Design Gal & Her Handyman

{DIY ampersand painting tutorial}

2012-05-28T00:20:00.001-06:00

I finally did my picture wall! Goodbye huge clock! Hello cute pictures! I had an idea of what I wanted for my wall and I have a thing for ampersands, so when I was thinking of what to do with my wall, I decided to paint my own ampersand! This was such an easy, fast project and you can do it in so many colors! Here's how I did it...

First, I bought a cheap white 10x10 canvas from Big Lots for $5. Then I spray painted it with glossy Krylon spray paint in Navy. Since my canvas was white, I had to paint a few coats. Be patient & let it dry in between coats or you'll end up with a streaky mess!

After I sprayed my canvas, I grabbed an array of white paints, a pencil, fine tipped paint brushes, & printed a big ol' ampersand out on my computer. I found the ampersand I liked on Pinterest and I used photoshop to make it big - really big- like 7" or so.

Then I roughly cut my amperand out, laid it on my canvas, and traced around it with a pencil. The pencil was visible enough to outline and know where I needed to paint, but if you use a darker shade of paint than navy, you might need to outline with a white pen to see where to paint.

After I outlined my stencil, I started painting! I used a color called egg shell for the overall color, and then on the left edges of my ampersand, I painted bright white to give a little dimension (although it's hard to tell from the picture). Make sure you use a fine tip paint brush that's not too flimsy. My tip was probably about 1/4" thick with a pointed tip.

Once I was finished and let it dry, I hung it with some other pictures and I love how it turned out!

{california love - girls trip 2012}

2012-05-27T00:05:00.001-06:00

The gals, driving the streets of L.A. stopped at a traffic light- quick! Take a picture!

Last year, my mom and I were supposed to fly to Sacramento to spend a long weekend at a cabin on a lake with her cousin. It was a girls getaway and we were so looking forward to it! Sadly, my mom's uncle passed away the week before the trip and we ended up driving to southern California with my aunt and grandma for the funeral.

Fast forward to this year. As time passed, those flight vouchers started to burn a hole in a pocket- my dad's pocket (no they weren't his tickets, but they sure were on his mind!) My dad started hinting to my mom that they should use the tickets to go on a trip, and my mom quickly reminded him that those were girl trip tickets! She knew she had to act fast and with Andrew and I being so gung-ho (is that the right spelling?!) about getting pregnant, she invited me to go along. Who knew when we'd have another opportunity, especially if I got pregnant. Well, little did we know, I would get pregnant before the trip, and although the pregnancy didn't last, the trip came at a perfect time.

Two days after I began to miscarry, my mom and I left for our California getaway, and let me tell you, it was just what I needed to heal & get my mind off things. I had the time of my life, laughing, talking, and being with my best friend. Here's a little recap and favorite moments of our trip...

Riding the ferry to Balboa Island. So, so pretty. Oh how I wish I could buy one of the cottages on the island!

Of course, we had to stop and get a frozen banana from Dad's. So delicious! My cousin, who showed us around that day, used to live in the apartment above the ice cream store! How fun, right?

If you're ever in Southern California, you must visit Descanso Gardens. Thanks to my mom's Red Butte Garden membership, we got in free! The gardens were beautiful, but my favorite part was touring the Boddy House, which is located on the property. In 2007, Pasadena Showcase House for the Arts chose the Boddy House to be transformed into its 43rd annual Pasadena Showcase House of Design. (The interiors were so beautiful, they deserve their own post).

Another highlight of the trip was visiting the The Getty Villa in Malibu. Another must see if you're in So Cal. When we got home and I was reviewing my pictures, I started noticing most of the pictures I took at the Getty were of the statues. The male statues... that were nakie. Bah ha ha ha ha! Maybe my subconscious was missing my husband?! Who knows...pretty funny coincidence though, right? Lol!

I loved the entire trip! Mom, thank you so much for inviting me and for creating memories I'll never, ever forget!

{picture wall}

2012-05-15T23:34:00.000-06:00

I have a wall in my kitchen that is known as the "clock wall". See, I live in town homes and it seems every other person had the same idea- to put a big clock on this wall in the dining room. Honestly, it doesn't look bad- other than my clock hasn't worked for 2 years...so I think it's time to update it. Here's a little inspiration I found...

I kind of like the different plates! Wouldn't that look cute in a kitchen too?

{a random change}

2012-05-12T21:56:00.001-06:00

When I first started blogging, I would do these little "getting to know you" surveys all the time and post them. I like reading about other people, so you should do this too- then leave a comment so I can read yours!

1. What is the best (or your favorite) book you have ever read and why? A Girl Named Zippy by Haven Kimmel. Seriously, the funniest book I've ever read. I love this girls style of writing and I read it anytime I need a good laugh.

2. What is your favorite meal to cook? Favorite or easiest? It seems one in the same- recenly I've been making this yummy beany salsa. Not really a meal but it's so good and so reminds me of summer!

- 1 can black beans drained - 1/4 c diced nacho jalepenos

- 1 can corn drained - 3 tbs balsamic vinegrette

- 2 cups diced roma tomatoes - 2 tbs olive oil

- 1 bunch of cilantro chopped - 1 tbs sugar

- 1 clove of garlic, minced - salt and pepper to taste

- mix together & allow to sit for one hour before serving. I like to serve with Fritos Scoops. YuM!

3. If you could have lived in any other era which would it have been? Have you seen Midnight in Paris? It's like my favorite movie - I'd love to live in Paris in the 1920's. Or maybe California in the 1950's...although, I'd probably be one of those feminist housewives, not conforming to ironing my husbands clothes and having dinner on the table by 5:00...so probably the 20's when I could rebel and cut my hair into a bob and do the Charleston.

4. Who have you been told you look like? Jennifer Capriati - only when I was about 50lbs thinner.

5. Favorite TV Show? Modern Family, hands down

6. What brings you inner peace? Valium. Ha- seriously though, it does. Also inspirational quotes, scriptures, and listening to others and trying to believe when they tell me things will all work out how they're supposed to.

7. Tell me something you're good at. C'mon, brag! I'm a heckuva recorder player. Hot Cross Buns, Oats Peas Beans are a few of my specialty songs. Also, people tell me I'm good at decorating.

8. Ever chopped your hair super short? Pictures? OMG, yes. Right after I got married. As if marriage wasn't change enough? I chopped my hair. Never. Again.

9. What is included in your vision of "The Perfect Day? I'm pretty sure I experienced that while I was in California with my mom. I was with a person I love, doing fun things, in a beautiful place.

10. What piece of furniture in your house is your favorite or that you are most happy with? (picture?) Probably my office desk - it's made of an old door, two file cabinets & some glass. Read about it here.

11. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go, who would go with you and how long would you like to stay? Paris, with my husband, and I would buy a house so I could visit with amyone as often as I wanted.

{that time I was pregnant}

2012-05-09T00:33:00.000-06:00

I've gone back and fourth about sharing this on my blog, and after much debate, I decided to post what I had originally wrote a few weeks ago. I've shared everything with you up to this point, from the vag ultrasound to acupuncture- the ups and downs, and your emails of support have been amazing! So with that said, I hope that in sharing this, I can bring someone else who's experiencing the same thing some comfort, which is what you've all done for me.

...Today is Tuesday, April 17th. It's a rainy spring afternoon, and the weather outside matches what I am feeling inside. Drab. Cold. Gray.

I've debated writing this for a few hours now and while I'm not enteirly sure I'll click publish quite yet, I need to get my thoughts on paper (so to speak).

There has been so much I've wanted to blog about the last few weeks. So much I wanted to share- my excitement, my anxiousness, my worries. So much in fact that I wrote an email to myself so I wouldn't forget. I'll share it here to give you a peek into what was going on...

Thursday, April 5th. I’m writing all of this before I post it on my blog while the memories are fresh.

We had decided to adopt. After trying to conceive for three years, we felt in our hearts that adoption was the right step to take and figured that conceiving just wasn’t in the cards for us, and I was coming to terms with that. My period was to start on April 3^rd. When it didn’t come, I was bugged. I was past hoping for a pregnancy, but I was frustrated that my cycles were becoming longer and longer. First it was the normal 28 days. Then it was 30. Then 32. When I still hadn’t gotten my period by the 5^th of April, the thought that I might be pregnant crossed my mind, but only for a split second. Instead of being excited, thinking I could be pregnant, I was annoyed. I had one pregnancy test left from a pack I bought that had 3 in it. The first two tests brought heartache and major disappointment. Each time I had pee'd on that stupid stick, I was full of hopeful anticipation. Now I was just annoyed. I hastily took the test out of the package, did my business and then waited. Instead, this time, I threw a washcloth over the test and continued to get ready for work.

Two tests earlier, I would have studied that stick like a hawk, praying my heart out in the three minute waiting period for two lines to appear, only to be struck with disappointment as a single line became bolder. That was usually followed by feeling a wave of sadness engulf me. It was a vicious cycle, and I wasn’t going to let that happen this time. This time, I could care less. I just wanted to know and it didn’t matter, anyway. I knew I wasn’t pregnant. About 5 minutes later, I walked back into the bathroom and grabbed the test from under its hiding place.

Two lines. One light and one dark. But there were two parallel lines.

I squinted at it again. Clearly I wasn’t seeing this correctly. I picked up the box to make sure I was reading it right. Two lines = pregnant. My head slowly turned up and I met my gaze in the mirror. Furrowed eyebrows and a look of confusion stared back at me. If I could have taken a picture of my face I would have. It was a look of complete and udder shock. I didn’t let myself get too excited because I thought it could have been a false pregnancy. Still, I threw on some clothes, pulled my hair up quickly, skipped putting on makeup and left the house to show Andrew. He was going to be so shocked...

As I re-read that email I can't help but cry. I was so, so excited. Finally, what we had wanted for so long, what we had waited for, prayed for, and hoped for, was happening. I made an appointment with my fertility doctor that morning and a blood test confirmed what my home test had told me. We were expecting. My hcg level was a 70 and my progesterone was low at a 10. My doctor immediately prescribed Prometrium to spike my progesterone levels. Another test two days later showed my hcg levels at a 170 (doubled = good) and my progesterone was good. They estimated that I was about 4 1/4 weeks pregnant and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound on Tuesday to check the yolk sac (when I would be 5 weeks along). Tuesday came and I anxiously waited on the exam table. When they nurse came in, she told me to lay back and scoot down (I should have remembered from last time) and started the ultrasound. As she was looking around, her face got a bit serious. Looking at the same black and white screen, I couldn't tell what the heck I was looking at. She hesitated and then said that she wasn't seeing a sac- or anything. I told her I was pretty sure I ovulated later than they thought, and if that was the case, I'd only be about 4 weeks pregnant. The nurse told me at 4 weeks they wouldn't be able to see anything, but she was still a little concerned it could be ectopic (since my levels were going up but no visual). This, of course, sent a wave of panic through me, and she sent me to get another blood test. I went back to work and waited until that afternoon, hoping for the best, but I knew something wasn't quite right. The call that came later confirmed what I was feeling. The HCG levels had gone up, but just barely, which caused them to be more concerned. Usually with an ectopic pregnancy, your levels will slowly increase, but won't double or triple like they should. I freaked out and had a mental breakdown right there at work. My coworkers, I'm sure, thought I had gone crazy, as nobody knew what was going on. I left early and called Andrew on my way home, bawling and telling him what happened. Hoping that I was just a week behind, my doctor scheduled another ultrasound for the next Monday and the wait was torture. I still had all the symptoms of early pregnancy (tender breasts, fatigue, semi sick) so I tried to stay positive and spent the rest of the week praying and hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

See, I'm a realist. While I do believe in miracles and hope for the best, I can't help but look at what doctors and scientist are putting in front of my face and agree with what they say. When my doctor told me it could be ectopic, I was really concerned it could be. When they told me that my levels weren't rising and something wasn't right, I believed them. Andrew, on the other hand, is much more hopeful. He kept telling me he knew everything was going to be fine, and while I wanted to believe him, I just knew in my heart something wasn't right.

Finally Monday came and I found myself once again on the exam table. Andrew was with me this time and another doctor was doing the ultrasound, as my doctor was out of town. Once again, the black and white screen showed nothing. I was disappointed, but somehow expected it. Andrew, on the other hand was crushed. The doctor told me that even if I had ovulated later, they should have seen a yolk sac at this point. Now I was really freaked out it was ectopic. They drew more blood and I waited at work for them to call. Finally, at 5:00, my nurse called. I stepped outside, standing next to my car as she told me that my HCG levels were a 6. They dropped so suddenly and they were so low, the pregnancy couldn't be sustained. She expressed how sorry she was, but the good news was that I got pregnant without any fertility aides. All I could do was nod, which over the phone, doesn't translate. My voice cracked as I verbally thanked her, and then I couldn't stop sobbing. She told me to stop taking the prometrium and that I would probably start bleeding soon and again, she was so sorry.

I was devastated. I called Andrew and we both cried on the phone. I left work and cried the whole way home. We told our families later that evening and by that point, I was numb. I didn't cry when I told them, which was frustrating. Looking back, I think I was probably in a little bit of shock.

The next day, when I woke up feeling crampy, it hit me. I called my boss and started bawling when she answered, telling her briefly what happened and that I needed a day to myself. Thankfully, she understood and I hung up, buried my head in my pillow and sobbed. I knew I needed to get up and make myself be productive (my way of coping) so I painted my dining room wall. There were times during the day when I felt fine and then, suddenly without warning, the tears would come and when they did, I let them fall.

A few days after my period started, I left on a trip with my mom to Los Angeles. It had been planned before any of this happened, and I feel like it came at a perfect time. I was able to relax, take my mind off of what was happening, and spend time with on of my favorite people- my mom.

I still have mixed emotions about my miscarriage. On the one hand, I got pregnant. Without fertility drugs and without ovulation kits. I now know my body is capable of getting pregnant, which is great! But at the same time, I wanted that baby so bad. I wanted it to stick and to work out and to be healthy. In the short time I was pregnant, I let myself think about how we would tell our families. Creative, fun ways - we had decided to tell them on Mothers Day. Finally, I thought, I get to celebrate with the millions of other moms. I let myself think about how I would decorate the nursery if it were a boy or a girl. I thought about when I would be due - right before Christmas. I downloaded an app on my phone that gave weekly baby updates (which after miscarrying, still popped up until I figured out how to uninstall it, adding salt to my fresh wound).

And yet, I still got pregnant. Even if it was for a few short weeks. Who knows what the future holds. Maybe it'll happen again. Maybe it won't. We're still continuing the adoption process and praying for the best. This time, I'm learning to expect the best too- whichever way it turns out.

{that time I got acupuncture, part one}

2012-03-28T00:00:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard, Andrew are in the process of adopting. It's a long, long process- one that you should be totally invested in. One thing they tell you is to make sure all of your eggs are in one basket. Don't be riding the fertility treatment train if you're also planning on making stops at adoption town (great analogy, right? ha!). You get what I mean, right?

The hubs and I talked about this the day we got home from the adoption orientation. Were we really fully invested? Yes, we think we are. Is there anything besides InVitro that we haven't tried yet? No, we've tried it all...meds (holistic and traditional), shots, pills, massage, reflexology, IUI, etc. I was checking my email as we discussed this and when a city deal appeared in my inbox, I suddenly remembered one thing we hadn't tried. Acupuncture. The thought of multiple needles sticking in me made me a little apprehensive, but I thought, "Hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?" One last effort, and by golly if the city deal wasn't just for that!

I immediately bought the deal. Half off your consultation and treatment. I called and made my appointment for the following Monday.

I went during my lunch hour and had told my co-workers about the appointment. The ones who had previously had acupuncture told me about their experiences. They said it helped them heal (mainly with pain) and was totally relaxing. Others who hadn't had it done had the same worries I did.

I arrived at a little office in Cottonwood. The doctor was a nice, young guy who just recently opened his practice. I told him about my fertilitiy issues, PCOS, and what I've tried so far. He told me how acupuncture worked (increased blood flow, etc) and that he'd only be placing the needles below the elbow and below the knees (which was a relief, as I didn't want to get nakie). The room was a relaxing shade of sage green, softly lit with a paper lantern. The shades were turned to block the light and someone had sewn a canopy that filtered the florescent lights out of black, green, and tan printed fabric that I recognized from Ikea. It was nice and relaxing and I wondered if it was harmonious with feng shui design. All it needed was a little fountain of some sorts.

I laid down on the padded massage table and before I knew it, I had a dozen or so needles in me in various spots on my arms and legs that corresponded with my reproductive areas. I half expected to feel a poke or a pinch in my womb area when the needles were inserted, but I was surprised that it didn't hurt at all, and once they were in, I couldn't even feel them. He dimmed the lights, shut the door and left me to meditate. The relaxing music of chinese violins and flutes lulled me into a deep state of relaxation and I tried to invision myself pregnant. You know the power of positive thinking? All the "if you wish it, it will come" type of thinking? That's what I was trying to do. About half way through my meditation, I began to hear the sound of children. First it was quiet and then began to increase. Not giggling, sweet voiced children, but screaming and yelling children. "What the heck?" I thought. I thought maybe I had taken my power of positive thinking too far and was having some weird hallucinations about kids until I realized the office window was about 15 yards from a school and the kids were out for recess. I tried to ignore then and then thought I'd try to incorporate the sounds of the kids into my positive thinking (yay kids! I love kids! even screaming kids at recess!), but really, all I wanted to hear was the chinese flute as I invisioned a fetus growing inside of me. Not kids yelling, fighting over a game of dodge ball.

When it was over, the doctor came back into the room, removed the needles (again painless) and I left feeling rejuvenated, relaxed, and anxious for my next treatment....

{adoption orientation}

2012-03-27T21:03:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, the hubs and I attended an hour long adoption orientation at our adoption agency. We decided to go through an agency founded by our church, and our local office is conveniently located right across the street from us.

Naturally, I was a little apprehensive and nervous. I had no idea what to expect and tried not to have any expectations at all (which if you know me, is impossible).

We arrived 15 minutes before the orientation was to begin, and the minute we walked in I evaluated my surroundings. As Andrew checked us in, I found a seat near the front of the office on a floral tapestry sofa, circa 1995. The teal velvet club chairs and scroll woodworking on the coffee tables reminded me of the lobby in my church growing up. It may have been the extra large, silk floral arrangement in the center of the table that threw me over the edge, or maybe it was the fact that it was so silent, you could hear a mouse fart, but suddenly, I was overwhelmed with feeling like I was about to confess my sins to my old bishop. Not a pleasant feeling.

I squirmed in my seat and was distracted from my thoughts by the front door opening. More couples were filtering in, giving their names, and sitting in seats around the lobby. I wanted to badly to get up, introduce myself, and make friends with the new couples in the room. After all, we already knew we had one thing in common- infertility- but the deadening silence and awkward glaces we exchanged increased the intimidation I was feeling, so I stayed in my seat.

Finally, we were called back to the conference room where we were seated around a ginormous conference table. I half expected Donald Trump to enter the room and chose which one of us would receive babies and who would be fired. I looked around at the other couples and suddenly, I felt as if I really was in the beginning stages of some reality show where the winner was awarded a baby. I couldn't help but think of the other couples as my competition and started sizing them up. Who would get picked first? Did they have an advantage? My thoughts were interrupted when a sweet faced, fashionably dressed woman came in and introduced herself. She introduced herself and gave a brief introduction of the orientation and then asked each of us to introduce ourselves. We were first. Andrew looked at me, giving me a half nod while raising his eyebrows to let me know I needed to take the reigns on this one. I decided to keep things short and sweet.

I started things out cheerfully- probably a little too cheerful to mask my nervousness. "Hi! We're the Crawfords- we're here because we haven't been able to get pregnant (obviously) and we're anxious to learn more!"

I wasn't really sure if that was the kind of introduction they were looking for, but I must have opened a gate of some sorts, because after us, each introduction became a little more personal and indepth. The couple next to us told about how they've been trying for three years. The next talked about the son they've already adopted and they're hoping to adopt again. Some people gave details about their infertility, including diagnoses, etc.

As the introductions continued, my feelings of competition faded. We were all there for the same purpose and it really didn't matter who got what first. We all just wanted to be parents, more than anything.

The orientation really opened my eyes to adoption. Questions were answered and and more questions were brought to mind. There is a lot to decide and even more to take in. While I wish I could say I felt totally at ease with the process, I'll be honest and say that I felt like the orientation is kind of a "weeding out process" (which, come to find out, is what other adoptive couples have said too). Adoption is not for the weary hearted. It's going to be a long, hard, emotionally draining and filling process, but one that is so worth it with a priceless reward.

We feel ready and we're diving in head first.

{scarf season}

2012-03-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

The weather in my neck of the woods has been crazy lately. For the past few weeks, it's been warm and springy- so much that my daffodils are about to bloom, and then, like a thief in the night, it's crazy windy and cold. It even snowed tonight. That's Utah weather for you! Tonight as I was bundled up, browsing around pinterest, I stumbled upon these pretty scarves. Perfect to keep warm & yet light enough to wear in the spring! Plus, they seem easy and cheap to make! (Click on the image to be linked to the site they originated from.)

{window seat love}

2012-03-18T23:26:00.003-06:00

I saw this picture and instsantly fell in love. My first thought, of course, was "how hard can that be to make?!". I have a few ideas...it's just waiting for the weather to turn! Oh how I wish we had a garage! Wouldn't this be a great project for a woodworking class? It's got my wheels turning!

{chicken fiesta nacho dip}

2012-03-15T23:39:00.002-06:00

So lately I haven't wanted to cook- at all. For example- the other night, I said to hell with it and made tuna sandwiches. Except we didn't have any bread because I've been too busy to go grocery shopping. So we ate it with crackers. Don't judge.

I mean, I get it. I won't be winning any wife of the year awards, but honestly, that's okay. See, I do 99.9% of the cooking around this neck of the woods. My husband is capable of making the following: Velveeta mac and cheese, waffles, sandwiches, and pigs in a blanket. While I do love me some Velveeta & hot dogs wrapped in Pillsbury croissant rolls, I don't want it every week. You see, growing up, the hubs mom did all of the cooking (and cleaning, but I'll rant about that later). Then, when he was in his late teens/early twenties in the Philippines (serving a church mission for two years), he had maids/cooks. He's been spoiled his whole life, and I had no idea until we were locked in holy matrimony that the man couldn't cook to save his life. I was deceived into thinking he could at least grill up some chicken, as he had made (or so I thought) a lovely meal of grilled chicken when we were dating. Little did I know, his mom made it and he took the credit!

Anyway, so like I said, lately, I've let dinner run it's own course. Every night I come home from work and think to myself, "Gosh, how lovely would it be to come home from a long day at work, take a shower, and sit down to a nice, well balanced (hot) meal that someone's prepared for me?" (I wouldn't know...actually, I would, but those were the days when I lived at home and mom cooked...thanks mom! I truly appreciate you now!)

So today, the hubs had the day off and I sent him to the store for some supplies.When I got home, I sat him down and gingerly told him that he's gonna start learning the basics of cooking. Come hell or high water, we're going to start taking turns making dinner! His enthusiasm for this new project was not as high as I expected it to be, but at least he didn't argue it, so I checked it off as a victory. We'll start with the basics- tacos, pasta, grilling, etc...easy stuff, you know? The guy likes to work with his hands, so chopping and stirring is right up his alley!

Tonight we started with something very basic- it's easy, fast, filling, and low fat.

I call it Chicken Fiesta Nacho Dip. Here's how you make it...

1 can black beans rinsed & drained (low sodium is what we use)
1 can sweet corn drained
1 can Rotel drained
1 can diced chilis
1 block of fat free cream cheese
1 tsp chili powder
2 chicken breasts, grilled and shredded
Diced jalepenos (optional if you want an extra kick)
Shredded cheddar cheese (optional if you want it extra cheesy)

Mix all ingredients in a large pot, stirring until the cream cheese has melted. Serve with tortilla chips or scoop into soft tortillas and bake as enchiladas.

See, easy peasy. Now let's see if teaching the hubs how to cook is as easy. Wish me luck!

{a few thoughts}

2012-03-11T23:17:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I just want to write and not worry about making it entertaining or funny. Most of the time, if I do just write random thoughts down, I don't end up posting them here. Well, I'm changing that. It's my blog and I'm letting my thoughts flow. Read on if you'd like.

I was reminded of a few things this week & these two quotes summed them up perfectly.

Earlier last week I heard about an old acquaintance that had died. We went to the same church when we were kids & since we both went to different schools & lived in different neighborhoods, we didn't keep in touch. Hearing of his passing was really hard for me. The circumstances were incredibly unfortunate and while I was really sad for his friends & family, I was also angry. I speculated about what could have possibly caused him to take his own life. It made me think about intolerance, about misunderstanding & nonacceptance. I let myself dwell on this for awhile and then realized that it wasn't my place to speculate or judge.As someone who's struggled with depression personally, I was really upset to hear of another person succumbing to the hurt and pain. It's just really unfortunate.

It made me think a lot about life & our purpose. I thought about happiness and the things that truly make me happy. I also thought about making others happy. I realized I need to focus more on others- helping & serving. Random acts of kindness. Doing something every day that makes me happy & making time for the things that make me happy.

This is the other quote that really hit home...

So very true. Things are sometimes said in the heat of the moment. I'm guilty of not thinking before I speak from time to time. Don't we all? Lessons were learned and apologies made. I appreciate a good apology- it takes a lot to say you're sorry- even if you're not the one entirely at fault. It shows good character & no hard feelings.

{the night the hubs thought he was dying}

2012-03-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

Ohmuhgosh- is anyone else out there plagued with sickness?! Our family has been struck with one vicious bug. Andrew came down with it Friday night. Have you ever seen the "Man Cold" video? Well, it was like that but x10. (If you haven't seen it, please watch before proceeding. Makes me laugh every time!) Poor hubs was so sick. He woke up in the early morning hours coughing, which naturally woke me up (I'm such a light sleeper) so I got him some liquid meds and we went back to sleep. A few hours later I heard him dressing for work & told him it would probably be best to take a sick day. Being the tough guy he is, he shrugged it off. (The man has never, in the entire time we've been married taken a sick day). Even with a bit of a fever, he marched on to work. I called him later in the day to see how he was feeling. He didn't sound so good when he answered. He was sick- very sick. So sick in fact that he came home early, showered, and went straight to bed. He slept for the rest of the day & I slept in the guest room that night.

About 4:00 in the morning, my phone rang. At first I was startled and worried. After all, who calls that early unless it's bad news? When I saw it was Andrew I was confused.

Me: "Hello" (groggy voice)
Him: "I need help..." (sounding desperate)

I hung up thinking that maybe he'd thrown up or fallen or something. I went into our bedroom to find him sprawled out on the bed, with the back of his hand draped across his forehead, lying there in agony. At first, the sight almost made me laugh. Here was my big, buff handyman laying in such a dramatic pose, but then I realized he was in real pain. He told me he had called out for me. He said, "shan....Shan....SHAN!" but I didn't come. So he dialed my number (I'm dead serious- now you can see why I referenced the Man Cold! Ha!)

He was on fire and he told me he thought he was dying (another Man Cold reference). He said he needed to go to the ER. He was genuinely scared and dead serious. (See, I'm not the only dramatic one when I'm sick). I told him he wasn't dying, but we needed to take his temperature. Unfortunately at the time, we didn't own a thermometer (I guess that's a must have when you have kids, which we don't, thus the lack of one in the house), so I told him I'd be right back and went out to find one...which proved almost impossible at 4:00 on a Sunday morning.

First, I ran over to Fresh Market (formerly Albertsons) and while there were about 4 cars in the parking lot and all of their lights were on, they were closed. Crap. So I drove 4 miles in the opposite direction to Walgreens (which I thought were all open 24/7) but sadly, they were also closed, as was Maceys Grocery store (which is usually open 24 hours...except on Sundays). At that point, I was out of options. As a last resort, I called my neighbor on the way back to my house to see if she had a thermometer we could borrow. I felt horrible calling at that hour, but I was desperate. She said she'd look & right then I spotted a 7-11. Much to my surprise, they actually had one! Hallelujah! I quickly text my friend and told her never mind and sorry for waking her up. When I got home, we took his temperature- it was 102, which really isn't good but it also wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. At least not bad enough to constitute an ER visit.

You see, I really didn't want to pay the $100 copay at the E.R. (Am I a terrible wife to think of the cost before my husbands health? Honestly, if I really thought he was in danger, I wouldn't have questioned it...probably) So I suggested we call the 24 hour nurse hotline that my insurance offers. The nurse eased his nerves and told us he'd be ok- just take 800mg of ib profin and if the fever persists the next day, to go to instacare.

Long story short, he took the pills, we both went back to bed & when I got home from church the next day I took him to instacare. Turns out he had a double ear infection & the Dr gave him some strong meds. Poor guy was so sick....and then he gave it to me. So here I am, sore throat, headache, & tossin' my cookies. I went to the Dr. tonight to see if it was strep (since those are classic strep symptoms for me) and sadly, the rapid strep test came out negative. (Don't you hate going to the Dr when they tell you it's probably just a virus?)

So I'm waiting it out- hoping the strep culture they sent to the lab comes back positive (so at least I can say "see, I thought so!") and also hoping it all just goes away soon! Hope you don't get sick too! Happy Monday :)

{life is beauty full}

2012-02-29T22:47:00.004-07:00

Don't you love this?! I saw this on a friends blog awhile ago, saved the picture in a file, and just today I stumbled upon it once again. A happy little accident, don't you think?

I'm loving the aged wood sign and the paint chip garland. So creative, right? Inspires me to find an old piece of wood and paint!

thanks Joanna, for the picture!

we're taking the plunge!

2012-02-27T21:39:00.001-07:00

So, we start the process on Friday. Once we're approved, it's a waiting game from that point...but we're so excited and this feels so right!

If you've gone through the adoption process, shoot me an email & tell me about it!

Thanks for all your love and support! xoxo

{V is for Valentine}

2012-02-12T23:51:00.001-07:00

I spent most of my day yesterday (Saturday) at my letter press class up at the UofU and loved it! (Well, aside from the lady that wanted to trade cards and then gave me a sheet of hers that was smudged and crooked, after I had given a sheet of one of my best...live and learn, right?)

Aside from a bad trade, it was such a neat experience being able to choose the type, set it, and then actually press it! I was amazed at how simple the process was, though very time consuming & labor intensive. (Now I know why it's so expensive!)

If you ever get the chance to take a class, you must! I hope to do it again soon!

Here are a few examples of the cards I made. We printed on 5x8 sheets that were perforated (like real old fashioned valentines!)

I love them so much and spent so much time on them, I almost don't want to give them away! I'm thinking I'll frame a few and use as decor for Valentines Day.

Tonight, my mom hosted and prepared a delicious Valentines dinner - heart shaped meatloaf, seasoned red potatoes, and a strawberry spinach salad. Yum! After dinner, we decorated sugar cookies. I love our traditions and the effort that she puts into carrying them out- thanks Momma.

{valentines print freebies}

2012-02-07T23:43:00.001-07:00

I was browsing around Pinterest tonight and I realized that I haven't put any of my Valentines Day decor up. I thought about going through the attic to get it out when I realized I don't have much when it comes to Valentines decor.There are so many easy, fun projects out there too, and I feel like I don't have much of an excuse. Growing up, my mom always had cute decorations up. It wasn't overdone, but it was just enough to be festive and noticable.

So in an effort to make some quick Valentines decor tonight, I worked on a few easy prints. The beauty in these prints is that you can easily keep them in a frame and switch out pictures. Easy storage, right?

(sorry for the blurry picture! blogger is uploading my images all funky...)

Feel free to download (for personal use only, please)! Each image measures 8"x10"

Click HERE to download C'est si bon (right)
Click HERE to download Dedicated to the one I Love (center)

Click HERE to download the Love Languages (left)

{before there was pinterest}

2012-01-30T22:21:00.002-07:00

Back in the day, I used to browse through my moms magazines, and when she was done with them, I'd tear out pages that I loved and place them safely between sheet protectors in my huge black binder.

This came in pretty handy when I started design school. One of our projects was to create an inspiration book- little did my professor know, I had already created about 4 of them!

I loved these binders and I'd often browse through them, replacing pages with new ones and keeping the pages I cherished most towards the front of the notebook. I'd save projects that I loved, pretty pictures, ideas, and images that inspired me. I hadn't looked at that binder in years, and when I found it as I was de-cluttering my craft room, I was surprised at how much I still liked the images I'd picked 8 years ago! Funny how our taste may change, but the root of our attraction to things is buried deep in us.

As much as I love this old binder, it's not very practical for summoning quick inspiration. After all, I'd forgotten about it before I stumbled upon it tonight! I guess that is the beauty of pinterest and other social media sites. We can tag, pin, and post pictures instantly and they're neatly organized to can be viewed anywhere.

Still, I'm having a hard time parting with my notebook. The nostalgic part of my brain is telling me to keep it, while the other minimalist part is telling me it's cluttering up space and I probably won't even look at it for another 8 years.

What would you do?

{Sundance Film Festival 2012 - Middle of Nowhere}

2012-01-23T22:14:00.001-07:00

Living in Utah and in close proximity to Park City, it's completely natural and a common occurance to see celebrities right and left this time of year. Afterall, there is a film festival going on.

Let's just say Andy Samburg is not on a boat and Taylor Swift is currently freezing her teeny little arms off.

The truth is, most of the time you don't see a celebrity. I've gone up to the film festival a handful of times to see who I could spot, and my one and only celebrity sighting was Bennifer years ago at a gas station. It was late- like midnight, and they were pumping gas into a large SUV while I gawked and pumped gas into my red little Plymouth Acclaim. Naturally, my friends and I wanted to play it cool and didn't dare take a picture (this was before I even owned a cell phone, let alone one with a camera on it), but we squealed and screamed as they drove away. Then we did what any 19 year olds would do. We tried to nonchalantly follow their SUV, until they drove into a gated community and the chase was over. I'm not sure what we were thinking...actually, I do. We were probably thinking that we'd follow them to a party with P-Diddy and get invited in! (Bennifer, in case you can't remember is what they called Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez when they were dating. Yes, it was that long ago!)

And in all the years the festival has been going on, I've never seen a film...until this year (thanks to my amazing mom)!

Last Saturday, we brunched at Gourmandise and then headed over to the Rose Wagner Theater for the showing of Middle of Nowhere.

I loved the film. It was beautifully shot and it was thought provoking. There was some great eye candy (I'm talking to you Omari Hardwick) and I loved Emayatzy Corinealdi's hair. She was overall lovely.

After the film, a few of the cast memebers came out for a quick Q & A with the audience. It was such a treat and so neat to see the stars up close and personal! Of course, my mind blanked and I couldn't think of anything intellectual to say. All I wanted to say was, "Damn baby, you fine" to Omari. Luckily, there were people in the audience who commented and spoke exactly what I had thought of the film. If you get the chance to see it, you must!

Also, at the end of the film, the audience members had the opportunity to vote for the film as it was eligible for an audience award. Of course I gave it the highest rating and I hope it wins! Have you seen any films this year? What did you think?

{picking up a few new hobbies}

2012-01-18T22:18:00.001-07:00

The Utah Valley University Community Education catalog just arrived and I spent awhile last night circling this class and that, deciding which one I wanted to take this year. I have taken the digital photography class (which was great because it taught me how to use my camera better, but the teacher was kind of a grouchy man), and I've thought about taking cake decorating (I love me some cake), but since I'm watching what I eat, I decided on water coloring. I've always been fascinated with it, so I'm testing my artistic abilities!

via lovely indeed

I'm also taking a letter press class and I can't wait!!! I adore letter pressed prints & I can't wait to make a few of my own!

Are you interested in taking some classes too? Check out your local University for Community Education classes! Many of the school districts offer classes too (I've taken everything from upholstery to jewelry making where we soldered our own silver rings!) Here are a few link. Register quickly as classes start soon!

Granite School District Community Education
Utah Valley University Community Education
University of Utah Continuing Education
Sycamore Street Letter Press Classes

{color inspiration}

2012-01-09T21:29:00.002-07:00

I stumbled upon a little gem of a blog the other day and fell in love with her color inspirations! The girl, is actually one of my sister in laws friends from high school- small world, eh?

I'm thinking of going with this one for my guest room/craft room...

Mixed with a little of this...

And I'm thinking of this for Andrew's office- we're both sick of the orange.

What do you think?

{my new year mantra}

2011-12-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm alive. Don't worry. I've been M.I.A. these last few weeks and I have the holidays to blame...mostly. The 12 Days of Giveaways went really well and I was happy with the results! Sadly, the vendor for day #12 had to back out at the last minute, but it's okay- I have another giveaway planned for the new year!

Speaking of the new year, it's just days away! I've been thinking about resolutions and more than that, I've been thinking of my new years mantra, and while I've never really had a mantra that I have lived by, I decided that this year, I'd start.

It really wasn't hard thinking of one, considering everything I've been through this year, so I decided on Hope. I have hope that no matter what life throws at me, I can over come it. I have hope that things will work out the way they're supposed to. And more importantly, I have hope in my Savior, Jesus Christ and know that He will never allow despair to overcome my spirit.

I stumbled upon this little clip the other day and it summed up perfectly what I feel. I try not to get too preachy on my blog, as I believe each person has their own, individual believes and I respect them, but I wanted to share this clip.

Last month, Andrew and I decided to try IUI, or Intrauterine Insemination. It was something that we had really thought and prayed about and felt like it was the right time to try it. It's an expensive procedure (our insurance doesn't cover it) and a gamble. It's wasn't guaranteed and the success rate was only 10-20%. Still, we were hopeful that we'd get pregnant.

We told our close friends and family, and they were all rooting for us. After the procedure was done, all we had to do was wait. Those weeks seemed to take forever, all the while I was imagining all the fun ways we could tell our family we were pregnant...and then, it came. My period.

I knew the chances of becoming pregnant were slim, but I had still hoped for a pregnancy. The next few weeks were the hardest, as the people who knew about the procedure were beginning to get curious. Was I pregnant? With each question of, "So...?" or "Any news?" it became harder and harder to shake my head and say, "No...not this time..." and it became somewhat of an elephant in the room. Each year, Andrew's family throws their annual Christmas party on the first Saturday in December. As we were getting ready to leave, I broke down at the last minute and told him I didn't want to go. It wasn't that I didn't want to see his family- I love his family- it was just that I couldn't bear telling one more person that I wasn't pregnant. How could I get through the night without bawling? We went to the party, and did my best to not look anybody in the eye. I tried to stay in control of the conversations, and nobody asked, but I knew it was lingering in the back of their minds. When Santa asked what I wanted for Christmas, I said, "new countertops" when really, I wanted to say, "a baby". I suppose that's what comes with being so public about our stuggle with infertility- everyone asks about it. It's natural to be curious and most people are sensitive about the subject and sympathetic. Still, it's hard.

It's been hard these last few weeks. At times, I have felt that I've lost hope. After all, isn't it easier to succumb to despair, that it is to hold onto hope? Through it all, and especially this time of year, I've been able to focus on the Savior and that has saved me. I have faith that He is mindful of me and that things will work out, one way or another. And I have hope that there is reason to rejoice, even when all seems dark around. Hope is the anchor of my soul.

{winner of giveaway #11: Dreaming of Stiches}

2011-12-20T13:54:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to Rebecca VanWinterswyk, who won the Dreaming of Stiches giveaway! Please email me your info!

{winner of giveaway # 8, 9, &10}

2011-12-13T15:23:00.001-07:00

I'm so sorry for the delay in announcing the winners of giveaway #8, 9, &10! So without further adieu, here are the lucky three...

The winner of the Sealed With You monogram necklace is comment #18:

Cameron and Nonie

The winner of the Lap of Luxury cloche hat is comment #28:

Andrea Le Albee

And last, the winners of the Oh Henry Print Shop are comments #13, #9, & 18:

One Fish

dnA

Katie

Congratulations! Please email me your information to pass along to the vendors! Thanks to all who entered!!!

{day #11: Dreaming of Stitches}

2011-12-11T15:07:00.001-07:00

Ah!! Sorry for the delay! I had a few technical issues and I'm glad things are running smoothly again! Today's givaway is by Dreaming of Stitches and they're offering the winner their choice of any of the Ready to Ship onesies!

To enter leave a comment here.

For an additional entry, follow Dreaming of Stitches on Facebook!

The winner will be announced on Wednesday! Good luck!

Also, be sure to check out her Etsy shop to see more homemade ruffle bum onesies and baby leg warmers!

{day #10: Oh Henry Print Shop}

2011-12-10T11:44:00.001-07:00

I love me a great print & even more than that, I love new calendars for the new year! So when I found oh henry print shop on etsy, I knew I wanted her in my giveaway!

Abby's designs are clean, modern, and would look perfect on an office desk or adorning a wall in your home!

Today Abby is giving THREE winners one item of their choice from her shop! Wouldn't this be a great Christmas gift? Maybe even as a neighbor gift with a cute tag that says, "May the new year be filled with many happy days!"

To enter, leave a comment here!

If you blog, tweet, or share the love on Facebook, you can enter again!

Calendars aren't the only thing that Abby designs- I love her modern take on silhouettes! Check out her etsy shop for more of her great designs!

The winner will be announced on Tuesday!