Harris Family

Letting Go

2012-01-21T07:14:00.000-08:00

Confession: I was on a dark road last night driving home from dinner with friends and I was looking at my phone. It wasn't like I wasn't watching the road or anything but I'll call this awful,illegal, and dangerous multitasking. Not sure why but I just put it down suddenly and looked up. A guy was walking down this road wearing black and had I not been looking at that exact moment, I would have not seen him and hit him. There was no voice in my ear saying look up. No powerful kick. But it was something giving me that feeling to look up. I could have hurt someone last night. He was stupid to be walking down that road but still.. it would have been bad.
Why am I saying this? Because I believe this was one of those moments that I truely felt I was being protected by an unseen power. And so was the idiot wearing black on a black road at almost 11pm.
And why was I?
Me- who has basically all but given up believing that God is truely mindful of me. Me- who has pretty much let those I attend church with affect my desire to attend anymore.
Me- who has many times had such anger in my heart that I questioned all I have been taught and almost threw it all away.
Why would I have been saved from a lifetime of regret and flashbacks and knowledge that my decisions not only changed my life but someone elses for the worst?

I don't know.

But I was.

And it is a kick in the pants. It's time to get things back in gear.
Time to stop letting other peoples choices and actions affect me.
Time to be okay that I'm not accepted by many people I worship with.
Time to be okay with the fact that I possibly will never feel another child growing in side me.
Time to be accountable for my own thoughts and actions rather than blaming others. Time to be okay if people don't like me and stop harboring my own feelings of dislike.
Time to hand things over to God and let Him help me with my time.
Time to LET IT GO!

As I was thinking about this this morning and thinking about the things and people and friendships I have lost lately and the feelings I have felt, this song kept coming into my mind.
I hope I can do this.. because it is time.
And it is freeing!

I can still recall the hour
my father told me it was time
to let it go.
Though it's mended wing had made it sing
He said the bird I cared for was not really mine,
Let it go.

"Letting go," he said, "seems to break your heart.
Though it will heal it feels slow to start."
Though the pain burned within me so,
He held me tight so I could let it go.

Years have passed since then,
And so has he, but I still hear his words,
"Let it go."
There's so much of life that can't be lived
When you're still holding on to hate and anger deep inside.
Let it go.

Letting go opens up the heart.
There is a new day hungry to start.
You can't change what has hurt you so,
But you will heal if you can let it go.

All that's wrong in your life
Let it go.
All that is worth saving is love.
Love will hold you tight,
Love lifts the burden,
And love shines the light.
Only love nourishes us so;
If it's not love, simply let it go.
**Michael McLean

I just read this passage that was written in another blog from the book "The Continous Atonement" and I found it appropriate for what I need to remember:

God is bound to love me. It is his nature to love perfectly and infinitely. He is bound to love me – not because I am good, but because He is good. Love is so central to his character that the scriptures actually say, ‘God is love” (1 John 4:8, 16; emphasis added). … Not only did He require me to have faith and confidence in Him, but He is required to have faith and confidence in me. … God and Jesus are bound to believe in me – in my potential and possibilities – even when I don’t. God is bound to be as close to me as He is to any of His children because He is a perfect parent.

He believes in me and that I can be strong again.. because of this, I own it to Him to believe in myself!

My baby turned 7!!!

2011-12-30T10:44:00.000-08:00

I never imagined I would only have 2 kids. I always assumed coming from a family of 11 kids that I would at least have 4 or 5. But I have been blessed with 2. And yesterday my baby turned 7yrs old! How and when did that happen?
She is beautiful. And spunky. And challenging. And funny. And artistic. And smart. And spastic. And imaginative. And everything I could have ever imagined my daughter to be.. and more!

Happy Birthday Rielly!!

1 week Check-up

2011-12-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

Went to my one week post op checkup on Wednesday. Everything is healing nicely. Thank goodness!!! I don't know what I was expecting but seeing my foot caused me a lot of anxiety. Maybe because for 30+yrs, I've had the same shape of foot. Sure- parts have grown and shifted but that's all I've known. What I was seeing wasn't my foot! There was no bone bulging out of the side of my toe. I kept saying "this isn't normal". Jon and Dr Knox both said "This IS normal". Needless to say, I went pale and almost passed out looking at it uncovered.
But eventually, I will have a pretty foot!

This is showing the straight cut next to my big toe and the staple that is holding my toe together.

Here's a closeup of the staple.

My lovely swollen bruised bunionless foot.

My new shoe!

My first New Yrs resolution...

2011-12-24T19:08:00.001-08:00

Change in my surroundings.

I've realize a lot that who/what I surround myself with or who/what I bother to care about in my life can make all the difference in my personality and feelings towards life itself.
This past week, I've done nothing but reflect on the blessings I've been given in my life. I have been stuggling with this recovery but all around me, God has put people in my path that truely care about me and love me and are willing to serve unselfishly. It has been eye opening and very life changing. Those are the people I need to keep in my life and remove all thoughts and cares for those that don't.
That is my resolution #1!
I also don't want to be that person that is a negative nelly in someones life. So maybe by changing my thoughts and surroundings, I'll be able to be let into others lives where I wouldn't have been otherwise. Does that make sense? Enough being the grinch with the heart too sizes too small!!!!
I apologize to all those that I have been a toxic friend to! I promise this is something I'm going to work real hard on. Don't give up on me just yet!!!

I came across an article today about this very thing that I'll share here to serve as a constant reminder to myself.

Discovering and removing the negative influences in our life will help us more than we realize. Studies show that our own thoughts, attitudes and behaviors are a reflection of the people we spend the most time with.

All too often, we are faced with negative people and influences that surround us and affect us as a person, in all areas of our life. “Toxic” people are like vampires . They suck the life and energy right out of you. Toxic people are ultimately the people who cause you the most negative stress in your life. They are the people that make you feel unhappy, or spoil your mood purposely every chance they get.

Toxic people can be a challenge to be around. They will bring you down and drain your energy, and all too often, they will squash any type of lifestyle change YOU are trying to make. Toxic people are just pieces of the obstacle course you will run through in your efforts obtain your nutrition and fitness goals, and they have a detrimental effect on your mental thoughts and mental toughness.

Who wants or needs that?

Toxic people truly believe that they are constantly taken advantage of by others and that bad things are always happening to them. They are often the people who make mountains out of molehills. Toxic people are those who think they are doing something right, by complaining and blowing up almost any situation, whether it is a small issue or a large one.

Amazingly, toxic people believe their negative comments are helping to solve the situation in some way. In addition, they often rely on others to entertain them or make them happy. Even if it’s not other people, they often rely on some kind of outside source to keep them happy. All too often, toxic people find this happiness in social settings with food and drinks, which ends up being a “perfect” setting to express their negativity.

Unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere; just take a moment to look around. Don’t let them take your happiness away or affect your mood. Toxic people only have as much power, control, and impact on our lives that we allow them to have.

Each day, we are faced with a decision and need to say to ourselves, “I can either allow these negative and “toxic” people to ruin my day and my actions for that day, or I can choose to rise above them, completely remove them from my life, or speak motivating words to them and move on!” At that point, it is up to them as to whether they choose to use the motivating words to their advantage or not.

Toxic people need boundaries, and giving them a time limit lets them know you will only tolerate a small amount of negativity. Check your watch, allow them to vent for two minutes, give them some positive words of encouragement and then move away and fill your head with positive affirmations and thoughts as soon as you can!

Transform your energy into positive energy and remove these negative “toxic” people from your life. I realize that these toxic people might include close friends or even family members. Remember, in order for you to reach your goal you must stay focused on the end result , remind yourself what is most important to you, and if your friend or family member can’t support you with your goals, why are they in your life… and do they truly care for you and your well-being?

So, my question to you is: who do you spend the most time with, and do they help you toward your goals or pull you away from them?

So how do I get there??? This is where I will be working the hardest.

Goal #1: NO GOSSIPING!

Goal #2: No WHINING OR COMPLAINING ABOUT OTHERS OR THINGS BEYOND MY CONTROL(in public anyways... my blog and with my hubby is a different story)

Goal #3: NO CO-DEPENDENCY- this was a big problem for me this year and ended up leaving me hurt and taken advantage of.

Goal #4: NO CROSS CONTAMINATION- just because I'm present in a situation, doesn't mean I need to participate on an emotional level.

Goal #5: NO BEING "HOLIER THAN THOU". I will be avoiding people like this so why would I want to be one myself? By running around thinking I'm better than others will only alienate myself. Get over myself.. I am no better or worse than anyone else!

And what do I wish to achieve by doing this? I will be able to enjoy life and consciously become who it is that I want to be- not who others want me to be! Bridges will be burnt. I am preparing myself for that. There are people in my life sadly that I need to be removed from to avoid drama and heartache. That will be the hardest thing. But as the saying goes... "the ladder of success is never crowded at the top".

Now I just hope that I become the person that people want in their lives... no more the person that was removed.

Recovery mode

2011-12-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

After much waiting and anticipation, I went in Wednesday morning for a bunionectomy on my right foot. The surgery itselt was cake. I wasn't as freaked out because my dear friend Regen took me out the night before and hours of girl talk without hearing "MOMMY" in the background did wonders for my anxiety. Anyways all the nurses at Stonecrest were amazing. The IV went in painlessly (first time for me ever!). I went to sleep and woke up a minute later with my foot bandaged up with one less bone.

But that ends the easy stuff. It has been rather painful. At times, excrutiating. Simple tasks like going to the bathroom are dreaded. I know at some point, the pain will end so I'm just pushing through as much as I can right now. Wonderful friends from church have brought over meals which have been so wonderful. Sadly the ones who I would have thought would be more supportive and helpful have been completely non-existant. One in particular who I was there for during some very difficult times really has shown how much my friendship meant to her- apparently nothing. But it just has made me even more grateful to the people in my life who are selfless and kind. Jon has been amazing to me and with the kids. I know this isn't easy for him. Having to help me with the simplest tasks and watching me in pain. I am very blessed to have him by my side!

Next Wednesday I go back to Dr Knox and have the bandages changed and to see how my foot is healing. The week after that, the stitches come out and then he can decide how much pressure I can apply to it. Hopefully get a walking boot and walk without crutches! And 6 weeks later, I should be ready to resume normal activities! And THANK GOODNESS I only have 2 feet! Only one more time will I ever have to go through with this!

So prayers and thoughts for a painfree Christmas and the sanity of my family are much appreciated!
And again a big thanks to all those who have been already praying for me and just being a sounding board for me! Love you all!

So excited to go to the OR- can you tell?

Before

After

On the bright side...

2011-11-27T09:29:00.000-08:00

I have some pretty cute and awesome kids!!!
Not sure why the pictures are all over the place but what can you do?
Happy Fall Ya'll!!!

Pictures taken by Karen DeFriez DeFriezFrame Photography

I hate depression

2011-11-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

Why I hate depression:

It sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
It's a silent menance.
It interferes with my life and completely alters the way I think about things.
It pushes people away.
It makes me doubt myself and others.
I hate knowing I have to be on medication for the rest of my life to keep a bandaid on it.
I hate knowing there's no reason I'm suffering from this- just my unfortunate lot in life.
I hate being unhappy.
I hate smiling and pretending everything is great when inside I'm just blue.
I hate the weight that has crept on while I so desperately want to take it off because of the change in meds..I hate the comments being made abt said weight gain.
I hate that the people who I need the most don't understand why I'm struggling.
I hate waiting for the meds to kick back in after I try to go off them and the dissapointment I feel in myself that I can't go off them.

Because right now I am waiting.

Depression sucks. I don't recommend it.

But..tomorrow I'll be just fine!

stop stop stop stop STOP!!!!!

2011-11-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

I need to stop!
Stop feeling sorry for myself.
I need to stop remembering what was and accept what is.
Now before you start thinking I had some major life change or catastrophe, no worries there.
It's the little things that I'm struggling to stop dwelling on.

Everyday I'm reminded of how I can't run anymore. Or walk long distances for that matter. I used to walk/jog a bit.. heck walking 7-8miles daily wasn't a big deal for me. It was my thing and I loved it.
But here's the ironic thing: it's because of all this stepping that I can't do it anymore. You see- I have a lot of weight being put onto my tootsies and that only sped up the inevitable.

Bunions!

I've always had them. But they never bothered me before. Until one day, I was walking and suddenly it felt like nails being hammered into the bone on the side of my big right toe. And it hasn't stopped since. The bone is always bruised.
So I went to the pediatrist and they told me what I've feared all along. At this point, the only fix is to have them removed. One at a time!

All I know about this surgery is that it's painful and has an 8week recovery period. My pre-op appt is Dec 12th. At that time, we decide when I should have the surgery. Should I do it right away? Or wait until Jan? And how long should I wait until I have the other one done?

It's just so frustrating because walking was my main source of exercise. It's what I enjoyed. And since I stopped, the weight has crept back on. I've found myself struggling to stay upbeat. And this is completely out of my control:(

So HOW do I stop feeling sorry about all this? And how not to get depressed during the first few weeks that I can't walk. Especially during the upcoming holiday season? I know it'll all be worth it but even when all is said and done, I have to start all over. And since I no longer have my walking/training partner/friend to get me started, I'm on my own.

I can't wait to be done stopping...and to once again start!

sigh... hi remember me??

2011-10-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive!!!
I have so much to post about but let's be honest-I probably won't. I have gotten so lazy with it though!

So a few higlights:
-School started
-PTO keeps me busy! (Fall Festival.. holy moly!!)
-Foot surgery in December for bunion removal
-Quick weekend to Mammoth Caves, KY
-7 day cruise to Western Carribean and kids going to Disney during fall break
-Getting ready to go to Az for brothers wedding
-Vegas in December for a 1/2marathon I can't run

I'll post pics soon I promise!!

I needed this today...

2011-08-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

And maybe you do too.

It's hard... but it has to be true right?

PS- This is how I want to be! :

Do the things you talked about doing but never did. Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don't be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no so your yes has some OOMPH! Spend time with friends that lift you up and cut loose the ones that bring you down. Stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. Finally, know who you are. ~Kristin Armstrong

Man.. this is really who I want to be!!!! And now is the time to do it.

Ballet? My kids?

2011-08-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I had mentioned this before but last school yr, the School of Nashville Ballet gave an incredible opportunity to a few schools in the metro school district to have kids try out for a full yrs scholarship to study ballet.
SO I figured why not?? So I took the kids down to west end and after waiting forever, they took them back to do who knows what ballet folks do and that was that. I never thought they'd get it but A few months later, we get letters saying both kids were accepted. Being the boy that he is, Reese said no but Rielly was and is thrilled!

So next Saturday, Rielly starts ballet "study" here:

http://www.nashvilleballet.com/school/

Because of the school that it is, they are pretty serious and strict. They produce professionals and expect excellence. No tardys. Complete uniforms. No talking. Etc Etc Etc.
And those things are the least of my concerns!

My fear is how I'm going to turn this:

Into this:

They even gave me a bun kit...
heaven help us all!

One of my favorite foods...

2011-08-20T17:06:00.001-07:00

Deep Fried Pickles!!!!

You can't come to the south without trying these babies!!
Just trust me k?
And since I know you all are still saving your pennies to come visit me, here's the recipe to try to get you excited.

From Paula Dean:
Ingredients
1 24-ounce Jar Kosher dill pickle spears or slices
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 cup Louisiana hot sauce (I like Texas Pete)
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 gal peanut oil
2 cups Uncle Bubba’s Fry Mix

Directions

Drain the juice from the pickle jar and refill the jar with the garlic powder, hot sauce, and buttermilk. Marinate the pickles for at least 30 minutes.

In a Dutch oven over medium-high heat, heat the oil to 350 degrees F. Drain the pickles. Put the fry mix in a large mixing bowl, and toss the pickles to coat thoroughly. Shake off the excess mix by tossing lightly in a strainer and deep fry the pickles in batches for 3 to 5 minutes, depending on the size of the spears.

When golden brown, remove the pickles from the oil with a clean strainer or slotted metal spoon and place on paper towels to drain off any excess oil. Serve immediately.

My mouth is watering!!! Too bad I can't cook darn it! Fat Mo's here I come!

I tried something new...

2011-08-17T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've seen these things lately on other blogs as well as of course...pinterest. So I just had to learn how to make them!

Stamped Washer Necklaces!

I bought the metal stamps online at Harbor Freight and it cost like less than $6! Then bought several different sizes of washers as Home Depot and started playing.
Thank goodness I bought many washers cuz man I suck at stamping!
After about 15 tries, I finally got CTR on a tiny washer.
Then started playing with different sizes.

I did these...
But when together, it looked like this:

And I didn't want the words to all be hidden.
So then I tried this:

And that was good enough for me.
The end result:

Whacha think??
More recycling! (well kinda... if I already had the washers)

Todays Walmart find

2011-08-15T16:25:00.001-07:00

Darn that Pinterest! I've been drooling over Subway art for quite awhile and that site just got me more desperate for one. I mean how cute are these???

Source: iammommahearmeroar.blogspot.com via Shannon on Pinterest

Source: laurawinslowphotography.com via Casey on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Courtney on Pinterest

I mean really.. how can you live without these???

SO I was wandering through Walmart this morning and came across this:

Just under $12!
Can't beat that! SO until I make one of my own, I finally have some subway art... even if it was made in China!

Back to school...

2011-08-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Ready or not, it sure came!!
Not sure about ya'll but this summer FLEW by for me!! And all the sudden, it was school shopping again. And before I knew it, school started.
This year has been amazingly easier to adjust to than last yr.
For one- the idea of another baby has gone out of my mind for now so I don't have the "infertility" stress to deal with. Acceptance is a freeing thing.
For another- I'm involved in the PTO this year so I'll be as the school as often as possible helping out so I'll definately stay busy.
And well... I kinda like my ME time.

What is funny to me though is how attached me, as a parent, can get to teachers. I absolutely love both my kids teachers from last yr. So I am going through a bit of withdrawls. Thank goodness for facebook!!
However if I was able to choose Reese's teacher this yr, he got exactly who I would have and I couldn't be happier! I'm not familiar with Rielly's teacher yet but I know she is in good hands.

SO I have a feeling this will be a good year. Rielly's in 1st and Reese is in 3rd and they need to just stop growing for awhile!

I sure love these kids!!!

Rielly w/Ms Trice
She was SO excited... she went right to work!
He's no baby anymore!!
Reese and Mrs Davis!

Happy 2011/2012 school year everyone!!

Anniversary weekend

2011-08-15T15:29:00.001-07:00

Jon and I celebrated our 10yr anniversary on August 4th. 10 years!! Crazy huh?? We went to a dinner and a movie for our actual date- creative huh? That's because the real date came that weekend.

Gotta love the guy!

A while back Groupon (love it!) had a deal on white water rafing down the Ocoee River and since Jon had never gone before, he went ahead and bought them. So we decided to use them for our anniversary. We booked a hotel in crack of the south Cleveland, TN for Saturday night and rafting on Sunday.
It was a blast!!!
On our way to Cleveland, we stopped in Chatanooga for dinner. I wanted to try some hole in the wall southern dive to eat and that's exactly what we found!
We ate at Bea's Resturaunt. It's like a 60's place in the middle of the ghetto that has never been updated. You eat family style so we sat at a table with another couple and in the middle was a lazy susan... southern buffet that kept being refilled! SOOOO yummy!!!
Then we drove to our hotel- nothing special there and killed time people watching.
Sunday we went rafting. SO MUCH FUN!!!!!
We even were thrown out of the raft in one of the rapids... and I mean literally THROWN out! But we survived and would definately do that again!

Perfect way to celebrate 10yrs together!

Pretty wicked spider huh? They used to freak me out... now they just facinate me!

The lodge... it really was a beautiful place

Awwwww.......

If you ever go down the Ocoee, stop in at Dam Diner... SO AWESOME!!!!!

Thank you honey for an awesome weekend!!!

Toilet paper... save your rolls!!!

2011-08-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

Why you ask?
Because you can change this:

Into this:

Thanks to Pinterest, I'm now working on this:

Source: momscraftyspace.blogspot.com via Shannon on Pinterest

Creative Recycling!

In case you were wondering....

2011-08-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

I started a FB page for my hair accessories.. come like me! PLEASE?!?!? And tell your friends to like me. And your frenemies too.. I'll take what I can get!

Creatively Recycled by Shannon

My kids

2011-08-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

My kids won't stop growing!
We've realized our family is most likely complete and now I'm really focusing on the blessings I have been given- my Reese and Rielly.
I just wanted to publicly say I love my kids.

Everytime I hear this song by Taylor Swift, I think of my babies:

"Never Grow Up"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up

Creative Recycling

2011-07-31T16:04:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I really have too much time on my hands or I'm obsessed with a new hobby and making time but I've been having a ball making things out of scraps or niglected items into something beautiful!

These are made out of just a bunch of scraps of ribbon, material, broken up necklace and buttons:

I truly believe there is beauty where beauty is least expected. What I call this is "Creative Recycling". Turning junk into a chance to be beautiful again.

This below was made out of a thrown out headband, scraps of discarded white material, an old bead and ribbon... and now it will be used on the head of a young girl just baptised!

These flowers to make this necklace were made from an old pair of pants found at goodwill and a chain from a necklace I haven't worn in ages!

Oh and I do sell these flowers and hair bows for super cheap if you ever want some fun hair accesories but I'll do something with that on fb eventually or just email me directly (shansharris@gmail.com)..

Happy Sunday everyone!

And a special Happy 65th Birthday to my dear dad. I miss you so so so much!

My mom was inspired...

2011-07-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

Out of the blue last week I think it was, I got a package in the mail from my mom. Inside was a little red book called "I Hope You Know How Much I Love You" by John Bytheway.

Of course any mail other than junk is always a treat but considering the rough times I've had, it was especially nice to know that someone was thinking of me and loves me.

I stuck it in my purse intending to read it and just things kept happening- you know that thing called "LIFE". Plus Burt died and that threw me for a loop and then my mind got caught up in various craft projects and it was sorta forgotten (sorry mom).

SO I was supposed to teach a lesson on Sunday abt welfare. Super fun topic wouldn't you say? SO needless to say, I wasn't feeling it AT ALL. I mechanically went about writing my lesson Saturday night, stuck it in my purse and was on my merry way to church. Come 2nd hr during Sunday School (that's when my ADD kicks in), I pulled the book out and started reading it.
Right from the beginning, my heart started pounding (was that the spirit???!!!), I got goosebumps and a lump in my throat! It's a short book mind you but from the very beginning, it was talking abt the exact thing I have been struggling with!!! The words I've been longing to hear from anybody that would say them were clearly written on those first few pages.

This book is an answer to a prayer I didn't know I had been praying! So even though this had nothing to do with church welfare, I truely felt inspired to share these words with the RS yesterday. If for no one else, for myself to be able to say them outloud.
SO if you heard my lesson yesterday, forgive me, but I wanted to share with you all the same passages that have impacted me so quickly and unexpectedly.

First I have to tell you- after church, I texted my mom asking why she sent me the book. She said she knew I had been struggling and sad and when she was in the bookstore looking for some books on tape, she saw this book and thought of me solely from the title. She never read it- just wanted me to know she loved me. My mom was truely inspired. Thank you mom! I love you too!

Enjoy!

Comparing, Competing, and Being Content
SOME OF THE GREATEST life lessons I know have come from the women in my life. And I am sure it is the same for many of you. The women who have been there for us, supported us, and buoyed us up know about life and its hardships and how we can make it through with graciousness and hope.

I remember hearing President Hinckley’s daughters talk about their mother at a women’s event I attended. When they showed Marjorie Pay Hinckley’s photo on the screen, we could all see a life of goodness reflected in her countenance. We could see the wisdom of years written in her face, along with a twinkle in her eye that revealed her delightful sense of humor. She spoke to women as only another woman could, and her words were backed by experience and endorsed with testimony. She said:

We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.
—Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Contentment is a difficult commodity to obtain in a world that is busily trying to convince us that we must have it all, we must have it all of the time, and we must look gorgeous, sophisticated, and brilliant while having it. You can jump on that treadmill if you want, but you’ll never be able to keep pace with the mythical image of the superwoman the advertising agencies have created. Instead, within the gospel, we are counseled to focus on finding contentment. The Apostle Paul shared what he had discovered in these words: “For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

Being content allows you to be yourself. It means you can stop comparing and competing with the other people around you. I’m convinced that contentment is a spiritual gift, while competition is a manmade distraction from what is really important. Sister Hinckley found that the moment she quit competing was the moment she felt happiest:

Fifty was my favorite age. It takes about that long to learn to quit competing—to be yourself and settle down to living. It is the age I would like to be through all eternity!
—Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Saying “yes” to contentment and “no” to competition means we are not threatened by the accomplishments of others. Patricia Holland once taught:

There seems to be an increase in our competitiveness and a decrease in our generosity with one another.

Those who have the time and energy to can their fruit and vegetables develop a great skill that will serve them well in time of need—and in our uncertain economic times, that could be almost any day of the week. But they shouldn’t look down their noses at those who buy their peaches, or who don’t like zucchini in any of the thirty-five ways there are to disguise it, or who have simply made a conscious choice to use their time and energy in some other purposeful way.

And where am I in all of this? For three-fourths of my life I was threatened to the core because I hated to sew. Now I can sew; if absolutely forced to, I will sew—but I hate it. Imagine my burden over the last twenty-five or thirty years, faking it in Relief Society sessions and trying to smile when six little girls walk into church all pinafored and laced and ribboned and petticoated—identical, hand sewn—all trooping ahead of their mother, who has the same immaculate outfit. Competitive? I wanted to tear their pleats out.

I don’t necessarily consider it virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy—but I’m honest in my antipathy toward sewing. If even one sister out there is weeping tears of relief, then I consider my public shame at least a partial blow against stereotyping. I have grown up a little since those days in at least two ways—I now genuinely admire a mother who can do that for her children, and I have ceased feeling guilty that sewing is not particularly rewarding to me. We simply cannot call ourselves Christian and continue to judge one another—or ourselves—so harshly. (love this!)

—Patricia Terry Holland
When Alma returned from his mission, he happened to run into his former companions whom he hadn’t seen in years. Alma learned of their tremendous successes while they were apart, and what was his response? Wow, you guys did really well. Now I’m depressed. Did Alma look at his friends as competitors or rivals? No. Alma was thrilled with the success of others:

But I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren. . . . Now, when I think of the success of these my brethren my soul is carried away, even to the separation of it from the body, as it were, so great is my joy (Alma 29:14, 16).

We are brothers and sisters. We are in this together. We are not competing against each other, but against evil. And yes, as we confront the busy-ness of life, and the endless to-do lists, inevitably, some things will be left undone. And you know what? That’s okay. A phrase I learned once at a women’s conference about choosing to let some things go undone is called “selective neglect.” As Sister Hinckley has said:

Choose carefully each day that which you will do and that which you will not do, and the Lord will bless you to accomplish the important things that have eternal consequences. At my age, I’ve edited the scripture just a little: “For it is not requi-site that a woman should hobble faster than she has strength.”
—Marjorie Pay Hinckley

The bottom line is, we simply cannot do it all. And that’s okay. The challenge is, given all we have to do, to spend our time on the best things. This process of choosing how to spend our time is where the gospel becomes immensely practical. The gospel helps us see what is really important and what isn’t. It clears the mists of darkness and lets us see into eternity.

I’ve heard it said that cleaning the house while the children are growing is like shoveling snow when the clouds are still snowing. One step forward, two steps back, right? In my home, we have two cleaners and six messers. When you’ve grown up hearing that “cleanliness is next to godliness,” it’s a 24/7 challenge to meet that ideal. In our home, cleanliness is next to impossible. What do you do, when you have to choose between being a mom or a maid? My wife discovered this poem and shared it with me:

EXCUSE THIS HOUSE

Some homes try to hide the fact that children shelter there.
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere!
For smears are on the windows, little smudges on the door.
I should apologize, I guess, for toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read;
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine, their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I’m forced to choose the one job or the other,
I want to be a homemaker—but first I’ll be a mother.

So what do we do? We do the best we can. All you can do, is all you can do.

Therefore, dearly beloved [sisters], let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed (D&C 123:17).

When you do the best you can, you can be at peace, and with the Lord’s spirit, you can feel content.

Felt a little crafty

2011-07-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

Flowers make me happy!!!

I've been making a lot of these lately flower hair clips...

And made some of these rings (cuz you know me and my big rings!)...

But most of all, I'm excited about these hair clips and headbands!!!

I may start selling these ones... what do ya'll think??

**edit**
So I know everyone knows how to make these already but look what I made today (this and a bunch more)!!! Figured I was boasting already- might as well get this out of the way too. Poor Rielly won't go anywher now without something in her hair!

Oh and here's another pic of these:

Drama Queen

2011-07-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

So recently, I've been accused of causing "drama"... or being a "drama queen". I've always wanted to be royalty!!

All because I got my feelings hurt abt never being invited to a playgroup with women in my ward...(see acceptance post) ((which is fine now cuz I really don't care to go anyways with my drama and all)). Then I texted her and tried to apologize for the hard feelings saying maybe someday we'll be friends, blah blah blah and that's when the word drama came about.

Okay well let me tell you.. if that is considered drama, I'm super underpaid!

Drama Queen: a person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions

Sounds pretty much like all women are drama queens or cause some sort of drama in their own way. And by calling me one, she in return is stirring up her own drama, bringing that drama to light by saying I cause drama and in fact is a drama queen herself. Catch all that??

So this is what I have to say to anyone who feels I'm too dramatic - until you get to know me, you have no say whether my issues are important or unimportant. And regardless, they shouldn't have any impact on you whatsoever. And if it bugs you that much, get off my blog!!! HAHAH

CAN ANYONE BRING ME MY TIARA???!!!!!!!

So Long My Friend

2011-07-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

First thing this morning, I hopped on facebook before going for my walk and saw the most unthinkable thing ever!
A post saying my friend Burt Guy had died last night. Very awful and unexpected!

Let me tell you a bit about Burt. I had only met him in person once at the Due West cd release party last yr. He requested me as a friend on FB and we've gotten to know each other on there. He was always commenting on my statuses. Sending me messages reminding me when the next DW concert is in Nashville.. just making small talk. And we truely became friends.
He was/is Due Wests #1 fan! In fact, he considered himself their security guard (imagine this guy in a wheelchair chasing off screaming groupies!!). And even though he was wheelchair bound since birth, it never slowed him down!

Last week, my friend Julia and I were supposed to meet him in Hendersonville to see a movie at the theater he works at. Unfortunately because Harry Potter, the movie time changed and we weren't able to work it out and postponed for later. Who would have known that later would never come??

So Burt Guy- until next time!
will be rocking out at concerts in heaven for sure!
But until then, you will be SO missed!!!

Burt and Julia-- 2 of my very good friends!

SO LONG MY FRIEND (click title to listen to the song)
Written by Brad Hull & sung by Tim Gates
Featured on the self titled cd DUE WEST
... Released under Bigger Than Me Records

Even though I don’t want to accept it
There comes a time when everyone moves on
I know you can’t stay here forever,
Still I never thought this day would come
So long my friend, I’ll see you again
But until then, so long my friend
You know that you kept so many waiting
For you to make it to the other side
They welcome you with arms wide open
While I can’t find the words to say goodbye, so
So long my friend, I’ll see you again
But until then, so long my friend
These words I wish that I could tell you
Are gonna take some getting used to
So long my friend, I’ll see you again
But until then, so long my friend
Oh.. until then, so long my friend

Still playing catchup- CMA music fest

2011-07-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

SO like a month ago, I went to some pretty rocking concerts including Willie Nelson, CMT awards and CMA music fest.
Then I broke my laptop that had a bunch of pics I wanted to share. But I did have some saved on a SD card and now that I have a new laptop, I can pull some off. So pretty much this post is bragging abt the latest groups I've seen in Nashville. The pics speak for themselves. I got super close at the music fest which was amazing. Like at the stage to the side. Unforgettable!!

Lady A

The tens of thousands of people BEHIND me!!

Sugarland

Keith Urban

And just for fun, here's from the CMT awards. I was so far away but it still was so awesome!!!

Jason Aldean and Ludacris (sp?)

Luke Bryan asking this country girl (ME!) to shake it for him!

The Band Perry

Kid Rock and Wynonna

YEAH BABY!!!