True love lies inside you..

Have a magical new year 2014

2014-01-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

Hi there it has been a very long time since I last wrote on my blog. And I wish all of you a blessed and magical new year.

The last two years 2012 - 2013, life has been busy and a lot had happened. One word to describe the life has been great and I have no single regret that I have enjoyed all the ups and down.

Kids and my work are going well. I know the journey gets better everyday I have the family always thinking and love me. While I am trying to pursue better life, I have made and enriched my soul towards being positive.

To the people I love, I thank you for being there for me abd support me.

Happy Wesak Day 2011

2011-05-17T22:09:00.008+08:00

First and foremost, a blessed Wesak to all. Hope the Buddha teaching and guidance stay in your heart !

This is the 3rd year, I have volunteered myself to the temple and I was assigned to the oil lamp service desk. Arriving on the eve of this gracious day, I helped out in pasting label of generous contributors all seeking for great blessing in life. The area is beautifully decorated with unlit oil lamp in glass.

The ceremony was to begin at 7pm, unfortunately or fortunately a heavy down pour or I should say a freak storm hit the town. All you can observed people standing in one hall or area of the temple, waiting for the rain to stop. As soon as the rain stopped, the sight is gradually filled up with people walking with umbrella. The lighting ceremony was delayed till 8.30pm and Chief Monk Ratana and fellow sangkha in the temple presented the lighting ceremony.

As the time get closer to 11pm, rain has stopped for all worshippers to continue their prayers for Lord Buddha on this very special englightment day. The temple was then packed with devotees, and our counter was really busy. My duty was to end by 10pm, however seeing the flow of people coming to the counter, I stayed on till 11.30 pm.

I started the day at 5am, reporting to the temple at 6am, attending the morning service, feeling the sense of comfort....haha some kind of after prayer's effect. I went back to my position and just enjoying the work given. Just before the arrival of the DPM, the monk has requested for all counters, volunteers to stop work and meditate for 5 minutes. We performed Metta meditation ~ my favourite. The temple was in total silence (nearly) and just imagine the peacefulness.

To my enlightenment, I find place of worship like this and the significant of oil lamp performs to acquire merit or to avert evil influence, the blessing does not limit to just Buddhist devotees. I have received name of other religion and the temple seen crowded with visitors be it Muslim, Christian and many other nationalities.

It is to my amaze...I truly enjoyed my voluntary work yesterday evening and this morning. The day hasn't stopped after my duty, I came home to take my 3 precious to FGS and to perform the prayers. The kids thoroughly enjoyed the ritual of bathing the Buddha. It's the symbol of inner purification for one. Just in case you like to know what to chant...or for me to remember in the near future, the following should be chant :

1st wash : May I eliminate all evil thoughts

2nd wash : May I cultivate good deeds

3rd wash : May I save all living beings

That was the end of my Wesak Day...a little hectic but it's all worthwhile.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu..may all be well, peaceful and happy !

Seasons change

2011-02-15T10:43:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 7am, told myself it is time to go for the morning walk, but didn't make it as I went back to sleep....

Soon woke up again at 8.30 am and kids made decision for me must go for the walk. The weather has been a bit overcast not too hot. Guess it is a public holiday I didn't see others walking...or I was late this morning.

As I walk, I look around the surrounding and it brings back some memories. There is no four seasons here in Malaysia, but the seasonal change to me is when the flower blooms. I remember it is always around April to May my favourite sight on the ground where the Angsana flowers covers the street turning it into a yellow carpet....awesome.

Though we do not have a distinctive autumn where falling yellow leaves are seen...but in my heart, this is my seasonal change and love it.

Growing up kids

2011-02-07T15:15:00.003+08:00

It is now an absolute certainty that I am a divorcee and the children are all under my custody. Recently I read in the newspaper about this 12 years old Bi-Anne who is in between the two parents and both side has a story. What would be the outcome ? Who knows and how will it affect all the three persons, it surely will but to what extend, I can't be sure. There are many assumption, if she lives with her mum in London, she will probably grow up in a different environment, receive different educational system, on the other side, if she lives with her dad, what would be the environment as the dad said in the newspaper, he lives in Jinjang and his lifestyle and environment is associated with gangsterism even though he was not involved. Good luck to them !

Another friend who is not in good relationship with the wife, is going through temporary separation. I asked him what is the motive of your wife taking the children away ? He answered, is the ultimate term that he should come back to her. Will one just say ok and go back to the marriage ? Can anyone think beyond all and sacrifice for the sake of the children ? To continue to live in an estranged relationship for the sake of the children ? It's tough and not easy and in my case, I think it is easier, one party decided firmly and left no alternative for at all.

I have three growing up kids, they have been through with me since 2007 separation. These days kids are much more matured that you think. They can sense what is happening in the family and they cope with it. It is now coming to 4 years, I often asked myself can I carry on this life, a life that is healthy for them, educating them the right way ? Am I good enough to guide them to be successful ? Can I do it ? What if I fail, what would happen to them ?

When this thought comes by, I fear and fear even more ! I also tell myself there is only so much you can do ! Don't push yourself too much ! I had my relative who told me she decided to be a housewife as her salary would not be enough to pay for the maid and other expenses, her choice is to stay at home and give the children the motherly love. Hearing this, I began to think if my children are getting enough love and attention from me ? How much can a single mum handle work and kids together ? I must be honest that it is not easy at all, I have my limits and when they get too loud or overly hyper, I need them to stop. It is very confusing at times, when they are so happy, rejoicing and playing together but I told them to slow down, am I stopping them to be happy ? Is this right ?

Just some of my thoughts and I feel the kids are doing ok....they are growing up to be more understanding !

Love you all kids !

What is my scorecard for 2010 ?

2010-12-30T00:27:00.009+08:00

Hi there, it has been a few months since my last post ! I still enjoy writing but work has been really busy. Thankfully for this and feel really grateful !

Hope everyone out there is as excited as I do to usher the new year in just less than 3 days. I have posted this on my facebook :

Each new year is a reminder to celebrate all the things that are good in your world, the people you love, the places you are part of, unforgettable moments in life, breathe your life with a smile and sincerely I hope your heart is filled with lots of little reasons to celebrate in this new year !

I like it very much, it reminds me to look at 362 days that have gone past in an eventful ways and now I look forward to more reasons to make 2011 a better one.

What is my scorecard for 2010? I think I have passed with flying colors ! I am happy and I want to get a distinction for 2011. This year has been truly challenging for me both personal life and career wise. I look forward to 2011 and I have a feeling it is going to be a good one.

Keep going is the statement I often been told ! I believe it drives to where I am now :)

Cheers to all for a wonderful success in 2011 !

Finally it happened !

2010-09-17T22:55:00.006+08:00

What kind of title is this ? I don't know how to title it a better way and guess what you are about to read below will explain why !

It is 3 years now and the divorce is over though not fully finalised. The kids have not met my ex-husband for the last 3 years, I think there were occasions that I met him without the kids, and I always have this daunting feeling of what is the reaction if the kids see him. I have even asked them what would be their feelings and reaction if they meet their father. The children answered "I don't know".

Tonight, my son hadn't had his dinner before tuition, so took all with me for a supper. I saw my ex's car and next I saw him walked into the restaurant. He saw me while I was talking on the phone, and he walked straight into the restaurant. In less than 5 minutes, he walked out again. I feel the kids saw him but couldn't recognise him at all.

I thought when he saw us, he might come by and say hello....sadly his decision to ignore us is affirmed by his action tonight. I think it is good as this will not disturb the children, actually I feel I need to thank him for this. Otherwise, I have to worry the post effect of seeing him again after 3 years.

So sad or so glad, what is the answer ? Or I should go to another restaurant next time...

It has happened finally...I don't look forward to it anymore. It's really tough for me, I can't deal with this emotion swift. Me and the kids are coping well with our lives now.

A family vacation

2010-06-26T01:06:00.005+08:00

It is coming to 3 years I finally took the kids for a vacation on my own. Kids have been lucky to have great aunties, grand parents who love them very much. I planned for this family vacation since February and kept it secret away from the children. Two months ago, broke the news about the vacation to Bali.

We were away for one week vacation at beautiful Nusa Dua beach. How do I describe the trip ? It is fun, lots of laughter, also tired and stress coping with kids all day long ! Overall, my rating is a wonderful one. It is wonderful in many ways, children are seen very happy, the bonding is stronger which I could feel it wasn't there for awhile. Everyday is a learning day for me. Understanding everyone around me, coping with their moods and whatever that comes by.

It wasn't just vacation, I worked too trying to close a deal. But it is all worth it, the vacation seems like a paradise to us, sitting by the pool almost 1/4 of the day, and enjoying evening cocktail (not much of sunset) but enjoying the sea breeze and just relaxing.

Kids wanted our attention so much that Joelle sent a note to our room stating the time for UNO game...hahahaha. How could we ignore their request !? Such a great family bonding effort from her. I starved the kids without lunch on one afternoon, and they had no choice but to open up the mini bar and consumed the Oreo, but worrying how to inform me as I was out for an errant.

Little things that kids have done to make a man happy through their personal feeling and writing on a special card. It is a great feeling and I look forward to more of such family vacation !

One year ago

2010-06-04T10:51:00.004+08:00

It was this day in 2009, I went on a solo vacation to some very romantic resorts in Kota Kinabalu. Two months prior to departure, I booked the flight and hotel for the complimentary stay that I won during my quiz and lucky draw session. The booking is for myself and weeks before the trip, I wanted some friends to join me but unfortunately no one wanted to come with me.

I think it is fated that no one was supposed to come with me. I took a midday flight and almost missed the check in time. I arrived at the airport and a local friend picked me up and sent me to the resort which is 45 mins from the city.

Checked into a very large room, a big bed enough for 3 persons but I was all alone. Not really sure what to do on solo vacation, simply sat by the bed, turn on my laptop and started to blog. I sat lazily looking outside the balcony and decided that I should just go down for a nice dinner. I was the only one who sat alone at the restaurant. I felt very odd and strange alone and I should have just ordered room service. No, I wanted to do something different and I enjoyed 2 hours dinner at the restaurant. Almost 10pm, decided to sit by the lobby lounge to enjoy the live music. Ordered a Mojito and reading some magazine under a dimmed light.

Seating not too far, there was a gentleman dressed smartly in light coloured shirt and a dark coloured slack. There was no conversation till I think when he asked me about Mojito. I moved closer to him upon his invitation and also the music was loud. We started our conversation and not till very late, we had the live band to play us a lovely "Besame Mucho" on clarinet. It was very romantic....

After that I left...I went back to the room, wondering to my self, why am I here at such a romantic resort but all alone ?

Next morning, I woke up early went to the gym and had a good breakfast and chatted with a few guests who were traveling to Langkawi next. The trip to BKI was meant to be purely vacation but since I was pitching for a job, I took some of my personal time to inspect another resort. I left in a hurry and came back only after lunch. It was a sunny afternoon, and I booked a pampering massage and finished around 6 pm. Not really sure what to eat,I walked past all the F & B outlets and I decided to try the buffet. It is really not the best choice.

Went back up to the lobby to listen to the live band and supposedly to meet him again, but he didn't show up. Guess he couldn't remember after so many long island tea. As I was leaving the lounge, I saw him. He invited me for a drink and we sat and chat with few other guests. We had another drink we decided to go back to the room. We walked to the lift and he gave me a good night kiss...and he said this "I think I will love you" and he stepped out of the lift on 3rd floor and I was on upper floor.

We had a date the next day to go to STAR taking the shuttle service as I was checking out from RRR to stay one complimentary night in STAR. Unfortunately he changed his mind and decided to stay in the resort for other activities. We bid farewell...I thought we will never meet again and it would have been just a memory of this man that I met in RRR.

Now, one year later we are together and relationship is getting stronger day by day! Our love for each other is eternally and we want to grow old together ! It is now our lives and planning for two !

Happy Anniversary !

Happy Wesak Day 2010

2010-05-28T18:37:00.003+08:00

This is an anniversary celebration for my voluntary service to Buddhist Mahavihara Temple.

I chose to be helper at the Registration Counter. I find it a tougher job than what I was doing last year. I still remember how my fingers scented with the natural scent from all kind of flowers. It is a much easier and organised job somehow.

Seating at the registration counter, the challenges are different. Some volunteers who came and names not found listed in the duty list, some wished to change duty and some were not happy with the given T Shirt that not fitting very well. There were many sections of responsibilities and it has been not easy to really tell all what they were supposed to do.

This morning the temple was extremely high guarded by security and police as Prime Minister and his wife were the guest of honour together with at least another 10 Ambassadors and High Commissioners. The welcoming for the couple was truly Malaysian, from the native Sri Lankan Dance to Kompang and Lion Dance. It is so colourful...it is about 1 Malaysia.

That is about the front scene that all of us managed to see, but at the back of the kitchen, celebrities chef Gordon Ramsay was busy cooking very privately preparing meals for the guest of honours was told by the papers read few days ago.

What a gala Wesak Day celebration !

Most importantly is year after year of visiting temple on this special day and many other non occasional day, my faith for the teaching of Buddha and its precepts are far better understood.

Peace in oneself, peace in the world

Where there is lovingkindness, peace is found too !

Sadhu sadhu sadhu !

New Journey

2010-05-24T23:52:00.005+08:00

The month of May has been very eventful for the last two weeks.

I have posted earlier the various incidents that had happened and last Thursday was my last day at work.

As expected I didn't hope for a big good bye party. I have been not very "engaged" into the environment maybe I just couldn't due to the issue I was facing with the management. Therefore the farewell was good that I hadn't face the boss but instead a nice lunch with my fellow colleagues. I had asked for a half day early release that took half day of my salary, but it is all worth it, otherwise I have to return to work still tomorrow.

The soonest I quit my job, my new adventure begins. I have an excited world out there awaiting for me. I had meetings that I have not had before, it is not the same thing that I have done before, business lunch and drinks with partners of large corporation.

I know from today, my life is about to change. I share this with the kids, told them Mom is now the boss of her own company. My brilliant son extended his hand to shake my hand followed by "Congratulations Mom".

I know this is a wonderful thing in my life...but reality is I still have both feet standing firmly on the ground. This is just the beginning, it is important to stay as humble as I am. All I need is the right support and commitment towards my business and I will be someone one day !

I love it...and I love you so much !

The after divorce feeling

2010-05-15T09:35:00.004+08:00

Am I happy after divorced ? I have posted on my facebook wall as : the day has finally arrived..I am done with it.

The comments that I received are congratulations / great days ahead / way to go and etc. They know exactly how I should feel about this day.

I guess for those who are not aware of what I was going through earlier, maybe it sounded like I just got married. But it is the otherwise...I have just divorced, I ended my marriage of 13 years. I wasn't sure of what is the feeling...but fore sure it is a relief. I know I have a closure to the relationship that has turned bad and unpleasant. It is good for both of us. For him, if he wishes to remarry and settle down with a new partner...I wish him well. As for me, I want a release from the past...the rest is history.

I have so much to look forward to. The life ahead of me will be blissful and happy. The new journey will be exciting and interesting part of my life. So much about me, most importantly is I am happy mom who will bring happiness to the kids. They have gone through a rough time too...they have seen how I suffered emotionally that had affected them too. The kids deserve a happy parent...it is my responsibility to bring them up happily. They may have shadows of the past...from now onwards, I hope the shadow of the past will slowly disappear from them.

I can see their joy on their little faces a few days ago when we went out for family dinner. All three were trying to get their attention from us. This is all about parenting. I am glad I have beautiful and fun children.

I am a new person, a person who has strengthen my faith in life, a person who is about to embark on a new experience. Anything about to happen in my life will only be a wonderful and truly happy life for all.

The happiness is in my hand !

Eventful Week - I have resigned, I have divorced

2010-05-11T00:38:00.005+08:00

It has been quite an eventful week. It is more to do with making decision. Every decision that I made will affect me for the rest of my new chapter of life.

Firstly I have tendered my resignation after almost two years working in this company. A place that I have learnt new experienced no doubt about it. Unfortunately, it is the environment and the people (not all) that I just couldn't blend in well. When I first started working in this company, I encountered some age gap, and also the mentality and attitudes toward work is far different from my previous environment. However, after some discussion with the management, I tried and it was ok. Somehow in life, we need to move on and I decided to.

Now, the next decision or rather something decided almost two years ago finally concluded. My divorce proceeding since November 2008 has called it the day. It is 10 May 2010, we finally stood in front of the judge and accepted to dissolved the marriage vow that we made in 1997. When you are the registrar of marriage, you said "I Do", at the Family Court, you declare "I do...understand". It is that you understand your responsibility after the divorce. My first experience...hahahah obviously, the court is packed with all strangers other than your supporting family members, ex husband and the legal counsel. It is quite funny that the legal counsel read out what is agreed upon the petition to the whole audience....hahahaha, and ours seems to be the longest read!

After the court announced it will be legalised after 3 months, I suddenly asked myself if I have asked for a lot from him. Sadly, I feel the whole marriage turned bad was due to financial matter. Money seems to be in the way in life, and create obstacle and trouble for many. Business partner turned sour, employer not honoring what had been promised eg.. commission and salary, marriage couple coping with bills and financial commitment..

I have a life to live with three young kids..I need to organise our lives! My ex (officially certified today) was having small argument with me outside the court room. He raised some money matter of the past, and he claimed he is paying me more than what he used to provide the house. I asked myself again, he asked for divorce, he said he will provide etc..etc..and I asked for what I feel we deserved, and he agreed. However yesterday morning in the court, he sounded like I had put a gun at his head to agree, and seem to me I had forced it. Why is it still so unfair to me ? The petition is mutual and if one feels unacceptable, why accept ?

Whatever it is, the most disheartening is he never even asked about the children ? It is coming to three years and the only picture I have sent to him is probably 2 years ago and yet he shown no care or concern about them at all. Whatever is written in the petition about the access to visit the kids are bullshit. It was all written so that the divorce can pull through as he denied all access to the kids since the day he decided to divorce.

Ok..life move on, new chapter, new job and new life. The past has its closure and it is the future and the new journey that matters.

Everyday will be a beautiful day, blessed one and a grateful one.

With metta to all, especially family and friends that have been giving me lots of moral support.

A Conference To Remember

2010-05-03T13:03:00.003+08:00

The last week of April had been really busy for me. The conference that I have been working on for almost one year finally took the stage.

Originally targeted for 700 persons but it hit only 500 persons and it is a good number. It is not a world class congress but Asean level and the support from the local has been encouraging. The programme was packed for 2 1/2 days.

The site is crowded with over 21 booths exhibiting their services and products. It has been such a good experience for me managing the entire project. It is like a pregnancy process but it took longer than 40 weeks. So one can imagine the size of the baby "project"....hahaha! The process went through some hiccups...just like any pregnancy you bound to have some difficulties here and there. Finally, the baby is ready to see the world..and some preparation required for the labour, quite a painful one !

There is another event that I organised in conjunction with this Asean Federation of Haematology Conference. It is a CML (Leukemia) event for patients. Some of them look as good as anyone of us. It is heart touching to see how one encourages another to be strong.

At the end of the event, nothing is perfect as much as we hope it will be. We have our own scorecard be it the client, vendor, myself and the delegates. It is hard to please all, but as long as we consciously know our commitment and responsibilities toward the job that matters most. I did my best !

With metta to all !

Damage Control Day

2010-04-16T01:06:00.003+08:00

The last few days hasn't been easy at work. It is like a time bomb, expecting it to explode and see how far the damage is.

Finally, the bomb exploded and I had to deal with the damage control. Thankfully the damage hasn't killed anyone but it is enough to keep me in maximum stress level for the past 48 hours. I couldn't sleep, I had the most worrying face and the look that one can tell I am unhappy and concern. I lost the sweet smile on my face...

The day finally came that I have to face all and deal with it. It is like you enter a room that you are about to be sentenced to death and you need to appeal not guilty. The look on everyone is not friendly...my heart felt like I will die soon.

Somehow, it is about taking some courage and face the fact. I explained what I could and made sensible explanation to all based on the actual situation. At the end, it went well...the damage control is solved...not 100% though ! Still need to do some follow up and hopefully by the end of the week, it will be over.

Most importantly...everyone is happy. Process is an experience but a desirable outcome is more important.

Good night and wishing all of you a wonderful day !

Buddha Said No !

2010-04-14T21:25:00.001+08:00

This was forwarded to me and I find it cute....just post it here for my own reading in the future ! Hope it makes some sense to you too !

I asked Buddha to take away my 'bad' habits.

Buddha said, No.

It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked Buddha to make my handicapped whole.
Buddha said, No.
Your spirit is whole, and your body is only temporary.

I asked Buddha to grant me Patience.

Buddha said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked buddha to give me Happiness.

Buddha said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.

I asked buddha to spare me Pain.

Buddha said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to enlightenment.

I asked Buddha to make my spirit grow.
Buddha said, No.

You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked Buddha for all things
that I might enjoy life.

Buddha said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked Buddha to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
Buddha said... Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea!!!

If you love others as much as you would have love yourself, send this to those you know.

THE DAYS ARE YOURS &
DON'T WASTE IT AWAY.

May The Blessings of the Buddhas be with You always,

'To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world'

'May Buddha Bless you and keep you safe always,
May Buddha's radiance shine upon you,
And give you Peace, Health & Prosperity always'

'Good friends are like stars....
You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.

Loveless Family

2010-04-04T19:47:00.006+08:00

I was reading a book about forgiving and I realize I was overly ambitious about re-bonding my ex husband and his family.

My family is not the most perfect family, parents are not the role model of one very happily married couple, but both of them showed us love and the strength of family unity and never leave us to feel loveless. They are just like any couple, arguments are just part of being together but through the bad times, both of them have never walked out the family.

When I first met my ex husband, I came to understand his family background and the disharmony in it. He felt little love from the family and preferred to stay out on his own after Form 5. He knows very well his mom loves him but the family was not capable of providing him much to further his study. He had a bad childhood when his father left the family for few years and back to the family again. He knew how much his mom suffered when she had to single handedly managed the family.

I know he withdrew himself very much from the family and after we got married, I tried to bring him closer to his family as I believe in family harmony and closeness is very important. I did what a daughter in law would do and we had a few good years...sadly it didn't have the best achievement and I don't know if it was my fault to even bring him back to the family. Finally when my father in law passed away, it is a sight of loveless family that I see in him. Truly very sad that he chose to be away from all of us.

Now looking back at his childhood, he should know the suffering and pain of a woman keeping up with life looking after her children and why did he allow it to happen again !

Till today I have no answer to his decision....

"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

Happy Children

2010-04-04T12:11:00.004+08:00

My life is surrounded by laughter of my beautiful children. On good days or bad days for me, it makes no different, their laughter remain.

Children are so innocent and pure but they are no longer the kids of older generation. They are mature and sensitive too. Sometimes I wonder if they know what is happening in the family. The answer is they do. My girl shares her story from school that her friend is also a single parent kid.

I remember almost three years now, I told myself that the kids' life should not change. I know it is tougher to do it all alone and I struggle still. My concern is that I want the kids to remember their childhood the way it should be. Honestly I won't know what will be the impact on them, probably I will see when they grow up. All I can do is to make sure they are given the best quality life as much as possible.

As of now, I know they are always so happy, they play together, fight and argue too. Mostly I can hear is their laughter that make my day. I guess this is the best I have done for them, keeping that cheerfulness in them.

Metta for my beautiful kids always....

沒那麼簡單

2010-03-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

I was listening to this song while working and her voice and the lyrics captured my attention. If you understand mandarin, it is a nicely written song. Life is all about "沒那麼簡單"!

沒那麼簡單就能找到聊得來的伴
尤其是在看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單就能去愛別的全不看
變得實際也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話隨便聽一聽自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上關上了手機舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經

沒那麼簡單就能去愛別的全不看
變得實際也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話隨便聽一聽自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上關上了手機舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經

相愛沒有那麼容易每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心所以最開心曾經
想念最傷心但卻最動心的記憶

Stressful March

2010-03-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

It has been a very tiring and stressful month of March. It all started with the tremendous huge expenses that I had to pay for the car maintenance, maid's renewal permit and school fee and another blow on the car maintenance just last week.

Life is so tough especially when all these unexpected expenses got on me. I almost feel suffocating with the situation. Just when I thought my car is ready to take me miles without much problem, it is just unfortunate and it needed another repair.

Now comes the maid issue, she is due to go home in March but due to all this nonsense with the Indonesian maid that both governments hadn't come to agreement, we, those who really need a maid to look after the children are suffering. Some had to go for Cambodian maid that who hardly speak English and it takes about 3 - 6 months to understand each other. I can't afford this and to hire a Filipino will be too expensive for me and next option or no option is to wait for the release of the Indonesian maid and this is unknown when.

My maid is happy to extend a few months for me but still I have to pay a bloody big amount for her renewal. And from my many years experience of hiring Indonesian maid, when they are due to go home, their behaviour is questionable, they are not as hardworking and all sort of problem will arise. My poor kids are in her hands ! In any case, I have to prepare almost RM10k for the next application ! I wish I don't have to depend on them.

Last but not least, the job that pays my salary isn't coming along well. Felt really not motivating after 21 months with the company. I have been busy this month and reasons why I am not motivated ? I have the answer..Sad but.....

What to do...I have so much stress to deal with ! This is a post of letting out my frustration after not writing for so long. Wish I am writing something that is beautiful about my life but got to let this out and move on to seek better life.

Good night all !

The Lucky Ones

2010-03-03T23:02:00.005+08:00

I found this song and the lyrics meant a lot to me...

This is what I feel about two as one and hope this lyrics will remind each other how to keep the relationship always happy and appreciative.

Honestly this is not my favourite song...but can't help it the lyrics is meaningful.

The Lucky Ones

Sometimes you're sentimental

I know exactly what to do

And if I'm temperamental

You calm me down and you pull me through

We are the lucky ones

We have one another

When the end of the day has come

I return to you

Life can be so demanding

Sometimes it's hard to make it through

It's love and understanding

You give to me, I give to you

Our own fairy tale

Our favorite bedtime story

One that we won't forget

We fell in love

We knew from the start

We'd always be together

The first time that we met

Can't forget

All alone in the setting sun

I'll have you and you'll have me

Good or Bad

2010-02-23T14:46:00.004+08:00

Good or bad ? How do you know ?

Life is so unexpected and we don't know what we have decided upon is going to be good or bad. Recently I met a few friends and they told me about bumping onto my ex and his girl friend. I haven't seen him for some times and have no idea how he looks like now. The report I have is that he has put on weight and look a bit older. Even I had grown older now..so it is natural that he does.

My friends told me that she doesn't look as attractive as I do ....hahahaha is that something to make me feel good ??? Yes la a little I admit. But whether she is not so pretty or not, does it matter ? Now it is not who he found that matters to me, I am not the best too for him and there is no perfect in relationship. He found her to be good in some quality that he can't find in me and I can't see some qualities that I like to see in a man. He may have not lived up to be a perfect husband but I know he tried. Whether he has made the right choice....who knows!?

So Good or Bad choice ? Nobody knows really. Just live in current moment and make good relationship to yourself !

Chinese New Year 2010

2010-02-16T20:52:00.004+08:00

Gong xi fa cai to all !

It has been a real busy weeks and I just didn't have time to sit down to blog much. Time flies, we are into 3rd day of Chinese New Year celebration and soon we are on 15th day. This year I celebrated my new year in KL. In the past, I will spend some time preparing Chinese New Year especially the last week buying some stuff to cook, decorate and whatever. However, one week before the new year, I was away in Singapore and only spent the last two days before CNY in KL.

Despite being so busy, coping with work, family and friend visiting, I had a real good week spent with family. It is about bonding and getting to know each other better.

While I was in Singapore, in fact this is the first time I visited Singapore during the CNY. Drove around the Chinatown area, seen the decoration on the street and I actually felt the mood for CNY. I read an article in the newspaper while I was there, read about the God Protector based on the Chinese Horoscope. Somehow, I saw the temple by chance as we were going for an appointment and I decided to do some prayers. I found out my Protector and adopted it and hopeful for great blessing. It may sound a bit commercialised but I guess it happens everywhere nowadays.

It has been a wonderful week for me, did a lot for the family in a very special way. I sincerely hope the children are truly happy and feel more love than before. I am truly happy.

With metta to all, may all being have a wonderful year and success is awaiting for all in whatever you endeavored.

Having an affair

2010-01-31T17:19:00.007+08:00

I read this interesting article about becoming mistress. And I have wrote a post on similar topic before. What is noticeably different in affairs is when one is kept as a "secret" and one becomes an "open" relationship.

When it is a secret relationship, it takes a lot more for the woman to cope with having a man in her life that she can only see him once awhile. It is also more peaceful for the relationship. When the man goes home, he is seen as a responsible father and loving husband...hmmmm some times it may not be. As for the woman, it is the loneliness she has to deal with.

When the relationship is open and "accidentally" known to the family, it surely will create unrest situation in the family, shocking and unbelievable that their loving father is loving someone else. In some instances, the mistress can be as young as his children. A lot of time, the man is not happy with his marriage life or he lacks something in his life and found it from the mistress. Mistress is just a woman who happens to be hook up to a married man, she can be a very kind and modest lady who know how to take care of her man, please spare an understanding and not to discriminate.

Once the relationship is no longer a secret, I feel it is time for the man to make some decision. Some situation can turn very ugly and it maybe fights between two women or more....like those in the movie. The man will have to make a choice how to deal with the situation. To leave the mistress or to have best of both world. To have best of both world, for the mistress it may seems easier, as they have started on the ground that she knew he is married and the relationship has been secret anyway, but for the wife, she needs to live a life behind a shadow, she needs to regain total trust or just live to accept it.

Sometimes I feel if two persons choose to love in such circumstances (affairs relationship), it is best to keep it private or secret as much as possible. As long as they are happy with the company even though times spent together is short. To be able to find a person who makes you happy is not easy, why makes it miserable when you found each other ? Love is a gift...make it worthwhile when you are in love. Life is too short to love!

Just my thoughts about having an affair.

Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out !

2010-01-31T16:31:00.003+08:00

This is something I read in the paper today and it means a lot. When one person has to deal with life situation that occurred unexpectedly, a death, a dream shattered or the family is broken, to get over the reality is not about 1 - 2 months, in fact the timing is unknown.

This quote "Once you get yourself stable, you can reach out" is a reminder to me! Am I stable with my situation ? Sometimes I feel yes but why do I still hug my pillow and cry sometimes ? Am I not over yet ? I am also confused with my state of mind. I feel I have walked out of this dark shadow and ready to reach out which I think I have, and I have stand tall, chin up to face the society. Maybe I put up a brave front as I know there is no better way to deal with it.

Life goes on and I choose a new life that is full of energy, happiness and great health. I reminded myself that my children depended upon me to be a good mom and I have to move on. Seriously only if you are in my shoes you will understand how to deal with 3 kids. Kids being kids they are inquisitive, mischievous and not all time mommy's good kids, they drive me up the wall when they are not obedient. What I am trying to say is I need a breather.

A breather is necessary for me otherwise I will become cynical and emotional unstable. I mean it is serious because at times I wonder if I am suffering from mild depression. I am just over sensitive I think, and I am not. Maybe because I am just stressed and a bit under the weather since few days back.

Conclusion is...I am stable but occasionally still quite disturb by the life situation. I have a life to deal with and it is my life and not depended on someone to deal with it on my behalf. I can share it but I shouldn't expect someone to shoulder it for me.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years

~ Abraham Lincoln

All I know is this is a life long journey...LIVE Life, LAUGH a lot, LOVE forever.

Metta to all who loves me :)

I am so sick

2010-01-29T11:59:00.003+08:00

It has been a long while since I fell sick like this. This time I lost my voice and thankfully I hadn't developed any fever or body ache.

I feel really awful and tired due to the sore throat and energy level is dropping. The worst was I had an event yesterday in the midst of my terrible sore throat. I attended meetings with client and running all over to get things done.

Thankfully the event went well, client is very happy and pleased with all the arrangement. The attendance was 100%. Though it is just a simple appreciation luncheon, I must say it went really well. We decorate the place to create the ambiance for Chinese New Year. I do have to thank the restaurant staff for their great supports from the day I liaised with them. Yesterday the kitchen had to cope with cooking for 120 peoples and the staff were all smiling and yet very attentive to my last minutes request. Maybe I should mention the restaurant...AMARIN heavenly THAI.

Now, I am recuperating from the exhaustion that I have to miss the company trip to HCM. I would love to join everyone but my family comes first. My little girl is down with fever and cough and went for check up twice and still not improving. I need to regain my voice.....I need to be energetic again, that's me.

Have a good weekend !

With metta always :)