The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things Joe Scarborough Likes To Eat and Wear When Sitting At Computer

2008-07-24T16:30:00.004-04:00

News Item: Scarborough Defends McCain, Criticizes Bloggers ‘Eating Cheetos’ In Their ‘Underwear’

10. After the tip from his former colleague David Vitter, just a diaper

9. Just like John McCain, donuts, with sprinkles

8. A wig, pearls, an older lady's dress, (and pretend that he's Andrea Mitchell)

7. A couple big batches of Fried Squirrel!

6. Not just at the computer, but on the Morning Joe set, Mika Brzezinski's shoes

5. That showgirl outfit that Rudy Guiliani wore

4. He's more of a pretzel man ... Pretzel Sticks ... Especially the big, thick, really salty ones ...

3. Sometimes, only his dress shoes, but he likes to sit with a wide stance

2. Made from a recipe that Duncan Hunter gave him, some good Gitmo Fried Chicken

1. Two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, head mask, and a dildo in the anus covered by a condom

Bonus Morning Joe Jerk Riffs

Matthew Yglesias: The Party of Cheetos

Spencer Ackerman: But We The Future — Whitney Houston Told Me It’d Take More Than A Bullet In The Heart To Hold Me Back

TeddySanFran: Scar-ification

Huffington Post: Joe Scarborough Walks Off MSNBC's "Race To The White House" After Exchange With Rachel Maddow

John Amato: David Shuster smacks The Scar over his trying to pump “Bush’s foreign policy” as successful

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-24T16:15:00.001-04:00

24 July 2007... On The Garlic

The Crony General: "Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time ..."

Top Ten Cloves: Ad Campaigns U.S. Can Use To Win Over Iraqi People

It Will Make A Nice, Keepsake, Photograph ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor's Note: Sorry For The Delay In Posting

24 July 2006... On The Garlic

Cheney, To Bolster Israel, Offers To Out Israeli Covert Agents Whose Spouses Criticize Olmert; Opening Playbook; Says, Eventually, Lebanese Will View Israeli As Liberators

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons President Bush Reluctant To Call For Cease-Fire

Was It The Surge, or Anbar Awakening, That Allowed Robert Novak To Run Over Pedestrian?

2008-07-23T17:15:00.002-04:00

The way the shit is flying, give the Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain Campaign a few hours to find something in RWFS hack Robert "No Facts" Novak running over a pedestrian to pin on Barack Obama.

Now, anyone can have an accident, true enough, but what makes this one so deliciously noteworthy is that Novak attempted to get away with it ... He didn't stop and, even after being flagged down, still was making an effort to beat it on the lam.

From Skippy, the bush kangaroo's "bob novak, [bodily orafice], cited after hit-and-run";

Politico goes on to describe novak driving away from the scene, only to be chased down and detained by a guy on a bicycle:

The bicyclist was David Bono, a partner at Harkins Cunningham, who was on his usual bike commute to work at 1700 K St. NW when he saw the accident happen…

Bono said the pedestrian, who was crossing the street on a "walk" signal and was in the crosswalk, rolled off the windshield and then Novak made a right into the service lane of K Street. “the car is speeding away. what’s going through my mind is, you just can’t hit a pedestrian and drive away,” bono said.

He chased novak half a block down K St., finally caught up with him and then put his bike in front of the car to block him and called 911. traffic immediately backed up, horns blared, and commuters finally went into reverse to allow Novak to pull over.

Bono said that throughout, Novak "keeps trying to get away. he keeps trying to go.” he said he vaguely recognized the longtime political reporter and columnist as a Washington celebrity but could not precisely place him.

Or, as Jane Hamsher noted it, the pedestrian was “Splayed Onto the Windshield”.

Hmmm ... Was "No Facts" angry, venting, lost in thought of mayhem?

Did it flash before him, as his black Corvette (who would have thunk that this old hack would be driving a 'Vet'?) approached the intersection, that it was one of the Wilsons in the crosswalk? ... Perhaps Rove or Cheney?

After all, the Stumblin Bumblin John McCain Campaign, just burned him, so, perhaps, as the car first rammed into the pedestrian, "No Facts" let out a scream of "I'll give you a god-damn vice president!" ...

Or, maybe, he met someone recently, a certain someone named Bruno Anthony, who, undoubtedly, would approve of "No Facts" running someone over, and then trying to get away with it.

"I admire people who do things," Anthony would, devilishly, smile.

Bonus "No Facts" Follies

Dday: I Am Now Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds

Think Progress - Witness: ‘No way’ Novak didn’t know he hit someone; victim was ’splayed across the front’ of his car

Edward McClelland: Bob Novak is not one of the popular kids; The prickly right-wing columnist, covert-agent outer and all-around "Prince of Darkness" explains how he rose to the top of D.C.'s journalistic heap

Bolton Defends Novak; Laments Not Using Same Tactic, Cussing With Senate Panel

Breaking News! White House, Congress To Clear “Outrage Backlog”; Bush, Congress Plan Retro Rebuke Of Novak, Sun-Times Over Plame Leak; Tracing Funds, Gay Marriage, Flag Amendment, War On Terror Cited For “Outrage Backlog”

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-23T17:00:00.001-04:00

23 July 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll - When Vice President Dick Cheney found out he was being sued by Valarie Plame Wilson and Joe Wilson, Cheney ...

23 July 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons McCain Confused Iraq-Pakistan Border

2008-07-22T12:30:00.001-04:00

News Item: McCain Owns First Foreign Policy Gaffe During Obama's Iraq Trip (VIDEO)

10. Wait a minute, you sure Iraq and Pakistan don't share a border?

9. Still mighty pissed off that al-Maliki hadn't endorsed his Iraq plans

8. AARP hasn't sent him his 2008 World Atlas yet

7. Thought it was a trick question

6. Answered too quickly ... Concerned Andrea Mitchell was going to call it a "fake interview"

5. Gazing at Diane Sawyer, he drifted off, thinking about one of Phil Grahams soft-core porn films

4. It was a toss-up ... Either say that, or start talking about Czechoslovakia again

3. Ate too many donuts, with sprinkles, before the interview

2. Was nervous - Worried that he was going to be asked a Shiite-Sunni question

1. Quite simply, he was drunk

Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain Riffs

What's Next ... An "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List?

No, Wait ... I Think It's Iran Training al-Qaeda To Pump The Gas ...

If He Really Wanted To Scare'em, He Would Have Named Big Daddy Lipscomb ...

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-22T12:15:00.001-04:00

22 July 2007... On The Garlic

Taking Down The Duct Tape and Plastic ... It's Sunday, Post-Pottermania ... And Post President Cheney

22 July 2006... On The Garlic

Rumsfield to Downgrade Iraqi Forces To 'Wannabes'; Says Couldn't Fight Way Out Of Paper Bag; Statehood Stalled Without Troops

Former Sports Arena Debuts As House of Worship; Video Screens and Cheerleaders Lift Services; Church Fighting CBA Ruling

Top Ten Cloves: How Hewlett Packard Told 14,500 They Were Being Laid Off

Condi Sings Again!

2008-07-21T17:15:00.003-04:00

This girl has learned well.

She ain't lettin' no one, nobody, crash her Condoleezza Rice Ballroom Dancing & Charm School, especially the guy who has crapped all over her boss's "Time Horizon".

We refer to this juicy nugget today;

Night before Obama flies abroad, Rice bars embassies from aiding candidates

The night before presumptive Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) left for Afghanistan, Iraq and Western Europe for a tour of US bases overseas, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued a cable to US missions forbidding them from holding events for presidential candidates or arrange meetings for them.

Rice issued no such cable prior to foreign excursions by presumptive Republican nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ).

"Provide de minimis assistance to the candidate with logistical arrangements," said the cable, according to the Times. "If the campaign staff wants to rent a bus for press, tell them where they can rent a bus."

Hmmm ... She might have been humming her theme song, while composing this cable, or, perhaps, exercising on her elliptical trainer ...

Whatever the case, she wasn't going to get caught flatfooted.

There's only one Iraq legacy on the table, to be hawked and bought, and good work wife Condi was standing by her man.

So, for such decisive, bold action, we pin another song to Condi's music stand.

Sing along, it's from the Beatles.

Don't Help

Don't Help, He may need somebody,
Don't Help, not just anybody,
Don't Help, he'll need someone, don't help.

When Obama was younger, so much younger than today,
He never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now that Hillary's gone, his nomination all but assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and closed the embassy doors

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help

And now Obama's life has changed in oh so many ways,
Iraqi's dependence on us seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then the legacy is so insecure,
I know that I just need you not to let him in the door

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help

When Obama was younger, so much younger than today,
He never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now that Hillary's gone, his nomination all but assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and closed the embassy doors

Don't Help him if you can, just let him down
And I do appreciate he gets the runaround.
Don't Help him, let the media give him a crown,
Won't you please, please not help, not help, not help, not help

Bonus Condi Riffs

Rice Audtioning For New Role of Aricept Spokesperson

New Liz Cheney Op-Ed!

Developing Story - Secretary of State Defends “Mushroom Cloud” Prediction; Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test; AEL Members Adhering To Program; Allows Bush, World “Swift and Unfettered” Rhetoric” As Precursor To Planting Seeds of Democracy

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-21T17:00:00.001-04:00

21 July 2006... On The Garlic

Another Bush First - Adds Signing Statement to Stem Cell Veto, Vetoing NAACP; In Solidifying Base, GOP Telling African Americans “You’re Either With Us, Or Against Us”

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Focus On Family’s New Anti-Gay Website

21 July 2005... On The Garlic

White House Stresses Roberts' Wife "Not A CIA Agent"; No Knowledge of WMD's; No Plans To Send Husband To Niger

Top Ten Cloves: Why Bush Announced Roberts Nomination in Prime Time

Barack Obama ... C'mon Down!

2008-07-20T23:30:00.003-04:00

Yes, we ended up taking the weekend off, primarily due to the oppressive heat and humidity (which, also means extra duty on the homefront; As I write now, it is starting to break).

And what an explosive time to be sittin' out.

If politics were like "The Price Is Right" (well, err, the television gameshow, that is), Barack Obama would be running down the aisle, squealing in delight.

He got called down ...

Big Time!

'AS SOON AS POSSIBLE' - Iraq Leader Maliki Supports Obama's Withdrawal Plans

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki supports US presidential candidate Barack Obama's plan to withdraw US troops from Iraq within 16 months. When asked in and interview with SPIEGEL when he thinks US troops should leave Iraq, Maliki responded "as soon as possible, as far as we are concerned." He then continued: "US presidential candidate Barack Obama talks about 16 months. That, we think, would be the right time frame for a withdrawal, with the possibility of slight changes."

SAY WHAT?!

Man, how cool is that, and I mean, motherfucking duende cool, in the heat of a presidential campaign, to have the Prime Minister of the country your Court-Appointed President is occupying, gives you a shout out, that you are "The Man with a Plan"?

Before the Neocronies could finish patting themselves on the back, for the Friday accomplishment of the Bush Grindhouse's Orwellian agreement of a "Time Horizon" (Iraqi translation - "Get Out ASAP"), defined by the accompanying qualifier, "aspirational goals" (Iraqi translation - "You sling it any way you want, but you're getting out of here ASAP"), al-Maliki sends them this big, fat, wet, juicy kiss-off.

Yeah, yeah, they be pulling a 24/7 on getting al-Maliki to walk it back, likely to the point that al-Maliki's legs will look like pretzels, but ...

I can dig it, Swope, my mousetrap is yours ...

The cat is out of the bag, the pearl is in the river, the genie is out of the bottle and the GOP is fucked.

Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain might as well just stick to riding around the country in the Dead Campaign Express, beating up librarians, sharing donuts with what remains of his adoring media lackies, with someone sticking a Post-It Note on his forehead, reminding him to vote on November 4th.

This story will be running hot for the next few days, no doubt, the spinning has only just begun, so we'll have more to work with in the days ahead

Meantime, for al-Maliki, and Obama (with apologies for not finding a video version of the Quincy Jone rendition), a shout out of our own;

Aretha Franklin - Oh Happy Day

Bonus Obama Bonus Riffs

Spencer Ackerman: Feel It Closing In

Swopa: A Different Kind of Iraqi Resistance

Steve Benen: What if Maliki changed everything, but the media didn’t notice?

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-20T22:00:00.001-04:00

20 July 2007... On The Garlic

Hold The Phone! ... He Can't Be President, He's Not Part of The Executive Branch ...

Developing Story! A Livid Cheney Moves To Place Chertoff Guts Under Wraps; Future Intestinal Prognostications To Be Kept Secret; Brings In Former U.N Ambassador For Extra Tongue Lashing

Retro Garlic ... Oh, Ed Henry, David Chappelle ... That's Sooooo 2005

20 July 2006... On The Garlic

Eye On The Garlic

20 July 2005... On The Garlic

Editor's Note

This Date ... On The Garlic

2008-07-19T17:30:00.001-04:00

19 July 2007... On The Garlic

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Go to Iraq and fight, Mr. President

MSNBC's Matthews Uninjured Pulling Head Out Of Judy Miller's Ass; Hardball Host Fawns Over Former White House Stenographer; Stays Away From Tough Questions

19 July 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Hannity, Coulter Call For Action; Talk Host Hannity Blasts U.N., Lebanon Over Evacuation; “Again, They Let The Buses Sit Idle”; Gets Backed By Coulter; Evacuate All “Except Any liberals, New York Times Reporters, or Any of The Jersey Girls”

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Ralph Reed Losing His Election

19 July 2005... On The Garlic

Bush Cites Need For Proof, Video To Axe Staff; Says Position Hasn't Changed; Also Laments Not Making Goldberg List

Rumsfield Said To Be Exploring Gitmo Options; Believes Love In Action Group Can Convert Enemy Combatants

Top Ten Cloves: Other Pay and Revenue Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger Will Give Up

Hmmm ... Will The Bush Pioneers Be Raising Money For This, Too?

2008-07-18T16:00:00.002-04:00

It seems, if the 110th Congress isn't going to do it, the citizens of San Francisco are.

That being, they are planning on flushing our Court-Appointed President (H/T Barry Crimmins) down the toilet.

George W. Bush Sewage Plant plan is on ballot

San Francisco voters will be asked to decide whether to name a city sewage plant in honor of President Bush, after a satiric measure qualified for the November ballot Thursday.

The measure, if passed, would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant. McConnell said the intent is to remember the Bush administration and what the group sees as the president's mistakes, including the war in Iraq.

This is cool!

Perhaps, it may take a generation, or two, but little children will learn, when the graduate from potty training, to "Bush" the toilet, when they are finished.

I wonder if The Commander Guy's buddy, Stephen Payne, will be trying to raise money for this?

After all, a significant percentage of people refer to the bathroom as "the library" ...

Bonus "Bushing" Links

The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco

Skippy, the bush kangaroo: what? no public toilets were available?

Wonkette: George W. Bush Sewage Treatment Plant One Step Closer To American Reality

Emptywheel: Does Ray Hunt Do This Kind of Fund-Raising, Too?

Kagro X: Bush "Pioneer" and WH Advance man caught soliciting bribes on tape

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Tomatoes Are Safe Again

2008-07-18T15:45:00.002-04:00

News Item: Warning on Tomatoes Is Withdrawn

10. Barack Obama is switching from arugula, to tomatoes

9. Well, the Government says so, isn't that enough?

8. Whether they are safe, or not, Phil Graham wants you to stop whining about them

7. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft even believes eating tomatoes doesn't constitute torture

6. Stumblin Bumblin John McCain isn't joking that we should let the Iranians eat them, so they can die

5. Nancy Pelosi is willing to put them on the table

4. You're comfortable enough to remove your lawyer from your speed dial list

3. Get Baby Alex to do a new spot, eating a tomato

2. Lift from Popeye, and the Spinach Industry campaign, and have Whimpy say "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a tomato today!"

1. The one big sign tomatoes are safe? Cindy McCain is back scouring the Internet for recipes to steal