Random Stuff

Damn You

2011-08-14T20:33:00.000+08:00

You were never totally mine

There was always someone else

You were never with me

Even if it's just the two of us

Your eyes never ever fixed on me

There were always those bitches out there

You can never keep yourself

From flirting with any pretty girl around

But you deny it

I know you know that I know about it

but you don't care

Did you ever really love me?

Or is it just a lovely thought?

Maybe the latter coz I am

just for display

A thing to you and nothing else

I'm just a toy you don't want to lose

You have a way of making me do bad things

and convince me that it's alright

I was a fool to act like a toy

I was so stupid to be so blind

I was so insane not to see through it all

I was so dumb not to have realized it right away

You have hurt me so

but still I want to thank you

I've learned so many things from you

One is not to fall for nice guys who are demons deep inside

And I only have one thing left to say

Damn You!

Catastrophic Love

2011-07-01T04:09:00.002+08:00

It started out so nice
As the pale moon was smiling
Upon two beings joined by fate
Unknown to them as they watched
the stars above

As the night grows deeper, the truth
slowly sank in and both realized
There was a mystical force
Binding them as one

With hands held together, they
accepted what fate has decided
Warmth of Happiness glowed in
each other's heart
Love was felt and it was real

Time went by so swiftly
Days became weeks
Weeks became months
Two years passed since then
And the two lovers are still together
But things have changed...

Love was no longer there
They were both just pretending
Hoping that they'd feel what they felt
that night under the stars once again
But it never came..

Small arguments became big fights
Eating there happiness away
Too many tears have been shed
Too many sleepless nights

A day finally came when
Holding on was too much pain
They let go of each others grasp
And put an end to
Their Catastrophic Love

True Serenity

2011-07-01T03:57:00.000+08:00

True serenity, where art thou?
Too many lives I've been living
Yet I never found you

True serenity, where art thou?
Too many presents I've had
Yet I never felt you

True serenity, where art thou?
Too many laughters have been shared
Yet you were never felt

True serenity, where art thou?
Too many triumphs achieved
Yet you were not there

When will you come?
When will I feel you?
Maybe never...

Just A Bit of Your Love

2011-04-19T11:15:00.002+08:00

if only you could listen to me for a minute more
you'd understand

if only you could just look at me for a little bit longer
you'd see who I really am

if only you could hold me tighter
you'd make me see a tiny glimpse of light

if only you could just love me just a little bit more
you'd make me just a bit happier

i'm sinking fast
no one to help me
i scream out
you never hear me

how can you be so cold?
so insensitive

do you even care?
do you still need me?
do you want me?
do you even still love me?...

All I need is just a bit of your love...

Marriage: A Mere Obligation

2010-11-10T13:13:00.003+08:00

We said our "I dos" in the name of God and in the presence of our loved ones...
We made a pact to love each other till death do as part
We made a commitment
We swore to be there for each other as husband and wife

That was just a year ago
But is seems like it's been years of anguish since then

Just three days from our wedding day,
You asked a friend to introduce you to a female friend
So you can play around with her
Darkness engulfed me to suffocation upon stumbling on this knowledge
I confronted you but you just dismissed it as a joke
I had no choice but to forgive you

Months passed still in the same year we made our vows
You sent a message to a colleague that you missed her
Knowing full well that she liked you
My heart just broke into a million pieces
Another confrontation
Another dismissal saying that you were just asked to tell her that
I had no choice again but to forgive you

Another year comes
I caught you having a pleasant conversation with a female friend online
I couldn't make out the words that you were sending to her
I just woke up then
Curious, I asked for her identity
You automatically turned off your laptop
I couldn't contain the anger and lashed at you
But you fought me off
I could only weep my way to work that day

The episodes above piled up on top of the other deep within me
Until it became unbearable
It affected my whole being
I couldn't work well
I couldn't think well
My mind is always clouded with doubts
I keep trying to bring back the full trust I had for you
To no avail

Day by day, I couldn't do better but nag at you
Because talking to you seriously never gets anywhere
It has been my intention to make you angry
To make you feel the same pain I'm carrying with me each day
But I still get nothing from you but that blank stare
Not caring at alll

I have now become angrier
Nagging at you gets me nowhere
I thought maybe inflicting physical pain will make you feel it
I tried with all my might to claw at you till you bleed
Whenever we get into the same arguments all over again
But then I received a big blow on my shoulder
Your fist was too big for my slender shoulder
I could only whimper in pain
Seeing my pained expression
You cried a little, that was something new
I thought I was finally getting into you
But days later, I found out
You've been hanging out with new friends till dawn
Drinking booze and all with some female friends

I made the decision that since nothing ever works
No matter what I do
I can only do one thing I haven't done yet so far
That is to make myself disappear for a couple of days
I only hope that you will get to miss me even for just awhile
But if not, then it's decided then that
This marriage that we are into
Is just a mere obligation...

Who Are You

2010-11-09T13:18:00.003+08:00

Who is this that I am with

Where is he whom I knew

Where is he whom I came to love for what he's shown me

Where is he who craves for my touch

Where is he who couldn't get enough of me

Where is he who cares for me

Where is he who tries hard to make me laugh

Where is he whom I can trust with all my heart

Was it all a lie

Was it all an illusion

Was it all just a dream

Am I in a bad dream

Stoic

2010-11-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

Where are my emotions going?

Why am I not feeling anything?

I know I should be sadder

I should be angrier

I should be grieving

I should have that feeling of wanting to jump off a cliff

I curse to show that I'm angry

The words just come out but

I don't really mean to say them

It's like I'm pretending

I just know it's the reaction needed

But why?

There's only emptiness inside...

I want to feel something

Help me...

Not Good Enough

2010-11-09T13:15:00.000+08:00

We take walks just about anywhere together

And so do your eyes

They walk on their own

To meet up with some pretty girls

A nice pair of legs under some skimpy skirts

A valley in between revealing blouses

The sexiest dress there is

The smoothest skin ever

They never fail to catch your lustful eyes

One glance is not enough

Two not satisfactory

Three not even near

Four times until forever, your eyes can stay in that direction with no problems

I talk about something

But I'm always ignored

I hear some responses sometimes

But there's always something else in your head

You are so distant

We never ever really talk

I'm aching so bad to have a real conversation with you

To have that connection

To be able to get into you

But Alas! I'm always outside

You've built this wall for me not to get in

You do this to me

While I see you laugh your heart out with someone else' company

You take chats with some other girl to get their comfort

You drop a few compliments that will let them know they are admired

But never did I have this privilege

Never

You say you love me but they're just mere words

A script that you've memorized

The sweetest thing that someone can say to you but the most painful words you've said to me

"I love you..."

It just hangs in the air when you speak them and die easily after you're done saying it.

If there is no love at all in there,

Just say it out loud and I can leave without a word except "Thanks..."

Rather than say it to me since you're obligated to say so

Does Flirting Affect Steady Relationships?

2009-11-15T07:20:00.004+08:00

A study has been conducted over the issue on flirting that may affect a steady relationship. As told by Randall Parker at 2008 July 15 11:03 PM on Brain Sexuality, men and women have different views when it comes to flirting:

Men may not see their flirtations with an attractive woman as threatening to the relationship while women do, according to findings from a study in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association. Researchers found that women protect their relationship more when an attractive man enters the picture but men look more negatively at their partner after they've met an available, attractive woman. Men can learn to resist temptation when trained to think that flirting with an attractive woman could destroy their relationship, said lead author John E. Lydon, PhD, of McGill University in Montreal. Researchers conducted seven laboratory experiments using 724 heterosexual men and women to see how college-aged men and women in serious relationships react when another attractive person enters the mix. In one study, 71 unsuspecting male participants were individually introduced to an attractive woman. Roughly half the men met a "single" woman who flirted with them. The other half met an "unavailable" woman, who simply ignored them. Immediately after this interaction, the men filled out a questionnaire in which they were asked how they would react if their "romantic partner" had done something that irritated them, such as lying about the reason for canceling a date or revealing an embarrassing tidbit about them. Men who met the attractive "available" woman were 12 percent less likely to forgive their significant others. In contrast, 58 women were put in a similar situation. These women, who met an "available" good-looking man, were 17.5 percent more likely to forgive their partners' bad behavior."

With the study shown above, it is no surprise that men tend to sway off the relationship after meeting some attractive woman. They become cold to their partner and would fantasize being with the other woman. Some would even find ways to be with that other woman and never realize that they are already cheating. Women on the other hand would love their partner even more after meeting an attractive man. Their partner is the person that comes into mind first during the encounter. They find ways to prevent themselves from falling for the other man because they know that it can affect the relationship if they give in to temptation.

It may appear that men in this area may be weaker than women. This could possibly be the reason why men are more susceptible in having affairs compared to women. Men always have the need for some action while women are more inclined to passive activities. Seeing an attractive woman may generate some exciting feelings to men that they can compare with the thrill in doing some rigorous activities and they would want more out of it. This can be unfair to women who devote themselves to their partner and even see to it that the relationship is protected. But then it is just the way it is. Nothing can change how men and women react for this matter. The only thing that can save a relationship from the threat of a flirtation is to keep it strong.

Dating Tips

2009-11-14T17:03:00.000+08:00

It is always fun and exciting when we are dating someone especially when we like the person very much. But are there things that must be done to ensure that you won't be stuck at the dating stage? Here are a few tips:

1. Be Yourself

In a relationship, it is important to be who you are. You need to love yourself first and this will prepare you in dating someone. Seeing how confident you are will give signs to the person you are dating how well motivated you are and would attract him or her even more to you.

2. Make Each Moment Fun

When having a date, don't stop by just seeing to it that the person you're dating is satisfied and happy. See to it that you get to have some fun even if it's just a simple dinner at a restaurant. Try to be creative but don't overdo it. The fun that you had will be hard to forget and your date will always look forward to seeing you again.

3. Communicate.

In a relationship, it is very important for a couple to communicate with each other. When you are still on the dating stage, see to it that you are already keeping the channels for communication open. This is a sure way that you can get into a deeper relationship that will flourish and grow in understanding and love.

4. Negotiate

It may be a surprise to know that negotiation is part of a relationship. There are always times when communicating is not enough especially when fights come up. At the early stage of dating, it is best to get to know each other well by indulging in activities that will bring out the kind of person that you both are. Don't limit time spent to yourselves only. Have some time for friends or relatives. In this way, you will get to know how the other copes with different situations and you can get some tips on how to negotiate during tough times that will threaten your relationship.

5. Nurture and Build a Strong Relationship

When you have already been dating steadily, you might want to move on to the next level of your relationship. Taking this step would involve a lot of things. You need to be able to provide daily appreciation, attentiveness, kindness, understanding, respect and love. All of these will let your partner feel that they are valued and cherished. As early as now while you are still dating, you might want to show your partner all of these and let them know what lies ahead; a true great love that can't be perfectly happy but still enough to survive turbulent times.

Understanding Why You're Jealous

2009-11-13T19:39:00.001+08:00

Did you ever encounter times when you can't understand why you're jealous?

Your partner has already proven himself or herself to you as honest, faithful and trustworthy over and over again. Yet you still find yourself constantly jealous at unpredictable times.

You've been trying to convince yourself of not being jealous by focusing on the good qualities of your mate but the gnawing feelings of doubt, fear and mistrust are still eating you up. You even find yourself frustrated, confused and even embarrassed by your constant display of jealousy. You might also have noticed that this has caused a lot of strain and stress on the relationship that you have with your partner. When this happens, you become a victim of your own emotions.

There are ways that can help you understand where this is all coming from. Try this out:

Get a piece of paper and prepare to jot down some notes.
Remember the last time you felt jealous. What were you thinking at that time? How did you feel? What was that specific situation that triggered your jealousy?
Write these all down but don't over analyze.
Revisit your past and think of past love relationships you've had, educational or job experiences and also your childhood and family memories. Are there specific memories that come up to you strongly?
Then write it down. Look for similarities between this memory of the past and your most recent memory of being jealous.

Having these clues, you can come up with a connection. You might have felt pain and you are still holding on to it and then it is making its way to the present. It may not even be about jealousy at all. It could have been because of betrayal or you had to stay on guard against bad things that could happen and even of not having enough of something.

If you can't find a connection between the past and the present, keep thinking and dig up some more but you can always take a break for more clarity.

When you have uncovered a connection, it is better for you to understand what is causing your jealousy and you can look into this and somehow find ways to heal it.

Healing may take a long time but gradually you can feel the burden you've been carrying with you for a long time begin to lift up. As you slowly release the pains of the past, you'll find jealousy ease up and eventually disappear.

Is Space Necessary In A Relationship?

2009-11-13T18:14:00.000+08:00

Is space necessary in a relationship? When couples have been together for a length of time, this question can possibly pop up. The answer can be yes or no but it actually depends on the type of person in a relationship. There are people who have a constant need of spending time alone in a day but there are also some who value being with their partner most of the time if not always.

It is difficult to find the right amount of space that can work for both parties in a relationship. It can even get more difficult if each has a different idea of space needed. Some people really like time by themselves. If they don't find time alone, they can get stressed over it. While others, if not most, don't like being alone that much and see to it that they get to spend time with family, friends and their partner. There are also some who are somewhere in the middle. They love spending time with their partner but they also need to be alone at times.

If both of you fall on the same type, then things are easier and you can agree on the amount of time you get to spend with each other. But if you have conflicting ideas, that can be a big problem. If you hate being alone and your partner wants to be in solitude, and if you hang around all the time then your partner will become uncomfortable and would start thinking that you don't trust them.

Disagreements on this area of the relationship can ruin a lot of things and may lead to breakups. Communication is the key to be able to resolve this. You need to be able to talk honestly about how you feel and don't let your emotions get involved. You might get surprised how talking can make your partner understand and he in turn may even express his own feelings. You can come up with an agreement and this may even save your relationship and make it even stronger and happier.

How To Know If It's True Love or Not

2009-11-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

When we fall for someone, it's hard to tell if it's just mere infatuation or if it's really love going on. If a relationship is just based on infatuation alone, it can never work. True love involves sacrifice and unselfishness. To be able to tell if what you feel is for real, take time to look at how you are doing in your relationship and start assessing based on the few signs below:

If it's not true love:

You only think of your needs first.
You get jealous easily.
You need to spend all of your free time with your partner.
You think of your partner as absolutely perfect.
You can't come to a compromise after fighting.
You easily got infatuated with your partner.

But if it is true love:

You are concerned of your partner's needs first.
You trust your partner completely.
You are comfortable of being apart from one another.
You accept your partner just the way he is.
You are able to resolve a fight and learn from it to make your relationship stronger.
You slowly fell for your partner.

If your relationship is based mostly on the signs for untrue love, get out of the relationship now or you'll end up hurting each other even more in the future.

What People In Love Do

2009-11-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

Love as we know it is a beautiful thing. It is shown as something really nice in movies and books. When we get a hold of the meaning of love, we never fail in feeling pure joy and bliss. But what do people in love usually do? Here are some tips:

• People who are truly in love look out for their mate's best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.

• Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.

• People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavour to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.

• People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we are counting on someone else to meet our needs.

• People who are truly in love are considerate of each other's feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly, sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.

• Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.

• People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.

• People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denying that there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.

• People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.

• People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mate's disappointments or failures.

With the tips given above, you should now be able to grow in love and give it out unconditionally.

Love

2009-11-11T19:27:00.000+08:00

Love has been defined in many ways. It is such an intense feeling felt with either pure happiness or painful misery. Many people became great individuals because of love. The cruelest people have changed and became the meekest people there is because of it too. No words can explain or describe what love really is but here are some love basics:

1. When you tell someone that you love them, say it with your heart. Love that is spoken from within is like music to the ears of the one who hears it. Show your intention through your words but don’t stop by just saying it. You must show it too with your actions.

2. Understand the person you love and accept who they are. Do not control the person for he has a mind of his own too. Love is so much sweeter when you know it is not you forcing the person to love you back the way you want them to.

3. Give love that is boundless and without conditions. When you love someone just because they can make your life complete and easier, then that is not love. If you set expectations that the person should meet and ask him to become what you want him to be then you are not loving at all but just merely keeping someone that can fill in the missing pieces of your life which is wrong. Love unconditionally.

4. Loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean that your love will be returned. It is never a guarantee that when you love, so shall you be loved as well. Love with all your heart and expect nothing in return. That is the true essence of love.

5. The one you love may not stay forever with you. There is always a possibility that you will lose that person. Before that happens, be thankful of the chance of being with that person now and cherish each moment with him. People sometimes are already too late in realizing what they have when they’ve already lost it. Knowing that the person you love can suddenly disappear may make you give more attention to that person and you become too possessive. Don’t let it go that far or you’ll end up pushing them away.

6. When love goes wrong and you are left alone with a broken heart, don’t give up. Continue loving and you’ll surely be rewarded with a greater love.

Love is never a failure once you’ve already expressed to someone your love and it is never too late or too soon to start loving.

Childhood Memoirs

2009-11-11T07:09:00.000+08:00

Years have passed and when I look back through all those years, I can’t help but reminisce the childhood years. Those carefree and fun filled days of games and laughter with friends. Not a care in the world. No knowledge of the bigger world around me. The innocence. Being happy with simple things. It’s just me and my child world. To be able to run around and play with pets. To climb trees or go bicycling. To play tag or hide and seek. To play with dolls and toy cars. To have fun with school work. To be able to do foolish things and get away with it without being blamed or condemned coz you’re only a child. To be cradled in your parents arms or to sit on your grandparents lap and listen to interesting ghost stories. When you're a child, you don’t worry of tomorrow or the past. You’re just enjoying each day that comes your way. You don’t worry about money to spend for bigger things. You can be happy with just a candy. You know nothing of malice.

But now things have changed, I’m a big girl now in a really big and complicated world. I sometimes find myself looking back to the past and lovely years and almost always worry of what the future might bring. I’ve gained some friends and met a lot of people. Learned a lot of things and realities in life… It really is not easy being a grownup but somehow I’m surviving and striving to move forward to the end of my days here. But whenever things get too painful or difficult for me to handle, I go out and escape back into the young world that I once knew…A happy place to be…

What Happens If (Will You Still Love Me?)

2009-11-11T07:03:00.000+08:00

What happens if, some things about me change?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, I get old and wrinkly?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, my hair becomes gray and dull?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, I no longer laugh the way I used to when you first met me?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, my eyes would no longer have that spark that amazes you?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, I can no longer make you smile or laugh like I used to?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, I loose my patience and go out of control?

Will you still love me?

What happens if, I would no longer smell like perfume but stench all over?

Will you still love me?

Is your love boundless?

Or is it just love for its name and not for its true meaning?

Communicating With Your Partner

2009-04-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

Communication isn't about how much you say but whether each person grasps the other's perspective. If your partner is a reluctant talker, you may be unwittingly fueling his reticence. When he states his case, do you launch a counterattack? Criticize his reasoning? Get upset? If so, he may keep quiet for a reason.

The Most Useful Communication Technique of All Time is deceptively simple, but it works like magic। Next time your partner makes a point, take a moment to digest whatever he is saying. Then say it back to him. Maybe not word for word, but you have to get the gist—and you can't stop trying until your partner agrees you've nailed it. Switch roles and repeat. Once you're not so busy explaining yourself to someone who just doesn't get it, you can look for compromise.

Communication is not just about talking. It also involves listening. Listening is when you actually understand what the other person is saying. Next time your partner talks, take time to listen and not just hear what he says. He'll do the same when he knows his point is being taken into consideration. In this way, you'll understand each other better and what will start as an argument may end up in understanding and make your relationship even stronger.

Infidelity

2009-04-16T02:07:00.000+08:00

Infidelity is such a pitiful word. It puts men into shame. The constant excuses given would be:

*”I was drunk.”

*”I was bored.”

*”I wanted to do something exciting.”

*”She forced me to do it.”

*”It was just for fun. Nothing more.Nothing less.”

*”I’m no longer happy with my wife or gf.”

*”I don’t love my wife or gf anymore.”

*”I’m a man. Men are designed this way.”

*And it goes on and on…the excuses stretch forever…blah blah blah…

Why do men do this to their wives or girlfriends? They don’t care if someone gets hurt.Being a man is the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. So what if your a man? Do you really think you can just get away with it? If the current relationship is no longer satisfying your manly needs, why don’t you get out of it? I mean get out of it in a nice way. Approach your partner and state your problem. You don’t know it but in this way, you and your partner may be able to get things to work out again and the old flame that binded you together would start burning again. But if both of you are no longer happy, take your separate paths in a nice way.

Men, you should have the decency and the courage to do what a real man does. Cheating can break hearts and like cancer it gets worst when it is not treated right away. It has a very damaging effect to your partner and yourself without you knowing it. Your conscience would constantly remind you of the idiot person you have become. If you have kids, it has a very huge effect on them. If your kids get hurt in the process which never fails to happen when they really love their father, they would no longer know who to trust. If your kids become involved in relationships, there would be trust issues which would lead to ugly outcomes. Jealousy would always be present. This can cause huge fights and ends up with breakups.

If you think that cheating would boost up your manly ego and make you so damn great, what a pity…Being a man is not and never will be an excuse…

Modern Society (How It Destroys Relationships)

2009-04-16T02:03:00.000+08:00

We are now in the era wherein everything you need is just at your fingertips. The existence of mobile phones, notebook computers, and most of all the Internet has allowed us to get things easily and to get in touch with people right away. When we want to set a meeting with someone, all we need to do is pick up the phone and call that person or go online and drop a message to that person via email or chat. We can view people from web cameras even if they are far from us. This is a very convenient means of communication and everybody is enjoying it.

However, sad to say, this is also the reason why a lot of families have been broken and relationships between couples have gone sour and ended up in split ups. How it happens? Here are the steps:

1. “Uhmm…I’d like to have a chat online…this is harmless my (wife/husband or bf/gf) won’t get hurt coz this is just a friendly conversation…”

2. You chat with that person every now and then coz he/she is fun to chat with plus you use the webcam to view that person. You feel excitement at the thought of communicating with him/her again and would always look forward to it.

3. You start exchanging phone numbers.

4. You exchange text messages and sometimes call each other. (Nothing wrong with this…we are just friends)

5. You set a date to meet and have an “innocent dinner together” somewhere.(Some inform their wives/husbands or bfs/gfs and some don’t bother and just make other excuses to go out somewhere.)

6. You start meeting each other often. (You still think it’s harmless. But deep inside you know you want more out of this.)

7. You find out that you are beginning to like the person and find that person attractive.

8. You start losing interest with the one you are in a relationship with and begin to do comparisons.

9. One day you find yourself in bed and having a steamy sex with the person you just met online.

10. You then reconsider things and begin to think that you love this person and that you can’t lose him/her. It’s time for you to leave the one you are hooked up with. Anyway you lost your love for that person already so why do you still have to stick around?

11. You finally let the bomb explode (that is if the other person doesn’t find out first) and leave for good.

This has been happening a lot around the world lately and the percentage of broken families and relationships now has a higher rate compared to the past where snail mail was a fad. This has become a normal occurence that I fear the day when everyone goes numb whenever this happens and everyone can just exchange their partners anytime they want to. What about the essence of Love? The sweetness of it? The great value that it has? The beauty of two people in love, growing old together,having kids and the contentment and happiness they have by just being with each other? What about the children of those who break up and go on their separate ways? Will these children think that it’s okay because anyway they can have a new mom/dad?

Lust can be mistaken for love especially when little acts of friendly conversations(in truth it’s called “Flirtation”) turn out to be nice. No one would have the notion that this can lead to harmful events in the following days to come. One thing is for sure though, you are hurting someone even if you don’t think that is the case. You are breaking someone’s heart unknowingly when that someone trusts and loves you so much. Now, is it really good to flirt with people when you are in a relationship? Anyway it’s just for fun, right?

Fear of Men and of What They Can Do To You

2009-04-16T01:59:00.000+08:00

There was a certain time in my life wherein I lost my trust for men. They don’t know what relationship is all about, of what love is. They fall in love with you and the first few weeks or even months are just filled with bliss and love until you find out that, they’re also seeing other women. Even those who were married for many years to their wives somehow find their way into the sack with another woman.

I’ve seen it happen to almost every one I know and care about. It all begins when the husband begins to criticize what the wife does like the way she cooks, how she looks, and so on. He begins to be so conscious of his looks like a teenager inlove for the first time. And when troubled with the thought of being found out, he stares into nowhere and would not even hear or see the TV show he is supposed to be watching. He goes home late and would be very hesitant to hand over his mobile phone if his wife or kids would like to use it. And the most ironic thing is the wife is always the last one to find out about the “affair”. Everybody knows but could not tell her. When she does find out about it, constant fights would start and the usual quite dinner with the family would become a boxing arena or a debate stage.

Because of this, I became afraid of marriage. I got so afraid of it that I did not want to fall in love with any man at all. I didn’t care if I had to grow up and be an old maid. As long as I can save myself from all the hurt, then I would do it. I did not want to have kids and God forbid, let them experience the pain of betrayal.
But then you can’t stop your heart from falling in love. The moment that man who is meant for you comes across your path and the moment your eyes meet and something, a very wonderful feeling, arises from within which they call “LOVE”, you can’t just ignore it. We are all inclined to give love and experience love. We have all been created this way. And that certain man did come across my path and I did not stop myself from falling. He came too early I guess. I was totally unprepared and still struggling with the thoughts of the evilness man can do to their wives. Yes, I was afraid but I took the risk because I love him.And that love is much greater than that fear.

Now, I can only pray and hope and trust that he won’t look at another woman and that I can’t give him a reason to leave. And hope that our children in the future will always have their mom and dad with them until they grow up and have their own families; that the family will stay intact no matter what.

“Loving someone is a great risk of getting hurt in the process but what matters most is that you are giving love and being loved.”

Things That Make Me Insane

2009-04-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

I read in between signs and details too much and give meaning to them and I end up hurting myself. When people are just innocently doing their own business, I somehow translate it into something else and it will always be directed at me like they’re mad at me for something I don’t know. Sometimes I hurt people around me when I tell them what I’m thinking about a certain situation. Maybe I’m a masochist and a sadist at the same time. I have the tendency to hurt myself by just my mere thoughts of paranoia. And this happens almost everyday. I don’t like being alone because my thoughts would eat me. And I don’t like being with anybody because I hurt myself with the thought of what the other might be thinking about me. If I can be in the middle of these two situations, of not being alone and not being with anybody, I’d stay in that place. If I can only free my mind of these crazy things I always think about then I can live my life quietly, away from these thoughts.

Maybe I Am Too

2009-04-16T01:54:00.000+08:00

Maybe I am too sensitive…

Maybe I get hurt too easily…

Maybe I want to be loved too much…

Maybe I’m an attention seeker…

Maybe I’m too much of a perfectionist…

Maybe I’m too idealistic…

Maybe I’ve seen too much romance movies…

Maybe I’ve read too much novels…

Maybe I’m overly paranoid…

Maybe I’m a pessimist…

Maybe I can’t tolerate modern kind of love…

Maybe I value trust and devotion too much…

Maybe I’m overdoing things…

I don’t know whichever it is…

Or maybe I’m just purely insane…

Death Trip

2009-04-16T01:44:00.000+08:00

(Found this poem when I was rummaging through my college notes the other day. Memories started to flow and I remembered the day I wrote this with a broken heart when I realized I never loved the person from the beginning. I don’t regret it though ‘coz I learned a lot of things from him so that when I finally met my true love, I knew what not to do.)

As the night covers the golden day,

I hear myself begin to pray;

Love that was never felt inside,

Makes this heart seem to be crucified

Commitment is but a hard thing to do,

But here I am committed to you

Questions set in asking why,

Yet I say nothing but a sigh

The thrill of it was all I was thinking,

But now sadness is where I’m drowning

Regret covers my whole and entire soul,

When it is with you I cannot fall

To confess of love was a mistake from the start,

Found no reason to break your heart

Now here I am in a relationship,

That seems more like a Death Trip