Inspired...

I am off

2012-02-02T00:50:00.001+05:30

Days crawl into the inglorious past,
And revisit to stab me from behind.
The wait never seems to be over,
And it kills me every second inside.

I make a run for the sake of my life,
Only to re-return to the place I began.
I just keep writing on and on in vain,
'Cause the words go unnoticed with time.

And then you ask me the most silly question,
Why am I always in a hurry to go off?

Did I ?

2012-01-29T02:35:00.000+05:30

a page from his diary,

A distant whistle,
A reflection of what it was,
Carefree and reckless,
Living as it was given,
Take it with both hands,
And never question why?

I believed it would last an eternity,
Till I would be alive.

I believed it would always be,
Just the way it was.

I believed, yes I swear I did.

Failures ?

2012-01-29T02:03:00.002+05:30

a page from his diary,

Just a little drunk,
That is all I am right now.

The brain refuses to budge,
The tequila has failed yet again.

The smokes send their regards,
They can't help me, no more.

Friends just make another excuse,
Look at me with narrowed eyes.

"You are drowning too deep,
We can't reach you there".

They all say the same,
What they haven't in a while!

Times change

2012-01-26T03:33:00.000+05:30

a page from his diary,

There was a time,
When I used to enjoy this,
Being all alone in a room,
Doing nothing but dream,
Dream things which were never possible.

There was a time,
When I used to love the company,
Being with all and simply enjoy,
The present and the ridiculous past,
Never thinking twice.

There was a time,
When I was all alone,
And yet there was a voice,
Which kept urging me to go on,
Till the end of time.

There was a time,
When I made this life,
As I wanted it to be,
Struggling and stammering through,
To something I had never seen.

And there is now,
The me,
Any guesses what it could be?

Please don't!

He lives

2012-01-14T04:14:00.002+05:30

a page from his diary,

Seldom is this life as you picture it to be,
Often it is just like another game we play,
Winning and losing, betting and battling,
Stopping and turning, figuring out the bluff.

You take up the days and make it worthy,
You live a single night and you realize,
This is all just nothing, just another sham,
And yet you live on, wanting to believe.

But there is always a limit to the wait,
An end to every road you take up,
A day when you can't take it anymore,
A moment when you give it up for good.

"So what, if I gave up just yesterday?
If I had no courage to go on anymore?
If I wanted the misery to end now, today?
If I only wished and those never came true?"

"I live on, don't I, just like you, unlike you,
Instead of dropping down motionless and dead,
Carrying on for the sake of things you don't know,
Knowing what is mine and what can never be"!

"Lets take a moment at a time", they used to say,
"Make the present count, make your presence felt,
Don't cry over the spilled milk over and over again,
It'll be washed away and gone tomorrow anyway"!

incomplete, someday?

2012-01-12T01:43:00.004+05:30

a page from his diary,

You might be smiling when someones leaving,
Knowing she would never be coming back,
Laughing at your idiocracy or your damn luck,
And wishing "I'll pull through no matter what".

Every damn thing is shattered to pieces,
Hopes, lives and every dream that mattered,
But you think you'll still make it through,
"Let her go", I'll find a way out anyway.

And just like that you forgot it all,
And never even mentioned in your life,
And lived happily ever after since then,
Are we to really believe all that you say?

Do I wait or leave?

2012-01-07T00:25:00.000+05:30

Damn girl you take my heart away,
With those silly words and your surprises.
As if I can relive those moments,
The bitter-sweet reminiscence of the past.

The little walks, those long distances,
The unending wait for hours at end,
And I guess I am still in the wait mode,
Somewhere I always used be back then!

And that makes me feel I am back,
Back to being entirely myself a little more,
Thinking and contemplating the outcomes,
Still confused inside-out, right to the core.

Yet here I am in this irritating world,
Trying to work it out, trying hard to fit,
Dragging and pulling myself together,
Part by part, bit by bit.

And here she comes, crushing my hopes,
Stunning me with her smile and off she goes,
At times like the biting cold frost of the winter,
Other as soothing as the winds from the shores.

"I am not going anywhere,
Sorry for being such a fool", I say,
Wishing and yearning for the impossible,
That she would, just like old times, "stay"!

But I smile, I look at the long road ahead,
And pick up the only backpack I've got,
"Did I really change this much?", I think,
"Hell yeah I did, a very long time back"!

Optimism ?

2011-12-28T18:57:00.000+05:30

They say it is lost,
I wonder.
It might have been,
Not until now,
"Here I am", she said,
And I rediscovered it.

They say it is past,
I lament.
It definitely was someday,
My present.
"Miss you", she said,
And I re-returned to it.

They say it is a dream,
I differ.
It most certainly was,
Not anymore.
"Live again", she said,
And it was reality.

Not again!

2011-10-17T14:35:00.000+05:30

There you go again,
Cutting your heart out,
And handing him down,
Or is it only a tiny piece,
Of what might have remained,
Or is it just another deception,
A lie you have mastered by now.

Do you miss him?
Ah, I need to take names,
'Cause it so confusing!

Oh take anyone you please,
No one was different I guess,
Rather all were in their own way,
And yet stupid enough to be there,
Standing hand in hand with you,
Dream the most futile dreams,
Living in a childish hope,
That its this tale, the fairy tale,
The ultimate truth of life!

Do you even remember,
What was said to them?
What you said to them,
Yes, them all, its the same,
Wasn't it, every single time?

But who am I to say,
They paid their price,
Price for trusting you,
Handing it all down,
To every single penny,
Every drop of faith left,
Every bit of their love.

Ah, its rubbish to talk it all,
And yet I do, dunno why?

In the middle of the night,
Unslept and restlessly sad,
As if I know their pain,
I can feel them breath and cry,
Mourning none save their self,
In their dreams,
Dreams of tomorrow.

I write, I don't say

2011-10-03T12:20:00.000+05:30

You miss the signs,
Wasn't that meant for you?
Yes, you mess up my head,
Isn't that too much to do?

I want to put my heart and mind,
But you are a part of me, isn't it true?
And yet there you are, silent and cold,
Now tell me what am I supposed to do?

At dawn I still dream and listen to you,
Even as you are so far away, I try,
But all I get is some nonsense chatter,
Did I deserve that, is all I can think?

I know even before you say it all,
I think I'm not such a dumb fool,
And yet this heart doesn't listen,
How can this coldness make any sense?

I am anything but not am emotional fool,
Logically sound is what I hear sometimes,
And even as I get the logic of it all,
The little heart, why can't it beat a little more?

A word of love, is all that I want,
And do hell with the caring inaudible voice,
Did I ask too much today or ever before?
How come I starve and that to death?

I write this in a little hope or none so,
Pretty much knowing its final result,
So does it make sense to me?
Frankly speaking, "Hell no"!

P.S. - This is dedicated to Hemali Mehta. I promised her a poetry on her birthday, and here it is. A little late it is, but better late than never.

The ache

2011-08-19T17:48:00.000+05:30

Someone is knocking at the door,
Trying to barge into my mind,
Tear apart my soul into pieces,
And put a sword through my heart!

Frantically gaping at the air,
My eyes keep staring at it,
The letters which are carved into me,
More vividly than you could see.

I stared till my eyes burned down,
And it could take no more pain,
Craving for some smokes,
And I keep lusting for it in vain.

And even as I would make no sense,
I slowly succumb to the wounds.
Damn, I am bleeding inside out,
If only someone else could see.

P.S. - Don't try to think too much. And yes, I know I have stopped making any sense!

Bla bla bla

2011-08-19T00:53:00.001+05:30

Everything is perfect,
All is beautiful.

You raise your voice,
And someone is there;
Listening to your blabber,
Or adding on more words;
Commenting on your rants,
Or silently frowning over;
Smiling at your stupidity,
Or thinking you to be so;
Scolding your selfishness,
Or learning from that too;
Driving you back to sleep,
And watching you dive deep.

And then?
You wake up!

Oh, leave it!

2011-08-11T23:59:00.000+05:30

Yes, I know that face,
Stared at it for hours.

That voice seems familiar,
I can still hear it ring in my ears.

I've heard that giggle,
Been there to smile too.

I get that wink in the eyes,
‘Cause I always knew the reason.

That smell is still fresh,
Different from the rest.

And they say, "you forget,
You move on in life",
Well, they are actually correct.

P.S. - Quick format has its own problems, there are always chances that you can recover some data.

A flicker

2011-08-05T00:22:00.005+05:30

Head clubbed between my knees,
Those days have gone by.

I now look at myself,
Playing seamlessly with keyboards,
Rotating in my comfy chair,
Staring at the screens,
The mind juggling codes,
Always at the look out for mails,
And ultimately working just fine.

Sandwiched between them,
Are my useless thoughts,
Flickering a little once in a while,
Reliving many a deaths,
Surviving the brutal splashes,
Of coffee and hot chocolate.

And I seem to endure it all,
Ignorant of the emptiness,
Trying to work through,
Make a way, a little street,
Just by the highway of the city.

But I can’t, I can’t cut the traffic,
It takes hours, I grow tired.

Looking back I smile,
At the roads which I left,
To see no one is around,
‘Cause all have moved out,
Might be feeling the same as me.

I think of calling back,
Shout to the empty streets,
But I don’t,
I won’t.

End of an era

2011-05-17T00:43:00.000+05:30

A few bottles I break,
A bunch of letters I burn,
A little memory I take,
'Cause I'm never to return.

Our very own room I leave,
Tiny scribbles I childishly make.
Some lost mementos I retrieve,
Trouble is, my bags are overweight.

I leave behind a trail of success,
And dark patches of failure,
So if left the stupid mess,
I also left boredom and pain's cure.

Away from my friends I float away,
Distances from my love grow greater.
I knew, college life was to end anyways,
But I wonder if anything can get this better?

P.S. - Only a day away from my departure, everything I do from now on, it'll be for the last time in my college life.

2 days to go

2011-05-01T12:42:00.000+05:30

Yesterday we came,
And its already time to go.
For once we wish against wish,
Time go slow, just a little slow.

Four years we supposedly had,
Thousand plus days of dreams,
And just two more days now?
Is this really what it seems?

Achievers have no mind to rejoice,
Losses and regrets matter no more,
The teary twilight has set in,
The end is here, knocking at our door.

Heaps of memories, stacks of mistakes,
We frantically gather as they slip through,
Its time to break the mould which cast us,
Time to show to the world, who is who!

Many a thoughts crowd my mind,
Not enough words for what I learnt,
So excuse my verses a little,
If I couldn't write what you want.

P.S. - Dedicated to the last 2 days of official college life.

When its you...

2011-04-29T14:41:00.000+05:30

No boundaries keep me bounded,
No chains drag me to the hell hole,
No silly excuses keep me alive,
You see through the priorities of my life.

No fear of losing crowd my mind,
No need of promises to live forever,
No defining of limits and trust,
You already know what commitment is.

No muffled voices in my mind,
No masks distort my little face,
No half-truths make me guilty,
You accept me as I always can be.

No compliments are hefty burden,
No feelings demand vivid expression,
No remorse uttered via worldly words,
You understand my heart inside out.

No thoughts are put into explanations,
No repeating me again and again,
No clarification makes me think,
You always know what is within me.

No extra efforts keep it dragging,
No new emotions take us forward,
No changes mark our pathway,
You keep us the same even now.

Love feels different

2011-04-13T06:42:00.002+05:30

Love feels like it no more.

Love feels like something I can control.
One moment I love her, need her by my side,
The very next moment I can live without,
And of course, for that conditions apply.

Love feels like a transient emotion.
It has a very earthly smell about it,
Scarily calm at times,
Not vibrant, neither heart throbbing,
Nor high, as I had once thought it to be.

Love feels like a subtle presence of someone.
Curiously vague, neither is physical,
Nor mental, not even emotional,
Its just like the inconspicuous air.

Love feels like a dream.
A light, casual, happy dream,
Realized with the open eye,
Something I'm not scared of losing,
Not for which my heart could even cry.

Love feels like touch-and-go.

Love feels like love once more.

You know, right?

2011-04-08T22:49:00.003+05:30

Its your aura,
Yes, the scintillating you,
That dazzles the tiny me,
Keeps me glued to thee.

Its your smile,
Yes, those stretched lips,
That keeps me going,
Make me smile once again.

Its the little time,
Yes, that very infinitesimal,
That makes me come back,
Re-return again and again.

Its the nonsense talks,
Yes, those worthless chatter,
That speak to me incessantly,
Whisper in my longing ears.

Its the casual stroll,
Yes, those walks by the sideways,
That inspire my heart and mind,
To walk many a miles more.

Its the mere thought,
Yes, the very thought of you,
That is enough to make my day,
To take me through and away.

Still the same!

2011-04-03T18:09:00.000+05:30

He said, "you are so wrong",
They too believed it to be so.
He said, "why won't you do it ?"
They just stared for an answer.

"Its my heart, its the way I am",
Not that I was still convinced so,
But this is what brings out the best,
The hint of love and care which I feel.

He said, "you are in love, isn't it ?"
They had absolutely no doubt either.
He said, "you know it yourself, right ?"
They had no idea what was in me.

"I know, yet, its complicated",
As if I could solve this mystery.
I was just a mere character in it,
The script was written and ready.

He said, "and how long will that be ?"
They wanted it to end too soon.
He said, "no one can say no, not to you",
They had a little too much faith in me.

"I don't believe in me, not anymore",
I had tried and failed more than once,
And what made it even worse was,
I had no idea, I was confused to the core.

He said, "you'll pretend everything is okay ?"
They wanted me to yank myself out.
He said, "then don't cry in front of me anymore",
They had got used to it now anyways.

"I'll be the same, its not too hard you know",
Specially if you prepare for it everyday,
If the lips always fake yourself out,
It gets you through a day and yet another day.

P.S. - Trust me, silence still prevails over everything else.

Sometimes

2011-03-17T21:10:00.000+05:30

Sometimes you need to be happy with other's happiness.
Sometimes it seems as if your happiness is too small in front of someone else's.
Sometimes you cannot say all that you want to say.
Sometimes you need to wait, even as you know its for the eternity.
Sometimes you need to smile through the day knowing you might not get another day.
Sometimes you do not get second chances.
Sometimes it happens.
Yes, sometimes.

Sometimes you just need to endure,

And treasure all moments.

Ya, ya, ya, you knew it all...

2011-03-10T07:15:00.000+05:30

Yes I lost,
Not that you gained.

Yes I walked,
Not that you kept waiting anyway.

Yes I loved it,
Not that you had ever hated.

Yes I love it even better now,
Not that you have not found another way.

Yes I think, more than you can ever,
Not that I accuse you of anything as such.

Yes a desire still stays, to know the future,
Not that I can't see it even after so many days.

Yes I know the reason was too bleak,
Not that the decision was a faulty one.

Yes now I see the seeds I planted two years ago,
Not that I was blind then, but I chose to ignore.

Yes you have a much better present,
Not that I breed in the darkness.

Yes you are right, you are the object of this poetry,
Not that I lied about the soul factor all those days.

Yes I say all this and still keep on writing,
Not that I haven't stopped myself from doing this.

Yes I'm trying to win over myself,
Not that I have not won all my life,
But losing has quite become my habit I guess.

P.S. - At least I have a new post after a long time. And off I go hibernating again!

Pessimism

2011-02-22T15:57:00.002+05:30

Remembrances,
Of the beginnings and not the ends,
Of the jokes and not the satires,
Of the success and not the failures,
Of the is and not the ifs,
Of the joys and not the regrets,
Of the love and not the hurts,
Of the trust and not the betrayals,
Of the freedom and not the chains,
Of the satisfaction and not the compromises,
Neither were,
Nor can ever be.

I write no more

2011-02-20T18:18:00.000+05:30

Its been some time since I wrote,
Quite a lot actually since I spoke,
And the pages of my diary,
Empty and yearning for a drop of ink.

It would seem I cannot write,
The amateur poet in me is dead,
Or just left my body for once,
I thought it to be so too, foolish me!

Its the first time I feel content,
Devoid of strange emotions,
Cured of the sick, troubling mind,
Trying to throw up a flurry of words.

Every gesture looked real for once,
With a limitless boundary for the soul.
Even the slightest tremble within me,
All accounted for and reasoned with.

Like there was nothing I did hide,
More so, no one to hide from.
Priorities set and acknowledged,
People loved and hated without shame.

And I am calm, quiet and loving it,
Life sorted out, days being counted,
Future in the bag pack, the past with held,
And the present promptly set free.

You

2011-02-02T03:54:00.002+05:30

You are a poison,
Sweet like the Cyanide,
Slow like the Death Lily,
Eventually inviting death.
And those alive,
Went through the worst,
And deserve its credit.

You are a mistake,
All want to commit,
'Cause none knows,
It could be regretted,
If never committed.

You are like a toy,
One might want to play,
But once taken away,
He knows he can live,
Being still happy anyways.

You are like a trophy,
Few believe they can win,
And cherish the achievement,
But someday they find out,
You are a little out of reach.

You are like the school,
All want to go back to,
Wishing the impossible,
For a split second,
'Cause all miss it too much.
And yet they move on,
Knowing the future,
Adventures yet to come.