DB writes ........

The Divided States of America

2014-08-20T04:45:00.001-08:00

I rarely blog anymore, partly because I am so busy, and also because I have nothing of real consequence to write about. So after waiting a few days to see how things have unfolded in Ferguson, MO, it's time for me to chime in.

Racism. It is a very sensitive topic to tackle, say the wrong thing, you're racist. Say the right thing, you're racist. It's true you know. It's a lose, lose as white male for me to talk racism, but let's give it the ol' college try shall we.

When my daughter comes home from school super excited each day, she babbles on about things her, and her friends had done all day. She mentions the names of all her friends and how awesome life is. Last school year I was a volunteer on one of her class field trips so I had the privilege of meeting all of these fine young people. When we got there my little lady started to introduce me to all of her friends. Some were white, some black, some Latino, and some were most likely aliens from planet "pick my nose and eat it all day". These kids ran and played all day. They talked about all sorts of things that I'm sure they thought were super important, and not once did any of them treat another person any different because of the color of their skin. Things will never be as simple for those kids as it was right at that moment in time, before they let the world tell them that people are not equal. We as a people are not born to discriminate, we are slowly influenced by the world around us to do so.

My grandfather was and still is a very racist man. I find that older generations are mostly that way. Something very few people acknowledge though, is that was real racism, compared to what it is today. Back in those days people still believed that blacks were an inferior race, a lesser breed of human, that was not capable of the same things as white people. In today's society, I truly believe that thought has been nearly eliminated. What I see in this generation is discrimination. Let's be real here, discrimination happens between people of all race and color. Black people discriminate against white people just as much as whites to blacks, or whites to Latino, or Latino to black, or Asian to whites, you get the picture. Discrimination isn't just about race either. People are discriminated against because they are poor, overweight, short, tall, red haired ect. There are so many forms of discrimination it's insane. Although discrimination happens between people of all races, sizes and shapes, why does it only become a major issue when it is a white person discriminating? News coverage, protests, ect. I am in no way defending discriminatory actions, but if fairness is the name of the game, let's be logical and acknowledge these things.

The recent events in ferguson are only gaining media coverage because of what has been perceived by the black community as "racial profiling" leading to the death of an African American man. (Notice I say man, because the media and protestors keep calling him a child. He was 18, legally a grown man.) The fact is people are being killed all over the world and all over the US all day, every day. The only deaths that seem to gain all this attention are when white people kill black people. There is a huge double standard there. When is the last time a story about a black person killing a white person hit the news? Exactly. This is not just in cases of tragedy. It is in everyday life. As long as African Americans hold on to the thought that everything white people do is race related, progress will not be made. Sometimes it's just as simple as a white cop in a scuffle with a black man, the suspect is resisting arrest, and the officer who fears for his safety uses excessive force. It's not an execution or murder as protestors would say. It doesn't have to be race related, but that's what gets news ratings, so sure, go for it.

Ofcourse not all "minorities" think this way. There are a lot of people who see tragedy and death as just that. In the Michael brown case it is a tragedy that a life was taken, and also a tragedy that a husband and father took that life. An officer of the law who has been tasked with justice and keeping the peace, made contact with the suspect. That very man, appointed and given the full authority to uphold the law, asked the suspect to not walk in the middle of the street, a seemingly reasonable request, and the suspect did not cooperate. A scuffle ensued and the suspect ended up dead. I can guarantee you that if Michael brown had cooperated from the start, he would still be alive today. The reason why he didn't cooperate ofcourse, is that he had recently robbed a store, and was anticipating an arrest and jail time. The same can be said for Eric garner. If he was willing to 100% cooperate with police, he would still be alive. Excessive force in both cases? Absolutely. Preventable? Absolutely. Racial? Absolutely not.

Police officers don't wake up in the morning hoping to kill a black man for no reason and end up possibly losing their job and serving jail time. It just doesn't happen. I'm sure they do wake up hoping to protect and serve and do their jobs to the best of their ability. I'm sure telling someone not to walk in the middle of the street would fall under that. If it was a man or woman of any other race walking in the middle of the street, a cop would use the same procedure. If said suspect resisted arrest and posed physical harm to the officer? Same outcome. The only thing that would possibly be different is the amount of force used. Brown was apparently a 6'4" male, if someone that big is fighting with you, you might get scared too. I do think the officer used excessive force, most definetly. But I don't believe it was because of the suspects race.

The rioting and looting in ferguson is not racial either, it is directly related to mob mentality. If you put a bunch of people together who feel wronged and are angry, chaos will ensue, no matter what the race.

Another major issue is the media. In their attempt to create ratings they will say whatever is necessary, and report untruthful information if need be. Of race wars make ratings, they are all in, no matter what damage it does or how many years of progress it destroys.

So what have I done in this blog other than make myself look racist? I'm not sure. I'm not sure of what the solution is either. I'm not a public leader or politician(thank god). I would challenge you all to be good people first and white or black, second.

I genuinely believe that if minorities thought of themselves as equal, we would move in the right direction toward equality.

So to all the humans who have read this. I hope this does not anger most of you. I hope you take my words the way I was trying to project them. I hope you look at every angle of situation before judging another person. Fathers are fathers, moms are moms, sons are sons, crooks are crooks, killers are killers, no matter what race. We are all human beings, and all have the ability to see the good in others, and in ourselves before judging. I'm not perfect, but for the sake of my children and future generations, we all need to try harder.

Have we no shame?

2014-02-04T14:31:00.001-09:00

In line at Walmart today I patiently waited. As I waited I became more and more impatient, and increasingly angry. I was not angry because it was taking too long, or that I had someplace to be. The first thing that angered me was something we have all experienced. First a little backstory. I had shopped and selected the items that I needed, and proceeded to the proper checkout line labeled "20 items or less". During my checkout line selection process I carefully inspected the carts of the people in front of me to make sure there were no imposters with an amount of items that exceeded the allowable limit. After my recon I determined that lane 3 was a sufficient line, not only to ensure me a speedy checkout, but also filled with honest patrons with proper integrity and whom possess express lane etiquette. After the first shopper checked out quickly I got a little excited at the prospect of me being on deck, but I was being so very naive. What happened next was my worst nightmare. The shopper at the register was joined by another cart, with well over 20 items in it. Whaaaaaat? The couple had not only kinda cut me, but they were legally drunk on items, they were sitting at double the limit. I was steaming for a bit, but then I let it go, until I start to observe and count their items:

2 Digornio pizzas(one cheese and one chicken Parmesan)

1 box of corn dogs

2 boxes of egg rolls

Ect ect ect.

I look away when I realize I am staring in disdain, and see that Jennifer Anniston is pregnant again?!?!! I look back again after what seemed like an eternity, only to over hear that this particular family was using "EBT" aka food stamps, to pay for their purchase. There is only a few things I find wrong with that. Number 1: Why can you buy food that is terrible for you with food stamps?!? Número dos: Why are these people who need state assistance dressed better than I am? Why do they have expense brand named clothes and iphone 5's? I must have missed the memo. It irked me a little bit, not necessarily that specific incident, but it had me thinking about it as a whole. Why do we offer food stamps,Medicare, or any other state/federal assistance? It seems like a reward for lazy people. In the good ol' days, non contributors starved. Now they flourish. They have multiple kids that they can't take care of just to take advantage of the many forms of assistance that are available to them. The sad thing is, they drop their kids off with grandma and grandpa everyday at 7am anyway, and it's not to go to work. I'm just ccomplaing about things I can't change again, don't mind me. All I'm saying is, if you can't afford food then you shouldn't be able to afford American eagle jeans and ambercrombie shirts. These sort of things just shine another bright light on how consumer driven our lives are. Sad. If you want more information about my views on consumerism, read some of my older blogs.

Until next time my children.

Take notes

2013-04-15T14:39:00.001-08:00

What's so different? Why does the world seem to be falling apart all around us? Maybe it's not too different after all. Perhaps I was sheltered from it as a child, protected by oblivious innocence. Today's world is full of hate and violence, death and destruction. We are programming ourselves and our children to believe that this is just the way it is. Why can't it be different? Why can't we change the present to positively affect the future?

The truth is, the government won't allow that to happen. Change is bad. Change is the enemy. The government is too busy keeping all the busy bees working and stuck in the hive. Work and spend. Work and pay taxes. Work until you can't work anymore, and now your too old to enjoy anything. They keep us so busy we don't even know what is going on around us, so we watch "The News", which conveniently has only what our government wants us to see. A few stories of hope and good will, and a hundred stories filled with tons of fear, laced with a thin layer of security. If we as a people stay scared, we don't take chances, we don't leave our bubble. We stick to our daily routines, we protect what we can and control what we can.

Working with our government are huge companies and corporations, selling us what they think we need. Trinkets and objects that make our lives easier, and make us think less. Things that take away any challenges physically or mentally, giving us more time to eat the fat filled foods, further cementing us in the system. We as a people are not only buying into the system, we are working diligently to stay there.

Your average person today knows not how to build a fire, or set up a tent. Hell, most people can't shoot a gun, or skin an animal(but the government doesn't want you to do that anyway). As a child I was lucky enough to learn these things and many more, but these life/survival skills have been replaced by computer games and tv shows. Why don't they want us to know how to do these things??? So we are more reliant on the system. So we work. So we pay taxes. Why can't we own guns? So we aren't a threat to them, so we can't defend ourselves. It's all about reliance. I am by no stretch a gun rights activist or a conspiracy theorist. I am just stating the obvious.

So why is the world such a bad place? Well in short, because we simply don't care anymore, we don't have to. We are given so many other things to distract us that we don't care about anything short of the newest iPhone, or the next Delicious Carl's jr burger. Who cares about what's going on in a different part of the world when you can't control it, what you can do is start up your newly financed car and drive to McDonald's for a Big Mac meal.

So now the big question. How do we change things? How can one person make a difference? In these "hard times" of terrorism, economic decline, and presidential stupidity, we find ourselves trying to help. The only problem is, we are applying ourselves in the wrong areas. Watching tv and sending donations to companies and organizations that claim to benefit a worthy cause or charity, when in fact they probably don't. Why not try instead helping out a local family in need. Perhaps you could donate your time rather than your money, at a local food bank or homeless shelter. Hold the door open for a disabled individual. Be kind, courteous, and respectful to every person you come across. A little goes a long way.
It sounds cliché, but being a good person can make and inspire change.

It is socially accepted and even praised to be a jerk in present day. It wasn't like this 20-30 years ago. It wasn't like that because parents actually parented. Adults were adults, and kids were kids. Kids weren't prematurely exposed to sex, drugs and violence like they are today and forced to grow up too fast. You now have children thinking in adult terms, watching adult programs, and doing adult activities. Personally I think that all of this garbage is creating negativity in our youth. Pair that with a lack of discipline and work ethic, and it's a delicious recipe for disaster. So now we have a fresh generation of consumerism enslaved children ready to go to school, to get to college , to get a job, to work until they are 70, then retire, then die. Well, if they are capable of death, because at this point we are just raising robots, perfectly built and groomed to benefit the system. Do you suppose these kids care about being genuine? Kind? Courteous? I didn't think so. These children only care about themselves and how they can benefit themselves. And you wonder why half of them grow up shooting up schools and bombing sporting events.

I'm guessing that this far into my little rant my thoughts are starting to get scrambled, and maybe not make any damn sense. I'm just spit balling here, so please forgive me. I should probably do what I normally do when I start rambling. List it out.

Dan's secret list of how to change the world:(in no particular order)

- Teach your children how to hunt, fish, camp, forage, ect.

- Teach your children how to respect others, and care for others.

- Don't rely on others to supply you with all the things that you need.

- Take care of your body and inspire others to do the same.

- Don't be a slave to your consumer products.
(this one is hard for me too, work in progress).

- Do what you love to do, don't give in to social pressure.

- Don't be afraid to do the right thing.

- Don't be afraid to do the "wrong" thing.

- Recycle, ride a bike, take a walk.

- Care about the right things, not about what the media wants you to care about.

- You can't control everything, but take control of what you can.

- Don't fuel the media fire.

The list is longer than this, but you get the point. Doing things for yourself is step one. Then you can inspire others as well. If I sound like a conspirator I apologize. But more and more I see the media and government trying to control every aspect of our lives, and it makes the world a scary place.

Some of what I said here will make sense to you, some won't. Take notes of what connects with you. If you don't agree with the things I have said, then turn off the news and go outside, it's a really nice place.

Curious.......very curious.

2013-02-19T12:00:00.001-09:00

My mind can't help but wander from time to time. The fact that my helpless wandering has become more and more frequent is what worries me. I think of this and that, and that and this. My mind never shuts off, never slows down, never stops. Half of the time I am contemplating important things, the other half I am thinking about pointless movie quotes. I guess it's a good thing, but sometimes I just want to be so dumb that my brain doesn't care if it is stagnant and turning to mush.

So while thinking, about whatever topic I may have in my head at the time, I go through the many scenarios in which said topic will play out. My thoughts are more long term than short, and my movie quotes are more comedy than any other genre.

Now that I have given you a very vague insight into my brain, you can come along on a pointless magical journey.

Our journey begins on a mystic mountain top, where lamas dance and dwarfs work the lights. I know you are now wondering, "who is the DJ of this rocking event?" The answer is quite simple really: Captain Planet. The music choice of the evening is obviously 80's alternative, with disco ball in tow.

After the party, CP takes off to perform whatever politically driven tasks he has been assigned, the dwarf returns to the caves, and the lama runs into the sunset.

The event was a fundraiser feebly attempting to return CP's mediocre show onto the air. It wasn't a total bust though. Alf showed up half lit, and they raised a total of $13.00.

The story sounded much better in my head, trust me. So now I am wondering, where has Captain Planet been? By now I would guess that he has given up on the environment. There isn't much left to save, and he isn't a real super hero. He probably spent a while hopped up on the devils lettuce and eating vegan food while growing a sick nasty all natural beard. Even Captain Planet can only be all natural for so long, so he most likely makes the switch to a synthetic drug like meth, and OD's on some Walter White pure blue.

Sometimes transitions aren't easy, and this one is no different. It's Harry Potter time folks. Okay I'm not gonna go to far into a Hogwartz coma and go super nerd, but I do feel like you guys should know what my favorite part of any of the movies is. It is understated and elegant and gives me goosebumps every time: (Via IMDB quotes)

Mr. Ollivander: Curious... very curious...

Harry: Sorry, but what's curious?

Mr. Ollivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. It so happens that the phoenix whose tailfeather resides in your wand gave another feather... just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.

Harry: And who owned that wand?

Mr. Ollivander: We do not speak his name! The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why. But I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.

GOLD, PURE DAMN GOLD!

I love all of those movies but I could watch that scene on loop until I die.

When I start to talk about things that not only don't make any sense, but have no actual relevance to anything whatsoever, aside from producing run on sentences, (like this one), I tend to dig deep and bring up moves or shows from my childhood. Enter : "A Pigs Tale".

I watched this movie many times as a young kid. A cliche tale of kids at summer camp and the wacky experiences they had. I never had the chance to attend a summer camp as a child, so I found myself clinging to any movie about summer camp. Luckily as a 90's kid I has about a billion summer camp movies to chose from. This film had it all, the ghost stories, bullying, capture the flag, forbidden love, all of it. If you haven't seen it I do suggest watching it immediately, I give it my personal endorsement. Also "heavyweights" is great, more mainstream and probably seen by all, but still great.

Well if you don't feel dumb after reading this, read it again or read another one of my blogs and you should. If you liked anything you read feel free to share. Stay thirsty my friends.

How far must we fall?

2012-12-20T11:07:00.001-09:00

Without mentioning the countless tragedies and hardships this world encounters every day, I will attempt to make some statements in this blog that will make you think, and upgrade your way of thinking.(Just keep in mind I used the word "attempt".) With that being said, I will also provide you with two warnings:

1. My sentences and thoughts tend to run on and are scattered.

2. I may offend you.

If you still feel prepared to read on, enjoy my rambling.

When I was a young child I was faced with many tough decisions. Play with the GI joes or the hot wheels? Apple juice or orange juice? Mullet or bowl cut? Well I may not have been in control over that last one(if you look at old pics of me it's obvious I wasn't), but one of the choices I always had to make as a kid was this: is the reward for this action worth the potential punishments I will receive for doing it? In most cases the punishment was a spanking or being grounded, so it was fairly easy to measure how far I would test the right/wrong boundaries. Depending on the severity of my misbehaving I may even get more harshly punished, that decision was the adults to make.

That was a long time ago, and now in the year 2012 and merging into 2013 we wonder where we have gone wrong. Lets start there, with my simple walk down memory lane about a bright red set of buttcheeks as a child, a welcome punishment for my miscues and disobedience. In this wonderful world we live in, kids don't get spankings when in trouble. Somehow in our new age children have the power. Where do they get the power you ask? It's a little place called child services. With so many kids falsely accusing parents of abusive behavior just to get their way, it has become the norm for parents to stop harsh hands on punishments all together. While CPS definitely serves a purpose and is needed, , it gets misused more often than not. Another source of blame is the hippy thinking tree huggers who don't believe in spanking their kids. You know who you are.

What is the result of all this BS? It's pretty simple really. If there are no consequences for your actions, you wont learn the true definition of right and wrong. What's worse even than that, is that some new wave thinking has parents rewarding for bad behavior. So if a kid breaks a window and has no punishment what so ever, what stops him from breaking another window? Lets pair this with our society's consumeristic tendencies and create a real big bag of crap.

Now you have your pre-teen kid who has a flat screen tv, Xbox, play station, computer, cell phone, ect
Ect. These kids are so spoiled they have developed a sense of entitlement. Pair that with a lack of discipline and that is a very dangerous mix. When this is carried on through a child's life until they are teens it blossoms into something even more asininely beautiful. Now you have a spoiled kid who has been handed everything on a silver platter, who is also smart enough to know that they don't have any repercussions for their miscues. What gives this teen any motivation to get good grades? Nothing. Because parents don't care. The kids graduate (amazingly), don't go to college, don't get a job, and start breeding. With no possible morals present, and immensely desensitized to violence via the news and video games at a young age, BAM!!! It's a sad (opinionated) outlook , that also happens to be true.

So we have multiple generations of dumbasses that can't even set up a damn tent, play video games all day, treat each other like crap, and have no motivation to do anything. If things aren't going their way, they wine and cry and someone (parents, government ect) give them what they want. So what happens when the world is full of obese people who don't want to work? Oh wait aren't we there already? I digress....... I may just be line dancing around this topic and sounding like a self centered smart ass, maybe.....but hey, it's my blog.

Now with all these massacres and shootings and junk, the news wants to cover these stories for weeks and months and ask questions like "why!!?" And "what was wrong with this individual?" , the proper question is "what is wrong with all of us?" Our society sucks, we raise our children wrong, praising them for mediocrity and sub par intelligence. We have to advertise on tv in a subliminal way to get their fat asses off the couch to go outside and play. Really??!? That is insane. We put garbage on tv and in our video games that is age appropriately labeled and our spineless parents let us watch and play it just so they don't have to say"no" while they shovel Cheetos and bacon on our plates so we shut up and leave them alone.

Why don't parents have time for their kids anymore? The hamster wheel of life is too important now, and to fast. Work-work-work-make-money-buy-house-huge-mortgage-have-to-work-for-life-retire-just-before-you-die-and-then-die. Pretty terrible if you ask me. When our kids finally do pull their heads out of their slop buckets and work, they will follow our example of the work till you die schedule.

So when you see a person committing crimes and killing people, that's the root problem? If you are keeping track at home, it's the parents. Most people end up parents by accident, and don't care to try. They end up letting day cares or family members raise their kids with mixed values and a healthy dose of television. So maybe try some sort of contraception. Just sayin.

The other issue is ofcourse the judicial system. After the lost generation grows to be adults, there are still practically no consequences for committing a crime. Plea deals, claiming insanity blah blah blah. Murder gets reduced to manslaughter. Manslaughter reduced to negligent Homicide or whatever. No one is scared of getting arrested, because they aren't going to serve much time, if any.

My crime punishment system is pretty simple:

Murder : Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of method used to commit said murder.

Manslaughter: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public hanging.

Rape: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public stoning.

Child molestation: Punishable by death, to be carried out immediately, by way of public hanging and public stoning, followed by incineration.

Theft: Removal of one finger for misdemeanor theft, removal of hand for felony theft.

Obviously I haven't listed everything. That's just a general guideline. "But Dan, what about people that are innocent?" Well faceless reader whose question is actually asked by the myself in a preventive manner, the answer is this :
If you are even in a position to be accused of murder, rape, ect, you are not making very smart choices now are you? You deserve what you get, and I will sacrifice a few losers to make the world a better place. I am not insensitive and surely not a jerk, just the way I feel, take it or take it. (A new phrase I have been working on, pretty legit.)

These harsh truths I have provided you may or may not make any sense, I have yet to actually go back and read them over, and I may not #WingingIt. #HashTagOnAHashTag. I hope you enjoyed reading, and until next time.

Signed
Crazy DB

America: the land of the free , the home of the over medicated

2012-11-02T22:29:00.001-08:00

As a child I was oft injured, as were my siblings. Wether it simple scrape of the elbow or blood running down our face, we rarely visited the local hospital. This was partly due to the fact that we couldn't afford to, other was in part to my father and the way he was raised. Sure there were the occasions in which duct tape couldn't seal the wound and we had to make that financially painful trip to the doctor,(Mostly on my accord) but not too often.

My father was a single dad for most of my life, and while he tried his best, sometimes compassion isn't high on the list. If you get a cold, have a cough drop and some soup. If you have a cut, use a towel to clean up the blood and daddy taped the cut up, then back to playtime. If you get a bruise toughen up. Back then maybe it seemed insensitive and downright uncleanly, but I am very grateful as an adult. My immune system is fantastic now. I get sick maybe once a year, my cuts heal quickly, and I am in great health. I am doing my best to raise my kids the same way.

In today's society there are medicines and remedies for everything from physical pain to mental issues. It seems like people automatically turn to pills when something is wrong. Sure there are some instances when medicine is needed, but come on people. Someone gets a scratch on their arm and they are at the doctor getting bandaged up and diagnosed with a "lateral laceration", they say it hurts and BAM, the doctor says "your Percocet is available for pickup at the Walmart pharmacy".

Today it's like no one has any tolerance for pain, mental or physical. If they are feeling sad, must be something wrong, get some pills. Oh my back hurts, get some pills. Now that everyone's bodies are so dependent on these drugs, their immune systems are worthless, which leads to more.......you guessed it, pills.

Suggestion from Mr. Know-it-all Dan:
Go out and play in the dirt. Go get a cut on your hand and don't put a bandaid on it. Introduce your body to some hard work or hard play and build up your immunities. Go outside and breathe in the fresh air. Live a little. After all that is over and you feel exhausted and maybe a little sick and sore, DON'T MEDICATE yourself. Give it a shot, it won't kill you.(But just in case it does I am not liable in any way, shape, or form).

I may be ranting, but who cares, I'm sick of hypochondriac people and the next generation of hypochondriacs they are raising.

I was a lucky person in my book to have been raised the way I was. It also helps that to this day I can't swallow pills.(Yes I know you're laughing but it's true). The only medicine I take is liquid Tylenol when I get migraines(which is pretty frequently since i prolly have a brain tumor), and the occasional NyQuil when I am deathly ill with my once a year cold. I'm not preaching though, if you are a pill popper than do your thing. Just don't come crying to me about all your medical issues, because I genuinely don't care, we can talk about football or something though.

Maybe I will sing a different tune when I get older and my body starts to deteriorate from all the stupid stuff I did as a kid, we will see. I know that my old man has been complaining of his knee hurting for about 10 years and finally went into the doc a couple months ago. Apparently his hip is completely gone and needing replaced. So instead of his body using his hip the way it should, all the pressure has been on his knee. He was very resistant but will get the surgery this December. It just reminds me of my childhood, and how I learned to be tough.....or stubborn.

Well I'm not sure what kind of points I have made, or if I am just poking fun at people. Either way it's been a good time. Until next time people, until next time.

A night at the fights

2012-10-26T11:02:00.001-08:00

When I get an opportunity to watch some cage fights, I am always game. Last night was no exception. Rick suggested we go and I obliged. This was the debut event of a new fight promotion in town, so I was somewhat interested to see how it played out.

The night started off completely normal. Rick and I entered and searched for our table, number 43. We sat down and started to talk about how high the ticket prices were and how crappy out seats were compared to events past. The people at the table with us seemed completely normal. We didn't even know what the night had in store for us.

Our table layout was simple. Two couples, in their early twenties, just chat chitting, waiting for the festivities to begin, and us. There were some empty seats that would soon be filled with the wildcard of the night.

The fights were running late (crazy right?!?), so these strangers decided they wanted to talk to me and Rick. None of us knew each other, so naturally it was awkward. The first person to engage in a convo with us was josh, a bro from delta(assumed) who supposedly trains with all these fighters and can kick all their asses. Joining josh was his date Jenna, who probably didn't say one word all night, who Rick recalled as a Monroe student he knew of but didn't "know".(you know how that works). The other bro at the table was Tyler, whom Rick had recognized as an old school mate from elementary, and at hutch. Tyler was a self proclaimed cage fighter of course, with earrings and tatoos. Tyler's date was the polar opposite of Josh's. I think her name was Ariella, or some kind of stripper name like that. Ariella was a cage fighter too, who thought she knew josh from the fights in delta, where she "made that bitch sit down", which was a different way of saying she knocked her opponent out. After speaking with the already intoxicated, not intentional double daters for a while, the fights were finally ready to begin.

As the fights started two of the empty seats at the table were stealthily filled, by Josh's dad, and his date, Sarah. Josh's dad was exactly what you would imagine, a alcoholic mid 50's dude wearing a fedora. His date on the other hand, was not what you would expect, a mid 20's girl in a dress more fit for a ball than fights, who was way out of his league.

The first initial thoughts shared by Rick an I were of ofcourse: Hooker. While we were obviously joking, we could help but think there was some truth to it. Josh's dad introduced himself, as "Josh's dad"(how original), he formally introduced us to his date as well. Quickly after the heartfelt introductions, an old connection was made. Josh's dad and Ariella caught eyes and soon embraced in a hug. Apparently they had met at the "bitch sat down" fights in delta, and had dinner after as a group. Now that everyone was introduced and our roster was set, the fights could start.

Fight number one was christened with the departure of Jenna(Josh's date). She had left her jacket so a return was inevitable, but you wouldn't know that by the look on Josh's face. Tyler and Ariella are hanging all up on each other and everyone is drinking a decent amount, other than me and Rick, who are downing H20 at a bladder bursting rate.

As the fights dragged on, Tyler and josh started to bet drinks based upon each fights outcome. The sad part is, those bets were more competitive than the fights themselves. Josh's dad began to talk with his date and proclaim that her name in his phone was "hooker girl", or something like that, further cementing our suspicions.

Josh's dad would frequently leave the table, much like Josh's date Jenna. As the two would leave, Sarah and josh would scoot closer and talk closer. Soon, josh and the call girl leave the table together, and return 5 minutes later at different times. I was not sure what to make of this, so I assumed what everyone naturally would.

What happened next left me confused, but not Rick, he knew what was going on. Tyler's GF Ariella got up to go somewhere, and Tyler asked Sarah(assumed streetwalker) to go to the bathroom with him. Josh's dad immediately says "oh shit, this is gonna be bad" and jets off. So I tell Rick that I am very confused, so he explained it to me much like a father would a confused child. Rick stated that Tyler had requested the hooker accompany him, because Tyler was attempting to pay the hooker for her services, possibly for a menajahtwa. I was shocked, and happy because I had found some entertainment.

While Tyler was away, his GF returned. Tyler and the whore returned, shortly followed by Josh's dad. Josh returned later, and we were back at full capacity. Tyler and Ariella had some understandable tension building between them, and so did josh and Jenna, whom made a few appearances at the table in the mean time. Josh started telling the harlot how if Jenna doesn't come back he doesn't care and it is her loss, Sarah acts like she cares in hopes to make some money off josh.

Somewhat suddenly Ariella got up and slammed her chair into the table, while muttering incomprehensible angry words, while Tyler screams "whatever just go". No more than 2.453 minutes after Tyler's GF takes off, Sarah asks/orders Tyler, "you wanna get out of here?"(I can't make this stuff up, it's true)so Tyler steadfastily replies "yeah". Before Sarah can even get her coat on, here comes Ariella, apparently calmed from the previous little fight her and Tyler had, sits down and snuggles up to him. The look on Tyler's face was well worth the $50 admission for the sub par fights.

Sarah is perturbed and now turns her attention back to josh. Josh is not warming up to her as much now that she tried to go home with Tyler. Josh now asks Tyler, "how much weight do I need to gain to fight you?" So now as you can imagine they are having a pissing contest, talking like manly men, fighting over a common street whore.

Things don't escalate to the point of fisticuffs, much to my dismay. Rick and I are puzzled, almost in a daze because we literally couldn't believe what was going on.

The rest of the night was just a table of pure tension and awkwardness, but Rick and I were sitting pretty. We had the privilege of a real life soap opera playing out for us, and we had front row seats. It just goes to show you what can be accomplished with the perfect combination of liquor and crazy people.

Quick summary:
Hooker
Cage fighter
Girl cage fighter
Drunk dad
Whore
Streetwalker
Harlot
Lady of the evening
Creepy old guy
Other cage fighter
Hilarious

Well folks, there you have it. Sometimes you go expecting a fight, and wind up witnessing pure gold. If you ever attend the local fights, try table 43, it worked for us.

Blah blah blog

2012-10-02T11:00:00.001-08:00

It's been a long time since my last post. Which I suppose is a good thing, don't wanna flood the market. How have I been? Pretty good faceless reader, thanks for asking. I haven't been up to much, just the same old Dan, charming and handsome with wisdom beyond my years. Overconfident? No way, I think I'm just about the perfect amount of confident. When you have a good product, you boast about it. Enough about me, lets talk about something else.

The other night I went through a struggle within myself that not even I can explain or understand. It was bed time and I was unable to sleep. Not because I wasn't tired or I had anything better to do, I just couldn't sleep. It was like I couldn't turn my brain off no matter what I did. So I did what any other person does in that position. I got up multiple times to go to the bathroom and get a drink and cough drops(because I have a cold). So at about midnight I finally caved and checked my Facebook and my twitter. Nobody had anything interesting to say because mostly everyone was asleep. So I fired up the Xbox and played some MW3. My performance was lacking due to the fact it was after midnight and my mind was already pre occupied with the other 1 million thoughts that were causing my sleeplessness in the first place. After 4 hours of sub par game play Liz rolled over and said "shut that off and try to sleep", so I did. I layed in the dark with all these things running through mind. The usual things really. Money, life, selling my house, moving, money again, providing for my family, men's basketball on Wednesday ect ect.

It is not uncommon for all of these things to occupy my mind right before bed. What is uncommon is the fact that on this special night, it kept me up until 5 AM, with my alarm set to go off at 7:05. There is no moral to this story, I just found it interesting to have a bout with insomnia on a ordinary Sunday night.

NEWS FLASH!!!: I have a sweet Mohawk now, my wife hates it, so naturally it makes me love it more. Secondary news: I will start MMA training in December, wether I fight or not, it will be a liberating experience.

This blog has actually spanned a 2 week period because I forgot I started it, FYI. Currently I am sitting here getting beat up by a 1 year old and watching hey Arnold.

I made a new twitter account to see how many people I can get to follow me who I don't even know. Currently it is a huge success, garnishing over 200 followers in a 4 hour time frame. Pretty crazy how that works.

Too all of you followers who may be reading this, hello, although I don't know you, thanks for reading.

So goodbye ppl, blah blah blah.

Twitter

2012-09-28T10:53:00.001-08:00

Okay people, time for some shameless self promoting. Twitter has become a place that I have grown quite fond of. You can write your little quips and read everyone else's. Not much if anything you read on there is very helpful or insightful, but good mind numbing babble. As my wife puts it: "Twitter is for celebrities or wanna-be celebrities". I guess she's probably right, but who doesn't want to be a celebrity?

The problem I have with twitter is this. When people follow you are you obligated to follow back? It feels that way to me, so I extend that courtesy. But sometimes I follow someone and they don't follow me back and I start wondering, is it me? Am I not good enough? Then the emotional roller coaster begins. Maybe I think too far into it. After all the only people that really follow anyone are skanks, that are really just some overweight dude sitting in his moms basement watching Greys Anatomy reruns and eating frozen chimichangas,(not still frozen, microwaved but probably not long enough because they are fat and can't wait the full recommended cooking time, so they get it out and start eating it but the middle is still kinda frozen but they don't care cause their fat) while tweeting about their hot bodies.

I do like to see what my favorite athletes or celebs are doing. Then I tweet them and they never answer me.....jerks. Someday I would like to have a bazillion followers just so I can be awesome and actually respond to their tweets and make them feel loved and important. I prolly won't ever achieve the twitter greatness I speak of, but I will always have my good looks and charm.

So if you are wondering, "hey should I start a twitter account?", the answer is yes, because it does help pass the time. Really what did we do before social networking? Were we actually productive at work? Nahhhhh. If you do decide to start a account or already have one, be sure to follow me @danboschert, because I actually follow back, and who couldn't use a little more Dan in their life? My feed usually consists of recycled movie quotes and worthless information, but you can't live without it. My twitter also includes direct links to my newest blogs, which can be described as mediocre by some, but they are lying............. right? Oh well. Have a good morning, and if I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night.

Life changes

2012-09-16T15:32:00.001-08:00

Running and playing in the backyard, young children play simple games of "tag" or "hide and seek". The only cares or worries on the minds of these adolescents is what's for lunch, or what the next episode of phineas and pherb might be. Although I have been known for having doofenshmirtz on the brain, presently there is little else that can compare to my thoughts as a child(my wife may disagree). Waking in the morning now brings different thoughts for me, as I am now an "adult" with kids of my own. I awake at an ungodly early hour, to shower and prepare for my day of work. What do I think about all day you ask? Well there are my occasional A.D.D thoughts about fantasy careers and buying a new truck, but
mostly I think of my future. Financial security, car payments, house payments, cable bill, blah blah ect ect. When I was a kid I was happy to dig a hole in the ground and bury things. Maybe throw some rocks or make my brother eat a whole bottle of mustard because I knew he hated it(loosely based on true events).

As time progressed and I became a teenager, my days were occupied with school, sports, and girls, not always in that order. Still, I was young at heart and a free spirit, not weighed down by responsibility and money. Free to spend time with friends and sleep as long as my hear desired. But as most things do, these times had to end sometime.

Progressively as years pass and you are entering the final years of high school it begins. Everyone you know that isn't in school starts asking you the million dollar question. "What are you going to do after high school?". Should you go to college? Go get a job? Take a year off and join a traveling circus as an exotic animal handler? Who knows really, success has been found in all of those options. What many people find themselves doing is weighing what option will bring them more money. There's that word again, "MONEY". I hate money, maybe it's because I don't have enough. I think I hate money because it consumes our entire lives. Forgive me for all the topic changes and the overall scattered nature of this, but "that's how I roll" as the say in the hood.

After high school I decided the workforce was where I needed to be. Worked, bought a house and was living the dream. As my family grew i needed a bigger house. Sold my house and bought a nice big fancy house. My new home was nice, but also double in price. Hey that rhymed, schaweeeet!! Then I woke up one day and realized my dream was more of a nightmare, a consumerism driven 30 year mortgage kind of nightmare. My sudden realization was kinda crazy. I realized I didn't want to work my life away just to pay a house payment.

So here I am months after that defining moment, with lots of help from my wife and some family, coming close to a new chapter in life. I will be moving away from the only place I have ever known next year. I am quitting the only job I have ever known next year. It is a leap of faith you might say, but if all of my saving, sacrifices, and planning work out, it will be great.

I can only plan so far ahead, so what about later? As I get older I can't help but wonder. Right now I am 26, been married for 7 years, 3 kids ages 1,3, and 5. My oldest just started kindergarten and my youngest is a loudmouth. My middle is a bruiser and all 3 are absolutely perfect. What happens next? I don't wanna be 30, definitely don't wanna be 40. Will I raise my kids correctly? Will they succeed? Will I succeed? Will I have enough money? Will my kids suck at math as much as I do? All valid questions with no forthcoming answers. I guess I can just find comfort in knowing I already have a good life, and it will probably work out. Things could be a lot worse.

Most people would end with a sentimental paragraph thanking their friends and family, this is as close as I can get. I have very few friends, and am not particularly close to any of my family. My friends and family alike consider me somewhat anti social, with good reason. I prefer to stay at home with my kids and my wife, sue me. I would like to thank all of you though, because wether we talk all the time or not at all, I learn something from each and every one of you. The things I learn can be what to do, or what not to do, but all
Important lessons none the less. I love my family, all crazy and stubborn, but family. I love all my friends as well.

In conclusion, I am a spaz with a scatterbrained writing style and a genuine concern of growing old. I want to succeed and want all of those around me to do the same. I just poured my heart out to you, you now owe me.

DTTF: Actors

2012-09-05T10:48:00.001-08:00

DTTF: actors
I watch a ton of movies. Anyone who knows me can vouch for the fact that I can apply a movie quote for almost any situation or conversation, often ruining both. So I give you my faves.

10. Jon header

Better known as "Napoleon Dynamite" than his real name, mr. Heder is a diamond in the rough. With his breakthrough film he showed us his skills, with the following performances in movies like "blades of glory" and "the bench Warmers", we fell in love. I forgive him for the movie "just like heaven".

9. Rob cordry

Although rarely seen in the starring role, rob provides some top notch second fiddle acting. He is hilarious in every movie you see him in, and he is bringing the bald look back to Hollywood. Best known for playing Lou in "hot tub time machine", he can also be seen in dozens of other movies, if you don't believe me, lougle it.

8. Paul walker

If you say you don't like Paul walker you are a liar. He is wonderful. Maybe I am just blinded by his beauty. He really hasn't done much good other than the fast and furious, well I guess there was varsity blues and timeline. But my favorite of his was meet the deedles.

7. Ashton kutcher

From "punkd" to "that 70's show", "what happens in Vegas" "just married" ect ect. He is a great actor, easily recognizable and very funny. "dude where's my car" changed the world, really it did. "ZOLTAN!!!!"

6. Kevin Costner

Although most of his movies where declared flops, I disagree. Loved "waterworld", loved "the postman", "field of dreams" was pretty good. Apparently he is a dick in real life, maybe that has something to do with it. Robin hood was and still is one of my favorite movies, russel Crowe almost ruined what Kevin Costner had perfected, but I forgive him because he gave me gladiator.(off topic sorry I'm a.d.d(not medically confirmed just suspected).)

5. Leonardo dicaprio

"basketball diaries" still remains one of my favorite all time movies. Leo is a game changer, love him or hate him, he is the real deal, so much so I don't even have to explain why.

4. Channing tatum

Everything I am, I owe to channing tatum. Okay not really, but he sure is a goo actor. He saves me quite often, by starring in chick flicks to make them somewhat tolerable. He also is good in comedy and action movies.

3. Ryan gosling

The notebook gets me every time. Don't act like you don't sit up alone watching and crying, we all do. He is a class act and as a fantastic beard(sometimes).

2. Zac Efron

Efron is that one actor that makes it easy for a grown man to have a bro-crush. He is good looking, charming, and stacked. Everything a guy wants to be, this guy is. He is also a good actor don't get me wrong. this "wildcat" had got some vocal skills as well. If you want to fall in love like I have, just gather a group of bros and watch "Charlie st cloud", it will change your life.

1. Will Ferrell

What can I say that you dont already know? That statement in its self speaks volumes for this mans influence on the comedy genre. From his early and hilarious times on SNL to his newest stuff, he is a comedy god. I you don't like his movies you have a brain tumor, and should probably be checked by an accredited health institution immediately.

Honorable Mention:
Jean Claude van damme
So close to making my top ten. JCVD is a terrible actor , but I still find myself watching tons of his movies, I am memorized by his fake martial arts. Oh well, I'm gonna go watch Bloodsport again.

Dan's Top Ten Faves: Energy Drinks

2012-08-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

After no so careful consideration I have decided to start a little mini series within my blog. No it's not DTF, sorry jersey shore fans. It is DTTF: Dan's Top Ten Faves, or "Favorites", for those of you who don't believe in sloppy abbr.'s(abbreviations). This pioneering moment begins with something near and dear to my heart, Energy Drinks. I am not a coffee drinker, so I have tried many different energy drinks to find one that offers good taste, and can actually wake me up in the morning. These are my findings.

10. NOS

The only real reason this one makes the list is the cool shaped bottle it comes in. The thing looks like a miniature nitrous bottle, which reminds all of us of "The fast and the furious". Aww yeah, great movie.

9. Xyience

The official energy drink of the UFC, that's pretty badass. Available in many different flavors and is zero calories, this drink tastes pretty good, but doesn't provide enough energy for me. It is much more affordable than most others, and has special edition cans with you're favorite cage fighters.

8. Monster

Monster has a cool logo, and that's about it. Too many calories in the standard drinks( yes they offer a zero calorie also), but they all taste like donkey pee. They don't provide a very good boost either. If you are wanting to look cool and impress a lady friend of yours, I suggest a green monster can with a matching hat and T-shirt, nothing says super douche like monster.

7. Rockstar

Rockstar has it made. Great
Name, check. Great logo, check. Good mixer, check. The taste is mediocre though. It provides adequate energy, but once again too many calories. It lands in this spot on the list due to the poor taste.

6. Amp

This is a tough one for me. Amp is one of the best tasting energy drinks out there. It combines the great mountain dew taste we all love, with a little extra zing. The problem I have with it, is the extra zing comes from very high amounts of sugar. In turn, the drink has a crash effect. It is just as high in calories as the rest of them, well over 200. When I feel nostalgic I grab a can and throw crash caution to the wind, cause its so damn good.

5. Full Throttle: Blue Demon

BA name. Extremely delicious. But it is more like a soda than a energy drink. Like amp, it is packed with sugar and causes a significant crash. It also doesn't provide much actual energy,. It is a good mixer though, and holds a special spot in my heart.

4. Full Throttle: Red Berry

If this list were based on taste alone , this would easily be #1. But it is a clone of the blue demon, and has many flaws. Still, it is like a treat when I can have one of these, and if I was to meet my untimely demise by drowning, I could only hope that the liquid in which I perish, would be Full Throttle: Red Berry.

3. Go Fast

Someone was really thinking when they came up with this name. Pretty awesome. After drinking these you feel
like you could legitimately run a marathon. The taste leaves something to be desired, but with this kind of boost, who cares right? Makes me feel like Ricky Bobby when I slam one down. " Down Karen!!!!"

2. Red Bull

The original and formerly #1 in my heart. Red bull is the real deal. Good taste and good rush. Unfortunately I have found a better solution for my energy needs, and it is........

1. Rockstar: 2X Energy

This is amazing. It literally has double the caffeine of a normal energy drink, and you can definitely tell. The taste is some kind of citrus brought down by Zeus from mount olympus, captured from the dew from the plants that inhabit his fair homeland. I can drink one at 8pm and be up until like 4 in the morning. Those numbers don't lie friend, go get one, now. The best part is they achieve this and keep it at 15 calories, so you don't have to feel super guilty when chugging it. I don't always drink energy drinks, but when I do, I prefer Rockstar: 2X Energy. Stay thirsty my friends.

What up?

2012-08-03T20:19:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since my last blog post. I feel as if I won't be able to repay you for my absence, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Now that that picture perfect movie moment is over, we can move on. I have recently found myself so "busy" that I couldn't contribute my thoughts to society via wildly mediocre blogging. So what have you been up to? The question was rhetorical, and I can't possibly hear you, no need to reply. I have been up to the usual. Frequently daydreaming about being a cage fighter, or auditioning for American Idol has filled most of my free time slots. The Olympics are the current topic
of most social circles, but I will spare you for now. Consider this a sacred place, where you can get away from all those overbearing, in your face, obligatorily patriotic sporting events. You know what I am more focused on now than ever? Convincing my wife to let me try out cage fighting. I am not stupid, I fully realize that finding fame and fortune in MMA is near impossible.I am intrigued with the competitive nature. Just two athletes competing against each other. If you lose, there is no one to blame, no pointed fingers. It is a true test of character, heart, intelligence and strength. Personally I think I would be good at it, and have a great time. The only thing I have a hard time coming to grips with is the possibility that I would be knocked out. The actual KO doesn't bother me too much, if a dude hits me hard enough to knock me out, then my hat is off to him. What doesn't excite me is the fact that someone would get it on camera, and without a doubt it would be replayed over a million times in slow motion. I have friends that have bravely stepped into the cage and they love it. So if you see my wife put in a good word for me huh? Thanks unknown reader, you're a life saver.(not the candy, like someone who is doing me a favor, but not a huge favor, it was meant to be somewhat sarcastic.) MMA aside, life has been good, and I hope the same can be said for you. If it hasn't been, here is a short list of things that are sure to make you're life better, with little thought required:

Slinky
Water balloon fight
Dinner at red lobster
bubbles
Popsicle
Slumber party
Trash talk online
Plant a tree
New socks

These are things that bring joy to life. Obviously the full list is extensive, I just ain't got the time to list more, you understand. So what's with Facebook nowadays? I can't seem to stay focused when I'm "bookin'". "like" this and "share" that. What I really want to know about is what my friends are up to, so fix it. Sorry if I am not stimulating your mind with this loose collection of words here. I think it and type it. Feel free to comment on my inadequacies as a writer, I can handle criticism......Well, not really, but I will try. I have been off work for 3 week-ish now, with some vacation left. It feels weird not to be working. I could get used to this though. Waking up at 8 and spending all day with my awesome kids and hot wife. Pretty sweet deal. If you don't have a hot wife I suggest you get one, as I always say "wife up". I guess this thing is done. I just put "Tommy Boy" on, so I cant even give you guys 1/10th of my attention. "Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Is it alfalfa, or is it spanky.........sinner".

Lakers free agency/trades

2012-07-11T11:07:00.001-08:00

So we are in full offseason swing, which means new player additions via free agency or trades. My beloved Los Angeles Lakers have already made their mark by completing a sign and trade with the Phoenix Suns for my favorite point guard of all time: Steve Nash. It is obvious what the two time MVP and future hall of famer brings to the table, other than fantastic hair. Nash is a true point guard with court vision, legendarily efficient shooting and high basketball IQ. Pairing the likes of Nash with Kobe Bryant not only puts my two favorite players together, but is a dream come true for any lakers fan. Now the question on everyone's mind: Andrew Bynum or Dwight Howard. While the question may remain moot due to the lakers lack of financial flexibility, it is still possible, with a third team to take on some of the burden. What we all don't know is if Bynum will continue his strong play, or continue his childish behavior. Look, we don't expect much from our pro athletes anyway, and Bynum is young, but grow up already. Plus, Bynum can opt out next year anyway, so why not trade him for Howard? Howard is a man child himself, but at least he is a former DPOY, more than we can say of Drew. Don't get me wrong I like Bynum and what he brings to the table. I also would like to see Bynum stick around with the team that drafted him, being that I am a purist of the game and don't think players should ever be traded. So my opinion on the proposed Howard-Bynum switcharoo? Who knows and who cares. They are both good centers and will be a third option at best to Nash and Kobe, all they have to do is rebound and play defense, not too much to ask of a 7 footer. Topic change!!!! So what about Ron Artest errr Metta World Peace? Everyone has been talking for months about how the lakers should use their amnesity clause on him and dump his contract. Why? He is a top defender and can shoot. Well I lied he can't shoot, but you could bring him off the bench for some toughness. Now you argue that he is paid way to much to come off the bench. True, but they are all over paid anyway do what's the difference. The lakers still need some good shooters off the bench, so scan the free agent list. Okay now keep in mind the lakers have no money and check that list again. Who you got? Well if MWP indeed gets relieved of wearing the coveted purple and gold, that could free up a few bucks and let LA get say: OJ Mayo? Mayo is a legit shooter/scorer who I think would fit pretty well. Or on a role player scale, roger mason jr or rasual butler, both of whom I despise, but can knock down open jumpers. Oh well all I am doing is speculating and living out my role as GM. Whatever they do short of signing me to a ten year contract won't be that exciting anyway. I look forward to watching this upcoming season though even if half the teams are blown up an the other half are stacked. I see that new CBA is really working out for you guys!!!!

Midnight Sun Festival 2012

2012-06-25T11:37:00.001-08:00

Last night my family and I made the repetitive mistake of going to the downtown Midnight Sun Festival for the ten thousandth consecutive year. For those of you that are not from or have never been to Alaska, this

festival is to celebrate solstice, the longest day of the year. In Alaska, solstice brings an entire day of sunlight, hence the term "Midnight Sun". What solstice also brings, is an endless amount of people, most of

which, should not be allowed in public. The festival is held on the streets of downtown Fairbanks Alaska,

covering from first to third avenue. In this very small area are crammed hundreds, or maybe a thousand

people, covered in sweat and chewing their food quite loudly. The food at this event is fantastic, but good

luck getting any, because the lines are fifty people deep, and the prices are enough to break Donald Trumps

wallet. While walking and seeing the sparse and predictable booths, you run into old friends or acquaintances, chit chat and move on. About ten minutes later, you have seen all there is to see, but for the

sake of tradition, you stay longer. Along with food booths and local junk vendors, other attractions include a

mechanical salmon ride for the kids, a rock climbing wall, bouncy house and a inflatable obstacle course.

Don't forget about the overweight belly dancers and awful live music. I just looked up and skimmed over

what I have wrote and realized I am being very negative about the festival, and could quite possibly scare

away a first timer, so let me partially correct myself. This event is very worthwhile if you are a tourist, a

teenager, or a small child. My viewpoints are also skewed due to the fact that I am a family man, attempting

to navigate through the shoulder to shoulder traffic with my wife and three kids in tow. Now back to the

negativity.

Pop quiz: You have just purchased a delicious treat and are looking for a location to stop and enjoy it,which

location is best suited for this?

A. Table

B. Curb

C. Grassy Area

D. Right in the middle of a walkway currently occupied by over five hundred walking people.

In any normal situation someone would choose either A,B, or C. At the MSF, the obvious choice is D. It

almost seems as if only people who have no awareness of their own surroundings attend this event. The only

silver lining that I find is the "Midnight Sun Mayhem" pride style cage fights that take place across the bridge.

This is an outdoor event, full of violence and ass-kickery.2012 marked the second annual, and it was a great

event, I highly recommend it. If you were looking for a positive review or a crazy story, I apologize.Before I

wrap this up I will give a quick Pros and Cons list for those who want the cliffs notes version.

Pros:

Good food

See old friends

Something to do in Fairbanks

Cons:

Highly likely that you will contract a disease

Long food lines

See old friends

Lose child

Get mugged

Very crowded

No parking

Fat dancers

Bad music

Bad skateboarding

Ugly people

Body odor

Lots of emo/goths

Expensive food

People trying to get you to vote

People trying to get you to sign a petition

Drunk natives

The list can go on forever. If you are wondering if you are grouped in with the "Ugly people" or "Body odor"

people, then you probably are. Or any of the other classifications for that matter. I don't mean to be hard on

you, but it's my job. You stay classy Fairbanks.

Need a laptop

2012-06-13T10:43:00.001-08:00

Many of you readers will be shocked to know that I do not have a laptop. Most of my writing is done on my iPhone. While convenient in some ways, the inconveniences are aplenty as well. Soon I will purchase a MacBook pro, realizing a life long dream: to carry a laptop bag around everywhere with me, pirating wifi, and typing in public. It is going to be legendary. Until that point I will be sentenced to a blog life of mediocrity filled with listless,misspelled blogs with poor grammar and no cool pictures. Forgive me. It's not all bad though. You are still very privileged, getting to read what I write is a gift that(very) few receive. I don't know why my blog hasn't sky rocketed to top tier status, but oh well, I can remain an undiscovered talent.so if you are reading this, thank you, and I hope to provide some relevant material in the near future, when I'm not typing on a floating imaginary keyboard.

Random bits.

2012-06-06T10:26:00.001-08:00

1. The origin of camping in video games: the bathroom in 007 golden eye.

2. How does one choose whose face he or she will eat. If I were choosing, it wouldn't be a homeless dude. Just sayin.

3. "do you smell what the rock is cookin?" ....well no sir, I do not. It doesn't appear that you are actually cooking anything.

4. When I walk down the sidewalk, I feel like Ricky bobby in a post race interview, I don't know what to do with my hands.

5. Once in a lifetime a show comes around that challenges your thinking and makes you laugh, the pauly d project is not one of those shows.

6. When people say "my kids are the cutest in the whole world" they are usually just biased because they are talking about their own kids. But my kids are the cutest, it's just a fact, learn to deal with it or face the consequences.

7. Self proclamation is the easiest way to make yourself look like a huge doucher.

8. How many people get married to someone who coincidentally has the same last name? I'm not talking I live in the south and I dun married dat girl who got the same last name I got cuz she my sister. I'm saying like 2 people with the last name smith.

9. Just as I speak of my kids being the cutest, It is also a known fact that my blog is the cutest....er best in the world.

10. I want to own a car wash, but call it a car shower.

11. When fruits gets together and hang out, do they treat the tomato as an outsider because he is usually found hanging with veggies?

12. Looking back on your life to reflect on what you have accomplished is almost as important as looking forward to what you will.

13. I wonder if all the things I say and write have already been expressed by someone else in this world, if so, screw that guy.

14. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Please repeat the question, I Have a hard time hearing hippies.

15. Some day I would like to face my fear of sharks by entering a shark cage. Hopefully that same day will not be my last.

16. When someone replies to a statement I make with "are you serious?!?!" I should answer "as serious as Dale dobak was about not touching his drum set"

17. I want to go to a party, use the restroom, and unknowingly clog the toilet, only to realize there is no plunger in sight. Only then do you really know how well you perform under pressure.

18. Don't by the unbreakable aluminum wallet. Mine broke when I dropped it on a linoleum floor.

19. People who are easily offended by words like gay, homo, retard, fag ect ect just need to calm down. I know plenty of fags and retards, they are cool.It's not a big deal until you make it a big deal. Maybe they are to gay-retarded to understand.

20. Remember that game "M.A.S.H" back in the day? It foresaw your future. Somewhat accurately too.

21. That awkward moment in spin the bottle when it's your turn and everyone is sighing in relief when it doesn't land on them.

22. Sometimes I really wish I was more of a jerk. Work in progress I guess.

23. Dream job #44: pro gamer

24. If I could choose, I'm thinking I would like to live life in reverse like Benjamin button.

25. Or fulfill my fantasy of being a vampire that required orange juice to live rather than blood. Delicious immortality.

26. If a suitcase filled with money falls in front of me, with no known owner in sight, I would keep about 80%, and turn in the rest in hopes to recoup a portion of that 20% back in the form of a reward for being such a good citizen. And in hopes to not get arrested.

27. Bumper stickers are not a form of self expression, they are a form of self depreciation.

28. I think jay z and Chapstick need to collaborate on a new slogan. "I got 99 problems but my lips ain't one"

29. I have yet to see a movie in 3D, soon my friends, very soon

30. I hate when a restaurant employee says enjoy your meal, because they know what I'm gonna say, " you too".

31. Team FTJ on MW3, the best of the best.

32. "Shut your mouth when your talking to me."

33. If you wear a mouth guard while playing basketball, you are a Sally.

34. Big bang theory is hilarious.

35. I am apparently not smarter than a 5th grader. Sad.

36. Around the corner from my house there is a trailer on a small plot of land. The driveway is lined with used tires. I don't know what has to be wrong inside your head to think that is cool or acceptable. I guess that's why it is called white trash.

37. If you own a Mazda Miata, turn in your man card.

38. I want to run from the cops just once. Not having committed a crime or have any warrants, just see a cop and start running. After they chase me for a while, just stop, get handcuffed, and when they ask me why I was running from them, just say "What?! This is part of my Workout routine, why were you chasing me?!?"

38. I would also like to go to jail and break out, only to live the rest of my life in foreign countries on the run, with a new name.Hola, mi nombre es Eduardo nuchireo, no hablo inglés.

39. Sometimes when I see the American flag I want to burn it. Sue me.

40. When people weld near me, I stare at the light. I am a rebel. Maybe a soon to be blind rebel.

41. I invented a new sandwich recently. Use chicken fried steak as the bread and lasagna in the middle. I have yet to try it, I will keep you informed.

42. When I watched "fast and furious" for the first time, I peeled out of the theater parking lot like a boss.

43. If you read my blog somewhat regularly, get on a computer and view it, and hit the Facebook "like" button. And share it with your friends, because I am awesome, they should know.

44. Sometimes I think I should try out for American idol. But then I remember my fear of singing in front of people. Much like Brennan huff.

45. "your like a combination of fergie and Jesus"

46. I love country music. I don't know why, but I do.

47. Why do hotels put mints on your pillow? Put a damn steak on my pillow.

48. Sometimes I watch a movie I have seen a million times with the expectation of a different ending. So far I always end up disappointed.

49. Remember when it was cool to change your shoe laces out with different colored ones? That was pretty dumb looking back.

50. Remember kids, sharing is caring. So if you like my stuff, share it. If you don't like my stuff, share it. If you have a lot of money, share it....with me.

Zombies!

2012-05-31T11:47:00.000-08:00

Present day zombie apocalypse movies are in large surplus. Not a day goes by that another movie about the undead is released, with yet another far fetched disease as the origin. So why not me? I can come up with a crazy hair brained scheme just as outlandish and far fetched as the next guy. So what can I possibly contrive that will be highly unrealistic, yet somewhat believable? One human addiction could possibly cause an outbreak of epic proportions: energy drinks. Before you stop reading this just hear me out. It is estimated that over 100 million people consume energy drinks per year, and that number is vastly growing. Also growing is the number of chemicals and supplements these drinks are comprised of. I know, chemical overdose and infection of the masses causing flesh eating undead monsters, cliche right? Maybe. Let's analyze a bit. There is a lot of speculation as to what (if any) side effects there are. Here are side effects of some common ingredients found in EG's, per energyfiend.com:

Caffeine

Caffeine can be disguised as guarana, green tea extract, and coffee extract. Caffeine can produce the following side effects;
Dizziness, irritability, nausea, nervousness, jitters.
Allergic reactions can include; rash, hives, itching, difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, swelling of the (mouth, face, lips, or tongue), diarrhea, shakiness, trouble sleeping, vomiting.
Headache and severe fatigue from withdrawal.
Breast shrinkage in females.

Sugar

Most energy drinks are high in sugar in the form of high fructose corn syrup and/or cane sugar. Some use creative names to make their version of sugar seem healthier, like “natural cane juice” or they’ll call it “glucose”. High sugar drinks are linked to the obesity epidemic and the rapid increase of type 2 diabetes. The sugar in energy drinks causes insulin spikes which later result in a “crash like” feeling.

B Vitamins

More than 35mg of Niacin (B3) can cause flushing of the skin. Intake of 3000mg or more can result in liver toxicity.
More than 100mg of B6 can cause sensory nerve problems, skin lesions.

Ginseng

nausea, diarrhea, headaches, nose bleed, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, and breast pain.

Ginkgo Biloba

nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, dizziness, heart palpitations, and restlessness.

L-Carnitine

vomiting, nausea, headache, diarrhea, stuffy nose, restlessness and sleeping difficulty.

Quite a list. Most side effects are only seen when over consumed,but let's be honest, we are in a world of over consumption. This will be our downfall. Most people consume from 1-5 EG's per day, and those are conservative numbers. While in the middle of an energy drink binge, one can stay awake for multiple days, With some of the effects being noticed almost immediately. Once insomnia kicks in with some of these other side effects, it is game over. Insomnia is linked to many health and Psychiatric issues,from thedailybeast.com:

hallucinations
irritability
exhaustion
double vision
spike in body temp
Being prone to illness or INFECTION.

Wearing a snuggie and crying alone on a dirty sofa were also reported,in one case(not me). If used casually energy drinks can provide a much needed dose of caffeine, used in excess they get a little scary. With human nature steering our once high regarded race to over use and abuse every thing presented to us, it is a only a matter of time before tragedy strikes. The EG companies will start experimenting with different chemicals and concoctions to create the perfect energy supplement, and boom, we will drink 10 a day to stay awake. The masses will have consumed large amounts of conflicting chemicals mixed with their alchohol and A.D.D medications, and somehow we will have created a mixture to create zombies. OR!!! Drinking tons of drinks to stay awake to work work work our lives away to pay our over inflated mortgage and car payments, we will stay awake too long and while our immune systems are vulnerable due to the exhaustion and insomnia, disease will strike. Humans will turn into emotionless flesh eating zombies. So what is the moral of this story? If you answered with: "don't drink energy drinks", you are wrong. Energy drinks are delicious. The moral is, I can now officially write movies. My ideas aren't any worse than these guys making millions selling this other zombie crap.(plus, imagine the marketing opportunities in this flick, red bull would pay me millions). So while the possibility that a delicious source of caffeine would turn us all into the walking dead is slim to none,you can't say I didn't try.

Bearding

2012-05-29T11:28:00.001-08:00

Does a beard make a man? Perhaps, but the more important question is this: What can't a beard do? Look in the mirror and assess yourself. How is your facial hair? How is the amount of facial hair you do or don't have affect your life? Here is a scenario for you. Let's say you are in a very fancy business suit, late for a meeting, and still need to grab some lunch. You run by wherever burger and grab an extra sloppy meal. As you are digging into your food a large mound of sauce drips from your sandwich and plummets toward your neat and tidy clothes, what is to stop it? A beard, that's what. What will save you during a long cold winter? Excalibeard. If you need a job and the only one available is a lumberjack position, you ain't getting that kind of work with a hairless baby face, that's a guarantee. A man can not truly achieve greatness without a fantastically glorious beard. My beard is not quite there yet, and that's okay. If your beard is just on the cusp of legendary like mine, don't fret, your time will come. Just be patient, shave regularly, pay your dues and you will be rewarded. Every man is almost automatically granted a metaphorical, intangible, "man card". On that man card, there is an asterisk next to your name, that signifies a beard worthy of brushing. Abe Lincoln, chuck Norris, that dude in "over the top" that drinks oil. You already know what these brochaco's have in common. So come on fellas, beard up or sit down. Man up or stand down. Bro up or shut up. Show up or get out. Enter additional generic manly statement here. If you truly can't grow any kind of facial hair, I am sorry. You will be damned to a life of lesser manliness. I can not help you with this, but you have my sympathy. So here is a toast, to all my bearded brothers, wherever you may be. Stay hairy my friends.

Red Bull love

2012-05-24T22:38:00.001-08:00

Product review: Red Bull

Red bull is a lightly carbonated energy drink, produced in Austria and distributed out of California. Although many other drinks have now been produced in the same genre, red bull is still recognized as the pioneer in their field. Taste and effectiveness have kept red bull relevant in a fast growing market. Many of the new products that have surfaced have a superior taste, but give little to zero actual energy. Most of these other drinks are really just soda, but they label it as an energy drink just to make more money. This standout drink has been brilliantly marketed, to the point that every person worldwide knows that a red bull will give you wings. As refreshing as the taste is the fact that RB has stayed true to itself. No cherry Baja blast flavor gimmicks, no spiders or snakes on the front of the can, nothing. Only small tweaks have been made. Larger cans, which all of us waited years for. Sugar free, which allowed all the calorie counters out there a little breathing room. Recently released is the calorie and carb free version, even better. For people like me who don't drink coffee, energy drinks are a staple in everyday life. While I admit to liking a lot of other energy drinks, if I need guaranteed energy, I know what to buy. Just remember, you can't fly without wings, so go grab a red bull and the sky is the limit. I love you red bull, you stay classy.

A collection of completely random thoughts

2012-05-14T10:49:00.000-08:00

1. Can you still turn in the tootsie pop wrappers with the Indian and the star for another free tootsie pop?

2. When did pizza hut become outrageously expensive?

3. I love pizza

4. Candid camera was a very good show

5. Planet fitness plays more food shows on the tv than anything else, it is annoying

6. I want to get a new bicycle, but like pizza hut, they are suddenly crazy expensive

7. I wish the Harry Potter movie series would have never ended. I miss them so much...(sigh)

8. When I think of what character I would have been, obviously Harry.

9. Sweet scar

10. I have been beast mode on MW3 lately, I dunno what has come over me

11. If a genie asked me what my 3 wishes were, I would start with a permanent set of six pack abs.

12. The movie Finding Nemo is wonderful

13. Sometimes I want to be one of a kind, and other times I want to be generic.

14. Every person that rides their bicycle on the street should be hanged.

15. I am going to try to get to 100 with this list, struggling so far

16. "If you ain't first, you're last"

17. The new movie battleship that is coming out, looks awful

18. When I see someone walking instead of driving, I automatically judge them as if they have made poor life choices because I assume they don't have a vehicle, for this I am sorry.

19. Smoking is sooooo nasty

20. When I play a sports video game and loss is imminent, I restart my console.

21. When I drive my truck, I feel like I am in an exclusive club because it is a stick.

22. The movie The Dark Crystal is freaky, can't believe I liked it growing up.

23. Sleep is over rated and a waste of time.

24. Getting kicked in the thigh hurts.

25. Bike pegs are great for transporting friends to a commonly shared destination.

26. Full Throttle Red Berry is the most delicious liquid on this or any other planet.

27. I don't trust swim shorts, so I always wear underwear underneath, I strongly recommend you do the same.

28. I have had a reality check, so correcting statement 15, I will now try to get to 50 on this list. Fail

29. When I wrestled in school, my fear was that everyone could see my junk.

30. Custom made pottery is all equally ugly.

31. A child's thought process is humorous.

32. More cowbell

33. Danny Devito made the best Penguin of all time.

34. GTL

35. Growing out your hair and playing the guitar doesn't make you cool. It makes you a douche.

36. People who call unemployment, "Funemployment" annoy me.

37. Clever, but annoying

38. Every time Don't Stop Believin' by journey comes on the radio, you have to sing obnoxiously loud, if you don't you're a communist.

39. "It's in the geneva convention, look it up"

40. Road House isn't just a movie.

41. Although Chuck Norris is the focal point of many off the wall and unrealistic jokes, he is pretty awesome.

42. Onions are disgusting.

43. Bucket list item 246: Get slimed at Nickelodeon Studios.

44. Supercalifrajalisticexpialidocious. Spell check that b!%@.

45. Although I have been potty trained for roughly 23 years, I still fear I will wet myself in public.

46. "You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants"

47. Black and white movies are boring.

48. Hola Senior, No hablo Espanol

49. If I had a mogwai, it would be fed after midnight

50. Stay tuned for a word from our local sponsors.

The lakers deserve to lose game 7 against the nuggets.

2012-05-10T22:20:00.001-08:00

Although the Los Angeles Lakers will probably win Saturday nights game 7 at home against the Denver Nuggets, they don't deserve to. What they do deserve, is to lose and think about the terrible basketball they have played this far in the 2012 NBA playoffs. I have been a lakers fan since Jordan retired, and a young unknown named Kobe came into the league. My years as a fan have carried many highs and a few lows. The rivalry with the kings, the Kobe to shaq alley oop. Missing the playoffs in 05. Kobe out scoring the mavs after 3 quarters. Kobe's 81. Multiple championships. I am a spoiled fan, getting to see all of these great things. After last years lackluster effort in the playoffs against the hornets in the first round, and a clean sweep by the mavericks, I thought they could sink no lower. The effort(or lack thereof) from LA has been terrible. No ball movement in a painfully stagnant offense. No defense what so ever. And a series that wasn't even supposed to be close, has turned into Kobe vs Denver, not due to Bryant's well documented selfishness, but to the lack of production and heart of the rest of the team. Kobe did his best imitation of "the flu game" and played well, with a hunger to win(as usual), but his team mates fell flat. That's what kills me about this series and almost every other series I watch the lakers "compete" in, the lack of effort and emotion. The team has some of the best talent in the league, but they don't play hard. It is almost as if the team expects the win to be handed to them because of their lineage. One thing I learned at a very young age was the fact that even if you can't score one bucket, you can change the game with solid defense and hustle(see-Kenneth Faried). It is the one piece of basketball being lost in the fancy dribbling, shoe contracts and dunks. Passion is key. The will to win. Defiance of failure. PRIDE. The main issue here is that they simply don't care. These high dollar players have no worries. If they lose they hop in the benz and drive home to their mansion and fall asleep on some $5,000 silk sheets. This problem is not just indicative of LA, but all around the league. If LA doesn't find some heart they will have plenty of time to think about how to do it next year. And at this point it is exactly what they deserve.

Sincerely,
A concerned and disheartened lakers fan.

Top 10 Kids TV shows of the 1990's

2012-05-04T14:12:00.000-08:00

Not a day goes by that I don't miss the 90's. Talk about care free. No worries, mullets, neon colored shirts, spiky hair. What is not to love? So I have a flashback for you my 90's kids. Enjoy.

10. Legends of the Hidden temple
How many times did you watch this show and say " I could win this". Obstacle courses with anything from rope swings to rope bridges. Scary temple guards yelling and screaming at you. Puzzles and quizzes to test the mind. RIP LOTHT, you will be missed.

9. Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers
This undersized duo and their team captured our hearts while solving mysteries and fighting crime. Their arch nemisis' Fat Cat and mad scientist Norton Nimnul never stood a chance. Countless hours of this show can easily be watched on a daily basis.

8. Street Sharks

Crime fighting half human half sharks. Enough said

7. Bobby's World
What was held inside bobby's brain is what is inside all of us, perfect imagination. Pairing that with great one liners like, "I'm not picking my nose, I'm pointing to my brain", this show was an instant hit. Who didn't want a noogie from uncle ted? The answer is no one, "Don't ya know".

6. Tiny Toon Adventures
All of our favorite toons, only miniature, as if to relate to us better.

5. Rocko's Modern Life
Take a stroll through O-town and meet the people. A Cow named Heffer, Turtle named Filbert, and a loyal canine named spunky. All of these characters are friends of Rocko, an Australian wallaby who works at Kinda a lot O comics. This show was great in so many ways, most of them kids never understood anyway, we just like the animals and the colors.

4. Biker Mice From Mars
After their home planet was destroyed, these rodents come to earth, only to find the very creatures responsible for the destruction of mars, attempting to destroy earth. They rode motorcycles and used lasers. Super BA.

3. Wishbone
Whats the story wishbone? I used to rush home from school to see my favorite tails re-enacted by an over intelligent jack russel. That doesn't sound as cool as it is.

2. TailSpin
Baloo as a bush pilot? Yes Please.

1. Power Rangers
You had to see this coming. The green ranger's flute that called his zord. Green ranger turning good. Green ranger turning into the white ranger. So I might have a thing for Tommy, don't judge me. The show turned garbage after the original cast left, but I will never forget the golden days. "EESIIIT- YAAA" "IT'S MORPIHIN TIME!!!", Don't worry guys, it's all over Netflix, turn back the clock and watch, it's so worth it!

Amare Stoudemire is a BAMF

2012-05-01T10:39:00.001-08:00

Following the New York Knicks 104-94 road loss to the heat on Monday, Amare Stoudemire did more to earn my respect than anything else in his 10 year career. After the game 2 defeat, Amare punched the glass out of a fire extinguisher enclosure, consequently cutting his hand, which now requires stitches, leaving him questionable for the remainder of the season. What multiple articles and reports all seem to focus on is the selfishness and stupidity of his Swayze-esque actions. I see it differently. For too long professional athletes have taken for granted the sports they once loved. It is refreshing to see someone angry at the result of a game, and expressing some kind of passion or emotion. Sure he diced up his hand, and may not play, but let's be honest here, the Knicks had no chance anyway. This glass breaking left jab has also surfaced more talk of the ineffectiveness of the Stoudemire-Carmelo duo. I sarcastically think to my self, "What? Teaming two no defense playing, isolation players together without a pass first point guard doesn't work? Coulda fooled me." Carmelo Anthony is garbage, and overrated. If I am choosing which one to keep it has to be Amare, because at least he isn't a emotionless robot. Countless times I find myself striking things after I lose a game, and I am playing in middle school gym's in Alaska. I couldn't imagine how mad I would be after losing a NBA playoff game. Plus, as a young child I bet he dreamed of punching through some sort of glass object, like Stallone or Van Dam, so really he killed two birds with one stone here, great multitasking if you ask me. So take it easy on him, he was just being human. Columnist' use that one liner "We expect more from him". Oh yeah? Since when? When have we ever expected anything from our pro athletes other than to provide entertainment. These people are children, celebrities and athletes alike. No responsibility, no accountability, and no common sense. If nothing else Stoudemire earned my respect. Sometimes we just have to punch stuff, even if it messes up your hand. My advice to him is to head butt instead, because basketball players really need their hands. So, although he isn't the best player to walk the earth, and he wears those goofy goggles, he has entered the elite group of players that I respect. ( In no particular order)

Ron Artest
Jermaine O'neal
Charles Barkley
Charles Oakley
John Starks
Karl Malone
Gary Payton
Shaquille O'neal
Patrick Ewing
Larry Johnson
Andrew Bynum
Dennis Rodman
Chris Anderson
Matt Barnes
Derek Fisher

That's what comes to mind, feel free to add more under the comment section. This is the "All Bad Ass Team". Players that don't care about the consequences, they just do it. Amare, welcome to the team.
(Notice that Latrell Sprewell is not on this list, he was for straight choking his coach, but was promptly removed when he refused a multi-million dollar contract saying, "That won't feed my family", what a Douche.)

Put down the Double Bacon Cheesburger w/ extra sauce

2012-04-27T11:21:00.001-08:00

If you are ever feeling glum about your weight or self worth, I challenge you to get into your car and drive to your local "all you can eat" buffet. These local eateries can offer you anything from a slice of frozen pizza to (how ever the hell you pronounce it) general Tso's chicken, but what they can also provide is a look into the future. People of all ages are dissipating food at alarming rates, only to slowly stand and waddle back to the buffet line for plate number five. Take a glance, how many people can you see are not overweight? How many children? A recent CDC survey shows 35.7% of U.S adults are obese, U.S children ages 2-19, 17%. We can all argue the accuracy of these statistics and what the true definition of "obese" is, but what we cannot argue is the dilemma the world is facing. Yes I said "the world", because although it is widely believed that this large problem is only present in America, that is not the case. Recently Mexico has taken the cake, and is now the fattest country in the world, with the U.S a close second. The rest of them are not far behind, with most countries falling in the mid 20's in percentile (excluding Japan and Korea, whom are both under 5%). What does this mean for the future? New technologies and consumer products that do everything but brush your teeth, combined with a pure lack of self control, we see the human race eating itself to death. The food consumption is just as big of an issue as the absence of exercise. I personally hate to work out, but do find it necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle. As little as one hour of "activity" over the course of a day can do wonders. These activities can range from a brisk walk, to playing with your kids, it's not hard to accomplish. What amazes me is the amount of staggering statistics that link obesity to things such as diabetes, heart attacks, and many other health issues, and how people still don't care. It is not just about looks, it is also about life, and quality of life. If a doctor informed me that my life expectancy was shortened due to being overweight, you bet your boots I would be in the gym and out of the fast food restaurants. People don't hold the same importance of life as they used to. You can not live life to the fullest if you are packing an extra 80 pounds, and even if you could, you wouldn't live as long as you should have. When I think of all these things, I can't help but remember the Disney Pixar film "WALL-E", and how it ingeniously displayed the future. Humans so huge they couldn't even stand, due to the amount of fancy gadgets they had created. Dull and common, the destined version of our current selves spent day after day, lackadaisically eating and watching television. The fate of our race in this movie was not that far out of the realm of possibility, or that far away in terms of years. A selfish part of me doesn't care, because I am not overweight. My kids are not overweight. My wife is not overweight. The caring side of me is concerned with others not being able to enjoy life, because it is so breath taking. The biggest concern I have is the children. Children are so innocent and pure, and have limited knowledge of how to eat right, and exercise. The privileged individuals that are teaching them these things are the parents. So when I see a portly child, it kills me, because they can't run and play adequately, are unable to fit their clothes, or perform the basic functions that make being a kid so great, and they have absolutely no control over it whatsoever. Kids eat what they are fed, if dad lays a happy meal on the table, you eat it. The present day standard of parenting hasn't just lowered the bar, they knocked the damn thing off its stand, melted it down, and made a XXL sized spoon out of it, to scoop more food into their fat faces. It's not just about nutrition and exercise. Morals, respect, competitiveness, self esteem ect., these have all been lost as well. I am not here to preach to everyone and say that I am the healthiest and most fit person in the world, and that I don't eat pizza and be lazy. What I can say, is that just making a small effort, can help you save your life. Make some changes before it's too late, and you wake up, look in the mirror, and find yourself 400 lbs with diabetes and high risk of heart failure. It is not easy, especially when the healthier alternative for foods are twice as expensive, and decent gym memberships cost an arm and a leg, but it is necessary. The paranoid version of myself thinks that the government wants us to stay fat, although I cannot string together a intelligent conspiracy theory in which they would benefit having no one able to touch their toes. The government doesn't concern me though, it's places like McDonalds, Carls Jr, Wendy's, blah blah blah you know all the places, they are making millions killing people, not unlike tobacco companies. We sit idle and complacent, opting to order another Big Mac, or Big Carl instead of making changes. It is because we as people have grown increasingly lazy. Why ride a bike when you have a car? Why go inside when you can go through the drive through? No need to go get your terrible food, get it delivered. Simple choices over the course of the day can affect your lifestyle for the better, but in most cases, the wrong choices are made, and repetition cements these poor habits into a daily routine. Break the cycle and be happy. If I were to do a survey of overweight or obese individuals asking whether or not they were happy with their lives, I would bet some serious money the answer would be no in 99% of the cases. I don't know quite what I am wanting to say, and don't want to seem like I am writing this whole blog to crush what little self esteem these people have left, but it frustrates me. I have many friends and multiple family members that struggle with their weight, and I have sympathy for them. These same people though, make little or no effort to change. These and others also complain that their backs hurt, knees hurt, hips hurt, whatever. So when I hear these complaints I tell them in as kind of words as I can find, "If you lost 40 pounds your _______ wouldn't hurt". I am sick of being sensitive to fat people who have put themselves in the very situation they so adamantly despise. (Let me clarify, most of these statements are about people who are morbidly obese, not your average everyday John Doe carrying an extra 15-20 pounds) Don't you worry though, because our massively obese population are often recieving state and federal assistance for the heath issues that are a direct result of their weight. If you think I am being rude I apologize, but hey, it's the way I feel. I also feel that all you can eat buffets should have a weight limit for their customers. Fast food restaurants should have a weight limit for their customers. Nah, the solutions that we as a people have come up with involve lipo suction and stomach stapling ect. Whatever, fat people don't read anyway so they won't get this.......joking guys, strictly joking. Final conclusion: Lose some weight, please. Be a parent, take control. Work out every now and then, it won't kill you. And just remember what a small little group of orange men once proclaimed in song:

"Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats.
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come of that?
I don't like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Given good manners you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo"

Wiser words have rarely been sang.