Now I know for some of you this question seems silly. For you all Infidelity is never a “forgivable indiscretion.” It is always a time for handing out walking papers.

However for many couples cheating isn’t the end all be all of the relationship. Many people try to stay and work it out. For many people the nature and duration of the infidelity factor into whether they will stay or leave as does the nature and duration of one’s relationship. Mortgages, kids family and finances also all play a role in whether many people will stay or go.

In the case of Tiger and Elin Woods, it seems she may have been willing to stay when it was 2 or three mistresses (home in Sweden notwithstanding), but when the number reached 10 (now 13 and counting) whatever counseling sessions they were having seemed moot at that point. Who wants to forgive a man who was having multiple overlapping affairs without condoms, in church parking lots and while you were pregnant?

Hell, when the mistress count was 2 or 3 I was all on the “Get the money, girl” train. It made perfect sense for Elin to renegotiate her pre-nup and take that 5 million dollar lump sum. Why leave all of that money on the table when your husband embarrassed you in such a public way and betrayed your marriage with so many women. It made since to stay and hit him where it hurts.

But when the count begin to increase and all the other tidbits came out regarding Tiger’s sexual proclivities, add in the porn stars and there was no amount money that could buy back the level of embarrassment, health risks, and sheer disrespect Tiger heaped on his wife and family. We obviously don’t know what she’s going to do, but I have definitely retired my “Get that money girl,” stance. My attitude now is that she should get out and get out fast.

At some point your self respect is worth more than any dollars that may fall your way and if Elin stayed now she’d look like a complete an utter fool. Three means get revenge, then bounce. Ten means leave as soon and as quickly as possible. But most of us aren’t married to multi-millionaires where we stand to make out quite nicely in the even to of a divorse.

So the question is: When is enough enough?

When does cheating go from forgivable indiscretion to hit the road jack?

What is your breaking point?

Tyreese and daughter get all dressed up for the premiere of Michale Jackson’s “This Is It.”

Absolutely Adorable!

Awwww Daddy's Little Pumkin - LUV the Sequin Pants!

There’s a lot of hemming and hawing in the black blogsphere as well as in the mainstream media on how impossible it is for a black woman to get married (I’d argue it’s a self fulfilling prophecy, but that’s another post for another day), but one question I think black women should ask themselves if it’s a marriage they really want or is it a wedding?

I watch “Say yes to the Dress” and other wedding shows. And to me it always seems that the women have every detailed planned for their wedding, down to the color of the flowers going in the flower girls’ headpiece, but I wonder if they have put that much planning into their actual marriages.

I know plenty of black women who have every detail of their wedding planned, yet they have no man. I know women who were obsessing over wedding magazines, but had never had a conversation with their future spouse over how the finances are going to be handled. There are couples who spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding and all of its surrounding events, but have yet to have a conversation how many children they are going to have, if any.

A wedding is a day. A marriage (ideally) is a lifetime. If you don’t want to end up in the divorce statistics, you should spend more time planning for your marriage and less planning for a day that is more for the wedding guests then the couple getting married.

Here is a list of 20 questions you should ask before you get married. If you look at the list and realize you haven’t asked even half of these questions then you know the least of you concerns is the perfect color fo your bridesmaids’ dresses:

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn’t want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other’s level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other’s approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other’s family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner’s needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other’s choices?

Well don’t they look like one big happy family? Kimora Lee and Djimon Honsou take the girls, Aoki and Ming Lee to opening night of Cirque Du Solei’s “Kooza.”

I guess baby Kenzo was home with the nanny. Looks like Kimora Lee and the fam had a good time.

So often I hear from black women who have advanced or professional degrees that dating is hard out here for an educated black girl.

It seems there are many men who don’t find a super accomplished woman appealing. Or to be blunt about it, they’re just scared of a woman who may be smarter, more accomplished and (gasp) make more money they do.

So often however, when this topic comes up the men and their female apologists are quick to holler at the top of their lungs: THAT”S NOT THE CASE!!!!!!!  No they say, it’s the women who are the problem. These over educated sistas beleive their degrees should qualify them for wife status. They are leading with their degrees instead of being nice and flirty and smiling – ’cause of course we know that a woman needs to smile to get a man to say hello to her.

The truth is there are PLENTY of men who are intimidated by an intelligent, accomplished, successful woman. Many men want to feel like the King in their relationship an that can be difficult when their Quenn is better educated and making more dough than the King. There’s a reason why you see many successful, well off men with less accomplished women. The hot shot man cheating with his secretary, the nanny or his Argentinian mistress on his equally yoked wife is such a common occurrence we’re not even surprised by it anymore.

So yes, I think may black women are finding themselves at a disadvantage in the dating world when the step out in all of their educated, successful career glory. However I would ask if the guy who has a problem with ambitious, accomplished women is the guy you really want? I mean think about it: this guy feels so threatened by a woman who has her own that he would avoid them at all costs., why are you upset that he’s not talking to you? Is this the type of guy you really want?

I don’t think so.

Just as there are plenty of men who find the idea of dating a woman as accomplished than they are repugnant there are plenty who see that as a requirement in any woman they date. The intelligent ambitious gal is the one they want. They want a woman who can match their own fire and see that as an asset not a liability. These are they type of me you want to date, this is where you want to focus your energy. And if you feel you’re always meeting the guys who have problems with your level of education and success, you need to find other places to hang out.

It’s definitely not impossible to meet men who will appreciate you and appreciate the handwork you’ve put it to be successful, you just have to stop caring and focusing on the ones who don’t and put yourself in a position to find the ones who do.

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Actress Terri Vaughn got it popping for her 40th bithday paty and showed everyone that you can have a funky good time with the hubby.

Actress Teri Vaughn Getting Some love From the Hubby at her 40th Birthday Party

Getting her party on!

Terri and Husband Get-Get-Getting It!

Thomas Jones, the football player and Meagan Good’s boyfriend talks love and relationships with Essence.com. You can  Read the rest of the interview for more insight into his life and upbringing:

ESSENCE.COM: With such a busy schedule, how do you make your relationship with Meagan [Good] work?

JONES: I look at it as something I want to do, and we take it one day at a time. I don’t look at it like it’s work. The reality is I work in New York and she works in L.A., but we are fortunate we have jobs where it’s flexible. I’m in New York for five months of the year and the other time I am wherever she is. To me, it’s what you make it. I’ve never seen myself as a celebrity, which is probably because I’m from a small town. I’m just blessed I get to do something I love to do. She’s the same way, and really humble. We may be at the mall or the movies, and people will say what are y’all doing here. We’re doing the same thing everyone else does.

ESSENCE.COM: And being in a relationship, how is it dealing with groupies who have their eyes set on a snagging an athlete?

JONES: It’s tough. A lot of things men do is for women, from wanting nice bodies to jewelry. So when you are in a situation where plenty of women are around you, it’s tempting. But if guys look at the big picture as a whole, it would be easier to make decisions. I’ve been blessed to make it through a lot of situations. Anything I’m doing, if [Megan's] not there, she knows. Period.

ESSENCE.COM: Good to hear. So what are thoughts for Black women when it comes to love?

JONES: Don’t expect something you aren’t working towards. Don’t look for a man to respect you when you don’t respect yourself. Everything you do eventually will come back, though it might not happen when you expect. You have to work on you. People say they want a good guy or have been praying, and a lot of time God gives you that time to work on yourself. That way when you do find him, you’re ready. A lot of times, somebody will come across your path, and you’re not ready for that, or you’re looking for something else, and it’s right in front of you.

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So Mr Serial Divorcee Relationship Expert Steve Harvey has five questions all women should ask men when they are dating. While I dont’t agree with most of Stevy harvey’s brand of relationship advice I do beleive that his “5 questions,” are pretty on point. I’d epand the list a bit but these five definitley cover the basics:

1. What are your short-term goals?
Steve says this is a question you need to ask on the first date. “That’s important. You want to know what a guy’s working on,” he says. “You listen very intently. You use your investigative skills. You be smart.”

2. What are your long-term goals?
Every man needs to have a plan, Steve says. “They have to be different from the short-term goals,” he says. “If they’re not different, you have a guy that’s not really planning.”

Once you’re armed with this information, Steve says you can decide whether you want to attach yourself to his plan and take the relationship to the next level.

3. What are your views on relationships?
Family, friends, God … find out if these bonds are strong. Steve says a man’s relationship with his mother is the most critical. “If it’s nonexistent, that’s a red flag. If that bond has been tainted or broken, please know he has no problem tainting or breaking yours,” he says. “If you can’t love your mother, please know he is incapable of loving you.”

If you’re spiritual — and he’s not — Steve says you probably won’t be able to change him.

4. What do you think about me?
Steve says women should listen carefully to how a man answers this question. It may reveal a lot about the impression you’re making.

“He’ll gladly tell you this. ‘I think that you’re great. I think you would make a great mother. I think you would be a terrific homemaker. I think you’re very independent. I think you’re very worthy,’” Steve says. “He’s going to tell you all of this stuff.”

5. What do you feel about me?
Once you have the answer to the fourth question, immediately ask the last one on Steve’s list. In most cases, how a man feels about you will be very different from what he thinks of you.

These are questions that are great to ask if you’re at the point where you need to decide whether the relationship is going somewhere or not. I think in most cases 4 and 5 answer themselves, but there are plenty occasions where the signs arent that clear and you need a direct answer.

I would add that whatever answer you get for 4 and 5 you need to beleive it. Don’t go second guessing what was said or trying to fit it into whatever you want him to mean. Take the man at face value – good or bad. You’ll be much happier for it.

From A Big Butt and a Smile:

There’s a lot of hate in the blogsphere directed toward black men and a lot of bullshit, uniformed dialogue when it comes to interracial dating, often coming from the same sources. To many of the IR dating sites hold white men up as the example of all that’s right with men and black men of all that’s wrong with them.

In convincing black women about their options it becomes a non-stop dialogue on how black men are the scourge of the earth and how they don’t care about black women, etc. I don’t like it when black men justify their dating white (or other women) by disparaging black women and I can’t stand it when black women do the same to black men. So here’s my take on interracial relationships without all of the hate black men talk:

1. I’ve talked about interracial dating several times on this blog. The one point I’ve made before and will continue to make is dating is a numbers game. You increase your chances of finding “the one” by dating as many people as you can. If you’re a black woman living and working in a predominantly white environment you’re a damn fool not to be dating white men. I’ve read stories where black women admit to only meeting 2 or 3 eligible black men a year yet they keep saying, “only a black man for me.” I say okay, but don’t be surprised if you end up alone and lonely.

2. Familial and Societal pressure are big issues on both sides of the coin. In my own experience with interracial dating family was an issue. Not mine. His. When I was a teenager the (absolutely gorgeous) white boy I was dating sent him to his youth pastor to explain to him that dating “other” women was Solomon’s downfall. No lie. I couldn’t make this ish up. In my more adult years I’d find out months, years later that said white guy was interested in me but didn’t really no what to do about that. For many white men (and black women) dating is one thing, marriage is another.

Also, From a friend family perspective the pressure can be unbearable. No, I’m not saying it’s a white thing…black parents/friends can be the same way. But if we were to be honest about this topic then we’d acknowledge that women of ALL races are pressured to marry the men from their group. That’s not black women being “indoctrinated” it’s the patriarchy doing what the patriarchy does best: regulating the sexual behavior of its women. And upper class white men have pressures related to their social standing and possible inheritance that come into play when it comes to marrying black women. There are several high profile WM/BW marriages where the men admit that their families were solidly against the union and the threats of being disowned were seriously bantered about. Similar pressure can be found in the middle classes as well, on both sides. There’s no since in discounting the pervasiveness of this issue.

3. This is very much a class issue. Like most discussions surrounding social issues in the black community, interracial dating is a class issue. There are women of a certain class who are in a better position to meet and marry white men than others. Most black women live in and socialize in all black or majority black environments. The men they meet are primarily going to be from the same class and social background they are from. There’s just not a lot of interaction going on between black women and white men on a daily basis for many of the lower and middle classes. You can’t date someone you don’t meet.

4. This is very much a cultural issue. No black people don’t have the same culture. Nor do white people. But there are some dating norms that tend to be common among groups based on class, culture and social standing. For example black men (in general) tend to be much more aggressive than their white counterparts. From my experience if a black man wants to talk to you, you will know. He will ask for your name and number anytime, anyplace under any circumstances, even if it means he has to park his car and attempt to catch up with you on the sidewalk.

My experience with white men has been completely different. I’ve learned that if a white guy is chatting me up, there’s a good chance I’m being hit on. Usually it start with a “hello,” that leads into a conversation, then after ten to fifteen minutes (assuming I’ve shown interest) he will say, “Would you like to get a drink sometime,” or will hand me his business card and tell me to call him or both. However if you give the guy attitude because he said hello or you weren’t open or particularly friendly to his attempts to strike up a conversation, there’s a good chance he will assume you’re not interested in him. And rightfully so. With (many) black men you can throw a little attitude their way and they’ll take it as a challenge. “Why are you being so mean?” is something I’ve heard on more than one occasion with a guy who saw my standoffish-ness as an obstacle to overcome and not as a sign that I’m not interested.

5. Attractiveness is a real issue. Yes there are plenty of white men who find black women attractive and vice versa. But due to beauty standards perpetuated by each group there are plenty who don’t find the other attractive. I for one don’t really find white men attractive. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part I just don’t regularly see white men and think, “Hey I want to talk to him.” The white men or white skinned men I find attractive tend to be dark (Italians, Greeks, Jews, Persians) and not of the Anglican variety. There are a host of other issues that affect attractiveness such as the negative value placed on African features here in the states; the hyper-masculine African-American culture that can perceive less aggressive men as being effete; the very different standards of beauty for black and white women. I’m making generalizations here, but you get the point. To believe the issues surrounding the lack of WM/BW couples are so well…black and white…is absurd at least and completely ignorant at best.

In the end the focus needs to be on dating QUALITY men. The race/ethnicity of the man is irrelevant. That’s a personal choice and best left to the individual. And for the record BW/WM interracial relationships are nothing new. There are plenty of high profile examples of such unions and their offspring. So if you’re dating white men ’cause you think black men ain’t shit and are, “damaged beyond repair,” then perhaps you need to fix whatever unresolved man issues you have before you date any man black, white or otherwise.