Because I must blog

Say bye bye to Worker Mommy

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:14:00 +0000

No I'm not stopping blogging. Lets be real here, that would be like asking me not to breathe. No just changing my "name"... a little.
If you've met me IRL one of the first things that you've heard out of my mouth is please whatever you do don't call me Worker Mommy.

I have a confession to make. I rather hate that name. Sure I created it, it was the first thing that popped into my mind when I started my blog. At the time I thought it was fitting. Now, I just think it's lame.

That said, I'm shortening it to WM. Simple, short and didn't require much thought to come up with. Me likey de easy.

Oh and I do have a funny story to share from yesterday but little time to share it. I hope to post it soon but lets just say my 5 year old son is a p.i.m.p.

Off to work I go.

Mwah,
WM

Why stores should just stick to playing Muzak

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:01:00 +0000

The day started off normally enough. I intended on making a quick stop off at the store to grab some breakfast and then be on my way.

I found the cereal aisle, grabbed some oatmeal and turned to leave. As I started to head toward the checkout counter I heard an old Stevie Wonder tune from back in my grade school days overhead on the store's sound system. It brought back a flood of memories.

Smiling to myself I decided to stay a bit longer and finish listening to the song. I walked up and down a few aisles singing along quietly to myself and well if you were the shelf stocker in the hair care aisle yes I did wiggle my arse a little. What can I say, I was really feelin it.

As I'm reliving the good old days leisurely strolling down aisles, lawd help me I spotted a 40% off sign in the clothing section and it was beckoning to me. I'd just begun perusing the sale racks when my song ended.
If you're wondering if I left like a responsible person would have done you'd be wrong. Way wrong. It was 40% off and well I my kids have to have clothes.
15 minutes and $42 worth of merchandise later I remembered that it was in fact a work day and I was supposed to be at work in half an hour (but was about 45 minutes away).
Damn that store and their tricky ways. I know they purposely turned that song on to keep me in there and cause me to spend more money.

It couldn't possibly be my fault.

Yes, I know I'm kind of disgusted with myself too.

What saved my life this weekend

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:29:00 +0000

Saturday hubby was gone all day. He covered for a co-worker's vacation and then went out with a longtime friend he rarely gets to see. That left me with the twins all day and all night. By myself.
Normally hangin' with the kiddos solo is not a big deal. Except the prior night my saint of a mother offered to keep the kids overnight. Which of course left only one thing for hubby and I to do. And that was to PAR-TAY!

Needless to say I was quite tired when Saturday night finally rolled around . I put the twins to bed and breathed a sigh of relief as I sank down on the couch. No sooner had I managed to get comfortable when I heard little footsteps .

"Who is it?" I called
"Me" my daughter J answered
"and you would be out of bed why?" I asked

Now I'll spare you all the back and forth but just know it took me another 15 minutes to get her back upstairs. She came up with the oldies but goodies such as "I'm thirsty and I'm hungry" and she even busted out with this new little gem "but I forgot how to fall asleep by myself'
until I wanted to rip all my freakin' hair out.

Then I remembered it. The Billy Brown Audio CD we'd been sent . Remember this post ? The one in which I (half in jest) said I could care less about national tv turnoff week. Well shortly thereafter the "Top Kid" at Giddio contacted me and asked if I'd be interested in trying out the Billy Brown audio adventures as an alternative to tv.

And let me tell you Billy Brown saved my life this weekend. Or really it was my daughters life that was saved because I was reaching that point.

Seriously though, the Billy Brown (a talking bear) adventures are fantastic for the 3-7 year old set.
They are unlike your typical monotone books on CD in that each adventure is acted out by professional voice actors . My daughter J totally digs them. And if the stamp of approval from my 5 year old isn't enough you can check it out for yourself via free download .

So there you have it, we survived the weekend virtually unscathed and I accomplished this review which has taken me forever and a day to do.

Yep, feeling pretty good about me right about now.

Uggh it's that time again

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:46:00 +0000

No I'm not referring to Aunt Flo (although it is that time too but I'm quite sure that's TMI ) I'm referring to Blogher.

And no I'm not there. Again. Which is particularly irritating because this year it's being held just a stones throw away in Cali. Right near my in-laws. Hell I could have made it a family trip (not that my kids or hubby would have seen me much because I'd be too busy ~~stalking my favorite bloggers~~ ~~partying~~ learning )
I swear I'm going next year regardless of where it's held. I'm making it my mission in life and until that time I think I may stick my head in the sand because the last thing I want to do is read about it from those that are there.

I wear bitter well don't you think.

Happy weekends my friends!

Mwah,
WM

Abuse me ? Oh it's nice to finally know what that sign on my forehead says

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Two weeks ago on the train in to work I got socked in the face by the woman next to me.

She'd been a great neighbor up until that point in that she'd slept the whole way. Once we arrived at our stop she turned on me. She woke up confused and not paying attention to what she was doing while trying to untuck her arms from her shirt. Arm number one made contact with my cheek. There wasn't much power behind her punch and she apologized profusely but yes that was definitely a first for me.

Incident number two was on the bus last week, on the way to the train. I decided to sit in the front knowing that my stop was coming soon. A woman with an ass the size of a small country decided to sit next to me and promptly sat on half of me. Now normally I'd be completely empathetic, what with an ass the size of two ,~~large~~ medium hams I get it. But this chick didn't even say sorry. She simply looked over at me as if to say "move the hell out of my way" and then proceeded to get out her book and read. I wanted to throw down I was so incensed by her rudeness. But I doubt I could have taken her.

This morning a woman fell on me as the train came to a sudden stop.

As if that wasn't enough, my co-worker is at it again. She's overwhelmed and is giving me the shittiest of her tasks to help out with.
I've asked what it is that is causing her to be so overwhelmed and still don't get it. Before she did her job, I did her job. Why she's not a fast working,multi tasking superstar like me I'll never know.
But I digress. Ahem, the point is that...
Well now that I think about it a bit more, the point is probably that it's karma. And I'm probably being paid back for some evilshitthatididbutcan'trememberanymore.

Uh yeah ...ceasing whining now.

Teenagers are nutjobs, this and other fascinating nuggets of knowledge learned from the weekend

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:35:00 +0000

I don't know who to blame, Hubby or TomGirl. But all I know is somebody asked and somebody relented and my 15 year old stepdaughter polished off a 72 ounce Big Gulp in less then an hour. When she walked in the door Friday evening it was as if she'd just come straight from the crack house. Or Speed house, rather, that is if Speed houses actually exist. She was pacing , walking around in circles, jumping up and down and telling me about her week at warp speed. Hubby and I kept looking at each other in a "stop-the-ride-I-wanna-get-off" kind of way until we could finally take no more and sent her spastic ass to her room to sleep it off.

Never in my life have I seen caffeine affect someone in that manner. And believe me I would know. I have a Diet Coke habit that takes me through a 12 pack and a 1/2 in one week.... sometimes more.

The following day when TomGirl had returned to her normal self the fam headed to a local fair at which she begged and begged for money for a henna tattoo. When again certain people relented TomGirl came back with a tattoo with her boyfriend's intitials. Her boyfriend she's been dating for ,oh, 2 days.

See, I told you teenagers are nutjobs and I suppose if I wasn't such a nutjob myself I'd have been much more annoyed.

My son,B, who recently realized that he was "older" then his twin sister by 2 minutes thinks it gives him license to do things older people do. "Mom," he said to me Saturday (and with a very serious face I might add)"since I'm 2 minutes older can I unplug the fan and plug it in in my tent". And with the strength of mule, I succeeded in not cracking a smile when I told him "Nope, nu-uh, no-way, you need to be a little bit older then 'two minutes' to be touching plugs". He also now refers to his twin sister as his little sister. Hmm, maybe 5 year olds are nutjobs too.

Breyers, Fat Free, Double Churn Caramel Swirl ice cream rules the world. And yes I did say fat free...which in effect would seem to defeat the purpose of eating ice cream but mamas gotta try and keep her girlish figure (or get it back anyway) and so I bought it. And well, after Gmail, I might marry it. Either that or just lay nekkid in it for a while. Yep it's that good.

And that, mah friends is the wisdom I gained from my weekend.

I'm so glad we had this time together.

I'm not a writer, I don't even play one on TV * Updated

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 18:42:00 +0000

I've been wanting to write this post for some time after a discussion I had with another blogger about why we blog. With Blogher fast approaching now seemed a fitting time.

As I get out in to the blogosphere more and more I've noticed that many bloggers aspire to be published writers (outside of what they publish on their blogs of course)and I respect and admire that. But me, not so much. I have no desire whatsoever to publish anything. Ever. Besides the fact that I can't punctuate worth a damn I just don't think I possess that creative talent and frankly even if I did I don't think I have the wherewithal to take the time required to actually pen a full length book.

I blog because it's fun (most of the time anyway). It's also,as many of you can attest to quite cathartic. As my subtitle suggests, this is my attempt to preserve my sanity one post at a time. I love that on this blog, I can be real, I can let it all hang out, I don't have to be some professional, stuffy workplace version of me. I can just be me. What you see on this blog is what you get. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not.

In blogging, I've also found a great sense of community. Sure there are cliques which I don't get. I thought we'd all left that kind of thing back in high school but ultimately, I think we're all there to support one another. Some of the most amazing words of encouragement I've received when in need have been from individuals I've never met IRL. That to me is incredible and wonderful and crazy all at the same time. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love blogging, just to blog, not as a means to anything else. That's not to say if I was propelled in to bloglebrity status and was then able to quit my job and blog full time I wouldn't jump at the chance. But I'm quite alright knowing that the chances of that are infinitesimal.

So what was my point you might ask ? It's not to insult or demean anyone who blogs as a means to acheiving a larger writing goal it was merely to state that I am not one of them.

I blog for fun and nothing more.

Tell me something why do you do it ?

*Updated to add- If you are a blogger that aspires to be a published author do you think that those of us that aren't writers cause you to not be taken seriously. Do tell. I wanna know! Oh and feel free to go anonymous if it means you'll be truthful.

Some things are better left Unworn

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:54:00 +0000

When contemplating whether or not to wear that claw clip I have but two words - eh eh.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, who's she to criticize anyone?... Like she's all that.

Well I might tend to agree with you. I am after all just your average female. On most days I can barely get it together enough to slap on make-up before work and some days I might even fall victim to my inner frump. But having said that, let me say now that I know better then to ever wear a claw clip anywhere on my head. They served their purpose back in 1983 and I thought had been buried in a time capsule somewhere for our great grandkids to laugh hysterically at while exclaiming "What was that old bat thinking?"

But in a crazy turn of events I spotted one today. And I'll be durned if it was not perched atop the head of someone who- well poor thing just didn't have a clue.
In her defense though the bright yellow clip did match nicely with the bright yellow cloud shapes on her dress. A dress which I can only liken to an explosion in a crayon factory. Damn me for not having a camera phone.

I know, I know I'm horrible. I'm going right straight to hell. I'm not passing GO, I'm not collecting $200 . I'm just going.

But I'll be damned if I'm not taking all yellow claw hair clips with me.

And so as not to make me feel like the overly hormonal,snarky be-atch that I've portrayed in this post it's your turn...what clothing item or accessory gives you the absolute heebeejeebees ?

Woo Hoo! Lookit Me

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:05:00 +0000

I'm over here today.

Stop on by if you care to read about keeping little germies at bay during travel and if you want to know the grossest little fact about swimming pools. Ever.

Mwah,
WM

When marrying web based email programs becomes legal, Gmail, I'm getting down on one knee

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:08:00 +0000

Sure Gmail is efficient, has humongous storage capacity and lets me chat as much as I want but no that's not why I want to make Gmail my betrothed.

It's because Gmail is so "intuitive". When I send an email about baby showers you offer me little nuggets of goodness by way of sponsored links that tell me where I can find baby shower games online, or just the perfect shower gift. Oh how I love how you love to make my life easier. You understand that I'm a busy woman, you get me. And that is important in a relationship.

I'm sorry to have tested you earlier, but sometimes I worry that you are too good to be true. So no, I don't really want to be a stripper . But hey thanks for the link to the stripper clothing sale. If I do reconsider my career, I may look in to the dis-robing arts because hell, I might actually look halfway decent in those patent leather, thigh-high platform stilletto lace up boots and at 40% off - how could I resist! ?

And I'm ecstatic that when I asked if I had a big arse you effectively dodged that question instead pointing me in the direction of a website in which I can make custom jeans that will flatter my butt. Good lookin out, G!

And most importantly , I'm happy to know you will not cheat on me, all I need to do is head over and purchase some of that monitoring software you hipped me to and I'm golden.

Gmail , you rule , you rule like no other has ever ruled before. I now know we were meant for each other

But I do have one small request and please don't interpret this as disrespect because obviously I'm smitten w/you.

But please, enough of the spam recipes already ! Sure I may have eaten spam as a kid (In fact more times then I care to mention). But I think you get a sense of who I am and that's certainly not a woman that wants to make spam hashbrown bake or spam and spinach tortillas.

So you work on that little, itty bitty teensy weensy thing and I promise we're headed down the aisle tomorrow (sorry hubby, bigamy be damned)

Presenting the Mother of all Online Showers:Hosted by the two WMs

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 03:44:00 +0000

The lovely Lollie (who I hope doesn't kill me for posting this particular picture ) is expecting her first little wee-nut August 7th!

As much as we wanted to hop on the first plane headed to sunny Fl to celebrate with her in person,sadly, that wasn’t to be.

So we,the two WMs: Worker Mommy & WhiskeyMarie are throwing her one helluva of a cyber shower and you’re all invited!

We’ve got presents from some terrific sponsors and games so grab a drink,sit back, relax and we’ll tell you how you can join in the festivities and possibly take home some goodies of your own.

The Gifts
Happy Panda Baby,whom we love and you will too, graciously offered to sponsor this shindig and will be sending their super hip "Flawless" sleep set for the baby to be - because we know that any baby of Lollie’s will be just that - flawless.

The folks at Belli Skin Care, who make the most divine natural and safe products have offered up some amazing items for mom (to die for body firming serum ,eye brightening cream and other such goodies) and baby like their baby gift set

and finally

What’s a party with out cake? Mommysbabycakes is donating the fabulous three tiered diaper cake and matching diaper bassinet pictured here for mom and baby.

The cool thing about this cake is that all items are 100 % reusable and this cake will not make you gain extra lbs! Mommy's new online but she's got the cutest stuff and incredibly reasonable prices!

And you …just how do you fit in? Well, we want you to share the love.

The Games:
Create a post in honor of Lollie and her baby using the following 20 words : nursery, diaper, bottle, onesie, crib, stroller, binky, booties, blankie, baby powder, magician , practical , fedora, cinema, petunia, bison, airplane , organic , computerized, gesture.

Easy right? Now go forth and create.

And please be sure to come back here and sign Mr. Linky once you’ve posted your masterpiece. You have until July 11th at which time WM, Lollie and I will select 2 winners to receive their choice of a $25 Visa Gift Card or I-Tunes Gift Card.

Ooh and if you want a chance to win a $15 I-Tunes Card:

Lollie’s due date is 8/7 but we all know babies typically come when they want to. In true baby shower game style, leave a comment guessing the gender, the birthdate and the weight(if it helps any Lollie was 8lbs 4oz and her guy was 5lbs 6oz). The closest guess wins (but don’t expect to see this particular prize until August)

Congratulations Lollie, we heart you so !

and to all the rest of y’all “game on!”

XO
Your hosts,
The WMs

Because I'm a Tease

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:57:00 +0000

Make absolutely sure that you bring your hind parts back here Monday. Special things will be happenin'.

and that

is all I'm sayin.

Mwah,

WM

I met bloggers and you-u didn't...neener neener

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:03:00 +0000

What... like you come here for my incredible sense of maturity ? Pul-ease

Saturday night I met up with Annie, Mommastrantrum and Mamakazie for dinner and drinks. It was the first meeting for all of us and believe it or not they did not run away screaming when they met me. They may have even liked me a little. Or at least were good at pretending.
The conversation flowed as did the wine and we had a fabulous time the ladies and I. And well they'll always be special to me because when I mistook the coffee flavors that sat out on the counter in Dilettante for lotion and promptly pumped it on my hand they laughed their asses off. Much like I would have done had the tables been turned. What can I say it was in a lotion-esque kind of bottle and uh well I guess I kind of thought they were trying out new Amaretto scented lotion. It could happen right?
So there you go, neener neener. You wish you were me don't you ?

Oh and on a totally,completely,unrelated note my 5 year old daughter,J after learning that we were not going to the park immediately upon my arrival home from a long day at work glared at me and said "Mom, you're fired".
And no we don't watch The Apprentice in this house...thank you. So I'm really perplexed as to where she got that little gem. Yep folks , she'll be here all week.

When being the "cool" parent isn't so cool

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:33:00 +0000

Even before I had kids I knew that I wanted to be the "cool" parent.

My children would be the envy of all of their friends, what with a hip mom and dad that were down with all the latest fads and fashions and able to hang with the best of them.

And for the most part hubby and I have lived up to that. There's a reason TomGirl's BFF told her "your stepmom and dad are so cool". We were the only parents that started an impromptu volleyball game in the parking lot between actual games - running and diving for balls like olympians.

Because that is how we roll, hubby and I.

One particularly hot day I was out running errands when I got a call from hubby.

"Can you bring some change when you get home ?" he asked
"Sure, but why?" I asked
"The kids set up a lemonade stand and I don't have any change."

"Oh, ok,no problem" I said making sure to get a few quarters so that I could support our local business. As I pulled in to my driveway my kids came running along with a few of the neighbor kids.

"You wanna buy some lemondade?" they all shouted in unison. I purchased two glasses and set them aside as the first sip taught me that the sugar content was more then I could bear.

Ana a little 8 year old neighbor girl decided she'd wanted to have another drink stand.
"Um do you have some extra milk and some spoons ?" she asked as she talked my daughter J in to doing the stand with her.

"Sure" I said and produced the items. She and my daughter made some concoction and then asked me to purchase one which I did. Moments later Ana was asking if I wanted more.

"Uh no thanks" I said and busied myself with trying to inflate the
pool I'd purchased for the kids to play in.

Once Ana saw what I was doing she ran to get her swimsuit. When she came back she had her two brothers Chance and Stephen in tow. Chance wanted to play she said but he didn't have a swimsuit.I let him borrow some of my son's trunks.

Later when I brought a snack out for the kids, Chance finished his and decided he needed more. "Um we didn't have any breakfast" Ana spoke up.

"You didn't?" I asked knowing it was probably about 12:00 at that point.

"No our Daddy didn't fix anything for us" she said.

"Ok," I relented and went back in to the house for another bag. When I reappeared with the crackers there stood Stephen saying "I didn't get mine".

Before I could say anything Chance and Ana were asking for more. I suggested they head home and remind their Dad they hadn't had breakfast.

"But we can't" they whined "He's doing his work and we can't interrupt."

"Huh" I muttered and tried to ignore their cries for more. It went on like that for longer then I care to mention with this motley crew asking for everything in my kitchen when I'd finally had enough. I told them B & J needed to come in.

"Whew" I said to hubby. "That's nuts" I said "the manners on those kids."

Those kids the ones I thought I wanted to be down with. The ones that knock on my door every evening as soon as I arrive home wanting to chat with me and my kids about absolutely nothing, refusing to take subtle cues like "Ok we've got to go now I need to fix dinner"

Some nights,it's all I can do not to slam the door in their faces. Two nights ago Stephen came over and asked me if I wanted to buy some magazines. Mind you school is out and he had no order form resembling anything legitimate. He merely had a few very old National Geographics that he was thumbing through.

That took the cake. These kids don't think we're cool. They think we're suckers . Bump that, I thought and promptly kicked him off my porch and slammed the door in his 10 year old face for added effect.

The nerve!

Ok, not really

Uh, but I sure did think about it.

Suck It, right Foot

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:05:00 +0000

Remember this letter? The one in which I blasted my left foot for cursing me with the worst heel pain ever.

If you recall, I ended my letter asking that my right foot heed my warning and not pull any similar stunts. That tactic worked. For more then a year I had my right foot cowering in fear.

Until a few days ago, when I started to feel that familiar pain as I first stepped out of bed putting weight on my right foot. Pain that emits the kind of screams from me that only dogs can hear.

Oh woe is me!

On the bright side though since this condition is not unfamiliar to me I guess I know how to cure what ails me. Instead of revisiting the pervy doctor that caressed my ankle and slid off my sandal (rather then asking me to take my own sandal off) and talked to my cleavage the whole time - I'll simply freeze water in a coke bottle and roll it around on my heel, I'll do the exercises, I'll wear the splint and sport tennis shoes whenever possible (Oh if only my body understood what it's doing to a shoe fanatic like me).

*sigh*

On second thought,since we all know it's better to look good then to feel good just send me painkillers. Lots of them. The kind that'll make me feel gur-ooovy.

Yep and maybe some liquor too...

Or maybe, just maybe this is my body's way of telling me I've worked hard enough in my 35 years and that I need to plant my arse in a chair somewhere, relax my feet while 22 year old hard-bodied cabana boys fan me and feed me grapes.

Of course it is, I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. I'm headed in to go talk to my boss now.

Uh, that was my head that just exploded

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:11:00 +0000

There was an 80's movie, the title of which I can't remember just now but I remember one line in particular.
"Sometimes you just gotta say... what the fuck"

Advice I need desperately to take.

I needn't stress out about the fact that my boss is stressed out and in turn trying to stress me the hell out. I needn't worry about the fact that my co-worker, whom I like, I really do, is not fully getting all aspects of her job even at 8 months in and thus wants to offload even more work to me (I'm struggling to figure out at what point I tell her enough is enough without looking like I'm failing to be "teamplayer").

I needn't worry that bossylady and co-worker are headed off to a conference next week leaving me to handle the work of three people.
Nope not going to worry about it at all.

In fact, with them out of the office I may blog more .

Yeah, things are looking up already!

Overheard

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:07:00 +0000

With gas now requiring a 2nd mortgage, I've begun taking the train to work religiously. In doing so, I've found that I really prefer it to driving or taking the bus.

I typically come in to work a bit more relaxed having used the ride to indulge in a little trashy novel reading. Comprised of professionals commuting to work, the train is much quicker than the alternative bus that stops at every third block and drives on the heavily trafficked freeways I'm trying to avoid. Plus, I'm no longer subjected to the obnoxious bus riding teens that want to ensure each passenger knows they can use the word fuck in every sentence , or smelly undesirables that have no knowledge they reek when sitting as close to me as possible.

That said, recently I've started to become disenchanted with the train. Particularly in the afternoon. When everyone on the train gets on their cell phones immediately upon taking a seat.
Granted, I understand the need to check in with family after work but that's not what I'm hearing. I'm hearing long drawn out conversations to switch insurance policies, then a subsequent call to significant other to let him know you've done so, then an argument with significant other because he did not want you to switch without consulting him.

Why, just the other day I had the pleasure of sitting across from a lady with a hideous cow print patent leather coat as she discussed her evening plans. "Well I was thinking of picking up a cake and bringing it to him along with a little sump'n sump'n. Then I have to head home and then take a shower and then..."

"LADY," I'm screaming inside my head "WHO FREAKIN CARES , besides if you didn't get the memo, it's no longer cool to say 'a little sump'n sump'n' or any variation of that phrase"

Oh and my personal fave, the exceptionally LOUD mom that was having a discussion with another mom about some neighborhood girl that comes to her house and eats everything. "I mean chips or pop is one thing but she's always in my pantry and its non stop" she bellowed.
When Loud Mom finally ended her call I was relieved , until she felt the need to relay the whole conversation to the passenger across from her. "Drama Mom" she said shaking her head in disbelief. "Soooo ridiculous", she exclaimed!

Her !?, I thought. How about you you ? You are louder than any human is supposed to be and you fail to realize that the rest of us just aren't interested.

Now don't get me wrong, I've taken a brief call on the train before. The key word being brief and even in urgent situations that required a bit more conversation I've lowered my voice.

What is it about the afternoon train that makes everyone turn in to those same obnoxious teenagers I stopped taking the bus to avoid ?

I just don't get it. It's incredibly frustrating!

Short of bitch slapping someone, though, I guess I have to deal with it as I can't think of any commuting alternatives.

But it is getting worse as the ridership increases.

I've actually eyed my kids scooters.

Don't laugh, it could be done. I swear if I have to hear one more time how you sent your outfit to the drycleaners 3 times and they still couldn't get the red wine stain out I'm headed there.

So if you see a little 5' 2" woman on a pink radio flyer scooter headed down I-5 don't laugh. Simply beep and wave and know that I finally reached my breaking point.

**************************

Now then, Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there and all that good stuff.

Mwah,
WM

Eff off Cancer, You weren't invited to this Party

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:34:00 +0000

Kay said something funny to me the other day.

It was as I was explaining something I'd written on my blog. "Have you been reading ?"I asked. "No", I just haven't had the time" she said quickly which would have been a perfectly acceptable answer as Kay works full time has two children and just experienced a messy divorce.
But then she added "You know why I don't read your blog ?"

"Why"

"Because it's not about me," she said, which at that moment if you knew Kay was probably the funniest thing she could have said. Kay is probably the least conceited person you could meet.

"Whatever" I said but secrectly vowed to share some of our escapades or put in more that a casual reference to her as "the bff" in a post

And now I'm writing about her twice in a row in fact, but this isn't really at all what I'd planned on writing.

I didn't want to write that her cancer has recurred and she's most likely going to have to endure high dose chemotherapy and stem cell transplantation- procedures that in addition to possibly making her incredibly weak and ill will take up to a year to recover from.

But I'm hopeful that these treatments will force this evil disease back in to the bowels of hell from which it came.

I've already ~~threatened~~ offered to bring the WM fam and set up shop at her house so that I can be there to hold her hair when she throws up in the middle of the night or make her laugh when she's at the point where she feels she can't take anymore.

The partners at her work are already making arrangements for her to telecommute and have asked that she not make any healthcare decisions based solely on insurance- that if need be they will pay for that which isn't covered.

So between her mom, her sister, her co-workers and I we've got it covered. We're prepared to be her support system.

We refuse to let this univited guest spoil our party.

And to you, my internet friends, I can't tell you how much I appreciate the thoughts ,prayers and well wishes on Kay's (and my) behalf.

You are my support and for that I am eternally grateful.

That Friend

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:45:00 +0000

Did you ever have a friend that while you may not speak with her every day, or even every week, when you do finally speak it’s as if not a day has gone past since you last spoke ? You fall effortlessly in to conversation and when you look at the time realize you’ve been talking for quite a while.

Did you ever have a friend that when you call to tell her about a horrifying parenting moment in which you accidentally let your newly rolling over baby roll herself right off of the bed, has you laughing by the end of the call by animatedly sharing a similar story. A story in which her 18 month old son fell down two stairs and bloodied his lip after she let go of his hand for just an instant . “ Don’t beat yourself up,” she says “Accidents happen to the best of us”

And that friend knows you so well, she can gauge your response to things before you respond.

That friend, when she shops with you will give you her honest opinion on the white pants you just put on when tactfully telling you that maybe they aren’t quite right for you. And you trust her and without offense put the white pants back because you know she’s right

A friend that you can say anything to, a friend that just lets you be you

I have that friend and her name is Kay

As Kay and I exchanged emails last week she mentioned that her annual scan was coming up that afternoon. I asked her to promise to call me right after. She promised, even giving me an approximate time she’d call.

When that time came and went I panicked a little but waited.

When my phone finally rang , I picked it up relieved that it was Kay but quickly became close to tears as she told me things hadn’t gone so well. Ater 4 years in remission from lymphoma , this scan, the scan that if clear would have propelled her in to the 5 year mark in which recurrences are considerably less, was not clear .

I searched for just the right words to say and finally just offered to hop in my car and head over to her house that instant.

But she declined, saying that she’d be fine and that her oncologist will schedule a needle biopsy of the questionable lymph nodes but is not yet willing to treat it like cancer until he knows more.

You hang on to those words , not yet treating it like cancer, for dear life and tell her that you’re hopeful and "lets not worry until we know more".

You end that call on a hopeful note.

But secretly you’re scared.

And as you sit here typing these words at this very moment you know Kay is having her biopsy.

You’re praying for her with every fiber of your being and hoping that the results, although they will take a week to come back , will be negative.

And then you end your post, still frightened, but feeling just the slightest bit better that you’ve shared her with your readers and hope that maybe you will have touched something in them to pray, send good health vibes, whatever they think best

so that that friend ,that you love so much will continue to remain cancer free.

Well maybe this won't win me any parenting awards, but...

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:23:00 +0000

The work is still piled high but I missed you and,well, there has been quite a bit going on in my neck of the woods.

That said, I'll keep it brief because sadly not one of my co-workers understands the meaning of a closed door.

Now then, a couple of weeks back I'd taken the twins to their five year check up. They were a bit "up in arms" about being there because I'd forewarned them about the one shot that they would need. But they were generally ok during the multitude of tests, poking and proding from the office staff.

Until it came to the vision test. For my son.

He claimed he couldn't see the bottom line. A couple of things ran through my head at the moment the nurse asked him again if he could read the last line. 1) He's over this damn doctors appointment and wants desperately to leave and thus has put you on ignore
or 2) He hasn't mastered every single alphabet letter visually and may not recognize what you're showing him.
So I chose not to worry about it too much at that point. When the physician came in I mentioned both of these things and he simply said "perhaps, but I'd like to have him seen by a pediatric optometrist to be on the safe side".
Again, it didn't occur to me to worry as I hadn't had any other indications that my son B, couldn't see well.
But I made an appointment with a pediatric optometrist for the following week. And after spending about 2 hours with the incredibly skilled and patient staff at the optometrist's office I was told he would indeed need glasses as he has astigmatism .

Dammit, I thought, out of all the things I wanted to pass down to my child that certainly wasn't one of them.

I almost teared up when she gave me the verdict, now mind you I was particularly hormonal that day, but it still saddened me that my little baby would have to get glasses at age 5. In fact it more then saddened me.

What I couldn't figure out was why. I mean it was only glasses for freaks sake. Hell, I've had some kind of corrective lens since the age of 14 and it's not the worst thing in the world.
But for some reason even as we tried on frames and B sported the cutest little Adidas specs, I was still inwardly upset while outwardly trying to make picking glasses the most exciting thing ever.

Just what was my problem?

And then it occured to me, I'm worried about my son being teased. I would do anything not to have him subjected to that type of cruelty.

So I thought and I thought, about just what I could do to make this situation right. I mean, as his mom and his protector I had to do something.

And then... Eureka, I got it !!!

I shall teach my son to fight back with his words.

Here's how, I envision it going in my mind:

Punk Kid: Hey, four eyes
My sweet son, B: Are you talking to me ?
Punk Kid: yeah you, nice glasses, dork
My sweet son, B: I know you're trying to get to me but I like my glasses. They are helping me see clearly.
However, now that I can see everything, I'm seeing for the first time how ass ugly you really are...(walks away and flips him the bird)

What too much ?

When you have enough work to choke a mule...

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:01:00 +0000

You kinda disappear from the blogosphere for a while.

As much as I love to blog and frankly have never shied away from doing so during working hours, my co-worker has indicated she is overwhelmed. ~~Because my boss has come in to my office and most likely caught me on the internet one too many times she assumed I didn't have enough work to do~~
Because we are a team, I have volunteered to take on additional work until my co-worker gets caught up.

That said I'd better wrap this here little post up.

As much as I've tried to figure out how to incorporate blogging in to my job description it never flies with the powers that be. And while the idea of living in a cardboard box and eating leftover remnants from the garbage sounds tempting...mmm I think I better play nice, help out a co-worker in need and follow the rules.

Man, this being good stuff sucks!

Is this thing on ?

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:54:00 +0000

Whoa, where did everyone go ?

It would appear my resuscitation efforts for WWYDW are failing. Miserably.

Initially, I wanted to shed a tear but then I thought maybe, just maybe y'all have better things to do then answer my crazy questions.

And maybe,just maybe it's going to be 87 degrees in your neck of the woods like it is in mine and you figured - who has time for blogging ? I'm going to go bask in the sun, dammit!

Yeah, I totally get it.

And with that I'm out. The sun is making me positively giddy and I must find trouble to get in to at once.

May you have lovely weekends!
Mwah,

WM

The Resuscitation of WWYDW

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:27:00 +0000

I have issues with commitment. At least when it comes to my blog.

You see I can not commit to a regular feature.

Hence the reason What Would you Do Wednesday (WWYDW) went on hiatus.

Oh, sure, it seemed like a grand idea at first and I was geniunely interested in how others would handle certain ethical dilemmas. But then I was faced with my own dilemma.

Do I really want to commit myself to posting every Wednesday ?

There is that little matter of work for pay and the fact that ,well, I don't get nearly as much done when I add having to post regularly into the mix.

But, as I don't like to be labeled a quitter, I'm reviving WWYDW (uh, on occasional Wednesdays when I feel the urge,that is)

In the last installment, I'd asked what would you do if:

You worked with someone that repeatedly embellishes stories. Initially, you think it’s harmless enough. But as it continues you realize she’s (or he) is positioning herself (or himself) to look good to the boss and go for the promotion you wanted.

Thanks to those that responded and because I think it's only fair here's what I'd do:

I would most likely do nothing unless I really, really, really wanted the job. If I couldn't live unless I got that particular job, I'd then be forced to sit that co-worker down and have a come-to-Jeezus-meeting, in which I laid it all out there. Sure I'd be a ball of nerves doing it but I'd force myself to because contrary to popular belief I work hard. And to let some skeez lie her way in to my promotion. Eh-Eh. Not havin it.

So now you know.

And what I'd like now is for you to tell me something...

You're a SAHM/D (Stay-at-home-mom or dad). Aside from a few after school part time jobs you've never really joined the workforce and frankly compared to your spouse/significant other you have far less marketable skills as far as most employers are concerned.
One day your spouse sits you down and tells you s/he has been laid off. Through tears s/he tells you how s/he feels like a complete failure but knows that s/he can count on you for support. Your spouse then asks you if you'd consider getting employment and allowing him/her to stay home.

What would you do ?

My sweet little ones turned five, it's a miracle I'm still alive

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:20:00 +0000

*****Updated with pictures

I have this thing about parties. I love them. Particularly planning them. I get all geekily in to a theme and have to make sure every thing matches just so. I don't know what's wrong with me but it's getting worse. Now I'm obsessing.

B & J turned 5 on Sunday and the last several weeks have been filled with party planning.

Yes, you read that right - several weeks. For a 5 year old birthday party.

B & J had picked Spiderman and Hannah Montana as their "themes" respectively. I'd created the perfect invitation complete with Hannah and Spidey "saying" a cutesy little rhyme that emphasized the fact that we were going to a party place with inflatable bouncers - yeah I know gag.

The location had been picked months ago(we stopped doing parties at our house after their 2nd birthday) but it was the little details that needed to be attended to.

Things like... what to put in the goodie bags(while many moms despise goodie bags, I think a nice well thought out, "non-cheap plastic crap" laden goodie bag is a wonderful way to say thanks for coming), decor, the perfect cake ( see, I told you I get all geekily into this).

Once the invitations had been created and my mother and I ~~fought to the death~~ compromised on who to invite (she wanted to invite the whole preschool class - I wanted to invite a few select friends the twins had requested)
I sent them and waited. Some rsvp'd right away. Others waited. A few days before the party I emailed asking for final rsvp's and got what I thought was the rest.

Until party day.

When families brought siblings they didn't rsvp for. Tweenage siblings that eat a lot.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total hardass but if you're going to bring your bottomless-stomached child please give me a little heads up. That way I can ensure there is enough food.

Running out of pizza does not sit well for a neurotic party planner like me.

But we had cake galore as I'd found a local lady that makes "Ace of Cake" style cakes . Spiderman in front of webbed buildings for B and a pink sparkly guitar for J. The cakes were a hit and might have launched me in to the party planning hall of fame- ~~where I rightfully belong~~.

Craziness ensued when a bunch of sugar infused children dove into the present stash and started handing things to B & J to open. Thus in many cases I don't know who gave them what out of the bajillion toys they received. ( I was planning on having the twins open gifts at home for not only a more controlled environment but frankly that's a lot to make other five year olds sit through.) But I recovered quickly realizing this years thank you cards would need to say something along the lines of a generic thank you for the gift,we appreciated you sharing our birthday. Not ideal...but sufficient.

It's insane, my house looks like a toy store. A very disorganized toy store. I'd love to donate some if only I could I pry them from my kids hands. Next year I'll wise up and put some away before letting them have at the stash.

The night got crazier at home as they dove into all their toys and I about went apeshit trying to open the fort knox-esque packaged toys. Every single one of them.

But there were tons of giggles and squeals of excitement.
At the end of the evening when they finally went to bed I stood back and stared at these two amazing little 5 year olds that enrich my life each day that I know them. It had been an incredible 5th birthday not just for them but for me. Chaotic and crazy, but fun.

I kissed their soft little sleeping cheeks

and then headed out to the nearest bar.

Winners

im.a.twinz.mommy@gmail.com (WM) — Mon, 12 May 2008 16:56:00 +0000

Comments 6 , 26 & 28 : Not Afraid to Use It ,Lilith Silvermane & Shelly
Congrats!

Hey y'all...look right up there. Do you see your name ?

Cool, that means you'll be receiving a code for a free box of personalized fruit roll ups and a coupon for Yoplait Kids Yogurt.

And for those that didn't win but would still like to try out the personalized fruit rollups simply use code "Bloggy8" at the checkout for an $8 discount. Nifty, huh ?

Now then, speaking of winners I was recently a winner too. And let me tell you this contest was by far the coolest ever !

What did I win you ask ? A $100 donation to the charity of my choosing.

You see Amy has decided to donate her entire 2008 tax rebate check and has devoted an entire blog to it.

The idea for Give It Away is a simple one. I am encouraging people to give their 2008 tax rebates away as soon as the checks hit the mailbox. I don't have an agenda about who you should give to, and I don't want anyone to give through me. I just hope people will give where they see a need.

So thanks to her generosity Doctors Without Borders received $100 in my name.

Incredible , right ? Yep I thought so too.

I'm truly in awe of her magnanimity...perhaps I could stand to learn a lesson or two.