open your mind

Reoccurring

2012-01-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

that constant fear
that constant notion
that constant thought that keeps trying to resurface
push
push
pushing to the top of it all
floating back up
and letting you know it exists
it still exists
always will
now matter how many rocks you tie to this
radioactive
destructive
addicting
repulsive
thought.
its there.
living in silence
waiting to rise up.
waiting to resurface.

Bedtime.

2011-12-26T22:40:00.001-08:00

Fall into the sky
Disappear into the earth
Feel the wind pass you,
Can you feel it ?
It hurts.
A thousand pricks slice
A coldness comes on
The earth is soaked
And red now runs.
But I fall into the sky
I fall up into the stars
Gravity no longer exists
And I no longer resist
The earth is now my home
I fall back into my place
Back into my time
And back into my space.

Out of Time

2011-12-22T13:41:00.000-08:00

The howling wind kept my small body shivering, the snow was piling on this small rooftop like a coating of cupcake icing and there was still no sign of him. It was five till nine and time was slowing down all around me. I looked around the empty lot and imagined him running through that door, ready and willing. But there was just the door and the sound of the city breathing. I love this place, you could see the whole of Chicago from here, covered in a thick layer of winter but beautiful none the less. All the shining lights kept me hypnotized, lost in my thoughts of what would happen now? Would he swoop down and save me, take me away like he unwittingly promises? Or will I be left to endure this frigid winter alone? Wounded. It was always push and pull with us. We were always an almost but never a yes, never a for sure, never a forever. I waited my whole life for him, and I feel like nothing but his back up plan, just his plan B. Nine on the dot. I guess plan A must have worked out. I stepped up onto the ledge, and I stared down at the city that was my entire life. My face was hot, the cold couldn't bother me now. Standing over the city felt calming, numbing even. He wasn't coming and I was done with this game that I've been losing. I wanted to keep this image of my beautiful city in my mind, a winter wonderland that never let me down. I took a deep breathe. I slowly turned my back to all the sounds of life and flickering lights. I closed my eyes and thought of all the times I felt like I was the only plan he ever wanted. Times that seemed like I was the only thing that could light up his world. The scent of his coat as he hugged me, that smile that said I love you and only you. Its now or never, this is it. It's the beginning, or the end. I let myself fall back into the cruel city, it was all slow motion but I could hear the wind rushing as gravity pulled me down. And there it was, that awaited sound that always drowned out the cries of the city. A loud call, but somehow soft as he said it, "..Hannah?"
It was him. He was late.

©HeyJude

Through It All

2011-11-16T14:03:00.001-08:00

it's hard to come across this,
to miss something like this.
To let it fly by your life without trying to even reach for it.
But i have it,
I've nabbed it,
and now its mine to keep,
to flaunt,
to show off to the world what I've got.
I'll treat it with care,
treat you with care and cherish everything your sharing with me.
I could be the world and you my sky,
i could live a thousand lives
and still love you all my life.

©HeyJude

Sky

2011-11-16T13:02:00.001-08:00

A quiet and silenced sky lies over me, a cool breeze of rain to come rushes over me. Pulling my hair back, the wind leaves my face in an absolutely peaceful expression; In shock. As if I've opened my eyes for the very first time, all the colors swirl together. It's so beautiful and real, i'd swear it was fake. Just a dream. Look up at the sky, the way the clouds flow and dance above us, free to forever roam the world with their everlasting glory. Lay back and watch the world turn now, watch how the silk colors in the sky leave you behind in a blanket of diamonds. Stare, drink in the raw beauty of a silenced sky, embrace the world around you before it passes you by.

©HeyJude

Our Burning City

2011-10-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

The cities burning
and blackening our skies
engulfing our lives
and no one sees
no one asks, why?
why oh why
do we not care if the world dies
do we not hear her pain
do we ignore her cries at night
turn our cheek to keep her problems out of sight?
Blind.
that's what we've become
smelling the smoke and then we run
we're done
we're killing her
and us at the same time.
we're careless
blind.

©HeyJude

The Kiss That Never Was

2011-10-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

Slowly reaching midpoint, you grabbed my hand
you're warm.
your smell is comforting and voice inciting
your love is soft and tasteful, my ears are burning and my body's slowed down now.
Your holding me and i'm safe, I've never felt more comfortable then i am in your arms.
I could be here forever with you, just watching the world pass us by.
It's like were the only two existing now, i'd walk the world in search of you if i had to
i'd never give up.
your kiss is what lets my night become day, the kiss that never was has always been.

©HeyJude

Death Has His Ways

2011-08-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

Death Has His Ways

By Ariel Perez

No one ever figured that I, the supposed soulless creature I am, could ever want, need, feel or even love. I live vicariously through my many victims, going through and reliving each of their past moments like the chapters in a book, some too short, some long. I watch invisibly and try to feel what they throw away so easily, I try to feel alive, to feel something other then the nothingness that resides where a heart should be. It was a beautiful kind of torture, one that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t resist. Their worlds were turning until I came in, I’d creep my way through the shadows that you carelessly over looked, I hid in the corners of your vision. I was the shadow you could have sworn was there a minute ago. And just when you turned a new corner in your life, whether you were ready or not, I’d rip you away from this world that you loved to hate.

And then come the inevitable questions.

“What dose it all mean? Why now? What did I do wrong? Why me.”

Why you? Because you’ve been gorging yourself on fast food since you could walk. You’re the one who broke into that bank and didn’t expect security to fight back. You are the hit and run drunk driver who ended up in a ditch.

That’s why.

I am the endless scourge of the earth, I am what people fear, loathe, hate and I am the end. It’s all just a matter of time for you, but time dose not exist for me. Only eternity exists, I have no end. I was before your earth and before your Gods that you tremble under so much. I am what everything eventually reaches in their existence. I am what lurks in the dark when you refuse to enter. I am the everlasting. And I am forever alone.

©HeyJude

Two Worlds Apart

2011-08-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes
i feel like i'm loosing my mind
the world feels like a fuzzy dream
it's something i cant reach
as if the world is some how going to fall away from me
i run
i sprint
i fly
i chase after that dream
heading for the sky, it floats away
i stare.
the world crumbles
it dismantles, and now there's no air
the sun disappears
all that i feel now is fear
i'm falling into forever
falling into the world
falling into my bed

©HeyJude

The Monsters Come Out At Night

2011-08-04T00:42:00.000-07:00

The Monsters Come Out At Night

By Ariel Perez

Every night he came home with an unchangeable anger in his heart and alcohol on his breathe. And every night I held my breath, pulled my cover up close and shut my eyes as tight as I possibly could. I hoped, and I prayed that tonight he wasn’t looking for someone to push around and blame for his troubles. He usually was.

Jimmy wasn’t always like this, cruel, vindictive, and hurtful. He use to love me the way I still love him. Jimmy was the type of man who would bring me flowers for no reason, or would take me out to eat at a fancy restaurant on a whim. He was different now, something in him broke, and he changed into a monster. He changed into someone who blamed the world and the ones around him for his troubles. He was angry all of the time now, and no matter what I did to try to help, to try to make him happy, I was the target of his rage.

At first it wasn’t too bad. He would get mad at me for not cleaning the house to his expectations, or because the dinner I cooked for him wasn’t just right. He would always come out with, “it’s like you’re trying to piss me off Kate”. This was always followed by a shove or a slap. I didn’t think he really meant to hurt me at the time. I just thought he lost his temper sometimes.

I was wrong.

One night he came home around 3am, drunk and full of anger. He went into our kitchen looking for a hot dinner, but it had already gone past cold. I woke up to him dragging me out of our bed by my legs and down the stairs. I started screaming half way down, but he kicked me in my ribs and kept me quiet. He dragged me into the kitchen and told me to cook him dinner. I was scared of him, and I didn’t want to make him any madder so I started up the stove top. He got impatient and said that I was moving too slow, so he grabbed my hand and held it down on the red hot burner. I screamed, I cried, I begged and i cowered but he didn’t care. He went to bed and left me in agony on the floor with the stench of my burning skin in the air.

I should have left then, but my love for who he use to be, it was still there.

Hoping. Waiting.

I could hear him trudging up the stairs now, tonight felt like one of those nights. The kind of night where everything was my fault, and he had to let me know it.

He turned on the lights.

“Kate..Kate..” He shook me, trying to wake me up.

I looked up at him.

“Jimmy please, I’m tired, I want to sleep. Just come to bed and sleep with me”

-BAM- I could feel my cheek turning red from where he had just slapped me.

“DON’T, you ever tell me what to do, you bitch”

All I could do was stare up at him like the scared little mouse I was.

No. I can’t do this; I can’t stay here and let him pull me down into the black abyss where his rotting mind was already living. I have to leave now, it’s now or never. He was already creating a path of destruction and I was at the end of it. I was always the goal in his fits of rage, always the never ending target.

I made a run for our door but he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me down to the floor with him. I tried to fight back as best I could but he was thick, he was stronger then i was and he knew it.

He put me in a headlock and whispered, “Where do you think you’re going Kate? You’re mine, and ill never let you go”.

“Jimmy please!” it was all I managed to choke out before the started to tighten his brawny arm around my thin neck. I could feel my heart racing and my lungs aching to a breath of air. I started to scratch hard at his arm and he let go.

“You bitch! I give you everything and this is how you thank me?!”

I was gasping for air when he shot up and stood over me. He started to stomp and kick me as hard as he possibly could. I could feel my body bruising and my bones breaking under him.

“Help!! HELP! HE-“

He shoved his oversized boot on my neck, I couldn’t scream out a word and I couldn’t breathe. I stared up at him with my begging eyes, but he just stared back.

“Weak. Pathetic..” he said.

He got down on the floor, only to throw his big hands around my bruised neck. He sat down on my broken body and held his grip. Tighter, and tighter.

My tears felt warm on my face, and my body started to twitch.

“How could I ever be with someone like you Kate?”

“Ji-Jimmy, y-you’re breaking my h-heart..”

Then, everything went black.

©HeyJude

And So I Wait

2011-07-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

And So I Wait

By Ariel Perez

I could look into her eyes for days, forever, and I know that every time she would break my restless, bleeding and ever trying heart. She would never know the truth that resides in my soul. She would never know my truth, the way I adored and craved every word that spilled from her thin pale lips. I would make her my world if she would just have me a part of hers, but to her we were bound by the fence of our friendship. I know that in my world, that god forsaken fence has been torn apart and done with, but in hers it existed for protection, as if she were waiting for a war to break out. She would be forever prepared. I was her lonely neighbor who peeked over that cold barrier every now and then to say “Hello, the world is not so bad, come out in the sun, give it a try”. Staring at her across our coffee table was always a bitter sweet challenge. She told me everything that ever came to her mind, she told me who she could not and would not trust but that I was one of the few. I’ve known this, I’ve always known this. With me she dose not struggle to rephrase what is spilling from her flooded mind, she’s not afraid to let me hear what’s going on inside her gated world, a world I envied to be a part of. We could talk for hours on end, when everyone else had gone to sleep in the world we were still up with cups in our hands and telling endless stories. She was an amazing creature. And though I loved her, loved our friendship it was a curse as well. Life was dangling water over the head of a dehydrated and delusional man. She was what I could never have, I was her safety zone, the one she confided things in and it killed a part of me. It tore at me and it raged inside my heart but this was what she needed, a good friend. I would always be there for her, until the end of time itself; I would be what she needs. She was a challenge that no man could win, when she spoke you could hear in her words that part of her was missing, broken, and she could not fix it. She wouldn’t let anyone near enough to even try. I wanted desperately to fix her world, but she would not let me near the broken part of her, I could tell the way her eyes went empty sometimes that it was too painful a subject. She was screaming silently in her mind but wanted no one to hear. This made my heart sink into the pits of my stomach, when I could not pull her away from drowning in the deep sea that was her mind. All I could do was change the subject, make her laugh and hope that it somehow brightened up her day, just for a few moments. I hoped that one day she would give me a chance to save her, to change her world for the better. Until then I would be here listening to her every word, it was always more sweet then bitter. My heart was scared and sore but it could take the lashings, and so I wait for a chance, a hope that some where in her world for one that there would be room for another.

©HeyJude

Rot

2011-05-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

is it wrong
that i hope darkness swallows you?
wrong that when your gone
i feel strong.
you could disappear and the world would just move on
nothing would freeze
no one would be crying
or praying on their knees
we'd all takes a breathe
and feel the relief
of years of restlessness.
So go on, rot.
go on and get caught.
I could care less.

©HeyJude

Destination

2011-04-25T06:19:00.001-07:00

Destination

i pace
back and forth.
i can walk for miles here
in the weather
its freezing,i can see my breath every few seconds
my cheeks are the coldest, redrying every few minutes
memorys in mind and conversations repeating
reliving places we went,
going over life,
this is the longest walk ive had
but ill walk till my feet bleed
ill walk till im out of breath
i love the cold.
i love the chill and numb feeling of it
so much, i could lay in the snow and not wake
i wouldent mind, its beautiful here
i can see it now
almost there
this is it.
this is the edge of the world.
This is the end.

©HeyJude

Soundless Words

2011-04-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

Soundless Words, By Ariel Perez

whispered feelings
and mummered words
they fall from my lips sometimes seeming absurd
is it bad i want to scream?
is it a lack of selfesteem? Or is it something hiding in me?
something dark that i cannot see? Tell me
why my words are glass,floating in the air like butterflies
waiting to crash,you cant catch you cant snatch,Crash.
shattered shards lay on the floor im cornered i cant reach my door
so can you sweep up the peices and keep up what this is?
glue them together and tell me its better?
dont worry
dont fear
calm down
im here
can i scream my feelings
and yell my words?
can i say what i want, without being absurd?
this is absurd,
here i am
writing my quiet words
click clicking of my words
barely a sound they'll never be heard

©HeyJude

**old, but thought I would post someting

Hospis

2011-02-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

Hospis

hes dying
no turning back
hes on a one way road
theres no where to go
just forward
im like a camera
i watch, i hear
no movement
im full of fear
cause, theres nothing to be done
hes done
i see his ghost in his eyes
he knows, and he cries
years of age, wrinkled under his eyes,
the smell of war tainted his skin,
he always knew what would happen to him
hes still a kid at heart
no lies, this is a new start
but whats my part?
hang back, take a seat
watch this man, slowly be beat
death is on his lips
he can taste it
we smell it
theres no arguing it
you cant throw a fit
theres no one to hit
i cant believe that
this is it
hes forced to quit
here i stand
while hes thrown in the pit

- For Rogelio 'Rocha' Perez

©HeyJude

Will You Be Mine?

2011-02-04T14:20:00.001-08:00

Will You Be Mine?
I’ve been seeing her for weeks now, every morning she rushed through the cold to get her medium coffee, and every night she fell asleep to her music, fearing the silence of the night without it. I first saw her at a music shop, I was getting my violin restrung and so was she, it was fate. It was the smell of her coffee that caught my attention, caramel swirled in the air around me. I turned to find her,a water fall of orange flowed down to her alabaster skin, she had big green eyes that reminded me of ponds and a distinct birth mark on her chin that id grow to love..
After watching her and getting to know her for the past four months, I decided that I needed to talk to her. Just being around her in the shadows of the day wasn’t enough anymore, I needed her with me always I burned for it, for her. I wanted to taste her sweet lips on mine, I wanted her to hold onto me and never let go. I wanted to wake up to her entrancing scent every morning instead of catching its stale and long gone presence.
I needed her.
I prepared a room just for her, if we were going to be a couple she would need he own space sometimes. I worked on the room relentlessly, it needed to be spectacular, it needed to wow her. I bought her favorite 700 thread count silk sheets for her bed, five pillows two with frilled edges for decoration, which she never slept on because they bothered her when she slept, and one knitted blanket for cold nights. It was exactly like the bed she had at her apartment, a deep green that matched her wondrous eyes and a dim gold trim, I know she will love it.
She was my life now, my Amanda; I had everything I knew she would love from her favorite shampoo down to her scented candles that she lit every night before bed. I had spent countless hours getting to know her, changing my world for her and now, well now we were in love.
Today was the day, I was ready and all set up. I had her favorite color on, a deep green sweater and I even had on a cologne I knew she liked on, I was ready. Amanda would see me today, she would see me the way I see her, it will be perfect.
I followed her into her regular coffee shop; I ordered the same thing she got every morning to spark a conversation.
“ So..uh, you like the caramel latte too huh?” She looked at me a bit startled but gave a slight smile.
“yes..” she coughed up, “but I like mine with soy milk you know? It tastes a bit sweeter to me that way”
I panicked for a moment, soy! I forgot to add soy milk to my latte like she dose religiously every morning. How could I be so stupid, I can’t screw this up.
My latte was finished first, I planned it out so that I would be the one to walk away first.
“well”, I looked at her with my deep gray eyes and half smile “guess ill see you around uh.. I didn’t catch your name”
She smiled.
“Amanda, my name is Amanda”
“well I’ll see you around Amanda..uh, my names Allen by the way”
I turned and began to walk away, I took a sip of my steaming latte and then turned back around with my cell phone in hand.
“Hey Amanda, can I uh, can I maybe get your number?”
She looked me up and down playfully; kindly she took the phone from me and typed in her number. I knew it, she loved me.
I don’t know what happened; we were having such a great time. We were having dinner at this Italian place I knew that she loved, she had gone there many times for her ritualistic girls night out. Now here she laid, a gash on her head, bleeding, her limp pale body begged me to scoop her up and hold her.
I took her back to my apartment that would soon be ours, I laid her on the bed I had for her in the room I prepared specially for her. I’d wait for her to wake, I closed the door and locked it.
Hours later I heard her banging on the door, screaming to let her out, why was she so mad? Everything I did, I did for her. I turned my life upside down to satisfy her needs to give her what she wanted and this is what she dose?
From inside my room I could hear her faint “Let meeee out! Please! Don’t hurt me Allen please!”
Hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt her! I loved her, I wanted to be with her forever. Ill go talk to her at midnight, she had to understand, she would. And she’ll find me romantic for it, at midnight it will be the fourteenth, February fourteenth Valentine ’s Day, the day of love.
I waited till Amanda tired herself out, and then I slipped inside into the light, no more shadows. She was sitting in a corner sobbing, her hands covered her face.
“why are you crying?”
She looked up at me with her full green eyes, squinting from the tears but staring as if I were a monster. Her eyes could be so cruel, just like I could be so cruel..
I grabbed her by her wrists and lifted her up, she was so light. She tried to fight back but she wasn’t strong enough. I had control of her dainty little wrists now, she wouldn’t stop moving, she was making me hurt her.
“why are you doing this! What did I do!?”, her words started to slur with her crying. “please! I know your not a monster, please just let me go Allen!”
I pinned her to the ground, both wrists in one hand and my other brought a kitchen knife up to her tender neck that I dreamt of every night. She let out a quick gasp, the cold steel of the knife gave her small body goose bumps, I could feel them on her wrists.
She was so beautiful, even with her wet cheeks and messy orange hair, she was so perfect. I looked up at the clock that was set on the bed stand, digital so she could listen to her music on the radio, she loved music.
12:00am
It was time, this was it. I looked down at terrified yet angelic face
“Amanda..” , I took a breathe, “Will you be mine?”
I pressed the knife to her neck.

3/28/2011 - This story was picked for First Place in the Fiction section of a writing contest for "The Midtown Journal"

©HeyJude

The World Ends With You

2011-01-08T12:23:00.001-08:00

The world ends with you.

“LeAnne, I can’t do this anymore. I love you more then anything but you’re too over baring! Your controlling, I can’t even go out with my friends with out you having a fit. I dropped my social life, my friends, the things I love doing for you, and its still not enough! I just think..”

I stopped listening after that. I froze up with the first few sentences, they lasted forever. I had a knot in my stomach, my heart dropped and I couldn’t breathe. He was my everything; I tried so hard to be everything he ever wanted and now this? My eyes were swelling with tears, I could taste the streams of bitterness running down my skin.

He wasn’t the only one who sacrificed, I gave up my life so we could have our life. He was a part of me no matter what.

“LeAnne? Please say something. Why do you do this, you ALWAYS do this! This is it LeAnne.. Im gone.”

Everything was moving slowly, time was almost at a stop. What happened in seconds felt like decades. All I could do it stare at him, watch him walk out our door, our home, and leave me alone in this prison. My head was pounding, my brain felt like it was somehow suffocating and I just couldn’t hold back my tears. Everything was blurry when I stood up from that irritatingly itchy jungle green couch he picked, I hated that couch more then anything, but he loved it. When I stood up he was still walking to the door.

“Jason..” Nothing.

“Jason!” I yelled but he wouldn’t turn back to me, he was trying to walk out of my life forever.

“JASON! You can’t leave!” as I yelled that I grabbed the lamp we picked out together, and I smacked him on the head with it. He fell down with the biggest thud, and he didn’t move. He started to bleed and moan, I grabbed a scarf and I wrapped it around his head to stop the bleeding. I can’t let him leave me.

I dragged him to our bedroom. I pushed him up and set him on a chair from our dinning room. He hated these chairs but I didn’t think he would mind too much. I tied his arms and legs to the chair, when he woke I would tell him how much I love him, why he needs to stay, ill make him see ill make him understand.

His head was still bleeding when he woke up, but only a little. I was cleaning the mess in the living room when I heard him, I stood in front of him.

“Le..LeAnne? I can’t..everything blurry. I can’t move my arms, LeAnne??”

He started to look around at himself, realizing the chair and why he couldn’t move. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, the same tears I had before.

“Jason. I had to do this don’t you see? You were going to leave me here alone, I couldn’t let you leave. I know you love me Jason! And you don’t leave people you love.”

I put my hand on his face and just stared into his deep blue eyes, they were the thing I loved most about him.

“LeAnne! Are you crazy! I’m bleeding! I need a fucking doctor!.. LeAnne please. Let me go, ill just go to the doctor and ill come back ok? I promise. Ok LeAnne?”

His eyes always looked adorable when he wanted something; he was like a puppy begging for a treat.

“I’m sorry Jason, but I can’t. You can’t be trusted, you already tried to leave me and I won’t let it happen. Don’t worry baby, ill take care of you, you don’t need a doctor, you’ll see soon all you need is me and my love. I love you Jason, why can’t that be enough? We could be so happy.”

He began to cry.

LeAnne!! Ill die without a doctor! I can’t stay here! Please! Please LeAnne!”

“Jason I can’t. Don’t you see?”

I put a piece of gray packing tape over his mouth, and I kissed it. It left the most perfect imprint of my red lipstick; he loved this color on me.

I Smiled.

“The world ends with you..”

©HeyJude

The Last Good-Bye

2010-12-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

The Last Good-Bye

I got home and there she was..there she was.. Blood shot eyes, gazing at me, staring into me and piercing my very soul. I gasped for air and tried to take in what was happening, but my world had fallen apart in a half a second. I dropped the box of diapers on my foot, the pain was shooting up my leg but didn’t really phase me. I picked up an envelope, “Trevor” it had written on it in her dainty cursive.

I always envied her neat and delicate writing, her words traced the paper as though they had always been there, mine was coarse and unruly.

“Do you think I chose this life for us? I didn’t want to be this way, live this way with you. When I looked into your eyes, I saw hope, I saw a glimpse of what could be our future and I reached for it like a fool. Do you remember when we were kids? My 10th birthday party, I noticed you for the first time, you had me then. All day we were making eyes at each other, smiling, giggling. You finally came over and you held my hand, I knew then that you were mine. I wake up every morning wanting to go back to then, when it was all simple, but now I hurt every day Trevor. There’s something inside me I cant explain and its killing me Trev.. Nothing works anymore, the pills, the therapy, its garbage. Everyday I want to die. You kept me going for the longest time, I stayed and I endured for you. I just can’t do this anymore. “

My eyes flooded and the words began to mix together, good, I didn’t want to read it any longer. I longed for them to just disappear, for it all to just go away. Her swaying corpse stared at me, as if waiting for my reaction, wanting me to fight for her, for something that was already gone. That golden treasure inside her was gone as well, it wasn’t hers to take from me. Traci was never a selfless kind of person, it was always about her. Her her her, but I never thought she would kill a part of who I am.

I could feel my heart about to burst, my body falling apart and the world around me falling with it. I was frozen, I couldn’t move a muscle. My brain was set on pause, trying to comprehend why, but unable.

I sat there on my knees, staring at her damp and illegible letter, at her last selfish attempt that I could do nothing about. Her shadow passed over me, back and forth, my love hovered over me forever gone.

©HeyJude

MJ

2010-11-15T18:39:00.001-08:00

The Legalization of Marijuana for Medical Reasons

The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons has been widely debated for sometime now. There are pros and cons on each side of the debate, but the pros grossly out-weigh the cons. The legalization of marijuana for medical reasons can help us to progress in the world, help people in serious pain because of severe diseases and has already begun to be legalized in other states for medical purposes.

There are fifteen states in the U.S. that have already legalized marijuana for medical reasons. Of course there are fees, possession limits and you must have an official ID card from a hospital stating you met the requirements and that your disease is severe enough for this. They take the necessary precautions to make sure nothing goes wrong, and that the right people get what they need. It’s a process that’s already up and running in other states, and is working to help patients who really need it. One disease that becomes less painful with the use of marijuana is leukemia, cancer. Going through chemotherapy for this disease is a long crude and torturous process. Marijuana not only helps with the pain of this process, but helps them to keep and appetite, keep food down and keep them healthy.

Marijuana helps to relieve pain in diseases such as various types of cancer, severe arthritis, PKD and many more. This would be a great way to help patients who need it, with an all organic, non-risky solution. The fact that it has already begun in fifteen other states show that it is working, its helping sickly people deal with their physical pain for there irreversible diseases. The opposition to this situation is recognized as well, and is proven small. Some people have claimed marijuana to be a “gate way drug”, and was ever referred to as “ the most addictive drug” in the nineties. Most of the world now sees that while marijuana is still an illegal drug, it is the least worrisome of all drugs. A person is more likely to become more addicted to alcohol, a legal mind numbing substance, than the all natural illegal substance marijuana.

If the world could now open its eyes and see that the legalization of marijuana for medical reasons is not only safe but also an extremely logical solution to pain from diseases. To with hold marijuana from people with heinous diseases is to let people go through constant pain, malnutrition and sometimes even death. The human society has protested many “problems” like the freeing of slaves for example, women rights or even gay marriage. We as a nation progress and its possible we can progress through this too, we must get past this obstacle.

Legalizing marijuana for medical reasons would be a big controversial step, but it is one that is needed. The world has gone through and survived worse than this small bump on a mountain of trouble. This is a chance to help our fellow people with their permanent every day

©HeyJude

Love&Infatuation

2010-10-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

Love&Infatuation

Being human, we develop feelings that sometimes we can’t even understand. If our feeling could be put in physical terms, it would most likely seem like a quilted blanket that went on for eternity, each thread a specific feeling. Sometimes these emotions end up tangled within us, and try as we might we end up misinterpreting them most of the time. Though, to narrow it down, one of the most confusing emotions many come across, young and old, is Love and Infatuation.

Love, it comes in many forms that were all familiar with. That park you love so much, the way you love how fresh mowed grass smells, the love you’ll always have for that high school sweet heart. Every one has encountered it at some point in life or will, it is an unavoidable freight train of confusion, happiness and sometimes pain. Love is something that not only confuses itself, but usually ends up confusing every other feeling you have. Many people say “follow your heart” or “the heart wants what the heart wants”, but these two easily thrown clichés can be completely misleading. Though following your heart for the sake of true love and a happy ending seems like a delicious thought, the feeling may not be true. In your heart lies wants, things you yearn for, like love, a common human desire confused by over given attention. The longing for love can cloud your mind, your wants leak into the reality of what is, mucking up the true scenario of what is usually happening, infatuation.

Infatuation is a timeless classic, its in every true love fairy tail, underlining every word. Infatuation is a feeling that can often be confused, when in fact it’s the want for physical touch, sexual contact, and mistaken for love because of loneliness, rules, fads and more. A perfect example of this is the lovely Romeo&Juliet, two teenagers who die for love, though when you really look into it they die for sex, for breaking the rules for once. Romeo and Juliet are both forbidden to see each other, their families hate one and other, this is when fueled their infatuation and makes it dangerous and luring. Though it all really began ion the most basic animalistic way, they see each other and find each other physically attractive. The infatuation between these two completely blind sides them, leading them to think they are in love and ultimately to their deaths.

Infatuation and love always come hand in hand, one can lead to the other. Love is a feeling to be wary of, though when you find it, it’s amazing. Infatuation is a very dangerous and enduring feeling; though it can be delectable it comes masked in trouble.

©HeyJude

Voices Around Me

2010-10-13T10:09:00.001-07:00

The rain was always keeping me on my toes these days, I always stared out the window, expecting something to jump out at me at any given moment. I was a walking paranoid mess when we came here for the summers. For the past 15 summers since I arrived in this unruly world, we have come here every three months out of the year. The house was old and needed repairs badly, at night it would creek like an over talkative child keeping me up all hours of the night. It was always non-stop. Outside my window was a lake, which looked like a black abyss begging for me to fall into it, I felt that it had murderous intentions. The woods surrounded out temporary house and lake like a protective wall. It trapped me here for what seemed like forever to me, the wind howled ferociously and taunted me of my lack of freedom. Nature was mocking me.

My mother would have made me a hot cup of coco right about now, with a bit of cinnamon, and always three marshmallows. She was a nice woman, always well kept, but Nature was my master now, I couldn't’t turn away.

I sat by the window for hours, staring at the sky that was staring back at me. I loathed the way the moon watched me and my every move, it whispered to me menacing stories. I just wanted it to stop, I wanted Nature to just leave me alone now. I could see the shadows moving outside, plotting their devilish deed to trap me here.

I did everything Nature told me to do, I followed every step it shouted at me and still, it would not go away. I did Natures reddish business, and now I sit here stained forever with guilt. Trapped by thought, I could not escape.

I wanted them back, I wanted my mother to stand up and breathe again. I wanted her to wash her velvet blood off me and tell me it’s going to be ok, but she just laid there. Her horror stricken eyes staring up filled me with guilt. I hope she knew I had to do this, I had no other choice.

I could hear the shadows coming for me, the wind was not far behind them, I could hear it angrily howling “youuuuuurrrrMmminnnneee”. I just wanted all these voices, the whispers and the yelling to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone. I just want the to stop!!

I grabbed my fathers hunting knife and I ran out into the unknown darkness of nature. I had to leave them behind in the house, I hope they understand that this was the only why to save them. Nature cant get them now.

“Illllffiiiinnnnnndddyyyyouuuuuu…I aaalllwaaayyyyyssssssswwillll..”

No matter where I was, where I hid, Nature found me. I ran to the black lake, the moon was full tonight and lit it up like a stage waiting on its performers.

‘YYOUUUUU CANT ESSSCAPE MEEEE!”

I walked out as far as I could into the lake, until the water was just below my shoulders. I could see the shadows moving in towards me. The moon watched, waited for these shadow men to rip me apart. I cried, I was scared but I had to do this. I know that when this is all over I will have escaped the voices, everything will be ok.

“YOUUURRRMIIINNNE!! MMMIIIINNNEE!!”

“you cant have me!!” I shouted back in my frail and girlish soprano voice. I held up the hunting knife and pushed it to my slender neck. I looked up at the moon, to the wall of trees and to the shadow men around me. I said in a low voice “..you cant have me..”. I dragged the over sized hunting knife across my neck deep and swift. I felt a sharp pinch first, a warm feeling came over me, and then there was nothing.
Nature couldn't get me now..

©HeyJude

Prejudice in America Today

2010-10-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

Prejudgment, an assumption made about someone or something before having adequate knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy. Ever heard of, “judging a book by its cover” ? Every single person in the world dose this, but some take it to another level, out casting, bullying and taunting people for prejudging them. This is known in the world today as prejudice. Its been with the human race since the beginning of time, and though its drastically decreased it still very much exists in America today.

One common prejudice that everyone knows about is Race. Race refers to the classification of humans into populations or groups based on various factors such as culture, language, social practice or heritable characteristics, but for a long while, it separated us by skin color. Yes, a hundred year ago or so, there were slaves of many races. And although we have come very far from that by giving them rights, protection, fair trials, and over all accepting them as our equals, there are still many who prejudge people according to their skin color. Some silently judge, but there are people who will shout it from the roof tops, some who can be violent and cruel. Skin color, or Race, is still separating neighbor hoods, creates useless gang rivalries, and can sometimes even be found in the most innocent of places like elementary schools, your grocery store, or even your apartment complex.

Religion is a very prejudicial subject for many too, its what paves a path in their life, and for many gives them meaning. Religion is the belief in and worship of a god or gods, or a set of beliefs concerning the origin and purpose of the universe. They tend to derive morality, ethics, religious laws or a preferred lifestyle from their ideas about the cosmos and human nature. This is a major wall in the building of prejudice, it’s a very touchy subject that’s separated people since we were evolved enough to think. There are countless religions in the world today, Christianity, Catholicism, Buddhism, Satanism, Hinduism, Baha’i Faith and many more, but its always been something to separate us as a society. Its caused wars, people today kill over it, fight senselessly over it trying to prove that their truth is better then others, when the reason most people came to America in the first place is for their Freedom of Religion. The acts of some of these religious groups, and I say groups because each church of a certain religion is not the same, but some of these groups have done horrendous acts all in the name of their belief, their truth.

Something we can’t look past now days is sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, both genders, either gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them." Whether we like it or not Sexual orientation is a big deal right now because people are more open about it and refuse to hide it any longer. It’s everywhere waiting to be accepted one day, though it seems as if America is split in half by this. A lot of people don’t agree with a sexual orientation other than a man and a woman together, some deriving from their religious views and some because its just “not natural”. There are many ongoing reasons to why people of different sexual orientations are prejudged, labeled as sinners, crazy, wrong or even freaks, but the main reason is because they are different. People fear differentially in others, especially when they think those people choose to be different, and its always going to be something that is prejudged, something that is going to hold us back as one human race. Like many situations before, we America have the power to accept, and to move forward with this.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices, though prejudice has decreased in this century by a land slide, its still every where you look and around every corner you turn. America today is ridden with prejudice and can only be healed of it by time and by a slow acceptance of every ones differences.

* it didnt need to be that long of an essay, so there ya go

©HeyJude

Our Destined Red Planet

2010-10-07T16:37:00.001-07:00

I could never get use to the damp coldness of the Underground, I was alone on this world and forgotten to the universe. I never wanted to come here, but I had no choice, none of us did. The raids began in small villages, towns, then they began to move up to big cities. We tried hiding for a while, those of us who had to anyway, we had no place to go, no home because our family’s out casted us as “freaks”, or “monsters”.

We were thrown out to the street to disappear from their minds, to rot.

We took refuge in any place we could, sewers, abandon buildings, places people didn’t even know of , was our home. There was a whole underground world composed of us, helping each other out, strangers became family to me. I was the least freakish of us all. I had pitch black eyes, my lips, nails, and my hair were all pitch black. I use to have long blonde hair, a golden gift that was all my own, and it just disappeared overnight, and so did I. My family thought I was a demon, they said I was possessed that I had given in to the devil. Bullshit. The minute they saw me I was alone in this world. When the raids began, I ran away, I knew my parents would send me away to the ships anyway so I thought I would just get a head start.

In my new family there was Mike, he was a complete sweetheart who looked like a monster, black shaggy hair, his skin was a bright red, his eyes were yellow and his parents called him a demon too, I liked mike, I got along with him. Marissa was tough; she was a leader type and took care of us all. If there was a problem, she knew what to do. Despite the fact that she had purple scales, green hair, and very useful gills, she was probably the most normal of us all. The way she looked never bothered her, I asked her one day about it and all she said was “sweetie, I’ve always loved all eyes on me”. I wish I had what Marissa had, confidence. Sid was the man of the group, he and Marissa were together. Sid could blend in with anything, like a chameleon. He was the clown of our raggedy family, but when he had to be tough, he’d take you down in a fraction of a second. And then there was Jaden. He was always pissed about something, always fired up, which makes sense since he could set anything he wanted on fire, by simply touching it. As ripped apart as my new family was, I loved them.

We had been hiding in the underground for a while, the raids hadn’t found us just yet but we knew they were close. They were collecting us, shipping off to Mars so we wouldn’t ruin their precious home, as if it weren’t our home at one point too. I heard they were testing on other mutants, looking for what caused up to change. They treated us like animals, worse, they treated us as if we had no soul, no conscious like their own, and obviously ours was more developed.

I had dreams about the raids coming when we were asleep, and waking in a room, strapped to a bed. Then they poke, prod and cut me open, and theres nothing I can do to stop it, then I wake up. Drenched in sweat like id just come back from swimming. My screaming always woke everyone up.

And then it happened. The raids invaded the Underground, we were woken up by screams. There were people everywhere, shooting us, catching us. I was in shock; I could only stare at the stilled bodies lying on the floor. They had finally found us and my taped together world was falling apart once again. Sid must have taken out 20 men with guns, nets.. Mike stayed by my side, his goal was to make sure I was safe, and mine was the same to him. Jaden, of course, wouldn’t pass up this opportunity of destruction. I’d always stayed out of Jadens way, I always thought that on some level he was just mentally unstable but I was glad he was there that night. We all needed him. Marissa and Sid led the way, and we made it out to some back sewer pipes. It was time to find a new home again, rebuild it all from scratch. All I could tell myself was ‘al least I had my family, we were safe’.

The sewers were pitch black, but I could see, my eyes were like built in night vision. It was the only thing I loved about this mutation, I wasn’t afraid of what was in the dark anymore, because I’d see it first. I was in the lead, but mike was right behind me, ready to protect me from anything coming our way whether he could see it or not. That’s what I loved about Mike, he would throw himself in dangers way for me. As far as cute mutants go, I would think Mike was one of them, I admired the red, and I cold stare at his eyes forever.

We came to a cross, four ways and no one knew where to go. We could still hear the screams and mayhem behind us. I didn’t care which way we went I just wanted it to stop. Why couldn’t they just leave us be, let us live in the underground, we were out of their way and their world.

We heard splashes of someone heading towards us, a couple of someones. I could see that it was the Raiders, they found us, followed us, and they had their guns. They were going to tear my family apart. We all just began to run, and I didn’t notice it till it was too late but we all went different ways. Mike and I one way, Marissa, Sid and Jaden the other way. I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to run back and find them but Mike was dragging me forward.

My family was split.

I could hear the Raiders behind us, closer and closer. I looked forward and I could see a wall. Just a wall, a big cement slab of road block straight in front of us. There was going to be no where to go after that, I didn’t have the heart to tell Mike that it was all over. This was the end. We reached the wall, and above us was an opening with bars on it. Mike tried to bend them, but it was no use, they wouldn’t budge. The moon was shining down on us through the jail like bars keeping us from freedom, Mike turned to me and held me, he told me he would always be there for me. All I could do was stare into his big yellow eyes, all I could think of was how much I knew I loved Mike, and I never told him.

Then it all went black.

I had thought the Raiders were carrying guns, and they were, but they had darts to knock you out in them, not bullets.

I woke up on a ship, I was in a seat next to the window. I looked out that window and all I could see was the vast loneliness of space, and a big red rock that were were heading to, sentenced to death, torture maybe? I wasn’t sure just yet. I looked over to my right and there was Mike, looking at me with his big loving yellow eyes. My forever.

“ im sorry I couldn’t protect you Aria..” is all he said to me. I looked at him, I grabbed him, and I kissed him, I had always wanted to. And all I said back to him was “ I love you Mike”.. “ I love you too Aria”.

I leaned in his arms, waiting for what was coming. Whatever it was I was going to take it head on, I wasn’t going to give up hope. Home is where you make it, and for me, that was with Mike. I was going to go down kicking and screaming if I had to.

©HeyJude

I Never Met To Hurt Her

2010-09-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

I never ment to hurt anyone. It was uncontrollable, the harder I tried to fight it, the more I realized there was nothing to fight. I didn’t understand what had happened, I didn’t want to understand. I wanted it all back, my life, the world, my Karen. Everything.

Id woken up that morning to find myself late for work..again. I wasent a very punctual man, always late, never knew exactly what to say and when I tried to it came out all sorts of wrong. Thank God for Karen though, she knew my words before I did, I don’t know what id do without her.

“Riley! Are you home?”

“uhh, im off today..”

She knew I was lying, she could hear it in my voice but she didn’t care, I was hers today.

I don’t know how I dint notice the fact that no one called to ask me where I was. The TV stations were out, I though maybe something was wrong with the cable, it did that sometimes. It was quiet all day. Then I answered the door, and that’s when everyting went wrong.

Some man pushed his way in, he said he needed help. He looked like he was attacked by dogs, or some animal. I was just staring at him, he was so bloody. I realized I had yet to grab the phone to call 911, so I did just that. It was busy. How the fuck, is 911 busy, I thought. Karen came downstairs, and she helped the man to sit down. Then he started to convulse, or something. We didn’t know what to do, neither of us really knew CPR, except what we had seen on those stupid hospital shows that she makes me watch. The convulsing turned to twitching, and that led to the stillness. I knew he was gone.

We kept dialing 911, nothing. Nothing, there was nothing. We went back upstairs, so I could lay down, and to keep calling 911. What was I suppose to do, there was a dead, stranger, in my house. I don’t know how we managed to, but we fell asleep.

I don’t know why I woke up, but I did. Animal instinct maybe? Well I woke up to find that stranger very much alive. He was in our bedroom door way, just staring at us. I shook Karen up.

“are you ok??! We thought you were, well, gone! Weve been calling 911, but its…busy”

He looked different. Paler, agitated, and he didn’t say a word. Then he screamed, more like, screatched. And he ran at us. I pushed Karen off the bed, and I jumped at him. I don’t know what his problem was but I wasn’t going to let him hurt her, I don’t care how bad hes hurt. I wrestled him to the ground, but he bit me and I let go. He got a good chunck out of me too! I grabbed my golf club and I swung. “Self defence right? That’s what ill tell the police” is what I thought when I swung. He was out. Karen was screaming her head off of course. When she noticed me bleeding from where he had bitten me she lost it. Silly Karen, always making big deals out of nothing, it was a bite. All i needed was a bandage.

I instantly felt dizzy though. I thought maybe it was the hydrenalen? So I sat down. She was getting some bandages. I plopped myself on our bed as she began to bandage me, and that’s where it gets fuzzy.

I remember it being hard to breathe, and then nothing. I woke up and Karen was in a corner, staring at me. She looked as though she was crying, and I wanted to go hold her, but my body didn’t move. Well, it did move, it just didn’t do what I was trying to do. My body was just standing there, I couldn’t make myself move, talk, I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing.

“please! Riley please..” she said to me.

Please what? It didn’t feel real.

My body, I, ran at her. Tried to grab her, hurt her and I couldn’t even stop it. It was like watching a train about to crash, you know its going to happen but theres nothing you can do about it. She ran into the restroom and locked the door. I began to hit the door, pounding it till my hands bled. I knew what would happen if I got through. I could feel it. I tried my hardest to to stop. Id give the world to have stopped myself.

I got through. She screamed, there was no where to run. She tried to fight me off, I wish she could have killed me. I threw her to a wall, she was on the floor. I was stronger, faster, I held her down. She looked at me, with her big blue eyes.

“I love you..”

I love you. I loved her more than my own life, I would do anything for this woman. She was worth everything to me, worth dying for, worth killing for.

I couldn’t control what happen next. I tried to with all my might to restrain my body, but nothing worked. I leaned in fast, and bit her cheek, took a piece clean off. Then, I went for the eyes, her beautiful eyes. My thumbs went strait into her sockets. She tried to fight off my arms, but I was too much. She died then. That moment felt like years. I was dying inside, screaming, butit was like space. No one could hear me, I was just a mere thought now.

Her screams stay with me till this day, all their screams do. I go over what happen, every hour of everyday. I know what I am, I thought it was only in movies this could happen, I was a Zombie. I thought in movies, you died and became a Zombie, turns out you live through it all. And theres nothing you can do about it.

So now I wait. I don’t know how long its been, but im waiting for the day that someone kills me. So I can be with my Karen again, I hope she knows I couldn’t control what I did. I hope they all know. Ive killed so many now, women, men, children. Each time I try to stop, but I cant. Now, I don’t even try to stop.

Im slowly going insane, im alone, if I could kill myself I would, but I cant even do that.

©HeyJude

Forever Changed

2010-09-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

The world never knew what was coming. We joked about this fictional horror and labeled it as nonsense. I can remember when it began, for me at least; it was pitch black that night. My yard looked as if a blanket had been thrown over it, the air was crisp and held the faint scent of fresh laundry. That was the day the world changed for not just me but everyone in it, forever.This was the invasion of the Zombies.
I was in the family room attempting to watch my favorite show, but couldn’t over the clashing voices of my mother and brother. “Clean your room! Why cant you do this one thing!” my mom yelled, “its clean enough!! Its MY ROOOM!!!” my brother shouted back. This was a typical Friday night. My father was in the kitchen, I could smell the oregano, so I was looking forward to some spaghetti soon. Fluffy, our dog, was relentlessly barking out the window in our dinning room, barking at nothing but the dark. We thought it was a cat, some animal in the garbage. The window in the dinning room suddenly came crashing down, we were unprepared for what was about to happen to us.
We ran to our dinning room, it was a very plain room except for the dark cherry wood table and the cabinet full of thin china glass. Now the room was loud, full of color, full of red. There was a blood covered man on my floor, I could see his flesh torn, missing, his bones poking out the most unnatural way possible. The oder that was coming from him was unimaginable, it gripped my senses and held them as tight as I could. I couldn’t get a hold of myself, I was going to be sick, I could feel it burning and creeping up my throat but I was too horrified to realize it. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t even think straight I was just staring.

Looking back now, I should have known something was wrong. I should have ran, locked the door, grab a bat. Something, I should have done something.

I thought he was dead, but he stood up to stare at us, to stare at me. He looked me in the eye for what felt like a life time, and he ran at me. I could move again but it was too late, all I could do was scream, scream like I never have before, as if it were my last breath. My father had gotten his gun without me noticing, he shot the hollow shell that had been a peron down. First in the arm but that didn’t even phase the creature, than in the head and he stayed down. The second shot was like a rope, pulling me back into reality. We grabbed a few things, canned food, water, clothes, my dads few guns, a cell phone and headed to our SUV. The radio said those, things, were everywhere. They were attacking people, eating them than turning into them. I didn’t know what this was, a disease or our worlds end but I planned to survive. There was a city that was letting uninfected people into it, they were low on supplies but it was secure. The guys on the radio referred to it as the Safe City, and that was our destination.

Everything seemed to change so suddenly, and so drasticly. It didn’t even feel real to me.

We drove for days on end, killing a few of those things on our way. We had a few scares, thinking we were going to die, turn into some mindless thing. I just wanted this to all end. I knew that once this was over, I’d be changed forever. I could see it happening to my family around me, everyone but my father and I had given up hope and reaching Safe City. I was determined. It was dawn, we should have reached the city days ago. I was worried about my mother, she needed normal, that city was our only chance to live and her only chance at sanity. We came over a hill and I felt an instant wave of relief over my entire body. It was like these past few weeks I was choking, that permanent noose around my neck had finally loosened. We pulled up to gates that were as tall as my house, they looked indestructible. It was the SafeCity, and it was on fire. My noose tightened again.

©HeyJude