I am Tala

Friendster after few years: Kivork!

2012-01-17T17:24:00.001+08:00

It's been like eons since I've accessed my Friendster account, and since i started having my own Facebook account, i really didn't bother to use Friendster, even though it has lots of funny "testimonials" and photos of my past.

Checking on it again, it look like more of a gaming site, well i guess that's how it really was when i got news two years ago about Friendster making some changes, I only get to see it today. Friendster now caters more games and a lot of it! I guess they are having a hard time competing with Facebook, that's why they've made it as an exclusive site for all online gamer. Unfortunately i'm done with that phase! (hehehe).
Well, one of the reason why i accessed my Friendster again is to check out my old pictures and see if i can still access it. I can't seem to find ANYWHERE on my Friendster site, even a link that will lead me to it. I think they have deleted it and it's really a part of the changes they have done. One thing i noticed too, is i can't seem to remember if all in my friends list are people that really i know! I'm just thinking that, maybe they have created their own avatar and made some changes on their Friendster account too. Geez! Can't keep up with these changes...i guess it's all part of getting more "mature". :P
If someone out there can tell me if there's a way to retrieve pictures saved at Friendster, that will be really helpful! (I'm just being hopeful here.hehe).

First Friday the 13th.

2012-01-13T08:10:00.002+08:00

* It would be interesting to find out what goes on in that moment when someone looks at you and draws all sorts of conclusions.
- Malcolm Gladwell

Walang Pamagat!!

2012-01-08T11:35:00.002+08:00

It's been months and a lot of great and not so good things happened.

2011 indeed was a heck of fun, and i will surely treasure every smile, laughter, and tears which did turn to lessons that I will carry with me always as 2012 go by. Last year was tough indeed, but i know it will make me strong for the coming days.

There are things i want to regret doing and hope i didn't do, but heck, it made me who i am right now so why be sorry about it. There are friends lost and friends found, new people do come around, in this travel called life, i will never hesitate spending time and effort just to go around it.

There are wishes that didn't come true, well my life hasn't ended yet so there's hope and ways for those wishes to be real. The greatest thing is, God is so good that he gave me (and still giving) surprises that makes me smile every day.

And so here are my 2012 resolutions, and i'll see which among these i'll be able to accomplish.

1. Gain weight.
2. Write more.
3. Create more scrapbook.
4. Read books, like the way i used to.
5. Save 10% of my monthly income.
6. Pay ALL debt. Make this year debt free.
7. Give more. Expect less.
8. Smoke less! (probably kick off my smoking habit)
9. Travel. Refer to travel bucket list.
10. Earn a promotion!

Ayt ayt...well let's see how 2012 kick off and if i'll be blown away! :D

When Dumpling found love...

2011-08-23T11:13:00.000+08:00

10:24 am

I'm sitting beside my boyfriend, while he's fast asleep.

Looking back, i never thought i'll meet someone like him, who i think, accepts me for who I am. He's never someone i thought i'll be with or even said "yes...i want to be yours too!". He just came into my life, break down my walls and showed me how he really feels and made me think, it isn't going to be that bad if i'll let someone love me. Risk...it's all started with a risk!

I remember, it's been 5 months now, when my boss, her husband and i were having a conversation while we're at a colleague's wedding. She told me how she met her husband and how their love story began. I asked her, "how did you know that he's the one?", she said "you'll never know, you'll feel it!". Then her husband told me, you'll know that the person is the one you want to be with till your deathbed, when you feel scared. He said, you'll be scared of not seeing that person happy, just a simple thought of not giving the person you love what will satisfy them frightens you, he also admitted that even letting go of the things that he won't be able to do scared the hell out of him. Yet, behind it all, it's the kind of fear that won't make you run away. It's a scary feeling that will just make you stay, hold her hands, smile and simply live life with the person, while that fear slowly fades away.

It made me smile. It made me think...then i felt sad. I was single then. I'm not desperately looking, but i'm patiently waiting.

My boss saw how my eyes turned blue. Then she said, "just pray for him...God will give you what you'll ask HIM". I find that the funniest statement I've ever heard! I told her, "I am praying to God and pleading him to give me the man of my dreams...". She said, "well maybe you just have to be specific...that's what i did and God me him", while giving her husband a tender glance. I told her, "I am specific! I'm too specific i'm asking him to give me this specific man...". She laughed at me and said "You don't need to give HIM names, just ask for traits you want in a guy, and HE will grant it. With enough trust, a whole lot of faith and self love, you'll find your man. He may not be the perfect one, but he's the guy you asked for".

It has been a wonderful night and seeing two persons vow their love in front of their loved ones and to God, made me feel there's hope...and probably, well, possibly, i'll find the love that i deserve.

That same night, i prayed to God, "Dear Lord, I'm sorry if i asked too much from you...maybe all i need is someone to love me. Will you please give me a guy who will love me?".

Months have passed, i cried bucket of tears for someone i thought and dreamed of, I've met some guys and only one stand out...this guy beside me now, who said he love me though i'm few years older than him, even though how scared and annoying i can be most of the time, even if i'm not drop dead gorgeous, and loves me because i'm simply me.

I thought it's just fate fooling around again. Yet, God gave me this guy. I don't want to expect much, like growing old with him or having kids with him...stuff like that. Maybe because i'm just about to know if all these are worth the risk. I hope nobody gets me wrong; I love this guy and i'm sure of it. I'm just yet about to see if I'll feel the fear i was told before, the selfless kind of fear, a different kind of fear...the one that will just make me stay, hold his hand, smile and just simply live my life with him.

My boyfriend and I have a long road to take. This is just the beginning of another chapter in my life, and it will start with just us.

A girl named "Hey"

2011-08-16T05:34:00.002+08:00

“Hey!”

That night when I heard you, I ran towards your direction, with the sweetest smile on my face. I miss this; I miss us.

You said, now you have no one. Your wife left you and that your only son despises you for being a father who he never thought you’ll be. I saw despair in your face and tears lurking in your eyes. I heard pain thumping from your chest and badly want to curse HIM for taking everything away from you. I saw scars that are badly bleeding again; you’re hurt on the same spot.

I did my very best to comfort you, for you to realize you’re not alone and that no matter how ugly those pain may cause you, I’m here to heal them and treat you well. I was this close on holding you in my arms, but I decided not to move a finger and just relieved your pain with the most beautiful words I can think of. It helped…because I saw that smile in your eyes again. Then you said you’re happy I’m beside you because I’m the only person who understands your agony, the only one whom you can share your pain with. You said I’m different from the other friends you have. We reminisced the best and worst four years of our lives together. It was indeed one of the best times we had.

We called it a night with a smile in our face and a beam in my heart.

“Hey!”

You called me the night few days after we had a talked, sharing me your gloomy tale. This time it’s different. You had a smile in your face. I never saw your genuine smile for a long time. It scared me. I run towards your direction with a sweet smile on my face, though at the back of my mind i was like “what if they are together again?”, “what if he said he and his family have to leave somewhere far and I’ll never get to see him?”, “what if???...”.

You looked straight into my eyes and whispered something to me. My world stopped when you said…”I no longer love her…because I’m liking someone, though I’m not brave enough to tell it…”. My heart started to beat really fast and it feels like I’m running out of air that it’s so difficult to breathe. “Could this be it? Did HE finally listened and answered my prayers? Could he really be…Could it really be….Is it for real?”.

It was the longest night of my life with you. I never thought it will end that way. Then again, I just

accepted it…

I had tears in my eyes for few nights after we talked. But you’re insensitive enough of my pain. I said to myself over and over…”why not me?? Why can’t I be the biggest mistake of your life??”. It was the most dreaded part of my life and you’re not there to comfort me, simply because you never see me desperately weep and I didn’t allow you to see me that way, thinking you will feel my pain like I feel yours. I loved you but you never see that. Just so you know, you’re selfish as I am. You also took me for granted the way your wife treated you, because I also learned that you really never treat me as a real friend, not even as a confidante…I’m just someone you want to talk to simply because you know I will not criticize you the way other people will; I only realized that when you started calling someone “best” then later on called her “bebs”, and confessed to me that she’s the only one you have and trusted all these time. You made me feel like a doormat; the worst feeling someone will get from the person they value as much as their life.

“Hey!”

“Heey!”

I heard it again after few weeks. I looked at your direction and saw you heading my way. You smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked deep into your eyes, and simply said “Sorry…my name is not Hey”, then walked away with the sweetest smile on my face.

That’s one good thing I’ve done for myself and it may hurt that much to moving on without you in my life, but I know I deserve better than be called “Hey”.

Letter to Shaider

2011-04-25T12:51:00.000+08:00

To "Shaider",

I really can't say everything to you personally, so i just put everything into words.

If i only have enough courage, i could have told you how much you mean to me. You're the only one i know who truly know me. You know what to say at the right time and knows how to make me feel better when i'm feeling bad, effortlessly. My friends keeps on telling me stop all this shinannigans and find a man that i can call my own. They say i deserve better than you. Someone who will love me back or love me more. But my heart only leads me back to you.

I keep on saying the phrase "i give up", only to realize i'm just tired. I'm tired of hoping someday you'll be mine and i'll be yours. I once thought i have the chance to tell you what i really feel, but i fear of losing you so i hold back. I know friends are all we are going to be, and i accepted that with all my heart. When i tell you that love is more of a sacrifice than just suffering, i mean it. I know how it feels and you're my ultimate sacrifice, yet it still makes me happy because i have you in my life. That's what i mean by "love as a sacrifice", not showing blatantly how much you mean to me, yet i hold on to this feeling because it's making me happy. Suffering, yeah i could have suffered...i may be suffering, but i know i'll suffer more if i lose you.

I know you see me only as a friend. That hurts, but it's ok. I just hope you'll get to see me more than just that and hope when that time comes, it's not too late.

You're the only one who holds me back that's why i can't give myself a chance to love anybody other than you. Just so you know, i will no longer let that happened again. I love you and i guess will always will. But given the facts and consequences, i'm on the course of taking a risk, though i don't know if it's something worth it, because all these times, you're the only risk worth taking for me. I just want to know if it's worth a try. Maybe if i get to "love" someone else, i'll get to unlearn how it is to love you. Maybe if i do let myself be open to someone, i'll forget the feeling and you'll be just another man in my life. I don't want this to happened but i have no choice, I have to. This time, i'll do this for myself, for me to be really happy and know again how it is to receive love.

I love you. I've been longing to say that, i just don't know how, when or if i have to. I love you even though you'll never love me the way i do. I love you despite the fact that you have your eyes to someone else. I love you but i just got tired showing it. I got tired of crying, praying, hoping and wishing.

I always wanted you to be happy and if that means i just have to be a friend then i"ll take it. As long as you're happy, then that's going to be my happiness too. I'll always be here for you and will never leave you until you feel really better. Just please don't take those smile off your face, i like it more when you smile than you scorn.

Love you always,

Bayo @ Ewud; 2008

2011-01-24T15:30:00.002+08:00

Sentimental me...

2011-01-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

Love... why is it hard to find you?

I have to go through series of rejections and i have to do the same..reject their feign love. Why is it hard to love and be loved in return? why does fate have to be tough on me?
All these are like a game; a game i don't know if i can still achieve victory over to. So tricky! I just can't master the game or maybe i just don't know how to play my cards really damn well. I guess, playing isn't really my thing; I need the real deal. It's sickening to kiss frogs who never turned into the Prince i'm searching for.
Where are you?
Just where the hell are you?
All i wanted is to find this guy who's actions speaks louder than words. I need a guy who will not promise me his life, give me sweet nothings and cuddles me everyday. I need someone who's willing to share their part of them to me, the way i would love to share a part of me to him. Sweet pick-up lines are funny but i'm going crazy over it. It's making me go berserk! All the pain and disappointments makes me want to give up, thinking that maybe L-O-V-E isn't just a thing for me.
I want to let go of this feeling of waiting. I'm tired of it. I'm tired being fooled, acting like a fool and pretending to be stupid hoping that through this i'll find "him". Years of waiting, yet no one - not a single man's soul wants me in their life.
Love...do i really have to exert effort to find you?
I'm starting to prepare myself for being alone. But how ready am i? Will this be for the rest of my mortal life? What if no one is really meant for me? No one is ever worth the pain...the wait...someone's worth of having me? I'm sick of feeling this way...

Is it goodbye love for me now?

1-1-11

2011-01-01T01:39:00.002+08:00

Fireworks are over, champagne glass are empty and stomachs are full.

I've celebrated New Year with my family and it was always fun as expected. This is my first entry for the year, and i decided to scrap off my new year's resolutions and well have a more concrete plan that will sure make 2011 a better year for me.

Let me just start this year with a prayer.

Dear Lord,

I can't ask anything for more, because you do still provide me all my needs and knows that there are right time to get what i want.
I want to thank you for all the blessings you've given me and my family last year, and today, the first day of the year, i would like to thank you for more blessings i know you'll generously provide us. Thanks for the love and happiness, tears and pain, lessons learned and failed to learn, for my family and friends, for my job i'm still learning to appreciate and love, and for all other wonderful things you've given me.
Sorry if i fail you as a child. Sorry for making myself unfortunate and if if sometimes i fail to appreciate all the small things that you've given me. I apologize most for disappointing you. I can't promise you anything, but i will try to follow you as what i know i should do.
This year, there are only few things i ask, prosperous year and great health for my family and more love for me.

Thank you Lord.

Amen

Farewell 2010

2010-12-31T13:20:00.001+08:00

i'm only counting hours till i finally say...so long 2010.

It has been a tough year. 2010 has been pretty harsh on me and did teach me a lot of lessons. I can't enumerate all the awesome things happened to me but there's only one thing i can say...THANK GOD FOR ANOTHER WONDERFUL YEAR.
I must say this year taught me how to stay grounded. It's better to know how to use one's pride wisely and stay humble with all the small things God has given me. I think it's better that way than wait for God make a way for me to keep my feet on the ground.
This is a year which i've learned that i'm braver than i thought i am. I've done things i thought i never can, which helped me feel more equipped to face 2011. It may not be much than i expected, but enough to make a step away from my fears, inhibitions and doubts.

I also learned that there's nothing wrong to trust a stranger, meet new people and broaden my horizon by being more nice than i am. You just need to guard myself from all the unexpected pain and disappointments.

2010 brought me tears and happiness i will never forget, like spending first day of 2010 with my friends at Tagaytay, spending my birthday at a comedy bar, ending up crying, having an argument with Mama and end up crying again, meeting a stranger online and meeting him in person which somehow sucks but lesson well learned, going to Cebu for the first time, spending weekends driving around town till we reach Tagaytay again ending up eating bulalo, learning how to play poker but never really play the game, partying and parteeeing, living on a condo which i never really dreamed or planned EVER in my life, losing my family again, spending rainy seasons in Boracay, getting drunk...hard drunk, sex in the beach...almost, weed and laughing out loud, being with friends who needs help, saying goodbye to friends, meeting new friends, missing a good ol' phone and but getting a much better one, and a whole lot of circus shits in 2010!!

This will be my last entry for the year. I dunno what 2011have for me. I feel less excited, maybe because time flies so fast that it stresses the hell out of me, but i'm ready to unravel every single present the next year have.

Ready

Set

GO!!!

I can't think of a good title for this but

2010-11-30T02:37:00.001+08:00

if there’s one thing I learned today, it is not to pick a fight with an empty head! One, you’ll lose your rationale and all your wisdom will go to waste. Second is you’re fighting with someone who only depends on their wants and that includes them boosting their ego for showing out how great they are by shouting with empty words. And lastly, it’s a waste of energy, to spend it with someone who have no sense of reasoning and all you hear are bad words. One will never win in an argument with someone who only knows how to fight for their ego.
When you’re pushed to your limits, it pays to be silent, take a deep breath and think. It’s the best way to fight back, because you’ll have your senses and sanity back, and not let your emotions take over and drive you mad, till you realize you’re nothing different from the one who’s picking a fight with you. Think if it’s worth your time. Think if it’s something that will risk your life. Think if there are some innocent people that could be included on your fight. Think if the damage your emotions will cost is worth it. Think and ask for guidance. Then, you can do something about the situation, once you set aside your emotions. Act the way wise men do.
I think that’s the perfect way to take revenge.

2010-11-29T15:02:00.001+08:00

It's two faces...one couple.
Two smiles...one feeling.
All for the name of L-O-V-E...

on the other hand...

2010-11-20T02:55:00.001+08:00

I may not be a head-turner and someone all guys desires. I may not have a fair skin, long silky hair, nice eyes, great smile, sexy figure, big boobies and hot booties. I'm not a supermodel.

But if being beautiful means you have to make someone feel ugly, treat someone bad, make someone feel bad about themselves, dirty talk behind a friend, being dishonest, being a brat and self centered, then I'll be greatful with all my physical imperfections and thank God for making me beautiful as I am.

I know I can't make guys follow me wherever I go, but I know, someday, there's this only guy who will follow me wherever I'll go and will never leave me once I had wrinkles on my face or when my make-up fades.
I will be thankful enough for giving me the courage to stand up as me, and not someone expect me to be. I'll content on the fact that I may not have kissable lips, but I know I'm careful enough to say something that will not break someone into pieces.

Everyone is beautiful. What makes a person have an exeptional beauty, is their ability to make someone feel pretty.

WHY DO MEN CHEAT?

2010-10-27T02:36:00.000+08:00

A friend asked me one of the most asked questions I’ve known: WHY DO MEN CHEAT?

For centuries, studies were made and people are trying to justify why men cheat. I’ve accepted the fact that male are polygamous in nature, but I think it’s not enough to justify the reason why men cheat. Some guys…very few of them, don’t really cheat on their lovers and fidelity was never an issue.

I’m not a psychologist or have a Phd on studies like this, but I came up with my own conclusions as of why guys don’t or can’t settle with the one they "promised" to be with, for the rest of their life. I think there are several "good" reasons guys have and we, girls, just have to understand it. One of my ex did cheat on me and I never really accepted his reasons, not until now. Maybe because I’m less emotional, with the fact that guys can’t be fully loyal with the one they love, and maybe because I’m (i think) a man-hater now than before.

First, in a relationship, I strongly believe that ones personality and beliefs matters a lot. We are mostly deceived by guys’ endless promises, sweet nothings and once our feet are swept away by these boo-boos called LOVE, it's all too late when we happened to learn more about who our guy really is on the latter part of the relationship. No time frame needed; as long as a girl is blinded with their love for her guy, she will never understand anything and accept the fact that even the nicest men in the world has the tendency to cheat. So why do men cheat??

I came up with only three reasons on why our boys play around behind us. First, they want a more adventurous sex life. C’mon…each person have own their sexual desires and needs, and once their partner fails to meet that specific need, our animal instinct within us drives us to go to the wilds and do whatever it is to satisfy it. Girls can handle this situation more than guys does…deal with it gentlemen!! That’s why we often heard those nonsensical excuse such as "she’s the one started it!", "she initiated it…", "I’m just teased by this bitch" and think of other darn words to defend themselves. Truth is, guys wanted it too, the sense of thrill that they have to creep and do nasty things behind their girls is perhaps one of the dirty deeds each guys have in their mind. It makes them feel like kids breaking school rules and wishing that their teacher will never catch them red handed. I think this is one of the reasons why most people say "Maybe the girl is goooood….", when they saw a cute guy with a not so admirable girl as their partner. For me one of the girl’s role is to sexually satisfy their partner…but hey this is only for those who are old enough to be responsible and those who are married. Beware though; for even though we think we are satisfying them enough, there is still the tendency for the guy to find another girl.

Then here’s my second conclusion why guys cheat.

Guys would love to stick to someone who can make them be who they are. OK, when I told my friend about this, she came up with this question "aren’t you supposed to be comfortable when you’re with the one you love?". True! But in a relationship, sometimes guys lose their comfort and feels like it’s their partner who’s leading their life and not them. When the guy feels that their girl is turning to be like their mom, believe me, they freak out!! Guys like a touch of jealousy in a relationship and girls being upfront and steadfast, but just like in any case, too much of something is really bad. A guy has a tendency to lose their comfort with their partner, if their girl don't mind them that much too, like making them feel that they are less important and if they suddenly realize that they are no longer included on the girl’s plans or if they feel that they are being claustrophobic, because the girls’ world only revolves on him. Once they lose themselves or the comfort they used to have, hell will break lose, and girls will find their men cheating on them. See it ain’t just all about sex!

Lastly, this is something not all girls get accept right away but eventually will, is guys cheat if they don’t love their partners anymore. This is true. Guys cheat just to end their relationship with their partners, which I think the most unmanly and stupid thing in the world! Need I have to explain further? Let’s make it simple, a guy don’t love his girlfriend and found a "victim" who’s willing to be their prey. The legitimate girl found out about the dirty deed, guy blames the girl, girl fire back by hacking their boyfriend’s Facebook account and curse him to death, they talk, they break up, girl cries and thinks it’s because she’s ugly, the guy is happy because this is the scenario he has in mind, and has been going on for centuries. Then finally, he gets rid of the one he no longer love! What an ugly picture, but it does happened and it is happening somewhere right now, as you read this!

See, we, girls should make our life less complicated and should stop thinking too much on why some guys wants to have a taste of something "new". Guys have the ability to come up with many reasons, tons of excuse but it all boils down to only three things: Lame sex life with their partners, losing comfort on a relationship and lost love (worst is, if it’s all of their reasons). They are all just translated in different ways, languages and actions. I don’t really know how to avoid it, because it depends on how much a girl knows their guy and the kind of relationship they have, but these were the sole reason I can think of, on why guys love to "play around".

Beating the heat at High Street

2010-10-26T02:31:00.000+08:00

Oct 23, 2010 – Saturday

It’s been three months since I had a lazy walk along Bonifacio High Street with my friends, and I’ve become nostalgic as me and my teammates walk along Serendra. There nothing really new and it’s still the place for photo enthusiast to use their gears and start taking pictures.

Our goal is to visit Muji store and it seems like they open late on weekends. Since we can’t bare our rumbling stomachs, pleading for food while waiting for the store to open, we decided to eat at Brother’s Burger. For P200, I had the perfect brunch! Occasionally eating burgers makes me more appreciate it.

45mins before 12noon and the store hasn’t opened yet. We’re done with our “chika-chika” and good laughs and we all decided to go the place where it’s perfect to kill time. Where else to go but: Fully Booked!! It was heaven for me and it’s been a long time since I went to a book store, search and read for a good book. I can’t take my hands off on some classic books, self help books, photography and fashion. We spent time reading and just had a good quiet time together. I love this time because I can’t remember when was the last time I did this!!

1pm and the store has opened! Muji store is located at the second floor of the GAP store along the High Street strip, and it’s one store where you can find almost everything and anything; from furnitures, kikay stuff, office organizers, clothes for both sexes, shoes, bags to fancy looking pens! It’s really tempting to buy anything your eyes desires, since most of them are really useful. What I like most on Muji than other “Japanese store” I’ve known, is this store is more organized and one don’t think someone will be confused where to buy something. The place is spacious enough, unlike other stores where it’s packed with goodies everywhere and aisles are pretty narrow. Their items are pretty pricey for something you can get from other stores, but the comfort of strolling around feeling less stress shopping is priceless! It’s definitely a place to go if I’ll go back in High Street.
Goal is met and we decided to call it a day. Another store, another adventure and same old place I’d love to go back, whether that be with my friends or simply having a quality time by myself shopping around (mostly window shopping! Hehe), or just having coffee and a good book to read.

Love found and lost...

2010-10-23T02:35:00.000+08:00

Oct 17, 2010

The time I spent with you, i guess will hunt me forever. I didn't know what you've done, but it sure left a special mark in my heart. You're nothing but a stranger and forever you'll be. That's what hurts me more...we missed every chance we have to know each other better.
Each kiss, every touch, your smile, your hand perfectly fits my hand, as we stroll along the beach while the rain pours, are something i will miss much and only destiny can give us back.
Why?
Why does it have to be the wrong time and place?
Why do we have to leave everything just like that?

Why of all guys, it have to be you?

Boracay Trip 2010

2010-10-22T04:17:00.000+08:00

It’s been almost a week since I got back from our Boracay trip. I must say this was the most memorable Boracay getaway I had with my friends.

On our first day (Thursday) since we don’t have enough money yet, we just spend our night at Juice bar and went home sober…thanks to you AMF (Adios Mother Fucker!!).

Friday is much better!! Corine and his boyfriend just arrived and we did bar hopping that night. First stop: Cocomangas! The place is packed with crazy yet happy people!! Too bad I was not able to finish all 15 shots and got only 2 great tasting shots. Then we went to Guilly’s. It wasn’t the same as I remember, because the dance floor was full of "oldies" dancing and swaying the night away. I even remember this old lady reminded me of my mother dancing like a bimbo!! Oh not a good sight!! Then we all headed to Juice bar again. There, all of us just had a great time, drinking, dancing, laughing, taking pictures and throwing up! We ended the night with a memorable session, and it seems like I’ll be smiling the whole night till the break of dawn!!Ü

Saturday was our ATV day! It was my first time there and I didn’t really take the risk of driving by myself since It’s already afternoon and I did foresee us going home by night. Then we had isaw for our dinner. Saturday night was pretty awesome. After getting stranded at Jammers for a few hours because of the heavy rain, me and two of my friends decided to run and went to Summer Place. We didn’t really care if we got soaked in the rain! We danced the night away and I met some good looking guys there. Then the rest was history….it was indeed a night to remember!Ü

We didn’t have much activities on Sunday, because first, I still have a "hang-over" on what happened Saturday night and we considered it as our "rest day" since we have to leave Monday morning. I enjoyed the sunset so much, I never saw a beautiful sunset in my life! I didn’t think much of broken promises, some people getting bitter because I get to spend some time with this really gwapo guy, no work, no stress, just chilling out with my fruit shake from Jony’s and having a great time. We all decided to have dinner together as a group, since it’s our last night at the island, I went back to our place to pack my stuff and me and 3 of my great friends went to Summer Place again to have good time. I got really drunk that night, and just as I thought, I’ll be back in manila sober and suffering from headache since I didn’t get to have much sleep too!

Monday…I was not able to have time to stroll along the beach because we have to leave early and go back to reality.

I was never this eager to go back to Boracay after all what happened! There’s so many "first" and I was able to almost complete what’s on my wish list. I never had reasons to go back, but now I only have one.Ü

Destination: BORACAY

2010-10-14T03:35:00.000+08:00

This is one of my plans turned unplanned.

After waiting for 7 months, the day we’ve all been waiting for is here. We’re almost set to go, yet something’s hindering me not to leave: MONEY! For whatever reason I was not able to plan my budget and save money like I always do If I wanted to travel. This time I have to strictly stick to my budget, which is P3000 less than what I spent the last time I went to Boracay.

What will happen to me in 5 days? I don’t know!! So God help me!!

Mind blabbering

2010-10-12T02:55:00.000+08:00

I don’t know what’s with me and guys, but I just thought that either I’m attracted to married guys or I attract bad boys. I’m starting to be paranoid (again) and think that I’ll never meet someone, whom I see myself spending the rest of my life with.

It’s only a few months ago when I get rid of my feelings with this guy who happened to be married, and it ain’t easy! I have to go through tough times and pretend not to care because of two reasons: first, he already have his own family and second is because we’re friends and I still want to keep him in my life, even as a buddy. I never want my feelings with him interfere with our friendship, because that’s the only connection I have with him. Close enough to be friends, but will never be as lovers.

After the harsh battle between my heart and mind, I decided to stop this feelings, go on with my life and accept my defeat; anyways, I know I’m better than be somebody’s options. The only sad part was, I’ve never been vocal with what I really feel towards him.

Then came the part where the quest to find the one who will make me feel extra special begins. This was when I decided it’s not that bad to find someone who will love me and I will love in return. I started with the basic: dating. I started meeting other guys, some were complete strangers, most are friend’s cousin, friend’s High School friend, friend’s college batch mate, friend of a friend’s friend, and other friends’ connection gone crazy! It sounds foolish for me, though the fun part is it taught me how to be brave, and it isn’t always bad to trust someone I just met. Yet truth remains that most of the guys I’ve met and still seeing, seems like the type who only wants "love making" and not really finding love. I don’t know if it’s their only way to figure out how much they love someone, but if guys are like that, then it’s an ugly fact I can’t accept right now. One thing I learned is, if you take a risk at something, don’t regret it and learn the lesson by heart. Even if it means doing something I know I’ll feel bad for. I also don’t find the idea of meeting and mating with any guys introduced to me (or those who introduced themselves) that attractive. I tried playing games with guys, but I think I’m not just good at it. I think maybe I’ll just never win in this game called love, which makes me more careful with my heart.

Thinking of the past few guys I dated makes me realize that maybe I’m attracting the wrong ones or I could be the wrong one for them! Well it doesn’t really matter who started liking who, but if either don’t have interest on knowing their "future mate", then it only means we’re better to be acquaintance or good friends.

What I really resent is the part where fate starts playing with me. I hate this roller coaster life and just want to throw up on the part where, here I am, liking another guy, who has a ring already! I’m so back to the basic and it’s tiring! Whew! I totally not going to dig on this guy and will make a huge stop sign on my forehead, than have a Loser sign behind me.

Now I just want to stop. Stop chasing love, stop finding someone and I want to take a break with everything. I’m still seeing guys and now I just want to have fun and not really stress myself worrying if this guy will make a fool of me or not. I just programmed my mind that it’s good to meet new people, and I’m getting free lunch or dinner from time to time. I don’t want to pay more attention with the wrong guy and enjoy every moment I’m with someone better…when I say better, it means he have to be single. Such a cliché, but love indeed is something I don’t need to rush…..not until I reach 30!Ü

Me and my guy friends...

2010-10-09T08:18:00.001+08:00

I just had a fruitful conversation with my guy friends. Staying up late till dawn and just sharing our ideas and experiences with love gained and love lost was something worth of my time. That’s the moment I get to understand how guys think about getting serious with someone, though they don’t really mean marrying the women they like. It’s the time where I get to really understand that it’s really unfair to generalize that all guys are suckers!

Hasty generalization…that’s always my judgment when it comes to guys. I always think that all men are up to one thing: SEX. They do admit though that they think about it a lot of time…and I mean A LOT! Then again, with the one they really love and care about, it’s something, let say the third on their list. First is to be with the girl they love, second is to have great time with them and third is sex. So, not all guys are just after getting into the girls pants…not all the time.

I also learned that guys are up to girls who wear skimpy clothes and show a lot of skin. The thing is, it really depends on who wears it. Guys appreciate girls wearing something daring, yet again it should suit the person who wears it, on the place and occasion. Most guys love to see girls who show off their skin, but guys hardly respect them.

Guys are also into girls who give them the sense of excitement, so they dig on girls who are really simple outside yet oh so wild when they are intimate. They want someone whom they can present to their parents and friends, which people who matters to him will respect the girl, the way he respect her. Beneath that simple girl, guys dig on girls who can make their knees damn weak when they are intimate. I don’t get why guys like what we call "doble-kara" type of girls, but It’s something new to me.

Another thing that I learned is, guys do collect and it kills them to decide whom they will select. Trust me, guys do have hearts too and don’t really want hurting girls. They are just really darn stupid to always make the wrong move and say the darnest-and-in-an-annoying-way. Then again, it hurts them to see girls weep or get hurt because of their stupidity. Trust me! Boys can feel pain too; they are just having a hard time deciphering who to be with and end up regretting their choice. Then they end up crying! How fun is that huh?!

According to my guy friends, they also don’t mind if the girl they like have kids or a kid already. Ideally if they really fall badly for the girl, they wouldn’t mind anything or whatever the girl had in their past. Now that’s sweet!!! I just wonder if there are other guys out there who will actually open their world to the girls past as well. I call that selfless love. Hail to all guys who are really after loving the girl and not just pinning them on the bed.

If the guys said they care about a girl, the girl should ask why. If the guy said "I like you", the girl should still ask why. If the guy wanted to have a third date with a girl, again, the young lady should ask why. These are some pointers my guy friends told me to do. They said I shouldn’t hesitate knowing the guy’s intentions so I won’t end up beaten and crushed by any Casanovas or dick-head around.

These were only few of my thousand reasons why I love keeping guys as my great buddies. See, they are the one who teach me to understand men and help and still helping me to accept that not all guys are created to hurt girls. I’m not really a man hater; sometimes I just have weird thoughts about guys. I will not hesitate spend more "quality" time with my boy friends!Ü

123

2010-10-07T01:26:00.001+08:00

Test...yes this is just to test if I'll be able to post entries using my phone. :)

“MOVING OUT SALE!”

2010-09-23T02:54:00.001+08:00

That’s all me and my roomie have to see and we went "gaga" on checking out what’s in store for us on that lovely event. It’s like treasure hunting, the girls’ way, as we find someone’s "garbage" our very own "precious".

So we thought of buying the entertainment set: TV rack, DVD player, TV and speaker…then came our desire to have our own fridge, which makes the situation worst because, now, we’re confused on what to spend on and thought really hard why buy any of those stuff.

I checked on my budget and only to discover that I don’t have enough money to buy any of the two!! Now that worsen the situation. See, I’m a spender only on the things I think worth spending for. It took me months…ok, years to learn not to be a compulsive buyer and spend less on clothes, food, going to events, weekend night outs and food again. It took me time to realize the value of saving and I’m now practicing of "segregating" my earning on what to save on and which to splurge for. I’m starting to be a "budget driven on every way I can think of" and it’s just sad that either of the things we want on that sale is not part of my budget! I threw my credit card away, and have my wallet on a strict diet as possible!

While we’re facing a dilemma on which to buy, that will fit OUR budget, my roomie and I still decided to set an appointment to meet the people who’s on for the "Moving Out Sale". They live just across our building, and met the lovely couple, as we "visit" their place and "took a good look" on what other things we can buy, which we can use on our own place. The search for that something essential for us is on! The fridge and the TV set was sold so here are some things we considered buying:
Prospect #1: The dining Table. Prospect #2: The sala set. Prospect #3: Some Christmas decors. I thought of haggling and had a discussion with myself if "is it worth it?". It was once stated at The Analects that "Twice is plenty enough", but with all the good stuff I see at the four corner of the room, hell! Twice is not enough, because it’s making me think thrice, four times, to really decide on what to buy.

Then at one glance at the center table ended our predicament! There, something that made me and my roomie smile! We just knew it…it’s worth every cent we have on our pocket and damn so entertaining. So I sat down, take a good look, asked my roomie if she like it too, received a nod, held it in my hands and it made me feel great as ever! One, two…oh no…5 back-issues of every woman’s bible: Cosmopolitan magazine! We just knew it…our own treasure worth keeping for only P20 each!! We handed the pretty lady our cash and went back happily to our own pad. See, we didn’t go home empty handed after all!

So now, which article to begin….Ü

On “Big Bang Theory”

2010-09-22T03:48:00.008+08:00

I didn’t really get to watch TV series lately after Prison Break, Sex and the City and Gossip Girls, since first, we don’t have cable here on our condo and second, I only get to watch it on weekends when I go home, which only happened 2x in a month.

A friend told me about this TV series and highly recommended it to me because it so darn funny. So when my roomie and I went to the mall, I thought of buying 3 cds for all the series of Big Bang Theory…and then after watching few episodes of it, I got hooked!

It’s a typical story of 4 geeks meeting a pretty blonde, not really messing up their life but showing them that there’s a world outside their researches, experiments, online games, Star trek and other boring geek stuff. Ü

Sheldon is the funniest among the 5 main characters and how I love his cute, annoying remarks which will make you think twice whether to be mad at him or not. He talk non-stop and his knowledge about science, math and history is indeed unfathomable! He’s one Obsessive Compulsive guy, an online game freak, don’t really see himself dating or going out with girls, wants to be Batman, loves and fears her mom and doesn’t know sarcasm. He's like a grade school geek, who is (so) loquacious....how cute could that be!!

Then Leonard is Sheldon’s "apartment-mate", who happens to be more "active" in search for the right person to be serious with. He’s more patient, more understanding and rationale enough to endure Sheldon. He’s one total geek, who knows how to steal a girl’s heart but doesn’t know how to keep them for long.

I’ll say Howard is most "perve" among them, though he’s the kind of those "who-hit-on-girls-who-ends-up-being-hit-on-his-face!" guy. He often say the worst pick-up lines (ever!!) but totally funny. He’s one hilarious, hippie-looking 27 year-old nerd who still lives with her mom and loves her mom’s beef brisket, loves doing researches and experiments on how to make a girl sleep with him, the only one who doesn’t have a PhD among the four and like a high school kid on a man’s body!

The quiet among them is Raj…that is if he’s not drunk and when there’s a beautiful, sexy chick around him. He can’t utter a word when he’s in front of a girl…again, only if he’s not drunk, but can do talk a lot at times too (no one beats Sheldon though). He’s the typical Indian nerd who happened to be friends with typical geek friends, who met this girl Penny and things go haywire!

And Penny is the one who introduced them to the real world! She’s the one who slowly show them that there are things that isn’t justified by science, theories and laws, such as dating a girl, handling a relationship, the real deal with giving without expecting something in return, being concerned about someone’s feelings and the art of making someone say "sorry". She’s just one sweet chick…a little dumb on the other side but indeed a street smart.

When two geeks meet a hot chick….and two more geeks joined the bandwagon and it’s like a Thai curry, mixed with beef brisket and japs cuisine on the side….yes it’s crazy and a whole lot of fun!!

Update you more on my favorite episodes soooon!!

AFK Ü

*pix from: http://the-big-bang-theory.com/gallery/album/11/Group-Pictures/

Got totally pissed!

2010-09-21T23:47:00.003+08:00

12:43 am - Tuesday

I don’t know if I’m just a little sensitive today or I just run of patience to this person…I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t have enough sleep or because of other personal shits that’s going on in my life.

Anyhoo, I just don’t get it when there are girls who are a little superficial…specifically when boys are around! Geez! I’m over this person who is acting nice, sweet and as if she’s like an angel descended from heaven, when the truth is, she’s a devil in disguise!!! She’s nice when she wanted to, on the people whom she knows that liked and still like her…I don’t get it! Why do someone have to be really superficial and be a total pain in the ass, just for guys to like her!! That’s disgusting!! Well, if that’s her way on getting someone fall head over heels, I’ll let her be…

Now the good thing is…I’m going home now and will just sleep the night away, or will just watch Big Bang Theory!

Just for laughs!!

2010-09-18T00:20:00.003+08:00

I don’t have any idea where this thing came from, but all I know is it’s one funny shit!!!
Have a good laugh!!Ü

(from someone's blogpost)

We've been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears. Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo -- take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

The end!