So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager...

I'm Back From Retirement...And I Wrote a Book!

2013-02-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

After almost 2 years away from this blog it was about time I came back. Came back to the many wonderful and loyal readers that supported me over the 3 years that I was actively writing story after story about what it's really like to be a banquet manager.

Well, over the quiet month of January, my mind started to wander and I was missing putting my thoughts down on paper. So I decided to write a book. What the heck, if "they" can do it why can't I?

So I wrote a book, in 3 weeks I may say, entitled:

Earn More Tips On Your Very Next Shift...Even If You're a Bad Waiter.

Now I know what you may be saying, "Not another book about how waiters can make bigger tips". There have been hundreds of books written on the topic and thousands of articles on the web about the same thing. Well yes, you're right.

But in doing my research for this book, believe it or not I did do my homework, I didn't see one single book or article that cared if the hotel or restaurant where these waiters worked were also able to improve their customer service. Only that the waiters make bigger tips.

As you know, customer service is big with me and I've complained about poor waiter service enough times on this blog. So now I decided to do something about it.

My book is far from perfect but I am proud of it. I have used countless ways over the many years I have been in this business, and I am still active in it, to motivate my wait staff so that they can improve the customer service of my property. And I found a fringe benefit in this...the waiters started to make more money. Started to earn bigger tips. Started to make the extra money that they had always hoped for.

So that's where the idea for the book came from. So if you're interested, please visit:
http://earnmoretipsonyourverynextshift.blogspot.com to learn more about the book and a link to purchase it as well.

I hope you will like the book. And if you don't mind...please tell all your waiter friends about it. Hope they will like it too.

So I say goodbye for now and know we will meet again.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

My Final Post

2011-07-22T14:10:00.008-04:00

Well after 3 years and 370 posts, I must say farewell to this blog and the people that have been my faithful readers.

It's just that after all these years, its getting harder finding the time to sit down at my computer and tell you what it's like to be a banquet manager.

I never wanted to rehash an old story, or make up something that didn't happen, just to find some words to post on this blog. That's not my style.

I want to thank all of you that have supported this blog over these years and took the time to post a comment.

A special thank you goes out to the fellow hotel managers and servers/bartenders that have linked their blogs to mine.

The additional readers that have come here because of this are too many to count. I only hope that you too have attained many new readers that have come from here to your sites.

Because of your support, we reached many milestones too. This blog received some awards and many of my posts have been copied and posted on other blogs (hey, shouldn't I be paid for that?).

But what I'm most surprised at, is that this site is still ranked 1st of any site on the web for the search term "banquet manager". We're still number 1 on Google, Yahoo, Bing and Aol. Kinda cool right?

In closing, thank you all for using some of YOUR precious time and stopping by to read the latest from my world. It's appreciated more than you know.

Take care...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

It's National Waiter and Waitress Day, Again!

2011-05-19T06:37:00.002-04:00

…are they kidding?

This is a great country for so many more reasons than I could ever name, especially here. We celebrate political, religious, cultural and sexual diversity in every form. We even go so far as to name a “special day” after various types of people to remember and commemorate them.

We have the normal days:

Presidents Day
Mothers Day
Fathers Day
Grandparents Day
D-Day
Independence Day
Flag Day
All Saints Day
Veterans Day
Thanksgiving Day
New Years Day

Then we have the “cute” days:

Groundhog’s Day
Girl Scout Day
April Fools Day
Administrative Professionals Day (give me a break!)
Beautician’s Day
Take Your Son or Daughter to Work Day
Forgot Day (I forgot that one)
Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Day
National S’mores Day
Left Hander’s Day

Now guess what the brain trust of the country came up with?

Drum roll please………..

it's...

The National Waiter and Waitress Day! (May 21)

WHAT! You have got to be kidding!

I have an idea for a day to celebrate waiters and waitresses. How about a few of these winners:

Get your butt to work on time day
Wear a clean uniform day
Take off those gangster earrings day
Get the order correct day
Don’t let the buffet run out of food day
Serve from the left and clear from the right day
Offer them a second cup of coffee day
Stop complaining day
Do your closing side-work before you go home day
Punch-out for your shift day

I can go on forever…

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Now I Gotta Call More People In For This Shit!

2011-05-07T08:45:00.001-04:00

We have a large social church group in today that ends at 5pm tonight. That's great 'cause it gives me plenty of time to flip the ballroom for Mother's Day tomorrow.

I have my housemen all set with tomorrow's floor plan since we closed-out the seating and it should be an easy flip.

A few minutes ago that fabulous "Sales Chick" comes by, yes she's here this early today, and says that the social group today wants to delay the start of the the event by 1 hour to give them more time to get back here from the church. Now since I know the history of this group since they have been here 2 times before and that really means 2 hours not one.

Then when we try to get them outta the room it takes another hour or so 'cause they move as slow as shit.

Bottom line is that I know they won't be outta the ballroom until around 8pm tonight I can bet the house on this. So now I need to call my pm housemen and change their call-times or they will be sitting around with nothing to do waiting for these slow-pokes. Plus I probably will need another guy on as well.

Just the kind of shit I need before Mother's Day...

Enjoy your day with your mom. Hope she enjoys it too.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

How Many Boxes Do They Have?

2011-05-02T20:00:00.001-04:00

I get a call on the radio this morning from my shipping and receiving clerk Paul. He seems kinda pissed and tells me I need to come down to the loading dock to see all the boxes that are coming in.

I sort of expected a shipment coming in today for the big pharmaceutical group that is starting tomorrow for a 4 day meeting. But I wasn't expecting all THIS shit!

There's 87 friggin' boxes, yes I said 87 boxes that are being unloaded from a special UPS truck that was sent here just for this shipment. WTF!

There's logo pens, special pads, folders with the company name on it, and even different colored Post-it notes with their newest drug logo plastered across the top. The loading dock looked like the back of Costco or Sam's Club.

I call up to the Sales Chick, of course I gotta blast her for this, to ask her what's the plan for this crap. Apparently Sales Chick didn't want to come down to see what we had 'cause she didn't want an earful from me. After 10 minutes she finally arrived.

"How's all these boxes supposed to get to the ballroom", I ask her? "Are we expected to be their personal UPS delivery men"?, came next. "I'm not responsible for moving all this crap upstairs, they gotta help too".

Sales chick just stood there with those deer-in-the-headlights eyeballs. For once she didn't have a smart-ass comeback. "I didn't know anything about this Banquet Manager", she pleaded. "I'm sorry, they never mentioned all this".

Guess I'm getting soft 'cause I kinda believed her.

Now my men are moving all this shit up to the ballroom for tomorrow's meeting. This sucks...

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Like I've Got Time for Another Meeting

2011-04-28T08:00:00.001-04:00

Apparently the boss has forgot what "operations" is like. I guess when you get so removed from the day-to-day tasks of running a department you think that everybody else has all the time to sit through another friggin' meeting.

We have the:

BEO meeting (2 times a week)- to discuss the upcoming events (and where I terrorize the Sales Chick)
F&B meeting (weekly) - to hear the F&B Director bitch about how high our food cost is
Accounting meeting (2 times a month) - to listen to those pencil-pushers complain how we didn't make the banquet checks correctly
Budget meeting - with the GM (thankfully this is only once a month)
Final detail meeting (with the upcoming brides) - this is torturous, can't take listening to their worrying anymore about wanting their special day to be so different from the rest of the brides in the world. BITE ME!

Now I need to take part of a new meeting called the "Property Assessment Meeting". WTF is this?

I'm not in the maintenance or engineering departments, that's their problem. They need to make sure that this place is in tip top shape not me! I send them the emails and fill out the maintenance request forms when the lightbulbs are burnt out of there is a tear in the wallpaper.

Why do I need to sit through another meeting for this shit!

Just drives me nuts...

Who's gonna take care of the customers? Who's gonna make the schedule? Who's gonna order do payroll? Who's gonna...

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Football Player Sexually Abuses Waitress

2011-04-27T12:19:00.001-04:00

Updated Apr 27, 2011 5:42 AM ET

WASHINGTON (AP)

Washington Redskins defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth was charged Tuesday with misdemeanor sexual abuse, accused of fondling a server in a hotel restaurant in Washington.

A grand jury returned an indictment formally charging Haynesworth in the alleged incident at a downtown Washington hotel in the early hours of Feb. 13. If convicted, the 29-year-old two-time All-Pro faces up to six months days in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

According to the U.S. attorney's office, the government's evidence shows Haynesworth slid a credit card down the front of the server's dress and fondled her breast.

Telephone and email messages left for Haynesworth's agent, Chad Speck, were not immediately returned. At the time the server's accusations became public, Speck said "there seems to be no truth to these allegations."

Redskins spokesman Tony Wyllie said the team referred all calls to Haynesworth and his agent.

Link to original story.

From the Banquet Manager:

"She should have kicked him in the nuts".

Fellow waitresses/waiters, ever had to deal with shit like this?

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Easter Captain's Report

2011-04-25T06:38:00.003-04:00

Date: April 24, 2011

Group Name: Easter Brunch

Event Time: 10:30am - 3pm (3pm last seating)

Covers: Reservations for 719, Actual covers 687

Room Setup: Assorted table sizes

Food Presentation: Kitchen did a good job for food presentation. Again this year, no large platters were used, just small platters that were easy to swap out. Less waste this way. A slight delay around 12:30pm in getting more Eggs Benedict but kitchen staff worked quickly to cook them. Customer not affected by this delay. One customer commented that they would have liked to see "king crab legs" on the buffet (yeah sure). Overall no issues from the kitchen, another good job done.

Service Plan: Wait staff did a good job and worked within their 9 teams. All tables were reset quickly (helped greatly by the 4 bussers). Food runners worked well, even the new waiter (he seemed a little overwhelmed at first but held it together).

Other Items: Much less liquor was consumed this year than in past. Only a few glasses of wine and 9 Mimosas.

Guest Comments: This is where we did very well. Many great comments were given. I have attached 4 comment cards this this report. I gave out many of my business cards to guests that wanted to return for Mother's Day. Overall a very good day.

Hey, fellow Banquet Managers. What was YOUR captain's report like?

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Didya Get a Bowl of Soup With That Cut?

2011-04-20T15:11:00.005-04:00

Sales Chick comes in today with some new hairdo.

Makes her look like some peacock or something. It's the worst come-over I've every seen, all pulled over to one side of her head.

Plus it's dyed this real fake red, like Bozo the Clown. You gotta see this!

What the hell was she thinking?

It took all the professionalism I had to keep from laughing my ass off during today's BEO meeting.

Ever had one of your coworkers come in with a silly haircut or some ugly-ass dress? Did you have the balls to tell 'em how stupid they looked?

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

These Bastards Have Had Enough To Drink Already, Now You Give Them More?

2011-04-18T08:00:00.003-04:00

Late wedding last night, ended at 1am with an after-party. I have just 1 question for these knuckle-headed sales people:

You book a wedding with a 5 hour open bar then you allow then to have an after party for another hour after that? How drunk do you want them to get?

What about our liquor license? How do you expect us to cut off these drunks when, if we do, their less-drunk friend will get a drink for them. It's as easy at that. And just because they are staying in the hotel and not driving home doesn't mean that they can get bombed.

What about the few jerks that do drive home. After they crash and kill someone, will you as the Sales Chick be the one that gets sued along with the poor bartender that is trying to not only do his job but be a policeman at the same time.

Screw you Sales Chick!

I cut them off, the whole party, after 25 minutes.
That's right!

I rolled the bars outta the room, had my waiters remove the back bar glasses and ice bins, and walked right up to the father of the bride (he was just as drunk too that dick-head), and told then that for their own safety the bar is closed.

Of course he and the other after-party asses flipped out. I DON'T CARE!

You deal with the complaints on Monday.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Time To Count All The Chairs, Again

2011-04-11T08:57:00.001-04:00

Believe it or not, the big boss actually wants to spend some of that money we apparently have left in our budget. He wants to get new chairs for the ballroom. That's great!

Today I'm having the housemen count all our chairs again, and our tables, for an accurate count.

I forgot to mention that he also wants us to reconfirm exactly the maximum number of people we can fit into each room, using each configuration (u-shape, classroom, crescent rounds, theater, etc). So now we're planning to set and reset each room over the next few days to get this done.

Yeah I know it's a pain in the butt but at least we'll get new chairs outta this. Can't complain.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

I've Been Doing This For 3 Years?

2011-04-07T09:00:00.006-04:00

Yes believe it or not. Today marks the completion of 3 full years (and 363 posts) where I have spilled my guts out on these pages for the world to see what it's really like to be a banquet manager. Hope you've had pity on me...

If course I wish to thank all of you readers (even the ones that say I'm mean spirited when I seem to bitch about those waiters of mine, or yours).

Without you I wouldn't have the desire to keep on bitchin' about them...well, yes I probably will still keep on doing that.

On a separate note, I've been thinking on doing my 3rd Guest Blogger event again. Is anybody interested in having their F&B related story told here? I'm happy to give you the opportunity.

Let me know and maybe we'll start it next month.

Take care all. And thanks.

From,

the Banquet Manager

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

The Most Dangerous Food Ever!

2011-04-05T20:54:00.003-04:00

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford ...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

I'm One of The Top Career Blogs, Wow!

2011-03-30T08:00:00.004-04:00

I'm proud to accept this award from the Motion Picture Academ...sorry, I got it wrong.

I didn't win an Oscar but I did win this award. On March 25th I was voted as a Top Career Blog by the web site Blog Front. Check it out.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Who Da Hell is Reading This Blog?

2011-03-28T08:00:00.004-04:00

As I come up quickly to my 3 year anniversary of writing this blog (April 7th), I wondered...

Question: Who reads this blog? Why do you keep coming back to my site?

Answer:

You're a waiter (that can't stand managers like me)
You're an ex-waiter that just can't stay away from the business (or couldn't take it and got your ass fired)
You're a chef/cook that really can't stand us banquet managers either and always try to make us look bad (you sneaky bastards!)
You're a banquet captain that loves to hear some of the shit that other people in the business deal with too
You're a college kid wondering about your future and thought "Hey, maybe I'll just be a waiter for 6 months or so...)
You're too damm undependable to get a "real" job and just fell into this business (you lazy shit)
Oh, of course, you're also an actor and need a flexible schedule so you can go to your auditions (yeah right!)
You're a Sales Chick that has a deep-set desire to let the truth be known that you don't have the faintest idea of what you are doing and are so guilty that you need to read about me yelling at MY Sales Chick
You're a wedding planner that is usually more f*cked-up than my Sales Chick and always covers-up her ass by saying, "The bride just asked me for..."
You're just another banquet manager that takes pity on a poor lost soul like me and needs to know that you're not the only one that goes through this crap

Whatever reason it is that keeps you coming back to my little place on the web, thank you. I sincerely appreciate it.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

They Shampooed the Carpets Without Telling Me!

2011-03-24T19:51:00.003-04:00

Another thing that REALLY steams the banquet manager's ass happened today. I'm gonna slap the piss outta this guy...

They came late last night and shampooed all the carpets. Without telling me dammit! Not that I need to be told everything in this friggin hotel but it would be fu*king nice if someone actually opened their fat mouth and told me since I'm the one in charge of ALL the meeting rooms and had all my rooms setup perfectly for the next 2 days.

Then I come in this morning to see that every room, I said EVERY room, is now trashed to shit! Tables all over the place, chairs bunched-up in the corner, and a damp musty smell fills the air.

Believe it or not, since this is not the first time this shit has happened to me, I ran to my office to turn on my computer. Yep, what do I see? An email from the head of Housekeeping bitching to me, "Why didn't you have the rooms emptied out for the carpet cleaning?" "We now have to pay the cleaning company overtime 'cause the men needed to move all the tables out of the way to clean the carpet", this shithead says.

"If we would have canceled the cleaning last night, they would have charged us more than the overtime so we let them continue", jerk-face ended.

Now, I'm gonna kill this asshole.

I don't bother responding to his email. I march right down to his office in the basement (that bastard deserved to be in the friggin basement), and am ready to blast him. Of course the shit-for-brains is not in. He probably knows he's in a load of trouble with me.

So patiently I wait. In the meantime, my houseman supervisor comes looking for me and yells, "WTF happened last night". "All the rooms are a mess".

I tell him not to worry, I will take care of this crap. "Don't touch a thing Carlos", I say, "just let me know when that sheep-kisser from Housekeeping comes in".

Around 9:30am I get a call on the radio that shit-stain face has come in and was seen walking through the ballroom prefunction area. So off I go...

After I tear him a new one, I go back to my office to finally start my day. I'm comforted in knowing that the entire Housekeeping staff are all heading up to my meeting rooms to totally reset all the rooms. Each and everyone of them, under the watchful eye of my houseman Carlos.

Remember, I mentioned that this is the 2nd time this happened, both times without me being told from Housekeeping's vomit breath manager. How did I get him to have all his staff reset my rooms?

Sometimes it's nice to be on the General Manager's good side. He was my attack-dog today.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

I Was Featured Again

2011-03-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

FYI...

One of my recent posts, "The Room Was Setup Perfectly", was a featured story on the "Might Have Missed List" last month. In case you haven't read this list on the Breaking Murphy's Law site, it's a list the website posts about their favorite stories on other blogs that are related to business meetings and audio/visual equipment presentations.

Check it out here: Breaking Murphy's Law

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

A Union Shop Revisited

2011-03-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

The other day I overheard two of the Room Service waiters complaining that their boss was breaking their balls about them needing to work harder. Then one of them said "We should get a union in here". "This shit wouldn't happen then" he finished. Yeah sure.

This reminded me of a past post I had about a "Union Shop". Here it is reprinted. Hope you enjoy it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Union Shop...

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then gesturing to an 85 year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

P.S. "You gotta love those unions".

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Friggin' Daylight Saving Time Kicked My Ass

2011-03-14T08:52:00.001-04:00

Who invented this daylight savings time shit anyway? Don't they know that a banquet manager leaves work way too late at night and must usually come back early the next morning to deal with this shit?

I need that extra hour of sleep man. I've got bags on top of the bags under my eyes today. Got home at 2:30am regular time before I realized that it was now 3:30am ('cause I woke up my wife when I fell into bed and she started yelling at me).

We just had a big Chamber of Commerce event here with over 2000 people. I needed to stay late to direct the housemen to flip the rooms and breakdown the almost 100 rented tables and get them back to the loading dock.

Got a friggin' splinter in 2 different hands to boot!

My feet are sore. My staff are whipped. Plus I needed to deal with some a**hole that kept complaining that the room was too hot. There's 2000 people in here you putz! We're crammed in like sardines. What do you expect?

Back to Sunday morning...

Now after going to bed at 3:30am I'm up at 5:15am to hop in the shower (I don't remember shaving but apparently I did before my shower), get dressed and start up my car by 6:30am. I'm at work at 7:15am and see my staff fast at work getting ready for the church breakfast for 115 people we have planned.

Some how they got up and made it in. I'm too old for this shit...

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Just Got My Ass Outta Bed

2011-03-06T15:43:00.001-05:00

317 person Philippieno wedding last night. Went to 2am. A lot of drinking, and a lot of dancing.

A HUGE bridal party with introductions that seemed to go on forever. When I got home I think I passed out in around 3 seconds.

Just got up this morning at 11:47am. Damm...

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Things I Heard At The End Of My Shift Yesterday - Part 4

2011-03-03T09:00:00.015-05:00

"I don't give a F^@!, I'm not gonna come in".

Said by the restaurant waiter that was just put on a 6th day on Thursday due to heavy reservations

"I got no Chambord".

From jerk-ass bartender. Did you make out your req. this morning buddy?

"I'm gonna hit on that new hostess, did you see her ass"?

Yeah, I know it's sexist, but I didn't say it. The sous chef did.

"*@$^++ (*&^%w, J*=^%"

Something from the angry dishwasher that I couldn't understand

Yes, Another Post Bitching About a Restaurant Waiter

2011-03-01T08:37:00.003-05:00

I had off Sunday so I took my wife and kids out to lunch at a local steak house. The food is always good there and we've never had a problem with the service. Frankly it's always been good. This day was no different but just a few strange things...

We were greeted at the door warmly and seated right away. About 3 minutes go by when a waitress comes over and says hello and takes our drink orders, 3 regular and 1 diet Coke.

She comes back right away and drops down the drinks. I say that we are ready to order and she looks puzzled. "Well I'm leaving for the day but I'll take your orders for Mike", she says. "He just came in and will be your waiter", she followed. "Besides, he's better than me" she said and off she went. That was a strange thing to say I thought.

Our salads were delivered by the food runner and we started to eat. Then a male waiter stopped by after a few minutes and asked if everything was ok. Was this Mike? Or Henry? I'll never know since "Mike" never introduced himself.

This "Mike impostor guy" looked over our table for the rest of our stay but never asked anyone other than my wife "Is there anything else I can get for you"? "Did you enjoy your meal"? "Would you like to see our desert menu"?

I gotta watch this "Mike impostor"...

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

The Room Was Setup Perfectly...

2011-02-23T19:38:00.004-05:00

A lousy corporate meeting for 68 people. Setup was classroom style for 72. 4 Flipcharts, LCD projector, screen, podium and tabletop microphone.

We set the room up fully based on the diagram that was provided by the customer and faxed to my sales chick.

Yeah I know. Once the sales chick gets involved something is bound to be f*^#ed-up.

Hey, but I've got a diagram, can't be a problem.

We set the room late Monday night perfect as can be. Next came all the black duct tape, gotta make the LCD cord look sharp, a nice straight line to the podium.

Left late Monday feeling good about the next day. Should be a piece of cake, room is good to go. NOT!!!!!!!!!

When I came in Tuesday the dumb-ass group contact tells me that the room is setup wrong. WTF! I've got a diagram. I take my copies of the BEO's outta my pocket and show her the diagram that was sent to us.

"Sorry, that looks like the diagram from the meeting we had at the Marriott downtown last month. My secretary made these arrangements, not me", she said. "I need this room setup for crescent rounds", was next.

I wanted to strangle someone, and this time I can't even blame our sales chick!

Oh, by the way...did I mention that my morning houseman called out sick this day? I heard his voicemail when I came in at 6:30am.

Now I'm pulling the dishwasher from the kitchen along with the overnight housekeeper that was planning to leave at 8am when the next shift was scheduled to come in.

The three of us start flipping the room to the "correct" setup. Then sales chick comes in, followed shortly by the in-house a/v tech. Now we have 5 pissed-off people moving tables, chairs, ripping up the duct taped LCD cord, picking up the pens & pads from the floor. The whole shit-show.

Well, 45 minutes later, 5 pissed-off people and one ripped shirt (the sales chick, HA!) and we got it done.

Another shit start of the day. The kitchen better not short change me on the food today... The banquet manager is not happy today.

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

How Was My Valentine's Weekend?

2011-02-14T11:30:00.003-05:00

We did a big Valentine's Day dinner on Saturday night for almost 200 people. Open to the public but with reservations a must. Here's how it went.

Rented red napkins were never delivered (BITCH!)
Wrinkled linen, spent almost 2 hours ironing (I hate this shit)
2 late waiters (they heard it from me)
4 no show reservations, 11 people total (gotta charge their asses)
Kitchen timing could have been better, they couldn't keep up with us
The sorbet intermezzo was melted, kitchen didn't bother to make sure it was placed in the kitchen with enough time to freeze well (a**holes)
6 people wanted a vegetarian meal, and 1 vegan, even though we advertised the menu on our website and in all our print paperwork (jerks, just eat the damm steak!)
Didn't have enough of an expensive wine that some bigshot wanted (still sold him 3 bottles anyway)
One lady was so pretty that my guy waiters went gaga over her (reminded me of the bride we had last year with the BIG BOOBS)
Room Service was slammed and tried to steal some of our B&B plates (yeah, BITE ME)
Band wanted to eat when they felt like it (no, you eat when I tell you it's time to take a break)
Special dessert that the chef planned to sit high on the plate kept falling over (he was pissed off but did the best he could to fix it)
People left very happy (especially the 5 different couples that asked for their dessert "to-go")

Guess they couldn't wait to get to their hotel room...

How was your day?

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share

Food Trivia #4 Answers

2011-02-11T06:52:00.003-05:00

Ok, I know all of you couldn't sleep the last few days without knowing the answers to this quiz. So here they are...

On what vegetable did an ancient Egyptian place his right hand when taking an oath? A: The onion. Its round shape symbolized eternity.
How many flowers are in the design stamped on each side of an Oreo cookie? A: Twelve. Each has four petals.
Black-eyed peas are not peas. What are they? A: Beans
What European nation consumes more spicy Mexican food than any other? A: Norway
What part of the banana is used to make banana oil? A: No part. Banana oil, a synthetic compound made with amyl alcohol, is named for its banana-like aroma.
Under what name did the Domino's Pizza chain get its start? A: DomNick's
What was margarine called when it was first marketed in England? A: Butterine
What are the two top selling spices in the world? A: Pepper is 1st and mustard is second.
What was the name of Cheerios when it was first marketed 50 years ago? A: Cheerioats
What is the most widely eaten fish in the world? A: The Herring
What is the name of the evergreen shrub from which we get capers? A: The caper bush.
What fruits were crossed to produce the nectarine? A: None. The nectarine is a smooth skinned variety of the peach.
What animals milk is used to make authentic Italian mozzarella cheese? A: The water buffalo's.

So how many did you get right?

Like this story? Get all my posts send to you by email. Click here...

Share Like this story? Share it with your friends and family on Facebook. Share