grass stains

Slices of Life, Vol. 51

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 10:30:00 +0000

I was going back through my Drafts folder last night and found these Slices. They're 18 months old, and I can't believe I never published them. I think it was because that was around the time my iPhoto quit working, and I kept thinking that once I got access to my pictures, I'd post this with images. Well, that still hasn't happened.

So I'm sharing these with you anyway. Jake would have been in the middle of 2nd grade (age 7-and-a-half), Amelia would have been about 4 and Nick, 10.

FYI, I've decided to start fresh with iPhoto and just loaded the past year or so of pictures from my phone into it over the weekend. I also loaded our pictures from Costa Rica, so more posts will be coming. Not daily, but hopefully about once a week. I've missed it.

While going through a bunch of random papers after we moved, I found a stapled set letting us know that Nick had been selected as the Star Student of the Week. Last December 4 [2014].

We were to have sent photos of him to be displayed in the classroom, gone to have lunch with him at a special table in the cafeteria, and written a letter about all the things we love about him that his teacher would have read to the class, among other things.

Me: "Nick! I can't believe I'm just now finding this! Why didn't you give it to me when you were selected as Student of the Week? I feel terrible that we missed out on doing all of this for you."

Nick: "You didn't. I told you about it back then."

Me: "I don't remember that at all! I don't think I sent pictures, and I only remember coming to eat lunch with you on your birthday, not for this. And I don't remember writing a letter about all the things we love about you, either."

Nick: "You did. IT WAS A SHORT NOTE."

* * * * * * *

While going over Jake's spelling words one evening:

Grayson: "Okay, Jake, spell 'bandana.' "

Jake: "B-A-N-"

Amelia: "D."

All of us: [blink blink]

* * * * * * *

We were eating supper at Texas Roadhouse, where they have TVs above some of the tables. America's Funniest Videos was on while we were waiting for our entrees to arrive. One video was of a girl about 6 or 7 years old sobbing with happiness and hugging her toddler brother, who had just taken his first steps.

On the video, the man taking the video asked, "Why are you crying, sweetie?" And she sobbed, "I'M JUST SO PROUD OF HIM FOR TAKING HIS FIRST STEPS!"

Jake: "Mommy. Did you see that?"

Me: "The video of the little girl crying because she was so proud of her baby brother? Yes. So sweet."

Jake: "Or. OR, they're in the Guinness Book of World Wecords for being the youngest married couple ever, and she was so pwoud because that was her SON taking his first steps."

Me: "Hmm. That's pretty unlikely, buddy."

Jake: "Yeah, I guess so. I mean, not ALL 6- and 7-year-olds are weddy for wo-mance like I am."

Me: [raising my eyebrows]

Jake: "Do you want to know how I know I'm weddy for wo-mance?"

Me: "I can't WAIT to know."

Jake: "I don't woll my eyes at wo-mantic scenes in movies anymore."

* * * * * * *

And just a few weeks later, I was folding clothes in the den while Jake was watching TV.

Jake: "Quite fwankly, I can't believe they show this kind of wo-mantic content on Nickelodeon."

Me: "What?"

Jake: "That young couple just kissed. I mean, I'M not bothered by it, but a lot of kids might be. I wemember when we were at the beach, we were watching a show one day and Gwant said, 'EVWYYBODY CLOSE YOUR EYES.' And evwybody did, except me. I mean, the people only KISSED. But even Gwant and Nathaniel didn't want to see it. I don't know. Kids just aren't weddy for wo-mance."

* * * * * * *

I was putting a barrette in Amelia's hair one recent afternoon:

Me: "Aww. You look so precious."

Amelia: "I DON'T LOOK PWESH-US."

Me: "Okay, well, you look cute."

Amelia: "I DON'T LOOK CUTE."

Me: "Well, what CAN I call you if I can't call you precious or cute?"

Amelia: "Bootiful."

Oh Lord. We're in for it.

* * * * * * *

We were out to supper at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and the waiter came to the table to take our drink orders. Amelia and Jake were sitting on the same side of the booth with me. I ordered my drink, then looked at Amelia.

Amelia: "I WANT SPWITE. Wait." [To Jake.] "JAKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DWINK?"

Jake: "Spwite."

Amelia: [To the waiter] "WE'LL BOTH HAVE SPWITE."

* * * * * * *

Going over Jake's spelling words with him one night, we were asking him to spell each word and use each in a sentence.

Grayson: "Ammunition."

Jake: "A-M-M-U-N-I-T-I-O-N."

Grayson: "Good. Now, use it in a sentence."

Jake: "You have a lot of ammunition. CAN I HAVE SOME OF IT?"

* * * * * * *

Amelia: "My teacher Miss Gwace is getting mawwied!"

Me: "She is? That's exciting! To whom?"

Amelia: [pause] "To a PWINCE!"

Me: "Really?! To a prince? That's even MORE exciting."

Amelia: "I know!" [sigh] "I can't WAIT to see their fuhst dance."

* * * * * * *

Today at lunch on the way to the beach, a friend we were eating with asked Jake if he passed first grade.

Jake: "Yes, actuwy, I was one of the smahtest kids in my class."

Grayson: "ONE of the smartest?"

Jake: "Yes, technicwy the second smahtest."

Grayson: "How do you know that?"

Jake: "I tested evwybody."

* * * * * * *

The kids watched the movie Home on a recent trip. When it was over:

Me: Did you like the movie?

Jake: I really DID. It almost made me CWY. [wipes tears from both of his eyes] THAT WAS MY FUHST WEAL TEARJERKUH."

Is 'Boss Baby' rated R?

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 10:30:00 +0000

Amelia and Jake have been wanting to see Boss Baby for a while and the opportunity came up to see it over Memorial Day weekend.

I use the word "opportunity" loosely here.

Grayson and Nathaniel were on a scuba diving trip to the Florida Keys, so I took Nick, Jake and Amelia to the theater on Sunday for a "cheap" matinee showing. $40 in tickets and $50 in snacks and drinks later, we were in our seats and the trailers were beginning.

First up was Transformers: The Last Knight, and then Wonder Woman. Next up was Star Wars: The Last Jedi. I turned to Nick and said, "These trailers all seem a little mature for the little kids who're here for Boss Baby. You think?" He nodded.

Then again, I hadn't actually WATCHED the trailer for Boss Baby, so ...

But then the trailer for Cars 3 started, and I breathed a sigh of relief. And after that, Spider-Man: Homecoming -- which, while still not what I'd call a film for the toddler and preschool set, it was definitely preferable to what came next: THE MUMMY.

INTERNET. Some serious STUFF goes down in that trailer. I looked over at Nick and I said, "THIS IS RIDICULOUS. This is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE for 4- and 5-year-olds!" Nick had his ears plugged with his fingers and he was looking down at his lap. He couldn't even look at the screen. I could hear small children whimpering and a couple even crying elsewhere in the theater.

I looked over to my left at Jake and Amelia and said, "Hey! Guys, DON'T LOOK AT THIS. It's WAY too scary. I'm not even looking at it!" Guess who wouldn't take their eyes off it it. Yeah, eyes wide as saucers and glued to the giant screen, Amelia said to me, "I'M NOT SCAWED AT AWE. THIS ISN'T SCAWY, MOMMY. ISS FINE."

Finally, BY THE GRACE OF GOD the Disney logo came up on the screen. But Cinderella's castle was black, and thunder and lightning were going on behind the castle. For the last time, I again looked at Nick: "WHY is it thundering and lightning behind Cinderella's castle? Is Boss Baby a scary movie? Did I bring you to a movie about some kind of demented baby who literally tortures a family in their basement? WHAT. IS. HAPPENING."

Nick shrugged. To my left, Amelia was applauding the thunder and lightning behind Cinderella's castle. (Special effects!)

As if in slow motion, the movie started. And it was not animated. As it turned out, the little boy on the screen was a young Jack Sparrow.

WE HAD JUST SAT THROUGH 20 MINUTES OF TRAILERS FOR PG, PG-13 AND NOT-YET-RATED FILMS. No wonder my Spidey Senses were on high alert.

At this point, about 10 parents got up from their seats and sprinted out of the theater, presumably to stop the madness. Meanwhile, onscreen, Jack Sparrow was telling his dad that he was going to go on this voyage whether he liked it or not. Even if his dad threw him overboard, he'd still find a way to go. [Insert rough seas, creepy men and lots of yelling. Now real-life theater kids were crying again.]

I looked over at Jake and Amelia (no worries about Nick, whose eyes were firmly fixed on the upper-right corner of the theater ceiling) and told them to just look at me, that this would all be taken care of in a minute. They paid me absolutely zero attention. Amelia, eyes still on the screen, said, "I WIKE THIS WRONG MOVIE."

I looked back up at the screen just in time to see little Jack Sparrow sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I guess his dad took him up on his offer and threw him overboard? I'LL NEVER KNOW. Before it could get any worse, they finally cut the feed and got Boss Baby started for us.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, CARMIKE CINEMAS, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

So what's the over-under on Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead showing up on Amelia's Amazon Wishlist before her 6th birthday in September?

'I hate everything and everyone'

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 16:26:00 +0000

I put the title of this post in quotes because it’s something I said six months ago. To more than one person.

Something I said after I’d been dieting and exercising daily for three months, had lost 25 pounds and simultaneously hated life possibly more than I ever have. Including the semester in college during which I simultaneously failed Economics and Accounting.

I actually titled a post "I hate everything and everyone" and began writing about how awful life was without lots of carbs and unlimited chocolate.

I never published that post because I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. Like, about my mental health. And by “anyone,” I mean those of you who’ve been reading here for nine years as well as those of you who know me in real life and know me to generally be a glass-half-empty person – but not a glass-shattered-all-over-the-floor GLASS EVERYWHERE OH GOD GLASS EVERYWHERE person.

Which is kind of where I was six months ago. And it all has to do with the fact that I gave up tasty food.

Anyway, rest assured that things are better. I’m still struggling a little because I’m still eating more healthily than I used to and I only eat dessert once a week. But dessert once a week is better than dessert never. So in general I’m more balanced.

See? That call to 911 isn’t necessary.

But I haven’t written much lately and I’ve received several emails from readers who’ve noticed on Instagram that I’ve lost some weight, and you’ve asked what I’m doing and how it’s going. So I decided to give you the backstory.

Here it is.

Last April I decided it was time to get healthy. Then I waited a month to start, because that’s how I roll. I downloaded the Couch to 5K app, opened the LoseIt app for the first time in two years, and I asked my GP to refer me to a weight-management clinic downtown. I wanted to see a nutritionist and I wanted to talk to a behaviorist – to see if I could figure out the REASONS behind my unhealthy eating habits.

Sample questions: Why does a “veggie plate” to me consist of mac and cheese, creamed corn, white rice, squash casserole and a yeast roll? (BECAUSE YELLOW FOOD ROCKS.) Why do I consider a “serving” of Reese’s Cups to be six? (BECAUSE TWO IS RIDICULOUS.) Why does my body not consider a meal complete without dessert? (BECAUSE NORMAL.)

Keep in mind, I’ve lost and gained back the same 40 pounds probably 15 times over the last 25 years. I have proven time and time again that I can lose it – but I can’t keep it off. I always go back to eating the same way I did before, and the weight comes back. That’s why I wanted to find out what makes my brain and body work differently from the people who seem to be able to CHOOSE AN APPLE FOR THE LOVE.

Well, I lost 18 pounds over the first six weeks or so, visiting the clinic three times. They weren’t doing anything for me other than checking my bloodwork and weighing me each time. I was eating regular food – just a lot less of it – and exercising every day, and I tracked it all in my apps. Just like I’d done a hundred times before. And it worked, just like before. But my mood, OH MY MOOD. It was dark.

DARK.

Jake asked me, “Mommy, how much wonger are you going to be DOING this?”

Amelia said, “Mommy, eating healthy food makes you say ANGWY words.”

I had a short temper. And I snapped at the kids a lot more often. THEY NOTICED, you might say.

At around 8 weeks I told the nutritionist how I was feeling and she said, “Oh, I completely understand. You know, you should keep some small squares of dark chocolate at home. They’re great for taking the edge off when you want something sweet.”

INTERNET.

Outwardly I remained calm as I replied, “Yeah, dark chocolate squares really aren’t gonna cut it. But thanks.”

I waited for the behaviorist to come in the room a few minutes later. Just steaming.

She came in, congratulated me on my (at that point) 20-pound weight loss, and I said flatly, “Thanks.”

Her: “You should be so proud of yourself! That’s great!”

Me: “I know. It’s fine. I’m sure for most people the weight loss would be reward enough, but all I can think about are the Reese’s Cups I can’t eat, the ice cream I’m going without, the chips and guacamole I’m skipping every time we eat Mexican, and the chicken fingers and yeast rolls I want to eat, like, RIGHT NOW.”

Her: “I think we need to find some things we can substitute –“

Me: “NO. It’s not about substitution. It’s about the fact that my quality of life is AWFUL. I still do everything else I used to do that I liked, but I hate everything. EVERYTHING. I still watch TV, I still see my friends, I still read books and listen to podcasts, and I still see the occasional movie, but none of it makes me happy. NONE OF IT. Because when I watch TV I don’t snack on chips or have another piece of cake. When I see my friends, I get a grilled chicken salad dressed with my tears instead of Ranch. When I read books and listen to podcasts, I’m not popping Rolos or peanut M&Ms. When I go to the movies, I’m not mixing mouthfuls of popcorn with half a handful of regular M&Ms.”

“I don’t know how many different ways I can say it: Dieting and exercising makes me Hate. My. Life.”

Her: [long pause] “I’m really sorry this is so hard on you. Do you ever feel like you want to harm yourself or others?”

Me: “When the nutritionist told me I should keep squares of dark chocolate in the house so I could eat them when I need to take the edge off, I wanted to wring her little size-4 neck and kick her in the face. But in general do I want to hurt anyone? No. Not myself or my children. Ever.”

Her: [even longer pause] “Okaaay, how would you feel if I offered to refer you to a psychiatrist to explore some of this? I think we may be getting a little out of my depth here.”

Me: “That would be great. I think I probably need a pill.”

You know what happened next? She never gave me the referral.

And that was the last time I went to the clinic.

I decided since I was handling it on my own anyway, I’d just keep doing it on my own, and if the unhappiness didn’t go away, I’d have my GP refer me to a psychiatrist.

The clinic has never, to this day, called me to ask why I haven’t come back or how I’m doing.

SCREW ‘EM.

(And, I might add, it’s a darn good thing I HAVEN’T harmed myself or others, because THAT would have been a REAL doozy for them to explain away.)

(BUT I’M NOT BITTER.)

Fast forward to the end of 2016 and I’m able to report that by the end of last year, I lost a total of 46 pounds.

I never take pictures of myself alone – especially full-length pictures – so I had to crop everyone else out of a group picture to make this comparison shot. Ha! But here I am in November 2015 vs. about a month ago:

For the past month or so I’ve just been maintaining, but I’d like to lose some more weight. I just needed a mental break, because I totally committed to it last year (if you couldn’t tell), and it really took a toll on me. Combined with the fact that I started a new job about six weeks into the lifestyle change – or the “HFL” as my friend Honor and I call it (Healthy F’ing Lifestyle™) – I needed a month to six weeks to kind of reset.

I haven’t gone back to my old habits, but I’ve allowed myself popcorn with M&Ms once at the movies, dessert once or twice a week, Ranch dressing on EVERY salad I’ve ordered … and I haven’t felt guilty about a single bit of it.

So, that’s the deal. No gimmicks. Walking or jogging five to six days a week, 1,100-1,300 calories a day, for seven months. Forty-six pounds.

Total, abject misery with a pretty big payoff.

Happy to answer questions.

Merry Christmas from our home to yours

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 14:32:00 +0000

I'm mailing our Christmas cards this week, but I decided since I've posted so rarely this year that I'm going to post our annual Christmas letter here for you guys, too. So you'll actually get to read it here first!

Thanks for sticking around, loyal readers. And merry Christmas!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Grayson has finished up another year in his role as an I.T. compliance project manager. As continued annual proof that I do not really understand what he does, I had to double-check his job title with him via email. Even though I had last year’s letter pulled up and was relatively sure his job hadn’t changed since then. YES I DO SO PAY ATTENTION WHEN HE TALKS.

Aside from compliance-y project manager-y things he does, his main distractions include cycling at Oak Mountain and on nearby Lakeshore Trail. And of course his life -- and many weekends -- wouldn’t be complete without the Boy and Cub Scout activities he leads and/or participates in with Nathaniel and Jake.

As for me, I took a huge leap of faith and jumped from my long-time home in our Talent & Culture (formerly Human Resources) department to its Engineering department. And then about six weeks later was “reorged” into our Business Development line of business, but thankfully kept the manager I’d left T&C to work for, so it’s all good. I’m heading up our Change Management area, which means that I try to soften the impact of constant change (product and system rollouts) we introduce to our branches. I’ve written very little on my blog this year, not because I haven’t wanted to, but because my increasingly busy schedule has kept me from it. Oh, did I mention I added daily exercise to my schedule? Yeah, that takes time. And it stinks. Like, a healthy diet and exercise have got to be the all-time WORST way to lose weight, because it totally sucks. But I lost 46 pounds this year (only about half of that at the time our Christmas photo was taken back in September), so I guess it’s worth it? But it’s a miserable existence when all you want is Reese’s ALL. THE. TIME.

Nathaniel turned 14 on Dec. 19 and is in 8th grade. He speaks about 20 words per week to me and his earbuds have been surgically affixed to his ears. He MAY shower without them, but I cannot officially confirm that, as I do not visually monitor his showers. I am TREMENDOUSLY proud of his commitment to his schoolwork and his recent achievement of the Life Scout rank. Next up, Eagle! He’s already thinking about his Eagle project, which hopefully he’ll plan and complete before he gets interested in girls. Because then all bets are off. He’s started jogging nightly this year and slimmed down a little (not that he needed to), and he’s several inches taller than I am. It’s FREAKY.

I love: his interest in cooking, his independent completion of homework and thorough study habits. I could live without: his insistence on jogging in dark clothes at night when I warn him repeatedly he’s going to be flattened like a pancake AND MOMS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

Nick turned 12 on Oct. 4, and is in 6th grade. He still loves playing Minecraft and Clash of Clans online and has made friends around the world playing via Skype. He’s developed a real affinity for recreational soccer and is about to start his fourth season with Hoover Soccer Club. He loves to play and even loves to practice, which is saying something. Nick’s only been in middle school for a few months but he’s well-acquainted with the assistant principal. Always making friends, our Nick. He’s got a mischievous streak, for sure, but he’s also pulling down straight As, so …

I love: The way he loves on Amelia, that he still gives me a hug every night before bed. I could live without: the occasional subterfuge when there’s something he doesn’t want us to know. We always find out. I THINK.

Jake is 8 years old, in 3rd grade and just finished reading the entire Harry Potter series. He read it in just a few weeks and was so sad when he finished the final book -- it’s extremely rare to find Jakey without a book in his hand, and if he’s without one, it’s because he’s watching youtube videos about game theory on his iPad. Jake is a fascinating person to talk to, mainly because he speaks as though he’s about five times his age. He’s in Enrichment at his elementary school, which means he gets pulled out of class one day a week to do special activities that are a little more stimulating. Wednesday is his favorite day of the week!

I love: his unique perspective on everything, that he still gives me four or five hugs every day. I could live without: his propensity to walk away from whatever -- WHATEVER -- he was doing and leave everything right where it was (this includes eating and leaving his plate and utensils, watching TV and leaving it on, and bathrooming and leaving it unflushed).

Amelia is 5 and HAH-MAINT-NANCE. She is literally my shadow. She follows me so closely everywhere I go that often, when I turn around suddenly to go the other way, I knock her down. Then tears. (Hers.) Then apologies. (Mine.) Wash, rinse, repeat. She is obsessed -- and I do mean OBSESSED -- with animals. She loves them all. When she lists her best friends, it goes like this: “Bayla, Abby, Missy, Fred, Missy and Mira.” If you’re keeping track, those are a dog, a dog, a cat, a dog, another dog, and finally, a friend from preschool. ONE HUMAN BEING MAKES THE LIST. All the rest of y’all can suck it.

I love: her obsession with family, her love of errands, her desire to learn to read. I could live without: the whining. When do they outgrow that, again?

We are thrilled to be down to one house payment, having sold our previous home to a very nice couple who was willing to pay us for it. That was all we required of them. NOW all we require of them is that they text us twice a week to come pick up all the Amazon packages that arrive from the kids’ wish lists on which I forgot to update their shipping addresses. MERRY CHRISTMAS, NEW HOMEOWNERS!

We love you all and wish you the happiest and healthiest of Christmases and new years.

FOURTEEN!

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 11:30:00 +0000

Nathaniel,

You’re halfway through 8th grade and several inches taller than I am now. I remember 8th grade much more clearly than you’d think possible at my age, and when I think back to some of the things I did and thoughts that went through my head, I cringe. I think you’re probably more mature than I was at your age, though -- or maybe you’re just a little more reserved. You certainly don’t SAY much, for sure. YOU’RE A YOUNG MAN OF MYSTERY.

I don’t want to make it seem like I think you’re hiding things, because I don’t. I just think because you’re clearly an introvert, and a teenage boy, you’re naturally quieter around me. You have a really small, intimate group of friends that seems to consist of three or four guys AND one girl. She’s a year ahead of you in school and we haven’t met her yet, but she’s kind of your BFF. So, there’s that. DADDY AND I ARE INTRIGUED.

I’m so proud of you for the way you’ve just handled all of your schoolwork in middle school. You come home every day and tackle your assignments and studying, and your grades are top-notch. We never have to badger you about doing it, and you’ve already set a course for your future by declaring an interest in engineering at the high-school level. You’ve got the math and science skills you need (which you didn’t get from moi, no surprise), and I’m so excited to see where the next few years take you.

Sometime over the last year or so you kind of maxed out on playing with your siblings. Now your default is lying on the couch upstairs with three things: your pillow, your blanket and your iPhone. OH, AND THOSE EARBUDS. I’m slightly worried that your earflesh is going to grow around them. Like, permanently. You don’t even take them out to talk to me … you just hit Pause.

Fourteen is super-old. In case you didn’t know. It’s only four years from 18, which is the age I have to officially let you go and send you out into the world, flesh-embedded earbuds and all. I’M NOT READY. For a couple of years after you were born and Daddy was on the road almost full-time, it was just you and me against the world. And even after Nick was born, for a year or so there, it was still mostly you and me with Nick just along for the ride. Now you’re so darn independent and I literally have to look UP to you when I’m standing next to you … it’s so weird. In case nobody’s told you, you’re not a toddler anymore. All this growing happened without my approval or consent, and quite frankly, I’d like to take a moment and turn back time.

In the absence of a magic wand, I just want to tell you how proud I am to be your mom, what an amazing young man I think you’re becoming, and that I always, ALWAYS want you to come home for Christmas. I’ll be lonely without you, my Christmas baby.

I love you,
Mommy

I can't NOT share this post at Christmas. It's a tradition

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 12:32:00 +0000

I haven't quit blogging.

I mean, I haven't BLOGGED, but I haven't given it up forever. It only seems like it.

I WILL be back, but I don't have a schedule. It would actually be sort of easy to just post a photo a day with a one-line caption, but I mean, that's what Instagram is. And I don't want to just post the same thing here that I post on Instagram, you know?

Seems like a waste of all of our time.

Anyway, I couldn't let Christmas get any closer without reminding you of My Favorite True Holiday Story Of All Time. (For my Canadian readers, it's My Favourite True Holiday Stoury Of All Time.)

For those of you that have been around for years, you know what this is about.

It's about the time my dad witnessed what I call a holiday miracle, courtesy of an international visitor and the Salvation Army's Angel Tree.

Click here to read all about it.

And Merry Christmas!

Trick or treat, for real

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 01 Nov 2016 16:27:00 +0000

After trick-or-treating for an hour last night:

Jake: "Why do you say 'trick or treat' every time you go up to a door if there are no tricks involved? This is ridiculous."

Me: "Well, everyone gives you a treat, so THAT'S why there are no tricks. Only if someone gives you no treat would you be allowed to play a trick on them."

Jake: "So I wanna go back to the house that gave me POTATO CHIPS. And do we have any EGGS at home?"

Twelve!

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 04 Oct 2016 10:30:00 +0000

Nick,

Today, you are 12. TWELVE! I think I wrote my last birthday letter to you on your 8^th birthday. Can that be right? I’m not sure; I’ll have to go back and look to be positive, but I think that’s probably right.

I’ve wanted to do it every year, but when I sat down to do it on your 9^th, and your 10^th, then your 11^th, I just couldn’t. What I would have written would have been, “Buddy, Daddy and I are doing our very best. We love you so much. Love, Mommy.”

It was a really rough few years, buddy, I won’t lie. I mean, I don’t have to, because I know YOU know it, too. It wasn’t just hard for you, me and Daddy … it was hard for the entire family. And your teachers. And sometimes, like, general passersby. We tried a Christian counselor and, later, a psychologist. But in the end, after a lot — a LOT — of compromise and a lot of patience — EVEN MORE OF THAT — we’ve finally come out the other side.

I’ve never doubted that your heart is solid gold. You’ve always shown moments of tenderness that astound me, and you’ve been a wonderful big brother to Amelia since the day she joined our family. You continue to show her the most attention, play one-on-one with her the most often, and be the most proud of her accomplishments of any of your brothers.

Your temper DOES occasionally still get the best of you, but those times are now the exception rather than the rule. You’ve adjusted to middle school better than I ever dared hope, and you are a real social butterfly — you constantly ask to invite friends over to our house and you’re always being invited somewhere, whether it’s a weeknight or weekend.

You’ve also really come into your own on the soccer field … I’ve lost track now of how many seasons you’ve played with Hoover Soccer Club, but you possess a real natural gift for the game. I love watching you play every Saturday and I’m so proud whether you score, assist or simply play your heart out each week.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of the wonderful young man you’re becoming. You’re a natural leader and my hope and prayer is that you use that gift in the most honorable ways. I can’t wait.

You’ve come a long way, baby.

I love you,
Mommy

Five!

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 01:50:00 +0000

Amelia,

Neither my heart nor my head can believe that today, you are 5.

You’ve been counting down the days to your 5^th birthday for at least two months now. You seem to think being 5 is your destiny — although you said just the other day, “I’m weally going to miss being fo-uh. I’m awfully good at it.”

Let me tell you what it’s like being your mommy. Have you ever heard someone described as someone else’s “shadow”? Well, THAT’S YOU. You follow me so closely at all times that if I stop quickly, you bump into me. When I go to the bathroom, you follow me and stand at the door. (If I don’t lock it, you come in. If I lock it, you stand there and jiggle the handle, asking if you can come in and/or how long it will be until I come out when am I coming out why am I taking so long I am taking forever I’m never coming out.)

While I put my makeup on in the morning, you sit between my feet on my bathmat. You know my routine so well that if I haven’t moved on to my hair by the time the Today show theme song comes on, you tell me I’m running late. (And you fuss at me if hairspray lands on you, EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE SITTING DIRECTLY BENEATH ME.)

When I leave for my walk every night, you beg to go with me and get a wobbly lip if I say no. I often let you do the first mile with me, because it’s so hard to say no when you’re so desperate to go that you’re willing to walk a mile in princess flipflops because they’re the only shoes you can find, and you come home with a huge blister — but you don’t complain because all you wanted to do was go on a walk with me.

You’ve inherited my love for animals, and you still talk about our cat Scout, who we lost a couple of years ago. You bring him up a couple of times a week even now, and you talk about how you’re going to have 10 cats and 10 dogs when you grow up, and “they’re all going to get along.” That’s why I call you Snow White.

Your very best friend is Bayla Stocks, the dog that lives behind us. You ADORE her to the moon and back, and the feeling is mutual. I’ve told her mommy Rebecca that she can never move, never ever ever, because I don’t know how you and Bayla would go on. (I really don’t.) I’ve never seen a purer love than the love between you and Bay.

Four years and 364 days ago, we’d consumed TRUCKLOADS less baloney and yogurt in this house than we have now. We had far less pink and purple in our lives than we do now. And had nowhere near as much fun as we have now. You complete us.

Happy 5^th birthday, baby girl.

I love you,
Mommy

House Peace was here

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Wed, 07 Sep 2016 10:30:00 +0000

If you were to describe our house, "peaceful" wouldn't crack the top 100.

We're loud, we're busy and we stack things.

That's my main organizational or "cleaning" challenge in my house: we stack things here, there and everywhere. So you don't walk around tripping over things all the time, and it's not that you look around and see junk on every surface. But look around the perimeters of the rooms, and you'll see stacks of toys, books and even clothes that have been folded but not put away.

I hate that about myself.

My friend Tara has a whole business -- House Peace -- built around helping people get organized. She offered to help me a couple of months ago, but I told her -- in all honesty -- that I had $10 in my hobby account and I couldn't afford to hire her at the time.

Tara very sweetly offered to come over and just basically show me what she could do in a couple of hours, free of charge. Which she did.

And although I didn't have any cash money to pay her, I DO still (kind of) have this blog, so I told her I'd at least write a blog post about it so I could share her talents with you. She didn't sponsor the post, but I did want you to know that I didn't pay for the organizational wizardry she worked in my master bath vanity.

Here's the inside of my vanity Before:

Not the worst you've maybe ever seen, but plenty of room for improvement.

And here's the After:

I'm not sure if -- SINCE YOU'RE NOT INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH MY TOILETRIES -- you can tell what she did here. But she added another level of storage for my contacts and contact-related items in the center section, moved most of my haircare stuff to the top-left bin, and used Steri-Lite containers (which she provided) to corral things by category in the right cabinet. And she labeled everything.

Was I proud and did I note out loud to her that I own the same exact labelmaker?

YES I WAS AND YES I DID.

Here's the left cabinet After:

Honestly. Who else on the Internet is showing you their panti-liners and cotton rounds in full living color? THIS IS WHY YOU COME TO GRASS STAINS.

In the right cabinet, she used some containers that I already had, and I was completely fine with that. This is storage behind closed doors, and the things I reach for most often (flossers, plastic cups) are easily accessible.

Unopened makeup and toothbrushes, our thermometer and other things I only need to access occasionally are stored in the labeled Steri-Lites.

Finally, my daily makeup items remained in my easy-to-grab lucite tray, but she neatly stacked my Clinique-bonus bags that hold my fingernail polishes behind it.

What she did in the vanity drawers is pretty self-explanatory ... mostly cleaning up all my hair tools on the right (which I don't use but which I refuse to throw away), and using 4x8-inch containers to organize things that often just float around.

Right drawer After:

Left drawer After:

I asked Tara if she does "virtual consultations" for non-locals, and they do! Since most of you aren't here, I invite you to reach out to her if you have a need and are interested in seeing what she can do for you.

To learn more about any of their plans and pricing, click here and then click "Our Process" at the top.

Thanks for indulging me in sharing Tara and her business with you today!

First day of school (and a trip down memory lane)

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 10:30:00 +0000

For those of you who don't follow me on Instagram or Twitter, I wanted to share a picture I took on the first day of school.

It's rare that I get one of all four kids together these days, but they cooperated that morning and when I scrolled through the pictures later, I just couldn't believe how big they all are.

This was just six months ago, right?

Okay, no. I guess December 2011 wasn't exactly six months ago.

But THIS ONE absolutely feels like it was taken no more than six months ago. How can it have been October 2013?

I literally remember taking this one like I took it last weekend. I remember how those dress straps wanted to slip off Amelia's shoulders and how grown-up I thought Nick looked in that shirt. The same shirt which now fits Jake just right. This one is from April 2015.

How I continue to be baffled by the passage of time is beyond me. I mean, these four people are aging right before me, but I am totally unwilling to accept it.

Nathaniel is inches taller than I am, Nick is getting there, Jake has outpaced me in math and science, and Amelia is ... well, she's 4 going on 21. She's precocious in all areas. Internet, what am I going to DO?

Beach 2016: Friday and Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 10:30:00 +0000

Does this feel like our longest beach trip ever? I guess that's what happens when I spread the posts out over a month.

By the time Friday rolls around every year, sometimes a few of the kids (usually OURS) are All Done Beach and spend more of their day inside on the couch than in the waves or on the sand.

NOT SO THIS YEAR. Friday marked our third day of no air-conditioning in the house for the week, so nobody was hanging out in there unless they absolutely had to.

We set up our long line of beach umbrellas, and we set about staying as cool in the shade as we possibly could. At 98 degrees.

There wasn't as much of a breeze that last day as there had been earlier in the week, so the ocean was a bit calmer -- but my family still spent most of the day in the water.

But there was still plenty going on beachside. You can almost always find someone willing to build a sandcastle with you.

And Uncle Gerry is always up for a game of catch.

At one point during the day we looked out and somebody said, "Hey, it looks like the big boys are holding hands."

My favorite part of each day was when the little tidal pools started to fill up. Every day, it reinvented the beach.

Incoming!

It was funny to me how the kids of all ages -- Amelia on up -- would sit and play in the pools. The older kids would just sit and chat, idly swirling their fingers and toes in the water.

I tried to sit far enough away that I couldn't hear what they were saying and wouldn't intrude, but close enough that I could capture a few moments with my phone.

I think I love these pictures so much because it's so rare for this many of them to be so still for so long, with no cross words, even among the siblings. I adored it.

Eventually my leg fell asleep and I had to get up or die. So at that point I did make my presence known and asked for a picture with faces. Nick didn't disappoint.

If you noticed Amelia and Abby missing from those pictures, it's because Amelia was monopolizing Abby for a game of chase-and-hug.

After supper Friday night the kids went right back out to the beach for a game of Capture the Flag. I've never understood the rules of that game, and this evening only muddied the waters.

As I mentioned on Instagram when I posted one of these pictures, way too many chiefs, too few Indians in this scenario.

Here, for example, one chief places her hand on the chest of one Indian as two other chiefs approach in verbal protest.

Below, one of the approaching chiefs has ended up on the ground. Meanwhile, in the background, the forgotten Indian is now a chief, giving directions to someone twice his age. Meanwhile, a chief in the far background is giving polar opposite directions to another Indian.

Now they've been at this for 15 minutes and absolutely nothing has happened. The game has not yet begun. Still, hands are being raised and fingers are being pointed.

Finally, two teams are divided by the center line.

But before we can even get started, we have two chiefs on the right who seem to have totally different plans. Looks like this is the point at which Nathaniel gave up. #cantblamehim

No, they actually played for about an hour, and although it looked like chaos to me, apparently they had fun.

Then it was inside to pack and sleep in the 90-degree house. Nathaniel opted out. I took this picture of him the next morning. He'd slept outside on the back porch, through a severe thunderstorm complete with lightning -- but he slept through the entire thing.

He was drenched but well-rested. Boy Scout strong, that one.

We got up at 6 a.m. and were off the island by 8:15, then met my grandmother's former caregiver Anne in my dad's hometown for brunch at 10. Sweet Anne sat with Grandmother for the last eight years of her life, and she became part of our family. She loves our kids like her own grandkids, and she counts on seeing us when we make the beach trip.

We so enjoyed seeing her; it was a great end to our trip. Side note: It's so weird to me that Nathaniel is bigger than Anne is. Not just taller, but an actual bigger PERSON. Weird.

Okay, so now we've wrapped up with the beach ... it's back to real life!

Beach 2016: Thursday

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 10:30:00 +0000

This year in preparation for Beach Week, we did something different -- Grayson made intracoastal kayaking reservations for anyone in the group who wanted to go.

The moms and grandparents stayed back at the house with the younger kids and others who opted out, but they ended up with a great group of adventurers for the morning.

They got a great tour of some coastal Carolina marshland, some of them in single kayaks, some in doubles.

Have you ever kayaked before? Looking at these pictures makes my shoulders hurt. I remember the feeling I have about eight hours later.

Their guide took them out to a sandbar and told them to get out -- they were at what they call "Birthday Cake Island," named that because when each time you take a step it feels like you're walking in icing. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE.

I'm totally sure there's nothing grody in that Birthday Cake Island sludge.

The interesting thing about sending all those people kayaking was that it left such a skeleton crew back at the beach.

I only had two kids with me.

TWO KIDS, INTERNET!

Not since 2008 have I seen the likes of that.

And the day was just gorgeous. The clouds were so wispy, the sky so blue.

And since there weren't 480 of US out on the beach, it was -- dare I say -- kind of QUIET.

Amelia was having fun riding the waves on her stingray float, and Nick was enjoying being The Only Big Brother around to help her.

They were quite a team, and he was so careful to make sure she didn't fall off, even when the bigger waves came in.

Not that Amelia wasn't pulling her own weight -- that girl had an iron grip on those handles.

Nick and I literally had to drag her in from the ocean, because she would have stayed out there ALL DAY.

The thought did cross my mind: Do sharks eat stingrays? Because if so, this looks really appetizing from their standpoint in the ocean, I imagine.

Did I mention that I jogged every day we were there? I think I skipped one day because of lightning, but every other day I was out there LIVING THE NIGHTMARE.

On Thursday when I was on my way back to the house, I noticed a little trail heading away from the street, so I took it. I had no idea where it would go, but I had a hunch it would lead to the intracoastal if it went far enough.

After about a five minute walk, I came to this:

Yep, that's a look across the marsh they'd kayaked that morning.

I continued on, wondering if I'd go farther out into the marsh or eventually hit a dead end. Or get kidnapped. But I was really hoping for one of the former. And then I came upon this tree:

At first I thought it was kind of ugly and creepy, but then I looked a little closer and saw what looked almost like a character in it.

At that point I was probably 15 minutes away from the entrance to the trail and I wasn't sure if it was a horseshoe or a straight line -- I was about to turn around when I walked up to a bridge with a view:

While I was standing there admiring it (and taking a picture), a family of four came up behind me and I was able to ask WHERE THE HECK THE TRAIL ENDED. They told me I was three-quarters of the way to the other side, so I just kept going.

When I came out, I was a few blocks past our house, so I had to backtrack -- BUT I HAD ADVENTURED.

It's a good thing I got back when I did, because less than an hour later, a huge shelf cloud formed over the island and it was like a scene out of a movie.

It changed every minute or so, and its colors and shapes were just beyond beautiful.

I took every single one of these standing on our back deck with my phone. No editing or filters.

It started to lighten up from south to north after about 10 minutes.

And then -- this was so freaky -- the shelf cloud was still there, but the sun was high in the sky, breaking through the clouds right in front of our house. It was amazing. I've never seen anything like it.

What a way to end the day.

Beach 2016: Wednesday and maybe possibly also Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 10:30:00 +0000

As I mentioned before, I didn't have my DSLR with me, and I didn't want to take my phone down to the beach every day we were there. Soooo, looking back at the collection of pictures I took, it appears that in my camera roll we jump from Monday to Wednesday. But really they all look the same to me, so there may also be some from Tuesday in here.

I KNOW HOW YOU ALL ARE ABOUT THE DETAILS, SO.

When I start a post so powerfully, I'm reminded of the music of Calvin Harris and ~~Nils Sjoberg~~ Taylor Swift: "This is what you came for."

Nathaniel is clearly very impressed. #beachnap

Anyway. Onward.

By the middle of the week, we were well into our groove.

Many members of our clan were rocking caps by then to protect their faces from the sun, including Matt and Patrice. One of them more effectively than the other, MATT.

Amelia was wearing a cap that clashed with her swimsuit every day to help keep her cheeks from getting burned.

She looked really cute in it.

Although there is a SLIGHT possibility that it was a TINY BIT too large for her.

She did her best to work around it.

And sometimes was more successful than others.

I thought it wouldn't last more than an hour the first time I put it on her.

But she surprised me and wore it the rest of the week.

Gary's cap was Carolina blue. Remember, #thisiswhatyoucamefor.

As always, at low tide the kids did a large degree of digging elaborate castles, moats, et cetera, in the sand.

I mean, I wouldn't accuse any of them of being future architects, but they definitely put in the elbow grease.

In the picture below you can see the little channels the tide left as it went out, channels which became Amelia's favorite thing each day.

The beach filled up with small tidepools every afternoon, and they were so much fun to play in and around.

Many evenings there were boardgames, card games and word games for all ages.

I'll be honest: Because of my healthy-lifestyle-induced bad mood, I couldn't handle the volume of the room when all that was going on, so I usually went to our bedroom or out to the back porch while all that was going on.

It wasn't just the games at the table ... it was wrestling, too.

No judgment here -- you know it's par for the course at our house. It's just, at our house we max out at four of them unless we have friends over.

I went in to check on them on this particular night, but the chaos was mild. Still, my brother-in-law ended up going back in after I did.

Ten minutes later, everybody was like, "WHERE'S GERRY?"

As it turned out, he'd gone in there and just joined in. (I didn't get any pictures of that.) (Sorry.)

And I wanted to share some of the pictures we take every year, that we've been taking since the oldest kids were just toddlers. Sweet tradition.

And one of everyone on the trip, most of Grayson's extended family.

While the kids had their shirts on, I think it was Heather and Tiffany who decided they wanted to try to take a picture of them in a circle from above. Of our four kids, Nathaniel cooperated.

And we at least TRIED to get a good family picture on the beach that night. We get points for effort. While I would have preferred to have changed into other clothes, it had already started to rain when we took this one -- changing wasn't an option. The reason Jake was grimacing and Grayson's mouth was open was that raindrops were pelting us and Grayson was saying, "STAY STILL! WE JUST NEED ONE PICTURE. DO! NOT! MOVE!" -- all through his teeth. It was a great night. Character-building.

Believe it or not, I still have more pictures to share. The beach trip that keeps on giving. More soon.

Beach 2016: Sunday and Monday

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

Our beach trip already seems like so long ago.

Last night we had a beautiful rainstorm in Birmingham that reminded me of our second night on Ocean Isle.

Most of the rain was offshore, but it sprinkled for a while on the beach, long enough to darken the sand.

Monday dawned nearly cloudless again, and the kids couldn't wait to spend the day on the beach. Those early days of the week, they can't get enough of it.

We were pretty surprised that Amelia even wanted to venture in on her own.

I mean, she always wanted one of us close by, but we practically had to drag her out of the water to get any rest. She LOVED it.

Big fan of watching her brothers body board.

And the boys were SO HAPPY to be allowed in the water to their hearts' content, after last year's shark-bait restrictions.

They rode and rode and rode the waves.

I was out there several of the days with them, either helping Amelia jump waves or just making sure the boys didn't drown, and I'm amazed they could keep going as long as they did. It's exhausting.

Gideon is younger than Amelia but was a total boss in the ocean and the pool!

And Jonah did great -- he loved riding in the float, but he's got a terrific attitude no matter what he's doing.

What a lovebug!

Amelia loved holding onto our hands and jumping waves, or -- better yet -- having me hold onto her under her arms and lift her up over the waves. THAT'S NOT EXHAUSTING AT ALL.

I learned a lesson with her on Monday: she rubbed her eyes so often that she rubbed all the sunscreen off of her cheeks and got a light sunburn. You can see it here.

The rest of the week I was careful to reapply the sunscreen to her cheeks throughout the day. She was QUICK to let me know I had let her down, though. "Why didjou wet me get a sunbane, Mommy?" #knifethroughmyheart

It's hard to believe how much the kids have all grown up ... we started this trip when the oldest ones were toddlers, and now they're teenagers.

This year high tide created a tall, sandy wall that stayed the entire week we were there. It was so pronounced that we had to dig steps in it every morning to get safely up and down to the ocean during the day. It might not look that tall from this angle:

But it was!

Every day when we came in for lunch, it was an opportunity to rinse off with the hose and take a dip in the pool. We hadn't been successful in getting Amelia to wear her "swimmer" at home, but I finally convinced her to try it at the beach -- and she swam with it on!

I cannot TELL you how nice it was not to spend every moment in the pool trying not to be drowned by a small child.

And after lunch, well, THAT was an opportunity for something else altogether.

I couldn't remember the last time I took a picture of all four of our kids together, so I managed to get a couple that Monday.

It's funny when you're used to relatively pale skin and then you see your kids really tan.

And these two, who love each other so much -- and whom I think favor each other with their natural highlights.

Before supper on Monday night, we looked over to see Amelia on the couch, sacked out with her iPad flat on her face.

Of course when she woke up later and walked over to me, I asked her if she'd had a good nap and she said, "I DIDN'T TAKE A NAP."

I showed her that picture on my phone. She said, "I WAS NOT ASWEEP."

I love it when they wake up from a nap in a great mood, don't you?

And Monday ended with a night swim for all except Jonah, Giddy and Amelia. STILL PLENTY OF KIDS IN THERE.

Have to say, these kids are so lucky to have each other. Cousin Camp is a great thing.

Vidalia Onion Cornbread

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

I KNOW. What are we going to do about me and all this posting?

Granted, it's all food. But I have to get these out of the way.

Kim actually made this cornbread last year at the beach, but as we've established: I never posted last year's recipes. So the ones that are new and different for you guys (meaning they weren't already posted on my Recipes page), I'm posting now.

This is a 2007 Paula Deen number. It might be the best cornbread I've ever eaten.

Vidalia Onion Cornbread

Ingredients

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
1 large Vidalia or other sweet onion, chopped
1 (8-ounce) package cornbread/muffin mix
1 egg, beaten
1/3 cup whole milk
1 cup sour cream
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar, divided
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried dill weed

Directions

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Spray an 8-inch square baking pan with vegetable oil cooking spray.

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter and saute the onion until tender, but not browned, for about 3 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and add the muffin mix, egg, milk, sour cream, 1/2 cup of the cheese, the salt, and dill weed. Stir to combine. Pour into the prepared pan and top with the remaining 1/2 cup cheese. Bake for 30 minutes, until set and a toothpick inserted into the center of the cornbread comes out clean. Allow to cool slightly before cutting into squares.

Hershey's Perfect Chocolate Cake

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

Kim made this cake last year at the beach. The recipe is available on Hershey's website, and I encourage you to click over to view their pictures of what it looks like when you make it as a three-layer cake. Kim made is as a sheetcake, which is how we usually make desserts at the beach -- it's just easier to serve and it also probably helps with portion control.

I tend to cut the Butterfinger Cake I make into roughly 2x2-inch squares, and then people can come back for seconds if they want them. (And they often want them -- but I feel like I've done my due diligence in keeping things reasonable with the original portion.) Ha!

Hershey's Perfect Chocolate Cake

Ingredients

2 cups sugar
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water
"PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING (recipe follows)

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round baking pans.

2. Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed of mixer 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour batter into prepared pans.

3. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with "PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING. Makes 12 servings.
VARIATIONS:

ONE-PAN CAKE: Grease and flour 13x9x2-inch baking pan. Heat oven to 350° F. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 35 to 40 minutes. Cool completely. Frost.

THREE LAYER CAKE: Grease and flour three 8-inch round baking pans. Heat oven to 350°F. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake 30 to 35 minutes. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost.

BUNDT CAKE: Grease and flour 12-cup fluted tube pan. Heat oven to 350°F. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 50 to 55 minutes. Cool 15 minutes; remove from pan to wire rack. Cool completely. Frost.

CUPCAKES: Line muffin cups (2-1/2 inches in diameter) with paper bake cups. Heat oven to 350°F. Fill cups 2/3 full with batter. Bake 22 to 25 minutes. Cool completely. Frost. About 30 cupcakes.

"PERFECTLY CHOCOLATE" CHOCOLATE FROSTING

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine
2/3 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
3 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Melt butter. Stir in cocoa. Alternately add powdered sugar and milk, beating to spreading consistency.

Add small amount additional milk, if needed. Stir in vanilla. About 2 cups frosting.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Nothing Bundt Cake

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Tue, 19 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

This is another one of Kim's treats from the beach this year, and she found it on Tastes Better from Scratch. I will qualify this one by saying that I didn't actually have any of it, since I was trying my darndest to adhere to my new healthy f*&#*@* lifestyle, EVEN ON VACATION. But plenty of people ate it and loved it.

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Nothing Bundt Cake

Ingredients

1 pkg. devils food cake mix
1 small pkg. instant chocolate pudding
1 cup sour cream
4 eggs
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup oil
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

For the Cream Cheese Frosting

1 (8 ounce) pkg. cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/2-2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F, and grease and flour your bundt cake pan.
Mix the first six cake ingredients together. Stir in the chocolate chips. Pour batter into your greased bunt cake pan. Bake at 350 for 45-50 min. Allow to cool in the pan for 20 min., the remove from pan and place on wire cooling rack.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting

Cream together the cream cheese and butter. Mix in the vanilla. Gradually stir in the powdered sugar until smooth.

Beach 2016: Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

I don't think I actually took pictures every single day we were at the beach this year. Maybe I did, but this is the first year in, oh, 15 or so that I didn't take my "big" camera.

You may remember that my laptop's hard drive has been full for the past year and I've had trouble successfully moving everything to an external hard drive, so I didn't bother taking my DSLR on the trip because I knew I wouldn't be able to transfer the photos to my laptop afterward.

Well. Over the weekend at my semi-annual scrapbooking crop, instead of scrapbooking, I became my own Apple Genius. I moved my entire iPhoto library (97,000+ photos) to an external hard drive, then crossed my fingers, prayed mightily and deleted the original library -- and it worked!

Then I moved 4,800 photos and videos off of my iPhone to my laptop and deleted them off of my phone -- and I could swear my phone actually feels physically lighter.

Now "all I have to do" is edit those photos and load them all to Costco so I can order prints to scrapbook at the January 2017 crop. And the next, say, 15 crops in a row.

All of that to say, the pictures from this year's beach trip are all phone pics, and I didn't take as many as I usually do. Don't judge.

To try to avoid most of the traffic getting onto Ocean Isle this year (there's only one bridge to get on and off the island, and you can sit for hours if you get there at the wrong time), we timed our arrival about four hours before check-in time on Saturday.

That gave us time to grab lunch at an island favorite (Pelican's Perch), run into a surf shop for a few things, and then head across the street to dip our toes in the ocean.

I took these pictures right by the OIB pier and public beach access point, so it's probably one of the busiest spots on the entire island.

Even so, the number of people out and about -- and particularly the number of people in the ocean -- compared to last year, when shark bites had been in the news for weeks, was remarkable.

Even though our swimsuits were in the van, the kids were dying to get in the water, so we just let them have at it. Worst thing that could happen was that the van would get wet and sandy. NOW DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA. That is a fate worse than death for me on a normal day. But I told myself that this was just the beginning of Beach Week and far to early too start ruining their fun.

After we loaded the very wet, very sandy people back up in the van, we headed north to the house. There was a little snafu with the housekey transfer, so we ended up not being able to get in the house for quite some time after official check-in time. Note to those vacationers thinking about VRBO vs. rental-company options: when you deal directly with a homeowner, you don't have a lot of recourse when things go awry, especially when they have a long waiting list for their property. Just saying.

We were pretty late getting to the Shallotte Wal-Mart that night for the first grocery trip of the week -- I don't think we got there until around 9:30 -- and that put us in the checkout lines at 11:45. Would you be surprised to learn that they only had three lanes open? No?

I will say that they handled the midnight shift-change in Shallotte MUCH better than they did in Garden City -- where we vacationed for years. When we'd get stuck in line at shift-change in Garden City, it would cost us an additional 10 minutes, easily. This was a pleasure compared to that.

Once all six of us finally got through the line (and we all remembered our ice!), I asked a stranger to take our picture -- another annual tradition.

Every year it cracks me up that throughout the Saturday we arrive at the beach, people ask me on Twitter, "When are you going to the store?" And then after I Tweet out the picture, I get replies like, "I've been waiting all night for this -- I can finally go to bed!" Apparently our first grocery trip of the week is an epic adventure for many of you, too.

I will say that there were SEVERAL things on our list that we weren't able to get that night -- much of their produce section was wiped out by the time we got there, and there were some other random things we couldn't find. So -- each of us went back out to a closer grocery store probably every day the rest of the week for those things and replacements for perishables.

My brother-in-law Gerry did the math and figured 30 people x 3 meals a day x 7 days = 630 meals. Soooo, lotsa groceries.

Anyway, that kicked off Beach Week 2016, and it was constant excitement from that point forward. More to come.

Sausage Vegetable Pasta

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 17:30:00 +0000

Another goodie from the beach. This one is Tiff's, but it's from last year AND this year -- I just never posted it last year. (Her dessert from both years is already posted, because it's a perennial family favorite: Blueberry Surprise.)

This is one that it surprises me that the kids all like so much, but they do. THE MIRACLE OF SAUSAGE, INTERNET.

Sausage Vegetable Pasta

Ingredients

1 small zucchini, sliced
1 small yellow squash, sliced
2 plum tomatoes, sliced
1 Tbsp fresh basil, chopped
8 oz. mild Italian sausage (2 links), sliced
8 oz. rigatoni pasta
1 c. fresh pre-diced onions
2 Tbsp olive oil, divided
1 tsp. vegetable seasoning blend*
1 1/2 c specialty pasta sauce
2 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

*Tiffany and I looked for this at Wal-Mart and Lowe's Foods at the beach and couldn't find it. If you can't find it at your store, just use any kind of seasoning that tastes good on veggies. Google it.**

**This is exactly the kind of advice you get from professional food bloggers.

Prep

Bring water to a boil for pasta.
Slice zucchini and squash; cut tomatoes into 1-inch pieces. Chop basil.
Cut sausage into small, bite-size pieces. Wash hands.

Steps

Cook and drain pasta following package instructions.
Combine zucchini, squash, onions, 1 Tbsp oil, and seasoning. Set aside.
Preheat large saute pan on medium-high 2-3 minutes. Place remaining 1 Tbsp oil in pan, then add sausage. Cook and stir 4-5 minutes or until no pink remains. Remove sausage from pan.
Add vegetable mixture to same pan. Cook and stir 3-4 minutes or until vegetables begin to soften and brown.
Reduce heat to low; stir in tomatoes, pasta, sausage, and pasta sauce, then cover; simmer 1-2 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Top with basil and cheese; serve.

Butterscotch Bars

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

This is another one of Kim's beach dishes that was a total smash hit. Her dad (my brother-in-law Gerry) is Canadian by birth, and he tells me that Canadians love butterscotch. (I must have some Canadian blood somewhere in my lineage, because I'm a butterscotch slut. It was always my favorite Life Savers flavor and sundae topping growing up.)

I digress.

Kim found this delight on Jamie Cooks It Up, and I don't know how Jamie was able to cut hers so nicely -- but I'll go ahead and tell you that even though ours didn't look as though they were sliced with the precision found in God's Kitchen Itself, that didn't affect the flavor AT ALL. (When your rental house at the beach only has air conditioning for 46 percent of your vacation week and it's 98 degrees outside, your baked goods revolt. PRO TIP.)

See that base layer? It's like a shortbread? It might BE shortbread for all I know. I'm not a professional baker. What I AM is a semi-professional taster, and I can tell you that that part tastes like heaven. Absolute heaven.

Butterscotch Bars

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 35 minutes

Total Time: 45 minutes
Yield: 20-30 bars, depending on how big you cut them

Ingredients

2 C butter, melted

4 C flour

1 C sugar

dash salt

2 (14 ounce) cans sweetened condensed milk

1 (12 ounce) package white chocolate chips

1 (12 ounce) package butterscotch chips

1 (12 ounce) package milk chocolate chips

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

2. Place 2 C butter in a large mixing bowl and melt it in the microwave. I know this seems like a ton of butter, but remember the recipe makes a lot.

3. Add 4 C flour, 1 C sugar and a dash of salt to the melted butter. With a wooden spoon, mix it together to form a crumbly dough.

4. Spray a large cookie sheet with cooking spray (mine is 17 1/2 x 12 1/2). Press half of the dough into the pan.

5. Bake the crust for 7 minutes.

6. While the crust is baking place 1/2 a (12 ounce) bag of white chocolate chips, butterscotch chips and milks chocolate chips into a large sauce pan.

7. Add 2 (14 ounce) cans to the pan and stir to combine.

8. Place the pan on the stove top over medium high heat and melt the ingredients together, stirring constantly.

9. When the crust has cooked for the allotted time, pour the smooth chocolate mixture out evenly over the top of it.

10. Sprinkle the remaining dough mixture over the top of the chocolate layer.

11. Sprinkle the remaining white chocolate, butterscotch and milk chocolate chips over the dough.

12. Return the pan to the oven and bake for an additional 25 minutes.

13. Allow the bars to cool completely then pop the pan into the fridge so the chocolate will set up nicely for you. Once the bars are set, cut them into squares or rectangles.

If you have any self-respect, please go visit Jamie Cooks It Up so you can see her pretty pictures of these delicious bars. :-) Maybe she uses a pizza slicer? Or perhaps she just has air-conditioning. I REALLY AM DYING TO KNOW.

Easy Beef Enchiladas

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Thu, 14 Jul 2016 21:20:00 +0000

About five months after we went to the beach last year, I got a couple of emails saying, "Hey, you haven't posted the beach-meal recipes yet. Are they coming?"

About two weeks before we went to the beach THIS year, I got a couple of emails saying, "Hey, you never posted the recipes from last year. Sure did miss those. You gonna post this year's?"

I COULD write something about this search engine named Google and how it's a great way to find new recipes. BUT I WILL NOT DO THAT, SUSAN. I understand that you want recipes that Real People have eaten and enjoyed. Recipes that we shopped for the ingredients for in a God-forsaken country Wal-Mart at midnight on a summer Saturday night and lived to tell the tale, prepared in four aluminum-foil pans so we could serve 30 people at one time, and the majority of the crowd (the ones over 11 years old, at a minimum), really enjoyed the results.

I LIVE TO SERVE, INTERNET, I live to serve.

Kim made this Recipe Girl dish last year and it went over so well with everyone that she made it again this year. The kids loved it, EVEN THOUGH IT HAS ZUCCHINI IN IT. Yep. It's that delicious.

Ingredients:

1 pound lean ground beef
1 1/2 cups diced onion
1 1/2 cups (about 2 medium) finely diced zucchini
1 1/2 cups black beans (** this is Kim's addition to the recipe)
12 corn tortillas, heated or fried in oil to soften
2 1/2 cups enchilada sauce, canned or homemade (Kim makes the homemade sauce so that's the only one I can vouch for and it's amazing but that's more work so you be you)
3 cups cheddar- jack shredded cheese

Serve as desired with: shredded lettuce, avocado, cilantro*, sour cream

*I hate cilantro and advise reasonable people to LEAVE IT OUT of ALL recipes. It is Satan's garnish.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 9x13-inch pan with nonstick spray.
Heat oil in a large skillet. Add ground beef; break apart with a spoon or spatula to crumble the meat. Saute the meat on medium heat until browned (about 5 minutes). Tilt the pan and spoon the fat out of the pan; discard. Remove cooked meat to a bowl.
Return pan to medium heat and add onion and zucchini. Saute until just softened, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove the vegetables from the pan and add to the meat mixture; set aside.
Add 1/2 cup of sauce to the prepared pan. Spread it around so it coats the entire bottom of the pan.
Assemble the enchiladas: Place tortilla on a work surface. Spoon 1/4 to 1/3 cup of the meat mixture down the middle. Sprinkle 2 Tablespoons of cheese on top of the meat. Drizzle 1 Tablespoon of sauce on top. Wrap the tortilla around the filling tightly and place it seam-side-down in the pan. Repeat with remaining tortillas and filling until you have finished filling 12 tortillas. Place the tortillas side-by-side in the pan- it's okay if they are all snuggled in there tightly.
Pour remaining enchilada sauce over the top of the stuffed enchiladas. Cover the dish with foil and bake for 30 minutes.
Remove pan from the oven and take off the foil. Sprinkle remaining cheese on top; return to the oven and let the cheese melt (about 5 minutes).
Serve immediately with desired condiments.

When I want to take a nap, I go lie down in my bed

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Thu, 07 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

Amelia has taken to the ocean like a fish to water.

Or something.

She's in love with it and has been spending hours a day jumping waves with me and/or Grayson, then racing back to the shore to sit and let the waves overtake her while she giggles and pops back up with glee.

Of course, all that activity makes a girl VERY tired. So tired that while waiting on supper to be ready, she might let her iPad fall on her face and just sleep right through it.

Naps of this odd variety aren't even rare among our kids. I came in from the pool and found Nathaniel dead to the world like this on Tuesday afternoon. SACKED. OUT.

They do love this trip. But it does suck the life out of them.

Checking in from the beach

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Wed, 06 Jul 2016 10:30:00 +0000

We've been caught up in the usual annual chaos of "Cousin Camp" ever since we got to Ocean Isle on Saturday afternoon.

There was a beautiful storm the first night, but other than that the only notable weather has been the windiest day we've EVER seen here, which was yesterday.

The kids are having a great time -- and speaking of the kids, I snapped a quick picture of them with my phone on the back porch. I should share it with you, since I don't think you've seen them all together since ... maybe our family Christmas picture.

I mean, yes, it's just a cell-phone picture and sure, they're all slimy with sunscreen. BUT IT'S SOMETHING.

I'm trying to post on Instagram (@grass_stains_the_blog) and Twitter (@grass_stains) while we're here. Not sure how many more blog posts I'll get up, but I'll try to post a couple more pictures here just in case you aren't on IG or Twitter.

Stress? What stress?

noreply@blogger.com (Katherine @ Grass Stains) — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 11:37:00 +0000

As part of a wellness effort at work, I took an online stress test. The results?

YOU DON'T SAY.

I did just start a new job (at the same company) three weeks ago, and while it's a great job, it's all still VERY NEW to me. The people, the work, the words, the ideas ... all of it. A little stress there.

In a fun little turn of events, a few weeks before I took my new job, I started a diet. I'm sorry, I BEGAN A LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

I don't recommend this to anyone, because it totally stinks. No gimmicks, no packaged foods, no shortcuts. Just eating healthy foods and exercising. It's hard to believe it can POSSIBLY be good for me, because it makes me feel SO BAD ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

Nonetheless. I have lost 20 pounds and am not looking forward to our annual beach trip because I will either not be able to enjoy myself or I will gain eight pounds back. There is no in-between. (You can argue with me but you'll lose.) (Welcome to me on a ~~diet~~ lifestyle change.) (I'm a pleasure.)

Also? I'm not sleeping well.

You know what's a real kick in the pants? To go to bed at 11:14 and get up at 6:30 and find out that you really only got 4 hours and 39 minutes of sleep, and it wasn't even continuous.

AND THAT THAT'S NORMAL FOR YOU.

So I did a sleep study last night. I'll have to do a whole separate post about THAT, because whoo boy! If you've never done a sleep study, you are in for a TREAT! I won't get the results from my doctor until July 19, but Spoiler Alert: I didn't sleep well.

One last reason my stress level is elevated: At my new-to-me office, I was assaulted by a toilet.

I attempted a Courtesy Flush -- as polite people do -- and what happened to me should happen to NO ONE.

I mean it was like a hurricane rose up from within that bowl and reached out and grabbed me and tried to pull me under. So of course I went back to my desk, got my phone and went back to record it for you, the Internet.

Video doesn't do it justice, but please believe me when I tell you that there is no world in which I will ever, EVER flush one of these while sitting again.