From the Couch

The Enemy of Better

2011-06-21T06:19:00.001-07:00

My last post took a cynical turn. Sorry. One of the pitfalls of commenting on something as flawed as our election process is one will encounter a great deal of disappointment. It’s hard not to get overwhelmed occasionally. But the pity party is over now. Time to light a candle.

Becoming the President of the United States shouldn’t be easy. It should be hard. It should demand every last ounce of you to get there. On election night, our candidates should be wrung out. The election process should strip away any loose piece of shielding. We are trusting them with our lives, we want to see what they’ve got hiding behind their campaign button. However, this is typically where the campaign process fails us. Too often, the election process mutates from finding a leader to finding faults.

It’s not hard at all to find faults, just look in the mirror. Let’s be honest, we’re not fit to run the country either. But I defy you to find anyone with an empty closet. Some of us have a chorus line of skeletons in there. Some, like my dear beloved grandma, have just enough for a game of solitaire, or so I’m told. Hopefully, the next guy we swear in doesn’t have enough to fill the stands at a NASCAR event.

I’m not looking for a spotless lamb, and you shouldn’t be either. We shouldn’t let the campaign directors divert attention away from the important to stare at the juicy. We are looking for a Political Leader who understands his role and has the skill to do it well. We are not looking for someone to raise our kids, lead us in prayer, or fix our lives. Their job will be to use all the resources that our tax money buys to keep us safe at night and free during the day. I don’t want him or her meddling in things they don’t understand.

But brace yourself, that’s where the campaign is headed. At some point, the campaign will direct our attention away from the Diplomas on the wall to what’s floating in the bowl. Instead of focusing on their credentials we’ll hear a lot of talk about where they have failed to be perfect. So the ideal becomes the enemy of the better.

When we demand perfection from our candidates, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. Worse than that, what we create are candidates who become better at concealing their flaws. So what we end up with is someone who has just done the best job of fooling us. Not exactly the kind of thing I WANT my President to be good at. You?

Our next President, will have some warts. We’ll learn something about them that makes us feel superior momentarily. We would be fools to let their personal flaws outweigh their professional qualifications. He or she will have some baggage and I would be happy to carry it into the Residence in about 18 months.

Who’s with Me?

2011-06-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

Because of President Bush’s perceived coziness with Big Money and Big Oil, the Republican Party was “referendummed” out of the Oval Office in 2008. “Bush and all his greedy friends have ruined the economy for the next decade." is what the “experts” told us. A majority of the country believed it and the polls showed it. Personally, I don’t think an Abraham Lincoln/Ronald Reagan ticket would have held onto the White House. The country was ready for a change.

The typical voter felt left behind by their government. Most of us felt like those who were in charge, “them greedy Republicans”, were taking care of themselves and forgetting about all of us out here punching clocks in their companies. While they were shooting craps with our 401ks, we were dodging phone calls from collection agencies which happened to be owned through a shell corporation by the guy we worked for. And we quietly revolted.

The Tea Party erupted. The Taxed Enough Already Party exploded from a shared sense of abandonment by We the People. The business friendly cadre we elected didn’t control themselves, and some of us lost our retirement money and our homes. Greed, and nothing but greed, created the calamity we are all enduring now. No spin will change this fact. A bunch of greedy elites with powerful connections got into a peeing contest and now we all need a towel. The government we trusted failed to protect us from their cronies. End of story. Save the spin for your $80,000.00 speaking engagements. We all know what happened. In 2008, the typical new Tea Party member was removing Republican elephants from their bumpers. But now,in 2010, we are starting to see some donkey stickers get scraped off.

Now we are starting to see that Democrats have wealthy friends too that want their turn at the Capitol Trough. We see that POTUS is unwilling to rein in his union buddies in South Carolina where Boeing is trying to create some non-union jobs. President Obama’s biggest contributors were awarded huge contracts but didn’t create any jobs with those contracts. Nancy Pelosi’s personal worth rose by 62% while many of us lost everything. Yes it’s true. Democrats like money too.

So what’s a working stiff supposed to do? I don’t have any political muscle. I don’t have an oil well or an abortion clinic. I’m not either party’s pet. Who’s watching my back? Whose not too busy tweeting pictures of himself to actually represent me in government?

This is the view from the couch. We’re about to be assaulted by misleading political ads designed to divide us and make us angry at the “other guy.” One ad will tell half the story and then their opponent’s commercial will tell us: “What Candidate X won’t tell you is…” We’ll hear everything except a straight answer and in the end, most of us will just stay home on election day. What the modern campaign process has taught us is neither party is looking out for us. Neither party can keep their promises. Both parties benefit from political strife and get rich off the campaign contributions.

There’s been too much precious blood spilt giving me the privilege of voting. And to have the privilege is to have the responsibility. So, I’ll be there on Election Day. I’ll vote. But I won’t be voting for the one I want. The guy I want has already turned his back on crime and left politics. I’ll be voting for the same guy I always vote for; the lesser of two evils.

I've Got a Job That's 'Shovel-Ready'

2011-06-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Talk about your catchphrases. President Bush, #41, was drummed out of office with “It’s the economy, stupid.” “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.” was the noose for President Clinton. “They misunderestimated me.” And “Mission Accomplished.” almost made Bush #43 a one-termer. And I predict that President Obama has teed up the next phrase we are going to be sick of in a very short time. “Shovel Ready” is going to be on everything from bumper stickers to coffee mugs. You can already see them can’t you. A picture of the President and the words “Shovel Ready” underneath. Or a picture of the President making a speech and the caption: "Have you got your shovel ready?" Mark my words, this is the new “I did not inhale.”T

This is the lightning strike, the moment when a simple sentence is instantly forged into a durable hook we hang our conversations on. It can be used as code for anything having to do with fertilizer, and we all know what that stuff is made from. We can use it as the answer to poll questions when news stations do man-on-the-street surveys. “How do you feel about President Obama?” Answer: “I think he’s shovel ready!” as we laugh at our own joke. Before long, everyone will be racing to be the first one to use it in conversation. This is the phrase of 2012.

This is fitting don’t you think? The phrase that is eventually going to be on your tombstone should be words from your own mouth. I’m sure the time and setting of the original remark will have a lot to do with it. These words chuckled from POTUS when he was asked about his abysmal failure with regards to creating jobs. The fact that he found anything humorous about 14 million people not having jobs is appalling. The fact that he had the hubris to joke about it on camera is infuriating. The fact that his own cockiness is going to haunt him out of office: priceless.

What’s really revolting in a 'storm the Bastille and demand the heads of royalty' kind of way is the fact that many of the megadonors to his election campaign received huge contracts worth tens of millions. So apparently the best way to ensure that you have a job in 2011 is to make sure your name is on a donor list from 2008. Pretty nauseating stuff coming from guy who wore out the phrase “Hope and Change.”

He promised his way into the White House. He promised to end "politics as usual" in Washington, that phrase never wears out. He promised to close Gitmo, he didn’t keep that one thankfully. He promised that unemployment would never get above 8%. He promised free or affordable health care to everyone. He promised to bring our troops home. He kept none of those promises. So here we go with the new catchphrase;

"Cleaning out the Oval Office? Now that’s a job that is 'Shovel Ready.'”

Sarah Palin equals ratings you betcha

2011-06-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about the Former Governor, she grabs eyeballs. Huge crowds of eyeballs that don't blink until the third commercial in the station break that follows the tease about the next Sarah Palin story. "Coming up next, what is in Sarah Palin's inbox? We’ll take a peak right after this." Toyota ad, Ameritrade ad, blink. "Mainstream Media" can bank on a Palin story bringing the noise. Their "Sarah Palin" story numbers are almost as good as the numbers that Fox News gets from running "Sarah Palin gets attacked by Mainstream Media stories."

The “Mainstream Media” reported the story that the Palin’s emails were released to the public under the Freedom of Information Act. They ran footage of hand trucks with boxes of paper. Then they moved on to the next story. Something about Weiner’s crotch no doubt. But that was just the beginning for Fox News. Fox News grabbed all the available footage of those boxes of paper, close-up shots, extreme close up of the labels on the boxes, medium shot of gleeful “pinheads” salivating over all this potential muck . Then the three-commentator panels began discussing it. The host moderated the comments from the left and right. This happened on almost every single Fox News show for a week. Poor Juan Williams and the other token “lefties” must have been paying writers for material just to have enough things to say about this topic. And every single story ended with the same self-satisfied line: “So far, nobody has found anything damaging.”

The reason they didn’t find anything damaging is simple enough. There’s nothing to find! That’s my biggest complaint about Palin, there’s no substance there. She brings nothing to the table but a tray of drinks! She’s a RedBox for b-roll. Palin at a rally, wearing biker leather. Palin in a t-shirt, Palin in a business suit. You can have footage of Palin in almost any context you want including a New York Pizzeria nudging a slice around with Donald Trump. Contrived much?

Can we please stop with the cheap sexual tension ploy of “will she or won’t she” and start taking this election seriously. There happens to be a very bright, very accomplished business person, and astute Politician who has actually stood up and said, “President Obama is a one-term President!” And if that’s not enough for ya, she’s pretty too. She could legislate circles around the President and I’d be happy to push the gurney he’d need after a debate with her. Does anyone seriously think Palin can come up with the necessary facts in a quick-witted fashion fast enough to avoid embarrassing the party. Come on, Katie Couric ate her lunch. Talk about not ready for the Varsity squad.

But she brings the numbahs! People are at least thinking about the upcoming election and that’s a good thing. She polarizes and mesmerizes. She’s keeping this election in the opening block of news casts and not with seedy indiscretions involving iPhones and body parts. She serves a very good purpose right now but she is just not qualified to serve as the President of the United States that was founded by the likes of Washington, Jefferson and Jay. She’s just not qualified to carry the mantle of leadership of the greatest country ever built. This country defeated the Nazis, the Communists and the Taliban. We deserve a leader who grasps that greatness enough to not be caught flat-footed by a question about our historic roots.

A Brilliant Strategy

2011-06-13T23:34:00.001-07:00

The easiest thing in the world to do is find something to criticize. It makes for good, well…easy, fodder for columns like this to poke holes. But my aspirations are a little higher than “whatever comes easiest.” I plan to applaud and not criticize the most recent display of campaigning by the Republican party.

At the New Hampshire debate, the most remarkable thing happened. None of the candidates attacked one another. Even when host John King teed one up for Tim Pawlenty and practically begged him to take a shot at his opponent Mitt Romney, they refused to turn on each other. It was a remarkably unified front.

Something like this doesn’t happen accidentally. I suspect that all the Republican candidates decided before the debate began that their fellow party members are not the enemy. Whether this came from the Party leadership or one of the candidates, I can’t tell yet but I think it’s brilliant!

Bear in mind that I have never heard a conspiracy that I didn’t like. I’m a complete sucker for them so maybe I’m off base, but I think the Republican Party executed a brilliant opening move. The Grand Ole Party comported itself in a dignified, Presidential fashion. Drawing a real contrast to the shrill and obnoxious grappling for the spotlight we’ve seen before, they also classically understated with poise that the GOP is very confident going into this election. The Republican Party appeared to be a society of serious statesmen robustly prepared to meet the challenge.

Instead of providing a blueprint on how to defeat our candidates, they all kept to the script. “Obama is the one we are trying to beat, not each other.” How long this goes on, I don’t know. Eventually they have to start looking out for number one right!? Right? Watch it again, whenever they referred to their rivals, it was always complimentary. “Senator Ryan is right when he says….”, “the Speaker makes a good point.” It happened multiple times. Because of their restraint, the media does not have a stockpile of footage of Republicans making President Obama’s case for him. The media is not going to be able to show and reshow and then reshow again in dramatic black and white, clips of Republicans giving the country reasons not to vote for a Republican. The message is clear, the enemy is President Obama.

This was unexpected bad news for CNN. The commentators were obviously hoping for some kind of fireworks to bulk up their reviews but alas they had to keep it centered on the issues. The Jerry Springer drama wasn’t there and it felt like the commentators were missing one of their clubs. Apparently, they didn’t know how to handle a civil debate that didn’t spiral into cat-fight.

I don’t know what kind of deals and threats had to be wielded to pull this off but I want that guy selling cars for me. He could sell bricks to drowning people. Brilliant!

"We've got the largest economy in the world....

2011-06-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

...We've got the best workers in the world. We've got the best universities. We've got the most successful companies. We've got everything we need." And yet we are still tanking!

In his most recent address regarding the economy, Mr. President read the list of all we've got going for us and hopes we don't notice that we are still in worse shape. He said repeatedly, "We did not get in this overnight and we won't get out of it over night." Hmph, that's subtle. I'd have more respect for him he just said it plainly "President Bush had eight years. I want eight years too."

In one of the most insulting comments I've ever heard this President make, he claims the jobs his administration is creating are too complicated for Americans. Jobs are being created but we can't find any American workers smart enough to fill them. All the qualified candidates are coming out of India and China because our graduates aren't smart enough. First, if you want to create jobs for China and India, go occupy their White Houses. Secondly, don't get me started on how the public school system, long time political ally of the Democratic party, has failed this country.

He also said he wanted to hear every smart idea his team has about creating jobs. That’s no surprise because he obviously doesn’t have any. Let me clear it up for ya POTUS. You and every other politician living on the taxpayer’s dime couldn’t create a job if you’re free lunch depended on it. The only thing you guys know about creating jobs is what you overheard from conversations at your fundraising events. The people who come to your events with actual money, have that money because they have created jobs. The smartest thing you could do is just get out of their way.

The plan I keep hearing from President Obama is to tax the “rich” more. I’m no economic professor but even I know that for every tax dollar you force the business owners to pay YOU is a dollar they can’t pay ME. You’re just pushing your way to head of the line to make sure you get their money before I have a chance to earn it. You big bully! And don’t start that “You can’t trust the rich not to send the jobs overseas” jive. If I owned a business, the last thing I’d want to do is travel eight thousand miles and clear customs to check on it. We’d all rather plant a business three blocks from our house. BTW- when can we expect some of our soldiers who are overseas to come home? You mentioned something about an exit strategy. I guess it’s okay for you to send people overseas.

Enough already. Stop blaming President Bush. You came into office with the Senate and House majority. You controlled all of government. Your projects were jammed through before we could read them. You were handed a country with “everything we need.” You accomplished nothing.

Where Do I Apply?

2011-06-13T07:51:00.001-07:00

I’m all set. I’ve got a camera phone, a twitter account and a fingertip-grasp on all that political stuff. I am now ready to be a Congressman. Is there a drug screen? I should be okay to pass one now. Will I need like a resume or will an email account be enough? I’ve got two. One that I give to all the companies that ask for one and then I have the one I actually use.

My first act as a Congressman will be to schedule some press conferences. First, I’ll need one to thank the campaign workers, my wife and the brave men and women in uniform. Not sure what part they would play in getting me elected but it sounds good in a speech. I’ll wave and smile as I walk up the steps of the capitol building. The next presser will be several months later to deny all allegations and point my finger at the camera. The last one will be to apologize for my poor decisions and accept responsibility for my actions. Scheduling is soft for that, can’t nail that down until they get enough evidence to convict . Hopefully, my wife will be available that day. Luckily, my lack of understanding of the political landscape won’t be an issue as I won’t actually be working. Coming to Congress with no allies or wealthy supporters, I’ll just be another rubber stamp who says “Aye” when I’m told. Sounds easy enough. They can schedule it right onto my Outlook calendar for me. Don’t hate me. Believe me you don’t want me actually DOING stuff while I’m there. I’ll just be WASTING your money. The ambitious ones are cooking up ways to TAKE your money.

Income tax was originally collected to help fund the Civil War in 1862. In 1872 it was eliminated. Yay! In 1913, Congress added the 16^th amendment making it a permanent fixture. Boo. In 1943, the hard-working members of Congress created the withholding tax and collection soared to $43 billion when the average worker made $1500 a year and his truck cost $1000 brand new. Congressman’s salary that year: $8700. Since then, the people we send to Congress promise one of two things. Either to lower taxes or use what they collect to make life better. Apparently, you don’t actually have to DO that. All you have to do is convince a majority that you’ll be fighting for that and that’s good enough to get the gig. Once you have the gig, you’ve got it made.

The average salary for rank and file congressmen is a cool 174 grand. Awww yeeah! Congressmen are not subject to many of the laws they enact. Sweet. They have great benefits. Nice. They retire with a permanent pension after just 5 years. Booyah! And every meal is tax right off because they talk about how they’re going to get re-elected. Hey, that qualifies as a discussion about their constituents. Sold! Now is having no control over my sex drive a prerequisite or can I work on that as I go along?

I Just Don't Get Medicare

2011-06-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just don’t get Medicare. Or is it Medicaid? Wait, which is the one we should put in a lockbox? I can’t remember. While we’re at it, what’s a lockbox? Like so many other terms I hear the older kids say, I just don’t know what the big deal is about Medicare.

What I really don’t get is why every politician thinks it’s a major factor in my voting decision. It’s not. It’s really not. Perhaps I need some tutoring on this earth-shaking issue because I just don’t know why it’s soooooooooo important.

Is Medicare the reason gas is $4.00/gallon? Is Medicare why I am working so many hours without making a dent in my bills? If someone could connect those dots for me, I’d vote for him. Heck, I’d pass out buttons and kiss babies for him. That’s the problem with these candidates. When one of them goes off on their pet theory about Medicare, I tune out. I get that it’s expensive and I’ve heard for about two decades now that “it’ll be bankrupt in X number of years” unless we elect a “fiscally conservative President”. Or are we supposed to put “someone who’s looking out for the little guy” in charge to protect it from the “political friends” of the other guy? I dunno. I can’t keep it straight. Do me a favor fellas, just tell me which option will let me keep more of my paycheck at the end of the week.

To quote a movie: “what we have here is a failure to communicate.” I don’t know who advises the candidates but they should hire a translator. Presidential candidates must think we lie awake thinking about the GDP or the debt-ceiling or the political tensions between Libya and Yemen. We really don’t. We think about the last punchline we heard on Leno or Letterman. We think about how many hours of sleep we’ll have to get by on tomorrow if we fall asleep RIGHT now. We think about the creepy kid talking to our daughter. Politicians lie awake at night thinking about how to sound smarter than the other guy on these oh so important issues. Get some shut eye guys, you lost us already.

We’re not working on our Poli-Sci major. We’re wondering how many hours of OT we’re gonna have to put in to fix the car. Honestly, we don’t care to know more. Feel free to yuk it up with your pals as you discuss the virtues of NAFTA and NATO but don’t expect the rest of us to get your jokes. Do this for me, find a way for me to keep more of my paycheck, keep me safe at night while I’m trying to get some sleep and stay out of my personal business. If that means we need to export more Medicare to China to ease tension in the Middle East, then I’m all for it.

Tell Me How You're Gonna Win

2011-06-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

If you’d kindly just tell me the facts, I can draw my own conclusion. Spare me the spin and the soundbite. Don’t try to be the traffic cop in my head. I know I’m more likely to find the gunman from the grassy knoll than get a straight answer from a politician in the world of high-stakes Texas Hold’Em Politics but that’s all I need.

Here we are again, clicking to the top of the first plunge of the Presidential Campaign roller coaster. And I’m not happy with the GOP. Cain’s “Political Rookie But Successful in Life” card is playing well. His numbers are keeping all but Trump and Palin’s big toe out of the water. Palin and Trump are waiting for their polling numbers to hit a magic number. Or someone else’s to drop . Cowards. There’s a whining former Governor What’shisname from New Mexico who’d stand a better chance of winning if he never spoke in public. And then there are the Contenders.

I call them contenders because they’ve at least declared their intentions. They stood in front of us and said in a loud clear voice :”Pick me, I can do better.” I respect that. I can support someone, warts and all, if he OR SHE will just straighten their back bone and say that.

I like what I hear from Bachman, and for her sake, wish Palin would either get in or go away. Until Palin fades back into her cable shows, Bachman is relegated to the undercard fight for Ms. President. That’s too bad. She’s a good political mind that’s getting overshadowed by this swimsuit competition that Palin brings.

I like Pawlenty for proposing something about the economy. He’s got the likability of a Chemistry teacher so I don’t like his chances but I respect him. I like Santorum for standing up but he’s a Senator, not a Governor. Senators make great Cabinet members. They come in with great ideas but not enough political skill to implement them. Governors have learned how to make opposing sides of the aisle cooperate. Senators don’t develop that muscle.

Then there’s Mitt, with his Dudley DoRight chin sitting atop a big pile of campaign contributions. “President Obama has failed.” Ummmm, duh! Can you tell us what you’ll do differently?

There’s the Ron Paul Revolution, the sequel, yawn. He would give us a lot of speeches about what’s wrong with Washington while having no real impact. He just doesn’t have the political capital. Much like Huntsman, utterly dismissed at this point.

None have shown they can do the most important thing which is win. It really doesn’t matter what they would do with the economy, taxes or military if they can’t convince 51% of the country that they can do better. If they don’t, we’ll have a President who no longer has to court voters and can uncork his real political goals. Spare me your spin. Tell me how you’re going to save me from that. You’ll have my vote.