felicia.cheong

Direction, where did you go?

2012-02-09T18:27:00.001+10:00

Its been sooo long since the last time I updated this blog of mine. Glad that I have maintained this customized webpage address though. Loads of insightful moments happened during the past MIA months.

Well, I have graduated.

I got a job offer.

I got home and got back to Australia again.

It seems like a 100% satisfaction in life with everything fallen into places just like how it was planned...

BUT

there is always a but in life hey?

Anyway, instead of seeing the sunlight shining brightly above my head making the road ahead seems so unexpected and tiresome...I realized this little shadow that have always been following me had suddenly became the umbrella above my head. Time to get back to reality I guess.

When the sun is starting to burn into your skin, making the eyes sore, making every foot steps ever slow...

we both know, it is time to turn around and walk backing the sun.

Rainy Days will come to an end right?

This time around...

Sunny Days will come to an end but for the better.

The Umbrella will come to my rescue, thats for sure. =)

feL

Disappointment

2011-09-15T12:00:00.007+10:00

Whenever I thought of the two of you and your doings...I couldn't stop but feeling disappointed.

Forgiving

2011-06-11T17:33:00.001+10:00

Series of problems occurred for the past 6 months...
It took me a while to find a solution to everything ( well, most of it)
And today at this very moment, I find this feeling the best!

I've led the past months with many many resentments, complaints, ungrateful and unforgiving...for myself.
For a very long time, I am never kind to myself. I am cruel to myself. I can never find any reason to make myself feel at best. I've always put myself out there at the very worst situation thinking that it is the best way to trained myself to be a strong one.
I have been pushing myself to the limit thinking that I am the best if I can make it through.
I grew up with the mindset that a person that have never been through harsh times will not be able to enjoy the better future.

At this point, I would say - I was wrong.
I was never right.
The expectations that I have for myself is proven too much and its beyond reach.
I should not have complained about how terrible I was,
I should not have resented about myself,
I should have forgiven myself whenever I have made a mistake rather than feeling sorry about it to the extent that it pull me down under the water.

As today went by...
I will take each day as it comes and be forgiving to myself.
Mistakes happened in order for us to learn.
Forgiving happens in order for us to continue loving one self and another more.
Before you open your heart to accept back that one person in your life, You first, will have to forgive yourself.

I, hereby, forgiving myself and let love lead the way.
To all the guilt, lack-of-love me's, resentments, expectations...
I Let You Go with open arms.

Was it a good day?

2011-04-13T22:56:00.001+10:00

The day started quite normally.

Its almost ending quite simply.

But whats for sure is:

when the mind started fresh,

it will bring countless happiness.

So, the take home message is:

Let the mind rest enough;

Let the heart pump the way they want it to be;

Put away those unwanted worries;

Put away all the ridiculous stories;

and simply be the one inside of you!

the outcome could be one and only one thing:-

YOU!

(like all the other days)

BUT, the difference is...

The HAPPIER YOU.

Although, the daily routine isn't as appetizing but the magic of an appetizer is...

besides from that you need to make it yourself...

You absolutely get all the freedom you want to make an appetizer happen!

If you want it to be tasteless, you can;

You want it to be salty, no problem;

If you want it to be sour, why not?;

So, if you want it sweet...simple enough;

Just add some sugar.

Its just a matter whether YOU WANT OR NOT.

:) cheers!

...

2011-03-31T10:26:00.001+10:00

像是一場多麼令人疲倦的遊戲　

只剩下最後一步卻舉棋不定

我早就輸了　你卻不相

看你一直苦笑嘆息　

我想幫忙我好著急

愛情　真傷感情　

兩個人　僵在這裡　

兩顆心　懸在那裡

時間就快要沒有時間　

我們越來越像朋友而已

Earth Hour 2011

2011-03-27T15:59:00.000+10:00

Earth Hour 2011

Steamboat.

Candles.

Lovely people.

Cards.

Red Wine.

LAUGHTERS!

Even if it was at my lowest point, I laughed away. I count myself blessed to always have someone becoming the reason to carve a smile or break into a true laughter.

This part of the story tells us one thing.

No matter how bad the situation is...there is always a room for you to be happy.

Its a matter if you wanna take it or leave it.

Three Things

2011-03-25T21:07:00.000+10:00

Today, I lost 3 three things:

1. My Dearest Grandmother. Which I believed that she died because of a delayed treatment. She almost left us last friday but miracle happens that she is alive again. But, i guess a slightest hope may mean an even bigger disappointment. SO, May You Rest In Peace...ah ma.

2. I lost A Friend. You know what's the feeling to lose a friend that you care about very much, well, used to?
Till you get your turn, then You come and tell me.
Just for the record, It hurts pretty badly. Things we have done together in the past...it just kept replaying all the time. And today, is the mark of the end.

3. $550. This figure just went "poof" into the air. The story there in after...I should rest the case.

On this day, I would count myself should be having the ugliest mood ever. But, looking away from all these shortcomings...I don't think I should have such a mood. Because, the most beautiful part of the story is...I have THREE people by my side:
you, You and YOU!

I have spent 20 years of my life being a friend that everyone wants me to be,
When I reach 21, a couple of angels showed me that the past 20 years was a mistake.
Upon reaching 23...nothing changes.

For the tiny bit of happiness of the day, CHeers!

Responsibility

2011-03-22T13:22:00.000+10:00

Each and every one of us is totally responsible of our own well being.

I said once, twice and will never say it again. Sometimes, the best is not to say anything at all.

Put the blame on me for I cared about everyone too much?

Every time I speak, why is it always to no avail?

My intention was for your own good, and at the end of the day...it gets to me.

Was I even born to tell you to take care of yourself?

Often, you will only think how tired of you listening to it.

Turn the table around please?

For once, I QUIT!

period.

Miracle!

2011-03-19T15:05:00.000+10:00

She left us.

But she is alive again!

Although she is not conscious yet but at least she is breathing like anyone else.

That is sufficient.

Useless.

2011-03-15T23:40:00.000+10:00

Its an awful feeling to know something and you can't do anything about it because you are simply too far to worry about it. EVen if that something is one of your dearest. Sighs.

I am left with no other choice right?

Like usual, I still have to go to sleep and think everything will be okay even though its not.

How naive I can be if I do so hey?

fingers crossed.

Praying hard.

Please don't take it away from me.

Swimming pool

2011-03-12T17:53:00.000+10:00

There is this swimming pool with cold water.
Two options to get into the pool:
a) jump in straight and get the cold in one single rush of cold
OR
b) step by step, put in your feet, wait for a moment; then slowly the rest of the body?

As of today, I pick B. You?

Its over, finally!

2011-03-05T21:04:00.004+10:00

Minutes turn to hours

Hours turn to days

Knew what I have to do

Couldn’t find the words to say

We had the perfect story

Stories have an end

Had to turn the page

Cause to keep you was a sin,

You know I loved you with

everything that I had

But what you needed, I

couldn’t be, had you bad

I cared enough about you,

to give you the chance

To find someone who

cares

I broke your heart

I did it for you

Tore us apart

I did it for you

Just walked away

I did it for you

Oh, for you

You wanted more than my

everything, I did it for you

Someone you knew I

couldn’t be, I did it for you

Why don’t you ever

understand me

But it’s true, it’s true

I did it for you, for you

I could say I’m sorry, wouldn’t

mean a thing

Tell you what you wanna hear

Baby, what you wanted

wasn’t from me

Held you by a string, had to

cut you loose

Cause forever is something

we can’t be

You know I loved you with

everything that I had

But what you needed, I

couldn’t be, had you bad

I cared enough about you,

to give you the chance

To find someone who

cares

I broke your heart

I did it for you

Tore us apart

I did it for you

Just walked away

I did it for you

Oh, for you

You wanted more than my

everything, I did it for you

Someone you knew I

couldn’t be, I did it for you

Why don’t you ever

understand me

They say the ones that you love

Are the ones that you hurt the most

For all the pain that

I’ve caused you

Baby, I’m sorry

You wanted more than my

everything, everything

I did it for you

Someone you knew I couldn’t

be, I did it for you

Why don’t you ever

understand me

But it’s true, it’s true

I did it for you

Howdy Peeps?

2011-03-03T15:56:00.000+10:00

Its been a week since class started.
And the mind is already at the end of the year!
Can't wait to graduate!!!!!
I have spent the past 4 months arguing with some rude people and selfish people all at the same time.
I am feeling so tired to any of them around.
The fact is, they are everywhere!
duh!

At this point, I just hope things are falling back into places and let me have some good time with myself & studies.
No other distractions and disturbances.

Fingers crossed.

Last wrote A Note

2011-02-24T16:00:00.002+10:00

The past one year was pretty much filled with plenty of new things and some, I would most likely want to describe them as overwhelming.

Today,

Upon reading back what's in the past,

Listening back to the past,

and reminiscing the past...

I realize I lost one big part of me.

The one who used to share plenty of laughters, me...

The one who used to send a message-of-love at all occasions to important people, me...

The one who used to think used-to-be(s) are important, me...

No longer thinks its necessary.

The idea to make one laugh became so difficult to be generated.

The to-send-list gets lesser.

The used-to-be(s) had dissappeared all at once.

Whether or not its about distance and time,

maybe I've got used to be out of my comfort zone,

or perhaps I just forgot how to be The Weak One already.

The world out there told me, "you have to be strong here!"

The inner self told me, "Follow world and You will score BIG time".

*chuckles*

All of a sudden, I asked myself:

"did you score BIG time?"

"you've already lost a big part of you before you even started scoring?"

When You're Young by 3 Doors Down generated this note.

At least, I still listen to my heart just like the way I by heart a piece of meaningful lyric and Let the mind wander off for some good self-reflection. Something to be grateful about, still.

<3 feL

* * * *

2011-02-08T20:01:00.000+10:00

The mind is in an utter mess.

Full of what ifs and uncertainty.

If this time I didnt made it through...

What am I supposed to do?

I See the Light

2011-01-26T22:14:00.000+10:00

All those days watching from the windows

All those years outside looking in

All that time never even knowing

Just how blind I've been

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight

Now I'm here, suddenly I see

Standing here, it's all so clear

I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you

Eugene(Flynn):

All those days chasing down a daydream

All those years living in a blur

All that time never truly seeing

Things, the way they were

Now she's here shining in the starlight

Now she's here, suddenly I know

If she's here it's crystal clear

I'm where I'm meant to go

Light a Candle for the Queensland Flood Victims

2011-01-16T19:32:00.002+10:00

Dear God,
We pray for those who have lost their lives in the floods. Be with and comfort their families and friends as they grieve their loss.
We pray for those who are missing and their families and friends. Help all those who are searching for them in what is a difficult task.
We pray for all those whose houses have flooded. Help the communities in which they live and work be your hands and feet.
We pray for all those in Government and the Emergency Services who are coordinating the relief and clean up effort. Give them wisdom and endurance in the coming weeks and months.
Thank you for giving us grace and good humour to get through this.
Amen

Epilogue 2010

2011-01-01T16:54:00.001+10:00

Took a 3-hours ride back to the past. A past that is not "light" at all. It is filled with so many precious memories, ugly ones, mistakes and resentments... Just before you start reading, please play the song below. My favourite song which I would like to dedicate to everyone that I love having around by my side! U don't have to be anybody, U just need to be Just The Way You Are.

Year 2010:

1. I step into a whole new world to see the world out there. Leaving my country and search for the meaning of Life. Here I am in Australia. To be exact, Brisbane, Queensland. Studying in University of Queensland - Food Science and Nutrition (extended Major - Nutrition Science).

2. I got a job at KFC Queensland in the month of April. A working journey that is so rocky and tough. Glad that I made it through and break my own record of working in place for more than 6 months! My aim was to work at least 6 months. And now is nearing a year already. I always think that I am a person who can't stay long in one place. This is definitely a good practice to make sure that I will stay put in a place, in future. Good job, feL!

3. I witness my lil' dearest nephew's 2nd birthday over the LCD Screen. The feeling is awful. Everyday I include him in my prayer, so that he will grow up to be a Man that loves his family, and succeed in his life.

4. I was admitted into the hospital for a surgery. Who would expect there will be one day felicia go down huh? hahaha...This chapter of my life in Australia had showed me how important to have friends that care about me. Cherrie, Swee Sian & Yii Zhu. Without them, I don't think I can be so healthy and kicking now. Thinking back I really felt that I am the luckiest person at that time. Some people may just recover all alone but I have them to cook for me, and do everything for me. If you were to ask what is the silver lining in this incident, I would say, I am not alone, not at all. (: I have lost a handful of 5 kg over the surgery. Yeah, I did put on weight when I got here over the winter XD. This is us on the day I actually have energy to walk out and get a haircut. :)

5. Had a blast on my 22nd Birthday! I don't define a surprise party as A BLAST! I define a party filled with people that care about me as A BLAST! there you go A Portrait of Fun & Happiness. Swee Sian made me a very wonderful video filled with lotsa love and wishes! :) PLUS, I got two cakes baked by two of my closest friends. Those who have my fb, you can see it. There you go, A Portrait of Fun & Happiness.

6. Had the longest Birthday Celebration for my lil' dearest sister, so to speak..Cherrie Chang. Glad to see her having her family to celebrate her 21st Birthday. Although its over skype only but still, its the moment that counts. To witness the whole process of 21 Tasks for her, again, you can view the video in my fb.

7. Baked my first and probably my last cake. LOL! The process is awful! But still Thank god managed to produce a edible cake. haha!

8. Attended 2 Graduation Ceremony this year. My cousin's and Zhi's. Wish U both all the best in your Career and Life! The below videos are taken and meant to be a surprise U two, today. Something for you to remember. A photo may meant a thousand words but videos reminds you of that very one and only moment. Not too clear but its the thought that counts hey? haha...Congrats, once again!

9. I lost my dearest and beloved laptop. Its my first also my best. It died on me. And very fast I got a new one. Although it is way better than the my ASUS F9SG. This toshiba somehow can't replace it. Anyway, Asus failed me. I have to move on, still.

10. Finally I ended Year 2010 with 4 people. Boey, Kok Leong, Zhi & Cherrie, as always. Of course, in the heart Swee Sian, my dearest Family all the people that I care & love too! (: In Brisbane. Not too bad. Watch the video of it below:

Here and there I went, pretty hard to keep those tears from rolling down. But still, the fact is 2010 is behind us already. We can't turn back the time and change the storyline. Neither we can cling on to the past and never move on. So...all we can do is:

Take a stroll back,

reflect about it,

take a breather

BOUNCE BACK in Year 2011.

Let it be a year full of happiness and laughter and with plenty of anticipation, surprises and randomness!

Only then, you could write a new version of Epilogue 2011.

Here goes my Favourite Line:

Prepare for the Worst, Hope for THE BEST!

TO ALL THAT CARES:

Note to Self:-

Wherever U are, BE THERE!

Whatever it is, ENDURE!

Just before I officially end Year 2010:

I dedicated this song to U.

With Lotsa love for you 2010...
I rest my case.
feL

Eggs Benedict

2010-12-21T08:02:00.001+10:00

From Scratch!

Grilled Mushroom - salt and crushed black pepper, on very hot pan! (taste SUPERB!)

Hollandaise Sauce - the mixing part and the temperature is essential for it to look like that.

Poached eggs - White Vinegar + water ( not too much, not too little of vinegar)

As it comes to an end...

2010-12-20T17:58:00.000+10:00

The month of December has been a very very decorated with ups and downs.

With Christmas coming up in a few days, with not much feelings to be happy about, I silently started to count on my days to graduation!

This Christmas, I will want to pray for TWO people:

For their Love and ceaseless support.

Cherrie Chang & Tan Swee Swee.

How much your family loves you, I would love you both as much as your family does.

Muaksss...

Talking to the moon!

2010-12-05T16:19:00.003+10:00

The song goes:

~Talking to the moon to get to you~

This Christmas will U grant me my wish or it is just the way it is, as usual?

Everything between us is just like me in the airport.
Watching people take off and touch down but never you.

aHHHHhh...if only fate is not fooling around with us.
hahaha..
Miss you, mah dear~

Summer Hits In!

2010-12-01T16:39:00.003+10:00

Semester 2 is over now.
Here comes my 3rd last sem here.
Its unbelievable to see how time flies...
It just went past without a good notification.

Ahh...the past one week was pretty disastrous.
Tiring is for sure and I can barely have time for myself to sit down and relax.
Class started soon after one week of holidays.
The good news is, I got a second job.
The bad news is, I lost my life.
Sometimes, I wonder if it would be worth it...
to sacrifice my time for work.

ahhh...enough about it!
i THINK its time for me to hit the gym!
Cause, I think I am under a mild stress and depression.
LOL!
take care, guys! If u are reading this after so long I last posted an entry.

Cheers!

SOng in the heart and soul: If This Was a Movie by Taylor Swift.

Just The Way You Are

2010-10-30T17:06:00.001+10:00

This song entitled,

Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars brought me to a whole beautiful world.

Nice song. Perfect for Morning alarm ringtone!

The lyric is beautiful!

Shhhh...Peace in mind.

2010-10-29T21:47:00.003+10:00

Every single one of us has something in us that is called patience.

Sometimes, maybe most of the time...I felt like firing off...but then I paused. Something in within me pulled me away. I took a breath and back away.

I guess this is what we call as Life. U can never have everything in our way. But, when things kept coming to u and u just keep giving way. Will it really train you to be a person with a high tolerance for anger? Or is it just a particular person that u can do, ceaselessly? What if this person is no longer the person?

Today, as I reflected a bit after flipping through the memories in the past..All I can get was just a breeze of anger. A feeling which I have decided to describe as Anger from the Past. I do not understand why I have to put up with things that I never want to put up with. When matters and feelings are all mixed up in a covered jar, U just feel that there is no way U could go but to feel helpless and needing a breather instead because U are stuck in the closed jar. Breaking the jar will only leave u with nothing at the end. Everything is broken and can never be fixed.

This is the one thing that I have never wanted and never will be able to do it. Even when I am at the tip of doing it, somehow, deep down inside, I took a de tour. Round and round and round all over again.

WHO can open the jar cap for me? Am I supposed to open it up myself?

All I wanna do is just to do what I wanna do. Probably I have too much expectations. Or maybe! I have too many things to think about already OR I am a person that care too much about everything. This is why, I often, always and still is the one that can never break free from that covered jar.

Because this jar I am in was no simply a jar U see anywhere...this is jar an Emotion Jar. It gets dusty all the time whenever I start to run away and trying all my might to forget things. Over the days, when I wanted to break free, I couldn't find a sense of security outside at all for me to even break this jar. I have stayed too long in there, I get so comfortable and felt like staying in there for the rest of my life. Everything is so blurry and there is always a U turn for everything in there. But, reality just can never leave me alone.

Today, reality came to me. He came to shake the jar. Wipe off all the dust and today I can feel every single moment of anger, sadness and pain just the way it is a year ago or maybe two, three or four. Because this jar was crystal clear from inside now.

Face the reality, felicia.

How nice it would be when the world is occupied by me, myself and I only?

Maybe a lil bit of echos of love...

and a lil bit touch of the cool fresh breeze...

blowing your face gently.

For now, I only want a peace in mind...

SSHhhhhhh~

Anyway, enough of ramblings.

Let us begin with the ending in mind!

Be hopeful for the best to come BUT be ever prepared for the worst!

Wherever U are, BE THERE.

Whatever it is, ENDURE.

ciao~

Break the Cycle

2010-09-30T11:46:00.002+10:00

Challenge the routines in your life
Seek a sanctuary.
Pause and Reflect.
Find the monotonies and change them.
Take new paths.
Try new ways.
Chill.
RETURN RECHARGED.