Laur

Thoughts from a 4 Month Old

2015-05-28T09:29:00.000-06:00

Hello, my name is Rhys
and I hate sleeping.
Once I go to bed, it means the night time games begin.
I usually take naps for 45 minutes before I wake up my mom to play.
She always tells me she loves being up all night
so I do it as much as possible.
Sometimes, I'll sleep for a whole 2 hours by accident.
Then I will wake up and scream extra loud
so mom knows I didn't forget about her.
We play the funnest games during the night.
My favourite is Guess What I Want to Make the Crying Stop
Mom loves that one,
she always says "here we go again!"
Mom tries to trick me with soothers,
but I only suck the gripe water off them before spitting them out.
She always checks my diaper too,
but I wait until she takes it off before I pee.
It would be silly to waste a whole diaper.
Mom always figures the game out though.
She knows that I like to be held
but only when mom is standing up,
in the living room,
with my head resting on her left arm, not the right.
Sometimes I like to change the game up though.
That's usually when Mom says that she quits
(I win!)
and she takes me to her bed.
Sometimes she sings about "three little monkeys" in the bed,
because Finn takes up most of the room.
She always says that she hopes she's the monkey to fall out and hit her head,
because then maybe she will get some sleep.
I know she is just kidding.
I also let her know that I am super comfortable in her big bed
by spitting up all over her new bedding.
Mom will start speaking to our Lord after that,
so I join her for a quick night night prayer.
I can't wait to go to bed the next day and start it all over again!
First I have to nap all day so I have the energy though.

That time I had Tinder for 30 minutes

2015-04-15T21:41:00.000-06:00

Everybody is doing it. You don't have to pay, answer 100 personal questions, or go through a drawn out communication process. It's the 2015 version of Hot or Not, only if you both answer 'Hot' then you can immediately start texting each other. It's shallow and degrading, it diminishes all the fun out of meeting someone, and is apparently the only way people meet these days. I did not want Tinder, I needed it. I needed to see what all the fuss was about. I downloaded Tinder, put up (what I considered) to be attractive photos of myself, and starting judging people based on information that fit in my palm.

The times I swiped left:

He had a tattoo of a turtle on his neck
His bio said he "wasn't douchey" - probably was
He was wearing a tub hat
He had stretched ear lobes that I could fit a slice of pizza through
He had a pet snake
His picture was a selfie where he was pretending to be sleeping but was giving a kiss face
His only photo was a personalized bobble head
He had three photos giving the middle finger - probably uses the C word too much
He was gesturing the Shocker
He had two cats - cats hate me, it is actually a serious issue. They always scratch my chest.
He was wearing a man thong - this is Tinder, there is no time for questions
He was licking someone's foot

I had exactly one match. A match! I couldn't even remember swiping right. I went and viewed the person's profile. He had one photo up. He was showcasing his muscular body, apparently fresh out of the shower and still dripping water. The picture had been cleverly cropped approximately one inch above his assumed naked penis, avoiding any unnecessary full frontal exposure at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. There was a tattoo on his arm but he had blurred it out as to remain anonymous, as well as his face.

My thoughts on my match:

Is this like instagram when they have sponsored posts? Does Tinder sponsor people? Is Tinder sponsoring him because he is trying so hard? How did I get matched to him? Aren't you supposed to show your face? Isn't the whole point of Tinder to let people X you based on your face? His name is "Dark." That can't be his real name. If that is his real name, that's a stupid name. Who tries that hard to remain anonymous but shows that much body? I wonder why he would show his treasure trail but not his face. Does this actually work for girls? I wonder how many girls swiped right for him. Do girls post pictures like this too? I don't think I would post a picture like that. I only posted selfies from days I actually bothered washing my hair. I wonder if I posted a picture like his if people could tell I had a C-section. Is this the normal criteria for dating now? Maybe I should change my preferences to searching for a woman so I can see how everyone else is setting up their profiles. I hope I'm not breaking some unspoken Tinder rules. Maybe I should google the dos and don'ts. I wonder what his tattoo is of. I bet it's his name. Did I swipe right? I don't remember doing that. He doesn't really seem like my type. Where does it say if this is sponsored? I bet he pays monthly for the better Tinder. How do I get unmatched? He is my only match so maybe I should consider this. This is seriously my only match? His abs are pretty nice. No, I don't think I like this.

Then I remembered!

The time I swiped right:

My dog bumped into me and I accidentally swiped right.

BREAKING NEWS: 27 Years Old with a Sex Life

2014-09-26T16:43:00.001-06:00

When I first found out I was pregnant, I swore to myself that I wouldn't turn into one of those people who only ever talks about being pregnant, motherhood, how cute my child is, how big messes get, and how much a baby cries. However, if my obsession with my dog is any indication of how my future posts are going to look, I may be in a bit of trouble.

This is one post I have been thinking of writing for a while but have put off. I may share a lot about my personal life, but I have always made a conscious effort not to air my dirty laundry over the internet, and those who commonly do drive me just the littlest bit crazy. I will say this and then I'll drop it, and I won't mention it again...

This is to the person who asked me where my wedding ring was, to the person who rolled their eyes at me instead of offering a congratulations, and to who asked if I knew who the father was. This is to the person who asked how I got pregnant, which forms of birth control I used, and who forgot that abstinence is the only protection that is 100% effective. This is to the person who told me not to worry as everyone makes mistakes, to the person who suddenly wanted to know details about my dating life after a year of not speaking, and the person who responded to my announcement by saying, "that sucks."

How dare you judge me.

A family is not defined by a mother, father, and two biological children. Families can have one parent, no parents, step parents, or grand parents. Families can have two mommies and no daddies and vice-versa.
Heterosexual couples raise amazing children, just as much as homosexual couples who raise amazing children, just as much as single parents who raise amazing children, just as much as adoptive parents who raise amazing children, just as much as parents with shared custody raise amazing children, etc, etc, etc.

Had I been married, would you have asked if I was on the pill? Had I adopted, would you have asked about my finances? Had I gone through in vitro, would you have given me a lecture on how difficult parenting is? Let's not forget that a married couple does not automatically mean happiness; not everyone who is single is lonely and not everyone who is taken is in love. A marriage with a planned pregnancy is not a one way ticket to perfect children.

People get pregnant and it isn't always a scheduled part of their day. A baby is a miracle. There is a tiny human inside of me, and no matter how or when it came about, that in itself is amazing.

This is to the person who congratulated me, expressed excitement for me, and asked how the baby and I were doing, to the person who gave me a hug and meant it, to the person who told me I'd be a milf. This is to the person who rushed to pick out onesies, the person who said they had always pictured me as a mother, the person who wanted to be involved and offer their assistance, and the person who said they cannot wait to read my blogs about it. This is to the person who immediately wanted to discuss baby names, to decorate my spare room, and spend the summer at garage sales looking for items I needed.
- Thank you.

"I was born to be stubborn, to be a little bit bitchy, to push people, to push myself. I was taught never to take life for granted, to live a little, to love with everything I had, to never give up, to believe in myself, but most of all to fight for myself."

McBaby

2014-08-19T13:31:00.001-06:00

I have finished school (seriously, can we get a 'Hallelujah'), I did a ton of traveling (to which I have requests to blog about but really don't know how to), and am now expecting! 2014 has so far been a bit of a whirlwind.

Is it annoying if I say it again? I am done school. I am a university graduate. In other news, I am also getting an award for the longest it ever took anyone to get one degree.

People keep asking how my trip went and of course I want to tell them how amazing it was, except my Visa bill is still sort of haunting me and my scars haven't quite completely healed, but we are getting there! I am still hoping that applying Bio-Oil to half my body will start to make a difference soon because until it works- my mom will continue to remind me to use it every single day.

Yes, the pictures on Facebook are real, I'm not just stuffing my shirt and posing with fruit, I am having a baby! A tiny human is growing within me and it blows my mind every time I feel it moving around. The first time it moved I thought it was just my stomach digesting my cucumbers, but nope- BABY! It's also pretty cool that McBaby has been to 5 different countries already! It's like my own little Travelocity Gnome that goes wherever I do.

I know what everyone is thinking (mostly because everyone has asked outright), you want to know who the father is. You've creeped my Facebook and my Instagram and you can't figure it out. Well, to that I remind you of a previous person I dated (for a very short time) who I had pictures of on my Facebook shortly before he turned from McDreamy into McNeedy and eventually to a pseudo-stalker, who to this day continues to ask my BFF "how is she." Let's all collectively agree that it would be best to avoid that situation from happening ever again. Therefore, this time I am keeping my private life private; which is surprisingly turning out to be a pretty amazing concept to some people.

So here I am, working the same two jobs I have been for a few years, while preparing for my world to change. I've painted the baby room a solid white, updated an old toy box, and was reacquainted with a very old/ mind-blowingly comfortable chair.

Finn made for a lousy helper

BEFORE

AFTER

At my last ultrasound, the tech was able to determine the gender, so now I am looking forward to my gender reveal BBQ, where I'll learn if McBaby is a boy or girl at the same time as my family and friends! :)

Aboriginals

2014-04-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

My class has had a number of fairly controversial debates over the past four years, including the discussion of abortion, the death penalty, and euthanasia (holy depressing theme...). The most recent open discussion was one that left me really frustrated and it wasn't because of the content being spoken of, but the way people were quick to respond defensively, as if they had been attacked. Now, I admittedly am not very good at articulating my thoughts verbally or in the heat of the moment. 20 minutes later, I had a hundred things I could have said but refrained from doing so in class as I had already done a pretty good job of making myself sound like an ass. Lucky for Cassy and her family, they got the privilege of listening to me get all of those thoughts off my chest over lunch.

Sometimes I feel like the only person who does not remember learning about/ was never taught about the Canadian residential schools. If you're like me, then you will find this very interesting, although if I have gotten something wrong- please correct me. Residential (boarding) Schools were created for Aboriginal people of Canada, funded by the Federal Government and administered by the Catholic and Anglican Church. They were seen as a way to assimilate Aboriginal people into a European-Canadian society. These compulsory schools (for status Indians under 16 years old) forcibly removed children from their families, and if their families failed to send their children then they were threatened with fines or prison. The children who attended these schools were deprived of their ancestral languages, underwent forced sterilization, and were exposed to physical and sexual abuse, neglect, and torture from the hands of the teachers and other students. Overcrowding, poor sanitation, inadequate heating, and a lack of medical care led to high rates of influenza and tuberculosis. It has recently been reported that at least 50 000 children died in these school, mostly from disease. These schools originally opened in the 1880s and the last one closed as recently as 1996. In 1996 I was in grade 4 (right?). I was playing rep soccer for the first time with my dad coaching my team. I lived in a large house, ate dinner with my family every night, and had a pet dog. I was not taken away from my family and exposed to various forms of abuse, nor did I ever think for a second that kids my age were living through such horrific experiences. This part of Canadian history has been referred to as a cultural genocide, which our nation is severely undereducated about.

Impacts from Residential Schools are intergenerational. The parents who were forced to send their children to the schools had to deal with effects of separation, without the opportunity to be informed of their well-being or to speak with their child for months at a time. The children who attended these schools and suffered such atrocities, resulted in feelings of alienation, shame, and anger, which is passed down onto their children and grandchildren.
Attachment to caregivers is significant on a child's development, and an attachment to a nurturing and reliable caregiver is essential for healthy growth. Children of Residential Schools were not given that experience once they were removed from their homes, and as a result they continue to struggle today with the ability of forming attachments and relationships with others. Consequences of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse continue to be felt in each subsequent generation. Traumatic wounds exist in the lives of many Aboriginals, as they had been raised to believe that being Aboriginal was something to be ashamed of.

I can't remember where I initially heard this, but supposedly it takes 7 generations to overcome such a traumatic life event, like living in these Residential Schools. If that is the case, we are currently only 1 or 2 generations in. It is pretty scary to think that this type of maltreatment among citizens of Canada has occurred during our lifetimes.

Recently, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission was in Edmonton. For those who do not about the TRC is, it is committed to establishing new relationships between First Nations, Inuit, Metis, former Indian Residential School students, families, communities, religious entities, former school employees, the government, and the people of Canada. There is an emerging desire to put the events of the Residential Schools in the past and works towards healthier futures. The TRC was attended by my class, which prompted the conversation surrounding the Aboriginals living on reserves. I have a ton of empathy for the families affected by the Residential Schools and I wish there was more than I could do for them. Many of the children I work with are Aboriginal or have Aboriginal ancestry, and I can see the effects of Residential Schools on a daily basis, however, there were a couple of things mentioned in our class that left me thinking about them outside of class...

1. It was brought to our attention that on one of the reserves North of Edmonton, approximately 75% of the homes are missing front doors. In my ever-so-delicate manner I asked, "why can't they fix their doors?" This sparked a bit of a discussion. All of the houses on reserves are paid for by the federal government. The residents live there mortgage/rent free. Many have lived in the homes for decades, but technically the government could evict them at any time. These houses are not up to a typical standard of living. Many are made of wood, which warps and burns, slanted porches, leaking roofs, rolling floors, and bad or no plumbing at all. There are even reports of people resorting to housing in insulated sheds. One way of looking at it was that if there is a large family living in a rent-free home in Alberta, then it would seemingly be in the family's best interest to block out the harsh cold winter by having a closed door. Others believed that due to Aboriginal's nomadic history, lack of home ownership, and governmental responsibility that they should not be on the hook for home upgrades.

2. The federal government recognizes each First Nation band as an autonomous entity, and therefore provides separate funding to each one. Non-Status Indians, Metis, and Inuit people are not part of this government system, which results in the major differences between their legal and social situation than that of the First Nations. (This is getting confusing) Each band is provided a certain amount of money from the government each year, which is then dispersed by the Chief or Band Council around education, housing, etc. Unfortunately, not all of those in charge of these funds remain completely honest with their bands, and at times keep extra money for themselves. This rattled up a discussion on who is to blame for the decreasing number of Aboriginal high school graduates and post-secondary students. While the government provides much less funding to schools on reserves than it does to provincially run schools, is it the government's fault that the funds aren't reaching the educational systems? Also to note, it is up to the band whether or not they will pay for post-secondary education. This can result in situations where a student has had a couple years of university paid for, when it suddenly gets pulled. Frustrating as all hell, but at the very least they were fortunate enough to have free education for at least part of their schooling. Not all post-secondary students can say the same.

I don't know what I hoped to achieve with this post, other than to spread awareness and maybe create discussion or provide some context. At the very least, I believe this dark side of Canadian history should be known and understood by all of us.

Stop what you're doing and TRAVEL.

2014-03-23T07:37:00.002-06:00

I will never forget the time I was talking to a coworker and he said that everything he needs to know about other countries he can learn on the Discovery Channel.

My response

My upcoming trip is making me so excited that I cannot go five minutes without thinking about it. I've lost the ability to complete assignments, have interest in conversations about anything else, or sleep through the night. So because of that guy, I give you ten reasons why he should get off the couch and see the world for himself.

1. ADVENTURE: I can't say I've never found a particular shift at the rink so awesomely memorable that I will speak of it for years to come, or a shift at the group home being the best day of my life (although there have been some pretty cool ones from both), but I easily admit that hang gliding over Rio de Janeiro is in the top 5.

2. STUCK IN A RUT: We have all been there and travelling is the best way to get out of one.

3. YOU BECAME PETTY PETER: If first world problems have actually become your biggest struggles, you need a little reality check. Cassalicious volunteered in Nicaragua for a month and came back with an even greater appreciation for having such luxuries available to her. She has never taken for granted the chance we have to attend post-secondary education and this awareness has constantly been in the back of her mind, which is probably the driving force behind her nearly perfect GPA.

4. REVITALIZING: Travelling is invigorating. It provides a mini chance to start over. You find yourself refreshed and becoming a more well-rounded person.

5. THINK OF ALL THE PICTURES YOU COULD INSTAGRAM

6. CHALLENGE YOURSELF: Humans are creatures of habit, as I prove to myself every single day as I make a cup of tea in the same travel mug and drink it during my drive to wherever I am going, but it isn't exactly thrilling. Wandering around Cozumel, Mexico and finding a random local restaurant that serves the biggest margaritas I have ever seen- thrilling. You might even say intoxicating. #zing

7. STORIES FOR LATER: Like that time my parents went through the Panama Canal and told me all about how the ships are raised and lowered by a series of locks which were built to accommodate two-way traffic.

8. FOR THE LOVE OF FOOD: Good or bad, half the fun is figuring out which foods you like and which ones you'll make a mental note to never go near again. It would be like being a contestant on Survivor (dream come true) and getting as far as the food challenge (easy), except with more than bugs offered. I am pretty sure this is also the number 1 reason we are going to India.

9. OPPORTUNITY: Getting the time off to travel can be particularly tricky (except when you've been a post-secondary student for half of your life) so if you find yourself between jobs, relationships, or school (ahem** all of the above for some people) then GO. Close one chapter in your life the best way possible before starting the next.

10: IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT: It is one thing to know Whyte Ave like the back of your hand (bravo), but to see your own country from coast to coast, or venture across the border into a new one completely is an incomparable experience. I'm not kidding, you can't make this stuff up.

SO WHY WOULDN'T YOU?

I'm right.

Laur Lately: Escaping February

2014-02-28T13:26:00.002-07:00

// Roomie Dave set up a really fun night for us while watching the Super Bowl :) // Lesley and I took off to Texas for a few days // Finn loved his vacation with Grandma and Grandpa // Relaxed by the pool and enjoyed a book by my favourite author // Was reacquainted with bike rides and loved it // I can't even handle how cute Bennett is //

A Date with my BFF

2014-02-04T20:58:00.001-07:00

Girls night out. Ladies night. Out with girls. Those are seemingly normal things that us ladies do fairly regularly, right? Honestly, nothing beats it and guys wouldn't understand it. We act like lame ass losers, say dorky jokes, talk about clothes, guys, and 'those' girls all the while venting and bragging about everything else in our lives. Catching up over drinks or breakfast or in someone's kitchen is a favourite pastime. Getting ready together becomes a ritual and bathroom selfies are a must. We get away with pointing out when one of our girls looks like Charlize Theron in Monster, with no hard feelings. We tell each other our dirty little secrets and expect Buddha like advice at the drop of a hat. Two girls can go shopping, bowling, for a walk, on vacation, or for dinner together at any time and nobody bats an eye.
That all said, I could not believe the reaction I received after bringing my best friend as my date to a wedding. This was not the first time we had gone as each other's date and probably won't be the last. There were countless jokes and comments made by a number of people, but this conversation stuck out in particular (this person's words are their own, not mine):

Person: So who did you come with today?

Me: Oh I brought my BFF, she's just over there!

... A girl?

Yup!

Like a girlfriend.

... Yes?

Like a girl is your date.

Yes, she's right there. She's my best friend, I can introduce you two.

...but you brought her as a date.

Yes.

Like a date-date?

I don't know?

As in you're dating.

As in we are dating-dating?

Well you brought a girl.

Are you trying to suggest I'm a lesbian?

You're here with a girl. Date. Your date is a girl.

Yes, my best friend.

As a date though.

She is more fun than boys.

So you're lesbians.

No.

But she's your date?

I said that. Why do you think its so weird?

It's not weird; you're just on a date.

With my friend.

So you're like dykes.

Pardon?

Like lezbos.

** Anyone who knows me can probably picture the look I had on my face at this point.

Aaand then I faked having to pee and walked away. Although, that social cue was not noted, and once I returned it was imperative that I clarify whether or not we were sharing a hotel room and how many beds we had requested.

Could you be more inappropriate? And why is sexual orientation so important, anyway? ~~If I were a lesbian and you called me those names I would have punched you in the face~~. I should have punched you in the face. I understand why older generations struggle with homophobia, they were raised in a time when people were killed if they were gay; and it takes time to undo that kind of extreme influence. I just did not realize that homophobia is still so predominant within younger generations today. It is the struggle to spread awareness to ignorance like this that makes me so happy to be getting a degree in humanities.

I don't even like the word homophobia (hello perfect quote, Morgan). A phobia is defined as a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it. FEAR. You are afraid of person based on who they are sexually drawn to. That is not a fear, that is pathetic.

As years have passed, we have learned that certain words have massively heavy meaning behind them. I don't think a single one of my friends uses the 'N' word, and nobody questions it. The word faggot was first used 100 years ago, in this connotation, "all the fagots (sissies) will be dressed in drag at the ball tonight." You cannot read that today and tell me you agree. The problem is that people still use words like dyke and faggot as if they have no meaning. Those are the people who have yet to catch up with society. As long as people continue to use those pejorative words, thereby maintaining contempt with this inequality among people and teaching others that it is still OK to speak about members of the LGBT community with this negativity, the hate and discomfort will continue.

-----

It took me a couple of days to write this post, and during that time 4 of my Facebook friends used the term Fag in their statuses.

People are becoming so concerned with fostering heterosexuality in children that they discourage little boys from playing dress up or painting their nails, stating "it'll make him gay." Girls aren't given G.I Joes or toy trucks as gifts, as those might "make them butch," regardless that those toys are given the exact same attention as a Barbie or a pink car.

I think I read less than 10 of these before I actually started gagging and had to stop.
100 tweets from people threatening to kill their child if they're born gay.

Random fact: 20% of ALL hate crimes in the USA in 2010 were due to sexuality. That is so unbelievably asinine I can't even put my thoughts into a decent argument to continue on with it. It blows me away thinking that there are people that feel so entitled in this world that they have the right to inflict pain on others because of their sexuality.

Laur Lately: I'm Liking 2014

2014-02-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

// Mexico was beautiful as always // I need to live where the sun always shines // Finn turned 3 years old :) // Wedding dress shopping for Mavis // Discussions surrounding the most gorgeous dress ever // Finally started booking BFF Fest // I miss waking up to the smell of breakfast on Saturday's at my parents' house, so returned the favour <3 //

The Roomie Bucket List

2014-01-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, two of my roomies needed rescuing on Whyte Ave. My other roomie and I happened to be laying on the couch, hugging hot water bottles, watching reruns of 2 Broke Girls (typical Saturday night...) so happily went to save the day, to-go mug of coffee (it wasn't coffee) included. During our drive, I was talking about how excited I am to soon be crossing off one of the top things on my Bucket List later this year. This lead to the discussion that we are hermits (example above) and rarely even experience the wonderful things that our own home has to offer, never mind the rest of the world. We came up with the fun idea to make a sort of Things to Do While We Still Live Together List. When we met up with our stranded roomies, we found ourselves in the parking lot of Ice on Whyte. Regardless that we were dressed in our nobody will see us because we are sitting at home all night clothes, we took it as the perfect opportunity to begin crossing things off our list. We filled in the other roomies of our idea, which they also love, so away we went (actually we sort of date crashed but whatever).

// the slide was the only thing worth taking a picture of // Lesley looks like a hair goddess //

Dave and his sister wives //

To be fair, we really underestimated the effects of mother nature lately. Ice on Whyte didn't so much as have beautiful ice sculptures as it did melty lumps with bright lights strategically placed behind them. Except for the slide; the slide was good... well it was ok. The slide was average but not slippery because it was mid-melting so you got covered in slosh... but not terrible. Point being, we will have to revisit Ice on Whyte once the temperature drops and ice can actually be formed into something, and we don't have to ruin our Uggs by walking around in mud.
Once we all returned home, we decided it was time to make our super sweet list. Here is what we came up with which includes things that at least one of us had never done:

Ice on Whyte Redo

Silver Skate Festival

Tubing at Sunridge

Colour Me Rad

Taste of Edmonton

Fort Edmonton Park

High Level Bridge Street Car

Queen River boat ride

Live show at the Starlite Room

Celebrate Canada Day with the pancake breakfast, parade, and fireworks

Pets in the Park

Muttart Conservatory

Bar hopping on Jasper Ave

Picnic at the Legislative grounds and tour

Calgary Stampede

Heritage Days

Folk Fest

Movie on the Square

Blues Fest

Whitemud Amusement Park

Elk Island National Park

Weekend in Banff and visit a hot spring

Rundle park to play frolf (frisbee golf), go on paddle boats, and play tennis

Kayaking at Pyramid Lake

Our dogs' wedding

(the one I am MOST excited for and if no one shows up I will be so sad that I'll probably light my house on fire)

Right?!?! We are going to have so much fun doing these things. I. Can't. Wait. Also, I love lists.

NYE

2014-01-17T23:50:00.002-07:00

I finally got to have the masquerade party I always wanted to attend! We played some Cards Against Humanity, drank a hell of a lot of champagne (some of us had children's sparking juice...), and stuffed our faces with brie and cocktail wieners. It ended up being a lot of fun! That said, I have had enough house parties until summer. Staying inside the whole night just isn't as good as getting a fire going outside and playing beersbie. Not to mention the clean up... oy!

Achievements

2014-01-08T21:18:00.003-07:00

Here I am in Mexico, lying in bed with a head full of thoughts. I should probably be dancing on the stage at Coco Bongo by now but instead I am in bed watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix... to which I assume nobody is even remotely surprised. So far on this family vacation I have spent an entire evening throwing up, had to wait 4 days for my luggage to arrive, and have had to do more than one unexpected mad dash to the washroom (God I am attractive). It isn't too bad though, the sun has yet to shine regardless that my brother somehow ended up burning 3/4 of his body.

Therefore, I am somewhat pouting, in my own pajamas (finally), in bed, watching Greys- this is my happy place- well, I say happy even though George O'Malley just died which always sends me into a semi-meltdown but I shall soon recover.

Anywho, back to my head full of thoughts. I am not much of a talker in group settings unless I have had a couple of super stoked vodka cokes, and considering there aren't any Joeys in Mexico I have been spending my time listening, observing, and improving upon my eavesdropping skills. I should also probably mention that ever since sitting alone in the Houston airport, a place where people run around the airport barefoot and literally scream at customer service agents, people watching has become my new favourite thing to do ever. Everrrrr. I have been really focused on the conversations we are all having about our loved ones and their achievements. I don't mean the little things they accomplish but 'the thing' their known for. Their achievements have almost become what defines them. While these conversations are endlessly interesting to me, it made me wonder what exactly 'my thing' is. As we catch up with one another, we have all been discussing people who aren't really around, sharing stories of their lives and what new and exciting things they are up to. Once the catch-up game winds down it settles back onto the people and 'their thing'. I'm struggling figuring out how to put this into words... basically, if you were present in the conversation- your 'thing' wasn't discussed because everyone around was already well aware of it.

For example, my little brother is known as the boy genius. Everyone knows that he goes to University in a different city than the one he lives in, he works his ass off every single day, and will one day cure or invent something highly important in the medical field. It is what people love to ask about and discuss and of which we are all very proud of him for. Like I said, boy genius. It's his thing. There aren't two of the same things in one family; that would be boring. However it does not bring me any closer to discovering 'my thing', and so the thoughts in my head continue.

He's also the coolest cat you'll ever meet, but more on that later.

^^ someone took his laptop back momentarily...^^

Other people and their things that have come up are the 'love having a growing family' thing, the 'so in love with one another' thing, the 'grad school' thing, the 'doing their own thing' thing, and the 'starting over' thing. Honestly, is there anything more interesting than people? These kinds of conversations are fun and modest and humble. I love being a part of them and getting the chance to discuss successes of others.

Then there are the people who broadcast their achievements. I don't just mean letting people know something awesome that has happened in your life- we all do that! I mean the ones who do not have a humble bone in their body. Is it just me, or are you sort of instantly not as impressed? Its definitely not as fun to discover someone's accomplishments based on their constant self report. It just does not maintain the same impressiveness. There seems to be a major difference between hearing about someone's excellence occasionally from themselves or second hand and feeling overwhelmed with pride and joy for them than hearing it from them all the time in which those same feelings of pride and joy become an expectation.

FYI ya'll, your 'thing' is not what you are bragging it up to be- and instead has become the 'self loving' thing.

Achievements, goals, and desires are seemingly what define people. (Now the corny part) Considering it is a new year and all, what exactly is there that I want to do that'll define me. Our 'things' are always changing and evolving along with us, so what is it that'll be my new thing? Or old thing that continues to shine? I sort of feel like this whole blog post did not make sense or was written in any sort of order whatsoever which is probably the result of a diet consisting of diet pepsi, Chips Ahoy and popcorn. While I continue to love discussing people and their lives and actions and desires and goals, I constantly ponder my own. I am not looking for any answer for anyone, only wonder if you too consider what your 'thing' may be...

Laur Lately: Snapshots of My Recent World

2013-12-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that I love social media. I check Facebook 1000 times a day (I'm actually considering getting rid of it, it is making me crazy), I am slightly obsessed with Instagram, and hello- I blog. It is easy to forget that not everyone has Instagram and therefore may not be keeping up to date with my little Sherwood Park life as much as I think.

On another note, I love making goals. I make them daily/weekly/hourly/all the time. For 2014, my first goal is to post Laur Lately once a month. So for anyone who cares, here we go…

I have been loving spending time with baby Bennett as much as my crazy schedule lets me // I caught the pups in an adorable snuggle session // 4 of us girls went to Jasper for a weekend where I got to break in my new skis // I was asked to be a bridesmaid for the 5th time // Bennett met Santa for the first time and Finn was incredibly proud to be a part of it ;)

Gifts That Give Back

2013-12-19T22:15:00.001-07:00

I had a really awesome Friendsgiving this year, full of delicious food, plenty of drinks and an evening of great conversation, followed by one of those random moments of pure appreciation for everything I have in my life. Once that passed, I jumped online to try and find a sweet deal during the Black Friday sales- a holiday(?) that I am not even entirely certain about what is being celebrated... Once the madness calmed down a bit, it dawned on me that I sort of missed the whole point of that holiday weekend. I mean really, we celebrate and give thanks for all that we have and then people are literally shot dead over Xbox purchases the next day. That was just not sitting right with me (obviously). Then, as if on cue, my bff suggested that instead of just buying each other gifts this year we should give gifts that give back. Hello?! That's exactly what I felt I needed. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no to a tablet or new clothes, I just feel as though capturing the spirit of Christmas involves a little more than how much money gets spent.

Since then, I have literally been scouring the internet for the perfect present. There are tons of websites and shops that offer such gifts, but maybe only 10% of the purchase price goes towards the charity, or $1. ONE DOLLAR? Get serious. Considering I have put so much effort into this frigen idea, I figured I would share my best finds.

Of course, the first thing that came to find was TOMS. In case you don't know (mom), for every purchase of shoes made at TOMS, a pair is given to a child in need, one for one. The same goes for their sunglasses; each purchase of new shades gives someone in need prescription glasses. TOMS is clearly an awesome company, except I already know I love them and buy them all the time. I am also pretty sure we both got each other a pair last year. I felt as though this idea was just too easy and I wanted to think of something new.
***Super awkward moment if she got me TOMS.

Another really popular idea that was suggested frequently was giving to the World Wildlife Foundation. I really loved this idea. You choose an animal to 'adopt' and the proceeds go towards conservation efforts. As a thank you gift they send you a stuffed animal of whichever you chose to support. I was going to do this for my nephews and niece, considering they already have a zillion toys and this could be something in the future that they look back at and think it was neat. However, everyone I mentioned this to told me it was a dumb idea so I got discouraged and never ended up doing it.

One of my new-found favourite sites is Sevenly. Every week they support a new charity. They sell shirts, jewelry, accessories, and things for the home. Every purchase made on this site gives $7 to the charity of the week, although every now and then they double it. I've seen charities such as the Autism Speaks, Pencils of Promise, Operation Christmas Child, Invisible Children, and TWLOHA. Not only do they choose amazing charities, but the products are really cool.

The Giving Key was another popular choice which I highly considered for 3 different people this Christmas. You choose one of their necklace options with a key hanging from it. On this key you engrave a word that is meaningful and powerful to yourself, in your own way. Once the message carries you through, you pass the key onto someone else who you believe needs that same message. Not only do the keys spread determination and encouragement, but proceeds from the original purchase go towards those who are looking to transition out of homelessness.

Finally, I came across a super cool website that listed a whole shebang of awesome ideas.

Noonday Collection offers women the opportunity to earn an income while creating pathways out of poverty. Purchases from this company restore dignity to abandoned women in Ethiopia, empower communities in Ecuador, and create business opportunities for Ugandans.

Not For Sale fights modern day slavery around the world. #nuffsaid. "By creating enterprise opportunities for vulnerable communities, offering social services to survivors and those at-risk to human trafficking, and evaluating the use of forced labour in mainstream supply chains, Not For Sale works to ensure that no one is for sale."

The Go Exchange give all of their profits to help care for orphaned and abandoned children.

31 Bits empowers people by selling their products in the fashion industry. Through a 5 year program, beneficiaries are educated, given medical attention, and gain confidence to manage their own business- with sustainable income.

Anywho, those are my favourites that I found during this everlasting process for the perfect gift.

To Wear EVERYTHING I Own

2013-11-23T15:20:00.003-07:00

I cannot hide the fact that I spend an embarrassing amount of my annual income on clothing. This little habit would be incredibly worthwhile if I actually a job that I could wear them to, or went out on the town more than once every couple of months, but I don't. Every few weeks I realize that I am yet again out of hangers, so I take a few items out of my closet and send them to my Aunts. However, it recently occurred to me that there is simply no denying it any longer:

I have way too many clothes.

Plus the items folded in drawers. And at either end of the closet. And the piles on the floor of the closet. And the shelf in the closet. And the ones in the laundry room...

I came up with a plan. I turned all of the hangers to face the wrong direction. Starting October 2, I planned to wear every single top I owned and tested how long it would take to go through the entire closet. Once I had worn a top, I turned the hanger back to the normal facing direction. This little project did not take into account any sweaters or cardigans, layering tops, my workout clothes, or pairing different tops with different pants. It was just a straight run through.

side note: I do NOT enjoy taking this many selfies. I was originally going to take a picture a day but I stopped caring. You get the point.

I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT

It took until November 23 before I couldn't do it anymore. I missed my beautiful, comfy, new clothes that I had already gone through. Also, I had a huge assignment I was supposed to be working on so naturally needed something to procrastinate with as long as possible. I went through and took out all the clothes I could not be bothered with anymore.
Minimizing my closet would be the equivalent to me smoking crack (… I assume). I loved it, it gave me a rush, and once I started I just couldn't stop. I ended up going through all of my clothes. While I still had 19 shirts left hanging facing the wrong way that I think I still may wear, I managed to empty my closet of...

26 tops
6 pairs of pants
9 cardigans
3 jackets
6 pairs of shorts
5 hoodies
2 skirts
3 dresses
3 scarves
1 hat
9 bathing suits
1 men's tie?
4 purses, 1 gym bag, 1 back pack

AYAYAYAYAYA

While going through everything I even found a gift card to Starbucks, a gift card to Home Sense, and a condom… I left that in the bag though- surprise for the next person! Now the only problem is having way too much to send to Ontario, so my room just looks like a bomb went off and I'm stuck with all of these clothes I don't want. I also just burnt my soup while writing this blog post. There is no hope for my cooking skills. :(
Send donation boxes!
And food...
Mer.

Online Dating- Shoot Me

2013-11-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like this post gives me enough reason to break my cardinal rule of not dropping any F-bombs on my blog and just begin with a full line of them...

POOF

I always knew I had some reserved feelings about online dating, but it wasn't until I was signed up on a site that I learned just how much I do not like it. As in hate it. Like think it is so ridiculous I don't even like looking at my phone when it beeps anymore. Seriously.

For all of you people who have not resorted to the online world, let me tell you how it works. First, you answer approximately 5000 questions about yourself and random shit you've probably never considered before (thank God for BFFs knowing so much about me that they can just do it while I watch ~~Grey's~~ documentaries about the world). Then the site finds your matches, whatever that means; I swear they just randomly select a couple other single people within 15 years of your age and call you soul mates. Now you have matches who you can creep on- HELLO the fun part/ shallowest moments of my life. However, as it turns out I have become the pickiest person on the planet. I may be old fashioned but I am just not looking for a boy who is 5 years younger than I am and still lives with his mom, or a middle aged man who takes half naked mirror selfies, or a guy who has more eyeliner on and plucks his eyebrows better than I do. Just... no. Then there was the time a guy was posing with one of my ex's. That was probably the fastest NEXT of all. Anyways, once you find someone you think is interesting you send them 5 multiple choice questions and they can send 5 back, the questions and answers are provided. After that you send one another 10 "makes or breaks-" an example of my make would be having a job. A break that was sent to me was someone who spends their spare time watching TV. Clearly he would not be interested in my Netflix membership so sadly we had to end our relationship there. Then you can ask 3 questions of your own, to which the response is typed and personal. That part can be kind of cool except when you get questions sent to you like "which emotion would you say you are experiencing the most often?" Umm what? That is the thing you are most interested in knowing at this point? No. If you manage to get through all of those steps then you can start emailing back and forth on the site. This is where I am at with a number of gentlemen. The problem is that I have zero desire to actually meet them. IT IS TOO WEIRD.

There are people who I have met in real life who give me the butterflies, and who I think are awesome, and who take away my ability to form actual English sentences while in their presence. Obviously these are not the people who are (and I use this term as loosely as possible) flirting with me, or I would not be resorting to online crap. The online people do not have this affect on me. In fact, today when one of them called me a 'cutie'- I caught myself reacting like this:

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME

I mean come on. It's not like I am posting selfies straight out of hot yoga class. I obviously have up the most flattering photos I could find. The fact that a few of them are from a couple of years ago when I was blonder and actually had a tan is beside the point. So here I am, texting a couple of suitors, avoiding them physically. Just picture the first meeting (I am visually shuddering at the mere thought of this). Dear Lord... Ok so we meet for coffee? I don't even like coffee but I can fake it til I make it. (Rightttttt?) There is the gross walking into the coffee shop, pause and look around for someone who looks vaguely like their online identity OR do you just get in line, I mean Starbucks lines are really slow- perhaps that is the better option? You find the person/ or he finds you... "oh hello..."

...................

Do you hug?! Is this a hugging moment? I am not a hugger- too early to show that? Handshake? Awkward wave from two feet away? Shoot him the guns? Goodbye social skills. You get to the front of the line and I would probably order a hot chocolate with whipped cream (because I'm 5) and then WHO PAYS? Seriously, this is too much for me. Once that horrendous 5 minutes is up, the conversation begins. I am actually not concerned about that part at all, mostly because I can nervously babble on about myself (Finn) forever, but then he would probably view me as self-indulged (strangely attached to my dog) and never call. Fail.

Or I would try to ask him a lot of questions so he would get talking and he would think I was annoying. Fail.

Or he would be another guy who talks to me in a baby voice and I wouldn't be able to hide my rage. Fail.

This is why I am currently online chatting, not dating. I know that there are people who have found love online and that is sweet meat for them, seriously very cool, I am just way too much a skeptic at this point. I would way rather be swooned in real life, by a person who literally makes me stupid when they are around, not by someone who responds to my FIRST TEXT EVER of hey how was your day by saying "it was really wonderful, now I am just taking in the ceiling lights,reflecting on all aspects of my day, and reminding myself of how blessed I am."

It took everything in me not to respond 'k relax bud.'

#foreversingle

From Our House to Yours: Vanessa's Home

2013-11-10T08:48:00.001-07:00

Do you know someone whose house is decorated so beautifully that as soon as you get there you just want to leave, go straight to Home Sense, and redo the entire décor of your house? I do! My sister's house looks like a show home and I am constantly using her ideas as inspiration for my own home.
It wasn't until recently while I was over there that I realized how awesome she has decorated her home in a kid-friendly way. I also never realized how NOT kid-friendly my house is until I was chasing my nephew all around the place as he left hand prints of cake icing all over my white couches (yes, I am a white couches person). Anyway, I snapped about 100 pictures of her house and have decided to share some of them.

First are the bedrooms.

The living room becomes a magical play area!

Have you ever seen 2 children this happy playing the piano?

Even the bathroom has neat things.

Am I right or am I right?

Look Mom, no hands!

Ahh, just one of many forced photos with Aunty Laur

Grandma Moran Turns 100

2013-10-29T00:30:00.001-06:00

The most common question people asked me after they heard I was in Ontario for a 100th birthday was, "Is she still... moving?" Ohhhh if Grandma Moran could answer those people herself. This lady still lives in her same home, still cooks meals, still travels out of the country, and will sass anyone who has it coming.

Our first night in Ontario, we did not have big plans and all of our relatives were widely spaced out over Toronto, making it difficult for everyone to get together just for dinner. (If you have not experienced driving in Toronto- consider yourself lucky). Therefore, we decided to go to Great Grandma's unannounced and kidnap her for a little pre-birthday party dinner.

The day of the party, Grandma Moran walked alongside a traditional Scottish bagpiper into a room full of her family and friends, without a dry eye in sight. We shared news about our lives, memories from our childhoods, and too many laughs to count.

Celebrating with her, a century of life, was truly a privilege for me and something I will not soon forget (not to mention there was about 5000 photos taken, so it will be impossible to).

Jeffrey and I with our Grandma

The party was held in August to accommodate more family members. TODAY, however, is Grandma Moran's official, once in a lifetime, century awaited, 100th birthday!!! This is a very joyous occasion, and hopefully one that is being celebrated by my family everywhere.

Some of the Great Grandchildren

You deserve a standing ovation, an honour, a salute.
You've been a blessing to us all and today we celebrate you!
Congratulations are in order, for you're 100 you see,
and many wishes for a birthday that took 10 decades just to be!
Happy Birthday Grandma Moran!

Your Word

2013-10-22T13:25:00.000-06:00

While reading Eat, Pray, Love for the 500th time, I reached a part that has always struck a chord with me, I've just never really stopped to consider it. Liz Gilbert (the author) is sitting around a kitchen table with her Italian friends and they are discussing which words are best representative of themselves. The conversation shifts a little bit when the cities of London, New York, and Rome are given the words stuffy, achieve, and sex. Liz then defines herself as writer, but her friends point out that is not who she is, but what she does for a living. Fast forward and she discovers her word to be attraversiamo, which is an Italian word meaning 'let's cross over'. She explains it beautifully and passionately and artistically and now I want my word to be attraversiamo too, except that's not how it works.

I then started thinking about the people closest to me and what word best defines them. There must be one word that will remain inclusive of our best qualities as well as our faults, regardless of how much we change over the years. This is turning out to be surprisingly difficult. ONE WORD? I even tried simplifying it for myself by thinking of a word to describe Finn (yes, the dog) but how do you put most annoying dog ever when barking out the window but cutest cuddle bug in the world into one word? Should I go with companion? Every dog is a companion though so that's lame, and the traitor would ditch me for anyone holding a bacon strip. His nickname is stinky-dink, I really have no idea why, it just comes out, but Stinky-dink is definitely not his word. Then I considered needy, but I didn't want the poor little guy to have a negative word! Therefore, I decided that Finn's word will be buddy because after he barks in your face, he really warms up to everyone. At least I have the dog figured out.

Whenever we are in job interviews, inevitably the interviewer asks the interviewee to describe their three best attributes. The interviewee always answers based on what the position is looking for (well you're supposed to- write that down). As a child and youth care worker, I would say words like empathetic, reliable, and responsible. Would those same three words be my definition? I don't think so. How do I encompass everything I have experienced and everything I look forward to?

These days I am very at peace with who I am and what to expect of myself, yet I still cannot figure out my word. Explore? Create? Learn? I used to love wanderlust but now it is overused and lost it's rarity. Inspire? Do I even inspire anyone or just live in my own fantasy word? Audacious? That isn't as pretty looking a word as attraversiamo. Annoyingbloggercloggingfacebook?
I think this is such a great conversation, especially with friends or family and a bottle of wine (or palm bays). What is my word? What is your word and how did you decide on it?

String it Together

2013-10-20T07:37:00.001-06:00

We had our second girls night/ craft night/ finally do a pinned project night/ wine night/ gossip night, not that I could make it to the first one (sorry, sorry, sorry). It was my turn to host, therefore I got to pick the project. I had seen some fairly intricate string art designs that caught my attention and stuck with me, like these ones:

From here

We didn't actually end up doing any of those, but I think I will try a couple more in the near future. This little craft was super easy, once you got the outline finished. We chose relatively simple designs, but that didn't stop our shoulders from getting sore. Apparently we are just super weak... however, hammering a bunch of nails for the evening also turned out to be very therapeutic!

This would also be really cool and simple to do with kids, and would make a cute little keepsake for them.

Also, after I had paid for the wooden pieces at Michaels (and yes, I am very aware if I had any handyman skills whatsoever I could have just got them from the great outdoors) the cashier called out to me "enjoy your wood!" Obviously I burst out laughing because of my vast immaturity and thanked her very much.
(Who says that?)

She didn't laugh.

Oh well.

The finished products!

Happy hammering!

A !0 000 Kind of Year

2013-10-17T14:09:00.000-06:00

Usually talking about money makes me so uncomfortable that I just end up crying, even if the conversation isn't remotely stress inducing (just ask my parents). That said, I feel like sharing this anyway. My BFF and I are planning a totally awesome, fun, amazing backpacking trip due to leave the second our final class ends in 2014. I think we have finally figured out all of the stops we want to make and are onto the 'finalizing dates' stage. There was one day that I broke down all of the costs we would need to consider and I added them up. I then looked at my savings account and thought of a magic number I'd like to keep it at, even after the trip is complete. All in all, it looks like I'll have to save $10 000 in 10 months. This breaks down to $500 a pay cheque, or in my world $250 a week, because budgeting biweekly gets to be too difficult for me (again, I am pathetic when it comes to finances). This goal is proving to be pretty difficult, especially being a part time employee and full time student with a million different expenses. Although, the hardest part so far is giving up my weekly fill of cactus cut potatoes- ohhh the cravings! So in case you are curious why I am even more MIA than usual, it is because I am in my room, watching greys repeats, not spending money.

On the 10 000 note, I have reached 10 000 views on my blog! I am sure in the world of the web that really is not a lot but in my own little universe it is pretty cool to me. So thanks readers!!!!

Theme Parties: NOW

2013-10-15T19:49:00.000-06:00

I love house parties. They are way more fun than the bar. House parties don't have overpriced drinks or sweaty drunkies spitting everywhere/talking to you, and you can do hilarious things like practice three person restraints and nobody will judge you; mostly because there aren't any hoes in 6 inch heels who think they are better than you. Well, not at my house parties anyways.

I also always loved the idea of theme parties. I tried to host one myself but my costume didn't fit well and it turned into a very weird sex toy party in celebration of my dog turning 2... Anyways, I think every party should have a theme and there should be severe consequences to guests who don't oblige, like taking a shot of something disgusting. Enter Absinthe.
While I love having friends over and sharing some drinks, I am getting a little tired of the post-party cleanup (although the leftover bottles of alcohol are always a bonus- keep em' coming). That's why I think someone else should host a totally awesome over the top theme party, right now.

I have never been to a toga themed party. That said, my sheets are way too nice to have vodka spilled on them, so toga is out, along with my grade 9 buzz cut (whoa, what?). There are some theme parties that I would love to be invited to! So if you are reading this: please organize one of the following (and don't forget to invite me).

COCKTAIL

No, a legitimate cocktail party. Every guest is told to dress to the nines, without anyone else making that annoying comment 'whoa why are you so dressed up' (stupid Edmonton). Look sexy, show what your Momma gave ya, but keep it classy. Miley's disgusting tongue face is not invited. Also, have each guest bring the ingredients required to make their favourite cocktail. I know I typically drink a vodka diet, or I spice it up to a double vodka diet, and when I am feeling unreal I splurge on the super stoked vodka coke. I like what I like. This way, we get to try other delicious bevvies out in the world while having some fun with friends. HELLO?? >> it's perfect.

MASQUERADE
Why has nobody ever had one of these in the history of parties in Sherwood Park? This would be so much fun if there was a group of people invited where they didn't already know everyone else 100%. I mean it was on Gossip Girl, it must be fun. Starting with creative invitations, to party favors (tiaras, boas, etc) and prizes for the best masks, this would be such a cool night. I also always secretly thought that having a masquerade themed wedding would be amazing. All of you engaged bitches should get on that. :)

SPINSTERLICIOUS
I can't decide if this is pathetic or fun. Carrie Bradshaw started this trend with the I'm sick of buying hella expensive baby shower, engagement party, bridal shower, stagette, and wedding gifts type idea. She said it was time some of her friends returned the favour and bring her some sort of awesome single lady gift (lulu pants? wine? silver bullet?), as she was clearly staying single and babyless for the next few years. I think I would host this if I had more single friends, but most of mine are married, engaged, or having babies. I can envision this turning into an incredibly depressing pity party where I end up in the corner eating cupcakes alone with Finn licking the crumbs off my lap (obviously), while everyone else talks about wedding plans and amazing things their babies learned to do that day. If someone else has this party though, I am all over that.

It would look just like this.

PLEASE Tell me you remember this episode
Charlotte: I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a...
Carrie: Loser?
Miranda: Leper.
Samantha: Whore.
HAHA yaaaaaa, I do.Preach ladies, preach.

1920

I liked this idea before The Great Gatsby was made into a movie and suddenly all of the non-readers of the world loved the 20's again. However, that movie did bring flapper back and now it should be embraced. Ladies can rock the fringed dresses and get their hair done in retro styles while the ol' sports can fish a top hat and bow tie out of their grandpa's closet and have a good excuse to smoke cigars all night. It's a win-win for everyone. Everyone could even talk in 20's slang; like calling the ladies 'dolls', avoiding unemployed men who spend their days sleeping 'dewdroppers' (what the hell...), and hopefully nobody will need a 'meat wagon'/ ambulance.

Best Meal of my Whole Life

2013-10-05T11:01:00.000-06:00

I'm not even kidding you, my mouth is watering before I have even begun to tell you about this.

My BFF and I went to Phoenix for a few days in September, basically just to get the hell outta here. If you have been to Scottsdale before then you know it is sort of the shopping/bars/restaurants/full of people sort of area in Phoenix. Well we didn't know where was good to eat, but having made so many trips to the local lululemon, the staff there had recognized us Canadian girls and gave us a whole list of great places to try. We stumbled into a place called the Culinary Dropout. We were seated on a trendy patio with super comfy couch/chairs. The only problem was the table was really low and we didn't feel we could stuff our faces sufficiently. Naturally, we were moved to the only 'closed' section of the restaurant- being only lit with candles... furthering our lesbian impression to everyone in Phoenix. It was really quite magical. Anyway, half the menu was antipasti, written in Italian of course, so we had no clue what exactly we were ordering. There was an appetizer, however, that was written in our kind of language.

Pretzel Bites coated in Sea Salt Rocks with a Provolone Fondue.

HELLO?!! It was only the single greatest food I have ever ingested. Even better than cactus cuts at BPs. Yeah... I said it. For the one and only time the entire mini vacay- we were silenced. We ate the entire meal only speaking words like "mmmmmm" and "mmmmggggdddddrrrrrghhtt???" with our eyes rolling to the back of our heads. There were moments while our cheeks were puffed out, full of food, that we just stared at each other in disbelief. It is a mystery why we do not order a second helping.

The food made her go a little crazy.

We also learned what antipasti really was when our two meat and one cheese orders arrived. I loved it, but Cassy didn't like the thought of eating little meat with her hands (she's so classy). We also had cold asparagus glazed in malt vinegar. Also amazing.

THE POINT BEING if you are ever in Phoenix- make the drive to Scottsdale and eat at this place. Definitely worth it.

I also found a recipe for pretzel bites and would like someone to make me them and bring them over. I don't know how/where to buy yeast(?) so can't do it myself/ too lazy to.

Pretzel Bites

Ingredients

4 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 & 1/4 cups warm water
5 cups flour
1/4 cup white sugar, plus 1 teaspoon
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 & 1/2 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons butter, melted and divided
1/2 cup baking soda
2 egg whites
Kosher or coarse sea salt, for topping
cooking spray

Instructions

In a measuring cup dissolve the yeast and 1 teaspoon sugar in warm water. Set aside for 10 minutes.
In a large bowl or stand mixer, combine the flour, white and brown sugars, and salt. Pour the water/yeast mixture and 2 tablespoons melted butter into the bowl. Knead for 6-8 minutes until the dough is smooth. Add extra water if dough is too dry, until you get your desired texture.
Lightly oil a large bowl. Shape dough into a ball. Place the dough ball in the bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and allow to rise for one hour.
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Spray a large baking sheet with cooking spray.
In a large bowl, combine 4 cups of hot water and baking soda. In a small bowl, whisk together the egg whites and remaining 2 tablespoons of melted butter.
After the dough has risen, punch down the dough and then knead with hands for one minute. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and break off small chunks of dough - Roll the chunks into 1 inch diameter balls (I got about 20-25).
Dip the pieces in the baking soda water and place on the baking sheet. Gently drying with a paper towel if they become too wet. Brush each pretzel ball with egg whites/melted butter then sprinkle with kosher salt.
Bake for 7-8 minutes, until browned.

Who Are These People?

2013-08-20T10:37:00.000-06:00

Amongst all of the weeds, the puppy land mines, and overgrown grass, there is a spot in my backyard that has an awesome fire pit. I love my fire pit and it loves me back. A few times this summer, I have even been fortunate enough to get a group of friends over and enjoy it. In my opinion, sitting around a fire, having a couple of drinks, and laughing with friends is the perfect way to spend a summer night.

Except when those friends brings friends who say things like this:

While acting as the hostess with the mostess, I was trying to make my way around the fire and get a chance to speak with everyone. There was one young man who started asking me all of these questions about the boys I work with. Most of the time, I find that people generally shy away from asking too many questions, so I enjoyed the opportunity to tell him all about my job. He happened to be specifically interested in the boys' behaviours on and off ranch, what they are like in public, and some of the greater offences that had been committed. He started to ask leading questions, where my response was almost forced to have a negative answer. I was admittedly starting feel slightly uncomfortable. The conversation continues when he asks me, "what exactly is the government doing about these kids?" I asked him what he meant by that and he says, "why aren't my taxes going towards euthanizing these kids?" At first I thought he was joking, but then I thought even if he was- he isn't funny, and then I realized he was actually serious. I reiterated, "you mean... put them down, like a dog?" He flatly responded with, "those kids could hurt my daughter and that's enough reason for me. They need to be stopped before they do something because obviously you aren't helping."

Hostess duties done.

I actually can't even remember how I responded. Clearly my memory has been blinded by rage. Obviously, I have a plethora of choice words for this gentleman, all of which I will allow your imaginations to think of. However, regardless of all the insults and profanities that come to mind, there are bigger questions: why do people still feel that people do not deserve equal rights? Do they think they are better than others? What exactly is considered normal and good? In a world that regards therapy as invaluable and takes a 'think of the children' approach to most decisions and regulations made, how are some people still having thoughts like this? And where does this guy get the balls to say that to me? I understand that he truly believes these children are posing a risk to his family, but the last real injury I endured from work came from a gopher hole, not a boy. They are children, they have young minds and are ready to learn, yet there are people believe who believe that death is a better option?

Seriously?

I was going to put this conversation behind me, considering it a one off and not something I should concern myself with. Then I happened to see this:

Originally Found Here

Again, many choice words are buzzing around my head. Now I could sit here, in the comfort of my home, and type up a long list of insults for the writer of this letter. I could point out the ignorance behind its word and the shame the writer should feel. I, however, have a feeling that there are already many people doing just that.

After the conversation that took place around the fire, and having read this letter, I guess what I have found is that I do not understand. I do not understand why someone would sanction for the death of a child. I do not understand why people believe that those thoughts are 'normal' or appropriate. I do not understand why people believe they have the right to treat others so poorly. I do not understand how someone can have such heavy hate in his or her heart. I feel sorry for these people. It appears that they live in a world of black and white, love and hate, right and wrong, when the most beautiful parts end up being all the shades of grey. I pity these people, as they will never experience true happiness if they so strongly disapprove of others and their choices. If happiness is real only when shared with others, than one might think of keeping company as a priority, rather than burning bridges because the water got too high. I ask this:

If these children should be killed because they do not fit some made up mold in others' minds, than who else isn't making the cut? Should all the people of different races be killed because they aren't quite the same as you? Should those with different religious backgrounds be killed because they do not believe in the same God as you? Should all homosexuals be killed because they experience love differently? Should we reinstate the death penalty too? Should we make abortions legal everywhere? Should death be the only option for those who cannot function on their own? Does that include the elderly?

If you believe others should be killed because they are different from you, who exactly would be left?

I Tried to Steal a Dog

2013-08-15T20:34:00.001-06:00

As I've mentioned a couple hundred times, I work with children who have been abused and neglected in the most horrific, awful, sad, and disgusting ways that some people struggle to even imagine- never mind to actually live it. That said, I have never brought one home. I do not feel compelled to "save" the children by welcoming them into my own life at such a personal level, because working with them in the manner of which I do provides enough intrinsic satisfaction for me. Plus, these children have a voice; they also have child advocates, social workers, youth workers, case workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, teachers, doctors (upon doctors), medications, therapies, and coping mechanisms.

However, when I hear of an animal, dogs in particular, that is suffering from abuse and/or neglect it is another story. Imagine my rage when my bff informs me that she knows of a dog that is being tormented with such bullshit. While she speaks, I can feel my blood start to boil, my hands start to twitch, and I suddenly get really hot (...?). I was basically one step away from my dark passenger completely taking over and going all Dexter on the ass-hole whom she is speaking about. (Although, I was a couple of super stoked vodka cokes in at this point, so holding any sort of sharp object really wasn't ideal.)

My trusty, law abiding, politically correct bff informed me that she had reported this abuse to the humane society and 3-1-1 numerous times already. The poor pooch was still in its same living quarters and under the same lousy conditions. I took this moment to get all Mother Teresa and decided that justice needed to be served. While Cassalicious had been holding it together quite well until this point, my rage had weakened the feelings she had done so well keeping suppressed and soon she had caught up with my fury. Together we filled our dinner talk with resentment and the kind of anger you see in roid monkeys.

That was that, we had to go save the dog, heal it with our love, and give it the beautiful life it deserves,

so long as I committed the crime and kept it at my house.

Cassalicious pulled up to a quiet home, in an old neighbourhood full of gorgeous tall trees, that is best known for its abundance of hookers and drug use. That is when it finally happened for me; love at first sight. Sitting in his unfenced backyard, tied to a rope shorter than Finn's 'training leash' (the one used when I try to show off how well Finn can walk next to his owner) (which doesn't work), is the most beautiful dog in the world. At first, from a distance, and through slightly blurred vision, he looked like a regular pit bull pup. After 100ish "aweeeeeee"s, "sooooo cuteeeee", and "good boyyyyyyy"s, I had approached the lovely animal. Completely unaware if anyone was home or watching, fortunately I had the ever-helpful Cassalicious video taping behind me/ keeping a watchful eye out.

This dog was effing muscular and certainly not an 8 week old puppy that I had envisioned. Up close, he almost looked like a pit bull cross bull mastiff (known for being MASSIVE). When he had originally been described to me, I remember hearing the words adorable, cute, and little puppy. While this dog was definitely good looking, he could obviously have been mistaken for a killer and images of him biting my hand off in one little nibble flashed through my mind. Cassalicious is obviously no longer reputable.

Luckily for my limbs, the dog was super playful. He instantly started jumping up and down (which I corrected better than Cesar himself) and covered my hand in gross, sloppy kisses. I WANT HIM. After introducing myself, I knelt down to his large, shark-like jaw level, and unclasped his leash. Playful Pete charged at Cassalicious in a "I'm actually going to rip you to pieces" kind of way, and my God it was funny watching her run. I really did think he was going to bite her in the ass. (He didn't.) Once he got near the vehicle, he started to shake. A better word for it might even be convulse. He was so afraid of the car! Damn owners had apparently been spotted hitting and kicking him a number of times when he tried to jump up into vehicles. The little (huge) guy ran back to his leash and sat back down in the unmowed grass, now scared of us. Our only solution now was to lure it into the vehicle with snausages, like a professional dog-napper would do.

We raced off to IGA for dog treats, sped back to the house, and the crappy owners had returned.

FURY/RESENTMENT/WRATH/ANNOYANCE/RAGE/ANGER/IRRITATION/TEMPER

Mission failed.

Now, while Cassalicious believes the dog should be named Dexter; because he clearly looks capable of murder, I gave him the name Jack Bauer; because he is so bad ass. The question remains of what to do about poor Dexter/ Jack Bauer! Clearly reporting to people who are supposed to help is not working. Although after speaking with The Voice of Reason (my dad) he reminded me that not only could I face jail time, but I would lose my career if I was caught in the act. What can I/we/anyone do?!!

Ps. If you would like to steal me this dog I am happy to provide the home address for you. :)

--I'm going to take a time out here to say a little something about the bad reputations Pit Bulls have gotten. I feel like the people who keep getting Pit Bulls that end up being harmful to others- are shit head owners like the ones I am mentioning today. These kinds of people don't get little shih tzus or pomeranians. They seek out a 'bad' dog that looks the part and can easily be trained to attack, or simply not train them at all and when the dog ends up hurting a person they are easy to place blame on. These people are the ones to blame for the pit bull stigma. I am afraid that Dexter/ Jack Bauer is headed towards the same fate, as he clearly does not have owners to train him properly, and once again a pit bull is going to end up aggressive.--