Rebecca's Ramblings

#21 Tell us something that you believe with all your heart is true

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 01:46:00 +0000

Tell us something that you believe with all your heart is true

Right away - I go straight to God. I have to think hard to move past God - and then, I can't really move past God - because if I believe in God, then everything is because of, about, related to, a reflection of, a blessing from, a result of ... God.

I believe that the universe, our world, and all that is in it was created - not by accident - but with tender care, meaning and purpose. I believe that one day we will sit at the feet of Jesus and he will tell us how he created the world. I believe that we will hear snippets of what we call "science" in his accounts, because science is only humans discovering the full meaning, purpose and composition of that which already is and has been. Maybe there was a big bang, but if there was it was orchestrated by the hands of Jesus Christ. Perhaps evolution occurred in some way. If it did, it was because it was part of the process of creating this world into the world it was meant to be: by His design, created by His hands, for His purposes.

From there I believe that the earth and everything in it is sacred and a gift to me, to us. I am constantly awed by the earth and its treasures that I see around me daily. The birds who start to sing in the spring, find their mates, build nests out of scraps that hold sturdy through violent storms, raise their young on meager food rations in cold and rain, and migrate thousands of miles with no GPS, no cell phone, no map, no fast food, no hotel. The raccoons find the bird feeders in neighborhoods and claim the spoils. Deer and turkeys by the dozens live among us in our tight and cramped suburbs. Red tail hawks swoop and soar on warm currents making us look upward on sunny days.

The eerie silence after a heavy snowfall.

Icicles.

The weird gumballs that grow then fall from my tree.

My children who think, feel, learn, laugh, love.

The things I see around me are simple in comparison to the wonders far beyond my reach.

The vast diversity of our planet, the creatures, the landscapes, the people, the cultures.

I am amazed when technology leaps into things that are beyond my imagination.

But when I see the power and beauty of all of majestic creations of life - I am penetrated to my soul and I know that I am seen, and heard, and loved, and that I have a purpose here along with the earth and the life within it.

As a result of this belief - I also believe that we have a responsibility as humans to do our part within our sphere of influence, to protect, nurture and enjoy the gift we have been given.

#20 Family Happiness ... what do you think?

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 03:50:00 +0000

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

What a weird quote.

All happy families resemble one another
I am sure it is true - if you looked closely at families who are happy - there would be key components that are consistent among them. Ironically I would bet that these components aren't surprising or even difficult. Maybe they would be things like trust, honor, loyalty, shared interests and common goals, healthy boundaries, good communication. They would spend frequent quality time together, and would treat each other with respect. Surely they must have good problem solving skills - and a good decision making paradigm. I don't think socio-economic status is necessarily a factor.

Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
It doesn't take much to make an unhappy family. One big thing that shakes the faith or trust of even one family can be catastrophic. In that light - every family faces something, some problem, tragedy, life long trial, something that wears down their defenses, tests their faith, intellect and problem solving. Perhaps each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way - because each family does have its own unique set of circumstances.

BUT, I am sure that the families who are happy - are surely not with out problem, tragedy, trial - but perhaps they are able to navigate their trials better than other families and find happiness even in the face of difficult times.

Wrapping it up

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 03:21:00 +0000

So, in the last 3 days I didn't so much as even get to go to a local park to count birds - life is just that way sometimes. The birds here at our new house are plentiful and fairly consistent - so I do have nice numbers to report. The cute thing is that most of them are already paired up and busy with their being paired up duties.

In his lovely way of always making things come out right - Matt suggested that we watch THE BIG YEAR tonight. A perfect movie to wrap up the Great Backyard Bird Count Weekend - and get me dreaming about someday 18 1/2 years from now - doing my own BIG YEAR.

Birds I would love to see:

The Snowy Owl

Northern Shrike

Vermillion Fly Catcher

The MILLIONS of Snow Geese at Squaw Creek

A pluthera of Arizona Hummingbirds

Warbler Migration - Fallout at the lighthouses in Maine

GBBC - Saturday Blog Highlight

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 19:17:00 +0000

Today is the
Great Back Yard Bird Count
it is a fun little Citizen Science activity where you count birds where you are! At home, at work, at the park - and then you submit the information about the birds you counted.
You'd be surprised how many people participate and how many birds you actually see!

My PAGE highlight for today is BIRDS. I have some great pictures of birds that I want to share here. A bird is a very tricky subject to photograph. They move fast, spook easy, like to stay high in the trees, and sometimes they can be heard but not seen.

My FAVORITE thing about birds is watching the changes. In fall some birds go away - south or southerly - mainly they go where there is more food. Here in missouri there are not many back yard birds that actually leave, most stay for the winter. Pleasantly we do get Winter Visitors.

My favorite is the Dark Eyed Junco. He is a cute little bird that hops around on the ground. Usually a scout arrives first - followed by small flocks that join him a few days to a week later.

There is a little more here about birds and the GBBC - by the next time I feature this page I hope to have many more lovely bird pictures to show you.

READ MORE ....

#17 "A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life."

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 17:20:00 +0000

What do you think of the saying, "A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life."
Ugh. Well we've only got 1 out of 3 brothers to test the theory on - but as luck would have it - the 1 brother who is married - is the one that doesn't speak to us anymore. So, we have seen how quickly a wife can influence her husband in just a couple of short years.
I do see the 4 of us girls staying or trying to stay closer to our families than the boys.
It makes me sad. I hope Max doesn't follow that pattern.

#16 Treat your family like friends and your friends like family."

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 05:15:00 +0000

Respond to the proverb: "Treat your family like friends and your friends like family."

It is easy to get into a rut with family - we are with them all the time - we see each other at our worst - we know each other all too well. It is easy to take each other for granted. It is easy to feel like our spouse or children or siblings should understand our motives with out having to explain ourselves. It is easy to get more angry at them then we would ever get at a friend if each had committed the same offense.

There is no one on this planet who can and does - push my buttons like my husband. I can be cool, calm and collected, patient, kind, loving, feeling it to my core, happy and playing with my children - and if he pushes my buttons just right - then HOLY COW look out anyone in my path. It takes a lot of effort, recognition, soul searching, writing, thinking, praying.... to conquer that. I am getting better. Better at stating my feeling "I feel hurt because you spoke to me disrespectfully" instead of "you spineless cowardly nincompoop - how dare you, what kind of ....." (you get the picture). I haven't always stood up for myself. NO - just because I can yell doesn't mean that I stood up for myself.

When my girls start to have troubles - I will sometimes have them start doing things for each other - small services. It is hard to be angry at someone who you are serving lovingly.

I think the point is that we should treat our family members with the same respect, adoration, kindness, wonder, consideration, etc. that we show our friends.

That being said, I don't give my friends enough. I need to be a better friend. I need to continue my efforts to curb my reactionary responses to the button pushing until those buttons just don't respond anymore - you know replacing it with healthier more meaningful behaviors.

#15 The Greatest Happiness in life

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

The Joyce Brothers said, "When you look at your life, the greatest happiness's are family happinesses." True or false?

Truer than true. I look at my children and I can not believe that they are here - 3 of them, beautiful, smart, hilarious, unique, creative, talented, they whine and complain, they are emotional, they throw fits, they don't do their chores, they love each other, they beat each other up. I wish that my body, our life, our world, was different. I wish that my mind and my physical/ mental issues were different. I would love to know 100 little baby Secor's and get to watch them learn, and change and grow.

Every little teeny weeny little triumph, success, milestone - whether mine, or the kids or my hubby - it all feels so huge and bubbly bursting and smiley inside me. Our moments of silliness and fun make the world outside disappear. Everything I thought that I ever wanted in a marriage - there is so very much more than what I could have imagined by being a part of a family.

It is a delicate balance - because we love deeply - we feel deeply. I've realized this recently when I found myself crying as I ran into the school valentines day party after a near miss on the babysitter which made me late and I was worried about Alex worrying.... the more you love someone - the more you bear their burdens too. Feeling the feelings of all of the members of my family wears me down.

A friend commented that "As mothers we are only as happy as our saddest child". (Dad counts there I believe)

So that's the rub - holding on to the happiness - and when it is fleeting - learning to be happy and trudge right through it anyway.

#14 Tell us about someone you love

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:17:00 +0000

Tell us about someone you love -- your partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend, dog...

I love Sheldon. (and Leonard, and Rajh, and Penny and Amy.) (I don't love Howard because he is creepy.) I love Sheldon because he takes himself so seriously and even though his reality is so different than everyone else's - he believes it wholeheartedly and doesn't back down. I love Sheldon because he makes me laugh - because he is so absolutely ridiculous that it is absurd, insane and hilarious. I take myself and everything around me too seriously. It is good to laugh.

I should probably talk about REAL people that I love. I could go on for decades about my children. I've already written volumes about my husband. If he kept the volumes he could re-read them: notes, cards, letters, art work.... I considered writing about my ageing cats but it is very love hate with them.

So there you have it.

#13 What do you think of the saying, "blood is thicker than water.

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 03:28:00 +0000

Blood is 95% Water and 5% other materials, therefore, Blood is thicker than water. Other than that - I believe it means something about loyalty. I've pondered this for a couple days - and haven't come very far in my conclusions except for these few points.

According to this saying/myth:

1) We are born with water in our veins - having no loyalty - We may develop bonds and deep connections with our care givers - if they provide healthy and consistent care - but essentially infants are selfish in that they are devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests,

(or if they provide unhealthy or inconsistent care we may develop disturbing and detrimental bonds - but THAT is a whole other can of worms)

2) At some point in development some humans may develop blood in their veins and it will happen to be thicker than the water that previously ran through. What brings about the change? Perhaps, love, maturity, challenging life experiences, time.....

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN TO ME?

I can say...

that the blood running through the veins in our home - is much thicker than it used to be. Thicker between the kids, thicker between mom & dad, thicker between parent and child.

For sure in the family I grew up in - it is also much thicker than it used to be. There are some veins that have been compromised, suffering trauma, and they have returned to a state of water - hopefully just while the healing happens. But for the rest of us - there is much more loyalty, connection, interest than there used to be.

It's good. We need each other. We love each other. We are all getting better at it.

Yeah Yeah

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 05:07:00 +0000

Free Writing #12

I am tired and I am going to go to bed. This is kind of a cop out post. But, I'm writing it - and it's still Sunday so there! Max went almost 16 hours with out any hives. Then just before bed - BOOM! The good news is he ate today. A LOT!!!! He went to church. We've been "visiting" the nursery (I can't leave him there until he is 18 mo - so 2 mo to go.) He does very well. He drinks from a cup with out spilling. He colors his pictures. He eats ALL of his snack and some of the other kids. He takes turns. He plays with out me. He sings (kinda). He is a sweetie and makes me very proud. SO GRANDMAS AND GRANDPAS if you are reading this.... we made you valentines 2 weeks ago. Well being that I have some disorder that prevents me from putting mail IN TO THE MAILBOX we did not mail the valentines until saturday. Yes I am a dork. SO there it is.

GOod nIgHt wOrLd

New Stuff and Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:31:00 +0000

So, you may have noticed that I am trying some new things.

If you are reading this by email and haven't been out to my actual blog - then maybe you haven't!
http://ramblings-rlsecor.blogspot.com/

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I am working on some small income making projects.

In order to implement them I would like to FIRST...

1) increase my following

2) make my blog more effective, functional and CUTE!

I also want to write more

about things I am thinking, doing and experiencing

- pushing the envelope on the topics I write about etc.

SO - for starters I have added several new PAGES or TABS at the top of my blog page.

I will write on these pages whenever I have material - as time allows.

The catch is that these pages don't send out automatic updates or emails or anything so if you are interested in them you will have to check back -for now.

To pique your interest I am going to highlight 1 PAGE each week, starting today.

Today

we are going to look at HOLIDAYS.

This year we are going to be celebrating some new holidays, some old holidays, some old holidays differently, and at some point we are going to make up our own holiday! Read More .....

Next Week

We will look at the page about BIRDS

because

Next week Feb 17 - 20

is The Great Backyard Bird Count

http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/

Writing Prompt# 10: Do you live close to your family?

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 07:59:00 +0000

No. Our Families are far, far, far, away.
The End.

Just Kidding. That was toooo easy.

Let's take a look at the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of having our families so far away.

The Good

We don't have to go somewhere every week for Sunday dinner. For the most part we value every last second of family time, down time, nap time and HATE a chaotic and busy life - so simpler is always better.
We don't have to deal with the DRAMA. We hear all sorts of drama from our friends who have family close by about who goes to see who more - or other petty jealousies and things that creep up: who's hosting Christmas or Thanksgiving or why can't everyone come watch junior play pee wee football.
No one can run away to my house when they are mad. I am much less concerned about this now that the kids are older, but still..!

The Bad

Having to pay a babysitter. It would be so cool to have family nearby to 1) have a relationship with the kids and 2) be there to help out.
Having no where to go every Sunday night. I know I know, but you know... kinda jealous of the idea too.
Having to travel, travel, travel, travel. I hate driving. I hate flying with kids. I hate the cost. I hate how much time we waste driving. I hate how much money we spend traveling. Did I say I hate how much it costs?
Cousins. Some of my ABSOLUTE most FAVORITE memories growing up are of being at our cousins house. I wish the cousins could be closer again - it was so good while we had it!
Missing everyone's birthday's and important events. It would be nice to be together for all of these - But it just isn't possible, and it is sad.
I wish that the kids could know our families better. Especially after writing about my Grandparents it makes me think about how much every one is missing. You just don't get the same experience in a weeks visit.
Missing and Forgetting birthdays, not getting the card in the mail soon enough, shipping.

The Ugly

The ugly truth is that we have been away from family for nearly 20 years and it feels normal.
Home to Matt and I is Kansas City - even though we don't have family there anymore.
Home to Izzy and Alex is St Louis. They think they are Cardinals fans. We let them play along at school. But truthfully they bleed purple. (K-STATE fans)
The Phone Bill. Thanks to this BLOG, Facebook, Email, and texting - the Phone Bill isn't quite so ugly anymore.

Little Man Update - and - Writing Prompt #9

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:32:00 +0000

Little Man

Fate, as they call it has chosen that I should fall behind on my writing prompts. My little man has had a crazy, monstrous, bone chilling frightening case of the post-flu post-cold hives, which included an 8 hour NAP during which we got next to nothing done because we were listening to the monitor and sneaking in to watch him breathe and wondering if we should wake him or if he was going to wake up any second. PHEW. Did you read that all in one breath? Finally he pooped in his sleep and gave us good reason to wake him. That was when we realized the hives had spread to his face and got on the phone with the doctor and got another dose of benadryl. There is some improvement this morning but we are still watching and listening for any signs of trouble breathing at which time we are ordered to 911 it. SO...........................................................
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Writing Prompt #9
Talk about this quote: "Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."

Fate again huh. Well then....

I have been taught and I do happily and comfortably after much soul searching and comparison believe that before we were born we lived in Heaven with God and we were spirits.

I believe that we wanted to be like God our Father who had a body of flesh and blood. You know the whole human experience - pain, hunger, pleasure, hot, cold, softness, bumpiness, wind, sun, all the things that make having a body so much better than having just a spirit.

I believe that life in heaven was organized - for lack of a better word - that we met and talked and were taught together, and that we knew what we would be like, some of the challenges we would face, some of the people we would meet, and we knew who our families would be. More importantly we got to choose - to say for ourselves - YES! I accept these wonderful people who are going to seem like a value pack of hopeless cases when we get to earth - but look at them now, so eager, so happy, so cute (little cheek pinch). This is not to say that our fate was sealed or that there are any guarantee but, because we have free agency, we can choose our path. I just think there are different paths that will lead us to where we are meant to be - some faster, slower, harder, easier, and even some that won't lead us there at all.

Does that change how I view my family experience? Today? Completely! The knowledge that we knew each other, and liked each other, and chose each other gives me hope. As a child and even as a teen and a young adult? That knowledge had a strong influence on me but it was never a dominating factor in how I related to my family. I think it takes many many years of life to even become conscious that you can CHOOSE how to relate to your family members. The intricacies of our relationships are so ingrained from the years of repetition that even once you are conscious of it - there are deep seeded habits that will take just as long to break.

I love my family. But, I do have to be careful with myself - because I let them push my buttons - and push me right over the edge.

On to choosing my friends.... again, I believe there are friends that were meant to be our friends, plain and simple. Soul Mates. Karen is one. I don't remember getting to know Karen. We met, and it seems like we always knew each other, that we didn't even try to be friends - it is more like we couldn't help it - couldn't stop it if we tried. At the time I met Karen I was friends with Melissa. I regret that over time I seemed to just push Melissa away. I feel bad that I did that to someone who didn't deserve it. It wasn't out of malice - but more out of having tunnel vision. We remained friends - but I know she always felt slighted.

There are many situations in my life where I feel like I have been brought together with different friends for a specific purpose. There are other people in my life who I have looked at and said to myself - I would like to be a friend to this person - and then in my 1/2 ass way - I go out and try to make a friendship. There are also those of whom I said this - and then sadly did nothing.

There have been times in my life when I was weaker - that I clung to other unhealthy people - because that is where I was comfortable. But as I have moved forward I have looked for healthier relationships that are strengthening and inspiring.

NOW, I am completely exhausted.

Writing Prompt #8 Do you have a friend who is practically a brother or sister? Tell us about them.

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:01:00 +0000

Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Do you have a friend who is practically a brother or sister? Tell us about them.

They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I must have forgot to listen. I have all sorts of friends but I don't keep any of them close. I want to. I mean to. I think about them, worry about them, wonder how their sick babies are, wonder how the babies in their tummies are, their workout routines, their homeschooling, projects and holidays and everything. But, I don't call. We don't get together. We don't hang out. I don't always know how. I don't know how to fit it all in. I don't know who to start with. There are lots of us who get together for playgroups and parties and book clubs and such - and they are truly all girls that are fabulous, cute, talented and really great people. I guess it is the life of a mom.

I will always and Forever consider Karen to be my best friend. I wish that I allowed myself to talk to her more. The time seems to grow longer and longer between when we talk. When we were young and went to school together - I know I told her everything. But I never got angry or annoyed with her. Maybe if we'd been able to live in the same place long enough we would have come around to that. Maybe she would report that I always drove her crazy, annoyed the crap out of her and made her angry often - but, I don't think so. I think we just had a lot of fun together.

I ruined my friendship with Heath by being really stupid.
When Heath married my closest friend at the time Stephanie, we tried to all stay friends.
But, eventually we drifted apart anyway.

So, many special people - faces and memories go through my mind. Andrea, Stephanie, Heath, Emily, Wendy, April, Diane, Kara, Megan, Aimee, Summer. . . . . . . . . . . .

Summer, I miss. I miss you Summer. We miss you and Cade! They were a couple that we were friends with together. That was awesome.

A friend who is like a sister or brother to me - would be someone I could tell anything to. Someone I can be myself around. Someone who listens to me. Someone who knows things about me know one else knows. Someone who gets on my nerves. Someone whom only I could put down or make fun of - anyone else that tried would get beat up. Someone who I can fight with one minute and get deep into a game or a movie with a minute later. Someone who has seen me at my worst. Someone who can see the best in me when I can't. Someone who still loves me when I am sick, or stupid or lazy, or fat or in a really pissy mood.

When I started out writing this I was a little sad - thinking to myself how sad it is that I don't have a person like this in my life. But, that is not true. I do have someone who is exactly like this. It is my husband. We fight like brother and sister. We are equally stubborn. I can tell him anything. He can tell me anything (can and do are not equal). We have had a long long streak of very very rough years between us. So rough that from day to day we didn't know if we were going to make it. Today we are on a much nicer road. It's still not freshly paved or anything - it's more patched and gravely with a few pot holes, but its much nicer than it was. I am able to be myself with him. He has definitely seen me at my worst and can still stand to kiss me 1000 x a day. He still loves me when I yell at him for no reason. He listens to me go on and on about my health, the birds, the millions of little things Max does everyday. He definitely knows things about me that no one else knows.

Sometime around the end of this month will mark the day I first noticed him in my Government class - 20 years ago. Here's to being my special friend Mr. - and I love you.

Writing Prompt #7 Who is your favorite person in your extended family?

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 04:49:00 +0000

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Who is your favorite person in your extended family?

Hmm

Out-laws or In-laws?

I could select my cousin Shannon - I've missed her since she turned 12 - now I am too shy of her.

I adore and admire my cousins Sheri, Shawn, Shannon, Susan and Don.

Sonny and his Wife Megan - Fabulous! I wish we were neighbors!

Matt's cousin Holly - she's a great mom, midwife, nurse, La Leche Leauge teacher

Matt's aunts and uncles are all fabulous! Chuck and Connie, Doug and Rita, Dene and Jerry, Mike and Marilynn.

My Uncle Dave and Aunt Norma - whom I have always looked up to....

But, I have to go with my dear sweet Nephew

Hayden

He is SO SO SO CUTE! Everything I remember about Hayden growing up reminds me of my little Max.

Hayden is quiet and devious and always has a scheme in his head good or bad. He doesn't like to show you what he is feeling so he tries to hide it - or at least hide his face... but you can still see it.

I love that he has favorite clothes - He has had favorites since he was very little.

I love that he looks at his plastic toy figurine man - then runs to his room to see if he can imitate the figurine's outfit. I love that on a random morning he comes out to breakfast completely dressed in his Dad's football gear!

I love that he is only 10 days younger than my daughter Alex.

I love that he says TUBA - because he thinks it's hillarious.

I love that he sings -" I like big butts and I can not lie .... " It sounds so funny coming from his small voice.

I had that stuck in my head through all of November and December!

I miss you Hayden - you are too far away.

Writing Prompt #6 - Tell us about your grandparents

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:51:00 +0000

Monday, February 6, 2012
Tell us about your grandparents.

Paternal Grandfather
I never met my Paternal Grandfather. He died of cancer before my parents were even married. He is highly revered among my extended family. I've seen pictures and movies and hear stories and it seems that he had a strong work ethic. Their family business was Honey, they raised bees and prepared and sold the honey. They lived on a large property with an orchard and fields. I remember the fields being overgrown and tall - I don't remember if they grew something there.

Paternal Grandmother
My paternal grandmother was unusual. She piddled around a lot looking busy. I remember the stuffed Pheasant that was kept next to her OLD floor tv model, and that we never used the front door.

I always wanted to investigate her house. She has so much stuff. SO MUCH STUFF that smelled like moth balls! There were 2 bedrooms. 1 Master that she kept locked - and another for the kids - it was LONG I think it kept 3-4 beds in a row plus all their stuff.

Grandma would always stand over us with a wash cloth washing our face while we ate yet, she would have to clear a 3 dimensional opening on her table for us to nestle our dish. The table was always piled HIGH with books and papers. Today I think she would be considered a hoarder. Most of her house was overflowing with stuff, the sink was always full of dishes! When we were younger she would buy us beautiful dolls and clothes and she always sent us stickers. I always loved going to Baskin Robins with her. All of the best things about going to grandma's house were

playing in the orchard
the times when we got to use LONG sticks with cans on the ends to pick pecans or citrus
getting brave enough to explore the fields and sheds outside
SPRINGTIME when the edge of her front yard grew up thick with Narcissus
watching the little tiny oranges grow on her miniature orange tree and wishing we could eat them
eating them and remembering why we didn't eat them! (they were very sour)

She had throat cancer and it seemed AWFUL! I think that she had breast cancer before that also. I might have been 12 when she passed away.

Maternal Grandfather

My Maternal Grandfather is Italian and he had a really big nose. I tried to name my baby Vincent after him, but it just wasn't working, so we had to change baby's name. Sorry Grandpa. I remember my Grandpa trying to teach us to eat spaghetti the right way. I remember he made pizelles at Christmas with a real cookie iron. Grandpa loved trains. In his garage he had an impressive train set up on a high platform. Under the platform he stored many things - but there was also a lot of open space. After Grandpa died I made a secret hiding place in there. I would go there and read - or just hang out. There are lots of home movies of trains, my grandpa would run through fields to get video of them. I think that he drove a train for a while. I know that I have been told more stories and such about him but, I don't remember. It is sad how fuzzy the memories become.

Maternal Grandmother

My grandma was sweet and quiet. I have heard rumors about her temper but only experienced it maybe once. We lived with her for a while (6 months maybe?) and I still don't feel like I know her very well. When I was 11-12-13 we lived in the same town. For a short time we lived right down the street. When I wrap my hair in a hair towel after a shower - I think of her - because I look sort of how she did when she wore a hair towel. She often had a little bowl out with lemon drops and I remember a music box that played Somewhere My Love. Grandma was able to be in my wedding. That was lovely! We were able to get a 3 generation picture. If my sister Heather had been my baby and not my sister it could be a 4 generation picture. She died a few years later - complications from diabetes I believe. I would like to know what specifically. It was winter when she died and the country was covered with storms so we weren't able to drive to the funeral. I only regret that I wasn't there for my mom.

I guess overall I didn't really have a good relationship with any of my Grandparents. Between my shyness, and the distance between our homes and any lack of interest on their part - it just wasn't there.

Writing Prompt #5 free writing

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:27:00 +0000

Foreword:

I have signed up to write a post a day in February - using writing prompts through a website called NaBloPoMo. (National Blog Posting Month) Since I am currently working to both improve the quality of my blog and the quality of my writing it seemed like a good fit to me.

February 2012 Theme is: RELATIVE

freewriting

It's all relative.... truly it is. We are feeling a little cramped getting used to our new space here. It will be ok in time - I know it will, it is simply an adjustment. Well we have been here 6 months now - and I keep reminding myself of something that happened when we first moved in.

A pipe had burst in the basement so after several futile attempts to remedy the situation we called a guy in. After he had done his work and was leaving he paused and looked around and said "this sure is a nice big house!"

I want to rearrange furniture - switch rooms and the like. I am still constantly purging stuff trying to make things work right in here. I think a lot of it is inside of me. I feel claustrophobic. Things get messy easier in a smaller space. I do think I will adjust over time. Until then I am remembering to be grateful and happy. We do still have one of the bigger houses around us, and it is at least twice the size of the mini house we had in KC.

So you see, all relative.

I guess the other thing is the weather.

The days drag us deep into winter - even this weird snow-less - cold-less - winter - and skin cracks and flakes and hurts. Then from the shadows sneaks out a light rain on a 65 degree day - and the humidity is a shocking feeling. I had already forgotten what humidity felt like.

Some may bicker over which is hotter a humid 95 degrees or 112 in the desert sun. Don't argue I say. Just take a plane between Phoenix and the Midwest in the dead of summer and you'll figure it out. 1 will smack you in the face like a brick wall. The other will suck all the air from your lungs as you step from the plane - you'll feel like you are drowning.

Additionally - 65 degrees in January feels so different mentally than 65 degrees in July. Is it different? Or is it just relative.

Writing Prompt #4 free writing

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:27:00 +0000

dead tired
I've been checking all night to find out what the writing prompt is and now dastardly thing! I remember that weekends are for free writing! Flibbertyjibbit!

If I go downstairs to my computer I run a 99.9% chance of staying up until 3 am. So for now I will write this splendid post with my left hand, on my iPhone, while laying on my stomach, not that it matters.

I'm already in a mood, laughing at inside jokes I have with myself, singing Tangled, Bruno Mars And Garth Brooks in my head and looking for anyway to use the phrase "well I'll be 'et fer a tater!" in a conversation.

I've spent the last 9 says with seriously sick kids. Last night I don't know if we had an hours sleep between us, we just held poor little man all night. I generally feel about as tired as always - which is plenty.

I wanted to talk about things that are relative but since I do get 1 more free weekend day - bazinga, that will be tomorrow. What's relative right now is the amount of light compared to the amount of dark being experienced by my eyelids. Good night blog world and good luck with those relatives

Writing Prompt #3: Do you have any siblings? What are they like.

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 04:03:00 +0000

(I just figured out what it means!!! NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) originated by BlogHer )

"Can of Worms" question. I have a couple of siblings. I was hoping to tackle this one at a time but, nothing does ever really go as planned now does it.

So, I have been contemplating lately what it would take to talk to all the members of my family more frequently.

It used to be that I could call home on a Sunday and spend the ENTIRE afternoon having short visits with EVERY family member. Often those phone calls would involve a fair amount of drama. Eventually, they all grew up and went away.

So say I only wanted to talk on the phone every other day, and every one else wanted to talk on the phone every other day.... Matt says if we worked out a chart we could each talk to each member of our family twice a month. Kinda makes my head spin.

So, I am the oldest of 7 - giving me 6 siblings. Be it known that as a youngster I felt that my position in the family held certain inalienable rights. I am the boss. You will listen to me. Ha Ha! Funny, as I have grown older I have often been surprised when my siblings look to me for leadership. I guess I forgot to send them the memo that I had relieved myself of my duties!

Liz - is 2 years younger. I never got along with her. Besides my penchant for leading by means of terror - I was a pretty quiet peace loving, non-wave making kind of girl. Learn how to play the game I always said - at least enough to make people think you're playing it right! Liz stood tall on the other side of the fence. If something made her mad, she said so. She stood up for herself. She made her opinions known. She didn't let anyone push her around or walk all over her. As little girls we would collect locust shells and make "soup", she would catch frogs and try to house them in little brick houses. Morning always met us with an empty frog house. Once when we were spending an evening with our cousins a rainstorm crept upon us. Word got out quickly that the rain had brought out the frogs in masses and our delightful older cousins Shawn and Stephen were outside collecting them with pitchforks. With Liz in tears, a few of us followed the trail of tragedy trying to scoop up frogs into our own buckets in an attempt to save them from mortal terror. Liz is beautiful. While she is still opinionated and bold - I think she has forgotten that she's not a doormat, and how awesome she really is. When I watch the relationship between my 2 daughters I think about me and Liz. I hope that I am able to help foster better things between my daughters .by learning from my own mistakes.

Lisa- is 4 years younger. That's younger enough that my memories of her are mostly of her as a tag-a-long or a whiner. I remember the 3 of us girls dancing together and wearing matching pajamas but a lot of that comes from pictures too. The greatest thing that could have happened for Lisa and I is that we had several chances to live together. The 1st was while my new husband was away for 4 month Army training. We were SO poor, we worked together to scrimp and finagle free meals from the guys in the kitchen. When hubby came home - Lisa went home too. A year later she came back and lived with us for 2 years. It was WONDERFUL! I became friends with her friends and we had a lot of fun together. We also had our separate lives and it was a good balance. Years later - after we were each married with several children her family moved to a town 2 hours away! We had the grandest couple of years visiting each other once a month - fabulous sleepovers, into the woods adventures, bird watching, late nights talking. Now that that we are once again states apart we each dream of one day living on a cul-de-sac together and ruling the neighborhood!

dan - is hmm, is 6 years younger? Most of my memories of Dan involve me being fearful for his life.
I remember him as a toddler standing on the piano bench trying to climb the piano. I remember him not much older RUNNING through our gravel front yard with bare feet as we watched in horror - he never seemed to notice. I remember when he was jumping trash cans with his bike with our neighbor Brigg.... when he came in gushing blood from gravel filled wounds he proclaimed with pride "I wiped out better than Brigg!". I remember when we were amazed that he was so tan - and after a while we realized that he was just REALLLLLLY dirty (he needed more than a bath - he needed a scouring pad). Dan has always been quiet. He would never talk to anyone. Growing up hasn't helped - we've kinda lost him to his own world. He is a fabulous skater and I am so impressed that he stays fit and puts so much hard work into his skateboard, ramps, and videos. The kids all adore him - In their eyes he is THE coolest uncle ever. Dan is kind and generous and loving and I'm not sure that he wants us to see that - but we do all the same!

Mike - is 15 years younger than me. Mike is a whirl wind, and energy, and BIG IDEAS, and I see trouble coming. Mike is vibrantly happy, and easily crushed. Mike dreams HUGE! Mike is so all or nothing that I think he makes his own head spin. He has a hard time settling for average happiness, he wants the real thing and he wants it now... The BIG job, with the BIG money, the car, the relationship, the LOVE. When he falls, he falls hard, and he has a hard time picking up the pieces. He doesn't want us to see him weak. He forgets that we all know that he is human! When Mike was born I was already in school - 1st hour science class, I was a freshman. Not long after he was born we moved to a new state. It was a hard time of life for my parents. I remember sitting around as a family listening to Mike laugh. His laugh was awesome, rolling, contagious. He kept us all so very happy. 2 years later found us moving once again to another state. Mike was near 3ish and he was my buddy. We would take walks together around the neighborhood and just talk about random things like bubble gum, bunnies, whatever words he knew. We had a very sweet relationship for a long time. Then he grew up. I miss when he trusted me and listened to me. I hope that he will find the courage to make the hard choices and be himself and be true to who he is meant to be - and that is FUN, and SMART and CREATIVE and A GO-GETTER!

Matt- is 16 years younger than me. I don't remember much about when Matt was born - except for the family home evening when our parents showed us the ultrasound picture and we were all like - seriously guys? You know how this happens right? Mike and Matt became double trouble quickly. Matt was always the more serious one. He studied things intently and had great ideas. He liked to figure out how to make things work - and work better than they used to. He spent some time on the city planning commission for a while when he was a pre-teen. After he had made some suggestions on how to improve the roads in a certain part of town, and they liked his ideas, they put him to work! Matt is married and has a sweet little girl. He works really hard and takes good care of his family. He doesn't talk to us anymore though. We have some ideas about the reasons, but for the most part we don't understand.. We support him in his efforts to support his wife and her feelings. BUT WE MISS YOU MATT! We miss seeing your baby girl grow up. We miss knowing how you are. We will always love you, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Heather - is 20 years younger than me. She was born after I left home for college. She was 1 1/2 when I got married and was a very sweet little flower girl. For many, many years I would forget about her. Going home once or twice a year didn't help me to get to know her any better and she just wasn't a part of my life. Over a few recent summers Heather stayed with us for a few weeks and we talk on the phone now much more often yet still not often enough. She is super de duper smart, and very pretty. She often has 2 dates on a Saturday and seems to make friends quickly. She seems to have goals for herself for now and for the future which is cool. I am excited to see what she is going to do with her life.

dear siblings ...
We spent our child hoods in such a hurry to get out of the house that I don't think we enjoyed being a big family. It is a shame that in this part of our lives - when we are older and we all want to be together - that we just don't GET TO be together often. There have only been a few times when we've had a girls night as sisters, we've never ALL gone out together as siblings. 2 summers ago we managed a Siblings picture with all 7 of us. That was the last time I saw Matt.

Dear siblings, I wouldn't send any of you back. You make my life better for being you. I miss you. I am sorry I am not a better sister and friend. I am sorry that I tried to shirk my duties as lead sibling. I am sorry that I never realized that I could make you guys laugh when we were younger. I love you ALL. Even if you are all cuter, and skinnier and have better hair than me!!!!!

writing prompt #2 Tell us about your father

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:19:00 +0000

Foreword:
I have signed to write a post a day in February - using writing prompts through a website called NaBloPoMo. Since I am currently working to both improve the quality of my blog and the quality of my writing it seemed like a good fit to me.

February 2012 Theme is: RELATIVE

Writing prompt #2: Tell us about your father.

When I was a Junior in High School I had a friend in the Theater Department named Richard. Richard was a VERY thin, tall, African American boy - he was outspoken and flamboyant and very interesting. Richard thought my dad was awesome. He also said my dad reminded him of a baby turtle. It is an odd comparison but, over the years I have seen the baby turtle in my dad often. My dad is not like most dads. He does not sit around on Saturdays and watch sports, he doesn't have obsessive hobbies, he doesn't reach for a beer after a long day, and he doesn't understand the point of many social norms or embarrassment or propriety.

A turtle is kinda slow in moving but, they are diligent. You don't see a turtle swearing at itself while crossing the highway ....

"damn slow feet, stupid pieces of turd feet, when I get across this street I am throwing you out and getting new ones....."

No, they just stare straight ahead focused on their goal, walking until they get there.

When you surprise or scare a turtle what do they do? They pull their head back into their shell for protection. That's my dad. I don't even think he is aware of it - but he is not outwardly emotional, but you can tell that he is emotional by the way he is protective, pulling his head back into his shell.

My fondest memories of my dad - were not necessarily things that made me happy at the time. He always wanted to teach us things - and in turn we rolled our eyes and whined and complained and told him that he was stupid. Come to the living room for dry swimming lessons, or lets learn the right way to sweep, or come watch me snake a toilet, or lets make a siphon, he would say. I love that my dad taught me to read when I was 3. Reading has been a constant all of my life.

My dad has a very high intelligence. I think my dad may have 15-20 though processes going on in his head at once. He finds it hard to spit out what he is trying to say. Often he needs to draw a diagram. Can you see how drawing diagrams would hinder his social development?

If you've ever seen the show BIG BANG THEORY then you have an idea of the way scientists think and speak - then you have an idea of my dad. Only my dad is older, slightly more introverted and not as sex crazed (at least I don't think he's sex crazed, and if he is please don't let anyone tell me).

I can talk to my dad about things, and in ways, that I can not talk to anyone else in the world. We talk about psychology, child development, theories about psychology and child development, new findings in health and nutrition, scriptures, spiritual ideas and on and on.

Things I will always remember about my dad.... When he calls my house, he introduces himself by first and last name, even if one of my daughters answers the phone, then he asks to speak with me, by my full name. He doesn't think to say Hi or talk to the daughter who has answered. He doesn't do it out of any hard feelings - he does it because he goal oriented. (Think Sheldon)

I will always remember him eating spoonfuls of various oils for health, or, soaking the cardboard so it disintegrates and takes up less space in the trash (pre-recycling days), or the day he kicked the door down, or when he asks for the Smuckers Light Strawberry Jam instead of the jelly.

I wish that I talked to him more. But! I get overwhelmed with the stress of his life and I hide from it. I guess that maybe I'm a baby turtle too!

writing prompt #1 Tell us about your mother

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:54:00 +0000

Foreword:
I have signed up to write a post a day for the month of February. I think it is through a blog within a blog or a guest writer on the Blogher blog might be more accurate. It is called NaBloPoMo. I don't know what it means or why it is called that. The challenge provides a monthly theme with writing prompts. Since I am currently working to both improve the quality of my blog and the quality of my writing it seemed like a good fit to me.

February 2012 Theme is: RELATIVE

Writing prompt #1: Tell us about your mother.

My mother is a quiet woman. Although members of my family would disagree, I argue that being the mother of seven and living a hard life can make you often into someone who is not simply not yourself. Growing up I could not begin to understand my mother. Truthfully what child wants to? As a child we just want to be safe to play and imagine and be able to come back to mom every now and then for a hug. As a mom and a somewhat more grown up woman I understand my Mom as I live through bits and pieces of what her life must have been like. Having babies, and difficult husbands, bodies changing, budgets shrinking, and just watching my children growup, it all opens my eyes.

She doesn't talk about her life growing up. We know little stories about snow and Christmas trees and trains. We know she came to Arizona from the east. We know she misses real hoagies. Someday I'm going to take her back and eat one with her. I don't know if she hated her childhood and can't talk about it. Or maybe something traumatic happened. Maybe she thinks we don't have any interest. Maybe it doesn't cross her mind to talk about it and we should just ask. It is obvious that social norms were different when she was younger.

She has always indicated a strong preference for strict privacy regarding personal matters. I know many women around her age that seem to feel the same way. Maybe it worked then. I can also see how silence leaves women trapped and scared. It is ironic that I feel very much the opposite. I feel it is so vital to be open and honest with our children about their bodies and morality. Not open in a rude or irreverent way but just truthful and direct. Also, open and honest with the people that matter in our lives about what's really happening in our lives. I have friends with whom I have been able to share some of my deepest struggles. Sharing opens the doors so that they can come to me in time of need as well. On the flip side I have friends who I know are going through the same struggles as me, who refuse to talk about it. I have a good friend who I've known for 16 years now, I know that we were brought together to support each other, but she can't do it, she can't talk about it. Ultimately keeping to yourself because of pride, fear, trying to keep shameful secrets, it all just leads to loneliness, the worst kind of loneliness.

Ok so I got up on my soap box. I told myself I was going to write with out deleting except for gross spelling or errors - so, I'm sticking to it.

My mom, I remember her singing, it was lovely. I remember how sweet she was when we were sick. I love how she loves my children. She is a great cook, and she loves to cook. Obviously thats not genetic. She always tried her very best to make things nice for us, out of little. I love that I can talk about the kids and she laughs and sighs and I feel like she is right there with me watching their antics. That is a wonderful feeling. I wish she could believe in Herself more and get out there and make her life happen, no more waiting for someone or something else. (ditto for myself)

More than anything I wish she were closer, a couple thousand miles between us is just too far away.

TOP 10 of 2011

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:18:00 +0000

TOP 10 of 2011

1. Max loving his toys and pulling himself up
2. Max learning to crawl and changing the face of our home permanently
3. Moving to a new house 1/2 the size of our previous home, BUT with a great yard on a Cul-de-sac
4. Max learning to walk (and climb, and run, and escape, and unroll toilet paper etc. etc.)
5. Finding out that we could have stayed another 6 months since the sale fell through
6. Finally, selling our house (even though it technically closed in 2012)
7. Saying Goodbye to Jasmine who was old and skinny and sick
8. Getting bunk beds
9. Visits from both Grandma's
10. Becca & Max taking a 10 day trip away together to Utah and Arizona

2011 was predominantly a Max focused year. For the most part that has not been a negative thing - as the girls have been just as Max focused as Mom and Dad.

My Neo-natal OB always got after me when I would make comments about how much the girls wanted a baby or how we as a family wanted a baby. I am pretty sure she thought I was making a mistake to get pregnant being diabetic and 35. She made it very clear that I would be really stupid to even consider having more than 3.

If only she could see how much this baby is loved, and how much happiness he has brought to our family. There have been minute moments of jealousy on Alex's part, and that is to be expected. It is so great to see how much the girls love and adore Max. As he gets older - it is great to see how much he adores them as well. From the furious waving and running to meet them at the bus, to open mouth sloppy kisses, to playing chase and squealing at the girls - if she could only see. I know that truly it is a decision between husband and wife. BUT, I am grateful that the girls were able to say for themselves "I choose this" because it has been a beautiful experience.

With that said, I hope that when we see the top 10 of 2012 we see the girls better represented there :) AND maybe, if I made a Top 10 List for each girl - it would be a very different list anyway.....

Max and some Misc

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:06:00 +0000

Max and His 1st complete haircut.

Can you look at this face and NOT
bust out laughing?

He looked awful sweet and grown up sportin' his new buzz cut and Sunday clothes.
Winter is 1/2 off at Once Upon a Child - so I got this shirt and sweater for 2.50 each!
Still can't beat the trinket I picked up at Michaels for $.01 that was so fun!

SNow, finally. Since it doesn't snow like normal around here - it was in the 70's before dropping to the 30's and then lower - but that still isn't enough for the deep ground freeze so even though we only had 2 inches of snow we also had a layer of ice and thus a SNOW DAY! SO NOT WHAT I NEEDED! But we made it through!

Max - pre haircut feeling a little patriotic!

Our Goodbyes

Here are the girls in front of the fire.

I have wanted to go back to the old house just for an evening.

I can't believe it took us 5 months to make it happen.

The kids all took a bath in the big tub.

MAX loved it!

Then they curled up by the fire and I blow dryed their hair.

Then we read over a little thing I wrote that listed

many memories we have at the house and the things we will

miss the most about living there.

Then everyone climbed on top of me in a dog pile

and we all cried.

Then, we put some cute winter decor on the fireplace,

decorated the chalk board, threw out some handfuls of peanuts as

a farewell to the Raccoons, and walked around the yard and past

the grave sites of 4 of our cats.

Even empty, it still felt like home. It was really hard

to walk away and say goodbye.

The WORD of the YEAR

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 07:07:00 +0000

Last Year
I chose the word
CHERISH
to be my word of the year.
It was a good word.
My baby grew like a weed right in my arms.
I have had a hard time being a snuggly cuddly mom in the past.
I let pressures and selfishness and claustrophobia win over snuggling my babies.
I had the feeling early on that my wiggly jiggly bouncing baby boy would be off and running
and if I didn't hold him while I had the chance, I would miss it. I'm glad I listened
to that feeling, because it was right. I held him on my lap and read him
stories, and played with toys, and sang songs to him, and watched
MY shows on t.v. together and I didn't let myself feel guilty
for it! I walked around with him in my arms and
showed him the world. Now he is running,
and climbing, and investigating, and
destroying. BUT, sometimes
he still comes back to
me. He hugs me.
He kisses me.
He wipes
his nose on me.
He holds my hand when
we walk together places. He
reaches for me so that I will pick him up.
He hugs and kisses Daddy and the girls too.
Sometimes he even says "awwww" when he does it.
I will forever miss holding him in my arms when he was small
and helpless and so soft and sweet and beautiful and my miracle.
But, I will look forward always to encouraging a life time of snuggles
and kisses and awwwww's from my baby as he becomes a toddler and
a boy, and someday a husband, a daddy, a man. My baby. Can you imagine.

CHERISH - was a good lesson for me. Now it is time to move on, get back to the rest
of my family too - who THANKFULLY roll with it - well with me.

The word for this year is STRENGTHEN.

It is time to get things in order. We are in need of a good STRENGTHEN in this house.
Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Socially. Economically. Nutritionally.
So, 2012 here's to the strength we will find - and already have!

Wishing for Snow ....

noreply@blogger.com (rlsecor) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 04:59:00 +0000

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011

Wishing For Snow

A Christmas Bird

Pretty Girls

Curious Lil' Man

Griffin comforting Lil' Man

Big Man & Lil' Man

Lil' Man learns to Fly

Max Loves Griffin

Torturing my Children

Christmas Morning

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