Hooverdom

On Marriage Roles

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 15 May 2026 15:33:23 +0000

Introduction

I deeply wish that I was a better writer, and could convey my thoughts on biblical marriage roles in a more organized and concise way. I’ve written, deleted, and rewritten this post 10+ times over the past couple of years. I’ve decided to simply give it my best shot and let it rest.

At the bottom of this post, I’m linking to books and essays on marriage so you can read further, if you feel curious. The authors are far more skilled than I am, with higher education and expertise, and they’ve been helpful to me. I spent many years, on my own, searching for answers to questions about marriage, and how God sees women in general, until finally, in January 2025, I read The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gregoire. I was stunned to see a Christian actually talking about everything I had pondered on in silence for so long. It was the first time I had seen another person speak of it. It gave me much needed confidence to continue asking questions that formerly felt wrong and intimidating, and really dig in.

“Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

2 Timothy 2:15

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

James 1:5

Around this time I attempted to speak to church leadership and, separately, a few friends. Ask questions, voice concerns, vent my hurts and anger, discuss thoughts and beliefs, etc. I hoped so much to be able to ask questions and talk to people. I was very quickly shut down. Only one person would truly engage with me, and the rest either ignored me outright, rebuked me, or quickly changed the subject. This was more hurtful than I can express; it felt like a deep betrayal. I’ve come to realize that none of that was out of malice, but out of worry, fear, discomfort over any disagreement, and sometimes simply a miscommunication because I’m not great at expressing myself.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

Proverbs 11:14

“Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.”

Proverbs 27:9

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”

Proverbs 13:13

I pivoted and made a committed effort to spend the rest of the year reading as much as possible on the subject of biblical marriage which evolved into learning how God sees me as a woman (there is, of course, a lot of overlap).

I felt like I was literally gobbling the Bible up, stuffing it as quickly as possible into my mind and body. There is a story, in the book Bruchko by Bruce Olsen, where he goes to a village deep in the Colombian jungle, where they had never seen a Bible. They had a legend in their village that a false prophet had taken God away from them, but God would return to them through a banana stalk. Bruchko realized one day, after seeing a felled banana tree, that the banana stalk unfurled like the pages of a book and he used it to introduce the Bible to them. When he shows them the Bible, they grab the pages and start eating them, trying to put God into their bellies. It’s frankly such an incredible story. I feel that way sometimes, like I’m stuffing the words of life into my mouth, restoring the faith I lost in God for several years, trying to get it deep into the wounded innermost parts of my belly.

I’m so thankful to the many Christians in God’s family who have taken the time to study, research, and publish their writing in order to help people like me. I have loved learning about Godly marriage, but more importantly, I’ve loved learning how God sees me, His child, married or not.

“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:13

“O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!”

Romans 11:33

“And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?”

Genesis 16:13

My cozy reading corner. I listen to Pastor Kurt Skelly (Everyday Truth on Spotify and Youtube), and recently bought several Bible study tools that he recommended having in his Jan 2026 series “How to Get More Out of Bible Reading”. I’m so excited to learn how to use them- right now I just flip through them bewilderedly.

What I was taught and why I disagree with it.

Before I start with this, I would ask you to consider two things.

-It is possible to misunderstand and misinterpret the Bible, even for those of us who feel absolutely certain of ourselves. It’s wise to keep that in mind and let it humble us as we seek God. We need to always be willing to learn more and not assume we know it all.

-The assistant pastor at my home church preached an excellent two part series on repentance recently. He remarked that sometimes we believe what we believe because it’s what we’ve always heard and we’ve never questioned or studied it. I loved that. It has certainly been the case for me regarding marriage and women.

I’ve been taught a plethora of rules on a biblically ordered marriage throughout my life which boils down to this:

“Men and women are biologically different, equal in essence, and separate in function. His role is leadership (like God) and her role is to submit to his leadership (like Jesus). These are complementary roles, and this is the biblical order of the home.”

I strongly disagree with parts of that statement and do not believe all of it aligns with scripture. It was truly gut wrenching and scary for me to come to this conclusion because it goes against everything I’ve ever been taught. It felt contentious and argumentative of me to disagree with my church and a lot of my family. But I could not deny how much it contradicts the scripture, and I also could not deny how negatively the fruit of it has affected my life.

Perhaps another time I’ll write a post on all the ways it has negatively affected me, but for today I will just say that these beliefs were the root cause of my near total loss of faith in God after the birth of my second child. I could not believe in the goodness of God as I watched people suffer so much on earth, nor while I embraced the belief that God created me to be an inferior being with almost no purpose outside of submission to father/pastor/husband, depending on the timeframe. We are created for His pleasure and I believed that if God existed, then he must get great pleasure in watching people, myself included, suffer at the hands of others. And because I fully lacked any root in the Word of God, entirely dependent on my spiritual leaders to tell me what God says and means rather than hearing the Holy Ghost myself, I flitted like a dandelion fluff into the hurricane wind of suicidal postpartum depression, and my faith in God crumbled for two years. My house was built on sinking sand, not wisdom.

Back to the marriage role statement above and the parts I disagree with.

First, submission is not a female only role; it’s an attribute of Christ and applies equally to all Christians. It’s a voluntary response to Christ’s love for us. In many Christian circles, including my own, submission is thought to be far more important for women than for men which has robbed many men of the beauty of Christ-like submission within their marriage.

“Women have a greater issue with submission. This is why God tells wives to submit and not men.”

“A biblical marriage starts with wifely submission. This is just what God says. That’s square one. If you have a problem with it, take it up with God.”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard those remarks throughout my 42 years. I took it up with God, and found the statements wanting and man made. Many men struggle with submission because they have been taught that it isn’t important for them, and square one is submitting unto each other.

On the scale of marriage, we place a small dollop of submission on the man’s side, and an elephant sized portion on the woman’s side. This scale is out of balance and needs to be rectified. Submission is not effeminate, it’s Godly, and just as love is both masculine and feminine, so is submission. “Wives submit” is sandwiched between verses telling men to submit, too. Eph 5:21 tells us to submit unto each other. Men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church- how did Christ perform that love? By humbling himself to the cross and submitting to the will of the Father. Christ submitted for the church, husbands and wives are to submit unto each other. It should be a day of fear for us when we view this side of Christ only for women, but beneath the importance of men.

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Ephesians 5:21-25

“Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”

1 Peter 5:5

“And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”

Philippians 2:8

“Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”

Luke 22:42

Second, irreversible roles of leadership and subordination, based on gender rather than merit or God given gifts, is not equality in essence or anything else. It is a caste system where one person is always under the other. Being under a holy and righteous God is one thing, being under fallible mankind without recourse is another. I do not see this type of domination and control supported by scripture.

In Genesis 3:16 a husband ruling over his wife is an ugly consequence of the fall’s curse. It is not God’s perfect will anymore than the rest of the curse is God’s perfect will. It’s a result of sin; pride to be combatted not embraced.

This is clear in Genesis 1:28-30 where we see God giving Adam and Eve the same roles and the same dominion over the earth, after creating them both in His image.

In Acts 2 the Holy Spirit is sent to men and women equally.

In Galatians 3:28 Paul tells us clearly that there is neither male nor female for we are all one in Christ.

1 Peter 3:7 reminds husbands of the knowledge that their wives are weaker physically and societally (women were particularly vulnerable in the culture of Bible times) and they should be honored as heirs together of the grace of life.

In Revelation 19:7-8, 21:2, 21:9-10, and 22:17 both men and women are the Bride of Christ, and in Revelation 1:6 and 5:10 both men and women are reigning kings and priests.

There are many female leaders in the scripture, placed in those roles by God, having authority over men, and/or alongside men, and many women who righteously defy the ruler over them. Puah and Shiphrah, Jochebed, Miriam, Vashti, Huldah, the Shummanite woman, Deborah, Abigail, Jael, Esther, Lydia, Junia the apostle, Pricilla, Christ’s female disciples, Phoebe, Philip’s daughters, Anna, and more.

In most of these cases, we do not see the men expressing any issues with the women in their lives having authority or leading. Exceptions are the king’s egotistical counselors against Vashti, and churlish Nabal against Abigail. In both cases, those men were very wrong.

We should not doubt God’s wisdom in this, as we navigate our marriages, and label so many Bible women “rare exceptions”. It isn’t very exceptional when there are so many, it’s the rule.

In spite of all this biblical evidence of equality in submission and leadership, we cling steadfastly to “men lead women no matter what and women submit to men no matter what”.

Something to consider:

A man may lead very poorly and it’s “just a learning curve”, a bit of mistake, oops. We must faithfully endure whatever consequences this brings.

But, if a woman leads very well, it’s a sin, unsubmissive, stepping out of God’s will, and usurping man’s authority.

This is illogical and does not align with biblical submission. I think we should be willing to use the minds God graciously gifted us with and think these things through better than we are.

Another consideration:

Marriage roles are a spectrum with some Christians practicing a very oppressive lead/submit dynamic, and others practicing a softer version of it. This is a grey area that no one seems to be able to nail down (red flag). Some Christians say a husband should make all decisions and tell his wife what to wear, what to eat, where to shop, how to decorate the house, what her hobbies should be, when to talk or be quiet, who her friends should be, etc.

Other Christians practice more freedom and the husbands allow the wives to make those decisions for herself, which is considered very gracious of him, and only the “big” decisions are reserved for him. Things like where they will live, what church they will go to, medical decisions, job decisions, money management, etc. They may even make some of those decisions together. But he has the final say, the tiebreaker. I’ve been given this advice a few times,”Men need respect. They have, well, a type of pride, a deep need for respect that women don’t have. Women just need love. That’s one reason God placed men in charge of decisions and one reason you shouldn’t question or nag about things.” I beg your pardon! Men AND women need respect AND love. A stroked ego is not needed by anyone.

I would ask Christians to consider this: Is a little bit of pride better than a whole lot of pride? Or is pride wrong, period? Pride should be replaced with humility and this “final word” mindset should be eliminated. It is possible to work together on all things in a marriage, with respect, honor, and submission toward each other. It requires careful self examination, communication with each other, and humility to do this, but it’s possible (all things are possible with God!).

I believe hierarchy in a marriage relationship promotes pride rather than unity. Christ gives us examples of biblical leadership and it is not about control, being higher or first, making all the decisions, having the last word, driving the bus, or ruling over others. It’s about serving one another, humility, honor, submission, the fruits of the Spirit, and great sacrifice.

“Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:28

“And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.”

Mark 10:44

“So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?

Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.

For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.

If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.”

John 13:12-17

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

Matthew 11:29

I view marriage responsibilities (roles), based on what I read in the scripture:

Men and women are created with biological differences, and created equally in the image of God. God is not a respecter of persons (Romans 2:11, Acts 10:34), and we shouldn’t be either. Roles are based on gifts given by God, and the circumstances God’s will places us in. Gifts, given by God, will be complementary and unifing within a marriage when both husband and wife are humbly striving to please the Lord rather than vying for power.

“As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

1 Peter 4:10

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

James 1:17

“Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;”

Romans 12:6

Only by pride cometh contention and it is absolutely pride when one spouse seeks to dominate and rule over the other spouse; something that not even God himself does to mankind’s God-given free will.

A common piece of advice in marriage books: “If you submit more, there will be peace in your home no matter what your husband does!” Not likely. I agree submission is peaceful, however, husbands, please consider that your quest to have your own way in all things is a lack of humility and that always, always disrupts the peace in a home- even when your wife is submitting faithfully. Stop blaming a submissive wife, turn the eye inward, and remove the beam from your eye. It isn’t funny or godly to be a “bull in a china shop”, crushing the souls around you. In my experience people laugh over this quip, but I cannot because I’ve watched as truly submissive wives weep in the quiet corners, hurt and confused by the bull who thinks it’s more manly to be powerful, than to be Christ-like.

Unity is far more important in a marriage than domination, and unity cannot be had without humility. We may spiritualize the language to make it sound palatable, but it is still pride, and it is a shame to behave this way in our marriages.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

Philippians 2:3

“But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”

James 4:6

“For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.”

Luke 14:11

“When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.”

Proverbs 11:2

“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.”

Ephesians 4:2

How we function in our marriage and why.

Aaron and I have roles within our marriage based on our God given gifts, and the life situations God has placed us in.

In our case, that means Aaron goes to his full time job every day while I take the kids to my part time job and back home for homeschool. I am not able to work a full time job because of chronic illness + Aaron and I agree that having our kids at home, for now, is best for our family.

I handle all money (bills, budget, savings, shopping, etc), and almost all family logistics because I have the greater skill for organization.

Aaron handles our children’s need for imagination play and one on one attention which is an enormous and time consuming job. My one on one time with the kids looks more like reading a book, going for a walk, and things like that. Aaron is skilled at imaginative, super fun play which is a gift I do not possess.

Aaron is better at present focus and more nurturing whereas I am usually preoccupied and struggle to be fully present with our kids. I have to work on this one, daily.

Aaron does almost all heavy work around the house and yard because I cannot physically handle it; he has the greater strength and I have a wonky spine.

I handle almost all cooking because I have more time for it, and more skill than he has. We both hate the job, but someone has to do it and it’s more convenient for me.

I do most housework because I care far more about a clean house than he does. I get very anxious with clutter and untidiness.

Aaron handles gifts for his side of the family, I handle it for my side.

I do all lesson planning and shopping for our evening children’s class at church, but Aaron teaches the class because he likes to, and narcolepsy makes it difficult for me to function in the evenings.

Aaron handles almost all car repairs because I would rather stick a fork in my eye than do it. He files our taxes for the same reason.

I make every doctor appointment and handle all insurance matters because Aaron would rather die than make phone calls.

I make most daily decisions for our family because I am decisive, and Aaron typically likes going with the flow. If it’s something that matters a lot to Aaron, he makes the decision. When it’s a bigger, more complicated decision we make it together (if we can’t agree on something, the decision will typically default to the person who feels the most strongly about it or the person who is most affected by it). There is no “bus driver” or “CEO” in our house unless one of us is being a jerk.

Aaron does most driving and errands because I have medical driving restrictions.

Aaron handles our internet provider, when necessary because I want to scream in terror if I even think about calling them myself.

I handle holiday planning because I love it and no one will take that away from me!

When our kids have friends over, I handle feeding them, and Aaron handles taking them to the park.

When our kids are sick, we both take care of them. When I am sick, Aaron handles the house, cooking, and kids. When Aaron is sick, I handle it.

When our girls get up during the night, whoever wakes up first is the one to get up with the girls. The only exception to that was when I was breastfeeding because Aaron couldn’t do that himself (pity!).

Our roles look mostly traditional from the outside, but lack the hierarchy that I have always been taught is necessary to truly please the Lord in marriage. I, as a wife, am not trapped against my will and better judgment in a role of unquestioning obedience if my husband, a fallible, regular human being and sinner like myself, happens to make terrible decisions or leads poorly. I do not need to feel guilt when I stand up for myself or what is right in the eyes of God. And Aaron does not believe himself above the submission exemplified by Christ, or too superior to learn from or come alongside me in decisions and spiritual things.

Many Christians would consider our marriage dynamic outside of God’s will. I am not meek and quiet (silent) enough. I am possibly “wearing the pants” and poor Aaron is likely “henpecked”. Where is his rough man’s man, John Wayne like spirit? Where is the Command Man that Debi Pearl salivates over in Created to be His Help Meet (in the trash can where it belongs. I feel very strongly about this one.)? These things weighed heavily on me for many years of marriage as I carried deep guilt over being too vocal, too opinionated, and just generally too much. I was a pendulum; if I needed to stand up for myself or just speak up loud and clear, I would then cry myself to sleep believing I had displeased God, determining that I would be nothing but silent (meek and quiet) going forward. I felt anxiety toward Aaron for not being decisive enough, too tender, too happy to listen to me. Confused because he wasn’t being everything the church and marriage books told me he should be: The Big Decision Maker. I thank God for removing those scales from my eyes.

What I see in the scripture on marriage roles.

My first point is the longest.

My therapist told me that she had a mental image of herself, during seasons of hardship and struggle, clinging to Jesus’s robe with one hand while the rest of her body just flapped frantically about in the wind. I relate to this so much! My own mental image is me in a white out blizzard, Little House on the Prairie style, clinging to the rope that connects the house to the barn, my other hand blindly reaching out into the blizzard trying desperately to land somewhere solid. This point was my first solid grasp, lessening the raging, confusing blizzard of doubt and fear toward God that I held within. Once I had this first point settled, it was a launchpad for the rest and my faith slowly returned as I learned about God.

“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (I really love this verse. Banana stalk.)

1) “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.”

1 Timothy 2:5

Aaron is not my mediator to God, nor am I his. God does not speak to my husband alone so that then Aaron can guide us in his lofty job of bus driver/CEO/tie breaker vote. God does not speak to Aaron about really important matters and then to me about lesser matters. God speaks to us both, and as one flesh (Gen 2:24), Aaron and I are a team in the guidance of our home. We both have the indwelling Holy Spirit (John 14:26), and we both have prayer lives (Romans 8:26) and understanding of the scripture (Proverbs 2:2-5). We both seek God and hunger after righteousness (Matthew 5:6).

We equally contribute to the spiritual well being of our home, and we have an equal responsibility to steward our own relationships with the Lord and, in turn, steward our relationships with each other.

For this reason my husband is not my “spiritual leader”. “Umbrella authority” is wrong. This is a misinterpretation of the scripture and gives husbands a misplaced spiritual authority that is Christ’s alone, placing men between God and women. This places a heavy burden on men which they cannot faithfully bear, and it strips women of a direct relationship with God; watering it down to “ask your husband” rather than God.

Can Aaron spiritually lead me? Yes! Absolutely! Can I spiritually lead him? Also yes! The term spiritual leader is almost exclusively used in one direction (husband as spiritual leader of wife) and the rules of conduct attached to it almost always come between a wife and God, and that is what I take issue with.

No one has ever said to me,”Your husband is your mediator to God instead of Christ.” It’s been framed differently.

Here are a handful of things that have been said directly to me by various leadership throughout my life, and which support placing male authority between myself and God:

“God will not tell you anything that He does not first tell your husband.”

“God will reveal to your husband all the plans for your life as a married couple.”

This is not scriptural, it does not exist in the Bible. God speaks to me directly and this is clear in the scripture. God does not speak to my husband only, and then speak to me only through Aaron’s leadership. Aaron is not my priest.

“I preach to the men so they can go home and teach their wives.”

This is not biblical. Women are capable of learning through preaching, and their spiritual needs should be considered in sermon preparation and church functions. Women are capable of more than a milky devotional book (nothing wrong with devotionals, but there is more than that for women).

“Men, statistically, have more influence over the spiritual well being of their family. Wives, of course, matter in the home as well (remember Lois and Eunice), but men you need to realize how important you are in your home. When you follow the Lord, your family has a statistically greater chance of following the Lord with you. A chance they don’t, statistically, have with your wife.”

This teaching does not exist in the scripture. Here is a link refuting this erroneous but commonly repeated “statistic”:The Myth of the 93%

“I can learn more from reading one verse than you can learn reading the entire Bible.”

A humble heart seeking the Lord, male or female, can learn just as much as any leadership; more if the leadership is prideful. Learning things of the Lord is not relegated to one gender nor to leadership.

Not a statement, but an action: When I had doctrinal questions, some concerns, and issues that I took to church leadership, as I mentioned earlier in this post, I was ignored and instead Aaron was addressed without me. When Aaron suggested that I be spoken to instead, it was not done. Telling me very clearly that whatever concerns and questions I may have are irrelevant and my husband, as my “authority”, is worth speaking to when I am not. This is not scriptural. God gave me eyes to see, ears to hear, a mouth with which to speak, a heart to seek, and a brain to think.

“You need to just trust God and obey your husband. When you obey your husband and submit to him, you are obeying and submitting to God.”

No, this is idolatry. Aaron is not God. It is more biblical to say it this way,”Seek the Lord with your husband. Once you’ve found the Lord’s will, obey and submit together. The Lord blesses faithful obedience in both of you. Obey and trust God before your spouse.”

“You think you can learn on your own, at home? Well. How is that going for you?”

Slow, but very well.

“Your husband is responsible for you. He will answer to God for you one day. That’s why he’s your spiritual leader- God will hold him accountable for you.”

Many like to use Hebrews 13:17 for this, but I do not believe it applies in a marriage (please read here for more info)- husbands are not king, God, president, pastor, Holy Spirit, commanding general, or boss of their wives (even in those cases, we are not enslaved by God to blind obedience of rulers).

Aaron will give account for himself. He will not give account for me. I am not his little child, I am not his employee, I am his help meet. We are each responsible for how we steward our own relationships with the Lord and we will each give account for ourselves only.

We can be a discouragement to each other, or even a stumbling block. I can be led astray by him, and he can be led astray by me. Nonetheless, if I allow myself to be led astray, I will answer to God for that myself, and Aaron will answer only for his own actions. This idea that husband’s rule wives and therefore bear greater responsibility is unfair and heavy for men and women alike. I do not have a get-out-of-jail-free card. I will not be able to stand before God one day and say,”Aaron told me to do the wrong thing so it’s not my fault.” Adam and Eve tried that in the garden of Eden, but God did not accept it.

“For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.

So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.”

Romans 14:11-13

The incorrect teaching of “God leads men, men lead women” has been the single largest hinderance to my relationship with God. It fleeced me of any confidence in my ability to hear directly from God, my ability to discern the scripture with help from the Holy Spirit, and caused me to believe, for all of my life, that God created men with a superior understanding of holy things that I could never partake in. I thought I must always depend on male leadership to guide my relationship with God, and I felt very angry with God for creating me so deficiently and so far away from Him. I have been so relieved and thankful to learn that this is not how God created me, and it is not written in His word.

I emphatically repeat: Christ is a woman’s only spiritual authority and mediator just as He is the only spiritual authority and mediator over men. Christ is the only mediator of anyone; man, woman, or child. We are not mediators for our family members; we are examples and stewards for our children, encouragers and counselors for each other.

2) “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Matthew 6:33

God tells Eve, as he lists the consequences of the curse,”Thy desire shall be to thy husband,” Gen 3:16.

I believe this ties in with Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35,”But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

It’s a struggle to put God first in our marriages (and in parenting sometimes). This is the curse: thy desire shall be to thy husband. We must die to self daily. Aaron and I are both to seek first the kingdom of God in daily worship, meditation, prayer, studying to show ourselves approved, and thankfulness.

Matthew 22:37-40 puts this best. God first, then each other.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

3) “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”

Proverbs 27:17

In Genesis 2:18, God says,”And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” This is after the animals come to Adam for naming, each coming with a companion. This is the only thing that God says is “not good” in his creation. Adam needed a companion, which even the animals had. Help meet is frequently reduced to “God thought it was not good for Adam to not have a servant to cook, clean, and bear children”, but this is not what the Bible says and it’s out of balance to reduce help meet to that one role only when God himself says “It’s not good for Adam to be alone”.

I believe communication is an imperative, non-negotiable part of marriage, and a large part of the role of help meet. I am Aaron’s companion and he is mine, one flesh, knitted hearts. We are friends, sharpening each other in the communication of the Word of God. Showing ourselves friendly to each other by speaking the truth in love (not to be confused with speaking the truth in malice which comes far more naturally to us all). Striving together against corrupt communication, deceit, malice, and unsound doctrine. Striving together toward tenderness, kindness, and forgiveness in our words and thoughts toward each other. This aids unity between us and strengthens our understanding of each other.

This is something I have heard many times, from many Christians,”A husband can’t tell his wife everything. It’s his burden to bear the heavier things. Best to keep her unaware.”

Perhaps there is nuance to this, depending on personalities and the level of emotional maturity. Milk vs meat may be necessary for a time. However, for the most part, I do not agree with this from the husband to the wife, nor the wife to the husband. It minimizes communication between husband and wife, and it demeans the wife’s (or husband’s if the wife is guilty of this) intelligence and spirit. It deprives the sheltered person of the opportunity to grow in maturity.

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

Hebrews 4:13

“Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”

Ephesians 4:13-15

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:29-32

4) “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

Galatians 5:16

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

2 Timothy 1:7

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Ephesians 6:10-17

These attributes and admonishments are all for husbands and wives, both. The Bible does not parse these out, some given to husbands and some to wives. Love for men, meekness for women, power for men, longsuffering for women, sound mind for men, gentleness for women, strength for men, peace for women.

One I commonly hear: Protection for men, as though women have no instinct to protect their families when God compares himself to a mama bear (Hosea 13:8), and nurturing for women, as though men have no instinct to nurture their families when God our Father is certainly nurturing to his children and commands fathers to be so too (Eph 6:4).

This is not what the scripture says. Neither should we chop and dice the Word of God in our marriages.

It limits God in our relationships, places a yoke of bondage on our shoulders, and deprives us all of the many beautiful gifts the Spirit liberally gives us. If we walk in the Spirit, His fruit will shine naturally out; the mark of a personal relationship with the Lord which every husband and wife should humbly strive for. We are both to be strong in the Lord.

Resources

Terms to know (I hadn’t heard of either 2 years ago):

Complementarianism is what most of my church, friends, and family believe on marriage.

Egalitarianism is what I believe on marriage.

Two long and pretentious sounding words but it’s what the doctrines are called out in the wild. I prefer hierarchy and mutualism because they are more direct, honest labels, in my opinion.

I have, several times, been given excellent marriage advice by good friends and family- people who verbally believe in complementarianism but in action practice egalitarianism in their marriages. That paradox was thought provoking for me for years as I watched and admired them so much. I want to point this out because I worry this post may make it sound like I’ve never received good, godly advice by my friends and family but that is far from true. The truth is that although much of the advice and instruction I’ve been given has been unwittingly incorrect, it’s usually given with deep love and care for me. Good advice has been given too, and I don’t want to skip acknowledging that. In particular, my in laws and another older couple in my church have been so helpful for me. I’m thankful for the good, real life marriage examples I have, even while disagreeing on many things, and I point those relationships out to my children so they can learn from them.

I want to write so much more, but since I’ve reached epistle length, I’ll leave you with the promised links to books and essays, and sign off for now. I discovered Substack a couple months ago, and was MIND BLOWN by all the like minded Christians there. Most essays linked here are from Substack.

Books I’ve read and loved:

The first three books are by Shelia Wray Gregoire. Shelia is fed up with Christian marriage books and doesn’t mind letting you know it. Very relatable. She’s on Substack as well. Her books are heavy with graphs and statistics, some of which I read and some I skipped. I appreciate the years of hard work they put into their remarkable surveys.

-The Great Sex Rescue. Life altering for me!

-She Deserves Better. Eye opening. I was taught purity culture and because of it attempted suicide after premarital sex 16 years ago. I fully believed I had lost my “greatest treasure” and was damaged goods, never to be used by God again. I believed that no good Christian man would ever want me, and was shocked by Aaron’s chill response when I told him I was forevermore impure- a shredded paper heart, torn and bruised long stem rose, chewed up and spat out Oreo cookie that youth leaders used to show me, and friends, what God sees in the event of fornication. I really believed Aaron would drop me like a hot potato and go search for an untainted Oreo instead.

-The Marriage You Want. So helpful and practical.

-Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. A thought provoking perspective of fair work balance in the home. Secular, not Christian.

-How God Sees Women by Terran Williams. Most helpful to me of all these books, but a very slow read. Terran is a former complementarian who changed his views when his church (he was one of the pastors) asked him to review and study their marriage beliefs.

-Genesis to Junia by Preston Sprinkle. Very conversational and easy to read. Preston is a former complementarian and wrote this book in real time as he studied the complementarian/egalitarian debate.

-Her Story, Her Strength by Sarah Parker Rubio. This one is a children’s book! I bought it recently to read to my girls and have LOVED it so far. But if you feel short on time, or you dislike reading, just start with this one. Short, easy to read stories about 50 women of the Bible.

Essays:

Created to be His Trad Wife. I breathe fire reading any of Micheal and Debi Pearl’s books. I thought they were great as a teenager and in early adulthood. I was shocked when I tried reading them again as a wife and mother. I may take it a bit personally because they are so dreadful and yet are the books that have been most recommended to me for marriage and parenting.

Are Women Sinning if They Expect Things of Their Husband?

5 Myths of Male Headship. I love Terran’s view of the headship verses in chapter 6 of How God Sees Women, as well. It’s far more in depth than this short essay, with more information. Chapters 7&8 in Genesis to Junia dig into this, too.

6 Things Egalitarian Marriage is Not. It is NOT “men and woman are the same”, nor is it a knock against wifely submission which is necessary and good.

Resources About Women and the Bible

Making Patriarchy Pretty: How Christian Social Media Sells Patriarchy. It’s bonkers when she changes the graphics.

The Garden Before the Curse: What God Actually Designed. I long for the unity and beauty of Eden. Chapter 4 in How God Sees Women discusses Adam and Eve in Eden and I cried the whole chapter. Then reread it 6 more times.

Does the Bible Say Women Can’t Lead Men?

More Than Preaching is at Stake for Women in the 1 Timothy 2 Battleground. Chapter 10 in Genesis to Junia and chapter 7 in How God Sees Women give more perspectives for this passage.

Artemis in the City of Ephesus

Deconstructing Patriarchy

The Whole Big Story of Why Women Must Preach and Teach in Church

Man is Head Except in Bed? Lol @ this title.

Paul Told Husbands to Love Their Wives- Not Pastor Them

The Biblical Basis of Egalitarianism in 500 Words. Concise. Something I am not capable of.

Dismantling the Patriarchy with the Bible. Part 1: “Wives Submit To Your Husbands.”

I believe it’s important to look at both sides of this. The resources above are all written from an egalitarian perspective. The next link is to a complementarian website by Scott LaPierre. It’s my personal favorite of all complementarian resources even though I strongly disagree with him. He writes in a very no nonsense way (for someone writing something that I think is nonsense, haha!). I get a humble vibe from him and I appreciate that spirit.

Your Marriage God’s Way

This link gives a concise summary of what complementarianism is: Theopedia Complementarianism

You can also watch Mike Winger’s Youtube if you enjoy extra long videos. Not for me but any clips I’ve seen are thoughtful even though, again, I strongly disagree with him on marriage roles.

A group of Christians, including John Piper, invented the term complementarianism in the 1980’s and they generally corralled the doctrine into what we know it as today (may they all step on a lego). Here is a link to one of John Piper’s OG books and another link to the Danvers Statement.

-Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

-Danvers Statement

If you, readers, have questions, I am open to discussion and will answer as best as I can. I don’t have answers for everything, but will truly do my best.

If you feel I am wrong on certain points, show me the scripture you base that on; I would genuinely love to see and hear. Maybe I AM wrong. I’m currently trying to practice respectful and kind disagreement and this will be good for me. I mean that sincerely! It’s super hard for me to do and I hope to grow out of that flaw.

Thank you for sticking with me to the end of this incredibly long post. It was impossible for me to write it for so long, but today I woke up and it all but fell out of my brain by itself so I guess today was the right day for it. The Bible instructs us to rightly divide the word of truth, and I hope something I’ve written here today helps you to do that.

On Being a Mother

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Mon, 11 May 2026 07:43:00 +0000

Happy Mother’s Day!

Our’s was a busy one, but I stayed up late to write this out for myself, and wanted to share it here.

I love being a mother of two little girls. Two wildly different personalities, two beautiful strong spirits and wills (I loved noticing today that Jesus “waxed strong in spirit” as a child. It made me think of my girls). There are certainly bittersweet and negative parts to it, but I’m thankful it’s a part of my life. Motherhood isn’t God’s plan for every woman, whether by decision or grief. But it’s the plan for my life, and I learn something from these two girls every day. Luna asked me, the other day, if she may cut bangs to “fit in better with the older girls and feel more confident”. My heart broke!! I told her yes to the bangs, but then reminded her of all the gifts God has given her that bring true confidence; one of her gifts is that she teaches her parents new things almost daily.

My heart genuinely overflows, sometimes in frustration but mostly with love.

Hearing such a tiny

Itty bitty

Little voice

Counting numbers

Singing songs

Barely any diction

As we walk along

It’s almost unbearable

This level of adorable

I feel like I might die

The death certificate will read

Her heart overflowed

From tiny voice

Cuteness

Overload

-Loryn Brantz

My favorite parenting book, at the moment, is Parenting In Christ: Treasures for Parenting from Jesus by Christina Dronen. I love her emphasis on humility and love; treating children as Christ did with respect and tenderness.

There are also so many magnificent women and mothers in the Bible to emulate and learn from. I’ve spent most of the day reading up on the 11 biblical mothers below. None of them are sinless- they’re regular humans, and many have mistakes and failure recorded in the scripture along with their strengths. I appreciate them so much, and am deeply thankful God chose to document their lives for us to ponder on. I hope to be this kind of biblical example for my girls. Humble, kind, gentle, strong, unwavering, faithful, repentant, submitting unto each other, forgiving, loving, a peacemaker rather than a peacekeeper, angry without sin, confident in the Lord, loyal, focused, diligent, and seeking the Lord with all of my heart.

Genesis 16 and 21

Hagar, a mother, a slave, and abused. She flees the abuse. God sought her in her time of distress, and gave her one of the greatest promises in the Bible; nearly identical to Abraham’s promise from God.

Abraham listened to her, when she returned, and named their son Ishmael as God instructed her.

When Sarah casts Hagar away, after Issac’s birth, God again seeks her out and cares for her. God honors his promise to her and makes a great nation of Ishmael. When no one else cared for her, God did.

“Thou God seest me.” I love this. There have been times when I felt that God did not see me, and Hagar’s words are currently some of my favorite in the Bible.

Also, God frequently likens himself to a mother- protective, comforting, unconditional love, a mother hen, a mother bear, a woman in labor. I love seeing how God sees mothers and appreciates our qualities enough to draw comparisons to his own character.

Gen 16:10-13

“And the angel of the Lord said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.

And the angel of the Lord said unto her, Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the Lord hath heard thy affliction.

And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.

And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?”

1 Samuel 1 and 2

Hannah, loved by her husband, barren, longs for children. Misunderstood by her husband who felt his love would be enough to assuage her grief over infertility. Hannah prays fervently, alone in her agony. Eli the priest, misunderstanding, wrongfully demeans her. God hears her prayer when her husband and her priest did not understand her.

Hannah and God enter into a promise together: if the Lord gives her a child, she will dedicate it to the Lord’s service in the temple. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and he goes along with Hannah’s promise to the Lord in giving up their son to the service of God in the temple. I cannot imagine doing this; seeing my little child raised by another. Hannah’s faith is incredible. Although Elkanah lacks awareness in the beginning, I love his gentleness with her when he says,”Do what seemeth thee good.” He’s learned to trust her decisions.

1 Sam 1:20-23

“Wherefore it came to pass, when the time was come about after Hannah had conceived, that she bare a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, Because I have asked him of the Lord.

And the man Elkanah, and all his house, went up to offer unto the Lord the yearly sacrifice, and his vow.

But Hannah went not up; for she said unto her husband, I will not go up until the child be weaned, and then I will bring him, that he may appear before the Lord, and there abide for ever.

And Elkanah her husband said unto her, Do what seemeth thee good; tarry until thou have weaned him; only the Lord establish his word. So the woman abode, and gave her son suck until she weaned him.”

2 Kings 4

The Shummanite woman, a great woman, wife, barren, a woman of discernment, wisdom, and leadership. She tells her husband they’re creating room for the prophet in their home. Assertive. Elisha, seeing her faithfulness and hospitality, promises her she will have a son which comes to pass the following year. When her child dies a few years later, she tells her husband she’s leaving, going to see the prophet for help. Decisive. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, and she goes to the prophet, not her husband. When Elisha implies that his servant will handle everything, she refuses to leave without him, standing her ground. Confident. Elisha listens to her, travels with her to her home, and brings her child back to life.

This story is so fascinating to me! The woman is the one who constrained Elisha to stay and eat. She made the plans for the prophet’s room. Elisha’s promise is to the woman, not her husband. She seems pragmatic rather than unbelieving when Elisha promises her a child, accepting her situation. She jumps into action when the child dies. She communicates everything with her husband who seems humble, and trusts her entirely. I love seeing this dynamic.

2 Kings 4:22-30

“And she called unto her husband, and said, Send me, I pray thee, one of the young men, and one of the asses, that I may run to the man of God, and come again.

And he said, Wherefore wilt thou go to him to day? it is neither new moon, nor sabbath. And she said, It shall be well.

Then she saddled an ass, and said to her servant, Drive, and go forward; slack not thy riding for me, except I bid thee.

So she went and came unto the man of God to mount Carmel. And it came to pass, when the man of God saw her afar off, that he said to Gehazi his servant, Behold, yonder is that Shunammite:

Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well with thee? is it well with thy husband? is it well with the child? And she answered, It is well:

And when she came to the man of God to the hill, she caught him by the feet: but Gehazi came near to thrust her away. And the man of God said, Let her alone; for her soul is vexed within her: and the Lord hath hid it from me, and hath not told me.

Then she said, Did I desire a son of my lord? did I not say, Do not deceive me?

Then he said to Gehazi, Gird up thy loins, and take my staff in thine hand, and go thy way: if thou meet any man, salute him not; and if any salute thee, answer him not again: and lay my staff upon the face of the child.

And the mother of the child said, As the Lord liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. And he arose, and followed her.”

Luke 1

Elizabeth, of the daughters of Aaron. Wife of Zacharias the priest, both of them righteous, walking together in God’s commandments and ordinances blameless. Well stricken in years, and barren. Gifted a child from God, John the Baptist, in her old age. Filled with the Holy Ghost. The first to prophecy of Christ, the blessed fruit of Mary’s womb, after Mary becomes pregnant. Humble as she rejoiced in Mary’s coming, the mother of the Lord. Strong and confident as she told her loved ones that her baby would be named John in obedience to God, not Zacharias after his father and the custom.

I particularly love the teamwork in this marriage. Both follow God, both are righteous, both are blameless, both are filled with the Holy Ghost, both are willing to give their child the name God chose, both prophecy. They work in tandem.

Luke 1:60-67

“And his mother answered and said, Not so; but he shall be called John.

And they said unto her, There is none of thy kindred that is called by this name.

And they made signs to his father, how he would have him called.

And he asked for a writing table, and wrote, saying, His name is John. And they marvelled all.

And his mouth was opened immediately, and his tongue loosed, and he spake, and praised God.

And fear came on all that dwelt round about them: and all these sayings were noised abroad throughout all the hill country of Judaea.

And all they that heard them laid them up in their hearts, saying, What manner of child shall this be! And the hand of the Lord was with him.”

Exodus 2, Exodus 6, Numbers 26

Jochebed, lineage of Levi, mother of Aaron, Miriam, and Moses. Obeyed God, defied those who had the rule over her, and saved the life of her baby. Blessed by God, and given her child back for a short time to nurse him until weaned. There must have been so much terror in her heart alongside her faith in God, worrying every day that her baby would be discovered. Yet still faithful. Her faith is phenomenal as she puts baby Moses into the crocodile infested Nile river, in a basket, with hope in God’s care. I love that she had Miriam beside her, helping to save her little brother’s life. Mother and daughter team, risking everything together. I wonder what conversations were like between Jochebed and Amram during those months. The Bible doesn’t tell us if he helped her, or was against her plan. I like to believe that he helped her in any way he could. It was no small feat to keep a baby a quiet secret for so long. It must have been so difficult to give Moses back to Pharaoh’s daughter; it would have taken enormous strength. I tend to think of her as “Moses’ mother”, but she raised two other strong leaders: Aaron the priest, and Miriam the prophetess both of whom helped Moses in leading Israel out of captivity.

Exodus 2:1-8

“And there went a man of the house of Levi, and took to wife a daughter of Levi.

And the woman conceived, and bare a son: and when she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months.

And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river's brink.

And his sister stood afar off, to wit what would be done to him.

And the daughter of Pharaoh came down to wash herself at the river; and her maidens walked along by the river's side; and when she saw the ark among the flags, she sent her maid to fetch it.

And when she had opened it, she saw the child: and, behold, the babe wept. And she had compassion on him, and said, This is one of the Hebrews' children.

Then said his sister to Pharaoh's daughter, Shall I go and call to thee a nurse of the Hebrew women, that she may nurse the child for thee?

And Pharaoh's daughter said to her, Go. And the maid went and called the child's mother.”

Luke 1

Mary, young teenager, humble in stating her need for a Savior, fully trusting in God’s plan for her life. Stoning was the consequence for pregnancy before marriage, but she did not doubt, nor falter. She believed God, protected herself by hastily going to Elisabeth’s in the hill country, and praised God for his mercy on her. To have such tremendous faith at such a young age is amazing. One of my favorite things about her is her way of pondering and considering everything about Jesus. Nothing was unnoticed by her. I love the interactions with Mary and Joseph together- “And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.” Joseph is so kind to Mary, so noble, and a hands on father.

We see Mary so many times again; the wife of a carpenter and then a widow, mother of several children, worrying over her son, marveling at the words spoken of him and by him, believing in his miraculous power, grieving at the death of her son and Savior, so much grief for one person to bear, gathering with the early Christians:

“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”

“And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.”

“the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.”

“When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.”

“These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.”

Mary’s continued relationship with the disciples is so intriguing to me. Her children still lived, but Jesus commends her into John the Beloved’s care. Their friendship must have been so knitted together. Mary is likely with the Christians on the day of Pentecost, and I can’t help but wonder how that felt for her as Jesus’ mother. She raised him from newborn to the cross. She kept things in her heart, pondering and meditating. She watched him closely and believed in him. She knew every part of him. Her grief and loss was intense when he left, ascending to the Father never to be seen again on this side of eternity. I imagine her meeting with the disciples and other followers of Jesus as they all grieved, stunned by the earth-side loss of their beloved Savior, figuring out how to go on. But then the Comforter comes and I just wonder if Mary thought,”There he is. My son, Jesus.”

Luke 1:46-49

“And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,

And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.

For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.”

Judges 4 and 5

Judges 5:7 tells us Deborah was a mother in Israel. I don’t know if she birthed children, but either way, God chose to record her as a mother for us to learn by. She was the wife of Lapidoth. She was chosen by God to be a judge over the nation of Israel, a prophetess, and general of Israel’s army. She was a woman of incredible leadership, wisdom, discernment, strategy, and fear of the Lord. I love that Barak refuses to go into battle without her leadership, and her response is,”I will surely go with thee,” and then reminds him that the Lord will give the enemy into the hand of a woman (Jael). Barak is in Hebrews 11 for his trust in Deborah and faith in God’s chosen leadership.

Judges 5:7-13

“The inhabitants of the villages ceased, they ceased in Israel, until that I Deborah arose, that I arose a mother in Israel.

They chose new gods; then was war in the gates: was there a shield or spear seen among forty thousand in Israel?

My heart is toward the governors of Israel, that offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless ye the Lord.

Speak, ye that ride on white asses, ye that sit in judgment, and walk by the way.

They that are delivered from the noise of archers in the places of drawing water, there shall they rehearse the righteous acts of the Lord, even the righteous acts toward the inhabitants of his villages in Israel: then shall the people of the Lord go down to the gates.

Awake, awake, Deborah: awake, awake, utter a song: arise, Barak, and lead thy captivity captive, thou son of Abinoam.

Then he made him that remaineth have dominion over the nobles among the people: the Lord made me have dominion over the mighty.”

1 Kings 17

The widow of Zarephath, a Gentile in a region that worshipped Baal. I think she was scrappy; gathering her two sticks to make a final meal for herself and her starving son. She persevered in the worst times. But when Elisha asked for a meal and gave her a promise from God, she decided to give to others in need in spite of having so little. She did the right thing even at potential cost to herself, and was rewarded with food for the survival of herself and her child. She is distraught when her son sickens and dies, but goes to the man of God for help (and to give him a piece of her mind). God, through Elisha, heard her grief and restores the life of her son. Increasing the faith of this struggling, widowed, single mom.

Jesus speaks of her in Luke, and I think that’s so incredible. Right before speaking of the widow, Jesus tells the listening crowd that God sent him to preach to the poor, to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, recovering sight to the blind, and set at liberty them that are bruised. The widow was most of those things. I love so much that Christ thought of her story in that moment.

Luke 4:24-26

“And he said, Verily I say unto you, No prophet is accepted in his own country.

But I tell you of a truth, many widows were in Israel in the days of Elias, when the heaven was shut up three years and six months, when great famine was throughout all the land;

But unto none of them was Elias sent, save unto Sarepta, a city of Sidon, unto a woman that was a widow.”

Job 2

Job’s wife, unnamed and given only a few words in the scripture. “Curse God and die,” is what she is most known for. I think this is a narrow view of a mother who just lost all the same things Job lost. Her grief over losing 10 children must have been soul crushing. I cannot imagine such darkness. She questioned God’s faithfulness. Most of us have when experiencing a broken heart. She must have wondered, as she held the broken bodies of her dead children, if God even cared about her. She must have felt deep betrayal. What had she done wrong to make God do this to her? She must have wondered why she should go on living. She isn’t with Job and his friends, as far as I know. But she’s around somewhere, grieving her soul out, legs shaking, hands weak, mind clouded in confusion. I wonder if she had anyone to comfort her while Job grieved with his friends.

I find her relatable. I feel pity for her. How many times have I questioned God? I’ve stood in my living room and cursed God, wondering if he even existed. God brought me back from that brink, and I believe he brought Job’s wife back too. She goes on to have 10 more children (what a champ), and is blessed by God along with Job. Sidenote: I love that Job decides to give an inheritance to their three daughters, along with his sons; unusual for that time and culture. I would love so much to know more about Job’s wife and her relationship with the Lord.

Job 42:12-15

“So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses.

He had also seven sons and three daughters.

And he called the name of the first, Jemima; and the name of the second, Kezia; and the name of the third, Kerenhappuch.

And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren.”

10)

Matthew 15 and Mark 7

The Cannanite woman, her daughter was grievously vexed of a devil, and she seeks Jesus for help. She has faith in him and knows he can heal her child. She called out to Jesus and he ignored her. The disciples said to send her away, frustrated by her crying. She persists, comes closer, and worships Jesus. He seemingly insults her, calling her a dog. She accepts this, and asks for the crumbs from the table. Humble and undeterred. Jesus is amazed by her faith,”O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.”

This is a mother who would not back down even when the men in charge told her to. I believe Jesus made this a deliberate example for his disciples, who looked down on her, and I believe they learned something beautiful and humbling from it.

Mark 7:28-30

“And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children's crumbs.

And he said unto her, For this saying go thy way; the devil is gone out of thy daughter.

And when she was come to her house, she found the devil gone out, and her daughter laid upon the bed.”

11)

The Proverbs 31 woman, a wife and mother. One of the most business minded and capable managers in the Bible. One whose husband safely trusts in her as she buys land, runs the household, putting her hand to various skill sets. She is diligent, hard working, industrious, careful, strong, confident, a humanitarian, beautifully and functionally dressed, she sells merchandise of her own making, she feeds and clothes her family, she runs a vineyard, and she fears the Lord.

Her husband and children praise her, blessed by the wisdom and gifts she has been given by God.

Wisdom hath buildeth her house and this mother is doing exactly that. Her own works praise her in the gates. I love her. Her price is far above rubies. I love that Lemuel’s mother gives him this prophecy- what an amazing mother in her own right. I wonder if she modeled this instruction after herself. Is this what King Lemuel’s mother was like? What an incredible example he had if so.

Proverbs 31:30-31

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

My favorite parenting verse in the Bible is Deuteronomy 11:18-20

“Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.

And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates.”

I love this relationship between parent and child. Talking, teaching, discipling.

As Luna would say,”Let’s have a chat about God.” And I have no greater joy than this.

Happy Easter

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Sun, 05 Apr 2026 23:40:00 +0000

Happy Easter from my ridiculously adorable kids. I haven’t recovered from how cute they’ve been today. The most pink, most fluffy, most sparkly, and most smiley.

We always woke up to a decorated Easter table when I was a kid, and small Easter baskets. It’s one of my favorite memories, and I love doing it for my kids. This year I bought a historically accurate Easter crèche which I very wrongly assumed was going to be an easy to pop out booklet with perforated edges. It was not so. It was a digital download that I had to print off, laminate, spend hours cutting out, and then some stapling parts together. 30 pages of that. The kids loved it though and we spent a good amount of time going over all the characters this morning (and then had an egg hunt for spiritual balance).

After church we came home and took couch naps which is my idea of a good time. I hope you guys had a good one today.

Connection>Opinion

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Sat, 21 Mar 2026 16:23:00 +0000

My therapist said something so constructive last week, after I shared that I was struggling to accept opposing opinions of various family and friends on things I consider central to my life, or a Christian life.

I said that I hoped I could have considerate conversations with them going forward, and maybe, change their minds over time. She asked if changing their minds was my goal, and I said, well, yes.

She offered this insight.

First, she pointed out that my blog is an appropriate place for me to share my beliefs and thoughts. It’s my space to speak, and the reader can decide if they will accept it or not, or if they will read it in the first place. A reader is coming to my space to see what I have to say.

But private conversations require increased nuance and care. That table is for two people, not only myself, and being thoughtful of the other person is necessary. That means slowing down and sometimes refraining from sharing passionate beliefs when the other person may not be able to accept them, yet. Maybe there will be a time to share with them later, or maybe they will never feel comfortable hearing what I think. It takes discernment, and understanding of the person sitting at the table with me, to decide that.

Second, is changing their minds the goal? Or is my relationship with them the goal?

Often, an established connection (bond) creates trust, and the trust, in turn, creates a willingness to listen and consider. But if I am focused entirely on the change of mind, rather than the person sitting before me, am I treating them well, with thoughtfulness and love? The answer is a resounding no.

She reminded me how Jesus treated people during his time on earth. He focused on connection, if you will, and treated people with care and love.

His love for us comes first in our relationship. He doesn’t say,”Change yourself and then I will love you.” He says,”I love you.”

We love him because he first loved us. He loved us before we ever accepted him. He loves us even when we reject him.

She asked if I can envision people the way Jesus does- valuable, worthy of unconditional love and humbling himself for our sakes.

I loved this SO much. I burst into tears while she spoke.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

Philippians 2:3

Last year I read Christina Dronen’s booklet, Parenting in Christ: Treasures for Parenting from Jesus. It encouraged me in far more than parenting. As I read, I was able to view myself in Christ’s eyes, not only my children. Valuable, worthy, the image of God, a child of God. And when my therapist spoke of seeing people how Jesus sees them, I was reminded of Christina’s booklet and how she teaches parents to see their children as Jesus sees them.

“Christ-like humility means submitting to God and what he says about you- over your own or anyone else’s opinions about yourself. When your confidence is in Christ alone, you are free to focus on others, treating them with elevated regard, honoring and serving them. In addition, humility is the virtue that begets all other good virtues.”

-Page 5, Chapter 2 of Parenting in Christ

This applies to all relationships, all human interactions whether in person or online. God has given us so much direction on how to treat others, and it starts with humility. Christ humbled himself to come to this earth as flesh and humbled himself to the cross. For me. For you. For everyone.

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long suffering.”

Colossians 3:12

“He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

Micah 6:8 (One of my favorite verses right now!)

“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.”

-Mr Rogers

I couldn’t watch Mr. Rogers as a kid because puppets are from hell and nightmares, but he has some real zingers. My Pinterest algorithm is littered with Mr Roger’s quotes and I’m not upset about it. I love this quote from him because I feel it encapsulates how Jesus loves us. And this is how we should see others- humbly, lovingly. Love our neighbors as ourselves.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39

Isn’t this an incredible thing to aspire to in our relationships?! Nothing can separate us from unconditional love. I’m not humanly capable of loving people exactly how God does, but it’s something to strive for. I hope to put a lens over my eyes when I see people and a filter over my mouth when I speak to people. A lens and filter that says,”You matter to me so much. Relationship > opinion.”

This isn’t as difficult for me to apply with strangers. I feel more reticent and intimidated by people I don’t know very well and withdraw. But with my closer friends and family, I’m more aggressive and combative with my opinions. This is a lifelong bad habit and part of my personality; it’s something to root out. It’s unkind and disrespectful.

A note: As sinful people, capable of hurting each other deeply, we need boundaries and that looks like physical distance sometimes. Some relationships are dangerous or toxic, and we may need to remove ourselves from them partially or entirely. We may need to take practical steps, or legal steps. This is reality and we shouldn’t ignore or sugar coat it. Nonetheless, to love our neighbors and our enemies is instruction from God. That may look a little different in varying situations, but I believe that all things are possible with God, including loving people how he wants us to. I don’t know how to do this, to be frank. There are some people who feel impossible to love. So please understand that I don’t have this figured out; it’s just at the forefront of my mind right now and I’d like to put earnest effort into understanding it better and then living it out.

I view it this way- I am imperfect, full of sin, but still loved by God and made in his image. Sin creates a barrier between God and I, when I refuse to repent, but it does NOT separate me from God’s love.

I know that God loves the most vile person who has ever lived. He loves them, AND they will stand before his judgement one day. He is loving AND just. The two things are true at the same time.

I think we make a serious mistake when we believe unconditional love does not include boundaries/barriers. We view barriers, caused by sin, as separation from love, but they are two different things. When Aaron and I argue, it creates a barrier, but doesn’t cause separation in our love for each other.

I have severed relationships in my life, and those boundaries are necessary. For me, forgiveness was difficult, but once I was able to work toward it and finally mean it, compassion and pity took the place of hatred. The boundaries have stayed in place, even with forgiveness, because I have no choice in how the other person behaves.

God says we are known by our fruit. He says even a child is known by his doings. I want the fruit in my relationships to be from the Spirit, not myself. I want to be known for this. I want this to be an action in my love for the Lord. I’m so thankful for my therapist reminding me of this; reminding me that heartstring connection matters more than forcing people to change for my sake.

“Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”

Matthew 7:16-20

“Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.”

Proverbs 20:11

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

When Your Kids are Wittier than You are

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Thu, 29 Jan 2026 23:35:00 +0000

A couple day ago, I was running work errands with the girls for a few hours. Daphne has a habit of shrieking loudly when she’s both angry and happy. It’s a brain splitting, ear piercing shriek, and she gets reprimanded for it quite a lot. It happens much less now than it used to, but on this particular day, she shrieked 6 times in a row in the car. All in happiness and playing, but my brain turned to mush. After the fifth shriek, I yelled back,”STOP IT NOW. Seriously Daffy, you must stop. It’s hurting my ears. If you do this again, you’ll be in trouble.”

That hurt her feelings, tremendously, and she sulked in blessed silence for about 3 minutes. And then she shrieked again.

“You’ll be in trouble when we get home, Daffy,” I warned.

“Mama. Listen. Dat was my bwud,” she reasoned seriously.

We got Daphne this singing bird for Christmas and she really loves it. You push a button on its chest and it sings to you. Its little birdcage hangs on her bunkbed.

“Daphne, that wasn’t your bird. That was you screaming again,” glaring at her in the rear view mirror.

“Tweet twee tweeeeee twe tweeet,”said the bird. “It was the bwud, mama!!! You heard it!” she said pushing the little button.

I gut laughed, and Daphne says,”You happy now, Mama? You not mad anymore? YAY YAY!!!!”

“I still kinda wanna kick your little booty, but I guess you’re off the hook,” I said laughing.

“Tweet tweet,”said the bird triumphantly as Daphne made this exact face back at me in the mirror.

The other evening at church, Luna asked a little boy if he’d like to be friends with her.

“Hi!! I’ve been thinking about this: would you like to be friends?!!”

“NO,” said the little boy, running away from her.

Luna told us this without bitterness, happily swinging on her bedroom swing so we assumed it didn’t bother her too much. But then she brought it up a few more times and admitted it had hurt her feelings after all. She wondered why he didn’t want to be friends. Had she done something wrong maybe, or was he just rude?

I told her probably none of the above. He’s at a confusing age where little boys feel awkward around girls, plus his family may have rules about who their kids can be friends with.

A day or two later I wore this shirt, and she asked me what each word meant.

I explained to her how we can sometimes forget to love people and instead despise them when they treat us badly or when we have differences. But God calls us to love both our neighbor and our enemy.

Her eyes lit up. “Like frickin’ [name redacted lest any feelings get hurt!] when he wouldn’t be my friend!”

Then she got out a marker and filled in the bottom line on my shirt.

I laugh every time I wear it now.

Love Thy Neighbor + US Immigration

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Tue, 27 Jan 2026 16:53:00 +0000

I’m not an expert on immigration policy, and frankly, most political topics are very difficult for me to understand; our government systems are complicated and overwhelming. However, I have some thoughts and beliefs on immigration based on what I see in the scripture, based on conversations with personal friends and family that really made me stop and examine what I believe, and based on months of googling and reading until I felt like my eyes would melt and fall out of my head. If anyone would like to share a differing opinion with me, please send a message or leave a comment. I am genuinely open to hearing it and will consider what you have to say. If possible, please include links to your sources and any scripture you may be using to base your differences of opinion upon.

First up, a statement issued by World Relief. You can read the original statement here, if you like.

As I read their statement, my heart just welled in gratitude to see Christians taking an unapologetic stand for what is right. They do a good job of summing up how I feel about immigration, based on God’s Word- which carries far more weight for me than political debates (although there is a time for that as well).

I’m going to copy and paste directly from their website, but I have taken the liberty of adding the full text of each scripture they use because they had only the verse references. I love to see the whole thing together without needing to look up each verse separately.

California Evangelical Statement on Refugees & Immigration

“As evangelical Christians in California, our perspective on immigration is grounded in the authority of Scripture. While immigration is a political issue, we see it first as a biblical one—deeply connected to the mission of the Church both locally and globally. We affirm the need to clearly express the biblical principles that guide our views, so that immigrants—many of whom are fellowmembers of the same Body of Christ and all of whom are our neighbors (Luke 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.)— know we stand with them. We urge believers of all backgrounds to prayerfully live out these truths, and we pray that our elected leaders will be guided by this same wisdom.

Recognizing Human Dignity

Christians affirm that every human being is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.), regardless of nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender, age, stage of development, legal status, or any other distinction. This foundational belief calls us to uphold the dignity of all people, reject dehumanizing rhetoric, and model Christlike compassion, even amid disagreement. Immigrants, like all image-bearers, carry God-given potential to create, contribute, and flourish. We gratefully recognize the many ways immigrants enrich our churches, communities, and economy, including the estimated $168.1 billion in annual taxes paid by immigrants in California.

Demonstrating Compassion and Hospitality

Throughout the Old Testament, immigrants are consistently grouped with orphans and widows as among the most vulnerable to injustice. God expresses His deep love for these individuals (Deuteronomy 10:18 He doth execute the judgment of the fatherless and widow, and loveth the stranger, in giving him food and raiment. Psalm 146:9 The Lord preserveth the strangers; he relieveth the fatherless and widow: but the way of the wicked he turneth upside down.) and commands His people to do the same—to love, protect, and seek justice for them (Deuteronomy 10:19 Love ye therefore the stranger: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt. Jeremiah 22:3 Thus saith the Lord; Execute ye judgment and righteousness, and deliver the spoiled out of the hand of the oppressor: and do no wrong, do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, nor the widow, neither shed innocent blood in this place. Zechariah 7:9–10 Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, saying, Execute true judgment, and shew mercy and compassions every man to his brother: And oppress not the widow, nor the fatherless, the stranger, nor the poor; and let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart.

Malachi 3:5 And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the Lord of hosts.).These commands carry both personal and societal implications, as seen in laws that promote compassion and provision for the marginalized (Deuteronomy 24:19–22 When thou cuttest down thine harvest in thy field, and hast forgot a sheaf in the field, thou shalt not go again to fetch it: it shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless, and for the widow: that the Lord thy God may bless thee in all the work of thine hands. When thou beatest thine olive tree, thou shalt not go over the boughs again: it shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless, and for the widow. When thou gatherest the grapes of thy vineyard, thou shalt not glean it afterward: it shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless, and for the widow. And thou shalt remember that thou wast a bondman in the land of Egypt: therefore I command thee to do this thing.).

In the New Testament, this call to care for the vulnerable continues. Followers of Jesus are urged to “practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.)—literally, to love strangers.This radical welcome is portrayed as sacred: in doing so, we may unknowingly host angels (Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.) or even Christ Himself (Matthew 25:31–45 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.).

Respect for the Rule of Law and Governmental Authority

While the Church is clearly called to demonstrate love, compassion, and to proclaim the gospel, Scripture also affirms a distinct and vital role for government as a God-ordained institution (Romans 13:1–5 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake.). We recognize the government’s responsibility to protect its citizens, which includes maintaining secure borders and removing individuals convicted of violent crimes who pose a threat to public safety.

However, such enforcement must always uphold the principles of due process, ensuring that authorities remain “not a terror to good conduct, but to bad” (Romans 13:3, For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same.). At the same time, we affirm the constitutional right to peacefully protest policies we believe to be unjust. We reject all forms of violence—whether by civilians or by government officials acting beyond their rightful authority—and call for accountability and restraint in the pursuit of justice and order.

Protecting Family Unity and the Wellbeing of Children

Even before God established governments, he instituted the family, at the very beginning of Creation (Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Matthew 19:4-6 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.), which is why nine out of ten evangelical Christians tell Lifeway Research that immigration policies should protect the unity of the immediate family. Except in rare cases involving public safety, our government should not separate spouses or children from their parents – those whom God has joined and entrusted with care. In California, about 960,000 U.S. citizen children live with at least one family member at risk of deportation. Unless these individuals pose a real threat, they should be allowed to remain with their families through humane restitution, such as paying a fine.

Jesus emphasized the value of children in God’s kingdom (Mark 10:13–15 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.

Matthew 18:6,10 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.). Public policies should reflect that priority by protecting children’s well-being and ensuring they have access to education, opportunity, and family stability—regardless of legal status.

Preserving Religious Liberty

For the Church to faithfully live out its biblical mission, the protection of religious liberty is essential. Government must not impose restrictions on churches, individuals, or faith-based organizations that offer spiritual or material support to immigrants—regardless of legal status. This freedom should extend to all people of faith, ensuring that the gospel can be proclaimed freely and received without coercion (Acts 28:31 Preaching the kingdom of God, and teaching those things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ, with all confidence, no man forbidding him.). Our commitment to religious freedom also calls us to welcome those fleeing persecution, including refugees and immigrants who have suffered for their faith in Jesus. We urge California and the broader United States to continue offering refuge and due process to asylum seekers seeking safety and freedom.

Conclusion

We are grateful to live in a state and nation that allows us to live out our biblically rooted convictions, disciple those under our care, and engage our leaders with these values. We recognize that faithful Christians, equally committed to the authority of Scripture, may at times differ in how they apply these principles. Even so, we pray that our state will honor God as we navigate both the challenges and opportunities presented by immigration and the global movement of refugees.”

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Next, I want to broach a few political concerns about immigrants that have been mentioned to me by friends and family. I disagree with, but understand the worry behind these opinions, and understand the people forming them because I have formerly accepted it myself. There are countless resources out there with mind boggling amounts of information on each of these topics, and they’re worth researching to be able to make decisions for yourself rather than taking someone else’s word for it.

1)“Immigrants are a drain on our economy, take jobs away from real Americans, and we don’t have the infrastructure to support them.”

These are the biggest political debates on immigration that I see online and hear in person. They are legitimate concerns and dismissing them is unrealistic. I’m including three interesting and helpful links below; two refuting these concerns and one supporting them. Again, please search for answers on your own, too.

“Immigrants boost overall economic growth by expanding the labor force and increasing consumer spending.The foreign born also start new businesses at higher rates than U.S.-born individuals.”

Link here

“Undocumented immigrants pay substantial amounts toward the funding of public infrastructure, institutions, and services. Specifically, we find that in 2022, undocumented immigrants paid $96.7 billion in taxes at the federal, state, and local levels. More than a third of that amount, $33.9 billion, went toward funding social insurance programs that these individuals are barred from accessing because of their immigration status.”

Link here

“Immigrant workers increase U.S. GPD, but the vast bulk of the gain goes to the immigrants themselves: only 2% goes to native born Americans.”

Link here

2)“They’re criminals, and criminals should be deported.”

I very, very strongly disagree with the idea that being undocumented immediately makes a criminal who needs to be deported. However, after due process which is their constitutional right, I believe firmly that dangerous criminals should be deported.

This next link does not address whether or not criminals should be deported, which I think the majority does agree with, but instead addresses the inaccurate stereotype that all or most immigrants are criminals in the first place.

“We find that undocumented immigrants have substantially lower crime rates than native-born citizens and legal immigrants across a range of felony offenses. Relative to undocumented immigrants, US-born citizens are over 2 times more likely to be arrested for violent crimes, 2.5 times more likely to be arrested for drug crimes, and over 4 times more likely to be arrested for property crimes.”

Link here

3)“They should come here the legal way. It’s a slap in the faces of those who have come legally.”

I agree that immigration should be done legally, when possible. However, legal processes are extremely drawn out and expensive for those with low incomes making it difficult for most immigrants to become legal citizens. Many undocumented immigrants in the US are taking legal steps to become citizens, but they wait years on red tape. Here is one example of this from last summer; the story of a Guatemalan Christian pastor in FL, detained after two decades of living here with his family. Stories like these should matter to us. Blanket deportations to fill quotas are wrong. Each case should be looked at individually, and I believe we should be finding ways to make that doable.

I can’t help but wonder what things would look like if $75 billion, or even just part of $75 billion, was poured into immigration reforms, if some of the USCIS backlog was cleared (currently over 11 million cases), and legal pathways made more accessible. I would love to see politicians focus on reform(The Dignity Act, unfortunately, doesn’t offer a pathway to citizenship, but it’s a start toward some reform), and actually help decent humans become citizens and have better lives.

“In 1991, 31 percent of immigrants in the preference categories had no wait at all due to the quotas (Figure 2). In 2018, that share had fallen to just 2 percent. In 1991, just 3 percent of applicants waited a decade or more to apply for a green card. By 2018, 28 percent waited a decade or more, and 41 percent waited at least five years. Applicants with exceptionally long waits have become normal in America’s legal immigration system.”

Link here

“The label “unauthorized immigrants” captures a complex array of statuses, including immigrants who entered the U.S. legally. While the label is not perfect, it groups together immigrants living in the country with impermanent, precarious statuses. The term has been used for decades by researchers who develop estimates of the population and is generally used in this report.”

Link here

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Next, a couple of easy guidelines I’ve started to apply when it comes to politics in general, not only immigration.

First, one thing I’ve learned about myself in the past decade or so is that I will quickly believe things based on trust in my preferred political party, and based on things told to me by personal friends and family who I trust and respect. This is unwise. Blind party loyalty is a slippery slope into extremism and dishonesty, and even the wisest, kindest friend I have is capable of fallible, misguided opinions. To find some balance, I’ve tried very hard to find news sources that are somewhere in the middle. Finding moderate journalism has really helped give me some clarity while I currently feel so politically homeless and detached from both parties as they presently stand. Here are some of my favorite news sources and political commentators:

Tangle

Wake Up to Politics

MoNews

Second, I ask myself a question to gauge whether or not I truly agree with and support what is happening in either political party: “If the other side’s administration was doing this exact same thing, would I be okay with it?”

Examples of times I’ve used this as a guideline (this swings both ways, but in this post, I’m sticking with one sided examples):

-If Biden encouraged rioters to attack the capital in an effort to overturn a Trump election, and then later issued blanket pardons for the rioters, would I be okay with it? As a side-note, I’ve been sloooowly working my way thru So Help Me God by Mike Pence. Although poorly written (in my opinion) it’s so interesting to see his perspective on Jan 6.

-Would I be okay with Biden saying “Quiet, piggy” to a journalist?

-Would I be okay with Biden telling Denmark,”Dear Jonas: Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America.”?

-Would I be okay with it if AOC said “Separation of church and state is a myth”and “Once a week, we talk about why the Civil Rights Act was a mistake”?

-If Biden sent ICE to my street to deport the brown family living down the road, and I half blocked the road on my way home from work, and they shot and killed me, would my friends and family say,”Please let ICE do what they need to do, let them do their jobs.”? Would my friends and family believe Biden’s Truth Social post calling me a domestic terrorist in spite of video evidence showing otherwise? Would my community agree with Kamala Harris’ statement that ICE agents have absolute immunity when they needlessly kill people?

-Would we all offer ICE our support if 6-7 of them ganged up on Aaron and killed him, after physically beating him, and then use his legally carried firearm as an excuse for his murder? It helps me to ask what I would feel if the shoe were on the other foot in this way. If I would feel anger and indignation at one side for doing something wrong, then it’s wrong for either side to do it. A donkey and an elephant should not hide moral responsibility from our eyes. I believe strongly that in regards to immigration, we should set aside our fear and party loyalty, ask questions, read more, and most importantly we should be studying God’s Word to see what it says.

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I’m ending with an excerpt (and link) to a Substack essay written by Evan Wickham that really helped, convicted, and encouraged me. It discusses how we should behave toward each other, as Christians, when we disagree politically (and it’s really just how we should behave in general). I have substantial disagreement with many of my friends and family, both politically, biblically, and in personal standards. Sometimes that feels really discouraging to me. Sometimes I feel angry about it. Sometimes I feel hurt by it. Other times just genuinely confused and shocked. Nonetheless, we are the body of Christ, brothers and sisters, and this essay gave me a much needed kick in the pants to behave myself with humility in the midst of strong disagreement.

“So, can a person be a faithful Christian AND “all-in” on a political party?

No.

Because “all-in” belongs to Jesus only.

But for those of us who are Christians with a conviction to vote, then we are called to do so out of a deep care for justice, dignity, and the common good of all our neighbors and enemies whom God calls his children to love fiercely and fearlessly.

Since Christians are citizens of heaven first, we can’t treat our earthly party or nation as ultimate without giving away allegiance that belongs to Jesus alone. So in our church, we pledge all our loyalty to him by joyfully worshiping as reds and blues who drink the same purple wine.

So if you feel politically homeless, it’s probably because you’ve found real security and belonging in your true home alongside the rest of us.”

Around the House

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 23:47:00 +0000

Aaron painted our bedroom last weekend, and I love it. It was my birthday present, a bit delayed. It turned out better than I expected, and every time I walk past it, I say,”Wow, I love this so much.” This room is like an electric blanket now, warm and cozy. The color is SW Mulberry Silk. I got a little bit nervous about the color right beforehand, but it’s perfect. Everything matches in my room now, unintentionally. I don’t usually buy things to match other things. I buy with a vibe in mind (cozy, it must be cozy), but mostly just buy what I really like. In the end it all matches.

When we walked thru the house the first time, we were blown away by the pantry. It’s huge! We tried to imagine what we would store in there, but it seemed like so much wasted space. The kitchen already had triple the cabinets we were accustomed to, and there are three storage closets throughout the house. Every bedroom has larger closets than we were used to and the garage is double in size. So much space! So we decided to turn it into an office/library/music room, which Luna has named The Parlor. I don’t have before pictures so just imagine a bright white room filled with lots of white wire shelves. I had so much fun putting all of our books on these shelves!

We removed the door, painted the ceiling, walls, and trim SW Waterloo, and replaced the light fixture. Aaron made and installed the shelves and built the desk with a friend. In spite of being the size of a small bedroom, the parlor doesn’t have even one electrical outlet so that’s still on our to-do list for this room (everything is powered by extension cords for now), along with buying a piano for the kids to learn. Aaron has all of his music recording equipment in here, and hopes to add sound panels to the walls (even though I hope he doesn’t because they’re ugly). This little room has given our family so much fun and enjoyment! I’ll cry if we ever move into a house that doesn’t have space for a parlor.

There are a lot of things about our house that aren’t really my style. Everything is very white and light and bright which I like a lot, but it just isn’t me at all. I want warm, dark, close spaces, and would likely live in a hobbit hole if I could. I genuinely ask myself whether or not things would suit Bilbo Baggins’ house when I shop for my home. My style is somewhere between the Shire, Hogwarts, the library, my grandmother’s house, and Devol Kitchens with a dash of Studio Ghibli. But when we moved to this house, I realized that style preferences don’t matter as much as I always thought, and what I love most is privacy and space. This house is considered a small starter home, and it has a tiny backyard. But it’s double the sq footage of our old house and has a privacy fence. I didn’t realize how much of a difference those things would make to me. I feel like I can breathe easily. Things aren’t falling out of overstuffed closets and cabinets. No one can see directly into my back door when the curtains are open. And since it’s new, this house feels so clean and fresh whereas our old house had mold and weird smells. Sometimes we walk in from church or shopping and still faintly smell new paint and carpet even though I’ve burned probably 47 grilled cheese sandwiches over the past year so you’d think this house would have a very different smell, haha.

I still have a dream house on acreage living in my imagination! But I really love this imperfect, not my style, little house. And when we make changes here, like painting our bedroom, it feels like added joy or practicality vs a pinch of discontentment driving us to make the changes. The other day I was making cookie dough, Daphne was playing with her plushie babies on the floor nearby, the dog just stank to heaven from a recent run, Luna was putting an old Roger Whittaker vinyl on the record player, Aaron was playing a game on the PC in the parlor, the cat had been banished to the garage for eating a stick of butter off the counter, the table was covered in watercolor supplies, and the washing machine was losing its mind over a big blanket I crammed into it. I thought, “I never imagined this life for me.” I didn’t even know how to imagine this life in this giant to us, little house with this family I have. I had no idea what I was missing.

“That house was a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or storytelling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all. Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.” J.R.R. Tolkien

Balance

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Sat, 03 Jan 2026 00:09:00 +0000

I made a goals board today (my nieces tell me it’s a vision board, but I can’t get my brain to call it that. It’s for goals so it must be called a goals board), and am so happy with how it turned out. I’m hoping this type of visual will help me remember things better and keep me on track. It took hours and hours and so much frustration to get everything together for it, but it was really fun to create after the prep work was done.

I usually have a hard time narrowing down a word for the year. I have a group of friends who get together every year to share their word for the year, and I love hearing what they choose and why, but it’s not really something my mind comes up with easily. But for the last few months the word balance has popped up in my conversation and bible study so frequently that I’ve started to love looking for it. So for now, balance is my word for the year.

Proverbs 16:11

A just weight and balance are the Lord's: all the weights of the bag are his work.

I love making smaller, achievable goals. I have a tendency to make too many goals or unattainable goals, and it ends up being defeating. But now I realize that although I might need to add a few difficult goals, I need to also add a few easier ones for encouragement. Once I see smaller goals completed, it makes the bigger goals feel possible.

The two most difficult goals on my list this year are for my kids: imagination play and dropping the to-do list to say yes to the girls. I’m already telling myself defeating things about these two. “I’ll never be able to do this. I hate imagination play. I need to finish my list because of my OCD. I’ll be so stressed. Blah blah blah.” But this week, we’re on vacation for the holidays and I’ve managed to force myself to say yes 3 times, skip cleaning the heck out of the bathrooms, and I’ve played “mother and daughters go shopping and berate the shopkeeper”. Aaron was the shopkeeper and he ended up nearly dead and had to repent to God over his exorbitant shop prices. He was selling used throw pillows for $1,600. I also played “teen daughter is ugly to her kind mother”. Luna was the kind mother and I was the ugly teenager. I tried to be as obnoxious as possible and Luna said, sedately,”Honey, mothers still love their kids even when they’re being disgusting little brutes.” I had to come out of character to laugh my head off at her vocabulary.

The girls were so happy to play with me. I wish it was easier for me to keep that happiness at the front of my mind. This is just one area in life that I want to be more balanced in. Less rushing to get things done, and more slowing down to say “sure, I have time to play with you just for fun.” But I already feel like this goal is the one where in three weeks I’ll be saying,”What goal?!?!”

I was a voracious reader as a kid. We’d go to the library every few days and come home with stacks and stacks of books. I read everything I could get my hands on, including the entire dictionary and a set of 1960’s encyclopedias. For fun! I don’t really remember playing as a kid, I remember sitting in a tree while reading a book. But as an adult, I pretty much stopped reading for a decade or so. Now I have really poor memory and really poor focus. So last year I set a goal to read one book per month and ended up reading around 32 books. This year I set the same small, achievable goal of 12 books for the year, and I secretly hope to hit 40. But if I only hit 12, goal achieved. It’s perhaps a little bit of a cheat, but no one can convince me there is a better way, haha. Rachel read 99 books last year and it was a low year for her! I’m so impressed!

Some of my favorite books from last year were:

-Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. A memoir about Bryan’s work as a death row lawyer in AL. This book was gripping and terrible and amazing. It had some gut wrenching prison abuse scenes, so be warned if you try to read it.

-Testimony by Jon Ward. A memoir about Jon’s life growing up in Covenant Life Church and seeing it spiral into Christian Nationalism, placing politics before God. This book is about current events, and was hard to put down. I’m always shocked when I hear Christians advocate for Christian Nationalism so it was very eye opening to see how his former church family took that direction.

-The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gregiore. This book dismantles a lot of commonly held church beliefs about marriage and sex. I was taught every single thing this book refutes and cried super hard the entire time I read it. It was genuinely life altering to see it laid out so clearly, in a way that I had not been able to voice myself at the time, and I felt raw of spirit for months afterward. It’s changed how I read the Bible. It made for some very interesting conversations between Aaron and I as we realized we grew up being taught very different things, but that had somehow never come up between us until I read the book this year.

-Fairytale by Stephen King. This is one of the best fiction books I’ve ever read in my entire life. Unlike his other books, which I don’t recommend, this one isn’t horror, it’s just fantasy and a fairytale. Don’t read if language offends you; it doesn’t bother me and this book has a lot. Sidenote: if you want a truly wonderful, family friendly fairytale, please read Ella Enchanted by Gail Levine. It’s nothing like the atrocious movie! It’s so sweet and adorable.

-How God Sees Women by Terran Williams. This book compares the doctrines of complementarianism and egalitarianism. One of my goals for this year is to finish this book. It’s theology and not a quick read. I felt very impatient when I started it and tried to speed thru. I had to stop and now have reread the first 6 chapters 4-5 times. I try to look up every verse reference (he uses a different translation), and every source which is time consuming but fascinating. I don’t know yet if I can recommend the entire book, but I can recommend the first 6 chapters and wish everyone would read it. Out of all the books I’ve read this year, this one has been the most helpful and has answered a lot of my doubts and questions about God.

Jeremiah 29:13

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

I began counseling with a christian therapist in November. I have fretted over who to choose for literal years, dragging my feet. I finally chose my therapist based on her online picture, haha! Her face is what I’d call “kind and experienced”. There were other counselors online who met my criteria, but they had grumpy eyebrows or weren’t smiling and that was intimidating. I was nervous that she wouldn’t be able to handle narcolepsy which makes therapy more complicated. I prayed anxiously and wrote out a lot of stuff about narcolepsy for her. But during our initial interview she told me she specializes in EMDR and the neurological side of therapy, not so much talk therapy. Then in our first session, she opened with prayer, after asking permission, and was so genuine. And then in our next session, she discussed having “neurological and cognitive balance to draw us closer to the Lord”, using her hands to depict a balance. And when she said the word balance, I relaxed and thanked God for her. My goal with her is to learn to manage panic attacks which I have several times a week, and to move past the seemingly eternally lingering depression from Daphne’s birth- which I’ve had truly significant recovery from, but would like to see the rest of it kicked out the door. I’m also excited to work with someone who knows so much about the physical brain since mine is not okay (send thoughts and prayers).

Wrapping up with the rest of the verses I put on my board. They all hold special meaning for me right now, and have been really encouraging to me throughout the last year. I’m carrying them forward into 2026 (also send thoughts and prayers that I can memorize one single verse because no matter how hard I try, they fly away from my memory as fast as Daphne runs from me when she needs to go on the potty but really prefers her pull-up).

Matthew 22:37-40

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Micah 6:8

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

Proverbs 19:17

He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord; and that which he hath given will he pay him again

Matthew 13:24-30

Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field:

But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also.

So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares?

He said unto them, An enemy hath done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up?

But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them.

Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.

A Few Fun Things

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 22:07:00 +0000

It’s Christmas at our house now. We won’t get our real tree or start on Christmas movies until after Thanksgiving, but I’ve made it a loose tradition to start decorating on, or very near, November 1st + we give the girls their Christmas pjs, ornaments, and holiday books on the same day. If possible, we do a candlelit evening just to make it extra special. So happy. We put our little fake tree into the girl’s room this year at Luna’s request and we LOVE IT. I love seeing their shiny, happy faces as they stare at the tree while in their little bunkbeds.

I made the girls ornaments this year, along with stockings for our whole family. I am genuinely amazed that I pulled it off (with some help from Mom Hoover on the stockings). I’m working on a tree skirt now, and crossing my fingers that my impatience and lack of skill doesn’t ruin it for me. I’ve had the fabric for these stockings for 3 years, and just felt intimidated by actually sewing them. But they ended up being pretty easy.

I occasionally do embroidery as a way to keep my hands busy and away from my phone. They’re kind of pointless, and just sit in a box when they’re completed, though. I decided to take four of them and some scrap fabric I’ve had since Luna was a newborn and made pillows for the girls. They’re kind of an odd, tubular, wish-they-were-lumbar shape, but I love them anyway.

Luna has had a crush on a little boy at church for about a year. She isn’t allowed to tell him that she loves him and isn’t allowed to give him love notes anymore because she was doing it nearly every time she saw him for a bit. We explained it’s just fine to like or love him, but she might start embarrassing him or make him feel uncomfortable since he doesn’t return her feelings. She hasn’t approached him with her feelings, that we know of, for several months. But a few Sunday mornings ago, she gave him a ring and declared her undying love, again, during children’s church.

We reprimanded her on the way home and reminded her that she needs to think about her crush’s feelings too.

Then, at Sunday evening service, she gave him a clay heart she had made which said “I 🩵 U”, and she had the most defiant attitude when we tried to talk to her about it at home.

So, as a consequence, we told her she wouldn’t be allowed to play with friends at church for the next couple of services, she had to stay right by our side, and would have to miss children’s church Sunday for disobeying.

She later said, as she walked quickly by us in the kitchen,”I made a sign for you on my bedroom door. I’m worried you’ll be mad about it though.”

We went to look at the sign. It said,”Dunt dispunt your doter” (don’t disappoint your daughter). We laughed so much over this. She responded indignantly,”Don’t mock my wisdom!!” Which, much to her chagrin, made me laugh even harder. It was a rough night for her, poor thing, haha.

Then the next day she told me with a big, sad sigh,”I wish I hadn’t given that heart to Elias. But it really makes my life better to give it to him.” I asked how giving him the heart made her life better and she said,”It made me feel lighter. Like strings loosened on my life. Everything was loose instead of tight. That makes my life better all the time.”

We were watching Beauty and the Beast a couple mornings ago, and after watching Gaston force his proposal onto Belle, Luna sat upright and exclaimed tragically,”I guess I’m Gaston!! I say I love you I love you I love and I never quit!”

The opposite of our emotional Luna is our straightforward Daphne.

On a morning walk Luna says,”Daphne! I have an idea! You can tell me a story as we walk home.”

Daphne, bluntly,”No.”

Luna, cajolingly,”Daaaaphne, whether you like it or noooot, you need to tell me a story!”

Daphne, tugging her Pull-Up up a little higher,”Not.”

And that was that.

We went to the food trucks for supper and ice cream cones one night:

Luna,”Drats, I dripped ice cream onto my pants!”

Me to Aaron,”Drats is such a funny word for her to use. It’s such an old fashioned word.”

Luna, listening,”Or! I could make it into a holiday joke and say,’Nutcracker! I dropped my ice cream! Or for Halloween, I could say,’Oh bats!” *laughs heartily at her own joke*

Daphne,”And I say… FRIDGE.” *laughs manically*

Meet Hedwig Rosetta Marmalade Happiness Hoover, our new Siamese/Bengal kitten. I named her Hedwig but Luna felt it was inadequate and added a few more names to it. But, we mostly call her Opal after my niece’s cat who lived with us for a year. Or “CAT!!” as she climbs curtains and our tender legs. She’s very cute, tiny, chatty (loud), and brave. She climbs from the floor to Aaron’s head and perches like a little parrot, and makes gigantic jumps for such a tiny thing. This is my first experience with a kitten and it’s pretty adorable in spite of my anti-pet feelings.

I’ve been trying to add more Bible into the girl’s daily life. There is so much out there for kids. We recently got this Bible study for Luna from Not Consumed. We’re only about 4 lessons in, but enjoy it so far. Lessons are short and age appropriate. The whole package is so nicely thought out and great quality. I really like that they don’t use any Bible version, they just add the reference and you have to look it up yourself.

We’ve been listening to these podcasts on Spotify. I can’t say that we LOVE any of them because they are all a little advanced for my girls, but we like them and try to listen during lunch or car rides.

Kids Bible Stories

Nat Theo Nature Lessons Rooted in the Bible

God’s Big Story

And lastly, if you have a Yoto, they have an independent creator, Kaleidoscope, who makes Bible stories now and we own every one of them. I just ordered the newest two. One day Luna was telling us a bizarre story and after awhile Aaron realized she was telling him the book of Daniel.

If you are unfamiliar with Yoto, it’s a small audio story player. No screens. The story cards are like a little credit card that slips into the top. I believe they need wifi to download the first time, but after that you can take them anywhere without wifi so they’re great for the car. My kids both have the mini, and they listen to them every day. They are my very favorite toy we’ve ever gotten our girls. I pay annually for the Yoto Club and it pays for itself very quickly. We’ve been collecting cards since Luna was around 2 and have close to 90 now. Luna has listened to all of them at least 10 times each, but Daphne is pretty hung up on Frozen only. She’ll get there!

Racism is a Sin of Pride

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Mon, 25 Aug 2025 22:26:00 +0000

“Only by pride cometh contention, but with the well advised is wisdom.”Proverbs 13:10

“For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.”

Galatians 6:3

“Racism is the belief that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of one race, which leads to discriminatory practices and unequal treatment of people based on their race.” (paraphrased from Google)

In other words, it’s a caste system: “You are inferior and I am superior, not based on merit, but simply because we were born into our position, and there is no option to ever change that.”

There are sometimes personal standards of conduct which, when not adhered to, are viewed as sin within the church, but then there are scriptural sins which are considered acceptable and viewed with apathy. For example, when I was growing up, the “sin” of a woman wearing a pair of pants was an absolute outrage. We questioned the validity of a woman’s salvation if she wore anything other than a long skirt. Getting a tattoo was nearly cause for excommunication because of levitical law. Attending church on Sunday morning only, skipping Sunday and Wednesday evenings, meant that you were not serious about God, you had forsaken the “assembling together”, and again, we would question the validity of a person’s salvation and submission to God if they did this. Secular music and various movies were preached against regularly. And so on.

However, racism was barely acknowledged. We did not consider ourselves racist so we had no need to speak of it. Racism was hardly even a real thing to us. Just a ploy the liberals and black people made up to create division. Calling a black person the N-word was common, even justified. “I only call them a n***** when they actually ARE one. Just like I call a trashy white person ‘white trash’”.

We were adamantly taught that interracial marriages were a sin, slavery and segregation was God’s will, and besides, everyone said, black people just had “you know… that culture. Plus, they’re such violent criminals. You know how the neighborhoods go down when a black family moves in.” This was said, without irony, as we lived in a white, Houston neighborhood where the two white brothers next door shot at each other, the house down the street was selling drugs and sex, and at least one white father that I know of on the street had attempted to rape his teenage daughter.

When we moved to AL, confederate flags were proudly flown and the KKK burned crosses at the houses of any black people who had the brazen audacity to move up on Sand Mountain, where we lived. No black people lived in our town or the surrounding small towns. This was told to us as a selling point by church leaders before we moved to AL (I was present for this conversation as an 11 year old). It was the 90’s, not the 60’s.“Thank God”, they said in relief,”at least the neighborhoods won’t get trashy.” Blithely ignoring that the KU KLUX KLAN!!! was active in our neighborhood, and we lived in the middle of 50 different run-down, white trash trailer parks teeming with child abuse of the worst sort, meth labs, and abject laziness. Our church taught several unsound doctrines, and our pastor ran off with his wife’s much younger niece after embezzling church funds. But hey, there are worse things… like black people, apparently. The hypocrisy of this frustrates me so much.

Here is a link that refutes some of the beliefs I was taught at church; specifically that slavery was God’s will due to Noah’s curse on Canaan: Racism and the Bible

I highly recommend reading it. It’s short and easy to understand.

We were also taught that when God told the Israelites not to marry into other nations, who worshipped false gods, this was God’s way of saying that interracial marriages are a sin.

This applied only to interracial marriages with black people and didn’t apply to interracial marriages with any other race. While not encouraged, it was acceptable for a white person to marry an Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, Israeli, Hispanic, Islander, etc.

I mentally splutter as I try to wrap my mind around this blatant perversion of the scripture. God said “nations who worshipped false gods”… Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers. He did not say “don’t marry black people because they’re black and may, traditionally, enjoy collard greens”.

In the linked essay above, the author makes a great point: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba were all in the lineage of Christ and they were all from the nations which God told them not to marry into. It had nothing to do with race, and everything to do with worshiping the true God.

For those who choose to wrest the scripture in this way, and speak words of racism out of the abundance of their hearts: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Ephesians 4:29

I was in my early 20’s before I questioned any of this; I had absolutely no exposure to any other belief system before then. I moved away from the south and began, at some point, to make an attempt to think for myself.

I followed a lot of adoption blogs and social media accounts. I would see white, Christian people adopting black children. I had no idea this was allowed in Christian circles, and I would just weep over how beautiful it was. Not quite able, at the time, to put my finger on just what was so touching to me. Now I know that it was the biblical equality, harmony, and humility that I was witnessing between them. There was acknowledgment of the difference in culture and race, but the acknowledgment was not born of derision and contempt; it was born out of respect and love. I had never seen that before.

One day a blog I followed made some comments about Martin Luther King Jr. They admired him and were celebrating the holiday. They were white Christians. I was again stunned. I had only ever heard that he and Rosa Parks “stirred up trouble.” Whereas, confederate generals like a Robert E Lee and Stonewall Jackson were people I had been taught to admire.

I went to the library and checked out books on MLK and was shocked to find he was a decent, brave man who stood up for the equality and human rights of his race.

There was one story in the book, when MLK is around 6 years old, and his best friend, a white child, was no longer allowed to play with him. His father had to explain to him that now that they were old enough for school, they could not play together. He had to explain segregation. He had to explain to his 6 year old why they could not enter certain stores, sit in certain seats, use certain water fountains, etc. I imagined needing to say this to Luna and Daphne and my throat closed up.

It reminded me of an online conversation between a white mother and a black father that I had seen a few months before reading the book: The mother said,”I can’t bring myself to tell my kids about racism. It’s so ugly. I start crying every time I try to explain it to them. I hate for them to know such hate exists in the world.” And the black father responded, kindly,”I’m so thankful you have that option. I don’t have a choice with my kids. Another child at the playground screamed to my four year old,”You N*****!”. And should he get pulled over by the police, my teen son is at high risk and needs to know how to conduct himself. So I have to inform them even though it hurts me to.”

I began to realize I had been systematically lied to. By Christians. Often from the pulpit. The scripture twisted and corrupted.

Several years ago, I was sickened when I saw Christians, some of whom I am friends with, enraged when confederate statues were removed or torn down. “This is vandalism!! We can never support breaking the law!” I was shocked to find that Christians cared more about the vandalism of a statue of a racist traitor than they did about the glorification of the sin of racism.

“We need to remember our history!”

I agree with this point, at least. We should have museums dedicated to the horrors and atrocities of American slavery, and confederate statues should be placed there to remind us that there are wicked people who are willing to fight and die on the wrong side. We should point out every confederate flag we see to our children and remind them it is the flag of traitors to America and the human race; just like the Nazi flag, it symbolizes a sin which God hates. And we should fill our history books with the knowledge of what extremes racism can and does go to.

Bonus: Here is a link to a fascinating essay from Christianity Today about the Smithsonian Museum, black history, and how we should truthfully acknowledge our country’s history: Black History at the Smithsonian

I did not understand terms like white privilege or systemic racism when I first heard them (still a struggle for me now. it’s a big topic). Some of the labels and words that have been more recently deemed racist didn’t seem bad to me. I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes a bit. Until I reminded myself of how wrong I was for formerly believing that God wanted slavery and segregation to exist. This caused me to pause my ridicule and to feel trepidatious over making knee jerk assumptions when I had asked no questions of anyone. If I was wrong then, I could be wrong again. We are often so quick to condemn and demonize things just because we have no knowledge of it or familiarity with it, and that is what I did in this case. And, in America, racism has been so politically polarizing that we can become guilty of choosing our political party over what is right. In the online world, I was hearing “my side” say “oh racism is hardly real anymore. We did away with Jim Crow. White privilege isn’t real! Neither is systemic racism! All lives matter”, and I accepted that, at first, without investigation or critical thought. This is shameful behavior.

I had social media at the time and decided to find and follow black people to see what they were saying. I checked out books from the library. I always, always start with children’s books when it comes to heavier topics that I don’t understand. I googled for blogs and websites to hopefully have more understanding. And I watched a lot of movies- some based on true stories and some fiction.

Earlier this year, I read Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson, a book about the American penal system. For the first time I could begin to understand systemic racism. I recoiled in horror as I read that book, but also wept over Bryan’s incredible compassion, humility, and grace. I was convicted and ashamed as I read it. I felt defeat as I examined myself- how could Bryan and his friends endure so much suffering and still have such a spirit of humility, but I, who have suffered so little, can barely bend my knee.

Last year, I read The Girl Who Smiled Beads by Clemantine Wamariya and Elizabeth Weil. Clemantine was a Rwandan refugee who settled in America. This book gives a clear understanding of how the Belgians created a racist divide in Rwanda which in turn caused the Rwandan genocide in the 90’s. It’s a gut-wrenching, but necessary read in my opinion.

And I just started reading Born a Crime by Trevor Noah who was born in South Africa when it was still a crime, punishable by prison time, for whites and blacks to be married or in a sexual relationship. Noah’s mother was black, his father was white, and he had to be kept secret for the first part of his life. Noah is my age. When I was playing outside freely, he was across the world, unable to openly acknowledge either of his parents.

My desire is this: to stop being deliberately, willfully, unaware of the affliction and oppression of others. If I am unaware or uneducated it’s because I’ve chosen to be so, and this should not be.

“How long will ye judge unjustly, and accept the person of the wicked? Selah.

Defend the poor and the fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.

Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked.”

Psalm 82:2-4

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally incapable of being fully educated on every single aspect of global human oppression and suffering. I get that there is only so much information we can take in, and only so much bandwidth we have as individuals. So I look at it this way: If I am able to “take sides” as I have with American racism for my entire life, then I have the bandwidth, and responsibility, to educate myself. If I have the time to have an opinion, I have the time to confirm whether it’s right or wrong.

I am also aware of the whataboutisms. What about their wrong? What about what they did (fill in the blank with whatever grievances people have: rioting, real crime, political agendas, etc)? I think it’s very wrong to embrace this type of comparison. Yes, we can and should acknowledge wrong doing and make judgement calls when needed, but not if we are using it to remove responsibility from ourselves. Playing a comparison game allows us to sit stagnant in our own sins while we point fingers. It starts with us making a change first. If everyone would start with themselves, this would change the world.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.”

Matthew 7:3-5

In my late 20’s, I went on a missions trip with other people in my church to Greece. It was a life altering trip, and in most ways, so incredible to experience. I loved the location, the missionaries we were helping, and the group we went with. Truly a trip of a lifetime. There was the kindest young, black man from London who was living there and volunteering to help the missionaries. We LOVED him. He went everywhere with us. One day he mentioned that he’d love to go to a good Bible school in America. In total ignorance, my friend, Rachel, and I told him he should go to Pensacola Bible Institute. We were so excited to make this recommendation! Another member of our group responded,”He can’t. Ruckman doesn’t allow black people to go to his school.” I genuinely couldn’t believe it at first. Ruckman was a great bible scholar, supposedly, and the founder of PBI. We knew tons of people who went to his school. But he believed this and openly practiced segregation at his “Bible” school? Without shame? How could this be?

A fish out of water, I sucked air rapidly. I didn’t know what to say to the young man sitting beside me. Sorry, we don’t like you because you’re black? Sorry, God loves you but not quite as much as white people? Sorry, I’m sure you have some value to God as a human being but just not quite enough value to learn about the bible alongside us whites because we are, like, super special?

My stomach and mind churned with anger and hurt for him. How beautiful are the feet. This man’s feet were beautiful. He was there volunteering to share the gospel and got a stab in the back for his willing efforts by his own brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s been over 10 years and I still shake with anger and tears over this memory. It is, without exception, the most humiliating moment of my life. A humiliation that I am almost ashamed to even feel because how much greater his humiliation and hurt must have been? He didn’t even say a word. Neither did I. I didn’t know what to say or how to apologize for the hatred he received at the hands of people who had never even seen him. I have the words to say now, but it is too little, too late. I have three deep regrets in my life, and this is one of them. I wish I could do it over again and speak for the truth: “Racism is a sin against you and against God. I’m so sorry you are forced to live around people who hate you for no reason. You don’t deserve this.”

A few months later, a missionary wife came to our church. She had been a student at PBI. In tears she told me of how she had been reprimanded by the school staff for handing out VBS invites to black children at the park. She could give them tracts, but not invites. And, she had a very dark skinned Samoan friend who wanted to attend the school to learn about God, but the school board had to meet to determine whether or not he was “too dark” to attend. I don’t know whether or not he was allowed to attend in the end, but the school board dragged the name of God through the mud by having that meeting in the first place.

Here are some links to books by Peter Ruckman with a few quotes from the books. I cannot bear to buy his books or have them in my home around my kids, but I am linking to them because they are actual books he has written and these are actual quotes from these particular books.

Much of the commentary in the Ruckman reference Bible is just as egotistical as the following quotes- it can only be ego that desires to include one’s conspiracy theories on unicorns, UFO’s, Johnny Depp’s millionaire status, and “things women said that offended me” in the Word of God as though it’s comparable.

Discrimination: the Key to Sanity

Quote from page 15:

“If you notice that no matter how much integration is carried out, the IQ of blacks is ALWAYS lower than whites…”

Quote from page 20:

“People who could not invent a calendar or even a wheel…If white Dutchmen had not come down there and showed "the first black man to use a white bathroom" how to farm, build, manufacture, mine, merchandise, sanitize, regulate, and organize a civilization, there would be no civilization there. It was the Shemites who built the Egyptian empire, and it is NOT in central Africa; it borders Asia and had access to all the wisdom and culture of the east (Mesopotamia, Syria, Persia, Chalead, and Israel) through the centuries. Eqypt is now the exception which the monkey men use to overthrow the rule. It is an old, old story. The rule is: unless "whitey" shows the black man how to play the piano, the tuba, the trombone, the banjo, the saxophone, the clarinet, and the trumpet, he stays squatted in front of a hollow log.“

The History of the New Testament Church

Quote from Volume 2, footnote 44.9, chapter 11:

“Negroes have to be carried. Where they are left to themselves, they resort to mugging, rape, slavery, dope traffic, and eventually cannibalism.”

These are only three of many more quotes from Ruckman’s books. His view of black people was heinous and wicked, and unfortunately, shared by many people.

My friends, these things ought not to be.

We say to keep our eyes on Jesus. I really struggle with this at times, and can become incredibly discouraged and depressed by the behavior of Christians. I sometimes think about running away to the off-grid hills to get away from bickering and hate.

But the Bible is full of beautiful, Edenic equality. And when people are hate filled, the Word of God washes clean. When my heart aches and rages, the scripture has the power to comfort and remind me that these things are of Satan, not of God. Below are my favorite scriptures that highlight the worth and value of humans, all races and both genders, in God’s eyes.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Genesis 1:27

“For there is no respect of persons with God.”

Romans 2:11

“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:31

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Galatians 3:28

“If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”

1 John 4:20

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem other better than themselves.”

Philippians 2:3

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but hath everlasting life.”

John 3:16

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.”

Psalm 133:1

“And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation;

And hast made us unto our God kings and priests: and we shall reign on the earth.”

Revelation 5:9-10

In Acts chapter 2, God sends the Comforter, the Holy Ghost, to the Christians. In verse 5 it says,”And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.” And verses 9-11 give a lengthy list of places these men come from, which includes black nations. I love this so much. The Comforter was sent for all of mankind, not just the white ones.

In Numbers chapter 12, Miriam and Aaron speak against Moses. Verse one says why, and the rest of the chapter records God’s punishment against them.

“And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.”

In verse 2 they reason with themselves that they know just as much and can lead just as well as Moses; after all, he’s in an interracial marriage with a black woman and they clearly looked down on him for that.

Here is part of God’s response to their racism and pride, in verse 9.

“And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them and he departed.”

In verse 10 Miriam is struck with leprosy, in verse 11 Aaron admits their sin and foolishness, and in verse 13 Moses beseeches God for mercy on Miriam’s behalf which God grants after some time.

The book of Song of Solomon is a gorgeous love story. The love story that God chooses, out of every love story in existence, to record in the Bible to give us a picture of Christ’s love for his bride. And this love story is about an interracial relationship between a black woman and a Jewish king. Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines. It wasn’t like God couldn’t find a “better” relationship to depict this love story. I believe God chose this interracial relationship on purpose, and I love it.

“The song of songs, which is Solomon’s. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Because of the savor of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee. I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mothers children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.”

Song of Solomon 1:1-6

I have 2 little black nieces and one little black nephew. They are beautiful. Brown skin, curly brown hair, brown eyes, big smiles, and sweet souls. I am grieved and deeply angry to know that there are people in this world who will hate and segregate them based only on their skin color. People will make jokes at their expense. People will make themselves deliberately ignorant of the unique hardships these babies will one day face based on their skin only. To know that there is even a Bible school out there who would not allow them to attend based on their beautiful skin is devastating. These sweet babies are valuable and worthy in God’s eyes. They are created in God’s image, Christ died on the cross for them because He loves them, Christ sent the Comforter here for them, and they will one day be a part of the Bride of Christ, reigning kings and priests. God inspired Paul’s words “There is neither Jew nor Greek” for all of us, including these babies. They will see themselves in the scripture because God placed them there, and no man on earth will ever be able to remove them from under the wings of God’s love.

I challenge you, Christians, to live in unity with each other, to love one another, to follow in God’s example and be not a respecter of persons. To humble and open your hearts.

On Parenting

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 15 Aug 2025 22:10:00 +0000

When I was a kid, a preacher came to our church and said that the best way to raise children for the Lord was to “beat the devil out of them”. He was one of those screaming, nearly purple faced hackers that were so popular when I was growing up. His kids were ducks in a row of long skirts and suits. More excellent than anyone else. He said he had learned, through raising his eight children, that 80 swats with a belt or a wooden paddle was the magic number for breaking a child’s sin bent will. His kids did look broken so it seemed he was right in that respect. Some parents in the church accepted his words, and applied it in their child raising. This angers and grieves me. Abuse should never be taught from the pulpit of a Godly, Christ loving church, much less accepted as good advice (There were likely parents who disagreed with it, but I was a kid and not included in those discussions. What I do know is that this was not immediately corrected from the pulpit as it should have been, and not one person picked up a phone to call the police on behalf of those kids).

There was a heavy emphasis in our church circles on “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from death.” Proverbs 23:13-14.

God’s Word is pure, but not when it’s corrupted by man, as it was on that day. Parenting seemed to be mostly about control, unearned respect, unquestioning obedience, and intimidation. Fear, shame, and guilt were the overwhelming correctors. For a child to ask questions, to be in a bad mood, to cry over things, or to disagree with one’s parents were all considered a sin of rebellion. To train one’s child in the way they should go meant to beat one’s child into fearful submission so that they, in turn, could one day submit to God as adults in fear and trembling. Humility hardly factored into the equation.

I believe that this out of balance, heavy handed emphasis is what inclined some people to accept the preacher at his word, and, in other cases, anger and abuse already existed in their hearts and homes so this was a good excuse to give it biblical framing.

This is an example, to me, of what it means to lack root in the Word of God, when we are so easily swayed to do the wrong thing by a handful of teachers, and a few cherry picked verses.

I had to completely overhaul my beliefs about parenting once my kids were born. Although beating the devil out of my children was never something I considered doing, other old teachings and childhood experiences would collide with newfound understanding, and at times cause me some confusion on which path was best for our kids. There were a few times when I would say,”I believe XYZ!”, and Aaron would look at me in shock or amazement saying, in so many words,”We aren’t doing that with our kids, Sunny. Could you find another way?” And upon examination, I would discover that I really was wrong and leaning into a harsh parenting method.

Some parts of parenting are so easy for me. I’m naturally inclined to be organized and consistent. I naturally enjoy caring for my kids, planning special things for them, and researching school curriculums or whatever they need.

But discipline, guidance, correcting behavior, and establishing a friendship with my kids doesn’t come naturally to me at all and can be incredibly overwhelming. In particular, I have a quick temper and learning to control it has been a steep, steep, steep learning curve- learning to view it as a sin against my children was mind bending. I did not understand the value of a child in God’s eyes and felt that to demean them in my anger was to teach them… well, something? It has sometimes felt like a war within me as I have tried to let go of everything I have been taught to do to my kids, and reach out to God for a better way.

During a marriage retreat earlier this year, the speaker, Kurt Skelly, told the story of Michal’s contempt towards her husband, King David, as he danced in 2 Samuel 6:14-16. I have always viewed Michal in a very negative light. What an old biddy. However, Pastor Skelly went further back into the scripture and showed us how Michal was so mistreated and objectified by both her father, King Saul, and then her husband, King David; a pawn in their political games. I had never once considered her side or what brought about the contempt she felt toward David. Were her bitterness and contempt justified? No, sin is never justified. But seeing what brought her to that place gave me so much compassion for her. I will never be able to see Michal in the same way again. My heart ached for her.

I could see myself in Michal. I have justified the bitterness and contempt within myself that stemmed from beliefs I was taught in childhood and my personal experiences. But this shouldn’t be. The Bible says the Word cleanses and purifies us. It heals wounds, balm of Gilead. I’ve prayed in desperation for God to guide me away from bitterness, rawness of spirit, and toward the right path of parenting. Rather than dwelling on the things that cannot be undone from childhood, what can I change right now for the betterment of my relationship with God and my relationships with my kids? During months of prayer and frustration, earlier this year, as I flipped through parenting blogs and books, I finally found this little booklet of parenting lessons on Amazon (the author also has a website which is how I stumbled across her books): Parenting in Christ: Treasures for Parenting from Jesus, by Christina Dronen. It’s packed with scripture and very minimal commentary. It’s a very short booklet with about 40 pages. There are no frills, no personal anecdotes, no stories. Almost entirely Bible. This book won’t tell you what your morning routine should look like or how to handle disobedience or the pros and cons of homeschooling. It doesn’t look pretty, and doesn’t have a single picture. It will tell you what the Bible says about our kids. It’s about a relationship with God more than anything. And as I read it, I kept saying,”This is so beautiful. This is so beautiful.” I read excerpts to Aaron and repeated myself,”This is so beautiful to me.” Trying to find the words to explain what this meant to me but failing. There should be a better word for it. Beautiful isn’t enough, but it’s all I have right now. The Bible’s ability to cleanse away heartaches was very real to me as I read through this book and saw not only how God views my children currently, but also how God saw me as a little kid and as an adult now. I purchased it to help me be a better parent, which it will do, but while reading it, it felt more like a comforting hand from God, easing my raw and aching spirit. An amazing answer to prayer.

Over the past few years, there have been a handful of scripture that has formed the framework of what I desire to be as a parent. Parenting in Christ further backed this up for me, and gave me even more scripture to dig into and lean on. I have made so many dreadful mistakes as a mom already. Luna isn’t even 6 yet, and I already want to pull my hair out in regrets over my failures. One day my kids will say,”I’ll do things differently than my parents did.” (Luna has already informed me that her kids won’t have chores. Haha, joke’s on her.)

But, this is how I hope my kids look back and see me, when they are adults.

“Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.”

Psalm 18:35

“And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgement of God?

Or despiseth thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?”

Romans 2:3-4

Years ago, in my 20’s, after nearly destroying my own life thru an adulterous relationship, these verses gave me a new picture of God the Father. I had always viewed God as the rod of iron. Unmerciful in his righteousness. Ready and waiting for me to mess up bad enough to strike me dead with lightening. I wanted Him to still love me, but it was hard to believe that He could or would.

But the gentleness and goodness of God led me to repentance, and then life change. God used several people in my life during that time, including Aaron’s parents, to extend that beautiful gentleness and goodness to me which I did not deserve. This was a side of God that I had never seen before.

I believe this is the example I should follow in parenting Luna and Daphne. Each day they mess up, and it drives me nuts. We are all human. But each day I get to decide to do for them what God did for me: goodness and gentleness. This is an honor, a treasure, an incredible part of being a parent. What God flows into me, I get to flow into them. The extraordinary circle of Christ’s love.

“But made himself of no reputation, and took upon himself the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:

And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”

Philippians 2:7-8

“For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.”

Galatians 6:3

I am no better than my children. Yes, I am their guide, steward, and the boss of them for while they are young, but I am no better than they are. If anything I am worse because I sin as an adult with years of experience to know better, whereas they sin as innocents who know very little and have still developing brains.

When I begin to think myself something, it’s up to me to remember the example of humility that Christ gave to us on the cross, and then follow in that humility with my kids. If Christ can subject himself to the cross, then surely I can subject myself to the sound of whiny little voices without berating them. The days when I humble myself are the days when we have the most peace in our house. It’s easy to puff myself up with my kids. I’m the mom. I know best. Do what I say. Do it right now. And, sure, there is some truth in that. I DO know better than they do most of the time, and they DO need me to set safe boundaries in their lives. But, God has not given me the liberty or command to hold my power over them as though I am the Holy Spirit of their lives. They do not belong to me, I have been set as their steward, not as their god.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Deuteronomy 6:7

“But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 19:14

I REALLY love that verse in Deuteronomy. That’s a lot of talking between a parent and child, all day long. When you get up in the morning, when you walk around, when you sit down, and when you go to bed at night… you teach. I love how Jesus, in Matthew, took the little children to himself, and refused to allow them to be pushed away impatiently. God values children so much. He cared that they were spoken to and listened to. They were not a bother to him. Didn’t God walk in the garden with Adam and Eve? Didn’t He walk with Enoch “who was not”? Aren’t we commanded to pray without ceasing? God loves to talk to us! To listen to us! This is so amazing because we’re so dumb! But still, He loves to commune with us. I hear “Mom mom mom” all day, but God hears “God God God” fifty billion times more, and I doubt that He hops on the internet to search for “ways to keep kids quiet so I don’t lose my mind” (I don’t know, maybe He does, haha).

And, for our family dynamic, this verse goes hand in hand with Ephesians 6:4. Nothing provokes my kids more than being ignored or not listened to. It unsettles them, it hurts them, it demeans them, it angers them, and it confuses them. If we say only,”God loves you and has time for you,” but we never show them that ourselves, the hypocrisy of that creates a rebellion. Our kids LOVE to talk to us, and they LOVE when we chat with them. They will follow me around the house all day, and want to talk more than they want to play. They have so many opinions and thoughts, and just want to get them out and to be understood. This isn’t always easy for me because I love alone time to think my own thoughts, but these years are short.

Luna asks me 10+ times per day,”Mama, what’s your favorite thing?” She’s done this for years now. It’s a conversation starter for her. It just means,”Mama, will you talk with me?” And this is my wide open door to have a relationship with her, a real relationship. This is one way for me to teach diligently, to nurture, and to admonish. This is one way for me to hold my children’s hearts to my own. This is one way for me to say, as Christ said, “Come to me, children, I have time for you.”

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”

3 John 1:4

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

My greatest desire is for my children to walk in truth. I long for them to not only get saved, but to live a life that reflects the fruit of the Spirit within them. It’s my privilege to be able to reflect the fruit of the Spirit, Who dwells within myself, back to my girls so they can learn. I used to read this verse so cavalierly. I took it for granted. It’s such a Sunday School verse. But now that I have kids, it feels so weighty to me to really, truly shine forth the fruit of the Spirit rather than the anger, impatience, and pride which are the sins my personality type defaults to. The fruit of the Spirit is so lovely, and such a wonderful guide for us to discern whether or not we are acting the right way.

Here are a few more things I have learned and which have really changed how I conduct myself with my girls:

-No one has ever been more disrespected by me than my two kids. It twists my heart every time I think of this. So if they are disrespectful to me, I can be merciful to them just as they, and God, are to me. “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged.” They forgive me every day for my wrong doing against them. It’s a balancing act to teach them how to be respectful and appropriate while also being merciful. I want them to learn the importance of being respectful. This balance causes me to look at my own behavior and see what needs to change in myself. Children cannot learn respect if they are not first respected. They learn by example.

-I have meltdowns. Perhaps not kicking and screaming fits like a toddler, but I absolutely lose my temper, get in bad moods, and even go hide under the desk (literally) when I’m over stimulated. I remind myself of this when they lose it, too. They have not had decades to learn emotional regulation.

-I disagree with everyone. Can’t think of a single person with whom I have ever agreed 100%. So it’s okay for my kids to disagree with me and to say so. It’s still my job to keep them safe, so they aren’t allowed to play with fire no matter how much they may disagree with me. But they are allowed to have their own opinions.

-I am hangry and sleepy every day. It’s okay for my kids to be human, too. They are not allowed to be unkind or uncivil, but they are allowed to be grumpy and have a bad day. We look for ways to make the grump go away, but first, they are allowed to deal with their emotions which are really big and real to them.

-I don’t like chores, so it’s pretty unreasonable of me to expect my kids to love dusting and emptying the bathroom trash cans. The other day I said aloud,”Wow, I hate cooking!” as I went to cook dinner. I stopped and said to Luny,”See, I hate chores too! I still do it because I love you and don’t want you to starve, but it’s okay to not enjoy doing something that you have to do.”That honestly made such a big difference to her, and she felt understood. She crept up beside me so many times that day for a little shy hug. She still gets a dour face over her chores every day, but then she comes to me for a hug between each chore as though to say,”We’re in this together.”

I hope that preacher, from when I was a kid, learned to be a different kind of father down the road. I hope that there was a day when he humbled himself and learned to view himself, and then his kids, through God’s eyes rather than his own wrath. It grieves me to remember it, and it hurts me even more to think that there is a possibility that he never changed and his kids continued to suffer.

I don’t have parenting figured out. I’m just kinda laughing, crying, and raging my way through it each day (throw in a couple of mental breakdowns, too). Some nights I go to bed thinking it wasn’t bad at all, and other nights I go to bed so defeated from failure. But mostly I go into their room while they sleep and sniff their weird smell of sweat and booty butt (which never goes away even with a bath and soap), and I thank God for this season of life mothering two kids who need to be sprayed with Febreze every day.

Enneagram 8

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Wed, 16 Jul 2025 16:31:00 +0000

I’ve been learning about the Enneagram personality types, along with a few friends, over the past several weeks. It’s been SO informative. We are watching a series of sermons by Matt Brown at Sandals Church on Youtube. There are a couple versions of his sermons; I prefer the ones at his regular church service. He’s more natural and at ease in those.

Daphne’s 3rd birthday party.

Daphne is an Enneagram 8; the challenger, a leader, a blunt communicator.

The challenger, when healthy, is strong and confident, they want everything to be just and truthful, they’re very protective of those they love, they lead well, and they are merciful.

But when unhealthy, they are controlling, tend to dictatorship, combative, insensitive, and will not see any value in the opinions or thoughts of others.

In his sermon on 8’s, Matt Brown used Nathan as an example of this personality type. Nathan came to King David after his sins of adultery and murder, and just dropped a truth bomb on him then turned and walked out. He did his job, and that was that.

The do’s and don’ts of an 8:

Stand up for yourself

Be direct

Share your tender side

Don’t

Take their anger personally

Betray their trust

Try to fence them in

Daphne is our storm cloud baby. Grumpy face, quick to say “I hate that”, and generally screams bloody murder over anything.

I think, sometimes, that people feel I am being negative about Daphne’s personality when I say these types of things. It feels odd to me when I realize this because we don’t view her personality as a negative at all. I’ll be thrilled when Daff learns that she can talk about the things that bother her versus screaming hysterically as she does now, but her personality is HUGE and hilarious. She is the most contrary person I have ever known and we get such a kick out of it. She doesn’t want to go on the potty so she simply won’t (she even blithely says,”I won’t” when I beg her to PLEEEEASE go on the potty, haha).

On our way to work this morning, Luna sat in her seat listening to Bridge to Terabithia on her Yoto, minding her own business.

She clicked her tongue once or twice, absentmindedly.

Daphne, meddling,”I hate dat. I hate dat clucking. I hate it.”

Luna, bewildered,”I only did it once! Twice! Only twice!”

Daphne, undeterred,”I hate it. I hate dat clucking.”

Daphne is currently outside, alone, screaming with excitement over the strong winds. I can hear her yelling,”WHOA I LOVE IT. MOM! I LOVE THE WIND.” If you have ever watched Bluey (100% recommend this show for all parents!), Daphne is Muffins. A wild kid, living life at top volume. Taking life by the horns and never letting go.

This morning the girls woke up around 4am. A side effect of their new, shared bedroom arrangement. We went for a walk around the neighborhood as the sun fully came up, and Daphne happily barked like a dog at every person and car we saw. I envy this freedom because, frankly, I’d enjoy barking at people, too. It’s my plan for if I ever get mugged. I won’t win on strength, but perhaps if I bark like a maniac the element of surprise will be helpful. I’d like to thank Daphne for this survival plan.

A few weeks ago, Daphne had a full meltdown as we tried to get her out of her car seat for church. Kicking and screaming. She was finally able to communicate to us that she was worried about people touching her in church. She hates hugs and kisses, or any uninvited touch, really. She wants Aaron or I to carry her into church so she can avoid anyone else picking her up.

This past Sunday several people tried to approach Daphne with words of love and friendship. She wasn’t having any of it. She hid her face in my shirt and said,”No friends. No. I hate dat. I not friend. I Daffy.”

I sympathize with this. I dislike being touched, too, but I’m 41 and have had years of experience in controlling my dislike, and years to learn that there are some people who genuinely need hugs and physical touch. Daphne is only 3 and hasn’t learned that yet so I am her bodyguard, so to speak, and let people know “No touchy”.

We all tend to say “strong willed child” when referring to Daphne, including myself. Oddly, both of my girls are equally strong willed, but it seems more apparent in Daphne than in Luna. I’m not entirely sure why that is, but I think it has something to do with Daphne’s grumpy side whereas Luna is all sunshine so the strong will is less apparent. I believe a strong will is a value, not a flaw.

On the flip side of Daphne’s grumpy I hate you’s is one of the most affectionate babies in the world. She will ask to be held and will lay her head on my shoulder and just hug forever. She’ll softly say, as she gently pats my back,”I love you. You beautiful. I love you forever.” At bedtime, she will take my face in both hands, softly run her fingers over my features, and whisper words of love and affection. “Oh, mama, you my best friend. You my best. I love you forever. You love me? We love each other forever.” And when she plays alone, which she does well, she will have her baby dolls pretending to be best friends and she tells them all the reasons she loves her big sister, Luna. No one is quicker to say “Good job!! Good girl!!” than Daphne.

When Luna gets in trouble or is upset, Daphne is typically worried for her. One time I threw away an old craft of Luna’s. She makes new crafts every day and they tend to pile up so occasionally I sneak and toss them. But one day I got caught and Luna was upset. She went to sit on the couch and mourn her loss like the emo teenager she is. Daphne was RILED UP. She came and scolded Aaron and I,”You do NOT tow Luna stuff away!!!” Then she went and patted Luna on the leg,”I tell them Luna. I tell them no mo tow away. Kay, now?”

Daphne is nearly fearless. A little reckless, haha. She will jump off of high things without a care. She will jump into deep water. She’ll pick a fight with much bigger people and win based on confidence alone. The soundtrack of Daphne’s life is me yelling in terror,”Daphne!! No! Your bones! Your skull! Careful!”

Daphne has a big scar on her lower lip from fearlessly jumping off of a chair and then landing badly onto a wooden stool which pushed her teeth thru her tongue and lip. Later that day she was attempting the exact jump again. Lesson NOT learned. But she did eventually figure out how to land the jump. Meanwhile, I was exhausted from trying to keep her alive. Her perseverance is incredible. I would have given up. Actually, I never would have even attempted the jump in the first place because I’m so cautious. Why try things when you could just not? That’s my motto.

A friend was telling me about her husband who is also an 8. “He can be very blunt and hurt people’s feelings. He’s a good leader though, and cares very much about the people in his fort. Once you’re in the fort, he will do anything for you. When our son wanted to go sky diving, he was right there with him. Just ready for it. I wouldn’t have done that.”

I loved hearing this insight- I could envision Daphne as an adult. I love her confidence, her way of happily being alone, her aggression in the way she expresses herself, her strong affection for her family and friends.

Daphne came to me saying,”Look, Mama! I have a pee!” And sure enough, she had a yellow stream taped to herself (which could be pee or could be mistaken for something else). She was devastated that I didn’t allow her wear her construction paper pee to the grocery store.

Aaron and I often look at each other over Daphne’s head and smile. Look at her. Her little nose, gap between her teeth, wild, curly hair, big brown eyes. The cutest profile. We somehow ended up with this perfect, wild and crazy kid.

Enneagram 7

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 19:50:00 +0000

Luna is an Enneagram 7. The enthusiast. A visionary. A big, bright light of a personality. Creative, forging ahead into the unknown adventure, extrovert, loves every person she meets, a know it all, a little petty, has a sassy mouth on her, and ready to take on the entire world. Every personality has unhealthy and healthy tendencies, and personal growth (a whole lot of humility) determines where you are at with that. I LOVED hearing about her personality last night as we watched the sermon on 7’s and read the informational print outs.

Toothless kid. She lost her 6th tooth today!

Things to do/not do for a 7:

Do:

Have fun with them

Be spontaneous with them

Enjoy their grand visions

Don’t:

Be clingy

Ask them to do tedious things

Micromanage them

I struggle with most of these things, except “don’t be clingy”. And that is the only one that doesn’t seem to apply to Luna at all; she’s incredibly clingy and needs me every second of the day.

I would rather check off my chore list than have fun. I would rather not see another person for 3 months than to hang out. I need to plan everything out, and spontaneous plans make me want to die. Grand visions are not cautious so why do that? I’m a recovering micromanager. I can get on board with the tedious thing though, my impatience sees to that.

As I read thru these things, I felt immense pity for Luna and her bright light of a personality. She lives with a light snuffer, poor thing. I am here to douse the flame with water, and keep everything on track with my very responsible, cautious, rule loving Enneagram 1 personality.

I’m setting some goals to let her little light shine. I have to force myself to make play dates for her (kiiilll meeee). I have to stop in the middle of my incredibly fun chore list and make a bumble bee out of construction paper with her. I have to read a book to her before bed instead of just going to bed myself as quickly as possible. I have to let her learn things her own way, make messes, fail and restart. I need to be so excited for her. She craves it. Every little thing means so much to her.

She insisted on googly eyes for her babydoll (effectively turning it into a murder doll). And she insists on climbing every tree whether it’s climbable or not.

Every morning she wants to run down the street “racing” Aaron’s car as he leaves for work. “DON’T CHEAT!!”, she yells at him as he revs the engine.

She wants to be friends with every person at the grocery store when I want to get in and get out.

The guys at the 7/11 know her now. It’s her favorite place to stop because she knows she will get a treat there with Dada no matter what.

Her plans for the future include being a mother of 4 children named David, Goliath, Jonathan, and Flower, and perhaps being a fire fighter. When I tell her she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up, she is gobsmacked and I can see the big plans behind her eyes as the wheels turn. When I read about fashion designers, astronauts, the old explorers like Lewis and Clark, deep sea divers- this is Luna.

She made herself bunny ears and a bunny tail one day around Easter. And then wore them to church for Easter. She frequently does her own make up for church, too, and feels very beautiful. Aaron told me someone told her she looked like a clown one Sunday and I was ready to throw down so then he wouldn’t tell me who said it.

She informed me last night that she now has a “real enemy”. A visiting boy at VBS mocked her for getting squirted with the waterhose during games. “Hahahhaah! You got hit with the WATER, you doodoo butt!!!” She was mortally offended, and hit him. He hit her back. She said,”I had to defend myself!”. I let her know that, no, hitting him was not the way and that was in no way self defense. She lamented that when Daphne says poop butt, it’s a joke, but with this kid, he meant it. She “needed” to defend her honor. I can guarantee you that she will enthusiastically be his enemy for the rest of his doodoo butt life.

She decided to be a cowboy for VBS. We didn’t have a costume, but this was really no problem for her. She had a vision for her costume and she made it happen. She got a hat from Lily, and made the rest. After she was fully ready, she checked herself out in the mirror and said,”Now that’s what I call just about perfect!” The confidence! Then she asked me for western food for supper. I told her I wasn’t sure what that is as I made her a PB&J. She responded emphatically,”Hard biscuits and bitter coffee. Bitter as the muddy river waters.” She didn’t want Aaron to take her inside the church for VBS because he wasn’t dressed appropriately for cowboy night in his shorts and t shirt. She does everything all. the. way. I complimented her the next morning,”I loved your costume. I love how you just came up with it in your own head and made it happen. That made me so happy!” And then, because I am a type 1, I cautioned her to not get a big head about this. She said,”Well, I’m very happy other people have abilities, too. Buuuuut, I really do have great ideas and make cute stuff.” My 20 year old 5 year old kid!

The boots with spurs!!

Every night this week, Luna was ready to fly out of the door to VBS. Friends! Fun! Games! And every night she came home and said irritably,”There was TEACHING again. So much teaching. I thought it would be all fun, but it wasn’t.” But the next night she was ready to fly away again, craving to see new people and experience new things.

I bought Luna quite a few craft kits thinking she would love them. She loves to create! She hated them. She hated latch hook. She hated the instructions. It cramped her creativity. She’s the type of spirit who wants to throw a can of paint at a canvas and see what happens. So now I just buy bits of crafty stuff and see what she comes up with. We also pick up any trash we find out and about and she makes stuff with that, too. I draw the line at food related trash and gross things, but she feels it’s very cruel of me. That McDonalds wrapper could really be something!

The other day, as Aaron tried to help Luna with math, and she was clearly feeling strongly that she knew all the answers and didn’t need to listen to her Dada, she said,”All of your words are like false gods to me. Period. FULL period.” (translation: I will not listen to you anymore than I would listen to a false god. Speak all you want, I will not be swayed.)

Aaron said his usual,”Interesting sentiment, Luna. Now take away 2.” Meanwhile, I nearly fell over laughing my head off at her disrespectful mouth. It’s hard to teach her the right things to say when I’m laughing at it all. What 5 year old goes with “false gods” though?!!

Luna gets in trouble all day for constantly interrupting us. She is certain that anything she has to say cannot wait and is way more important and interesting than anything or anyone else. It doesn’t matter how much she gets into trouble for this, it’s worth it to get her own words and opinions out. This is so typical of a 7!

Luna frequently gets out of bed when she shouldn’t. She loves to sneak into our room, or come tell us “a really important secret… can I please have another snack?”. One day she got into trouble for this as we exasperatedly told her to stay in bed, for the final time! When she woke up from

her nap, I found a wet spot of pee on her floor. She said, with minimal shame,”You said I couldn’t come out of my room. I needed to pee so I peed on the floor.” 7’s are petty when unhealthy!

I laughed so much watching this sermon that was basically all about Luna. And then listening to my friend describe her son (also a 7), and all of it just so relatable to me because of Luna. My friend said her biggest regret with her son was not allowing herself to have more fun with him. I can really see this in myself with Luna. I rely on Aaron to be the fun parent because he has a lot of leaning toward a 7 personality, and it comes more naturally to him.

Next week we learn about 8’s (the challenger) which I am pretty sure is Daphne’s personality. And then 9’s (the peacemaker) are the last type and I am pretty sure this is Aaron’s personality.

This is what I hope for my little sunshine 7 who does everything with all of her might: I hope she will love the Lord her God with all her heart, soul, and mind. And love her neighbor as herself. She is so capable. I hope I can be a guide rather than a micromanager.

Things my kids said this week

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Mon, 07 Apr 2025 23:24:00 +0000

Sometimes I really feel like my kids mentally outpace me. I can barely keep up with their little personalities.

I sat with Luna last night as she told me all about her friend’s birthday party that she had been at earlier in the day.

“We were playing downstairs and I was dancing, but Talia came down and said ‘Doors stay open, kids’. And I asked her what if I am EMBARRASSED to have people see me dancing??? But she said ‘doors still stay open’. They gave me water in a jar but I did NOT drink that *judgmental expression*. And when we ate lunch, Aria ate a RED POTATO and it squirted all over my food!! And my dress! It had SEEDS in the juice!! So I didn’t eat anything else.”

“Were you rude about these things, Luny?” I asked. “Did you speak disrespectfully?”

“Well… I think… yes. I’m sorry to say that I think I WAS rude. I didn’t remember that you said to have self control,” she responded, crestfallen.

We had talked about rudely blurting things out before she went to the party as this is a daily issue with Luna.

We were silent for a minute, then she said nervously,”I have a secret, but I can’t tell you.”

“Maybe you should tell me, Luny. Secrets aren’t great to have,” I said.

“I am VERY worried. If I tell you my secret, PLEEEEEASE be merciful to me!!!” She clasped her hands together in supplication.

“I promise to be merciful!” I laughed.

“When I said that Daphne tripped over her doll, I just got away with it. And when I said that Daphne tripped over her stick, I got away with that, too. All the times I said Daphne got accidentally hurt, I got away with it every time,” she looked at me, worried.

We have had several instances, this past week, of Daphne getting accidentally hurt, and I was suspicious of Luna’s involvement but couldn’t prove it since I was in the other room. And it had been eating her up.

“I didn’t have self control,” she mourned, little hands waving around.

We had a little chat about whether or not she felt good after hurting Daphne and then lying about it. And then she explained that she tried to be good, but rude words would press against her lips and burst out, and when Daphne was frustrating, she would just hurt Daphne in spite of good intentions. In the end we decided that it might be helpful to write “Be Kind” five times in a row on a piece of paper which Luna bedazzled with jewel stickers. It’s now one of her prized possessions and sits on her dresser where Daphne can’t reach it. She’s looked at it multiple times today, reminding herself to be kind.

Last week we had our bedroom door locked for *reasons* and Luna got out of bed and tried to come into our room. She knocked hard,”Hey!! Let me in here! I need to potty!”

“Luna, go use your own bathroom, baby,” Aaron said.

Silence from Luna as she stomped to her own bathroom down the hall.

A few minutes later she was back and pressed her mouth against the crack of the door,”I have something to say to you two. You don’t DESERVE me to do my morning chores tomorrow! Since you won’t let me in your room, you don’t even deserve it!!”

And then, as she walked back to her room, she irritably flung over her shoulder,”You.. you, NUTHEADS!!”

Luna learned the words simpleton and lunatic this week. Now we hear her saying condescendingly,”Oh, Daphne. You simpleton.”

As Daphne yells back angrily,”NO! I NOT A PIMPLETON.” She has no clue what simpleton means, but she understands Luna’s tone.

And then,”Fine, you lunatic.”

And Daphne,”Nooooo I DAPHNE!!”

We always wave goodbye to each other from the front door anytime one of us leaves the house. Daphne and I waved goodbye to Aaron and Luna yesterday morning as they left for church. I have a sinus infection so couldn’t go. Daphne absentmindedly pinched my boob with one hand as she waved with the other, and said in a faraway voice,”Dis you tiny boobie.” Then she turned and looked directly at me and said critically,”Queens have big boobies.”

Daphne says “queen” for anything she believes is beautiful, and we have never once discussed boob sizes.

So it seemed clear that Daphne, at age 2 years old, roasted her own mother by insulting her boob size. I have not achieved queen bra size, apparently.

I have prayed more frequently lately that I will be able to teach my girls to love a relationship with the Lord at a young age. I was saved young, but didn’t know what a real relationship with God looked like until I was much older. It weighs heavier on me now that I have seen how easily uprooted I was during postpartum depression and I hope for my girls to never go through a faith crisis like I did. So these little things mean so much to me:

The other morning I woke up early to find Luna sitting in the living room next to a little lamp, Bible in her lap (she can’t quite read yet). It was dark outside. She said happily,”I came in here to read my Bible and see the face of God. Did you know, Mama, that Jesus is all man and all God? I think it’s magic of some sort.”

The same day Daphne came up to me in the kitchen and took my hand. “Walk, Mama,” she said. So we walked around the island, and she said,”Pray, Mama, pray.” So then we walked up and down the hallway 5 or 6 times and I prayed aloud. Then she ran off to play, content.

I think God prompted them to do these things to encourage me, and increase my own faith. I read the other day that we don’t own our children, we are just the stewards of them. They belong to God. Although my brain knows this to be true, my heart struggles to let them go and see them as God’s. But I’m striving for that because I believe it to be the only way I can teach my kids to truly love the Lord. They belong to him, and if they have faith in that themselves, then they will know better how to love God.

A Thing Aaron Taught Me

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 00:07:00 +0000

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.”

Psalm 133:1

Aaron is a gracious person. I simply am not. I wish this was my nature rather than wrath. Aaron loses his temper on occasion, of course. He’s a regular person like the rest of us. But he is slow to wrath when I am quick. He is slow to think the worst when I am quick. He sees the best in people and I rarely hear him speak negatively about anyone. And everyone, EVERYONE, loves Aaron. I hear this about him all the time: He’s so nice to everyone! and it’s so true.

For years I have been the aunt of my nieces. Just the aunt, not their friend or encourager. Ready to tell them when they are dumb. Quick to cut them off mid-story so that I can correct them or reprimand them. Quick to roll my eyes and sigh and be angry over any of their failings. Literally SO angry when they did even the smallest thing wrong. I have been incredibly ungracious to them and DID NOT CARE. I justified it every time and refused to see it for the sin that it is. I would get upset with Aaron if he did not respond to the girls as I did because I believed so firmly that I was right.

Aaron refused to listen to me (I was so mad!). And because he’s so non confrontational, he wouldn’t argue with me about it either. He would just say things like “I don’t think it’s my place. They have parents.” Or “I really hate making people feel bad all the time.” WELL EXCUSE ME, MR NICE GUY. It’s not like I’m trying to make people feel bad! I’m trying to HELP them by slicing their little hearts out! It’s scientifically proven to work!

But over time I saw how the girls flinched at me, but were comforted by Aaron. And it began to grieve me. We had Luna and I would look at her and imagine if I’d rather be like Aaron or be like myself toward my children. Quick to wrath or quick to forgive. Quick to verbal lashing or quick to comfort. Quick to correct or quick to encourage. Which would I be?

The vote is still out on this one, but I hope to be gracious like Aaron. I believe I’ve had some growth.

I can now say that my nieces are some of my very best friends, which I do not believe would have happened without Aaron. Even when we disagree (frequently), we can sit peaceably together and enjoy conversations and fellowship. I so look forward to their every visit. I love them so much, and want to be an uplifter in their lives and dreams and quirks and failures. I tell them all the time they were my little guinea pigs. Thru them, and thru Aaron, I am learning how to be a better mom, a better friend, a better child of God.

After seeing such a transformative restoration in my relationship with my nieces, it really kinda took the wind out of my sails in the best way. It has affected the way I view my relationship with anyone else. It’s affected the way I view people in general. It’s been a tool that God has used to show me why I lack unity with so many others.

I also read a book a couple years ago called Messy Grace. I would highly recommend this book to anyone. Rachel recommended it to me and it was an iron sharpeneth iron moment in our friendship. I’m indebted to her for that book recommendation. I felt crushing conviction as I read it, but also the most incredible hope that I can change and view people with genuine love, charity, and forgiveness. That I can view people through the lens of “Christ died on the cross because He loves this person so much”. This book and the situation with Aaron/my nieces felt life altering in my walk with the Lord. Both revealed such an incredible amount of self righteousness within myself.

I am quick to wrath, rigid, and uncompromising, I am judgmental and self righteous. This was always evident in how I treated the girls and evident in my criticism of people in general. I am the man in Luke 18 who said,”God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are.” This parable starts by saying “He spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others.”

Despised others- a trait of a Pharisee. And this is me. Trusting in my own righteousness. This is me, also.

I don’t believe its possible to have unity with everyone because not everyone wants unity. I think unity likely sounds nice to everyone, but in reality we like having our own way too much. This is a sin-filled world and discord is part of it.

Boundaries are a difficult, necessary part of life. Sometimes we need to walk away from a relationship or at least distance ourselves from it.

But it is the goal to have unity as much as possible with as many as possible.

I believe unity starts within our own hearts as a side effect of knowing the Lord better. I don’t believe unity is possible without intentionally, daily working to draw closer to God.

I used to view unity as something I did. I thought that the correct amounts of fellowship, prayer, and empathy would result in unity. But in my experience they have frustratingly never created unity because as I would get to know people better I could see their flaws and I could not forgive them (no empathy apparently). Without the inward work these good things would instead cause bickering, bitterness, and irritation. Not because fellowship, prayer, and empathy are bad, but because I was working backwards toward unity.

For most of my life I didn’t understand that my standards and my outward appearance weren’t as important as knowing God better. I read my Bible to see what it could do for me and how I could apply these important words as a magic potion to improve my life. I didn’t read the Bible to get to know God better. My standards, my outward appearance, my opinions- these were what I thought held me close to God.

If anyone else didn’t meet up to my personal standards, then I viewed myself as better. My sin did not stink as much as their sin. I cared more about hair cuts and tattoos and the length of a dress (Things that I now believe Satan uses as a red herring to keep us from the real work of knowing the Lord. If he can keep us busy bickering over the things that don’t matter, that works out well for him.) than I did about the sin of gossip or gluttony or being a busybody.

God says to love thy neighbor as thyself. It is very hard to love someone if you are looking down your nose at them, though. It’s very hard to draw close to the Lord when we are thanking Him that we are not as other men while congratulating ourselves on our superiority.

This is how I believe unity happens: I humble my own heart before the Lord, letting go of my own standards and expectations, letting go of “What can God do for me”, letting go of meddling and petty quarrels, letting go of the self righteousness that soothes me, letting go of needing everyone to agree with me, letting go of an ungracious mouth which is quick to speak out of turn, letting go of gossip, letting go of believing with all my heart that I am always right.

And instead embrace the character of God as I get to know Him better:

“And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.” Joel 2:13

A spirit of forgiveness and graciousness goes a long way toward restoring relationships and creating unity.

How can I let go of all those bad parts of me that I just listed? I think it would depend on the person, but here are three things I am currently doing to actively and intentionally make an inward change. If you think of it, pray for me as I press toward the mark because it is so difficult to rewire my brain.

Replace bad thoughts with good thoughts. This looks like how it sounds. Anytime I catch myself thinking something negative, self righteousness, irritated, or ungracious, I literally say “No” aloud. And then mentally throw that thought into a mental trash can and go find a good thought instead. Right now I am using thankfulness as a counter thought. “Thank you God for *fill in the blank*”. This is a constant, non stop, all day every day work of mental self discipline.

I am trying to read my Bible differently and ask as I read,”What does this tell me about God?” and stop asking myself what does this do for me or how can I apply this to me today. I am reading a Bible study and this was the topic recently. It felt revolutionary to me because I genuinely do not remember the last time I read my Bible or listened to a sermon with the thought of how it can teach me about God. Instead I have always thought about what it can do for me on that day. This has been surprisingly difficult to remember to do. I have always been very self centered when reading my Bible, and it feels so drastically different to read it to know God. I read the parable of the seed last week and recognized myself as the seed without root. How can I root if I do not know God well because I’m too busy thinking about what He can do to make my life better? Make me a better Christian, God! Well, He’d like to if I tried to get to know Him better.

A lot of times I use a quick question as a guide when it comes to contention and irritation: “Is this thing worth my relationship with this person?”

Am I willing to cause hurt, contention, resentment, bitterness, etc over this thing? Is this thing worth snapping at Aaron over? Is this thing worth berating my kids over? Is this thing worth the anger it makes me feel toward another human who God loves?

Usually the answer is no. Usually my relationship is more valuable than proving my point or getting my way. This question often helps me diffuse the anger within and see how unreasonable I am being.

I really want unity within my family. I want to win the hearts of my children. I want to please the Lord with my spirit. Aaron has been a buffer against me. An ocean wave making sea glass. I love this about God’s plan for spouses. We are meant to sharpen each other and Aaron has done this for me. I am so thankful for him. So thankful that God has given me this.

She’s Precocious

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 18:49:00 +0000

We had Luna’s birthday celebration on the 5th. She told me everything she wanted to do for her birthday one night during a bedtime chat so we made this little bucket list. She hung it over her bed and we looked at it every day. She counted down the days on my calendar at least 3 times a day. She was SO excited.

She asked me a few weeks ago,”Do I just get loneliness on my birthday?” I was like,”What? Haha! What do you mean?” She said, with concerned eyebrows,”Well, I don’t have a birthday party with friends coming over like Lewis did so does that mean I just get loneliness?”

I hate birthday parties! Any parties! But I might have to rethink this as she gets older, haha.

In spite of extreme loneliness, Luna enjoyed her day.

She marked off each thing as we did them. I forgot to get the unicorn piñata so that didn’t get done. Maybe next year.

The Farmer’s Market flowers are so stunning! I love Dahlias. We came home with random loaves of bread and raspberry strudel and lemon rolls. Luna got her first caramel apple and loved it.

Le Peeps for stuffed french toast. Le Peeps makes the BEST french toast I have ever had. But the rest of their menu tastes like if Walmart opened a restaurant. We complain every time we stray away from the french toast and then do it again the next time we go. But the stuffed french toast is just amazing.

Picking out cupcakes! I love their faces! I wish we were all so easy to please!

A family walk to the park.

Luna wanted to eat pizza in a “pizza store”. Aaron has wanted to try Ember for years so he took us there. It was so good! Great pizza, great service. Super cute spot. We sat outside and it was FREEZING.

Thankfully they had little fires and heaters and blankets. 10/10 recommend.

On the way home Aaron made a quick stop at the gas station for an energy drink, and Luna knows she will get a treat anytime she goes inside with him. But this time he said no, stay in the car. She said,”Dada. Do you know how much you disappoint your oldest daughter? On her birthday?” So she got her way (“Dada, I am so glad I could convince you of this. Convince means I changed your mind.”), and came back to the car with this treat:

She exclaimed the whole way home,”I love these gummy heads so much!!! Who IS this man?!! I love his gummy head!”

And finally, we had cupcakes and family bed (our mattress on the living room floor).

The best day for the best five year old who says the best things.

A little P.S., a few bonus remarks from Luna the past couple days:

We sat down for dinner and Aaron says,”Man, my nose has really been bothering me. Allergies, I guess.”

Luna sighed heavily over the weight of the world on her shoulders. “My vagina has been bothering me”, she intoned as she took a forlorn bite of her pulled pork sandwich.

Aaron was telling Luna an on-going story that he’s been spinning for her since she was around two. There is a monkey king named Shadow, a unicorn sidekick named Stanley, and the monkey king’s recently acquired wife. Aaron couldn’t remember the wife’s name,”Was it Shawty? Sharon? Cheryl?”

Luna asked inquisitively,”Was it Shitty?”

Aaron,”Nooooo, I don’t think that’s it.”

She has no idea what that word means.

Luna LOVES the french language. She thinks it’s so fun and so beautiful. She knows a few real french words, and when she doesn’t know the word, she will make it up. The other day she asked me,”Do you know what Cor-duh-loo-veen means?” I said no, I had never heard that word. “Well, I’m not FULLY sure, but I’m pretty sure it means corduroy in french”, she explained as she stroked the fabric of her corduroy pants.

As we walked the dog the other day,”Mama, what is that red on Pax??”

I looked all over Pax for a red thing and couldn’t find it.

“Right there! Between his legs!!”, she pointed helpfully.

The light dawned,”Oooh”, I said,”That is what is commonly known as a dog penis, Luny.”

Luna, studying this new to her phenomenon,”Wow. I guess it’s so wet because Pax likes to sit in water puddles.”

Me: *deceased on the sidewalk*

Luna’s self portrait. Looks like a little mouse. Extraordinarily tan. I love the heart in her chest. And the little brown spot at the bottom of her body is “My booty, Mama!”.

Aaron and I spend a lot of time in our room laughing our heads off over the things she comes up with.

Just a Ramble

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Thu, 03 Oct 2024 18:37:00 +0000

Both of my girls have had an eating disorder of some sort since beginning solids. Luna’s was clearly sensitive gag reflex and she vomited violently 2-4 times per day, every day, for about 2.5 years. It was so traumatic. She would cry when she saw spoons, worried that she was about to be fed. She eventually outgrew it and now eats well.

We don’t know what is causing Daphne to vomit when she eats solids, but she seems to be slowly outgrowing it and can now eat a very, very few solids. She’s had a lot of testing and has seen various specialists in the past several months, but everything comes back negative. So maybe it will always be a mystery and she’ll just one day outgrow it like Luna did.

All that to say, I can barely get Daphne to eat a chocolate chip or a bite of ice cream. But three days ago she came to me gagging and crying and swiping her hands to clean out the inside of her mouth. She had eaten CAT POOP AND LITTER OUT OF THE LITTER BOX. There were little pieces of litter stuck to her face. Smears of cat poop on her clothes and hands. So I’m wondering if I could just put a piece of broccoli into the litter box and maybe she’d eat it.

Daphne has learned how to remove her zip up pjs. She already knows how to remove almost all other clothing and the zip up footies were my final weapon in the battle ground of “keep your dang clothes on”. The other day I checked on her while she was napping *defeated laughter*, and found her stark naked, dancing in the middle of the bed to her own tune of “Let It Go”. She had peed thru all the pillows, blankets, and mattress cover. 2 loads of laundry later, I had Daphne in the pack n play to hopefully nap. “Keep your clothes on!”, I said, sternly, as if that’s ever made a difference.

Seven minutes later Daphne had pooped, taken her clothes off, somehow managed to keep her diaper on, stuck her hands down her diaper and then helpfully cleaned her hands off on the pack n play sides. The pack n play is still sitting in my back yard drying out in the sun.

So now we dress her like this.

She’s very happy about it. She makes this face while staring into my eyes and allowing spit bubbles to form on her lips. The ultimate act of defiance. Not quite brave enough to spit on me, just brave enough to let me know she’s considering it.

It was Luna’s 5th birthday yesterday. We are celebrating her birthday Saturday when we are all off work (she told me an adorable birthday bucket list which I printed off for her). But yesterday she got to open her gifts, and we went to Starbucks for a cake pop. Her favorite gift was a make up set from Aunt Abby. It’s my favorite gift for her as well. It’s the most entertaining thing I’ve ever seen. I LOVE that she feels so incredibly beautiful with all this hot pink stuff smeared all over her face. Look at her skinny little legs. Her nightgown is from 2 years ago so it’s just a little short, haha.

Both girls dressed up to run errands and for our Starbucks stop. An elderly lady stopped us at Starbucks to take a picture of them. Luna was so embarrassed and curious why a stranger would want a photo of them, but I totally got it because I took 100 pictures that day.

Every now and then, I see a glimpse into the future of these two girls as big girls. Doing make up in the mirror. Maybe going to college. Choosing a wedding dress. Getting a call that someone is in labor. Taking a picture of them driving their first car or buying their first house. Shyly telling me about their first crush. And it KILLS me. Lord, please come back before they can grow up! But at the same time, I’m so excited for those big kid years and the adult years. I love teenagers!

When we have a problem, Aaron calls his dad. We go sit on their couch and drink coffee and have long chats. And I think that one day we’ll have that with our girls and I’m so excited for it. Come home to our house, kids, when you’re big with your own life. Come sit and talk to us. Sometimes I get impatient at bedtime because Luna ALWAYS wants a chat. The longer the chat the better. But I remind myself that if I chat with her now, she will want to chat with me when she’s big. The habit will be made, the trust foundation laid.

Wow. Alright, enough of this ramble. I made myself cry. Is anyone ready for Christmas? I’ve already bought Christmas ornaments for the kids (Cinderella for Luna and Belle for Daphne!) and have orange slices dried for garlands and paper strips cut for paper chains. If I manage to wait til November to decorate it will be a true miracle.

A few fun things

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 27 Sep 2024 22:58:00 +0000

We had our first family reunion last week. Hosted by Karen because she is the only one brave enough. We had a truly great time with all the family in town. I love all of my family, but there is something particularly special about my teen/grown up nieces and nephews. Something so incredible and heartachy to see these little babies grow up into my good friends who I enjoy hanging out with. I love hearing all of their wild and crazy dreams spoken in so much hope and innocence. I hope they see every dream come true.

Daphne moved out of her crib. She climbed out of it one day like it was nothing so we moved her into the big bed. Here she is on her first night in the big bed.

Here is Luna on her first night sleeping in her big girl bed. Luna turns 5 in five days.

Up next, a photo of me dead from grief.

Luna is still going strong with her love for Halloween. Although I can’t get on board with the freakishly weird tradition of going door to door to ask LITERAL STRANGERS FOR CANDY, I can get on board with costumes. So we are all dressing up to pass out candy at our house. We might even go to Yokes to show ourselves off. Here’s a sneak peek.

Meet Opal. She belongs to our niece and lives with us temporarily. She’s the sweetest kitty. I regularly see her streak by as quickly as possible as Daphne chases her with aggressive and violent love in her eyes. The little bell on her collar jingling madly as Daphne’s footsteps thud behind. Opal thought she was safe under our bed until Daphne realized that she too can squeeze under the bed. Happy day for Daphne! There is no escape, Opal!

This house has a very long hallway and lots of space for Luna to ride her little pink tricycle around. She just whizzes around on that thing constantly. Yesterday morning we did a science experiment on states of matter with boiling water and ice cubes (and a root beer float which was fun). Luna’s first science lesson ever! I thought we’d have so much fun, but Luna was impatient and wiggling and treating the whole thing like it was “dumb and boring”. Who cares about solids, liquids, or gas.

I finally said, "Okay, go play until you feel like school isn't dumb anymore and then we will do your reading practice." So she hopped on her pink trike and proceeded to ride in circles behind me- looking around like everyone in the world is dumb and boring. At this moment I farted (excuse me), and she grumpily said, as she pedaled furiously and super critically, "GAS". And then pedaled away with her shoulders hunched over the handlebars, mad at the world.

I was happy to see that her science lesson had stuck with her at least.

A House Update

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Sun, 08 Sep 2024 16:22:00 +0000

We moved a couple of weeks ago. Although I cried saying goodbye to the baby’s swings and to Rachel as my next door neighbor at the old house, I have never been so excited to move on in my life. We are all still stunned that we live here and have so much space to move around. I have kitchen drawers! And bathroom drawers! The old house didn’t have any. And our pantry is so big we are turning it into a mini library and office.

Luna told me the other day that playing in her new room is “an elegant affair”.

I can’t wait for November 1st. I’m planning to decorate for Christmas SO HARDCORE this year.

It has been a revolving door of nieces coming over which is in my top 10 favorite things in life.

We live within a couple blocks of 3 parks now. It has felt so surreal to be able to go to the park with the girls in the evenings on my own. I’m not able to drive later in the day so that has never been possible before. The other night the girls played at the park as I drank a late cup of coffee while watching the golden sunset and it felt so wonderful. When we came home from the park, I was putting all the girl’s things away and asked Luna to put my shoes in the closet. She carried the shoes away and stopped to ask me inquiringly,”So… do I have to work for my living now??”

Me, laughing, “Yes, Luny, you have to work for your living. Welcome to adulthood.”

She sighed,”Wow. I was really hoping you’d say you can do all the chores yourself.”

Unrelated to the house, but needs to be told:

The other week, while watching Frozen, Luna sat on the couch in her Frozen dress-up dress and exclaimed,”WHY THE HELL DID HE DO THAT??” when Kristoff did whatever he was doing at that moment. Aaron and I raised our eyebrows at each other.

“Luna, we don’t really say that. We don’t use the word hell in that context”, I said.

Luna asked in confusion,”Oh, why not?”

I was mentally scrambling around to think why we don’t say it when Aaron responded with,”Because Hell is a bad place.”

This made sense to Luna,”Ah okay. But Heaven is a good place so I can say why the HEAVENS did he do that.”

A few days later I heard Luna as she tried to reach her protein shake on the top refrigerator shelf,”UGH WHAT THE HEEEELLLL. *quick pause* I mean, UGH WHAT THE HEAVENS!!!”

We are just thankful it wasn’t anything worse because when she was very small she couldn’t pronounce truck properly and we heard her say the f-word quite a bit.

Anyway, we love our new house! We love the heavens out of it!

We Are Moving- The Long Story

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Wed, 26 Jun 2024 17:01:00 +0000

The short story is that we are moving into a house which we could never afford. It’s a miracle! We thought it would be years longer before we could own a home. And we really expected it to be a fixer upper mobile home- which we were fully content with. But it’s happening and soon! We are mostly walking around stunned by the whole thing.

Long story:

The first book I remember my mom reading to me was Hinds Feet in High Places. I remember being fascinated by it. I thought Little Miss Much Afraid was an absolute ninny. Seriously get your act together, woman. Grow a spine. But this house story really comes down to me being my own version of Little Miss Much Afraid. Scared of everything, doubting everything, a broken record of fears.

We could rent for the rest of our lives and be just fine. Home ownership isn’t a human right and isn’t a matter of life or death. But it is a means to an end. It could help us retire one day, and help us provide an inheritance for our children. It would give us more security. And we’d be able to have a garden, plant a tree, get a cat, etc and not worry about landlords freaking out.

And, my biggest dream of all, it would be a stepping stone toward owning property one day and having Aaron’s parents live with us. This is in my top five things that I want most in life. So when I look at houses, the houses are great and all, but it’s that future dream that gives my heart a real squeeze.

We have tried buying three times in the last few years and were stopped before we really got started. House prices are BONKERS, and even with two incomes and a frugal lifestyle, it just wasn’t possible.

A little rewind now.

Daphne was born two years ago. Her birth was so hard and took me about a year to recover from physically. When she was around 3 months old or so, postpartum depression hit me super hard. It was hard to get out of bed. It was hard to love my family. I am typically rational, but this was not rational at all. Suicide seemed the only escape from a dark world without joy. I carried a suicide letter with me every day for two years. Just in case I could not fight that urge one day. I said a gut wrenching goodbye to my girls every single day. I filled one chatbook after another with photos and letters to them so they would have something to remember me by. Each night I would go to bed saying,”I lived this day. Tomorrow I might not.” I writhed in fear and confusion and turmoil. Some days my brain snapping to the point of mindless screaming and screaming and hitting myself uncontrollably. My rational brain could say,”This isn’t me. This is hormones. You’ve read all the things. You’ve researched. This is severe postpartum depression and you need to call a dr for help.” But my fearful brain could not release. My fearful brain sat with me in the hospital parking lot telling me “do not walk thru those doors. Turn around and go home.” So I did.

One day at the beginning of this depression, I heard that a young wife and mother, who I had known in my childhood, had lost her husband. He drowned right in front of her and their children and friends. I was holding Daphne in my arms and was just drooping in exhaustion and worry. I felt so terribly heartbroken for this girl who had served the Lord for her entire life. I felt like I couldn’t bear it. And if I could not bear it, then how could she? How could God forsake her in this way? I looked at Daphne sleeping in my arms and thought,”How can I tell my children that God will care for them? We have no way of knowing that He will. God could allow some terrible person to take my children from me this day and rape them to death. It happens to innocent children every day.” And I could not shake that thought or that image from my mind.

I would pray and ask the Lord for sleep. Sleep to help my brain function better. Sleep to help me be a better mom. A prayer that God did not answer. Instead of sleep, I got less and less sleep. And chronic sleep deprivation is a real mind killer. A goodbye to sanity. I could not understand how God could not fulfill this one simple request even tho He could clearly see that I was a horrible person and a horrible mother without sleep. Ask and ye shall receive was no longer true to me.

The Bible says to build your house upon a Rock. A firm foundation. I have never felt shaken from that Rock. Never once. But during this time I felt that foundation shatter beneath my feet and I was drowning in sinking sand. Doubts, fear, worry, and so much bitterness. So much anger. God, who I loved so much, had forsaken me and everyone else. We were all deceived into thinking He cared one wit.

I grieved so much over this loss. I remember thinking that I had never actually realized how much my love for the Lord meant to me. I had taken it for granted. But now that this all important relationship felt severed, I felt lost and drifting. I felt that life had no meaning. Everything was empty. I could not think of God without heartache. And then anger. I thought of every hurt I had inflicted on other people and every hurt other people had inflicted on me and I simmered in bitter anger. I thought of every person I knew who was crying out to God for help. I viewed the entire world thru a lens of suffering. The whole earth aching and crying out for help, but the suffering of all continues on and on. Why did God even create us if He knew He would just allow all this suffering to happen?

I ordered books on doubting God and having a faith crisis. I would pray and ask God before reading my Bible,”Please show me something today. Anything to help restore my faith.” And then I’d read how God destroyed the earth and wiped out nations and little babies being dashed on rocks. And I could feel angry questions rising up. And a loss of any hope.

In the meantime, I decided to try a handful of daily practices to pull myself up. I started walking every day with the girls in spite of the deep desire to stay in bed. I started going to the gym. I started hiking with Rachel every week. I set the house every morning for calm- lighting, music, candles. To get me in the mindset of peace. And this really did help me a lot which I am so thankful for. After a year or so, I started to see some light thru the depression. A few more months went by with steady improvement. And by Daphne’s second birthday I was able to take the suicide letter out of my purse without fear. But this did not increase my faith. I really thought it would so it was devastating to me that this did not trigger some sort of spiritual renewal. I asked God to please push the magic button. There had to be a button somewhere that could help me trust God again. Find the button, God, and push it. Only You know where and what this button is.

And now the house: A big part of my job is to care for my employer’s very beloved dog. I have taken care of her every day for nearly 14 years. And in all those years my boss has been incredibly kind and generous with me. When I became disabled from narcolepsy, he bent over backward to accommodate my needs. When I had two kids and difficult pregnancies, he did not flinch at the amount of work I could no longer do, but instead continued to give me a job and paychecks. He has been truly so kind to me.

A month ago his dog had to be put down. I sat at the vet with him as she passed and just sobbed my guts out. Four days later he called me to say he wanted to get a very particular German Shepherd that he’s wanted for years. My landlords said no to this. Which is understandable- a German Shepherd can cause a lot of wear and tear. I let my boss know that I could not do this arrangement. I was a little bit relieved because a huge dog in our tiny house is overwhelming. But I was also pretty worried because this is my job on the line.

Two hours later he called me back and offered to help us buy a house. He owns a house building company so it would be one of his houses. And it’s so far out of our reach financially! I could NOT believe what I was hearing. He said a lot of things which I only half heard because I was mentally saying,”What? WHAT. What??? Whaaaaaat???”

I spent the next two weeks putting Little Miss Much Afraid to shame. I was SO worried. Everyone else was excited. But I thought only of what could go wrong. Worst case scenario. Anything that could go wrong would no doubt go wrong. I made myself genuinely sick with worry. I requested a meeting with my boss to go over details, and I planned lots of questions. One hour before meeting with him, at peak fear, I finally poured out to God that I did not believe He would take care of us. I had not believed that for two years. I wanted to trust Him, but I could not and felt so very alone and scared of all the worst things. “Please, please push the magic button before I go talk to my boss. Please help me to have faith and be calm about this.” But He did not, and I went to that meeting in as much fear as ever.

When Aaron and I finally sat down with my boss at a local coffee shop, all of my planned conversation flew out of my head and instead I really just poured out my fears. We have no money so how will this work? I am disabled so how can you offer this to me when you could get anyone else to do the job better than I can? What if what if what if?? My boss was SO kind. Extraordinarily generous and thoughtful and laid every fear to rest. He laid out the whole house buying plan, repeating himself over and over when I asked more questions. He then turned to Aaron and asked a few questions about his work and thru that conversation Aaron told him how he and his brother are hoping to go into business together in HVAC. My boss tilted his head and explained that he would be very interested in helping them start that business in the next few months. He explained that he had been looking for an HVAC company to work with, and, if Aaron and Alex could get a business plan together, he would help them get it started and give them enough work to be stable. It would change our lives even more than the house would, and it would change Alex and Lizzie’s lives.

And then he said the magic button words. I don’t mean to belittle the importance of this moment by saying “magic button”, those are just the words I mentally use for this and I mean it sincerely.

“I want to do this to help you, Aaron, and to help your brother. I like seeing people start their own businesses. And it will help me too. But the main thing, my priority here, is that Sunny is taken care of. And you starting your own business will increase your income and then I will know that she is taken care of.”

It felt like my boss, Aaron, and the coffee shop kind of faded from the room when he said that. The words hung in the air. The very thing I had said to God 1.5 hrs before “I do not believe you will take care of me.” It was a reply. I will take care of you. You have always been taken care of. Uncertainty will always be a part of life, but one thing is certain- you are taken care of.

Nothing is finalized so maybe the house and the business will fall thru. I don’t believe that will happen, but I suppose it could. I would definitely be disappointed by that. But for the past week I have woken up every day thankful and have gone to bed every night thankful. For the past week I have thought about those words every day: Taken care of. And I know it doesn’t mean no more suffering or worries, it means taken care of.

All I have to offer to God in return is a thank you.

Daphne’s 2nd Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Mon, 15 Apr 2024 21:24:00 +0000

Happy 2nd birthday to our storm cloud, Daffodil girl. I can’t believe it’s been two years already. I finally realized she had passed the newborn stage around 5 months ago. Someone rudely said to me,”Oh wow she’s so close to two! I can’t believe it!” And after mentally counting out the months, I was unhappily forced to admit it was true.

At two years old, Daphne knows around 20 words: Mama, Nanay (grandma), Dada, Louliet (Luna Juliet), thank you, help me, cold, heavy, I’m comiiiiing, I’m goiiiiiing, bye bye, go away, hug, throw up, Bluey, and poop butt. She says poop butt with a raspberry, laugh, and sticking her butt out at us. I love that my two year old is already telling fart jokes.

She is OBSESSED with Bluey. It’s usually the first thing she says when she wakes up. She watches, mesmerized, and just laughs and dances the whole time.

She threw up yesterday, and was awake for a couple hours during the night. She wailed sadly,”BOOOOOEYYYYY”. So as Aaron and I lay dozing miserably in bed, Daphne lay between us watching Bluey on Aaron’s phone. Happy as can be in spite of being sick.

She refuses to eat 98% of foods. I can’t blame her since both of my girls suffer from sensitive gag reflex and vomit almost any food at this age. Hence her knowing the words “throw up”. She says throw up in a sad tone and while giving us a kitchen towel to wipe our mouths with.

She loves to dance. She cannot be still when music comes on. She will shake her booty SO FAST. Or, if the music is a little slower, she will close her eyes and wave her arms and head softly. I love that one so much!

She is an aggressive lover. Her whole body will shake with pent up love as she comes at you with warm violence lol. Smiles a lot, but also the queen of grump face and an angry “GO WAY”. She blames everyone else for any owie. If she falls down, and you happen to be innocently sitting 20 yards away, she will still assume you pushed her down. And she will be MAD AT YOU.

She cries over bedtime now. It starts so young! She’s very worried she will miss out on play time with Luna and Dada, and wails out miserably from her bed,”DADDYYYYYYYYY PLAYYYYYYYY”.

She got a little play kitchen for her birthday. And assorted Bluey things. Adorable Disney pjs. We weren’t able to do a special family birthday because she ended up sick. Again! So for her birthday she said,”throw up” quite a bit. She ate one bite of her cake, and then came to me crying for a nap,”Ni’ni, Mama!! Ni’ni!” So I put her to bed and she slept half the day away. But you’d never know from these happy photos!

Please enjoy the progression of Aaron teaching the girls how to blow out birthday candles. “Deep breath. Do your mouth like this. You got it? No, okay, I’ll help. Deep breath. BLOW. Nice, success.” As the girls watched and did nothing. Then Daphne said,”Good girl, Dada, good girl.”

A Happy Easter Day

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Tue, 09 Apr 2024 22:24:00 +0000

When I was a kid, after we went to bed, my mom would decorate the dining table for Easter with things from around the house. We would wake up on Easter morning to a fairy table full of candy and cute things. Mom was broke so she didn’t spend much money, but it felt like probably no one else in the world had an Easter as nice as we did.

Easter is the only holiday we celebrate at home. I don’t plan a big meal because I hate to cook so this year we got our faves from Costco. But I aspire to make the table as magical for my kids as it was for little kid me. So after the babies went to bed, I decorated the table with stuff from around the house and their Easter baskets. They loved it. I think we are just reliving our childhoods thru our kids.

Daphne killed us all morning in this Queen Elizabeth outfit!

We did a little egg hunt after church. I was surprised that Daphne understood the concept, but she was super into it! Luna and I have a bedtime game we play which she calls “Favorites Chat”. We lay in bed and chat about our favorite things from the day. Luna loves nothing more than a chat with us. Anyway, that night her favorite thing was the egg hunt. I would ask if she had any other favorites from the day and she would say,”Really just the egg hunt!” And the following day she organized two more egg hunts around the house for us.

These babies. I love them so much.

A Roadtrip to North Dakota

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Tue, 09 Apr 2024 21:10:00 +0000

We went to North Dakota to see my little brother and his family recently. My sister, Shelly, met us there. It was a short and absolutely chaotic trip, but simultaneously SO GOOD.

Here is Daphne the day before we left. The vomit and crying will give you a good idea of how things went.

20 minutes into our 6am departure, Daphne vomited all over herself and the carseat. We pulled off the next exit, and (in freezing wind) stripped down our poor, screaming baby. Got clean clothes out. Cleaned up as best we could. And then decided we had to go back home to switch car seats and bathe Daphne.

We left again at 7:30am.

30 minutes later we pulled onto the side of the road to put Luna up front so I could be with a screaming and miserable Daphne in the back. Her sad, wailing,”Mommeeeee” was more than we could bear. I questioned our sanity for going ahead with this trip, haha.

45 minutes later we pulled over to change a diarrhea diaper.

Later in the day we had another side of the road, freezing wind, vomit clean up with Daphne and I both stripping down and everything going into a trash bag that I had thoughtfully packed into the truck. My apologies to anyone who saw my hot pink underwear. I was under duress.

This continued for the rest of the day and what would have been a 12ish hour road trip turned into about 15 hours. But the good news is that Luna is a road-tripping QUEEN. She was the happiest, most excited girl in the world. She could not have been better behaved or more delightful for the entire day. She put herself down for a nap.

She takes this neck pillow very seriously.

We found her in bed like this one night.

And then she wore it to go to work with Aaron one day. It was part of her “tool bag” along with that doll. Is there anything cuter than a four year old going to work with Dada? No, there isn’t.

Anyway we finally made it to my brother’s, washed our trash bags of vomit clothes, showered, and fell into bed like dead people.

Daphne had diarrhea TEN TIMES the next day. And I watched Luna like a hawk for any symptoms. I was rewarded for my vigilant efforts!

We left the house once while there to go to brunch, and here is Luna having diarrhea on the side of the road on the way home.

Toot puddle was our catchphrase for a few days.

Thankfully no one was sick on the way home and trip went much faster. Although we had a scare with the car in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of an actual snowstorm.

The car sputtered and nearly died. It was thankfully an easy fix, and we only lost one anxious hour. But as Aaron stood under the hood with snow swirling around him, and I sat in the backseat with a crying Daphne in my lap, I looked into an imaginary camera like Jim Halpert- resigned to my disastrous road trip fate.

But we made it home in record time and went to bed early.

Some trip highlights that I really loved:

We drove along the Enchanted Highway (where Luna had diarrhea). Which I am here to say is not enchanted at all, but it is a fun roadside attraction of giant metal works. The use of the word “enchanted” is part of the fun. We took a couple accidental fun poses which had to be continued for the rest of the stops. The live photos of these are great because you can hear my kids crying in the background a lot. We laughed a ton.

My kids playing with Jack’s kids was so sweet to watch. It was their first time meeting each other, and they all played so well together. Jack is a single dad with two little boys. Jack is also an 80’s parent. His boys were riding bikes down the road at 7:30am to wake up the neighbors and Jack said, looking out the kitchen window,”Where are those boys going to??” and it was no big deal. They ate frozen pb&j’s straight out of the freezer topped with 4inches of squirt cool whip. The little one ate ice cream right out of the tub with his bare hands. Shelly said,”I’ve seen that boy put his hands down the back of his pants! I’m not eating that ice cream!” We laughed about it to Jack later and he said,”Yeah I forget that they DO eat a little western at times.” They threw water balloons in the house, and carved sticks with a pocket knife at the table.

At one point they were playing “you be the babies and I am the mom. My mom is Sunny”. The boys were both crying in the crib, and Luna was on the twin bed next to them. As I walked past the trio, I heard Luna say angrily,”Shut UP babies!! Mama is TRYING to SLEEP!!”. The “babies” went silent. I again looked into an imaginary camera like Jim Halpert.

On our return trip from our single outing, Jack bought walkie talkies for the kids to communicate since we took two cars. There were so many “I love you”’s going back and forth between those kids. Along with a lot of sass! But I loved how much they freely loved each other so quickly. I hope this is a core memory for Luna and that she never forgets how fun that was.

The Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 23:24:00 +0000

Luna draws the cutest little stick figures with the BIGGEST bug eyes. Aaron had her draw one on the little pumpkin she picked at the pumpkin patch and he carved it out. I wished so badly that that pumpkin would last forever. Luna still loves Halloween fanatically, to my Halloween hating heart’s dismay. I am holding out hope that she will switch to Christmas like her Mama one day.

One day Rachel mentioned that a co-worker of her’s has a Thanksgiving tradition with his family. They have a full blown Lord of the Rings day. They dress up and make themed foods. It sounded so amazing to us that we did our own smaller version at my house the Saturday after Thanksgiving. And it was so fun!! I marathon Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit every November anyway because they feel really magical to me. Like a pre-Christmas movie. We ate food all day and watched two of the movies back to back. I hope we continue this new tradition for years.

I went to New York with Shelly to visit Abby. She lives in the cutest village outside the city. We ate amazing Italian pizza. We walked around her little village Christmas square after dark. We went to the city on the second day. We saw the 911 memorial. It felt surreal to stand in the street and think about the people who stood there watching the tower fall. I had forgotten so many memories that came flooding back in that moment. Watching the towers falling on tv. Getting frantic phone calls. Holding my grandmother’s hand. I felt a little glimpse into how it must feel as a New Yorker, the bonding of grief as they experienced it all first hand.

We saw the Christmas tree at the Rockefeller center which felt less Home Alone than I had hoped, but still amazing. We ate incredible Japanese food. We saw SO many beautiful buildings and storefronts. And finally we went to the Harry Potter store for me. I was in heaven! I loved it so much. And a huge kawaii store in Times Square! My head was spinning trying to take in all the cute stuff there. But I think, outside of the Harry Potter store obviously, my favorite part was how heavily decorated Abby’s village was for Christmas. It was a Hallmark movie.

We took some vacation time for Christmas and New Years. We got a fresh tree to replace my fake one that’s been up since Nov 1st. We dragged a mattress downstairs by the tree and all slept down there for a few nights (another great tradition that will happen every year now I think!). I got almost no pictures during Christmas other than a few of that morning. But we had such a good time kicking back with firepits, reading Narnia out loud for Luna, wrapping gifts, going for walks, watching movies in our “family bed”, decorating cookies, putting together puzzles (I got 4 puzzles for my bday! I turned 40!). We went to see the lights downtown. We got peppermint hot cocoa from Bakery by the Lake. It was a super fun time. One of my favorite things was how often Luna said “family”. It’s a big deal to her right now that we are all together as a family. A family should sleep together. We should read and color together. We should have family time at the firepit. Dinner time is family time. Church is for families. If she dressed up, she asked,”Does my family like this princess dress?” And frequently,”I love my family”. She was personally affronted when we put the mattress back upstairs,”Oh I see!! You do not love FAMILY!” (she’s a master manipulator)

Also an October Christmas tree story. I love Christmas. I have every decoration up on November 1st. And I started choosing and buying gifts in August. I use a fake tree to start with since I don’t want a dead tree after a few weeks. But this year I asked Aaron to take us up in the mountains to cut a tree for our back patio 3 days before Halloween. So we went up the mountain. And, in the sight of forest rangers sitting in their truck, we chopped down the tree, tied it to the top of our Jeep, and then headed down the mountain back home. The rangers had left to go give someone else a ticket a few minutes earlier. We passed them on the road. The ranger made eye contact with Aaron as he handed a ticket over to the driver of the other car. And then he literally RAN BACK TO HIS TRUCK. Whipped a U-turn. Pulled us over. And nonchalantly began to say things like,”Do you have a permit for this tree. You have damaged public property. You know that can’t be undone. Can’t replant this tree. You’re gonna have to follow us back to the office sir.” So we followed him. Aaron said,”Dang it they’re gonna take this tree from us and dump it.” I was like,”What? Hahahha! There is no way that’s happening! It would make no sense to throw out a perfectly good tree! They’re taking us down there to buy the permit! “Sadly, Aaron was right. We got down to the office. The rangers blocked the driveway with their truck like, I don’t know, we would try to flee to Central America with this Charlie Brown tree and our two babies in the backseat. They walked over to us and said,”So did anyone look at you like you were stupid as you drove off with this tree? Haha! We don’t even sell permits this early! Take the tree off the car, sir. Put it over there by the door.” Luna had her window down this entire time and was crying her head off out the window. “Why are you taking my treeeeeee?? Do you haaaaate Christmas?????” They ignored her cheerfully. At this point I was truly speechless with rage. They handed us a ticket for $215.00. We headed home. Luna cried the entire way, even when we stopped for a chocolate shake at McDonalds. When we got home, my brain finally kicked in and I googled the permits. They had been available to purchase for 3 weeks at that point and I bought one for $5. FIVE DOLLARS. I was no longer speechless with rage. I was FIRED UP, and had Aaron drive me back to their office. He said on the way,”I will NOT go inside there with you”. I was ready for confrontation. Which would have been likely pointless, but I’d have felt better and I was going home with that tree they took. Luna asked,”Are we going to defeat the bad guys?? (I said yes, with money) Don’t worry little happy tree! We are coming to get you!” It was the biggest let down to go to their door only to find it locked. They had closed! And they had already dumped our tree. So we went back up the mountain in the dark and chopped a second tree. Thankfully with that $5 permit, we avoided damaging public property this time. Anyway, our $220 tree is still happily lit up on our back porch. It looks like it’s worth exactly $5 and we all have hard feelings about it.

The Last Few Months

noreply@blogger.com (Sunny Jane) — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 22:29:00 +0000

A few of my favorite photos since my last post. My blog has been broken! It’s only a teeny bit fixed, but enough to post a catch up.

Fourth of July. We got two small fireworks for Luna. They ended up being more spectacular than we expected and the four of us were HURTLING ourselves backward out of the way. Luna loved it!

We had Lucy’s baby shower for little Rosie. And took a few family pics. We love Lucy and Johnny so much! Luna thinks Johnny is her best friend.

We did lots of walking, swim days, library days, and parks. We took a pontoon boat out one day with Adam’s family. Luna and I went to see a Beauty and the Beast play one day.

Luna turned four in October and we cried about it. She loved it, but we hated it. She still asks me pretty regularly,”Am I still four, Mama?”. She asked us the other day about turning 5 and we were like,”Shut your mouth”. We took her little friend, Lucy, to the park, library, and out to breakfast. Little girls are the best!

We said goodbye to our old church building which was really bittersweet. Daphne threw a fit while I laughed my head off as Aaron tried earnestly to pray. Look at her legs kicking.

Next up, the holidays!