Road to Recovery

Autism, Vaccines, Love and the Police State!

2011-12-21T15:40:00.001-08:00

Today I yelled at cop. I’ve never done this before, I was raised to respect and obey authority. If you get pulled over for speeding (which I did) you politely hand over your driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance and wait for them to either give you a break or ticket. But this cop did not want to give me a break and simultaneously I hit my breaking point. With both kids in tow I was running late to see one of my son’s therapists. I was nearly there but still about 10 minutes late, so picked I up the speed a bit to not lose too much time of the session, then I saw the cop car behind me. Shit!! I knew it, I blew it and here it was. I tried to slow down, change lanes and see if he’d let me go but he didn’t. I pulled over, did the routine and while he was taking his sweet time to review my information, my autistic son Aydan, started self stimming, banging the car seat, pulling off his seat belt, etc. I got out went around to the other side to put Aydan’s seat belt back on and in an instance as I saw the cop writing my ticket I felt a pang inside.. All way too much. I shouted out to him, “my son has autism; he has trouble waiting in the car when it is still and we’re late for therapy, couldn’t you let me go this one time?” Without even looking at me he brushed me off with his hand and said “back to your car.” That’s it!!! “I got out of my car because my son can’t sit still, as I told you, he’s getting out of his seat belt, I had to put him back in.. you know what.. You’re heartless… this is why people HATE cops!!!” Still he didn’t look up at me. I went back to my seat and waited. He gave me my ticket and told me to drive safe.

Now around 45 minutes late for our session, embarrassed because I was balling my eyes out, I sent the therapist a text message we wouldn’t make it and started back home. Here I was no session, lost time, lost money.. Argghhh.. I began to look around at everything, the freeway, the gas station, the trees on the sidewalk.. None of it feels real… None of anything feels right. I think about why I’m so upset by this event, easily it’s another expense to an already overextended financial situation, the cost of the ticket, the car, the insurance.. Does any of this seem real? What are these things? What are we all doing?

“This is why everyone hates cops..” I yelled at that man.. Because why? Because we’re empty.. Desensitized and I’m just looking for someone to feel. At what point did an explosive autistic child sitting in the back of the car become so normal that it didn’t even illicit a look? He wouldn’t even look at me to say anything, not even an “oh well I’m sorry but I still need to give this ticket.” I think back to an early on incident at the grocery store. I am standing in front of the non-dairy milks, Aydan screeching in the cart so I take him out to hold him. He was around 2 ½ and had just been diagnosed. A woman with her perfectly normal child asks my opinion on the best non-dairy milk, her niece is in town and cannot tolerate regular milk. As I begin to explain, Aydan irritated by the talking begins to screech louder, a woman walking down the aisle feels it is her job to tell me I’m not handling my child well. “How can you stand, why don’t you make him stop?” I yell as loud as possible for everyone around to hear, “I wish I could ma’am, he has AUTISM…”

What are we all doing? What is this life? We look around and it’s all things, stuff, very little is real anymore and even as humans we just resemble a semblance of something that used to be. We all talk about the world as it changes moving into the science fiction reality reminiscent of Aldous Huxley’s “A Brave New World” but maybe we’re not moving towards it… because we’re already there.
It’s not like me to yell at people especially authority figures but on the eve of a time in history where we are looking at the possibility of law enforcement and military having the right to turn guns or indefinitely imprison American citizens what I felt was a breaking point... The cop, the ticket, the money, our time, and my son.. “oh Aydan, my precious darling.. The meaning of life to me and yet I can’t be enough to help you through this.” I try, I work, I read, I research.. Oh and people.. People are still good.. So many who give their hearts, suggestions, well wishes and prayers but the suggestions all cost money and there just went a little more. I felt it all add up to this point of no return where I yelled at the cop. He was probably okay, heard a million excuses, most of them lies “just doing his job”. Oh lord help us.. When did this all become normal? How did we get this far?

And the money.. Oh.. The money.. Vaccines are easily covered by insurance but when your child is vaccine damaged you’re on your own.. The medical industrial complex does not pay, does not care and will try to make you think you’re crazy for even entertaining the possibility of your own experience. Sure if you want more drugs you’ll get those but if you actually want to reverse the damage you must pay, pay, pay..

Early into this journey I never allowed one opportunity to pass me by. If there was an event, conference, lecture, class, support group, etc. about autism I was there, if I could have it funded or it was free and add on childcare, there was no stopping me. One such event was a local screening of the movie “Autism Yesterday.” I watched as these families reversed their vaccine injured children’s autism, I wanted to feel optimistic and hopeful about it but I didn’t. Instead I went home and cried to my husband, “only the rich have recovered children..”

So today, I lost it. Too much at once, the world, this country, the police state, my life, my son, no money.. I don’t mean to feel sorry for myself, I know we are blessed but this too in many ways is a tragedy. When I think of the families of vaccine injured children who have been permanently disabled or killed by the damage I know we are fortunate to be able to fight another day. I know we have food and a home and many loving people in our lives but I Iook around and I am looking for humanity. I am looking forward and back and everywhere in between and I wonder if, or when we will get back to a place where sickness, fear and going along to get a long are the abnormal; where compassion, understanding and love is everywhere.

Mercury causes autism!!! Wait... But what about MMR and other vaccines?

2011-11-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Earlier this month the Bolen Report revealed information about how the CDC has known since at least 2002 that mercury containing vaccines contributed to the rise in autism. The famous debunked autism / mercury containing vaccine connection came from the Danish study that ascertained once mercury was phased out of vaccines in 1992 the rate of autism did not go down and actually appeared to go up. Through the Freedom of Information Act and the perseverance of autism dad Brian Hooker, several flaws were detected in this research; including a change in diagnostic criteria in 1994 and possibly out right hidden data showing a clear decline not rise after the mercury in question had been removed.

The mainstream allopathic medicine has admitted for years that mercury can cause neurological damage including Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's. So why deny autism?

And what about Dr. Paul Thorsen one of the co-authors of this fraudulent report? See excerpt about Dr. Thorsen from the Bolen Report article:

Finally, although the CDC claims that this is an independent publication, co-author Dr. Paul Thorsen was in residence at the CDC at the time of the study. In addition, Dr. Thorsen made a specific request that Dr. Jose Cordero, then director of the NCBDDD write a letter to the editor of the journal Pediatrics for expedited review and publication of the Madsen et al. 2003 study. Dr. Thorsen in April, 2011 was indicted by the U.S. Attorney in Atlanta, Georgia for embezzlement of funds from a CDC grant to his institution, the North Atlantic Neuro-Epidemiology Alliance.

So clearly when we heard this news about Dr. Thorsen's embezzlement, we smelled a rat. Obviously this study was rigged all along but why did Thorsen wait until 2011 to fly the coop, if he's known since at least 2002? Is it possible that not only did he know the ax was going to fall but he had an idea of when?

The other day a friend Sallie Elkrody had on her radio show strong vaccine opponent and mother of a vaccine damaged child, Dr. Rebecca Carley. Not even discussing the Bolen Report, Dr. Carley said something during this interview that shocked me, "mercury causes autism, is the biggest lie ever told." What's that? "Mercury and aluminum cause Alzheimer’s..." She went on to describe that vaccines indeed do cause autism but it is some of the other equally vial ingredients such as the DNA of animals and live viruses as the ones in the MMR (Measles Mumps Rubella) vaccine that are the ultimate culprit. Interesting.. In my own personal experience with my vaccine injured son, the initial regressing took place after MMR, Chicken Pox combination which have never been known to contain mercury. Varicella or Chicken Pox vaccine is however cultivated in the embryos of chicken eggs, which I would later discover my son had an allergy to. Dr. Carley also asserted that allergies are caused by the ingredients being injected into the body. Although it's questionable if a 100 percent mercury free vaccine actually exists as it's frequently used as sterilizing agent for the vaccine syringe, it cannot be used as an adjuvant with a live virus given its antiseptic qualities. It will ultimately kill the virus rendering the vaccine useless.. Useless? Yeah, I caught that as funny too. I know it's useless anyway. Dr. Carley also went on to describe anyone who claims mercury as the sole cause of autism is a disinformant (my word not her's but you get the idea).

In response to the 2007 news release by Mr. David A. Geier and Dr. Mark R. Geier, "A Prospective Study of Mercury Toxicity Biomarkers in Autistic Spectrum Disorders" that illustrates a probable connection between mercury poisoning and autism Dr. Carley made the following statement:

Autism is actually subacute sclerosing panencephalitis caused by the measles vaccine; they changed the name to autism to hide this fact. It is due to demyelination, as is MS, Guillan Barre syndrome, Lou Gehrig's disease, etc...the only thing that determines the symptoms (and thus the disease the symptoms fit into) is where the nervous system is damaged. This is all explained in the documents on www.drcarley.com.

The measles vaccine has NEVER had mercury in it. But, of course the autistic children have mercury in them, because many of the other vaccines they receive had it. This mercury scam is being distributed because they want people to beLIEve that if they take the mercury out, vaccines will be safe. A bigger lie has never been told.

Wow. As I already mentioned in the case of my son's descent into autism it was the MMR vaccine that got the ball rolling, the others were just the horrible icing on the monkey kidney cake. I know several others with the same experience.

And what about Wakefield? Thanks to the likes of mainstream media outlets such as CNN (or as I like to call it Certainly Not News), British born Dr. Andrew Wakefield who wrote the infamous paper in the Lancet medical journal stating a possible connection between MMR vaccine and autism, Wakefield is known the world over as a huge fraud. However, those of us in the vaccine injured community regard him as an outstanding doctor with a strong moral fiber and character. Despite the fact he never made the claim the MMR vaccine in fact caused autism but it merely needed further study he was burned at the proverbial stake... publically chastised, lost license, lost country but has never quieted about the facts of his findings nor did he ever change his story.

The mercury autism debate has been raging for some time even by some fairly powerful and influential folks. In 2002 Congressman Dan Burton also discussed mercury in vaccines as causing his Grandson's regressive autism. In 2005 Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. wrote the article "Deadly Immunity" about this very type of CDC cover up. Also in 2005 David Kirby's book "Evidence of Harm" provided damning evidence of a mercury containing vaccine, autism causation. Dr. Carley refers to Kirby as a disinformant; I met him briefly at the Autism One conference in 2010, he was very sweet and I can't say he was wearing a sign that said "liar" on it. So.. I'm not prepared to accuse him of anything.

Having many friends in the autism community the stories I hear most frequently are that their child's regressive autism took place after the once mercury containing Hepatitis B, the sometimes mercury containing DPT or the never mercury containing MMR. I have never heard it attributed to a flu shot which most definitely to this day contains mercury and has reportedly caused a nearly 10 fold increase of Alzheimer's in those who take the shot 5 years or more in a row.

So what's the deal? Does mercury cause autism or not? Well if you Google the symptoms of autism and compare them to the symptoms of mercury poisoning it's really hard not to notice similarities; however, it seems that there are many of us out there that have a different story when it comes to our child's autistic regression.

Where am I going with this, you might ask? First of all, I think it's time to start calling autism or autisms what it.. they.. really are.. Vaccine damage. Sure I know a few that have never been vaccinated and the child still would later receive a diagnosis of autism; however, Dam Olmstead's Age of Autism article comparing the 1/10,000 primarily unvaccinated Amish rate to the 1/150 National average autism rate that it was in 2005 (today it's estimated around 1/91 or higher) it's hard not to call vaccines the heavy hitter. Ultimately autism as a diagnosis is irrelevant. It's certainly not a behavioral disorder, psychiatric disorder, or as some like to say "bratty kid" as a result of lack luster parenting. There has been a toxic assault on the body.. period.

The other point I would like to leave you with is where I agree with Dr. Carley and that is be aware of the disinformant. While mercury is a big problem in many ways, it's highly unlikely that it is the only cause of autism. This is why I advocate for getting at and addressing the core problem, be it mercury, live virus, bovine serum, God knows what else.. but still it's extremely important not to get too excited when the CDC comes out and claims it will no longer use mercury in vaccines. There will be those who will start claiming that now that the mercury has been removed from vaccines, they are safe. These people will either be grossly misinformed or bald faced liars. I don't like extremes but I also don't like idling. Vaccines aren't safe.. period. They don't protect us.. period. Some vaccine safety advocates have taken the stance of "not against vaccines but in favor of safer vaccines". Personally I wouldn't trust the CDC to safely plan a trip to zoo, so I'm not holding my breath for them to come up with some sound solution. Forget it! Negotiation time is over, they had their chance and we're on our own. Time to close the door on this extremely dark chapter of our medical history that is so diabolical it has us longing for bloodletting leeches. Ultimately our health is our own hands and there's nothing they can do to stop us.

The Bolen Report: http://bolenreport.com/Geier/foiasuit2.htm

Olmsted on Autism: 1 in 10,000 Amish: http://www.ageofautism.com/2009/04/olmsted-on-autism-1-in-10000-amish.html

AUTISM CONFIRMED AS MERCURY POISONING? HERE IS THE NEWS RELEASE THAT CLAIMS SO.....: http://www.drcarley.com/US_autism_kaplan_carley.html

The Mary and Sallie Show: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/themaryandsallieshow/2011/10/23/the-mary-and-sallie-show

The CDC knew all along! Do they care? Will anything change?

2011-10-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I woke at 3:30am. I do this frequently but last night my visions kept me awake until sun rise. I saw my son at age 12 months, on his birthday standing on the bed at a hotel in San Diego near Legoland. Watching Elmo.. This episode, Elmo was talking about hands, "hands are clapping, and hands must be washed before you eat.." With a bright beautiful smile and a look straight in the eye, Aydan clasped his hands together and said with conviction "hands". One month later he would receive the MMR and Chicken Pox vaccine in one day. At age 6 1/2 I have still have not heard the word "hands" come from his mouth again. A year later waiting in the doctor's office Aydan sang the "itsy bitsy spider" sort of.. The doctor came in after about an hour.. I should've just left, I should have walked away and took the sign but I didn't. I asked the doctor if I should be concerned about Aydan's speech loss but he just sang the "itsy, bitsy, spider.." She said not to worry, we'll look again in 6 months. He was vaccinated that day and I never heard "itsy bitsy spider.." again. Fast forward a year later.. Aydan had been diagnosed, was receiving treatment and was starting to get better. He has just learned the names of all of the farm animals on his favorite puzzle. At 3 he received yet another set of vaccines in order to enter school, he has never said the name of those farm animals again. Needless to say, my heart remains broken. I am haunted by these images. Painfully aware that if we had stopped sooner, if we had just skipped one round, he would be better off today. Aydan is considered on the severe end of the spectrum; he remains pre-verbal.

Today I am reading the Bolen Report which started publishing on 10/04/11 part 1 of this 3 part ground breaking series that declares the CDC has known since at least 2002 that thermerisol (mercury) containing vaccines contributed to the rise in autism. Not surprisingly after Danish researcher Dr. Paul Thorsen fled the country with millions of dollars in stolen research money, his study would turn out to be a complete fraud. Lies, withheld data and more have been revealed proving what so many of us have known for years.. Vaccines cause autism!

So isn't this what we've been waiting for, fighting for, screaming for? Can't we all sleep well knowing that the truth has come out and lives will be sparred? So why do I feel worse than ever? Because the truth is, through all my rantings and carrying on, through all my fighting of the good fight.. I just want my son back. I would gladly sacrifice the knowledge of any of this to hear my son speak, to see him write his name, to have him run up to me after school and ask if his friend can come over for a play date. I just want my boy. I don't want to be smart, or insightful or clever or wag my finger and say "I told you so." I want my boy, I want my boy, I WANT HIM!! I just want him! I want him healthy, I want him to feel good, I don't want to watch him slapping his head because the inflammation causes chronic headaches, I don't want at age 6 to see him still walking on his toes and flapping his arms, or screeching for no apparent reason or to do yet another round of anti-fungals, for yet another yeast overgrowth, for a still distended belly, caused by more constipation... I watch him as he watches his older brother run down the stairs with his friends and around the apartment complex as they go riding their scooters. Aydan and I prayer every night that one day that will be him. But here we are, age 6 1/2 and progress remains slow. I wonder if I hold onto this pain because I fear that if I let it go, I will be letting go of my recovery dream.

Each day I try, try, try again.. Fighting the school over an Apraxia speech therapist, time to test the Kidneys to make sure he's ready for chelation. More magnesium cleanses, Antifungal parade, more pro-biotics, more vitamin supplements, antioxidants, Relationship Development Intervention, evenings given Mustgatova massage, Occupational Therapy brushing protocol... Can I have a moment for myself or am I neglecting a potentially ground breaking teaching moment?

So someone tells me the other day she is worried about talking to people about vaccines because she wants to be taken seriously. Will this new information allow us to be taken seriously? Will it allow the mainstream to stop their nonsensical, unscientific rantings about the safety of vaccines? I don't care. I don't care what the mainstream media says, I don't care what the government does, and I just want my boy. I just my Aydan. I won't return to the government who caused the problem looking for an answer or an apology. I won't ask the mainstream media who has denied us for years for acceptance. Like returning to an abusive boyfriend who claims to change but never will I will not return to my abuser in anticipation of a new outcome. I don't care to be taken seriously. I just my son. I want Aydan. I want him back. I want time, I want just one, just one of those days to be erased from our history. The rest of this life, and the next, and the next after that, I give back to you God if you can give me my boy. If you can return him to his healthy state, if he could just be that carefree child that I know he longs to be when I see him watching his brother and his friends.

I commend us all, the parents of the vaccine injured who throw off the shackles of fear and speak openly and truthfully. Horribly painful stories I have heard.. I sympathize and usually empathize but in the end, I just want my boy. I want Aydan. I want him back.

Will the acknowledgement of the truth change the past? Can I have my son back now? If I remain a hard working devoted mother and a good little activist will he come back to me? Will he?

Oh and please don't give me pity, please don't complement me for my bravery or tell me all the lives I will save or the people I have sparred this pain. Don't get me wrong, I care.. I care about them all. I want a different world more than anyone can imagine; I want to save my son for a purpose. I do not see the logic in bringing up a well adjusted child to a maladjusted world. I am profoundly grateful each time I hear a new parent questioning vaccines and I am more than willing to share my story for the cause, at any given opportunity. I know there is a greater light, a higher power.. of this I am certain but I wonder if in this life I will ever be able to have a conversation with my son, play hide and seek, will he want the keys to car when he turns 16? This is my dream, this is my desire.. That is the truth!

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part One): http://www.bolenreport.com/Geier/foiasuit1.htm

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part Two): http://www.bolenreport.com/Geier/foiasuit2.htm

The CDC Has Known All Along How Dangerous Vaccines Are - And Has Covered It Up... (Part Three): http://www.bolenreport.com/Geier/foiasuit3.htm

California and a Tale of Two Bills! Part 2

2011-10-14T08:39:00.001-07:00

It was brought to my attention that I did not bring up many of the numerous flaws of Autism Insurance Reform bill SB 946 in my last post. Didn't I catch the fact that it was not covering Bio-medical treaments for autism? Yes, I caught it... even before reading the bill.. I caught it. I have become inundated with the reality that government is so inept that it would take a miracle for it to regard biomedical treatments as anything other than "experimental". But there are many biomedical interventions that have been just as widely tested as Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and this bill is going to enforce private insurance to cover ONLY that treatment. This is very true and wouldn't it be beneficial to our children should some of these biomedical treatments be covered by insurance? It would certainly help the cash strapped families, some of whom never go down the biomed road due to financial restrictions. For those who are confused by what I'm referring to, let me explain what I mean by "biomedical". Autism is still regarded by mainstream allopathic medicine as a psychological behavioral disorder. Allopathic medicine somehow disregards that our bodies are connected. They seem to think that the brain is an entity on to itself and that should you have a neurological disorder it would have nothing to do with the health of your body. But April aren't there more neurotransmitters in the gut than in the brain? Yes, I believe there are... doesn't matter, if government forces insurance companies to pay out on biomedical treatments then they have to begin acknowledging how those on the autistic spectrum got there. For example, if they begin funding the use of chelation therapy which removes heavy metal toxins from the body, they will have to investigate into how the heavy metals got there in the first place. Despite the fact that the Autism Research Institute survey has stated that 74 percent of families report improvement in their child's autistic symptoms after chelation the government who has caused the problem in the first place will not clean up it's own mess. Continuing through the ARI families survey (see pdf below) you will find that there are several non drug biomedical treatments that had an improvement rating of 60 percent or higher including dietary interventions, supplementation such as Methyl B12 injections, digestive enzynmes, essential fatty acids, etc. etc. All of which have an extremely low ratio of a worsening of symptoms. On the other hand you have what insurance will cover.. drugs and the only one to receive an over 60 percent improvement ratings was Difulcan, an antifungal which is used to kill Candida or Yeast overgrowth. On average most drugs targeting the reduction of autistic "behaviors" as described in this survey displayed a greater ratio of worsening of symptoms than improvement, for example Ritalin comes in with 45 percent got worse, 26 percent had no effect and 29 percent got better. I don't know what "got better" means but I suppose if the child is hyperactive and becomes more sedate that maybe defined as "got better". If 71 percent of families in the survey experience an improvement by the introduction of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for instance, a diet that restricts disaccharide and polysaccharide sugars (di meaning two, poly meaning many) and only 7 percent claimed a worsening wouldn't that be a more safe and effective route to travel than the prescribing of Ritalin? But by now we should all know logic in government and allopathic medicine is an oxymoron. Certainly we also are aware of where their loyalities lie.

THE REVOLVING DOOR OF POLITICS

In previous years under the reign of Republican governator, Arnold Schwarznegar certain "alternative" treatments were covered by the Regional Centers. Biomedical never fell under that category; however, other such extremely well proven treatments that were regarded as "alternative" were. These might have included Hippo (horse) therapy, music, RDI (Relationshipship Developmental Intervention), Swimming and Gymanastics. But since Republicans like to cut government spending that usually impacts people on social services most of these are now gone. Democrats being no better come in and enforce regulations on corporations which causes problems like price increase. Oh.. April you're just one of those people that hates government. Yeah and.. It's always quite predictable the outcome of these things you just need to look at the supporters. If you take for example AB499 signed by all democrats supported by liberal groups such as the ACLU and Planned Parenthood (don't get me started on the conflicts of interest there) it is easy to see why Governor Brown would agree to it. Does Moonbeam really have illusions that he's going to win over such conservative groups as the Catholics for the Common Good a strong opponent to bill AB499? Of course he knows they'll never vote from him anyway. If you liken it to the mafia do you really think a Corleone is going to side with a Gambino? The result however is always "New boss same as the old..." And the perpetuel charade of false right/left politics, tag team, professional wrestling, theater of the absurd, divide and conquer.. etc., etc. Anyway, in a discussion today I'm having with one of my son's therapist SB 946 comes up. She tells me that she has several out of state clients and those states seem to have a much more logical and cost effective way of handling the autism epidemic. How so? The families are given stipends that can be used to provide services through any approved vendor, a wide variety of treatments are available not just ABA and parents are able to make the choice but this completely eliminates the middle man thereby making regional centers obsolete. All the taxpayer spending on buildings, case workers, supervisors etc. is unnecessary. Honestly, how stupid is California? You mean other states use less tax payer's money to get more done and parent's rights to choose their own child's treatments are respected? Good lord. She also goes on to tell me that most providers worth their salt won't touch insurance companies because their paperwork is a nightmare and they are constantly decreasing the rates they will pay out on. Why didn't Govenor Schwazneggar cut spending by initiating a reform such as those used in other states? Why the need for restrictions on the private sector if you could reduce spending in such a manner, democrats? In my interview on this subject with Robert Scott Bell the other day, Robert brings up a point that hadn't even occured to me about how government regulates the insurance companies out of existence. Light bulb! Obamacare, of course, I almost forgot about that. Social medicine is the end goal anyway, right? Innoculations for everyone.. plus we'lll cover your ABA therapy after our forced vaccination program makes your child autistic but if the ABA program is ineffective as it is for many autistic children, tough luck as we won't pay for anything else.

AUTISM SPEAKS / PHARMA CONNECTION

Another angle that in my last post I glided over quickly was that bill SB 946 was an Autism Speaks lobby. To many in the autism community it is no secret that Autism Speaks the largest autism "non-profit" has never been our friend. AS is one of those organizations that prides itself on "raising awareness" by the selling of blue mercury laden CFL light bulbs because apparently "lighting it up blue" (their slogan) cures autism. (And sarcasm is a second language to me, so..)

In 2010 Autism Speaks supported two controversial insurance bills S7000B/A10372A in the state of New York. These were well critized by many in the autism community including The New York Occupational Therapy Association. They assertained that these bills would cause two well established therapies Speech and Occupational to no longer be covered. Pediatric occupational thearpy is one of the more crucial rehabilitations for autism as it helps to improve motor function and sensory integration through techniques that include play and movement. It is not unlike those used for stroke victims in order to restore functions; as an added bonus it can offer exertion and movement which has been well established to reduce inflammation, improve sleep and cognition. AS has also been a strong opponent of the use of biomedical interventions, takes a stance in favor of vaccination and have been known to hire directly out of pharmaceutical companies. Alison Singer former head of Autism Speaks co-founded Autism Science Foundation with vaccine developer and proponent Dr. Paul Offit for profit, who also happens to be the head of the American Association of Pediatrics. Singer came out after the introduction of the above bills mentioned to say that they had been drafted by law firm that represents Autism Speaks as well as insurance giants Anthem Blue Cross and pharmaceutical manufactuers Merck and Pfizer. Hmm.. Anyone confused about where I'm going with this? The following excerpts were taken from a June 2011, Vaccine Truth article that goes in to much greater detail about how far the AS pharmaceutical connection goes.

"After the U.S. government’s secret payouts, consider Autism Speaks’s position on vaccines. The organization’s Chief Science Officer, Dr. Geri Dawson says this:
“Let me be clear: Autism Speaks fully supports childhood immunization and strongly encourages parents to vaccinate their children. Our vaccine program is one of our nation’s most effective programs for preventing serious infectious diseases.” [JJA Emphasis]

By their own account, shortly after Pfizer created the Autism Unit, Autism Speaks was involved in establishing a partnership with the pharmaceutical company. Page 43 of a document entitled ‘Autism Speaks 3-Year Strategic Plan for Science’ states,
Autism Speaks and Pfizer’s Neuroscience unit established a partnership that will launch Autism Speaks’ Translational Medicine Initiative. In 2010 [a year before Ring’s official appointment], leaders in the field were brought together to spearhead the development of two key conferences co-sponsored by both organizations that will help the field develop more targeted and effective therapeutics. [JJA emphasis and note]
See the Strategic Plan document here:http://www.autismspeaks.org/docs/strategic_plan/Autism_Speaks_Strategic_Plan_2009-2011_Fall_2010_Update.pdf

The importance of Dr. Ring’s (Robert Ring, PhD, a scientist from Pfizer, was placed “into to the newly-created position of vice president of translational research.”) appointment is apparent. The two conferences mentioned above were to birth and legitimize pharmaceuticals to treat autistic children. But, instead of leaving this up for interpretation, page 44 of the same document spells it out in plain language:
“…The goals of this meeting are to facilitate the entry of pharmaceutical companies into autism, assist in identification of molecular targets and strategies for their validation, and better pinpoint the challenges, gaps, and needs in moving from discovery to application.
“Both meetings are intended to provide a forum for cross-fertilization among leaders from research funding agencies, the pharmaceutical industry, the Food and Drug Administration, as well as experts in outcome measurement and clinical trials…” [Emphasis added]
Despite this early relationship, Autism Speaks Public Relations assured me in an e-mail that “Dr. Ring was selected following a competitive process involving a number of highly qualified candidates, concluding with his appointment by the Autism Speaks Board.”"

Given the limitations of the autism insurance reform bill SB946 I have mentioned in this post as well as the last, in addition to the well hidden HIV clause, on top of the fact that this bill is supported by major not for profit but actually very much for profit pharma whore Autism Speaks, why would we trust it? At best it may help some people, some what. At worst.. do I really need to say?

Hmmm.. Come to mention it, since Autism Speaks hired the law firm Mannatt, Phelps and Phillips to lobby for the New York insurance bills mentioned and this same law firm also happens to be a representive of Merck who manufactuers the Gardasil vaccine as well the currently in development HIV vaccine, you have to wonder how far the rabbit hole goes. I could end up writing "California and a Tale of Two Bills! Part 2000" before all this is said and done.

TIME FOR HEALING

Shortly after learning of Governor Brown's signing of pro-vaccine bill AB499, a fellow vaccine activist, parent, educator and founder of the Vaccine Resistance Movement, Joel Lord posted the following message:

‎"It is now more important than ever for parents to educate themselves on the dangers posed by the HPV vaccine Gardasil (without a doubt the most deadly of all vaccines currently on the market); while ensuring the channels with their child/children remain open at all times. Sit them down, show them the evidence calmly & consistently. Most young boys & girls will quickly curdle at the suggestion of knowingly inviting hybrid Cervical Cancer, infertility/sterility, nerve damage/paralysis & Multiple Sclerosis like symptoms into their lives. Common sense, prudence & education can still beat out ignorance and prevent this legislation from ever taking effect on the ground, forever damaging the lives of our precious families."

Amen.

When I think back to 2007 when my son was first diagnosed with autism I can't remember the names of any of the government officials and very few of the therapists who came and went as part of my son's intervention team. I do remember and remain in contact with many of the people, mostly mother's of autistic children that gave me advice, a reason to hope and the desire to never give up. They taught me about nutrition, diet and health with the incentive that I "heal the gut and the brian will follow." I never got that from any government institution or private corporation or inanimate heartless foundation. These women were not paid, they did not work for the government, they were not famous and they never told me I was crazy for thinking my son's autism was vaccine induced.. quite the opposite. The question I would like to ask is how many times do we get sold out by our government to corporate interest before we realize they're not on our side? How many phone calls and letters did you write to veto AB499? If there's a lesson to be learned it is that our healing process is to come from within, forgiveness of ourselves and the mistakes that we have made. Now more than every it is time to reconnect with each other, reach out for guidance and offer it to those in need. While I preach healing it remains a process I have yet to embark on my own. I remain unable to forgive myself for practicing such negligence on my son's behalf and allowing him to be injected with neurologically debilatating toxins. Each night before bed after story time, a song and prayer for my son's recovery. I remind him of how much he is loved and of all the things he will one day be able to do... running around, riding on scooters with his 8 year old, neurotypical brother and his friends. While he cannot express his desire through words, I know this is something he looks forward to as I remind it's time for prayer, he places his hand together towards the sky and deeply looks into my eyes and I looking back at this angelic face tell him I know he is trapped, I know he is smart and I know he wants more and God willing he will have it.. God knows we work hard enough for it. Tonight I will prayer for us all, I will prayer for my children, I will thank God for all you and perhaps I will prayer for myself too.

This is by no means an encouragement to stop protesting, ranting, fighting and spreading the truth.. no, quite the opposite. It is time however to put aside our differences in order to achieve the goals I believe we all share.. protecting the furture of our children, reconnecting, truth and healing.

-Autism Research Institute Survey: http://autism.com/pdf/providers/ParentRatings2009.pdf

-News feed researcher goes over California bills, describes limitations, pros and cons and the support from Autism Speaks for SB 946: http://newsfeedresearcher.com/data/articles_m42/autism-health-california.html

-Autism Votes, an Autism Speaks Initiative: http://www.autismvotes.org/site/c.frKNI3PCImE/b.3937859/k.13F7/California.htm

-Singer Confirms Autism Speaks Insurance Lobbyists Drafted Controversial NY Bill: http://www.ageofautism.com/2010/08/singer-confirms-autism-speaks-insurance-lobbyists-drafted-controversial-ny-bill-1.html

-New York Autism Insurance Bill: Protects and Serves Whom?: http://www.ageofautism.com/2010/08/new-york-autism-insurance-bill-protects-and-serves-whom.html

-83 Reasons to Question Autism Speaks for Hiring Big Pharma Scientist: http://vactruth.com/2011/06/17/83-reasons-to-question-autism-speaks-for-hiring-big-pharma-scientist/

-HIV vaccine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV_vaccine

-AIDS Research Alliance to test GeoVax HIV vaccine: http://www.bizjournals.com/losangeles/news/2011/06/24/aids-research-alliance-to-test-geovax.html?ana=yfcpc

California and a Tale of Two Bills!

2011-10-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Originally posted on my facebook blog 10/10/11.

The new law in California that allows minor's to consent to vaccination without parents' knowledge reads as follows:

'SECTION 1. Section 6926 of the Family Code is amended to read: 6926. (a) A minor who is 12 years of age or older and who may have come into contact with an infectious, contagious, or communicable disease may consent to medical care related to the diagnosis or treatment of the disease, if the disease or condition is one that is required by law or regulation adopted pursuant to law to be reported to the local health officer, or is a related sexuallytransmitted disease, as may be determined by the State Public Health Officer. (b) A minor who is 12 years of age or older may consent to
medical care related to the prevention of a sexually transmitted disease (c) The minor’s parents or guardian are not liable for payment for medical care provided pursuant to this section'

The good news is that despite what has been reported about this and all the confusion that's insued including my own, this does not appear to be allowing children to seek pregnancy prevention or abortion nor does it seem to be allowing vaccination for every contagious disease. Nevertheless, this is a major blow to parents' rights and the safety of our children bypassing a mandate which has proven to be unpopular in the past and using the powers of coersion in it's place.

Now let's talk a tale of two bills. Two bills placed on the Governor's desk on the same day. One is AB499 which pertains to a minor's right to consent to the treatment and prevention of STDs including one of the most diabolical vaccines to every hit the market, Gardasil. On the other hand you have SB946 put forth by major "non-profit", Autism Speaks among others, which will require private insurance companies to cover treatments for autism. What does one have to do with the other? I would argue, quite a lot. First of all you have the same people who are opposed to one bill supporting the other so when Governor Brown goes to sign both bills on the same day parents' will fill that it is a half victory rather than a complete failure. But wait.. is SB946 the savior for autism everyone is looking for? Read below and you decide.

'The California Constitution requires the state to reimburse local agencies and school districts for certain costs mandated by the state. Statutory provisions establish procedures for making that reimbursement. This bill would provide that no reimbursement is required by this act for a specified reason.'

Those who have children with autism, as I do are probably aware of the fact that State agencies such as schools and regional centers that provide treatment for autism seek reimbursement for specified reasons through the federally funded insurance program known as medical (in other States medicaid). SB 946 states this will be amended so that "no reimbursement is required by this act for a specified reason". The Regional Centers which provide home treatment for families are considered to be the "payee of last resort". In other words, they won't pick up the tab if the insurance companies are already doing so and if they aren't receiving reimbursement then certainly the motivation to do so goes down.

The bill does specify that this should not have an effect however on IEP or Individual Education Plans as provided.

"This section shall not affect or reduce any obligation to provide services under an individualized education program, as defined in Section 56032 of the Education Code, or an individualized service plan, as described in Section 5600.4 of the Welfare and Institutions Code, or under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (20 U.S.C. Sec. 1400, et seq.) and its implementing regulations."

However if you've ever had to go through an IEP meeting with the school staff you know that money matters. The budgetary needs of the school are always considered despite what the staff may have you believe and once again when one of the funding sources has been cut off.. look out.

Then it goes on to discuss all the qualifications of the service provider but states that those on government assisted insurance are exempt and even in the case of private pay they maybe subjected to rejection of services, co-payments, etc.

"(d) This section shall not apply to the following:
(1) A specialized health insurance policy that does not cover mental health or behavioral health services or an accident only, specified disease, hospital indemnity, or Medicare supplement policy. (2) A health insurance policy in the Medi-Cal program (Chapter 7 (commencing with Section 14000) of Part 3 of Division 9 of the Welfare and Institutions Code). (3) A health insurance policy in the Healthy Families Program (Part 6.2 (commencing with Section 12693) of Division 2 of the Insurance Code). (4) A health care benefit plan or policy entered into with the Board of Administration of the Public Employees' Retirement System pursuant to the Public Employees' Medical and Hospital Care Act (Part 5 (commencing with Section 22750) of Division 5 of Title 2 of the Government Code). (e) Nothing in this section shall be construed to limit the obligation to provide services under Section 10144.5. (f) Notwithstanding any other provision of law As provided in Section 10144.5 and in paragraph (1) of subdivision (a) , in the provision of benefits required by this section, a health insurer may utilize case management, network providers, utilization review techniques, prior authorization, copayments, or other cost sharing."

So far it looks like the State is finding a way to relinquish it's pay out for autism while pushing it back on the insurance companies, sort of..

It also goes on to talk about how this bill will only be in effect for 2 years unless it is extended. So what happens in the two years time? Do insurance rates go up? Better believe it, nothing in the law states anything to the contrary. Does State funded programming go down? While it says that shouldn't occur, it's always a negotiation when it comes to getting services provided through government funded sources for your child's autism so who's to say?

Okay, so now the really weird part.

"Existing law establishes various communicable disease prevention and control programs. Existing law requires the State Department of Public Health to establish a list of reportable diseases and conditions and requires health care providers and laboratories to report cases of HIV infection to the local health officer using patient names and sets guidelines regarding these reports. Existing law requires the local health officers to report unduplicated HIV cases by name to the department. This bill would authorize the department to revise the HIV reporting form without the adoption of a regulation, as specified."

What's that? Why does a bill about autism insurance reform have a clause pertaining to HIV reporting in it? Hmm.. What is Big Pharma for 6 billion, Alex? Just as the State earns revenue for every autism diagnosis it generates in the system, so does it for HIV; therefore, by changing the law to make it more accesible for Health Officials to report cases of HIV you can increase the State's income should this result in a larger number of HIV positive cases being reported. Not only that but upon the next reporting cycle you can probably count on headlines reading "California HIV rates soar!!" And as this was slipped under the radar by hiding it in an autism bill, you can bet that no one will be aware of the fact that it was due merely to a change in law.

Go back to AB499 and you have a law in place that allows minors to consent to the treatment of HIV without parental approval and currently in the process of development is?? you guessed it, an HIV vaccine which 12 year olds will already by law be able to consent to without parents' knowledge. Of course this a speculative scenario on my part trying to piece together the events of the day. Given my complete distrust of government I had to review the bill SB946 before just assigning my support and while doing so it didn't sit well with me to support something that would encourage this push for increased HIV diagnosis. Especially given the fact that it's a totally bogus diagnosis in the first place and the treatment AZT is a death sentence. This may not increase the number of diagnosed but regulation on reporting is being changed for a reason and I believe that reason could be to increase revenue for the bankrupt State.

Keep in mind too that AB499 is an amendment to one in a series of family codes 6920-6929 that were put into effect last year allowing minors the right to consent to medical care without parental knowledge. This includes section 6924 that gives a child the ability consent to the out-patient treatment of a mental illness prescribed by a professional defined as a "government agency" among other things. "Out-patient treatment"? More drugs, of course.

So does Toni Atkins the assemblywoman from San Diego who wrote this bill after receiving a $1000 campaign donation from Merck the manufactuer of Gardasil thinking that this treatment will be for her children?

"The people who tend to question it are probably the media, etc. because it’s a newsworthy topic for you," Atkins said. "The issue is that you are dealing with people under the age of 18. The recommendation is for parents to be aware of this for their young girls and young boys and I think, probably, the group of young people that are going to be seeking care are already seeking care for things like diagnosis and treatment."

I would say from this statement, she doesn't. I would say that once again if you disagree then you must be a bad parent because if you're a good parent what do you have to worry about? You're kid won't be having sex behind your back, right? This is for children who have baaaaddd parents and therefore need to be protected by your friend the Government. I would say she also doesn't even believe opposition exists, she seems to think it's just "the media". Oh really?

Given that fact that within the past year California has passed and put into effect new laws that will increase drug treatment and vaccination for minors it's point blank obvious that it is a big pharma stooge. Never in my life have I found an instant where the old adage "follow the money" was incorrect. On a more sinister note it appears that a heavier hand is at work. I don't believe the Governor and his minions are in on it but on a higher scale you have to wonder if this is part of the implication of Codex Alimentarius, Agenda 21. The agenda for 21st. century that is to break up the family and depopulate through food and drugs. Does that not appear to be what's happening?

I dunno.. I'm no expert and I've certainly been wrong before so I would willingly welcome any correction of my statements. I will go to bed tonight with an added prayer for it.

Listen to my interview on the 10/10/11 Robert Scott Bell regarding this topic: http://www.naturalnewsradio.com/Archive-RobertScottBell.asp

-AB 499: http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/pub/11-12/bill/asm/ab_0451-0500/ab_499_bill_20110902_enrolled.pdf

-BILL NUMBER: SB 946: http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/pub/11-12/bill/sen/sb_0901-0950/sb_946_bill_20110909_amended_asm_v95.html

-SB 946 Bill analysis: ftp://info.sen.ca.gov/pub/11-12/bill/sen/sb_0901-0950/sb_946_cfa_20110701_135858_asm_comm.html

-Gov. signs bill letting minors seek HPV vaccinations without parental consent: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/oct/09/brown-signs-bill-minors-seek-preventive-std-treatm/

-2010 California Code Family Code Chapter 3. Consent By Minor: http://law.justia.com/codes/california/2010/fam/6920-6929.html

-AGENDA 21 - DEPOPULATION 2009 PART 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCUe61hmqsA

-U.S. Doctor Cautious About HIV Vaccine: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/09/29/new-vaccine-could-turn-hiv-into-minor-infection/

-California Health Officials HIV reporting system: http://www.cdph.ca.gov/services/DPOPP/regs/Pages/R-06-014E-ReportingHIVInfectionbyName.aspx http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/hiv/hivreporting/California%20HIV%20reporting%20regulations.PDF

-California Health Officials to Track New HIV Cases: http://articles.latimes.com/2002/jul/01/local/me-hiv1

Merck Bankrolled Anti-Parent Bill: http://www.calwatchdog.com/2011/09/06/merck-funded-anti-parent-bill/

HIV Test Warning Label: http://liamscheff.com/tag/hiv-test/

MOS with Liam Scheff - HIV Testing 1.m4v: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csQmf-3diI0

Law gives minors right to get HPV shots: http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/oct/09/brown-signs-bill-minors-seek-preventive-std-treatm/

California School Provides Door to Door Vaccination! What's next?

2011-10-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Originally posted on my facebook blog 09/25/11)

Yesterday I received a message from a young viewer of my Youtube channel in response to a video I did about the new vaccine mandate for Tdap in California. This intelligent young lady attends this State's Natomas School District on Independent Study; meaning that she is primarily homeschooled and spends little time on campus. She and her mother were alarmed to open the door the other day to a representative of the school, a news crew and a man in scrubs claiming to be a nurse carrying a vaccine for the Tdap (no prior notice had been given). The girl's mother (*I decided to remove name to protect the identity of this individual) started to grow concerned over the exceedingly high number of pushed vaccines year after year, "first it's the Bird flu, then the Swine flu, now this, what's next?" What's next, indeed. Her concerns continued after reading news reports that questioned the efficacy of the Tdap vaccine. It was estimated that between 70-95 percent of those who contracted Pertussis (Whooping Cough) in California were among the fully vaccinated. In fact California had voluntarily been one of the most vaccinated for Tdap in this age group after a recommendation in 2005 followed a previous Pertussis outbreak. Anyone with a modicrum of sense might find this information to be in contradiction with the immunity "wears off" theory that has been floating around the mainstream media. The fact that the Tdap nor it's inbred cousin DTP/DTaP has been proven either safe or effective makes a little more sense than the "wears off" debate. *Ms. Doe was informed by the school that she needed her daughter to either be vaccinated or fill out an exemption form for the Tdap. When she expressed her desire to exercise her right to seek Personal Beliefs exemption, she was not offered nor given the form necessary to do so and had to seek it out herself as the standard exemptions have not been accepted for this new Tdap mandate. A specific form on blue paper called the Tdap Waiver 2011 Cdph 8261 is required (see below).

I was disturbed watching the video of the families being sabotaged by a news crew and the school reprensentatives with the implication that these people were not concerned about the safety of their children. In addition it was conveniently missing from the news report that many had not been fully provided with the documents for exemption but nevertheless were portrayed as "neglectful" or experiencing "family situations." On the other hand, it is clear to me that there is indeed neglect... on the side of the school district in their disclosure of their student's rights. Furthermore after it was brought to my attention by *Ms. Doe, I noticed the list of families' names, phone numbers and addresses being cleary provided to the news crew by the school so that they could freeze frame and make sure all were aware of exactly who was "neglecting" their child. Is this an attempt to create a McCarthy style blacklist or just a blantant encroachment of privacy? Either way it does not sit well with me and it shouldn't with anyone who cares about privacy, health freedom or the rights of parents to make informed medical decisions on their children's behalf. This is one event in a string of attempts to erode student's and parent's rights in the State of California. Not coincidentally a State that has traditionally offered a fairly simple Personal Belief's exemption is now experiencing an increase in the number of mandates as well as bill AB499 which currently sits on Governor Jerry Brown's desk awaiting signature for approval or veto. This bill will amend family code 6926 that allows 12 years old to seek treatment for sexually transmitted or communicable diseases without parental consent or knowledge to include "preventative" care. In other words, HPV and/or Hepatituts B Vaccine as well as other vaccines for "contagious" or "communicable" diseases such as the Tdap in question. This will be done again without parental consent or knowledge. Increasing concerns of my own prompted me to write the following letter and since turn about is fair play I have also listed the address and contact information for the Natomas School District and News 10. Feel free to copy, paste, edit and send this letter or your own version at will.

Natomas Unified School District
1901 Arena Blvd.
Sacramento, CA 95834
(916) 567-5400

To Whom It May Concern;

After viewing the news report on how your school district decided to go door to door asking parents to vaccinate their children with Tdap in their home, I grew concerned of your school's knowledge of student's and parent's rights. I wonder if instead of leaping to an assumption that the parents are experiencing different "family situations" they maybe experiencing concerns over the safety and efficacy of the vaccine itself. It has certainly been all over the news that there is a Whooping Cough/Pertussis outbreak in California; however, very little is addressed about the fact that nearly all of those who contracted the disease were fully vaccinated for it nor the fact that California itself has one of the highest vaccination rates for Tdap in the country. Any parent informed of this may question the logic of yet another mandate on their child in order to attend school. Would it not be more advantageous to such a parent to offer them the exemption form Cdph 8261 as required in lieu of vaccination? Particularly given that it is their right to seek exemption on grounds of Personal Belief's, and furthermore, in light of the information about the questionable efficacy of the vaccine I mentioned. Find the a link to the CNN article that addresses this below. The law for vaccine mandate states as follows:
‎
'120365. Immunization of a person shall not be required for admission to a school or other institution listed in Section 120335 if the parent or guardian or adult who has assumed responsibility for his or her care and custody in the case of a minor, or the person seeking admission if an emancipated minor, files with the governing authority a letter or affidavit stating that the immunization is contrary to his or her beliefs. However, whenever there is good cause to believe that the person has been exposed to one of the communicable diseases listed in subdivision (a) of Section 120325, that person may be temporarily excluded from the school or institution until the local health officer is satisfied that the person is no longer at risk of developing the disease.'

Were the parents in question given this fully disclosed information and provided a vaccine exemption form therewith? I have reason to believe they were not. I respectfully request that in the future, the district and News 10 act in a manner that is appropriate, fair and respectful to the privacy and wishes of families who are increasing their concerns about vaccination safety and efficacy. It is explicitly inappropriate to assume their "neglect" and display their names, addresses and phone numbers on broadcast news.

Thank you for your time.

Respectfully,

Concerned Citizen

Vaccination role unclear in whooping cough outbreak: http://articles.cnn.com/2010-06-28/health/california.whooping.cough_1_whooping-cough-pertussis-vaccines-and-autism?_s=PM:HEALTH

CC. News10 @ 400 Broadway, Sacramento, CA 95812-0010 News Room: (916) 321-3300

As I opened my computer this morning to begin writing this piece I found yet another article by Sacramento News 10 discussing legislatures and lawmakers in California's desire to increase "tougher laws" for unvaccinated children. Again I ask the question that Ms. Doe* asked in our conversation last night, "..what next?" How much longer before the exemption is not an option for children to attend school or even independent study or homeschool? How much longer before yet another "pandemic" scare will prompt another unsafe, untested, uneffective vaccine that the injured may not seek civil suit against? When do they stop asking and start telling? When does the school representative get replaced by a man in a suit of armor carrying a gun? We all saw what happened in New Orleans after marshall law was declared following Hurricane Katrina. Citizens being rounded up and taken to concentration camps.. excuse me, FEMA camps, removed of their firearms, forced at gunpoint to leave their homes and stripped of all Constitutional rights. When this happens again will the Hurricane be in the form of a staged pandemic? For those that think this has nothing to do with them I leave you with the following famous quote By Pastor Martin Niemoller:

"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

I am confident the good people of this community will do the right thing and speak up.

References for this note can be found below:

-Nurse tracks down unvaccinated students in Natomas: http://www.news10.net/video/1179003208001/0/Nurse-tracks-down-unvaccinated-students-in-Natomas

-Tougher laws considered for unvaccinated students: http://www.news10.net/rss/article/155371/2/Tougher-laws-considered-for-unvaccinated-students?odyssey=obinsite role unclear in whooping cough outbreak: http://articles.cnn.com/2010-06-28/health/california.whooping.cough_1_whooping-cough-pertussis-vaccines-and-autism?_s=PM:HEALTH
-Vaccination

-Whooping Cough: The Disease and the Vaccine: http://vran.org/about-vaccines/specific-vaccines/diphtheria-tetanus-pertussis...

-California Health and Safety Code; In Re: Vaccine Mandates/Exemptions:
http://www.cdph.ca.gov/programs/immunize/Documents/IMM-365D.pdf

-Tdap Waiver 2011 Cdph 8261: http://www.scribd.com/doc/62347210/Tdap-Waiver-2011-Cdph-8261-Color
Vaccination

-Vaccine Wake Up Call for Parents: Your Children Are Being Taken: http://nvicadvocacy.org/members/Resources/VetoAB499.aspx
http://www.nvic.org/NVIC-Vaccine-News/September-2011/Vaccine-Wake-Up-Call-for-Parents--Your-Children-Ar.aspx7

-Governor Jerry Brown's contact infomation to request VETO of AB499:
Call: (916) 445-2841
Fax: (916) 558-3160
Email Web Form: http://govnews.ca.gov/gov39mail/mail.php

Get a Rock!!!!

2011-07-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

Aydan turned 6 in April. The months leading up to this day and the subsequent days since have been some of the most anxiety ridden and depressing days of my life. Let me just start by stating that I am not a hypochondriac, a willing patient and I don't seek attention for being sad. In fact, I hate it. I detest it almost as much as when I do feel this way and people are telling me things like "cheer up" or "it's all in your head". Okay, okay.. I believe in mind over matter to an extent, I believe we can make choices that effect our mood and intern effect our health, happiness, etc. but does it ever lift your spirits when someone sits there in judgement of your emotional state? Not in my experience. I'm sure they all mean well but it is for this reason (and a few others) that I generally keep it to myself.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I dreamed of being the attentive, cool, active mom that raised well balanced, healthy, intelligent kids and like most of my fantasies this one did not turn out exactly the way I envisioned. Nevertheless, in all my wildest dreams I couldn't have predicted the amount of love I would feel for my children. I thought I understood it, until I held those babies in my arms. The feeling of unconditional love was overwhelming and transformed me into a vunerable being in ways I couldn't have imagined. I knew that I would do anything to protect them.. ANYTHING! I knew that my life was no longer my own and that no matter how much I may want to give up myself, I could never give up on them and they need me.

If you have a child with autism, you know that birthdays are often bittersweet. You know that when another year passes without recovery, it is another year of buying your aging child toddler toys, it's another celebration that your child may or may not even be aware of and it is another year that the "window" continues to close (more on that later). This year I will say, was slightly different. Aydan laughed and giggled at the sight of his gluten free cake, even trying to cut it with a fork. I relished when I asked him "which puzzle?" and he was able to point to the one with undersea animals not the shapes. Believe me, no one more than I jumps, shouts, claps, or gasps with excitment when any little progress is noticed. If Aydan lifts his spoon to eat a meal without my prompting I squeal so loudly it nearly causes him to drop it and then proceed to sing "Who knows how to use a spoon?? Aydan, Aydan! Who's a big boy now? Aydan, Aydan!" Progress! I love it no matter what the size. I'm normally game when it comes to beating myself to a pulp but in this case I don't believe for a minute that I am ungrateful of what progress has been made. Still as I write this, like so many other blogs before I must walk away to breathe, cry and/or enjoy a mild panic attack. Since giving up is never a viable option I go over the check list several times, what haven't we done yet? Chelation.. yes, it's time to begin chelation, testing underway.. check. Take the school to due process to finally get Aydan the services in speech, occupational therapy, etc. that he needs and deserves, hell, that's OWED to him. They aren't doing us any favors, we're taxpayers, payment rendered, give him what he needs dammit... check.

So here we are.. broke, broken and looking to the horizon, praying for recovery one day. I hear the Tom Petty song in my head "..hey baby, there ain't no easy way out... And I won't back down..." That's right, I won't ever give up, EVER! I don't care how long it takes.. Well that's a lie. I want it sooner rather than later but I'll take it anyway it comes. So am I merely a dreamer? The "experts" would say so. They have this little nonsensical bit of "science" they call the "window of opportunity" (commence eye roll). This is the theory that at around age 6, the brain doesn't continue to learn at the same rate and therefore intensive early intervention treatment will begin to fade. The argument is that "studies" show progress does not sustain hence the necessity of treatment diminshes. Bullshit! This being no different than most "science" based crap is nothing more than a money scheme.. allegedly. Yeah, I allege that. As I started on this path of researching this "window" I realized that there are many bloggers who write on this topic and are much better at this than I am. I wasn't really finding anything anyway so I decided to give this nonsense the attention it deserves and stopped. Honestly it doesn't matter what the "experts" say, they're almost always wrong anyway, so who cares? WE are the experts afterall, aren't we? The whitecoats can talk all they want, perform their crappy studies to prove anything and everything causes autism except for vaccines and oh yeah.. there's very little hope but their hearts go out to you... Sorry! Blah blah blah.. Doesn't matter, why? Because, the window can close all it wants. I know that me and my war buddies (fellow autism parents) will always be able to find a rock. No matter how thick the glass, there will be a brick, rock, bolder large enough to smash that window to smithereens.

Autism in the Century of Self (Including Self)

2011-04-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

April is "Autism Awareness" month. In other words, Autism Speaks, a "non-profit" organization will use well intentioned donations to fund their over paid employees and have the Empire State Building "light it up blue" while continuing to bury the truth about vaccines and autism. Last week I found myself more than aware of this so called autism, in particular it's effects on this self obsessed society (or should I say, the effects on it). How much are we really helping by giving to a "charity" like this? You may give 5 hard earned dollars to Autism Speaks because Kobe Bryant says "autism speaks.. it's time to listen", (well if Kobe says it it must be true, right?) Meanwhile having no idea that the next door neighbors you complained about for making too much noise have a child with autism that is no more responsible for the noise he makes then his inability to speak.

Oh yes.. I'm bitter. Last week I received an anonymous note from a neighbor proclaiming not only that my son's noise caused by his vocal stimming was a problem but that I in fact am a bad mother because of it. Sure, I can be the devil's advocate and agree that it is probably very annoying to hear him yammering especially on a hot day while the windows are open or he's playing outside on the porch. I can also agree that he may spend sometime out there and to a neighbor wanting to tune into that afternoon's episode of Dr. Phil or take that midday nap this is going to be an issue. This note however, proclaimed to have concerns over the well-being of my son while insinuating that if the noise didn't stop then efforts would be made to have us evicted or even Child Protection Services maybe contacted. Concern??? Really??? I guess concern for a child's well being is to try and have him removed from a loving home into some government agency where he is twice as likely to die and is 4 times more likely to be sexually abused. Let me preface this by saying that at no time did any of my neighbors knock on the door and say "can you keep the noise down?" In other words my first contact with this neighbor (that I'm aware of) was in the form of an extremely hostile, accusatory letter posted on my door while I was taking my son to school.

During introverted reflections, I ask myself "is this my fault?" Sure I can be blamed for the noise but allowing my son to play on the porch is no more neglectful then any of us allowing our children to sit down and watch a movie or play in their room alone for a couple hours. Oh believe me, I can go on beating myself up about all the ways that I'm not perfect. There are numerous mistakes I've made in life and in motherhood. Countless times I just needed to be alone or I opted to talk to my girlfriend on the phone for an hour over playing with my kids. I know.. I'm a monster, right? Even taking this time now to write a post could be construed as selfish. However, what I'm thinking about today is this society as a whole (myself included) with regards to our lack of compassion for one another, over sweeping judgments and denial about our true selves. Sure I maybe guilty of being a poor neighbor, I won't deny that. Was it thoughtful of me to allow my son to make noise outside on hot day? Probably not. Should I have endured the air conditioning bill on our already overextended finances and keep him inside? Maybe. Or better yet, stop whatever so called important things I was doing and take him to the beach? Definitely.

I am reminded of a story about the first time I took the kids on an outing alone after Aydan was born. Here I am with a newborn and a two year old at the drugstore developing baby pictures. Aydan is a couple weeks old and is in his car seat which I locked into the shopping cart; that my oldest (Avery) up until then had always sat in but was now being forced to walk. Pushing the cart with one hand, holding the two year old's hand with the other, the baby starts to cry.. louder and louDER and LOUDER!!! We're standing at the photo counter watching two employees in the back who appear to be chatting away; yet, no one has come to take my order. Finally, one of the employees comes to the counter while several shoppers are starring at the out of control baby and the mother who can't handle her kids, I start to lift Aydan out of his chair in an attempt to stop the crying. At this moment my 2 year old darts towards the door following another 2 year old (I guess he wanted to play). The employee says to me "there he goes.." Yeah, thanks lady where were you 20 minutes ago when I first got here? Anyway, just as Avery is 2 feet away from the front door and I am trying to chase him down with a 13 pound crying newborn in my arms, a woman in her 50's with short blonde hair kneels down to a child's height and stops Avery from running outside. I bend along with her, out of breath, sweating up a storm and humiliated. She looks me in the eye and says "I know this is hard.." Even now as I remember this day tears fill my eyes. Yes, it is hard. I found myself overwhelmed by the kindness of this stranger. She did not glare at me, role her eyes or condemn me for being a bad mother. She offered a hand instead but much more than that, she offered understanding.

How did we get to this place where such an act is not the norm but a call for tears? Elvis Costello once asked "What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understanding?" Does anyone know? It seems to be the knee jerk reaction by most to judge, condemn and call the "authorities". Praising the nanny state, demanding that funds not be cut for such social services that are to "intervene" with "bad parenting".. Well, why is it government's job to raise our children (and I mean, all of our children)? What about us? I ask this question to all parents but particularly to autism parents, can you imagine the improvement in the quality of your life if a neighbor offered an hour of their time to take your child to the park while you took a nap on a regular basis? Do you think we'd hear as many tragic stories about mothers murdering their children?

This business with my neighbor is hardly an isolated incident for parents especially those who have children with special needs. Constantly we are being accused of not doing enough, doing too much or neglect because we don't choose to feed our kids crap, shove drugs down their throats or vaccinate; such as the now famous story of Detroit mother Maryanne Godboldo. A good friend of mine recently found out that an old babysitter (respite worker) is being accused of child molestation. She understandably became upset and while reading the news article, she noticed that many of the comments underneath were condemning the parents of all people making statements such as "look at him, how could anyone let him into their home..." Why? Why? Why? How in Gods' green earth can it be the parents' fault for an outside party being a child molester? Don't even get me started on the vaccine judgments. To the pro-vaxing zealots we're negligent for not wanting to vaccinate, to some of the anti-vaxers in the natural health community we should be sued or accused of child abuse for having had our children vaccinated in the first place. I can't even begin to repeat all of the anecdotal stories from parents about CPS removals from the home because of gluten/casein free diets or being falsely accused of abuse because of colic and on and on... Whatever happened to empathy? If the child's crying or tantruming stop judging and think for a second "he may have autism". Even if he doesn't ask the parents if there's anything you can do to help; even if there's nothing you can do, even if the parents' don't want your help, even if you don't agree with their parenting style and even if there's nothing in it for you.. or me.

Resources for this post are as follows:
-Invisible Children: http://www.invisiblechildren.org/2010/02/28/a-very-critical-look-at-foster-care/
-In-Home Caregiver Accused of Molesting Autistic Boy: http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-caregiver-accused-of-molesting-autistic-child,0,6355101.story
-SWAT Attacks Home School Mom for Refusing to Force Med Child: http://www.prisonplanet.com/swat-attacks-home-school-mom-for-refusing-to-force-med-child.html
-UPDATED for 2009 - Autism Speaks: Where The Money Goes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv6ztnOhvSc

Vaccines and Mind Control: The Engineering of Consent (Part 2)

2011-02-26T14:10:00.000-08:00

After watching the CNN Anderson Cooper interview with Dr. Andrew Wakefield I like many of my fellow autism parents was pissed. I found myself getting sucked into what I call the Matrix. What this means to me is that I am being drawn into a world of illusion. I certainly find corporate media such as CNN to be catalyst of this Matrix, dream like society. Here's some history on CNN. It was founded in 1980 by Ted Turner as the first 24 hour news channel. In the 1990s it became very popular for it's coverage of the American invasion of Iraq known as the Gulf War. So what? Well Ted Turner has been in the news a lot lately as environmental advocate and catalyst against climate change. OK, that sounds good? Not so fast. Not even trying to get into the flaws of the "global warming" science, Turner has made millions of donations into the World Health Organization to promote the Gates Foundation "Decade of Vaccines" campaign.

So what's going on here? Notice the words that Anderson Cooper uses, "many parents desperate for answers".. We're always "desperate" aren't we? Never intelligent, educated and fed up, no.. "desperate". Desperate for what? To find a cause that we may have prevented? Nice try but no.. there's no comfort in that. He also accuses Dr. Wakefield of claiming a "conspiracy". Very divisive verbiage indeed. Despite the fact that Wakefield repeatedly denies any conspiracy accusation, Anderson Cooper continues. "Conspiracy" is a heavy handed word, so is "fraud", "liar" and on and on... Before you know it Andrew Wakefield will be linked to al Quaeda and considered a known terrorist. While these are heavy handed words they are far from accurate. I could go on all day with this topic. The media has been on all out campaign to promote vaccination and to debunk the discrediting of it; however, time and time again they fail to produce any reliable information that proves it's efficacy or safety. But without continuing to go on about what they aren't saying let me see if I can focus in on what they are saying and better yet why they are using these particular words. Well it's simple, news shows have long been run by advertisement agents, in other words the same people selling you bottles of ketchup and uncle Ben's rice are selling you the news. That's right, the news is sold just like everything else. To go even further it should be pointed out that advertisers are instructed by psychologists, yes psychologists, Freud, "tell me your problems" and all that.

Speaking of Freud, his less famous nephew, Edward Bernays, wrote an essay in 1947 known as "The Engineering of Consent". This technique of engineering the mindset of the public would be used in countless marketing campaigns even today from convincing the public to use a flouridated water system in the municipal supply to convincing women to start smoking (a previously male only activity).

"He defines "engineering consent" as the art of manipulating people; specifically, the American public, who are described as "fundamentally irrational people... who could not be trusted." It maintained that entire populations, which were undisciplined or lacking in intellectual or definite moral principles, were vulnerable to unconscious influence and thus susceptible to want things that they do not need. This was achieved by linking those products and ideas to their unconscious desires. Ernest Dichter, who is widely considered to be the "father of motivational research," referred to this as "the secret-self of the American consumer." (Excerpt taken from Wikipedia)

So again, what does this all have to do with autism and vaccines? There are only 6 major corporations that run approximately 90 percent of the multi-media and they are sponsored by.. you got it, pharmaceutical companies. Putting that aside if you can, remember the words of Bernays, you (meaning the public) are "fundamentally irrational people... could not be trusted.." Irrational? Maybe "desperate", Mr. Cooper? Think about this, the next time you watch TV news or better yet unplug from the Matrix, they can't sell you what you don't buy and if you see Neo please send him my way.

Resources for this post see below:
http://www.freepress.net/ownership/chart/main
http://money.cnn.com/2010/01/29/news/economy/Gates_Foundation_grant_vaccines/index.htm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/25/ted-turner-gives-80m-to-u_n_773707.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Bernays
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Engineering_of_Consent
http://www.truththeory.org/psywar-the-real-battlefield-is-your-mind/

Vaccines and Mind Control: Indoctrinating our Children (Part 1)

2011-02-16T15:35:00.000-08:00

If you ask someone if they think for themselves, most people would say that while they engage in the fruits of our abundant society they still maintain a true sense of self, understanding, knowing who they are and believe that "yes, in fact my thoughts are my own." I've been pondering this a lot lately especially after witnessing the recent media lynching of Dr. Andrew Wakefield (the gastroenterologist who in 1998 conducted the now infamous study showing a potential link to the MMR vaccine and autism). Despite the fact that Wakefield never claimed vaccines caused autism but merely suggested that there was a need for concern and to do further research, the good doctor has lost his medical license, his country and his credibility in the eyes of most but certainly not from the autism/vaccine injured community (or anyone who knows the history of vaccines for that matter). The reactions are not surprising, the media will repeatedly use language that is subltly offensive to the vaccine injured such as "despite the fact that Dr. Wakefield has been found to be a fraud, this will not change the minds of parents who swear their children were vaccine injured.." and on and on.. It's exhausting in it's stupidity, lack of research, fake fraud claims and outright lies. For some strange reason as I hear these words repeated by the likes of Anderson Cooper, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and many others at the Ted Turner owned network of CNN, I was reminded of an experience I had while leaving the theater school I attended in downtown San Francisco during the early 1990s. Frequently, I would find myself on the other end of multiple requests by strangers walking the streets. Homeless asking for money, store shop solicitors asking me to buy and the occasional Jehovah's Witness asking for my repentance. On more then one occasion I was on the receiving end of similar request coming from the Church of Scientology. Being a person that does her best to respect others and not judge, unlike many of my friends who would tell the Scientologist where to put their surveys, I would merely take one, smile and walk away. Out of curiosity I started reading and I found it to be a very strange personality test given out to people who were supposed recruits. First of all there were hundreds of them but one in particular struck me as quite odd, "Do you read maps and dictionaries for fun?" What's wrong with that I thought, because it was and is in fact something I occasionally do. In retrospect I wonder why I automatically leaped to the assumption that there must be something wrong with it. Hind sight being the glorious gift and curse it is I have come up with this, the old tried and true mind control tactic "problem, reaction, solution". This was so ingrained in my psyche to expect something wrong (problem) with me that it was my knee jerk reaction to a question that I had answered in the affirmative. Many of us would secretly hope that while taking a questionnaire such as this, we will answer negative to all and find out we are perfectly normal but with hundreds of questions of varying topics you're bound to come across a few that may reflect your truth. On a larger scale we have an understanding this goes on, i.e. the Kool-Aid drinkers at Jonestown, the Branch Davidians at Waco Texas, the Charles Manson gang but I had never been apart of a cult and yet still I was vulnerable to the subtle suggestion of a survey. I've come to understand since then that there is nothing wrong with me. Certainly I possess human imperfections, weaknesses and flaws but nothing is wrong. So what does any of this have to do with vaccines, autism and/or Andrew Wakefield? Nothing.. but it has everything to do with the way we perceive these things.

As a general rule, I do my best to avoid the mainstream media and I am quite aware of these tactics being used in a much more sophisticated and subtle way on most if not all major networks. However, as an autism parent and Andrew Wakefield supporter I was bombarded with emails, facebook updates and posts pertaining the various public lynching I mentioned earlier. The whole thing enraged me to no end but eventually as I calmed I remembered a quote I had once read, “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it” Adolf Hilter. These indoctrination techniques, however, are not reserved for adults fooled by their presidential candidate or cult victims. It begins at birth and television is it's most prominent vessel. As we watch the Flintstone's commercial above it maybe shocking even funny to see such an outdated understanding of the dangers of cigarettes and the particular naivety of it being targeted towards children. You might even chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all. Certainly we know better now... Right?

Vaccine Mandates!?

2010-10-09T14:14:00.000-07:00

In my previous post I wrote about the Walgreen's flu shot quota. I have since been corrected by one of the Walgreen's employees that it is not a quota but a GOAL "big difference" he said because "we don't receive a bonus" for meeting goal. Another employee informed me that they do not receive bonuses but will receive write ups and threats if they forget to ask each customer who enters their stores if they want a flu shot. Walgreen's is not the only corporation to use unethical tactics for bringing in flu shot recipients. We've seen plugs on Dr. Oz's show who's admitted that his own family refuses H1N1 vaccine but since he has stock in a major vaccine manufacturer I guess his interest is a little cloudy. Other places we've seen vaccine plugs are on PBS's "Sid the Science Kid" and ABC's "Regis & Kelly Live" but another tactic made by a local community establishment topped 'em all. Naked women, breakfast buffet and a free flu shot. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Watch here:

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The good news is that people in droves are refusing the shot. Many have personal experiences of getting "flu like" symptoms after getting the shot and new studies are coming out almost every week that illustrates the benefits of keeping Vitamin D levels normal. It has been shown to be highly effective at reducing inflammation and reducing incidents of the flu. So why not just get more sunlight (if you can) and take a Vitamin D3 supplement? Well I guess the answer is clear; that it doesn't serve the interest of Big Pharma who without a doubt has a great deal of influence on our government. They are not however giving up! The noose on vaccine mandates is growing tighter by the day. Most recently we've seen this enforced on health care providers even on those that do not work with the general public. In other words for NO good reason. At least not as far as the people are concerned. Without becoming too redundant I ask if this is an exploitation once again of the economic recession? Would these mandates be as effective if jobs were not so scarce? Think to yourself about the tragedy of terrors that have occured in this country, terror that we've gone to 2 and possible a 3rd. war over. 3000 people died during the 9/11 attacks which by all means is a grave tragedy. Now how many people each year die from adversions to prescription and non-prescription medications? The July 1998 issue of The American Journal of Medicine explains the number of deaths each year related to the use of aspirin and other anti-inflammatory drugs as follows:

“Conservative calculations estimate that approximately 107,000 patients are hospitalized annually for nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID)-related gastrointestinal (GI) complications and at least 16,500 NSAID-related deaths occur each year among arthritis patients alone.”

How many side effects are related to FDA approved foods like the recent egg recall? How many preventable deaths are related to the use of anti-depressants and other prescription medications? Now we're learning that Genetically Modified Foods may play a role in obesity and diabetes both are two of the largest major causes of preventable deaths in this country. Approved foods and drugs by your government agency, the FDA. Now ask yourself who is the real terror threat?

Autism, INC.: Mercury and Corporate Quotas in an Economic Recession!

2010-09-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I frequently steer off the autism track in an effort to make sense of the whole debacle. The autism web is quite sticky and a great deal of detective work is necessary to put all the pieces together. Our children are unquestionably beautiful but the trail that precedes them... not so much. It is one including but not limited to gross incompetence and/or negligence, greed and political corruption. Those of us who treat our children bio-medically are often surprised to find the myriad of toxins present in these little bodies. High levels of Cadmium, Lead, Aluminum, Arsenic and Mercury are not uncommon, in fact it's a near given that one or more will be present at higher than acceptable levels. When Dr. Anju Usman a prominent Defeat Autism Now (DAN) doctor and frequent lecturer on the subject was asked if she had ever seen an autistic child that was not toxic she replied, "then they wouldn't be autistic". But this is anecdotal information and not definitive proof, right? Nevertheless, we are often preoccupied with unraveling the what and the how. The what can often be revealed with testing, the how is a little trickier... perhaps. It may or may not be surprising to anyone at this point that all of the above mentioned toxins can be present in your children's toys, food, water, medications and vaccines (to state just a few). It may however surprise people outside of the autism circle to know that despite the fact that Thermerisol is one of the most toxic substances known to man it is still being used in most of the 2010-2011 seasonal flu shots.
(Wikipedia: Thiomersal is very toxic by inhalation, ingestion, and in contact with skin (EC hazard symbol T+), with a danger of cumulative effects. It is also very toxic to aquatic organisms and may cause long-term adverse effects in aquatic environments (EC hazard symbol N).^[9] In the body, it is metabolized or degraded to ethylmercury (C₂H₅Hg⁺) and thiosalicylate.),

In addition this year's shot is a 3 in 1 also meant to protect against H1N1 (Swine Flu) which has never been tested for safety on pregnant women despite CDC recommendation that ALL people over the age of 6 months should receive this vaccine especially pregnant women. Hmmm.... Confused yet? Well here's more, the package insert clearly states "this product has not been tested for safety on pregnant, it should not be giving to pregnant women, the effects on a pregnant women or her unborn fetus are unknown...." and on it goes. Last years 2009-2010 H1N1 shot was also approved for pregnant women despite the lack of safety testing (none) and it is estimated by the CDC that 1,588 pregnant women reported miscarriages as a side effect of their inoculations while the National Coalition of Organized Women (NCOW) said that the Center for Disease Control's numbers did match up with their estimated 3,587 miscarries as a side effect of the drug. Furthermore, the efficacy of the flu shot has long been in question. This excerpt was taken from The Cochrane Report, a website put together by a variety of health care providers.

"Without laboratory tests, doctors cannot tell the two illnesses apart. Both last for days and rarely lead to death or serious illness. At best, vaccines might be effective against only influenza A and B, which represent about 10% of all circulating viruses. Each year, the World Health Organization recommends which viral strains should be included in vaccinations for the forthcoming season."(http://www2.cochrane.org/reviews/en/ab001269.html).

In previous years recommendations have been reserved for the elderly and a certain high risk population due to their increased chance of influenza related death; however, this year's recommendation being for a much broader spectrum begs to ask the question, how many people actually die from the flu? For this information I went to the Dr. Sherry Tenpenny's website. On it I found a table that actually breaks down the CDC's own numbers and it clearly illustrates that unlike the 35,000 people the CDC claim die from the flu each year the actual number has been an average of 1303 people per year since 1999. They conveniently include deaths from pneumonia which is not protected by the flu shot. (Remember the number of miscarriages from the H1N1 shot above.) Other side effects include aches and pains, fever, fatigue (you mean like the flu?), Guillain Barre Syndrome, anaphaylaxis (a severe allergic reaction which is life threatening), etc., etc.

There are "preservative free" vaccines (a misleading term as there are always preservatives such as Monosodium Glutamate (MSG), Aluminum, Formaldehyde, etc. present) available which may only contain a "trace" amount of mercury and a nasal spray known as the FluMist which contains live viruses and was recalled several times last year. While there hasn't been a lot of focus on it as the outcome is purely speculative, I have personal concerns about the safety of a 3 in 1 shot based on previous effects we've seen with other similar inoculations like the infamous DTP/DTap and MMR (MMR never contained mercury).

So let's recap. If it doesn't work, it isn't necessary and it's potentially seriously harmful why do we still have an influenza vaccine?

Needless to say, I'm not a fan and you can imagine my disgust when the first week of September (a very early flu season I presume) the Sunday paper was riddled with ads by Walgreen's, CVS and Target urging customers to come in for their inoculation. I felt compelled to let them know the facts since this information was not awarded to me at anytime when I had my children vaccinated. I was never offered a copy of a vaccine insert or given a waiver to sign listing all the possible known side effects (oh sure, the anecdotal stories were around but that's not proof, right?); however, I quickly discovered that the customers of these pharmacies WERE given such disclosures at the time of vaccination and that many people were reading and refusing. This was good to hear but still not good enough as you never know how "informed" the "informed consent" really is, particularly when there is a monetary incentive involved. I frequently checked the fan pages of these stores on Facebook and whenever I saw a flu shot advertisement I made sure to make a comment that provided pertain information without disclosing any personal experience or getting too heated. This was merely informative and while that may sound a bit precious again, I and my fellow concerned citizens were looking to insure that the "informed" part of "informed consent" was intact. What I found was that while most people were not planning to take the shot and were quite irritated by the campaigns especially the one toted by the famous Dr. Oz showing himself get vaccinated by a Walgreen's pharmacist on his show despite his own wife's refusal for herself and their children. The people were smart and recognized the hippocracy and the conflicts not only of Dr. Oz but the relationship between policy makers, the CDC, the FDA and the pharmaceutical companies. The Walgreen's fan page was a bit of a different story. There were several comments from both sides of the issue but those in favor of the vaccine seemed to have a bizarre loyalty to the company even using their slogan "I got mine for..." Others seemed to know way too much about how many vaccines they carried, the type, whether they were "preservative free", the CDC recommendations, etc. It did not take me long to realize that many were Walgreen's employees. I was not surprised that they would exhibit loyalty but I was surprised to discover (quite by accident) that they had more invested in getting people into the store and vaccinated. A few days ago, I clicked the wrong link entitled "Mark your calendar! There are officially 100 days left in 2010! What are your big to-do's before the year is over?" and discovered that the employees weren't merely loyal but actually were given quotas for how many people they could get vaccinated. Most of the comments were normal such as, "I'd like to lose weight" or "I'd like to go on vacation", etc., etc. but a couple remarks caught my eye. One that read "My team still needs to give about 5500 flu shots to make our goal..." and another stating "meet my goal FOR FLU SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!" I was once again disgusted with Walgreen's tactic and found it exploitative of the economic recession and while the corporation may lead us to believe that flu shots are "loss leaders" meaning that they do not make profit on them but rather on the products sold while customers are in the store, it is not greeting cards nor batteries that the staff are being rewarded for selling. This conjured up the question as to whether or not it is ethical to offer an incentive for such an item. Is it not very different then asking a person if they want fries with their burger? I do not have any reason to believe that any Walgreen's employee has acted in a way that was misleading to anyone receiving the flu vaccine nor do I know what the actual quota incentive is or how many stores are adopting this strategy. I would however like to know whether this corporation or any other that offer similar incentives are at all concerned about the potential "down playing" of side effects in order for a team to make quota. It is tempting if not necessary for us to cut corners by shopping at discount stores like these but what price do we ultimately pay in the end? As I write this I realize the "how" is becoming increasingly clear.

Highlights from "The Art of Cooking Special Diets" at the Autism One Conference

2010-06-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

There were several delicious recipes from this all day cooking class by some of the best chefs and nutritionist in the business. Since we were able to take samples I've listed recipes from the ones that were my favorites.

Many of us have been doing special diets for our children for quite a while but if you're like me it can get very stale and you end up with too many nights of cut up Applegate hotdogs. All of the chefs had books and products to sell but nevertheless they all agreed that it is most important to cook your own food, invest in tools like stainless steel pots and pans, bread makers, food processors, etc. And don't forget in your quest to find a special diet that it is most important to have a healthy diet. If I could do it over again instead of jumping into a GF/CF/SF or SCD I would have started by buying all organic produce, grass fed meat, pasture eggs, non-GMO, free range chicken, etc., etc. The reason being is because many times the food "allergies or sensitives" we see in our kids are actually a result of toxic insult. Remove the toxins first and then get a better idea of what foods are actually causing a problem. Since, I can't turn back the clock now; I'm just starting today with a good clean diet that is free of gluten, lactose (most casein), soy, corn and limited sugar, yeast, rice and potato but that's just what we've found to work for us. I am in no way an expert and when I first started trying these diets I barely knew how to cook (that's still kind of true). I also know from first hand experience that it can be very expensive to change your diet but as my mother-in-law says "you can either pay the grocer or the doctor, you decide".

Having said all that, I know we all get busy and it can feel so overwhelming but I am reinvigorated and ready to insert some new recipes into our repertoire. And since I'm going to be making this big commitment I might as well throw in some RDI. I could make it a family affair where my children are working with me on preparing the meals. For example if I'm cutting up the tomatoes I could have Aydan put them in a cup and pour it into the bowl, help with stirring, setting the table, etc., etc. It's really limitless the number of ways we can involve our kids, isn't it? Alright, I'm ready to go...

By the way, I don't work for any of these people and they aren't paying me to advertise for them. I just really liked their food.

Spinach and Bean Quesadillas by Chef Wendell Fowler

Snacks can be a great way to satisfy the appetite plus boost metabolism while receiving all the delicious vitamins and nutrients required to support and sustain health. With a bit of grocery shopping strategy, health snacking is no longer an oxymoron.

Ingredients:

1 pound fresh or frozen cooked spinach, drained
1 can ‘fibrous’ vegetarian refried beans (No lard)
2 cloves fresh, minced garlic
lime juice loaded with vitamin C
cumin powder
chili powder
sea salt and black pepper
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped
2 cups shredded Galaxy International Vegan Rice Cheese Slices

Garnish:

¼ cup pico de Gallo (see recipe)
cilantro leaves, chopped
green onion, chopped
lime wedges
organic corn tortillas or lettuce wraps (also see Deepa Deshmukh's recipe for Lentil Pancakes: Punjab Wrap & Roll)
cooking spray

1. Chop the spinach then coarsely blend it with the refried beans, jalapeno, cumin, chili, garlic, salt and pepper.
2. Meanwhile heat a frying pan on medium high with the oil.
3. Evenly spread some mixture on one half of a tortilla then sprinkle cheese on top of mixture. Fold tortilla in half and cook a few minutes on each side until golden brown.
4. Remove to a cutting board, cut into thirds then plate them and garnish with lime wedges, Pico de Gallo and leaves of cilantro. Ole' baby!

Pico De Gallo:

6 medium tomatoes, diced
1 medium onion, diced
2 radishes, diced
1/2 diced cucumber
1/4 cup cilantro chopped
juice of (1) lime
1 jalapeno seeded and minced
minced fresh garlic
salt to taste
put all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Let set a few minutes.

1. Cut everything in the same proportion; blend all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. Let set a few minutes for the flavors to marry.

For more recipes or information on Chef Wendell you can check out his blog: http://chefwendellfowler.blogspot.com/

Lentil Pancakes: Punjab Wrap & Roll by Deepa Deshmukh, RD

Fill pancakes with stir fried veggies or use as a sandwich-type wrap.

Ingredients:

1 cup whole yellow lentils or moong dal from Indian market
1 cup urid dal or black lentils from Indian market
1-2 inch piece fresh ginger root, sliced
1/2-1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
Ghee (clarified butter that is free of casein, whey and lactose) or coconut oil or other allowable oil

1. Rinse lentils.
2. Soak lentils for 5-6 hours (or overnight, not refrigerated) with sliced ginger. The lentils will swell to double their size.
3. Grind soaked lentils with some of the soaking liquid (and ginger if using) in batches in a blender to obtain smooth batter - consistency of pancake batter. Add salt to taste.
4. Heat skillet over medium heat, melt small amount of ghee or coconut oil in skillet. Spread a large spoon full of batter on the griddle/skillet like a crepe; use the back of the spoon to spread the batter as thin as possible. May add additional ghee or coconut oil around the edges of pancake. Cook for 2 minutes or until lightly browned. Cover pan to allow pancake to cook/steam for about 30 seconds.

6. The finished pancakes may be used as sandwich or breakfast wrap, or to hold a variety of fillings such as stir fried veggies or non-vegetarian curries.

Makes 24-6" pancakes/wraps

Note: batter may be made in advance and kept in the refrigerator for up to 5 days; pancakes may be made in advance and kept in refrigerator for up to 5 days.

Mango Custard by Deepa Deshmukh, RD

This delicious custard is best made the day before, allowing the flavors to marry.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup mango nectar
1 teaspoon agar (sometimes called agar-agar, a Japanese vegetarian gelatin, derived from seaweed; may substitute regular unflavored gelatin)
1 cup mango, fresh or frozen
1 cup coconut milk (not light) well stirred before measuring
Pinch of sea salt

To serve: fold in 2-3 tablespoons of blueberries or raspberries into finished custard
May sprinkle toasted walnuts or coconut (unsweetened)

1. In heavy-bottomed saucepan, heat mango nectar to just barely boiling. Remove from heat and add agar and whisk until thickened, about 15 seconds. Set aside.
2. In blender or food processor fitted with knife blade, add mango, coconut milk and salt and puree. Do not over mix! Small bits of mango add to taste and appearance.
3. Add mango nectar/agar gelatin and puree quickly - 2-3 seconds to blend. Over blending custard with agar with cause gelatin to break down.
4. Fold in additional fruit and top with choice of nut/seed or coconut as diet allows.

Makes 4-1/2 cup servings.

For more information on Deepa Deshmukh, Registered Dietitian check out:
http://www.dupagedietitians.com/dupage/index.aspx

IT'S A WRAP! - TORTILLAS by Anna Sobaski:

Ingredients:

One package of Breads From Anna (TM) gluten and yeast free mix
3 whole eggs or equivalent egg replace
1 3/4 cup water or nondairy milk
1/3 cup olive, coconut, grapeseed oil or flavored olive oil
Optional: 1 heaping teaspoon dried parsley and 2 heaping tablespoons of dried onions flakes OR 1 tablespoon Sunny Paris spice blend (www.penzeys.com) or Herbs de Provence pluse dried shallots or chives.

1. In a large bowl mix together eggs, nondairy milk and oil to dry mix (add optional ingredients to dry mix if desired).
2. Blend well until all lumps are smooth.
3. Spoon 3-4 tablespoons of dough and place onto center of preheated flatbread maker.
4. Close lid and let cook about 2 minutes.
5. Place handle down over lid and press down adding pressure to flatten out bread. Repeat this 2-3 times in quick succession of added pressure. You need to do this downward pressure quickly to allow steam to escape.

One package of mix will make approximately 20 flatbread/wraps. Dough can be stored in the refrigerator for 24 hours and used as needed.

Egg replacer recipes:

Seed blend: 1 tablespoon whole flaxseed OR chia seed mixed with 3 tablespoons boiling water. Place flax/chia seed in bottom of a blender, cover with water. Let sit for 5 minutes and then blend on highest speed. Mixture will keep in the refrigerator for 2 weeks. 3 tablespoons equal one egg.

Coconut Milk: 1/2 cup coconut milk (not light) mixed with 3 teaspoons baking powder equals 3 eggs.

Anna is a big believer in investing in cooking equipment. You can check out her website to see some of the products she recommends and sells. Most of these items at lower cost in your local stores.

Chocolate Avocado Pudding by Anna Sobaski

Enjoy this no bake pudding as a pie filling or as a pudding. May make a thinner version as a smoothie for disguising supplements.

Ingredients:

2 ripe avocados
3 tablespoons 100 percent pure maple syrup (preferably organic)
1/4 cup blue agave syrup (preferably organic)
1 1/2 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2/3 cup dark cocoa powder
Pinch of salt

1. Place all ingredients in a blender or food processor and blend until creamy. Adjust flavor with more balsamic if necessary.

For more information, recipes and products from Anna Sobaski you can check out her website:
http://breadsfromanna.com/

Chicken Broth by Sueson Vess

Ingredients:

3-3 1/2 pounds free-range chicken pieces, mostly backs and wings, rinsed (Do not use chicken liver but may use other giblets)
2-3 carrots, cut in large chunks
3-4 celery stalks, cut in large chunks
2 large white onions, quartered
1 leek
1 bay leaf
Handful of parsley and/or thyme sprigs (fresh)
May add additional vegetables: sweet potatoes, white potatoes, others to taste or dietary needs
1/2 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
1/2 teaspoon whole cloves
Cold, purified water
2 tablespoons vinegar or fresh lemon juice
Salt
1 kombu "stick" (sea vegetable)
Optional: 3-4 dried juniper berries (available at Penzeys Spices: www.penzeys.com and many grocery spice sections)

1. Place the chicken and vegetables in a large stockpot over medium heat. Pour enough cold water to cover chicken. Add vinegar or lemon juice. Add bay, parsley/thyme, peppercorns, and cloves and slowly bring to a boil.
2. Lower the heat to low and gently simmer for 3-4 hours. As the broth cooks, skim any impurities that rise to the surface.
3. Remove the chicken pieces and discard. Strain the broth through a fine sieve into another container and discard vegetable solids. If not using the broth immediately, place the pot in a sink full of ice water and stir to cool. When cool, cover and refrigerate or freeze.

Makes approximately 2 quarts.

Sueson Vess just recently recovered from cancer and that in itself is a testimonial to the nutritional value of her foods. I particularly liked the chicken broth recipe because by making your own not only do you save money and remove the impurities of store bought you also provide an opportunity to add tons of nutrients to your other foods. For example, you can cook your vegetables or rice in the broth instead of water and you will be adding additional proteins and flavor. Grandma was right the best remedy for a cold is still chicken soup.

GFCFSF NuLife Brown Gravy by Chef John Koutras

Ingredients:

2 cups natural beef broth
3/4 Tbl. tomato paste
1 Tbl. potato starch
3 Tbl. coconut milk (creamy type)
to taste kosher/sea salt
to taste ground black pepper

Method:

1. In a pot over medium heat place 1 1/2 cups of beef broth and the tomato paste. Heat on the stove while whisking together until combined and bring to a simmer. Cook for about 3-5 minutes.
2. While the broth is simmering, prepare a slurry by dissolving the potato starch in the remaining 1/2 cup of unheated beef broth.
3. Whisk the cold slurry into the heated broth and you will see the sauce start to thicken.
4. Add the coconut milk and season with the salt and pepper.
5. Adjust the consistency as you like. Add additional beef broth for a thinner sauce and add more slurry if you prefer a thicker sauce.
6. Add the Beefy Veggy Meatballs to the sauce and heat for 5 minutes on very low so the sauce does not burn.

GFCFSF NuLife Swedish Style Sauce

Ingredients:

1 cup NuLife brown gravy
6 Tbl. coconut Milk
4 Tbl. rice (hemp, almond or desired) milk
pinch Ground Nutmeg (nutmeg can be overwhelming so add to taste)
to taste Kosher sea salt
to taste ground black pepper

Method:

1. Heat the brown gravy in a pot over low heat and bring to a simmer.
2. Add the coconut and rice milks to the gravy and whisk all together.
3. Season with the nutmeg and adjust seasoning with salt and pepper as desired.
4. Add the beefy veggy meatballs to the sauce and heat for 5 minutes on very low so the sauce does not burn.

I have to say I absolutely love Swedish meatballs but I've never tried to make them myself. The recipe above was provided by NuLife foods at the conference and I have to say thanks to those guys because if it weren't for all their delicious samples I would've had to spend a lot more money on food. They sell fantastic pre-made food which is quite expensive so I would only recommend to families to purchase their products as a last resort but they did offer a recipe to one of their most popular items which I've listed above. The veggy beefy meatballs referenced I do not have the full recipe for but it is a mixture of beef and butternut squash, so be creative and add your meatballs to the sauce for a delicious treat.

For more information on NuLife Foods check out: www.nulifefoods.com.

SCD Legal: Squash and Chicken Pancakes by Julie Matthews

For more information on Julie Matthews, her cookbooks and recipes check out: http://nourishinghope.com/

Eat well!

True Confessions from a Refrigerator Mom

2010-04-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

Finally I have come to confess this bit of information that in most conversations about my son's decline into autism I will omit. I feel responsible. If you've read this blog before you know how I feel about vaccination and autism. I strongly believe that the current epidemic on our hands is vaccine induced. I really have no doubt of it. I have cloudy memories of a lot of things but I can remember the days my children received their shots. My oldest son as most of you know is Neuro-typical. I often attribute this to his childhood illness that required him to hold off on vaccines. By the time my second child was born my first was already 4 years old and way behind on his vaccine schedule. We would catch him up in the years to follow but imagine if I had waited until Aydan was 4 to give him most of his vaccines. Unfortunately this is not the only reason I feel guilty. I feel responsible because I was warned. The day before I took my oldest to see the doctor at 2 weeks old a friend of mine said "make sure the vaccines don't have mercury, my cousin said it caused her daughter's autism". I asked the doctor if the vaccine had mercury and I'll never forget what she said "that's last year's problem". I'm sorry, was that a yes or no? Still not sure. After he got sick a few months later we were in the hospital for two weeks. As you can imagine we got to know the hospital staff very well especially the nurses. A young nurse who just gotten married and was looking to have children asked me if I was going to have my son vaccinated. I answered, "yeah, why not? My doctor says it's safe." She went on to tell me that she believed that vaccines triggered autism in genetically predisposed children and that there was no real way of knowing if you were genetically predisposed. This was a nurse in Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, people, but nevertheless, I shrugged it off. Later when my son was 18 months old and far behind on his schedule I took him in for a check up. The doctor informed me that he was way behind on his schedule and that we needed to do at least 3 different pokes (which was 5 different vaccines). "I really don't want to do the MMR" I told him, "because I've heard it's connected to autism." This is when I heard the uniformed version of the Wakefield studies of which I knew nothing at the time so I believed him, "but just one" I said. So we did the MMR.

Later when Aydan was born, I stopped worrying about the vaccines. I figured if it didn't happen to Avery my very vulnerable first born, it wouldn't happen to Aydan my healthy robust second born. After all he was 9lbs., 9oz., 22 inches tall at birth, big boy, never sick, always hit his milestones a couple months early... all that. When I took Aydan for shots around 15 months he had been sick. He had a cold a few days earlier and was still having a running nose. My husband who did not believe in vaccination and who had always told me not to vaccinate the kids asked me to stay home and not go to the doctor. I assured him what the doctor's had said to me and that there was definitely no connection between vaccines and autism, "I know for a fact it won't happen to Aydan" I said (or something like that). Not entirely convinced my husband persisted and urged me just to wait until his runny nose was gone and he was completely better but I didn't wait. I wanted to do it while my husband was home from work so that I didn't have drag my older son to the doctor with us. The nurse did the vitals and he had no fever but he still had that runny nose. "He's due for some shots, do you want to wait for the runny nose to go away?" she asked. "No, he's o.k." I said. That's right, two times in one day and the numerous times before that I had been warned. Why did I make such a thoughtless decision? I had been such a cautious mom. I breast fed both my kids until they were 2, I gave them cloth diapers, I bought organic fruit... all that stuff. So why here did I drop the ball so royally? Part of me thinks it was laziness, not wanting to have to reschedule our appointment, the other hidden agenda I had was that I thought the kids needed to be current on their shots in order to go to school and I wanted to go back to work. (The irony is that I never did go back to work outside the home due to the rigors of having a special needs child. The hours I put into autism are far greater than any full time job I know of.) I also think that I truly believed that this would not happen to my son. Whatever reason I tell myself it doesn't add up to an excuse. I think about that day often and the doctors appointments to follow that would inevitably lead to my son's autism. Am I angry at the system, the deception, the misinformation, the incompetence, the lies, the doctors who are too lazy to read the list of vaccine side effects? Absolutely but that could never add up to the anger I have for myself. All the times that I have been pissed at my husband for not being as involved in my son's treatment I have really been pissed at myself. Maybe if I had listened to my husband in the first place we wouldn't be talking about treatments. Obviously there's no certainty in life and it doesn't serve my family in anyway for me to hold onto self-hatred. So, I go on. I fight for my boy and the thousands like him. I play with him, advocate for him, research for him, wait for him, want for him, prayer for him, remediate him, teach him, adore him and most importantly love him. I still don't have a time machine though. What do you know? I'm a refrigerator mom after all.

Selective Hearing, Brian Deer and the GMC, Dr Andrew Wakefield Autism MMR Film

2010-04-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

The lies of Brian Deer - vaccines, autism and the Lancet 12 parents

A complete deconstruction of the BMJ Brian Deer fraud against Dr Wakefield

How autism is helping me become my true self!

2010-03-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl my parents told me stories about how they protested the Viet Nam war up against military police, people getting arrested, beaten or even killed for their cause. A group working together for a common goal defying authority and popular opinion for justice, to save lives and restore faith in our country. Eventually as we all know historically speaking the Viet Nam war did end after the popular opinion began to sway and most Americans eventually became opposed to it. As a young person I longed to be a part of something so important. I fantasized about joining the peacecorp or being one of the brave Greenpeace protesters who places their ships in front of the whalers blocking them from harpooning the whale. When I was in highschool I became an avid opposer to the Gulf War even organizing a walk out in my school. I was on the news a couple years later at a protest for the Rodney King verdict.

As I started entering my 30's I realized that I was probably not going to join the peacecorp or ride a Greenpeace ship. I had started building my family and became a wife and mother of two. As many moms experience raising young children you begin to feel overwhelmed, isolated and exhausted (if you have a child with autism this period does not end). The only thing you have time for is to "tend your own garden". My new fantasy was to raise great children and I believed that to be equally important. I made efforts to keep my children safe and well. I breast fed both boys for two years each and had them wear cloth diapers until they were ready for potty training. I researched the best car seats available and made certain they would always have them even if we couldn't afford it. We took frequent trips to the farmers' market and it would be years before my kids were allowed to eat candy.

Despite the fact that I loved being a mom I slowly began to forget who I was. On second thought, I probably didn't know who I was at all. I had just traveled through life knowing certain things made me feel good, others didn't and most things went unnoticed. Today at the age of 36 I have began to evaluate what all these things mean. I recently changed my facebook profile picture from a picture of myself to a picture of Linda Hamilton in Terminator. One day I just decided that I didn't feel like the person in my picture anymore. Not on the inside anyway. I couldn't identify with the person that I saw because my true inner being was beginning to bubble up to the surface. The outer appearance is a shy, non-confrotional, nuturing, caring and loving mom and while I maybe all of the those things there is another side that rarely gets noticed by anyway even myself. For example, growing up in the '80s like many young girls I loved Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Cyndy Lauper and other mainstream pop artist. My brother on the other hand was into Metal. I would hear him blasting this music that sounded more like noise but the energy was something that made my bones shake. I felt it. When my brother wasn't home I would go into his room and listen to his records. Records by Led Zepplein, AC/DC, Motley Crue, Guns n' roses, Black Sabbath... you get the point. What was it that drew me to that music and in secret no less? Today I embrace my love of metal, punk, grunge and all around protest music but somehow it continues to go against what people think of me. My husband the other day turns up the radio as a song by Taylor Swift comes on the saying "you love this..." shocked I replied, "do you even know me?" Of course not, I don't know me but that's changing.

So what does this have to do with autism? After I changed my profile picture on facebook I became more active upping my friend count from around 20 to 100. I began to speak my mind in ways I had previously been afraid to do. At this time I understood why I had chosen the picture of Linda Hamilton's character Sarah Connor. When I first saw the picture I just knew that was how I felt but as I saw the change it made in me, I became more aware of how exactly I identified with her. In the first Terminator movie Sarah Connor is an ordinary woman who falls in love with a guy, gets pregnant and as she discovers her fate she begins to understand her true self. As a mom she must protect her son against obstacles greater than that of the average mom. By the second movie she has become a gun toting leader of the movement to restore life. As a mother of a child with a special need she finds her true worth. Now I know I'm no Sarah Connor but I relate. As much as I wanted to be apart of something important I never would've imagined it would happen because I became the parent of an autistic child. Today I realize that I do still need to "tend my own garden" but my garden is larger than what I originally thought. I recognize that my anger isn't something to be afraid to express. Of course, no one wants to be around someone who's angry all the time but I see that I must embrace this hard side as well as my softer side for it is this that helps me to remember my true passion in life. The passion that I've always had but went dormant for years and while I thought parenthood would replace this it has only fueled it more than ever. I am more determined now to do all in my power to show my son the road to recovery and along the way I will get the word out as best I can about the injustices happening to all people via herd medicine. (Would we be as concerned about national health care if there weren't so many sick people? But that's a rant for another time). Today I am enjoying being myself.

Don't wanna be an American Idiot...

2010-03-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you're living in a Science Fiction movie?

Mad As Hell

2010-03-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

There are many blogs out there about RDI, Bio-medical interventions for autism and/or vaccine related injuries (some of which I follow); however, this is not one of those blogs. I merely write about autism as it is for our family. I will sometimes talk in great detail for those interested in the dangers of vaccines or ways to start a RDI program but I don't claim to be an expert on any of it. I am not a teacher but merely a student of it all and I discuss the progress, mis-steps, regressions, joyful, hopeful, and tear filled moments as I see them in relation to my family and myself.

Having said that I'm about to discuss what I'm feeling today and today I feel angry. Wait, let's back up and start from the beginning. Two and half years ago when my son was diagnosed with autism I had great hopes. I went to the pediatrician's office to talk to her about what I already knew. I said, "he isn't talking and he walks on his toes. He doesn't play with his older brother or other children." She referred me to the regional center. I told her I already had an appointment with them. At this time she went on to say some very reassuring things. She told me that autism has changed. The diagnosis used to mean we had to start looking into group homes, institutions, etc. She said this was no longer the case and that many children have a reversal of the diagnosis by the time they go to Elementary School. She told me not to freak out when the regional center told me my son had autism (and I didn't). What she failed to explain was that you had to work your ass off to accomplish this but in the moment I left feeling o.k. I went home to enter the University of Google and got to work. What to do next? Diets-check. Therapy-check. We got the official diagnosis on September 18, 2007. That was the same month Jenny McCarthy's book "More Than Words" was released. I contemplated for a while introverting and not telling anyone and just quietly disappearing while I made plans to recover my son only to re-emerge when recovery was complete. I decided not to do this and that night I went online to my MomsClub and put the word out that I was looking for information on the GF/CF diet because "my son has autism". Within hours I had several responses. Most of them were apologies and words of encouragement. A large number of the responses sounded something like this: "Did you hear about Jenny McCarthy?" "Did you see Jenny on Oprah?" "I heard she cured her son's autism with a special diet." My first response was "oh, good for her, she's rich and famous and can afford all the best, how fortunate." A few months later I read her book. After reading it I realized that she was not so different than me. I felt with all her advantages I would not have wanted to be in her place especially when watching her son go into cardiac arrest. I felt fortunate that my son did not suffer seizures.

Fast forward to a few months ago my son receives a full scholarship to attend Jenny's school Teach2Talk Academy. While there he made great progress and even became potty trained which was phenomenal. The first time I met Jenny she had a big smile on her face and opened her arms wide to greet me walking up the stairs at the Generation Rescue building. I think I surprised her when I reached in for a hug but she went with it and hugged me back. I didn't say much but I felt confident that she'd heard it all. I had held off on reading her other books about autism because I had so many others to read. I thought, if I'm going to read a book about autism it's going to be a book that will tell me how to heal my son. I don't need to read a collection of stories about other moms; while I empathize with their situation, I only have energy enough to handle what's going on in my own home and most of the time that's too much. After meeting her and seeing how sweet she was I felt bad that I did not read her other books. I knew she had co-authored a book about bio-medical treatment with Dr. Kartzinel and I decided to read it but first I thought I'll read "Mother Warriors" just to read them in sequence. I checked it out of the library and read it over a few days. For me a self proclaimed slow reader, reading a book over a few days is a good review. It was Saturday afternoon and I was nearly finished with the book. I sat in bed with my son next me and read these stories of inspiration and recovery. I was on the last story about Elias and if you've already read the book you know where this is going. For those of you that haven't read the book, the story of Elias does not end well. I read along as Jenny describes this family's story in a foreboding manner. I felt it was painful to her and this frightened me. I didn't like where it was going. Elias' parents go on to talk about how their beautiful healthy son gets sick repeatedly after being injected with several vaccines. On and on this goes until he enters the world of autism. Eventually the story concludes after Elias suffers a terrible sickness, cardiac arrest and eventually dies. As I was reading this story I felt it was different then the others but since all the other stories had ended on a high note, I figured this one would too, it didn't. As Elias' mother describes her son's death, she says "he died..." I couldn't continue. I slammed the book shut and threw it across the room. I cried for a very long time and had to walk away and stare out the window just so I could think of something else. As I starred out at the children in our apartment complex playing in the pool I was able to focus on them and not on what I had just read. I stopped crying and walked across the room to pick up the book I had flung. I picked it up with shaking hands. I couldn't do it. I still could not finish reading the book. I started to cry again and this time, I felt someone watching me. As I raised my head I saw Aydan's face with a wrinkle on his forehead and a look of concern. I began to smile because in this moment I saw a glimpse of Aydan's recovery. I had never noticed him feeling empathy before. I kissed him as he watched me carefully. I sat down and finished the book.

Now why do I tell you this story? What I experienced while reading this book was an emotion I did not expect. I thought I knew these stories. I understood what vaccines were doing to people and I knew that some were dying. So why did this story cause me to break down? I'm not quite sure. Partly I think it was fear. Mostly I think it was anger. I didn't want to know these things. I didn't want to feel this way. I even felt angry at Jenny for making me see it. I'm not sure I had really paid attention before. I knew there was a danger to our children lurking and looming but had I really taken it in or had I just skimmed the pages? I know this wasn't the first tear I had shed over autism and I know it won't be the last but I realized that day that it was no longer enough for me to sit in my house and quietly cure my son. What kind of world was I planning on releasing him into? What if he never recovers? What if he does? When is the time to use my voice if not now? I vowed that this would be my life. I vowed never to turn away and to never stop telling truth. I prayed to God to please give me the strength to never give up on my son and the thousands like him. Now isn't the time for political correctness. We have an epidemic on our hands that is larger than anything we've ever seen. If you think the numbers of autism are high, check out ADD/ADHD, Asthma, Allergies, Alzheimers... and those are just a few of the As. Vaccine induced illness has created this generation of the "diagnosed". The odd thing about all of this is that it actually is a blessing. Our eyes are wide open and we're doing something about it. We're cleaning up our diet, our air, our water, our products and even our clothes. We're making changes that may have prolonged our own lives and while I know that we are turning lemons into lemonade. There is still much to do.

I can't help but to ask myself why I was called into this world. To what greater purpose? Would I have cared about vaccine induced sickness and death had I not been in the position to witness it? I doubt it. The baby boomers thought they had an uphill task of ending the Viet Nam war, well they haven't seen anything. Unraveling the truth about autism, autoimmune and vaccines will not be easy but we must stand strong. Do not forget what you saw with your own eyes. We are not crazy.

Picture this: You take your son to the doctor because he burns his hand on the stove. The doctor says, "that burn didn't come from the stove." You say, "of course it did, I saw it." Doctor replies: "No, burns like that don't happen from stoves." You answer, "But no doctor, I saw it with my own eyes, look at his burn, it's clearly from a stove." Doctor: "No, it's not possible, we don't exactly know why burns like that occur but we know it's not from stoves." Imagine five or six different doctors telling you the same thing. After a while you may start to doubt yourself but we can't allow that to happen. We don't need a double blind placebo study to prove the stove burnt our hands. We know the truth and we will reveal.

Since I usually like to include a picture or video in my posts, I will leave you with this. No one has said it better:

Resolutions, Mountain Climbing and Potty training

2010-01-06T16:16:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope all had a warm holiday season and are looking forward to 2010. I love the optimism of a New Year. You're slate has been wiped clean and you are ready to start over. I love making resolutions, so much so that I usually make way too many. I often make 4-5 that are easily forgotten by February. So this year I decided to make just one. What is it, you ask? Well, I was inspired by a documentary "Touching the Void" about a mountain climber who was able to make it out of the inside of a glacier back into the mountain and then down the hill on his own with one broken leg. If that sounds impossible then watch the documentary. You will see that it seems more impossible that you can imagine and yet this guy pulls it off. I just happened to catch this movie on cable a couple weeks ago and had been haunted by it ever since. I had never heard of it or this story before and I wasn't sure exactly how I ended up watching it in the first place. It was late a night and I was about to go to bed I started watching it peripherally while reading a book and then found myself drawn into the story. As I lay in bed for the next several nights I would see images of this man pulling himself out of this glacier. I would have to think about him for about 30 minutes before being able to think of anything else. I thought about this in relation to what it feels like living in a world with autism. Pulling yourself out of the void, into the light only to be met by thousands of feet of mountain with one broken leg, in below zero temperatures, with no food; what could be harder than this? Potty training a child with autism, perhaps? For most people this will sound pretty funny but not to those of us with kids on the spectrum. All of us want are kids to become potty trained neuro-typical or not and when you're child is difficult the thought of a teen-ager in diapers will undoubtedly run through our minds. As ridiculous as this seems it is a very realistic occurrence for people on the autistic spectrum. So what does this have to do with my New Year's resolution? I decided to do just as the mountain climber does and not think about the entire mountain but rather about getting to one place at a time. As you will see in the footage I've attached below he would set goals about getting to a rock in 20 minutes or a tree in 10. I can't think of recovery as a whole but rather one thing at a time. My son will potty train once I can get him to initiate when he has to go but you can't start with that. First we begin a routine, pulling the pants down and up, washing hands, etc., then we start to teach him to communicate once he's had an accident, then we work on him telling when he has to go and so on... At present we're making progress because he has begun initiating when he has to go but inconsistently so the goal is that within 3 months he will be doing this consistently. So as to not confuse the official New Year's resolution isn't that my son will become potty trained but that I will learn to set small goals, one at a time.

Aydan's Bake Sale at Lombardi Ranch

2009-10-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Moms Club of Stevenson Ranch California had a bake sale to earn money for Aydan's treatment. It was held at Lombardi Ranch a perfect location for the season with pumpkins, fresh produce, petting zoo and train rides. I provided the gluten free cupcakes which sold surprisingly well for a dreary Monday. At the petting zoo we discovered Aydan's talent in goat herding. He pounds their backs and chases them from side to side causing them to huddle in a a neat little corner, good thing they don't bite. Thanks to the Moms Club of Stevenson Ranch for helping out an autistic boy they had never met.

My Able Son

2009-09-29T12:24:00.001-07:00

Autism Spectrum Disorder is truly a broad term. The word "spectrum" says it all, meaning that there is a wide range of disabilities that qualify one to have this diagnosis. In RDI we learn that the core deficit is one's inability to use flexible and dynamic thinking. A child highly verbal, who does well in school and is very intelligent may still receive a diagnosis of autism, high functioning autism or Asperger's. Why? Because this child cannot tell the difference between whether or not you are smiling or frowning. This child may talk but will appear to not know that you are there. This brings me to the latest with Aydan. He has been struggling in his new school. The class size maybe too large causing him anxiety and frustration. It could be a little too dynamic for his ability. He's been biting, having some behaviors and isn't doing well overall. They want to place him in a county school which is another way of saying "your child is severely autistic". But wait a minute, I don't see it that way. I see a child that is able to reference with ease. I see a child that 6 months ago did not look at me when he spoke and now he does (even if he only says 5 words). I see a child that smiles when I smile, that knows when I'm angry and knows when I'm happy. I see a child that helps with the laundry, the dishes, cooking dinner...you get the point. In other words, is my child as "autistic" as the highly verbal kid who can't play a simple game of peek-a-boo? Sure we need to work on these kids' deficits but we also need to remember to build upon their strengths. Must it always be assumed that the child is incapable when a program fails? If you're not seeing results in your program "oh well, my child's just severely autistic." Hogwash. I know my son has a long way to go, I know he may always be seen as disabled but I also know that he is able in many ways and I am not prepared to close the door on that.

Crisis Mode

2009-09-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

When I attended the RDI two day conference, I heard a phrase for the first time, "crisis mode". Although I had never heard this before, I understand exactly what it meant and how it related to the world of autism. Dr. Guthstein asked the audience who among us would take a 2 year old the grocery store willingly. He was shocked by the small number of hands that went up. "That's really sad", he said, "because it means non of you know what it's like to be out of crisis mode". He went on to talk about the importance of attitude and how it effected your child and the importance of getting out of "crisis mode". So... What is crisis mode? In my experience, it isn't necessarily brought on by tragedy but usually by change. Transition is hard and I'm not just talking about our kids on the spectrum. I felt this when both of my children were born. When they were newborns I would have nightmares about them falling off cliffs or getting run over by a car. I would wake up frightened and look over to make sure the baby was o.k., with my heart beating fast I would watch and wait for any sign of abnormality and when none came I turned over and went back to sleep. As the kids got older I found my panic begin to subside and we all settled into a routine but what happens when you have a child on the spectrum? For those of us that had a child who regressed you feel this brief moment of normalcy followed by chronic worry. When does it end? I don't know. Just as I've never really been able to meditate, I've never really understand being completely out of crisis mode. I listened to Dr. Guthstein's words... they made sense. Of course, your children are effected by your own state of panic, why wouldn't they be? Remember when you were a kid and how it felt when your parents were upset? Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty laid back person. Most days we live our lives and I don't spend time with my child thinking "he's autistic". I just see Aydan. I see his smile, his personality and I feel his warmth. It's just sometimes I hear the clock ticking. When people tell me about the "window of opportunity" in autism, I say "hogwash". Do you really believe a child is incapable of change beyond the age of 6? That's absurd. Is it optimal to have early intervention? Sure, but that doesn't mean that at 4 years old my son has peaked. To say it out loud sounds ridiculous but in my heart... I'm scared. I know in many ways I am extremely fortunate to have a child like Aydan. He's affectionate, he eats well and he's a smart boy. I know all of this and would advise a friend in my position not to worry and to know that many great success stories didn't occur until 5 or 6 or even 40 years old. This is what I say and this is what I believe as a thinking person but as I a mom what I feel is different. I want to feel that sense of calm that "aah, the house is clean" or "my work is done" or "you passed the test", feeling. I do at times but it never lasts. As a logical person I think, "of course, it doesn't last, people change, things change, life is about change". Yet what I feel and think are seldom the same. I want that but I wonder is it ever going to be attainable to me? I know that I am doing what's right, the best I can...right? Am I missing something? Is it only kids of the rich that recover? What is recovery really? When I ask myself that I am reminded that recovery is merely a label as is Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Mental Retardation or whatever other label our kids are saddled with these days. The labels aren't for us, they're for the insurance companies, regional centers and school districts so they can determine whether or not your child is eligible for services. What I want for my son is that he be happy. I want him to have friends, to have a good life and to feel good about himself. This is why I find myself re-emerging back into "crisis mode". I want out but I don't know how to do both. I don't know how to relax and take it easy and still help my son. Until I learn that I find myself reeled back into "crisis mode" like a fish on a hook.

Aydan's Autism Recovery Fund

2009-09-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

Hey all! If you'd like to be apart of Aydan's Recovery Angels, I've added a store selling products that will show your support. If you have any suggestions of different products you'd be interested in buying let me know. I'm more than happy to add or modify existing products based on popular demand. Again all profits are intended to help Aydan's Autism Recovery Fund. Aydan's big brother, Avery also lent a hand by designing his own t-shirts.
See my store at Zazzle

I've also added a donation button but please do not feel obligated to donate money. It is my pleasure to share Aydan's journey of recovery with the world. I realize it may sound premature to some to call this "Aydan's recovery" when we have so far to go but we certainly have a better chance of making it happen if we all believe that it's possible.

If you do chose to give, all money will go towards Aydan's recovery, particularly his bio-medical treatment. For those of you with autistic children, there's no need to elaborate; however, for those of you who may not know, autistic children often suffer from great medical problems that result in the autistic like behaviors present to the world. The underlined issues are many and usually need to be treated with costly diet interventions, medications and supplements (that's the short list). Most of these treatments are not covered by insurance. Aydan's supplementation and medication not covered by insurance are approximately $300 a month. That doesn't include the added expense of having him on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet and other interventions not paid for by insurance, regional center or school district. It's a whole big thing and with the budget cuts in California... That's a rant for another post.

How do I treat Biofilm?

2009-09-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

When we first embarked on this journey, before we started Speech Therapy or ABA therapy or any other kind of educational therapy, we started bio-med. Why did we start that first? Because I didn't know what else to do. While we were waiting for our early intervention services from Regional Center to kick in, I couldn't just sit on my hands. So... I sat on my butt and googled well into the wee hours of the night. First we did the Gluten and Casein free diet. We say small improvements but even though I switched my son from milk yogurt to soy yogurt he continued to have sinus trouble, so we kicked the soy. After a couple of weeks the sinus problem cleared but there weren't many other noticeable changes and then one day someone recommended to me a book called "The Yeast Connection" by William Crooks. I found it interesting that back in the 1980's when this book was written that Dr. Crooks was treating patients with autism and found that their symptoms subsided after being put on a Candida diet and a dose of Nystatin (prescription anti-fungal/yeast treatment). I then put our son on the Candida diet. After this we saw a dramatic change. My son was crying, screaming, biting and tantruming for two weeks. He seemed to experience a die-off that might occur in the most profound heroin addicts. Although I took this as a sign the treatment was working, his diarrhea continued and that's how we found the SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet). I read "Breaking the Viscous Cycle" and fell in love with the Elaine Gottschal's story. After switching to the SCD we found a home that we remained at for the past 2 years. At first, I saw improvements in yeasty behaviors (ie. no more inappropriate laughter, less stimming, better sleep patterns, etc.); however, this too was short lived. We added pro-biotics and anti-fungals and all of this helped but if my son stopped taking any of these for more than a few days his yeast would return. After a recent visit to his Grandparent's I heard stories about him laughing like a drunk person and I said "here comes the yeast again". Another thing happened while my son was visiting his Grandparent's. I attended the Mini-DAN conference in Pasadena, CA. One of the speakers was a well respected DAN doctor by the name of Anju I. Usman. She was the first to hyposize this theory on a connect between chronic yeast and Biofilm. Because of our situation with yeast I was very interested in this subject and I would like to share the information that Dr. Usman imparted on those of us fortunate enough to attend this conference.

First of all, what is Biofilm? Since I'm certainly no expert let me tell you Dr. Usman's hypothesis: "Patients with autism, who have toxic metal burdens and toxic chemical burdens are likely to grow resistant organisms in their GI tract. This resistance to treatment is perpetuated by pathogenic biofilms will help to eradicate dysbiotic flora and improve the symptoms we call autism".

Sounds good right? So how do we treat it? Since we are about to embark on this journey ourselves I'll let you know how it goes but in the meantime I've provided the steps for you as described by Dr. Usman in case you'd like to give it a go; (These steps listed below are directly taken from the Dr. Usman's syllbaus provided to us at the conference).

"Step 1: Lysis/Detachment
-Enzyme (polysaccharidase, disaccharidase) (Kirkman's lab has a new one on the market that is supposed to target biofilm specifically, we haven't tried it yet).
~Staph use fibrinolytic like lumbrokinase, serratiopeptidase, or nattokinase
~Pseudomonas or thick mucus prodcution use serratiopeptidase
~May use pineappe or papaya for senstive patient
-Disodium EDTA (oral only)
-Lactoferrin (especially for Psuedomonas)
~Works best on an empty stomach
~Start one supplement at a time, go slow
~Do not give Enzymes on an empty stomach to patients with severe GI issues
~Do not give Lactoferrin to patients with dairy allergy
~Avoid giving Iron, Calcium or Magnesium with supplements above
~Careful with sensitive patients or weak patients

Step 2: Killing
-Consider Natural Antimicrobials first
-Do not start with Pharmaceuticals
-Vary agents depending on microbiology and mycology testing
-Bacterial Cultures tend to show Gram positive overgrowth or Gram negative
-Dysbiosis may seem to worsen initially
-Watch for die off, treat accordingly
-Consider the use of antiobiotics or antifungals meds if organisms remain persistent

Step 3: Clean up
-Fiber, insoluble/soluble
-Activated Charcoal if needed
-Alginates, Brown Algae
-Modified Citrus Pectin
~Very important step
~Help prevent symptoms of die off

Step 4: Rebuilding/Nourishing the Gut Lining
-Probiotics
-Prebiotics
-Fermented Foods
-Healing, nutritious, non-toxic foods
-Supportive Nutrients"

Mommy Guilt

2009-09-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Today was my oldest son's first day of school. We just moved and he is starting the first grade in a new school. We were excited and talked about it for weeks. We had his backpack packed with 3 dozen freshly sharpened pencils, 2 dozen Crayola crayons 24 pack and so on. This morning I had one of those autism wake up calls. The sound of stimming a toothbrush against a counter in the kitchen by the stove light at 5am woke me up. I got out of bed and there was Aydan. He smiled at me and opened the refrigerator door. I gave him some food, he pooped, I cleaned him up and took him back to bed. Several hours later we went back to sleep. A half an hour later my alarm went off. It was time to take Avery to his first day. I was so tired. I got up, made my coffee, woke up Avery, he got dressed and we went. His class was already seated and none of the parents were still there, (we were about 5 minutes late). I saw a hub of parents circling around with their cameras capturing the excitement. I had forgotten mine. After dropping him off, I went home, woke up Aydan and took him to our IEP. He stimmed and I listened. After it was over I went back home and waited for the time to pick up Avery. Again, I was late... Again, there was a circle of parents with cameras (I forgot mine... again) and I couldn't find Avery. I looked high, low, in the playground, I shouted his name, everything. Finally, the teacher saw me and we began to look together. When I found Avery he was in front of the classroom door. I could see his face was red and his eyes were welling with tears. Another parent found him attempting to cross the street trying to make his own way home and brought him back to his classroom. He was angry with me. I was too. The teacher explained that this happens and in the future we must have a designated meeting spot. See, we had already missed the orientation for school the previous day because I had Aydan's IPP meeting. I didn't know where the kids were supposed to go and didn't think to ask. When I first started writing this post I thought it was about siblings of autistic children, then I thought it was about Avery but as I write, I realize it is about me. It isn't about what Avery's going through but rather about how I feel he must feel. In reality I don't know that but I imagine his disappointment in me and as it is reflected in myself. I am disappointed in myself because once again I became distracted by autistic world. It consumes me at times and I allow it to because it gives me purpose. If I weren't autism mom, who would I be? Let's back up and start at the beginning.

When Aydan was born I was very nervous about how this would go over with his then 2 year old brother. I had just barely stopped nursing big brother, Avery and I was wrapped with guilt about it. Imagine your mother stops nursing you and two months later a new baby who is getting your mother's milk. When Avery came to the hospital to visit me and the new baby he was excited. I could hear him running down the hallway saying, "Mommy.." He entered the room, big smile with markers and paper in hand. At two years old Avery was an amazing artist. He especially loved to draw the bad guy from the "The Incredibles" and he always had to carry marker and paper in case inspiration struck. When he saw me and the baby in the hospital bed he smiled. He said "baby". Everyone was passing the baby around from my husband to my mom and his mom and sister and so on... Avery was then able to climb up in my bed with me and have a little drawing session. We cuddled and drew. After a short while the baby began to cry and my husband handed him to me to nurse. I began nursing him and looked to see Avery's face. He was pissed. He took my mom's hand and indicated he wanted to go. He didn't even say good bye. A little while later my emotional wreck of self began to cry. The nurse came into the room and asked what was wrong. I told her about what had happened with Avery and I'll never forget her response, "it's hard to be all things to all people".

At home Aydan was a difficult baby. Like many babies who will later become autistic, he developed quickly but seemed clingy and cried whenever I left his side. I remember this one morning I looked over at Aydan to find him smiling and awake. He was so precious that I lifted him into my arms and in a motherly nurturing way I showered him with kisses and words of love. I felt someone's presence and looked over to find Avery standing in the doorway watching me as if I had cheated on him. I went to say something to him but he ran away. I tried to put Aydan down so I could go after Avery but he cried and I felt trapped.

The next two years would go by and we all began to adjust but as Aydan's behavior became odd and he did not show interest in his big brother like other younger siblings often do, we set in motion on the journey that is autism. Once again I worried about Avery. How would Avery a then 4 year old boy understand? Would I ever be able to give him the attention he deserved? Shortly after Aydan's diagnosis I read books about siblings of the disabled. These are great books if you're trying to increase your mommy guilt but mine was quite high enough. I lugged Avery around from appointment to appointment where he was told "only your brother can play in the sensory room" or "these toys are for your brother". Day in and day out the therapist came to the house with a suitcase full of toys...for Aydan. Eventually we could all see the toll this had on Avery and the therapist started bringing toys just for him. I also began to spend afternoons in Avery's room playing castle or whatever game he wanted and allowed the therapist to do all the work. Further relief came when my husband started to incorporate Daddy and me Wednesdays. Every Wednesday after school he and Avery would go to Chuck e Cheese or Round Table to play video games and get their gluten on. The years went by and we got through it.

Fast forward to today and Avery is a bright, sweet and sometimes grumpy boy. The other day he decided to take on the roll as Aydan's therapist. He had a three point plan. First get Aydan off his toes. He did. Then get Aydan to talk, He managed to get him to say "hi". Then get him stop stimming. This was tougher so I suggested he stim with him. Avery did a marvelous Floortime therapy session and after 15 minutes or so said to me "it worked and it was easy". You see when Avery stimmed with Aydan, Aydan smiled and this opened the door for a little light wrestling, tickling and fun.

I know I can't always be Supermom. In fact I despise the individual who ever came up with the term. I can be proud of the fact that despite my short comings, I've managed to make some pretty great kids.