She Laughs at the Days

Blessed

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:50:00 +0000

To help me remember.

It's almost healed.

Never Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 07:24:00 +0000

Sometimes I lose perspective. Ok, a lot of times I lose perspective. I get over whelmed by straws, many tiny little straws that pile up until I feel like I can't move.

Monday was that kind of day. At some point in the morning I called Aaron, who is out of town on business, AGAIN after being home just 6 short days, and surprised myself by weeping into the phone as I told him we were going to have to carry a balance on the credit card this month, for the first time in 2 years or more, because I just couldn't make it work out, this income we have, plus the expenses we have.

I haven't really bought groceries all month, living on pantry staples from times of surplus when I stocked up. We have a 50 pound bag of rice in the pantry after all. We may get bored, but we won't starve. But it's draining, and wearying, this constant need to make do. I lost a filling 3 months ago. I probably need a root canal by now, but still can't afford a dentist.

Add to that a hormone cocktail and the grind of trying to do something new in a 3rd world country where corruption is commonplace and sifting through lies that we had to do this past month and I just spent a lot of time weeping.

By the time Sara came over at our regular scheduled time to do more year end accounting for Charis I was really struggling: struggling to keep my voice calm with the children who just would. not. finish. their chores, struggling to focus on work that needed doing, struggling to not just sigh endlessly while wiping away tears.

So she called her mom, who is a massage therapist and asked if she could fit me in that day. When I came out of the bathroom she met me with my keys and purse in hand and told me to go and not come back until late. She literally shooed me out the door.

When I came home several hours later, after a wonderful massage, and time spent doing another thing I had wanted to do for a while, my kids were bathed and in bed, my house was so clean it sparkled, and I was no longer in default despair mode.

Sometimes we struggle through things and the struggle makes us stronger. Other times God sends us absolutely fantastic friends who turn everything around for us with the gift of kindness.

Yesterday an old, old friend, whom we haven't seen for many years, sent us a substantial gift through paypal. Just to help out and encourage us. Their timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I feel so unworthy of such generous friends. All I can do is tell this story of how the people in my life have blessed me. I need to do it so I remember that I'm never really alone, no matter how much it feels like I am sometimes.

Have you ever felt a nudge to do something kind for someone, just because. I hope you acted on it. I have a feeling those nudges are orchestrated by one who knows our need, and knows just how much it is a blessing to be able to fill those needs for each other. These faithful friends made all the difference for me this week and now I'm overwhelmed in a different way, by my inability to figure out how to say thank-you in proportion to what their kindness means to me. I hope it's enough to just feel it so deeply, and hold it close, wrapped tight in the warmth.

Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:54:00 +0000

It is receipt season here. Accounting and spread sheets and lots of research for setting up how we're going to do things in 2012. I'm so glad Sara is helping this year.

But I took a short break from it all to "capture some contentment" in the middle of all the chaos.

Pretty

Those freckles!

$10 decal from home goods on my kitchen wall still makes me happy.

I'm a little obsessed with collecting interesting old tins at thrift stores. I recently hit upon the brilliant idea of hiding things in them in the laundry room. It's a perfect place for all those rolls of different tape I have.

Happy

When your 10 year old comes up with the lunch menu from your depleted pantry. Tostadas and beans, with fresh from the tree lemons.

The young chef.

Happy diners

I let them eat on the front step.

Funny

a gift for Bam Bam

Some friends of ours from our old neighborhood visited this week. We haven't seen them in a few years. For some reason Mamata thought that Bam Bam was a girl and brought him this very cute little dress as a gift. I was going to put it on him and take a photo, 'cause that would have been funnier, but he was asleep when I got the camera out.

Real

All over my floor

My laundry room. On the ironing board is all "folded" by the girl. You bet I'm putting it away exactly as it is.

For When the Going Gets Tough

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 07:57:00 +0000

One of the things I inherited somehow from my Christian upbringing was this idea that if God is behind something, it should be easy, simple, smooth, etc.

I don't know how many times I've heard someone use that as criteria for choosing a direction in their life, or whether or not to do x or y or z. "Well, we didn't get the visa on the first try so I guess that means God is shutting the door and that's not where we're supposed to go."

Don't think it's just Christians who do it though. Cloaked in different words, the universe is opposing you, the stars aren't aligned, it wasn't meant to be, fate had something else in mind, it's still the same pervasive mindset that if things don't come easily then there's a wrongness in continuing to strive for them.

I can't answer for anyone but the Christians here, but let's for a second contrast that attitude with some stories from the Bible shall we?

For instance, this morning in the junior high Sunday school class that I teach we read through the first 3 chapters of Deuteronomy, which is the beginning of Moses's recap of what happened between Egypt and Israel entering into the land promised them. Here's the thing. For years it says they wandered in the wilderness, their clothing and shoes didn't wear out, and God fed them manna from heaven. That sounds pretty easy right?

Well, then they got to Kadesh Barnea, sent in spies to check out the land, freaked out that they were going to have to go up against a bunch of really big guys protecting fortified cities and they got scared and ran away. "Why did you bring us all the way here? So that these guys could kill us?" is essentially what they asked.

So God tells them that they don't get to enter the land he's promised them after all, 'cause they're afraid of a little fight to get it. He'll wait until they are dead and their children are grown and then he'll take their kids back to the land he promised them and they'll be the ones to take it.

Notice something. He promised it to them, but he's not just handing it to them on a silver platter. Strange, no?

So for 38 years they wander around, the grown ups drop like flies at every opportunity, and when they need to go somewhere they ask for safe passage from the neighboring countries as they wander and they are given it. Until the last 2 years. Suddenly they aren't being allowed to pass through countries anymore. In fact, the kings oppose them and come out against them with their armies.

Now, by the prevalent modern Christianese logic they definitely ought to seriously wonder if God is still with them, or if they ought to go a different way, since they are now facing opposition.

Only they don't run away this time, they fight back, and they win every battle, and by the time they reach the Jordan they are a battle hardened, strong backed nation and everyone who hears they are coming is terrified.

There are all sorts of other things in that story that make you go "hmmm". But today that was the bit that got to me.

I like to just throw in the towel and quit when the going gets hard you see. That's what I want to do. This little bit way of thinking has clung to me since my youth and the harder I have to work for something the more I tend to wonder if I ought to. Maybe I'm just trying to force something to happen that isn't supposed to happen. Maybe I'm having such a hard time pushing this rock up this mountain because it's not meant to be on top of this mountain. Maybe I should quit because the going is hard.

Or maybe that line of thinking is just a load of crap.

Maybe something is hard because it's worth doing. Maybe the battle is coming to me because I'm actually getting closer to the end, to seeing the promise fulfilled. Maybe the things worth having, the promises that we see fulfilled are only obtained by picking up our figurative swords and going out against the really big guys entrenched in their fortified cities, like poverty, corruption, greed, and evil of every kind, and taking back what was ours in the first place.* Maybe that we are able to fight at all is a sign that we're not fighting this battle on our own. Not really.

So what's the point of a promise that you have to work your butt off, and fight like mad to realize? I guess that's up to you to work out. But I'm pretty sure that the fact that it's hard and you have to work for it is a point in it's favor, not against it.

Christians have a tendency to equate trust in God in a situation with waiting for him to do something about it. I tend to think that trust in God and his promises is what gets you started in the first place, that's the reason we pick up that sword and go to work.

What do you think?

*I need to find a catchy way to say this so I can tattoo it on my forehead for all the times I get discouraged and want to throw in the towel. I trust in God, now get to work? Um, don't quit, you've still got lot to do? Someone has to get this rock up this hill, why not you? The bigger the opposition the harder you need to fight? Help me out, none of these are particularly catchy. :)

If only...

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 09:45:00 +0000

I lost a paycheck, the one dated for January 1st that he handed me, along with a bunch of receipts as I drove him to the train station a week and a half ago. Sometimes it's the little/big things that make you feel like a failure. The person who needs to sign a replacement won't be back in the country in time for me to pay the rent on time. So I'm in a bit of a tight spot.

(It will work out in the end I think.)

I think maybe the reason we fixate on such things, beat ourselves silly over the mistakes, is that we're trying to regain control of things.

If only I had put it in my purse. If only I had double checked that everything was back in it properly after Bam Bam tore it apart that day. If only I had examined every piece of paper I swept up or vacuumed out of the van in the past 12 days. If only he had given it to me before we left the house so I could put it away properly. If only I had paid better attention I might remember where I really did put it.

I look for the moment when I could have changed something, trying to find the moment I lost control and wrestle it back into submission.

Only, life doesn't really work that way. All I'm doing is trying to avoid the fear that would seep in and bring despair along on it's heels by maintaining the illusion that I can control the outcome if I just try hard enough.

It's easier than admitting to myself just how fragile and vulnerable all the things that make up a life really are, how quickly all that we work for can disappear.

But holding iron fisted onto an illusion is no life at all, and sometimes we need to open the hand with which we are pummeling ourselves and show a little kindness instead. Perhaps fear, and despair, our old bedfellows, will turn tail and slink away if we stop dragging them along behind us everywhere with a leash fashioned of "if only".

Don't you think it's time to let go?

the Not Fake Holiday Letter - 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:50:00 +0000

[Every year about this time I start to get daily hits for the Not Fake Christmas Letter post I wrote in 2006. I think it's about time for another one.]

Dear Family, Friends, and people who won't even open this when it hits your inbox.

It should come as no surprise to you that I'm not going to print this letter out and sign it and address it to each of you and then pay $40 for postage. It is 2011 after all, and I have a blog, and the feed goes to my facebook account, which is linked to a twitter account, and a Linkedin account that picks up the twitter feed, not to mention a google+ account. I have at least 5 email accounts that I monitor daily, or more, I've lost track really. I also have 4 facebook pages, a website, another blog to go with the website, another twitter account to go with the other blog, and that's one of the pages. I have social media profiles everywhere, some of which I even update daily, so unless you don't have a computer/tablet/ipod/smartphone you really have no need for a snail mail letter. I make it really easy to spy on me. (I will write to you, dear grandparents, and maybe even you, dear mother who finds the updating of her antivirus software confusing, but it may take me a while.)

It made me tired just typing that. No wonder I always feel behind.

So, the good news first. I got to go to a blogging conference, which was a lot of fun. I met some of my favorite online people and was totally awkward with many of them. But I still enjoyed myself.

Oh, and I won blogging recognition for some stuff I wrote about how much I suck as a parent. Come to think of it, that bit that I published in an anthology last year was also about how not very good at parenting I am. Apparently people like to read about how badly I fail every day. I'm not sure if this counts as a success or not.

It was actually a pretty good year for the non-profit that Aaron and I co-founded and that we fill all 3 of the necessary officer of the board positions for. We raised enough money to buy land to build an orphanage on, and a farm to feed the kids. Not that we can actually take credit for much of that since it was other people's money and generosity that made that whole thing work.

If I tell you that one part is going well you should really ask yourself what kinds of things were neglected to make that happen. I'll go ahead and tell you. It's school. Particularly math.
Please don't ask my children to do long division because they will look at me in accusatory tones and mutter, "Mommy hasn't taught me how to do that yet, she's been busy on her computer."

Yeah, and I don't even get paid for it. Well, there was that one time one of my posts was syndicated... and there's the less than lunch money in ad revenue... let's stick with not even paid. It's less confusing. After all, most of the time when I'm on the computer I'm not writing, I'm trying to learn how to be the CFO of a non-profit corporation, or answering emails, or answering more emails, or accounting, or editing websites, pages profiles, etc.

My five year old will take my face between her hands and turn it to face her in order to break my gaze on the screen so I will notice she's talking to me.

Not my proudest moment.

You see, a mom who homeschools, runs a non-profit corporation, and likes to write never, ever keeps all the balls in the air. It's less like jugging and more like constantly dropping things and then picking them up and chucking them as high as I can so that I have time to pick up the other balls on the ground and chuck them back in the air, over and over and over again. There are just too many balls.

But math needs to be picked up more often.

Aaron took a job that has both less pay, and more travel. So we see him less, and don't have enough to fix the car, or pay all the bills all at once, or take the girl to the orthodontist, though the dentist asked for an emergency consult. He is enjoying the challenge of learning something new though, as he usually does. We hope he'll be successful at it and then we can do things like go to the dentist again. Woohoo! We didn't take a family vacation this year, or last year, or the year before that. The time we can afford for Aaron to be off work is time he spends in Thailand with The Charis Project. The Boy might go with him this summer though, which he's excited about.

I thought maybe with Aaron gone a lot I'd have more time to watch movies that he doesn't like. I've still never watched The Notebook. But usually I just work until Bam Bam wakes and then drop off exhausted when I nurse him back to sleep. My oral hygiene is often not up to par as a result.

We like our kids still, that's something. They continue to amaze us with just how well they adapt to our craziness. They have started figuring out how to do a lot of things for themselves. We like to tell ourselves that we are fostering independence and a can do attitude in them by having them make their own breakfast, lunch and dinner, and clean up after all of it. Of course, they prefer that to going hungry so they're becoming quite proficient at it.

The economy has hit hard this year. Not so much because we are tightening our belts, though we are, a lot, but because we know so many more people who are in real difficulty and we wish we had the means to help.

I'm writing this on Christmas eve, while Aaron is in Thailand at the orphanage, and making caramel sauce for the cranberry cake I'm taking to the friends who live outside (homeless) Christmas party tomorrow. Odds are the sauce will be chunky because I will forget to stir, but that's ok. It will still taste good.

I probably won't actually post it for several days after that though, I'll fall asleep instead and forget to put all the links in for a few more days after that.

But I think it's been a good year nonetheless, if measured by a different standard. There was the guy who told us that he's reconciled with his family and will be leaving the state to live with his son when he gets his kidney transplant. He says it's the past decade of being around our extended family that healed him enough to make him able to make that phone call.

There were 150 people at the Christmas party in Mae Casa Thailand yesterday, mostly political refugees, migrant workers and ex criminals, all drawn to the life and light they see in the community we get to be a part of there.

Thirty-two formerly abandoned kids went to bed somewhere safe, with full bellies and warm hearts clutching Christmas gifts that our kids handpicked for them.

So while far from successful by conventional standards, and though I still, daily, feel as though I am failing at something, maybe it was a good year after all.

I hope you have a lovely holiday, that you have someone you love nearby to celebrate with, and that if not you find someone else who's lonely and invite them in. I hope that the coming year will be full of light and life for you as well and that you will have the strength to welcome it.

Love,
Carrien and family

And the Girl is 8

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:44:00 +0000

Hello solstice child,

The pagan doula who attended your birth held you for a while waiting for a gift from you, born in the dead of the longest winter's night. That was sort of odd of her, but I didn't mind. I think the gift was simply you.

Every parent has that child who is just a constant puzzle to them. That is what you are for me. I can understand pretty easily what goes in the hearts and heads of your other siblings, for various reasons. But I never know what it is that will matter to you, and what will just slide off.

You have strong ideas of what is fair and what isn't, and you are most easily upset when your sense of justice is offended, even if your ideas of what is just are very different from that of those around you.

You are clever. You see through people. You love to have fun. You love to be silly.

You look too old. You are too old.

Your bones are solid now, big kid bones. I can no longer wrap my hand all the way around your ankle. There is weight to you now. Not visible, for you still look super skinny, but it's work to carry you to bed.

You got a cool hat and new boots for your birthday last Saturday and Sunday when we went to the nutcracker you wore them along with your frilly girly sparkly dress that we had planned weeks ago. And you looked awesome.

At 8 years old you are officially more stylish than me. Just FYI, I never really have been stylish. You can dress me in a decade or so. Kay? Actually, you already do on occasion.

You have the greatest attitude about things, most of the time. When we all play a game together it's obvious who cares about winning and who is there just to have fun, win or lose. You are that child. You don't care about winning. You care about being able to play.

You're also my most flighty child. You leave laundry sitting on the kitchen floor and dishes in your bedroom and any thing you were told to put away simply relocated to another room. You were going to put it where it belongs, but you thought of something else to do before you got there and completely forgot you were even holding something. This is how I find all of your things in random places.

I wonder what you will be like when you grow up and have a place of your own?

A friend took this photo of you a month or 2 ago and I almost had a heart attack when I saw it. It's you, just totally innocent in an unguarded, unscripted moment. But it shows so clearly how quickly your girlhood is fading away and womanhood is rushing at you.

I know we have a few more years, for which I'm thankful, but it was shocking to me, nonetheless to see just how old you are.

I always feel panicky when I realize that, like I'm running out of time to get it right. I haven't yet perfected my parenting skills you see, and I'm running out of time to make sure you have a perfect mother before it's too late.

Of all my kids though, you care the least about perfection. You only want to have time, and attention, and a place on my lap still. Which, I confess, kind of hurts now, but I try to let you stay there anyway because soon... Oh too soon you are not going to be a girl anymore.

My heart squeezes a little too tight when I think about that.

I love you. I love you with all my heart. I hope I learn to speak your language well enough to make sure that you at least know that, always.

Love,
Mama

Little is 5!

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 08:15:00 +0000

Dear Little,

I'm not sure how this happened. You are still my baby girl, yet so big, yet so little, yet so much a small child, but sometimes not. You are a girl in transition is what you are.

You still ask every night if you can sneak into my bed if you are scared, and I still wake to find you snuggled up next to your daddy on many, many mornings. I stare at you those mornings, not having a camera nearby, to trying to memorize every detail of your sleeping face, the line of your jaw, your dainty little chin, the long lashes brushing flushed cheeks, perfect tiny lips parted as you breath, and your hair falling across it. I look at how tiny you are next to daddy's big arm that is wrapped around you and marvel that so much personality can fit into a child your size.

This photo was taken by Rosie from Like Mother, Like daughter

This year to took it upon yourself to start blessing people every time we sat down to dinner. You would go around and say things like, "I bless you to always be my big brother and to love me forever because you are my big lovey!"

Or there was that time one night at bed time when you prayed that, "Everyone in my whole family would always love me, always, always, always."

You are extravagant with your affection, smothering all of us with kisses and hugs and "I love you mama, you're my favorite mama in the whole wide world".

You are just as extravagant with your other emotions, which means the entire neighborhood can tell when it's you who are upset. Your little piping voice when it screeches can carry a whole city block. You are quick to anger, but also quick to relent when you realize you were wrong, which will happen more often before the anger erupts as you learn to listen first, then act.

Basically, you are five.

There is something about you that is fragile this year, as though you have discovered that there are things to fear in this world, and you cling to all the reassurance that your family can give.

You are in love with your big brother, unless he's annoying. He still serves you in ways that make you feel loved and you still think he's the funniest, smartest, most entertaining guy ever. But he shouldn't come in your room if you are doing something and mess with your toys. That leads to screeching.

Also by Rosie, this photo catches your personality perfectly.

Your devotion to the Girl is less slavish, though she can almost always convince you to help her with chores in exchange for "mystery prizes". She is still cool enough that random stuff from her collection of things is super exciting for you to get.

Bam Bam and you are friends. When you 2 are separated for any length of time you reunite with hugs and kisses and laughing. You love to make him giggle, and he loves to pull your hair and slobber on your face, and lay his head on your shoulder. You kiss him at every opportunity. Unless he messes with your doll house. Then you put him out of the room and shut your door. But you are generally very patient with him.

I love the way you color, with lots, and lots of different colors, all filled in all the way to the edges. You seem to be living life the same way so far, and that is a gift. I hope you always rush to meet things headlong filled with excitement.

I know that as wisdom tempers all that you are right now the little girl I can feel beginning to slip away will be the kind of woman I want to know.

By Rosie

I love you always,

your mama

Of the Father's Love Begotten

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 06:56:00 +0000

After a super fun day of preparing for and hosting the girl's double, we were both born the week before Christmas, birthday party, I was telling Brenda that I had wanted to make a video for Neil Kramer's Annual Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert.

But since the deadline for entries was tonight, and I had a party to clean up after, a bunch of kids running around the house, ok, just my regular crew and Bug, hyped up on sugar, I didn't figure I'd manage to shoot a video. (Of course I didn't do it earlier in the month because hello, I have a non-profit to run, and they apparently suck all of the time you thought you would use to do other things all away in service of the never ending task list.)

She then promptly offered to shoot it for me.

We tried several times and each time about one verse in Bam Bam interrrupted, once by knocking over a drum, once by climbing into my lap, pulling down my shirt and nursing... He interrupts in this one too, but he's far enough away that we just kept on going.

(If I look like I was up all night baking gingerbread here it's because I was. The girls wanted a gingerbread house instead of a cake. But then I had to make enough for all their friends to have a house to decorate too.)

So here it is, a probably more realistic look at what it's really like over here at our house and one of my favorite, not technically a Christmas Hymn but a beautiful old chant nevertheless, and I think it's appropriate for the season anyway.

So You're Worried Your Wife is Getting Fat

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 18:27:00 +0000

Dear man who has a wife or girlfriend or other woman in his life who may be putting on a few pounds,

You have been noticing a few extra inches on her figure, some extra softness and roundness in places it hasn't been there before and you want to talk to her about it. You know that to talk about it is to enter an emotional minefield, our culture is so good at messing up women and their relationships to their own bodies. It's really sweet that you want to figure out how to talk to her about this without hurting her feelings. Don't turn to an article like this for advice. Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Her She's Getting Fat That would be a mistake. It's like asking someone from Switzerland to help you navigate through India, only they've never been there before. I know you don't want to shame or manipulate her into conforming to your idea of hotness. You aren't that kind of man, and your woman isn't the kind of woman who can't handle a straightforward conversation. Right?

So here, from this women's perspective, is some helpful advice. Please remember that what I tell my kids all the time holds true for you as well. The only person you can control in a relationship is yourself. So let's look at what you can actually do, and then have a look at how she may think or feel about it. Please keep in mind that I'm assuming love for her and concern for her health is your actual motive.

#1. Is the pot calling the kettle black?

Before you broach this delicate subject with the woman who shares your life take off all your clothes and stand in front of a mirror. How does your current appearance compare to how you looked when you first met her? There are probably some sags and bulges on your body too. Don't think she hasn't noticed just because she hasn't said anything. She does notice. But she probably won't ever mention it to you for 2 reasons.
1. She cares more about what kind of person you are and loves you regardless. She reminds herself often of the praiseworthy things about you and doesn't focus so much on your aging body. It may even be a comfort to her, that you are together growing older.
2. She knows how she would feel if you criticized her and she's careful not to do it to you.

Unless you are willing to address your own growing belly don't even think about talking to your wife about hers. Seriously. I shouldn't have to explain to you what a double standard is. Don't just make a change for a week and then start telling her how she ought to as well. Show some commitment. Keep at it. That way she can see that you aren't just trying to make her do something you aren't willing to do yourself.

#2. Ask yourself how many ways she may be investing herself to take care of you, and your children if you have any.

Does she iron your shirts, make you lunch, take care of the kids and the house and the dog? Does she drop everything in the middle of the day when you call wanting to talk and listen, even if it throws her whole schedule off? Does she volunteer at the kids school, drive car pool, have her own job that she goes to everyday while holding your family together and stretching ever thinner?

You must realize that when you bring up the subject of her weight and suggest she take yet another half an hour out of her day to exercise because you prefer her to look thinner that she sees it as yet another thing piled up on top of all the other things she does for you, and your family. She doesn't see it as something to do for herself, but as yet another burden, and it may feel like too much.

Before you ever even talk to her about her weight how about you talk to her about her schedule? Ask her what kinds of things she would like to be able to find time to do. See if you can find a way to lighten her load, perhaps do for yourself something she customarily does for you, so she can do those things. Even if exercise isn't one of them. Realize that if you remove just one thing she easily has at least 10 others that she'd like to do that will fill up that space. Exercise might not be at the top.

But helping her to find breathing room in her daily schedule is a good way to begin to show her that you care about her.

#3. Is she getting enough sleep?

Studies have shown that the more tired people are the poorer their food choices and the hungrier they feel. A tired person heads straight to the ice cream.

Are there any ways you can help her get more sleep?

Are there chores she does in the evening that you could take over for her before you sit down to relax so she can go to bed sooner?

Of course, she may have 10 other things that she will cram into the time freed up other than sleep, but you may have helped relieve some stress to begin with and that will help as well.

You could talk to her about your concern that she is well rested and look at her work load with her to see if it's possible for her to get more sleep. Remember, she'll need time to just unwind and do something relaxing before going to bed, just like you do.

#4. Does she get any rewards other than food?

In a busy, hectic, non stop day those little treats you see her eating may be the one positive stimulus she has going for her. After all, she doesn't have to stop what she's doing to sip a soda, or eat some chocolate, or potato chips. She may be snacking on things just to give herself a mental boost and give those pleasure centers of hers something to do.

Can you find other ways to reward her through out the day? How often do you say thank-you, for example? Teach your kids to thank her as well. Give her a quick back rub in passing, a hug, a kiss, words of appreciation, these can all stimulate the same chemicals in her brain that chocolate does.

Build into her daily, and weekly, routine whatever rewards you can manage that aren't food and see how she responds.

#5. Plan family outings that are active.

Actually plan them, yourself. Don't tell her that you want to go hiking with the whole family and then expect her to find the date, pack up all the food, find everyone's boots, get all the kids dressed and then go. It may never happen then. Her plate is very full, remember?

Since you are already committed to your health you will have the energy to do this. You aren't going to be too tired on a Saturday morning to go do something fun and active together because you are caring for your own body and getting rest instead of staying up too late on you weekends. Show you care about this by managing your energy level such that you have some to invest in fun activities together.

The bonus to this one is that you will get to have fun with your kids and build memories together. (You don't need kids to do something fun and active together though.)

Do this one often.

*************

I suggest you try all of the above for a couple of months and see what happens. If nothing else it will help you to understand the obstacles in her way to a healthier lifestyle.

If after some time you don't see her inspired to take care of her physical health now that she's well rested, not as stressed, feels appreciated and has some time freed up you may still decide to talk to her about it. There are a few things it would be helpful for you to understand.

#1. She already knows she gained weight.
She's a woman. She looks at herself in the mirror every day. She goes through the closet trying to find something that she looks cute in still. She has to buy herself the next size up in underwear. She already knows she has gained some weight and she's probably far more critical of herself as a result than you are. So when you bring this up you are the voice confirming everything bad she's been telling herself in her head. Know that you aren't speaking into a vacuum, but jumping in on a dialogue she's already having with herself.

You say, "Honey, I'm a little concerned about your recent weight gain."

She hears, "See, you're failing at this too."

#2. She may want to make a change but feel like it's impossible.

Hopefully all of those earlier steps we talked about will have helped to alleviate this, but she may still feel overwhelmed by life in general and her weight in particular. She may have no idea how to begin. You can probably help with that. It's always easier for the person with some distance to see a solution than the person in the middle of it. But don't be glib about it. No matter how easy it seems to you, to her it's hard.

#3. She may be deeply ambivalent about her weight.

On the one hand she wants you to think she's beautiful and enjoys it when you praise her appearance. One the other hand she wonders if you will still love her when her looks are diminished. She knows that one day she will be an old woman, and she wonders if you are going to still be around then, or if you will move on to prettier packaging.

She's not sure there's much point in staying fit if it's only motivated by fear that you won't love her anymore if she's not. Fear is a pretty lousy motivator over the long term. It may produce short term results, but eventually she'll quit. She needs a better reason than that and she needs to be confident that you love her anyway.

#3. She may not care.

She may not think of her weight as an issue at all and may think that your concern is your problem and you should get over it. She might be right. Is she basically healthy with a few extra inches, or is her long term health in danger from her weight?

Here is where you need to be clear with why you care so much about her weight gain.

If it is merely aesthetic you need to figure out how to straight up explain that to her. To your mind taking care of her physical appearance is in the same category of common courtesy as taking regular showers and brushing one's teeth before coming to bed. She might not think of it that way, and she may consider weight gain to be more a part of who she is than something as quickly remedied as hygiene.

#4. Give her real and healthy reasons to stay fit.

Tell her you want for her to have the energy she needs to have fun with you and the kids. Tell her that you want to grow old with her and enjoy your twilight years together. Tell her that you are worried that she's running herself into the ground and want to rearrange your own priorities to help her stay strong and healthy.

Make plans with her to do something fun that she can look forward to and gives her a short term goal. Maybe being strong enough for an adventure, hiking, rock climbing, kayaking or something else she used to love doing will help with short term motivation.

It's fine to say you want to take her somewhere nice and show her off too. If she knows you love her she'll want to make you proud. The interesting thing about this though is that it works better if you are already proud of her and act like she is your treasure. She'll want to be worthy of that, especially if she doesn't feel that it is conditional.

Bottom line, make loving her your main priority. If you are truly doing this out of love then it's worth trying.

Well, that's my opinion. Ladies? What do you think?

Guys, is this at all helpful?

How to feel rich

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:11:00 +0000

The Girl really did not like the $2 day challenge. The day started with tears as I explained that she couldn't have one of the clementines on the counter because they cost too much and then we wouldn't have much more we could eat that day.

"But why can't I have them? You already spent the money on them to buy them? Can I have one, mama, can I?"

She really didn't understand. I don't know if you've ever tried explaining things to a loudly weeping 7 year old but it's a venture doomed from the outset.

They were, however, won over by the homemade bread to go with the lentils for lunch. And those who didn't like the dahl for dinner had the leftovers from lunch.

"I don't want to do this." The Girl whined several times that day and I didn't really have a response, until I realized no one does. No kid chooses to only have a certain amount and kind of food every day. No mother chooses to give her children the poorest, most meager meals available. No one chooses to live in abject poverty. My girl has a choice, I have a choice. She can have clementines for breakfast normally. What of all those who don't?

This is what I asked her, and the rest of them, at the end of the day.

Yesterday, through facebook, I heard of a local family who lost every thing in their 4 children's bedrooms due to a house fire. I asked the kids if they had any clothes or toys they wanted to give away. They took off into their rooms, occasionally popping out to ask again, "How old are the boys again? Is this the right size?"

I got pretty teary when they showed me the finished pile. Two of the Girl's favorite skirts and blouses were in there, "matched up so the girl can have a pretty outfit to wear". The Boy's new skateboard, the one he received for his birthday 2 months ago. "It's nice enough to give away still mom and the 11 year old boy might like it." Little included her treasured Corduroy book and matching bear. The Boy selected Legos, making sure there were cool things in there, for the 5 year old boy and his lizards and reptiles book. We found hand me downs that are still too big for the Girl to pass on and I watched how thrilled they were to discover that they did indeed have things good enough to give away and how much pleasure they took in that.

We are rich with gifts. Sometimes it take giving them away to notice it.

Other gifts I'm counting,

Bam Bam hugs. He wraps his little arms around my neck and snuggles his head against my shoulder.

Coming into the bedroom one night to find Bam Bam fas asleep on Aaron's chest.

Little tucked under Aaron's arm, fast asleep, hair strewn across her lovely little face.

The Boy surprising us with apple pancakes and organizing his sisters to help.

Morning giggles as they all greet each other for the day.

The Boy asking forgiveness of his sisters for his tone of voice without any prompting.

Double ovens for simultaneous dinner and cookie baking.

Scented candles.

Rain storms.

Hot tea and homemade beignets.

Horse trails through marsh land.

Crazy dome shaped hills.

Sunshine.

Old stories, retold.

Sweet, sweet melodies sung together.

The $2 day challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 08:38:00 +0000

"We're going to eat for only $2 each for the whole day tomorrow!" I announce. "Do you think we can do that?"

"Yeah," the boy exclaims, "I think we can."

"If we stick to basics and don't have treats or things like butter I think we won't even go hungry." I add. "I'll start some bean soup in the crock pot tonight..."

"I don't like bean soup!" the Girl whines. "Why do we have to do this?"

"Do you know there are people who don't have any choice about what they eat?" I ask her. "There are families who just have one bag of millet, one bag of beans and that's all they eat until it runs out, every day. If they are lucky maybe they have some vegetables to go with it. Those people are actually the lucky ones. They have food stored up. Some people buy their food every day with what they are able to make that day and if they don't make any money they don't get any food. If they only make a little bit they only get a little bit of food."

"I didn't know that." she answers.

"But why do we have to do it?" the Boy asks again.

"Have you ever felt what it's like to have to eat the same thing day after day?" I ask him. "Have you ever felt what it's like to run out of food before you stop feeling hungry? Do you know what it's like to wonder if there will be enough food to eat today?"

He answers no to each of these questions.

"Do you think it might be good for you to feel that so that you can know what it's like to be another kid in the world who goes through that every day."

I can see the wheels turning, and it's enough of a reason for me.

It's not too late for you to join. The challenge is to eat for one whole day for only $2. Just to get the slightest taste of what it's like to be truly poor. What if you only ate what you made that day and if you didn't make anything you and your children didn't eat? What would that drive you to do that you wouldn't even consider when you are well fed and warm and content? I always think of the families in Thailand who sell their daughters and wonder just how long the hunger lasts before that is an option for them.

Truthfully, at $2/person for a family of 6 I'm not even worried that we'll run out of food. I've been cooking peasant food for so long we probably won't even notice, aside from the extras, butter, olive oil, tea with cream and sugar... that's $12 for the day and I can do that, I have to do with not much more than that very often.

Even so I wonder, as I plan my menu and total the items using the bulk rate I pay for flour and rice at Costco what sort of rate the person who buys their daily food every day gets. I think of other things like how often I wash my hands in the course of preparing a meal, every every snotty nose I wipe, and every time I go to the bathroom and I think about the woman who have to walk miles every day for water. How often does she get to wash her hands? I go crazy if for some reason the water is off in my house for even half an hour. Imagine not washing, ever.

So we will think about it, as we go about our day, with the abundance piled on the counters that we must not eat and the set in stone menu with no extras that we cannot deviate from and I think it will be worth doing for these the short people.

But since they don't want bean soup I'll make lentils instead, green for lunch, red dahl for dinner, with rice, and potatoes, and eggs for breakfast.

I'm jazzing up my challenge by trying to do it with real food and we have a guest coming for lunch. I've never had to consider eating less so a guest can have her fill before. But I know people everywhere have to make that choice. I'll let you know how it goes.

St. Nicholas Day - How our family deals with Santa Claus

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:57:00 +0000

If you've been reading here a long time you would know that we don't much go for the standard commercialism of the Christmas season. [Ideas for a non Commercial Christmas] We don't give each other Christmas gifts for example. We try to find a way that our family can be a gift to others instead. We don't do the Santa thing either.

Now, if you do I'm not going to tell you not to, don't worry. There is something to the wonder that a child is capable of and the way they so sweetly believe that I can understand why parents love doing the Christmas morning extravaganza for them to wake up to. I continue to try to find other ways for them to experience wonder.

But having struggled with the desire to teach my children to not want things, or think first of their own wants, and also to not be a totally downer mom who never lets them have any fun, ever, I'm pretty content with the traditions we have happened upon so far.

In the beginning they didn't even know who Santa Claus is. They called him the Christmas man when they saw things at the store. Gradually they gleaned little bits and pieces about coming down chimneys and handing out presents and they wanted to know why some kids thought that Santa came to their house.

So I told them about St. Nicholas, the bishop of Myra. You know, the real guy. We talked about how he gave to the poor in secret, most famously throwing a bag of coins down a chimney for a girl's dowry, but also hiding things in shoes, stockings hanging on lines, etc.

I told them how people only discovered that it was him later and that other Christians were so inspired by his example that they continued to give to the poor anonymously, and how they credited St, Nicholas with the gift, rather than take credit themselves, just as he had not taken credit for his own gifts.

A few years back, inspired by the years of reading about how Beck from Frog and Toad are Still Friends (yes, I know she has a new blog, you can click the link. I'm still in love with the old name.) kept all the saint days with her children year after year, including St Nicholas day, I decided to try out a bit of this church calendar liturgical living sort of thing.

Which is how we come to the keeping of St. Nicholas day and how we do it.

Every year the kid's Beema gives them each some money to use to give to someone else somehow. She has them record what they did for her to keep and show them when they grow up. [Actually, I get to record it all because a lot of them can't really write yet.]

On the eve of St. Nicholas day is when we usually work on this. They purchase a toy for a child their age perhaps, to give to a shelter or other sort of ministry and we wrap them to deliver. Or we make something for the kids in Thailand, or whatever we are inspired to do that year.

This year we made cookies, chocolate chip candy cane cookies to be precise, and sneakily delivered them to all the neighbor's doorsteps after dark, wrapped up pretty with a note that says something like, "This gift is in honor of St. Nicholas." That's not exact because we decided to do it in Spanish. A note in English when we're the only gringos on the block would be a dead giveaway.

My Spanish is lousy so I'm really thankful that Ashley joined us for the evening to help with the note, which we printed out with an image I grabbed from the internet. She also helped with cookies, which was awesome, and found my kitchen bar counter, which is a total Christmas miracle because I keep trying to get to it and never get the whole thing cleared. It is where I keep the mail after all.

She likes to bring presents for that day. We don't mind at all.

So after we ate, and baked and packaged cookies we headed out into the cold... what? It was cold, we had a frost warning last night! As I was saying, we headed out into the cold and tried to get cookies to doorsteps without anyone seeing us. The Boy got really into it, hiding behind cars and sneaking along under windows.

Then it was back home for dessert.

This year I left little presents on the front step in their shoes and they woke me, very early, to show me what was there. They think the next door neighbor lady may have done it. I told them it must be someone following the example of St. Nicholas who doesn't want to be identified.

I love how this works for us, combining giving and care for others with fun mystery surprises for them. They look forward to it for months. Which just goes to show that old traditions may be the best traditions after all.

*Some of you may remember Ashley as Hannah from when I felt the need to give her a blog name.

And Finally, Christmas decorating - a short tutorial on not spending anything at all

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 09:37:00 +0000

Last Friday night I unplugged! I decided any work I wasn't finished with could wait at least one day and shut down the laptop. It has been years since have gone that long without internet while at home. I opened it briefly late Saturday night, but only to forward the lesson plan to someone else as I called in sick to teaching Junior High Sunday school the next morning.

our little Charlie Brown Jesse Tree

The result of this crazy and drastic measure? Well, I spent a lot of time reading to my kids, and we went for a walk and stopped at one of the most well preserved adobe rancho houses in San Diego county for a tour and got a sneak preview of their Christmas decorations.

all that's left of the set my dad bought us years ago.

But then we came home, and I noticed all sorts of housekeeping I've been negligent about with this past month or two of NOTHING BUT FUNDRAISER CONCERT AND CHARIS PROJECT WORK MORNING NOON AND NIGHT.

Nothing like decorating to inspire some actual dusting and cleaning in rooms that haven't been given anything more than a quick once over and swept every so often since September? [full disclosure - It hasn't been me cleaning them. The kids each have a room to pick up once a day before dinner. Without them we'd have descended into total chaos way before now.]

That's a long way to get around to saying that on Saturday we totally did the holiday decorating thing.

But there was no way I could take down the nativity sets before doing some serious de-cluttering and arranging of the piano and the mantle. I really should have taken a before shot of that mantle.

I forget how fun it is to do little creative things like this around the house until we do them.

The wreath is from last year. I substituted the bow for the fake hydrangea blossom and little red flowers this year. Little desperately wanted us to get the white poinsettia also so I did. But she didn't want to just attach the pretty white flower to the wreath no. She cut every individual petal off and carefully arranged them where she thought they ought to be and then I wired each of them on for her, because I like to encourage her budding design sensibilities. Also, I didn't want her to remember crying because mommy said no to her decorating contributions. Total cost of silk flowers, 50% off at Michaels? $8. (OK I spent just a little bit.)

I've wanted to try an ornament garland, but those get pricey. This miniature version made from plastic ornaments also at 50% off is pretty cute I think, and I got the girls to string it on a ribbon so they had something else to make while I cleaned and dusted. [$5 for the ornaments.]

So I cleared the mantel and kept wishing that I had either gotten around to blowing up and framing a decent photo to put above the mantle because there are ugly outlets up there. (Apparently it's the thing now to put big flat screen TVs on your mantel. I wouldn't know, I don't own one.) So then I wandered through the house in search of something big enough to cover over the outlets that I could use. Along the way I wished I had a mirror or chalkboard, and that's when I remembered.

I have a big felt board. Was it big enough? Why yes it was.

The burlap draped over there is a scrap from something else. I first tried to see if it would stick to the felt or not. I just liked it there so there it stays. When I took this photo today the Girl wasn't yet finished cutting out all of the letters we put on it. Now it says, "I am the light of the world" Jesus

We almost didn't have letters, and talked about needing to buy white felt. A few hours later I was finally throwing into the trash the bit of sparkly white stuff that Aaron's grandparents always used to put underneath their nativity set which they gave to us a few years back. I think I just kept it for packing material. I have this thing about putting creches in snow you see. It's just too jarring for me considering there wouldn't have been much snow in Israel. But I remembered just in time, and it's what we cut our letters out of.

Aaron's grandparents purchased this nativity set in Israel. It's hand carved out of olive wood. We were the lucky recipients of it when they downsized a while ago.

My wildflowers after they dried on the stalk.

I think I may need to unplug more often and remember my creative side again. Oh, and to hang out with my kids, that part too, I guess.

Do you like repurposing things for decorating?

Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 23:08:00 +0000

I have a sleeping boy in my lap right now. He woke up from his nap still tired. It's been a while since I just held a sleeping toddler. He's very sweet. So I have a second to write a PHFR post.

Pretty

Yeah, I like flowers.

Happy

My daily cup of tea.

I finally made granola again. They're excited.


I am happy that Little is learning to wipe the table after breakfast.

Funny

Ok, these aren't very funny by themselves. Aaron took these Thanksgiving day. I made that sweater for the Boy a decade ago. I just think it's hilarious the way very small children will point at things as though the pointing will give them possession. "I can't touch it yet, but if I could it would be mine." Here he's after the little dog at Beema's house.

Real

why my entryway is hardly ever ready for guests

Coloring and felt board before I made them pick it up.

Also real, the lack of any seasonal or adventish decorations in my house. I'm a little behind, didn't even realize the season until yesterday. Maybe this weekend.

Little is waiting for me to read to her so I must go. Bye for now friends.

L is for she LAUGHS at the days- an interview with Secret Agent Josephine

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 19:07:00 +0000

After a long career as a super spy Secret Agent Josephine is now coming forward to tell her story in this colorful set of illustrated children's books written by Brenda Ponnay aka Secret Agent Josephine.

They are available in any e-reader format and hardcopy.

I've been reading about Secret Agent Josephine's adventures long enough to remember when she originally created the alphabet book as flash cards for her own baby Bug to learn with. Of course, as she showed us all the pictures one at a time as they were created, she generously shared with everyone else. Once upon a time you could get the alphabet Secret Agent Josephine style for free.

She's the most generous super spy I know, and blogger.

Now you can get it for only $2.99 on your super spy reading devices, like a kindle or iPad.

Even my big kids were enthralled with these books. It was evening and the light was awful when I showed them these but I grabbed some shots of them reading nonetheless.

(The next morning they again poured over the pages and spent the next several days inventing new spy gadgets.)


A toy laptop made from a free printable and a wipes container! How awesome is that?

This was after we cleaned up the office, and by we, I mean Brenda worked her super agent magic.

This is before.

In our defense we had just finished the benefit concert and this was all the stuff we brought back and unloaded at midnight.

And this is after.

It was dark already when I took this photo. The last swallow of summer is winging his way over the horizon.

See, she has super powers.

As informative as the books are, they don't tell the whole Secret Agent Josephine story. That's coming in future books. But we decided to interview her to give you a sneak peek. What follows is a top secret transmission that we now have permission to make public.

--------.............-----------.............---------............-------..........---------....
[transmission begins]
Dear Secret Agent Josephine,

How did you become a spy?

I was recruited on the playground. They noticed my stealthy mothering skills and the fact that I carry a battery-operated glue gun in my purse for fixing things like broken drinking fountains and little girl's headbands.

Do you like being a spy?

Of course!

What is your favorite spy gadget?

The ejector seat.

Are you always spying on people or do you sometimes get to just take a bubble bath?

I'm always thinking like a spy but I take breaks from pulling off spy missions and such. I have to be a real mom when I'm home.

What is your favorite place in the world to visit?

Paris

Your favorite food?

Spicy Thai Noodles

Who do you work for?

That's classified.

Do you always work alone?

Usually but sometimes the agency has me work with other partners. It depends on the job.

Do you help invent your spy gadgets or does someone do it for you?

I help out a lot with research and development of new spy gadgets. The agency has me test new things as they invent them. I'm also very crafty by nature so I'll make up my own spy gadgets in a pinch and then hand off my invention to the agency to improve.

These are things we'd like to know.

Glad to help! [end transmission]
--------.............-----------.............---------............-------..........---------....

Did you know that there is an entire set of clues you can collect from the Secret Agent Josphine book tour. Each post, for each letter, has a secret clue in it. It's not too late to play along. You can go to Brenda's blog to find all the other posts wherein to search for clues.

You too, can be stealthy.

You can also win an alphabet print for yourself from the book

I have the letter L to give away.

If you would like to win this print just leave a comment below and I'll choose winner by random number generator on Friday at midnight my time.

Seriously guys, these books are so cool, and Brenda is such a lovely person, I really hope you'll put them on your shopping list this year. There aren't many kids books available yet for e-readers, and these ones are really worth showing to your kids.

I think I've forgotten how to write

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:38:00 +0000

I don't know what else to say when I come to this space besides, "Hey, look what I did over there, and there, and there. Oh and check out my to do list, impressive no?"

Sorry. I'm becoming a workaholic. Ask me the last time I went to bed before 1am. Actually, I hope tonight will be the first time in a while that I did. Yes, that does mean I even worked Thanksgiving Day. We were a bit late because I spent all morning stocking the virtual store.

But some of the things we did in the name of work last week were fun. We went on a few photo shoots for instance.

Sara and I pretended like we were directors and stylists and our kids and friends and family pretended like they were models, and also took pictures, and some of them turned out really fantastic and we have shots for the store now.

Maybe it would be fun for you to see them too? My SIL's are so pretty. The BIL's aren't bad looking either. And the rest, also pretty.

I got to be the fun mom for a change and let the kids don wetsuits and run around in the surf while we took photos.

I did also manage to squeeze in time to have many friends over to visit last week, even though I eventually picked up the laptop and started working at some point with most of them.

Brenda came on Tuesday, and turned my office from a piled up dumping ground of everything we brought back from the benefit concert into lovely workspace again. And she lovingly packaged each T-shirt for storage and shipping so now they are really cute.

She amazing at stuff like that. I'll show you before and after photos this week, I promise. I wish she could stay for a week sometime. We also interviewed Secret Agent Josephine herself and we'll let you in on some top secret super spy secrets Wednesday.

My friend Erin came for dinner with her husband and the cutest most cherubic children ever. I forgot to take a picture of them, so you'll have to take my word for it. Erin is one of those fantastic people that those who don't have friends like her wish often that they did. The day we met I broke the handle on her dad's truck door. I'm smooth like that.

We've rarely had time together in the same place for long, but our visits are always wonderful. A few months ago, a week before the birth of her 3rd child I might add, I received an odd sort of package in the mail from her. It contained, felted yarn balls, the softest cloth baby wipes ever in a container, and pretty stationary. If you don't follow me on twitter this won't make sense to you but if you do, and have a long memory... I have mentioned cutting apart old flannel crib sheets for make do baby wipes, and cloth diapering and once even bemoaned the shortage of good stationary when I look online. I guess that doesn't make sense of the felted yarn balls yet.

Erin discovered somehow that if you put 8 balls of yarn in the dryer it cuts the drying time way down, which is very useful when you are cloth diapering and all. So I had to try it. I put a down duvet in the dryer with these balls and it was completely dry with only one cycle!

Basically, she a quiet little wish fulfiller. I kept meaning to get it all together again and take a photo to show you, but I figured I'd better tell you instead what a fantastic friend she is and how much fun it was to get her package in the mail.

And there were more friends, but I'll have to tell you about them later, Bam Bam is crying. Goodnight friends.

The Charis Solution Video

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 08:42:00 +0000

As promised, the video. I'm so happy with how this turned out.

Thanks Haven for taking a concept and turning it into such clear images and thanks Frank for working so long and hard on getting it just right in the editing phase.

I'm making a store right now. I hope to show it to you in a few days. Wish me success?

I'm getting better at this fundraising thing

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:34:00 +0000

Once, a long time ago, I tried to throw a concert to fund one of my adventures. My friend Ben had just had one that my sister and I opened for and it was amazing. He rented a hall and he packed that place out, sold tickets, had a photographer, it was a very cool event. With no idea of exactly how much work he put into promoting the thing and marketing, and selling, I naively thought that if I just rented a good enough sound system and a hall they would all come. SO I used all the money I had to do it, threw up a few posters, gathered excellent musicians, and a week later performed a sad, sad little concert to an audience of about 15.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is where I get the idea that I am no good at fundraising. It was a total flop.

So when Sara, our Business Development Volunteer suggested we hold a benefit concert I may have hyperventilated just a little bit at the very thought. (Yes it is as cool as it sounds to have a "Business Development Volunteer". She is amazing, efficient, resourceful, full of ideas, and she gets stuff done!)

So I hedged, and agreed if we could find a way to do it without it costing us any money up front, because this is donor money we're playing with. I wanted absolutely no risks. So we got the hall for less than $100, thanks Father's House, the performers played for free, we sold tickets, and best of all we had a sponsor who wants to stay completely anonymous, thanks anonymous sponsor, who covered a huge amount of expenses and made it so we could do things like order T-shirts to sell and offer an iPhone 4S as a prize. 2 iphones, actually. You will have a chance to win one. More on that later this week.

And then we planned, and promoted, and maybe freaked out a little when ticket sales were meager with less than a week to go, even though we hadn't paid anything out of pocket. Oh, and we ordered a bunch of food and made bracelets and got even more raffle prizes.

the loft where we sold coffee and refreshments and stuff

Last night, after the mad scramble to get everything in order I walked into the back of a packed house, Haven Blue and Alexa Reyes performing onstage and may have had a moment where I just swelled with emotion and got a little teary.

Haven Blue and Alexa Reyes

IT WAS AWESOME!

Beau McFarland

Our long time friend Beau McFarland has been getting a lot of attention on the comedy circuit in LA and he brought a friend, Carlton Parks, with him and they kept the audience laughing the whole time they were onstage. (We didn't even notice that the 3rd Comedian and TV host Peter Marr was unable to make it due to illness of the sudden and really unmentionable kind.)

Carlton Parks

We premiered a video outlining the self sustaining orphanage solution, drawn by Haven Blue, filmed and edited by Frank Shanley, narrated by Aaron and written by yours truly. I am so happy with how it turned out. I will show it to you this week. Promise.

And finally we had Birds of Prey (autoplay warning) a teenage rock band who play classic rock covers well, and with commitment. Their lead singer looks like he's about 12. No one who hadn't heard them play before was expecting these kids who walked up on stage to rock the house like that.

I'm telling you all this because we live streamed the whole event and you can watch the rebroadcast here. http://thecharisproject.blogspot.com/2011/11/charis-solution-benefit-concert.html You should really go watch, even though he started streaming during soundcheck. The boy busts a few moves at the very beginning, and you can just skip ahead an hour to get the show. You can't see much but you can here it really well and the music was good.

This photo taken of me and Sara during the set up is embarrassing. I look like death warmed over on a spoon, also like the stress eating has finally caught up to me. But I am so, so happy with how everything turned out. I can't take very much credit of course. There's no way I could have done it without Sara. She found the band, the sponsor, booked the hall, made the check lists, ordered the T-shirts, made bracelets, taught me how to use excel for volunteer lists and organizing, and hundreds of other things besides.

There's no way Sara and I could have pulled this off without all of the volunteers who pitched in, the bands, the sponsors, the prize donations, the awesome sound guy, thanks Randy, and most of all, our families. Her teenagers put in hours at my house hanging with my kids while we worked in the office, and our extended family, Beema who took the kids for long periods of time so we could get work done, and my amazing brothers and sisters in law who kid wrangled, and volunteered all night an helped clean up. I can't imagine being able to pull this off if we lived anywhere else and they weren't so willing to help with stuff like this.

The kids were such troopers, and it was so fun to be finished with planning and just watch them have fun at the concert. Little dancing with her daddy. The Boy decided not to go to a birthday party in order to stay and help set up and it was cool to watch how proud he was to be in our family and how he wanted everyone to know that he was. None of them wanted to leave and go home to go to bed, and I didn't make them until almost the very end, because, how often will they get to do something like this anyway.

It feels really, really good to have finished this. Let me have another 5 hours or so to relax before i think about what I have to do next. :)

ps. iphone giveaway details coming up the day after Thanksgiving and our incredibly awesome T-shirts will be available in the online store I will finish making before then as well. We may even do a styled photo shoot. ooh la la.

Also, CKlein Originals has designed us a custom hand stamped pendant. It will be available in her shop nest week and a portion of the proceeds goes to The Charis Project. The picture doesn't do justice to how delicate and pretty this pendant is. I love it so and everyone asked about it at the show.

Trying to look up

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 18:27:00 +0000

Sunday afternoon driving home from church, the scenery is beautiful, puffy clouds and green hills, still lagoons and the occasional glimpse of ocean, and I am slapping myself in the face just to stay awake on the 40 minute drive and not have an accident.

Zie Photography

This could be a pretty good metaphor for the rest of my life right now. Aaron has been home exactly 20 hours so far this November, after being gone almost all of October and half of September before that. We're planning our first ever fundraiser event in a physical location for this Saturday. The work piles up, the kids they need and pull and cling and bicker and try to climb me, crowding so close on the couch that I start to feel like swatting things.

I know there is beauty all around me still, even if I'm staring only at the black asphalt and the bumper of the car in front of me and smacking myself in the face to try and not fall apart.

Zie Photography

The gifts list calls to me to wake up, to look around, to notice what is always there, even when I feel too weary to notice it.

Zie Photography

Bam Bam smiled and walked straight to Aaron when he got home this time, even though he only saw him for few hours last week.

Zie Photography

The way I can touch my thumb and forefinger together while circling Little's petite little wrist.

Zie Photography

A friend bringing lunch over this week.

Same friend came over at 11:30 on a Friday night with her bigger kids so I could run to an ATM without waking the babies because internet banking was down all weekend at my bank.

Zie Photography

baby boy cheeks

Zie Photography

All the people helping and giving and pulling together to make things happen, totally volunteer.

The Boy has a new friend to play with.

Zie Photography

Plans for seeing friends Thanksgiving week.

Momentum, it's exciting and hopeful.

Zie Photography

A boy who gladly reads to his sisters.

Little keeps hiding all the pine cones in a decorative basket in the living room so I can search for them. She's convinced that she is making a very fun game for me and helps me by telling me if I am warm or cold.

Zie Photography

No one but the baby woke me up last night.

Aaron's home for the rest of the month tomorrow.

puffy clouds skidding across rain washed skies.

Zie Photography

All 4 kids crowded together onto 1 rocking chair and laughing.

A friends daughter takes photo after photo of my kids that are beautiful. She's helping me look up. (Her mother wants her to stay anonymous on the internet but all the photos in this post are by her, Zie Photography is the name she chose. She's 13! This girl definitely has talent.)

My Grandpa's Thoughts on War

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 19:52:00 +0000

My grandpa is WW II veteran. His whole life he's written poems and several years ago he self published a book of them. (Back before it was easy and cool to do so.)

In honor of today, here's one of his poems.

In Flander's Fields Again

(Excerpt from My Thoughts in Rhyme by Joseph H. Young A Soldier and Farmer)

In Flanders field's, among the slain,
We who survived, came home again,
(Our father's fought for Freedom there
The world no longer seemed to care;)
Their sacrifice, was it in vain?

I'm home once more, I did not die
Among red poppies, 'neath blue sky:
But there amidst the ripening wheat
Where poppies bloom in summer's heat,
Some comrades sleep, and larks still fly.

Some folks will never understand,
They have not seen blood reddened sand,
But I saw thing no one should see,
I can't forget, they stay with me;
Those scenes from war torn land.

The battle's o'er, they say we won,
What's that to those who lost a son,
His father's pride, his mother's joy,
He was a man, while still a boy;
Just one more cross in Flanders fields

Wedding Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 18:42:00 +0000

So thanks to Veronica Mitchell's suggestion I am trying to do NaNoWriMo this month. Yeah, my odds of finishing a book while planning a benefit concert, single parenting while Aaron is on the road and trying to keep school current are low, but I make progress. In between I get to make executive decisions about things like which style of T-shirt to have printed. High V, low V, scoop neck? I'm the wrong person to ask.

Sorry to not be here so much.

I realized that I never posted pictured of the wedding, so I'm using those photos for this edition of Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real. (It was his brother's wedding.)

It was a wedding, so there was a lot of pretty.

I made his bow tie.

This should probably go in funny but... It's a lot of work getting 4 children all dressed up at once and doing hair and tying bows and wrestling Bam Bam into shoes. (How insulting, there was grass to walk in.) Fortunately the Boy can get himself dressed, but he couldn't tie his bow tie himself. When I came out there were 3 groomsmen googling how to tie a bow tie on their smart phones and the father of the bride was fiddling around with it trying to remember how. Good thing I had already googled it the week before when I was making the thing so I could show them all how. :)

I'm really happy with how the cake turned out. That cake stand is actually a plant holder I bought at Big Lot's for $12. Appropriate for a garden wedding, no?

Pretty auntie Haven watches Bam Bam for me for a second so I can sit down. Between the gorgeous pool, and the candles resting on the stairs and retaining walls, and the stairs, he required a lot of supervision/

For those who just love wedding photos go here to see the real ones, and lots more pretty.
Happy.

These two.

The girl watching the bride and groom make their entrance.

This little guy.

All my boys together on the dance floor.

The Boy surprised us all by showing his breakdancing skills. They're actually quite impressive.

Funny.

I was trying to catch a shot of all the guys as they came down to the reception. My FIL decided to pose.

Real.

This is the closest we have to a photo with all of us in it, beside's the giant official all extended family portrait.
We were all there, it was picturesque, the kids matched , we are all pretty, the camera was right there, and I DIDN'T EVEN THINK TO TAKE A FAMILY PHOTO. NOT ONE SINGLE SHOT WITH ALL OF US IN IT TOGETHER!

What to do with failure, counting blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:48:00 +0000

He comes to me in the evening as teeth are being brushed and baths are drawn. "Could I talk to you in private, after people are in bed?"

The mystery hangs over the nighttime singing the girls tucked into bed with dollies slumbering in toy cradles on either side of the queen sized bed they share.

I finish singing and give extra hugs and he climbs out of the top bunk and meets me in the den. He has a confession to make.

So I watch as he struggles to get it out, lip trembling, voice breaking, stopping just before the words actually leave his mouth over and over again and I hold his hand and smile and do what I can to give him strength.

I am not surprised by his confession, nor dismayed. The action itself is minor, but I know the deceit that went into hiding it from me and it's been weighing on his mind. He's not been sleeping that well, tossing and turning and talking in his sleep.

So when he's finished talking I draw his too big and heavy boy frame into my lap and he sobs into my shoulder with relief at having unburdened himself.

I ask why he thinks he did it and he doesn't know. But I do.

Who will deliver me from this body of death?... For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. Romans 7:24 & 19

And I tell him that we all fall and we all fail and how much courage it takes to confess and that I'm proud of him for setting himself free from the shame of it. He weeps and weeps as I tell him I will always love him and when he lifts his tear stained face it has a smile on it.

And the whole time I wonder to myself what I ever did to deserve a child with such a noble heart, with the character that he already has?

He is such a gift.

Here are a few more.

Bam Bam now hugs my neck and lays his warm head on my shoulder when I pick him up.

Baby dolls tucked into bedside cradles.

"good morning mama" from Little, always with a hug. Her hair is getting long and has crazy tangles every where from the night before.

Rain beating down outside the house.

Sheepskin boots and sweaters.

Waking in a warm nest of down with smiling baby next to me.

The Boy's excitement after getting to drive to church with daddy, just the 2 of them in the car.

Hot chai.

A sponsor for our benefit concert, an answer to prayer barely a day after I finally remembered to pray about it.

An extra hour in the mornings without feeling weary.

The Boy is still wearing his hobbit costume and asking about elevensies.

Milly so often taking the kids for me and making it fun.

Zoo memberships for the kids, a gift from someone dear.

A wonderful volunteer who gets stuff done.

Urgent call for help

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:42:00 +0000

Do you remember when I told you about this big grant the we could be eligible for if only we could get enough votes to get to the second round?

We were doing really great for a while, holding steady at around 36 of the top 50. We're down to 58th place and we have to get into the top 50 by November 8th in order to be reviewed for one of the grants they are awarding. One is $50,000!

The difference between 58th place and 50th is only 115 votes. I bet everyone will be scrambling this week to get as many votes as they can so please take a second, it's literally a second and go and vote for us. Book mark it and then whenever you are in a different place with your smart phone or laptop go and vote again, it will let you. I just tried it at the orthodontist's office.

Then if you could share a couple of times on facebook, twitter, and get us as many votes as we can get before next Tuesday. You guys already know how much this would help us out, but here's a reminder.

We're developing a model for self sustaining orphan care that not only gives the children a safe place to live and grow up but address the economic and social problems in the community that caused them to need to be placed at an orphanage in the first place. The more funding we have the sooner we can develop all the different phases of our model to get the whole thing up and running and replicable everywhere there is need.

DIY Lord of the Rings Costumes

noreply@blogger.com (Carrien) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 18:49:00 +0000

The young hobbit inscribes his sword with elvish runes.

Our family has never really done much for Halloween, but ever since our church started throwing this great masquerade party every year we've started dressing up for it. This year the kids started planning costumes a month ago and I kept warning that between all the wedding sewing and the fundraiser and the other stuff going on around here I probably wouldn't have time to make anything special.

Well, it turns out that Saturday was free, and that's all it took, and not much sewing either.
It started with the Boy deciding he was going to be Samwise Gamgee. Well I have a tea stained blouse that Aaron bought me in Thailand before we were married that finally tore this summer. I was trying to decide if I should throw it out or not. Underneath the blue vest that his Beema made for one of his uncles to wear to our wedding 11 years ago it makes a perfect hobbit shirt.

The Jedi pants I made him 2 years ago are now short enough for hobbit pants, and when he got those dirty we found the too short Thai pants hanging on the line would work just as well.

His satchel includes rope, salt, cookware, a blanket and Lembas, also known as rice crispy squares wrapped in foil.

I was going to make him a cape, but it turns out that the Jedi robe I also made him 2 years ago was now short enough to make a convincing hobbit robe as well. Especially with the help of the leaf shaped brooch from great grandma's old jewelry stash that she gave the girls.

Did you know that if you google elvish runes online you will find a rune generator that will translate english words into old hobbit, dwarvish or Elvish. Good thing that geeks are also into LOTR. :) The sword says brave and faithful on it.

Then the Girl wanted to be Galadriel. She has the right color of hair you see. So we layered one of my old maternity blouses with fancy sleeves underneath one of her long dresses that we turned inside out because the lining is white. I stitch ripped to get the tag off.

We twisted coat hangers around until they looked sort of like Galdriel's crown and braided her hair around it to hold it on.

I did have to sew for her, one cape, of white fabric I had laying around, 3 seams, the easy way. Maybe I should do a cape tutorial I make so many of them?

Little wanted to be Arwen, at the exact moment in the movie when she's on the horse and sees a kid who isn't really there running to Aragorn and then cries. (Her words.) So I did my best with a scrap of blue velvet and a big sister's velvet dress.

The Girl made the clasp for her, out of the broken top of her plastic princess wand and a safety pin. It's pretty authentic looking I think.

Why isn't this chariot going any faster.

We of course has to do something for Bam Bam. So he wore the waistcoat I sewed him for the wedding, and the white shirt, and a ribbon and scrap of fabric turned into a short cape, so he wouldn't trip on it.

I wore a costume too, but I didn't take any photos of myself, again.

So then we were ready to have fun.

Aaron came straight from his flight home to join the fun

a tiger faced elf princess?

hobbit feet

on the borders of Mordor