Celebrity Tales

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES SELL DOPE

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 12:17:00 +0000

Welcome home, Desperate Housewives, welcome...sorry. Extreme Makeover really messed with my head. We started this week with the combination of rippling water and Mary Alice's voice. I was excited for this episode, but I felt my eyes grow heavy. A Mary Alice voice-over combined with rippling water is a strong sedative. Especially after two hours of Ty Pennington screaming into a megaphone. ''We think of the past as water under the bridge,'' Mary Alice crooned. I nodded, hypnotized. We saw various riffraff float by. Was anyone else expecting seasons 2 and 3 of Desperate Housewives on DVD to drift past? I was sleepy and skeptical at the start of last night's episode, worried that a trip down memory lane would remind me of all the missteps Housewives had taken in the previous two seasons. I was wrong. Forgive me, Marc Cherry. I loved this episode for addressing past plot points but also for filling certain, um, cavities.
Also asking for forgiveness were Gaby and Carlos, who made a visit to God's house. (To be clear: not Marc Cherry's digs.) How they got through the doors without being struck by lightning is anyone's guess. Carlos went to have his sins absolved. Gaby went to wear a cute new dress and possibly challenge a few nuns to a rumble. When Gaby touched the holy water, it didn't burn her fingertips off, which was proof that she's not entirely evil. ''Don't you feel guilty a man is dead?'' Carlos yelled, you know, so that his voice wouldn't echo to the high heavens and so that the cleaning lady nearby wouldn't overhear. The residents of Wisteria Lane are in desperate need of a tutorial on using inside voices. Gaby paused for a second, contemplating what the word ''guilt'' could possibly mean. Then she hit Carlos over the head, which was proof that if you're Gaby's lover, you're gonna suffer some head trauma. Strap on a helmet.
Eva Longoria is a fantastic actor. Gaby is not. The girl was skipping around with a scarlet letter embroidered on whatever adorable outfit she was wearing while singing, ''Ding-dong, the mayor's dead.'' ''I hope this isn't...?'' Gaby asked, warily trailing off with her eyes darting around suspiciously when the detectives told her that Victor was missing. Hope this isn't what, Gaby? The last episode to air because of the writers' strike? Breathe easy, it's not! The detectives informed her that they hadn't found a single fingerprint on Victor's abandoned boat and that ''whoever was on that boat was not that bright.'' Gaby learned a hard truth: Applying concealer is much easier than concealing murder. When Carlos talked about confessing to the police, Gaby was in all her unapologetic, conniving, and self-serving glory. She could have pulled an Edie and phoned a friend about offshore banking, but why resort to blackmail when there was perfectly good tequila and sleeping pills around? Even Carlos couldn't argue with that reasoning. Gaby's less than thrilled reaction upon hearing that Victor washed up on shore, combined with a dazed and confused Carlos stumbling in the nearby window (could someone please close the blinds?) was hilarious. Not so much fun was Victor's warning to Gaby. He remembered everything. Everything. I was horrified. Maybe Victor and Dana Delany should get together; it'd be the stuff of nightmares. (Maybe Dana Delany has a character name, but someone tragically forgot to include her in this episode.) Maybe, like Victor, Mike was faking amnesia last season so he'd get to sleep with Edie.
In case you weren't sure Mike was a drug addict, we got a nice montage of doped Delfino dry-swallowing white pill after white pill. He also pulled the classic trick of running water while phoning his drug dealer, which was something I thought sixth-grade girls did to keep their spying mom from overhearing when they were trying to talk to their boyfriend. Speaking of shameless spying, Susan saw Julie get felt up by a young man named Derek, who has a blog and some questionable piercings. She'd much rather see Julie with the college drug dealer who fell out of a J. Crew catalog, so she flaunted Julie's headshots and state-science-fair awards and gave him permission to marry her kid. Even though she was practically soliciting a total stranger to have premarital sex with her teenage daughter, I actually felt bad for Susan. I'm a pretty harsh judge of her character, but instead of hating her, I was too busy trying to figure out when Mike started hating her. Mike moaned to Orson about all the crap he has to pay for now that he lives with Susan. Patio furniture. Julie's class trip. The stupid baby on the way. Can't Karl pay for the class trip? Must they absolutely have patio furniture? Should Mike get a part time job at the Scavos' pizzeria? Can't these two just be happy for a season? Orson wrote Mike a prescription for more pain meds, feeling guilty that he hit Mike with his car and never got around to admitting it. Julie told her mom that she saw Mike at the drug store getting his fix, and suddenly, a few piercings, unbecoming hairstyles, and X-rated blogs didn't seem quite so bad.

Vita von Tess

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 12:56:00 +0000

She's the world's most famous burlesque dancer and Dita Von Teese is bringing her special seductive moves to the UK.
The Tinselown performer, who was once married to rocker Marilyn Manson, wowed the public as she signed copies of Burlesque and The Art Of The Teese at Waterstone's in London
She is also set to entertain crowds at the Erotica show at Olympia - where she will perform her seductive Bird of Paradise Show, Carousel Horse and Feather Fan dances.
Since her first appearance on the showbiz stage, the 35-year-old has brought the art of burlesque to the mainstream.
She said recently: "Many people are learning about the whole burlesque revival. The more people see you, one person talks to another, they start talking about retro burlesque. It's the buzz and all the rage right now.
"I am trying to appeal to the average person. I am trying not to be too fetishy or hard-core. Different people do burlesque in different ways. I decided to go in the mainstream direction. I think that my look can appeal to wider fan base."
Source:
metro.co.uk

Amy Winehouse

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:49:00 +0000

"Everyone else can see it, but Amy chooses not to," Janis said.
The 52-year-old said Fielder-Civil introduced her daughter to hard drugs.
"I think he introduced her to them and now she thinks, 'Oh, this is good, this is OK.' I think she's still a child. Personally, I think it's overtaken her a bit," she claimed.
Since Fielder-Civil's arrest, Amy has seemingly gone into meltdown.
She was booed on the first night of her UK tour and threatened members of the crowd, saying: "Wait 'til my husband gets out of incarceration."
But Janis said she is less worried about her daughter now that Fielder-Civil is in prison.
"I step back, look at life and think, well, they've put him away. I can see life taking care of the situation. I was more worried when they were together.
"I think, while they are apart, she will wake up and think, 'What have I done?'
"Again, it's a sense of fate. Thank God he's gone inside. Because it's also a case of now he's going to learn."
Janis stopped short of saying she wanted the couple to split.
"If the relationship is meant to be, it will survive this. But Amy's got to love him for him, not because she feels sorry for him or because he's got her doped up - not for anything other than that she has respect for him," she said.
Janis said she had never confronted her 24-year-old daughter about drugs.
And she blamed Amy's wayward behaviour on a "late adolescence", adding: "The music came too much, too soon, but her talent has turned on her."
She told the magazine: "I hope Amy has not been taking drugs long enough for it to be a real addiction. I don't think she's stupid enough to actually keep going.
"Most people who are hooked on heroin don't have anything else in their life, but Amy has her music, her career, and a loving family."
Fielder-Civil, 25, was one of five men arrested by the Metropolitan Police on suspicion of perverting the course of justice.
He is due to appear at Snaresbrook Crown Court on Friday.
www.metro.co.uk/

Ellen Degemeres

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:41:00 +0000

ELLEN DeGeneres has been having a rough year, what with Iggy-gate and the Writers Guild taking aim at her, but at least it's ending on a profitable note. She just sold her 81-year-old, four-acre Santa Barbara estate, according to Santa Barbara News-Press columnist Richard Mineards. The four-bedroom, six-bathroom Spanish Colonial home - which boasts a 5,000-bottle wine cellar, art studio, pool, tennis court, three-car garage and two guest cottages - was on the market for $24 million. DeGeneres reportedly paid $16.9 million for the spread a few years ago.
source www.nypost.com/

Britney Spears

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:05:00 +0000

Britney Spears was banned from driving with her sons in the car after film emerged showing the star running a red light as they slept in the back seat.
The judge in her custody battle with estranged husband Kevin Federline issued the ruling at an emergency hearing after his lawyers produced a video of the incident.
The footage showed Britney making an illegal left turn into oncoming traffic at a busy junction in Los Angeles while Sean Preston, two, and one-year-old Jayden James were in the car.
Britney's lawyer Sorrell Trope claimed the star was distracted by camera flashes.
mobbed by paparazzi at the time.
"This was not blatant irresponsible driving on her part."

Kyla Ebbert

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 08:56:00 +0000

Kyla Ebbert takes a plane trip and ends up in Playboy!!! Now thats what I call getting a good refund on your plane ticket. And she looks pretty good too!!

Lindsay Lohan Get's of Lightly

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 06:24:00 +0000

Lindsay Lohan spent a hour and a half for her sentencel in the Lynwood jail on Thursday.
Lohan was sentenced to serve 24 hours in jail.
Lohan has already been arrested for DUI twice. Next time throw the book at her, Please!!!

Heather Mills Joins back Up Wity her Crazy ass publicist

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 12:41:00 +0000

Michelle Elyzabeth is reportly the new Heather Mills worldwide publicist.
The golddigger's former spokesperson quit just before Heather went on tour showing how crazy she is.
Michelle Elyzabeth will now do some Sir Paul bashing!
Michelle will be doing a video blocg trying to defend Heather Mills Bad publiciy, which will be filled with sh** for sure. Defending crazxy people, while knoble, golddigge are golddigers!!!!

Spice Girls Start To Fray???

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 20:17:00 +0000

The Spice Girls' new single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends" is reportedly a flop in the UK. The single debuted at #20. The Girls are at least selling out shows. The old flabby tour starts in December. Sporty Spice, says she will quit the tour in a heartbeat if there's any bitchy stuff between the old gals flabby asses. She reportedly said, if it goes into a diva drama, I'm out of the circus. Sporty was said to be the most reluctant about reuniting.

George Clooney Tangles With Fabio

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 15:07:00 +0000

George Clooney and international romance icon Fabio caused quite a stir in Los Angeles' swanky Madeo when the pair had to be physically broken up after becoming embroiled in a feud over a photo opportunity.
It was reported that Clooney, 46, became annoyed when he suspected that he was the focus of cameras belongong to guests of the 48-year-old fashion model.
Fabio, who was hosting a charity function said: 'The women were not taking pictures of George. Out of courtesy, I even went over to explain that to him.' Fabio's manager added: 'Clooney started on ER and Fabio was going to send him back there.'

Heather Mills

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:06:00 +0000

I'm not crazy I tell you. Here's the papers to prove it. These papers reportedly say that I'm a bona fide gold-digger from The CDEF School of Gold-Diggers. I have passed with flying colors. Pauls 100 million dollar cheque is in the mail. So you can all F*** OFF!!!!!!

Lance Armstrong Gets it on with 21 Year old Ashley troll Olson

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:55:00 +0000

Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were seen in The Big Apple making out at theGramercy Park Hotel's Rose Bar. Reportly the two love Trolls were seen hooking up at Waverly Inn for another romantic romp in the hay. Poor Lance, he will probably be all tuckered out now for the New York Marathon.

Dog THE Bounty Hunter Gets His Tail Cut Off!!!

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 09:19:00 +0000

A&E has cancelled the biggest a**holes TV show. Dog The Bounty Hunter got his caught being himself!!! A&E announced that "Dog the Bounty Hunter" is done following his racist rant that was leaked to the National Enquirer by his son, Tucker. The rant was directed towards Tucker's girlfriend Monique. The network issued this statement to Honolulu's Star-Bulletin: “In evaluating the circumstances of the last few days, A&E has decided to take Dog The Bounty Hunter' off the network’s schedule for the foreseeable future. We hope that Mr. Chapman continues the healing process that he has begun.”

Whoopie, Whoopie, they should put his racist a** in a Mexican jail for sure now!!!

Paris Hilton

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 19:43:00 +0000

Paris Hilton gives the troops something to strive for. Send her over to Irag then maybe those A** hole suicide bombers will get twitchy fingers and blow themselves to hell where they belong. Paris we love you. Keep strutting that stuff!!!

Kanye West Loses And Crys Again

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 16:46:00 +0000

Kanye West lost five times at the MTV awards. He reportedly was crying again because he lost. He reportedly swore not to return anymore to MTV awards over his losing. Stupid ass loser. He should have just asked Lil Mamma for her outfit. It would really fit a cry baby like himself. A number one album can't win you a MTV Award.

Lil Mamma Flips Out Fashion

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 16:40:00 +0000

What the fk. Wearing baby dresses are so shty. I need extra ass wipe just to look at Lil Mamma's fancy, rather crappy outfit. That must be her sex clothes. Hey boys wanna have a round of sexual encounters with a baby, what sht.

Nicole Richie Looks Like A Cow

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 15:08:00 +0000

Nicole Richie looks like a pregnant cow in this maternity dress. Guess thats just about normal for her. Only before she looked like a skinny cow who couldn't eat grass, just smoked it.

Luciano Pavarotti Passes Away

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:21:00 +0000

Luciano Pavarotti has passed away at the age of 71 in his hometown of Modena, Italy. He had pancreatic cancer for a long time. His manager issued this statement, "The great tenor, Luciano Pavarotti, died today at 5:00 a.m. at his home in Modena, the city of his birth. The Maestro fought a long, tough battle against the pancreatic cancer which eventually took his life. In fitting with the approach that characterized his life and work, he remained positive until finally succumbing to the last stages of his illness."

Chole Sevigny Looks Utterly Crappy

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:16:00 +0000

How in hell can someone wear ratty sht like Chloe Sevigny when she’s reportedly going to launch her own fashion line for Opening Ceremony this week in the Big Apple. I wouldn’t pay a Frenchy’s price for that crap she’s wearing. If all of her line resembles what she’s wearing at a F.I.T. event in N.Y. it will be in the Salvation Army clothing bins very shortly. Then at least the homeless women can say, Chloe Sevigny used to wear this beautiful fashion clothes outfit.

Amy Winehouse Back To performing.

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:18:00 +0000

Amy Winehouse sings at Mercury Awards her new song.

Jude Law Gets Funky?

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 13:34:00 +0000

Jude Law reportedly got arrested for hitting a photographer in London.
source:

Charlize Theron Gets Political?

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 13:11:00 +0000

Nothing like celebrity political talk. Charlize Theron reportedly said, "The decision-making process for going into Iraq was very hastily done, and I think the facts weren't there, and I just don't think you go to war for those reasons. I think the thing that upset me most was the manipulation that our government did towards our people, manipulating them to believe that if they weren't for the war, they weren't patriotic."
source:
Maybe she fell in the water and bumped her pretty noggin which turned her brain into an Albert Einstein clone?

Britney Spears is on the Comeback Trail

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:02:00 +0000

Britney Spears tricked PerezHilton by showing up at the grand opening of LAX nightclub in Las Vegas. After Perez said she wasn't going to show she screwed his blog report by appearing. Then again she reportedly was going to be paid a cool $100,000 to show up, take a few pictures and then leave quickly, which Britney did. Britney's new single, Gimme More also is doing great. Perez's source was probably a plant by Spears.

People .com reports that "Mediabase, which ranks songs based on the number of spins they get, had Spears at 61 by Friday afternoon, putting her just below artists like Amy Winehouse and Timbaland and just above American Idol winner Jordin Sparks."

Self proclaimed Queen of all Media, Perez Hilton, said this about Britney's song, "It's not bad. It's not amazing. But it is very good, considering our girl's a little rusty."
Dlisted.com said about Spears Gimme More, "It's not completely terrible." I guess that's a good review.

Britney Spears New Song "Gimme More" Is OK

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 15:27:00 +0000

It’s Britney Bitch. Tell us something we don’t know. Britney Spears new song, Gimme More, debuted on Z100 web site radio station and reportedly was leaked to other sites. Britney Spears is reportedly going to appear on MTV Video Music Awards, and an angel is going to make her disappear with mirrors. Chris Angel, the magician, will make Spears vanish, a source reportedly told The Daily News.
Reports are saying Britney makes on average $737,868 a month. That’s why K-Fed is chasing after a little more than his measly $20,000 a month spousal support. Maybe Chris can make Britney Spears permanently disappear from the U.S. and miraculously reappear in a new mansion in Europe, far away from her gold digger ex’s claws. Then she can allow him to visit in handcuffs and leg irons.
Fans of Britney are reportedly liking the pop diva’s new single. Great going bitotche. Now just hire a real good nanny for your kids, someone like Mary Poppins.

Jesse Metcalf's Tattoo Is The Best He Has?

noreply@blogger.com (typecaster) — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:22:00 +0000

Okay all you heart broken boy toys in the world of crashed relationships , here’s what you should do. Do the Jesse Metcalf tattoo on the arm so everyone can see that you’re an idiot move. Jesse’s ex, Girls Aloud girl, Nadine Coyle, might just come running back to her ex douche bag boy toy. Jesee reportedly said this about his tattoo bleeding heart, “It’s not that I’m not over the break-up, it’s just that I really wanted to remember what it felt like to be in that relationship so that I never really go there again.” “Everyone has had their heart broken but this is just a reminder not to let it happen again. It doesn’t mean you are staying in that moment or obsessing about it. I chose to get that tattoo, especially with the heart on the arm, because I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve." “It fits with my personality. I really couldn’t be happier with the tattoo. It’s the best I have.”
Source:

The best he has is a tattoo. Yikes, poor Nadine. I think I’ll get the same one, but I’ll put it on my ass. Then I can continually moon people. If I don’t get arrested I’m sure to become a girl magnet. So get your lassoes ready and catch my ass.