it to be the Fountain of Youth

The famous Fountain of Youth

Obtaining immortality...

...which consequently tasted like sulfur and butt.

"Tastes gross. I don't want it."- The Cannonball, valuing taste over ever-lasting life.

Pool from the Fountain (Sulfur) Spring

Abby

Some cherub getting pissed on

Weird Cherub Statue/Fountain...

Close-ups

An old Spanish ship anchor recovered from a shipwreck off the Florida coast
Lots of relics pulled from shipwrecks - like the aforementioned anchor, as well as numerous cannons - are placed along the walkways throughout the 15 acre exhibit, which also houses a replica Native American village, a Planetarium (that we never had the chance of checking out), the Fountain of Youth, and, of course, a Gift Shop.

The park also features tons of Peacocks... for whatever reason. They were everywhere.

Cannonball and the Peacock

A peacock atop a 16th century cannon. Why not.

Cannonball chasing more peacocks

Abby finishing Alayna's water from the Fountain of Youth. That chick does not care about trifle things like 'taste.'

Cannonball and Kris

Alayna Reading Signs

Approaching the landing site of Ponce De Leon - the site marking Europe's first stroke of imperialism in North America

The Ponce

Big-Assed, White Peacock - showing off his goods, trying to get a date

Exit Through Ye Olde Spanish Gift Shop

Aboard the S.S. Fountain of Youth

Posing with the Sentry
_____________________

The Houghs (technically this was taken on Day II, but I forgot to upload it - my apologies)

- - Fín - -

St. Augustine - Day II

2011-07-13T21:38:00.053-04:00

Day Two.

Attraction time.

We passed our first night at the Pirate Haus without incident - no ghosts, no poltergeists, no bed wetting - and everyone was well-rested. While the girls slept in (and took their usual , I snuck out early to see the sunrise over the old city. Walking around, having a nice pipe, and exploring the empty streets of the historic district.

Good times:

The Lions Bridge

Old alley leading from the munitions depot to the harbor

The inlet that passes before the fort

Charlotte Street

The local coffee house

Hippolyte Road

Some guy with a load vacuum thingy cleaning St. George Street...

More of St. George Street

When I got back to the room, the girls had finished up getting ready for the day. They got to try out their complimentary in-house, Pirate Haus Pancakes, courtesy of Captain Conrad himself:

Reading together (sort of)

Mongo's pancake

I'm pretty sure this was left in the garbage untouched

You wouldn't believe what she had to do for all these beads.

The main attraction of the day was the infamous Castillo de San Marco. I was definitely looking forward to this more than any other attraction in St. Augustine:

A model of the fort's layout. This is a pretty common design for 15th - 17th century forts - the corners allow cannons to be placed in almost any direction, and the walls are lower than the previous castles of the late medieval era (high walls were terrible against gun powder).

The Castillo de San Marcos

Approaching the forecastle (gatehouse)

The Houghs cross the drawbridge that leads into the main fortress square from the forecastle

The courtyard square of the Castillo de San Marcos

Kris!

...and again (handsome photographer at left)

One of the fort's long-range cannons

Carving in the stone wall of the fort's barracks, supposedly in Spanish. Historians can't figure out what the hell is means, though.

Yours Truly, armed, as usual, with his trusty camera phone and old man hat.

Interior walls of the fort

The Cannonball scales the stairs leading up to the parapet.

Abby mans the cannons

...hey, there's Kris!

The courtyard, from the parapet.

Some more cannons on the parapet.

Checking out one of the rifle towers

View from one of the rifle towers

More cannons.

The fort overlooking the inlet

Eastern wall

Eastern wall, again

Taking a break

These kids were obsessed with hurling themselves off the fort's walls.

Two guys that love to play dress up

Drawbridge leading to the fort's forecastle/gatehouse

Inside the fort - a lot of the rooms look like this. Pretty sure this one was a storehouse.

Kris checking out another room.

The pipe aficionado and a bunch of 17th or 18th century, British tavern pipes

We didn't stick around for the demonstration.

Family portrait (courtesy of some chick)

________________________

An old Spanish tavern - unfortunately it didn't open until noon. Stupid social norms...

Having a snack back at the room

Taking a nap

Back in the saddle

Plaza courtyard on St. George Street

Alayna trying on some sunglasses

Statue of Ponce de Leon - first European to set foot on American soil, near St. Augustine, in 1513. He led expeditions into Florida, searching for the Fountain of Youth. Fifty years later, another conquistador, Melendez, constructed the Castillo de San Marcos and established the settlement of St. Augustine.

More Ponce.

Kris. Bein' happy.

The Cannonball tries out a relic from the distant past...

...which, of course, doesn't work.

The Ghost Train...?

Imperial a-holes.

Alayna refers to Star Wars as 'Robots.' Despite the fact that they're droids, not robots.

West of the market plaza - where most of the oldest residential houses in St. Augustine are found. Pricier souvenir stores over on that side of the historic district - not really the sort of gift shops you haul a stroller into.

________________________

In the evening, we decided to hit up the Pirate Museum of St. Augustine. It features a ton of antiques and rarities - including the world's only remaining pirate flag, and one of two known authentic pirate treasure chests. It also has on display several weapons and nautical instruments used by famous pirates, and admission was only $11 per adult.

What infuriated me was the fact that they prohibited cameras.

That's right. No cameras were allowed in the museum (these images here I found online). I was furious. As a huge pirate enthusiast, and an avid photographer, this was a double kick in the nuts. But, as you're about to see, I found a clever way around the whole 'no camera' thing - I snuck a few videos from my phone on the sly. They're not that great, and they're short (I had to tap into my ninja stealth skills and be quick) but they do show some of the biggest features of the museum.

Enjoy the top secret videos, folks (and screw you, Pirate Museum - you suck).

The Cannonball uses an interactive touch-screen tome to learn more about famous pirates.

The last Jolly Roger in existence.

The sword and flintlock pistol of Thomas Tew.

A blunderbuss belonging to Edward Teach (a.k.a. Blackbeard).

One of the two surviving, authentic pirate treasure chests (this one also belonging to Thomas Tew).

____________________________

There you have it, folks. Day II of the Hough's St. Augustine Adventure. Stay tuned for the final installment.

- Captain Hough

St. Augustine - Day I

2011-07-12T22:24:00.031-04:00

Hi fanbase.

Every year, the Houghs take a vacation. This year, we selected the historic city of St. Augustine - America's oldest city, founded by the Spanish in 1565 - as our destination.

Enjoy the pictures and video, folks...

We arrived in St. Augustine about an hour before check-in time, which didn't give us a whole lot of time to check out any of the major attractions, so we opted to walk around the surrounding historical district and kill some time. As you can see, it was extremely humid out.

The historic district of St. Augustine was founded by Melendez, a conquistador, in 1565. Most of the buildings, whether they be gift shops, museums, restaurants, or hotels, are hundreds of years old.

Our hotel, the Pirate Haus, was in the center of historic St. Augustine... so we were within walking distance to pretty much everything.

The Pirate Haus. A pirate-themed, kid-oriented bed and breakfast.

This staircase scared the bejesus out of me.

Our room in the Pirate Haus was the legendary Jungle Room (Room 6).

This room, apparently, is famous for being haunted. We did not know this prior to reserving the room.

The view from our room (pretty sure that old-ish looking building is a Spanish munitions house).

Bunk beds!

Pretzels and Pixar for lunch.

Parking was cramped, but we didn't use the van all week, so it didn't bother us (except for when we had to get the stroller out of the trunk in the morning)

Royal Spanish seal on the old Treasury.

Yeargh!

St. George Street - the souvenir center of historic St. Augustine, where we spent the majority of our time when not hitting up attractions.

St. Augustine changed hands numerous times between the Spanish and British before eventually becoming part of the United States in the early 19th century, hence all the different flags everywhere.

In St. Augustine, Elvis is willing to predict your future.

Trust me. If you're a fan of Flight of the Conchords, than you know why this is funny.

The Old City Gates (feat. fat and elderly tourists on a trolley)

The old Methodist church.

The old Catholic church (they're big on churches in St. Augustine).

The Fam in front of a statue of some guy who went to church a lot.

The cathedral of St. somebody-or-other

Another cathedral shot

Cannonballs
A 'Cannon' in the historic market plaza - the place to buy one's chickens, rum, and African slaves back in the day.

The old government building (governors' headquarters throughout the 16 and 17th century)

More of St. George Street, down by the old Market Plaza. By the late afternoon, we had decided to forgo seeing any major attractions (like the Pirate Museum, on account of my own stupidity), and stick to checking out the shops and old buildings throughout the historic district.

Yours Truly, once again pushing our 300lb double stroller (that's the old governor's headquarters in the background, across the street)

The Mill Top Tavern

The Oldest Schoolhouse in the Western Hemisphere (and someone else's kids!)

The St. Augustine trolley: favorite mode of transport for senior citizens and fat people.

Some old building that now gives out awesome, free wine samples. Booya!

Down St. George Street... again.

The Mill Top Tavern

At the Chianti Room Restaurante for Happy Hour/dinner. For a medium cheese pizza, free large pizza slice, two milks, and two pints of Shock Top (one of my favorite wheat ales), our bill came out to a mere $21!

Looking into replacing our Pirate Museum tickets at one of the City Visitor booths (I misplaced our originals, so we couldn't go that afternoon... turned up buried in a pile of souvenir receipts on our bed back at the Pirate Haus)

Alayna showing off some of her new souvenir necklaces

And so ends Day One of the Hough's Tour de Force through St. Augustine. Stay tuned for tomorrow's installment.

- Brian

Blast Offs

2011-07-09T08:54:00.014-04:00

'Sup, gangsters.

Recently Kris and I came to the realization that Abby is nearly 13 months old and still hasn't gotten the chance to hit up the beach. That may be another stroke of 'Bad Parenting' on our parts, it may not. With Alayna, we had her out to the beach three weeks after she was born. Couldn't wait to get sand in that kid's umbilical cord. With Abby? Not so much.

But, as you all know, Abby's the second child... which more or less means we don't care as much this time around. The novelty of having a kid wears off. Real quick.

Whatever.

It just so happened that, as we were thinking about our beach-oriented parental negligence, it also came to our attention that the shuttle Atlantis - last of NASA's shuttle fleet - was going to be launching. Now, we had already said to ourselves, "We have to hit this one up - it's the last one." We've lived down here in Florida for four and half years, and we've seen about a half dozen shuttle launches... all from our vantage point in scenic Orlando.

This time around, we wanted front rows seats, so we decided to drive out to Cocoa beach on the Atlantic coast, a short distance south of Cape Canaveral and the shuttle platform. The local news networks were saying that over a million people were estimated to come out for this last shuttle launch, so Kris and I knew we'd be driving into one hell of a mess. We left Orlando about two hours earlier than we needed to (the drive usually takes about an hour), because we factored in bottle-necking and idiot drivers.

After a few stops on the highway, we got to the beach with about an hour to spare (the drive back was a completely different story - it took us 3 1/2 hours to get home with all the traffic. Thank God we have a DVD player in the car). So we tried our hands at the usual beach business - build a sand castle or two, have a couple beers, throw the kids in the ocean, have a couple more beers, etc.

Behold:

Attempting to get the girls in the water...

...and again.

So, after about 45 minutes of trying to get our kids to splash around in the waves, Atlantis, last of NASA's shuttles, blasted off from Cape Canaveral:

The End of the Shuttle Program

And here's a few more pics of Abby's first day at the beach, and the aftermath of the Atlantis launch.

Enjoy.

- Brian

31 Years

2011-07-05T08:34:00.005-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again. The anniversary of the day I came out of my mom.

I'm 31 Goddamn years old today. Hooray for me.

The only good thing about turning 31 is that I'm not turning 30, so, while I am one year closer to the dreaded 4-0, I'm not having to go through that whole ordeal of entering a new decade of age. That's a pain in the ass I don't want to have to do again for a long, long time (say, nine years).

So, this year wasn't as bad for me. I still stocked up on my ritual half-gallon of Sailor Jerry, and I still devoted a good portion of my day playing vintage video games and watching old cartoons from the '80s, but not nearly as much, and I wasn't morosely depressed to the degree I was last year. We also went shopping and went out to eat - so all in all it was a good day.

...and Kris made pirate cupcakes this year. I love pirates.

- Ol' Man Hough

F*** You, King George III

2011-07-04T06:55:00.048-04:00

Independence Day.

Check it:

Fourth of July Festival @ Osprey Park - Hunter's Creek, FL. We go every year for the Fourth, as well as for their Halloween shin-digs (as you'll remember).

The Battle Wagon - unfortunately it doesn't come with an umbrella

Alayna rocking some Dora band-aids (courtesy of the stovetop burner she tried using as an armrest...)

Lots of vendors, food, kids games, and weird people. Generally you can get all kinds of free crap from the local businesses, and the kids are usually entertained. Booze is pricey, though.

I wanted Alayna to try out these hamster ball-ish things, but she was too much of a coward.

More of Osprey Park

Enter THE TODDLER ZONE!

Bounce Housin'

Knocking each other down - never gets old

Abby, desperately trying to maintain her footing in the Toddler Zone.

Alayna chooses floating eggs from some inflatable duck pool. Not that challenging of a game - it's all luck of the draw. She ended up winning a shit-ton of candy, so she was satisfied.

The Crappiest Duck Game in the World...

Stretching legs...

Checking out the Petting Zoo.

Turtle Power.

Nothing larger than a goat, so I wasn't all that impressed. How hard is it to spring for a donkey, Hunter's Creek? Seriously.

Petting bunnies (not pictured: Kris, watching).

Getting lice from bunnies...

Cock.

Yours Truly and offspring. It was unbearably hot out - the heat index was something like 132, thereabouts.

Snack Break

The Cannonball devours a $4 Snow cone

Kris gets some clownwork done.

Alayna gets 'inked.'

Getting Inked by Clowns...

Abby was more interested in chips. The whole day.

Ol' Wobbly

These games were rigged. I didn't win shit.

_______________________

After the kids' nap time, we met up with the Wolowiecs at the Orlando Science Center. They're annual ticket holders, and were able to get us in for pretty much nothing. The Science Center is close to downtown, and from their fourth floor terrace we had a pretty decent commanding view of the downtown skyline.

The Orlando Science Center

Science Center Dinosaur Exhibit

Dinosaurs!

More Dinosaurs!

Even more Dinosaurs!

Our kid checking out Dinosaurs!

We swapped out the wagon for the double-stroller (...though with the crap-tastic elevator system the Orlando Science Center employs, we should've just strapped the damn kids and random bags to our backs like frickin' pack mules. Would've been way easier.)

Digging up 'fossils'...

Paleontology

This reminded me of Mother Brain from Metroid

Freelance Meteorology

The Terrace

Our view for the fireworks Awaiting fireworks.

Watching Fireworks

I didn't take any pictures of the fireworks themselves, because they didn't turn out so great (I didn't feel like messing with a tripod), and because the fireworks weren't as close as we thought they'd be.

Plus, they're fireworks. We've all seen fireworks. Hell, you saw some tonight.

Happy Independence Day, players.

- Brian

Cabin Fever

2011-07-02T07:25:00.035-04:00

Well met, cyber-friends.

If you live in Florida, or have access to a television, then you know well enough that the Sunshine State hasn't seen a whole hell of a lot sunshine this last week or so.

I blame Zeus, but hey - I don't know my Greek mythology all that well.

Anyway, with all the rain and crap weather we've had these last eight or nine days, our pool has gone to Hell in a hand basket.

All the excess water has messed with the Ph levels and shot up our algae to the point where we're having to drain out all the existing water in the pool - a lengthy process, to say the least - and pump in new water. What this means, friends, is that the Houghs have had no swimming pool for a week... and will likely not have one for an additional week.

Cowabunga.

Without the pool, and without the sun, Kris and I are slowly but surely loosing our bronze-god tans and growing more agitated with each passing day. You could attribute this to cabin fever - I don't think there's another term that's best suited for what we're going through these days.

And it's not just us, either - the girls are feeling the restlessness, too. While Abby has always been a huge fan of falling into stationary objects, lately she's gotten into the habit of climbing up on top of things, losing her balance, and plummeting down onto the floor. Usually, Kris and I are able to catch her in the act of such stupidness... but, occasionally (I can't stress this enough, Department of Children and Families and Social Services) we don't catch her in time.

And this happens:

I thought for sure the thing was about to burst open, spilling brain matter all over our kitchen floor (it didn't), in which case I'd be hauled off to jail for child neglect or abuse or something like that, and end up some tough guy's girlfriend. She did have a huge bump for awhile, though. Check this video out:

If that wasn't bad enough, days later Alayna tried using the stove as an armrest:

I think these two injuries alone guarantee me and Kristina's disqualification from any Parent of the Year award any time soon.

If there was a silver lining to any of this cabin fever'd, rain-soaked, cloudy-skied, toddler-damaging week, it's that Yours Truly has been able to devote some quality to one of his top five favorite video games of all time:

BAM!!

Purchased off ebay last summer (for $16 - a steal!), this SNES classic defined my middle school years (I was a dork, what can I say).

Surprisingly enough, it's held up pretty well - I just saw that it came out on the Wii Virtual Consol, so I'll have to buy that in order to play the epic on the big screen (or, rather, big-but-not-as-big-as-it-could-be-since-the-wife-doesn't-see-the-importance-of-upgrading-when-moving-into-a-bigger-house-with-a-bigger-living-room' screen). Anyway, playing it again has been radical, and I almost forget the daily drudgery of my non-stop, stress-laden, rain-soaked life.

Almost.

Anyway, here's a crapload of pics and videos for you - free of charge. Enjoy.

- Brian

The girls, in a rare non-screaming/self-inflicting wounds mood.

If this doesn't pull at your heart strings, you don't have a soul.

Abby, bored on the coach.

Abby, shitting her pants as Yo Gabba Gabba starts.

The Cannonball discovers the joy of wearing a sword and baldric.

... and dressed up for her 1st day of Bible Camp

Water Day at Bible Camp (we missed her actually going down the water slide)

Alayna, showing off her Bible Camp arts and crafts

Trails in the Tibet Butler Forest Reserve (where we're going to have our family portraits done in a few weeks)

Abby hitting the trails

More of the trails

...and more of the trails

...and more of the trails

...and more of the trails

Fan-shaped fern thingies

Our kids, somehow coexisting peacefully

- Brian

The Houghs Get a Dog (Briefly)

2011-06-23T20:05:00.019-04:00

If you ask me to say anything nice about cats, I will punch you in the face. Don't even bother.

Even if I wasn't deathly allergic to the horrid things (which I am), I'd still loathe them. Why? Because they act like they think they're better than me, and that's just plain ridiculous. I'm way better than any cat. They annoy the holy bejesus out of me - walking around indifferent to what I'm doing, with that stupid, smug look on their faces. I will not tolerate any such arrogant animal in my presence.

I hate cats.

Dogs? They're cool in my book. Really cool.

Seriously - who doesn't like dogs? There's a large group of weirdos out there that do like cats - the world's a sick place, I get that - but there are also a shit-ton of people out there who, like me, can't stand the stupid, flea bags.

But with dogs? Not really. Maybe there's a handful of hold-outs out there, scattered around the world, making it a crappier place in which to live.

There's a reason dogs are considered man's best friend, folks: they're awesome.

They're awesome, and my wife will not let me get one.

I could get into this in great detail, and put forward a compelling argument for why I think I'm entitled to owning a dog. And I could equally delve into the wife's ridiculous 'we don't have the time to train it'/'the landlord doesn't allow dogs' counter-argument. But I won't. I'll spare you the whole ordeal.

Instead, I'd like to showcase how the Houghs passed this last weekend, wherein we took in a 400 lb. American Bulldog named Ari.

See, our buddy Clint had to go to a wedding in Minnesota (Oh yeah! Minnesota!!), and needed someone to watch his bohemeth of a dog for four days.

Consider it a trial run. It didn't really showcase how unprepared we truly are for dog ownership, but it didn't really excite us into going out to the local humane society and picking one out.

No, if anything, this whole dog-sitting venture of ours reaffirmed for us that which we already know quite well: dogs are awesome, and we're not getting one any time soon.

Having said that, enjoy the weird videos, folks.

- Brian

Both girls were scared to death of Ari at first. Abby warmed up after a couple hours, while it took the Cannonball about two days... because she's a coward.

This dog is not athletic, and does not enjoy walks in the Florida heat...

The Plan for Summer

2011-06-20T12:47:00.020-04:00

Set your phasers to 'FUN,' kids - it's mothaf******' Summertime!

This summer, I've made it a point to devote as much of my time as humanly possible to writing. The first time I attempted to do this, Kris squeezed out Alayna, which more or less destroyed any and all free time. The following summer, she worked full-time, which meant that Yours Truly had to babysit the year-old Cannonball full-time. Not so awesome. And last year, Kris up and squeezed out another kid, which, once again, put Brian's Writing Time on the back burner.

Not this summer, kids.

I've been hitting up the local library from 10am - 1pm, every day, and treating it like a job. Sure, I do have a Man Room at home, but the kids are always screaming about something in another room, or else banging on the door and demanding I come out and watch them trace their hands.

You know. The usual.

So during the mornings, while I'm out of the house, I'm able to catch up on tons of crap that I've been working on or else have been meaning to work on. It's been swell, and I feel like I'm accomplishing something instead of just pissing away my two months off sitting around the house chasing kids around and not showering as much as I used to.

Speaking of bathing, the pool has turned out to be the single greatest thing this family's ever put money into (kids coming in a close second). As the weather heats up around here, our mega-kiddie pool (or, smaller-sized adult pool, either way you want to look at it) has become our go-to haven during the blistering afternoons and evenings. The kids seem to love it, too - Alayna's getting to the point where she'll willingly jump to someone in the water from the top of the ladder, and Abby has gotten to the point where she'd rather just play on the ladder instead of in the water.

Everybody wins.

This week, the Cannonball also started Bible Summer Camp at the Peace United Methodist Church. Something by the name of 'Pandamania,' don't know if you've heard about this before...

Pandamonium: You may pay for the whole seat, but you'll be sitting on the edge!!!

Yeah.

Don't know if you've heard about this before, but apparently it's pretty cool with Jesus (and he runs our church, so... there you go). It's more or less three hours of games, arts and crafts, and sing-alongs. And at some point in time, they should stuffed pandas and t-shirts out of a cannon into a crowd and make toddlers and grade-schoolers trample each other in the name of the Big Guy.

That gives me and Abby full run of the house from 6 - 9pm every night, which is cool. So far I don't think Alayna's learned anything from the Bible, per se, but it gets her out of the house for a few hours so she can get some social interaction outside of school, and as a result, Daddy can get a small window of peace and quiet.

Praise Jebus!

- Brian