What Women Want

Baby Talk is no good

2011-10-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

Yes. Men baby-talk. It's a common occurring in long-term relationships.
After a while the baby-talk sneaks in and becomes a part of the private language lovers have.
Why, Lord only knows,- I sure don't!
We really just want to sound cute from time to time, and suddenly it's become more frequent than either sex intended. Where baby-talk is sweet and loving in a "cuddly" context (say in the sofa watching a movie, or everyday laughs and banter), once it reaches the bedroom the warning bells should go off..
You might think you have never and will never baby-talk?
If you have had one or more relationships over 2 years duration, there is a very high possibility that you
have in deed "baby-talked". Be honest now.
I have discussed this with many girlfriends and we all agree that baby-talk sneaks in like an unwanted guest to the bedroom.
Couples need to work together to exorcise this nasty habit.
Why?
Because it is OK in tiny doses, but just wrong when it comes to sex between two adults.
It turns us girls on to have a real man's voice say, almost command "I want you now!"
.. rather than some smurf-like bullocks.
I am sure you appreciate not going to bed with a woman who sounds like a 5-year old.

Whoever initiates a change from Baby-talk hell should start by stopping themselves. If the partner soon does not cop on and stops naturally, gently bring it up (alternatively show him/her this post ).

Good luck and welcome back to adult sex!

Remember us when you are sick

2011-09-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

MAN SICK
A term all women over 25 are familiar with. Knowledge from all men we know.
We can be close to the ER, yet if you cough more than 3 times in a row MAN-SICKNESS
is in da house.. You are so sick when you are sick it is absolutely laughable.
I am talking sniffles, coughs, flues, broken bones.. things you would actually recover from.
There is so much nursing to do compared to the lack of compassion you give when we have similar
illnesses you should all be ashamed. You think its that time of the month or pop out for a pint as we are
quite frankly not looking our best and sex is certainly not on the menu.
But whenever you sneeze we are to fetch endless cups of tea and agree to your will and final testament..
Once serious illnesses are lurking you turn into oysters. No word until the ambulance got you speeding.
How can it be you are so stupid not to see that a pain in x y or z over a long period of time needs a
check-up, but once a cold strikes you are ready to say your last prayers?
LESSON: If you notice something ..anywhere ..bothering you over a longer (no, not 3 years, more like 3 weeks) TELL US. We will organise doctor appointments and get u sorted our.
If you have a cold you would want to give us the same care when we do. Because we would be as sick as you.

To shave or not to shave

2011-09-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

First of all. Please shave! Not many women want to date the wizard of oz or a lumberjack. As cute as a little stubble is now and again you don't know what it does to our skin! To test you can try rubbing your wrist (soft side) against your stubble for 5 minutes. Now imagine what that does to the delicate skin around our mouth, or even more delicate... you catch my drift..
Somehow it seems shaving has gone off fashion nowadays, but I can tell you most women appreciate a clean shaven man.
Many men are better at shaving their balls than their face.
For all sake, keep up the ball-shaving, just don't forget the face.
And please do not shave or wax your chest!
Unless you live in LA please leave that nonsense. Some men are born with a hairy chest, some without. Embrace what nature gave you. I've discussed this with numerous girls and the verdict is clear:
a shaved chest is NOT a chest we want to sleep on. The poor ladies who have tried describe it as making love to a gigantic grater.

What is a "real man"?

2011-09-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

There is sometimes confusion as to what men define as "a real manly man" and what us girls think make up a "real man". What u guys brag about over pints and how you measure eachother manno a manno is a different story from what we think makes a "real man". Some pointers

- A real man WILL ask for directions. We want to get to where we are going with no stress and fuss. Asking for direction makes the journey smoother, saves time and shows consideration for us.

- A real man will buy tampons. The people in the shop are hardly gonna think you are gonna use them. And if they do, are they not complete perverts?

- A real man can express his feelings and have a cry. That does not mean we expect you to cry to the Notebook, or in front of us. Nor do we want you to brew Chamomile tea and relive your childhood. But a real man secure in his own skin, will not behave neanderthal and bottle it all up. He will be secure enough in his man-ness to shed a tear when he's hurting and to let us know what's bothering him.

- A real man wants a woman, not a plastic bimbo 19years old. A real man does not fancy Jordan or Paris Hilton. A real man understand the difference between models, movistars and pornstars and the real world.
Men who fancy Jenna Jameson are a real turn-off for women. (Note: what you pull the salami to is a different story. As long as you have reality in check and don't tell us)

- A real man will admit when he's wrong.

- A real man is a gentleman that treats women with respect and still understand the realities of female emancipation. Opening the door and carrying groceries does not mean we ought to stand barefoot in the kitchen slaving for you. Nor does it mean you can expect us to change the tires of the truck.

- A real man can pay the rent. Too many women I know support their man financially. In selected interim cases that is Ok off-course, but guys.. take your share!

- A real man does not spend more on clothes, hair and cosmetics than us. Metrosexual = Homosexual (no offence intended). Which brings me to the next point

- A real man is not jealous of our gay BFF.

- Any man can have a child. A real man is a father.

Hair

2011-09-10T04:23:00.000-07:00

- Your girl has been to the hair-dresser. We know we should always have loooong, silky smooth fairy-tale locks down to our butts, but you know what? That IS fairy-tale stuff, and most women are not born Rapuntzel, thank you very much. We do the best we can with what we have. And unless you want us to invest in wigs and Paris Hiltonesque hair-extensions, we have flat/dry/thin/mouse-gray stuff to work with.
I'm pretty sure if you were required to have shiny, playboy-style locks down to your ass-crack you will find how next to impossible it is. Lesson: When we come back from the hairdresser just say we look good. Most of us are really trying. If its so important with long flowing hair for you, remember that hair does not give blow-jobs, the girl does.

What to reply when we have a "fat"-day!

2011-09-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

"Does my bum look big in this?". "Do you think I have put on weight?".
You have heard it and you are stuck. Deer caught in headlight. You panic and get it wrong.
There is always just one reply to this. Keep it short and simple. Practice if you must.
My boyfriend uses this and it works very well.
He simply says "No, honey, you look gorgeous/ beautiful.. (add adjective of your choice)".
If I start preassuring him he simply repeats it.
Me: "But you are just saying that!
Him: "No, I think you look beautiful"

On new clothes or outfits where we ask your opinion we are really just fishing for compliments.
So. I suggest you apply the reply above for that as well.

Bonus tip: Try to remember one dress that you like on her. The color will do.
You see, if we ask your opinion about a new dress, and you reply: " It's really pretty honey, but
not as nice as your xx (insert color) dress. That's my favorite!"
Why that works? Because all women melt when our man remembers something like that.
Saying you have a favorite dress for her, or any other item (no, underwear can not be used)
makes us feel special.

And the rule is: A woman who feels special is a happy woman = more sex= happy man.

How to deal with women with PMS

2011-08-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

This has been a difficult post to write, because most of the time women dont even know ourselves how to deal with the dreaded PMS. But I will start with some background info you all ought to know, as it's a common misconception among most men exactly WHEN we have PMS. Newsflash! PMS, as the name says Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (also called PMT or premenstrual tension), before our period, NOT during! Read up on it guys!

What you see is an irrational, weepy, chocolate-bingeing, aggressive dragon woman who's completely unpredictable ready to mash your balls in a rusty kitchen grinder one second and reduced to an insecure and sobbing wreck the next.
We lash out one minute only to demand cuddles and tissues the next. Confusing stuff. U betcha.

Before we make jokes about the PMS monster-woman and feel all helpless, let's try to imagine just for a few minutes walking in our shoes.
So, now imagine you are a woman. Your tummy is bloated like a bongo-drum and your feet hurtfully swell up. You notice unflattering spots, your hair goes oily and hopeless just when your body is filling up with all sorts of mad hormones. You look good in nothing. In business meetings or just watching TV these hormones force out unwanted tears at any given time. And yes, you know you are acting irrational, you are embarrassed and hate it when it happens. But it's in the hands of the hormones, not you.
You get hot flashes and can't keep your liquor. 2 pints might make you legless where usually you can have 6. You get 100% more affected by the smallest criticism, and despite knowing that it's the PMS, if the partner says something "off" you get wounded (also result of PMS-driven hormones) to the core.
This will thus result in tears and or agression outbursts.
Then your partner makes jokes about this condition and/or makes snotty remarks before doing her best to avoid you. Sounds fun yet?
Just wait until your PMS turns into the actual period. By this time the hormones have mentaly "stabilized" and despite cramps, continued bloating et al you are somehow back to yourself.
You are dealing with all the joys of bleeding from your genitalia for up to a week whilst your partner (who's got it all wrong) is cranky for lack of sex, and the jokes, avoidance and snotty comments continue throughout.

Conclutions: Unless you think that sounds like a walk on the beach, and you would gladly swap this involuntary condition with us. SHOW SOME HEART.
- Be caring
- Be soft
- Buy chocolate
- Give us hugs
- Go easy on the "(eyes rolling) that time of the month huh"-comments

Keeping your girl happy is easier than you think!

2011-08-23T04:14:00.000-07:00

All we need is a hug (I'm talking a min. 30 second EMBRACE here!..important distinction ) and a compliment a day. A compliment can not, I repeat not, be referred to housework and or anything practical.
Here are a few winners:
" You look gorgeous today!"
" You are the most wonderful woman I've ever met"
" I love you so much"
Now, gentlemen..does this sound too hard?
Remember what we have to put up with.
Next post.. drumroll.. I know you must be dying to know this.. How to deal with PMS

What we don't want in bed

2011-08-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

1: We do not appreciate socks left on. A no-brainier, but ask yourself if you ever end up keeping them on?
2: Do not expect head as "part of the deal" every single time. It is something we like to provide as an act of love and affection/ horniness for you. It can't be dictated and taken for granted.
3: Dry sex is bad sex. If you struggle to get her wet enough with foreplay, simply get lube. Problem solved.
4: Avoid routine. It takes two to tango off course, but there is
5: We don't mind the lights on, but a soft and romantic light puts us in the mood and matters more to us than you guys. We hate neon-light as it makes us insecure about our bodies. Candles is a hit with all women!!
6: Don't copy things you have seen in porn without consulting us. This includes coming on us/in our face (all women who'd had cum come into their eyes knows it is practically blinding for hours)
7: We have the right to refuse anal sex!

Date Night

2011-08-03T18:23:00.000-07:00

I know it's cheesy, but setting aside a fixed night as couple & romance time for just the two of you is bound to bring you closer, and make her feel safe in your commitment to the relationship and her.
Ideas of things to do
Dinner & Drinks
DVD & Snack night (let HER pick the movie and endure the american romantic rom-com's if you plan on getting some afterwards!)
Picnic
Sailing
Long walk followed by meal of choice (great between breakfast and lunch as outing. We will enjoy our meal more since the walking has "earned" us carte blanc on the menu)
Tickets to a show/concert
Bath, Massage & Sex night

The secret to a happy relationship

2011-08-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Number 1:
Give her a heartfelt nice compliment every single day. Trust me lads. This is the dog's bullocks.
It makes us feel special. We feel that you are in love with us, which is extremely important to every woman,
yet seems so hard for men to remember!
Newsflash: What you might think of as compliments, such as " Great meal, hun" or " (rolling off her) that was great, babes" are in fact NOT considered compliments. And even when we have lost weight.. do not go there.
Fool-proof compliments:
You look hot/ gorgeous/absolutely beautiful/stunning/sexy today baby!
You always smell so wonderful, I love your scent so much
I love that hairstyle on you/ your hair looks great (a must if she has made an extra effort!
You have so/such beautiful/perfect/gorgeous ....INSERT BODY-PART (please alternate. we have more than tits and ass!)
2: Give her a good embrace every day. We need a good bear-hug a day to feel safe, loved and happy. (avoid the very annoying sneaking up on us from behind whilst we are stressing in the kitchen preparing a dinner-party for 6!..or when we are doing the dishes.)
3: Ask us how our day was
4: Listen to how our day was
5: Learn the names of her friends and ask about them from time to time ( if you are in the unfortunate situation of having an innocent crush on one of her girl-friends, for god sake don't ask too much and only about her. We can smell the crush like hungry wolfs scent a sheep!)
6: Be patient with her family. Remember she did not choose them either.
7. Share your feelings occasionally. More will follow on this one, as it's unfortunately a mine field...

2011-08-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

Other blogs

List of to do's on first dates (with women you really like)

2011-08-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

1. Don't lie about your income/profession

2. Being polite to staff

3. Give her a compliment every 45-60 minutes

4. Pay the bill (if she insists then go dutch)

5. Ask her about her work

6. Listen when she answers about her work

7. Open the door for her

8. Give her your arm to hook up to rather than holding her hand

9. Don't forget the most important number 3 :)

First date oral man-dierreha

2011-07-30T06:20:00.001-07:00

So. She agreed to meet you. Make sure you don't fall into the classic trap men often do, because they are nervous and desperate to impress. I've suffered through many a meal where the guy rants on and on and on about what? Himself.

This is what we hear: "Me me me, my important job, my incompetent boss, my fancy car, me, me , me I'm so smart, me me, I have a huge penis, me me me, more about my car, I'm clever and popular, me me.. did I make sure you think I'm a god in bed?, me fotball.. my car, I'm clever....................." Often this has the very opposite effect on women. We are not impressed at all. We want you to be interested in us. At the end of many first (and last) dates I've thought to myself "this man still just know my name and where I work, but has not learned a single new thing about me this entire night".

Ironically and amusingly often by the end of the night the man will say something like "You know, I really like you" (implying let's get it on).. As if all that matters is them giving us the "stamp of approval" .. as if that seals the deal.. As if it's a given that we'll fall into their arms just because they are kind enough to let us... What we think of them is somehow completely forgotten somewhere in man-egoville... Consider a 50/50 rule when on a first date. You should both get to speak about yourself.

This advice applies to women as well, off-course, as I know many women can yammer on only pausing for a sip of wine or a breath of air.. But, this is a blog for men so that's by the by.

Good idea: Open ended questions Bad idea: Asking about her ex (Thats a topic for many dates later. And trust me, you don't want to go there, because she will go there for you before you know it and in more graphic detail that you would ever want to know.)

Bad idea: Bad-mouthing your own ex. Some men have sent shivers down my spine coming across as lunatic misogynist.. ( a little trash-talking is acceptable.. after all we want to think we are all you ever wanted in a woman). OR waving the torch you still carry for your ex in our faces.

Shave, shower and pick up the bill. Oh, and don't forget your manners.. Good luck!

Get her wild in bed

2011-07-28T04:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry boys, I only made this header to make you read this post. The header should have been "Housework". Contrary to many men's belief, most women are not born domestic godesses. Newsflash: we hate housework as much as you! I'm not suggesting some feminist crap of sharing everything 50/50. We don't need to lawn the grass or change light-bulbs as much as you don't cherish decorating for Christmas and putting spaghetti/spices/rice in decorative jars. What we want to find is a happy middle.

Dishes and washing can be shared! Women should also fill up with petrol by the way.. It's nonsense that this should be a man's job.

Unless you have two toilets I strongly suggest you make an effort to keep the seat down. For the sake of yours and hers sanity and peace on earth.

When doing the washing stick to the safe stuff. You can't go wrong with bed-sheets, towels, jeans etc.. Oh, and your own stuff! Stay away from anything which looks like a "special garment". Do not wash her blouses, dresses, fancy going out stuff or delicate underwear (granny-pants and cotton sweats are considered ok). Should you shrink/damage a favorite (you would never even guess how expensive/unique/special it was) item, you will hear about it for years! Guy's poker-night/football-night/BBQ night/ape-night.. clear table, throw away beer-cans and empty pizza-boxes, empty the ashtrays and wake up with a hangover AND the possibility of a shag. Don't and you'll have a hangover and a screeching inferno. I'm just giving you the option here.. I'll post more on the delightful topic of domestic chores later, but I guess this is just about as much as you can handle at once, so I'm breaking it into bite-size portions for you.

Other women

2011-07-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

1: Always make a point of us being everything she is not

2: Never say she is hot (even if she's Angelina Jolie)

3: Do not point out good points, always mention cellulite or saggy boobs (even if there aren't any trace of it)

4: If you are caught eyeing one up: don't lie- your dead!

5: Remember this woman has PMS, dragon-lady, granny-knickers and tantrum as any other woman

6: If the lady your eyeing out is more than 5 years younger than us... do everything you can to avoid us noticing it

you think you know how to dance?

2011-07-27T11:27:00.000-07:00

Dancing is never what we truly want. We want romance! Travolta/ P Diddy/ Nsync moves will not hit the spot. But a good grip (and men all over the world.. a firm grab round your girl's waist is worth a (million) few blow jobs) a tight grip on the waist is always a winner. Pull her close and kiss her deep and you can ask for things you'd never get just feeling fruity and not giving it the effort expected.

A dance to a girl is not an act of "so you think you can dance!.. or a dream of wedding dance.." The reason you should dance /score is because your attention is on her. Because you hold her tight and she feels your presence. If you know how to dance or not is irrelevant.. She will love you just for trying to.. it's true...

Expecting head & Going down

2011-07-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

Most women love to give head to the man we love. A clean and hard cock is delicious! Ever noticed a connection between showering together leading and you getting head? A simple act of offering to give him a wee wash before sex is appreciated and gives you extra points for being loving and considerate!

You don't feel like going down on her for the same reasons? Why not whisper seductively in her ear "If you nip in the shower I'll give you a nice full body massage and more?" Obviously you must be prepared to deliver the massage, but a relaxed and content woman is what you want,- right?

Be gentle! 99% of men lick pussy as they have seen in porn. That's as exciting as the fake "pleasure grunts" the women in porn make. Think mouth. Don't do nothing down there that you wouldnt do kissing her. Also the pointy tounge wagging is, again, just for visual effect in porn, not what the little lady wants at all. Try sucking her clitoris gently as if you are sucking a rock candy.

If adding fingers, stick to one or two. Showing all your fingers up there will surely not go down too well. Fisting is another porn myth. Most women would never ever want to have a fist up their vagina.

Tell us what to do! We dont know what you like any more than you know what we want. Tell us in a nice way. Encurage us when we are doing something right! You get the blowjob you deserve.

If you fail to communicate to us we will keep doing what we think is "right". If you feel as if she is pulling your cock out with the roots, tell her . I know you guys need clear instructions so try this template: " Baby, that feels so goooood, I love it when you give me head, especially when you ...INSERT WISH.... "

Fruity in the morning?

2011-07-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

Most men are horny in the morning. I'm not talking about morning glory (morning hard-on), we know that's not necessary you wanting to fuck, rather you need to pee. But, once that's done and you want to climb on top, consider this: we are half asleep/ we want to brush our teeth/ we have not adjusted to the morning light and we are probably a little grumpy!

Solution? Bring her her favorite baverage in bed. Make sure you do ca 15 minutes before her usual alarm goes on, and very gently and lovingly wake her up. In my relationship "morning coffee" = morning quickie

GIFTS

2011-07-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

You guys have it simple. Women are easier to please than you might think. Basics that ALWAYS hit home follows below. First I'll tell you what does not constitute as a GIFT: Chocolate. That's picked up at the airport taken for given, and they are the little things we consider mandatory and is NOT a gift (it's 2011, not 1950, lads. And, are you trying to make us fat?): DO NOT get us pets unless we have asked for it. DO NOT get any household appliance! A new blender is about as romantic as a handjob, if you catch my drift! Safe bets (for every wallet there is something): Jewelry Perfume Expensive brand-name cosmetics gift sets (NO anti -wrinkle stuff for women under 40!!. NO anti-cellulite or "body firming" stuff, please.No deodorants, however expensive. And no anti-blemish stuff. That we take care of ourself) Safe bet Expensive brand name cosmetics (YSL, Lancome, Biotherm, Clarins, Estee Lauder, Elisabeth Arden, Chanel, Dior etc..)Bodycare, Skincare, Make-up sets, Nail-care Expensive Scented Candles & Oils Quality sexy lingerie Quality silk, cashmere, wool or other nice material scarfs/shawls Watches & Costume jelry (costume jewlry is always appreciated, like gucci, cartier, DKNY, House of Harlow, Dior, Calvin Kline e.t.c.) Flowers! ONE EXEPTION: DO not give her flowers when you are feeling guilty. We sill smell it like a rotten cheese even if we don't mention it. Guilt-flowers have the opposite effect. Travel or HOTEL Book a weekend getaway, surprise her with one night of luxury in a 5star hotel, take her on a ferry-ride.. Do something which takes you out of the treadmill and flannel pyjamas & dirty dishes at home. (Check page my page on sex for icing on the cake!)

Her Birthday

2011-07-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

A gift-less man on her birthday is a dead man. We must have that gift. If you forget its as if you don't love us. We are that melodramatic, and we are very hurt if you forget. I once spoke to a businessman next to me on a long-haul flight. He told me whenever he traveled abroad and had time to kill, he'd spend his free time shopping little (and some not so small) gifts for his wife. At home, he said, he had a collection hidden from her, and he loved surprising her out of the blue with a gift. They have been happily married 22 years he grinned. Find allies to help you remember. You guys have it simple. Read the post GIFTS for more tips.

Rule number one: There is ALWAYS a special occasion!

2011-07-26T08:38:00.001-07:00

The list is long, and a man who commits to keep up will be one lucky gay. Why? We LOVE LOVE LOVE surprises and gifts. We feel loved and treasured. It creates nice memories (which women collect and store in our mental photo album. An empty or shrinking album of romantic "us" moments is a very bad omen for the ungrateful twat she's with.) And, almost as important as the touchy feely stuff: We get to brag about it to our girlfriends and colleges. FREE BONUS for remembering an or creating a special occasion: Your lover's mother will love you! So. Let's look at the obvious occasions. If you think Christmas and her birthday ought to cover it, think again mister! 1. Anniversaries (even if you are not married, an anniversary is an anniversary, and you bet she remembers! Just ask her so you know what she recons is the date, and remember it. If you simply say "Baby, what's the date of our anniversary again? I just want to make sure I remember it so I can plan my surprise for you". She will perhaps be stroppy about you not knowing the exact date, however the prospect of a surprise & special occasion wins. You win if you REMEMBER IT! Write it down. I suggest a list in your wallet with the relevant dates.