Not just another brick in the wall

My next life [Woody Allen]

2010-07-30T01:59:00.001+05:30

"In my next life I want to live my life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!

You finish off as an orgasm!"

-- Woody Allen

Isn't this so true and something that everyone wants?

Side Effects of Alcohol and it's cures

2010-07-30T01:58:00.002+05:30

BEWARE of these side effects & Take necessary care!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink On your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You’re lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You’re looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You’re being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they’re taking you.

5. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You’re in an ambulance.
Cure: Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job.

Some things you just can't explain!

2010-07-30T01:58:00.001+05:30

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, ‘Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain.

The Man Rules

2010-07-30T01:54:00.001+05:30

Finally,the guys' side of the story. (must admit, it's pretty good)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.. You're a big girl.. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us!

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cricket or motor sports

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

10 reasons to date a stunt rider!

2010-07-30T01:52:00.000+05:30

10. Because no matter how nice it is, we still like to beat it up.

9. Because no girl likes a guy that cant get it up!

8. Because we know where all the good spots are!

7. Because we can play for hours and still not get bored.

6. Because we never stop learning new tricks.

5. Because we get our best ideas from the videos we watch.

4. Because we always have protection!!

3. Because no matter how hard it is, we never stop trying.

2. Because your boyfriend envies us.

1. Because we dont care about make, model, shape or color!

Don't be serious, be sincere..

2010-03-15T11:15:00.001+05:30

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?

It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices.

"Don't be serious, be sincere."!

Think of a 'Plan B'!

2009-09-25T02:03:00.000+05:30

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather die than to live another year in prison.

Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.

Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang; the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening when the caretaker would return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free.

The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do it.

The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring. She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.

Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom. The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with a thud. Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her.

To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker.

Many people believe they have life all figured out..... but sometimes it just doesn't turn out the way they planned it.

Think of a 'Plan B'!

Walk when you talk!

2009-08-15T10:37:00.000+05:30

There are times when I ponder over things that pop up in my mind every now and then. One such question is - How to reduce and burn the EXTRA fat?

Well at last, I found the solution here : http://www.walkwhenyoutalk.co.in/home.html

According to the walk-n-talk meter,

If I'm on phone for approximately 6 hours a day - I'll loose 1440 kcal/day !!

Quite amusing.Therefore, I request all my friends to call me up everyday for at least 45 mins..and help me to reduce,please!

WWYT - the new mantra for a healthy life.

Overcoming Recession: The Bhagwad Gita Way

2009-07-27T15:26:00.000+05:30

For My All Friends (IT/NonIT),
Please spend your time to read the below article that I want to share with each one of you

Overcoming Recession: The Bhagwad Gita Way

Although the tough is part of market's sinusoidal behaviour, It is still important for businesses and individuals alike to tide over this wave with self-respect to spare. Amidst this turmoil, where else to look for inspiration than our own Bhagwad Gita. Indeed All one needs to do is just scratch the surface of this reservoir of wisdom to unearth one beautiful pearl after another. So here is the list of Seven Habits of the Toughest People who outlast the tough times. This doctrine will stand everyone in good stead not only during the current times but indeed for all times to come:-

1. Yuktahar Viharasya Yukta Cheshtasya Karmasuâ(Exercise Moderation):
Take the middle path rather than any extreme. Reuse before recycling. Spread your eggs in various baskets. Spend wisely. Monitor expenses. Differentiate wants from needs.
Revise targets, Reset expectations, Revisit the plans, Refine goals. Make your time count, Make your resource count, Make your money count, Manage waste.
Be disciplined in your approach and processes you follow.

2. Swadharme Nidhanam Shreyah Paradharmo Bhayavahah(Focus on your core competency):
Use the available resources to introspect, re-invent yourself and focus on your core competencies. Identify your Swa-Dharma which is nothing but servicing those market needs that you are best at fulfilling. Recession or No-recession, the world has to go on. Figure out where your piece in the jig-saw puzzle and play in the space where you will continue to be useful.

3. Na Hi Dnyanen Sadrisham Pavitram Iha Vidyateâ(Multi-skill/Up-skill):
If you have time to spare because production is down, Use it to build your production capacity. In other words, re-charge, overhaul, upgrade, build additional features in your production engine/service delivery model that will enable you to give your customers more for less â not in current times but even when markets hot up later. Create that balance between your Production and Production Capacity as enumerated by Stephen Covey, remember, Knowledge is Power!

4. Yogah Karmasu Kaushalamâ(Inculcate Quality as the Way of Life):
Follow Karma Yoga - Do the Right thing in the Right place at Right Time.
Let Quality be hallmark of all your products, processes and services. Today times may be recessionary, but when did customers ever not want value for their money? When was the expectation faster, cheaper, better not there? Quality of products, processes and services will ensure faster time to market, right product in the market and reduced cycle time â€“ first time, every time. After all, what you are selling to customers are experiences that enrich their lives. So let Quality be the Culture.

5. Karmanyev Aadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachanâ(Control the Controllable):
Control how you spend, control what you do, respond to the situation â not react.
Belives in the natural laws of Karma, of Action, and Reaction. If you do the Right thing, the result will have to be Right â in whatever shape or form it may occur. So take it one day at a time, One transaction at a time, One act at a time, One thought at a time and just keep your focus on responding appropriately. In cricket, the bowler has to keep pitching the ball in the right spot all the time. If he does that, it is just a matter of time before the conditions induce the batsman in losing his wicket!

6. Udharet Atman Atmanam Natmanam Avasadayetâ(Be the Change You Want See):
You are the master of your own destiny - market conditions notwithstanding! Create positive spirals. Make one good thing dovetail into the other. Start with positive resolutions, manage your time, mange your resources, manage your stakeholders, manage your emotions, manage your expectations, manage your professional and personal life. As Sir Winston Churchill kept telling the beleaguered Britain during the Second World War - Never, Never, Never, Never Give Up.
Also above all love yourself first so that you can able to love others, Eat well, Drink well. Sleep tight like a baby. Exercise. Meditate. Love your near and dear ones. Love your work not your company. No matter what anyone says, Life is good, world is not a bad place at all and what's more , you can make it a little better by what you do.

7. Sukha Dukkhe Same Krutva Labhalabhau Jayajayauâ (Don't Worry, Be Happy): Let go. Take the pressure off. Unload the baggage. Travel Light. Get Out of that Rat Race. Don't worry about the results, about targets someone else set for you - or you set for yourself because of someone else's pressure. If you are doing your best, then results will follow and water will find it's level over a period of time. Answers cannot be consistently wrong if the method is consistently right. Beyond that , learn to accept things as they are. Life as it is. No matter how bad your situation, you can lose your sanity and make it worse.

Last, but not the Least, We all know well that tough times don't last but tough people do. You too can!
Thank you so much for your valuable time.

PHP6 .. whats new in it?

2008-06-22T00:22:00.000+05:30

Unicode

Unicode support at present can be set on a per request basis. This equates to PHP having to store both Unicode and non-Unicode variants of class, method and function names in the symbol tables. In short - it uses up more resources. Their decision is to make the Unicode setting server wide, not request wide. Turning Unicode off where not required can help performance and they quote some string functions as being up to 300% slower and whole applications 25% slower as a result. The decision to move it to the php.ini in my mind does take the control away from the user, and puts it into the hands of the Web Host.

If you compile PHP yourself or are responsible for this on your servers then you may be interested to know that PHP 6 will require the ICU libs (regardless if Unicode is turned on or off). The build system will bail out if the required ICU libs cannot be found. In a nutshell, you'll have another thing to install if you want to compile PHP.