My Journey To Happiness ♥

One year later. ♥

2014-05-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

Hey! So, as you can probably guess, a lot has happened within the last year.

I graduated college.

Yep! I graduated with my Associates Degree in Accounting on May 6th. It has been a long and stressful two years but it was well worth it. When I arrived at graduation, I also learned that I was graduating as an honor student. I had earned a 4.0 GPA which is amazing! I was so excited to get home and add that to my resume. I am currently working my part-time job at Lowe's while focusing on finding a full-time job. The hardest part about being a recent graduate is not knowing what's next. I went from going to school everyday for two years straight to not doing anything but working a "dead end" job. I am trying to stay positive as much as possible, but sometimes it is really hard. I know it's only been a week, so I am giving myself the benefit of the doubt.

While I was living in Augusta two years ago, I was working out (kinda) often while going to school. I wasn't eating very healthy, but I was doing far better than I am now. I find myself emotionally eating and not working out at all. It has really taken it's toll on my body because I have gained 37 pounds. Yes, you read that right. 37 POUNDS! I beat myself up about it all the time (which is pointless because I haven't done anything to change it). I am at the highest weight I have ever been... 206.2 pounds! I look back on pictures of me weighing 169 pounds and I wish I looked like that again... Which is funny because when I did weigh 169, I wished I was 145 like I was back in high school. But I have finally accepted the fact that I will always battle my weight. If I continue to feed my body unhealthy foods, I will continue to gain weight. It's simple. I will then reach my next "highest weight." If I continue to NOT work out, I will continue to GAIN weight. I have proved to myself in many different ways throughout my life that I am capable for working hard and fighting for the things I want. I am 21 years old, I have my own apartment, I own my car, I'm working, I have a college degree, etc. These things take a lot of hard work to obtain. So why can't I work hard to get the body I want and deserve? There's an easy answer for that. I CAN!! For years, I have constantly doubted myself. I have talked myself out of workouts, I have talked myself out of healthy meals, I have convinced myself to "start tomorrow" or "start Monday." But tomorrow and Monday never come.

Change your lifestyle

and it will change your life.

This is a quote I keep in the back of my head every day. It is soo true. You're life will not change unless you, yourself, make the changes. Lately I have thought to myself, if I continue eating this way, I will be in an even more unhealthy place a year from now. I can possibly gain another 37+ pounds, then I will be even worse off. But if I start today, and make these changes, I can be a completely different person 365 days from now. Changing your life is a process, and nobody ever said it would be easy. But if I take the easy way out, and not work hard for what I want, I will be even more unhappy months down the road. It's very important that I learn to be my own motivator. In the back of my mind, I'm always discouraging myself. This is why I have been unsuccessful at reaching the goals I've made for myself. I have to encourage myself to work hard, to exercise every day, to eat right... Because if I don't, who will. Change comes from WITHIN.

My best advice to myself and others who are just started out (or those who have gone through this before and are trying to start again) is to start small. I have made a list of 3 goals I want to accomplish within the next 7 days. I want/need (lol) a pedicure and I want a new outfit, but I am going to make myself work hard for these rewards. When I think about losing a large amount of weight, it scares me. So I am removing the thought of a number out of my head. I will focus on small changes because small changes will lead to big results. I deserve this because I deserve to be happy! AND SO DO YOU!! :)

Goals:
- Drink more water (no soda/tea/koolaid)
- Eat healthier
- No eating out
- Exercise more
- BE HAPPY

Many Months Later ♥

2013-05-13T14:30:00.004-04:00

Whewww, it's been a longgg time since I've written a post on here! A LOT has happened. A little over a year ago, I decided to go away to college. I moved 92 miles away, and it was just me. No family and only 2 friends. I got a kitten (Kiko) who is now a little over a year old. & I must say, I'd be a different person without her. A year went by, I did GREAT my first 3 semesters (Summer '12, Fall '12, and just finished Spring '13). My first semester I finished with 3 B's, 1 A, and a GPA of 3.25. I didn't make the Deans List. But, this was my first time back in school after 2 years. My second semester I finished with all A's and a GPA of 4.0, and my third semester I did the exact same thing. I made the Dean's List twice! It feels really good. I was given the opportunity to obtain a 2 year degree absolutely free. Tuition, books, supplies, ect. Everything is taken care of. So I took the chance, and succeeded. Now, I moved closer to my family - still living on my own - and I love it. Even though I'm sad that I have to transfer schools in the Fall, I wouldn't trade being home for anything in the world. Summer '13 will be my last semester at Augusta Technical College.

Sooo, outside of school.. I have gained weight. & There is no excuse for it. But there are reasons. Being extremely lonely and sad all the time did attribute to my weight gain. I did go to the gym, but not as often as I should have. I stopped eating out for a little bit, but started up again shortly after. I worked out at home, and then I stopped for no reason. I missed my family, and I had no clue how to deal with it. Every day I woke up, I was by myself. I went to school for a few hours, but that was it. I didn't have any friends to go out with on the weekends, and I am always afraid to do things by myself. So I was stuck in the house all the time, pretty much miserable. I would try to keep myself busy by doing homework and studying, but it just didn't help. So now that I am finally happy and content again, I know it is time to give this thing another try.

If I continue to sit on my butt and eat unhealthy, of course I will continue to gain weight. But if I get up and move, and start watching what I eat & having smaller portions, of course I will lose weight. It is very simple. I am not the kind of girl who can eat lettuce and be happy. I have to treat myself here and there, and I know how to do that without going over board. Once I get control of my eating, it is not a problem. My problem is getting up and excersing. But it's crazy because I love excersing. I love dancing, walking, boxing, ect. If it's fun, I love it. All I need to do is give myself that push and keep going again.

In my life, right now, all I have to really focus on is school. So this is the perfect time to get my life and goals on track. I am home, I am very close to my family (literally 4-5 miles), I am close to my friends, I have a gym, DVDs, a pool.. I have everything I need to do this the right way. It is time to do this. It is time to get this right.

I don't have a goal weight. I hate the scale. I gain muscle, lose fat. But the number on the scale either stays the same or goes up. I like taking measurements. If I see a loss, I know I'm doing something right. So my goal is to be happy with the body I am.

I have to treat my body right because it is mine. No one else can do this for me.

Wow. It's been a long time...

2012-05-08T16:19:00.001-04:00

It's been a long time since I've checked in. I didn't completely fall off the wagon, but I did have a few bad months. However, giving up was never an option!

I moved. I'm about 90+ miles away from "home". I start college on May 21st. & I'm doing good. I'm a little home sick, but I'm holding up. Within the next hour I'll be on my way to check out a new gym. I'm not sure what my "fitness goals" are anymore. I had a specific weight set in my head, but I just want to be happy with the way I look. My body will never be perfect. There will always be something I feel like I need to work out, so perfection is not what I'm looking for.

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH THE WAY I LOOK.

I guess that's my new fitness goal.

Here's me. A little over a year from when I started.

That girl on the right... That's a much happier me. Not a completely satisifed me. But a much happier me.

I hope everyone is doing great. Keep up the awesome work! We can do this.

Yes. I love my curves! So what?

2012-03-30T17:18:00.000-04:00

Checking In. . .

2012-03-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging lately, but I will provide an update. February was a very hard month for me, & I loss track of everything. I was focusing more on overcoming and dealing with a situation that happened in the past. Last week ( Monday - Thursday ), I was in Augusta getting everything ready for school. It's hard to watch what you eat without the tools you normally have at home. I have to go back next week, but after that, I'll be at home until the middle of May. This week I'm starting to track my calories again, & I will start working out again today. I won't start any workout dvds since I'll be gone next week, but when I come back I think I'm going to start 6 Week 6 Pack. I changed my goal weight to between 130 and 135 - instead of 125 - because I want to keep my curves, and I want a little meat on my bones. I would like to be around 135, and toned. I recently purchased "The New Rules of Lifting For Women", so I'm excited to start lifting weights again!

Here's something I will be doing everyday...

Cheers to blasting fat! I hope everyone has a fantastic week.

My New Beginning.

2012-02-20T23:04:00.000-05:00

I've been having a rough time these past two weeks. Some hidden emotions have started bothering me again, & I've finally hit my breaking point. Sooo many people - including myself - go through things & try to hold it in... Not knowing that we are really hurting ourselves. I won't go in to detail, but some very painful things happened to me when I was 14-15. I am now 19 years old. I never took the time to deal with my issues, so they've been buried deep inside for a very long time. A few nights ago I had a 3-4 nightmares, but they were all involving the same person. After this happened, I knew it was time to deal with it. So I decided to seek professional help. Tomorrow is my first "meeting", so I'm now referring to tomorrow as "the 1st day to my new beginning." Holding on to the past will hold you back from ALOT of things. Not being able to sleep at night has caused me to lose the focus & motivation I once had to lose weight & eat properly. Some people may view that as an excuse, but until you've been in my shoes - don't judge me. I know a lot about excuses, & what I'm going through right now is FAR from an excuse. I am ready to change my life for the better. So tomorrow morning I will wake up. I will eat a healthy breakfast. & I will work out. I will hold nothing back in therapy. & I will do my BEST to make sure tomorrow is better than today.

without struggle, there is no progress.

Update!!

2012-02-10T17:44:00.001-05:00

I'm still alive! =P

I'll start by saying this week hasn't been the best. I did lose a pound, so I'm down to 161. I can't wait to get in the 150's. My motivation seemed to disappear this week, but I haven't given up. I've been craving sweets, & bad food - which I believe is a result of my TOM coming soon. My TOM hasn't stopped by since December (b/c I quit birth control for a month) so I think my body is having a hard time re-adjusting. It's okay though, because a loss is a loss. I'm at an 8 pound loss so far since January 1st. I plan to be completely back on board next week. I attempted to start my second round of the 30 Day Shred this week, but I'm just going to wait until Monday. Hopefully I can get through the full 30 days with no breaks. I did try 6 Week 6 Pack & Killer Buns and Thighs, and they are TOUGH. I'm excited to see some awesome results since I'll be combining all 3 dvds.

Oh, and on another note... I received some really good news last Friday. Since my job was sent over seas, I have been given the opportunity to go to school for 2 years. FOR FREE! Yes, I said for free. I'm allowed up to $20,000 so I won't even have to pay for books. I've decided to go back to my hometown of Augusta, GA! My parents have a house down there, so after a few months I hope to move in. For now, I'll be getting my own apartment. I'm really hoping that my babe will come along! Since I'll be leaving in May (for summer school), I'm really motivated to hit 140-145. That's 2 & a half months to lose 16-21 pounds. I think I can do it!! I would love to focus more on school vs. focusing more on losing the weight. We'll see how that goes!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.

Did Anybody Say .... Cookies???

2012-02-03T23:05:00.004-05:00

How fantastic do these look?

I woke up this morning craving something sweet. It didn't matter what it was, I just wanted something sweet. Cake, cookies, ice cream... Anything! So, I was going to stop by Subway on my way home and grab a cookie, until I looked up the calories. Then I decided I would try to make my own cookies. I really wasn't feeling chocolate chip cookies, so I decided to try M&M cookies. I mean, you could add any candy to this cookie & it would still be great. When I buy Nestle cookies, I normally eat 3-4 (big cookies). I was full just having 1 big & 1 small cookie. SCORE! Anyway, here goes the recipe...

Ingredients:

1/3 cup light butter ( I used Blue Bonnet )
1/3 cup light brown sugar
8 Splenda Packets
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 egg
3/4 cup All Purpose Flour
1&1/2 ( 1.5 ) tsp Baking Powder ( or 1/2 tsp Baking Soda )
1/8 tsp Salt
1/4 cup M&Ms ( 1small bag from the store is exactly 1/4th of a cup )

Preparation:

Set the oven to 350 degrees. Mix the ingredients together. Bake for 10-12 minutes.

Now to the "good" stuff...

1 Big Cookie

Calories: 223
Carbs: 33
Fat: 8
Sugar: 20

1 Small Cookie

Calories: 112
Carbs: 17
Fat: 4
Sugar: 10

...Of course this isn't a snack you can have everyday, but everyone has a sweet tooth once in a while.

Enjoy!

Is This Really Me?

2012-02-03T18:13:00.000-05:00

... I'm not the girl I used to be.

30 Day Shred Results!!!

2012-02-01T13:23:00.001-05:00

Starting Weight = 169lbs.
Ending Weight = 162lbs.

01/01/12:
Upper Waist = 32"
Lower Waist = 34"
Hips = 38"
Right Arm = 12.5"
Left Arm = 12.5"
Right Thigh = 24"
Left Thigh = 24.5"

02/01/12:
Upper Waist = 31.5" ( -0.5" )
Lower Wast = 31.5" ( - 2.5" )
Hips = 37" ( -1" )
Right Arm = 12.5" ( -0 )
Left Arm = 12" ( -0.5" )
Right Thigh = 23 ( -1 )
Left Thigh = 23.5 ( -1 )

Total Weight Loss = 7lbs
Total Inches Loss = 6.5in

I started the 30 Day Shred on 12/27/11 and completed it on 01/31/12. It took me a total of 35 days.

I wanted to add a picture from when I first started my "journey" in May 2011. I was 169lbs here as well. But I was more fat than muscle!

Ok, here's the good stuff. I don't really see a difference at all, but oh well. Here goes nothing...

BEFORE

AFTER

Round 2 starts today! Thanks for reading :)

Don't Give Up! ♥

2012-01-30T00:24:00.000-05:00

This past week can be summed up in three words!

It. Was. Horrible.

It started out okay. & Trust me, "okay" isn't good enough. Later in the week, I started training for a work from home job. I was so focused on finishing the class as soon as possible so I was training, studying, and taking tests for 8+ hours a day. I wasn't paying attention to time, so my eating schedule was so off track. AND I wasn't exercising because I was exhausted by the end of the day. Not a good way to handle things. I think I got so carried away because I haven't had a job in 9 months, and I'm just so excited to get started. Not a bad thing, right? I just need to find my balance.

This week, I will succeed. I will do my absolute best to achieve the weekly goals I have set for myself.

Drink 8+ cups of water EVERYDAY.
Exercise EVERYDAY.
Eat atleast 1,200 calories a day.
& Increase my fruit and vegetable intake.

I will weigh in, take my measurements, and snap my progress pictures on Wednesday. Am I nervous? Hell yes. I hate the scale. I've always hated the scale, so I try my best to stay away from it. The last time I weighed in was Jan. 1st. My mom tells me my face is getting smaller, as well as my stomach. I've also noticed that my back fat is almost gone. YES! My back fat is my worst enemy. =P

If I don't see a change on the scale, I will remind myself of one thing . . .

Have a wonderful week, friends!

Reward #2

2012-01-25T15:31:00.000-05:00

...look what arrived in the mail today!

Julianne Hough - Just Dance!
Billy Blanks - This Is Tae Bo

These are my rewards for completing Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred.

I absolutely love adding new workout dvds to my collection.

I can't wait to try them out!

Ready - Set - Go!

2012-01-20T17:01:00.002-05:00

I ran...
in the pooring rain.

You read that, didn't you? Yep, I ran. For 9 minutes and 30 seconds w/o stopping.

what a victory!

Why, might you ask? Welllllll, I've never ran that long without taking a break AND I've never ran in the rain. I started couch to 5k last week, but I felt like it was taking too long... I know, I know... sooo impatient. So today I told myself to just go outside and run. Run until my body tells me to stop. So that's what I did. Hill after hill - I ran. After I finished, I sat outside - listened to my music - and cried. I am so proud of myself. I'm doing things I would've never pictured myself doing before. I admit 9mins & 30secs isn't THAT long, but it felt so damn good.

I am learning to enjoy life. As I ran, I thought about the people who have had so many little things (that we take for granted) taken away from them. One day they can walk, the next day they can't. One day they can see, the next day they can't. Life - for me - isn't about how much money I have, or the materialistic things. Life - for me - is about learning to love myself, and loving others around me. That is what's important.

Today, I ran. ♥

Mixed Emotions . . .

2012-01-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

... the dreaded hill.

I just came in from a walk, and boy is it freezing outside. This is one of the two hills in my neighborhood. If this can't make your heart beat fast, idk what will.

Lately, I've been thinking about how much my life has changed over the past year. This time, last year, I was living in an apartment with a roommate I hated - I was over weight & very unhappy - I wasn't exercising - & I was only eating JUNK. I can't imagine being that girl again. Even though I haven't lost a ton of weight, I still feel so much better than I did a year ago. It was so bad to the point where I would cry if I looked at myself in the mirror, so I avoided that at all times. My clothes were getting so tight, so I started wearing nothing but sweat pants & big t-shirts.

What made me change might you ask?
This picture...

This picture was taken on the day I lost my job - April 6, 2011. This is NOT the girl I used to be in high school. This is a girl who stopped caring about herself, and gave up on life. I was smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside. Every time I look at this picture, I applaud myself for making a change. Learning to love exercising has completely changed my life.

Now that I'm bettering myself, I have to learn how to face my fears & my problems head on. There is a reason why I stopped loving myself. There is a reason why I gave up. So many things were going wrong in my life. I lost my best friend, I lost my apartment, I lost my job... I pretty much lost everything. This was such a hard time in my life, and looking at that picture brings back so many painful memories.

Even now, I'm going through a lot of hurtful things in life, but I am handling them a lot better. I have finally enrolled in school and I'll begin in August. I'm working on getting an at home job, so I will be able to work around my school schedule. It might not seem like it, but things are looking up for me.

My "boyfriend" & I, of 3+ years, recently stopped talking. I haven't been alone in over 3 years, so this has been really hard for me. There are times when a song will start playing, and I'll start crying. Or I'll just start thinking about things, and tears start coming down. I would love for my feelings to disappear, but I don't think that will happen any time soon. I'm still in love, so it's hard for me to let it go. This is the only thing in my life that is completely tearing me apart right now.

I can only hope and pray that things get better for me. But until then, I will not give up. I deserve to be happy.

Woahhhh.. Bad Weekend.

2012-01-09T01:06:00.000-05:00

So, this weekend was pretty much horrible. Last night I only got three hours of sleep, and I haven't taken a nap all day. I allowed myself a cheat day - which turned into two - but that isn't the "bad" part in my eyes. I didn't exercise once.. *tear*. I was so exhausted today, and I knew I wouldn't have enough energy to workout. Oh well.. Tomorrow is a new day! I've already written out my workout schedule for the week, & I am going to stick to it!

Mom & I went grocery shopping today, and bought a lot of healthy foods. My favorite = strawberries! Yummmm. I will always choose fruits over vegetables. I'm going to start Level 2 of the 30 Day Shred in the morning. I plan to do it for 10 days straight, since I've already taken two days off since completing level 1. This means I'll be done on Wednesday (01/18) & I will be able to buy my second reward. I'm excited, so I know I'll be motivated enough to finish! Plus, I can really feel a change in my body!

P.S. - The picture I posted is my new exercise log. I love creating cute things for my notebook! Each day I will be writing down the type of exercise I did, how long I did it for, and how many calories I ended up burning. Now that's exciting! =P

*If you're reading this, remember one thing - YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Thanks for reading! Goodnight.

My First Post ♥

2012-01-08T01:33:00.000-05:00

Well, this is my very first post. I've been working hard on this blog for days now, and I think I'm pretty much finished. I will add some extra pictures (& pages) later on.

Since it's so late, I figured I would go ahead and share a piece from a note I wrote myself a few weeks ago...

"Soon or later I'm going to have to get over these things. What's done is done, and my past is in the past for a reason. If I don't make the necessary changes now, I will be stuck like this forever. Unhappy and unhealthy. I will be in my 40's (keep in mind I'm ONLY 19) trying to lose weight, and wondering why I never did it while I was younger. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to go through life wondering why I never accomplished the goals I had set for myself. How can I look back and say "I never lost weight because I was lazy," or "I never lost weight because I loved food too much." I can't keep doing this to myself. I refuse to keep doing this to myself."

I guess my reason for sharing this is because EVERYBODY deserves to be happy and healthy. No matter what age you are. Every day when you wake up - and every night before you go to sleep - tell yourself that YOU ARE WORTH IT.

...and always remember:

loving yourself means honoring yourself and your own feelings first.

Goodnight.