Grow Baby Grow

Complete.

2019-06-16T20:42:00.000-05:00

I'm mostly in awe of time. How quickly it really does pass by.

With each child it just flies faster and faster and faster. My mind, my heart cannot really keep up.

This probably will be my last post...maybe ever. Maybe not.

I wanted to write but for heavens sake, Laney is now 3 months old and I still haven't written! 😆

I've decided a notebook journal is probably more my speed. For one, I don't have to feel like I need to "entertain" someone with my posts. I can just write down, "Laney smiled today" or "Jack wiped his own butt" and that can be enough.

I can also pour my heart and soul in it without feeling like someone else will judge...I never felt judged here, for the record. But there's still something to be said for writing without an audience.

But Laney is here. She completes us. My heart has grown bigger than I ever knew possible and its literally overflowing. I have the husband of my dreams. And the family we fought tooth and nail for. It's better than I ever imagined.

Thank you, Jesus.

They are truly blessings that I do not deserve.

Held Back

2019-02-06T09:43:00.001-06:00

This blogging thing is probably just not for me anymore. Ugh, I want to have the time but its just always at the bottom of my priorities and I just can't seem to find the time/energy/desire most days. Maybe Facebook is simply the best option for this stage of my life...short simple posts, a quick picture uploaded...

I had great intentions of writing a post about how awesome our Christmas was but now its February and I'm "over it". That makes it sound like we didn't have a good Christmas....but we really did! This age is so fun and everything is so magical.

Then January came along and I have to say it was one of the most stressful months Brian and I have EVER had. And I came to try and write a few times during that and was so upset that I couldn't get the words out right. So here I am again. In February. Let's try this again!

So what happened in January? Let's just say there is nothing worse than watching your child struggle through something that you can't quite figure out, can't help with...can't TAKE AWAY.

So let me back track. She started kindergarten at a top school two days after her fifth birthday, making her the second youngest in the class. She's smart as a whip. Of course we think so, she's our baby girl, our pride and joy. Both of our kids are (and Laney too)!

The schools here are awful. Not all of them. But its either private (cannot even kind of sort of afford), a crappy neighborhood school (ours is rated an F) , or you can test into the magnet schools (all three are A schools). I don't know how other states rate their schools.... but its a big deal in our city when there's only 3 A schools, 3-4 B schools (and 3 of those are neighborhood only so if you don't live in that neighborhood you have zero chance of going there), and everything else sucks. There are three elementary magnet schools in the city. The kids basically have to take an IQ test in order to get a spot and only the highest scores are accepted. She made it right in, she wasn't wait listed, just outright accepted into our second choice magnet school so we jumped on the chance.

She started out the school year so incredibly excited and happy to be in a big kid school. She was proud of herself, confident, loving life!

I can't remember when it started exactly but suddenly she became anxious and dreaded going to school. She was clingy and just seemed sad. But only when it came to school things. Around the same time I was picking up on these things her teacher requested a conference where we discussed her anxiety. We came up with a game plan to help her work through some of the school anxiety, catch her up to classmates (this was the first hint that her age really was a disadvantage as 80% of her classmates were already 6 or just about to turn 6....how did I not know that EVERYONE holds their kids back here???).

So over the next couple of months we kept in touch with her teacher. Constantly asking for updates. Her report card came in and it was great. They just give S, N, and I's in kindergarten and + and -. She only had one N and the rest were S and +. Her teacher continuously told us how great she was doing, she was improving a lot, her anxiety seemed under control, etc.

Fast forward to returning to school after Christmas break. Suddenly the anxiety returned worse than ever. Watching your five year old have a full blown panic attack on the way to school every single day for over a week is one of the worst things I've ever experienced. And then report cards come home and again the report card is awesome. But attached to it is a letter from the school stating that we need to have a conference about her "work habits and social development" and that we are on "probation" with the magnet school system. Being on probation essentially means if we don't make improvements we risk not being asked to return for first grade. There's no being held back in a magnet school, certainly no failing a grade, if you aren't asked back then you can't go back. I'm livid because at this stage we were not aware of a problem and are only informed through a form letter and its Friday afternoon and I can't talk to anyone about what this means! How can the report card be so good and yet we are on probation? How can the only communication between myself and her teacher have been so positive and then this?

First thing Monday morning we call to schedule our conference with the teacher, counselor and principal. They can't do it for over a week. Again, I'm fuming! Brian calls and gets it bumped up to Thursday, the same week.

She's struggling. She never stopped struggling. Despite only good grades being sent home in her weekly folder her teacher had a pile of work she'd done that was pretty bad. Or work that was good but that the teacher was having to hold her hand through. The teacher is spending too much time just trying to keep her on track. She has TAKEN AWAY HER RECESS FOR WEEKS to work with her.

I about lose my shit right here. I did good. I held it together. But you did what? You took my child's recess away? You never told me? You punished her for being behind, for being young?

I knew right then we weren't coming back. Not a chance in hell. It suddenly made sense as to why she was having so much anxiety about school. From 7:30 until 3:15 my child wasn't given the option to PLAY??? When school scores become more important than the social development and mental health of any child we have a huge problem!!! Because that is what the issue is here...the conference was because of her social development, how she's "behind" her peers in social development. So lets fix that by taking away her recess? Yeah, ok. That makes perfect sense.

I let her finish out her day at school but only because I needed to go to our beloved preschool, register her for their five year old bridge class (bridge is literally a step in between preschool and kindergarten, for kids who are being held back because they aren't "ready" or because they just didn't make the birthday cutoff to start kindergarten). We also meet with a play therapist to get some advice on how to tell her that we're leaving her kindergarten without making it sound like she failed or even that we've given in to her anxiety.

That afternoon, Brian and I sat down with her and told her and suddenly every single bit of fear that I had about pulling her out of school disappeared. The relief that washed over her face was enough to let us know that we were making the right decision.

And just that like that I have my HAPPY, CONFIDENT, SMART, CREATIVE, FUNNY little girl back. Just. Like. That.

First day of Bridge. Both kids at the same school! Yay!!!

She's been in the bridge class for two weeks now and is thriving. For one every single thing they do is review for her at this point. She's already reading and writing and is a step ahead of most of the kids. What a huge boost of confidence to go from being the "lowest" in the class to the top of the class. It was exactly what she needed! And she still has some really good friends from preschool in this class and these kids welcomed her with open arms. She hasn't had a single panic attack/tantrum. She jumps out of the car most mornings forgetting to even tell me bye. School is over at 11:30 instead of 3:15, meaning we are catching up on play time and getting some good quality time together (with Jack too) before Laney arrives and turns our world upside down (in a good way too of course).

We missed the cutoff date to sign up for magnet testing. Thanks to a teacher who did not keep us informed about how our daughter was doing until after the deadline to test had passed. When we had our conference in the first nine weeks this is one of the things we requested from her, to keep us informed because if we needed to drop from kindergarten we NEEDED the option to retest and try again the following year. I'm still bitter about that. I wouldn't send her back to this school for anything at this point but when our school options are so limited as it is it really sucks to have options taken away simply because we were blindsided. I think if we'd waited until she was 6 to start kindergarten at a magnet school she'd have been fine. But it is what it is. And I'm really trying to just trust that for whatever reason this all had to happen. That magnet schools are not in our family's best interest....and mostly that she is right where she needs to be right now.

We also signed her up for a really good year round school. It doesn't have the scores, not anywhere close, to the magnet schools, but it does have a B rating. BUT it accepts kids of all abilities, which of course drags scores down, its half neighborhood school (not actually in a great neighborhood either) and the other half are people similar to us. The spots are limited but we've been accepted for next year and I'm really excited because I think its going to be a great fit for our family and I'm actually really excited about the year round schedule. It's not as bad as it sounds. Basically, kids go to school for 9 weeks and then get off for 2-3 weeks. And repeat. Summer break is 8 weeks instead of 13 weeks which is what I'm the most excited about. We do well for about 8 weeks during the summer before we start to lose our minds because there's just not enough to do without spending an arm and a leg! And Louisiana summers are just HOT and indoor activities are simply a must.

So I'm 34 and a half weeks now. Laney is HUGE. At my last ultrasound at 33w6d she weighed 6lbs 3oz. She's in the 97%tile for her height and 90%tile for weight. Her head was measuring 90% at the ultrasound a few weeks before but at this one it was down to 65%tile and I'm incredibly thankful for that! Pushing out a big headed baby had me a little scared! But even 65%tile is bigger than Laura Kate and Jack were ( if we're just talking about heads....we make big babies but heads have always been average or even a little smaller than average)!

I'm still feeling pretty good. But I'm getting really achy. REALLY ACHY. Pubic bone pain has me shuffling. I can't really walk fast, can't run to save my life! And I'm starting to get some sciatic nerve pain but my tens unit as been a life saver. But basically i just walk funny. Real funny.

So far I'm not itchy. But i know its coming. I mean, I pray its not. But I know it is. Cholestasis has a 90% recurrence rate in each subsequent pregnancy and it tends to start earlier and earlier. I started itching at 40 weeks with LK, though it never got bad, 37 weeks with Jack...I can only assume its coming any day now with Laney.

We finished the construction on Laney's room too. But I'm still fairly stressed about all that is left to do and how little I am able to accomplish with my aches and pains! I feel like a slob right now but I'm super thankful that I have one of those rare unicorn husbands who picks up the slack when he sees I need the help. Together we've got the house mostly clean and clutterfree. But Laney's room is still a source of stress for me! We waited til the last minute so I have no dresser for her (and it won't arrive until 2-4 weeks after she arrives as will the rug I ordered for her room). So I have no changing station for her, and no where to store clothes and diapers, etc. You'd think that with number 3 this wouldn't bug the snot out of me but truthfully its causing me a great deal of stress. I just want her room ready and perfect.

Laney's room before any work was done.

So here's what we did. See that door in the background, on the right? It's the door to our master. You have to walk through this room to get into the master...which the previous owners added on 20-30 years ago. Not a big deal until we suddenly needed that 4th bedroom to be an actual bedroom! So we decided to put up a wall.

Wall is up!

Now we have a wall up and have created a hallway so we don't have to disturb Laney when we go into our own room.

Finished wall!

And finished room...well minus any and all decorations and furniture!

Laney's room.

I do actually have her crib up and the rocker is in place. But that's it. And no picture of it. The room isn't huge but its bigger than this picture makes it look! She might wish she had a bigger room as she gets older but at least this way she'll have privacy!

Getting Excited!

2018-12-18T10:29:00.002-06:00

I'm getting excited!

About a handful of things!

For starters, for school (and work) to be out! I'm ready for Christmas time with my family! I'm ready to bake cookies, play games, stay up late watching Christmas movies, sleep in (hahahaha, kidding), and lots of just good ol' time spent making memories!

Laura Kate has her school Christmas party on Thursday and I plan on surprising her by just checking her out right after. The party starts at 8:30....so I'm pretty sure all the teachers are hoping us moms will take the kids once its over! And she'll think she is hot stuff getting to leave school early to spend some one on one time with me before we have to pick up Jack from school. And truth be told, I'll feel like hot stuff getting to spend some special girl time with HER!

I'm also really ready for this baby girl to be ready to make her appearance. Notice, I didn't say I wanted for her to make an appearance now! I'm not crazy! I don't want a 28 weeker! But I'm anxious to meet her nevertheless and REALLY excited about becoming an official family of 5. I know it'll be hectic but I think we're as ready as we can be! I think....I hope! LOL

What does give me a little anxiety is that her room is not ready!!! And I don't just mean, oh we haven't set up the crib or decorated. I mean, we have to do a HUGE remodel on an existing bedroom in our house and I'm anxious about the time it'll take and the mess that will come with such a project. And truth be told, while I LOVE Jeff, our go to contractor, I'm anxious about having him in my home 8-12 hours a day, hammering, sawing, banging, etc. Not exactly how I want to spend my 8th month of pregnancy but he's worth it. His work is amazing and while someone else could probably come in with a team and have it done in a matter of days, I know for a fact that none of them would do it as well, with as much thought and expertise. So if anyone local is ever reading and needs someone for a project, big or small, I'll happily recommend the best! He's done a ton of work for our own home (a 1930s flip), some of our other properties, and he did a beautiful outdoor space for my parents over the summer. Wish I had pictures easily accessible or I'd post them!

As of now Jeff is set to begin work after the new year! And while he'll tell me it'll only take a week or two, I know to expect a full month! And I'm expecting Laney just a few weeks later in late February! Eeek!!! Cutting it close!

But, ugh, remodels are never fun. Just the finished product!

So I am feeling much better. Still dealing with an dry, hacking cough that wakes me up a couple times at night. But overall, I'm sleeping good and feeling fantastic. My biggest complaint is heartburn. I've been paying extra close attention to what I'm eating and making sure I eat small meals. The few times I think I can handle something stupid I regret it. Like Sunday, after church. WHY did I think I could eat chips and queso? It ended up being the only thing I ate all day long. Literally, all day long. I could barely get water down either. And I only had myself to blame!

So no more chips and queso. But it was soooo good!!!!! Not worth it though.

Not to mention the guilt of knowing I provided Laney with zero nutrition that day. I made up for it with spinach salads and veggies all day long yesterday!

I actually really want to keep writing today. I'm not sure I have anything super important to share! But I do have a lot more things to share! But I also have got to get going for the day! Lots of errands to run and things to do sans kiddos! So bye for now!

Oh wait, there is one more thing I wanted to share!

And it is important!

My husband is AMAZING! He's got a woodshop and has been learning to make all sorts of cool things and he just finished making three beautiful bar stools for our kitchen! We've been in this house for almost two years now and initially we just didn't want stools because Jack was a climber. A crazy, wild, dangerous climber and I just didn't want to encourage him with bar stools by the counter top for him to climb up on and then fall off of. It probably wouldn't have mattered....in fact, it didn't matter. He still climbed without bar stools and he still fell a couple times with no help from any of us! And we survived those wild and crazy days with only a broken collar bone so all is well!

(Lord help me, please don't let Laney be a climber too!)

And now we have bar stools!

Super proud of my hubby!

Oh hi there, chest cold! Thanks for coming!

2018-12-14T19:48:00.003-06:00

Pretty sure i jinxed myself talking about how good i felt in my last post. Now i have a pesky cold that has literally zapped all life from my body!

As in go to bed at 9 and still exhausted when i wake up just before 7. Drink coffee, think I’m going to be good to go and then praying for an 8 hour nap shortly after!

I hopped on the treadmill yesterday and huffed and puffed my way through a WALK for 30 minutes! A WALK!

So i know my body just needs some rest from this cold. Rest it will not get! Such is a mama’s life!

I mean I’m pretty sure if i cough one more time I’m going to break my water and start labor!

We’ve had a busy and fun week and I’m excited for a fun weekend coming up! Puff, our elf on the shelf arrived on Thursday morning! I always like for him to arrive later than “normal” so Brian and i don’t get burned out on coming up with fun ideas!

On Thursday he brought the kids cinnamon rolls and red and green sprinkles! Yumm!!!

And this morning he sent the kids on a search for candy canes he hid around the house!

Tomorrow morning he’ll move to the front windows by the mailbox and leave a note telling the kids to wait for a big box from the mail man! This particular gift was too heavy to fly here with so Puff needed a little help from USPS!

What’s inside the box? Gingerbread house kits!

We LOVE doing a gingerbread house every year so this will be extra fun seeing as it’s a gift from Puff this time!

We also have a fun birthday party to attend, dinner with my side of the family Saturday night, and of course Sunday School and church on Sunday! I’m thinking about cutting back next month on the Sunday school! I’ve been teaching in Jack’s class but finding i miss the adult classes! Plus, with baby Laney arriving soon, i feel like it might be a good time to ease Jack into his Sunday School class without his momma!

Brian and i are also planning a weekend getaway sometime early next month. Just completely unsure where. We need to stay somewhat close as I’m not sure i want to be too far away from my OB just in case! We also are super excited to be on the market for a....drumroll please...a minivan!!!

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I’ve been driving my Explorer for almost 8 years now. And when we bought it i told Brian I’d drive it a minimum of ten years! I meant it. I really did.

But what I didn’t realize is that the third row is impossible to get into with two car seats in the second row! And we have the inflatable seat belts in the second row which was hard enough to find car seats compatible with that feature (it sounded like such a good idea when i bought the car). And all that means is that there is just no way to find three car seats that fit in that second row together AND are compatible with the inflatable belts. That’s probably not entirely true but I’m not up for the challenge and hassle of figuring it out!

So hello minivan!

My top choice is the Chrysler Pacifica. Last year i had one as a rental for a few days while getting my car repaired after a minor wreck. I LOVED it and so did the kids. So i am pretty sure that is what we will get! Never thought I’d be excited for a minivan! Ha!

How is Christmas just 11 days away? The kids have four more days of school left. It feels like we should have more time! I am so ready for the time off from school and just relaxing with family for the next few weeks! Assuming we have better weather anyway! It has not stopped raining lately. Blah. But my kids NEEEEED to be outside. We really struggle when we can’t get out. So hopefully we’ll get lots of sunshine, even if it’s cold over the coming weeks!

Kindergarten has been such a challenge for Laura Kate. She was accepted into one of the top schools in the state and they move at a fast pace. In hindsight I’d have held her back one year as she is THE youngest in her class. It’s amazing and honestly kind of shocking how many kids are almost a full year older than she is! So she’s expected to keep up with kids who are just more developed and mature than she is. But i assumed if she tested into the school and if her preschool teachers said she was ready then of course she was ready. And look, she’s doing fine. She’ll pass. But ugh, i wasn’t prepared for the struggle. We’ll spend Christmas break working on a few skills she’s struggling with. And once school starts back up we’ll begin the search for a tutor for the summer. If it weren’t for a new baby I’d feel confident “tutoring” her myself this summer but I’m not sure what three kids is
going to look like! And since I’m assuming one on one time will be hard to come by for a while once Laney gets here, I’d like for any one on one quality time with any of my kids to be spent doing
something a little more fun than school things!

So i guess that’s it for now!

I'm Baaack!

2018-12-10T10:05:00.001-06:00

(warning...there is a BFP announcement if anyone actually is around to read this and isn't up for it today or anyday 💜)

Thinking about starting up this blog again...but more as a fun way to keep track of our growing family and all of our shenanigans.

It has been YEARS since I've actively kept up with it and my writing feels a bit rusty! I remember when things use to just flow. Not so much now!

But anyway...I've got free time on my hands lately and have always had good intentions of keeping this blog going if for nothing else just to have a journal to look back on to remember how sweet the day to day can be, okay and let's be real, sometimes its how awful the day can be too. 😅

I've reverted all of my old posts back to drafts...honestly, because they're hard to read. Hard to relive those days. Hard to feel so open and vulnerable. I might bring them back eventually but for now I'm going to work on just making this blog about our current life. Not that those really tough days didn't shape us into who we are but I just have a really hard time going back there, even after all these years of healing. I'll probably change the name, edit some of the pages, etc. I don't know how many folks are still here reading after all these years and that's okay too.

So why do I have free time on my hands lately?

Well, because my kids are getting so big and need me less and less! Laura Kate is 5 and goes to kindergarten five days a week and Jack is 3 and goes to half day preschool five days a week as well.

Laura Kate and my beautiful niece!

Sweet Jack, ready to walk in to school!

And most excitedly...I'm 26 weeks pregnant with a beautiful baby girl named Laney Virginia! She should be here in early March!

I had originally planned on getting a job at the start of the school year since both kids would be in school more often than not. The first one since being pregnant with Laura Kate 5 years ago! I was excited and felt like I'd found the perfect job at Jack's preschool (in the Mother's Day Out department) where I'd still work and get to socialize with adults (um..FINALLY) but also be home at the same time the kids were home. Instead on July 2nd I found out I was pregnant and very quickly started to feel awful. Brian and I decided that it would be best to turn down the job and cross our fingers it will be available again by the time Laney goes to preschool!

My pregnancy with Jack was a nightmare. I never did feel good and truthfully, Brian and I were both mentally prepared (well kind of...there's really no way to prepare for 9 months of feeling like death) for me to barely be able to take care of myself....much less the kids AND a job! So we turned it down.

Surprisingly though, once the first trimester was over I have actually felt amazing. My awesome OB has me on a prescription medication for my headaches this time (and I'm seriously wondering why I never once asked for help while pregnant with Jack and instead just assumed there would be nothing she could do for me and my headaches so why bother complaining) and while I initially needed it every single day, I usually only need it once or twice a week now. And best of all, when I take it, while it makes me sleepy, it really does knock out the pain and lets me function. This pregnancy is going much more like it did with Laura Kate and I'm trying to soak up every last minute of "freedom" and really enjoy this time where Laney is 100% mine. It will almost certainly be the last baby for us. I am 37 now, afterall. How did I get so old? ;)

So, I'm doing all the things I've wanted to do over the last five years that just slip through the cracks and will slip through the cracks again once there is another baby in the house! And that's ok! I'm trying to reconnect with old friends, do a little crafting, read a couple books, and pick back up on the writing that used to be so therapeutic for me (hence the blog). I have to admit this writing thing is tough today, I had so much to say over the last few weeks as I've been thinking about doing just this and now...now I just feel like I'm sputtering! Ha! Surely, it'll get easier over time.

Finally an update!

2016-05-04T15:42:00.001-05:00

My little guy is 6 months old! It feels like just yesterday I was big and miserably pregnant with him! This guy is wild and fun and just as silly as can be. He laughs...a LOT. At everything. But he's far from always happy! Ha! He's drama, drama, drama! He loves being the center of attention. He loves to snuggle...for a minute but then he's got bigger and better things to do. He's got the army crawl down and I keep thinking any moment he's going to figure it out and really take off on all fours.

Just in the last 3 days he's had his first bloody nose and a busted lip. I just know there will be lots of ER bills in my future.

He adores his big sister and she loves him to pieces!

My heart is in danger of bursting most days...despite the sleep deprivation and what feels like zero time for myself.

Our family of four feels....complete is the word that's coming to mind but that's not it. I still want more! But I just feel so peaceful right here...oh lord, peaceful isn't the right word either, not with a 2.5 year old and 6 month old! I can't put it into words. Because most of the time I'm a complete basket case, running around on empty, can't find my keys or the toddlers left shoe, spit up (or blood here recently) on my shirt, makeup on only one eye, burnt dinner, and ready to cry and pull my hair out at the THIRD wakeup for the night for the umpteenth night in a row. But it just feels right. And happy. I cannot thank God enough for the blessings in my life.

Laura Kate is just as silly and sweet as can be. She's so smart and I think what I'm loving the best about her age right now is how her imagination seems to have come alive in what feels like overnight. We can play the best pretend games. She loves to pretend she's got tiny bears or wolves in her room that need a little doctor to patch them up. The same bears and wolves she started out afraid of! What a great imagination to be able to turn her fear around all on her own and say she's got "nice bears" or "nice wolves". When i say tiny...these imaginary critters fit in her cupped hand and she passes them to me with such tenderness and love. She's her mama's daughter for sure. Animal lover through and through.

Her favorite saying is, "OH MY GOODNESS!!!" and she says it whether she's happy or sad or in the middle of an epic meltdown. Can't lie, it might just be the funniest when said during a tantrum. I've been trying to catch it on video but she's anti-mamarazzi lately!

She's got a week and a half left before her 2 year old Mother's Day Out class is out for summer and my big girl will go to PK3 next year. Please stop time. This cannot be happening.

I wish that I had more time to write even more but this will have to do for now.

Jack's first bath in the big tub!

Laura Kate visiting the horses!

Just Jack!

Wild child!

Silly girl!

Lipstick!

My how you've grown big boy!

November 2, 2011

2015-11-02T08:53:00.001-06:00

Today was supposed to be Jack's due date...but we all know how that works. He came two weeks early whereas Laura Kate came two weeks late. But on this day four years ago I never could have imagined how awesome (and sleep deprived) my life would be! Four years ago today I said goodbye to my third baby and along with my baby any reasonable chance of conceiving on my own. My heart was broken and empty. Today, my heart is so full I worry it might burst. Laura Kate and Jack are proof that God is still in the miracle business. One through the miracle that is IVF and one who proved that the doctors on November 2, 2011 don't always have all the answers either. I wouldn't change any of it because without that devastating day I wouldn't have traveled to Sher Dallas to have my sweet, sweet girl or truly understand the magnitude of how great a miracle it is to have my "surprise" Jack.

I'm not sure if my family is "complete" or not but my heart and soul have never known such peace.

To those still waiting on their babies, I know my words are unhelpful and possibly even hurtful. I don't mean them to be. I don't have the answers or the ability to comprehend the why for anyone but myself and my own journey. But I pray your answers and your peace are coming soon. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers.

A hell of a story!

2015-10-23T11:19:00.001-05:00

Jack's birth story....

So it was a bit "eventful" but also very smooth sailing. We had weird complications yet things also went amazingly well. I know that makes no sense.

I went in for my 38 week appointment Tuesday morning with my hospital bags packed, Grandparents on call to take care of Laura Kate, and a plan that I was not leaving the hospital that day without a baby boy in my arms!

The itching was worse with every episode. To say I was going crazy from it would be a huge understatement.

Thankfully my OB gave me no trouble and instantly took pity on my itchy self because she agreed to induce immediately. When I showed her MY FORK for scratching my skin (bc the hairbrush no longer scratched hard enough) she wasn't sure to laugh or cry. My blood pressure was also up to 130/90 on three different readings so she just checked me right in.

I'm in a bed and pitocin starts at 1:30 on the dot. I'm actually feeling really good. Excited to meet my baby boy and honestly....looking forward to an epidural to stop the itching on half my body at least!

By 2:30 I'm already in some pain so she checks my cervix and I'm excited to have gone from 2cm (at my appointment that morning) to 4cm 50% effaced. We still assume I've got hours and hours left based on my labor with Laura Kate. I assumed we'd cut it down maybe by half, but that would still mean midnight before a baby showed up.

At 3:15 I ask for the epidural. And of course once I'm ready the anesthesiologist is dealing with two emergencies and I don't see him until 4:30. By then I'm literally cussing him with every contraction. I know he can't help that he's not there but I'm not saying very nice words as I scream out in pain.

So once he shows up I'm so ready. But right off the bat things are off. I had a bad feeling....should have listened to it. I also had an urge to push but ignored it....well not so much ignored it but didn't tell my nurse because there was no way I was that far along. Lots of distrust going around....listen to your body folks!!!

So he starts the epidural and it's all wrong. I keep telling him it's wrong. It didn't feel that way with LK. Something is wrong. I'm feeling pains I just know I shouldn't be as he's trying to place the epidural. Then my leg feels like it's being electrocuted as I jerk uncontrollably (you know when they tell you not to move an inch or its bad news). It's painful and I can't control it. The doc is clearly stressed by this point. I keep telling him to stop. Then I scream out again as my leg again jerks. I'm supposed to already be numb and unable to move and yet my leg is being shocked. It's then he realizes he's screwed up bad and removes the epidural. I don't know if he was downright negligent or if this was simply bad luck. Not focusing on that for now.

So he starts all over. It's now been 20 minutes scrunched up, back arched for this damn epidural. Contractions every 2 min max. It's pure hell.

He starts it again. No issues and I go numb just like I'm supposed to.

And then I pass out cold.

I actually thought I might be dying as I passed out. I had just enough time to tell them something was wrong again. Brian had to sit down. He thought I might be dying too.

He says they're scrambling for the ephedrine. It's not in the room! The nurse is trying to get my blood pressure and I have NO BLOOD PRESSURE.

The anesthesiologist comes back like 5 seconds later with ephedrine and immediately shoots me up. I wake up, though I'm not aware I was ever out. I remember the nurse saying my pulse was 60....after the ephedrine!!!!

It was scary as hell.

But I'm fine. And it's actually not that unusual for an epidural to lower blood pressure. But not to bottom out!

Then they check my cervix and my nurse says something like, "oh wow....um, let's get the doctor, he's coming out!". I didn't understand what she meant because no way he was coming out!!! I mean for real?!

While she's getting my OB the anesthesiologist starts talking about leaking spinal fluid, punctured membranes, spinal headaches, bedridden, incapacitated, blah blah blah.

He's basically letting me know he fucked up bad with the epidural. I lost a lot of spinal fluid and he's going to pumping my spine up with fluids to try to help but I'm probably going to be in bad shape for the next 5-10 days. But he makes sure to tell me he's never had this happen before....blah blah blah.

So I got an epidural I didn't need and it royally messed me up. Basically is all I heard.

But Jack was coming and there was no time for anything but excitement because in that moment I felt great!

5:32pm Jack arrives! He's perfect and crying and of course there's meconium again so they can't hand him right over! Grrr. They suction him and bring him to me just as soon as they can. He's amazing and beautiful and nurses like a champ! I'm in love!!!! I'm crying. I'm just in awe that he's here and he's mine!!!!

So they decide to leave the epidural in for 24 hours to try and replace my lost spinal fluid. They're pumping something back into it to keep me from hurting. Looking back I'm grateful because I had no idea how much it hurts to be short on spinal fluid!

But then, not even 18 hours later I realize my back feels wet. It's a bit too much to take. I'm no medical professional but I'm appalled an epidural....something in my spine is not secured enough that it actually comes out on its own. The gross negligence going on here is outstanding. Within an hour of it coming out I'm bedridden with the most intense pain ever if I even barely prop up with a pillow. This is where I begin to understand his "incapacitating" comments.

I can't do anything but lay completely horizontal or I'm miserable. Thank God laying flat does relieve the pain but boooo to not being able to move....for days on end. I have to wait for the hole in my membrane to "scab" over, thus sealing the leak and allowing my spinal fluid to replenish. No permanent damage but a hell of a wait to get through it. 5-10 days. With a newborn and a 2 year old,

Please pray for my sweet husband who suddenly became single dad to his wife and two kids!!!!

But seriously, we've had a ton of help. They let me come home Wednesday night. And we've had round the clock help from grandparents so it's been ok. I'm doing better than expected but still bedridden.

I spent a few hours sobbing uncontrollably after the epidural came out....really feeling sorry for myself. Oh and not to mention the itching still hadn't gone away!!!! It was than ever on that day! I cried and cried until the nurses finally doped me up so I wouldn't care about my shitty luck anymore!

Today I'm ok. I can actually walk to the bathroom and while it's still excruciating it is bearable for a couple minutes.

I'm ok. I'm in good spirits now that I'm home and can at least snuggle with my big girl in my bed! She LOVES her baby brother by the way! I know things won't be bad for long so I just focus on that! This is not how I wanted to spend my days with my newborn son but I do get to just lay in bed and nurse him round the clock. So that is pretty special.

But then I am missing out on little things too. Brian actually took Jack to his first pediatrician visit. They're still there so that's weird. I don't like missing out on those sorts of things.

So moral of the story...trust your gut! And don't let anyone near your spine. Ever. No one is going near mine ever again. Never. Ever. Ever.

I cringe to think about how bad it could have been. And once I'm feeling better this anesthesiologist is going to have some explaining to do!

Introducing Jack!!!!

2015-10-22T19:38:00.001-05:00

Jack arrived happy and healthy on October 20, 2015 at 5:32pm after only 4 hours of labor! He weighed 7lbs 13oz and is 21 inches long!

My heart might burst!

Itching

2015-10-18T18:27:00.001-05:00

I hope this will be last post before we become a family of 4 officially! Today I am 37 and 6 days!

I wish I could say I feel great but truthfully I'm beyond miserable. It's almost heartbreaking to me to feel so awful because I just loved being pregnant with Laura Kate. We made it to 41w5d before I agreed to an induction. And even then I was so mad I had to be induced. This time I thought would be no different. I'd planned on still trying to go as natural as possible. But I've met my match and I'm praying, begging, pleading with my doctor to go ahead and induce this week. I'll see her Tuesday morning. Brian's coming with me for moral support (and to vouch that I'm beyond miserable and something needs to be done now).

It started Wednesday. The palms of my hands were mildly itchy. It just didn't feel right. That night as I tried to sleep the itch intensified and had spread to my feet. No amount of scratching relieved it. I tried lotion, itch creams, everything in the house that might help. Nothing did. I didn't fall asleep until after 4am.

I called my doctor the minute they opened Thursday morning and the nurse pretty much blew me off as having normal pregnancy symptoms. Take some Benadryl she said. Oh that's a great idea! I'll take Benadryl while I need to take care of my 2 year old on 2 hours of sleep. Since I'd been up all night I'd also been doing my research and knew that I likely had something called cholestasis of pregnancy. Harmless to me but potentially troublesome to Jack. The only real treatment is delivery and often babies are induced at 36-37 weeks.

But she blew me off. "You don't have that. You'd itch intensely all over. It wouldn't just be your hands and feet."

So let's see....EVERY SINGLE website I'd visited said often the ONLY symptom is itchy hands and feet. More often than not its the ONLY symptom. I felt defeated. My OB was out of the office until this upcoming Tuesday so I just felt like I was being brushed off.

That night I humored the nurse and took some Benadryl. It did nothing for itching though I was sleeping an hour here and hour there....much better than the night before.

Friday night....up all night itching again. The itch is spreading by this point. It is all over but it's only intense on my hands and feet. I cannot relieve the itch no matter how hard I scratch. There's no rash. Just red scratch marks all over my body.

I call the on call OB on Saturday who immediately tells me I almost certainly have cholestasis but there's nothing they can do to relieve the itch. He says my OB will do bloodwork on Tuesday to confirm it. He swears there is no risk to Jack. I'm comforted by his certainty but know what I've read on numerous medical sites that he is actually at a higher risk for stillbirth. So why is he not concerned? I don't know.

So I've been bringing out the Doppler twice a day and doing kick counts.

Its now Sunday and I'm losing my ever loving mind. I cannot function. It feels like I'm laying down in a bed of fire ants. It itches and burns. I do get some relief. Randomly it all stops...often for a few hours at a time. But it always comes back. And when it's there I'm a split second from having a full on anxiety attack. They should use itching on terrorists or during interrogations. I'd do almost anything to make this stop.

So that is where I'm at. Itching. Scratching myself raw. I actually have patches of broken, cut up skin. I keep a hairbrush with me to scratch more surface area than I can alone. If I thought I wouldn't cut up my feet I'd take a cheese grater to them....but I doubt that could even relieve this. Nothing provides more than a few measley seconds of relief.

So I am done. I'm begging for an induction at 38 weeks. Something I NEVER thought I'd do. Not in a million years. I'm terrified my OB will turn down my request and make me wait another week. I have no idea. I'm praying that my water breaks or that labor will just start....right now. Anything.

37 weeks!

2015-10-13T20:30:00.001-05:00

Kind of feels like a lot has been happening since I last updated!

First off...we have a name change. He's still Jack. But we've decided to go with Jack David rather than Jack Landon. Landon was Brian's grandfather's name (except it wasn't...funny story I'll tell in a few) but David was Brian's dad's name. With his recent passing we decided we really wanted to honor Grandpa since we know he was beyond thrilled for another grandchild!

I think I'm finally over that awful stomach bug that I had hoped and prayed I wouldn't get. But to be honest, I'm not really sure what the hell I just went through or if it is really over. But I feel reallly good today so I'm praying whatever happened is now in the past. It was the oddest stomach bug I've ever encountered. It lasted forever, just like Laura Kate's bug did but yet I'd have a full day of feeling half way normal before I was back to throwing everything I looked at right back up. And this went on for a full week. I had started to convince myself that it must be hormones since it was coming and going and coming and going.

But today I not only felt half way normal upon waking up...I was also hungry. Something I hadn't felt all week long so I'm taking that as a really good sign! We even went out to celebrate with some Chinese food!

I had my 37 week check-up today. I'm dilated 2cm!!! Woohoo! I realize 2 isn't that big of a deal but for this girl who didn't dilate a fraction of a fraction of hair until a few hours into the pitocin at 42 weeks last time I was SOOOO excited when she told me that I was 2 cm!

I'll go back next week and see if I've made any more progress.

My blood pressure is still really good. So that is also exciting. I think it was at this time with Laura Kate that it started spiking. I'm hoping we can avoid that this time!

And I've got a prescription for Protonix. I clearly have some terrible, awful, horrendous acid reflux going on and I should have just asked earlier for something once the Zantac and 5 bottles of Tums a day quit working! But at least I asked. Here's hoping it works!!! Fingers crossed!!!

How far along? 37 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 26 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Still wishing I had more pants to fit this giant belly a little bit more comfortably!

Sleep: It's hit or miss. Some nights are great and then out of nowhere the next I'm up all night.

Best moment this week: Today at the OB when she said I was 2cm!

Miss Anything? Eating food before heartburn.

Movement: Some days are certainly crazier than others but he's a wiggle worm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Lately everything but I'm hoping that is coming to an end.

Gender prediction: A little boy!

Labor Signs: 2cm dilated! That counts for something, right?! And my OB confirmed for me that I am indeed having some contractions.

Symptoms: Heartburn and Suffocating (this kid really likes to make it hard to breath).

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding rings on or off? They're both fitting fine since my stomach bug!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Both

Looking forward to: Being a family of four!

And of course my 37 week picture....taken in the bathroom at the OB's office again!

Oh and if you stuck around....about Landon being his grandfather's name. Sooo...his grandfather always went by L.A. ever since he was a child. For some reason he always assumed his name was Landon Alan. Well, after his death, it came to everyone's attention that his name was actually L.B. "God Save Him" Last Name. Yes, the quotes were there too and all part of his legally documented name. Apparently he was born prematurely and was never expected to survive. He did. And we will never know what L.B. was supposed to stand for!

Jack's Room!

2015-10-04T12:25:00.001-05:00

Things are finally moving along at a fantastic pace and our sweet boy will have a great nursery to come home to! There are still a few little things to do. His Gran is working on a pillow for the rocking chair and a sash for the curtains on the single window. I think we are going to purchase a toy box and I have this adorable old kids' desk that I've finally figured out how I want to spruce up (that'll be another post). And we are waiting on his dresser to arrive (should be here Friday)! But other than that his room is done! And all the important things are complete!

I am so excited!!!!

I seriously just love it. My vision has come to life!

Brian found some really pretty and old wood in town, cut it to size, sanded, stained and hung them up. I love them!

Jack's hospital wreath made by me!

I also made the bear string art. Thanks to google all things are possible!

His bed. Obviously. We opted to just reuse Laura Kate's white crib. But his dresser will be dark like the shelves. I'm hoping we will really love the contrast once the dresser arrives!

Hard to get a good shot with the sun coming through the windows but Brian's mom made the curtains! And the blanket on the crib!

More art by yours truly. Cost me all $8 to make (not including the frames). I just found some cute animal pictures on the Internet, printed the, up, traced them on white paper, cut the tracing out and glued it onto colored paper to match his bedding. Bought some white letter stickers, used a black sharpie and ta-da! Covered a whole wall for around $90 if you count frames. I think I did pretty good!

Oh and I promise everything isn't crooked in his room...apparently I can't take a straight picture!

And one more thing....here's what his room looked like before we started (you know, back when Brian was building a new garage/shed so our "junk" room became the junkiest junk room ever.

Yuck. The green walls were ugly. The floor was awful. Baby stuff and shed stuff that belonged outside and just junk everywhere. This is why I was so stressed about getting his room together. It felt like an impossible feat. Thankfully once the shed was complete and we could actually organize everything else has gone quickly and smoothly!

One of my favorite things to do when I was pregnant with Laura Kate was to just sit in that rocker and daydream about what it would be like...to hold her, to read to her, to watch her play. Just to be her mom. It was my way of connecting with her.

In a lot of ways, it's been harder to connect with Jack. Partly because I'm a mom to a 2 year old and always on the go. There's just not been much down time to devote any time to a baby who isn't really here yet! And partly because I really felt like I needed a calm space all about Jack in order to really feel his presence. I probably sound crazy.

But it's been a big stressor for me to not have had a calm space to go to where I can just dream of what it will be like to add this sweet little boy to our family. And now I finally have that chance.

I'm beyond excited to meet him. I'm hoping he bakes another 3-4 weeks but praying it's not another 6 weeks like I had to wait with Laura Kate!!!

I do feel better than I did in my last post. I finally have been sleeping again. I'm suddenly not having any pubic bone pain so I can move around with ease and the weather is really cooling off so we can do family walks without me giving up from the pain after 30 steps! My only issue is still the low blood pressure and feeling faint an awful lot but I can deal with that.

On another note, my sweet baby girl has been sick with the worst tummy bug I've ever seen the last few days. I thought she was feeling better yesterday but apparently not. Today is day 3 and while she hasn't actually thrown up or had diarrhea (yet...today) she is very tired, won't eat, super thirsty (and making her take sips is so hard). We've been watching a lot of TV, drawing pictures, and reading books snuggled up. She came up to me about an hour ago and asked to go night night. She slept about an hour later than normal this morning AND wanted a nap about two hours earlier than normal. I thought she would get in the bed and then pop right back up after a few minutes but she barely made it through the book I read to her. She's just pitiful and I'm so ready for her to feel better. This is the longest she's ever been sick.

Hard to believe anyone this cute could be sick.

And even though I feel selfish for worrying about myself when she is the sick one, I have to admit I'm very scared that I'm about to come down with the same thing. 36 weeks pregnant with the worst tummy bug I've ever seen.....ugh.....it just sounds horrid. Really hoping that all the hand washing and cleaning I've been doing has been enough to avoid it. But I'm her mama and there's been lots of kisses and snuggles too. So basically I think I'm doomed! Time will tell....

35 weeks!

2015-09-29T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm so ready this time around. I loved, loved, loved every second of being pregnant with Laura Kate (well minus morning sickness) but this pregnancy really has just been....rough. I try not to dwell on it but today I'm completely exhausted, in pain, and hormonal. It's gone from severe nausea to daily migraines to severe heartburn, to insomnia, blood pressure that gets so low I feel light headed and out of breath and have to rest every two minutes....blah. I've literally gotten a max of 4 hours of sleep (and usually interrupted) every night for the last two weeks. So I'm now a crying mess.

I feel ridiculous admitting this but I just sobbed when I got home with Laura Kate and Brian was home for lunch when he tells me he found the box of cookies I'd been thinking about all morning on our bed with the dumb dog. The box of course was empty.

Dumb dog.

I'm talking I burst into tears and cried my heart out. Sweet Laura Kate wiped my tears and kept asking if I was sad!

Ugh. Stupid hormones mixed with exhaustion.

I got her down for a nap but while I was reading to her I cried through the whole book. I feel ridiculous. She handled me quite well.

And my sweet husband snuck off to the store and bought me donuts AND cupcakes! Just what I needed! Haha!

I had my OB appointment this morning. I'm down to going once a week now! That's actually pretty exciting and I cannot believe I'm so far along!

And despite my extreme moodiness and crying fits I'm also a bit giddy over it all. I really do feel insanely grateful and blessed and I still feel the need to just pinch myself because surely this can't be real. I'm about to be the mama to two beautiful babies. There were so many days where I never thought such a thing was possible.

And I'd take these sleepless nights any day over the sleepless nights of another loss or failed treatment.

I'm still so grateful.

How far along? 35 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 26 lbs

Maternity clothes? I'm at that point where even my maternity clothes are getting too small. And has anyone found some jeans that actually fit a big belly this late in pregnancy AND don't look like you're sagging?! I feel so sloppy all the time. The jeans I wore a month ago don't fit my belly comfortably. They dig into it and give this weird crease that you can see through my shirts. But they still fit good in the hips, butt, and legs. So I go up a size or two so they'll fit my big belly and then they're falling off everywhere else. Like I said, it just makes me feel sloppy.

Sleep: i don't even want to talk about it!

Best moment this week: Watching him move in my belly. His movements are so much more pronounced than LKs. She was always so soft and fluttery...even in the end and even when she was hyper. He's clearly all boy!

Miss Anything? Eating food before heartburn. And sleep.

Movement: Some days are certainly crazier than others but he's a wiggle worm.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.

Gender prediction: A little boy!

Labor Signs: no labor signs. I had an internal check this morning too and nada. No dilation. No nothing.

Symptoms: Heartburn and Suffocating (this kid really likes to make it hard to breath). I woke up with really strong pubic home pain this morning too. And of course insomnia.

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding rings on or off? On...well my engagement ring is on. My fingers are a tad puffy and while I can still slip my rings on and off quite easily I find them to be a bit annoying so I've settled for just one ring. It's not as annoying.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Both

Looking forward to: Finishing the nursery. Maybe I'll have pics next week. And meeting my little boy.

And now for some pics!

Yes....I am in the bathroom at the OBs office! We can't seem to take a picture at the house soooo....

And for comparison because I think it's fun, here I am at 35 weeks with Laura Kate.

And for a really humorous comparison. My feet. Oh my poor, poor feet. Around 26-27 weeks with Laura Kate my feet BLEW UP!!! It was so bad. I was so swollen all over but my feet...ugh I shudder to remember! This is 35 weeks with LK:

And another picture taken at the OB today:

Praise Jesus! I mean for real! My ankles are ever so slightly puffy but nothing like they were with Laura Kate. Realły hoping they stay this way!

30 weeks

2015-08-25T13:19:00.001-05:00

I just haven't been up to blogging. But I know I "need" to so I'm here.

I'm 30 weeks (and 1 day) with baby Jack. I feel as big as a whale most of the time.

But everything is going great so far. Jack is a wiggle worm, especially at night. And I'm really looking forward to November and actually getting to meet him. It still mostly feels surreal and I just cannot wrap my head around all that is to come.

A little boy...

August has once again brought us both heartache and joy. Laura Kate celebrated her second birthday just days after her Grandpa (Brian's dad) passed away quite unexpectedly, and almost one year to the day that my niece and nephew (pictured below) lost their own daddy. He loved her with his whole heart and I'm saddened that she will not have her own memories of him and how much he loved her and I'm sad that baby Jack will never get to meet him. Grandpa was without a doubt the MOST excited out of any of us about this surprise miracle pregnancy...and oh man...when he found out at our gender reveal that it was a boy....he couldn't contain himself.

Grandpa with all 3 grandkids at Easter 2014

The last picture I have of Grandpa and Laura Kate.

But August has also brought us some joy as we watched our sweet little girl celebrate her second birthday with a trampoline party. She had a blast! I was a bit jealous that at 29 weeks pregnant I wasn't exactly allowed to jump too!

Wipe out!

Snapping pictures at a trampoline party was pretty hard! I didn't get very many good shots!

We had a great time and were so excited so many friends came out to celebrate with us!

How far along? 30weeks

Total weight gain: 19 lbs (yep, I lost a pound and I have no idea how that happened as I've eaten more carbs, and not even healthy carbs, in the last 2-3 weeks that I typically eat in a year! And my maternity pants are quickly becoming too small...so where that pound went is beyond me!)

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep:  Mostly sleeping good. A little tossing and turning as getting and staying comfortable is getting harder and harder and some nights the heartburn keeps me up but all in all I'd say I'm sleeping pretty good.

Best moment this week:  Those moments where it suddenly hits me that I'm pregnant, it was a complete miracle, and I have a son.

Miss Anything? Eating food before heartburn.

Movement: Some days are certainly crazier than others but he's a wiggle worm.

Food cravings: Still mostly just junk. But I'm making sure to get lots of good healthy stuff in too!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.

Gender prediction:  A little boy!

Labor Signs: This time around I'm almost certain I'm having daily Braxton Hicks contractions...so not a true labor sign at all! But something is definitely going on.

Symptoms: Heartburn and Suffocating (this kid really likes to make it hard to breath).

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On...but I have been taking them off a bit here and there lately...I think that can be attributed to my crappy diet as of late more than anything else.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty darn happy.

Looking forward to: Getting Jack's room together! I feel like it is taking forever! But Brian has to finish building the shed before we can even start on the nursery. I think we are about two weeks away from finished. He is running electrical wires this week. And then hopefully next week he can put the shelves up and once they're up we can move everything we've been storing in Jack's room (and our deck since we had to tear down the old shed to build new) into the shed and the fun stuff can begin! (I wrote this 3 weeks ago and unfortunately I still can't edit it...I'm still waiting for the dumb shed to be finished so we can even begin on Jack's room. That being said, the electrician is coming today. Brian was going to do it himself but after his Dad's passing his plate is so full that we decided this would be an easy project to pass along. So in reality things are moving along but nesting is really kicking in and I can't believe there is so much to do in his room.)

The last week of second tri!!!

2015-08-03T15:52:00.001-05:00

It's been a month since I last wrote! I suppose that's nothing unusual.

I'm way behind! So let's dive right in!

How far along? 27 weeks

Total weight gain: 20 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep: Mostly sleeping good but I've had a mean summer cold that is still lingering weeks later and has left me with a nighttime cough.

Best moment this week: Passing my gestational diabetes screening this past Friday!

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Some days are certainly crazier than others but he's a wiggle worm.

Food cravings: Still mostly just junk. But I'm making sure to get lots of good healthy stuff in too!

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm waking up queasy again. It doesn't last too long though.

Gender prediction: A little boy!

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Heartburn. All day and all night. Thank God for Tums and Ranitidine. Headaches are almost entirely gone! I might have one mild one a week vs. the migraines I was getting almost daily so I'm so okay with that. I have occasional pain in my pubic bone, usually after some sort of physical activity out of the ordinary. And nothing like I had with LK. Jack does seem to be sitting higher up and I feel like I'm suffocating every so often...something I do not remember feeling with Laura Kate until the very end of the pregnancy.

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty darn happy.

Looking forward to: Getting Jack's room together! I feel like it is taking forever! But Brian has to finish building the shed before we can even start on the nursery. I think we are about two weeks away from finished. He is running electrical wires this week. And then hopefully next week he can put the shelves up and once they're up we can move everything we've been storing in Jack's room (and our deck since we had to tear down the old shed to build new) into the shed and the fun stuff can begin!

So that's what is going on in Jack's world. I actually have a bump picture too!

So that's me at 27 weeks just yesterday. And my sweet girl....who turns 2 in 11 days. It's a funny feeling wishing time would speed up and slow down all at once!

Growing Up!

2015-07-07T12:38:00.001-05:00

Two years ago (almost to the day) I posted Laura Kate's nursery reveal! Can you even believe it?

Oh man! Did I ever love her sweet, cheerful room! I still love it. So incredibly much.

It is her personality. Bright, cheerful, full of life, sweet, and pretty!

But yesterday, Laura Kate moved on up!

From this:

To this:

Do you see the pool noodles? Night one suggests they really do work to keep kiddos from falling out of the bed! And at just a couple bucks each, it is definitely worth it over the bigger, more expensive and ugly rails!

She LOVED her new bed! Somersaults, jumping, bouncing around, dancing! So exciting to be a big girl!

New pink curtains

Excuse me while I sob in the corner!!!

I mean seriously....she is growing up entirely too fast and it is making me crazy...crazy sad and crazy excited, if I'm completely honest.

Every single stage with this kid has just been a joy...okay, maybe minus the teething stage! But other than that...I cannot believe this is my life.

Last night was her first night sleeping in her new bed and I was certain we'd have a rough night. I was completely prepared for little to no sleep, lots of wake ups and putting her back in the bed. But while it was a little bit harder to get her down initially...she would climb out and cry at the door and then wasn't able to get back up, I finally just put a stool at the foot of her bed and showed her how to climb back up and I guess that did the trick. She slept from 8 until 7:30 this morning without even a peep! Her normal bedtime is closer to 7:30 so for the first night she did amazingly well! In fact she stayed in her bed when she woke up and played with her babies and books that I made sure were within reach on the bed. Happy as can be! And very proud, so very proud of herself when we came in to get her this morning! Love that monkey!

And I was also really worried that nap time wouldn't go nearly as smooth. I mean how could it? But again...knocking on wood, since she is currently napping, it was a breeze!

And I must admit I'm really enjoying being able to climb into bed with her and snuggle up to read books! She hasn't let me rock her in the rocker in months and months and would insist I put her in her crib, tuck her in and then sit on the floor beside her to read books and say our bedtime prayers. Not exactly comfortable and Lord knows as I get bigger it will get harder and harder. But now I get my snuggle time back!

We moved her crib and her rocker into what will become Jack's room. And I have to say it might just be even stranger to see baby things in the spare room than it is to see a full size bed in Laura Kate's room. I can honestly say that I NEVER really and truly thought that room would ever become anything but maybe a guest room if we ever got around to fixing it up. I just cannot wrap my head around having two kids...a dream come true. I'm just brought to my knees with gratitude for a gift I surely don't deserve when I see the baby things in that room, the adorable little girl's room we've made, the toys strewn across the house, every little thing.

Jack's room has been a big storage room since the day we moved in 5.5 years ago! But it needs a LOT of work done to it. The floors all throughout our house are in terrible condition and Jack's room is by far the worst. But we simply don't have the $5-6k sitting around or the time it would take to move out of our house while the floors were being refinished! So we might do carpet in his room. I hate to cover up wood floors buuut it is just so much cheaper! Every nook and cranny is cracked, peeling, and just ugly in that room too. So in the next few weeks we will be getting some quotes to have it fixed up. Then I can start shopping! Yay!!!

Half Baked!!!

2015-06-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

How is it possible for time to fly and yet go so slowly all at once?

Didn't I just find out I was pregnant?! And yet, where the heck is November?! I'm so excited to meet my new little monkey!

Today I am 20 weeks and 1 day! Jack is moving, tumbling, kicking, punching, flipping all the time. I haven't needed the doppler in weeks because he is always letting me know he's here!

How far along? 20w1d

Total weight gain: At my weigh-in at the anatomy scan I was up to a total of 13lbs gained.

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep: Sleeping pretty good!

Best moment this week: On Saturday, Jack was moving more than he ever has. I don't know when he slept. But I loved it. All day long!

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Baby is moving a lot. Flips, somersaults, kick-boxing!

Food cravings: Fruit and junk. Nachos...you know the terrible kind with the nasty processed cheese (can you even call it cheese?) and jalopenos. I could live on those.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope. And I'm so happy about that. I loathe and despise everything about the first trimester and am so glad to be out of it.

Gender prediction: A little boy!

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Headaches are still giving me a run for my money but they are a lot better.

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty darn happy.

Looking forward to: Getting his nursery together and transitioning Laura Kate to her big girl bed so he can use her crib!

So Brian and I went on our first weekend getaway since Laura Kate was born. I was only a tiny bit nervous to leave her since we've never been apart for more than a few hours and never overnight but my MIL was staying at our house with her so I knew she'd have no issues adjusting.

We just did a simple trip to Dallas. Went to the movies. Went to a Rangers baseball game. Lots of good food. Of course I got my nachos at the ballpark! We did a little shopping and just enjoyed each other's company! It was a good time and it was nice to really and truly miss our little peanut.

On our way to the Rangers game!

We facetimed with her every night which was really awesome! She's never even talked on the phone so I wasn't sure if she would "get" the facetime calls but she totally did and LOVED it. She was really interacting with us and showing us her toys and babbling away with random bouts of giggling at us! It made the weekend trip that much less stressful to know she knew we hadn't just left her! But getting back home on Sunday to her was the best! She was very happy to see us and so were we!

And with a bunch of pictures from Gran we knew she was having a good time and was in good hands!

I don't remember what I last updated about so hopefully this isn't on repeat! We had our anatomy scan and Jack was healthy as can be and they guessed he weighed about 9 oz. at 18 weeks 3 days and measuring at 19 weeks in height. I was just looking back and Laura Kate was 8 oz at 17 weeks 5 days so they are so far measuring pretty similar to one another! Laura Kate measured tall at this stage too but is a shorty these days!

Jack 18w3d

I bought Jack his first little outfit too. The picture makes it look black but it's navy blue. It's a onesie gown, hat and burp cloth from a shop on etsy. I'm in love with it. There's just something about seeing his name, it was the same with Laura Kate, that just makes it all seem so real!

And last but not least, I have a bump picture! It's horrible quality...and yes, I am using a selfie stick! Ha! But the lighting is terrible and the picture is fuzzy. I'm hoping I'll remember to get Brian to take a picture with the SLR this evening...though I make no promises!

You can't really tell but that shirt is awesome. It's got a giant beach ball on the belly so I'm thinking about taking my bump pictures all in this shirt so I can see how big that beach ball gets!

And to compare...this picture is 21 weeks with Laura Kate. So even though I'm gaining a little faster than I'd like I can at least look back and know I'm still much healthier than I was at this stage with Laura Kate! Feeling pretty good about that!

Support Groups

2015-06-03T14:30:00.000-05:00

I'm a part of a local infertility and loss support group. Today has just been a horrible day for our group and its just weighing so heavily on my heart and mind.

In many ways I'm so far removed from the hell I went through. And then days like today I'm brought right back to it. Back to my knees, praying for peace that seems so distant and answers we will never have.

Two devastating losses. One mother in our group went in for what should have been a 12 week appointment and there was no heartbeat.

And another mother lost one twin baby girl about two months ago, only to lose the other baby girl today at 30 weeks. No warnings. Nothing apparently wrong. Just gone.

And I cannot seem to stop crying because even though I do not know what it is like to deliver a still baby I do know the heartache of losing my baby. It is just devastating and horrible. And I just want to take the hurt away and somehow breath life back into these sweet babies. It makes zero sense. There is no good that comes from this.

And I feel guilty for even writing about it. Because in my world things have turned out so far, so perfectly.

Please pray for these sweet mamas going through this unbearable hell.

18 weeks and It's a.....

2015-06-01T15:57:00.001-05:00

Clearly I'm slacking! It has been a while.

There is just not enough hours in the day....oh my....and with two kiddos....how will I ever blog again?!

So Let's Start!

How far along? 18 weeks

Total weight gain: I'll get my official weigh-in on Thursday when I go in for my anatomy scan and checkup. But according to my scale I'm still at 10...occasionally up to 12 but then the next day I'm back down again.

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep:  Sleeping pretty good!

Best moment this week: I feel guilty saying I can't think of anything that stands out! Just grateful in general to be pregnant again.

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Baby is moving a lot. Flips, somersaults, kick-boxing!

Food cravings: Junk....

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not anymore...FINALLY. Though I did think I had food poisoning a couple nights ago. I woke up so miserable and sick in the middle of the night and hung out by the toilet for a while. When nothing happened I grabbed an upchuck bowl and went back to bed. Woke up feeling mostly normal. So I don't know what that was about!

Gender prediction:  I was back and forth. Really had no clue...I'll reveal in a bit!

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Headaches. All the damn time. Some are mild, some are migraines and most are just in between. But I'm over it. Blarg!

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I might be a little moody still but mostly I'm happy!

Looking forward to:  Making sure we're having a healthy baby at our anatomy scan on Thursday. Though I can't say I'm "looking forward to" it just yet. I'm mostly just nervous but I'm hopeful all will be well and I can relax a tad on Thursday!

So Brian and I did an elective gender ultrasound at 16 weeks and had the tech write the sex down in an envelope. We took that envelope and had a store fill a box with balloons for us. We invited family over and ate burgers and opened the box...

Here's our video (Fingers crossed it actually works):

So we are having a little BOY!!!!

And we are so excited and cannot wait to meet Jack Landon Smith in November!!!

My heart is beyond full....it might just burst!!!

So what else has been happening in our world?

Well, MDO is out for summer. Laura Kate started gymnastics today and it was a HIT!!! She loved it and I loved watching her interact with other kids and adults! She was so cute and brave and had soooo much fun! I was highly impressed with her listening skills and her ability to follow directions!

On Wednesday we start swim lessons and I hope she enjoys it just as much!

We are spending our days with her cousins, Taylor and Ella since they are out for summer too! And Laura Kate is simply having a blast! I thought I'd feel overwhelmed not having that MDO "break" to get my work done ( I work from home about 10 hours a week and I did it while she was in school) but with her cousins here to help entertain her, I'm finding I have plenty of time to still get it done!

And here's a couple pictures of what we've up to lately:

We went camping in Arkansas two weeks ago.

The water was really cold! But she was brave!

Just being cute!

Practicing for her gymnastics class!

And we can't leave Jack out:

14 weeks 4 days

2015-05-08T14:48:00.000-05:00

How far along? 14 weeks 4 days

Total weight gain: As of last Thursday at my appointment I was up a whopping....wait for it......10 lbs. Shhhhh!!!! As of today I'm back down a pound and a half (yes the half is important). Hey, you try curling up in a ball on your couch and living on bagels, toast and popsicles for 3 weeks and see what happens to YOUR waistline!  :P

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep:  I'm still dealing with some insomnia. It's mostly because I have to pee so dang much that once I get up I just can't go back to sleep...for hours!!! Meh.

Best moment this week: I feel guilty saying I can't think of anything that stands out! Just grateful in general to be pregnant again.

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: Still feeling occasional flutters, though I haven't noticed them as much this last week...feeling better so I'm up moving around more and more with less time to focus, I suppose. When I do feel it is almost always at night while trying to fall asleep.

Food cravings: mustard....I mean, not like straight from the jar or anything but a nice sandwich heavy on the mustard is amazing these days!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still dealing with a few aversions but they're really getting better every day.

Gender prediction:  I honestly don't know. I don't even have any sort of gut feeling or intuition. I wish I was one of those people who just knew!

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Headaches. Grrrrrr. Go away. I'm actually really bummed by this symptom. I get headaches ALLLLL THE TIME when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding. As soon as I got pregnant with LK my headaches completely went away. I had 2 migraines two days in a row with LK around week 14 or so. And then I literally did not have another headache until she was hardly nursing at all, maybe around 14 or 15 months old. Once we weaned completely they started happening again almost daily but when we got pregnant that was one of the things I was really excited about, not having headaches again. Jokes on me I guess! But who knows...maybe since they seem to be peaking right now around the same time I had a few migraines with LK there might still be hope of them disappearing for a long time!

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!!! Actually that's a lie. I am really happy to be pregnant but I am moody all the time too....I was not moody with LK. I'm moody this time. It takes nothing to hurt my feelings or get under my skin. :/

Looking forward to:  Finding out the sex! We have a scan on the 18th...in TEN days!!!! But we're not finding out until the 19th. We're inviting family over for burgers and cupcakes so we can all find out together! I'm so stinkin' excited!

I still haven't taken any bump photos...which figures, I even fancied up our chalkboard wall for 14 weeks (well by fancy I just mean I wrote "14 weeks" in fancy script). At this rate I'll have to erase the 4 and make it a 5!

I think that is all I've got this week. Super exciting, eh?

And as usual....

Ohhhhh....I guess I do have a bump picture. It's not "official" but here ya go!

It kind of makes me laugh. I was 13w4d here. And the next picture is from 17 weeks with LK and I'm a good 15-20 lbs heavier with LK.

17 weeks with Laura Kate

Laura Kate got to go on a field trip with her big cousin Ella's second grade class. She LOVED it. Lots of animals and fun things to do!

And my funny pic of the week. She managed to climb inside Colston's dog food container and feed him one little morsel at a time. I just crack up every time I see this picture. She's such a ham!

13 weeks 2 days

2015-04-29T10:12:00.003-05:00

It's that time again. Time to update!

I'm actually feeling pretty good....FINALLY.

I'm off all meds...well, I still need my heartburn medicine around 4pm but that doesn't count! Because so long as I take it I feel great all day!

My energy is mostly back. I wake up tired but I can finally stomach coffee again so I don't stay tired for long! But I do begin to feel pretty worn out by 5.

So....

How far along? 13 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: I'll find out tomorrow at my appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep:  My energy is back so I no longer need a daily nap! Last night I slept wonderfully but that was the first in at least a week. Hopefully the insomnia is gone now....

Best moment this week: Feeling flutters.

Miss Anything? Nope

Movement: I occasionally am feeling flutters the last couple of days. Maybe its gas, maybe its baby. But I think it's baby since it is always in the exact same spot, which also just so happens to be the exact same spot I can pick up his/her heartbeat with the doppler.

Food cravings: Greek food

Anything making you queasy or sick: eggs, broccoli, chicken, and random things here and there....I'll never understand why it's mostly healthy things though....

Gender prediction:  I'm voting boy today. I was thinking about all the ways that this pregnancy has been so similar to being pregnant with Laura Kate so I was thinking it might be another girl but as more and more time goes on I'm finding it really isn't that similar. So I'm thinking a boy now.

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Mild nausea, food aversions, insomnia, heartburn, and break outs! Go away pimples!!!

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!!!

Looking forward to:  Finding out the sex!

And as usual, I'll leave you with this cutie patootie!

Coloring with her BFF, Colston!

Daddy's boots. :)

12 weeks 3 days

2015-04-23T12:21:00.001-05:00

Not much new to report but I have a few minutes to kill before I have to pick up Laura Kate from MDO.

I don't have any belly pics...yet. Time...it always slips away from me! But hopefully soon we can remember to take them!

How far along? 12 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: Not sure yet. I haven't felt like weighing myself at home so I'll wait for my official weight next week at my appointment.

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Sleep:  Ugh, sleep sucks. I don't know if I had trouble falling asleep with Laura Kate but I don't think I did. But it's taking me HOURS to fall asleep now. Just to wake up an hour later desperately needing to pee. And then again around 5 or 6 where I either toss and turn trying to find a way to sleep through it or I get up and then can't go back to sleep. Either way...a few measley hours of sleep each night has gotten old fast. Sometimes I nap when Laura Kate does. But even that's just not enough!

Best moment this week:  Getting my new pair of maternity jeans in the mail! So comfy!

Miss Anything? Sleep

Movement: Not yet.

Food cravings:  pineapple

Anything making you queasy or sick: I am still feeling mostly pretty good but evenings are still rough.

Gender prediction:  I've been thinking another girl just because my symptoms have been almost exactly the same as they were with Laura Kate, almost down to the day....but then they've cleared up weeks sooner so now I'm second guessing. I know it probably doesn't really mean anything though! But for now I'm still guessing girl.

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Exhausted, occasional headaches, occasional nausea, breaking out, and oh did I mention I'm exhausted?

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!!!

Looking forward to:  Second tri!!

And a few pictures to thank you for stopping by:

We were 2 months late getting her 18 month checkup but we finally got around to going! Laura Kate weighs 23.5 lbs and is 32.5 inches tall. She's up to the 50th percentile in height (she was 25th I think at 12 months) but down from 50th to 25th in weight. My little peanut! She also got 4 shots and if you couldn't tell a blue sucker for being such a trooper!

She hosted a tea party with some of her nearest and dearest. Love my girly girl! Look at her pinky! She's got it down!

11 weeks 3 days

2015-04-16T10:15:00.001-05:00

Time is both flying and crawling. Updating is hard to do with a toddler but I want this baby to know all the things Laura Kate will one day know about my pregnancy with her! So I'm going to try and update more.

I had another ultrasound at 9 weeks 3 days. It was an odd appointment as their typical tech was out for the day and no one else knew how to work the machine. But they had a really old machine.....and LK is awake from her nap....catch ya later! Ha!

So it's now 10pm and I'm ready to crawl in the bed but just remembered I never finished.

So my appointment....they had a really old machine that one of the OBs kept hidden away and he knew how to use it and hooked us up. The quality was pretty awful and it couldn't print a picture but we could see a healthy baby with a strong heartbeat in the 150s.

Since then I've been using my Doppler every few days. I thought I might try not to use it this time. In fact, my old one didn't work and I wasn't going to replace it but then of course one day I didn't feel my usual nausea and decided I better get one or I'd be in for a long ride waiting for my next appointment. Of course within an hour of ordering it I was back to being sick as a dog.

Speaking of being sick....I know with Laura Kate I really tried to downplay just how awful I felt in my blog because I felt guilty "complaining". But I know I threw up daily for weeks on end and literally could not get out of the bed from week 9 until week 13. No medications worked and I was miserable.

This time I thought I was following in the exact same footsteps around week 9 and then 10 got even worse and I just assumed it would go exactly the same. But thank God my OB prescribed another medication I hadn't tried and it saved me during week 10...even though I still spent that whole week curled up in my recliner praying that Laura Kate could play quietly and entertain herself as much as possible. And that was with medication that actually worked wonders! I shudder to think how bad it might have been with a toddler and no meds at all. But suddenly at 10w6d I woke up feeling fine until about 7pm when it returned with a vengeance and so has been my new pattern. I feel good most of the day but a little queasy at night. I am still taking my meds. I'm terrified to stop just yet!

But every day is better than the last. And I'll take it. I can play with my girl again.... You just have no idea how awful that part was.

How far along? 11 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: More than I'd like to admit. I spent two weeks living on bagels, crackers, toast, and popsicles....not an exaggeration but I was in that awful stage of being too nauseous to eat almost all foods but the only thing that actually made me feel better was to have a full tummy so I was constantly eating something. Minimal protein (though I tried and tried, I kept reading that protein would help, so I tried milk, cheese, meat, and all that would happen is I'd end up running to the nearest bucket!). No veggies, no fruit. Nothing healthy. I'm up 5 lbs.

Maternity clothes? Yes. I moved on over. My belly has popped out much sooner this time around. I honestly look like I did around 17-18 weeks last time. We're going to start our first belly pics this weekend!

Sleep:  No trouble there! I'm always tired but its getting better!

Best moment this week:  Listening to baby's heartbeat with the doppler.

Miss Anything? Not really.

Movement: Not yet.

Food cravings:  Nope

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm over the worst of it. In fact, this morning I decided to just try half a promethazine instead of the whole thing. I seem to be fine. (knocking on wood)

Gender prediction:  I've been thinking another girl just because my symptoms have been almost exactly the same as they were with Laura Kate, almost down to the day....but then they've cleared up weeks sooner so now I'm second guessing. I know it probably doesn't really mean anything though! But for now I'm still guessing girl.

Labor Signs: Geez, hope not!

Symptoms: Exhausted, occasional headaches, occasional nausea, bitter taste in my mouth ALL THE TIME

Belly Button in or out? In.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: So happy!!!

Looking forward to:  Second tri!!!

And just because a post without a picture always seems boring to me....

Here's Laura Kate just being ridiculously cute like she always is:

It was the day of her Easter Egg Hunt at MDO. She was really excited to get there!

Listening for HER baby's heartbeat. #bestillmyheart (Yes, we wear Christmas jammies in April...don't judge!)

We're having a.... Cat!

2015-03-20T10:15:00.003-05:00

Today I'm 7 weeks 4 days! We had an ultrasound yesterday and it was kind of odd but it was the first ultrasound I've ever gone to where I just wasn't really all that nervous.

I held my breath with every single ultrasound with Laura Kate until I could finally feel her little kicks and then I relaxed.

But this time I just feel calm. Not uncaring or even naive but just calm. Confident that at least for today all was going to be well. And it was!

So...to the fun stuff! Little peanut measured 7 weeks 3 days with a HB of 150 bpm! Laura Kate's HB was 150 at 7w2d!

We've decided baby looks like a cat. Can you spot the cat?!

Update

2015-03-11T14:14:00.002-05:00

BFP warning...

This is weird writing here.

I have such mixed emotions about it.

But today I am 6 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

Since my last post (well the draft that I just now published) I have had more betas drawn and an ultrasound to make sure we weren't dealing with another ectopic...which was the whole reason we did IVF to begin with.

My betas were 10 at 10dpo. 77 at 14dpo. And 270 at 17dpo. Pretty remarkable considering with LK my betas were only 91 at 19dpo.

We very nervously went in for our first ultrasound last week. Since we were such a high risk for another ectopic they got us in early. 5 weeks 1 day but we measured a day ahead. And we were blown away to see a gestational sac and a yolk sac actually in my uterus and not stuck in my mangled up left tube! They also confirmed that I had indeed ovulated from my right ovary. There were happy tears all around that room!

Baby Smith #5 5w1d

An absolute miracle.

I have a new OB since giving birth to Laura Kate was not exactly the best experience and there was a HUGE difference in personalities to put it politely. So far I think she is much more my style but I'm sure time will tell. She is closer to my age and seems to get my "crazy" and is allowing me to come in every 2 weeks for ultrasounds throughout the first trimester. She also put me on progesterone for my own sanity...which I greatly appreciate! Though the five pounds of bloat (no, not an exaggeration) that I gained within 48 hours of taking my first dose is annoying! But all that means is hello, comfy maternity pants!!! Just a tad bit earlier than I thought I'd see you again!

I'm off and on nauseous (which I'm grateful for) and incredibly irritable. The irritability is bothering me big time. I'm not a cranky person and I didn't experience it while pregnant with LK and at a time when I just want to rejoice it stinks being such a Negative Nancy.

My next ultrasound is set for March 19th at 7 weeks 5 days. Hope to have a happy update then!