Daily Anorak

Becks Save Anorak

2007-01-13T11:35:00.000+00:00

David Beckham saves us all; a new musical wave; and Europe dies...EVERY new musical age pushes the boundaries back a little further. And for punk rockers gobbing at their fans, we introduce the popstar vomit. The Mirror raised an umbrella and looked on as Amy Winehouse took to the stage at London’s G.A.Y club. Winehouse was due to sing some of her songs. And having been out with human mushroom

Ugly Betty Meets Minging Brits

2007-01-10T19:16:00.000+00:00

TOMORROW: THE REAL-LIFE UGLY BETTIES.” The Sun has noticed that with Celebrity Big Brother failing in the ratings it is time to focus on another TV show. So here is Ugly Betty, the Cinderella story of a girl who despite being ugly still gets to live the American dream. With luck and pluck she will rise to the top to the fashion world and earn enough money for some liposuction, a facelift and

Keira Knightley's Skull & Bones

2007-01-09T17:22:00.000+00:00

KEIRA Knightley is in the sea. More immediately, Ms Knightley is in a bikini of red and white horizontal stripes.The Star has no fewer than five pictures of Keira in her ensemble as she holidays in California. And the conclusion is that she is “so thin”.Keira hardly fills her “itsy-bitsy bikini” notes the Star, inviting its readers to study the actress from the front, sides and rear.An onlooker

Morrissey's Armageddon For Europe

2007-01-09T17:19:00.000+00:00

HELLO HELSINKI!It’s Manchester’s favourite musical miserabilist Morrissey. And he’s making ready to sing his entry in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.And Morrissey is certainly capable of creating a song for Europe. Was it not he who sang “Now I know how Joan of Arc felt/ As the flames rose to her roman nose/ And her Walkman started to melt”? Joan of Arc was French, her nose Italian. Such

Britney Spears Tells All

2007-01-06T14:37:00.000+00:00

HAPPY New Year, Britney Spears.Or “BRITNEY FEARS”, as the Mirror’s front page skilfully manipulates her name to. But the paper’s headline might be little misleading. There is only one fear and it is whether “booze binges” are wrecking Britney’s career.And this is Britney’s career as what? It seems that an age has passed

Jennifer Aniston's Son Comes Out

2007-01-04T19:31:00.000+00:00

WHEN the film Annie: The Tomorrow Years premiers, Madonna, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be in the front row seats.All three know what it is to suffer the agonies of adoption, waiting for some obscenely wealthy individual to pluck the orphans up by her curly ginger roots and whisk her off for a life of showbiz parties and photo opportunities.And joining the gang will be

Angelina Jolie

2007-01-03T16:37:00.000+00:00

Sienna Miller For Love

2007-01-03T16:35:00.000+00:00

PROFESSIONAL girlfriend Sienna Miller is in conversation with Hello!. Sienna is in between boyfriends just now, but wants us to know that she is happy being single. Sienna could easily slip on the banana skin of singledom. But she takes it in her stride. With or without Jude Law, Sienna has an evocative and easy blondeness. (Jude and his former wife Sadie Frost have taken a family tip to an

Kate Moss's Thai Schtick

2007-01-02T13:33:00.000+00:00

KATE Moss and Pete Doherty have said “High do”. With 2007 in its infancy, the Sun draws readers’ attention to an early contender for celebrity wedding of the year. Not for Pete and Kate so much meringue-style wedding dresses and his ‘n’ hers crabsticks. All these two lovebirds need to marry is a Thai priest, a Thai beach and a “bizarre Buddhist ceremony”. The Sun sees flowers draped over Kate and

At Princess Diana's Centre

2006-12-21T17:48:00.000+00:00

DID you know that the human brain is designed to “plan a move from scratch each and every time”?It seems that we are not lab rats. And it is by thinking anew and not by routine that we kick a football, swing a golf club or write the Daily Mail, the paper in which this story appears.As the paper says: “This means that, unlike a computer, people cannot just automatically repeat what has gone before

Jennifer Lopez Is Growing

2006-12-20T18:27:00.000+00:00

JENNIER Lopez’s backside sees all. Jennifer Lopez’s backside knows all. Jennifer Lopez’s backside is all. Jennifer Lopez’s backside is the barometer of the times in which we live. Look on, dear reader, as it grows, ebbing and flowing with life’s vicissitudes. “You’ve never had it do good, America,” says Jennifer’s backside as the surplus bulges over the top of her jeans. “Lean times ahead,” says

Tom Cruise Shoots Victoria Beckham

2006-12-18T12:47:00.000+00:00

VICTORIA Beckham “opens with the pure fresh notes of bergamot and rose petals”. In the face of much evidence to the contrary, Her Poshness can hit top notes, middle notes and low notes of “sensual orange blossom" leading to "a seductive base of voluptuous vanilla, rich sandalwood and an elegant layer of musk”. Can the same be said of Pavarotti or Emma Bunton? If only Victoria sang as she smelled,

Robbie Williams - I Wanna Be Gary Barlow

2006-12-18T12:46:00.000+00:00

ROBBIE Williams looks wide eyed. He also looks: "Depressed, loveless and without ambition." His is a "tortured soul". So says the Express.Before we go on to peer inside the Williams head, to analyse this and that, we note that this interview with the singer first appeared in the Big Issue, the magazine that enables "homeless people to earn a legal income through opportunities to help themselves"

Vote Girls Aloud

2006-12-14T15:58:00.000+00:00

POLITICS and pop music are rarely in harmony. If it’s not light bulb-headed Neil Kinnock popping up in Tracey Ullman’a video, it’s LibDem leader Menzies Campbell and Gordon Brown competing to be the Arctic Monkeys uberfan. As the song says Things Can Only Get Better. At least when popstars get into politics they look good. And, as the Mirror reports, Girls Aloud, the reality TV pop .... Read more

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Move On

2006-12-13T15:05:00.000+00:00

BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie are looking at something on the ground on Hello!’s Cover page. The couple, along with their three children, are sat on a patch of green. All eyes are pointed down. What are they looking at? Brad and Angelina are, unlike their children, wearing sunglasses. Is this something so very bright? A huge diamond? A full set of Hollywood teeth? Brad wears a strip of cloth

Sienna Miller - Looking or Love

2006-12-12T20:50:00.000+00:00

PROFESSIONAL girlfriend Sienna Miller looks thoughtful.Many of you will be unaware that Jude Law’s ex is also an actress. Chances are that just as she can do thinking, she can turn her face to laughing, frowning and wondering.For now, it is thoughtful. And with her face perched on the back of her hand Sienna prepares to tell the Mirror what is on her mind.“I’ve learned not to rush things, to take

Princess Diana Reveals All

2006-12-11T20:42:00.000+00:00

“OFFICIAL DIANA REPORT SHOCK,” advertises the Mirror’s front page. “BUGGED on night she died.”The result of the Scotland Yard inquiry into the apparent death of Diana has found “NO murder, NO cover up and NO conspiracy”.Or course, many expected this, it serving to further their own beliefs that Diana was murdered by a middle-aged woman who smelled of wet horse and tampon. Or the butler.All is

Pricncess Diana Sparkles

2006-12-06T12:51:00.000+00:00

"DIANA," announces the Express's front page in familiar fashion."Police tried to make me change my evidence says key witness."And not just a key witness, but a "cricial witness", as the paper goes on to say.But what kind of witness makes a crucial witness? Is this someone who saw Diana perish in that mundane car accident? Has the Express scored a scoop, unearthing the driver of that battered

Pricne Andrew Teas Up Courtney Love

2006-12-05T18:29:00.000+00:00

“THE Duke of York is blissfully ignorant that his affair will outrage the Queen.”So said a senior coutier in 2002 when stories abounded that Prince Andrew was having a passionate affair with a high-class prostitute and socialite.The truth of the matter was never proven one way or the other. And while many recelled Randy Andy, the royal lothario who’d dated Koo Sterk(ers) and glamour mo-del Vicky

Britney Spears and Kate Moss Pelt It

2006-12-04T10:25:00.001+00:00

“BRITNEY Spears, Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss all looking pretty shaggy in fur costs,” says the Sun, “but two are faking it.”Looking at the paper’s pictures of the three, it is hard to tell which coat is made from flayed and stitched animal pelt and which is not.Read which celebrity is causing a fur-ore at www.anorak.co.uk

Spice Girl - Red Alert

2006-12-03T21:09:00.000+00:00

IT’S been a while since Geri Halliwell delivered “baby Bluebell” to an appreciative world.And what looked like bad timing back then - the birth of Geri’s first child coincided with the messianic arrival of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt – now seems like providence.Bluebell is the slow burner, the proverbial tortoise in the race; Shiloh is the impatient-to-be-noticed hare. Or hair. It is our duty to

Kevin Federline Dies For Britney Spears

2006-12-01T20:32:00.000+00:00

ON the day the British press produce pictures of Britney stepping out with oil heir Brandon Davies, the Enquirer hears Kevin Federline beg: “TAKE ME BACK!” And that’s not take him back to his black rap roots, but take him back to the bosom of Britney’s love. K-Ferret has learned his lesson and wants to give his marriage to multi-millionairess Britney another go. But perhaps because the feelings

Alexander Litvinenko - London Glows In The Dark

2006-12-01T17:07:00.000+00:00

THE good news is that the radiation found onboard three British Airways jets means frequent flyers no longer need an overhead light to read by. They can just point their luminous finger at the page and go.... Read more on Anorak

Tom Crusie - That's Magic!

2006-11-30T19:47:00.000+00:00

“INSIDE the magical wedding of TOM and KATIE.” A week on from the joint magical Stag and Hen do, the magical vows and the magical floating Tom, Hello! invites us to marvel at the magical splendour of the entire Cruise-Holmes wedding. “Your exclusive invitation to the wedding of the year,” says the page that begins Hello!’s 34-page album. “Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise. Intimate portraits and

Heather Mills McCartney's Secret File

2006-11-30T11:20:00.000+00:00

“ALL I want for Christmas is access to the marital home,” writes Heather Mills in her open letter to Santa Claus.Christmas is coming and Heather, like so many of us, has been compiling a list of demands to send the old man.Only the Express says this is no missive to Santa Claus but a page of requests aimed at an old man closer to Heather’s heart and home.On a night out in London, the paper sees