sweatpantsmom

This is what I did last month, besides fill out forms

2009-07-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

Last month is a blur, mainly because it seems like I spent the entire thirty days hunched over my desk, my writing hand turning into a cramped mass as I filled out form after form after form for things like summer camp, end of school activities and registration for Kiyomi to enter middle school. I would come to bed at night and Rigel would say, “What’s that smell?” and I would have to tell him it

If you saw this thing you wouldn't be laughing

2009-07-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

Last week as the girls and I were getting ready to leave for an errand, I was attacked by a wasp. For those of you who think I'm exaggerating (and I've been known to on occasion) let me just say I'm not embellishing in the least here, this thing was as big as my palm and its head was the size of a marble. I could see its hairy legs kicking around, and I swear as it came at me it hissed, "Get

Just Say No, No, No: Amy Winehouse's New Line of Greeting Cards and Wrapping Paper

2009-06-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

I have a new post up at MamaPop about Amy Winehouse getting her very own line of greeting cards and wrapping paper. For some reason this makes me want to down a bottle of tequila.So I'm wondering how the product meeting went, the one where they came up with the idea to market a line of Amy Winehouse greeting cards and wrapping paper. I'm thinking someone suggested a line of flasks, or perhaps a

Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

I heard this on the radio today and almost burst into tears. I grew up listening to Michael Jackson. I don't care what anyone says, the guy was a freakin' genius when it came to songwriting. I'm going to miss him.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .tags: michael jackson | i'll be there | jackson 5

I just figured out what to do with the kids this summer

2009-06-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

I took Kira and Kiyomi shopping the other day and figured out that in a few years I'll be flat broke and homeless. When someone asks me why I'm living in a tent on Wilshire boulevard and eating cat food with my weathered, blistered fingers, I can tell them how it's all because of a couple of pairs of leggings from American Apparel and that sequined tunic from Hot Topic.Then I found this story

Gordon Ramsay, You've Been Served.

2009-06-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

My newest post is up on MamaPop and it's titled, "Turns Out Gordon Ramsay Really IS an Asshole." Well, I guess that kind of explains it all.Ever since Matlock went off the air I'd been looking for a new TV show to occupy my time. That changed a few years ago when Hell's Kitchen came on the scene and I'd tune in every week to see Gordon Ramsay berate, belittle and bully his lowly contestants until

Here's one of those posts where I try and make my life look interesting

2009-05-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm going to write one of those entries that condenses the events of the past few weeks or so into a few short, neat paragraphs. This makes my life look way more interesting than it is because it's action-packed and gives the impression that I'm doing something other than updating my Facebook profile every five minutes. You may even say to yourself, "Holy crap that Sweatpantsmom has got an

I Think About Denise Richards So You Don't Have to

2009-05-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

My latest post is up over on MamaPop, and in it I ponder the enigma that is Denise Richards. Why is she so famous? Who asked her to sing? Did she really ask for Charlie Sheen's sperm? Some may call it an obsession, but I just call it the musings of a concerned citizen.You can read more, and listen to Denise sing over here.Let's just say she's no Susan Boyle.And speaking of Susan Boyle,

What a girl wants

2009-04-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

Kira turned thirteen last week and I vowed a week of posts about her, but as you can see that hasn't happened. Not that it would matter to her, since she would be perfectly happy if I never mentioned her on my blog, ever. Apparently there are some people who just don't like having every little detail of their life splattered across the internet for strangers to see. Strange, I know. I would

LA Moms Blog: I wouldn't know a celebrity if they moved in next door to me

2009-04-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

I know I promised a week of posts about Kira, but that'll have to wait until next week since I'm busy preparing for the 20 teen girls who are going to descend on our house tomorrow for her 13th birthday party. So my current post on the LA Moms Blog will have to do. Besides, I thought many of you would probably rather check out a half-naked picture of my good friend David Boreanaz anyways.Almost

Let me tell you about Kira

2009-04-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

Kira turns 13 this week, and in honor of her becoming a teenager I'm going to do a week of posts about her. I'm also thinking of relaxing the No Reading My Blog rule, so that she can see what people are talking about when they walk up to her and say things like, "That was so funny what your mom said about you," and "If my mom said those things about me in public I'd DIE." Also, I'm hoping it'll

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

This Easter greeting is brought to you by Kiyomi and her Easter Bunny brownies with the almond ears and whipped cream tails.

I don't mind if you just look at the pictures

2009-04-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

The current issue of Genlux magazine with my interview with Mischa Barton is on the newsstands. I just want to take this opportunity to say what an awesome experience it's been working with Genlux - such an incredibly talented group of people, putting out an extraordinarily beautiful magazine that I would certainly buy even if I didn't get mine for free. Of course, then I might not be able to

News Flash: Rejection Sucks. Especially for 10-year-olds

2009-04-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

The letter came yesterday.Kiyomi never really cares about the mail - in fact she's heard Rigel and I curse enough times when we receive our bills to know that the mailman is really just the grim reaper in an ill-fitting blue uniform. But since she knew the letters had been sent out, she'd been camped out near our mail box all morning. By the time it finally came she could hardly contain herself,

My life is like a motorized bar stool

2009-03-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

Today I saw what had to be the best story ever in the history of the internet. Kile Wygle of Ohio was arrested for drunk driving on his bar stool. Yes you heard me. Apparently Kile had taken a bar stool, attached it to a lawn mower and was using it as his own little happy hour shuttle. Police responded to reports of a crash, and found he had wrecked his stoolmobile after consuming 13

LA Moms Blog: Help! My Kid's a Vegetarian!

2009-03-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

My apologies to my vegetarian friends out there, but I have to confess that when Kira decided to stop eating meat I considered it a parental failure on my part. The fact that I wasn't able to pass on my love of bacon or impart to her the importance of appreciating a good steak? I may as well have deprived her of other important life skills, like learning to walk or knowing how to cry when she

Mischa Barton doesn't feel my pain

2009-03-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I interviewed Mischa Barton, and for those of you whose first question when I mentioned I'd be having lunch with her was, "Is she anorexic?" the answer is, no. And for the others whose first question was, "Couldn't they find a professional to do the interview?" the answer is again, no, and believe it or not some people actually find my nervous laugh and occasional drooling

Hot, sexy conversation about nuts, cheese and ham

2009-03-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to some friends and the subject of Trader Joes came up. Specifically how awful their parking lot is, and after we spent a few minutes sharing our stories and we had a good cry, someone mentioned that no matter how bad it got it was worth it because she couldn't live without her Trader Joes trail mix. Then another person said how much they loved, loved, loved

I can get you a copy for free if you want one

2009-02-20T14:57:00.000-08:00

This is old news now, but the interview I did with Paz Vega for Genlux way back when is on the newsstands now. In fact, it's been on the newsstands for awhile - it's probably been pushed to the back of the rack to make room for the five-thousand magazines that have cover stories on that woman who had eight babies and already has something like fifty other kids at home.This interview stands out

12-years-old and already on tour with a rock band

2009-02-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

I've written here before about Kira's intense obsession with the Ting Tings, an English band that got its big break when they were featured in an iPod commercial last year. We took the girls to see them in concert, and since then Kira's frenzy hasn't died down one bit. She spends an unhealthy amount of time chatting online with friends about the band, checking out their website and making lists

LA Moms Blog: Flung into the mosh pit of teendom

2009-02-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

Kira is about to turn thirteen in a couple of months, and I'm not looking forward to it. For one thing, it makes me feel old, and another thing is I saw a movie once where Evan Rachel Wood plays a thirteen-year-old who is playing with Barbies one day and the next day she's getting her tongue pierced and smoking pot and cutting herself and stealing money from her mom's purse and trying to seduce

Doing our part to stimulate the economy

2009-02-03T08:05:00.000-08:00

Rigel and I were reading in bed the other night, and Kiyomi came barging in waving a can with a Post-It attached. She likes to do this, barge in while waving things around, so we didn't think much of it until she said this:Okay, listen up, people. Here's a cuss jar. Everytime you swear, you have to pay! And I'll even be listening after I go to bed. I need to make some money.We don't swear

'We have chosen hope over fear'

2009-01-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

I kept Kira and Kiyomi home from school today to watch the inauguration, and I'm so glad I did. I wanted them to see this historical event uninterrupted by reading assignments, or passing period bells, or flying spitballs. Rigel went into work a little late, and the four of us sat together and witnessed Barack Obama being sworn in as our 44th president.Aside for some whoops and cheers for Obama

LA Moms Blog: Want to embarrass your kids? All it takes is LOL

2009-01-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

My latest post is up on the LA Moms Blog. I thought if any of you out there are looking for an easy way to embarrass your tweens or teens I'd help you out with some fresh ideas. After all, it gets kind of tiring parading around in front of their friends with your pants hiked up to your armpits, or licking your hand and then wiping their faces. In case you haven’t heard, having your parents use

Christine Maggiore 1957 - 2008

2008-12-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

I knew Christine Maggiore. I hadn't spoken to her in a few years, and I didn't agree with her views on HIV/AIDS. But I felt her grief when she lost her daughter Eliza Jane three years ago, and I grieve her passing today.She's been criticized and called so many things, the worst of those a murderer. I don't think of her that way. It's hard to reconcile her seemingly radical lifestyle with how