Kacie's Sandbox

Making it happen.

2011-01-22T11:41:00.000-06:00

I usually pride myself in avoiding putting all my eggs in one basket. This usually means that I have my hand in multiple projects or am focusing on more than one goal as not to allow my happiness become reliant on the possible outcome of just one scenario. I like to work on multiple projects that can fulfill me each in its own way.

However, this semester I am tackling a lot. I am taking 17 credits at my University, working part time in one of the University offices, and taking two theatre practicums,* auditioning for a show that will require a contract, 40-hour a week rehearsals, and a 4-month commitment, holding myself to making one video per week to celebrate/take advantage of my new partnership status, and I am a full-time girlfriend and housemate.

Even looking at that list is giving me anxiety. There are so many things I want to do and so many goals I want to accomplish, but I feel like I'm getting spread really thin. I don't know if I have the ability to cope with having so much responsibility, but it's definitely time that I try. I must add that the last part of my list - being a girlfriend - is probably what is keeping be sane and grounded during this time. I get so much support from Chris and I value his advice and opinions much more than most. I can't even count the number of times I have called or text him with decisions I need to make because he's got this natural ability to see the situation from an outside perspective and then work out the pro's and con's of each. I tend to get really focused on just one outcome and base decisions on that. Thankfully, he is in support of my endeavors and helps me get through them.

I guess all I am really trying to say is that this semester is due to be a stressful one. I need to graduate soon and am desperate to get "out into the world" and start exploring career opportunities. I want to work with theatre companies, audition, intern, and explore this crazy field I have decided to go into and I can't make that happen without a few more stressful semesters.

So, to those of you who are reading this, thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to read over my blabbering, jumbled mess of words as I try to express what it is I am feeling at this point in my life. Here's to exploring and playing around in our own little sandboxes of life.

- Kacie

*A practicum means that I am getting credit for volunteering a total of 48 hours on one or more of the Theatre department's shows during the semester. I am taking two, meaning I will need to work about 96 hours this semester outside of class.

The Fate of our Future

2011-01-07T18:03:00.000-06:00

Alright... that title might be a tad dramatic. However, I feel justified because what I heard today has got me thinking about that age-old question, "What is this world coming to?"

   Let me preface this story by explaining at I work at the University where I go to school. I only work half days so I get off around lunchtime and have about an hour to eat and read before getting on the bus to go home.
   Well, today as I was finishing up my lunch, a group of about twelve to fifteen middle school children walk by me. Perplexed as I was as to why there were so many twelve-year-olds running around a college campus, I decided to avoid them and took a longer route from my reading spot to the bus. As I opened the doors to Coffman Union and stepped outside into the wind and snow, I heard a lady calling some of the children by name and saying, "Let's get on the bus!"
   "Ok," I thought, "they must be on a field trip or something." No big deal. Sure enough, they were heading for the same bus stop as me so I slowed my pace as to not get trapped in their little herd. Carrying a Harry Potter book* and wearing my hair in braided pigtails doesn't help my all-too-common situation of being mistaken for a pre-teen so I figured it was best for everyone.
   As I was walking slowly behind a bunch of boys finding it all too hilarious that if they spit out their chewed gum, it froze almost instantly due to the bitter wind and rate of snowflakes falling all around, I heard a girl telling her friends what she thought was a very interesting story. I couldn't pick out any words, and I wasn't really trying to either, however her tone was one of seriousness and pride as if she were trying really hard to convince them that what she was saying was true. As I smiled a little, I was horror-struck as I heard of the most disappointing things I've ever heard a teacher tell a student.
   "Lauren," said the teacher/sponsor "If it's not on the internet, it didn't happen."
   I literally stopped in my tracks and looked over at the group of girls and teacher, hoping to see a laugh or joke. Nope. Nothing. Just stone faces from each of the girls and a grim "What the heck am I doing here?" look from the teacher.
...

First of all, I can see where some might think there is some truth to the teacher's claim. The sharing of information has never been nearly as successful as it is now with how far technology has advanced. HOWEVER, what about the millions upon millions of books that were never digitized, the encyclopedias collecting dust in that very University, and the scrolls and manuscripts locked in vaults which have not been seen for hundreds of years? You mean to tell me this teacher is instilling in these children that the internet has all the answers and that Lauren couldn't have possibly been telling the truth because her words were not documented on the internet? Does this woman not remember when people thought that, if the news were reporting it, then it must be all fact? I understand that adolescents make up stories, sure, but to just blatantly say that it can't be true because someone hasn't put it "on the internet" is preposterous.

*I'm currently reading through the Harry Potter series for the first time and as of now I am just a couple of chapters away from finishing Order of the Phoenix.

A new year, a new me.

2010-12-31T09:48:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had long periods of time when you don't really feel like yourself? I'm not talking about the typical waking up and feeling "off" or whatever. I am talking about lengthy period in which you wonder if you're ever going to feel like you again.

I've been going through that recently and it took Chris confessing to me that I'd affected him to realize just how "off" I have been. The past few weeks have been really weird. With finals at school and stressing about money, the new job, auditions next semester, more money, holidays, keeping the house in order... I honestly just blamed my strange behavior on stress. There were days where I felt like a robot, just going through my routine as mindlessly as ever and not even taking the chance to stop and enjoy my days. I would have days of thinking, "When is class going to be over so I can go home and do everything I need to do before going to bed?"

Now that I think about it, I was pretty selfish. Chris and I have been together 2 years now and I have been neglecting "us" for quite some time now. I have been so focused on things that are so unimportant or just turning on the TV or playing a game to turn off my brain that I have neglected what's right in front of me.

I promised myself a long time ago that I would never be in a situation that consistently made me unhappy and I have stuck to that quite nicely. But, what do you do when it's you yourself that's causing you to be unhappy?

Well, my answer to that is to change everything. I need to change up my routine as much as I can with the start of this new year and semester at school. It's funny how I'm having all of these realizations on the last day of 2010. I've never been much of a New Years Resolution girl. In fact, I have never made a resolution. However, due to current circumstances, I feel it's time for me to start making resolutions to better myself and those whose lives I am a part of.

So my resolutions are:

- Take better care of myself. That means eating better, being more active, taking more time to pamper when needed, and making sure I am not abusing my body in any way.

- Take better care of my relationships. I have never been much of a friend and have honestly always enjoyed spending my time alone rather than with others and it's about time that I let myself experience things I've been missing out on.

- Spend time with those that I love. Chris and I both decided to start making more time for each other. Whether it be dates or whatever, we're going to put down our technology and enjoy our little family of us and Maxwell. I also need to keep more in touch with family. It was crazy seeing how grown up my little sister was at Christmas and all of my cousins and family... I feel like I've been gone so long that I was out of touch and I'm going to be better about it. Even if I can't afford a plane ticket to Texas, I can still call and email and even video chat with them.

- Focus on success. Even though I still have no clue what I want to do when I graduate college, I have some ideas and I feel like this semester needs to be a huge turning point for me. I need to not just go to class, come home, do homework, rinse & repeat. I need to get involved with the Theatre department, spend some time networking and learning outside of the classroom, and pursue opportunities when they arise. I'm excited to start auditioning again and hoping to make some good contacts throughout the Twin Cities area.

- Have more fun. What is the point of living our lives if we're not having fun? I mean, I know it can't all be rainbows and butterflies all the time. However, I can make sure that each and every day I find something to smile about and something to enjoy.

So, those are my resolutions. I plan on doing some other little things like read more books and plays, eat better, and start donating clothing and things I have no more use for, but the major ones are going to need most of my attention. I never want to get to that point again where I feel like I'm not myself and I'm not enjoying my life.

With that, I'd like to know what your resolutions are for the upcoming year, if you have any. Otherwise, what are you most looking forward to in 2011? Let me know!

Happy New Year!

Irrational Fears

2010-11-26T22:25:00.000-06:00

Do you have any irrational fears? I'm not talking about being afraid of death or heights or spiders... I'm talking, crazy fears that you feel are unique?

For example, I have had this longtime fear of E.T. as in the alien from the movie. Ugh. Just thinking about it now makes me freak the heck out. However, this crazy fear has evolved into what I am discovering is an unhealthy fear of being in complete darkness. I have this fear that when I am in darkness at night, something is going to attack me or "get" me unless I turn on a light. It's crazy, right? It's not like in a real life-or-death situation I could just turn on a light and make it go away, but apparently that's how my mind thinks lately. I've never felt like this before.

I've always been a huge fan of scary movies and thrillers, but it seems like I have been chickening out lately and I don't like it! Last night, Chris and I watched Walking Dead right before bed, which I soon found out was a huge mistake. I was asleep for 2 hours and suddenly jolted myself awake and laid there for over an hour freaking out over every little noise or movement. I was literally petrified.

So, where did these fears come from? Why do we have them? What a terrible feeling fear is. No other feeling is as horrendous as fear.

I am thankful for...

2010-11-25T22:03:00.000-06:00

So, this goes around every year around this time. What are you thankful for? Some people even share their thanks around the dinner table or via phone or however they contact their family during the holiday season.
Since I am unable to be with my family this Thanksgiving, I decided to write all of the wonderful things I am thankful for right here.

I am thankful for all of the love in my life from my family, friends, and my wonderful boyfriend and Maxwell. I can't say enough how supportive my family has been for me through even the roughest of times and nothing makes me happier than knowing I am making them proud.

I am thankful for the home I am lucky enough to live in. It keeps me warm in the Winter and cool in the Summer. It is the place of which I will always have many memories. I am thankful that I get to share it with such a wonderful man and the greatest dog in the world. I love our little family.

I am thankful for my education. I am thankful for the high school I went to and the colleges I attended while in Texas. I am thankful that I get to go to a major university and experience life from the eyes of a college student. Even though I am a year behind, I am thankful for the experiences I have learned from this whole process.

Speaking of, I am thankful for the jobs I have had. I am thankful for the valuable skills Geek Squad taught me and the wonderful people I became friends with. I am also thankful for the teaching experience I had this semester and the opportunities I will have in the future.

I have so many things in my life to be thankful for but these few stand out the most to me. I hope you make sure you know what you're thankful for and make sure you tell those you're thankful for that you are. They'll appreciate it.

Who would you be?

2010-11-23T23:47:00.000-06:00

Have you ever thought about being someone or something else? For example, are you a braniac who would rather be a social butterfly? Are you a party animal who wants to be a writer? You get the drift.

We are all desiring something "more." More from life, more money, more friends, more... well, just more. In some, this desire borders on greed, however I find it healthy to never be fully satisfied with what you've got and to always strive to change something, gain something, or discover something. What's life if not but a real life a choose-your-own-adventure novel?

Here's one thing I've thought about. What if I had been one of those to-die-for fashionistas who turn heads with every step and are always up to date with fashion and wear the latest trends? I follow many people online with very keen fashion senses and they always post beautiful pictures and articles that I wish I had the time, money, and desire to get into. They are always very inspiring and I feel the artist in me years to create something every time I see one of them.

I'll leave you with a few which have caught my eye most recently.

I love the shape of these, especially the red and white one.

I guess I just love cute little dresses. :)

Wanna know a secret? I really really love Polyvore.com. I like that I can create outfits even though I literally know nothing at all about fashion or designers or style... Heh.

What am I?

2010-11-18T21:00:00.000-06:00

I assume pretty much everyone struggles with defining themselves.

By define, I mean to describe yourself in one or two words that encompass your entire personality, thoughts, dreams, goals, secrets... and everything else that makes up the awesomeness of being a human being.

How can there possibly be ONE word we use to describe ourselves? Job interviews, college applications, meeting new people, and filling out bio's are just a few of the numerous instances in which we are somehow supposed to compile our entire being into one or two words to give someone an idea about who we are. How is this even possible? I would like to give the human race more credit and say that each one of us has our own unique qualities which mesh and mold together in ways completely different from anyone else on the planet and therefore we cannot possibly choose one word to properly describe ourselves.

For example, a word I've considered for myself:

Geek - As I was told by a classmate today, I am one of the few people who truly embodies "geek" in all of its forms. I am a theatre geek, a video game geek, was a band geek for 6 years, am a Disney geek, a trivia geek, and for over a year I was paid to be an official Geek and work on people's computers and personal electronics.

So, considering this word is relevant to many different stages of my life and applies to many things that I love and care about... does that make me a geek? Well, sure it does but does that make it the one word I'd use to describe myself? I think I am going to start coming up with words and throwing them out there as candidates. Not that I plan on ever coming up with one word, but I feel like the more words I have in my repertoire, the more I will be able to truly know myself and be able to feel confident when asked "How would you describe yourself?"

What word(s) would you use and why?

It's Playtime

2010-11-18T18:42:00.000-06:00

Hello Sandboxians!

My name is Kacie and if you would like to know more about me, please click the "About the Author" button at the top of this page. :)

What exactly is this blog you are reading, you might ask? Well, this blog is a personal project of mine that I feel has been brewing inside of me for quite some time. I want to create an environment that is limitless and open to all possibilities when it comes to content and sharing and networking. I want to share things that I discover and experiences I have in my journey to find myself and learn all I can about this great wide world we live in. (For more info, click the "About the Sandbox" tab!)

I encourage input and opinions, discussion and criticism, and I hope you enjoy the things that I post here. I also want this to be an environment where you - the reader - are able to share things with myself and other bloggers that you find interesting or have questions about or just what you feel like writing about in the moment.

Creative freedom is something I am passionate about and I hope that you will all join me on this journey to discover life and all that it has to offer!