HeartStrings

Changes...

2013-06-24T09:10:00.002-07:00

Thank you to our faithful readers of this blog! Due to various circumstances, we have closed HeartStrings Mobile. You may read more from the author of this blog at http://thisfaithfulmom.blogspot.com/ or follow us at @ThisFaithfulMom

Where Did The Name Come From?

2012-02-09T09:44:00.000-08:00

We’ve been asked why our service for preschool and childcare facilities is called HeartStrings Mobile. With Valentine’s Day approaching, we are once again reminded of why we chose this name.

As working parents, we remember when our young children were in childcare and preschool. It tugged at our heartstrings to leave our son and daughter as we headed to work each day. And yet, our hearts were filled with love and appreciation for the women who snuggled our children, kissed their boo-boo’s and taught them the joys of being in a classroom of friends.

Parents are always connected to their children’s hearts, but HeartStrings Mobile brings that connection even closer with interactive communication between providers and parents. My daughter is now 11 and my heartstrings ache knowing that it won’t be long until she’s heading off to high school and then college. But until then, I’ll continue building the bond that will keep our hearts connected now … and forever.

Please. Stop. Moving.

2012-01-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

Sheesh! I love my little guy, but he NEVER stops moving or talking. He moves and talks all day long until he finally collapses into a deep sleep.

And then this energetic 8-year-old starts all over again first thing in the morning. From 0 to 60 in three seconds. He's dressed and ready for a full day of reading, playing, imagining, eating, theorizing, organizing, talking to the dogs, building Legos, creating spaceships and so much more.

Even now, at 9:23 p.m., he's telling me his legs aren't tired yet. Only his arms are. There's no school tomorrow so we're having some extra family time with finger foods and "camping out" in the living room. His sister (11) crashed on the couch snuggled into my hubby an hour ago and won't wake up till mid-morning tomorrow.

Counting My Blessings
I realize that we are very blessed to have a healthy, energetic, intelligent son who is also very considerate (he spent all day today creating and wrapping presents for his dad's birthday tomorrow). He's not hyperactive – he just has so much to do and talk about. I am so very thankful that he visits with me about what's going on his life. He's a healthy little guy who is growing well and is so very articulate. He gets plenty of sleep (once he stops moving) and is a delight to us. It can be tough to get much writing (or anything else) done when working at home. My prose can become peppered by "Hey, Mom!" and "Look at this!".

9:40 p.m. He's. Still. Moving. Dancing. Snapping his fingers. Spinning. "Disappearing" under the sleeping bag he's supposed to be laying under. Balancing a dog bone on his feet. Discussing TV commercials with us. Demonstrating a Lego project to his dad.

I get so exhausted just watching him. And perhaps I'm a bit jealous. I remember (barely) those days when I could be a whirling dervish of energy, single-handedly accomplishing a never-ending To Do list.

So, as I watch the silent film, The Artist, win the Golden Globe, I recognize the irony of this moment and am ever-thankful for the sounds of my sweet boy. Because it won't belong until he's got his own family and our house will be much too quiet.

Don't Call Me That!

2012-01-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

I cringed when I heard my name yesterday.

I like my name and am glad my parents gave it to me. And this wasn't a situation when my name was being used in vain. Nope, it was as simple as the 7-year-old boy across the street shouting, "Hey Michelle! Look at my new bike!"

"That is so cool!" I replied and admired him zipping around the cul-de-sac heading to our house to show my kids. "Very awesome, bud!"

What's in a Name?
When I was in my twenties and friends introduced me to kids as Ms. Byerly (when single) and then as Mrs. Lefebvre (after getting married), I would say, "That's okay. They can call me Michelle." If the parents felt like it was important for their children to address me formally, I supported that, but I was also okay with being called by my first name.

When I was teaching Sunday School or Vacation Bible School, the children would be more formal – it was appropriate for the setting. But in general, I was still more comfortable with kids calling me by my first name. Yet, now that I have children of my own, the casualness of first names feels a bit strange.

Different Generations, Different Styles
My husband was the youngest of parents who married late and had children when they were older. My mom married at 18 and I was born when she was 19. Because of that, my husband's father is in his mid-eighties (his mom passed away four years ago), while my parents are barely in their sixties.

That being said, my husband was always raised to call adults Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, etc., while my siblings and I addressed our parents' friends by their first names. With our children, we have always required them to address adults (even close friends and neighbors) as Mr. or Mrs. Usually it's Mrs. Jackson or Mr. Brown, but sometimes it's Mrs. Anna. The main thing is for our kids to show respect to adults.

Most of our friends do the same thing with their children, so I've grown accustomed to hearing Mrs. Lefebvre. Somewhere along the way, it's become such a normal thing that I now kinda cringe when I hear a 5-year-old boy say, "Michelle, Michelle. Can James come out and play?"

I'm not sure why. As my mother-in-law would have said, It just seems a bit "too familiar". Don't get me wrong – these little guys are good kids. They are polite, take their shoes off when they come into our house to play (we don't require it, but they do anyway), say "please" and "thank you", and are good playmates for my son. I've never mentioned it to them or their parents – it doesn't bother me THAT much. I'm just getting old, I guess!

So, what do people call you? And how do you feel about it?

The News Stinks

2012-01-09T19:51:00.001-08:00

Today has been an annoying day. Much of the news (especially online) has focused on the birth of Blue Ivy Carter to Beyoncé and Jay-Z, and all of the extravagances that included. While it is yet to be determined what is fact and what is fiction, it is true that the media (including bloggers like myself) have been chattering away about a supposed $1.3 million rental for the hospital floor where baby Blue was born. Yes, the birth of a baby is amazingly special – and stars do deserve some privacy – but this is quite the spectacle.

That alone is enough to get me on my soapbox talking about the entitlement attitude of today's stars, but then the reports continued revealing that the stars' security staff allegedly prevented a father from seeing his newborn preemie daughters. Furthermore, they went on to allege that hospital staffers were required to turn in their cell phones so that no photos could be leaked and apparently also required the staff to tape over the security cameras. While it might be okay to prevent photography by cell phone, if it's true that security cameras were covered, that creates a security risk for all of the patients and staff at the hospital – and even for the very stars who allegedly demanded this behavior.

There's much more I could say on this topic, but so many others have already shared their thoughts. And perhaps, the reports are completely wrong. Just as it was misconstrued a few days ago when it was reported that Elin Nordegren demolished the $12.3 million dollar home she bought. Initial media coverage positioned it as a self-centered indulgence or revenge against her philandering ex-husband, Tiger Woods.

Now, a few days later, the online news media is reporting that Tiger's ex had the property razed because it didn't meet current standards regarding its ability to withstand hurricanes – and it was termite infested. Apparently, Ms. Nordegren had told Habitat for Humanity that they could come in before the demolition and take what they want. That's a bit better. But, in today's economy, it's still tough to stomach the destruction of a $12.3 million property.

Of course, the news continues to be bad. Our state (Illinois) now has the lowest credit rating of any of the 50 states. Yahoo! News reports that the Greek government made a decision to expand a list of disability categories to include pedophiles. The Republican candidates are spending millions and millions of dollars to bad-mouth members of the very political party they belong to. Blah, blah, blah. The news is truly a downer.

A Changing Tide
After a quiet evening with the kids and some relaxing music, my husband and I switched on Rock Center with Brian Williams. This was the reminder I needed of the good in humanity. Always professional, but with a glint in his eye, Mr. Williams delivers the news with just the right tone and tonight was no different. One of the stories that caught my attention was when he introduced "veteran parent" Kate Snow – from the moment that he introduced her as a veteran parent (rather than veteran reporter), I knew this story would be worth my time.

While I was aware of the Percy Jackson books, I didn't realize how they came to be. Middle school teacher, Rick Riordan, had a son who didn't enjoy reading. A loving father spending time with his son was the genesis of this multi-million dollar empire. Ms. Snow went on to effectively communicate the parallel growth of these books and Mr. Riordan's relationship with his son. I hope you'll read more about it here.

As Rock Center was wrapping up and I was winding down, Ron Allen beautifully shared the story of Mike and Missy Wilson who exude love, acceptance and compassion. Nearly in tears watching as these parents talked about their two adopted children from Haiti, you could see the pain in their hearts as they seek to do even more for Haitian kids than they already have. Mr. Allen (himself the adoptive father of an Ethopian daughter) shared the poignant details about how a chance encounter between Pastor Wilson and Mr. Williams led to life-changing events for these sweet little girls. I hope you'll take a few moments to read the report here (and watch the video).

It's Not Over Till It's Over
Yes, it's been a discouraging day seeing all the bad news – or what is construed as good news as in the case of a million dollar birth to two superstars. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle to raise kind and generous children.

I don't want my kids to worship and adore those who shine for a few moments and then indulge themselves in ridiculous ways. I want my son and daughter to recognize and value those who truly make a difference in this world. One person at a time. Not one #1 hit at a time.

Recipe for Success

2012-01-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

I love spending time in the kitchen with my kids. It's a place where we can talk about what's been happening with their day and we can create something together. I've also found that my picky eater is more willing to try – and ultimately enjoy – new foods or ones that he normally wouldn't like.

Besides enjoying their companionship and giving us some good one-on-one time (I sometimes have both kids in the kitchen, other times it's just one), it's a great learning experience. Both of my kids are great readers, but even before they could read words, they could look at the visual instructions on a cake mix which would show a picture of two eggs, a cooking oil bottle and a measuring cup with water.

It All Adds Up
I often double recipes and freeze a full batch for the future. This becomes a lesson in math and fractions as we modify the ingredient quantities to fit our needs. We also talk about how chemistry plays a role in baking as the properties of various ingredients interact to produce the desired outcome (cake or cookies that rise rather than resulting in snacks that resemble hockey pucks).

Nutrition is also at the forefront of our planning. I typically plan meals one week at a time based on our upcoming schedule and what the kids will be having for lunch at school. Because it's easy to get in a rut, I often let the children plan the meals. They know that each meal needs protein, fruit, vegetables and – because we're carb lovers – bread, pasta or potatoes. We are not a family that diets or lives by super-strict food rules, nor are we a family that thrives on junk food. We simply try to maintain moderation in all things, knowing that eating healthy food fuels our body, while a few treats are okay as part of our overall intake. We hope this moderate approach to eating spills over into other aspects of their lives.

Changing Roles
A few months ago, my daughter (who was 10 at the time) said, "Thanks for letting us cook with you, Mom. I know it takes longer when we do it together." She's right. When kids are first learning to cook, it does take more effort as you work through every single step with them. My response to her was, "You're right. It does take longer and you're very mature to notice that. But you know what? Even though there are some times when I need to get dinner ready quickly, all the other nights I enjoy the extra time – I love spending time with you and your brother."

Fast forward just a few months and things have already changed so much. This week I realized that I was providing minimal coaching and we were working as a well-oiled team with each of us putting together a different part of the meal. In a way, it made me sad to know that they're growing up so fast. But in another way, I was so very proud of the independence and capability they displayed as they each make significant contributions to getting family dinner on the table.

Recipe for a Happy Home
Quite often, my favorite recipes come from those church or community cookbooks where people share their family's recipes. Here's the introduction to one such cookbook:
A Happy Home Recipe
4 cups of love
2 cups of loyalty
3 cups of forgiveness
1 cup of friendship
5 spoons of hope
2 spoons of tenderness
4 quarts of faith
1 barrel of laughter
Take love and loyalty, mix it thoroughly with faith. Blend it with tenderness, kindness and understanding. Add friendship and hope; sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake it with sunshine. Serve daily with generous helpings.

Happy cooking to you and your family!

Life is a Game

2012-01-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. But you can learn a lot about life from playing games.

During the winter break, we spent quite a bit of time playing games with our children – both traditional board games and video games on the Wii. At each stage of a child's life, playing games can provide valuable lessons.

Toddlers and Preschoolers
At this age, children can learn some some important fundamentals when playing games with grown-ups. One of the biggest things they learn is about taking turns and being patient. When playing games with children of this age, it's important that each person's turn be relatively short to align with the children's short attention span. That doesn't mean it should be a frenetic, fast-paced crazy game – just one that moves along steadily. In addition, games should be short, averaging less than 30 minutes at a time.

Many games for young children teach them about colors, counting and letters. Quite often, games have a "junior" version that can be used until they're old enough for the "real" one. These include Monopoly, Scrabble and many others. In addition, games for the Wii or other active games (Duck, Duck, Goose) provide an opportunity to exercise and burn off some of that youthful energy.

Primary to Middle School Children
By the time kids are in school and reading, they can move on to many more games. Two of the most critical lessons children learn at this age are about integrity and fairness. Examples of how integrity can be modeled and coached is to be sure everyone follows the basic rules – don't hide a "bad" card or Scrabble tile, don't move your marker when someone isn't looking and don't lie about any aspect of the game.

You can praise their honesty as well as provide consequences for deceit. For example, "Susie, you may not hide cards that you don't like. If you do that again, you'll need to take a break from playing while the rest of us continue with the game." When starting up the next round or game, invite Susie to come back and join the fun with a reminder to be honest.

Fairness is a tough lesson to teach as there are two sides to the coin. First of all, fairness means playing according to the rules and expectations of the other players. This relates closely to the integrity lesson explained above. However, there's also the "life isn't fair" element. Sometimes, even when you play by the rules and are a good sport, you will lose. Unfortunately, this is part of life and playing games with loved ones is a safe place to learn that lesson.

In the previous paragraph, I mention being a good sport. Unfortunately, many adults still haven't learned this. It's important for the adults players to demonstrate how to be both a good winner and a good loser. In addition to being a good sport when playing with children, it's wise to be a good example when playing with adults (kids are very observant) and when watching athletic events (in person or on TV). This is a great time to teach them that good winners don't gloat or mock the losing players, and that good losers don't pout and storm away from the game table, but instead express their congratulations to the winner.

Junior High and High School
By this time, games are more complex and can stretch your teen's mind. Games like Trivial Pursuit expose the players to a wide range of topics while games like Chess encourage critical thinking and strategic planning.

But at this age, the most important aspect of playing games is to keep those lines of communication open in a non-threatening way. Teens really DO need their parents, even if they won't admit it. This is one place where conversations may happen organically just by being together. Of course, teens love video games, so those may become a part of your family game time – be a good sport and play along.

Adults

Although I'm not ready to imagine my children as grown and married (and you probably aren't either), playing games as adults is a wonderful way to reconnect, laugh and share memories. Our family always spends time playing games during the holidays, usually ending up with laughter and good-natured teasing as grandparents try to rock Guitar Hero and the children sometimes beat the adults at trivia games.

Yes, games are a part of life. And they can make your life that much richer. Play on!

This Break Isn't Broken

2011-12-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

At the risk of jinxing myself, I have to admit that Christmas break is going pretty well around here. The kids – who often turn sibling rivalry into a higher art form – have been kind to each other, playing together, helping each other and snuggling in to watch holiday specials. Our tween – who just turned 11, but often shows glimpses of her future teenage self – has been a true delight with sweetness and a general cooperative spirit. Meantime, our 8-year-old son has been peacefully playing and entertaining himself, reorganizing his room, and creating decorations / banners / surprises for his sister's birthday.

We've enjoyed seeing old friends who have returned home for the holidays, spent time with family members, celebrated a birthday, had play dates, and appreciated lots of down time to just enjoy being a family.

To top it all off, the house is clean, laundry is done and put away, nice meals have been consumed (albeit with a few complaints from my picky eater), even more meals have been prepared and frozen for the future, and the dogs haven't eaten any shoes or human toys yet. We've all enjoyed sleeping in or taking an occasional nap. I'm not even behind on anything at work.

Oh yeah, work. That place I haven't been to for over a week. Maybe that's why things are kicking along so well at home.

I've always worked and truly enjoy it, but as the kids get older, it seems like they need me more than they did when they were little. Sure, they don't need to be diapered or closely supervised. Yes, they help with chores and are pretty self-sufficient. But navigating the waters of middle school is something my husband and I need to be there to help them with. Of course, they may not say it in so many words, but we can see how important our ubiquitous support is to them.

Our children attend an academically-challenging Christian school and the homework is becoming a bigger part of their life, as are their extracurricular activities. Friendships are becoming more complex than, "Hey, do you want to play with my truck?" We know that many of the friends they make today will be their friends long into the future and we want to help them build strong relationships.

So, how can I make this work once Christmas break is over? Well, I guess I'll go back to my normal juggling act performed with far less sleep than I need. I'll continue to pray for wisdom, patience and the ability to meet my family's – and clients' – needs as well as I can. And I'll just keep reminding myself that the next nirvana is just around the corner when Spring break arrives.

Mommy's Letter to Santa

2011-12-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year when kids pour out their hearts to Santa about how good they've been and what gifts they want. This year my daughter has put a request on her list that will definitely not be fulfilled. No, we will not be flying Bethany Hamilton to the middle of Illinois in the middle of winter to meet our daughter.

For those of you who don't know who Bethany Hamilton is, she's a teenage professional surfer and shark attack victim who, through the strength of her faith and family, continues to surf and inspire. This year's movie Soul Surfer was based on her life. I'm glad that my daughter has chosen a hard-working Christian girl to serve as a role model, but I just don't have the connections or financial means to bring Bethany to central Illinois – I also don't have the heart to bring a Hawaii native to our cold winter climate.

However, it did make me start thinking. If my daughter can ask for something that is unlikely to happen, then maybe I ought to write my own letter to Santa. Here's how it would go:

Dear Santa,
I have been very good this year. I've taken good care of my children, husband and pets. I've worked hard at my job and have volunteered for numerous activities. So here is what I hope you can bring me:

• A self-cleaning house
• One whole shower by myself without either child or either dog needing "something very important"
• A self-filling gas tank
• Time to read an entire book – just for fun
• The ability to lose 10 pounds without trying
• A short weekend getaway with my husband – while Mary Poppins spends time with our kids and dogs
• Time to cook the types of meals I'd really like to prepare
• The opportunity to watch a non-animated movie – and stay awake for the whole thing
• Beautiful holiday snow – but not on the roads
• Children who never argue with each other (or me, for that matter!)
• The ability to sing and dance like a pro
• And finally, a really good night's sleep!

Thank you very much, Santa! My best to you and the wife,
Michelle

Innovative App Streamlines Activities for Early Educators ... and Strengthens Provider-Parent Relationship

2011-12-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

Our marketing team introduced HeartStrings Mobile last month at the naeyc Expo where it was received with great enthusiasm by childcare providers, preschool teachers, facility directors and industry professionals.

The introductory version of HeartStrings Mobile connects providers to parents with integrated messaging, photo sharing and Daily Activity Reports within a comprehensive iPhone app. HSM also provided enhanced safety with photo IDs for authorized (and unauthorized) pick-ups, access to emergency information and important details about each child.

Primary parent enters details about other family members, nannies,
neighbors, etc., in the Parent Version of HSM.

Teachers and other care providers see details about the child and his relatives in the
Facility Version. An Attendance feature is planned for Version 2.0.

Facility Version also shows a photo of the individuals who are allowed
(and not allowed) to pick up the children.

Additional features and enhancements are already in development, including in-app attendance records, message blasts to all parents (even those who don’t have the app), and the ability to save and print Daily Activity Reports.

The Facility version of the iPhone app is free to preschool and childcare professionals. Parents, grandparents and other related individuals make a one-time purchase through the iTunes Store which entitles them to current features and future upgrades. HeartStrings Mobile is offering an introductory price of $3.99 for the Parent Version. A demo of HSM features is available on the home page of HeartStrings Mobile.

Can Boys Play With "Girl" Toys?

2011-11-30T07:10:00.000-08:00

Snuggling my 5-month-old niece at our family Thanksgiving celebration, I smiled as my two-year-old male cousin wandered toward the kitchen set and started to play. His grandfather said, "Don't get used to that, your dad won't want you to play with it." Wait. What?

I made a gentle comment about how our 8-year-old son asked for a doll when he was two and Santa brought it to him. My son rarely gets "Baby Alex" out of his toy cubbies any more, but for several years, he played with Baby Alex, holding him, feeding him, dressing him, taking him places – in JUST the same way he had observed his own father caring for him. I mentioned this to the boy's grandfather explaining that our son was merely emulating how his dad changed his diaper, snuggled him and participated in his daily activities.

I understand that my uncle (the tyke's grandpa) is very traditional, but the world has changed and BOTH parents are often actively involved in the daily routines of their children. Yet, even among my peers there are dads who won't let their boys have "girl" toys – or even cringe if they see their sons playing with such toys at preschool or with friends. The NAEYC even

Past Meets Present
Was I worried that playing with a doll occasionally would create gender identity issues for my son? Absolutely not! My son also played with trucks, he climbed all over the furniture fearlessly and enjoyed a variety of traditional "boy" playthings. He is a boy – but he's a boy who may become a dad someday. Should we have taught him that caring for a child (in this case, a doll) isn't appropriate or acceptable? No way!

Fast forward to my son today. He climbs trees, goes to campouts with friends, loves Batman and Indiana Jones, plays spy, is a Boy Scout, and runs around with pretend weapons whenever he can. (We never wanted our child to play with weapons, yet we quickly discovered that a boy somehow intuitively creates weapons out of everything from LEGOs to grilled cheese sandwiches. But I digress – boys and toy weapons is a whole other post.)

My son is a BOY. He plays hard and he plays rough. But he is also kind and gentle. I loved watching him in church a few days ago as he smiled and waved at the bored toddler in front of us. After church, he asked if he could talk to the little guy – my son's eyes were soft and kind as he talked to the child and gently patted his hand. My son is going to be an awesome dad someday – and perhaps some of those parenting skills began with a Christmas gift known as Baby Alex.

Working Hand-in-Hand: Home and School

2011-11-23T09:03:00.000-08:00

As I contrast my childhood education with that of my two children (ages eight and eleven), I am constantly reminded at the difference in the expectations of today's students – and their parents.

We have always been actively involved with our children, reading to them from the time they were born, stocking the house with kid-friendly books, taking them to museums, doing craft projects and getting them involved with music from the time they were little (starting with KinderMusik programs). Now they're getting older and the homework expectations are much greater – in both quantity and quality.

Our fifth-grade daughter is doing algebra while our third-grade son is doing geometry. Both children completed a leaf project in third grade – something I did as a seventh grade student. Granted, they weren't expected to go into as much depth with research as I did, but still, it's a "big kid" project. Our daughter is doing monthly oral book reports of various genres including her most recent one based on a piece of historical fiction – in reality, these book reports are speeches comparable to what I was doing in junior high or beyond. Of course, they're both already learning to type, something I took as a high-school elective when my grandfather encouraged me to prepare to "be a secretary".

When I read several articles in the last few days about a report from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (O.E.C.D) which conducts exams for the Program for International Student Assessment (PISA), I was again reminded how important parental involvement is. However, I am not a "helicopter parent" who hovers over every last spelling word and math problem. Of course, I'll help my children with specific subject matter and help them study for tests, but my husband and I strongly believe that our kids need to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for a certain amount of their academics and extracurricular activities. Our children aren't overly involved in school activities (their choice), but they each have piano lessons, Scouts and our oldest is also in the band.

We certainly hope we are providing them with the foundation they need for future success. The study identified three key findings in regard to the outcomes based on parental involvement.

1. Fifteen-year-old students whose parents often read books with them during their first year of primary school show markedly higher scores in PISA than students whose parents read with them infrequently or not at all.

2. The performance advantage among students whose parents read to them in their early school years is evident regardless of the family’s socioeconomic background.

3. Parents’ engagement with their 15-year-olds is strongly associated with better performance in PISA.

So, how do we find the balance between providing the support our children need without preventing them from taking responsibility and growing into self-sufficient adults? I don't have the answer – we keep moving forward and adapting as our children change and grow. The report, as expressed by Thomas Friedman in the New York Times Opinion Pages, shares what makes a difference.

The study, called “Back to School: How parent involvement affects student achievement,” found something “somewhat surprising,” wrote Barth: “Parent involvement can take many forms, but only a few of them relate to higher student performance. Of those that work, parental actions that support children’s learning at home are most likely to have an impact on academic achievement at school.

“Monitoring homework; making sure children get to school; rewarding their efforts and talking up the idea of going to college. These parent actions are linked to better attendance, grades, test scores, and preparation for college,” Barth wrote. “The study found that getting parents involved with their children’s learning at home is a more powerful driver of achievement than parents attending P.T.A. and school board meetings, volunteering in classrooms, participating in fund-raising, and showing up at back-to-school nights.”

Let's all keep doing our best, knowing that the benefactors are our children.

The Squeaky Wheel ... No Longer Gets MY Grease

2011-11-09T16:12:00.000-08:00

Watching the news tonight, they previewed “Gabby”, the book about Gabrielle Giffords’ recovery from a tragic shooting. Earlier in the broadcast they talked about the Joe Paterno scandal. Resilience of the human spirit is often overshadowed by drama and poor choices, but I choose to focus on stories like Gabby Giffords and her intern Daniel Hernandez who stay by her side in her time of need. I will root for true winners like J.R. Martinez who sustained severe burns while serving in the Army – and who continues to serve and inspire others.

I choose to think about my neighbor in the Reserves who is about to be deployed. I pray for the young women I know who have escaped from an abusive relationship – and those who were unable to escape or still want to. Instead of remembering the long lines we stood in for TSA security at the airport, I will remember the applause we heard walking toward our gate as we saw a soldier returning home. I will not glorify celebrity marriages lasting only 72 days. I will, however, recognize those who quietly show their commitment everyday – as parents, spouses, teachers, pastors and friends.

Tugging at My HeartStrings

2011-10-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Some moments I'm a marketer. But EVERY moment I'm a mommy. And today, those personas are conflicted. I am so very excited to be going to the National Association for the Education of Young Children (naeyc) Conference and Expo, but it just breaks my heart knowing my kids are sad about me leaving.

During my 20's, I was on the road a lot – commuting a long distance to work and traveling quite a bit. I loved it even though it was sometimes exhausting. Of course, I missed my husband when I was gone, but there's just something different about leaving your children. Other than sleepovers the kids have had with relatives or friends (and a two-night stay I had for a C-section with baby 2), I haven't been away from my kids for this long.

Yes, there are times they absolutely drive me crazy. And yes, helping kids with math and spelling homework, reminding them to practice their instruments, and enforcing the rules does get boring. But they're my kids. They're the reason my husband and I have chosen to remain self-employed in spite of a horrible economy – we have the freedom to participate in school activities and avoid things like extensive business travel or corporate-mandated transfers. Don't get me wrong – I'm not one of those parents who is so wrapped up in her children that she will has neglected other aspects of her life. Having a strong and committed relationship with my husband is the foundation our children can rely on.

Yet, when my daughter kept hugging me today and asking, "Do you really have to go?", it's hard. Especially since it's Halloween and I'm going to Orlando – the very place they've been asking to go. And when my son quietly slipped a note into the offering plate yesterday asking, "Please pray for my mom to have a safe trip.", it pains me to the very core of my mama bear soul.

I know my husband will take awesome care of them. He is one amazing man – he can run our business while I'm gone, pack lunches, build Legos, give our daughter a pedicure and take care of our volunteer activities at their school. But whose sweaty forehead will I kiss good-night? Whose glasses will I take off (for the millionth time) because he or she fell asleep reading? How will I hear about their day with the excitement they have the very minute I pick them up from school?

I'm so excited about the business opportunity we have ahead of us at this Expo ... but know this. Even while I'm being Michelle the Marketer talking to clients and being my professional best, my kids will be so very close to my heart. All I have to do is reach up and touch the heart-shaped necklace they gave me for Christmas last year. The one that came with an inscription that says, "A Mother Holds Her Childs Hand For A Short While And Their Hearts Forever".

Choosing a Preschool

2011-10-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

As I dropped my 5th grade daughter off at early morning band practice weighed down with her instrument and a backpack full of "big kid" books, it seems like it's only been a few minutes since we made the decision about starting her in preschool. Now we're thinking about high school and college.

I had been home full-time with Bridgette since she was born (except for doing a few freelance projects), so she was a bit hesitant about starting preschool. Fortunately, she was going to a preschool at our church and would be there with her two best friends that she had known since birth. She ultimately did fine, but I sure missed that little one during the three hours she was gone those days.

If you're in the process of choosing a preschool, here's an article with content provided by the naeyc (National Association for the Education of Young Children).

In the meantime, to help remind you how fast our little ones grow up, here are two pictures. Bridgette with her bestie as two-year-olds, on their first day of kindergarten and now as girls on the cusp of being 11.

See you in Orlando!

2011-10-07T10:33:00.001-07:00

Let's get this party started. See you in 26 days!

Who's in Charge?

2011-07-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

When I was picking up my children from day camp yesterday, a dad and his daughter came in to check out the day camp and its private school. While the staff was giving him a sales pitch, he pointed to his 5-year-old daughter and engaged her by saying, "What do you think?" Then he looked at the staff member and explained smiling, "I'm a single dad, so she runs the house."

Wait. What? The kid is in charge?

Based on what I've observed, they're not the only family with that dynamic – he's just one of the few to verbalize it. And then today, I heard a radio commercial that asked the question, "Having a hard time keeping the kids busy this summer?"

Wait. What? It's my job to provide 24/7 entertainment and activities to my children?

I love my kids to death and would do anything for them. I also try to provide them with opportunities to do fun activities and learn more about things that interest them, but I'm not their personal activities director. We don't live in the dark ages – we have all the electronic gadgets and probably spend way too much time in front of the TV – but my husband and I also like to see them stretch their minds and their muscles.

Today my 7-year-old son and his buddy have had so much fun as "Captain America" and "his sidekick". I'm not even sure if Captain America actually has a sidekick, but nonetheless, they have been non-stop busy ALL day riding bikes, climbing trees, making themselves snacks ("No thanks, Mom, we can do it."), changing clothes to create their own "costumes" and generally just being boys.

So, if someone were to peek inside your home, who would they say is in charge? It's something to think about as we strive to help our children grow into responsible, thoughtful and respectful individuals.

Beyond Perfection

2011-07-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm a perfectionist about some things - spelling and grammar, for one. It drives me crazy when the newspaper or TV station have words misspelled or use blatantly poor grammar.

But when it comes to my kids – the only thing I see is the heart that went into their perfect works of art.

What the world needs now...

2011-07-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

The world is filled with many things I wish would go away for the sake of my children. Wars. Illegal drugs. Poverty. Hatred. So many things that we'd all be better off without.

But there's one thing I don't see nearly as much as previous generations did – racial prejudice. Sure, it's still there on some levels, but not the way it was when my grandparents were living. A friend of mine is in the process of fostering-to-adopt a sweet little baby, who happens to be of another race. She was sharing the concern she has about what one of her elderly relatives might say.

My daughter was caught off guard by this. In her mind, the color of a person's skin is no different than the color of their shoes. We talked about it with our kids and explained to them what segregation was like in our country, not that long ago. We shared with them how white and black children used different drinking fountains and went to different schools. And how adults often couldn't see past racial barriers. That led them to the realization that if we were still living in such a society they would be missing out on many of their valued friendships.

We are blessed to be living in a world – and a neighborhood – where we have friends of all different backgrounds living together in harmony, caring for each other. And we are blessed to be living in a time during which prejudice isn't something we deal with on a regular basis.

Sure, our world isn't perfect. But we're making progress.

How to Raise a Reader

2011-07-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've always loved to read. Some of my fondest memories are of my grandmother taking me to the public library in our small town. It was like the bar in Cheers - everyone knew our names. Grandma always had the latest books on her waiting list - those hot books could only be checked out for a week at a time, while the others could be kept for two.

I would browse my sections of the library - first the little kid section, then I graduated to the chapter books. We'd check out our stacks of books and head back out into the heat before arriving home to read our books in the cool comfort of her air conditioned home.

My love of reading continued throughout my life, peaking when I was pregnant with each of my children. The luxury of relaxing in my glider, feeling my babies kick while consuming a wide range of novels, was a magical time in my life.

But after the kids were born, my reading shifted to Goodnight Moon, Guess How Much I Love You and God Gave Us You. We read to the babies from the time they were very young. We had (still have) books in many rooms throughout the house - short bookshelves in their rooms, baskets of books in the living room, books in the diaper bag and car, books always within in reach.

Then I returned to work, first freelancing, then part-time and eventually full-time. The kids could now read their own books and had even advanced to large chapter books, which they read in record time. During my adult life, my own reading had first given way to picture books with the kids, and then to business books and magazines like The Big Idea, The Personal MBA, BusinessWeek and so on.

Reading for pleasure just seemed like too much of a luxury as a mom with 2 businesses, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 1 husband and a never-ending To Do list. But this summer, I've gradually started to allow myself this luxury again. I love getting lost in a book, reading until my eyes can't stay open any more. Whether reading on the iPad or flipping the pages of a traditional book, the words of a good writer pull me in to places I've never been.

Now as the summer continues to heat up and the kids are out of school, I'm doing one more thing to reinforce their love of reading. I'm letting myself read for fun, too. Yesterday was a blistering hot day so we headed to the library (at their request). We each came out with a stack of books and they opened their books the minute we got to the car. We had such a wonderful quiet evening last night while all of us read together, in our own worlds – yet very much together.

Having a Ball

2011-06-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my husband took the kids to a minor league baseball game with a group from our church. Our little guy, James, hasn't shown a huge interest in sports but we've always encouraged him to give it a try. He played soccer for one year in school, but that was it. James is a tree-climbing, "bad-guy" chasing, pirate-imagining, bike-riding kind of boy. He definitely gets plenty of exercise and plays hard, but he's never gotten excited about organized sports.

But just a few days ago, he was playing baseball with some neighborhood kids. Even though they were a bit younger than him, they had more experience. Yet, they were so encouraging as they all played together and he was so excited.

So when the baseball game around Sunday, even before church, he packed up his little blue baseball glove and a ball cap. You see, HE was going to catch a baseball today. Never mind that he is still on the early side of learning to catch a ball gently thrown to him. Never mind the unlikely odds of a ball coming to him. Never mind the fact that he usually plays with his friends instead of watching a ball game.

When my husband and kids got home, my daughter, Bridgette, told me how she'd danced on top of the dugout with some friends. All the while, James was grinning clutching his ball glove to his chest, obviously hiding something. What was he hiding? An ice pack. What!?

While my husband and daughter went to get a drink, James remained seated with some of our friends. Believe or not, the ball came right at him – he held his glove over my friend's head (such a gentleman!) and reached, reached, reached for a ball that landed with a big thud on his shoulder. By the time my husband got back, James was surrounded by people including a representative of the ball team who insisted that he be checked out (hence the ice pack).

So much for catching that elusive ball. Not exactly. Sitting several rows ahead of him was a young man who had just graduated from the same school James and Bridgette go to. Eli grabbed the errant ball and gave it to James.

Wow! Not only did James now have a minor league baseball, but it was given to him by one of the "big kids" from his school. I can't say I'm surprised. Eli is part of a generous and loving family. In addition, the upper grade students at our Christian school do a wonderful job of caring for the little guys. No, I'm not surprised at all. That's just who Eli is. In spite of being on the verge of high school, he was looking out for a seven-year-old boy instead of himself.

James was so touched that he encased his special ball in an overturned plastic toy tub and taped it to his desk. He then asked me to take a picture of him so he could include it in his thank you note to Eli. There are some pretty awesome kids in our midst – and I'm blessed to know several of them.

Virtual Bad Guys

2011-06-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

As parents, we know it's important to protect our children from the "bad guys" out on the street, but it's just as important (maybe even more so) to protect them from "virtual bad guys". This article provides some good tips to ensure that your FB page (and your teen's) are more secure.

Also, did you know that some experts estimate more than 5 million children are under age 11 and a total of 7.1 million are under the legal Facebook age of 13?

What's your stance on this? Our nearly 11-year-old daughter would love to be on Facebook, but she knows it's not happening. In fact, she has told us that she thinks it's "wrong" for kids to go against the rules. (So far, so good.) But unfortunately, quite a few of her friends are on Facebook – and these are kids who attend a Christian school that teaches the importance of honesty and integrity. Now, these aren't bad kids. In fact, they're pretty awesome. But what does it say when we allow our kids to "agree" that they're 13 when signing up for an account or if we show them how to lie to get around the age requirement?

Many of these kids are on Facebook to play games or stay in touch with distant relatives. But some of their FB friends may have other FB friends that don't have the same values that their parents are striving to teach them. Tell me what you think. Where do we draw the line to protect our kids? What safety strategies do you have in place? The world continues to change and technology is driving it. As parents, our job evolves every day and we need each other to protect our kids.

What's your stuff?

2011-06-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today is going better than yesterday. Kind of. After driving off cheerfully to pick up the kids and fix them a yummy lunch, I managed to drop an egg all over the kitchen floor. Have you ever tried to pick up a stringy egg off the floor while simultaneously preventing the dogs from eating it and juggling the rest of the meal you've already started? Good times!

But the next time I turned on the radio, I heard this song that fit my mood pretty well. I hope you enjoy this song called, "This Is The Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli.

My egg might have cracked, broken and spilled all over the floor into a sticky mess, but my spirit wasn't shattered. As Francesca says, "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." May you be blessed, too!

Are we there yet?

2011-06-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

Not to a physical destination ... but back to the school year.

Just a few days ago I was thinking to myself, "I can't believe the kids will be back in school in less than 2 months! We still have so much to do. So much fun to be had. So many great memories to create."

Last night, as I sipped chilled chardonnay, my thought changed to, "When will this end?"

It was one of those days where the kids don't appreciate anything you've done for them. They only want more. Even though they're almost 8 and 11, they don't seem to realize how much extra work it makes when they leave a trail of ice cream sandwich wrappers throughout the house, change clothes 5 times a day, traipse mud into the house, leave toys out for the dogs to snack on and are being driven to every great summer activity imaginable. They're smart kids. They're polite and respectful to adults. They know our expectations. They CAN be responsible, but life has become a free-for-all for them.

Since the kids have gotten out of school, we've gone on a mini vacation, attended swimming lessons, scheduled countless playdates (which reminds me – I need to return a phone call), provided them with fun classes (animation, movie making, secret agent lab, LEGO camp), crafts galore and given them plenty of time to just run and play with their friends.

And oh yeah, my husband and I still have jobs as owners of two companies.

So, when my friend Kim picked up her son from our house yesterday, we talked. Each spring she and I get out our calendars and color-code a plan for the summer including all of the fun I mentioned above. We watch each other's kids one day a week and shuttle them where they need – or want – to go. Since our sons are best friends (2 peas in a pod, she calls them), this is a wonderful treat for them and helps us both with our summer childcare needs.

We talked about when we were kids. Our summer activities consisted of heading out the door after breakfast, running or biking around the neighborhood, and returning home for meals and bedtime. Sure, we're giving our kids plenty of those opportunities, too, but they just don't seem to appreciate ANY of the opportunities we give them. Yes, they enjoy them at the time – but then they come home and grump about wanting more. Shouldn't they be relaxed and happy? After all, the days are filled with fun instead of homework.

Kim and I (and our spouses) are the types of parents that expect our children to show respect and do age-appropriate chores – while also allowing them the freedom to be kids. But today's world seems to create such an entitlement mentality among young people. It's something we continue to combat – finding the balance between giving our children good opportunities without them taking it all for granted.

So, we continue to do our best as parents, knowing that we'll have those "good" days ... and days like yesterday. But they all come together to create another memory-filled summer. So here's to memories – cheers!

Wanna be my friend?

2011-06-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

James is so shy and nervous about going to summer camp. He cried again this morning and tearfully told us why it's such a "bad" place to go. (Full disclosure: It's a great day camp in a new air-conditioned building where they do fun activities with great leaders.) But for him, it's bad because none of his everyday friends are there.

But today, he ran to me with excitement when I picked him up. "Mom, guess what! There was a boy in line and I said, 'Do you want to be my friend?' And then he said, 'Yes, I like Batman LEGOs.' And now we're friends. Come meet him!"

As grown-ups, we sometimes end up in situations where we don't know anyone – when sending the kids to a new school, moving into a new neighborhood, getting transferred for work or attending a fundraiser. We awkwardly stand around and wait for someone to approach us, while everyone else seemingly has the gift of gab. So we think about our opening line: What do you think about this weather? Did you see the game last night? I love your dress.

Wouldn't it be easier if we could be as direct, simple and innocent as James was? Then we could just march up to another adult, stick out our hand and say, "You wanna be my friend?" After all, they may be thinking the exact same thing.