Info for all First Time Mama Papa ;-)

孩子犯错，不用批评，只需讲八句话，其余都是废话！

2014-03-28T08:24:00.001+08:00

内容提要：

孩子长大的过程中，免不了会遇到各种问题。作为家长这时不要急着插手，可以先问孩子八个问题，听听他们有什么想法。而往往问不到几个问题，事情就已经很清楚并得到解决了。家长不妨可以一试。

第一个问题是：“发生什么事情了？”

这个问题看起来不起眼，但是非常重要。许多成人碰到突发状况时，会习惯性的太快下判断：“一定是你先打他，他才会打你。”“一定是你做错事，老师才会处罚你。”如果我们不让孩子从他的角度说说事情的经过，很可能冤枉孩子。况且，让孩子有机会说话，即使真的是他的错，他也会因为有机会为自己辩解而比较甘心认错。

第二个问题是：“你的感觉如何？”
事情经过是客观事实，当事人心里受到的冲击纯然是主观的感受，无所谓是非对错。很多时候，我们只是需要把自己的感受说出来而已。一旦说出来，哭一哭，骂一骂，心情就会好多了。脑科学研究表明，当一个人情绪强烈的时候，外在刺激不容易被脑部吸收。也就是说，当一个人还有情绪的时候，别人说什么他都会听不进去。总要等到他心情平静下来，才可能冷静思考。所以如果我们希望孩子能够听得进去我们的意见，我们就需要先同理他的感情，让他的情绪有个出口。
孩子够冷静之后，可以问他

第三个问题：“你想要怎样？”
这时不管孩子说出什么惊人之语，先不要急着教训他，而是冷静的接着问他

第四个问题：“那你觉得有些什么办法？”

在这个阶段，不妨跟孩子一起做脑力激荡，想各种点子，合理的、不合理的、荒唐的、可笑的、恶心的、幼稚的……脑力激荡的重点就是允许任何看似无稽的想法。这时候不论听到什么，都暂时不要做批评或判断。
等到再也想不出任何点子的时候，就可以问他

第五个问题：“这些方法的后果会怎样？”
让孩子自己一一检视，每个方法的后果会是什么？你可能会很讶异的发现，大部分的孩子都明白事情的后果。如果他的认知有差距，这时候就可以跟他好好讨论，让他明白现实真相。这是一个很好的亲子沟通机会，但是要避免说教，只要陈述事实就可以了。
然后问他：

第六个问题：“你决定怎么做？”
孩子一定会选择对自己最有利的状况，如果他了解后果，通常会做出最合理、最明智的选择。即使他的抉择不是成人期望的结果，也要尊重孩子的决定。成人一定要言而有信，不能先问他怎么决定，然后又告诉他不可以这么决定。这样子，他以后再也不敢信任你了。何况，就算他选择错误，他从这个错误中也可以学习到更珍贵难忘的教训。
接着问

第七个问题：“你希望我做什么？”

并且表示支持。
等到事情过去之后，问他最后

第八个问题：“结果怎样？有没有如你所料？”或是“下次碰见相似的情形，你会怎么选择？”

让他有机会检视自己的判断。
如此练习几次，孩子就会有自己解决问题的能力，不需要我们操心了。

经典八问：

第一个问题是：“发生什么事情了？”
第二个问题是：“你的感觉如何？”
第三个问题：“你想要怎样？”
第四个问题：“那你觉得有些什么办法？”
第五个问题：“这些方法的后果会怎样？”
第六个问题：“你决定怎么做？”
第七个问题：“你希望我做什么？”
第八个问题：“结果怎样？有没有如你所料？”
或是“下次碰见相似的情形，你会怎么选择

父母若要孩子为自己的行为负责，就不能剥夺了孩子履行责任的机会。让孩子处理自己的事情，并为自己的决定承担后果，从而达到培养孩子责任心的目的。只有这样，孩子才能养成独立思考，解决问题的能力。

5 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids During Emotional Moments (and What to Say Instead)

2013-08-21T10:24:00.003+08:00

got this content from Facebook. I think it is a very good reminder for all of us.

5 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids During Emotional Moments (and What to Say Instead)

Researches in child psychology show that some of the most commonly used and seemingly positive phrases we use with kids are actually quite destructive. Despite our good intentions, these statements teach children to stop trusting their internal guidance system, to numb and deny their own emotion, become deceptive.
Here’s a list of the top 5 things to erase from your parenting vocabulary now. Instead, alternatives are provided so that you can replace these habitual statements with phrases that will actually enhance emotional connection and build resiliency.
1. "Don’t cry."
One of the most common statement parents told their kids, especially boys is ‘Don’t cry’. But when we say things like, “Don’t cry,” we’re invalidating their feelings and telling them that their tears are unacceptable. This causes kids to learn to suppress their emotions, which can ultimately lead to more explosive emotional outbursts later. It also confused them as emotion is real and there’s no good or bad emotion. Denying one owns emotion is like denying their sense of hunger or self.
Allow space for your child as he cries. Say things like, “It’s OK to cry. Everyone needs to cry sometimes. I’ll be right here to listen to you.” You might even try verbalizing the feelings your child might be having, “You’re really disappointed that we can’t go to the park right now, huh?” This can help your child understand his feelings and learn to verbalize them sooner than he might otherwise. And by encouraging his emotional expression, you’re helping him learn to regulate his emotions, which is a crucial skill that will serve him throughout life.
2. "It’s nothing, no big deal, everything is OK!"
It’s so easy for adults to belittle and trivialize kid’s feelings. Children often value things that seem small and insignificant to our adult point of view. So, try to see things from your child’s point of view. It may be OK for adult but may not be OK for kids. Acknowledge their feelings, even as you’re setting a boundary or saying no to their request.
“I know you really wanted to do that, but it’s not going to work out for today,” or “I’m sorry you’re disappointed and the answer is no,” are far more respectful than trying to convince your child that their desires don’t really matter.
3. "Why did you do that?"
If your child has done something you don’t like, you certainly do need to have a conversation about it. However, the heat of the moment is not a time when your child can learn from her mistakes. And when you ask a child, “Why?” you’re forcing her to think about and analyze her behavior, which is an advanced skill, even for adults. When confronted with this question, many kids will shut down and get defensive.
Instead, keep the communication line open by guessing what your child might have been feeling and what her underlying needs might be. “Were you feeling frustrated because your friends weren’t listening to your idea?” By attempting to understand what your child was feeling and needing, you might even discover that your own upset about the incident diminishes. “Oh! He bit his friend because he was needing space and feeling scared, and he didn’t know how else to communicate that. He’s not a ‘terror,’ he’s just a kid!”
4. “Stop it right now, or else!”
Threatening a child is never a good idea. First of all, you’re teaching them a skill you don’t really want them to have: the ability to use brute force or superior cunning to get what they want, even when the other person isn’t willing to cooperate. Secondly, you’re putting yourself in an awkward position in which you either have to follow through on your threats—exacting a punishment you threatened in the heat of your anger—or you can back down, teaching your child that your threats are meaningless. Either way, you’re not getting the result you want and you’re damaging your connection with your child.
While it can be difficult to resist the urge to threaten, try sharing vulnerably and redirecting to something more appropriate instead.“It’s NOT OK to hit your brother. I’m worried that he will get hurt, or he’ll hurt you back. If you are really angry, just tell him off or walk away.”
By offering an alternative that is safer yet still allows the child to express her feelings you’re validating her emotions even as you set a clear boundary for her behavior. This will ultimately lead to better self-control and emotional wellbeing for your child.
5. “If you _____ then I’ll give you _____”
Bribing kids is equally destructive as it discourages them from finding inner satisfaction and honour by doing its job properly. This kind of exchange can become a slippery slope and if used frequently, you’re bound to have it come back, expecting more and more. “No! I won’t clean my room unless you buy me Ipad!”
Instead try, “Thank you so much for helping me clean up!” When we offer our genuine gratitude, children are intrinsically motivated to continue to help. And if your child hasn’t been very helpful lately, remind him of a time when he was. “Remember a few months ago when you helped me take out the trash? That was such a big help. Thanks!” Then allow your child to come to the conclusion that helping out is fun and intrinsically rewarding.
It’s crucial for kid’s emotional development and regulation by allowing them to fully express their emotions, whether it is happy, excited, frustrated, sad, angry, upset, or disgusting. Only by learning to recognise and acknowledge their own feelings and teaching them to verbalize it, that they could develop their emotional intelligence.
Parents beware!

How to prepare soup

2013-08-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

Hope this will help all my friends who would like to make some nice slow fire soup.

Step 1: Prepare the ingredients

Step 2: Boil water to clean whatever meat you use for the soup. Once the water is boiled, dump the meat and soak it for one minute.

Step 3: Clean it thoroughly under running water.

Step 3: Put everything into a large pot. Recommend using clay pot. Ensure water level is slightly above the ingredients.

What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

2013-08-21T10:22:00.000+08:00

please take note, the content of this post is from this URL. all credits go to the person who wrote this. http://magicalchildhood.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/what-should-a-4-year-old-know/I'm putting it here to remind myself constantly.

What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

It’s back to school time and children all over are starting preschool. Many parents are frantically searching the internet to find out if their little ones are “on track” and know everything they should.

I wrote this article about what a four-year-old should know many years ago but it continues to be the most popular page on the Magical Childhood site. I don’t think a week has passed in the past eight or so years when I have not received a letter from a parent, grandparent or teacher about it. Parents and principals especially have said they wish more parents realized these things.

So in honor of the new school year, I’m posting it here…

What should a 4 year old know?

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists…..

I know it’s human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we’re doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool.

Since we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there’s anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn’t been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it’s not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven’t happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they’re exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he’ll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you’re mixing a cake and he’ll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It’ll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though.

What does a 4 year old need?

Much less than we realize, and much more.

Life in Carpe Diem Kidz@Royal Road

2011-04-14T10:23:00.005+08:00

When we first signed up for our son, we were really worried that he may not adapt to the environment. After hearing those stories that kids will cry, cry for many months, some will have nightmare, and etc... Sometimes, I really wonder whether my son will be the same. As for today, this will be his second week in school. The outcome was directly opposite. Check out these pictures.

Son, I'm proud of you. kekeke....

5 Important Books in a Child's Life

2011-03-22T10:40:00.001+08:00

Here are the five books, translated into English:

Book of Filial Piety
The Analects of Confucius
Tao Te Ching or Dao De Jing or The Book of Ethics
Sun Tzu Art of War
I-Ching

5 Important Books in a Child's Life

2011-03-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

和谐社会从和谐家庭开始，从培养和谐的孩子，从每一个孩子一生一定要读的五本书开始。如果中国的孩子要有创新意识，诵读是最好的教育方法之一，现在的教育过分强调答案，我们知道有答案就有标准，有标准就有模式，有模式就有教条，有教条的话思维就受到约束，不会创新。
每一个孩子就应该象天上的恒星一样，家长应该让孩子找到自己的运动轨迹，而不是盲目的被吸引.
每一个孩子一生一定要读的五本书”是属于课题研究中的素质教育部分，一个孩子是不是教育成功我们不是看他分数或者考上大学，而是看孩子是不是和谐，和谐是孩子最成功的教育，一个和谐的孩子表现在与家庭、社会、自然、金钱以及人生哲学思想的和谐。如果这五大方面和谐了，这个孩子的人生应该是幸福的，事实上我们的整个社会也和谐了。
人和家庭最好的书是《孝经》，因为家庭的和谐最重要是孝顺父母，西方教育孩子童年象天堂一样，中年在忙碌中进行，而到了晚年则进了养老院。西方人强调的是“爱”，而东方人在爱的基础上更有孝这个字。
人和社会最好的书是《论语》，相信和韩国、日本的朋友打过交道的都知道，他们大多数都非常注重礼节，因为他们从小读就诵读《论语》。论语》是孔子与其弟子的语录结集，儒家重要经典之一。结集工作是由孔子门人及再传弟子完成的。
现在我们人类太要强了，但最后伤害的只是我们自己，因此我们要教育孩子学会和自然的和谐，那么这本最好的书就是我们中国老子留下来的《道德经》。 老子的《道德经》，其精炼的九九八十一章，仅以简洁优美的五千文字，洋洋洒洒深邃博大地，构造出了一个朴素、自然、豁达、飘逸的宇宙观、人生观、方法论的宏大框架。
现在人类的城市化肯定会影响地球磁场运动的平衡，读《道德经》让我们了解自然之道，可以让我们人类更好的和自然和谐存在。
其实和商业的和谐也是很重要的，因此也应该给孩子读商业方面的书籍。《孙子兵法》是中国古代的兵书，作者为春秋末年的齐国人孙武。全书为十三篇，是孙武初次见面赠送给吴王的见面礼，事见司马迁《史记》：“孙子武者，齐人也，以兵法见吴王阖闾。
商场如战场，世界首富比尔盖茨，亚洲首富孙正毅都在看《孙子兵法》，事实上，商业如果处理和谐并不会如你说的出现这样的事情。
最好的哲学书籍不是黑格尔的，也不是马克思的，而是来自七千年前人类智慧结晶《易经》。 舒云涛早期教育研究的“生命教育科学教育”就是来自《易经》为哲学基础，知识经济就是变化快，因此学校教育一直在“变易”，而我研究的新经济家庭教育体系则是强调家长抓住“不易”的教育，同时考虑到家长工作比较忙，我们还尽量能帮家长找到一种“简易”的教育方法在家庭中教育孩子，这就应用了《易经》中“不易、变易、简易”的概念。
古人说：不读易者不能为将相，无论在预测、风水、中医、军事、科学、宇宙等领域都离不开《易经》这一本书，因此我真的是拜托家长一定要让孩子去读这一本书，别说这么多涉及，就当哲学书来读就好。

Supporting a method

2011-03-07T22:56:00.001+08:00

There are so many enrichment programs and so many pre-schools with different kind of programs. However, before we enroll a child into any of such programs, have we ever ask ourselves, can we support the program or the methods being taught?

As an IT trained guy, I always treat it like buying a software. Here are the processes:

1) Explore/Research: You go out to find various softwares to suit the business. You go out to find various programs for your child.

2) Pre-sales: You invite vendors to present their solution. You attend trial programs to understand the classes or the methods further.

3) Proposal: You invite selected vendor to submit proposals. You want to understand their pricing, maintenance and support. As a parent, you will start collecting information such as school/programs fees, their schedules and what a parent should do to support the program.

4) Sales: You purchase the solution. You sign up for the class.

5) Maintenance & support: The solution provider starts to provide software maintenance and support based on contract signed. As a parent, we will have to do our part to start providing support for the child after each class.

Now here's my point. A lot of parents are not ready for point no.5. To them, after attending the class is the end of it. If that is the case, I think you are not doing justice for your child and to you.

Here are some examples:

1) If your child is attending Shichida, you are supposed to do homework with your child. I have known friends who find it too tough and dropout from the class. This is a good example of point no.5. I have also heard of friends who told me Shichida is like GUG or JG. In my heart, are you sure? Did you do your research?

2) Glenn Doman flash cards. you are supposed to follow a time table to do flash cards with your child. You are supposed to do it in a fun way, twice a day. It won't take up more than 5 mins of your time. However, I have friends telling me it is too tedious. Some of them told me that their child is not getting it. To me, the problem is they have not followed the basic principle. Accept the child is smarter than us. Once we accept this fact, the GD methods will work beautifully.

3) Montessori. I have friends who always ask me. What is this huh? They asked me because my son is attending a Mandarin-based Montessori class every Saturday although he had stopped now. I find a lot of parents are not ready to support it. I have seen parents in the class raising their voice to their kids to achieve their wants. This is totally absurd. I have also seen parents want their children to do the activities that they think is best for them, not what the kids want. This is totally against the principle behind it. Have the teachers explained to them? The answer is yes. Do the parents get it? No idea. To me, every Saturday they acted the same way.

There are many more but I shall not describe further. Basically this is my message. If you would like to sign up for a class or a program for your child, do some research. Understand what it is all about. Ensure you have the time and resources to support it. If not, that is probably not the one for you even it is the best in town.

From now till 3, they are egocentric.

2011-02-24T11:32:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday, teacher Ng, or I fondly called her 黄老师, told one of the mum that boys at these age are egocentric. What does that mean?

They live in their own World
They won't listen to your instructions
They may or may not interact with other kids

Hence, at times, there is no point getting kids to do what we want them to do. In fact, now is the stage to encourage them to do simple stuffs like putting things back, saying hi and etc...

And this reminds me of this book called "Scream free parenting." There is no point screaming at our kids to get them to do what we want them to do. Here's another simple example. One of the mummies kept on raising her voice to ask her child to do this, to do that. Does it work? Of course it doesn't. So the next question is, why do we a lot of parents kept on using the same formula that doesn't work? Is it because they don't have other formulas to work with? Maybe???

However, one thing I do know is this. There is no point shouting or raising voice. Instead, stay calm. Provide the child with a positive environment. Always say yes. Focus on the activities that we want them to do, rather than saying no, which is meaningless to them.

Here's another example.

If a child is climbing, instead of saying "no climbing", says "come down please." Isn't this more meaningful?

Get your kid ready for Primary 1 from Asiaone.

2011-01-03T11:06:00.000+08:00

http://edvantage.com.sg/edvantage/news/schoolnews/521896/Get_your_kid_ready_for_Primary_1.html

Sending to pre-school

2010-12-16T17:56:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday was my son's last class at CS. So, I took the chance to ask the teacher about sending him to pre-school.

Her advices are as follows:

1) Kids between 2 to 3 language sensitivity is at peak. She mentioned this to me before. So, he will learn the good and bad quickly.

2) Kids going to preschool will learn good and bad behaviour. There is always two sides of a coin. However, the challenge is kids between 2 to 3 will be more difficult to correct them as they have not learnt what is right or wrong.

3) Her advice is better to send kids to pre-school after 3 rather than before 3.

4) Parents accompanied are fine.

5) Kids will tend to have bad dreams and etc... when they go to preschool. This is true as one of his classmates, who is 3 years, is currently having nightmare every other night. This is the feedback from his father.

My son is currently with his nanny and I just don't want him to be there not learning anything. Not kiasu, but at least give him a more learning environment.

2 to 4 years old

2010-11-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

Last week, I had dinner with a ex colleague who had two kids. He told me kids will be crying and whinning between age two to four for no apparent reasons.

At first I thought is it true? Now I realize, it is true. My son has started this pattern. Don't ask me why? I have no idea but he sure want to cry or whine.

Fantasy and Imagination

2010-09-11T16:09:00.003+08:00

Teacher said there is a blur line between fantasy and imagination. There is a reason why no plastic toy is used in the class. Most plastic toys are associated with cartoon characters and when children play with it, they think they are playing with cartoon characters. This is not good. This is fantasizing.

However, let's say if the kids play with wooden toys, they have to imagine. For example. imagine how to cook, how to slice and etc...

We want our child to imagine, not fantasizing.

Action, Not Words

2010-09-11T15:58:00.002+08:00

Learned this last week and it happened again this morning. Yup, at my son usual Saturday morning Mandarin Montessori class. Today, we have a new friend and he is 18 months only. Been new to this environment, he was cranky, crying and running around.

So what did his dad do? First most common comment from parents is why are you so naughty? Second most common comment from parents is you cannot do this, you cannot touch that. Third most? Actually I have no idea.

So teacher had a conversation with the new kid's father. Use action more than words. At this stage, the child won't understand. Use positive action, keep on repeating it. I remembered this advice was given when we went for the Montessori trial class at Orchard, the teacher did the same thing to Matt.

Two weeks ago, teacher shared another of her knowledge with us. Always look into the child's eyes if you want something. Rather than saying no, using your finger, shaking your head, look into the child's eyes and said no, yes, good job and etc...

Don't ask me why? In my opinion, it helps the child to associate the words with the objective he needs to achieve. If not, he will associate the action rather than the words. These are my thoughts, got to verify.

Ang Mo mummy vs Chinese Granny

2010-08-17T10:00:00.004+08:00

The other day at the playground. Kids were gathering leaves, twigs and etc... to play.

Ang Mo mummy,"What's that? Is that a kitchen or cooking station?"

Kids nodding their heads.

Ang Mo mummy,"What do you sell? Do you have frog legs?"

Kids opened their eyes big big and I was laughing away.

Chinese granny to her grandson,"Cannot go there. Dirty. Got fertilizers."

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Another Proud Moment

2010-08-15T13:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I really want to ask myself this question. What am I trying to achieve for my son Saturday class at CS?

Till today, I have not given myself an answer yet. But I do tell myself one thing, when you don't have expectation, you will get surprise and this is true.

Yesterday, teacher wanted one of the girl to help her distribute the art and craft papers. In the end, the girl didn't do it. So, the teacher asked my son to distribute the ribbons to all the students in the class.

And you know what? He did it accurately when teacher tell him to give this ribbon to this so and so student. He could walk towards that student, extend his hand out with the ribbon. We were all surprised, especially the mummies and daddies in the class. After all, he is the youngest in the class.

Teacher was happy to see this and Papa was proud. 8-)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Putting things back

2010-08-09T07:54:00.002+08:00

Yup,

As a parent, this is something we always want our kids to do but hard to teach. Is it really that hard?

To be frank, I have no idea. My son had been attending Kindermusik for several terms already and he gets to see kids returning the stuffs themselves. Teacher has been coaching them as well and of course, he had picked up this social skill quite sometime ago.

However, what delighted me was his ability to take instructions to put back things to it's original location during his Montessori class.

I understand kids will react differently when they are in a different environment. At least this shows he is slowly or already adjusted to the environment.

Checkout this video.

YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My son@19 months

2010-08-04T13:58:00.001+08:00

Today he is 19th months and I could still remember how my wife was driven to hospital with the help of our good friends. We took a wrong turn and it took longer than usual to the hospital. I still remembered my wife was asking why we had not reached the hospital yet.

haha... Anyway, after a couple of hours in the water, he popped. Still remember that day when Dr. Paul asked me to cut, I said to myself why so rubbery one... lol...

Anyway, I want to take this opportunity to thank my wife who had took care of him so well. Keep it up.

4th Jan 2009 - First day.

8th Feb 2009 - First month celebration.

8th Mar 2009 - Daddy's little monster.

3rd Apr 2009 - Daily life.

2nd May 2009 - New look.

19th Jun 2009 - Drinking from beaker.

5th Jul 2009 - Tub Swimming

18th Aug 2009 - Reading together with Papa

5th Sep 2009 -Do not disturb. I'm doing push-up.

4th Oct 2009 - I'm 9th month today.

6th Nov 2009 - Having fun with Papa's beanie.

13th Dec 2009 - Going to be one year old.

4th Jan 2010 - I'm one year old. Thank you Mama...

7th Feb 2010 - Trying to understand what is washing machine.

9th Mar 2010 - The return of the Ah Pek pants.

23rd Apr 2010 - Self-feeding.

8th May 2010 - At Toys r Us.

10th Jun 2010 - At JG@Evan's Road.

6th Jul 2010 - Helping Mama.

2nd Aug 2010 - Latest fashion in town.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Maxwell Link,Singapore,Singapore

Left or right?

2010-08-03T14:38:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, he started to choose the shoes he wanted to wear. We were quite puzzle why he wanted to wear it this way? Nice? Fashionable? A friend of mine said since his style is mismatched, this explains why he chose his shoes like that.

So this morning, I asked myself. Does he know his left and right? If he knows, how did he learn it? By the shape of the shoes? The colour? Or how? Was it the daily sorter activities help him to identify it? So many question marks but one answer. Check out the video.

YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Teacher's advice

2010-08-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

Time really flies fast and today is my son finishing his first month at CS.

So what is the teacher's report card? Well, she said my son has grown taller!!! Not a report card though... But seriously speaking, my son is really tall now. He is going to be 9 months soon and his height is almost 90cm. Gosh!!! Unbelievable...

But what's interesting today was, my son was able to put back the tools back to their original location. However, when the teacher started to praise him, he stopped doing it. Instead, he started to play around... haiz...Never mind, he will be better next time.

Anyway, the most important learning today was the teacher advice to me. So why me? Well, my son is the youngest in the class. He is only 18 months ++ going to 19 and the rest of the kids are at least 2.5 years old.

So, this is what she taught or advice me today. Kids around 18 months ++ has a tremendous thirst for learning. They will learning everything they see, hear and etc... All through their five senses. At this age, they don't know what is fear and if you put them beside a tiger, they will hug the tiger (This is the example given by the teacher. Why not use cockroach instead?) But as they grow older, they will be able to sense and learn from their surrounding. By then, he will know going near to a tiger spells danger. She further emphasised to me that at the age of 21 months to 23 months, their language sensitivity is at the highest point, which means whatever you said, they will repeat exactly words in words... She said by then, we must speak the language accurately to him and also, he will copy our behaviour.

Indirectly, she was telling me to consciously watch our behaviour in front of our son. I totally agreed with her as I could see my son had copied some of the not so good behaviour from us. We must make a conscious effort to discipline ourselves.

This also reminds me why children grow up from a domestic violence prone family will become one at the end of the day. This also reminds me one of the five tenants of Screamfree parenting.

"Worry more about your own behaviour than that of your children. Imagine watching yourself in a movie where you are scolding a two-year old but behaving like one, too."

In fact, imagine your behaviour in in the movie and ask yourself, is this what you want your child to see? Regardless of his age, whether he is one, ten or twenty today.

Lastly, parenting coach Hal Runkel has these words for us and I strongly encourage you to remember it (and myself too).

"When I look at my children, I remind myself that I'm not raising kids. I'm raising a man and a woman," he says.

To end this blog entry, a video captured of my son during today class. Everyone loves him, especially his teacher as he is the youngest in the class.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

CS Review

2010-07-30T10:55:00.001+08:00

ok ok...

I'm sorry that I took so long to write this review. Actually, I was lazy lah... Furthermore, last week I flew more than I took MRT, so quite tiring. Anyway, coming this Saturday, it will be my son fourth class at CS. So how is it so far?

My answer is good.

This Sat enrichment class is conducted by a native Chinese lady and of course, her mandarin is great. Since I speak to my son in Mandarin most of the time, this is the perfect class for him. In fact, during his first day in the class, he did quite well. He was able to understand the instructions given by the Chinese teacher.

So let's talk about the class. Well this is a Montessori class, and thus, the kids are expected to play with the Montessori toys. Kids are free to choose what they like to play or learn with. Before playing or working on it, they have to take a small floor mat and put it on floor. This is one instruction given by the teacher to all new students. And of course, the current students know what to do.

First 30 mins or so is free learning. The teacher will walk around, supervise the kids. She won't interrupt unless it is necessary. During Matt first day, she showed Matt's around, taught him the need of getting a floor mat before playing. Matt tends to throw things around and he did that too in the class. The teacher patiently taught him to pass her the tools and return it to him. Again, same teaching from the previous trial class at Brainy.

After free play, there will be a good morning and greeting session. The teacher will say good morning to all the kids and take out a stack of pictures. She will take out a picture and asks the class who is this? She will ask a student whether the kid in the picture is around or where is the kid? The kid in the picture will walk towards the teacher and greet her, take his or her picture. After this greeting session, every kid will return their picture to the teacher.

After this, it will be singing and exercise session. Songs played are similar to those at Brainy. These songs are designed to teach the kids about up and down, in out, fast and slow and etc... Every song has something to teach the kids. Best part is, all the songs are in mandarin. I liked!!!

After songs, the kids will go for a drink and then follow by Art & Craft. After that, go home. The entire class is about one and a half hour.

This is my son's favourite.

Kids are supposed to take one blue and one red in each hand. They need to shake it and identify the sound. They are supposed to match both.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:CS Montessori review

Eye opener to Chinese Mother. Translated from google.

2010-07-16T10:13:00.003+08:00

Kindly take note the entire of this post was translated by Google. The original post is actually in Chinese. Hope you guys can understand.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Son to America to study and settle in the United States after graduation. Back to me for foreign wife Susan. Today, grandson Toby has been 3 years old. This summer, for my son for a visit visa. Spent three months in the United States, foreign wife Susan methods of teaching children to make eye-opener for my mother in China.

Do not eat on an empty

Every morning, Toby woke up, Susan the breakfast table to a place, it just keep running around tending to a. Toby will climb their own stool, drink milk, eat toast. Eat, he returned to his room, in the closet to find clothes, shoes, and then put their own. Toby, after all, only 3 years old, are still not clear sides of pants, can not distinguish left and right foot shoes. Once again Toby anti-pants wearing, I quickly stepped forward to help him change, he was Susan stopped. She said that if he felt uncomfortable, will themselves off and re-dressed; if he did not feel any discomfort, it will be with him. All that day, Toby ran against wearing pants, as Susan did not see the same.

Once again, Toby out and the neighborhood children to play, no more than the General Assembly! On! Breathlessly ran home, and Susan said: "Mum, Lucy said, to wear my pants backwards, really?" Lu West is the neighbor girl, 5 years old this year. Susan smiled and said: "Yes, you like want to change back?" Toby nodded, took off his pants, examine it, and re-dressed. Since then, Toby had never wearing pants against.

I can not help but think that my granddaughter will not use chopsticks at age 56, elementary school will not socks. Now boarding in the middle of her home every weekend to do a lot of dirty clothes.

One day at noon, Toby emotional, refused to eat. Susan told him a few words, angrily pushing the plate a little Toby to the ground plate of food spilled all over the floor. Susan looked at Toby, earnestly and said: "It seems you do not want to eat! Remember, from now until tomorrow morning, you eat nothing." Toby nodded firmly replied: "Yes!" I laughed within herself, this mother and son, but also all kind of dead!

Afternoon, Susan and I discuss in the evening for me to cook Chinese food. I take the hint, Toby farewell love Chinese food, it must be Susan that Toby did not make good meal at noon, let him eat more at night.

That night I display their cooking done Toby favorite sweet and sour fillet, shrimp oil boring, but also pasta made with Chinese-style cold noodles. Toby likes to eat the kind of noodle, full of little people can eat a large plate.

Began to eat dinner, and Toby joyfully climbed the stool. Susan has come over, took his plate and knife and fork, said: "We have an appointment, you can not eat today, you have agreed to." Face serious look at Toby's mother, "wow" slamming in tears, weeping, saying: "Mom, I'm hungry, I want to eat." "No, said something to count." Susan is no soft-hearted.

I feel bad, and want to make Toby pleading, sweet talk, recorded a wink to my son. Remember when I first came to the United States, his son told me that, in the United States, parents educate their children, others do not intervene, even seniors are no exception. No choice, I had to remain silent.

That meal, from start to finish, poor little Toby has been sitting in toy car, eyes Pakistan! Bus to see the three of us adults devour. This I know Susan I do the real meaning of Chinese food. I believe that next time, Toby would like to throw tantrums when their jobs will certainly think of their stomachs to see my parents and grandmother eat experience. Hungry taste bad experience, What is the face of their favorite food.

Before bedtime, I and Susan Toby destination with good night. Toby carefully asked: "Mom, I'm hungry, I eat Chinese noodles you?" Susan smiled and shook his head and said firmly: "No!" Toby sighed and asked: "Then wait for me End feel sleep eyes, you can eat? "" Sure. "gently replied Susan. Toby Tiantiandexiao the.

In most cases, Toby eat very positive, he do not want to "stop eating" and miss the food, hungry longer suffering. Every time I see Toby buried, breathing places to eat, his face sticky mouth is food, I think granddaughter. She, like Toby so much, in order to coax her to eat some adults, carrying rice bowls with her behind him, she does not buy it, but also on the conditions: after eating a bowl of buying toys, eat a bowl of buying a Toys ... ...

Eye for an eye, but also a person in his body

One day, we took Toby to the park to play. Soon, Toby, and two girls playing on the kitchen game. Plastic pot, a small shovel, small plates, small bowl placed over the floor. Suddenly, a mischievous Toby took pot was kept in a girl's head struck it, girl confounded a moment, burst into tears. Another girl with a smaller number, see some cases, have also been scared to cry. Toby did not think so probably there will be serious consequences, standing, stunned.

Susan walked up, opening and cleaning the whole matter, she was silent, took the pot, struck her head to Toby, Toby did not prepare for, suddenly sat down on the grass, the cry randomly up . Susan Toby asked: "Does it hurt? Next time also like this?" Toby crying, while shaking his head hard. I believe he'll never do it.

Toby's uncle presented him with a little blue bike, Toby is like as a baby, not allowed to touch other people. Neighbor girl Lucy is a good friend Toby, Toby begged several times to ride to his car, Toby no promise.

Once, when playing with several children, Lucy, do not pay attention while Toby and secretly ride car, sped away. Toby discovered, came to the Susan angrily complain. Susan is the mother of several children together and chat over coffee, then smiled and said: "You do themselves, mothers may be unable to manage." Toby no choice but to go.

After a little while, Lucy riding a car back. Toby to see Lucy, one will she fall to the ground and seized the car. Lucy sitting on the ground and burst into tears. Susan picked up Lucy, to appease her for a while. Soon, Lucy and other children to play up happily.

Toby will be riding their own cars, feel a little bored, saw a few kids having so much pleasure, he would like to join, they felt embarrassed. He Cengdao Susan around, muttered: "Mom, I want them to play with Lucy." Susan said quietly: "That you find them!" "Mom, you went with me. "Toby pleaded. "I can not do, just that you Lucy cry, and now you want and you play, you have to solve their own problems."

Toby slowly riding a car near Lucy, approaching her and when they turned back. Back and forth several times, do not know when to start, Toby and Lucy has wreathed in smiles, downtown has become a mission.

Discipline a child is something parents

Susan's parents live in California, told me, and the two drove to visit us. Home to the guests, Toby is very excited, run up and Shimoji rampant. He used to play with sand pail full of water, carrying buckets and driving around in the house. Susan warned her several times not to splash water on the floor, Toby turned a deaf ear. Finally, Toby, or the bucket prostrate, and the water spilled over the floor. Excited little Toby did not think I have done something wrong, but also proud to play barefoot tread water, the pants all wet. I quickly find the mop ready to mop the floor. Susan grabbed my hands from the mop to Toby, he said: "the mop dry, the wet clothes off and clean themselves." Toby or not, sobbing trouble. Susan apart from anything else, he pulled directly into storerooms, closed confinement. Toby heard the issue of earth-shattering in there crying, I feel bad bad, like to go took him out. Toby's grandmother has stopped me: "This is something Susan."

After a child, Toby cry, and he shouted in the lumber room: "Mom, I was wrong." Susan stood outside the door asked: "Do you know how to do it?" "I know." Susan opened the door, Toby came out from the storage room, his face hanging from two lines of tears. He picked up two high with his mop struggling to drag a clean ground water. Then he took off his pants, carry her in your hand, bare ass into the toilet, splinters from the clothes to wash.

Toby's grandparents, I looked surprised expression, meaningful smile. This thing that made me very well. In many Chinese families, parenting a child, often lead to "World War", is often the grandmother grandfather protection, blocking grandparents, husband and wife quarrel, Jifeigoutiao.

Later, I chat Toby grandparents, about this issue, Toby's grandfather, said some words, so I was very impressed. He said that the child is a parent's child, first of all to respect the parents put on education. Children, though small, is a born diplomat, when he saw the differences between family members, he would be very smart to be abused and lead. This is not only no benefit to improve his behavior, it will lead to increasingly serious problem, and even more other problems. Moreover, conflicts among family members, family atmosphere will bring disharmony more insecure child, the child's psychological development of adverse effects. Therefore, both the parents and grandparents in the child's education issues of disagreement, or husband and wife have different concepts of education, are not in front of the children in conflict.

Toby's grandparents lived in the home for a week, to return to California. Before I left two days, Toby's grandfather solemnly asked his daughter: "Toby wants a toy excavator, I can buy it for him?" Susan thought: "You coming this time, given He had a pair of skates as a gift to Christmas, buy a toy excavator as a gift for him! "

I do not know how to tell Toby's grandfather was a small guy, but then I took Toby to the supermarket, he pointed toy excavator, said: "my grandfather said, Christmas, buy me this as a gift." Tone was full of excitement and anticipation.

Although Susan Toby so strict, Toby go Quedui incredibly loving mother. He was outside playing when collection of some pretty flowers or leaves he considers beautiful, and solemnly gave his mother; him to give him a gift, he would call his mother with him apart; What is delicious, but also always leaving half of the mother.

Think of many Chinese children's indifference and apathy of the parents, I had to admire my foreign wife. In my view, the issue of children in education, the United States have much to her mother Chinese mothers learn.

洋媳婦的教育方法...令中國婆婆大開眼界~

2010-07-16T10:10:00.003+08:00

Recently, there is this article circulating in facebook. It's about a Chinese grandma learning from her daughter-in-law from US. If I can find a translated version, I will post it here.

洋媳婦的教育方法...令中國婆婆大開眼界~

兒子去美國留學，畢業後定居美國。還給我找了個洋媳婦蘇珊。如今，小孫子托比已經3歲了。今年夏天，兒子為我申請了探親簽證。在美國待了三個月，洋媳婦蘇珊教育孩子的方法，令我這個中國婆婆大開眼界。

不吃飯就餓著

每天早上，托比醒來後，蘇珊把早餐往餐桌上一放，就自顧自地忙去了。托比會自己爬上凳子，喝牛奶，吃麵包片。吃飽後，他回自己的房間，在衣櫃裡找衣服、鞋子，再自己穿上。畢竟托比只有3歲，還搞不清楚子的正反面，分不清鞋子的左右腳。有一次托比又把褲子穿反了，我趕緊上前想幫他換，卻被蘇珊制止了。她說，如果他覺得不舒服，會自己脫下來，重新穿好；如果他沒覺得有什麼不舒服，那就隨他的便。那一整天，托比反穿著褲子跑來跑去，蘇姍像沒看見一樣。

又一次，托比出去和鄰居家的小朋友玩，沒多大會就氣喘吁吁地跑回家，對蘇珊說：「媽媽，露西說我的褲子穿反了，真的嗎？」露西是鄰居家的小姑娘，今年5歲。蘇姍笑著說：「是的，你要不要換回來？」托比點點頭，自己脫下褲子，仔細看了看，重新穿上了。從那以後，托比再也沒穿反過褲子。

我不禁想起，我的外孫女五六歲時不會用筷子，上小學時不會繫鞋帶。如今在上寄宿制初中的她，每個週末都要帶回家一大堆髒衣服呢。

一天中午，托比鬧情緒，不肯吃飯。蘇珊說了他幾句，憤怒地小托比一把將盤子推到了地上，盤子裡的食物灑了一地。蘇姍看著托比，認真地說：「看來你確實不想吃飯！記住，從現在到明天早上，你什麼都不能吃。」托比點點頭，堅定地回答：「Yes!」我在心裡暗笑，這母子倆，還都挺倔！

下午，蘇珊和我商量，晚上由我做中國菜。我心領神會，托比告別愛吃中國菜，一定是蘇珊覺得托比中午沒好好吃飯，想讓他晚上多吃點兒。

那天晚上我施展廚藝，做了托比最愛吃的糖醋裡脊、油悶大蝦，還用意大利麵做了中國式的涼麵。托比最喜歡吃那種涼麵，小小的人可以吃滿滿一大盤。

開始吃晚飯了，托比歡天喜地地爬上凳子。蘇珊卻走過來，拿走了他的盤子和刀叉，說：「我們已經約好了，今天你不能吃飯，你自己也答應了的。」托比看著面容嚴肅的媽媽，「哇」地一聲在哭起來，邊哭邊說：「媽媽，我餓，我要吃飯。」「不行，說過的話要算數。」蘇珊毫不心軟。

我心疼了，想替托比求情，說點好話，卻見兒子對我使眼色。想起我剛到美國時，兒子就跟我說，在美國，父母教育孩子時，別人千萬不要插手，即使是長輩也不例外。無奈，我只好保持沉默。

那頓飯，從始至終，可憐的小托比一直坐在玩具車裡，眼巴巴地看著我們三個大人狼吞虎嚥。我這才明白蘇珊讓我做中餐的真正用意。我相信，下一次，托比想發脾氣扔飯碗時，一定會想起自己餓著肚子看爸爸媽媽和奶奶享用美食的經歷。餓著肚子的滋味不好受，況且還是面對自己最喜愛的食物。

臨睡前，我和蘇珊一起去向托比道晚安。托比小心翼翼地問：「媽媽，我很餓，現在我能吃中國面嗎？」蘇珊微笑著搖搖頭，堅決地說：「不！」托比嘆了口氣，又問：「那等我睡完覺睜開眼睛時，可以吃嗎？」「當然可以。」蘇珊溫柔地回答。托比甜甜地笑了。大部分情況下，托比吃飯都很積極，他不想因為「罷吃」而錯過食物，再受餓肚子的苦。每當看到托比埋頭大口大口地吃飯，嘴上臉上粘的都是食物時，我就想起外孫女。她像托比這麼大時，為了哄她吃飯，幾個大人端著飯碗跟在她屁股後面跑，她還不買賬，還要談條件：吃完這碗買一個玩具，再吃一碗買一個玩具……

以其人之道，還治其人這身

有一天，我們帶托比去公園玩。很快，托比就和兩個女孩兒玩起了廚房遊戲。塑料小鍋、小鏟子、小盤子、小碗擺了一地。忽然，淘氣的托比拿起小鍋，使勁在一個女孩兒頭上敲了一下，女孩兒愣了一下，放聲大哭。另一個女孩兒年紀更小一些，見些情形，也被嚇得大哭起來。大概托比沒想到會有這麼嚴重的後果，站在一旁，愣住了。

蘇珊走上前，開清了事情的來龍去脈後，她一聲不吭，拿起小鍋，使勁敲到托比的頭上，托比沒防備，一下子跌坐在草地上，哇哇大哭起來。蘇珊問托比：「疼嗎？下次還這樣嗎？」托比一邊哭，一邊拚命搖頭。我相信他以後再也不會這麼做了。

托比的舅舅送了他一輛淺藍色的小自行車，托比非常喜歡，當成寶貝，不許別人碰。鄰居小姑娘露西是托比的好朋友，央求托比好幾次，要騎他的小車，托比都沒答應。

一次，幾個孩子一起玩時，露西趁托比不注意，偷偷騎上小車，揚長而去。托比發現後，氣憤地跑來向蘇珊告狀。蘇珊正和幾個孩子的母親一起聊天喝咖啡，便微笑著說：「你們的事情自己解決，媽媽可管不了。」托比無奈地走了。

過了一小會兒，露西騎著小車回來了。托比看到露西，一把將她推倒在地，搶過了小車。露西坐在地上大哭起來。蘇珊抱起露西，安撫了她一會兒。很快，露西就和別的小朋友興高采烈地玩了起來。

托比自己騎了會車，覺得有些無聊，看到那幾個孩子玩得那麼高興，他想加入，又覺得有些不好意思。他蹭到蘇珊身邊，嘟囔道：「媽媽，我想跟露西他們一起玩。」蘇珊不動聲色地說：「那你自己去找他們啦！」「媽媽，你陪我一起去。」托比懇求道。「那可不行，剛才是你把露西弄哭的，現在你又想和大家玩，就得自己去解決問題。」

托比騎著小車慢慢靠近露西，快到她身邊時，又掉頭回來。來回好幾次，不知道從什麼時候開始，托比和露西又笑逐顏開，鬧成了一團。

管教孩子是父母的事

蘇珊的父母住在加利福尼亞州，聽說我來了，兩人開車來探望我們。家裡來了客人，托比很興奮，跑上跑下地亂竄。他把玩沙子用的小桶裝滿了水，提著小桶在屋裡四處轉悠。蘇珊警告了她好幾次，不要把水灑到地板上，托比置若罔聞。最後，托比還是把水桶弄倒了，水灑了一地。興奮的小托比不覺得自己做錯了事，還得意地光著腳丫踩水玩，把褲子全弄濕了。我連忙找出拖把準備拖地。蘇珊從我手中搶過拖把交給托比，對他說：「把地拖幹，把濕衣服脫下來，自己洗乾淨。」托比不願意，又哭又鬧。蘇珊二話不說，直接把他拉到貯藏室，關了禁閉。聽到托比在裡面發出驚天動地的哭喊，我心疼壞了，想進去把他抱出來。托比的外婆卻攔住我，說：「這是蘇珊的事。」

過了一會兒，托比不哭了，他在貯藏室裡大聲喊：「媽媽，我錯了。」蘇珊站在門外，問：「那你知道該怎麼做了嗎？」「我知道。」蘇珊打開門，托比從貯藏室走出來，臉上還掛著兩行淚珠。他拿起有他兩個高的拖把吃力地把地上的水拖乾淨。然後，他脫下褲子，拎在手上，光著屁股走進洗手間，稀里嘩啦地洗起衣服來。

托比的外公外婆看著表情驚異的我，意味深長地笑了。這件事讓我感觸頗深。在很多中國家庭，父母管教孩子時，常常會引起「世界大戰」，往往是外婆外公護，爺爺奶奶攔，夫妻吵架，雞飛狗跳。

後來，我和托比的外公外婆聊天時，提到這件事，托比的外公說了一段話，讓我印象深刻。他說，孩子是父母的孩子，首先要尊重父母對孩子的教育方式。孩子雖然小，卻是天生的外交家，當他看到家庭成員之間出現分歧時，他會很聰明地鑽空子。這不僅對改善他的行為毫無益處，反而會導致問題越來越嚴重，甚至帶來更多別的問題。而且，家庭成員之間發生衝突，不和諧的家庭氛圍會帶給孩子更多的不安全感，對孩子的心理髮展產生不利影響。所以，無論是父輩與祖輩在教育孩子的問題上發生分歧，還是夫妻兩人的教育觀念有差異，都不能在孩子麵前發生衝突。

托比的外公外婆在家裡住了一週，準備回加利福尼亞了。臨走前兩天，托比的外公鄭重地問女兒：「托比想要一輛玩具挖掘機，我可以買給他嗎？」蘇珊想了想，說：「你們這次來，已經送給他一雙旱冰鞋作為禮物了，到聖誕節時，再買玩具挖掘機當禮物送給他吧！」

我不知道托比的外公是怎麼告訴小傢伙的，後來我帶托比去超市，他指著玩具挖掘機說：「外公說，聖誕節時，給我買這個當禮物。」語氣裡滿是欣喜和期待。

雖然蘇珊對托比如此嚴格，托比去卻對媽媽愛得不得了。他在外面玩時，會採集一些好看的小花或者他認為漂亮的葉子，鄭重其事地送給媽媽；別人送給他禮物，他會叫媽媽和他一起拆開；有什麼好吃的，也總要留一半給媽媽。

想到很多中國孩子對父母的漠視與冷淡，我不得不佩服我的洋媳婦。在我看來，在教育孩子的問題上，美國媽媽有很多值得中國媽媽學習的地方

Breast feeding at 18 months. A post by my friend Leona Wong.

2010-07-16T10:07:00.002+08:00

The post can be found from this URL: http://bubble-belly.blogspot.com/2010/07/breastfeeding-at-18-months.html

Is the start of terrible 2 coming?

2010-07-15T23:50:00.005+08:00

I think it starts today for my son. So how do I know? Well, it's all because of this incidence.

Every evening, he will have his usual playground time after bring him home from his nanny's place. As usual, he will play with his friends, running around and sliding up and down. But today was different.

He insisted that he wanted to play my iPhone. Not only that, he was making a scene in front of those mummies and maids. Crying, pulling my shirt, holding to my legs and etc... I kept on telling him that if he wanted to play my iPhone, we would go home. I told him he needed to make a choice, either home (to play iPhone) or playground. In the end, he chose to play my iPhone but at the playground.

So on the spot, I pointed to the path towards home and told him we would be heading home. He started to cry and walked along the path. He cried to the extent some mummies were surprised, some maids were asking why you cry, and a granny said come come, no need to cry. As for me, I told him either you go home to play iPhone or play at the playground. He continued to walk and cry. After a short while, not very far from the playground, he stopped. I carried him and asked him how?

In the end, I carried him back to the playground. He stared at me and joined the kids again. Having fun running around, up and down and not forgetting, we did 30 pull-up together.

A Chinese mummy told me at this age, we need to teach them progressively what kind of behaviour is acceptable and what is not. In fact, she even asked me for some advice...(I actually scratched my head). Anyway, I told her he needed this military instruction from me, which was simple and clear. Either you make a choice or you don't. After all, he needs to know who is the boss.

BTW, I don't believe in canning or hitting the Child in public. It will destroy their self-esteem. This is something parents need to take note.

Oh ya... today my son is 18 months 12 days. Time flies man...