Inspired...

Comparison

2017-10-14T04:15:00.001+05:30

Your pain is probably not the same as mine,
Those struggles could be far tougher,
And the wins might be way less than the defeats.

Or it could be the other way around.

Who am I to judge anyways,
We've all made the mistakes,
Some more than the others.

Then we wallow in our suffering,
Stabbing ourselves repeatedly over the past,
Without any luck to turn back time.

Dreaming endlessly of the possibilities,
Afraid to take that step, till we actually do.
If it was ever for us to take.

Until then, we embrace the inevitable,
Making the best of it all,
Or the worst, whichever we enjoy.

That one moment

2017-10-14T04:12:00.001+05:30

There is everyone, everywhere,
But it is mostly about the someone,
At times you have no idea who!

There is a picture in your mind,
A painful longing in your heart,
An urge to let them know.

If only it were as you hoped it was,
If your mind could mould the reality,
You would, inspite of all the repercussions.

Sometimes, insanity would strike,
Stuck in your head, hallucinating,
You could almost touch the impossible.

Briefly, but wanning away in a hurry,
And you want to slip into deep slumber,
In hopes, dreams are kinder than reality.

The usuals

2017-10-14T04:08:00.001+05:30

Usually I have mountains to climb,
Fair to say I even go out looking for them,
'Cause when I don't, there is nothing else.

Being busy makes much more sense than idleness,
'Cause usually there is far too much to be done,
Though bit by bit it consumes me, not that I complain.

So usually I am tired by the time I hit the bed,
Not that I look forward to being asleep,
How else would I conform to this body's routine?

And then comes the moments I spent with myself,
Usually the long weekend's sleepless nights,
When I run out of dreams to fill up those spaces.

Usually they don't bother me, the emptiness,
What does is the non compliance of myself,
Usually I have control, and then somedays I don't.

Dreaming of you, yes YOU

2017-06-12T07:41:00.001+05:30

It is a little past seven in the morning,
I dreamt of you.
Wide awake 'cause of this feeling,
This feeling of you!

'I saw you from the corner of my eye,
Walking probably to your car,
Poised gait and determined steps,
Unaware of me or anyone really.
I stopped on the steps,
Thought of turning around and well ...,
"But what would be the point", as they say.

But if time has taught me anything it is this,
Letting go of you is not humanely possible for me,
So I turned around, and there you were at a distance.
"Hey you", seemed to be an indifferent smile on you.
I smile big, thinking "at least she recognizes me",
We hug, and kiss each other on the cheeks.
"How are you?", the standard statement of all.

But I don't remember what I said,
I barely recollect the words you spoke,
Save that feeling of standing next to you,
Being content, plain simple joy of seeing you,
The heart beating even faster each second,
Catching a smile of you, the stretch of your lips,
Just you, what else did I need,
What else did I ever need in life save you?

Then we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere,
Near an empty road, and it started to pour down,
You took my hand, "come, I can see a light there".
And then I remembered where I was,
Near the road, that led to my home,
Not where I live, not where I had ever lived,
But my home none the less, get it?

"This way", I screamed on top of the patter of the rain,
"What? Where?", you would rather go what you can see,
"Come along", I took your hand this time,
'Cause "trust me" was probably pretty implicit.

And we reached the door steps of my neighbour,
"Towels please, and the keys to my house",
They gladly handed me both, "but it's raining".
True, it had got even heavier by the minute,
But home is home, that is the place I know,
And for the first time and probably the last,
You are here, how could I not bring you there?

We ran again, with a childish glee on my face,
Unlocked the door, and steped in,
I turned around to look at you,
You had a smile on your face,
Wet and exasperated, but smiling,
My job was done, what else could I want,
I felt relieved, but then a pain in my gut,
I thought to myself, "oh, how have I missed you"!'

I woke up, sweating on my bed,
With the AC running at twenty six,
With this emptiness inside,
Like I just lost everything in a second,
Reminding me again, lest I forget,
"I miss you, how badly I still do"!

My kind of love

2017-04-09T02:51:00.001+05:30

They talk about passionate love,
I say, no, I don't want that.

I want a love which looks the usual,
But pulls me to deeper depths by the day,
Grips me with a gradual fervor, bit by bit,
One which makes sense, but only after a while.

They have a phrase, love is crazy,
I wish I get one which is not.

I want a love which is understandable,
Where my heart and mind can be one,
Without conflicts they can be at peace,
And I don't have to fight an unending war.

They would probably say I am boring,
Let them, I really don't care.

I am content in simply being sane,
Holding her, while she walks alongside me,
Trying to figure her out, every step of the way,
Knowing it might last forever, or just a single day.

The she

2017-01-02T00:58:00.001+05:30

In a sea of silence she is the only word,
In the desert of ugliness, a sole mirage,
Of hope, and utter disbelief.

She is, the sources of the prayers,
The pride and their envy,
A midnight summer's dream.

Walking by, waving a smile,
Almost breaking through,
The facade of the uninterested.

Paths to you

2016-09-27T00:58:00.000+05:30

This road leads me somewhere,
Wishing that the paces left are few,
These step that I take in haste,
In a blind hope it would be you.

There is always that chosen one,
Reasons apparent, definitely not me.
You give it all you have, no less I know,
Just as I have, only you don't know.

But this heart doesn't crumble,
It has been in ruins since I know when.
Now it is just another of those strikes,
Surprisingly painless, miraculously swift!

Meaningless rants, empty echo, these,
Cooked out of unadulterated pessimism,
Finally I turn back and take a different turn,
Wondering if it is leading me to you again!

Steps

2016-02-01T01:47:00.001+05:30

One step at a time,
Scampering into the golden sunshine,
Dragging along the dirt from the rubble,
As little as possible, as clean as it can be,
Holding the palm up to manage the glare,
Seeping in those little rays visible in dust,
Imagination laid on the canvas of reality.

A touch of strength, an ounce of courage,
And escape into the realm of possibilities,
Just another step, it is time.

Ignoring the tattered screeching knees,
Stretching the arm searching for anything,
With an undying hope and a resilient mind,
Trembling to get up on those rusty feet,
Soaking in the promise, starting to believe,
A faint smile overpowering the doubt,
As the head rises a fraction towards pride.

Free from the self made shackles,
Marching to victory, alone and joyous,
There is no path, save the one you pave.

To a lost cause

2016-02-01T01:46:00.002+05:30

The merciless clock keeps unwinding,
Gathering up each moment, flushing it out of existence,
Running down the seemingly endless opportunities,
And me, trying hard to hold on, press on to the path chosen.

Giving up seems easy, almost inevitable,
'Cause it is but a long lost cause,
Yet I hold on to those scattered words,
In the hope it would come to a conclusion,
To an end I would want it to, no matter when.

Turning away

2016-02-01T01:44:00.002+05:30

I have gone to the point of no return,
Spent too much time without concern,
Build far less bridges than I have burned,
Now at the crossroad I know not where to turn.

There were few that I knew existed for me,
Fewer still are left to tell those little tales,
What goes within is best left alone anyways,
They've grown up, time to just let them be.

What's with the world that's going up in flames,
Or is it just me reeling in it's scathing heat?
The rest have made a life of it the best they could,
And silly me trying not to abide by the rules of the games.

Now you judge and I'm made the bad guy,
The rotten dead among the shining lot,
"Go away, you don't fit in", they cursed at me,
And I left, without a second look, never asking "Why"?

In the distant past

2015-12-12T18:20:00.001+05:30

They said it is all a game the mind plays,
But they probably didn't feel my heart race.
A hint of joy, a bit of pride, and a hell of a lust.

It would wear down, was the first thought,
For they had predicted it to be so, long ago,
Conveniently leaving out that it lingers, the taste of it.

Often a thought, seldom a dream, and always a smile,
Not a care in the world, and a pair of wings to fly,
"It depends", they argued frivolously, but who cared!

That time, the last time I was myself,
On that strange day when you were mine!

Rhyming words

2015-12-11T23:57:00.001+05:30

Word after word I let it seep through,
They always made sense in the end,
Always the pain, seldom the fears,
And occasionally with a cautionary tale.

Not that the intentions are such,
The best of the worst win every time,
As if they are the few that could speak,
The ones who are often heard the least.

Due diligence

2015-12-11T23:54:00.002+05:30

The clouds have long been there,
Scary, gloomy and threatening,
If only they would be feared.
A step at a time, one by one,
Inching closer to the inevitability,
The storms pick up finally for good.

Bruised and battered the ego,
Words conjured up by the darkness,
A recipe for the fateful fruitful disaster.
The belief reassured, solemnly promised,
Cast away from the prying eyes of expectations,
A dejected seed reluctantly grows into being.

"Hey!"

2015-06-07T22:49:00.001+05:30

She can't hear me,
I am not loud enough,
For my own sake and her's.

I try hard to let her know,
But then stop in the end,
Thinking of the futility of it all.

A vague hope that she would listen,
May be she would understand,
But what would be point?

A little enquiry

2015-04-13T01:18:00.001+05:30

a page from his diary,

There is something amiss,
A little joy or maybe the tears.
Seeping through the cracks of the image,
A hint of that lost, dejected soul within.

Purpose and meaning seemingly just words,
Conjured from the hollowness of life.
Love and sacrifice constructs of the lonely,
Leverage of the willful over the weak.

Dragged into this pit of filth,
Wrestling for a gasp of air,
Wondering if this is all a sham,
Or have I truly lost my mind?

Note to self

2014-12-07T13:37:00.003+05:30

Have you ever stared down too long,
But just at a few unmeaning lines,
Smiling at nothing save yourself,
Have your eyes twinkled with memories,
Of a life lived and the beauty of it all?

Indeed I have, actually quite a few times.

There remains just a feeling or a faint touch,
Of the memories which are hidden deep within,
The best upfront and the worst blurred a little,
Of the life lived in mistakes, but not lived in vain,
Sometimes with some sanity, other times as an insane!

Now that is of course not a proof of anything,
But why should it make that any less true,
Those who have "been there and done that",
Could speak up for yourself if you please,
And I couldn't care less if no one came!

I write not to tell them, it is to me.

The one from my backyard

2014-10-17T04:46:00.000+05:30

A tree grew in my backyard,
I took no notice at first,
'Cause it was like any other,
Grew out of nowhere,
And stood up too proud.

It grew, larger than I thought,
More prosperous than I hoped,
A better shade than most,
But above all, in my backyard.

But then I moved out,
To experience the world there is,
Traveled places, lost myself,
And yet I never let go of the tree,
A constant reminder of home.

Years I devoted to knowing,
I aged trying to uncover the truth,
I rejoiced and battled with pain,
But I kept dreaming of the one,
The one which still graced my backyard.

Then time turned me homeward,
I walked in, and through to my backyard,
To see it still there, mighty and generous,
A little forgotten, somewhat neglected,
It's reach diminished by some people.

I lay down below, and it all came back,
The innocence, the stupidity, the futility,
A constant in my otherwise fickle life,
"This would be, why should it not",
I whispered in my childish glee.

But the common folks are different,
Cheap thrills, blatant charms, is their thing,
Silence has no beauty, faith is boring,
"What pleasure lies under that one tree?"
They often asked, and I never made sense.

And then they chopped it down,
Out of nowhere, one unfortunate day,
It was gone, leaving behind the splinters,
No I didn't collect them, not out of grief,
But 'cause there was no point to it.

Strangely things change, but not much,
My idle time is still as idle as it used to be,
Yes, the shade is gone from my backyard,
And for most days I stand at the edge of it,
Staring down at the empty space left,
At the end turning back, with a drop of tear,
Or occasionally with a hint of smile.

What goes around, comes around

2014-10-14T01:32:00.001+05:30

We might live our life,
As if there is no tomorrow.

We might live,
And forget their life,
No looking back is all we think.

We may lose,
And never mourn the loss,
With no clue of whats gone.

We might win,
And bask in the glory,
No matter how we got there.

We could walk off,
And not turn back to see,
If they did really find their feet.

We probably smiled,
And not wondered why,
Thinking the smile was our's.

We rejoiced,
And didn't take time to think,
If it was joy or merely a laughter.

We exist, for us we think,
We exist within us,
And of course without them all.

We believe us,
What ever satisfies us the best,
'Cause we are all alone in end?

Yet a thought lingers about us,
Of what we did, and didn't.

We forget, only to be reminded,
What goes around,
Comes around!

World of ours

2014-10-10T21:27:00.000+05:30

The ways of life,

Take you places unknown,

Tear you into the tiniest pieces,

Then coughs up a little glue,

And grind you back to one.

No, they don't ask for permission,

You wouldn't even know what to say,

Scratch your balls or you head,

Some things are beyond us,

What fool would not accept this?

Oh, but it is all in our hands they think,

Some say it is the randomness of order,

I question the supposed randomness,

Order prevails inspite of it everywhere,

So why to follow anything except self?

They say it is a monstrous rebellion,

Others say it is chaos which needs to end,

I merely see the decisions of the I's,

Stout, resolute, fearful and brave,

Consequences to be lived and faced!

You can try to find the truth of it all,

Take an oath to rid of the evil there is,

Way of life this is, only you don't realize,

Not ours, not of this world or the earth,

Too small we are to look beyond our egos!

Love - Hate

2013-09-05T00:35:00.001+05:30

a page from his diary,

What would I know about love?
Sick maniac robbing you of yourself,
King of the slaughter house of your peace,
Granter of the ignorantly wished unfaithful pain!

Unleash the God in you respectable sir,
Kill that vibrant ego, slash that lust's throat,
Walk into the heaven of brutal scathed reality,
Trust yourself and lock the purgatory's doors!

You can't be killed 'cause death is at its own little game,
Survive, survive, and simply survive, is all it states,
If only you failed, think of the life there is ahead, way ahead,
That is if you desperately wanna see how victory tastes?

But mostly why live a cruel joke, when you can crack one up,
Vow to find that unforgiving joy, as if it were possible,
Falling for the bloodsucking parasite wrapped in flowers,
Murmuring, "backstabbing snitch, you've been trusted just enough"!

Let me, please

2013-03-06T22:50:00.001+05:30

a page from his diary,

Let me hold you,
Sweep you in my arms,
Look into your curious eyes,
And touch your trembling lips.

Let me be there,
Drooling over your heavenly voice,
Tickle your godly tender body,
And kiss your irresistible neckline.

Let me be lost,
Tangled in your locks of hair,
Confused by your innocent charm,
And leave behind the world with you.

Let me be myself,
Resting in your proximity,
Apprehending every breath you take,
And be that kid I always wanted to be.

Girl interrupted

2012-10-09T12:46:00.000+05:30

She laughs a ton and cries a pool,
Either one after a few jugs of beer,
A true dude among the regular dudettes,
The girl next door living with her own fears!

She braves the world, this bloody teeming place,
Successfully keeping her wishes and dreams still alive,
An art I truly wish to miraculously master someday,
Provided this world would first let me at least survive!

She dreams of love and a few other things I can't divulge,
Among them a wish of eloping, probably somewhere quiet,
'Cause she hates the traffic and the crossing of streets,
And the modern transport (bikes) do give her a fright!

She smiles, oh yes, very much often too indeed,
But let it not mask the red hot rage burning inside,
Sudden slaps and brutal punches are her specialty,
And no, there is no rule of fighting to which she abides!

From a distance I watch, 'cause she is not exactly next door,
Listening quietly, not a word more do I wish to say,
From the distance I watch her smile, clueless why,
But the fact that she does, is enough for her everyday,
That girl, that girl interrupted, anyways, happy birthday!

The haunting

2012-07-11T22:50:00.003+05:30

I don't keep looking back at what I long left behind,
I trust ashes of my memories must have been blown away,
"May he rest in peace", probably was not even whispered,
"Dead and hence forgotten" is the new mantra anyway!

But once in a while the vengeful me tends to rise from the dead,
And with unsaid questions the distorted shadow knocks on my door,
"How could you move on and leave me there to rot and die,
When you knew I was a part of you which you mercilessly tore"?

Bathed in blood and tar, the dark sludge dripping from his body,
His eyes gloomy and murky, his lips sealed and stitched monstrously,
His hands burned and twisted, neither begging nor pointing,
He was just there, stolid, without remorse, motionless and lonely.

A part of me, yes, a part of my very own soul, my long lost self,
Born of the pieces chiseled out to keep myself untouched and pure,
And while I was too busy getting rid of this pain, I halved myself,
Oblivious of its everlasting consequences or its illusory cure!

Truthfully

2012-06-13T02:27:00.001+05:30

Stranded at the far end of the street,
You feel the road could have just begun;
You turn around and start walking,
Towards the probable distant horizon!

Staring at the murky twilight outside,
You realize it could be the break of dawn;
You get out of your ridiculously cozy bed,
Thinking the day has not yet begun!

Sitting alone along the sandy lonesome beach,
You look at the foot prints right by your side,
You believe someone else could have come along too,
And possibly would have gone away for a ride!

Listening to the only song being played aloud,
You sense it could be all about you right now,
You notice its what you wrote a long time back,
As if you knew this would come true somehow!

Trying hard to believe all this to be about me,
I hear the distinct ring of the overhead wind chime,
And I smile at myself, "I am not dreaming,
At least not today, not this time"!

Home

2012-06-09T01:00:00.001+05:30

I am going home,
Where it all comes to an end.

Torn papers and stashed cards,
The anger and undying love in that;
Read letters and songs sung,
The cliche acts and pure emotions behind that;
Distances travelled and days waited,
The agony and joy of accomplishment of that;

I am coming home,
Yes, I am indeed.