Randomness at its best...

First thing first

2012-12-04T07:56:00.001-06:00

I printed samples and dropped them off at four of the local funeral homes on yesterday. I really don't know how to feel about things just yet. I'm a little concerned that I wont be allowed the opportunity to provide my services because I feel that people are likely to continue business with those that they've built a rapport with. My concern is also coupled with the fact that printing alone cost me over $50 for the samples that I provided. I have never been a gambler and don't like spending money on something that doesn't guarantee a great ROI. Call me crazy but it is just way too close to the holidays to spend unnecessary money. I'm just praying that God does have my back on this journey.

Taking Control

2012-12-02T10:57:00.002-06:00

For starters, I haven't written because the hard drive on the computer that I bought a couple months ago is just no more. My phone's browser doesn't support the site, so that wasn't an option either.

Next, I was not the most qualified for the position that I hoped to attain. I've got to say that it really hurt to read the email that broke the news to me. It honestly took everything in me to keep from crying. Since I've graduated and received all of these messages that have basically let me know that I'm never qualified, or that someone else is better qualified, I've been feeling very inadequate. I really don't know how to feel about these constant disappointments. I will say that I'm tired of not feeling like I'm good enough when I know that I am. I am very well capable of exceeding the expectations of those that won't give me a chance.

Finally, I've fallen too far behind in my online classes with no computer. Sure, I could have used the library that is in walking distance, but that would've been too easy. Unfortunately, the library's computers don't have the very expensive software required for my courses. So, that idea quickly left.

Well, there's the BAD news!!!

On to the beginning that I've created for myself. I've decided to go ahead with my idea to offer my services to funeral homes in the area, creating funeral programs. I've contacted several funeral homes in the area that said that I can drop off my samples and prices. I'm very excited, and very hopeful that this may be the move that I needed to make. I will be going to print my samples today, and dropping by the funeral homes tomorrow. FINGERS CROSSED!!!

In addition to the funeral programs, I've also posted craigslist ads directed towards small businesses offering my Marketing/Advertising services. We'll see how that goes...With craigslist, you never know.

More news

2012-11-19T18:00:00.000-06:00

So, there was yet another glitch in my big idea- My computer completely failed me! This unfortunate disaster is no small concern either, I am almost certain that the problem is the hard drive. There goes my shot at working for myself right now. ALL of the work that I could have possibly done would've required my computer, and some very much needed software. There goes my assignments for my online course, that were due today. And here I go, at my mom's house on my brother's computer because my iPhone doesn't currently have a supported browser to add to my blog.

On a brighter note, I do have a second interview with a great company that I interviewed for on last week. So that I don't get my hopes up, I have decided to accept that if it is for me, I will get the position no matter what.

Well, let me get off and try to somehow retrieve all of the info from my computer...

They've arrived, and I'm not too far behind...

2012-11-15T10:45:00.002-06:00

I haven't written since my cards arrived by mail two days ago. I must admit that I am very excited! I feel like a kid at Christmas :-) I'm now asking, 'What do I do at this point?" As if I didn't already know... I'm going to market myself! I plan to talk much more about this experience very soon.

Today is...

2012-11-12T19:40:00.000-06:00

It has really been one of those days...

The kind of day that you thank God has finally ended. It's the kind of day that you appreciate once the sun has set, you ball up in the fetal position and you pray that tomorrow will be better.

Well, let me not be such brat about my day. It really wasn't all that bad. I am happy to report that my phone didn't ring much at all today so there was no wishful thinking that it was a future employer. Is this really a good thing??? I don't know. Life goes on. Well, so they tell me.

hmm...

2012-11-11T07:58:00.004-06:00

I got on here to talk about my dream. But I really don't know how to begin to share it... I'll just keep it to myself for now.

Waiting and Waiting

2012-11-09T15:50:00.001-06:00

I have nothing to take my mind off of my phone. Well actually, my silent phone that doesn't have job offers pouring in. Or better yet, my phone that hasn't received a single interview request. I've only checked my email 1, 000 times today. Maybe the 1, 001 time will be the one that says, "We would like to schedule an interview." This is not an exaggeration at all! Despite my saying that I plan to work independently, I am still very interested in a regular, full-time opportunity. That is why I find myself so disappointed in the way things are panning out for me.

In addition to checking my email like a maniac for 90% the day, I've been trying to convince myself that maybe they have attempted to call me, but have been unable to reach me. Yeah right! But there is actually some logic to this crazy notion...While my are code is the same as the area code of the locations that I am patiently awaiting response from, my cell was actually purchased in a different city. This means that anyone that wants to call from a land line will actually have to dial the area code + number. I don't know if this is truly the case, but the possibility does make me feel a little bit better. Maybe, just maybe, it isn't my experience.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Next steps

2012-11-08T08:39:00.002-06:00

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I have decided to hire myself. I typed my last post and immediately designed my own business card. I decided to offer my creative services independently. There was a very minor snag in my plan, but nothing I couldn't find my way around.

Here's the deal...

A few weeks ago, I volunteered to make the best funeral program imaginable for someone that was very dear to me. Because her death was very unexpected, there was a lot to take care of in a very short amount of time. I gathered all of the photos that the immediate family wanted to include, and I began my work. I took my time to edit the tone and contrast of the older photos, cropped the images, and worked on the perfect layout. I must say that because I knew her, I thought that it would be rather hard to look at pictures of her past, but it actually helped me in my grief. I almost felt like I was behind the camera in each of the the shots. I felt very honored to contribute my time and services to a family that I love in their time of need. I thought that I did a great job on the funeral program, and apparently so did everyone that attended her service. This of course ignited my entrepreneurial fire. I decided that I could create funeral programs.

So here's the problem that I faced when designing my business cards. How do I design a business card that will show my design capability, while at the same time remain somber as a means of sympathy towards grieving individuals? This was something that I definitely had to get around. I didn't want to limit myself to designing funeral programs, nor did I want to exclude the task either. I decided to keep the colors to a minimum, but used rounded edges as a means of standing out. I am really looking forward to my cards arriving next week so that I can hit the ground running.

From the ground up

2012-11-06T21:31:00.001-06:00

So, the last time that I took time to write, things were looking rather hopeful for me. Currently, I can't say that I feel all that hopeful. I finally graduated in May with a BA, and am now working on a MFA. Unfortunately, I am one of those individuals that had everything all lined up, or so I thought. I planned to land my dream job upon graduation, then start searching for my first home. Well, neither of those have gone as planned. I have yet to find myself in the type of career that I had long dreamed of while I was knee deep in my undergrad "career". I am beginning to think that maybe I should abandon my stubbornness and apply for positions that are not at all related to my degree. I am the person that always said that I would not get into any field that was not related to my degree, but now I'm not so sure. I have gotten to that terrible place where I find myself asking if all of the time and borrowed money was worth it. I mean, all during high school (and even some of middle school) you hear that you must attend college for better opportunities-better paying jobs, and an advantage over those that do not. But now, I'm not so sure about that. I know many that didn't graduate from college and they are currently in a much better position than I am. Just something that I've been thinking about lately.

On another note...

Instead of me going on and on about what has yet to come my way, I'm going to end this by saying I will be working for myself. Yes, that is correct. I have officially hired myself! Details to follow...

Friend?, Enemy? EX!

2012-01-21T22:48:00.001-06:00

I can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. What I don't understand is why anyone would want one more enemy in the world. If I had a choice, I'd like to make more friends, well maybe not a friend, but someone that I don't mind dealing with. With that said, I can't put my mind around the idea of someone telling me he loves me (and I'm absolutely certain that he does) but insists on putting me thru agony. Please give me a break! It's been over two years since we've broken up, and you still have a problem with me??? Get over it! But if we can't be friends, I promise I'll lose no sleep.

My Skill Set

2012-01-10T21:40:00.000-06:00

I wish I could answer this one question that's been troubling me lately: What does the world want from me?

Very random, I know. I'm just trying to figure out what is expected of me. I mean from possible employers, down to family and friends. I keep coming up with the same answer, I can only be me. Either I have what you want, or I don't. My only concern with this is that more often than not these days, I don't have what is wanted. At least not by employers. Well, scratch that, there's actually only one ~~potential~~ employer that I'm referring to. I'm just amazed by the rejection email that I received. The final statement read, "While you have a good background, we've decided to move forward with other candidates whose experience better aligns with what we're looking for at this time."

???? Really???? How hard is it really to pick up a phone for a 6 hour shift and speak with current customers regarding their membership (I'll be good by not mentioning the name of the organization)? Does it really matter what skill set I have when it comes to this type of job. I mean, you know that I can talk on the phone because you called me for the phone interview. I would imagine that I can read a script if needed. And, I'm pretty certain that I capable of dialing a phone number. I would love to know the experience that these "other candidates" had. Maybe they have two heads, which allows them to talk to more than one customer at once. Sure, that's what it was.

Torri

2012-01-08T23:42:00.000-06:00

Silent heart, but far from silent.
I could hear you all along.
If my heart could beat for us both, it would've.
That's true love, a feeling. A feeling that encompasses everything. A feeling that doesn't require any other sense to be activated.
Always know that you will forever be loved.

The Return

2012-01-07T14:52:00.000-06:00

Out of site, but hardly out of mind is my dear blog. I've gotten one of the hardest semesters behind me, now ready to face the very last semester, and final course, of my undergrad career. With this before me, and so many things behind me, now is the time for me to become the person that I am meant to be. I have so many great ideas that I plan to explore. See you very soon...

Getting older

2011-10-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

I believe that most people often wish they could go back to the days when worries were so simple. The days when you thought it was the end of the world simply because you were put on punishment and couldn't watch your favorite show before going to bed. Or the days when you just knew you would be punished for a low score, or not cleaning your room, or something that you look at now as trivial. I miss those days so much, and did not appreciate them at all when I was actually living them. The funny thing is I still remember my mom telling me that I would. And I would swear that she didn't know what she was talking about. I just wanted to grow up, and be able to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Now that I'm of age, I still see so many boundaries, in fact maybe more. Then my only boundary was really my age, now there's previous obligations, deadlines, and most importantly COST. By cost, I'm not just talking money. I'm referring to all of the opportunity costs. I'm just looking at the things that I give up on the daily basis to achieve things that I feel are important, and beneficial. I can honestly say that I've taken the scenic route when it comes to my college career, but truthfully, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I just have to remind myself that I will get what I deserve in due time.

Although I do wish sometimes that simplicity was right around the corner. I miss the days of lying in my mom's bed when I was ill, or going to my 'Big Ma' to look at old pictures, or knowing that tomorrow everything was going to be ok, etc. Now, it seems that life is filled with so many uncertainties. Simplicity is now a distant st ranger.

I bet it shows

2011-10-12T04:04:00.000-05:00

I bet it shows
How I can't recall much of anything before we met.
I bet it shows
How what we share I could never forget.
I bet it shows
When we kiss how much I wish it could last forever.
I bet it shows
When I smile that in this life I'd leave you, never.
I bet it shows
In the stars that we were destined to be.
I bet it shows
In my heart that you were made for me.
I bet it shows
That I have never been in love like this before.
I bet it shows
That all my life I could wish for nothing more.

Hmm...

2011-10-06T17:10:00.000-05:00

Men, men, they play with your heart.
The more that you trust them...

Enough said!

Sidewalk Stranger

2011-10-03T22:29:00.002-05:00

on his last leg
what did he say to those that passed?
did he look up for help,
or did he quietly pass along?
so desperate is he
the quite stranger, always ignored.
can you tell me how he got here,
why is it that he has nowhere to go?
i remember him walking
where, i cannot say.
he looked as if he had a plan
but what could it be?
i imagine...
him to be someone's father,
someone that may have lost his way,
maybe someone's friend,
but definitely someone's son.

One month later...

2011-10-03T11:56:00.001-05:00

I've been away for a while, but I've been very productive. I've written a few mini-masterpieces (LOL), worked on my portfolio, and made some changes in my personal life. I will not go on another hiatus! I am absolutely determined to to keep everything posted, even if it kills me. Well, I hope it doesn't kill me, but here goes...

Random thought: How is it possible for me to hate about you the same thing that made me fall for you?

Anticipation...

2011-09-04T21:55:00.001-05:00

I've been so busy lately tightening a few loose ends. Up until this point, I was wondering when things would come together for me, and they have! This past week was amazing! I received good news regarding school, and my life in general. All I can say is there's definitely more to come in the near future.

One Third

2011-08-23T16:43:00.002-05:00

unforTunately you'll never understand how much you meant to me
you'll never know how much I cared, at that time
you will never understand how I thought the sun rose and set on you
and that you are a third of why I wrote this rhyme.

~I trashed the T~

unluCkily I bumped into you, placing my hopes on something hopeless
although I tried to give you all of my patience and my time
you thought my efforts at encouraging you were cynical
but obviously you meant enough to me to be a third of this rhyme

~I curbed the C~

Truly you have to understand how much you mean to me
how much of an impact you've made in such a short time
my feelings for you are blatant, something I can't deny
you are what I've always wanted, the finale to my rhyme

~I am forever taken by my new T~

On Vacay

2011-08-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

I think I've figured out something about pedals that is actually revolutionary: I'm a sad writer. Ok, well maybe I'll have to explain. I've been writing for years and the one thing that most of the pieces have in common is that they are sad in nature. I've just realized that when I'm the happiest I've ever been, I seldom speak on it. I assume that this is simply the fact that I'm distracted. I'll be back soon...

To my cousin...

2011-08-15T00:24:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been two years already. I find myself unable to fall asleep thinking of what today really is. I have been thinking of you so much these last few days. Thinking of how you called me days before the surgery to talk about plans you had for the future, including plans to start a family at 27. I just find it so hard to accept that God had other plans for you. I know that our plans come secondary to God's, but I don't understand how he could've taken you from us.
I remember your kindergarten graduation like it was yesterday. I cried like a baby over the fact that you were leaving me behind. You never let me forget it either! Who knows how many times you reminded me of that day. I remember our dads coming in really late one 4th of July and waking us up so that they could show us how not to do fireworks!
I can't type these memories without shedding tears. I miss you so much! I miss seeing you smile everytime you came around. I can't think of a single time seeing you angry. You were always so cheerful, sometimes saying the weirdest things.
When you had the stroke and I came to the hospital to visit you, I knew it was serious, but I was more thinking of the fact that you were young and would bounce back. The whole tome I'm visiting with, and in subsequent conversations, I'm pushing for you to get the surgery. I remember you telling me that you were scared, but I just knew that was the cure-all. I can't help but think that you knew something that we didn't, and that you wanted another year or so with us.
I could go on forever but what I really want to express is how much I love you and miss you!

Renewal

2011-08-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

As of today is to strive to be the best me that I can be. I am going after the impossible and striving for nothing less than perfection. I want to be the woman that I know I am capable of being. I want to be the complete package in anyone's eyes when they see me.

Give me some time and I'll become a butterfly.

Blah...

2011-08-03T22:04:00.000-05:00

Lately I'm having trouble determining what really matters, aside from the obvious of course. Life has gone nothing like I planned for it to go immediately following my high school graduation. I never dreamed that I would be one of the girls to had a child out of wedlock, but I did. I never dreamed that I would make such poor relationship choices, but I have. I would never have guessed that I would not have earned a degree of some sort by now, but I haven't. In my life I've made so many left turns that sometimes I sometimes question the purpose of it all. Will there be some huge prize for me once it's all over, or will it all be for nothing other than the amusement of others? I try to remember that failure isn't an option, but what exactly am I trying to accomplish? Really, what's the purpose? I get a degree, get into my career, (maybe get married), and work until I eventually retire? Then what?

I guess I'm just having an interesting week. Maybe I'll be a little bit more optimistic tomorrow.

Simple Fix

2011-08-02T07:24:00.000-05:00

I guess it's only fair to say that no one told me life would be easy. In my defense, no one told me that life would be so hard.

I never thought that I would have people in my life that I would consider friends, and more, only to lose them over lies. To start, I have no respect for liars. Furthermore, I despise any coward that lies on me. I look at it this way, if someone can fabricate any lie about you to get your name in trash, that's a person that you most definitely shouldn't be around. Lying takes effort. Although it may not always require a lot of effort, it still means that someone thought you were important enough to create some bs story about you, and reveal it. This person is a snake in the grass- waiting to attack you at any point, inject you with its venom, and leave you for dead.

There is one solution to the liar's game: Point them out every time, but never run away from them. Look the liar dead in his face, and squash him!

There is a liar somewhere very close to you right now, and unfortunately there always will be. You may not associate with him, but he is fairly familiar with you. Unfortunately for the liar, he doesn't know you at all. If he had, he would have hear about your Simple Fix and kept your name out of his mouth!

"The trouble with lying and deceiving is that their efficiency depends entirely upon a clear notion of the truth that the liar and deceiver wishes to hide. In this sense, truth, even if it does not prevail in public, possesses an ineradicable primacy over
all falsehoods." ~ Hannah Arendt