Blair Necessities

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:31:00 +0000

Last night, after a fabulous outing (with my aunt and uncle, the Austrian Hordes, Schatzy and Squink) to the wonderful and gorgeous Pinto Creek in Haunted Canyon Squink and I were on our way home... driving along on what I now know is the Red Mountain Freeway... no other cars to be seen in front of us or behind us, mere hints of the mountains visible in the dark night. I was driving in my preferred lane for distance driving on multi lane freeways, the one just next to the outside lane.

Suddenly, a car speeds past me on our right, the kind of speeds that means that it was probably over 100 mph... though I don't know, it was fast, shockingly fast, and I thought to myself out loud "w...". The rest was supposed to be "...ow" but I did not get that far because that car drove straight into the median wall and all I saw were sparks and smoke and the car spinning what seemed like at least 7 times and frighteningly in my direction. I started braking, terrified the car would spin into Squink and I.... I would say it stopped a mere 50 or so feet. It was smoking, facing the wrong direction in the middle of the road... I was frozen with fear, time stood still and tears ran down my face. Squink did not see any of this thanks to the wonders of a gaming device that had absorbed all his attention.

I know we are supposed to stop and render aid but I had no clue where on this freeway we were, there were no car lights coming up behind us and I had a small child in the car with me... I decided the best thing I could do (for all of us) was to drive on to the next exit as I dialed 911 with hands shaking so bad I can't believe I actually pushed the right buttons... it felt like forever to reach the next exit and let the dispatcher know where the accident was. I was a mess, I could not give clear directions using proper names... I had to say things like "I am at the 202 and Recker", "the accident is east of me", the "202 north of the 60" The 202 is a circular freeway and was thus very confusing to the woman who had to deal with my phone call...

I hope this was the right choice. I don't know, I was up, off and on, all night with crash images in my dreams.

Tumbling Tumbleweeds

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:38:00 +0000

A glimpse of a tumbleweed on the freeway and I realize... the desert calms me.

I love having tool kits

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:01:00 +0000

And I want this one!

A man that myths are made of...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:25:00 +0000

I think I've mentioned before how my maternal grandfather died while on a boat during a family vacation in the Galapagos Islands.

I may have mentioned, and I'm honestly too lazy to look for it now, that our guide and one of the sailor staff gave my grandfather CPR for the five hours it took our boat to make it to the closest island with a doctor. That is five hours of non-stop CPR. The old fashioned kind where you switch between mouth to mouth and chest compressions. Five hours. The name of the man who did this was Phil Kelly. A handsome Welshman with dark curly hair and beard. He reminded me of pictures of Hercules that I'd seen in my picture books.

Phil became a friend of the family, the kind that you won't see for years and years and years... where getting back in touch is done mainly through letters.

In spite of all of this, Phil never lost the mythical aspects I ascribed to him those many hours on the boat. I recall watching him trying to save my dear grandfather several times that night... Through the cabin door and an overhead hatch. He straddled my grandfather, occasionally sitting up for really quick breaks and to catch his breath... his eyes always focused on my grandfather.

My aunt got an email from him the other day and shared it with me and the memories of that night flooded back, grateful to hear he is happy and doing well and still sails.

As I recalled him and that first time I met him I started thinking how there are elements to his stories that are magical and mythical. How if I were a better story teller I'd be better able to tell you just how magical and mythical those moments were and if I could do so, I'd turn Phil into a mythological hero, as I feel is fitting as to how his life story, for one long night, intertwined with mine and created something worthy of storytelling for centuries to come.

And my favorite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:32:00 +0000

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way.

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~ Pablo Neruda

And now he rides an iron horse...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:30:00 +0000

At least he might... My uncle, my wonderful, handsome, kind and generous true cowboy uncle... The details, as were passed to me are that he fell off his horse on December 23rd in the late afternoon. He broke his back and was taken to the hospital in Flagstaff. At least an hour, maybe two, from his ranch.

He had emergency surgery and it was noted that he suffered damage to the T1 region of his spinal cord. The cord , however, was not severed. He was doing fine until a respiratory issue had him sedated and on a ventilator with a tracheotomy.

The news since has both flown by and been shockingly slow...

My father is not the best provider of news so I had to depend on my cousin, this uncles daughter, for updates. I am the source of information for those on my side of the family, my mother and aunt who fondly recall him and his twin as a recent high school graduates, following my father to bullfights and embodying the cowboy spirit that they must have inherited from their father, my grandfather.

I don't know what will happen to him, for now I picture him surrounded by healing white light, prayers of a kind, images of recovery.

I am taking this hard, not sure why... it may be the fragile mortal coil and my parents and conversations this led to. It may be the recollections of my uncle as one of the few who came to visit us when we lived abroad; handsome with his beautiful new bride... feeling like there was no judgement from him, just a true uncle in the spirit one would love to have... my beaming at his delight that after so many years of not having ridden a horse that I still had my seat, taking my son for his first long ride, going with him to watch my father bullfight.... I suppose I am so full of heartache because I can't think of a solitary bad interaction between my uncle and me, I don't recall him even uttering a negative word about anyone, and perhaps the most touching of all are the kind inquires about my mother after my parent's divorced (a genuine interest in my mother's well being).

Anyway, this renders my heart heavy and so I put this out there as a request to get people to do what they do for people they don't know; prayer, positive thoughts, healing energy.

Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 23:37:00 +0000

I was asked to speak on Joy and what that means in our home.

I said of course, and proceed to realize that I had just set myself up for an intellectual quest.

I come from a long line of scientists and engineers so I started out with trying to figure out a consensus of definition.

In our day in age there is a dictionary which in a way said that joy is things like fun and happy to the 11.

But what does that mean, other than it is really, really, really, really a happy moment for us humans?

So, I did what any other person has the option of doing today and asked what joy mean to people on Twitter and Facebook.

The answers were mostly expected, a few that made me ponder more and I was starting to see some patterns.

I work with some tough kids, so I took this question to them and got some more expected answers, and some unexpected ones... but the patterns were holding... though somewhat elusive in setting into concrete language.

I asked a friend with whom I pursue issues of intellect and faith. I mentioned that I was starting to see that community was a theme, especially if the people were parents. My friend suggested that it was about being a part of something bigger than oneself.

More to think about. I have to admit that I was starting to question if those moments I would have called joyful actually were. I tend to avoid definitions that require faith, as it is something that is not really definable.

A few days later I was sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops, getting ready for a meeting and a dear friend happened to walk in. In the course of our conversation I decided they would be a good person to ask this question to... They revealed some interesting things to think about.

Among the things they said was that they tended to associate the word joy with the Christian faith. That in their work they used that word most commonly with Christians and not so much with people of an other faith.

I reacted quickly, saying that I thought joy was more of a universal concept, that it really did not have a faith barrier.

But, with time, and my typical Scottish Presbyterian upbringing tendency to dwell on such matters... I started to think there was something very valid in that assertion. The word joy is very Christian (though it does appear in the old testament and in other sacred texts).

Joy is sometime that often comes up around this time of year, in reference to Christmas of course.

So, I had to give in to the notion that Joy was a Christian notion... though in doing so I don't say that it is ONLY a Christian one.

I think that the patterns I was noticing, that of community were about being a part of something bigger than ones self. That is was feeling content, that it was not always an easy emotion, that it could include things like watching children being themselves and feeling your heart swell with something that could only be joy, that it could be about our senses being stimulated with simple things like a favorite horse chewing on alfalfa or sugar and just how magical that moment could be. I would even allow for the answers that threw me a little and might not apply to me; a sense of accomplishment, feeling buzzed, and listening to music.

One thing I do know... for me, the most constant source of joy comes from witnessing Squink grow up and be a part of the world he was born into.

And my favourite line is... (Stand forgiven)

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 22:23:00 +0000

Stand forgiven

Somber, as is this time, and I ponder tomorrow,
All as was given, and, in this beauty it is granted,
Life as we know it should be.
Of yesterday and those gone by,
For tomorrow, as it is, within question
And, existence in this mortal world
An answer awaits.
Upon this solemn ground I quake,
As though, I shiver in the nakedness of distrust!
Humble, and, I bow mine own head in prayer for thee.
A tear thus shed, in sorrow
Apathy for a time in turmoil, and, mine own disgust!
Truly as it were, a view of what should be
As we look to the morn'.
Alas, thine own view of reality
As to not tiptoe so quietly through the aftermath of yesterday's
Diminished glory!
Standing proud, and, there is nothing of this to be shared
Thus, I listen, and I hear the voice within
Ashamed, for what has become of a notion that all was done
Within reason.

Michael Shawn Groseclose

Copyright 2011 At first sight. Michael Shawn Groseclose. All rights reserved.

Thank You Michael Groseclose for letting me share this.
~b

Art history

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 00:32:00 +0000

I just read a line in A Trip To The Stars by Nicholas Christopher that just struck me so personally...

"It was amazing to me, when I thought back on it later, that I got my art history, not from slides or photographs in coffee-table books, but from viewing the objects firsthand, close enough to touch".

This feels so true to my experience... not just with paintings, photography and sculpture but also with literature and music and knowing the writers and artists as well. Oh, mom... what a special thing this was.

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 06:00:00 +0000

Luba, he would say, I'll help you
take out the hairpins.

"Spilled Milk"
~ Willa Schneberg

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/10/06

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 02:30:00 +0000

drama in those old sunrise
prisms in wet cedar boughs,

deepest mystery
in washing evening dishes

The Orchid Flower
~ Sam Hamill

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/09/08

Comic Sans

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 11:21:00 +0000

Comic Sans

Someone remind me to change the font to actually be Comic Sans... if I didn't figure it out already....

Why?

Because if you are not squeamish about some cleverly (and admittedly not so cleverly placed f-bombs, s-bombs and other alphabetical-bombs) and have a thing for fonts...

Then you might want to visit this article at McSweeney's.

I just wonder if Times New Roman (sending this via gmail, not even Google likes TNR, not available in their font options) really has true devotees...

And my favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 22:54:00 +0000

Precisely to the degree that you have loved something:
a house, a woman, a bird, this tree, anything at all,
you are punished by time.

Like the tree,
I take myself by surprise.

At Summer's End
~ John Engels

I miss my sister...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 00:25:00 +0000

And my favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 03:19:00 +0000

and shatter rainbows in the sun,
the purest liquid that exists,
too fine to slake our human thirst.

Dew
~ Robert Morgan

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/08/19

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 06:02:00 +0000

and I look up at the window and think,
I no longer know where you are,
and I walk on and wonder where
the living goes
when it stops.

Layover
~Charles Bukowski

As seen here: http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/08/summer-as-it-goes/

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:20:00 +0000

When I drank down cold water in a glass,
Drank a transparent health to keep me sane,
After the bitter mood had gone again.


A Glass of Water
~ May Sarton



As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/08/13

And my favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:18:00 +0000

the whole darn thing....

It will be the past
and we'll live there together.

Not as it was to live
but as it is remembered.

It will be the past.
We'll all go back together.

Everyone we ever loved,
and lost, and must remember.

It will be the past.
And it will last forever.

"Heaven" by Patrick Phillip

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/09/03

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 23:13:00 +0000

Link between water and air,
Earth repels you.
Light touches you only to shift into iridescence
Upon your body and wings.

The Dragonfly
~ Louise Bogan

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/08/11

SQOTD

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:36:00 +0000

As he is working on his math homework (which is taught in Spanish)...

"It's making me lose my mind".

SQOTD

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 08:25:00 +0000

"I've never seen a mommy with buns on." ~ when he told me about
his dream.

And my favourite line is

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 03:19:00 +0000

I can scarcely wait till tomorrow
when a new life begins for me,
as it does each day,
as it does each day.


The Round
~ Stanley Kunitz

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/08/06

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 11:34:00 +0000

Don't be ashamed of the homely thought
That whatever you might do elsewhere,
In the time remaining, you might do here
If you can resolve, at last, to pay attention.

Drugstore
~ Carl Dennis

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/07/27

My favourite line is...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 10:03:00 +0000

Now that we both want to know what we want,
now that we both want to know what we know,
it still behooves us to know what to do:
be circumspect, be generous, be brave,
be honest, be together, and behave.
At least I didn't get white sauce down my front.

"Runways Café II
~ by Marilyn Hacker

As seen on: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2011/07/21

There is so much wrong with this...

noreply@blogger.com (Blair) — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 21:46:00 +0000

these are NOT the Squink I refer to... (sigh).