Garden of Ruminations

Someone bring me a lox and cream cheese bagel.

2009-05-05T07:29:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I decided I want George Winston's "Living Without You" played at my funeral.

And this morning on the way to work, I pondered how and if dating might be easier as a bird who has to puff out their chest.

The Road to Frequently Feasting on Duck

2008-10-22T09:41:00.007-05:00

I've realized lately that my writing skills need some serious work.

I recently interviewed for a job at a well respected PR firm and they actually said they were not impressed with my writing. What a welcomed slap in the face. Not only did I realize I should start exercising those skills a bit more, I also began pondering a serious career change.

I've pretty much had it with sending out more resumes than our national debt. Yes, I know "it's the economy and it's just hard to find a job right now." I'm done crying and eating all kinds of crap as the result of being rejected from interview after interview. The pizza has been tasty, but my ass can and will not get any bigger.

It's time for serious a change.

A change that will truly assist in beginning to lead a more purposeful life - accumulating more shoes, moving into a space in which my kitchen is also not my bedroom, feasting on duck more often, and hopefully getting one step closer to securing a job.

Now take that, job market!

Popping out of the Hole

2008-08-12T08:11:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure what the hell is going on with this blog. I want it to go somewhere, but the more time that passes, I'm unsure of where to begin.

This blogging funk has been going on for about a year now. I come up with decent ideas for posts, but then I lose my steam.

Sigh.

I'll Raise My Mug to That

2008-06-24T13:33:00.010-05:00

The End of the Legislative Session is truly a one of a kind experience. The sweet smell of greasy pizza fills the air and late night 'sessions' are nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, a myriad of bills are passed and heavy hitting agreements are reached. But let's be honest here, folks. The last day of session is really all about no more suits! For a little while, at least.

But for me, the commencement of this legislative session has meant slightly more than a huge dry cleaning bill. It may be the end of an era for some, but it undoubtedly marks the beginning of a bonafied coffee addiction for others! As the work load, long hours and sleep deprivation have pressed on, so has my dire need for caffeine. I've been a casual coffee drinker in the past, downing the occasional iced coffee and slowly sipping the tractor fuel-esq daily office brew.

But holy HELL has the past week or two resulted in a massive consumption of coffee! I'm deeply appreciative of the baristas at The Daily Grind for not drawing attention to my habitual morning appearances! (Oh, and by the way, once I get my pay check tomorrow you all can count a large tip in the cup tomorrow morning!) I endure enough ridicule in my own office regarding the speedy dissapearance of java, as it is! Part of the problem is that I not only need the caffeine, I relish the taste of coffee.

I'm past the point of caring about spilling and whether or not the beige splotches of coffee yumminess will or will not be erasible with a Tide Pen. These are my war scars, and I will drink on!

Cheers to the end of session, and another cup!

Overheard on Gchat

2008-05-29T15:42:00.007-05:00

Conversation #1:

katey12's new status message - muai baby i need you!
me: AHHHH you're going to MAUI?!!!!!!!!! i HATE you
katey12: NOOO it's a lotion

Conversation #2:

Elvis*: We ended up at DiCarlo's
Me: ohhh, nice! good food?
Elvis: It's a gentleman's club.

Conversation #3:

Carrie: Ahhhhh! I would loooooove to get dinner, but I already have plans for tonight. Stupid CC Factory, which I don't even like that well.
Me: hah ha c&c music factory as in the 90s pop band?! LOL that's hilarious! no worries about tonight.
Carrie: LOL No - Cheesecake Factory!

*Elvis=name has been changed.

Quote Buffet

2008-05-26T10:26:00.005-05:00

Memorial Day Weekend 2008 has not only been filled with sunshine and the company of good friends, but also a slew of quality quips worth sharing. Below is a list in no particular order of the weekend's best -- left anonymous to protect the guilty, of course.

"I just ate so much sushi, I feel like I might give birth to a tuna."

"Watch out, geese like shiny objects. They're after your accessories."

"That's a hoegarden over there if I ever saw one!"

"If I could use a condiment in sex, it would be horseradish."

"Bring on the meat!"

"I like guys that can help me carry stuff."

"I'm trying to make more of an effort to be less of a high maintenance bitch."

"You're not fat by any means, but you sure do talk about food a lot."

"She has a one track mind. It's always feeding time for her, kind of like a cow, even though she's 5'2."

"His butt chin is the epitome of all butt chins."

"It's like a Disneyworld of Cheese. Let me now draw your attention to the giant cheese ball that eerily resembles Epcot Center."

"Some women like jewelry. I like carbohydrates."

"Just to let you know, this tastes like lighter fluid."

Four paws good, two legs bad!

2008-05-19T18:33:00.010-05:00

The paws of Yorkies, Golden Retrievers, Labs, and the occasional dog that resembles a rat* traverse the streets of Albany, with a gait in their step and tongue dangling carefree. Any given weather condition -- rain, sleet, hail, snow, wind, and of course sunshine -- a pooch can almost always be seen making the rounds. I'm partial to the slap happy-faced West Highland Terrier, better known as a 'Westie'. And fortunately, there is no lack of my favorite short-legged friend.

Since I've taken up residence in the Capital District, I have carefully kept track of all the Westies I have met. Go ahead. Call me a dog stalker. When I start hauling in the dough for my dog walking services then we'll see who has the last laugh...or bark.

Below is a handy guide for spotting the Westies of Albany I have met so far. Please note that the corresponding pictures are not the actual dogs...but just bear a striking resemblance.

Ollie - A bit on the scruffy side, and resides on State Street near Pinto and Hobbes. Ollie can frequently be seen sitting on his/her stoop (I still have yet to figure out Ollie's gender) or strolling up and down the street as people head to and from work.

Chester - A bit on the more metrosexual side of male pups, with a well maintained white coat and carefully trimmed facial fur. I believe he currently resides near the corner of Dove and Lancaster. He can also be seen sauntering about the Center Squre neighborhood with his owner.

Basil - On the more mellow side, with an almost grey white fur. Current residence unknown. Has been known to accept bellyrubs mid-Lark Street.

Chelsea - Cooper's cheery faced sister. Frequents Washington Park.

Cooper - Chelsea's brother who also frequents Washington Park. Has a predilection for squirrels and bunnies, and follows his nose to no avail.

*Evidence will be documented in a later post.

Farewell to the Old Me

2008-05-06T23:55:00.005-05:00

Lots of life changing events, I'll try to detail them to the best of my ability in upcoming posts. I'm usually not too big on delving up personal details, but I'm sure I could somehow manage to crank out some snarky bits for your reading pleasure.

An update is in store, and perhaps a few of my thoughts on crafting a new blog. Don't worry, this one isn't going anywhere; in fact, I intend to get this puppy rolling full speed ahead again.

I've been somewhat inspired to start another blog, but something in vein of highlighting the best (and maybe worst) of local culture. I recently stumbled upon All Over Albany. It's easy to read, has some great reviews and recommendations, and a bit of snarky flair. However, I think I can out do them. At least as far as being clever. Uptown/Downtown Media, may want to give me a closer look or else I may provide some competition! I'm just saying.

We Don't Give a Damn About the Whole State of Louisiana

2008-01-07T18:49:00.001-05:00

You heard it here first...

My prediction for the OSU v. LSU game is:

Ohio State 42

Louisiana State 14

Let's go Bucks!!

I Would Go a Long Way for Raw Fish.

2008-01-04T21:06:00.001-05:00

I realize there are probably a myriad of questions regarding my disappearance from the blogosphere.

Rest assured, they probably will not be answered.

I would, however, like to update you on the following key life altering events:

1. While the average daily high temperature has hovered at a balmy 12 degrees, I have not been frostbit. The Albany Chamber of Commerce should seriously reconsider a new marketing plan that could highlight the area's tundra-like climate and endless outdoor recreation opportunities.

2. My office is moving floors on Monday! Which would imply that I did, indeed, find employment. I'm not exactly rolling in the dough, but it is nice to have a paycheck!

3. I convinced myself that my job is so cool, I needed to have a crackberry.

4 I'm willing to risk mercury poisoning for my recent addiction to sushi.

New Stomping Ground

2007-08-03T09:21:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering where I've been, I'll have you know that I relocated a mere 626 miles from Ohio to New York's state capital. And this canine in a tutu is one of the many sights you can witness if and when you decide to visit.

Puppy Extravaganza!

2007-07-17T19:34:00.002-05:00

Nearly 3 months ago, a very good friend of mine approached me with the idea of getting a dog. Of course, being the obsessive animal lover that I am, I was the one of the few supportive friends who told her that it was a good idea. She listened to my advice, and proceeded to research Goldendoodle breeders across the country. She finally chose a certified and reputable Goldendoodle breeder, who currently resides in the midst of one of Kentucky's many cornfields and made her first paypal payment.

Her puppy, "Oxford" was born at the end of May.

Meanwhile in the middle of June, I bought my ticket to visit since I was in dire need of hardcore shopping, museums and booze.

During the next couple of weeks, some crazy shit went down with how to transport her puppy all the way to DC. Since it was the middle of the summer, sending it via cargo was pretty much out of the question. Somehow, someway, being the loving and thoughtful friend I am, I came to the conclusion that volunteering to fly it myself, might be the best idea.

My idea has now become a reality, and I am now transporting a nearly 14 lb. Goldendoodle puppy from Cincinnatti to Columbus tomorrow. And then from Columbus to DC, the next day. In the meantime, I have acquired a darling Boots & Barkley Wheel Away Carrier from eBay, as the result of my friend and I's countless hours researching appropriate carriers for her puppy's small, but crucial 1 hour long journey to our nation's capitol.

The entire process has been fairly comical, I'm not going to lie.

So tomorrow, at 10 a.m. I will meet my friend's breeder in the Cheesecake Factory parking lot for the puppy hand-off.

It will be glorious. I have been gnawing at heels of friends and family for nearly 3 years now for another dog, since my beloved Westie was put to sleep.

**This is not a picture of my arm and/or wedding ring. I am also not married!

Rip Out My Sweat Glands, Stat!

2007-06-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

Although I'm at least a good 30+ years away from menopause, lately I've been experiencing a slew of hot flashes.

I'm fairly certain these brief bursts of sweat are triggered by anxiety, but how can anyone ever be too sure? I mean maybe they're caused by a small tumor in my big toe that that makes every sweat gland in my body produce and excess of sweat. Maybe I slipped into a coma overnight and I actually am circa 55, about to enter menopause. Maybe I drink too much water and my body doesn't know how to respond so it just sweats whenever the hell it feels like it. Maybe I have pre-mature hot flash syndrome, a top-secret under the radar incurable disease that scientists are reluctant to discuss because every goddamn man, woman, and child's sweat glands will eventually fail them. Or, maybe I'm possessed by the Sweat Goddess who decided it would be funny to see how I deal with unexpected arm pit stains and smelling like a dirty gym sock.

To be honest, I am not a doctor. I do not know the cause of this distressing malady. My knowledge of medicine is equivalent to the small and rare occurrence of a chinchilla reciting the pledge of allegiance.

To date, I am coping by tactfully wiping sweat off my forehead with arm, towel, or whatever resource is available. But maybe it would be easier to invest in a sweatband? I've also thought about investing in a medicated deodorant so friends and family won't have to shield their nostrils from the smell of my sweet sensual aroma. It would also probably work to my advantage and/or comfort level to wear spandex shorts underneath skirts to avoid chafing and ingrown hairs.

In the meantime, I will continue to pray for air conditioning at every establishment known to man and that no one will point to me and have to ask who the smelly kid is.

Charting a New Course, Maybe.

2007-06-12T08:31:00.001-05:00

I have blogger's block. In the last 24 hours, I have not only eaten a pint of Stephen Colbert's prized Americone Dream, but stared at this blog long enough for my leg to fall asleep.

When I was in school (like it was really that long ago) finding something to write about was not a problem. It was as easy as walking to class and being amused by a vintage beehive poof-there-it-is hair-do or contemplating why some students found hunting attire acceptable to wear outside of attempting to blend in with a herd of deer.

Now that I have graduated, my days are devoid of eccentric human sightings and are largely stress free. It's not excuseable for me to complain about my workload, or how bad I'm aching to graduate and move on with my life. I guess being in a post-graduation stage of I-don't-really know-what-I'm-going-to-do-with-my-life limbo has thrown my usual rhythm of complaint driven posts for a loop. Ideas and topics for posts as of late have felt directionless and my proclivity for piercing cynicism has waned. And the more time that passes, the more difficult it becomes to crank out a decent post.

So I decided to finally take the plunge back into the blogosphere, and get over this lame fear of being, well, lame. Upcoming posts may include a few trips to Wal-Mart, a transcript of a conversation with my friend's cat, or a detailed review of the gourmet cheeses in my fridge. But please stay tuned--there are some exciting life events in store to share, that will eventually make their way on to this blog in one way or another.

The Future Belongs to Me

2007-05-04T07:31:00.001-05:00

I am done with my senior seminar. I have finished all of my homework. I have completed all my finals. Somehow, someway I have traversed the endless sea of papers and projects and made it to graduation. Finally--five years and two schools later, I'm done with college!

Tomorrow I will sit amongst a few hundred strangers who have also completed their undergraduate degree and graduate. Then, my family will celebrate not having to pay tuition another year while listening to a special edition "Best of Beth" CD of all my greatest hits, including the "Ohio Gubernatorial Race" and the promo for my radio show, "Afternoon Delight."

I am beyond dancing a small jig. Now, I will go wherever the wind takes me. And by wind, you will soon find out what I mean.

A Small Part of Me Has Died

2007-05-01T15:07:00.000-05:00

I have just learned some very disturbing news. I'm holding back giant tears and forcing back vomit. Someone please hold my hand.

Rupert Murdoch has made a bid of $5 billion for The Wall Street Journal.

"Directors and the Bancroft family, which controls Dow Jones, are considering the $60-a-share offer, New York-based Dow Jones said today in a statement. The offer is 65 percent above Dow Jones's closing price yesterday. The shares jumped to $57.88.

The purchase of the Wall Street Journal, the second-biggest U.S. newspaper by circulation, the wsj.com Web site, Dow Jones Newswires and Barron's would satisfy Murdoch's long-expressed desire to own the 125-year-old company. The deal would blend Dow Jones assets with Murdoch's empire of 170 newspapers, stretching from Sydney to New York to London, at its Fox News cable network." [Bloomberg]

No! This cannot and must not happen! Rupie owns too much media as it is, and he doesn't need to control yet another outlet. Even though the WSJ clearly has more of a conservative slant on the editorial page, the rest of the paper exemplifies outstanding journalism. I'm beside myself.

I wish more Americans would realize what's happening to the media landscape. The Evil Empire of Ruper Murodoch must be destroyed!

Witches' Brew

2007-05-01T06:59:00.001-05:00

Feel free to enlarge picture to be even more horrified.

One less vampire is on the loose in Guyana after being lynched by local villagers on accusations of "drinking human babies blood."

Guyanese villagers believed she was an "Old Higue":

"—the equivalent of a vampire in the local Obeah religion that blends folk magic and African rituals." [Breitbart]

Is this perhaps the beginning of a Guyanese version of the Salem Witch Trials?

Frankly, I'm slightly more horrified by this portly woman's* double chin.

*Large woman in picture is not Guyanese to my knowledge, but whether or not she is a 'witch' still remains in question.

Beginning or End of the Grapevine?

2007-04-30T22:47:00.000-05:00

The past couple of days I have been receiving droves of visitors--first arriving on Circumlocutor's blog in a mad quest for more salacious details on "Deborah Jean Palfrey" --then some how clicking their way over here in hopes of finding what, the phone records of 15,000 client calls?

Sorry. I do not have that information, nor do I feel sorry for you Ms. Palfrey. I merely peruse the depths of the web and occasionally stumble on your mid-life crisis. Once again, your fault for getting yourself into your current mess.

Other exciting highlights include finishing my senior seminar (!), getting shocked by an electric fence (details tomorrow afternoon with pictures!), and being (almost) done with college.

Today Is The Day

2007-04-27T08:53:00.000-05:00

Today is a day of such great jubilation it ranks right up there with last friday (my birthday), graduation, and other holidays in which I accumulate material goods and/or cash.

I felt that posting to my blog was more worthwhile for the betterment of society than any last minute cramming would ever hope to accomplish.

I'm basically done, minus a few last minute details (recording credits and printing out this bad boy) that I will finish after my experimental psychology final at noon.

If you happen to encounter a girl with hair so greasy you could fry an egg in it dancing and/or crazily singing the praises of being done THE project to end all projects, please stop by and say hello. I like to meet my fans.

Where there is a Will, There is a Mullet

2007-04-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

Having trouble deciding on a new 'do? Perhaps you should consider growing a sweet mullet. Don't ask why, ask why not.

Paper update:
I'm rounding out page 22, and it looks like I may be closer to my target than anticipated. Which is good, because I'm getting close to being done. (God Bless America) I'm a little concerned because I wish I would have done a little more research with the library books that I returned yesterday and also forgot to cite. Shit.

Audio documentary update:
Halfway through, I think. I really hate how everything always ends up taking more time than I anticipate.

There aren't enough hours in the day, particularly since I also conveniently remembered I need to study for an exam tomorrow at noon.

'Sixth Year Senior' is So Not My Style

2007-04-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

The end is so near! Yet so far away...

The due date for my senior seminar/thesis/undergraduate dissertation on the coal mining industry in Southeastern Ohio is this Friday. The journalistic article/paper portion has been recommended by my dear professors to be around 20 pages. My projected page count is looking like 50 - 60 at this point. You're probably thinking, what's the problem, over achiever. Just because it's longer doesn't mean it's good. I have so much information (I have library books that I've had checked out the entire semester that are due at 11 tonight) I don't really know what to cut and what to keep. I guess I'll just have to force myself to do some serious revisions, in a matter of a few hours.

In addition to that, I have to finish the audio documentary portion and picture slide show.

But once Friday at 5 p.m. has arrived and left, I have 2 more take home finals to finish.

Where is my get out of jail free card?!

Stress doesn't exactly bring out the best version of me, to say the least.

I have managed to consume the entire chip and salsa aisle of Wal-Mart, an entire bag of twizzlers, and several loaves of bread. And that's just the tip of grocery store.

I also find ways to further procrastinate (ie read blogs, away messages, spam).

So now you may understand why I'm slightly concerned I may not graduate.

Old and Grey

2007-04-20T08:55:00.000-05:00

At midnight two nights ago, I transformed from a bitter 22 year-old to a still ticked 23 year-old. My skin twitched with anger and my pale blue eyes flickered with frustration as I punched a pillow with self-pity.

I was blessed with writing a paper on the poetry of Rumi, and how his poetry exemplifies the concept of "ihsan." It was neat and fun, and ironically enough, for a few hours I was angry at God.

I mean seriously....a paper the night before my birthday? Are you kidding me? At least it's done and I now have the final stages of my senior project looming over my head.

Yesterday morning I found myself quite pensive about the many birthdays I've had, as well as the ones that are yet to come. Perhaps the most urgent question I found myself pondering is how many years it will take for someone to buy me a toupee and/or special topical cream to fill my in my bald spots.

I found my first grey hair in high school, and my mother's side of the family has a history of greying early. It's also probably safe to say I shed, as my blonde strands never cease to keep themselves secured on my head. Having trouble clogging a drain? Give me a buzz, I'm sure a wad of my hair can and will do the trick. Short on extra fur for your new mink coat? Have no fear, my illustrious mane will fall out in due time and help you out.

A scalp of lucscious salt and pepper locks and/or nothing may not be all that far off, so I figured it might be in my best interest to begin preventive measures.

Git-r-done!

2007-04-04T12:15:00.000-05:00

It seems as though whenever I don't have any time to spare, I manage to make time for things that I probably shouldn't. Procrastination, avoidance, denial -- call it what you will, I've gotten pretty good at it.

Take today and the past couple days for example. As my final semester of college dwindles to a close, I should be cranking out my senior seminar, writing endless papers on France's economy and labor industry, and cranking out some more random shit.

Instead, you'll find me sipping a french vanilla cappucino with a dash of honey and posting to my blog, all the while visiting Circumlocutor, I Fool Just as I Am, Saracastic and Cynical, statcounter, facebook, gmail and my other e-mails with fervent frequency (these are really the only blogs I read with any regularity...I haven't forgotten about the rest of you on my bloglist; I'll get back to regular voracious blog appetite come May 5).

I'm pretty sure I don't have ADD. I think, it's more of a bad case of senioritis.

The good news is that my school has an Easter break, and I have the rest of the week off (one of the few redeeming perks of attending a religiously affiliated undergraduate academic institution, particularly for folk like me who don't exactly heed the path of Jesus). Thefore, I must commit myself to 12-hour days of nothing but school work.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Bahh....likely a load of pungent pigeon piss, but I like to be optimistic. I'm sure I'll find an excuse to keep you posted on my progress.

Blind Leading the Blind, Part II: Pilgrim's Progress

2007-03-20T18:57:00.000-05:00

Weeks later, my Senior Seminar/Thesis/Giant Project is underway. All my interviews are done, and I'm in the middle of transcribing HOURS of tape. I'm not sure whether I should laugh or cry. On one hand it's a relief to have contacted and spoken with such interesting people, but to type their every "and um" is slightly tedious. I'm really excited to just finish this bad boy. My goal is to finish transcriptions by Saturday, then whip out a draft for Sunday.

But other than that, things are coming along. Only 6 weeks until graduation! I picked up my cap and gown last week, and family and friends are making arrangements to roll into town May 5 to celebrate. To be frank, I'm really ready be done with college. I'm excited to spend a year or two in limbo, figuring out what I really want to do and gobbling up all the books I can.

I've also been trying to get back into running. I ran in my first 5k in 5 years on St. Paddy's Day! My time was rotten, but I'm really psyched to get back in the groove of improving my personal best. Another road race is on for this Saturday, so things are looking good.

Journey into the Land of Rat Tails

2007-03-19T15:59:00.000-05:00

This draft has been sitting in my inbox since the 2006 Elections.

Prior to election night, I decided to help out the Zanesville Times Recorder with reporting results. Left up to chance and ultimately the judgment of the city editor, I was assigned to Morgan County. Let me just preface this by saying I am NOT a Southeastern Ohio native. I travel west like it's my job and east like I go to school there (because I do). North and south rarely beckon. And by rarely, I mean never.

I knew traveling to the heart of Morgan County would be a harrowing adventure: a few near death encounters with deer, the occasional rat tail, and the profound absence of cell phone service.

So I left extra early, with every intention of preventing hoofs from careening through my windshield. I was prepared with a whole box of defrosted veggie burgers, 3 bottles of water, pencil and paper, and my iPod neatly tucked away inside my Kate Spade diaper bag (no plans of popping out a small child anytime soon, sorry to get your hopes up). There was absolutely no way this 26 mile journey into the depths of BFE would be anything less than bland.

Forty-five minutes into my trip after passing many tiny burghs and losing cell phone service, I started to worry. Where in balls name am I?! Perhaps McConnelsville is so small I missed it? Technically, if I'm travelling at a speed of 55, I should roughly make it in approximately 30 minutes.

A Dollar General and a beer Drive-Thru appeared on my left minutes later, and I began to have faith I was near civilization. Hell, at this point I was ready to stop the car and break dance even I even caught sight of a vending machine. The soft luminescence of street lamps and a flickering hotel vacancy sign guided me down the main drag, and I eventually traversed a tattered McConnelsville sign. I guess I'm here.

My knuckles turned white as I pulled stop, narrowily saving the life of a shoddy character attempting to cross the street. His stringy salt and pepper hair swirled around like he was caught in a sandstorm, and his wandering eye fixated on me. He made a sudden sprint for the curb, and then dived into the gutter. This is probably not a good time to ask questions.

I made an immediate left and pulled into a parking lot.

I was still unsure if I had arrived at the Board of Elections. With mace in my pocket and the diaper bag full of comestibles strategically slung across my shoulder, I tiptoed to the front of the building and was pleased to see the address I needed (in case of emergency, I'm pretty sure the weight of all my junk could knock someone out just in case I ever needed to defend myself)

To be continued...