Life as it happens

Hmm well..

2011-09-18T06:18:00.001-07:00

What she is doing..how well she is progressing in her life..does she do it with him...all this que do pop up in my mind time n again..
After a min..it says..does it matter...
Truely i havnt connected to anyone like her but does it mean i want to b connected still...
After wgt had happened and the wY she has moved on..does it mTter..

first kiss

2011-06-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

He kept his palm of his left hand on her cheek.

She sensed what was about to happen.

He leaned forward, and gently pulled her face towards him. He could hear her breath now. He placed his lips on her upper lip and caressed it with his lips.

Everything else dissolved. He felt her fast beating pulse on her lip. In that moment they were one.

He pulled away bit as if to savor the first warm flavor her trembling lips.

Touch of his firm lips, made her heart beat faster than she ever could think it was possible. Some how closing her eyes calmed her a bit. As he parted away, she closed her lips softly and she too took sip of her first kiss in. Before she could finish enjoying it completely she felt his lips again. Shiver went by her body as this time he was a bit more confident and was fondling on her upper lip with his lips.

He softly toyed with her upper lip and increased his touch on her lip. he slowly started stroking it with his tongue. He was enjoying her soft lip’s touch. He gently started nibbling of it. His tongue touched insider of her lips.

She sighed and tired to catch her breath. She let his tongue sway inside her mouth. Each touch was creating pleasure waves inside her body.

With touch of her lips he was able to quench his trust for her love. His hands were shaking, he was grasping for breath but he just wasn’t able to stop from gently feeling her. He understood she was trembling and he could feel her beats in his warm embrace.

“hey” he asked, pulling her chin a bit up to see her slightly blue, soul touching eyes, that he feel in love with.

She opened her eyes slowly and saw his smiley face, she let out a soft moan but she still couldn’t speck.
He hugged her and kissed her forehead, as she sunk in his hug.

I want to dissolve

2011-06-13T01:29:00.001-07:00

This feeling comes a lot closer to b called as sad but yet its not exactly..

I want to feel u today..
Want to dissolve in ur warm embrace,
Why wont u hold me. .come a step closer..
I m want my first kiss with u..my first night with u..
Savor each moment we spent..together...
Why wont u hold me..why wont u come a step closer

I m on highway way to hell

2011-06-11T23:33:00.001-07:00

First mobile post

2011-06-11T11:19:00.001-07:00

Point is to see wht all can b done on my android..
Well i guess almost everything can b done..:-)
Well today was fun. .had fun at practice session...
It's absolutly funny to see how little we req to b friends with each other..yet we dont see it being tried out often... For example today we were 7 totally new guys came along for practicing our lines in our play...yes i m acting in a play..;-)
So it was almost 3 hr streight..we all were tired...thn some bonded over a puff of cigarette. .some shown bigger heart n bought chips n tea for all...after tht quick break. .all were chareged to rehearsed..
But i cud feel somthin diferent..thr was more coordination now..more laughter now..more fun now n most importantly a chemistry was being fromed between characters we played.. It was more fun.suddenly all were asking abt each other n pranks being played...this has to be attributed to newly found friends in each other..
I must it was nice hav friends around they make everything so much better..
Why dont we try this more often with strangers?

I Remember You .. .

2011-05-20T23:19:00.001-07:00

After long time… has mind asked my self to think about you..
After long time.. I want to hold you tight to my heart and touch your soul..
After long time.. I want to feel you
I know this isn’t our destiny.. I know its not what I m suppose to ask of you.. but I cant hold my love back for you..
I cant stop thinking how beautiful you look when you smile..
I cant stop asking my self to make you smile..
Is it how we are going to be.. incomplete??
Why I feel its you that makes me feel complete.. when we have different path subscribed for us..
You remember that night when we read book together, in that night you glowed ..
You remember those nights when we roamed aimlessly in the city for ice cream..
I do.

I remember that moment when I came in to your room for the first time.. hesitantly. I thought me being there would or might create some problems for you… after some time we laughed we ate.. we celebrated in you room. In your bed we sat and smiled.
I thought of hugging you many times. I thought of holding your hand many times..
I didn’t. I felt doing that would make me happy but wasn’t sure about you.. and I thought of you first. always.
On the day when you were admitted in hospital I rushed to see you. Just to see you. I thought it’d be over after minor check up.. but wasn’t so. My mind was racing to make the arrangements, to get the best room, to get the best service. All I wanted for you to be comfortable and you said to me the most simple word “… stay ..”
That night in hospital when you were in pain… I felt so helpless. I felt so dead. I prayed I prayed. I asked doctors to help you. They said they are. Your scream grew louder… I stopped living. I couldn’t breath. Doctors wanted to end my suffering and suggested that I should leave. I thought about it and agreed. Agreed to leave you and asked god to help you. I left hospital thinking and hating myself. Hating to be in such situations. And then….
You called me …asking me to come back.

I asked my god for strength, to support you. And my god came.
That night you lied peacefully on bed.. your hand slipped out of bed. Carefully I lifted your soft tired hand and placed it on bed. I thought of holding your hand..
I didn’t. I felt doing that would make me happy but wasn’t sure about you.. and I thought of you first. always.
In matter of few weeks after this .. I expressed my feelings and you told me …
you loved some one else. You cried for me but you had to be honest.
You’d said you’d be there with me for life, more than just friends we would be…

You left..
Broken heartily I tried to move on. I am trying to move on.
But
I still remember you.

Reminiscence

2011-04-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

“noooo…” she slapped him on his hand.

“what? Com’on! Let’s celebrate!”

“and exactly what are we celebrating?”

“you know ……” he scratched his head to come up with some reason, but he couldn’t. “Oh Common June, we had that thing right this week”

Now, June was purely toying with him. She said “Yes…. Yes. I just want you to remind me of it.”

Ron was getting a bit frustrated with all of this. He suddenly got up from the bed, turned and said, “June dear, we are pretty awesome at it. If we stop doing it, I guess the universe would be mad at us. And most importantly we are so good at it, if we didn’t do it.. it’s like Picasso stopped doing his painting…”

“Ron, Hon you do know he is dead, right?”

“that’s not the point…if we are good at it, we shouldn’t stop. If we stopped it’d be loss to the world!! And you’d be responsible.. how would you live with that ” with despair he said.

“so let me get this straight …” June put her book down side of the bed. Took her reading glasses off and said, “you mean, if we just stopped doing sex the WORLD would be at loss?? You seems to lost it all.. today” she let a soft giggle.

“but tell you what …” June continued, “I do have something for you that we together could do!!” June had something on her mind.

“What?” Ron said it with clear uninteresting tone.

“talking”

“OHhhhhhhh MY GOD!!!” Ron heard himself screaming in his mind.

**~~**~~**

Ron submitted himself to June’s mercy as he sat beside her on their bed in bed room.

Ron and June were married for over a year now, both in late twenties. June, with her milky fair complexion, slightly blue and magical eyes and delightful smile had been Ron’s love since college. Ron loved tons of things about her, but mostly he loved her free sprint, wild thinking and strong opinions.

Those were her qualities. And he hated them tonight.

Ron was gazing her, as she was taking some sips of water from bottle.

“DAMN look at those wet lips!” Ron thought. “what’s wrong with her tonight .. why is she messing so much with me…. Aaah may be its one of ‘those’ nights! But she could tell me. She has told me upfront many times, why different tonight… Cant get read of this woman! But again she is a woman! Why these creatures are so complex …”

Ron, while thinking to himself, lost what June asked him.

“Ron” she shook him by grabbing his shoulder.

“Yeah.. Yeah..”

“so..”

“so what!”

“I asked you, do you remember how you first saw me or not!!”

“what! ” Ron looked almost shocked. “of course I do..”

“I can tell when you lie Ron…” She shrugged and turned away and almost lay down.

“Oh jeez! Pls June I know… ok. I first noticed you in Mathematics class first year engg.”

“What” now it was June’s time to surprise. “NO. we met in second year, Chemistry lab”

“No you Dumb Sex magnet… on. I remember you had changed your hairstyle from usual, which made you stand out. You had that unique sleek hairstyle with razor cut, uneven ends done at that time…”

“yeah.. I had done that.. you remember that. I didn’t know that. See we still have fun talking.” she was pleasantly surprised and happy that he remembers.

“I always thought we met in that Chemistry lab” June hugged pillow in joy, and sit right up beside him.

“that’s when we talked first time!! But what I don’t understand is why are we talking now?? cant we just ..” he moved his hand towards her thighs.

She slapped him on his hand again. “that topic off the table”

“whyyyyyyyyy??” He cried in his mind again.

**~~**~~**

Ron was thinking mean while June went to the kitchen to get a glass full of milk and a dish full of chocolate cookies.

A hint of delicious cookie’s smell caught Ron’s nose and broke his thought process, “Is that… oh it is, the butter, the brown and white sugar with semi-sweet chocolate chips. DAMN she is good with those cookies”

She came and sat in front of him. Ron immediately took one cookie and cracked it under his teeth. As the cookie dissolved in his mouth he asked, “I got a ‘talking’ point for you?”

After taking a sip out of her glass of milk she kept the glass on side table and hinted him to ask as she took one cookie of the dish.

“When was the first time you really enjoyed with me?”

“in college we went to that movie…”

“No no.. I meant sexually….” He was on his 3^rd cookie now.

She gave no reaction. He said “what! I m just asking.. I don’t think we discuss this as well

as it should.. common on! Anyways we are just talking…”

She was hesitating about how to speak about it. She took the pillow and crushed it in her embrace as she said, “you know, when we were in our honeymoon and you were really excited to make love.. Almost every night.. I use to be afraid of that part of you in those days. I just couldn’t connect to you physically, but since you were so enjoying I didn’t say much.”

Ron was stunned to hear this. His 4^th half eaten cookie fell in the dish without his notice.

**~~**~~**

“ That can’t be right! She must be joking, it was honeymoon where couples consummate their marriage so I did. I hope I didn’t overlooked her, whether she was liking it or not… how come I am suppose if she isn’t liking it.. why didn’t she said to stop.. then..”

In those nano seconds his brain went overdrive in thinking about all this.

June continued, “but then that day…”

It caught his attention. his internal thought stopped and he focused back on her.

“the day before we were suppose leave Paris, I had back pain.. you remember??”

She didn’t wait for his answer, as she was already in past.

“that day I had back pain. You asked me to lie on my stomach. You sat on my closed thighs and stoked my back with your hands. It wasn’t that helpful so you went and took some oil. You slowly pushed my top up and rubbed the oil on my lower back. While you were seating on my thighs I had felt you on my hips. I was having trouble in getting up to take the top completely off, so you took the scissors, just cut it in half and tore my top away. You took my bra off. On the bare back you started slowly messaging me. Though not so alien your that touch was fresh to me. I felt I am home. Slowly the pain faded away and I still wanted your touch. ”

“yes.. I remember.. then you turned.”

June smiled.

Ron continued, “I couldn’t keep myself away from your lips…. I know you bit me on my lips hard that time” June had her eyes closed and lips tightly held.

“Yes, I know” she said softly as she remembered.

“…that time for me real union happened between us… I’d always think that’s when I loved you” She said.

Few moments passed without a word being exchanged, where both drifted in past.

Gentle breeze flowing through bedroom window brought Ron to the present.

“ Ron you been such a jack..”

**~~**~~**

He shook his head and said, “No truly … you know..i am glad we talked…”

June came in present instantly when she heard his somewhat less confident voice which she could sense was also filled with little guilt.

“June, hey look am sorry. I have been so selfish in past.. didn’t really looked out for you..”

June had a big smile of her face.. but she avoided to laugh.

“today onwards I’d make sure its about us and not me me me.. trust me. You’ve always loved me more .. but now..I’d love you more than that. In fact now only, here why don’t you finish these last 2 cookies”

He passed the dish to her.

she peeped in and said “you mean 1 and half cookie?”

“yeah..” she sensed more guilt.

She laughed out loud and put the dish away on side table. His innocent confession and promise overjoyed her.

She stood on her knees and jumped on him to kiss him.

**~~the end~~**

World of Feelings

2011-03-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

To the co-author and a friend: I am extremely sorry but the only reply I could give is that your lines inspired me to write following:

Also apologising for the fact that I have used your text without your permission in something I felt while reading:

Dear readers, The coloured lines in the story belong to a friend of mine (acorn).

World of Feelings

Isaac waited helplessly. Aisha was shouting with unbearable pain. Doctor had moved to the delivery room. Isaac waited helplessly patiently. His love his only love, Aisha was in great pain and only thing he could do is to watch through the glass wall and pray.

He felt for that moment, for one moment, that there is nothing. You are standing on nothing, floating in nothing. The world around you is black, empty. Even you, yourself, are nothing. There is no sun. No moon. No star. Not a single light to shine is your empty heart, just black, cold, empty nothing.

He prayed. He prayed that end of it she’d be ok.

Doctor and nurse were busy, doing their job. It was just a job to them.

Suddenly he could see Aisha stopped screaming, motionless and most importantly relived. Doctor sitting in front of her wide opened legs, took his mask off and started to get up. As he rose his hands held something. It was a little bundle of flesh. It was Isaac’s son.

He could see it. His eyes filled with tears. It was as if in that empty cold space; from that nothing, colors have begun to form. They bubbled around the hollow space, getting bigger and bigger every second. He felt that They are the most beautiful colors you’ve ever seen-indescribable. They have no names. They fill the empty space around you. The sight of it is almost as wordless as your feelings. Only one thing is absolutely clear, you are happy. The happiness swells through your body, your mind, your heart, your soul.

Doctor showed the baby to Aisha and she hugged him tight.

Doctor waved Isaac to come in through the door. As Isaac came in Aisha presented him the most important moment of his life. He held his son for the first time and he didn’t know what he loved more: seeing Aisha sound and smiling or the god’s best gift to him. And suddenly he heard a melody. The sweet lullaby filled his emotions with pleasure. It was as if, You don’t even wonder where a piano may be. It is certain that the wonderful song is wordless, for no lyrics could ever perfect such a flawless tune. You smile, as if it could ever show how strongly you feel. You laugh, as if its sound could make this moment immortal.

It was the sound of his son’s first cry.

Being mute all his life his baby’s cracking voice was simple priceless.

Joy is the only emotion he felt. It seems as though it is the only thing in existence. he knew that he will never be able to describe this glorious, flawless feeling. Even he had failed to explain this perfect experience. It is hard to imagine that all of this comes down to only one word, one meaning-a word that we, as people, use lightly.

Love.

After few min, the baby was taken away by the nurse for cleaning and tagging purpose.

Isaac sat and held Aisha’s hand. Aisha had a tear in her eye. Isaac immediately understood the emotion she felt. In the sonography report it was found out that his baby has whole in his heart.

He watched as the colors slowly faded away and the music went into silence, and everything became black again.

He felt , You try to remember the happiness you’d felt, but that only makes you realize that you can never feel it again. Your joy slowly drains away and your heart hurts more than you ever thought possible. You realize that you are to blame. You should have shut your eyes before you had the chance to see the colors. You should have closed your ears before you heard the music. But you didn’t. Now, you are nothing, when you know you could be something. You know that here is something wonderful out there in the world. And that you don’t have it. You are nothing. There is nothing. There is no feeling left inside you-except one. It is called

Heartbreak.

Aisha’s crying brought him back.

He tightened his grip on her hand and took his left hand said to her in sign language, telling her “don’t worry I am there. Everything will ok. My son will be ok”

I am not sure

2011-01-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

I am not sure. If I was awake or asleep. I am not sure. What I do know is that I was with her.
I turned sideways on my bed and my hand found something that it wasn’t expecting. Some one was laying besides me. Though it was not expected, it certainly wasn’t strange.
I opened my eyes, only to see her laying, side wise on her left side. I didn’t see her face as it was on the other side but I felt I knew her for ages. Before I closed my eyes I could see her wrinkled purple colored shirt and black pajama’s. May be due moments during her sleep, her wrinkled shirt had moved a bit up only covering half of her upper body and had exposed her waist, her luscious curve. Her pajama’s had also moved half a hip down, assisting the completion of perfect curve..
I, myself was feeling really sleepy and didn’t want to wake her. I took the sheet and covered her till her shoulder before I fell deep back into sleep. My hand was on her waist. My hand found her body very soft. She responded to my touch by slightly lifting her knees of her folded legs towards her stomach, sliding her hand on mine till our fingers mixed with each other. I felt, she smiled to my touch.

May be during my sleep, I slid my hand along with hers; towards her navel and pulled her body towards mine, strongly. For a second or so I held her so tightly that my chest and her back was almost one; I think in that moment, I felt her heart beating on same beats as mine.
As I held her, I planted a gentle kiss on her neck. I heard her giggle indistinctly. My hug was still tight and she didn’t mind.
After some time, I heard a soft noise of her wrestling with the sheets so that she could turn, towards me. I was still in sleep but I strongly remember her lips as they kissed me on mine. The touch of her lips, made me feel that they were dry; so I made them wet with help from my tongue. She moved her one arm beneath my shoulder towards my back and other arm, under my neck. I moved both my hands on each side of her waist and pulled her over me.
As she lay on top of me, her silky hair scattered on my face. I heard her giggle again. Her face was on my right shoulder.
She had taken her hands out of my back, and slid across my hands till the elbow. She pushed my elbows down. Now my hands were lying beside my body, and she was free from my hug.
I still remember her laugh as she gently inserted her teeth on my right earlobe.

I opened my eyes slowly to see this mischievous beauty. But before I could catch any glimpse of her, she took her right hand placed it on my eyes. Her legs spread across my waist and her knees caught my hands on palms. I understood her urge to play so I didn’t move further. In fact, I wanted her to play with me. She moved down, gently biting on my neck, then on to left side of my chest. I let out a soft moan mainly due to the pain, as she bit my bare chest a bit harshly.
“now you see how it hurts me, sometimes!!” she naughtily said. I never had heard that soft voice, but strangely it was familiar to me. That feeling closely could be described as Déjà vu but by no means entirely.
She was moving down nibbling and kissing at her will. Her hair had also moved down, now covering my chest.
“No peeking ok?” she said, and she took her hand away from my eyes. Only to sidewise push my hands behind my back. Freeing her knees. Now she was seating straight up on my waist.
A motionless moment followed.
She lifted my head and tied silky clothes around my eyes. I think it was her purple shirt.
She bended down to nibble on my nipples and I am sure I felt her bare breasts.
She lifted herself a bit with help of her knees; from my waist, as she felt something throbbing her.
I knew it has become hard, and strongly throbbing her, right between her thighs; teasing her, making its presence felt to her.
I wanted to push her down, tear her clothes insert it deep inside her, making love to her, passionately.
Just after few seconds of teasing, she again laid on me completely. Her thighs crossed around my hard member, holding it strongly. I could feel how she was holding tightly, pressuring with her thighs so that it stops throbbing and teasing her.
Her lips were near my ear, she said “not now honey, I am waiting for you to come to me more than you are; I am waiting for you; to make love to me and be united with body and soul ; more than you are!”
I freed my hands from my back and opened my eyes, to hug her, kiss her. But she wasn’t there. The silk shirt I felt she had on my eyes wasn’t there. I sat up, grasping my breath. Waiting for her. Thinking was it real or a dream. I am not sure. If I was awake or asleep. I am not sure.

Prespective

2011-01-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

Well friends back in 2010 a lot of things happened, but none of them were as good as the one that I want to tell you today.
26 Feb 2010 marked their 3^rd wedding anniversary. Ayush and Navya.
Navya age 28, youthful, multi talented, multilingual; who also happens to be a doctor. There’s something about her which just got everyone hooked with her. May be it’s her grace or the way she talk to you; maybe it’s her smile or the warmth in her gaze. There could be many things that could be said about that beauty but to me her eyes stood completely apart from rest of human female kind. There was amazing tranquility in those slightly brown eyes.
On the other hand; Ayush, a 29 year old guy, about 5 ft 6’ fit and smart looking, who worked in IT Company as “Industry Research Analyst”, which meant basically to read a lot of ‘high subscription cost’ magazines. Try to get Your Company to feature in them …..and…. {…. skipping minor details} he gets paid really (REALLY) well for a geeky job.
On 26 Feb 10, they decided to celebrate every coming anniversary in small French restaurant called “récolteamour” meaning love harvest. It was a small place with typical French feel near University. Navya had great explanation for Ayush’s frown when she proposed celebrating this and every anniversary in that restaurant. It reminded her feeling from the past.
Instead, when asked by Ayush she simply said “I like the food over there.”
* ~ *
Navya in her maroon skirt and a fading blue colored top dazzled that million dollar smile as she entered the “récolte amour”. They booked and occupied the exact same table, where they had their first dinner at “récolte amour” 4 years ago, on 28^th of November 2006. That was the night that changed everything for Navya.
“Well it sure feels like a changed place..” Navya said while looking at the flower decoration on each table.
“Yup they sure has changed this place.. They added some security camera’s as well, look honey” Ayush had pure evil smile on his face.
* ~ *
Folks to understand Ayush’s comment, we would have to travel back in May of 2006, when they had a good friendship going on. One fine afternoon Navya while having lunch with her friends in one of the reputed hotels in the city; is challenged to smuggle silverware out of the hotel by her friend. Ayush, who was incidentally seating in nearby table and overheard the conversation, and well yes he informed the Manager to check the young lady. When the silverware was indeed found by the security staff in Navya’s purse and she was explaining the prank part of it, Ayush came hugged Navya sideways and said to the security officer “I m sorry you have to see this but my friend over here is mentally not too well, I truly am sorry for the inconvenience caused.” And he just took her out of the hotel, towards his car. Navya just didn’t know how to react. She kept quiet and gave Ayush a smile.
She always felt his presence exactly at that point in the hotel to be more than a coincident.
* ~ *
Navya was not amused. “I know you set me up that day, I don’t know how you did it; but I know you did…”
* ~ *
But till date Ayush keeps saying that ……
* ~ *
“It was a coincident, common! I was just coming in the hotel and saw security guard questioning you, I rescue you from embarrassing situation and that’s how you thank me, by blaming me?”
Ayush mocking a disbelief look took awkward sip of water from the glass.
Navya was still staring hard at him. Waiter came by to Ayush’s rescue.
For Ayush, it was the usual; any damn chicken dish and garlic bread. For Navya well she actually read the whole menu card, which I guess was also a shock to waiter as the menu card was in French. And after much deliberation she asked the waiter “what’s chef’s special?” He answered and she ordered that.
“Navya.. You remember last time we were here … what a heck of night that was…”
Now Navya took awkward sip water from the glass.
“it was” Navya replied.
“Who knew fire alarm could cry out so loud exactly at the time we requested for bill, and boy those sprinklers could make us so freaking wet” Ayush was reminiscing on those ‘wet Navya’ memories, while Navya turned her head and gazed at “for ladies” room.
Because Navya knew more about that night then Ayush could ever think of.
* ~ *
On 28th of November 2006, Navya had plans to have a serious talk with Ayush.
Ayush had proposed her 2 months ago, Navya didn’t give him any answers.
Well that’s mainly cause ….
you see, Navya Pradhan’s family was a doctor’s family. Her father, her mother her elder brother every one took pride being a doctor. Back then in 2006 when she was studying to be a doctor; still they were really proud of her, they almost considered her to be a doctor at family gatherings. Whenever subject of her marriages would be discussed it was almost assumed that she would be marrying a doctor.
....And Ayush was not a doctor. Back then what he was; was a guy mainly dressed in jeans and un-tucked shirt or t shirt, with a really want-to-be-cool spiked up hair; who was studying for his management degree.
In November of 2006, well things went a bit complicated as her parent started searching for Mr. Doc for soon to be a Doc. And to Navya’s surprise they found one. Dr. Vyom. Tall, handsome and wore Armani suit each time he met Navya. The Pradhan’s were intoxicated with Dr. Vyom and were confident that they had found a perfect son-in- law in him; just they were waiting for Navya to find a husband in him.
That night she wanted to discuss about Dr Vyom. That night Navya wanted to talk about ‘the decision’ she has made.
All the time while dining she kept on thinking about how to say it so he wouldn’t get hurt, while Ayush was busy yapping about a professor, a classroom project and a presentation about “trends of attrition in industry”. Her food was almost finished; now she needed to think through and say it what she wanted. She was extremely nervous and she was unable to concentrate on her thoughts. She excused herself and headed for restroom.
She went in an empty compartment and took out a cigarette.
Yes our soon-to- be- a doc Miss Navya was a junky back then.
To shake off the nervousness she let out two long puffs of smoke. She threw the half lit cigarette in toilet and flushed twice before heading out of the compartment. As she was repeating some words of self confidence looking at self in the mirror she saw a sign hanging on the wall. It read “pas fumer”. With her beginner level French, she took some time to read and understand it. But as she understood it, she immediately stepped out of the restroom.
It read “No Smoking”
The smoke detector sensed smoke and fire alarm was triggered. It was a constant high pitch warning noise.
Ayush was waiting for the bill when the alarm sounded. Navya was nowhere to be seen. The hotel staffs were trying to help the customer out. After few seconds he saw Navya rushing out of restroom. Hotel staff kept asking him to move towards the exit but he stood right where he was, waiting for Navya to come. As she came near he reached out for her hand and both started their sprint towards exit.
Something went wrong with the automated system and sprinkler’s started dispersing water droplets on exiting customers. There was a bit rush at the small door to go out of the restaurant leaving some of the customer completely wet.
* ~ *
“Are you done, remembering my green wet tank top, now”
Shocked Ayush hastily replied “what.. Nooo I wasn’t thinking about that…com’on! There’s nothing there that I haven’t seen now.. Why would I ....”
“So then why are you staring at my …..” before she could finish, waiter came with tray filled with food.
Navya didn’t stress further and began enjoying the French food. Ayush changed his focus on to food as well.
Food was served ; finished leaving its traces behind on the plates. This time Ayush did pay the bill and moved towards their Honda Jazz. As Ayush and Navya were walking towards car, Navya asked, “Ayu I want to drive”
“ya.. well this isn’t your ford dear!”
“You just had to bring that up didn’t you?” she stopped walking and looked furiously in his eyes.
“Well not that I wanted to recall that accident but call me superstitious if you want; your never driving us again from récolte amour…”
“I already said this enough times already and will say it again…car was not there.. it suddenly came from nowhere and it was so fast I didn’t got any time to react..”
“How could you miss it… I saw it.. I was yelling at you to break but you just kept on stepping on the gas… I still couldn’t understand.. What were you thinking…”
“I wasn’t thinking anything… I didn’t .. I mean that car just appeared..”
“No Nav…its time to tell me now.. What was going on in your mind that night..tell me..”
Navya was irritated with that little smirk on his face, yelled “fine. You want to know, well here it is…….”
* ~ *
Before that..
Let me tell you about the accident first.
On 28th of November 2006, after they left “récolte amour”, Ayush put his coat over Navya’s shoulder. She took the keys out and in a bit furious mood sat in driving seat of her Ford. Ayush sat near her. He though being wet is what has made up mood go upside down, so knowingly he kept quite. There was hardly any traffic on roads that night. Her ford was making squeaking noises as she kept on changing gears rather quickly and which was increasing car’s speed considerably. With each gear change Ayush was gazing towards the speedometer. It went beyond 100 mph and finally nervous Ayush spoke about Navya to consider reducing speed. Navya in her own trance changed one more gear. They almost reached the intersection, Ayush saw something coming from the left side road and just when he yelled about it……their ford hit one SUV coming from the other side at the intersection.
Navya was unconscious and Ayush had dislocated his shoulder. The seat belts and airbags did save their lives but car was hardly recognizable. Driver of SUV escaped with minor injuries and left the scene leaving Ayush and unconscious Navya on the road.
When Navya woke up she found herself in hospital and her family gathered around her, except Ayush. When she asked he father about Ayush, angrily he narrated how Ayush’s reckless driving was responsible for her accident and asked to never to see his face again. When Navya insisted knowing where he is, her father said that he called police after the accident, police bought her here and they took him for interrogation.
She didn’t meet Ayush for couple of weeks. In those couple of weeks, in complete silence, she realized something that changed her perspective on everything…
Ok back to our story ..
* ~ *
“No Nav…its time to tell me now.. What was going on in your mind that night..tell me..”
Navya was irritated with that little smirk on his face, yelled “fine. You want to know, well here it is…….I was about to tell you that I want to be marry Dr. Vyom”
Stunned by those words, Ayush dropped his car key.
“yes I wanted to tell you that I have decided to end our relationship, this is as far it goes but we certainly have no future”
“that, Dr. Vyom with Armani suits and those large specs…?? Then why didn’t you.. why after coming out of hospital you came to me.. when your dad had asked you not to.. what gave in” Ayush was never so serious in his entire life.
* ~ *
Well you will also be when on third anniversary your wife tells you that your weren’t the guy she wanted to marry..
* ~ *
“what gave in Navya..?”
With a drop of tears left her eyes and rolled over her cheeks.
“At hospital, I realized that with Vyom; my life would have been perfect, I would have had stable may be prosperous life, my family would have been ecstatic but … Vyom” she took a pause and gathered her thoughts and said “I m sure, he’d take me to 5 star hotel he wouldn’t have let me come here, only not on that night not ever may be. I wanted to be here… he would have scolded me for my choice of the stupid restaurant after the fire incident but instead you put your coat around me without a word; you told my dad that you were driving when accident happened and were in custody for 3 days, because you knew my dad would kill me and my freedom with it…”
“So for all that you married me?” now even more disappointed Ayush said.
With nodding her sidewise she said “No Ayu .. Can’t you see? I knew you loved me, but I married you because I understood you loved me for what I am. With you around I could be completely be myself without any apprehension ...life with anyone else wouldn’t have been half as exciting as the life with you.”
Ayush picked up the keys threw at her and said “that’s it! You are driving…”
She barely managed to catch the keys. Ayush came and hugged her from sideways and said “Nav that was a great Anniversary gift ..”
“Which part?” she asked mischievously.
“The joke where you said you wanted marry that dorky Vyom..that stuff will make me laugh even on death bed ..”
* ~ *
With warm smile on her face, she pushed the button of remote on car keychain.
Honda Jazz made a soft sound and opened its doors.

-THE END-

Immortality

2010-12-17T09:51:00.000-08:00

How often it is said “death isn’t an answer to life’s question”.
Well, mine was.

That afternoon I had a party to go to. I wore my favorite white and jeans. I remember I was happy for soon to be Mrs. Williams. Lily.. My Dr. Lily was going to marry Dr. Mike Williams. Lily and I grew up together. We shared our lives, our sorrows and our happiness. Lily, the only beautiful girl I had an opportunity to know. She was the one who could make my heart jump in my chest with her simplest smile. She was the one who would cuddle me even in the glimpse of trouble. She was the one who trusted me more than anyone; she was the one who I fell in love with since childhood.

The only time we parted was when she had decided to pursue her medical career and I chose my engineering. Still we saw each other once in a month. I finally collected the courage to tell her how I felt about her, how I always felt about her, how much I loved her. She laughed considering it as a prank. When she understood how serious I was, politely turned me down. Many of our common friends thought this would change our friendship but it didn’t. We continued to be friends, continued to meet each other once in a month. In her medical college she met Mike and when things started to get serious she told me about him. I was ok with that back then and was happy for her. Things turned alright over the years and she decided to walk down the aisle for him. The party was the celebration of that.

I sat in the corner as I watched our friends celebrate with Lily and Mike. Mike hugged her and kissed her on lips. I remember I crushed the beer can in my hand. Something very strong came in my heart. I went to bar and asked for Whiskey. They danced in their warm embrace and I kept on drinking Whiskey. I felt angry at myself for not being the one who is dancing with her. I wasn’t Mike. I felt guilty to be angry and jealous for my best friend’s happiness. But I couldn’t resist. I loved her. I knew she was happy so didn’t want make a scene and also I couldn’t leave otherwise she would feel bad on her happiest day, I couldn’t live with that. So made excuses of sore leg and avoided going towards the dancing floor. I kept myself busy with my emotions and Whiskey. It was late in night when all got rapped up and I finally stopped my Whiskey shots. Mrs Lily Williams hugged me and asked or rather begged me to stay with them but I was completely caught with my pain of losing my Lily, I didn’t pay much attention.

I remember it took me 20 min to put the key in starter of my car. I barely could see anything as whiskey made everything look like a haze. I took some water from the bottle and splashed over my face. Things were better now. I started driving but the image of her kissing him just wasn’t leaving my eye site.

Car was gaining speed. In the moment I yelled a loud cry, steering wheel zipped away from my hand. The last thing I remember was a sharp sting on forehead and explosion of pain.

I indistinctly heard a highway patrol officer’s call for aid “a 23 year old male with severe head injuries and massive blood loss”.

Little that I knew, even after death I would live forever.

~*-*-*-~

My body was brought in, after little examination doctors called Gabriel’s parent and gave them the news they were longing to hear, the happiest news of all.

Gabriel came from poor black family. They couldn’t afford that kind of expensive surgery but public health service has provision for girls like Gabriel. Problem was that list of waiting and the corruption in the system would never let the ‘solution’ come to girls like Gabriel.

Gabriel had a defected heart since birth. A hole that doctors thought might just heal as she grows up. Things only got complicated as she grew. At late teen, Gabriel only had one hope, heart transplant. She had registered in public health services for the operation and now was waiting if any fitting heart is available. It was 5th year and Gabriel’s chances to live, to breath properly were getting thinner by each passing day. Since she was in critical situation she was admitted in the same hospital where my body was lying.

Though hearts were getting available but since heart only could exist only few hours outside body patients closer to the donated heart were preferred for the transplant.

And finally for Gabriel a donor which was close enough was found which also matched all medical requirements for heart transplant.

Lily had explained once about the process where anyone could nominate themselves to be a donor for a particular organ of body or donor for all list of available organs. For that a legal document is required to be signed which mentions specific clause to be executed at what condition. If the person is dead, hospital could retrieve the information residing at central medical database, regarding choices made for organ donation, from social security number of that person and that clause could be executed.

I had clicked in front of Heart.

A laborious operation of heart transplant was successfully completed.

Now I feel the world through 18 year old happy Gabriel.

And as fate would have it, Gabriel is monitored for post operation rehabilitation by Dr Lily Williams.
~*-*the-end*-*~

90Days

2010-12-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Day 91:

That “Tuesday” was finally here. Both were extremely excited.

He was already in the bedroom waiting for her impatiently. She was taking some time. He yelled her name. She said “in a minute”. Phone rang as she was coming towards the bedroom. She went to pick it up and it turned out to be her little sister on the other side.

He took this opportunity and sprayed perfume in the room, the one she loved. Went up the cupboard to get those fancy candles he had bought. Lit them around the bed and dim the lights. Why Sara can’t just let one night go without calling my wife, he thought as he lied on the bed looking at the candle flame dance on cool breeze coming through the window. She finally put down the phone. His heart beat increased. After 5 years of marriage, still he was as excited to be with her as he was on their first time. thanks to none other than Sofia.

~*~*

Even though they loved each other a lot, one night after doing “it” they weren’t sure if they were happy. It was dry, as Sofia put it to Mark. Both of them were filling guilty and just wasn’t able to sleep, both of them lied on bed looking at opposite side. Then Sofia had enough of this, she turned towards Mark and exclaimed “90 days”

She explained the concept to Mark.

“what?”

“YES, no kissing, no hugging, no touching here n there and no immediate hopping in to the showers”

“so you say that our problem is that we do a lot of it?”

“no, our problem is that we are to familiar with It….. we need to clear our system and find that attraction again…and make love than …… this”

“so….abstaining is our solution….”

“may be”

“What if, we don’t find our self attractive in this period? Then …..”

She put her hand in his hair, gently playing with it she said “no matter what you say I know you love me and I know I LOVE you too so THAT is not an option”

Raising his one eyebrow he asked: “hmm I agree to 90 days ..however…..do you want to make it a bit more interesting…. rather than just abstaining?” he had that playful look in his eyes as he said it.

“what do you have in mind?” she wasn’t a women who backs down.

“seduction…..”

She was amused by this thought but she didn’t want him to know it and asked “what do you mean?”

“what do you think I mean? I am talking about seduction, each of us would try to seduce other… Well, at least once in a day! other person has stop falling to the temptation……and most important part: we honestly have to appreciate the attempts as well… by yelling an acknowledgment signal as…. “Strike one or two ” so other partner would know…” he thought he was genius till she asked the following.

“what if you don’t try to seduce me ….what if you forgot in your busy work schedule?”

He was blank.

“I have an answer, you’ll cook for me that night ….whatever I want” she sat up and started waving her hands in the air as if she was dancing.

He.. took the words in….a moment later agreed.

“and what if you didn’t try to seduce me?” Mark asked her, stressing the word ‘seduce’

“than…………”

“oh . I have an answer….” Mark got up from bed, mocking her as he said it.

“Sofia would do NO TELEPHONE to parents……..and sister the next whole day …” with that Mark actually started dancing. Sofia reluctantly agreed but she knew Mark would fail so miserably she won’t have worry about no calls to Sara, her sister.

Sofia just wanted to make sure about the honesty in implementation of the rules so she took out the marriage photo from frame and said: “so Mark, you take oath to accept the rules of abstaining, seduction and yelling Strikes with full honesty?”

“I do” Mark said it as he placed his hand on the photo. “do you?”

“I do” she kept her hand on his hand on the photo as she said it. This is going to easy, she thought to herself as she smiled to him.

~*~*

DAY 1:

“Mark honey, you’ve a phone call”

Mark rubbed his eyes only to see, Sofia in a wet towel covering from chest to knee, with wet hair on those bare shoulders and that look in the eyes.

Strike ONE.

After gasping for breath he said “ahh keep it on table” he wanted to rip that towel from her body and wanted to kiss her but just in time “NO touching” rule had flashed in front of him. He kept ogling her as she walked towards the washroom, collecting her inners she had carefully placed for him to see.

Strike TWO.

Mark forgot the “seduction” rule and inevitably cooked noodles and salad for her that night.

~*~*

Day 2

Mark hated himself as he cooked her favorite pasta and have to cut all those vegetable to make her “the salad”

~*~*

Day 3

That morning, Sofia woke up with the thought that what she could have for dinner tonight as she knew Mark would as always forget the “seduction” rule. Mark had some different plan. He was getting ready for important meeting.

Mark had his tux which suits him so perfectly out on the bed. Mark knew Sofia loved that tux on him. It was the same tux he wore when he proposed her. She could never forget how sexy he looked that night.

“It’s all in the eyes” Mark kept telling himself as he started buttoning the White shirt. Sofia got up and sat on the bed waiting for Marks move.

He took the tux and wore it. As he was adjusting it tux in the mirror, Sofia unknowingly had closed her eyes, she could picture that night as if it had happened yesterday. That look, how he smelled, his tight embrace, that racing of the heart beat and that first kiss. She felt a tingle in her spine as she thought about that kiss.

Mark saw Sofia grinning and biting her lower lip.

Mark was walking confidently towards the bedroom door. Sofia opened her eyes.. only to meet Marks.. Something in his eyes… made her feel to hug him…. Just as that thought popped up, she exclaimed “Strike One”

Mark punched his fist in the air as he walked out of bedroom.

~*~*

In coming week Mark joined a near by health club just to get back in shape. He would come out of shower flaunting his muscles and abs towards Sofia leaving her helplessly shout “ strike ”.

She was also no less. She would flaunt her perfect “Curves” in front of him leaving him skip a beat.

Still there were days when Mike would prepare the salad but this time he didn’t hate it. Sofia would talk to Mark more than her sister made Mark really happy.

One day Mark came home early and he decorated the bedroom with white Lilly’s. That threw Sofia completely in the orbit of joy and she almost forgot the rules and came dangerously close to Hug him. She wanted to. He wanted to.

Both started appreciating each other. Mark started to behave like a perfect gentleman towards her. Pulling chair for her while dinning together, respecting her on the dress choices and his compliments about how beautiful she looked sometimes made her yell “Strike One”

Both would cross a day in the calendar and had their 91^th day marked with symbol of heart, with Sofia’s red lipstick.

It was coming as Tuesday.

~*~*

Day 91:

Sofia came in the bedroom. She took a long breath as she smelled her favorite perfume. Her eyes were looking for Mark. But he was there on the bed. Her body wanted to feel mark, feel his embrace, his lips. She was a bit annoyed to find Mark wasn’t there.

Suddenly Mark hugged from behind so tight that she felt she would dissolve in his hug. She turned towards him and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. He slid his hands in her long hair, gently pulling her head upwards. He slid his lips towards her neck, slowly giving her a love bite as he lifted her from her waist and started walking towards the bed.

That night they made LOVE. He felt her fabulous curves and she could feel his new strength.

Finally on 91th night, they were united, with body and soul.

~*~*THE END~*~*

Rain

2010-11-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

It was raining that evening.
She was in her yellow umbrella waiting on the other side of the road, on the side walk.
“How did it come to this” she thought as she stared blankly at rain drops following off the umbrella.
“Did I ever love him? Ever? Was I weak to accept him? I knew he loved me so much but I just couldn’t ….”
A chill went up her spine as she thought it. She thought of herself as a bad person. She couldn’t understand why she accepted his love when she never felt anything. Even the rain couldn’t hide the rolling tears on her cheek.
She shook her head to get rid of these thoughts.
“It is for the best…”

|-*-*|

A Night Before That Evening

His phone rang on a beautiful tune. It was a background score of a movie she loved.
He picked up the call.
After a few moments of awkward hello’s and how are you’s, she said “hmm Raghav, I have to return it”
“Aashi, its ok really…I mean it was for you…. besides…” before he could finish she said “pls Raghav, you have to understand.. this isn’t easy for me, I don’t want it anymore.. pls…”
Dejected Raghav agreed to take back the Claddagh’s trinity knot necklace. It was a necklace having sterling silver with yellow plating and with a silver chain.
As Raghav put down the phone, he remembered something and dialed Aashi’s number back again.
He convinced her to meet him one more, may be last time and hand it to him at the road near the coffee shop.

|-*-*|

A Couple Of Weeks Ago

Raghav had taken her in a 3 star restaurant “the WESTIN”, well he had something to celebrate. She was dressed in a beautifully silky blue gown and was wearing her hair down.
At the dinner table Raghav said, “Well I had a word with my parents and they are super happy with you and they really love you, you are a big hit in my family you know”
She was staring in blank. Raghav notice she isn’t quite herself today, he asked “what’s bothering you?”
Without blinking, she stared in his eyes and said “You know…….Vansh wants me…..he wants me…”
“Raghu, you know why I never said I love you to you cause I ……..” she couldn’t finish. “but I really like you and enjoy my time with you …you’re a greatest friend…..but ” she stopped, took a breath.
“Raghu, I have been seeing Vansh for a couple of months now, it was not serious, I use to meet him as a friend. I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure what I feel ……. but few days ago he came in to my room, hugged me, kissed me, and asked me to “live in” with him” her face was expressionless.
After a long silence Raghav asked “you told me, you moved on ?”
She shrugged while playing with her fork “I guess I wasn’t “
Raghav felt his heart imploding as he heard these words from her mouth.

|-*-*|

Few Months ago

She was getting ready for the “Bryan Adams Live” concert Raghav had bought tickets in black for them.
Her phone rang.
“Raghu could you tell me who’s that?”
Raghav took her phone from her purse. It showed a picture of a guy and name read as Vansh.
“Aashi ..Its Vansh..” he thought of asking about him to her later.
“let it go to voice mail…. I’ll check it later” she yelled from washroom.
“ok……Aashi, ” he said. He kept the phone on table, something rather ‘bright’ caught his eye.
“Yeaha” she yelled again.
“Why do you have a yellow umbrella?”
On their way back from concert she explained him that Vansh is just a guy she met in her college and he was her classmate in the Architecture class and while in college she had a little crush on him.

|-*-*|

Six Months Ago

“oh com’on Raghav! see it reads as: The Claddagh’s “trinity knot” necklace is an Irish symbol of love, loyalty and friendship. A symbol of spiritual growth, eternal life and undying love. It’s exactly kinda gift I would love. Is there anything cooler than this?” she asked him as she was eyeing it through a window of jeweler shop of “the Claddagh’s”.
Looking at the prize tack he murmured “WOW! Ok if it all I m getting this for you, you have to tell me who were you waiting for that day in the coffee shop?”
“hum let’s see!”
“I don’t know why can’t you just tell me…. I m betting now that day, you weren’t actually waiting for anyone ”
They both walked away from the shop with a warm smile on their face. A few weeks later, he gifted it to her.

|-*-*|

Raghav, soaking wet, was walking towards the curve from which the coffee shop was 15 min walking distance away.

|-*-*|

A Year ago…

Aashi was reading a magazine and waiting for someone in the coffee shop. She had earphones to ears but music wasn’t loud. In fact her i-pod wasn’t even on. She had kept the earphones to avoid strangers coming up and talking to her. She was quite aggravated by the waiting.
Raghav was seating directly behind her and had and HR discussion in that coffee shop/ but it was rather late for his interviewer. He wasn’t sure of the time as he had forgotten his watch in the hurry. So he decided to ask girl behind him for the time.
She didn’t respond twice on Raghav’s request for “Excuse me! Can you pls tell me the time?”
“the music isn’t that loud that she can’t hear me?” He thought to himself.
Raghav glanced at her i-pod in curiosity for which is such song she is listening intently only to find that her i-pod wasn’t even on.
Raghav immediately got up from his seat and went infront of her table. He tapped on the table gently as she looked up, he took his right fist and rubbed it on his left side chest in clockwise turns, slowly murmuring words as “I m sorry”
Raghav thought of her as a deaf person as she didn’t respond back to his calls and draw inference of her ear phones in ear as ‘to avoid conversations with surrounding people’. Raghav had a distant cousin who was deaf, so he had picked up some sign language while they were at grandparents house together in childhood.
Raghav continued in his sloppy sign language asking her about the time?
Already frustrated Aashi, was completely put off, at what was happening in front of her. She shouted at him “what are you, retarded or something? Please go away”
Taken by the shock, he still continued in sign language and with slow lip moments he said “I just want to know the time?”
“you could simply ask…. Pls stop doing all that……”
“WOW! I thought ……….I thought u were deaf….”
“WHAT” now Aashi was very angry. She got off from her chair and wanted to slap this guy but just managed to control herself.
Raghav gave the explanation about why he thought she was deaf, with off i-pod and since she didn’t answer him twice when he called from behind…
“so didn’t u get it? don’t you understand the signs…..that may be I don’t want to talk to you” she was really shouting at him.
She continued “god, u are such ……..its 3.3.0 pm, happy now pls leave me alone”
Raghav really wanted to say sorry …..again but wasn’t sure if that would have helped so without much saying he sat in his chair.
Hour passed but nobody turned up. Aashi and Raghav were seating alone on their tables.
Aashi realized that she was really mean to this guy where as it was kinda funny what he was doing in front her. She got up and sat beside him.
“look I m sorry but I m kinda having a bad day”
“My days isn’t so good either, I was suppose to meet this HR person for salary discussion but I guess he isn’t coming now”
Aashi smile and offered him her hand “I m Aashi, coffee?”

|-*-*|

Raghav wore a smile as soon as he saw the yellow umbrella on the other side of the road. Their eyes met. He crossed road carefully and came closer to her. He stayed outside her umbrella. He took his hands off his jeans and put a large smile on his face to greet her.
Cloud was thundering. Rain had picked up some speed.
She moved her hand in front of him which had the trinity knot. He took it from her hand.
“Raghav, I will be moving in with him so won’t be staying in the city from next week onwards…be in touch…”
Raghav nodded.
She was about to take off, as she turned and said “and Raghav, you always wanted to know this; the day we met, I was waiting for Vansh in the coffee shop” she looked down, turned without hesitation and started walking.
Claddagh’s trinity knot slipped from Raghav’s hand and went into drain with rain water.
Rain was pouring in. Raghav stood their quietly, watching her leave.

|-*the End-*|

cloud of thoughts

2010-11-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

    Hmm idea of sharing my day has been lingering around for quite some time now.. but ok let me start

    I am afraid about one thing…. Now a days..



    I don’t want to actually go into details of what happened to me in last few months..but just want to start from now..

    AS I said.. I m afraid of one thing.. and it is.. will ever love anyone again.. coz now a days.. I just have lost the desire to be with anyone. I was actually thinking that will I love to hold a breast of someone I love and in general…am I even interested in the whole love making thing ....... I m interested in sex but making love has different perspective right? Now let me clarify for some of the readers…. That I don’t tick in the other way…ok? So don’t have ur dirty mind fill it with imagination and cast me with guy.. I m not that kinda DUDE… its not that kinda party …!

    I was going through a news site and saw a picture about nude (and not naked) gal.. and I didn’t stare.. it was odd for me..

    And then I just checked if I m into it or not by thinking about it real hard.. and I did …………but didn’t feel connected…

    Its sad to see the side effects of the broken heart !!!

    Life goes color blind when love is lost isn’t it?

    I really love the song by Bob Dylan called “don’t think twice babe, its alright” .. will it ever be alright?

    When she was around.. I use to sparkled.. but even now.. when she is around.. I don’t know what to even say … its been 5 months.. but things are cold but not diluted a bit.

    Why….and how one loves someone.. for what reason……..

    Why I loved her and she loved some else…..who didn’t even respect her as a women but wanted to sleep with her….just for one night!

    The song states that if haven’t understood it by now there’s no point in understanding…. So I guess I will never know why it was not me…why!

    Question still remains….do have enough left in me to LOVE?

God only knows !

Right View .. well Almost

2010-11-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

I m not sure if you understand this but I m reading this book about Buddhism and how important is to have RIGHT VIEW in life. Its not the main focus of Buddhism but one of the crucial nonetheless.

well let me give you an example of what i mean or what "right view" means: (always remember that its just an example and doesn't really have to be anything more :))
lets say..... you neighbor is moving out...and when you come back from your day at work you see new neighbor moving in. and they are super HOT. did you get that .. THEY. yes there are 3 girls and super hot. you cant seem to decide which one is AWESOME then others as you get few glimpse every now and then through your balcony (which has direct view to your HOT neighbor's balcony and living room). As they walk in their rooms in their "short" exposing their "god gifted...silky white "thighs ..you tend to forget to breath sometimes.
you make up your mind and you choose one.
this starts the FANTASY process for the single status guy. Our single guy hopes a chance to say HI to our HOT neighbor. he understand slightly manipulated version of Christ's "Love thy neighbor" clause. time goes on and single guy remains committed only to WORK...
with RIGHT VIEW Single guy's status might not change but what it gives is a quantum of solace to our guy.
whats the RIGHT view in this situation?
Right view would be:
1. Our guy has a shorts wearing HOT neighbor.
2. The fantasy process needs to be stopped as it creates desire which may not get fulfilled which will turn to pain which has no basis having said that true feeling shouldn't be ignored and guy should accept true facts as well.
3. Need to believe in himself enough that if destined things will work out between them and if NOT its for the best
Again remember that above case is an example and doesn't really have to be anything more :)

World of MyEyes

2010-10-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

It was late evening. The beach was getting deserted. Setting Sun’s golden rays were percolating the sky.
…………A man in his late 20ies, wearing khaki knee length shorts and white t-shirt was walking on a line along the shore where sea met the white sand. Not far away from him was a beautiful woman, looking at setting sun while she collected her slightly curly hair on her left shoulder with her left hand. Her red color sleeve less kurta top was complimenting her whitish complexion. She was wearing thick golden colored bangles in her hands. Colors always looked more colorful on her because they never overshadowed her beauty. She always looked like a perfect painting, great colors playing with each other on white canvas.
She sensed him, slightly turning towards her right she gazed at him. As soon as her eyes saw him, a dimple studded smile emerged on her face.
He came near her and hugged her sidewise, gently kissing her on the cheek, where her dimple was.

………A sudden slash of sea water from the wave, on my leg brought my attention to my feet. I immediately looked down, I could sense my legs were feeling a bit cold now. I decided to move.
My mind couldn’t stop wondering that I knew that man from my dream. I know him because I know it was me. Though I was there on the line where sea met the white sand, I knew that in that dream I was walking instead of stuck on my wheelchair.

“my dreams and my reality” I thoughts. A smile emerged on my face as I was pushing forward my wheelchair. It was often that the wheel would get stuck in the soft sand and I have to push it even harder. It was tiring but something about sea and sun has always attracted or demanded my attention. Though stuck on my wheelchair with a limited mobility, I think I loved sun and sea’s unlimited playfulness. I visited them as often as possible, knowingly trying as hard as possible to walk or stroll on beach in my wheel chair. I was going away from the beach towards my car where driver was patiently waiting for me. As he saw me approaching he came and started pushing my wheel chair, giving my hands a bit relief.
“That lady I saw in my dream, will she ever be real? The love I felt in her gaze, the warmth I felt in the hug, will that ever be real? Or for a handicap it’s just a mirage?”
A chill went through my spine. My mind got blocked down with these questions.
Driver helped me sit in the car. He folded the wheel chair and put it in the back of my car.
As he drove us towards our hotel room in Panji, I thought about the unanswered questions…something told me to look in past for the answers.
I have considered and lived my life as a normal person like any other. Even as a kid have I ever not done anything that a normal kid was doing? No I haven’t left anything not done.. on top of it I even played cricket better than almost most of my team members ..What magical days were those”

….. I was on striking end, we required 9 runs to win from 5 balls… odds were against us .. Screaming crowd on my left side was shouting my name …. Like I was their lord savior.. in my mind I had my plans… connect with damn ball and give Sachin the remaining balls to make 8 runs. I still remember my heart bouncing in my chest … as if in that moment course of life is going to get decided.
“Aayega, Ayega ..sara run aayega..” Sachin confidently shouted at me from the other end of 20 yards… the non sticking end.
Handicap or no handicap, you’d probably have to be dead from inside for not be crazy for cricket. And I wasn’t DEAD.
I had a tricycle in those days. I’d park head my tricycle on the left side of the leg stump, exposing my wicket completely. I use to side wisely stand on the seat of my tricycle on my knees. I’d hold left hand on the hand of the seat for holding my balance while standing, which left me only right hand to hold the bat. Still I was dreaded batsman for bowlers due to sheer power I had in my hand. I played cricket for long time to prove to anyone who laughed at me that I wasn’t DEAD.
That day, well … was different.
The bowler was 25 year old angry young guy, who bowled at us ‘late teenagers’ like a bullet train. I wasn’t worried about getting out but that day Sachin and myself were our last partnership. Any one of us goes, we’d lose the match.
Heart was now jumping in the chest to see that the bullet train has left its station and is marching towards me with a leather ball in his hand, aggression in his eyes. Ball was full delivery pitched on off stump. I barely saw ball travel the whole 20 yards as it left his hand but by god’s grace it hit my bat which travelled just in time to save my off stump. After placing the ball in between point and cover on off side, my runner ran towards the non striking end, completing one run and for me, more importantly putting Sachin on strike.
We needed 8 runs in 4 balls, and now it wasn’t my headache. I felt relieved for fraction of a moment.
Sachin faced next delivery only to take a single putting me back in front of bullet train guy. If I ever felt like killing someone, it was in that moment and victim would have been Sachin.
7 runs. 3 balls. Bullet train.
“Aayega, Ayega” Sachin from non striking end. I swear I felt he was smirking as he shouted “Aayega, Ayega”.
“Sachin, kaise aayega ye bhi baata mere ..bhai” I heard an angry voice in my head shout.
Next ball was delivered and passed with touching bat or stumps directly at wicket keepers hands.
7 runs. 2 balls. Sachin was finally quite.
I took a deepest breath.
Next delivery, bullet train guy pitched it a bit short in hope that it would bounce but ball came on to me nicely on shoulder height. This time I saw it as it travelled across the pitch towards me, I lofted it well above over fielder in gully….. my runner ran like tiger was behind him. Ball was travelling towards the rope, gully fielder was chasing it …. In the end only to collect the ball back as it crossed boundary rope.
A loudest cheer went out in crowd. I don’t remember breathing in that moment.
3 runs. 1 ball.
Bullet train guy, in his full aggression try to bowl with a full delivery ended up giving me a full toss. I made sure I drive it though point and cover…….with that placement … ball did crossed boundary rope again.
That moment did define my life. From that day onward I was official opener for my team for at least next 6 months.

……screeching sound of tire got my attention. My driver had hit break so hard in attempt to save a little stray dog, making me literally bounce off my seat. Thank god for my seat belt; this pushed me back on to my seat.
“inko Sarkar marti koun nahi .. accident ho jata abhi to ..” driver said it furiously as he shifted gears.
So he saved that dog so that Government could kill him; in trying to save him he almost would have killed me if it wasn’t for my seat belt. Hmm ..… this thought brought smile to my face.
We reached our hotel Mandovi, Panji at round 8 pm. Driver took the wheel chair off the car and helped in seat in. I directly went to my room; ordered dinner.
Closing my eyes, I lied on bed as my back was bit hurting from all the upright seating I did the whole day.
Goa is a magical place. I was here before. It was in winter of 2003. I still remember that night…
I drifted in thoughts.
..….
“we have a bus to catch in 2 hours.. back home .. and if you guys must know.. we used our last note to buy … this” a bit nervous and neurotic me was pointing out towards a packet of what could only be explained as ‘Chakna’.
“cheeres to … that” one of them pointed out the same Chakna packet and smack their glasses with each other. A cynical laughter followed.
My 2 friends, who I thought were enough drunk, were busy in getting the finest of goa’s vodka down their throat, where I was worried that now that we are out of cash how are we going to get to the Volvo bus station which is situated at other end of city.
Finally when the Vodka bottle was empty, we left the hotel. I had my caliper and crutches instead my wheel chair. I couldn’t walk fast but we 3 had our way to deal with it. These two guys would lift me on their shoulders form underarm and hold my crutches in their hands as we collectively walked. Our hotel was situated in such part where liquor shops were ample but rickshaw were none. We some how caught a local transport bus to Panji bus station. Bus dropped us at least a 1 Km away from the Neeta Volvo bus station point. We could see the bus that we had bought ticket of Pune was standing on the station. We started our fast version of collective walk. It may come as a surprise but even with drunken status these guy have never dropped me from their shoulders. We were running… and in few minutes we saw running bus… our bus to Pune had left Panji, right in front of us.
I couldn’t help thinking in that moment.. was it me.. cause which they missed it … if it wasn’t for me on their shoulder they could have easily ran and caught it. I was disheartened. All of us stood disappointment from some distant from Panji Bus station and having absolutely no money or cards in pocket didn’t helped either.
“now what??” one of them said with drunk accent. Rest of us just shrugged in response to that.
Couple of moments passed in silence. A black Scorpio came and beaked right near me. A lady peeped out said
“you boys need lift …”
“ma’m, lift to Pune would really help” I said it with sheer emotion mixed with desperation and begging.
A giggle spirted on her face ..“no dear we are not going to Pune but I guess you boys were trying catch the Neeta bus and now I hope at least that was going to Pune”
With amazing co ordination all 3 of us nodded.
She continued “boys I know this bus waits in next town for ½ hours to pick the passengers, if we could hurry we could drop you at that point, may be there you can catch your bus?”
“yes.. yes please that would be awesome ..”
We sat in. as I was folding my leg I saw a quite healthy male on driving seat of the black Scorpio. They were arguing something in Konkani, I could understand that he wasn’t really keen on helping us but she kept on insisting. This probably was the best example of existence of lord who saved us from “no where to go” situation. Sitting at back seat I couldn’t stop thanking god enough. I was in little doubt that whether my 2 drunk friends actually have comprehended the situation and thanked the lady for her generous help.
My doubt was cleared as we stopped at next town bus stop and our Pune bus was still standing still. Like a traveler on its spiritual journey would greet a holy place, we greeted the Pune bus. It was a sleeper bus. My 2 friends got booths above me, where as I was some how crapped in to that little mattress. I looked across and I found booth across me was occupied by a young couple. Though their curtain was shut, a lot of moment could be sensed. I knew it was going to be a somewhat entertaining night…..suddenly a naked female leg popped out of the curtain and within microsecond vanished in again. .. with a huge smile I thanked the lord again…..

……door bell rang.
“Room service sir”
“come in”
Food was served and I ate, filling every cubic inch of my stomach.
I put myself in my wheel chair and wheeled towards my balcony. In Goa, generally day is humid but by night temperature drops making environment very soothing. Panji is very neat city build by Portuguese. You could see it in its architecture, with its stoned path ways and its neat roads, be it the buildings or there color they have less of individual identity but more of, part of city’s grant painting. With city’s traffic reaching its peck, you could still see a lot of calmness on roads. With neatly lighted roads by its side lamps, which has the Portuguese classic design touch, Panji’s roads reminds me of light strands of Charismas.
With help from my hands, I put my legs up on the railing, seating in my wheelchair in relaxed way. The view from my balcony was quite mixed. I had a garden, surrounded by a busy road on my left side and on the right was the view of Dona Paula. Dona Paula is a bay where two rivers meet Arabian sea. Dona Paula is nestled on a rocky, hammer shaped headland. More importantly Dona Paula is known for the 2 whitewashed statues. It depicts a couple both facing opposite directions, the man towards the nations and the woman towards the sea. It is on rock, high enough to be seen from Dona Paula beach and from my balcony. What is real intriguing is the history of the statues and there are many legends behind it. One of them is that Dona was married to Paulo, a lowly fisherman. He ventured into deep seas for fishing and is said to have never returned. His dutiful wife Dona supposedly waited for him at the jetty, for so many years that she finally turned into stone. Or more realistic is- Dona is the title given to married women according to Portuguese customs. And Paula is the lady in name of the women. She was the daughter of the Portuguese ruler, in Sri Lanka. She and her family arrived in Goa and she married to Spain prince. Dona Paula was a woman of charity and is known to have helped the villagers and worked a lot for their betterment, so after her death, the villagers decided to re-name the village as Dona Paula.
But more fascinating is the following.
…….Dona Paula, in her early 20ies had finally figured her way to go pass the guards of her bungalow and roam in then under slavery, Goa. Dona Paula was a daughter of a Portuguese nobleman. He was the governor of Goa whose big bungalow faced the sea.

She was a woman with a smile on her face and life in her eyes. With dark brown eyes, white skin and cherry red lips, not only she was blossoming with her beauty but also what always had been the difference were her thoughts, her compassion towards the natives. She hated the idea of rulers and slaves. And now she has figured out how to meet more of the people of Goa, which her father hated. She loved nature since her childhood. She would mostly be found in the garden with the governor’s bungalow. They had a fountain in the bungalow where she would spend hours playing with water. Now that she knew how to beat the guards, whenever her father would go aboard she would spend most of her days outside, in nature and with native people. Often she would go and sit on the rock from where the view of sea was very clear. Sea was something very interesting for her as well as its vastness was scary for her.
One day as she was admiring sea from that rock she saw that on below beach some women are having trouble to pull the boat on sea shore to be put in waters. She decided to climb down for help. On the same time one young local fisherman also came. He greeted her with smile and hello in Portuguese. she didn’t respond immediately but was shocked as there were only handful people knew how to speak Portuguese.

After few days they met again on the streets of town then called as Oddavell. He again greeted her with Portuguese. She collected the courage and asked him where he learned such speaking. He responded in local Konkani language, stating that as much as he would want to learn more of Portuguese, he only knows those few words and he had picked up those Portuguese words from the soldiers who greet each other on beach as he gets ready to sail his boat for fishing. She saw a great proposition in this situation. She asked that she could teach him the right manners of a nobleman and Portuguese, in return he must take her on his boat out in sea. Both of them agreed. Soon they started meeting on the beach when Dona Paula’s father went aboard. Their friendship deepened, laughter grew and before they knew they were in love. Sometime Dona started meeting him even when her father was on bungalow. As she was the only child to her father, he loved her very much. When he came to know that Doan Paula has been seen with a native fisherman, a slave, laughing, he decided to seek explanation from his daughter. She explained her father about his good nature, their unshakable bond and obliviously asked for his permission to marry him. Governor was shocked to hear such thing but out love to his daughter he asked her to bring him. Meanwhile he thought of one way to turn him down without hurting his daughter’s feelings. He asked fisherman to have a sword fight with ‘Count of Alvor’ chief of police authority of Goa, who Governor had in mind for her daughter. If fisherman wins Dona Paula can marry him but if fisherman looses she would be marring the ‘Count of Alvor’. Dona Paula herself was excellent sword fighter, and Governor didn’t know about fisherman being trained by Dona herself. Fisherman did prove to be better fighter that day, thanks to Dona’s constant practice with bamboo sticks and sudden playful attacks. Governor was saddened to see ‘Count of Alvor’ lose but as promised agreed to marry Dona with fisherman. Dona never felt so happy.
Hurtful ‘Count of Alvor’ threatened to overrun the government with his forces if he doesn’t marry Dona Paula. In later few days, Governor also received a lot threats to stop the monitory aid to his government making him crippled ruler. On the other hand, he tried convincing Dona with the situation that he is in, for not marring the slave. But she simply refused to listen. Governor was angry that night and decided to take a tough decision, “To save government over daughter”.
It was dawn. Sun was just picking out in sky. Dona Paula’s lover, local fisher man, rushed his boat in sea as sky was looking ominous and he sensed a possibility of storm later in the morning. He wanted to get few quick fishes for the day before storm Hits Sea.
Dona Paula was fast asleep in her white silk gown, free hair and pearl strings in her neck. ‘Count of Alvor’ and his few trusted men attacked Dona in her bed in the dawn. Her mouth was shut with a cotton cloth; her muted screams were ignored by her father who lay in next room motionlessly. She was brought on the same rock were she use to sit admiring the sea. She was screaming as the men held her arms and by her waist. ‘Count of Alvor’ took the cloth out of her mouth, looking at her emotionlessly asked “here to die if you do not chose me, and if you chose me you live peacefully for rest of your life.”
Dona Paula courageously smiled at him and said “if I must choose between ‘being righteous’ and ‘peace’, I choose RIGHTEOUSNESS”. Without a moment of hesitation, she swung towards the sea, opened her arms and jumped off the cliff as if to hug the sea forever.
After some time….deep in the sea.
Clouds were gathering and he was pulling out his net so that he could go home. His net was heavier this time. He thought he caught more than what he had came here for. As he kept on pulling the net a familiar strings of pearl floated, and pearl started separating from the string. Then he saw the white silk gown, he hurriedly pulled out. He couldn’t believe it was DONA PAULA. Her face was battered, her body scared. He pulled her in his boat and shouted a loud cry. He kept on hugging her, planting kisses on her face.
Storm had started and waves were becoming violent. Fisher man had calmed down but he didn’t let go of her body, he kept on hugging her. He didn’t move from sea. He just kept on looking at the Governor’s bungalow from the dancing waves. Storm lasted for 4 days. He didn’t ever return to shores.

The statues are located on the same rock where Dona Paula uses to sit. The statue also symbolizes the last moment of the couple, man looking towards the nations and the woman towards the sea.
……
It is said that she is still been seen in white gown with pearl strings on the same rock, sitting beside the statues looking at that fisherman. Her muted screams still can be heard. Could she be out there tonight? I thought.
My thoughts were broken by a giggle of a woman. This did frighten me for fraction of a moment but when I saw it was my neighboring couple I was at relief. They had come out in their balcony, fooling around with each other.
“ in the same land people died because of expressing love, today they on same land to express love with each other”
Wind was picking up. I put my legs down and came inside.
To wash off the tiredness I decide to sleep. Though be it in my dreams, hoping to catch the glimpse of that ‘dimple studded smile’ again.

**the End**

We are the Aliens

2010-05-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

World is a hypocrite place.

When we are born very few of you looked at us as equals. Very few treat us as equals.
   We grow up, we learn that unfortunate events had occurred making us what we are and only way to get what is rightfully ours is to fight in your world. God…. He may take few things away but I guess what he gives us is a strong will, a will to achieve the equality, to be able to be looked upon as normal, to be able to feel as normal human being. We even start to feel that ruling this world is not that hard…. but your world is hypocrite place.
   Your world makes some laws to showcase that they are willing to understand us. they want us part of their system, they try to understand our pain. They give a good outlook that when they look at us, what they are looking at is what values we bring, what we have achieved, how well we fought and survived.
But your world is a hypocrite place. We are always looked upon for who we are then what we are.
And we are the handicaps, people with disabilities.
   We try to make fit in the able people’s world … your world when we were born different. We don’t understand why we are different when all we want is to be normal. The struggle starts from the early age. Mind gets tired of thinking about what we don’t have. We learn the hardest way possible that, in life what matters is what you do with what you have.
   We put all the efforts with what we have to do best in all we do. And that’s where betrayal comes. It comes from within. Our heart. , heart beats.. It beats for someone …. There are moments when our heart experience being alive, being normal, being a human. It feels we achieved what we set out to achieve, it tells us to drop the gun, slow down, feel the peace. It dreams big, it flies high, while doing so it forgets the most important lesson of our life “We are always looked upon for who we are then what we are.”

Heart sinks, smile disappears. We left begging again with all whys?

   Time removes the blind fold. We see the light. Heart understands the facts even more clearly. When our heart dreamt we dreamt for someone, from your world. We dreamt for a relationship … be it a fictitious one, our heart wanted one. We felt that’ll make sure we are normal. We are accepted…. truly. Our heart slows down, exhales a long breath, understands that even your people have dreams and we are not part of those dreams. May be we are looked upon as the worst nightmares.
   As chilling as it is, our heart… understands. It finally socks in that we are the aliens, and it is your world to rule.

   But not all is lost as love. We still continue to fight, we go on to achieve better things, we excel and many things. Our fate in god is still unshakable, our will power even stronger.
   Now we fight… with arrogance. Now we don’t need your acceptance.

*--*

In India, a country of more than 1 billion, there are 21milloin handicap people, out of them only 45% gets the opportunity to have good education, chance of good life. Out of 45% people 7% people have happy married life, rest do what life taught them: Adjustment.
Its nerve racking that even one of the most brilliant minds like professor Stephan Hawking, who is considered to be this age’s Albert Einstein is one those who adjusted with their life, fighting with world, giving up on love.

All you need is one…

2010-05-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

All you need is one…
One moment to define you
One moment to make you smile,
One moment to take the pain away,
One moment of healing …

Life is all about ….
Making the most of what you got
Living the emotions the way you want ..
Be that pain or smile..
Be that love or anger ..
In that moment … Live your life….

On the aisle of my life m waiting for the healing,
In this moment …loneliness is the feeling,
Take this away and love me god,
Give me that smile and give me your nod

solitude

2010-05-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

It hurts. It hurts for a reason that now I m on a boat without radar. I don’t know where I will land up. It could be good thing… all will be a surprises ……then why it hurts so much.

I m on the front end of the boat trying to see something, but this fog won’t let me see anything.

Sometimes I make things up to keep myself quite. I tell myself stories to have a pitiful moment of happiness. I tell and re assure myself by looking into my own reflection in sea, saying it’s going to be ok, we will see the light, this fog will lift and ground will be near. We will get of this boat and we will enjoy the life on beach. Drink coconut water. Dance with winds, play with waves.

The sound of waves thumbing my boat wakes me up.

It’s still dark.

I stopped shooting my flare gun. A signal for help. May be because I m out of ammunition or may be because the realization that no one is looking for me in this vast sea, in this darkness. Due to this feeling some times I find it hard to breath.

The thought of my past haunts me sometime. I thought I was a captain of that ship, a biggest ship of my time. How proud I felt for directing it. How well I thought I understood it. But I made a mistake.... a simple mistake, I trusted it too much. I thought it was made for life long voyage. I thought my ship was my destiny and I was her. On that fateful night something cut it…. so deep I could still hear the screams of my ship. Something cut it wide open… I tried to help .. I honestly did … I couldn’t. “truth” had sharp blades. The truth that my ship my lovely ship ….she was never mine and will never be mine. It slit my ship open. Ship sank mercilessly and with it, it took every emotion I had.

I loved every moment on it. My joy my smiles were associated with it. Why did this happen to me, I screamed…but no one was to hear my voice. I wanted to die like a honest captain, I tried to remain on the deck. I wept and waited for water to take me in. I was ready to take my last breath. In that very last moment I understood the meaning of being alive. I understood that giving up is easy. Life has many aspects, it may be end of one aspect but by no means has it ended my life. This is time for salvation. I took the last lifeboat and stared at ship as she was being swallowed by sea. I watched till the very last piece was lost in the depth of sea.

I felt a gentle flow of chilled wind on my face, shaking me and bringing me back to the present. My boat is wondering in the sea, taking its course on wish of the wind. It’s not like don’t have life around me. I could hear life indistinctly, taking its own course, not so far away. But I don’t have a voice to connect with it. I feel drained and tired.

But in this silence not all is lost, in this solitude not all is gray. I see myself much stronger than I ever imagined. I understand myself more deeply now. I see myself hearing my deepest thoughts intently. they come and talk to me. some of them have very bright colors some of them are dull. I have found a good friend in them. Some time they make me forget where I am and what had happened to me. It helps me breath.

I have all the essential amenities on this little boat but my health. I am making my best efforts to get off this boat in time, before it’s too late for me to be with life. All I need is a gush of luck to take all the doubts away, to give me voice.

Who wants to be millionaire

2010-05-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

“Who wants to be millionaire?” Rajan asked raising his hand in anticipation of a clap.
Mani obliged.
“I can’t believe all of this will be done by two days from now.” Rajan said while whipping sweat off his forehead.
“Don’t say it’s done until it’s done.” Rashi quietly said to both guys while working busily on her Sony Vivo laptop. Then looking at her wrist watch she asked “isn’t it a bit late for Dhruv?”
“He’ll come, he always does. Mr. planner, I m sure he must have planned his birth as well” Rajan said while mimicking Dhruv’s speaking style, Mani couldn’t stop laughing. Rajan was doing exactly like Dhruv.
Rashi seemed bit annoyed with Rajan’s childish behavior. And on top it Mani’s wired laughing sound was making her angry but after exhaling a long breath she calmly said “remember this, without his planning we wouldn’t have anything..”
“Rashi finds everything about Dhruv good… ” sarcastically Rajan said, winking at Mani. Mani was still laughing at previous thing.
Sound of front door knob turning silenced them. Door opened and Dhruv came in. Almost 5 feet 8 inch, broad shoulder and good physic Dhruv entered with packed food in his hand. Rashi kept her laptop aside and asked him, “What took you so long?”
Instead of replying, Dhruv asked a question to her, “Have all the activities finished?”
Rashi didn’t persist to find out her questions answer, she replied “yes Rajan did his training schedule Mani made sure all the equipments are ready and all the required setup is done on my laptop”
“Good, then we are all set to roll tonight”
“WHAT” Rashi almost yelled at him “As per your plan … execution date is 2 days away?”
“No Rashi. It was always today. I told that to everyone so that no one can have their own plan”
He walked straight towards the dining table kept the food on the table. “Let’s eat and rehearse plan one more time. We roll at 9pm sharp.”

*- - - -*

9 PM.
Rajan and Dhruv got into a taxi, which Dhruv had booked. This booking made him late.
Taxi was speeding towards outskirt of ‘Dresden’ city in Germany.
Rajan, a 19 year teenager was a bit nervous about what’s to come. Dhruv could see that. He asked “Rajan, everything ok?”. Rajan merely nodded. But after some time he gave up and asked, “Dhruv are you certain what we are going to find at the G.C smith bank Server building? I mean I trust you but how can you be so sure”
“Rajan you just have to trust me”
“it’ll be whole lot easy to trust you if you told me how you know what you know” Rajan murmured.

*- - - -*

9:45PM
Dhruv paid the taxi. They were staring right at the massive 20 stories glass building. Rajan was sweating.
There was still some time for shift change.
“Look, this buildings maintenance contract have been given to a company called M&C prvt. Lmt. I brought the blue print from them so I know what to find where to find, relax now. We go live on 10.15pm when guards’ change shift”
Rajan was amazingly calmed down after hearing that, “where’s our entry point?”
“Once this guard leaves we climb up the compound and start climbing, be ready with rock climbing gear.”
Due to recession there were only 2 gate guards for night shift. No one else was there in compound to take rounds. As the shift was being changed, 2 elderly guys were taking over the registry details from the previous guards, Rajan and Dhruv slipped through the compound wall.
Each glass was tightly fit in a frame. The frames were separated by 3 inch, this space allowed them the grip and like any trained rock climber they used this space to place fingers of their hands and toes of legs to push themselves up. Directly from compound one side of the wall was accessible. From there they started climbing.

*- - - -*

9 PM
Rajan and Dhruv sat in a taxi which sped away, leaving Rashi and Mani behind.
The second booked taxi was already late by 15 min. Rashi was worried and thought Dhruv may not like this. Taxi finally came.
Mani and Rashi were heading towards river Elbe in Dresden city of Germany. There Rashi already had hired a yacht. Both boarded the yacht. Mani took some time to load the equipment he had brought along.
Silence of the night was breached by noise of yacht motor.
Rashi drove the yacht away from shores, far from town, dropped the anchor on a remote location. It was 12.15 AM. Rashi put her ear piece and now she have to wait for Dhruv’s signal.

*- - - -*

12:45 AM
Both of them were extremely tired as they reached the roof of the G.C smith Server building. They took their heavy backpacks out. Rajan was still gazing down from the edge of the roof, wearing a winner’s smile already.
Dhruv hated Rajan for this. He took the lock breaker and broke the lock of the big square tin lid. He opened the lid. It was 8 feet wide square box, direct access to lift shaft of the building, a maintenance way for the lift. Dhruv attached an instrument to the lifts main wire it showed that lift is on2 floor. He hit a button.
A message was flashing above lift door on each floor “Lift is temporally out of order”
“Rajan, Focus your time is already ticking” he clicked a button on his watch and timer started counting.
00:00:15
“oh damn!” Rajan took out a rubber like rope from the back pack and tied it to one of the supporting structure on the roof. Then he tied the other end to his legs. Took the wire cutter in his mouth.
“Rajan, u know what to do right, within 65 sec you’ve to cut the RED wire?”
Rajan felt insulted, without opening his mouth he nodded.
Dhruv put an ear piece in his ear and one in his own, murmured few words. Rajan gave thumbs up in agreement that he can hear Dhruv. He lit a flashlight on Rajan’s helmet.
Rajan has done this almost every day past 2 months. His best was 55 Sec. Dhruv had his reason to worry, if Rajan fails Mission Ends right here.
“Rajan 20 Sec, ready?”
He nodded.
Rajan crossed his hands on his chest and stood on the cross bar of the lift shaft, then he fell.
Like bungee jumping he went down fast. The rope even after starching was good enough for 15 stories. So Rajan bouncing on the lift was rare chance. And since the duct was 8 feet wide the oscillation wont bang him on the side walls. This was the theory. This was a chance that Dhruv had no option but try and find out. As all the possible entries in this building were sealed by special alert software.
40 sec passed.
If he doesn’t cut the red wire, since the lift maintenance door was forcefully opened, the back up system will take over in 65 sec and send direct message to police about the break in. to stop this red wire of power which was located at 5 floor, to back up system needs to be cut.
Looking at the wrist watch timer, Dhruv was sweating.
60 Sec passed.
“yes I did it” a voice yelled at Dhruv’s ear piece.

*- - - -*

1:00AM
She heard some static noise in her ear piece, which was followed by Dhruv’s clam voice saying “We are in”
She took out her laptop and began typing furiously.
Mani took the torpedo and wore oxygen tanks and the scuba diving suite.
Took a deep breath and jumped in the cold water of Elbe.

*- - - -*

After opening the 5 floor lift door from inside Rajan found a blind spot from camera. then he took out a pneumatic gun, loaded a black ink shot and took aim at the camera.
“we are good to go”
Then he tied the bungee rope to a nearby pillar. On which Dhruv climbed down. Rope was cut. And lifts door was shut. Dhruv called, said “We are in”
Both of them started took their backpacks off and wore the security uniform and started their walk towards the basement by stairs.
Dhruv hit a button on his hand held remote and lifts were again working.
“Why didn’t we take the lifts then?” startled Rajan asked.
“Because we need time to rehearse the next stage of our plan” as then walked slowly.
“Oh god! Dhruv I know. I know .. now we go down to basement and wait. At 1:30 Am a Security car comes in with pure GOLD , then we take out driver and one security guard with the rubber bullets. You drive, I instruct and go to rendezvous point to become richest persons ever.”
“don’t forget the part where you have to do exactly as I tell you at any point of time”
G.C smith bank Server building was not only a server building but also had a locker under basement where G.C smith bank stored the gold from other part of Germany. This gold will be then transferred to Germany’s reserve bank as a deposit of G.C smith bank.
They were at basement. Rajan already took out a camera with his black ink.
1:26AM

*- - - -*

Mani was mute all his life he had trusted Dhruv after all he was his older brother.
It was dark, he could only see what his flashlight on his helmet showed him.
Elbe’s water was really cold as Mani dived in deeper and deeper with his self-propelled torpedo. He looked at his left hand wrist watch, it read 150 meter deep. Then he slanted his torpedo to go horizontal, keeping the same depth and going towards the bridge.
For time he had to look at the other watch he had on right hand. It read 1.26AM. DAMN I m late, he thought, and increased the speed of his torpedo.

*- - - -*

1:35 AM
Basement gate didn’t budge.
Dhruv and Rajan were ready with their rubber bullet guns ready and loaded.
“where is our money” Rajan spat in anger.
“it’ll be here”

*- - - -*

2:00 AM
A Security van busted out of the G.C smith’s building from basement, and was on gaining speed. When Police came to know they were at least 10 mins ahead .

*- - - -*

2:10AM
“We are late by 5 min. Rajan. Take out that GPS and tell me where to find out that god damn bridge.”
Rajan was simply awestruck by the feeling that they have GOLD in the same car he was in.
They could hear the police sirens now. Chase was on.

*- - - -*

2:20AM
On yacht, Rashi was sweating in cold night as she kept on typing. She heard the again static first followed by Dhruv’s voice saying “On Bridge in 5 Best of luck”

*- - - -*

2:20AM
“On bridge in 5 Best of luck”
He took out the ear piece.
“Take right here” Rajan said. “but our rendezvous point was the shore?”
“things change” as he took hard right, almost tilting the van.
2:25AM
Once they were on middle of the bridge, Dhrvu hit hard breaks.
Van stopped.
Dhruv got out and opened Rajan’s door. Took out Rajan’s ear piece with a jerk
“Rajan Get out Now”

*- - - -*

2:25AM
“I don’t understand why its not working” she rammed her fist on the wooden table of yacht.

*- - - -*

2:25AM
Mani could see something thrown in water from the bridge. He started his torpedo to come up. As the object came near he could see it was Rajan.
Dhruv pulled him out of van and threw him over the bridge.
He caught him, he was completely in shock and out of breath. Mani gave him 1 out of 2 oxygen cylinder he had brought with him. As some oxygen got in Rajan calmed down and held Mani’s hand like child would on his first day of school. They went down and waited.
2:27AM
Dhruv swam in towards Rajan and Mini swiftly. Took the oxygen cylinder from Mani and gave him thumbs up.

*- - - -*

2:30AM
Police cars zeroed on the van. It appeared to be stationary. They closed in, armed and ready to fire. But no one was there. they opened the back door where the gold bricks were. It was found as it is. The lock was also not broken. Nothing has been stolen. Immediately they looked over the bridge for any moment on water. Nothing.
Elbe was as calm as any other night.
Nothing was stolen. Onbody was there.

*- - - -*

3:55AM
Slim body Rashi aged 26, 5 feet tall, white complexion and most of all one of the brilliant minds in software coding. Wearing sleeveless green t-shirt and grey color tight sweat pants, she was pacing down the yacht.
Rashi had hit the success button but nobody to celebrate. Rashi was waiting for them and the wait was killing her.
4:00AM
Torpedo surfaced and in came Mani, Rajan and most importantly Dhruv.
They climbed in.
Rashi hugged Dhruv tightly. With both hands, Dhruv pulled her hair back and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
Rajan was furious looking at this.
“Oh did he tell you how he left all the gold on the bridge.. we have nothing .. he didn’t let me take anything.. he threw me over the bridge.”
Rashi pulled away, still in Dhruv arms “Rajan take a breath, that was the plan”
“He wouldn’t get it” Dhruv said.
“you know what I get, I get money and We have none” Rajan in anger threw his back-pack on the yacht’s glass window.
While this discussion was on, Mani was quietly putting all the equipments at its place.
“Rajan, we already are millionaires, do you know that?” Rashi, still in Dhruv’s arms said it while resting her head on his chest.
Mani and Rajan skipped a bit.

*- - - -*

5 Years AGO..

Dhruv one of the best networking engg., Mani working in transport facility and Rashi as one of the best coder were working in Bengaluru in different IT companies.
Dhruv and Rashi madly in love were painting their future. Mani was thinking about their wedding gifts.
26 Feb 05
All three were fired due to budgetary cuts.
Divested 3 didn’t lose hope. Dhruv swore that he’d never work for anyone else but himself, Rashi and Mani swore to stick with Dhruv for better or worst.
13 June 05
“A lot can happen over a coffee”; Rashi read the line from the major coffee outlet, as they entered. All of them ordered ‘Devils Own’ cold coffee.
“Dhruv, I have something to discuss but it’s a bit outrageous”
“I am all ears”
Mani was waiting for his coffee.
“how about doing one job and earn enough to spend rest of life at peace?”
“sounds great, what could be such job?”
Coffee arrived. Mani was the first one to take his glass of the tray.
As waiter left Rashi said softly “bank job”
“hmm, what bank job” Dhruv took first sip.
“the one that makes millions of dollars in mins”
“are you joking?”
“I could hack a bank and leave my virus to keep adding money to our accounts”
“Rashi, they can trace that”
“No Dhruv not if the account keep on changing in every 15 mins. I have created such Code”
“but bank have firewall for jokers like you” Dhruv said while joking her.
“don’t know about other but I know one bank’s firewall I can bridge”
“which?”
“G.C smith… ”
“hows that?” Dhruv looked puzzled.
“I designed it” Rashi calmly took a long sip.

*- - - -*

8 Months ago …

Somewhere in Dresden, Germany.
“Rashi we need one more person …”
“what for”
“as back up ..climbing is way to risky .. should anything happens to me other guy must continue ..”
“Dhruv ..”
“find me a back-up”

*- - - -*

6 months ago ..
“Rajan .. a small timer here in Germany .. maintained great fitness 18 and 10 months old… 5 feet tall .. wants to make money..ready to do anything ..” Rashi was reading his copy of police profile file.
“any risk?” Dhruv asked.
“will do anything for money …and way too much talkative …”
“Oh boy!”

*- - - -*

5: 00AM; Present Day
Dhruv had gone to take a shower.

Mani was driving the yacht.
“if your were hacking the bank from here sitting comfortably, why the hell your Boyfriend made us do all the stunts? To cover you? ”Rajan exclaimed.
“ok let me tell you how it works … the firewall in itself is extremely solid and have no back doors and cant be hacked”
“but you sure you did right?”
“listen to me. Each money bill or gold brick has a code being tracked by sensors. If asset by which I mean gold brick or money bill goes off the scheduled track, it takes it as a case of emergency or theft and a communication is send by the core sys to braches all over world stating the codes. If thief uses money or sells the gold brick code will be traced and asset can be obtained back to rightful branch. Now normally the banks firewall is hard to intercept as it doesn’t allow any one to talk to the core sys. But In this communication it sends the signal and accepts the signal. I send my program in disguising it as acknowledgement signal from one of the branch. Once in, my program will tell the core computer to make a transaction to an account id as if it’s made by cashier of bank.”
“wait a min, I m no genius but isn’t it working like a virus and don’t these core computer have virus scan sys?”
She smiled in appreciation of the right question. “well that’s where the time gets critical. Core sys scans every transaction for abnormalities. Catch is it takes 15 mins to scan all the transaction. My program executes the transaction and sends money to bank accounts before 15 min. after which it self-destroys deleting the log as well. Hence nobody could know what happened”
“so when we took the van for stroll …”
“communication opened I send my program in and waited it to make transaction and delete all logs … when you guys must have left the van my program made 8 transaction to 8 Swizz accounts and at 14 min. all transactions were completed and self destruction had began. It was completed by 14.47 min.”
Rashi was feeling very proud.
Rajan didn’t get all of it but caught the part where she said money to Swiz bank account.
“so we’ll go to Switzerland? ”
“no Rajan, money will get redirected to all the other banks in the world in every 15 min. our only chance to cash in is at Milan 5 days from now. Douche Bank. Timings 11 to 12 pm. We’d be soon taking flight to Italy.”
“how much?”
“80 million, about 20 million each”
Rajan fell down from the chair.

the perfect heist

*- - - -*

A Promise to love

2010-02-26T08:11:00.001-08:00

It was 5 pm.

Sky was still lit with light but sun had lost its intensity. Crystal clear blue water of the sea was sparkling in reflection of the light. It was gently touching white sand of the beach. Palm trees were dancing on the pleasant wind, as were the sailing boats, ferrying tourist on and off the island.

Somewhere in the blue water was a man wearing his swimwear, swimming passionately, taking plunges into the water. Swimming has been his hobby which he nurtured. It also served him well. He had a physic like a Spartan solider, muscles were as if curves on a sculpture. Ayush surfaced to gasp breath. Sun was directly in his eyes so he swung his hands in water to turn other way around, towards the beach.

Swam bit too far this time, he thought to himself while wiping water from his smiling face with his right hand. Ayush 26, 5 feet 7, working as senior physiologist in one of the best labs in India. Here, sea was not that deep. If lungs could hold some air, one could easily see the beauty of underwater. He took a deep breath and plunged back in, as deep as his leg could push him. Ayush always loved the underwater scenery here at Maldives. The light and water was clear enough to get to glimpse of this world.

He could see the ‘Anemone’ fish which almost looked like a bush with white tentacle dancing on the rhythm of water. But something on his right caught his attention. It was ‘angle fish’ with its light blue colored body, slightly greenish fin and a yellow mark in between, his opened mouth looked like big O. Each fish has some different pattern, different texture and brightness of color and with sea providing the great clear blue background each one looked magnificent. They were floating above jungle of tiny bushes which also had many different color, shapes swirling with water.

Aysuh kept surfacing for air after a while. Each time he could see he is nearer to beach.

Someone who hated waiting was waiting for Ayush on beach.

*- - - -*

3 YEARS AGO ….

Ayush was waiting in lobby of a restaurant. He was celebrating. He was celebrating his first lucky break in past 3 months struggle for getting a job. But he didn’t look in jolly mood, in fact he was more tensed in this moment then he was at interview that afternoon.

“keep it simple, nice and easy, shouldn’t be hard, I rehearsed it .. nothing to worry about” he could be easily heard by any one as he was talking to himself rather loudly.

He took a quick look at his watch and thought, “ok .. I have some time left, lets practice it one more time, in front of mirror.. it’ll give me some confidence”. He went in room “FOR GENTLEMEN”.

After assuring no other gentleman was in there, he took out a piece of paper from his cotton jeans, looked his reflection straight in eyes and started muttering words.

Ayush came out back to lobby, looking flushed, anything but relaxed, staring at the each door swing.

“Why does she always have to be late?” he thought as he took his mobile out of pocket and dialed her no.

Call waiting.

*- - - -*

After much deliberation, she came to conclusion that the silk green colored, having high waist line and knee length dress does suits the occasion. Besides that it’s the only dress her heart really wants to wear tonight. It took her 25 mins to come this conclusion. After this it took her another half an hour to do her hair and make up. Almost 15 mins were lost on phone with her sister for her confirmation for the dress.

In all this process of getting ready, she forgot to do something extremely basic and important.

*- - - -*

Aysuh finally saw her getting out of a cab through glass wall of lobby, and his heart skipped a bit.

Her blue eyes, her clam and compose posture commanded anyone’s attention even in the crowd. Her swirling keen high sleeveless silky green dress on her milky white completion, she was as good as an angle.

He forgot to get up; she came in and started to scan the lobby, what he thought was for him.

He immediately went to her, took her hand in his and started walking towards their table genteelly pulling her with him.

He sat almost instantaneously. As soon as she sat, he said “I .. uhh ..I wanted us to talk about something …. I ah ..”

For some reason a smile was rising on her face. He saw that, took a long breath so that he could finish his sentence in one go and said,

“listen its extremely important for me to say that ……”

“Aayu .. wait …” she murmured.

He let go of his held up air and was looking at her in a bit of shock.

“before you say anything I have to ….uh … just give me two min.” she took her purse and left FOR LADIES.

After finishing what she had forgotten to do at home, relieved Navya came out looking at her reflection in mirror.

As Navya looked in mirror for final touches, she recalled Ayush’s words and her mind wondered.

“something important to say … what could that be … and he does look a lot serious… is he proposing by any chance… he does look good in that shirt …. Hey it’s the one I gifted him … well hang on lets not fly kites…. Last time when he started sentence with I wanted to talk to you something serious ended up me needing gym and looking fat… and I don’t think he even know that he loves me …”

*- - - -*

He took a sip from the water glass in front of him as she was walking toward washroom.

He was sort of disappointed that he couldn’t finish what he had to say. He thought maybe she guessed and hence didn’t want to hear it. Other voice in his head said, so doesn’t meant its not important?

He made his mind to say it anyways… again the same rush he could feel in his blood.

*- - - -*

“Yes Aayu .. while trying to leave early I forgot to use bathroom” she shrugged as she took a slip from her glass of water.

“well …Navya we are together for almost 3 year now”

“to be exact Aayu its 4” she put down the glass.

“yes, right and I think we know each well enough .. to.. uh ..”

“Of course … I think I know you better than you” she smiled at him. He looked rather discomforted the way she was cutting him.

“Yes, Navya … well my point is…. I ahh .. I mean your turning 25 now ..”

“next month .. I know, should I order the starters?”

He nodded and handed over the menu card.

“Navya the thing is …”

“what .. what is it” she said it while reading the menu item to her self.

He took a long breath, relaxed himself on chair, sat right up, matching her eyes and said,

“I think I Love you and we should get married”

he didn’t see her face as it was covered behind the menu card. He thought to himself maybe she didn’t hear me. He positioned his elbows on table to get close to her and said,

“Navya I love you and we should get married”

She put down the menu card and looked him in his eyes and said “ok” started searching for Panner items for starter.

He was more puzzled than before. She didn’t get it properly I guess.

“yes , I m ordering Paneer kabab, how about you?” she put down the menu card.

“Navya I was serious.”

“if you are serious you should go to hospital.” She forcefully giggled.

He didn’t know what say.

To help him Navya said “listen I m hungry can we order and keep discussing, I hope waiter doesn’t keep us waiting .. I hate waiting”

Her tone was a bit serious on the end of that sentence. Ayush nodded.

Both of them ordered.

She didn’t say word to him. Though he had a lot of doubt, he reserved them for discussion over the food.

Navya broke the silence and said, “why are you so tense?”

“well .. I don’t know whats your response to what I asked … what you suppose me to be”

“Humm, right, what do you thing I might say?”

“well … you look like you’d blow me away or you might just say …..” he didn’t completed his sentenced.

She smiled, laid back on her chair, keeping her elbows on the chairs arm, closing her palms she said “yes, I might say yes .. just might, but why should i? after all it took you 4 years”

“well, in my defense, it wasn’t easy, 4 years ago, I didn’t think I could even be close you”

“see that’s the problem, you think too much, that’s what puts any women off”

“well, if I had said anything I m sure I wouldn’t even had a chance, as I had barely achieved anything in life at that point of time”

“and now you think you have?”

“Navya, today itself I got the internship confirmation, now I have a good future…”

Before he finishes she said, “ and that should make me feel like marrying you .. coz you have some future ….”

“no but that should give you security … and”

“don’t tell me anything but why I should?”

“well, I …. Uh ”

“… tell me why Aayu…”

“when I am with you I think nothing is impossible, I am some one like superman who could save the world and I know me and I never felt like that ever before we met, I know I have faults and I know its not done yet, but you make me want to do something each day to better myself. Your smile make me smile even in the worst failure, with you failure is means having to try one more time ….i think I only live when I am with you”

A tear came down her eye.

Food arrived and served.

“so Navya … what would you say if I say I want to marry you?”

She took a bit of her Paneer Kabab and said,

“I’d say YES even before you’d ask the question, YES only if we go to Maldives each year”

*- - - -*

my First Animation Revenage of the Rabit

2009-12-13T06:42:00.001-08:00

GoAnimate.com: Revenge of the Rabit by ManNeo

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!

Friendship: the bond that last forever

2009-10-31T04:35:00.000-07:00

Fatema: daughter of the Islamic prophet Muhammad.

This name has been in existence since centuries, it has many variations to it as well. The Turkish and Azeri version of the name is either Fatma or Fadime. North African transliterations of the name also often omit the unstressed second syllable and render it as Fatma when romanized. The Persian transliteration is Fatemeh and so on so forth.

But to us it is as unique as sun for the earth.

It has face, a cute one. It has voice, softest one. And eyes … full of emotions, rarely letting her words convey them.

Her gently placing of left hand on lips while giggling or be it her innovative way of biting a Mirchi; to us she is unique and her name is Fatema.

It all began with a miss call, a year ago.

“Can u give me a miss call after your pick up?”

Can anyone say no to that soft voice? But I am glad that the question was asked to me.

And so we began our journey. We chatted our way to and from office. Even that time we felt good see each other in cab.

Her passion for dancing urged her to perform. At that time, apart from the pain killer medicines for appendix pain, she found relief in her dance.

There she met, most unlikely creature of that time. Richa.

A fellowship was forged.

She danced her way through pain of appendix till the final performance. I dropped her home that night.

We didn’t meet for a long time after that.

Days passed.

After some time when she came back healthy, I heard she moved to a place close to office.

By this time miss calls were turned in to e-mails and afternoon calls.

She got use to help Richa in her moves, her “Nahi hota hian mujse” remark quickly. They took part in few more dancing contests.

Number and length of afternoon calls increased as our friendship grew. We discussed at length our lives, our goals, problems, deepest secrets and sometimes even unspoken words were heard.

Pond filled with politics, frustration and anger; we found an island with each other’s company, where we were untouchable.

Understanding your Love

2009-10-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

how to define it...

or the question is can we define it?

when in love, we say her simple voice make us feel happy.......

is not a dependency on her emotionally ??

and how is that the emotional Dependant person can love??

or is it LOVE that he feels?

now lets take the other view

if we are in love and happy without each other.......is that couple really in love.do they really need each other to carry on their life?

these questions have no answer.....or so it seems to me.

but surely, only when you are in love you can feel love.

i think .....

when you want to talk to person and when her voice is heard.......

then not that her voice should make u feel that you are in love but the need to talk to her should tell you so.

Instead of thinking "i am in LOVE i have to talk to her" if you feel to talk to her then you are in LOVE.

what i believe is if you feel "i am in LOVE i have to talk to her" that is an emotional dependency and you are expecting something out of the person coz u think we are in love.

in the later part, it you are neither dependent nor expecting from this person......all you feel is that you want to share your life with her. here you are also giving her enough space for her individual thoughts and hence if you happen to call her and she doesn't pick up you tend to understand that. to my knowledge thats LOVE.

LOVE as it happens.

2009-09-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

The bed was shaking making a squeaking noise.
She was panting. He kissed her on her forehead while stroking her in steadily increasing pace.
She had her eyes closed; biting lower lips she made a soft moan. He was softly caressing her breasts by his hands.
The momentum had reached its peak.
She clinched her finger in the bed sheet. He held her face and softly kissing her lips said “love you”. A final trust was given. A moment of heaven was near, for both of them.
She had her eyes tightly closed.
Taking his weight on shoulder was pushed deep inside her.
A silence followed.

He slowly fell over her. She kissed his cheek. Motionless moment followed.
He gradually moved aside kissing her on shoulder. She barely opened her eyes.
He took a spare sheet of cloth and covered her naked, motionless body, slipping his hand towards her thigh while putting his head on her left arm. She moved her head towards her left and smiled as she felt his touch on her inner thigh.
After some time she got up taking the sheet covering her from the chest to toe, front to back headed for bathroom.

“how could I tell it happen……..its just been 2 weeks since I know him, ……” she was thinking as the shower was pouring cold water on her.
“I shouldn’t let him kiss me……” she was shaking her head while whipping the water.
She turned the shower off. On the back side of the closed bathroom door she found a clean towel hanging on a hook. She dried her hair first with it and then wrapped around her silky soft wet body.

“ I had my first experience…..was it a right decision?” she look deep in her own eyes on the mirror.
Suddenly her head felt heavy with these questions.
Before she go out she wanted to resolve some of them at least.
She sat on the closed toilet. She had her face covered by hands and elbows on keens.
She thought.
“I didn’t know how this happened… but I never stopped it either … cant just blame him for this…. I know its just two weeks…but I never felt more happy then past two weeks…. ”
She knew her thoughts were not making sense. Her head sunk a bit deep in her hands.
“what am I thinking…I cant feel love in two weeks…. Let me clear my head….”
She exhaled heavy breath.
“okk..wait this is time for getting hold on my self and not being emotional…. Let’s take the overview of situation”
The MBA in her head took control.
“I had my first safe intercourse……. I’ll take emergency pill to be on the safer side… I do think he loves me … but still before I commit my life with him, I need to see him as a person and not get too attached to him because we had sex, need to give a honest try to see if he really loves me… and If am right we might have something; otherwise this will be just a night of my mistake. Only time can tell so at this point lets be in this moment while constraining from his touch.”
She got up and started walking towards the door.
~
He watched her as she got up and wrapped herself the sheet.
As she opened the bathroom door, sheet from her back slipped till curve of her hip. Her waist long hair was moving on her naked back.
He smiled as she went in and closed the door.
“Ahh .what a night….what a night…….”
He turned aside. Indistinct sound of running shower started.
“her soft lips…that silky body. those free hairs……”
He put his hands behind his head…and started reminiscing on the moments.
“her blue dress …..blue is her color…….never thought she’ll look even stunning without any color..and that kiss….ahh…..even I didn’t know how this will end when I kissed her….i don’t even recall much how it started…..”
Suddenly it hit him.
“did she hesitated…I really cant remember much how did this happen….did I force myself….. ”
He opened his eyes looking at the rotating fan. A shiver passed through his back.
“no it cant be…. She loves me as much as I do…it was my first, so in excitement it might have seemed that way but she’ll knows me….if she wanted to stop she would have told me and even she knows I would have stooped.”
He felt a bit relaxed after that.
He got up slid his underwear back on.
Made the bed.
He closed the wildly opened drawers which he had opened to find a condom that his roommate always keeps.
Put his shirt and jeans on. Took her clothes from the floor and kept it properly on the bed side.
Shower’s sound had gone a long back ago.
He waited to see her.
“why is she taking this long?”
Was he right, did he force her in his excitement, all those doubts started to clog his mind. NO he firmly said to him self. I love her.
~
She came out.
She didn’t make the eye contact with him.
Her half dried hair had formed small groups; few of them were lying on her shoulder.
She looked around. It was a different room altogether. Bed was well, the new sheet was covered on it felt as if nothing had happened. The drawers were closed. A naked guy that she had left on bed was no more there. He had properly dressed seating on the edge of bed. His eyes looked impatient.
She took her right hand moved it alongside the back of her head, collecting her half dry hair and putting them on her naked shoulder.
She searched floor for her dress but found it on the edge of the bed beside the handsome, neatly folded above her inner wares. She picked all of the clothes and smiled at him.
His wait was over he saw in her eyes that calmed the storm inside him.
She took her clothes and went back in.
Inside, even she felt her instincts were right, maybe he does love me. She smile looking at herself in the mirror and dropped her towel.
~

After almost 25 year to this night…….This couple is still happily married.. and deeply in love.
Sometime love just requires patience- to grow, trust to strengthen and smile to blooms.

LOVE as it happens.