Mentally Challenged

I Am 35 Years Worth of Exhausted

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 23:07:00 +0000

What exhausts you?

Work? Family? Politics? The news?

All these things can be exhausting. The thing that exhausts me and has for the last 35 years is disability. I just wanted to have a child. I just wanted to grow my family and live a simple life. That is what many of us wanted when we made the choice to become parents.

My journey of exhaustion started when my now 36-year-old son was about 9 months old. His pediatrician saw that he was not meeting the normal milestones that babies meet in their first year of life. And so, it began with more doctor visits to specialists and hospitals and tests to see what was causing his delays. My husband and I had to watch our scared little boy suffer through all of this. We had to help hold him down for blood draws and IVs to inject sedatives for CT scans. We had to hear his cries as all these strangers invaded his space to help him. It was mentally exhausting.

It did not stop there. He was misdiagnosed with A-typical Mild Cerebral Palsy. In the coming years I realized he was not displaying the signs of CP, but more the signs of Autism. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, not a lot was known about Autism. We sought more doctors who did more tests, which finally ended up with an Autism diagnosis.

During that same period, other battles began. I learned that Josh would need to start Special Education preschool at age three. Along with that came classes to learn about laws that had been passed to support the education of children with disabilities. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), and The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) had been passed prior to our son’s birth. I thank God for that! Classes were being taught locally to help me understand these laws and other things I would need to do for Joshua to make sure his rights were not infringed upon and to make sure the school district was providing every support he needs for his education and his ability to be educated.

My teachers were people whose disabled children had already been through this process. They knew how to advocate because they had done it and were still doing it. They knew all the obstacles I would face because they had already stood up against them. They knew the funding would be heavily guarded at the schools because there we so many students who needed it and more students to come and not enough money in their budgets to pay for everything every student needed. After completing these classes I was terrified that I could not be a great mom for my son. My husband and I did it together. He was more assertive than I was, so I told him what Josh needed and he came to the meetings at the school and got them to agree. Learning about our son’s rights was truly helpful to our family. I will forever be grateful to my teachers! All the people we worked with and sometimes battled at the school district were and are good people who wanted the best for all their students. I am grateful to them for helping us, as well. This advocacy went on throughout Joshua’s education until he aged out of school at twenty-two. I grew so weary of it by the time he reached 20 years of age, that I stopped advocating during his last year of school and just gave in when they wanted to take therapies away from him. It is not something parents of disabled children must do once; we must do it every year for every service they try to take away. Plus, we have a financial burden of paying for extra therapies outside of the school district to help our children achieve their highest potential.

When people with disabilities age out of school, the battle for adult services begins. On top of that struggle, if your adult child has a severe disability or behaviors that are more challenging than most, you have a harder time getting service they need. No one wants to “deal with” our adult children’s issues. Some are aggressive, or have mental illness on top of their disability, or don’t understand personal boundaries, or poop their pants. Just like with the school districts, there is never enough money in the budget to pay for everything needed, including living wages for support workers in group homes and institutions. There isn’t even enough money in each state budget to get adults with disabilities into group homes or community-based services and they stay on waiting lists for these services for many years. Some only get off the list because their parents die or become too disabled themselves to keep caring for their children. They get off the list due to crisis and possible homelessness. This is the worry of every parent with disabled adult children. Every day of our lives, this is our main worry. What will happen to my child when I die?

This is a housing crisis, a staffing crisis, and a budget crisis in every state in this country! It’s been at crisis level for YEARS.

As parents, we exhaust ourselves by learning, planning, and advocating with emails and phone calls to our representatives in Congress. We save as much money as we can. We try to figure out who can be there for my child. Who is willing to be there for my child? Unless you live with this worry, you can’t truly understand it. That is why I am desperate to explain it to you.

We learn about Medicaid and Medicaid Waivers enacted by Congress to help our children.

Every four years a new election takes place, and our families are traumatized by proposed cuts to services we rely on. We advocate again, and again, and again, every time our adult children’s lifelines are under fire. We must defend these programs and funding from the very party who started them. It makes no sense.

IT.

IS.

EXHAUSTING!

Now, I spend my “free time” learning about various housing arrangements for people with disabilities and how to fund them. Since January 20, 2025, I am wondering if it is futile for me to continue this endeavor to create a place where he will be safe and happy after I am gone. Will these programs still be here for him? Am I wasting my time? Have all my efforts been in vain? I did not choose for my son to be born with a lifelong disability or to be a burden on society. If I were wealthy – and I know I can speak for other families when I say this – I would not have to advocate this hard, all the time, for welfare. We don’t want to be on welfare. None of us do. We don’t want our kids to be on it.

WE HAVE NO CHOICE. WE ARE NOT ABUSING THE SYSTEM. WE ARE TRYING TO HELP OUR ADULT CHILDREN SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT US ONE DAY.

WHAT ARE TAXES SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR IF NOT THIS?

Are there abuses and fraud? Yes! But it’s not being done by our families or the people who work at Medicaid or the people who oversee Medicaid. It happens when unscrupulous doctors and pharmacists bill Medicaid for servers they have not rendered. These doctors and pharmacists are not the ones who suffer when cuts are made to Medicaid.

Are there single moms and dads who have boy/girlfriends living with them they don’t tell Medicaid about? Yes. This abuse is a tiny fraction of what Medicaid pays out for services to people who have no choice but to be on it. Some of those single moms or dads have at least one disabled child who truly needs Medicaid.

I could talk to you about the laws Congress makes and the procedures for changing those laws and how things that are happening now by this administration are illegal, but many of you won’t believe me. I’ll post links so you can see for yourself.

Medicaid Waivers save millions of tax dollars by keeping adults with disabilities in their communities and out of institutions. Ronald Reagan was a great supporter of Medicaid Waivers. He understood the importance of getting people out of institutions and back into their own communities for their own good and the good of the government’s budget.

It costs way more to keep people in institutions than it does to keep them at home.

Having a child with a disability when you are not independently wealthy is no joke. It’s not fun. It’s not a way to get rich. It’s hard as hell. Please stop supporting these cuts and making life harder for families who need these services. I have not even mentioned how difficult it is get these programs. You must prove you need Medicaid, and you must prove a certain level of disability to get waiver services. Then you must find providers who take Medicaid so you don’t have to pay out of pocket for doctors.

Nor have I mentioned what cutting the Department of Education will do to children with disabilities, but below are links to the laws I mentioned above. These protections will be taken away if that department is gone. I used that department on more than one occasion to remind our school district of laws they tried to ignore.

I’m not saying reforms are not needed. They are. There is a better, legal, ethical way to do it. Let us work together to get it done.

Links:

A previous post I wrote to our law makers - http://mindchange4all.blogspot.com/2017/06/an-open-letter-to-american-lawmakers.htmlIDEA - https://sites.ed.gov/idea/statuteregulations/

ADA - https://www.ada.gov

How Waiver Services Began - https://www.innow.org/2021/11/11/disability-history-hcbs/

The US Department of Education - https://www.ed.gov

Learn more about the housing, staffing, and funding crisis through this podcast, which is called Autism Confidential, but pertains to all disabilities. Scroll through the list to find various topics. Though they have speakers from different states, the issues discussed apply to all states. - https://www.autismconfidential.org

On the Autism Confidential podcast, scroll to Episode 43, Dr. Paul Offit: Battling Vaccine Myths Again, to hear from the doctor who convinced me that vaccines do not cause Autism. I used to believe they did, sadly.

How algorithms foster our biases - https://youtu.be/1z9KsNoAmFA?si=s7I7Z81XjlhdeLoC

How algorithms shape our political thoughts - https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cp8e4p4z97eo

https://www.brookings.edu/articles/how-tech-platforms-fuel-u-s-political-polarization-and-what-government-can-do-about-it/

A Privilege Can Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 20:21:00 +0000

I recently listened to a podcast about caring for a spouse with ALS in which the person being interviewed said she had heard a caregiver felt privileged to care for their spouse while they died. She did not understand that. To her, caregiving sucked. She hated everything about it. Please do not judge her for feeling that way. If you have never cared for and nursed someone who has been dying from ALS, you have no idea how hard it is.

And yes, IT SUCKS!

I hope if she or anyone else who feels that way reads this, they will see their former caregiving in a new way.

I felt extremely privileged to care for my Raymond as he died from that horrible disease. I told him that when he apologized for any task that he needed help with, and I truly meant it.

Caregiving is hard, especially when a person is losing their motor control. However, I always tried to keep in my mind that it was much harder for Ray to lose control over his body, than it was for me to give him the care he needed. I was not perfect and sometimes I failed to remember that. The woman I mentioned above had to deal with some things that were quite extraordinary that I never even knew could happen to a person with ALS. I am truly grateful Ray never suffered in the same ways her husband did.

You might be wondering where the privilege comes in if caregiving so hard. It comes from the things you tell yourself about your situation. Changing your thinking and your perspective is key to your own sanity in situations like these. I am in no way suggesting that other spouses / caregivers have too much negativity in their caregiving. I absolutely know they love their PALS and their late spouses. I absolutely know they all gave great care to their PALS. We all did the very best we could in horrible situations. My goal here is to help others going through this or any kind of struggle and to help those who have gone through it to look back and gain a better perspective on what they went through. And maybe, to realize they really did feel privileged to care for their spouse even when it sucked.

In my heart, which ached for my dying husband, I felt honored that I was in the position to show this man how much he meant to me by helping him go through this life altering, life ending illness. To help ease his pain, to show him how much he was loved, and appreciated; to show him he was worth all the sacrifices I had to personally make to help him was the least I could do for him while he was dying. His life was ending and my heart, my soul, my body wanted to take away any amount of pain from him that I could. I saw this as my last opportunity to show him forgiveness, love, compassion, and gratitude for all he had given to me and to Joshua during our life together. This was my last chance to show him I did not want to lose him. I had that privilege. Some people don’t get that chance. In my imperfect caregiving, he knew my heart.

And still, IT SUCKED! There were times I hated it. There were times I wanted it to end even knowing what that meant. And it was still a privilege. It sucked and it was a privilege when we cried together. It sucked and it was a privilege when we got angry with each other while caring for him. It sucked and it was a privilege knowing we were laughing for the last times together. It sucked and it was a privilege to get up 15 times at night to adjust his breathing mask. It sucked and it was a privilege to do whatever he needed me to do every 5 minutes 24 hours a day for his last two or three weeks. It sucked and it was a privilege to help him in ways we never would have thought he would need. There were times I hated the circumstance we were in, and times I did not want to get out of that bed to help him, but I knew it was a privilege to do it. In the end, after he died, I was grateful it was over, but I missed the healthy man he had once been. I knew I had done the best I could for him. Some people say they want their spouse back even if they must keep caregiving for them. I was not one of those people. I was glad he was finally out of that body that had betrayed him. I was glad the ordeal was over for us both and for Joshua.

To give care to someone who is dying and can’t do anything on their own is one of the most compassionate and empathetic things you could ever do. It is also the hardest thing you could ever do. If you are ever able to give care to someone you love, give yourself the gift of knowing what a privilege that is. Imagine if you ever need care like that. Imagine being helpless and needing someone like that. You would not want to need the help. So, if the person helping you feels it is a privilege to do those chores, you both win.

Peace be with you.

I Don't Have a Penis

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sun, 16 May 2021 02:09:00 +0000

There is a debate going on in our country about women being allowed to preach in Christian churches, to lead a congregation, to teach people what they believe in their hearts about Jesus and Christianity.

Allowed.

What a word! Women must be allowed to do something men take for granted. What year is it again? My calendar says 2021, but that can’t be right if we are still – more than 2000 years after the birth of Jesus – telling women what they are allowed / not allowed to do in the United States of America.

Women make up more than half of the USA’s population. 52.52% to be precise. Yet men and women who grew up in fundamental religion believe it is okay to tell women that they are not allowed to do something that Jesus himself never said they could not do.

Now, I could go on and on telling you what all I have learned about Jesus and women in his ministry, about the culture back then, about how God loves us all equally, and I could remind you that women wrote about theology and spirituality way back in Jesus’ day, just like the men did and the only reason their work did not make it into the Bible is because, well, the same reason we are debating a woman’s right to preach today: patriarchy. But why go into all that? There is a much simpler thing I could point out to you.

I don’t have a penis.

I have testosterone in my body, just like men, although not as much. Some days it feels like it when I’m plucking my whiskers in front of the mirror.

I have arms and legs, a head, a neck, fingers and toes, like men have.

I have a heart.

I have a brain.

My body is not as large as a man’s; nor are my muscles, but I have them.

My heart is capable of giving as much love as a man’s heart.

My brain is capable of holding as much knowledge as a man’s. I’d say that is quite amazing considering that it is physically smaller and lighter than a man’s brain. Wouldn’t you?

Ray was really good at math, but I suck at it, so I was always asking him to do math problems for me or to tell me how to figure out a math problem. That does not make me inferior to him. And there are many women who are great at math – even better at it than some men. I am better at language skills and writing, so Ray was always asking me how to write things or to communicate them in a better way. Did that make him inferior to me?

Of course not.

We have women preachers in many churches across this country, so why is there still a debate in some churches? Are there problems in the churches where women are preaching? Are there scandals? Trust me, if there were, we would hear about them!

What are we afraid of?

There was a running joke between me and Ray for many years. Sometimes, when I asked why he did or didn’t do something around the house, just as a joke he would reply, “Because I have a penis.” Anytime I would wonder why something was the stupid, idiotic way it was between what women were not allowed to do and what men were privileged to get to do, he would reply, “Because we have the penises.” Or I would say, “Oh, right. It’s that penis thing again, isn’t it?” Or we would both nod and say in unison, “Penis!”

Because really that is the ONLY reason women are not given the same privilege or respect or opportunities or consideration as men. You can make any lame argument you want about the Bible and the roles not given to women back then by the men who were published in the Bible, but do we really want to continue that old exclusionary way of being in this world? We don’t have slaves now like they did back then. Societies moved from slave owners treating their slaves any way they wanted, to slave owners treating their slaves with some bit of kindness and compassion, to the realization that slavery is wrong. Societies moved from you accidentally poked my cousin’s eye out so therefore I am going to poke your eye out in the name of justice, to I realize it was an accident that you poked my cousin’s eye out, so I only require you to pay him X amount of money for his lost wages while he recovered. Societies moved from walking past the injured man on the street because he was what religious leaders deemed to be “unclean,” to realizing that an injured man deserves help no matter what his status is in other people’s eyes. Or did we? We at least like to think we have progressed that way.

Societies must learn and progress to knew realizations of equality and fairness for everyone. Everyone includes women who are called to preach.

The year is 2021 and the absence of a penis is not a good reason to keep women from sharing our wisdom as leaders of churches. It’s just not.

I have been informed that the email subscription service for this blog will no longer be supported in July 2021. Please check back here to find new posts, although it is truly random for me to write a post these days. You can always send me a facebook friend request, as I always post them there.

Remembering Ray 1962 - 2020

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 19:31:00 +0000

Ray's Urn and shirts. He loved clocks!

Today - April 11, 2021 - is our 34th wedding anniversary. April 20, 2021 will be the 40th anniversary of our love relationship. We met when I was 14, he would soon turn 18. We became boyfriend / girlfriend when I was 15, he was almost 19. I refuse to say it “would be” our anniversary “if he were alive” because, despite the vow, until death do us part, he is still very much here with me and our son. He is in every memory, every song, every mile, every joy, and every sorrow. He is here when I write to him and when I talk to him. He is very much in every ordinary thing.

I am stabbed in my heart by the most mundane, daily actions and motions I’ve made a million times the past 34 years: opening a kitchen cabinet, spraying hair conditioner into my hand, brushing my teeth, stirring a pot, cutting vegetables, washing dishes, waking up. Each motion brings with it a flash of the sweet ordinariness of before and the lonesome ordinariness of after. He was here in the ordinariness before. And every ordinary thing that happens after, happens without his physical presence.

I expected some things to stab me: the holidays and birthdays, our anniversary, taking my mother-in-law back to Kentucky without him, coming home to this house without him. I did not expect these routine, daily actions to stab me.

April 11, 1987

With these actions, pictures pop into my mind of him sitting in his recliner or his wheelchair before; but now I am alone in the after, wanting him to be in that chair, but knowing he is not. Sometimes I can stop the tears before they wet my cheeks. Other times, I couldn’t stop them if I wanted to. Tears truly are capable of falling down like rain. Sometimes those tears can fall like a waterfall streaming down my face. I don't think I ever had cause to cry like this before.

Pictures of our car ride after diagnosis - him sitting next to me, our son in the back seat, the sunlight on the buildings, street, and cars in front of us, the feeling of pure sorrow we all felt, the shock and disbelief, the hopelessness - flash through my mind in a nanosecond on ordinary days at ordinary times where they make no sense to be. Sometimes the picture is a shopping trip we took to IKEA many years ago that was of no significance. We didn’t buy anything. But we were together. It was a good day. A happy ordinary day. A before-he-died day. Often its memories of our trip to Detroit just before his diagnosis that makes me want to turn back time to the before.

I brush my teeth and see him giggling, his tongue following the toothbrush wherever it moved, his big beautiful smile and his eyes dancing as the new electric toothbrush tickled when I brushed his teeth. I never want to forget the way he looked then, the way the corners of his mouth turned upward and his cheeks puffed up, or the way his laugh sounded. The way we giggled together. Then. Before. Never again. I welcome this bitter-sweet memory every day because I love having such a clear, vivid vision of him.

As I walk through the living room I catch a glimpse of a car pulling up to the gas pump across the street. I’m stabbed in my heart with envy. I imagine their lives are normal and good. There’s sunshine. It's an ordinary day and they are doing ordinary things. They haven’t lost someone. They don’t have this hole in their life where their Love used to be. There’s no before and after.

Enjoying his new deck and ramp

Our son closes the door to the room where his daddy spent most of his free time. The room where he used to visit his dad so often, alive and healthy. Does he close it because Daddy always had it closed? Does it make him feel like Daddy is still in there despite the lonely silence? Does it hurt him to look in there and see it dark, empty, quiet? I’m sure it does. Of course it does. His heart aches.

Josh makes me repeat the phrases his dad often said... Piggy Wiggy, Stuart Little; Josh is the muscle man. I often tell him that he is a good man, just as his dad often told him. Every night he hears me say, “Mommy loves you and Daddy loves you.” Does he believe me when I tell him his dad’s love will never die, that it’s all around us? Does he feel it? I hope so.

Shaving our son’s face brings memories of shaving my husband’s face after ALS stole his arms and hands. I remember what he taught me about shaving. Pictures pop into my mind of his skin, his whiskers, his neck, his lips, and the faces he made to tighten his skin during the shaves. I once again feel the sorrow of having to do this for a once capable man.

And the honor.

I remember the nervousness I felt the first time I helped him shower. Trying to make him feel dignified as he apologized to me for being unable to do it for himself. No need to apologize. He never lost dignity in my eyes. He did not choose this. I was in awe of his emotional strength as he lived through the progressing disabilities. I still am.

Each progression came with a new cycle of grief. His hands, his fingers, his arms getting weaker. The muscles slowly dying. Fighting tooth and nail to continue feeding himself. His neck muscles, his throat muscles, slowly stealing his ability to speak. To swallow. The only surgery he had in his life was getting the feeding tube. His legs, his feet swelling with lack of movement. Unable to climb the stairs from weak leg muscles, he was confined to the first floor. His world getting smaller and smaller. His abdominal muscles dying, he could no longer eliminate his bowels easily. His chest muscles dying, he could no longer breath unassisted. Or cough. The risk of aspiration pneumonia heightening daily. Which ultimately killed him.

We cried. Often. Together. In the hotel room in Rochester, Minnesota, after his diagnosis when he asked me if he was going to die. Was he afraid to ask the doctors because of their somber tone? Was he afraid he would display some emotion in front of these strangers? Through sobs and a torrent of tears, I told him what was to come. Holding each other. Holding our son. Just us three in the hotel room.

One of their last hugs

We cried together at home, telling his mom over the phone that her baby boy had a death sentence. That she, in her 80’s, would outlive her youngest child. Over the course of days, weeks, and months we would cry together, sitting on our couch in our newly remodeled room, looking around at our accomplishments. Remembering all the hard work we had done together in this room before we knew he would soon be unable to do anything. Wondering, how long would he get to enjoy it? One year? Two? Can he enjoy it now at all, knowing he is dying? Telling each other how sorry we were for every harsh word spoken over the years and everything we did that caused pain to the other, tears fell like rain. Trying to remember exactly when the symptoms began. Trying to do the math of how long we had. To live. Together.

Sitting in his recliner with me kneeling in front of him, our tears falling on each others hands, fear gripping him as he wondered what it will be like to die from being unable to breath. Wondering if I will put him in a home when his care becomes too much. Never. You will not suffer. I will make sure of it. Hospice will come here. You will get the really good drugs. You won’t know you can’t breath. I promise. Getting into his new adjustable bed for the first time, telling me this is his death bed. No! Don’t say that! Now understanding why he resisted getting the bed. Each time he said the words he’d said jokingly a million times before diagnosis: You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. Yes! Yes, I am! More than you will ever know. Waterfall tears.

I don’t know if he ever cried alone. I did. Wondering how I will live without him. Looking ahead at 30 or 40 years without him. Wondering how he continues on knowing what is coming. On my way home in the car after dropping our son off at his day program. The weight of the sorrow overwhelming me. But I’ve learned not to ask God why. I did that in the car on the way home from Minnesota. I concluded it’s a human thing, not a God thing. Murderers don’t suffer ALS. Rapists don’t suffer ALS. And there is nothing my husband could have done to deserve this. This is not a punishment from God. Falling back into the wisdom I’ve adopted over the years that God is love and does not play that way. This has to be environmental. It just has to be.

More quiet tears laying in bed at night during the last two weeks of his life. Asking God to take him soon. Feeling horrible about it, but wanting his suffering to end. I tried desperately to get his doctors to prescribe the drugs because we didn’t have hospice yet. Covid made us afraid to get hospice. Covid stole our ability to feel safe getting help. Getting a response from any of the doctors most familiar with ALS was way more difficult than I thought it would be. It was way more difficult than it should have been. The biggest regret I have of our ALS battle: My promise, that he wouldn’t suffer, unkept.

Ray's sense of humor!

Somehow, through all of the grief and loss, we laughed. Full, until-you-cry, belly laughs. Because he was funny. He had a beautiful, sometimes wicked sense of humor. Like the time we joked about defending ourselves from an intruder, using nothing but our long toenails because I was too busy to trim them. He was always saying funny things as I cared for him. He made me belly laugh many times during that year. Spontaneously, he would come out with a line that just killed me. I hope to remember those funny lines one day.

These stabs to my heart happen less frequently now after 6 months of grieving his death and 18 months of grieving ALS. And when they happen, I recover faster. I know a day will come when I go days, weeks maybe, without one, but that they will never disappear completely. He will never disappear completely. I’m glad about that.

I will always remember our first conversation, sitting on the porch at our friend's mom's house. He was telling me one of his embellished stories of Detroit. He told me about Molotov cocktails during the race riots in Detroit, as if he had seen it in person. He told me about the policeman being shot off his porch, as if he lived there at the time. He was eating pork rinds and drinking Mountain Dew. He offered me some of his "acid rings" and "Mountain Brew". That was the first time we laughed together, and that memory makes me laugh, to this day. When I went home that evening, I told my parents about this boy I had just met. It was actually our second time seeing each other, but our first conversation. He was different than anyone I had ever met before. I could not stop thinking about him.

We would get to know each other over the course of the next year before we became girlfriend / boyfriend. There were times during that year I was entertained by him, and times I was exacerbated by him. Ray was opinionated and not shy about sharing those opinions. He could argue his point to the nth degree even after realizing he had lost the argument. But, in his later years, hours after the argument ended, he would admit defeat and we would laugh about his stubbornness. Ray was the one our young group of friends always asked each other, "Where's Ray? Is he coming over today?" He was the cool guy we all wanted to be around. I will never forget the day he came walking down our friend's basement stairs after getting his hair cut short. My God, he was gorgeous! Even though I had admired him, and loved being his friend, that was the day I became attracted to him. That was the day I first felt the electric shock pierce through my heart and out my finger tips. Literally. I would feel that electricity many, many times over the course of 39 1/2 years. All he had to do was look at me or call me twinkle toes. I miss that electric shock.

1980

The once youthful, healthy Ray walked around town in the summers with his boom box on his shoulder and his cigarettes rolled up in his T-shirt sleeve. I'll never forget his walk; the way he made a little kick motion with his feet as he took each step. He had the looks of a long haired hippy who was up to no good, but he never was up to no good; not any more than any other teenager. A gas station attendant once accused him of stealing cigarettes from an open display near the gas pumps. He hadn't done it and it really pissed off our group of friends who were all there at the time. Another time, he and I were accused of pushing a shopping cart off the sidewalk at K-mart and letting it hit a car parked in the lot. We were stunned that someone would think we had done that. Luckily, a man who saw the entire thing, came to our rescue and told the accuser that the wind had blown it off the sidewalk.

Despite his long career in Supply Chain Management in the manufacturing industry, in his heart and soul, Ray was a policeman. It was his life long passion. In his early 20's he was a volunteer for the Belvidere Police Auxiliary. He loved riding with the cops and eventually, after seeing his competency and skill, they enjoyed having him ride with them. The police sergeant at the time would even assign him his own car to patrol in and often called him on weekends to see if he was available to "work" that weekend. He was very proud of that honor. Ray later took the necessary training to become a paid police officer and worked for the Metro Center Police Department and eventually as a patrol officer at the Kingston Police Department. He was a compassionate police officer, especially when young people were involved. Much to the chagrin of other officers, Ray would often let the young ones go with a warning. And if his partner questioned why he let them go, he reminded that officer that they were young once, too, and had made the same mistakes. He would sometimes tell me how scared he had been just before having to escort some inebriated man out of Davis Park or the Metro Center, and how relieved he was that his training worked in helping to get a large drunk person under control. Years after he stopped doing his part-time police work, he still pointed out reasons to pull over a car as we rode around town. And he could be heard asking himself, "what are they up to?" if he saw a group of teens walking around. But, he would always let go of his judgment when reminded of the accusations he endured in his youth.

Ray in Police Auxiliary uniform

Most people will remember Ray as one of the amateur photographers around Belvidere and Rockford. He loved taking landscape shots at the Belvidere Park and Boone County Conservation Areas. Or shooting people out for walks with their kids and dogs at the parks, as well as parades. In the last couple of years he found a new love of automobile photography; going to car shows and cruise nights, taking hundreds of photos of classic cars and hot rods. He was good at photography. He was better than he ever truly believed he was.

He was not a perfect man or a perfect husband; I was not a perfect woman or wife; but we loved each other and our son. We both did our best for each other and our son. I see Ray in Josh's skinny legs and long slender feet. I see Ray in the size and shape of Josh's ears, and I hear Ray in the sound of Josh's voice. Ray made me a better person by showing me who I was through his eyes, whether it was good or bad. He shared with me how he felt about things I said and did. He always made sure to tell me about things he admired about me. And when I apologized for my irritability from lack of sleep while caring for him at the end, he told me not to worry about my attitude, that he was just glad I got out of bed every time he needed me, no matter how tired I was. That is a gift that sustains me when I feel a pang of guilt.

This man I have loved for 40 years is still everywhere I look in this house, this town, our hearts and minds, and in every ordinary and extraordinary thing this life brings. I refuse to feel guilty about living or feeling joy when it arises. At first I did feel guilty, but then I heard his voice in my head. “Monica, you and Josh deserve happiness. You deserve to live.” And I realized it would be a disservice to his memory not to feel joy or to have experiences...

because he can’t.

Happy 34th Anniversary, Raymond. I love you. And, although I miss your physical presence every day, I feel you, I see you, I hear you. Still.

Always.

No memorial is complete without music, so this us for you, Raymond:

https://youtu.be/AVNlbEdJUYY

Note: If you are viewing this on a computer, the photos below are all over the place. I cannot put them where I want them to go in an orderly way. My apologies!

Working at Farm & Fleet 1985

A card Ray bought for me, just because.
He colored the hair and whiskers to look like him!

Ray swinging Josh on Easter 1990

Ray with his best friend, Tom
Ray with his dad
Ray on 11th Ave,
Ray with their family dog, Cocoa

The Pickard Family in Detroit

Ray and his dad loaded the moving van
for their move back to Kentucky

In KY 1990

The Pickard Family 2002

2016

Three generations 2016

2019 Detroit River Boat

Father and son hug

Jerry Seinfeld Event 2018

Detroit 2019

2019

Logodrama

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 18:28:00 +0000

For the past several months I have felt blocked. I feel like my passion for writing is gone. I still have a lot to say, but I am unsure how to say it. It feels like the collective consciousness has taken a severe hit, which I know is just the pendulum rearing back to spring forward again eventually, but it is draining, nevertheless. My last passion post, Female, was harsh, but also true. Sometimes I feel bad about writing it and consider deleting it. Other times I feel like it speaks volumes to help others with their own self-awareness. I just finished reading Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. In it, he partially describes his practice of Logotherapy, “…the patient must sometimes hear things which are very disagreeable to hear.” That is how I feel about Female. I know that I have personally benefitted from critical things people have said to me about my actions and positions. It always stings, but once you get past the sting and look at it objectively you either see the errors you have made, or you realize this person is full of ego and is not really trying to help you. The key is objectivity. Do not take it personally even though it feels very personal.

Another person I admire once said that his faith group made a practice of being evangelized by people of other faiths. He pointed out that you really learn a lot about the actions and beliefs of your group when others point out how your actions and beliefs make them feel. Sometimes you have to get crucified in order for it to sink in and change you. But, I’m no Saint. I did write that post in frustration and full of judgment. To me, that does not make it any less true. It is my perspective. That is the only vantage point from which I can see. I have been given no insight to how my view is wrong, or where their view has been misunderstood by me. One friend wrote to me after reading that post and told me that my post was extremely offensive to her. I can see how it would be and I knew that people would feel that way, regardless of my intentions. She shared some areas where we agree, and she privately reiterated her reasons for not sharing her negative views of our current government publicly. I get it. It does not help our collective consciousness to evolve out of this backward swing, but I get it. I do feel bad about some things I said about religion. I made it sound like it is all just brainwashing. I know that every religion has some of that and that every religion has as many ways of interpretation as there are people in the world. I have conservative and liberal friends who are catholic, as well as conservative and liberal friends who enjoy other religions and no religion. My truth is that the things I described in that post about religion I have seen with my own eyes. I have experienced some of it personally and have witnessed other things about it through friends. I did not make it up. It is a problem for society that we need to resolve, in my opinion.

Viktor Frankl taught about choices and how they impact our psychology both personally and collectively. The choice not to speak out will impact you, your immediate family, and society, whether you like it or not. Likewise, speaking out about injustices, wrong doings, and immoral behavior by people you support will help advance society and allow others who feel the same way to actually do something meaningful to solve society’s problems. People speak out about the immoral behavior of others, the people they don’t know, “those people,” women who have abortions or simply support a woman’s right to choose, women who dress a certain way and behave sexually a certain way, but political leaders who do despicable things by everyone’s standard, they enjoy their silence. That is wrong. It is just as wrong as the immoral actions of everyone else. The only way I can understand it is to see it as fear. It takes courage to speak Truth. Look what happened to Jesus! As I’ve said before, if we are not disciples of Jesus, were are simply followers, and He does not need more followers. He needs people willing to take action.

I do not want to write about politics in the blog anymore. I never wanted to at all. Everywhere I look I see that politics and religion are the causes of our divisions and so I feel compelled to write about them. On the bright side, I see a few people who never spoke about politics before 2016 speaking passionately about it now. They tend to be more liberal, though, and so they are ignored by conservatives. That is why it is so important for conservatives to speak up about the disagreements they have with this administration. But I digress. I want this blog to be about people with disabilities and the people who love them. I want to impart what I have learned from my experiences with my son and from the things I have read that speak Truth. But lately I can’t do that without writing about politics. If an idea for a post comes in, it quickly vanishes. On the rare occasion it stays for a while, it gets blocked when I sit down to write. I am trying to get over this. Hopefully it will happen soon. Thank you for sticking with me through my veering off into the ditch of politics and for your continued support.

I have recently updated my Books I Love post, if you’re interested in new material to read. Oh, I also have been doing lessons with Richard Rohr. They are called, Another Way to See the Cross, and Another Way to See the Bible. Available at https://cac.org. There is also a Facebook page you can be admitted to after doing some of the lessons. It is truly inspiring to be part of such a contemplative group.

Take care and Happy Easter, Friends!

Check out my recommended reading post at the top of the menu. I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch with the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Caregiver’s Honorary PhD

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 16 Jan 2019 21:35:00 +0000

This goes for ALL caregivers!

If parents and caregivers of people with disabilities were to log study hours while navigating the various information and systems related to disability, we would all qualify for college degrees. Some of us might even qualify for several PhDs. That is not an exaggerated statement. I cannot even begin to count the hours I have spent learning new things and doing paperwork related to loving and caring for someone with a disability over the last 30 years. And to be honest, I’m not even close to understanding it all. I am still learning new things as time marches on and new challenges come along. Some of the things we learn must be relearned over and over again as the rules and regulations change. This is a major frustration for caregivers. There is so much we have to know and stay on top of. As parents, siblings, or caregivers you will relate very well to this post. But, if you are not a caregiver and you just want to develop more empathy for someone you know who is, buckle up! It may seem repetitive at times, but that’s only because it is.

First, let me make it clear that we all – caregivers and people with disabilities – are grateful for everything we receive, whether it is information, knowledge, or benefits. We are grateful for the people who help us navigate it all, as well. At the same time, certain things are extremely stressful. So here goes!

It starts with learning about the disability: What is it and how will it affect life for the person and for the caregivers and family members? What is needed medically? Is it covered under our insurance? What will the co-pay and out of pocket expenses be? What is needed emotionally? What is needed physically? Are there devices or physical aids that can help? Are there grants available to help pay if insurance won’t pay? How do I apply for those grants? What are the rules for spending the money if we receive a grant? Are there medications? What are the side effects of those medications? How many times will we have to adjust or change the medication? Is there a diet that is best? Where can those strange foods be purchased? How can those foods be prepared? How much extra will this diet cost? How much extra time will this food take to prepare? Are there therapies to help with this disability? Which therapists are best? Should we leave all therapies up to the school district or get outside therapy, as well? What is the school district obligated by law to do? How do we ensure they do it? What is an IEP? How do we participate in writing the IEP? What should go into the IEP? How do we ensure it is followed? What can we do if it is not followed? Who can we turn to for help? How much will that cost? What is the ADA? What is IDEA? Can I use that to get what my child needs in school? (Absolutely!) How should I appropriately correspond with the school staff when there is a problem with the IEP or its implementation? What steps should I take if the school refuses to put something in the IEP that my child needs?

Are you exhausted by the questions yet?

Imagine actually researching the answers and then doing what needs to be done. As you research, more questions evolve. Paper work will be involved. Lots and lots of paperwork! If I had a nickel for each time I wrote down my son’s name, address, phone number, social security number, his disability, his surgeries, his medications, date he was diagnosed, things he is unable to do for himself, as well as mine and my husband’s information, we would be rich! Phone calls, driving, meetings, and waiting in reception areas are involved with implementing just about everything we learn.

All of this comes after you have received your honorary degree in vocabulary words, acronyms, and initialisms related to the disability. What does tactile mean? What does proprioception mean? What is Occupational Therapy? What is sensory overload? What is stimming? What is echolalia? What is auditory processing? How does that relate, if at all, to hearing? These are just a few of the vocabulary words I had to learn for my son’s disability. I’m sure there are just as many, if not more, for other disabilities. If you’re like me, you’ll want to know why, how, and who – if anyone – is to blame for this disability. So, you’ll research that to the best of your ability and come up with even more questions about religion, causes, preventions, and yes, cures because your heart is in a perpetual ache while doing all of this for your loved one.

Then there is the social aspect of living in the world with people with disabilities: What response should I have to people who make rude comments about my son? How should I deal with family members who just don’t get it? What is the politically correct way to address someone with…? Our feelings get hurt A LOT. We get insulted on purpose and sometimes accidentally. We cry in the shower, in our cars, in public restrooms, and sometime right out in the open because people can be mean and judgy.

In the interest of time and space, I will now ditch the questions and give you a brief overview of other non-degreed courses we must take. You can rely on your own questions as they pop into your head. Trust me, you will have many!

Low-income families who have children with disabilities under 18 years of age typically apply for SSI, which results in > paperwork (both gathering to submit and filling out new ones) > meeting with an SS employee > waiting for a response to your application. All families, no matter their income level will or should apply for SSI for their disabled child when he or she turns 18 > paperwork (both gathering to submit and filling out new ones) > learning the rules about family income and expenses > how much rent to charge your disabled child > grappling with that mentally because it may seem ridiculous > learning the difference between charging them “rent” and having them pay their “fair share” and how each will affect yourtax filing each year > understanding the future paperwork you will need to submit to the government each year for the SSI they will receive > understanding the asset levels they are allowed while receiving SSI > understanding your role as their representative payee > navigating the banking system to set up an account for them and you as rep-payee > once they have had it for a few years and you are comfortable, you will get some sort of letter that will send you into a panic because it threatens to stop the SSI if you do not comply with their request by a certain date > more gathering of paperwork > phone calls and/or visits to the office with paperwork in hand, waiting to be seen, only to be told they don’t need to see it > eventual relief that they get to keep their SSI (hopefully!).

Now, if your under-age child receives SSI, when they turn 18, they will lose their SSI in order to transition to SSI for disabled adults. Is this transition smooth? No. Why? No one knows. Should it be smooth? Yes. This results in a panic letter arriving in the mail (these letters usually come on Friday when you can’t really do anything about it) > phone calls > possible paperwork > possible meetings, which may require a few hours of waiting to get to speak with someone > possible delay in paying your household bills. As a parent or caregiver, you will not be informed of this need for a transition until it is too late, and they are at risk or actually thrown off of SSI. Why? No one knows. Maybe because the system is slow to catch things.

Keeping your disabled child on your insurance after age 26 (thank God it is the law now!) > paperwork (both gathering to submit and filling out new ones) > possible doctor appointment for your loved one so the doctor can attest to their disability > understanding if the insurance or the Medicaid is primary and remembering that. LOL! Then you get to deal with the insurance company because they refuse to pay for something they say they will pay for, or they say they are not sure who is primary and who is secondary, but they are the ones who told you in the first place that they are primary. UGH!

In addition to applying for SSI at 18, families should also apply for Medicaid for the disabled person even if the family can afford to pay their medical bills after insurance. Why? Medicaid Waivers, of course! They will need Medicaid in order to get a Medicaid Waiver. You have question about Medicaid Waivers now, don’t you?!

There are many Medicaid Waivers that could apply to people with disabilities. They all involve figuring out which one is right for your loved one > research > paperwork (both gathering to submit and filling out new ones) > which agencies need to be involved > more vocabulary words and initialisms to learn > new rules to learn to keep the funding > redetermination every couple of years because, apparently, a life-long disability could miraculously go away > inevitably, although you sent the requested paperwork via whatever means they wanted, they did not receive it or they received it but failed to check it into their system, so another panic letter will arrive from Medicaid with deadlines to meet because if you don’t, your loved one may lose their Medicaid and get kicked off their waiver and then you are really screwed > more paperwork > phone calls > possible meetings with extraordinary waiting room time, and if you speak to a different person they will have a whole new set of requirements for you because they understand the system differently than the last guy or gal you spoke to, but maybe you’ll get lucky and this one simplifies the process and puts you at ease (praying hands emoji!).

When the parent of a disabled person dies or retires, the disabled person gets put on Medicare, regardless of their age > More rules > more vocabulary > more paperwork > more phone calls > more panic letters arriving in the mail threatening to cut off their Medicaid if the spend down is not reached, which means they will lose their waiver funding, which means the family schedule will get completely thrown off and/or the disabled person will have no supports for their social life or their job. Even though this is stressful and completely unnecessary if things would have been explained properly at the start of all this, you would rather spend an extraordinary amount of time in a waiting room and energy to resolve it to avoid your loved one from losing their benefits.

Your career? Ha! If you have one, that’s another stress on you. Or, maybe you love your career and it helps you deal with everything else. If so, I am happy for you. Well done!

As caregivers, it is likely we are, by now, on depression and/or anxiety medication from managing all this with a perpetual heartache.

But wait! Some rules that you finally learned have changed… or acronyms, or initialisms, or you discovered that some initialisms have more than one meaning because they are represented by more than one agency, so now you get to try to keep those in your mind as you read endless pieces of information.

And did you apply for food stamps for your loved one when you applied for Medicaid? How’s that $12.00 a month helping out with your food bills? If they were awarded it, that is. They are not supposed to consider yourincome, but somehow, they figure out a way to get it in there for some households, but not others. Maybe this, too, depends on the employee you are dealing with when you apply. Who knows? There are social stigmas attached to these benefits that you must navigate in your mind. You know that your loved one cannot survive without these supports, or at the very least that your entire family’s quality of life would tank if they did not receive these benefits, but the world seems insensitive to that reality. Your friends and family are constantly calling for the government to cut the vital services without a thought to how it will affect your loved one and you.

Have you studied up on financial planning for the care of your loved one after you pass away? Wills, Trusts, Special Needs Trusts, revocable vs irrevocable, clauses, and wording it just right so they won’t lose their government benefits, naming a new guardian and someone to oversee the trust… And what if you don’t have anyone you can trust? Should you rely on a lawyer or a bank to oversee everything? Can you trust a total stranger who doesn’t even know your family?

How about guardianship of your loved one: have you applied for that? How does that differ from Power of Attorney? > Guardianship of the person or the estate or both > paperwork > meetings with lawyers > costs involved > going before the judge > annual reports to the judge > another deadline.

Where will your loved one live when you pass away? > CILA or family member > types of CILAs vs other housing > funding sources > rules and regulations for funding and for CILA > ensuring your loved one’s security > happiness of your loved one > ensuring appropriate freedoms for your loved one. If you do have family to step in when you’re gone, you feel like crap asking them because you know it’s a lot to ask.

Many of these questions you get to navigate while you yourself are aging, developing health issues, and/or slowing down. Fun times!

If your loved one is lucky enough to be able to work there are rules you will need to know about income levels, job coaching, discrimination laws, etc. I do not have an honorary degree in this area because Josh is not able to do conventional work. We have WorkerBee, though! And, that means I am managing his volunteer jo to keep him busy, like so many other caregivers do for their loved one.

Did I mention politics? No? Well then, let me just say this: Politics is the foundation that supports this entire building. Every single thing I wrote about is dependent on politicians who may or may not understand, give two thoughts to, or even care about our plight. So, when a parent or caregiver of a person with disabilities talks about politics, understand that we know this area well. We contact our representatives, even with all the other stuff we have to do because our loved ones depend on us to stay informed and involved and to help keep this building standing.

There is help from various agencies and I, along with other caregivers, have a never-ending supply of gratitude for them! Support groups, both online and in person, nonprofit organizations, information sites, family support, politicians who fight for us, everyone and anyone who helps us out in the biggest and smallest ways, all mean a great deal to our community. There are people who have made paid careers out of helping others in many areas of these systems and people who volunteer their time and energy to answering our questions and giving us support because they have been through it already. We are immensely grateful for those people!

Thank you, if you are a helper in any way.

We are also extremely grateful for all of the benefits from our government and from other organizations. We do not take anything for granted. We are grateful for the help we receive from all of the government employees who help us apply for these benefits and iron out all of the issues from the panic letters we get. Sometimes we do not treat them well. We are stressed when we contact them, but that is no excuse to treat another human being badly. I apologize for that on behalf of every caregiver.

Caregivers, I’m sure I probably left something out. Feel free to contact me at mindchange4all@gmail.com with information you want to see added here and I will happily oblige. Take care of yourself, Friend!

What Are We Greedy For?

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 19:44:00 +0000

“Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

This is a famous line from the 1980’s movie Wall Street, with Michael Douglas. I often write about the greed of the wealthy and powerful in our government and the control wealth has over keeping that power, but this post is about how greed is in all of us and how it influences our views.

The other morning, I heard Trump say, “Scientists have a political agenda,” as he spoke about his denial of climate change. The first thought that popped into my head was, Trump’s political agenda is greed. Later in the day, he changed his statement, as he often does when push comes to shove. His initial statement got me thinking about what the political agenda could be for the scientists who are warning about our use of fossil fuels and their effects on the climate. If Trump’s agenda is greed, and I can point to many factors besides this one that inform my opinion about that, could the scientists also have greed as a motivation? My conclusion is yes, they could.

Trump denies climate science and promotes the use of fossil fuels to gain votes from the coal mining workforce, and campaign contributions from the owners of the coal mines. He seeks votes in the oil industry from every worker, campaign contributions from the industry, and support all the way up to the leaders of Arab countries. His personal business benefits from his climate change denials, as well.

He registered eight companies in Saudi Arabia, a major oil supplier, during his presidential campaign.

He has argued, in the past, that his company could be hurt by climate change if not allowed to build – you guessed it – a wall. This time it was a seawall to protect his golf course. To non-supporters and anyone with integrity, this makes him hypocritical, misleading, deceitful, dishonest, and untrustworthy. With much more wealth on the line than can be provided from one golf course, he has chosen the side of climate change denial. He consistently sides with whatever will get him ahead in each transaction or issue.

His type of greed and that of his wealthy supporters cannot admit climate change is real and that humans are causing it without sounding immoral in their support of fossil fuels. They have to deny the legitimacy of the science because if they did not, people whose finances do not depend on the fossil fuel industry would have no reason to support this part of his agenda. In order to persuade someone who has no financial dog in the fight, you have to give them a reason to ignore your vicious dog. To keep us from looking at their financial motives, they act as if it’s about the financial plight of those who would lose their jobs if we switched from fossil fuels to renewables without helping the industry make the switch on their own. I am not discounting the fear of folks in the industry. If I worked in the industry, I would be afraid. If I worked in the industry, I would want my employer to spend money on retraining me for jobs in renewables. Most Americans support tax incentives to help the industry make the changes. So, why don’t they just make the switch on their own? It is because they already get tax incentives and subsidies for doing nothing, so why should they bother? I’m betting it is far cheaper to deny climate change and keep things the way they are than to change within their field. Especially when other companies have sprung up to compete with them. It is cheaper and easier to squash their efforts, politically. So, they deny the science.

If one’s agenda is preserving their wealth at any cost, they would grasp at any straw, including pre-historic climate changes, to seem credible as they deny the science that says humans are causing it at an alarming rate. If one is wealthy enough to survive without a job, that person has a lot of power and a lot of political influence. That person’s agenda of greed can cause them to ignore the plight of those who will eventually lose their jobs. In their mind, it’s just business. They may think it is a horrible aspect of doing business, but a necessary part of doing business.

The scientists have an agenda of greed, too. They want to live. They want their children and grandchildren to live. They want all humans to go on living They are greedy for life. Life, as we know it, will not continue on this planet if we do not change the way we supply our energy needs. It might take more than my remaining lifetime to see the devastation, but I doubt it will take more than my son’s remaining lifetime. It certainly won’t take more than our grandchildren’s remaining lifetime. We are already starting to see the effects; effects that have not reached our homes yet, but that will. Greed is an intense and selfish desire for something. As the mom of a man with disabilities, I share the scientist’s agenda of greed. I am greedy for the preservation of my son’s life, his climate security, funding for his needs and the needs of his community, understanding and acceptance of him, and I am greedy for his rights as a human being. I am greedy for the rights of every human being. It is selfish because when everyone else has what they need and desire, then I do, too. The word everyone leaves no one out.

Greed that includes the prosperity and saves the jobs of everyone is good. Greed for the health of planet earth is good. Greed that promotes survival is good. Greed for life is good. One might even say it is Pro-life. The selfish greed that does not include prosperity and job protection for everyone, and that does not preserve the life of the planet and its inhabitants, one might call that ignorance.

All political parties have an agenda of greed. All scientists have an agenda of greed. Sometimes the personal greed mixes with the political greed in good ways, sometimes it mixes in bad ways. We all see issues through our own personal agenda of greed. It is our job to figure out what makes up our own personal greed, notice if that aligns with our moral values, witness how that influences our political views, and hold our politicians accountable for the ways their actions are influenced by their personal greed.

Take care, Friends!

Free Speech: An Argument For Using Your Voice

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sat, 13 Oct 2018 16:41:00 +0000

Freedom to speak out against the government is a right we enjoy very much in America. It is a right many people around the world do not have. Their ability to freely say how they feel, without worry of imprisonment, is stifled by the people with power over them. So, when I see someone on social media say they don’t talk about politics on social media, it breaks my heart. Not only for those around the world who are not allowed to but for my precious son. He can’t speak at all. He can’t communicate very well at all. He has difficulty telling me what he wants, and he can’t tell me at all when something hurts inside his body or if someone has abused him. I have to look at his behaviors to figure things out. He has to suffer until I, the one with the power to help him, can figure it out. And I love him. I don’t want this power over him. I want him to be independent and able to care for himself. I want him to be able to shout to the world everything he wants and needs. Especially, to our government because he is being ignored by both sides of the political spectrum.

Many states do not allow people with intellectual disabilities the right to vote. You might think that is okay because you question their ability to understand the policies. That is the language of discrimination. It is an ableist attitude. Some worry that helping them vote will lead to abuse and a second vote by the helper. That could happen by either party. Someone else’s criminal behavior should not keep a fundamental right out of the hands of others. Isn’t that the argument against gun control? Many people with intellectual disabilities do understand – better than some people without disability – the policies and how they affect them. They advocate for themselves. They should have the right to vote in every state and every country around the globe.

Imagine living in a country where you are not allowed to speak about what hurts you in your country because your government does not want you spreading an idea to anyone else. They don’t want a person with a heart, a mind, and a soul to touch other hearts, minds, and souls because then a movement would begin. A movement that could take them out of power. I’m thinking of countries like North Korea now. Or, it simply could be that your leader’s ego can’t handle it when people speak against him. He might call fake news to anyone who reports what he does, even though he is the one that did it and they are simply reporting it. Or he might say protests are not allowed because he thinks it’s embarrassing for the country. Whatever the reasons are, imagine not being allowed to say how you feel about injustice, or poverty, or guns, or abortion because your government wants to keep its power over you; not out of love for you, but so you will remain dependent and powerless.

Some people say they won’t talk about politics on social media because the debate gets out of hand and people say nasty things to each other. Yes, that happens. So? There is a simple solution to that: Don’t engage with that person. Say how you feel and let it sit. You don’t have to defend it or justify it. You have the right to say your truth without defending it. THE Truth – with a capital T – needs no explanation anyway. You simply say I think this president is a horrible human being. He acts like a child. He is all ego with no integrity. He is power hungry and, while I might like some of his policies, I cannot stand him and the way he represents our country around the world. When someone pushes back and says Yea, but… in defense of his deplorable behavior, you can ignore it. You don’t respond. It’s that simple. Now, I’m sure you may be thinking something like, it’s easier just not saying anything at all. I don’t want to add to the drama that’s going on so I just scroll past all political posts. I talk to my family about it and that’s enough. I understand that. You have every right not to speak up about politics on social media if you don’t want to, for whatever reason you have. You use your vote as your voice and that is private.

My mind goes back to all those folks around the world who don’t have a voice or a choice, including my son. They would love to have a choice like you. That choice is a privilege. When one chooses not to speak or has no political right to speak about things they are passionate about in their heart, really bad things can happen. History has proven that - The Holocaust, Rwanda, Bosnia, Darfur, imprisonment and experiments on the disabled and mentally ill, just to name a few. Martin Luther King, Jr. knew that and encouraged white Americans to speak up for the civil rights of black and brown people in America. He urged them for their support because “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter… The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people… In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends… Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere… The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” His words are Truths we can choose to ignore, but that eat away at our souls.

I know all of that and I agree with it, but if I speak one word publicly about my own party or someone in it, the other side might win the next election. That is a possibility, but not a probability. Your voice can change your own party back into one you can be proud of. The Democrats fought hard to keep people with black skin in slavery. Now, they are fighting for their rights. Do they go far enough? No. Do they fight hard enough? No. Some of them may even be doing things behind the scenes to keep things just the way they are. That is deplorable and should not happen. Your voice can change that. Your silence gives others the sense that it is okay with you. Right or wrong, your silence gives people a perception about your views and what you will tolerate. That silence becomes your voice. You don’t have to be cruel with your words. You don’t have to be divisive with your voice. You simply and eloquently say, ____ is not okay. ____ is unacceptable. I will not tolerate ___ from my political party. Period. Then you call your local representatives or the White House and you tell them, too.

But, if I call my representatives and the White House, why do I need to say it on social media? The answer is because our children are watching. Our children are on social media reading our words, hearing our videos, and viewing our shared memes. And not only our children but our friends who might be inclined toward a dark side if no one around them is saying anything in dispute of it. Everyone is watching the negative things, and many are responding favorably to it. This idea is reinforced in me each time my voice is critical of my party and I get way more reaction to it than when I say nice things about my party. It is a sad but true fact of human nature. But, I choose to be nice most of the time. I plant seeds of love so the seeds of hate planted by others will not be the only things growing.

Recently, I have been brutally truthful about the actions and inactions of some of my friends. My last blog post, Female, was a satirical commentary on what I have seen on Facebook. I have offended people, intentionally. I do not apologize for that because, sometimes, some people need to be spoken to in a language they understand. Satire can do that. I don’t believe women are inferior to men, but saying, satirically, that my friends have convinced me of it, and pointing out all the ways they “convinced me” was my way of giving them a verbal smack on the head. It appears to me they misunderstand the language of liberals when we speak, but they do understand the language of Trump, so I used mockery in my own way. I did not say anything untruthful and they may not like my opinions, but I come by them honestly with research to back them up.

satire | ˈsaˌtī(ə)r | noun

the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

You don’t have to use satire. You don’t have to talk about what you don’t want to make your point. Just say what you do want. I want a president who has integrity, morality, compassion, a willingness to listen, this one does not possess those qualities. I want a president who is respectful to those he disagrees with, who sees no person as defective, who brings peace through understanding, who tries to understand the other side of the argument… Say it. For all those here and around the world who can’t.

One thing you may want to be aware of: The Trump administration, in America where speech is still free, has proposed a rule to limit where people are allowed to protest or tax them when they protest in front of him. They do not want people protesting outside of the White House. This is a first step toward limiting free speech in America and makes me wonder if all the extreme gun advocates have a point about needing to defend themselves against our own government.

Proposed Rule

I don’t understand most of that mumbo-jumbo legal language so here is an article about it in plain English.

The undemocratic idea behind it

I will end with this: Stay silent if you dare, but remember that silence is also a form of speech and your silence just might get you what you don’t want.

Female

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 21:09:00 +0000

They say arguing on the internet will never change anyone’s mind. I believe that. We must teach by example. That is a spiritual law that Jesus taught. I have been watching American conservative women these past several years. Ever since I opened my Facebook account I have learned a lot about how wrong I have been. Many of my closest friends and family members are conservative. I have argued with some of them many times since opening my Facebook account, and never once have I convinced them to convert to my views. They have converted me, not by personally arguing with me, but through their example. The women I have watched posting their conservative views and explaining to me why they feel that way have taught me a lot. Watching these women post about their votes at election time and standing up for their convictions has shown me that they and the men they love are right.

I must say, there is one area where I never needed convincing: abortion. I have always known that is wrong since I first heard the word and discovered what it meant. To take the life of an innocent, unborn, vulnerable baby is a horrible thing. And the women I have been watching and listening to and arguing with on Facebook have shown me how important that one issue is. It is THE most important issue in the mind of every conservative voter. Liberals believe that sex education and birth control will solve the problem without infringing on the rights of women to control their own bodies, but I will show you what my conservative friends have shown me.

So, what was it my conservative female friends did that convinced me, finally, that I have been wrong all these years? Recently they have been posting videos of very attractive females explaining to me why I should not believe the lies of Dr. Ford as she accused the Honorable Bret Kavanaugh of trying to rape her. These were very convincing videos, of women, pretty blonde women, one of whom even said she was the victim of a sexual assault and then went on to explain why Dr. Ford’s assault should have no bearing on Mr. Kavanaugh’s confirmation. Some of my female friends - both conservative and liberal - questioned Dr. Ford’s credibility because

1) She waited too long to come forward,

2) Someone other than Dr. Ford started a GoFundMe account to raise money for her legal fees,

3) She could not remember every detail exactly the way it happened more than 30 years ago,

4) Dr. Ford did not go about handling her sexual assault exactly the same way they did when they were sexually assaulted, and in their minds, that proves she’s a liar.

Some have convinced me through Facebook memes like this one:

When I think back to my teen years, Good Lord! My female friends and I were sluts.

I always thought we were pretty decent girls, but according to what I’ve learned, I was wrong! We mostly wore jeans and T-shirts and tennis shoes. We never dressed like the actresses in that photo, but in the summer, we sometimes wore shorts! Who could blame those boys for wanting to get in our pants? Once, I was stupid enough to wear shorts to school in Jr. High, so, clearly, it was all my fault that a boy grabbed my ass as we were exiting math class one day. I really should be thanking him for teaching me such a valuable lesson: never wear shorts to school. That poor boy had to sit somewhere behind me for an entire 40 minutes seeing my bare legs. It was just too much for him! It was also my fault that he went around telling the other boys the lie that when he grabbed my ass his finger slipped up into my vagina – I’m pretty sure he used a different word. Boys will be boys! Some of those boys asked me about it, not out of concern for me, but to see how high they should place his pedestal. I’m sure they placed it high, choosing to believe him and not me. And it was not the fault of the boy who spread a rumor about me that I had “gone all the way” with my boyfriend. I should not have ever allowed myself to be alone with my boyfriend and his friend who spread the rumor, even though I thought they were trustworthy. Stupid naïve female! I never “went all the way” with him – a fact he never tried to correct. Again, boys will be boys, never guilty about anything they do. And it was clearly my fault the time my top was pulled down, exposing my developing breasts. I was wrong in wearing a tube top – the current fashion in female clothing, the summer between my 6^thand 7^thgrades. Thank you, Young Man, for teaching me that valuable lesson! I was at fault for being naïve enough to stand near him as we conversed for the first time ever. To think that all these years I thought the boys were at fault! Come to think of it, it might not have happened at all. You see, I cannot remember that guy’s name. Not remembering every detail is a sure sign I might be wrong about what actually happened. Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for setting me straight.

Yes, my teenage female friends and I were loose with our clothing and morally impure for kissing boys. We should have never fallen for those boy’s lies. They said they loved us – or at least had “feelings” for us – and we were stupid enough to believe it! Our dads never told us about how teenage boys think or that we should pay more attention to a boy’s actions towards us than his words, but why should they? We would not have believed them anyway. All good conservatives know – and now I do, too – that the female brain is incapable of making good choices. We proved that in our youth with our clothing and slutty behavior. The boys were just being boys and we were at fault. I see that now. We’re lucky they did not rape us. Thank you, teenage boyfriends, for not raping us! We females should have had more self-control. It is morally imperative that we control ourselves because boys should not be expected to control themselves. They are males and therefore superior.

Looking back, I should have been convinced long ago of my wrongness. For years, they have been posting nasty things about liberals and complaining about the things liberals say about them. But, I now see that Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Cathy Griffin, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, and all the other females who spoke out for women’s rights, including me, are just bitches. We are. We are bitches. Some of our arguments make sense, but the way we go about getting them across is just bitchy, as opposed to all the pretty blonde ladies on Fox News Channel. They are assertive, like men. It’s okay to be assertive, like a man, if you have a conservative view, but not if you have a liberal view. It’s not assertive then, it’s bitchy. And liberal females should just keep their mouths shut.

All my life I bought into the whole feminism thing. I mean, seriously! It’s partly my dad’s fault, but I don’t blame him. He is just as much a victim of liberalism as I have been. My dad told me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up. Conservative dads tell their daughters that, too. Quite possibly, those conservative dads are doing their duty of instilling patriarchy into their daughter’s minds, which is a noble thing. I have learned from my observations of my female conservative friends, you gain a female’s confidence and loyalty by making her feel secure in her ability to think for herself so that she won’t notice when you undermine her politically. You know she can’t think for herself, but as long as she thinks she can, all is well with the world. The trouble with my dad, though, is that he believed what he said. Some men, like my dad and Keith Urban, get it wrong sometimes. Keith has this song about the awesomeness of females. It’s called Female. With my newfound wisdom, I’ll never hear that song the same way again. :-(

Anyway, I have learned that if you convince a female she can think for herself, you can convince her that THE most important issue – abortion – cannot be fixed by birth control because females cannot be trusted to be moral, especially when they have access to birth control. When put to her this way, the female thinks back to her morally reprehensible behavior as a teenager and knows you are telling her the truth, despite the fact she never got pregnant and turned out okay. This theme really gets etched in her mind in church, where she is told that only morally bankrupt women get abortions and morally bankrupt liberal men want to avoid taking responsibility for the baby. Once the female is on a high moral ground, believing that the only way to end abortion is to outlaw it, she is ripe for everything else you want her to believe:

Subservience is good for her and society;

men are always the best leaders;

God made women inferior;

her religious liberty is threatened by liberals;

wealth is good, poverty is caused by immorality;

people must support themselves without any help from the government including higher wages;

ignore your instincts and stick with conservatives because they have the moral high ground as pro-lifers;

she must help support her family outside of the home and take responsibility for maintaining her home and her children’s care;

men are too stressed to help around the house, but she is a strong woman who can handle it all;

if we can end a woman’s right to get an abortion we can start to work on feeding the poor and caring for the elderly and disabled;

when we fail to help the needy after abolishing abortion, we will convince her the liberals are to blame;

she will believe it because we have taught her not to think for herself, even though she thinks she does.

The way females bend over backward:

to keep from seeing all the lies and manipulations by conservative men who only want money and power,

to convince themselves that conservativism is good for females,

to keep taking their children into Catholic churches - or any church - even though they know priests abuse children at an alarming rate,

to continuously vote against their own interests and the interests of poor children,

to keep letting them convince you that most of your tax money goes to people who cheat the system (well that part is true, but it’s not who they say it is, so let me rephrase), to let them convince you that individual people with drug problems are cheating the system when it’s really the wealthy people in power who are doing it,

to let them convince you that Fox News Channel is real news and everything else is fake news,

voting and bragging about voting for a vagina grabbing, disability mocking, labor cheating, bullying liar, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera,

bending over backward to convince themselves and others that their vote for him was okay,

supporting people who voted for a pedophile (to be fair, this is ingrained by many churches – see above reference to priests),

supporting Bret Kavanaugh and defending his hysterical outbursts while vilifying his accuser who was calm and rational,

losing their minds when a liberal celebrity does something bad and keeping silent when a conservative does the same exact thing,

worshiping a flag while ignoring the abuses of people of color,

cutting the funding of a place women can go to get birth control so they won’t need an abortion,

overlooking that fact because that clinic performs abortions,

fighting to keep sex education and birth control out of schools because they are afraid their daughters will use it to be promiscuous, which is also an unconscious excuse to cut funding for Planned Parenthood (don’t think much of their own daughters, do they?),

fighting to make sure the unborn get born and then turning a blind eye to their plight…

Watching my female conservative friends and family doing all of these things and more is what has finally convinced me that females are inferior to men. At least some of us are.

I pray that one day all females will learn to think for themselves. Until then, I will fight for us and I know my liberal friends, both male and female, will fight for us so that American women don’t all end up with our rights stripped away, new legislation about acceptable women’s clothing in public, and need the constant escort of a male family member to remain pure.

P.S. Some of you may not realize this is satire, so rest assured, parts of it are. It is up to you to figure out which parts. If you need help, ask a liberal.

Women discussing women in 1961 - Australia

You know you want it!

In Wealth We Trust

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 18:09:00 +0000

People with disabilities, their parents, their caregiver, and other loved-ones often lament about how, in a country seemingly built on Christian morals, our most vulnerable people are the first to be ignored and cut out of budgets when deficits are being reduced for “fiscal responsibility.” When you look at how and by whom our government was formed, you see a stark reality: that a government of the people, by the people, and for the people was never actually part of the agenda. An illusion was sold to Americans in the form of The Bill of Rights in order for the wealthiest Americans to take control and hold control in perpetuity. Class conflict is what Americans continue to accept as long as we continue to allow our current election process to remain in place. Politics is spiritual and very personal, and we the people need to take control, once for all, in order to truly have a more perfect Union of true equality and mutual satisfaction.

The arcane and antiquated presidential election process, the electoral college, elected Donald Trump as president over the popular vote winner Hillary Clinton, in 2016. The same arcane, antiquated process elected John Quincy Adams over popular vote winner Andrew Jackson in 1824, Rutherford Hayes over popular vote winner Samuel Tilden in 1876, Benjamin Harrison over popular vote winner Grover Cleveland in 1886, and George W. Bush over popular vote winner Al Gore in 2000.

That’s five times in America’s brief history that our own Constitution silenced the will of the American people.

The only votes that mattered in any of these five elections were the majority votes in key states. And that’s exactly how our wealthy elite Founding Fathers wanted it. The number of elites compared to the masses of average means were few and they knew it. They did not trust the American people to elect someone of elite status to the presidency.

Many of the things I am putting in this post from here forward are written in a book called A People’s History of the United States, by Howard Zinn. Some I have directly quoted, some I have paraphrased. The chapter I refer to is called A Kind of Revolution, and my information comes specifically from pages 90 to 99. The entire chapter, pages 77 to 102, is shocking! I highly recommend you read it. The parts I have borrowed from the book are in American Typewriter font. My own thoughts and words will remain in Georgia font.

In the early twentieth century, historian Charles Beard wrote about his view of our Constitution in his book, An Economic Interpretation of the Constitution:

Inasmuch as the primary object of a government, beyond the mere representation of physical violence, is the making of the rules which determine the property relations of members of society, the dominant classes whose rights are thus to be determined must perforce (inevitably)obtain from the government such rules as are consonant with the larger interests necessary to the continuance of their economic processes, or they must themselves control the organs of government.

In short, Beard said, the rich must, in their own interest, either control the government directly or control the laws by which government operates. When studying the history of our Founding Fathers, Beard found that, of the fifty-five men who gathered in Philadelphia in 1787 to draw up the Constitution, all were wealthy, land owners, slave owners, professionals in manufacturing or shipping, lawyers, had money loaned out at interest, and forty of them held government bonds. They each had financial interests in the articles that went into the Constitution and in the way elections were held in order to keep the wealthy in power. And he noted that four groups of people were not represented in the Constitutional Convention: slaves, indentured servants, women, and men without property. Beard did not feel the Founding Fathers wrote the constitution to benefit themselves personally, but rather to benefit the wealthy groups they represented.

But it did benefit them personally. And, the four groups of human beings that were not represented says a lot about the mindset of our Founding Fathers.

By 1780, resentment began to grow in western towns of Massachusetts against the legislature in Boston. The new Constitution of 1780 had raised the property qualifications for voting, they refused to issue paper money – as had been done in some other states such as Rhode Island – to make it easier for debt-ridden farmers to pay off their debts, and no one could hold office without being quite wealthy. In other counties, the local governments were holding court proceedings to seize the cattle of farmers who could not pay their debts, to take away their land, now full of grain and ready for harvest. Over the next several years, local sheriffs in other states, as well as Massachusetts, had to put together militias of men to guard the judges of these court proceedings because the locals were coming by the thousands, over and over again, to stop the courts from taking their properties. Many of the men who stood on the side of the farmers and rebels were veterans of the Revolutionary War who had been made promises after the war by the newly formed government; promises that went unkept. Fights broke out between the people and the legislators and courts, and properties of the wealthy were destroyed in efforts to gain some rights from a government who sought to keep its wealthy boot on the necks of the lower classes.

It was the attitude of the wealthy aristocrats that the lower classes could not be trusted to choose their leaders or to make any decisions regarding the running of the government.

Alexander Hamilton, at the Constitutional Convention, suggested that a President and Senate be chosen for life. He had this to say about the classes:

All communities divide themselves into the few and the many. The first are the rich and well-born, the other the mass of the people. The voice of the people has been said to be the voice of God; and however generally this maxim has been quoted and believed, it is not true in fact. The people are turbulent and changing; they seldom judge or determine right. Give therefore to the first class a distinct permanent share of the government… Can a democratic assembly who annually revolve in the mass of the people be supposed steadily to pursue the public good? Nothing but a permanent body can check the imprudence of democracy.

The Convention did not take his suggestion on offices held for life, but it did not allow popular elections, either. Thus, the Constitution provided that Presidents be elected by an electoral college, and for the Supreme Court to be appointed by the President.

In New York, there were fierce debates over ratification of the Constitution. This led to what is now known as the Federalist Papers which began as a series of newspaper articles written anonymously by James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, and John Jay. Madison argued that to keep the peace a large republic ranging over thirteen states would make it more difficult “for all who feel it to discover their own strength, and to act in unison with each other…. The influence of factious leaders may kindle a flame within their particular States but will be unable to spread a general conflagration through the other States.”

But, whose peace did they actually intend to keep?

He spells it out, actually: “A rage for paper money, for an abolition of debts, for an equal division of property, or for any other improper or wicked project, will be less apt to pervade the whole body of the Union than a particular member of it.”Who had a rage for paper money? The masses. Who wanted an equal division of property? The masses. Who classified these desires as improper and wicked? The elite wealthy few.

Howard Zinn writes, “When economic interest is seen behind the political clauses of the Constitution, then the document becomes not simply the work of wise men trying to establish a decent and orderly society, but the work of certain groups trying to maintain their privileges, while giving just enough rights and liberties to enough of the people to ensure popular support.”

Isn’t that exactly what our wealthy politicians do to this very day? They keep things as unequal as possible between the elites and the average Americans by keeping us off kilter when speaking of our rights in campaign speeches during election cycles. They make us feel like we have some control, even though we actually have very little. They only need the popular vote in certain states during an election. They don’t need it everywhere. So, if they can keep us focused on our rights – like gun ownership, religion, free speech, etc. – and make us feel empowered, they keep winning and we keep losing. Even when we win, we lose because the fix was in right from the start.

Madison, Jefferson, and Monroe belonged to the Democrat-Republican Party (no, I am not making that up), while Hamilton, Washington, and Adams belonged to the Federalist Party. Both parties agreed on the aims of this new government they were forming. Hamilton wrote in the Federalist Papers that this new Union would be able to “repress domestic faction and insurrection.”Which they feared due to the violent rebellions I included above.

In the Federalist Papers #63, someone – either Hamilton or Madison – wrote, “a well-constructed Senate is sometimes necessary as a defense to the people against their own temporary errors and delusions… there are particular moments in public affairs when the people, stimulated by some irregular passion, or some illicit advantage, or misled by the artful misrepresentations of interested men, may call for measures which they themselves will afterwards be the most ready to lament and condemn… In these critical moments, how salutary will be the interference of some temperate and respectable body of citizens in order to check the misguided career, and to suspend the blow meditated by the people against themselves, until reason, justice, and truth can regain their authority over the public mind?”

The wealthy slaveholders of the South and moneyed interests of the North worked together to give all the power to the wealthy and ensured that the middle class – the majority of Americans – helped them keep it. They sold this Constitution, and the protections it afforded to the wealthy elites, to the middle class through the writing of The Bill of Rights. Small property owners, middle-income mechanics, and farmers helped to keep the power out of the hands of the poorest whites, the blacks, and the Indians through their belief that the Bill of Rights would work to protect them.

Looking back at the last 200 plus years we can see how the rights of the average person are truly affected when the elite class has all the power. Most Americans today want protections and funding for people with disabilities, an increase in the minimum wage, the minimum wage tied to inflation, more protections in healthcare and their costs, common sense gun control laws (which we used to have, but they have been eroded for profit), but so far, the desires of average Americans have taken a backseat to the interests of the wealthy ruling class. They continue to pander to the wealthy insurance companies, corporations, the NRA, and Wall Street executives and continue to ignore the desires of the working class. This is, in part, a result of the American people allowing a special group of people to outweigh the popular vote, through the electoral college. We have amended the Constitution over time to give voting rights to women and black people. At times we have passed laws supposedly to ensure the rights of minorities. However, in recent years, with the continued elections of wealthy, white people into our government at all levels, and the growing numbers of minority populations in our country, we have seen efforts to erode the voting rights of minorities.

The recent election is the most blatant example of how the electoral college hurts the masses of American people. Both candidates are very wealthy, but the electoral college gave the presidency to the one who is crude, rude, insulting, racist, and a mega-elitist, whom the American people clearly did not want to be governed by. And, this racist president, as well as the double election of the former president who happens to be black, has emboldened white, wealthy office-holders all across this country to enact legislation making voting much more difficult for the poorest Americans, many of whom are minority populations or have fallen into poverty due to the last giant recession. It has given more power to people who are more concerned with wealth than with the rights and welfare of our citizens. It has emboldened them to further erode protections we have gained in every facet of life. The American people voted for a person they felt more secure to protect their rights and personal liberties, but the electoral college ignored 3 million of those votes. Given that, it is really not difficult to understand how our loved ones with disabilities are so easily ignored by our government.

The fact that the only candidates we ever get to choose from are wealthy says a lot about the election process designed by our wealthy Founding Fathers. For our government to truly be run by the people and for the people we need to elect candidates who are committed to abolishing the electoral college. This needs to be our single most important issue in the upcoming mid-term election, as well as the next several elections. Until we abolish the electoral college, we the people will continue to be governed by elites who have their own best interests at heart.

#GreedIsTheEnemyOfThePeople

Breaking Bad

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 24 Aug 2018 20:35:00 +0000

Wisdom tells us that everything is at it should be. It tells us that there are purposes to everything even though we can’t always see what it is. I used to think that when clergy members were asked why bad things happen and they gave the answer, we can never know God’s plan, that it is was a big load of BS. I now understand what they mean. There is a macro view of the world that we can’t see. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is a universal law. I don’t know if God’s handwriting is already written in the stars, as they say, but I believe that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Each person makes choices in life. Each choice comes with a consequence – good or bad – and it is all connected.

“We are all different. There is no such thing as a standard or run-of-the-mill human being, but we share the same human spirit.” ~ Stephen Hawking

My husband and I recently watched every episode of Breaking Bad in a three-week time span. When you watch a full series from start to finish so quickly, it becomes easy to see all of the things we can learn from the various events. Things that may not seem connected if viewed over a longer time period suddenly stand out as being completely connected. The connections between people – some of whom don’t even know each other exist – are startling. My husband and I were fascinated by the story as it unfolded, as well as the brilliant writing and acting. If you watched the series on television over a long period of time I would urge you to watch it again over a short period of time. You will be fascinated by what you notice. Seemingly random events are tied together as the results of decisions made by each character. Watching the whole series fast helps to keep every event in your mind so you can see how it all ties together. It is a truly fascinating, crazy and sometimes funny show.

In case you have never seen it, the story is about a middle-aged man named Walter White and his much younger business partner, Jesse Pinkman. Walter is a mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher who is turning fifty years old. He has a beautiful family; a loving wife who is pregnant with their second child and a teenage son who has Cerebral Palsy, and other family members who play prominent roles in his life. When the story opens we see Walter and Jesse in a crazy situation and we have to keep watching to find out what happens and how this craziness all came about in the first place. We learn that before this crazy situation started Walter learned some news that changed his life and the lives of his entire family. Rather, he changed their lives based on the ensuing choices he made. His rationale behind every choice is clear and on the surface seems justified, at least in his own mind. He sets aside right and wrong at every turn. He is clearly stuck in his head, unable to step back and take a look at the lies he tells himself. He justifies every action he takes as having good intentions towards his family.

“Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” ~ Oscar Wilde

As I watched the beginning of the story and Walter began to make some bad decisions and choices, even knowing some of the reasons he made those choices, I couldn’t help but wonder how he could justify some of the extreme behavior. It did not seem rational for him to make the leaps he made. Then we learn more information about his background and one more piece of the puzzle comes into view. Things from his past come to his awareness once again to help him justify his behavior in his own mind.

We make a connection with the characters right from the start of the show. The writers use humor in some extreme situations that we would not normally find funny and this helps us to connect with the main characters. After all, you never want to think badly of someone you like. There are characters in the show that we should be completely sympathetic with; they do all the right things that we would expect them to do in society, but we do not sympathize with them because we already sympathize the main characters. We see the pain of the main characters much more clearly than the others. It is stunning when you realize that you have a different view than the one you normally would in a real-life situation. You find yourself wondering how you could root for the people you are rooting for! We respond to the main characters in the opposite way we normally would. However, we do that because we understand their rationale and the reasoning behind their actions. As you follow the story you can understand why Walter and Jesse think the way they think and how they justify their choices and actions. You get to know them and you get to like them. They are charming, funny, vulnerable, loving and they are relatable to the average person. You understand their hardships and you cheer their triumphs. You can see a little bit of yourself or someone you know in their characters. And that right there is one of our connections to every other human being on the planet.

In our lives, we don’t get to know every other person that lives. We don’t see the world from the macro view and that makes it difficult to understand people’s behavior at times. We don’t get to see their lives unfold the way we do in a television show or movie. Usually, we know one little detail about a person – their huge mistake – and from that one detail we make a severe judgment. When someone does something wrong, or when someone has a bad attitude we don’t stop to think of what might have led them to become the person they are. We don’t stop to think about how they might be rationalizing it in their mind. We forget that the events we go through in our lives help to shape who we are and the choices we make. No one on earth can say they have made the right choice in every situation they have faced. However, even while knowing this, we are still quick to judge others for their mistakes. We never want to feel like we may be even remotely similar to someone who has made a huge mistake, especially when they have harmed people.

There are some people whose actions and choices we must deal with as a society and some choices are horrific. When horrific events occur we want immediate comfort. We are told, in the words of Fred Rogers, to look for the helpers. That is fine in the short term, but it does nothing for our society. It makes us feel good at the moment. And labeling the person as a monster does too, but it causes us to ignore the broader issue of what happened in that person’s life to get them to that horrific point in their life. If we remember that we don’t know the struggles of the person committing the offense and we examine our own choices as well as our sympathy for criminal characters in entertainment, we will stop seeing them as monsters, different from ourselves. You might think the only reason you feel comfortable liking and rooting for a criminal character on a show is because you know it’s not real. However, I will bet there has been a time when you judged someone’s actions and later discovered a little more about their background and felt some sympathy for them. When we know what someone has been through, empathy comes more easily. We can hold a person accountable for their actions while still recognizing that they are a person with a history we don’t know. We can acknowledge that given the same set of life circumstances we might have behaved the same way they did. You just never know. Of course, I am not saying we should suddenly condone and accept criminal behavior. I am saying we need to take a step back from our initial judgment of things that happen in our society and look at the history of the individuals involved. We should try to remember that we don’t know their full story. We may never know it, but this is one reason to suspend our judgment and look for reasons to show compassion.

“You teach people how to treat you.” ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

One of the things that stood out to me in Breaking Bad was that very few of the characters loved themselves. Many of the characters had low self-esteem and tried desperately to make themselves feel more worthy of respect and love. The one person that seemed to accept himself completely was Walter’s son. He spoke his mind and told the truth about how he felt in every situation. Walter, Jr. never sugar-coated his words. He has CP but it did not get him down. He felt no need to overcompensate for what others might see as his problems. There is a scene where some kids were making fun of him and he felt hurt by it, but he just tried to ignore them. He seemed to be the only character who understood that respect starts from within. If Walter or Jesse loved and respected themselves, they never would have gone to the lengths they did to get it from others. Walter had the love of his family, but that was not enough since he did not feel it for himself. He felt unworthy in his own mind because of events from his past and decisions he made in the past. He compared himself to others and felt that he lacked what they had achieved financially and professionally, never stopping to see the true abundance of love in his life. He felt stupid and small which caused him to try to build himself up. He rarely stood up for himself if a family member put him down, but he did not tolerate that behavior from his business associates. He was okay with his family not knowing how powerful he was, as long as he and others he did business with knew it. He taught each group how to treat him and he understood that, when it came to his business, but he refused to stand up for himself with his family, at least for most of the series.

“The truth will set you free, but labor pains are involved.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Walter lived a double life and had to put on a show in both worlds. In one world he had to be gentle and kind, acting as if nothing were different from before, but in the other world, he had to be ruthless – the complete opposite of how his family saw him. I found myself wanting him to behave in the appropriate way for every situation, for his own well being. This is what we do when we like someone. We make excuses or accept the excuses they give us, and we put up with a lot of bad behavior sometimes because we want them to be okay. We don’t want to make things harder for them by refusing to accept their excuses or to challenge them. We believe that by accepting it we are helping them, but the reality is that we are enabling them to self-destruct much more slowly than they would otherwise. We help them push the lesson they need to learn farther down the road.

“True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it understands that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The façade came naturally to Walter, but the other characters did not always have a good poker face. Behind closed doors, they fell apart and in some cases they fell apart right out in the open, causing others to question what was going on. When we do what we know is wrong, it affects us deeply. When we don’t really buy the excuses being made, either by someone else or ourselves, it takes a toll on our physical and psychological health. This is how the mind-body connection works.

If we were all to simply act from love – doing the right, moral thing in the name of love – no matter how difficult it is, no matter how hurt someone might be at first, our lives would improve greatly. Initially, it would feel like self-destruction. During the destruction phase, the ego would start to go crazy second-guessing. The problem is we don’t always know the right thing to do. On the surface, one thing looks right, but looking closer, something else looks right. The trick is to keep the long term in mind, remembering that taking the easy way now won’t help someone later, and what will look like harm to them now will be the best thing for them later. Doing the right thing is hard for the ego. We live in short-term self-preservation mode. This is where faith comes in. The entire Bible shows us one example after another of people doing the wrong thing, the consequences of it, and then it shows someone doing the right thing and the miracles arising out of that.

A Course in Miracles says that a miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love. We must look past the fear of what might happen now and act with love for the long term. We cannot stand in the way of someone else’s miracle if we want our own miracles to happen. Marianne Williamson explains it much better than I:

“Just like the embryo turns into a baby and a bud blossoms, your life is already programmed in the mind of God to its highest creative possibilities. The blueprint is already there. It’s like a file in a computer. If my heart is not open I can’t download the possibility on earth as it is in heaven. It’s an undeletable file, but if I don’t bring it down to the screen, if I stay in bitterness, what I get on the screen is bitter. That doesn’t mean it’s not in the computer… It’s an undeletable file. The title of that file is God’s Will.”

The situations depicted in Breaking Bad are extreme examples. Other than standing by and watching someone hurt an innocent person, I believe God’s will is to allow every person to make their choices and mistakes, so God can best lead them to Love. Every person on this earth is doing the very best they can at the time. While it seems some are failing completely, they are on a path that only they can follow. As painful as it may be to watch or to live through, sometimes the most loving thing we can do for them is to get out of the way and let God handle it.

Love to all!

Belong to the Truth

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Tue, 17 Jul 2018 00:26:00 +0000

“Jesus speaks of those “who belong to the truth.” It is not something you say, but something you own. You belong to it. It is rooted in self-acceptance and open-hearted awareness.” Gregory Boyle in Barking to the Choir

We know the truth deep in our bones when we hear it or read it. We know it. It makes our heart soar with glee and our eyes beam with love. When it is a truth we are not comfortable with, that doesn’t fit our political or economic agenda, it feels like a stab to our heart or to our gut. This is when we let the false-self take over our thinking and look for, sometimes even conjure up in our own minds, a reason or reasons for it not to be true or at least for it to be acceptable to ignore. We don’t want to know that we have supported something bad. But, we still know. The truth knocks on the door of our heart each time we hear it and we must continue to bar the door, to be blind to it, to keep our Self from belonging to it.

Be one who belongs to the truth. Fight for the truth. No matter the cost to your ego. I know it hurts, but not for long. When you belong to the truth you are protected by peace. I know this because I had to fight my own ego so that my Self could belong to the truth. I still do sometimes. It gets easier. And I am at peace because I know that I belong to the truth. I will not allow my ego to tether me to a lie. Some of the truths I had to belong to were under Obama. He supported things that hurt innocent people, like TPP and Monsanto. I also had to be truthful with myself about the ways my political party has tricked me into supporting some things. And, so should you. It does not mean you are a traitor to your party. We cannot betray someone who was never loyal to your values. They have already betrayed your trust. No matter what party you support, they spin, they manipulate, they fear monger, they propagandize. “When we see clearly, we behave impeccably,” says Sylvia Boorstein, a Buddhist teacher.

You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. People in politics like to use that sentence to make their bipartisan point. But an honest bipartisan sentence would go like this: When you stand for someone, you’re likely to fall for anything. We put party and politicians over policy in politics, but it is the policy that should matter, not the party or the politician. Your true Self knows good policy when you hear it. Often, our ego distracts us from that truth with, “Yea, but…” What is happening right now in our country, in this administration, has happened before in history here and around the world. These same types of events led to some horrific, murderous, genocidal acts. We can change the trajectory, but we all must belong to the truth in order to do that. Stop turning a blind eye to suffering children. Stop making excuses for it and other things this president is doing. James Baldwin wrote, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” Let your heart face it.

Belong to the truth.

The Washington Spin Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sat, 02 Jun 2018 14:16:00 +0000

Politicians tell us stories spun with blue and with red.

They talk and they shout, tryin’ to get inside your head.

This time around, they ain’t doin’ nothin’ new,

‘Cause two women said some things that were both really crude.

Racism, Roseanne Barr. Name calling, Samantha Bee.

The reds support Barr ‘cause Trump’s their millionaire;

They say Samantha Bee should be taken off the air.

Blues say they oughta just let Samantha be

‘Cause Rosie is a racist, that’s the difference. Don’t ya see?

Spin, that is. Anything goes. No holds barred.

The Washington Spin Stories!

Well, now it’s time to right our heads.

Forget ‘bout all their spin.

Their rhetoric divides us all.

Keeps Truth from gettin’ in.

The Truth must overcome our politicality,

‘cause both these things are wrong,

Says the Bible we all read.

Think on it. Pray a spell. Take your lenses off.

We’re all God’s kids now! Y’hear?

This is my silly little song about the current political spinning of events that keeps us distracted and divided. This kind of thing makes us label and distrust one another. But if we take a good hard look at what is right and wrong and refuse to accept what is wrong no matter how someone else spins it, we will be able to move forward together. Typically, we know something wrong when we hear it, but we let politicians change our minds and make it okay. We have to start doing our own thinking. Wrong is wrong. Period.

“[We] can’t change what [we] don’t acknowledge.” ~ Dr. Phillip McGraw

Have a beautiful June, Friends!

Mothers in Wonderland

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sun, 13 May 2018 02:46:00 +0000

I recently encountered the classic story of Alice in Wonderland. I had never seen or read it before. It struck me that this life is all a Wonderland. We each have our own dream we are trying to wake up from, our own Jabberwock to slay, our own times of feeling larger than life, and our own moments of feeling tiny and insignificant. Mothers of children with disabilities fall through the rabbit hole and find ourselves in a strange land where the learning curve is very steep. What potion must we drink to fit through this tiny door to get services for our kids? What cake should we eat so we can grow large and grab that key to open the door?

We must learn quickly in order to help our children. Each of us is running from our own Bandersnatch – our own unique inner struggles. Our children with disabilities have a brilliant way of bringing them to the surface, don’t they?

Some mothers encounter the White Rabbit luring us to the rabbit hole by our natural desire to become a mother. Others are lured by the desire to help a child in need; a child they fall in love with and want to bring into their family, knowing full well the challenges and joys that are ahead. No matter how we came here, we have fallen, head over heels, into this Wonderland of strange, scary, exhilarating experiences. Our children with special needs force us to grow. Whether we grow kicking and screaming through life or smoothly and easily, we mature into the people we are supposed to become.

Along Alice’s journey, she keeps repeating to herself that all she has to do is pinch herself and she can wake up to end the dream and the fear. That is what we all must do. Wake up from the dream, become aware of all the fearful parts of our ego in order to end the fear. That is what our children can help us do. They challenge us with every fear we have and some we never knew we had. They make our fears appear larger than a Jabberwock by making us confront issues and people. Our love for our children is the Vorpal Sword we use to slay those fears. The desire to help them succeed is the cake that grows us larger than life so we can do what needs to be done for them, whether it's standing up for their rights, or fighting for treatments they need. The potion we drink to get small enough to watch and listen for what they need is our natural motherly instinct. We have to learn by trial and error to trust this instinct, even when the Dormouse is telling us we are not the one who can do this; that other moms have it all under control and that we are a mess.

The Red Queens in our dream want control and power. They may appear as our spouse, our parent, our sibling, or our friend. They will push us in this direction and pull us in that direction, trying to make us do what they think is right for our kids. The Bandersnatch chases us toward the Red Queen with our inner doubts and fears. Sometimes we want to hand it over to someone else, to let someone else take responsibility for our children’s future. Eventually, we discover that to tame this Bandersnatch, we must be kind and compassionate with ourselves and with those who try to guide us with their own fears. Alice dreamed this same dream over and over throughout her life. We must also. In her journey through Wonderland at age nineteen, she sees the Oraculum, a prophetic scroll, which shows her slaying the Jabberwock as a child. Through our lives, fears must be overcome, doubts about ourselves in new roles must be overcome, and these Jabberwocks must be slain again and again.

As we grow with our children through these new experiences, we gain the wisdom we need to react like the Cheshire Cat, grinning from ear to ear when the Tweedledees and Tweedledums of this world say inappropriate things about our kids. And poof! We evaporate from the lives of people who refuse to understand and accept our children the way they are. Our Wonderland is filled with a group of people, some family, some professionals – teachers, therapists, and doctors – who become our Mad Hatters; imparting knowledge, support, and encouragement when we need it most. These people are crazy enough to believe our kids can reach higher and go farther in life. They help us believe it, too. I was most fortunate to have a Bayard the Bloodhound in my life; my son’s middle school teacher, who worked with me from inside the Red Queen’s army to help me prepare for battle with knowledge the Queen did not want me to have. I am forever grateful for her.

Sometimes professionals, family members, or friends appear in our lives as the Dormouse making us feel unimportant or wrong. Fortunately, peppered throughout our dream, the wise caterpillar, Absolem, appears. Absolem challenges us to discover who we are until we recognize, finally, that we are the ultimate authority of our own children – strong, brave, fearless mothers who will fight for our kids with every fiber of our being. And, if we persevere, we win. Our children win because we are their mothers. Pat yourself on the back, Brave Woman! For you have made it this far through Wonderland. Keep going. Eventually, you will slay the Jabberwock by realizing you have awakened within the dream; that inside you lives all the characters present in Alice in Wonderland; that you already have the Vorpal Sword. All you have to do is hold on.

Happy Mother's Day

R-Word Bullies

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 06 Apr 2018 19:33:00 +0000

People in the disability community get very upset when someone uses the R-word as an insult. For the past few years, we have all been trying to educate the public about how that word makes our loved ones feel. I don’t like to hear the word used as an insult. It makes me cringe every time. Many people gently educate others when they hear the word used as an insult, but there are some people who use the opportunity to bully the offenders. So, this blog post is not about the people who use the R-word as an insult. It is about the people who bully others when they use the word.

Recently, I read an article about a famous person whose wife used the R-word to insult herself during a video they were taping together in their home. The famous husband defended his wife in the comments after the public lashed out at her for using the word. Then the public lashed out at him, too. The couple happened to be black and some of the comments took on a racist tone. Some of the comments were worse than her use of the R-word because the comments were intended to hurt people. This woman’s use of the R-word was not intended to hurt anyone. She was not intentionally making fun of a person with disabilities.

It is never okay to use the R-word as an insult toward yourself or anyone else. I want that to be perfectly clear.

It is also never okay to bully anyone. It does not matter what they did or said because bullying is never okay. Ever.

There have been many times when family members and friends have used the R-word as an insult right in front of me and my son. I don’t fly off the handle and call them names. I don’t even say anything to them when they do it, even though it crushes me, especially when Josh is there and hears it, too. No one has ever used it in front of me to insult Josh or another person with intellectual disability, however. I would definitely say something about that, but I would not bully them. First, I’m not a bully. Second, you can’t teach someone not to bully others by bullying them. Third, it makes you look as immature as you think they are.

It is fine to say something to the person to educate them about the R-word, but be mindful of the person's intention for saying the word. Most people are not using it to hurt someone. They are making a joke. Yes, I know it’s not funny. Yes, I know it hurts people with disabilities. It hurts me, too. But to them, it is a simple, harm free joke. When they use it to insult themselves or a friend, they are not thinking about how it will affect someone with an intellectual disability. Most of the time, it slips out without a thought because they have used the word this way their entire lives. A situation like that can be a good opportunity to teach someone, in a gentle way, not to use that word to insult themselves or others. Bullying them, calling them names, ranting about how angry it makes you, just makes you look bad. It won’t make them want to stop using the word.

When you are dealing with a famous person, or someone you don’t know, keep in mind, it is possible they have never met anyone with an intellectual disability. It is not on their radar like it is on ours. Even when a person knows someone with an intellectual disability, they might not be around them enough to know how offensive the word is in our community. I still hear people use the word midget, which is offensive to little people, and I hear people using sexual slurs, too. These don't push our personal buttons like the R-word does, but they are offensive words. Most of us don't feel the need to bully others when we hear these words being used, but we think bullying is okay when we are defending people with disabilities. It's not okay. Awareness about the R-word has not been around as long as awareness about the N-word, so we need to give it more time and continue to respond peacefully when we hear the R-word, rather than reacting impulsively.

Even when someone uses the R-word to insult someone with a disability, don’t stoop to their level by bullying them. That is just as bad as intentionally making fun of someone with disabilities.

If you want to help educate someone, make sure educating them is your intention. When we lash out after hearing the R-word, we often intend to hurt someone the way they have hurt us. Or, we simply don’t like that person and want to embarrass them. You have to decide what kind of person you want to be. If you want to be a peaceful person, educate others in a peaceful way. Give them alternative words to replace the R-word. And if you decide that lashing out makes you feel better in the moment, then don’t be surprised if you get offended a lot more often. The world is your mirror.

True Stories

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 16 Feb 2018 20:33:00 +0000

A boy, the youngest of six kids, lived with his single mom and siblings in Indianapolis. His mom had a good job and owned a house. She lost the job and the house. She moved her family out west to Los Angeles where she got another apartment. A short time later they had to move to a smaller apartment. This happened several more times until, eventually, they were living on Skid Row. One day the boy sees a group of children getting on a school bus. He wants to go with those children. The mother tells him that if he does, she and the family will not be there when he returns. He follows the bus to school, but when he gets there he learns a parent must bring you and enroll you in the school. He goes back to his family on skid row, but they are gone. He looks and looks for them, but he does not find them. He is now on his own, on Skid Row, in the city of Los Angeles. He is seven years old.

It is several years before the boy gets discovered and helped by human services. He is moved into several different foster homes over the course of his young life. Each of them physically abused him repeatedly. He ended up in a gang and in and out of jail.

That is part of one of the true stories I read last night before going to sleep. I woke before the sun this morning, haunted by it; my mind wandering into the depths of his despair and the decisions he made because of that despair. The gang became his family. Each gang member is a young boy or girl who has no other family willing or able to protect them, so they form a family and protect each other.

I’ve read this over and over in other gang member’s stories. Who else will be their family? When we see them with their white, brown, or black skin, tattooed and pierced, and their gang clothing, we see trouble. And we want no part of it. We feel okay about that because they are violent criminals.

There is a popular social media meme that says some version of – Never Judge Someone, You Don’t Know Their Story. Or, You Don’t Know the Pain They Carry. Or, You’ve Never Walked in Their Shoes. And so on… We judge gang members for their criminal behavior without knowing their stories.

You just read one heartbreaking story.

It is easy to see how a seven-year-old boy, abandoned on skid row and abused by every foster home he enters, finds his way into a gang, but, the ego says someone is to blame. We turn our judgment toward the mother who abandoned him. Surely, she is to blame, not us. We have yet to hear her story.

To this day she lives under a bridge in Los Angeles. She has schizophrenia. Who is to blame for that?

I remember a Lisa Ling show I saw on the homeless population in Los Vegas. There was the story of a woman who had been given a chance to move into an apartment. She was not sure she would take it because she was caring for several wild cats and did not want to abandon them. She did take the apartment and whatever help they gave her. After three or six months she disappeared, though. She was mentally ill. In that same show, a couple of men were interviewed who seemed perfectly fine. It seemed like they were just choosing not to work and to live on the streets. I kept thinking, “What causes a person to want to live like that?” Across from a homeless camp, beyond a wall and a highway, the hotels and casinos towered above the camp. All that wealth on one side and complete poverty on the other.

In a documentary I watched recently, a young man travels the country on foot, saying he is free from the hassles associated with a typical 9 to 5 sort of life. He is young, handsome, and white. People love talking to him, offering to help him with money and food. Some people invite him to stay with them overnight. He seems happy and free. Over the course of several years, he comes to grips with his mental illness and admits his homeless life is not by choice. How can he work a typical 9 to 5 job when the voices in his head overwhelm him multiple times each week? We expect him to fit into our model of what a worker should look like and act like. It is true a worker needs to fulfill a commitment because a job needs to get done. That is why they get paid. But, why do compassion and understanding leave someone’s heart just because they become a business owner? There is a solution. We just need to be creative enough to find it.

The story we tell to make ourselves feel better is that you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. Why is that? When you try to help someone, every agency you turn to, every mental health professional you speak with says the same thing: Unless they are a threat to themselves or others we cannot do anything, even if they are homeless. I guess in America we do not consider homelessness a threat to a person. Our mindset does not deem lack of shelter a threat. I cannot wrap my mind around that.

The law requires physical harm before it will intervene because people used to have women committed to mental institutions for various reasons. It was pretty easy to convince doctors that a woman was mentally ill. So, we changed the law to protect women and we created another problem. The people who really do need help can’t get it. Righting one wrong creates another simply because people can’t be trusted to do the right thing by each other.

Some people with brutal lives find the strength to survive and eventually to heal:

A recovering gang member tells how he fed himself and his little brother for two months by placing themselves on the porches of their neighbors and refusing to leave until they were given food. This happened after their mother rented an apartment, set them down inside it, lock the door as she left, never to be seen again. If I remember this story correctly, they were five and two years old. Maybe they were seven and five. Either way, that's way too young to have to fend for yourself. We do not know the mother's story.

A gang member, carrying a gun, walks in front of a church and stops to cross himself. A woman sees this and asks him why he made the sign of the cross. He says, “For protection.” She tells him she thinks that is strange because the community is asking God to protect them from him. After hearing this, he leaves the gang and seeks help to change his life.

A former gang member is asked why he is late to work one day. He says it is because he got a new soap and he lost track of time enjoying the fragrance of it.

Another former gang member retells the story of how he and his girlfriend fought all day as they traveled around the city in his old car doing errands. The car eventually breaks down and they have to wait for three hours for it to be repaired. While they waited, they made a decision to stop fighting and to listen to each other, to renew their commitment to each other. He said talking to her this way for three hours felt like paradise.

We don’t often think of gang members as people who could find paradise in conversation or who get lost in the enjoyment of aroma, much less seek help because of a comment someone made to them. We don’t see them as people. We don’t understand that they have the same feelings and needs we have. We are all connected in this web.

Update: As I read further in this book, I discovered that gang members do not join gangs for companionship or family, as I said earlier. They join because their lives are so hopeless that it makes them want to die. They do not expect to live long after joining a gang. Former gang members come to this realization after they have sought help and treatment for their addictions, their violent behavior, and their extremely low self-esteem. Only after receiving compassion can they look back and see their despair as it truly was.

How can these problems be solved?

A better question is, how can these problems NOT be solved? We live in America!

My mind wanders to Wall Street. All that money floating around. All the wealthy people getting more and more wealthy just because they can, while the poor live in a perpetual state of crisis. One bad thing happening, like their refrigerator breaking down just after they have stocked it with their food stamp money, will put them into a downward spiral. They have no extra money to help in a crisis. They have no savings for emergencies. They do not make a living wage. Many who are capable of acquiring a living wage job – a high paying job, even - cannot control their mental illness long enough to keep it. They end up losing everything they have worked for and achieved. Sounds unlikely, right? I have seen it happen with my own eyes.

We do not want to be bothered with the sight of the homeless, so walls are built between our recreation and their camps. They are asked to leave certain areas of the city where we go to spend our precious dollars. Oh, sure, we put on fancy fundraisers and give money so others can help them. We feel good about that. We did something. We didn’t just ignore them like heartless monsters. And we certainly are not ignoring them when we go to city council meetings to make sure the low-income housing does not get put in our backyard. We are not ignoring them when we push them away. Which is worse?

When did it fail to be our political priority to solve homelessness, to help the mentally ill and the disabled, to give the poor a few extra dollars out of our taxes, to require businesses to pay them a living wage in order to keep them from spiraling? Our politicians claim we lack the money to solve these problems.

The only things we lack are the compassion and the will.

Thanks to Father Gregory Boyle, Founder of Homeboy Industries and writer of Barking to the Choir and Tattoos on the Heart. Many of these true stories came from Barking to the Choir (and I’m only on page 79).

Thank you to This Is Life with Lisa Ling for helping to educate me on many topics of American life.

Thank you to filmmaker Nanfu Wang for her documentary, I Am Another You, which follows a homeless man, shedding light on the plight of the mentally ill and their families.

Things We Take for Granted

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 21:42:00 +0000

There are all kinds of people in this world. Everyone is born with the same rights, but some people’s rights are taken away from them because they cannot make good choices and decisions. It’s just the way things are and we cannot change it. I remember when I first learned I would have to go to court one day and have Joshua’s rights taken away from him. I did not want to believe it. It was horrifying to think about. At that time, I was still in denial about his future lack of abilities, but that was only part of my horror. It felt like doing that to him would kill the dream of his future; like giving up. It felt like all the possibilities would just fade into a puff of smoke and float away. My guardianship of him is for his protection and, in reality, it takes nothing away from him that was not already taken by disability, but hearing about it felt that way at first.

It is frustrating, though, to see people squandering their abilities. We take so much for granted. There are things some people would love to have, do, and/or experience, that others do not think twice about in their daily lives. Some things we think about occasionally, like our senses. We ponder what it would be like to lose one of our senses. We imagine what life would be like if we could not see or hear. We think about everything we would miss being able to see or hear.

What if seeing or hearing hurt? There are people on this earth who see, hear, feel, smell, and/ or taste too well. Their senses overwhelm them. Imagine too much of a good thing. If your senses are just right, be grateful. Don’t take that for granted.

Disability takes our choices away. Every aspect of Joshua’s life – because of the extent of his disability – is out of his control. Imagine that. It horrifies me to think about not having any control of my life at all. The things I decide for myself are precious. I would not give these things a second thought if I did not have to decide these things for my son.

Food – What to eat, when to eat, where to eat, if I eat. People with disabilities have been starved by others who are supposed to be caring for them just so they can get their disability checks.

Sleep – When to get ready for bed, what I wear to bed, where I sleep, who I sleep with.

Bathing – When to bathe, shower or bath, what soap I use, shampoo, conditioner, how hot the water is, how long I stay in there, my privacy.

Hair – What style, what color, when to get it cut, where to get it cut.

Clothes – What clothes to wear each day, when to shop for clothes, what to purchase, how much to spend on clothes.

Spending – What to spend my money on, where to spend it, how much to spend, how much to save, am I allowed to save, how much am I allowed to save, what are the rules for saving this money?

Job – To have a job or not, what job to do. People with disabilities are limited in their job choices, often having to work at below minimum wage jobs in workshops because business refuse to hire them. This seems an awful lot like slavery to me. But still, they are happy to have even this. It beats sitting at home doing nothing. That is actually part of the problem. People know they would rather work for low wages than do nothing at all. Able-bodied people make the choice to take advantage of them.

Free time – What to do with my time, who to spend time with, what type of entertainment to choose, what activities to choose.

Living arrangements – State and city, house or apartment, who to live with, how hot or cold it should be in my house.

Do I go to the doctor and the dentist? If so, who do I go to and how often?

Voting – Do I vote? For whom? I only have this privilege because no one has taken this right away from me.

Driving – Do I drive? What car? Where do I want to go?

Do I use drugs and/or alcohol? How often and how much? This one really gets me. I see people throwing their lives away using drugs and alcohol while many people with disabilities can’t even make this simple choice. They take all of their abilities for granted when they take the risk of harming their brains and their bodies.

I get to make my own schedule. I get to choose if I go out today or stay home.

I get to choose if I want to be a good person or a bad person, a law-abiding citizen or a criminal. People who make the choice of being a criminal take their freedom for granted.

I get to go into any building that is only accessible by stairs because I am able to walk.

I get to choose who touches me and how they touch me. I get to choose to have a sexual partner or not. Many people with disabilities do not get to choose this and many are victims of sexual predators and human trafficking.

I get to choose how I communicate and with whom because I am able to speak and to read and write.

Every person has these same rights, even if they are under the guardianship of someone else. They have to rely on that person and others to help them make choices and not to simply choose for them. If you are a guardian, choose wisely, and give them as many opportunities to choose for themselves as you possibly can. It will make a world of difference in their life.

Every single choice I get to make in my day - each and every day - is a true gift. Don't take your choices for granted.

My Love Button Worthy Facebook page is no more. I deleted it because Facebook would not share my posting unless I paid and I refuse to do that. Check out my recommended reading post at the top of the menu. I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch with the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

News We Need to Know

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Sat, 16 Dec 2017 14:03:00 +0000

Americans often wonder why people around the world hate us or rather hate our government. There are some very good reasons for their hatred of our government that our media often does not tell us. Our media focuses on all the salacious tidbits of nonsense, but they don't tell us things we need to know. In my Open Letter to American Lawmakers, I pointed out many of the ways Congress funds programs for their donors and the excuses they make for not funding programs for our poor, elderly, and people with special needs. Well, here is another bit of news they are not telling us. Two podcasts that will blow your mind and really get you to think. They are not just about the money we spend, but the humanitarian crisis we help to create around the world and the number of civilians and children our government kills around the world. Listen, then if you don't want to believe our government is capable of it, do your own research.

If you take the time to listen, you will be just as outraged as I am. This is not partisan. It is about Democrats and Republicans in our government and the decisions they make around the world that impact innocent people like you and me and our kids.

The Trace Bell Interview

Special Edition the Trace Report

Check out my recommended reading post at the top of the menu. I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch with the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Stuck

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 15 Dec 2017 21:25:00 +0000

There are some days when I feel like I’m crushing it. Like hey, with a little effort, this being a mom of a disabled man thing isn’t really so hard. Those days are very few and far between. So few and so far that I really had to think hard to find an example. And it’s not much. Sometimes I look at the activity brochure that my park district puts out and I figure out what my son might like to do and actually get to the administration building to sign him up. Whoopy! Right? Or, I might look at the weather app on my phone far enough in advance to set a date to do a WorkerBee collection and take all the steps required to make that happen, so that a week or two from now we can have something to do on a Tuesday or Thursday besides going to the grocery store. We will have a beautiful life to post on Facebook and show the world; to mask the way I feel right now.

I feel stuck and I know he feels it, too. He really truly is stuck and that is what breaks my heart the most. He depends on me for every single thing. It is so overwhelming sometimes I don’t think I can stand it. So, I get stuck. I don’t do anything.

I don’t want to wallow in self-pity. That is not good for either of us. But I feel like I’m not good enough to be his mom. I fail him way too much. I imagine what it must be like to be him. It feels horrible. He does not do one single thing unless I make it happen. I am responsible for everything. His breakfast, deciding if he gets a bath, his activities, what he wears, his movies, his lunch, his communication device and showing him how to use it so that maybe one day he will use it to say something and be more independent in choosing everything he wants in his life, including how to live it. That feels like a pipe dream. What is a pipe dream? Why do people say that? Oh my! I just looked it up and it refers to the dreams that people have when smoking opium. Now, that’s funny! I don’t drink in order to avoid not being there for my son, but if ever there was an excuse… A pipe dream sounds pretty damn good right about now. But, no. He needs me.

Anyway, what else am I responsible for? Oh, yes, his dinner, his snacks after trying to get him to eat his dinner, making sure he gets enough fluids, wiping his bottom and his nose, his laundry, taking him to and from activities when there are any, getting ready for bed, filing paperwork for him, making phone calls for him, so he can keep his Medicaid and SSI, figuring out what will happen to him when I’m gone. I have no fucking clue, by the way. I am terrified of that.

So, terrified I want to jump on it and figure it out and so terrified I don’t know where to begin or what to do. Sometimes there’s a meeting about housing for people with disabilities two hours away in the winter on a Thursday evening at 7:00 that none of my friends want to go to because they have family that will care for their child when they are gone. I want to go, but not by myself in the winter on a Thursday night two hours away. I’ve gone before with some friends. I learned stuff, but not enough to make something happen. I need to go to more meetings, but the meetings are not here, where I live, and even if they were my friends would not want to go, to make a plan together for our kids. They don’t need this like I do. I probably would find some excuse not to go either. Because it scares the hell out of me. And so, I fail because I am so scared I can’t function. And it is so not fair. This life is so not fair. For him or for me. But here we are. Stuck.

And what about my life? Whoever thought this would be my life? Not me! Do I want to spend hours researching housing and programs for his future? Did I sign up for this? I envy people who can have a dream and go for it. People who are not stuck. I have dreams and hopes and plans for myself that will never come true. But many of those dreams are because I have him. Without him I would not know what I know now. I hate to think how shallow I would still be without him. He has brought wisdom and growth that I never would have gotten without him. Does it make this suffering worth it? I can’t answer that in this depressed state. I want to say yes, but right now... It feels like a no. To be oblivious would feel like heaven compared to this grief and worry. My grandmother is dying. She is 90. She gets to die knowing that her children are self-sufficient and capable of caring for themselves. I won’t have that. I envy her. Not the dying, but the dying with that peace. But I am grateful for everything I have learned by having my son in my life. Seeing the oblivion of others is not pretty. Knowing I still have some of it is not pretty. But at times like this, I wish I had complete and utter oblivion. I wish I could turn away from his suffering. Now I feel guilty for saying that. Another fail.

So, there are friends of mine who have had a bad experience with a group home for their son and now are having a wonderful experience with a different group home. This gives me hope. Then I remember that waiting lists, and funding, and red tape, and bullshit in Illinois politics… and fear crushes the hope out of me. What makes me so afraid? All the horror stories I’ve heard, but also the fact that if I am failing him, what makes me think someone else won’t fail him worse? I am his mother and I can’t do this! But, some stranger who’s in their 20’s, not married, has no kids; I’m supposed to rely on them making $10.00 an hour to care for my son with challenges? Yes, relying on someone who has no clue sounds really great and optimistic. Eye roll. Hopeless. I am alone. He is alone. We have family, but this is all on me. The weight of the world. The life experience of my 29-year-old son is my responsibility and mine alone.

So, my television is my opium. It takes me into a fantasy world of other fake families who live exciting lives where problems happen, but everything is wonderful by the end of the show. And he gets between me and my TV. He keeps pulling me back to reality where I do not want to be. But, I feel bad for having this refuge, too. It takes my focus off of him, which is bliss for me, but hell for him and so it ends up being hell for me, too. It’s one more way I fail him.

I write this blog to try help other people feel better, but there are times I can’t help myself feel better. It feels hopeless. I feel helpless. And now my head is stuffed up from crying and I’m going to have to lay down to sleep soon. My beautiful boy is sleeping in the next room after this completely dull day where his mom could not make herself do anything other than care for his basic needs. I feel horrible about that. Especially since it was the same exact day as Tuesday. The same as it will probably be on Saturday and God knows how many times over the 18-day break from his day program. Yes, I count the days. I count how many days my failures as his mom will be shoved into my face. No one shoves them in my face, except for me. Every hand wave telling me he wants to go somewhere when there is no place to go is the unintentional reminder of my failure. All he knows is that he wants to leave this dull house and go somewhere. He does not know his pleas are my failure. Every thought I have of what his life could have been like if only…

Will I have the courage to post this for eyes to read? I want the world to know this, but I don’t want my family to know it. They can’t do anything about it. They will read it and feel bad. I don’t want that. I don’t want a conversation about it. I just want to feel it until its gone. I want others who feel it to know they are not alone. But, I also don’t want it to make anyone else feel hopeless.

I know I will get through this dark period. I always do. But my fear feels stronger every time. Probably because time is running out. I won’t live forever and I wake up aching every day now. Arthritis? Fibromyalgia? MS? Just plain old age? Who the hell knows. Today I am stuck, but hopefully tomorrow I won’t feel stuck. We will see.

Thanks for reading this and for just being somewhere out there. It helps to know you are there.

The Devil Wears Politicians

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 16:35:00 +0000

America has been dealt a cruel practical joke by “Christians.” Oh, yes, I very much stand by those quotations around the word Christians. You see, there is a huge difference between a Christian politician and a fake Christian politician. Since I wrote Punk'd, American politics have devolved even further into a fake form of Christianity. You might feel offended by my saying this, but I’m not talking about you unless you are a politician who distorts Christianity for your own gain. Average voters like you and I are victims of these fake Christian politicians. This fake Christianity has been engineered by politicians, with an immoral result: We are gearing up to elect a known alleged pedophile to the Senate of the United States of America, we have elected an admitted sexual predator to the presidency of the United States of America, and we are making excuses for sexual predators in politics and other high-profile jobs because they align with our political party’s agendas. You might think some of these accused men are innocent of the crimes or misconduct they have been accused of. But, I hope you will continue to read this post to the end because there is much more to these issues than we think. It is not my intention to disrespect your beliefs. It is my intention to show you how your very real and moral beliefs may have been infiltrated by fake Christians and blown out of proportion for other’s personal gain.

What does this topic have to do with people with disabilities? A lot, actually. The two are intimately connected, right in front of our eyes, but we have been distracted by one to keep us from looking at the other. Voters are infected by an evil force that eats away at programs for people with disabilities like cancer eats away at a body. That evil force is greed. Greed cuts program funding and funnels those funds to wealthy Americans through subsidies (welfare) for big corporations, tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy, tax exemptions for churches, and through exemptions to a property tax principal called highest and best use. Click here to learn more about the highest and best use exemption.

Both conservatives and liberals are infected. It spreads through political rhetoric and campaigns designed to manipulate our minds. It starts with money in politics. The wealthiest people are able to purchase Democrat and Republican politicians, ensuring they will vote for legislation that will redistribute our country’s wealth, our tax dollars – paid in by the hardest working Americans – upward to the already wealthiest Americans. Sometimes the legislation is to funnel our money directly into the hands of the wealthy through corporate subsidies, aka corporate welfare. High-profit industries like oil, insurance, and pharmaceuticals get paid by the government (our taxes) to do business. It doesn’t stop there. The legislation wealthy people and corporations influence with their political donations can be anything that keeps money in their pockets at your expense: Keeping your wages low, keeping your health insurance premiums high, spending your tax dollars on projects their wealthy donors will be contracted to build and maintain. Recently, the tax cut legislation that passed in the House of Representatives does all these things and more. It has a provision to allow church and state to merge in a way our founding fathers NEVER intended. It repeals The Johnson Amendment which was intended to keep churches and other non-profit organizations from endorsing political candidates.

You might feel like it’s okay for churches to endorse candidates. They pretty much do it anyway because the IRS has only sought to enforce the amendment once but to no avail. The amendment is pretty vague. The problem comes, when large campaign donors, who always have their own greedy agenda, shift their donations from non-deductible political organizations to deductible charities like churches. So, what is wrong with that? Let me put it this way, do you want your pastor, your priest, your Rabbi or your Imam being influenced by some large, greedy corporation? I don’t! The separation of church and state, along with the Johnson Amendment are meant to allow everyone to worship how they choose, and to keep politics and religion from corrupting each other.

Now, you might think your church leaders have much more integrity than that. We all like to think that, don’t we? Consider this: Kankakee Priest Sexual Assault of Man With Intellectual Disability

In addition to that horrifying bit of reality, consider how Jesus threw a hissy-fit in the temple to protest the corruption of religion by government. 2000 years ago, the church leaders had become corrupt with the powers given to them by the government. They were no longer working for God, they were working for the government and themselves. When Jesus went into the temple and turned over the tables and set the sacrificial animals free, he was sending a clear message to the government and the church leaders:

We will no longer accept this unholy alliance of the church and the state.

He did it because the prices of the animals that were to be sacrificed kept going up higher and higher. The profits from selling all those animals were shared by church leaders and the government. Jewish people were required by the religion to make sacrifices to God in the temple, but it kept getting harder and harder for the poor to purchase those animals and be faithful servants of God. Jesus saw this corruption and fought against it. But now, we have fake Christian politicians using Christianity to bring church and state back together in an unholy alliance. They are convincing good people that churches should be allowed to campaign in order to rid the world of the other party’s evil agenda and still be able to keep their tax-exempt status. This might sound wonderful to you. What if the other party were to give more money to your church than your party and began to influence your church leaders to endorse their agenda? This unholy alliance would not sound so great then, would it? It’s always about the money and the insidious ways they use to use to funnel the money upward to the wealthy.

A quote from the USA Today article, which shows how wealthy people will use this repeal to keep from paying taxes on their political contributions:

"This is a really radical revision of the tax laws," said Stephen Spaulding, chief of strategy at the government watchdog group Common Cause, and "it's just ripe for abuse. I think you are going to see all kinds of backroom deals between funders and charities— or future charities that will be set up as sham charities," Spaulding said.

Wealthy people will simply start “charities” of their own in order to get tax deductions on political contributions!

Now that we have covered greed in politics, let’s move on to how voters get infected and distracted from the greed and redistribution of tax dollars by fake Christian politicians in such a way that we lose our moral compass. Keep in mind, greed is always the driving force behind political rhetoric, even when it seems to have nothing to do with the subject at hand. America has already elected an admitted – we all heard the tape – sexually abusive man to the presidency of the United States. Alabama is about to go to the polls and elect an accused pedophile, Roy Moore. Why? Because Moore will vote with the conservatives. Everyone who is even considering supporting this man has either lost their minds or has zero compassion and empathy for his victims. People on both sides are so hysterical in their support of everyone in their party they need a good smack upside the head to snap out of it. This is a no-brainer to people who have NOT lost their minds:

You simply do not vote for people who sexually abuse other people!

Can you agree with that? If so, there is hope for you. If you’re thinking it’s not that simple and you’re making excuses for Trump or Moore or Bill Clinton or Al Franken, then you have been infected by fake Christian politicians. People bend over backward looking for excuses to vote for these vile men. And that is how you know they have been infected. Fake Christian politicians give us excuses and turn us away from following our hearts and souls. True Christian conservatives and liberals would never in a million years encourage others to vote for a man accused of sexual abuse of children or sexual misconduct against women. These are the Christians who still have their souls connected with their brains. And yes, My Liberal Friends, fake Christians politicians are on both sides of the aisle. There are fake Christian liberals who didn’t want Al Franken to resign. They refuse to believe he did anything wrong. They talk about how he apologized and should be given a pass for apologizing. I was stricken with the infection myself, so I know the feeling. I chose not to believe the women who said Bill Clinton had abused them. And yes, it was very much a choice, just like these people are doing now, choosing not to believe the women coming forward today in droves, purely to avoid the other party from getting the upper hand. This is how the ego-devil works and it is wearing our greedy politicians like cheap suits.

Here’s the bottom line: Wrong is wrong, no matter who is doing the wrong; no matter what the consequences are in admitting it. To admit that someone you once supported has done wrong shows you have integrity. Integrity in politics and religion is the cure we need to kill this infection. Can you agree with that? If so, there is hope for you.

Here is a link to an article that showcases the infection engineered by Fake Christian Politicians. It begins with the headline,

"Alabama Voters Struggle with Whether to Support Roy Moore"

Really? They struggle with it?

The article says, “Still, many Alabama voters prioritize maintaining a slim two-seat majority in the Senate in Washington.”

There it is in black and white. That’s the problem in a nutshell. Maintaining that seat is THE most important thing to fake Christian politicians. Not the children who will learn to keep their mouths shut about abuse since no one will believe them anyway, not the children who stay silent because we’ve shown them no one cares about the pain they have endured, not the boys and men who will learn that all it takes to get away with abusing girls and women is to deny, deny, deny that they did it. Not our morals, not our values, not even our souls are more important than maintaining that seat, that trickle up economics vote. They place infectious thoughts of division in our minds to get us to go along with it. Divide and conquer is their true game. And they’ve done it very well for several years now. They plant infection in our minds and then they claim to have the cure for it. Elect Roy Moore so the evil abortion loving democrat won’t get the seat! See how it works? They take something important to you and use it to get you to do something horrible.

Any support of this man takes the shouldn’t-have-to-bake-a-gay-wedding cake. That, too, is a thing politically engineered by fake Christian politicians. Along with, “They’re taking Christ out of Christmas!” They don’t really care about any of that. They are using it to divide us. For them it’s not about Christ, or the wrongness of child abuse or molestation, or sexual assault of women, or making fun of people with disabilities, or taking healthcare away from millions of people, or the high cost of your healthcare, or gay people having the right to marry… no, no, no. Those things are not important to them, but they have made them important to you by making you think your religious freedom depends on them. It’s not even about electing a man who will vote to take away a woman’s right to get an abortion. That is simply one tool of infection they use to get you to vote for a man who is accused of abusing children. The reality is that voting for an accused pedophile in order to redistribute our hard-earned tax money upward to the already-have-more-money-than-they-can-ever-spend elite few and then cut programs for the poor and people with disabilities to pay for it is way more important than anything else. And that is what will happen after they pass their huge tax cut bill. Don’t believe it? Here it is, straight from the horse’s mouth: Ryan Plans Entitlement Reform to Tackle Deficit. This is the $1 Trillion deficit that will be left when they pass the tax bill!

It boggles the mind that in 2017 – soon to be 2018 – people will vote for an accused pedophile before someone with a D next to his name. I get that the D represents the evil of abortion to Christian Conservatives. The problem with this thinking is that the rhetoric you’ve been infected with is simply not true. Liberals do not love abortion. Most of us would love to see it never happen again. That is the truth, straight from a liberal’s heart. We actually try to produce programs that will cut down on the number of abortions! The only difference we have on this issue is that we don’t feel it’s right to take away someone else’s free will. That decision is between them and God. And we understand that God is perfectly capable of handling that person’s soul if God is opposed to how they handle their own body. We do not feel that causing unwanted children to be born and then slashing the programs which allow them to survive the perils of a poverty-stricken life rids us of evil. When we do that, we have simply traded one evil for another, rather than doing anything about either. Furthermore, what does eliminating birth control coverage do to end abortions? Nothing. It eliminates zero abortions and might even cause more abortions. All it does is allows the wealthy elite few keep more of their money, which is their real goal.

For liberals, the party line infection is that anyone with an R next to their name is racist, sexist, greedy, and heartless. The truth is that anyone can be those things and anyone can be evil when the greedy ego-devil is controlling them. The images we see in the media of white supremacists marching in the streets, plays into our liberal infection and we forget – like conservatives forget – that the other party is vastly different from these few we see in front of our eyes. The extremists are the minority in both parties. But to hear our fake Christian politicians, you’d think everyone in both parties is pure evil. I’m sure you know people on the other side of the aisle who are not evil demons, but when you think of other voters from that party as a block of people all lumped together you picture them as evil demons, right? You see them as an evil that has to be eliminated. You think their policies are evil and that if we can just get more of our party elected, the system will right itself and all will be well. Right? It doesn’t matter if you’re liberal or conservative. This is how we have been brainwashed by our politicians. They infected our minds and created this war between us. The ego-devil, disguised as a Christian politician has distorted Christianity for their own personal gain.

Christ is trying to get through to us and stop all this mess. I have no doubt He is not okay with fake Christian politicians dividing His people into two groups that hate each other. Christ is still in the conscience of conservatives like Colin Powel, who I personally heard talk about these and other issues during the 2016 Presidential campaign. Now there is a man of integrity! Christ is in your conscience, too, when you refuse to demonize someone from the other party. Christ is in your heart when you make the welfare of an abused child or a woman your priority rather than a Senate seat or a presidency. He is there nagging at you when you are tempted to go against everything you know about justice because you’ve fallen into the trap of The Deceiver.

You can allow your ego to dismiss Moore’s religious rhetoric as “hot air” the same way many voters dismissed Trump’s “locker room talk” and Clinton’s abuses of women, and you can just sweep this pedophilia thing under the rug because you believe abortion to be a worse sin than pedophilia, as if one is worse than the other, but your Christ, the real Christ that politicians don’t seem to know and have made some of us forget is going to nag at your soul with this question:

How are you going to justify this at the Pearly Gates?

I know this because He has been nagging at my soul as I write this. My first draft of this post was a major conservative bash fest. But, Christ nags at you until you realize your errors. He points out your inconsistencies and your judgments. He reminds you of the times you erred and he shows you the grace of forgiveness. But you have to let Him. You cannot let the ego-devil make you forget everything Christ has taught you about decency and justice. That is the devil’s game. Are you going to let the devil steal your vote?

There is a definite double standard in how we judge people who break our laws. Someone coming to this country seeking a better life, working hard, and making an honest day’s pay is vilified by our fake Christian politicians. Busses with child refugees are picketed and turned away by infected voters, but churches blatantly breaking the law are applauded. I can’t help but ask myself, what would Jesus say about all of this?

Christ is slowly and systematically being removed from Christianity by our fake Christian politicians and some of our church leaders. I urge Christians everywhere, whether you’re a liberal Christian or a conservative Christian to put Him back. Please. Heal your mind and your heart of this devil. Our County, our democracy, and our churches depend on it. Our children and adults with disabilities depend on it. Many believe our ability to get into heaven may depend on it, too.

I am aware this post points out many more conservative inconsistencies than liberal ones. I am a liberal who may not be aware of all of my infection, so I invite you to e-mail me and tell me the ways you see inconsistencies in liberals. That is the only way we can fight it. Just, please be gentle.

Update: Doug Jones won the Alabama Senate seat on the day this post was published. As of today, December 14, 2017, Roy Moore has yet to concede, despite having lost by an estimate of 20,000 votes (1 ½ percent), which is three times the margin needed to avoid an automatic recount. Trump’s response to the loss of the seat: “I wish we would have gotten the seat. A lot of Republicans feel differently, they’re very happy with the way things turned out, but I would have, uh, as the leader of the party, I would have liked to have had the seat.”

I’ll let that speak for itself.

Also, House and Senate Republicans have reached an agreement on their tax bill, cutting taxes on the wealthiest Americans to 37% - before deductions – and cutting the corporate tax rate to 21%. The Democrats have paid lip-service in their opposition to these cuts, but we all knew they would end up getting passed, didn’t we? As soon as Trump signs it into law the deficit will suddenly become a top priority. Our kids and adults with disabilities will suffer as they cut what they call entitlements, but what we know as security, care, and in some cases life-saving programs. As the middle class gives the wealthy a huge Christmas gift and wait for the ax to drop…

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Year!

Interesting Podcasts and Update on WorkerBee

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 13 Oct 2017 19:14:00 +0000

Hello, Friends!

If you are like me you love to learn new things, hear different perspectives, and stay informed. Hopefully, you have checked out some of the Books I Love. I read every night before I go to sleep. I just started reading The Brain that Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge, MD. It is fantastic! It is going on the list for sure! Anyhoo...

Here are some interesting podcasts I love to listen to while I clean, organize, exercise, and drive. I hope you find them as entertaining and inspirational as I have!

RobCast - God, ego, politics, fear, marriage... you name it, Rob has a podcast about it!

Revisionist History - Malcolm Gladwell covers a wide range of historical topics that will leave you seeing our past and our present in a whole new way.

Hidden Brain - This one will show you some of "life's unseen patterns"

Sincerely, X - If you enjoy TED Talks, you will love this podcast! Some stories are too sensitive, painful or potentially damaging to share publicly -- unless they can be shared anonymously. This link will take you to a site where you can choose how to get the podcast.

Super Soul Podcast - Awaken, discover and connect to the deeper meaning of the world around you with SuperSoul. Hear Oprah’s personal selection of her interviews with thought-leaders, best-selling authors, spiritual luminaries, as well as health and wellness experts. All designed to light you up, guide you through life’s big questions and help bring you one step closer to your best self.

Oprah's Master Class Podcast - Hear the greatest life lessons of some of the most respected and renowned actors, musicians, public figures and athletes. Handpicked by Oprah, these luminaries reveal their lives with candor and insight — in their own words. Listen as Jay -Z, Justin Timberlake, Ellen Degeneres, Shaquille O’Neal, Reba McEntire, Dwayne Johnson, and Jane Fonda, (just to name a few), share what they’ve learned about life and their own insights into their personal stories.

How to Human - I think that is fairly self-explanatory. This podcast deals with many issues in life, including depression, as well as seeing things differently and making things happen.

Clear & Vivid with Alan Alda - Learn to connect better with others in every area of your life. Immerse yourself in spirited conversations with people who know how hard it is, and yet how good it feels, to really connect with other people – whether it’s one person, an audience or a whole country. You'll know many of the people in these conversations – they are luminaries in our culture. Some you may not know. But what links them all is their powerful ability to relate and communicate. It's something we need now more than ever.

WorkerBee update: As of today (October 19, 2018) we have added another volunteer! Her name is Becky. Becky and her mom are doing the same type of collections that Josh and I have been doing. You can find Becky on the WorkerBee Facebook page.

In 2018, together we have collected and delivered 3715 pounds of donations. We are not finished for the year yet. This has given Josh and Becky much-needed activities away from home. We are deeply grateful to our community for all of their support for our mission! To follow Joshua and Becky's volunteer activities, like them on facebook @ WorkerBee Joshua Pickard.

Take care, Friends! Have a beautiful life!

Check out my recommended reading post at the top of the menu. I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch by the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Unwanted Parenting Advice

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 19:36:00 +0000

You suck at parenting.

That is what parents of people with disabilities hear – in our own heads – when we get unwanted parenting advice from certain people. I’ll go into who those people are later, but for now, here are some other things we hear while getting unwanted parenting advice:

You are a failure.

Your child could be so much better if they had someone else as a parent.

You are too lazy to be a good parent.

You don’t do enough to help your child succeed.

You don’t spend enough time working with your child.

You don’t teach your child things they need to know.

You don’t work hard enough.

You don’t even try.

We hear these and many other things while listening to unwanted parenting advice. And we have some responses whirling around in our heads as we listen to the advice:

Oh, sure! I wish I had thought of that! Duh!!

You don’t have a &%$ clue what you’re talking about!

You think you could do a better job with my child? If you had to do this for JUST ONE DAY it would break you!

Shut the @*%^ up, you moron!

Keep it together now. She / He means well. She / He does not realize how this sounds.

We know the advice is not meant to be heard the way we hear it, but we still hear it that way. We know you don’t mean to be rude or condescending, but it is rude and condescending to tell someone how to parent their child who has a disability – in certain cases. Here is a list of who should NOT be giving advice:

If you have never raised a child with this disability; if you live in a home with a person with a disability, but you give all the caregiving responsibility to someone else; if you have never worked with people who have disabilities; if you do not have a disability; if you are a doctor, but you do not work with people with disabilities or specialize in the disability you are giving advice about, then you should keep your mouth shut. Period. There is no argument you can make to justify giving us advice. If you fall into any of those categories – whether you are a relative, or not, you should not be giving advice to parents or caregivers. If ever you are tempted to say to the parent of a person with disabilities, “If this were my child I would…” Stop right there and keep it to yourself. Because you really do not have a clue.

Why don’t you have a clue? I’m so happy you asked! You don’t have a clue because you don’t really know the person with a disability you are talking about. You don’t really know how they are, or who they are. You only know how they act around you, but not at home, not when they are alone with their caregiver, not when they are away from you. You only see certain things, but there are other things that are relevant that you don’t see. You don’t see what parents and caregivers actually do each day in service of this person they love. These are things we will not discuss with you because we are allowing for a certain amount of dignity in the life of the person with the disability. You don’t see us cleaning up after them, working with them on self-care or other things, teaching them things. You don’t realize that this person you think we are not helping enough is not someone who needs to be fixed. Maybe you don’t realize that not every minute of the day must be spent improving them. People with disabilities need fun and down time. Parents need fun and down time.

Now, we welcome advice from certain other people; people who we know understand our situation. These people include parents of people with disabilities; anyone who works with people with disabilities, especially if they work with people who have the type of disability our child has; teachers of people with disabilities; therapists of people with disabilities; relatives with hands on experience caregiving for people with disabilities; and of course, people with disabilities.

The way to truly tell if you should be giving us advice is if we ask you for it.

I don’t mean to be harsh, but it is very frustrating for a seasoned parent to be given advice from someone who has absolutely no idea what they are talking about. Yes, you may be a parent, too, but raising typical children is extremely different from our situation. You cannot know these differences unless you live them. Thank you for caring, but please, for the love of God, just don’t go there. On the other hand, if you have given someone unwanted parenting advice in the past and are just now realizing how you sounded, forgive yourself. You could not have known better until now.

When you fall victim to unwanted parenting advice – and you will at some point – there are several ways to handle it…

Just smile and nod as if in agreement then change the subject.

Say, I appreciate that you care so much. I do all that I can do with the time we have, even though you are not there to witness it.

Or say, I’m sorry, but you really have no idea how to parent someone with this disability so I would appreciate you keeping your advice to yourself.

Or, When you become the parent of a child with ______ you can give that a try! Let me know how it turns out for you.

Try to remember that they can’t know what they don’t know, and what they don’t know is how it feels to get unwanted parenting advice from someone who has no clue.
And above all else, remember how awesome you are! Do not let them bring you down!

If you have other peaceful suggestions for dealing with this topic, I would love to hear them! Shoot me an e-mail at Mindchange4all@gmail.com

Check out my recommended reading in Books I Love. I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch by the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Books I Love

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 19:08:00 +0000

Note – I will add to this list on occasion by putting the newest recommendations at the top. Eventually, they will be edited into the proper categories, as new books get added to the top of the list. Each category heading is in all caps.

NEW ADDITIONS
Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time, by Marcus J. Borg
This book was first published in 1994. Had I read it then, it would have saved me from many years of religious angst. This book contains much of what I have come to learn over the course of about ten years regarding Jesus and the Bible. If you have questions about why things don't seem to add up, why there are so many various voices about the life and dealth of Jesus and his resurection, then this book is for you. And read the notes, too. The notes are placed at the end of each chapter and they are as fascinating as the text. Just to give you an example of the mind blowing revelation I had while reading, here is an experpt from pages 8 and 9: "SEMINARY AND BEYOND... Jesus once again moved center stage. This happened because of my first-simester New Testament course. There I learned that the image of Jesus from my childhood - the popular image of Jesus as the divine saviour who knew himself to be the Son of God and who offered up his life for the sins of the world - was not historically true. That I learned, was not what the historical Jesus was like... I learned that the gospels are neither devine documents nor straightforward historical records. They are not devine products inspired directly by God, whose contents are therefore to be believed (as I had thought prior to this). Nor are they eyewitness accounts written by people who had accompanied Jesus and simply sought to report what they had seen and heard. Rather, I learned, the gospels represent the delveloping traditions of early Christian movement... and were put into their present forms by second- (or even third-) generation authors." He goes on to write about the people who wrote Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John, explaining that historians agree about passages not directly coming from the mouth of Jesus. And on page 11, he writes, "I am aware that this is still news for some Christians, even though it has been old hat in the seminaries of mainline denominations throughout this century." That blew my mind. That preachers and priests learn this in seminary is something I never heard before!

Mans Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl
Dr. Frankle shares few, but significant accounts of his time in four concentration camps, then goes on to share is therapeudic doctrine of Logotherapy. Logos, or meaning, is the basis of his doctrine. In the consentration camps he wittnessed many instances within himself and others of creating meaning in the situation inwhich they found themselves. This gave them the will to live, and sometimes the will to choose love over hate, even in the face of horrible living and working conditions. He had this theory before entiering the camps and had even written about it, but being there, seeing what he saw and living through incredible hardships, proved to him that his theaory was correct and helpful to others. This is a profound book, full of wisdom regarding perception, attitude, and luck. It has been printed more than 15 million times!

Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others, by Barbara Brown Taylor
If you have any desire at all to learn just a bit about other Faiths, this is the book for you. Barbara Brown Taylor gives her account of many years of teaching college students about various religions. She shares her own take on Christianity and other religions, as well as some of her student's reactions to learning about them. There is a lot of wisdom in the book.

Becoming, by Michelle Obama
This book tells her life story of growing up in Chicago, meeting the love of her life, and their journey to the White House. It is inspiring, touching, and full of life-lessons.

Educated: A memoir, by Tara Westover
I can't say enough good things about this book. It is written like a novel, but it is a true story of Tara's struggle growing up in a radical family filled with mental illness and delusions. This book delves deep into self awarenes, abuse, conflict between one's love of family and a reality you see beyond their capabilities, humiliation, and triumph. My mother-in-law had the same reaction I did after reading this book: "I can't stop thinking about it." There are so may layers to this book which makes it truly incredable.

UNDERSTANDING of AUTISM, SENSORY INTEGRATION, and YOUR CHILD WITH AND WITHOUT DISABILITIES

Some of these books are older, but if you can get your hands on a copy, you won’t regret the effort it might take to get them. The first one is so good and helpful that it was recently re-released for the 25^th Anniversary. You won’t have any trouble finding it! I have read many other books about disabilities, but these are the best.

Sensory Integration and the Child, by A. Jean Ayers, Ph.D.

Reading this book was like reading about my child. Some parts of this book described him perfectly. It showed me why he had certain behaviors and gave me ways to help him. It taught me why they did certain things with him in therapy. Reading this book was like opening his mind and looking inside. It gave me empathy for him because it helped me to understand how he was feeling.

The Whole-Brain Child, by Daniel J. Seigel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

This book can teach you how to help your child use their whole brain to become kind, compassionate, mentally stable, and thrive in this world. Bonus – It will teach you how to do that for yourself, too!

Thinking in Pictures, by Temple Grandin

This book puts you inside the mind of a person with autism. It taught me how Temple thinks and how she relates to the world around her. It gave me insight as to how my son might be seeing the world.

Emergence: Labeled Autistic, by Temple Grandin and Margaret M. Scariano

This book is about the life of Temple Grandin. It also gave me insight into things my son may be experiencing and helped me to better understand how to help him. Reading about someone who has autism, from their own perspective, and reading about her mother’s experiences, were tremendously helpful to me.

Animals in Translation, by Temple Grandin and Catherine Johnson

This book shows how Temple Grandin could relate to animals and the insights autism gave her about animals. She says people with autism can think like animals, that their thinking is very similar in some respects, and that both have a difficult time seeing “the forest for the trees” because they are so tuned into details – much more so than average people. I highly recommend this book to give you knowledge about autism and the wonderful world of animals. You will learn a lot! Side note – well, more of a brag really! – my copy is signed by Temple Grandin! I got to meet her in Dixon, Illinois at a conference where she was speaking. Unfortunately, I was tongue-tied in her presence. She is awesome!

UNDERSTANDING YOUR EGO / PERSONALITY / SPIRIT / ENLIGHTENMENT / PSYCHOLOGY

Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters, by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.

When you read it, have a notebook handy and do the work. You will be amazed at what you discover about yourself, your life, and the people you have known.

Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

This is the book I read right before I read A New Earth and it caused me to get to the bookstore as soon as I could to buy A New Earth.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, by Eckhart Tolle

The subtitle of this book is Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, but to me, it was simply Awakening to My Life. I did eventually awaken to my purpose, but first it changed my consciousness in such a way that I could see EVERYTHING in a new way. I began to understand human beings in a new way. I understood myself in a new way. This understanding changed my life in ways I can’t explain in a few sentences. Both books by Tolle are powerful and insightful.

The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer

This book is just as awesome as A New Earth and Power of Now, but may be more relatable to some people. Michael Singer perfectly describes “the voice in your head” and teaches you how to get control of it. He teaches how to let your emotions flow right through you so they don’t get stuck.

The Four Agreements, by don Miguel Ruiz and The Five Levels of Attachment, by don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. These two books blew my mind! They give you concrete ways to challenge your thinking and beliefs that no longer work for you. They show you how to analyze your thinking and beliefs to see if they work for you and then give you permission to change. It sounds strange that we need permission to change our mind about things, but once you’ve read these books, you’ll see why we need permission! You will understand how you got to believe the things you believe, why you are attached to certain beliefs or attitudes, and why it is okay to start living differently.

FOLLOWING YOUR INSTINCTS

The Gift of Fear, by Gavin DeBecker

This book taught me about listening to my instinct and not talking myself out of it. As I read it, I remembered different ways in my life that I talked myself out of listening to that “feeling” inside of me and ended up in situations I could have avoided if I had listened to the “feeling”. He explains what the feeling is like and how we easily talk ourselves out of following our instinct. He empowers us to do what we need to do by understanding what the consequences may be if we don’t.

GAINING COURAGE / FOLLOWING YOUR PASSION / SOCIAL SCIENCE

Daring Greatly, by Brenè Brown, Ph.D., LMSW

This book shows us how to be vulnerable and the power we gain from allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable. It sounds absurd that being vulnerable can empower someone, but Brené gives numerous examples of why this is true. It is all based on her lifetime of research.

Tattoos on the Heart, by Father Gregory Boyle

Grab your tissues before you start to read this heartwarming, inspiring, transforming book. You will see gang members in a whole new light after reading Father G’s stories and experiences with these awesome people.

Barking to the Choir, by Father Gregory Boyle. Another heartbreaking, soul-searching book about the need for compassion and the triumph of love.

Letters from the Dhamma Brothers: Meditation Behind Bars, by Jenny Phillips

Just as Father Boyle’s book will give you a new way to see gang members, this book will give you a new way to see prison inmates. No person is ever beyond change. This book shows how the power of meditation can free people even while they are still incarcerated.

The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield

I have been writing and rewriting the same book for five or six years now. The War of Art taught me why I have not finished it and gets me closer to finishing it. It’s all about resistance and how we easily fall into it every day.

David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants;

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference;

Outliers: The Story of Success

All by Malcolm Gladwell. All will make you think and give you a better understanding of how both society and achievement work. Really good and really easy to read. He has a terrific podcast called Revisionist History, too. Check it out!

BOOKS ON HEALING / MIND-BODY CONNECTION

The Biology of Belief, by Bruce H. Lipton

This amazing book taught me the how powerful our beliefs are in influencing our lives and our biology. It powerfully illustrates the mind / body connection.

My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D.

This book will show you what it’s like to have a stroke – as it’s actually happening – and the after effects of Jill Bolte Taylor’s experience. She gained wonderful insights as a brain researcher and as a human being. It will not be above your ability to understand, as she explains everything in a way regular people can understand.

Healing Words: The Power of Prayer in the Practice of Medicine, by Larry Dossey, M.D.

Whether you believe in the power of prayer or not, you will understand how it works after reading this book. You just might begin to pray more, too!

The Extra-Ordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things, by Larry Dossey, M.D.

This is another wonderful, insightful book by Dr. Larry Dossey. He helps us see ordinary things in a fresh, new, healing way.

Power vs. Force, by Dr. David R. Hawkins

This is a heavy read, but oh, so worth the effort! It is about the power of our bodies to know truth from falsehood, disease from health, and good from evil.

BOOKS ON SPIRITUALITY

Wishes Fulfilled, by Dr. Wayne Dyer, may he rest in peace.

This book teaches us the power of intention, the power of the language we use, and the power of the words “I am”. He shows us how to change our mindset and language to get everything we want out of life.

Everyday Grace, by Marianne Williamson

If you want your heart to open wide, read any book by Marianne Williamson. I read Everyday Grace right after the shooting at Sandyhook. I was immensely grateful for her words. The children and teachers who died were at the forefront of my thoughts as I read this book. The shooter was there, too. Everyday Grace helped me grieve, understand, and forgive.

BOOKS ON RELIGION

Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith;

Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived;

What We Talk About When We Talk About God;

What Is the Bible? How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything

All of those are by Rob Bell. He pulls love right out of the Bible and tickles you with it. He gives us a way to drop the things we learned as children – the fear, the judgment, hell – and he uses humor to give us a deeper understanding of Christianity through context. He explains how people lived back in Jesus’ day so we can understand why these weird things and violence are in the Bible and what we can learn from it all. You will gain a new perspective of the holy book and you will fall in love with it! All these books by Rob are fantastic, but What Is the Bible? should be required reading in every church! I’m not joking. He even explains those lists of names! Rob also has a terrific podcast called The Robcast. It is awesome!

Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? by Brian D. McLaren

If you want to understand different religions, or if you want to understand why people are stuck in their fears and judgments of other religions, read this book. Read it even if you don’t want to know all that because this book is awesome!

Sufism: The Transformation of the Heart, by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee:

This gem is simply filled with love. You will read about a religion of love and how it transforms the heart, just as the title says.

The Dalai Lama's Little Book of Wisdom, His Holiness The Dalai Lama

Gain wisdom beyond measure as you recognize echoes of the teachings of Jesus, through the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. That may sound weird, but this was my experience.

Anything Richard Rohr has written. I have read Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self, and Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer. Absolutely, beautiful books!

Heart and Mind: The Four Gospel Journey, by Alexander John Shaia

See the gospels in a fresh new way and use them to help yourself heal.

The Gifts of the Jews: How a Tribe of Desert Nomads Changed the Way Everyone Thinks and Feels, by Thomas Cahill

Just like Rob Bell’s books and Alexander Shaia’s book, this one will help you understand the Bible stories a whole lot better!

No god but God: The Origins, Evolution, and Future of Islam, by Reza Aslan

Discover the beauty of the Islamic Faith, along with the troubles and their origins. This book will help you see Muslims in a new light.

UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

A Man Without Words, by Susan Schaller

Oliver Sacks describes this book much better than I when he says, “A beautiful and meticulous study of a languageless man and of Schaller’s patient, dedicated and brilliantly conceived efforts to make contact with him and to introduce him to language.”

Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism, by Ron Suskind

As the mother of a non-verbal adult, this book had me bawling just a few pages in. The shared experiences and feelings did it, and the wishes and dreams not accomplished by my own child did it. This book reveals the inner wisdom of a person who found a way to communicate. You will be profoundly moved when you read the wisdom of a boy locked inside himself for so long.

HISTORY

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, by Rebecca Skloot

This book tells the story of a woman and her family. This woman’s cells have helped every human being on this planet in one way or another. They continue to this very day! They revolutionized the understanding and treatment of cancer and other diseases.

The People’s History of the United States, by Howard Zinn – may he rest in peace

This is not your classroom history lesson! It is a long book, but you will learn a LOT!

I hope this blog helps you to create a more peaceful life. Keep in touch by the following methods: Use the links under the archive menu to subscribe or follow by e-mail. Help me get this message out by sharing it with your friends on social media! If you enjoyed it and were helped by it, they will, too! Write to me with your comments and questions at mindchange4all@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you.

An Open Letter to American Lawmakers

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Fri, 23 Jun 2017 03:46:00 +0000

Dear Federal and State Lawmakers:

I may or may not be your constituent, but no matter where we each live, your votes make a huge difference in the life of my son. He is 28 years old, has intellectual disabilities, and no siblings. After his father and I are gone he will most likely be reliant on the Federal and Illinois budgets. He works at his volunteer business, collecting and delivering donated items and food to area food pantries and thrift stores. I help him with the tasks he is unable to perform himself – which is most of them. It keeps him busy and away from the television set. It gets him out into the community and gives him a purpose in life. Plus, he enjoys it.

Joshua Pickard

No one is willing to give him a purpose through paid employment. He is not the pull-yourself-up-by-your-boot-straps kind of fellow that politicians seem to admire. He wants to control his own life and destiny. Unfortunately, he is trapped inside his incapable mind. He will never want to live in an institution. I know that for certain. He probably won’t want to live in a group home, either, but that is probably where he will end up after we are gone. Hopefully, it will be more family-like than an institution. For certain, it will be more cost effective than an institution. But, as a lawmaker, you know that already.

I know you care about people, that your votes are never intended to be cruel, and are never intended to hurt people. I know these things are true of every action you take in your job, without ever having met you because I have faith in the goodness of human beings. Unfortunately, anytime a vote is cast that cuts Medicaid or other social services, it is cruel, intended or not. The AHCA bills in their current form are cruel, intended or not. These bills drastically cut the funding for Medicaid and move Medicaid funding from mandatory spending to discretionary spending. My son’s life is not discretionary. These bills are not healthcare bills, they are wealthcare bills. If I could, I would fund his needs myself. Lord knows I wish I could. We are not sucking up tax money because we want to. We would prefer our son be independent and capable. We not only feel the sting of his disabilities, we feel the stigma imposed on us by the rhetoric of politicians. This rhetoric gets repeated in articles on social media. People say they distinguish between our situation and the people cheating the system, but the shared articles only create support to cut the funding our son needs.

Making a donation delivery

Ronald Reagan understood the plight of people with disabled children when he signed what became known as the Katie Beckett Waiver, in 1982, so all disabled children could receive Medicaid supports. There have been Governors across America who have expanded Medicaid so that disabled people can get the help they need to live as freely as possible. In many cases, Medicaid supports them in obtaining work in paid jobs so they can help support themselves. These governors recognize that people are not discretionary; that people matter, whatever their station in life.

People with intellectual disabilities have been abused, neglected and have even died due to lack of funding. This is the reality. In an investigative report, the Chicago Tribune found in Illinois, “at least 42 deaths linked to abuse or neglect in group homes or their day programs over the last seven years.” This same story told about a man with Cerebral Palsy who was beaten almost to death, in his bed, by a housemate, when only one caregiver was scheduled to care for eight men in that home, simply because Illinois refuses to properly fund Medicaid. Illinois and states across this country have been able to help more people with disabilities by closing institutions, saving millions of dollars. And yet, the AHCA will gut Medicaid. People will suffer because of that. It is cruel. I am afraid for the individuals living in group homes across America and for my son’s future.

Me and Josh in our "retelling our story" shirts

The constant threat of cuts to these programs feels like terrorism to me. Others are also terrified. Parents who are nearing death have murdered their mentally disabled children and then committed suicide because they are afraid of what will happen to their children in underfunded homes and institutions. That is what sometimes happens when people are terrified. After hearing of the abuse, neglect, and deaths, can anyone make an argument that we should not feel terrorized when these cuts are threatened, or worse yet, made?

It is cruel. I know you don’t like hearing that. I know you do not intend it that way, but that does not make it any less cruel or terrifying. Recently, someone said to me, “We only need seven more votes.” I thought, yes, seven votes to stave off this threat for now, but how many hearts and minds need to change for this threat to go away permanently? We need your heart and mind, your compassion and your intellect. Typically, the argument lawmakers use is that they want to care for these people but there is not enough money to fund these programs. You might even say the problems I mentioned above are not a matter of funding, but regulation. There probably do need to be better regulations, but without proper funding, those regulations will only mean fewer people get services. People with disabilities are not going anywhere. Their caregivers are not going to shut up and go away. I certainly will not be silent.

Let’s get truly honest now. There is enough money. You know it and I know it. At the Federal level, there is always enough money to give the oil companies a subsidy they don’t need and to bail out the banks. Never once has that been an issue. Not even during the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. This is a matter of priorities, not a lack of money. We need to start putting our priorities and our money where our morals are. The taxes we pay are supposed to be for the good of the people - all the people, not just an elite few.

We are now entering our third year without an Illinois budget. The same snake oil is being peddled here, too. We just don’t have the money. I was buying it, as are many others. Recently I learned that in a special session to try to pass an Illinois budget, Illinois taxpayers get to shell out approximately $40,000.00 a day to Illinois lawmakers because they have failed to pass a budget during the last two years of regular sessions. I also learned recently that the Illinois “legislature and Governor found BILLIONS of dollars to preserve 1,500 jobs at two nuclear power plants at great taxpayer expense… This bailout was obviously a bipartisan effort.” That quote was taken from Testimony Submitted to the Joint House-Senate Human Services Committee, On Abuse and Neglect Taking Place at Group Homes for Individuals with Developmental Disabilities, by Laurie Jerue and Ellen Garber Bronfeld, Co-Founders, Illinois Parents of Adults with Developmental Disabilities Unite, Chicago, Illinois, December 13, 2016.

Obviously, we have the money. Jobs are important. The jobs of the caregivers working in group homes are just as important as nuclear power plant jobs. They currently do not make a living wage and must rely on government assistance just like the people they serve. They wipe the bottoms of adults with disabilities, they keep them from abusing each other, they cook their meals, they give them life-saving medications, they are expected to keep all the residents safe with very few staff on-site and to do it for an unlivable wage; little more than $10 an hour. That is cruel. And I’m no longer buying the argument that there is no money to pay these caregivers better.

Politicians want to give huge tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans and tax increases for the oldest Americans in the AHCA, so let me be crystal clear: Cutting Federal and State funding for needed services and programs for people with disabilities is not just cruel. it is immoral. Voting for any Federal or State bill that takes anything at all from the most vulnerable people while giving more tax breaks to the people who are perfectly capable of caring for themselves is not just cruel, it is immoral. The failure of Illinois lawmakers to pass a fair budget is not just cruel, it is immoral. Failing to fully fund programs for the most vulnerable people is not just cruel, it is immoral. Failing to pay caregivers a living wage for doing a difficult sometimes dangerous job families can no longer do is not just cruel, it is immoral.

You get stuck in a party narrative. I get that. Narratives can be changed so easily. Currently, the narrative is about the takers and the makers; the freeloading, lazy folks. That story makes it hard for people like you not to cut needed services. And, whichever party you’re in, you must explain these votes to your constituents who hear and believe that story. You can put a new organizing center on that story by talking about the most vulnerable people who need these services. You can sum up the need for these services to be fully funded because it is the most compassionate and moral thing humans can do for vulnerable people. You can bring unity to your values, your morals, your religion, and your vote to fund these programs, by making the people I told you about the center of the discussion. Like Jesus did. He took the old narrative of collecting taxes to build a king’s empire and turned it on its head for those in need. When a wealthy man asked Jesus how he could enter heaven, Jesus told him to give all his possessions to the poor. That is where God is found; in those with helping those without. We don’t have to give it ALL to them. That is not the point of Jesus’ answer. The point is to stop ignoring people like they don’t matter and to start sharing our abundance.

You can frame your new story in many ways. Things you can say: The disabled life that was born deserves as much compassion as the one still in the womb. To give is better than to receive. It is patriotic to help your fellow Americans with disabilities. Helping vulnerable people is the mission of every religious person. Disabled lives matter. You can define terrorism as ‘a threat to people’s security’ and you can refuse to threaten the security of disabled Americans by funding these programs. See how easy that is? Who would argue with you if you changed the story that way? I suppose your wealthy donors might have something to say, but we didn’t vote for you to work for your wealthiest donors. We voted for you to work for us. I may not be your constituent, but your votes and your rhetoric affect my son and all your constituents with disabilities and their caregivers. Please, remember that and vote with compassion.

Sincerely,

Monica Pickard

Belvidere, Illinois

#HealthCareNotWealthCare #GoodOfThePeopleNotEliteFew

If you have an opinion to share with me about this post or any other, contact me at mindchange4all@gmail.com
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Lions v. Dogs, Strength v. Weakness

noreply@blogger.com (Monica Pickard) — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 20:38:00 +0000

Have you ever witnessed two people throwing insults back and forth to each other? I have and, I’m sorry to admit, I have done it myself with someone. It is really quite silly. It is not productive in any way. It is totally egotistical. Both parties are weak while engaged in such behavior. Now, have you ever witnessed one person insulting someone while the person being insulted just listens, with no reaction what so ever? Who is the weak one in that case? The person doing the insulting, right? You can visually, intellectually, and emotionally see it. The person not reacting is like the lion in this photo and the person throwing shade is the small dog barking.

Lions are always in a position of strength due to their size and physical power, while small dogs are all bark with very little physical strength. Their size makes them weak. That is why they bark so much. I read in Temple Grandin’s book, Animals in Translation, that the smaller an animal’s bones are, the more fear they have. Small dog = small bones = a lot of fear and a lot of barking. Small dogs are trying to appear strong and capable. Against a small dog – or any dog, for that matter – a lion can just sit there and let it bark. No reaction is necessary because there is no threat.

Humans are different, though. We come in all shapes and sizes and our physical abilities vary greatly. When I compare the non-reactive person to the lion, I am not talking about physical ability and strength. I am talking about intellectual and emotional strength. Those strengths come from integrity and awareness. The person throwing the insults is not self-aware. If they were self-aware, they would know how they appear when they throw insults and they would not do it for that very reason! The person not reacting to the insults has a higher level of self-awareness. They know how it makes them look when people throw insults, they know it is futile, and they may also know that they are on the right side of the dispute, making it unnecessary to engage with the other person. It is possible that they simply cannot think of a good comeback or they are afraid to return insults, but they at least give the outward appearance of power and strength. Right? They will win more support from others simply by appearing to be strong, rational, and unemotional.

Fear makes us act without integrity. If you are afraid to lose something, whether it be losing face or losing something of value, you may find yourself acting without integrity. You may lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and basically do all the things a person without integrity would do to get your way. This rarely works. Sometimes it does work in the short run, but you will always end up paying a price. This is a universal law. What goes around comes around. It is karma. It is the law of cause and effect – for every action, there is an equal and opposite karmic reaction. When you harm someone to get what you want – through lies, cheating, deception, etc. – the harm will come back to you in equal measure.

Integrity is knowing what is right, moral, legal, proper, loving, compassionate… and doing those things and acting in that way. There are strength and power in integrity. When you are acting from a place of integrity, there is no fear in you. You are right and you know it. You know it because you have done, said, and acted with love and kindness. You have taken proper steps. You have not told lies to get what you want or need. You have not harmed anyone to get your way. You don’t need to insult someone to get what you want because you know – without a shadow of a doubt – that you will prevail. It may take time, but you know that as long as you keep acting with integrity, you will prevail.

Let the small dogs bark all they want. They have no integrity. They are weak and they know it. They feel it deep down in their tiny little bones.

Stay strong, Lion Family and Friends!

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