Urban Earth Geek

When gardening conflicts with social exercise

2012-06-06T08:10:00.000-05:00

I found this draft here from June 2012 and found it complete enough to make a point. It reminded me of why I stopped blogging and gardening. More on that at the end of the article.

I have been having a lot of fun in my gardening adventures so far. I recall thinking last January that the reason I didn't do more gardening the previous summer was that my new job drained me of any off-time energy. Then I started the running clinic again this year and remembered that I just didn't have time to garden. Spending two evenings a week away from a brand new garden is taxing when you look at the sunlight lost. In addition to the running clinic, I also volunteered for my work's bicycle team for the Tour de Rock. There went my Saturday mornings along with more weeknights for bike workouts. Thus March, April, and May found me with very little time for gardening (or writing). I managed to make time for watering garden and lawn in the mornings so that when I could dedicate evening time again, the plants would still be alive and not completely choked with weeds.

I will not be so quick to volunteer for group events next year. It's not just the time investment that bothers me. What really bothers me about volunteering is that my passions and talents were not aligned best with how I was spending my free time. I volunteered for the running clinic this year as a group leader because I really enjoyed it last year as a participant. I volunteered for the bike race team because I just bought a new bike and wanted to see what it was like to ride with other bikers. I'm not much of a pack member. I would describe myself as more of a lone explorer, not because I don't like people, but because I tend to wander off on my own rather than be led down a path by someone else.

This Saturday is the big bike race. Next week I have to travel for work (grr...). Then I can stop pining away over what I might do with my time and start taking action. For the moment, I have some time to contemplate the big picture of why I want so desperately to succeed in my gardening endeavors.

Well here it is November 2014 and I have not gardened since I wrote that article. After my business trip, work became so stressful that I had to find another employer. My new workplace is much better, but I did not learn my lesson here and joined a gym and signed up for personal training (contracts are evil). Then I got pregnant and had a baby. While I was pregnant I became obsessed with early retirement. What I learned has changed my perspective on everything So between parenthood and a financial epiphany, my priorities have changed. Eventually I will garden again, but it is not my main focus now.

Digging as a Philosophy

2012-06-04T19:39:00.000-05:00

I ate my first homegrown tomato (beefsteak) last week and I have been craving more. I managed to get 2 more tomatoes since then and one more very close to ripe, but after that there are no more. That's what I get for only having one tomato plant.

First tomato! What it lacks in size, it makes up for in flavor.

I started digging another garden plot Saturday. However, I did not get very far despite spending a day digging. I found that the area of my yard where I decided to plant my garden is full of rocks. Big rocks. There were also lots of little rocks that seem like one big rock until I dug one after another. I would say that this particular area was 90% rock, 5% dirt, and 5% weeds.

My first shovel strike found this big rock.

The rocks take up most of the space of the hole I dug.

Since it took so long to dig around these rocks, it left me plenty of time to think about how much of a metaphor digging around giant rocks is.

You can only see what's on the surface. It's the same with icebergs: you can't see how deep that rock is until you've dug it up. There is no way to tell how long it will take to get around it. I come across problems like this in software programming all the time. What first appears to be a small problem slowly reveals itself to be a rather large immovable obstacle with no way around it. It simply takes patience and perseverance to keep digging around this obstacle until you find an edge you can use to leverage it out of the way. Trial and error is often the best approach here to narrow your choices of how the handle the obstacle.

Sometimes it seems there is one big rock, when in fact there are two or more. This can confuse things when you think you can go around it. The answer may be to explore the obstacle more to find the seams where it can be readily broken up into manageable pieces. Often when I find a rock cluster and liberate one from the ground, the others loosen easily.

Sometimes when tackling a problem, it seems easiest to blast through it all and break those big rocks. Sure, those rocks are in your way, but even obstacles may have value when handled with care. I found one rock that I finally had to lift out with a rock bar because my shovel couldn't budge it. That rock weighed about 30 pounds and was very big and round. It will look great somewhere in my landscape when I get done digging holes. If I had opted for a pickaxe to get the rock out, I would be left with a bunch of jagged rocks of non-impressive size. Dealing with a life problem by brute forcing through it may seem like a good idea at the time, but often the graceful approach is worth more in the long run since you not only deal with the problem, you learn from the experience. Knowing how to solve such a problem can be worth a lot to people who have been battling the same problem. One example would be someone who spanks their dog or child to make them obey (brute force). A kinder though slower approach to dealing with the unwanted behavior would be to learn what that dog or child wants and use that as a reward for good behavior along with practicing restraint so you can ignore the bad behavior. This will not be a fast or easy approach to achieving the goal of obedience, but you will gain not only obedience but also respect, friendship, and self improvement. You could market this skill of gentle discipline or just enjoy the benefits of your efforts.

I am still working on digging my new garden plot. I may wind up working on it all summer. It is hard work with no shortcuts, but when I am done, I will have the perfect space to put good earth and grow more vegetables. I'll also have plenty of rocks to line the garden bed.

Caffeine lowers Consciousness

2012-04-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

Caffeine lowers the level of conscious awareness. In some cases that's a good thing. Not always though. Caffeine inhibits creative thinking. So far this year, I average about one cup of coffee a week. When I fix coffee at work, I make cocoa-coffee since my office is stocked with Swiss Miss packets and bad tasting coffee. I started this trend because coffee was just as readily available as hot water, and the flavors blend well. Now I've cut back to half coffee, have hot water with my cocoa, and it tastes about the same.

Lately, I've been trying to up my work output. I tried doing this before by increasing my overall energy level through healthy diet, regular exercise, and the occasional extra nap. However, the stress at work is too overwhelming for natural cures. A couple weeks ago, I tried to jump start my Monday with two full-blast cocoa coffees. Not only did that make me nauseous and cranky, but it also kicked off another polyphasic sleep trial. The trial didn't last since I don't drink caffeine when I follow that schedule. The lack of sleep eventually counteracts the motivation that inspires it. That, and I run out of things to do at night since I am not very creative during those hours. This week I tried half-coffee cocoa, and the headaches and nausea returned.

The benefit I get from caffeine is a couple hours of mindless drone mode in which I can do really boring tasks without being annoyed by how annoyingly boring they are. Even after the euphoria is gone, and I'm left with headaches that make me want to tear people's heads off, I am still in mindless drone mode due to the inertia of having done the same thing all morning. This makes task switching very difficult. Meetings are also not a good idea at this time because I'm more likely to tune everyone out and keep doing whatever I was already doing. I get really impatient with people for stopping me and treat them like imbeciles for asking me questions so ridiculously obvious that I can explain it in one cynical, sarcastic response. If I have more coffee after lunch, it doesn't usually give any more energy, but it does make me more nauseous and cranky. By the end of the day, I am really rude and callous which causes problems with socializing with friends and family.

When I was going to college for my computer science degree, I was seriously addicted to Mountain Dew. There was a vending machine in the computer science department which had a whole row of the green-bottled go-juice. In fact, one of my classes (Database with Relational Algebra) was so stressful due to tests that would take upwards of seven hours to complete, I would come in early with a two-liter of Mountain Dew to study, and by the end of the day, I would have finished that and had one or two twenty ounce bottles from the vending machine. Hmm, how much of that class do I remember? Not a lot. I also did really terrible in all my other classes because I was too tired to do the homework or study.

It had not really occurred to me until after going for several months with minimal caffeine that using caffeine to further my career only creates a codependent link between a successful career and bad health.

Minimalist vs. Barefoot

2012-04-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

I tried the barefoot shoes in January. I made the mistake of buying Fila. Rule number one of buying a new type of shoe: Don't Buy Cheap! They were still more expensive than normal running shoes, but they were obviously cheaper than a quality brand like Vibrams. I would wear them on a run, then I would have to switch back to my old shoes for the rest of the week. I tried wearing them at my running clinic that started in March. It is a fun conversation starter to wear shoes with toes, but it is still embarrassing to run around in something that will skin your heels. I went back to my old shoes for a while, though they felt clunky and unnatural. The barefoot shoe was fun because I felt like I was running with my whole foot, not just running on stumps. I enjoyed the feeling of grabbing the pavement with my toes and hopping around like an elf.

When I first saw the Minimalist shoe (Nike and New Balance's solution to barefoot running), I scoffed at their toe-less unsophistication. I had my heart set on wearing toe shoes and I did not consider a shoe to be in the "barefoot" class of shoes unless they had toes. I have learned since then. The Fila toes really did not add much to the experience. The whole point of barefoot shoes is they lack the cushion that normal running shoes have in excess.

There is a New Balance store near me. I went there to get minimalist shoes since the old shoes just don't do it for me anymore. This store has sales people that have to explain how these shoes work and make sure you don't get injured from buying the wrong shoe. I only had to repeat to the guy about 10 times that I have experience in barefoot running. He tried to sell me the Minimus 10. I insisted on the Zero. I don't need a stepping stone. At first I tried to pick out a "casual walking" shoe because I was going for uber minimalism. The sales guy gave me a funny look and explained that those shoes wouldn't hold up for running. It occurred to me that they would probably shred faster than running shoes. Then I picked a "cross-trainer" and got another funny look. Finally I just told him to point out the running shoes so I could get on with my life. They didn't have a huge style selection, but I was still fortunate enough to get a non-yellow pair.

The minimalist shoes feel just as good as the barefoot shoes for running with the added bonus of being able to wear socks to prevent blisters. I can even wear them while riding my bike, something I couldn't do with my Fila shoes because there was no extra room past the toe. I'm barely tall enough for my bike with regular shoes.

Minimalist shoes are no nonsense primal footwear. I know several people who have Vibrams toe shoes and love them, but Fila is a brand to avoid like the plague.

Dvorak: Not the Thrill I was Seeking

2012-04-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

Sure I could get used to driving on the left side of the road, or sleeping during the day while staying awake at night. But would it really help anything in the long run? I learned the Dvorak keyboard layout. I got frustrated at my inability to learn it faster. I was so excited when I got up to 30 words per minute, but after sleeping and trying again, I still tried a garbled mix of Dvorak, QWERTY, and some utter foolishness in between. Free writing was even more painful than taking typing races. I could memorize a reflex when I saw a letter on the screen, but when translating from thoughts into letters, I wanted to rip the computer apart with my bare hands because the slowness was excruciating. I finally switched my computer back to QWERTY, and there were relapses to Dvorak (such as typing "the" as "kjd"), but muscle memory goes back much farther than my Dvorak training.

I thought learning a new keyboard layout would be a good exercise in personal development. It was. It took typing at 12 - 20 words per minute to I realize what a good typist I normally am. I did learn how to type without looking at the keyboard. Previously that was a big slowdown.

One of the things that made the transition difficult was the iPhone. Sure I can type QWERTY with my thumbs and not mess with the patterning of the rest of my fingers. But seeing the layout daily was hindering my ability to forget the old and learn the new. Apple has no plans for implementing a Dvorak layout on either the iPhone or iPad native interfaces. I would think that since it's all virtual keys it wouldn't be so difficult compared to physical button changes. I guess they are that lazy.

So I practiced the hell out of Dvorak, but ultimately I asked "why the hell am I doing this?" The answer "because I can" was not a sufficient reason to continue the torturous exercise in bringing my communication to a screeching halt. Why switch back to QWERTY? Because I can type nearly as fast as I think, and it doesn't take thinking to type. I like to do things my own way, but if that way does not make me better at things I can already do or make it possible for me to do more, then there's no point in changing. Being different for the sake of being different is not enough. There has to be something in it for me. Maybe I would need to switch to Dvorak to type faster than 100 words per minute. But I don't need to type that fast. If there ever comes a time that I do, I will sequester myself away from the world for a month and dedicate myself to learning it with no distractions or Apple products. In other words, that change had better be worth the effort to make it.

Small creature rescue

2012-03-26T19:04:00.001-05:00

Saturday morning I heard what sounded like a bird stuck in my roof gutter: lots of chirping and scratching against metal. When I went closer to the sound, I found it was coming from downstairs. I opened the front door and saw a neighborhood cat trying to get something out from the spout of the rain gutter. Once the cat saw me, it took off running. The bird was still too scared to come out of the pipe. I crouched down on the walkway and peeked inside the pipe. I expected to find a baby bird, but instead I saw a bushy tail. I don't mess with squirrels. Anything that scales trees that easily has claws I would like to keep a healthy distance from, especially if the squirrel is rabid. At this point, my solution was let my paranoia win out for a while and wait for the squirrel to leave the gutter on its own. It was quite clear that it could not climb up the vertical part of the pipe.

I tried to ignore it, but then I thought, "What if the cat comes back?" This changed my plan from wait-and-see to scare-it-out-with-loud-noises by tapping and scratching on the pipe at the top to try and scare it out the opening. All I did was terrify the poor creature further. The scare tactics only made the squirrel more resolute to stay put.

Then I got the brilliant notion that I could force it out with a flood. While I had no way of reaching the top of the gutter, there were small openings where the pipes pieces were joined together. I poured a pitcher of water into the front openings which served very well in making the squirrel move around a lot, but it was still able to stay inside. Now the poor critter was all wet so I could not let it stay in there and freeze. Since a little bit of water was not a deterrent, maybe a lot of water would be. I hooked up the sprayer to the hose and turned it on. I was humane and pointed the water spray at the floor of the gutter, not directly at the squirrel. My plan was to create a big enough gush to make a water slide that would force the squirrel out of the pipe. This came very close to working. The tail would come out of the pipe, but those claws held their ground.

I knew the gushing water must have scared the tiny critter so now it was really not coming out for a while. I gave up on forcing it out. Since it was not going anywhere, I felt the need to offer sunflower seeds while it cowered in fear all day. I put a few on the edge of the gutter and a big pile on the ground in front of it.

I went inside and waited. Having been obsessed with this squirrel all morning, my mind could not let it go. I remembered my pleather gloves that I used in winter. They were likely to be thick enough to protect me from teeth and at least minimize claw damage. Now with bolstered courage and a new plan, I was ready to try again. At first, my plan involved scaring the squirrel just right so that it would fall to the opening and either fall out or run away with its tail facing me when I grabbed for it. It never fell out, and it darted back in before I could nab the tail. Fortunately, the pipe was only barely big enough for my hand so that the squirrel could not get past my glove to bite or scratch me. I finally just reached in and felt around until I found the tail. Then I dragged it out only to find out that it was not a squirrel at all.

I marveled for an extended moment as I held by the tail the chipmunk that I had rescued from my rain gutter. Awwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All fear melted into sweet adoration of this incredibly cute chipmunk. I set him down on my other hand and he dashed off. I probably won't see that little guy around again, but I do hope to see more chipmunks in my neighborhood. They are much more rare than squirrels around here. And tons cuter! I was glad I could rescue the poor guy from both the cat and the rain gutter.

Dvorak is a delightful distraction!

2012-03-23T07:05:00.002-05:00

I've been messing around with Dvorak keyboard layout on my Ubuntu machine. I must admit, it's hard to keep from grinning because it feels like a game. I found out about the Dvorak layout from Wikipedia when reading about speed typing. I found a great tutorial at http://gigliwood.com/abcd/lessons/. I made it through about 5 lessons before I just had write down this ridiculous excitement I'm feeling. I can already see how Dvorak is easier to type than QUERTY. However, it is excruciatingly frustrating to type so much slower than I think. Once I get the key translations down, I can handle the typing. But I keep finding the sags in my concentration where I catch myself reaching for the old key (punctuation is tricky enough--try to cut, copy, paste when the x, c, and v keys are in different places). That's why this transition has to be done slowly, increasing practices just a little each day.

I really love how I can learn this method of typing without any special equipment. Dvorak uses a standard keyboard. I could put stickers on my keys, but that would only teach me to look for the keys. My aim is learn to type faster, not waste time looking back and forth between the keyboard and screen.

If you want to find out more on this crazy Dvorak layout, go to http://dvorak.mwbrooks.com/ or read the Wikipedia article.

Gardening at last!

2012-03-22T07:35:00.001-05:00

I found a decent greenhouse at Sam's Club for only a hundred dollars. I consider that a bargain for its size at 6' x 8' (1.8m x 2.4m) footprint with height enough to stand. The really nice thing about the greenhouse was that it came in a nice little package that I could fit in my car. I don't have a proper hauling vehicle, although my car gets the terrible gas mileage of one. The greenhouse installed like a tent, including spikes to hold it down when the wind gets strong.

I repurposed the cardboard packaging into a raised garden bed inside the greenhouse. The plot I am using is filled with rocks. I dug down about a half foot for the base of the raised garden bad and sifted all the rocks out. The first day I sifted dirt, I used my bare hands. I found a lot of vibrant earthworms, but my hands were horribly dried out. I left the greenhouse alone for about a week while I regained energy and cuticles. The next time I sifted dirt, I used a shallow tub filled with water and a cheap colander. I filled the colander with dry dirt, and dunked the colander in the tub. After soaking it and swishing it around a while, I would be left with rocks and roots. These I dumped outside the greenhouse. Then I scooped up the dirt that sank to the bottom of the tub and put it in a container where I kept the sorted dirt. I repeated this colander sifting process until I was thoroughly tired. I still have dirt left to sift, but I had enough to mix in with my store-bought dirt.

I used the lasagna method to fill the garden bed once I set up the cardboard box. I layered the bottom of the space with newspapers. Then I put in a layer of really wet leaves that I composted over the winter. Then I put in some store-bought garden dirt. Then I put in some store-bought peat moss. I put my hand sifted native dirt on top and repeated the layering with leaves, dirt, and peat moss.

Once I finished the garden bed, I planted seeds of baby carrots, beets, zucchini, and green onions. I had about a 2' x 2' (0.6m x 0.6m) sized plot. I had cut the greenhouse package in half, so I still have the other half to make another garden bed. If the cardboard starts falling apart, I will shore it up with decorative stones.

I'm really glad I finally did this. It took a lot of hard manual labor when I really didn't have much energy or willpower to go outside and do it. Now at the very least, I can maintain this one garden bed and do what it takes to keep the plants alive and growing. I realize that setting up a greenhouse at the dawn of a hot summer is not the best plan, but if I have to I can leave both doors open and hang a tarp over it to shade during the hottest part of the day. I am really interested in finding either a solar fan or setting up a ridiculously overdone solar power grid to power a fan and misters.

After working with the greenhouse, I can see the real downer is that it has no screens. It's either closed up and boiling hot, or open and filled with flying insects. I have a roll of screen for fixing house window screens. I'm thinking of McGyvering a removable screen door by combining the power of velcro and a hot glue gun.

My purpose is to stomp procrastination

2012-03-09T07:27:00.000-06:00

I excel at one thing over all other talents: procrastination. If I got a nickel for every moment that I procrastinate, I would build a tower to the moon with my nickels...if I ever got around to it. Perfectionism hounds me at every turn. No matter what I am doing, there is always something else looking more fun, rewarding, or necessary. I have often received compliments on my work in the past, but rather than encourage me to continue practicing my talent, I have felt oppressed by the need to work harder until my life is completely drained of fun. That's the roadmap to Stressville.

Do I want to live my life in Stressville? Do I want to build a family there? Do I want to retire there? Of course not!

My heart breaks a little each time I want to take action and hold myself back, each time I want to speak up with the truth and stay silent. Heart ache is all procrastination will ever bring. Sometimes, procrastination can be disguised as a more noble cause such as sacrifice, fairness, and humility. Those can be useful qualities to possess, but in excess, they become oppression, injustice, and shame. Essentially, each time I procrastinate, I am voluntarily giving up a piece of my soul.

What can I do to counteract the negative force of procrastination? Increase my self discipline. If I concentrate on improving my self control, I will build resistance to the demoralizing effect of procrastination. I can build up one area of my life at a time: finance, wellness, intellectual pursuits, spiritual growth. The list goes on and on. Each area improved brings new strength to those areas I've already worked on. If I practice self discipline, eventually time will give me what I need and want from life.

Procrastination comes from impatiently demanding that time pay all the fruits of labor in advance and continually failing to contribute. Procrastinators are time moochers. My goal is to contribute my fair share for what I have already received and go even farther to exceed my own expectations of myself. My purpose in life is to find the way around unjustified hesitation and take action towards being happy.

Dieting is a Gimmick

2012-03-03T20:20:00.001-06:00

There comes a point when increasing self discipline when will can easily be broken. Ideally, willpower should only be used to set the stage for a successful change. My attempt to maintain an all raw food diet is not working out so well. The simple reason is that I ordered girl scout cookies about a month before deciding to embark on this fitness trial, and they arrived right after I started.

Eating fruit all the time is a wonderful treat. I really enjoy banana spinach smoothies. I love my amateur homemade guacamole. I feel like I have to pressure myself to keep eating fruit sometimes. I've grown accustomed to getting sweet healthy raw food at regular intervals. My kitchen is overloaded with an abundance of fruits, nuts, and vegetables. So when the cookies are just laying around, somehow my willpower completely overlooks the fact that they are not on my list. If I have one thin mint, then I have at least half a box if not the whole box. At that point, it's very difficult to want to keep preparing healthy meals. Cookies are ready to eat and pack many calories into an easy to devour package. Vegetables take time to wash, cut, and mix, and the will to keep up with all that can go out at any point if there are more convenient calories nearby.

I don't think the raw food diet is bad. I experienced heightened consciousness when I was making the transition to the eating style, and my digestion worked better than ever. The difficult part is saying no to social eating and long lasting energy. I love the smoothies, but they don't make a meal all themselves because doing so causes a major sugar crash. I miss the ability to go for four straight hours without getting hungry. The advantage of the raw food diet is you get to eat all the time. The disadvantage of the raw food diet is you HAVE TO eat all the time.

Instead of trying yet another restrictive diet, I will follow my gut and use the logic of how I will feel after I eat something to determine what and when I will eat. I'm calling this my "Brenda diet" because I find the excuse of being on a diet convenient when turning down donuts and cake at work. On the other hand, it's a diet specifically tailored to my physical needs developed by my own mind. I am the guru of my own eating plan so I don't have to fear being too far away from the source of information.

So yes, dieting is a gimmick, but if the purpose of a gimmick is to get you through the door, then dieting at least gets you through the first step toward consciously choosing health over lethargy.

The Future is a harsh mistress

2012-02-28T21:52:00.000-06:00

Living for the future is a good way to be let down. I once paid for a used car in five months. I worked two jobs simultaneously for a month to save up for the down payment and averaged four hours of sleep per night that whole month. One job was pizza delivery, and the other was a waitress on the graveyard shift at a Denny's. I enjoyed my day job, but my car was falling apart. I took the waitress job thinking I would be working a couple nights a week. The manager started scheduling me full time as soon as I was trained. That job really sucked the life out of me. There was one night about three weeks in where I wanted to walk out, but I was too tired to walk home and I didn't have my car that night. As soon as I bought a replacement car, I quit that job. After I finished paying for my car, I took a promotion to assistant manager at the pizza joint. This promotion involved a huge pay cut since I wasn't getting tips anymore from delivery. I went from laying down lots of money on a new lemon and still having extra cash to spend to having no car payment and no extra money.

I hurried to pay for that car because I wanted my budget clear to go back to college. I didn't want any debt to weigh down my conscience when I needed all my will to finish school. Eventually I got enough from loans and scholarships to quit working and just focus on school. Then I got hit by a truck...so I'm told. When making a left turn, I was rear ended by a truck whose driver fell asleep. I hit my head, lost a lot of blood, and lost all memory of the incident. All I got as proof were a few pictures of a car with a body half the length of the one I bought and the frame sticking out from the bottom. My plan to take care of my future was dashed in an instant. My so-called friends would not give me rides to get a new job or to go to the university in the next town over. I realized that I had placed the bulk of my faith in material investments and shallow people. I was sorely depressed for a long time. I finally moved away for a long while just to get a clean break from loser friends and unemployment.

The point of my story is that the future cannot be reliably planned. I often find myself easily convinced that if I work really hard, I can get ahead of my debt and be free. When I fall into this mentality, I find that I'm far more easily stressed because every tiny thing that clashes with my well laid plans causes my dream future to get further and further away. I'm tired of chasing carrots dangling from sticks. Am I going to curl up in the fetal position until the big mean future goes away? No, I've tried that a few times and can honestly tell you that it doesn't work. Instead I'm going to use what I actually have: now. I have now, and the future is just a shadow being cast by the past as the present shines through it. Though the past is unchanging, it is not written in stone. The past is the amalgamation of memories that we choose to keep alive. These memories feed on energy that we give it in the now. All energy lives in the now. Now is the only time you have to change your life or even to take action to keep it the same.

I calculated how long it would take to pay back my student loans at what I would consider a minimum payment. The answer is eight years. That's not as bad as I thought it would be last year when I was breaking my brain trying to get the loans paid off in three years. The truth is, I would be making a far better investment by keeping some of those funds for investment in my now than my later. If it takes me three years to pay off my debt, but during that time I have to be bored out of my skull because I can't afford to have fun, then I will have freedom from debt but no will to use it wisely. I would have only earned laziness in that time because that's all that boredom has to offer me. Instead I will pay off my loans slowly but surely, and use the extra cash to try new things and keep learning and growing. I believe more than anything that personal development is by far the most valuable investment anyone can make.

Already, I have lost 10 pounds without damaging my metabolism or my health. I used to think that I would only ever have time or money but not both at once. However, if I can reshape my own body for the better without breaking myself, then it seems to me that fixing my finances is not such a far fetched goal, either. If I sacrifice all that I have to pay off debt, I might find freedom in a few years, but that doesn't mean that it won't be immediately replaced with another burden or misfortune. I realize that this is a pessimistic way of looking at the future, but if my ultimate goal is happiness, then I should focus on learning to be happy instead of learning to be free of debt. The debt will go away no matter what I do because I will still pay the bill. What I really need to invest in is my creativity. I have a feeling if my creative side is well nourished, the rest of me will be fine no matter what happens.

Improving my eyesight

2012-02-23T20:42:00.000-06:00

My latest project is improving my nearsighted vision naturally. Near-point stress--caused by overpowered glasses for the distance--is giving me headaches. I came across a link about a kit that improves vision enough that glasses are no longer needed. The kit was a total ripoff at $200, but there was enough teaser information to get the gist. Some of it I knew already. After some more Googling, I found the source of this trend: The Bates Method for Better Eyesight without Glasses. This book was written in the 1920's, and its validity is questionable at best. I would buy this book only because it may have some long, lost practical tips, and it comes with an eye chart for self tests.

The first tip was to do eye stretches everyday. My Sivandanda Yoga book explains how to do those exercises. Look up. Look down. Repeat several times. Look left. Look right. Repeat. Look up and left. Look down and right. Repeat. Look up and right. Look down and left. Repeat. Then do several rounds of eye rolls as though you are watching someone on a Ferris wheel at the edge of your vision. Repeat going the other way. Don't forget to blink! Finish off the stretching exercises by rubbing your palms together to warm up and cup them over your eyes for half a minute. While your eyes are closed, pretend you are looking really far away on a really dark night. This is a good exercise to break up the monotony of long hours of reading.

The other important piece of advice was to stop wearing my glasses when I don't need them. I am near-sighted, and I have always worn my glasses at my computer. If I don't wear my glasses, I have to hunch and get my face really close to the screen. It finally occurred to me to zoom in on the programs I use. I use Google Chrome browser and with that all I have to do is press Ctrl-+ a few times to be able to read from a comfortable position. Ctrl-0 (that's 'zero;, not 'oh') returns the browser to normal if I need to use my glasses again. I have to intentionally sit back far enough to keep the text right at fuzzy so that my eyes have to work a little at reading. At first, blurred reading hurt my eyes, but with the font a little bigger, I don't have to squint and crouch as much, so I don't give up so easily and put my glasses back on. I find now that I am less distracted when I read because I have to focus on such a narrow area to read. My attention doesn't get stolen by every attractive keyword on the page. I used my computer all day today with no headache because I did not use my glasses when reading the screen. Usually I go home from work with a headache caused by prolonged near-point stress.

I have no idea if these exercises will do any good in the long run, but it has been nice relearning to use what natural vision I have left. I don't believe that trying to read slightly blurry pages all day is any worse than wearing overpowered lenses at the computer for several hours straight. If I can prevent my eyesight from getting any worse, then I will consider this experiment a success. If my vision actually improves, I will be pleasantly surprised. I might even spend ten dollars on the Bate's Method book.

Raw and Loving It

2012-02-22T07:43:00.000-06:00

I took the plunge into a raw food diet last weekend. I feel amazing! I have so much energy and mental clarity. I still had some chicken left over so while I started in on a bounty of raw fruits and veggies, I finished off the chicken I had left. By Monday, I was all raw. I love this food! Bananas, apples, clementines, blueberries, strawberries, spinach, spring mix lettuce, celery, carrots, lemons, avocados, sunflower seeds, and nuts make for a very energizing food supply. I am also eating almonds which I've read are not technically raw, but I'm not focused so heavily on technicalities right now so much as answering the important question: is this a sustainable nutrition plan?

It does take a lot of time to prepare some of this food, but I get to snack on fruit while I chop and blend smoothies and salad dressing so it's not all bad. I have no problems with exercise. I'm fully energetic before, during, and after exercising. Anytime I get hungry, I can eat as much fruit as I want. I'm really enjoying my homemade guacamole. It's also fun to show off my green smoothies at work because they look really gross yet taste delicious.

I already have to go back to Sam's Club (there's no Costco in Little Rock or I would shop there) for more bananas. When I was there last time, I saw a very affordable greenhouse that would fit well in my garden and blackberry and raspberry bushes. I want to get those soon, but I have to wait for March. I have had to rearrange my budget to save up for a new hybrid car. My Grand Am gets 18 miles to the gallon. I almost cry every time I buy gas. My car is the action car--I use it to haul bikes and dog across town to the park more than once a week. My first car was a hatchback from the late 80's, and it went forever on a tank of gas. I currently drive a big car because my last one was hit by a truck (with me in it!), and I developed a phobia of small cars. I am over my fears because any car has the potential to be a death trap, but only smaller ones will save gas in the meantime.

For the last time - NO PIE!

2012-02-16T22:14:00.000-06:00

I'm finally getting through to people that I don't like to eat the random sweet desserts at work. Today there was a lot of pie left over from a big meeting. Word made it into my hallway, but I did not even flinch (well I winced a little just because I'm so sick of the overabundance of empty calories). Someone came into my office to tell me and stopped himself because he remembered that I can't/won't/don't eat that stuff. Alas! I have discovered a benefit to dieting: no matter what diet you're on, if it's weird enough, people will stop trying to offer you anything. If the diet is based only on calorie restriction, no one understands when you pass up dessert since it's not something offered every day. But if you're one of those people with a taboo, everyone will be more afraid of offending you than trying to peer pressure you into eating junk food.

I once had a friend who loved saying, "Free food tastes better and is better for you." I used to agree with him because I was in my senior year of high school at the time so I had many starving college years to ponder this phrase. It's an alright mentality for someone who is scraping by and doesn't know if or when their next meal is coming. I have outgrown this phase now. I could continue to spend all my money on games, music, and electronics like I used to (fashion was never first pick on my spree list). I could survive on rice and frozen pizza until my student loans are paid off. That is how I survived paying down credit cards. Instead, I chose to enlighten myself with the experiment of finding the best fit for my health. I've discovered that being healthy is a lot more fun and relaxing than eating junk and always having indigestion or low energy. Time will pass, bills will get paid, things will be bought, and good health can be gained along the way if I can find a way to make it enjoyable while keeping it affordable. For me, dieting is far more about the self discipline gained in the process than about actual body image. The feeling of true health is the reward.

Switching Gears...Nutritionally

2012-02-15T07:50:00.001-06:00

Going primal was an eye opening experience. I had to give up eating all grains and beans to make it work. The easy part was eating meat. It's very convenient to cook up a bird and eat it for the rest of the week. The hard part was adjusting to hunger timing. At first I thought I was giving up a great source of energy by giving up bread, but after I got through the initial week, I realized that the bread was using more energy than it was giving. Bread is filling, and by using it as a staple, I measure hunger by how full my stomach is. When I cut bread out of the diet equation, I had to use my energy level to determine my hunger. The body processes meat, vegetables, and fruit much faster than grains and beans. Also, when I eat primal, I can access the energy from food more readily.

When the Primal Blueprint worked for me, I thought that meant that vegetarian/vegan was not the answer. Lately, I have been reading some about the raw food diet (since Steve Pavlina keeps talking about it on google+). The parts I like about primal eating are also the strengths of the raw food diet: no grains and no beans--just lots of fruit and vegetables. The thing that really intrigues me about the raw food diet is how it provides constant energy. Ultimately, the holy grail I am searching for is a more steady energy flow that doesn't interfere with my ability work and live.

The down side to eating primal is I need lots of sleep. Naps just don't cut it. When I sleep, I'm out like a light for hours on end. This would be fine if I could keep my energy and attention up all day, but after lunch, I get extremely tired. While I may be awake, my attention span is shot. I have been thinking lately about trying polyphasic sleep again since spring is here. Polyphasic sleep is an excellent way to stretch out a season. I tried polyphasic sleep last fall, but I had problems with dehydration which is exacerbated by the cold of winter. One of the benefits of the raw food diet is that it would allow me to not need as much sleep. In fact when reading about Pavlina's success with polyphasic sleep, he attributed a big chunk of sustainable energy to eating raw.

I realize that going raw means giving up meat and essentially becoming vegan, but I really can't put much stock in the vegan opposition until I've tried raw for myself. I have talked about raising chickens and rabbits for food in previous posts, but I haven't invested in livestock yet. So it seems there's no time like the present to try going meatless. I can still get a garden rabbit to help improve my garden's soil. I think the raw food diet is worth a shot because organic, ethically raised meat is extremely expensive, whether I raise it myself or buy it from someone else.

Yay! Winter has arrived!

2012-02-12T15:33:00.001-06:00

It has finally dropped below freezing for the past few nights, and there is a lot of talk about snow and ice tomorrow. I am glad since it gives me the opportunity to trim my Crape Myrtle. I did a soil test last weekend on the soil under my cold frame. The dirt is severely low on nitrogen. I'm not surprised since that part of my yard is mostly weeds. Weeds like clover thrive in low nitrogen soil. I'm going to mix in a bunch of crushed egg shells to help fertilize the soil before planting.

The cold did come surprisingly fast. Lethargy has crept up on me along with the cold. Bike riding was especially challenging. I might have freezer burn on my scalp from yesterday's ride. I wore a scarf over my face, but I had nothing to block the air from coming through the holes in the bike helmet. Super-fast, concentrated cold air hurts! Next time I will wear a bandanna under my helmet.

While I hide from the cold inside, I'll be brushing up on my computer skills. I have developed an obsession with Python and Django since I started using them at work. The Google app engine also favors these (as a Java alternative), so as I work with them at home, I do so with Google tools.

Clearing mental cobwebs

2012-02-06T19:29:00.000-06:00

In order to move forward, it helps to have a clear mind. Sometimes old memories can snag current perceptions, causing me to become distracted as though I were trying to remember something I was supposed to do. A quick 15 to 20 minute conscious meditation can clear the fog by sorting through old memories, goals, dreams, and wishful thinking.

Start by taking a few moments to let your mind wander. If you are feeling very stressed out, it's likely that you will find something to annoy you soon enough. When you do, hold the aggravating thought in your mind. While holding onto this problem thought, let go of your reality and give all control to your imagination. Now anything is possible, and stress does not exist here. Don't try to treat the problem with a real world solution. You can imagine the worst possibility, and then follow that up with a miraculous recovery. Remember, this doesn't have to be realistic. It's a subconscious way of letting go of the anger that holds the problem to you. When you let go of the irritation of the problem, even for just a split second of imagining, the freedom you find from stress can let in a lot of energy that will help you solve it for real later.

I've tried the type of meditation where I clear my mind of all thoughts. I usually get sleepy or bored. I find guided meditations are more relaxing and invigorating. Sometimes I get recurring dreams about some old memory that I thought I had dealt with. By reliving the memory in a more lucid state, I can finish what my dreaming mind started and get some lasting closure on old doubts or worries which are no longer relevant. I'm still clearing my mind, but in a controlled manner that helps organize the clutter.

Lately I have been trying to think of another 30-day trial activity to do that will help me the most, but I'm still coasting on the invigorating energy I have gained from my transition to Primal Blueprint. Clearing out some mental cobwebs helps me from sinking back into old patterns and keep my momentum going in a positive direction. I have a tendency to want to start 500 different things at once, so meditation is a good way to filter out distraction and pace myself. If I do this enough, I might even be able to find mental peace and quiet one day.

Has your groundhog seen a shadow?

2012-02-03T20:51:00.001-06:00

I would say that this Groundhog day, I saw my financial shadow looming over me. I have been following a plan of break-neck speed to pay off my student loans. It finally occurred to me that if I hold back some of that cash for personal projects I can benefit greatly from learning and accomplishing new things instead of just waiting out the debt. By personal projects I mean gardening, building renewable energy systems, and reinvesting in what I have rather than just buying random things like music and movie tickets to pass the time. I believe that to successfully utilize reinvestment, I have to be professional about how I spend my time and effort. I am not throwing my time into useless hobbies, but instead investing in health and sustainability practices and sharing the knowledge I gain along the way with others. Sure I'm delaying my student loan payoff by 14 months, but that's only costing me an extra $300 in interest versus my previous payoff date. That's less than a dollar a day for a better quality of life!

To aid in my quest for personal growth, I am going to be following Steve Pavlina's guide to creating a business plan. I could also use a refresher on self-discipline by rereading his series about that. Following the Primal Blueprint has given me a head start in motivation for homesteading and a thorough work out in self-discipline. Now that I have given myself permission to reinvest in my life, the only challenge is to decide to spend my time on meaningful action instead of brooding about how much work it's going to be.

Identify the shadows in your life and shed some light on solving problems you have been putting off. You can't hide from them forever.

Give the gift of freedom (from debt)

2012-02-03T07:57:00.002-06:00

The Undebt Gift

Instead of getting a giftcard to a store, give a cash gift and state that it must be used to pay down debt on top of what the recipient is already paying on their debt. If they are truly trying to get out of debt, they will appreciate this far more than flowers or DVDs. It doesn't matter how much is given -- it could be $1000 or $15. Just be sure to include a handwritten note that explains that you give them debt relief out of respect for their financial freedom, not pity. Since it is just cash, you have to go that extra mile to make it personally significant. You can still give them another gift, but the debt relief will be a gift of freedom.

Every Goal is Daily

2012-01-30T18:22:00.003-06:00

It doesn't matter how many times you have done something good. Doing the right thing today is a conscious choice. Making the same choice day after day is not always easy. A choice becomes routine, then it becomes a part of life. If something comes along later that makes you question why you do something a certain way, will you still remember the answer? A lot of what people do on a regular basis is habit, either to build toward a goal or to pass the time. Part of reaching a goal is remembering why that goal is necessary. If you were trying to lose weight and became malnourished, then you would have to stop adjust your plans.

Sometimes while working to attain a goal, interruptions occur and throw us off track of sensible reasoning. What seems feasible one minute may seem completely impossible the next due to some tiny detail that sticks out. Often I have to reevaluate what I really want as I work toward a goal. Working on improving my safety becomes irrelevant when it involves staying home and never doing anything exciting. Maintaining a budget seems irrelevant when I can't pay off my debt. I've created so many budgets in the past and given up on them because I wasn't making enough to cover my expenses let alone support my own creativity. Watching my finances slip further into the red was not a fun thing to do, but attempting to manage them was still good practice. Sometimes goals have the right idea behind them, but they aren't the right tool at the right time for creating the solution. For example, all my budgeting was not going to pay off my student loan debt, but going back to college and finishing my degree has put me in a position that makes freedom from debt possible. I made school harder than it had to be by focusing on the debt instead of what I really wanted. Getting out of debt is not a goal, it's a side effect.

This year, my goal is to grow food in my yard that I can eat. I started planning this goal last year, and since then I have added on other mini-goals as bonuses. I started following the Primal Blueprint which influences my food choices and stamina, encouraging the possibility and desire to garden. Every time I do something that puts me noticeably closer to my goal, I get a new wave of excitement and energy to fuel me forward.

Then there are times when my faith in the goal completion waivers. My mental and physical energy lull and motivation seems rather pointless. It is during these times that I have to remember what makes me happy. I stop to analyze the routines in my life and look for the fun and the fulfillment in them. I look back on what feels like tedium in repetitive actions and paint those memories in a good light for activities that have been rewarding and a dim light for those that were just time sinks. By strengthening the perception of helpful occupations and intentionally forgetting useless pastimes, I can engineer my reflexes to react differently next time these opportunities come up. This method has helped me to spend less time on computer gaming and more time on real successes.

If the monotony of repeating so much every day doesn't seem worth it to achieve a goal, try Polyphasic sleep and you will feel like you are only repeating daily activities once a week.

Busy Weekend

2012-01-30T08:02:00.000-06:00

I've finished my 30 day trial of Primal Blueprint. I am very happy with this plan. It's one I'll be keeping for the long haul. Speaking of long hauls, I bought a bicycle this weekend! My fanny hurts from riding it, but that's not enough deterrent to keep me from riding it. I rode a bike all the time when I was a kid, but when I outgrew my back pedal braking bike, I could not tolerate the atrocious squeal caused by the rim brakes or the gears that jammed every time I shifted them. My new bike is totally awesome: disc brakes and gears that change easily with the push of a button. I have to accept the loss one of my favorite past times from my old bike which was to slam on the brakes and see how long of a skid mark on the road I could make with the tire. I can live without that and other silly stunts because now I can explore more of the river trail. Weee!!!! I'm so excited!

I will still be jogging since I still have to walk my dog. Despite my exhilaration from having a new exercise vehicle, I cannot neglect my dog because he will drive me insane if I don't take him out at least once a day. I have all my heavy lifting cut out for me with the bike. Loading it onto the car and back off is not terribly difficult, but the bike is not exactly light as a feather. The real problem is finding a parking spot at the pedestrian bridges by the river. I find it strange that bikers will park their car on the bike trail when they could just as easily park at the lot half a mile down the road. I can take the extra mile on foot, yet those with wheels refuse. More parking for me, I guess.

January reading

2012-01-26T08:10:00.000-06:00

Last year I bought a Kindle 3. One of the interesting features it has is text to speech. I'm guessing this is not an official feature of the device because it's located in the menu under "Experimental". The voice is male, and he reads mostly well. The voice has trouble with some punctuation, such as speeding through a bulletted list with no pauses. For standard text, it reads comprehensibly enough that I can listen to it while I'm driving to work and back. I've read several books this way, including Urban Farming by Thomas Fox, Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina, and Time Warrior by Steve Chandler. All were very enlightening. I'm currently reading Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins.

These books are all good for consciously changing my perspective. Steve Pavlina is one of my favorite authors. He writes about conscious growth. His website www.stevepavlina.com has tons of articles that are each mind expanding on their own. He also has podcasts on this site, and they are very eye opening as well. Steve wrote a review on Power vs Force focusing on the levels of consciousness. Just reading about these levels helps to put some logical understanding to reality. The article inspired me to start reading this book. It's a delightful read considering how much I love philosophy and mind-bending ways of thinking.

Professional Development for Smart People sounds like a snide title, but essentially conscious growth makes you smart, so really the title could be Personal Development for the Consciously Aware. Steve Pavlina first ran a computer gaming business, and then switched gears to go into the personal growth business. I connect with his writing very well because I am a computer programmer with a philosophical streak.

Urban Farming was an excellent book. The first part fires up the reader with the grand cause of urban farming to save the world. The second part gets more into the how-to and includes an mini encyclopedia of plant information. If it's not enough information, then it's certainly enough to get a quality search started.

Time Warrior was just an excellent book. Steve Chandler has a very common sense way of looking at all of our excuses for not doing what we really want and tearing them down. This leaves a clear path to a goal more obvious and lifts the extra weight off your shoulders so you can get there.

Food Snob

2012-01-25T08:05:00.002-06:00

Not only does following a diet plan require the ability to stand out from the crowd, it also requires the pride to rise above the crowd. That is how peer pressure is defeated. Now that I eat so differently from my peers at work, I find that I don't enjoy the free food that is offered any more. The truth is, I haven't been enjoying it for some time, it just took a while for my actions to catch up to my beliefs. Yesterday, I passed up free fresh pizza for a chicken salad. I even refused the delicious smelling mini apple pies. Usually when food is provided for me at work, I leave my homemade lunch for the next day. However, I was really looking forward to eating my salad, and last week's pizza temptation showed me that pizza is really not worth the taste. I was rewarded last night when I had a smooth jog around the neighborhood and rewarded again this morning when I woke with plenty of energy.

By snob, I mean that I'm not afraid to turn down free gifts of food. I don't discourage other people at work from eating pizza and cookies. I don't have to. My enjoyment caused from eating healthy food speaks for itself. If you are trying something different in your life, just remember: people who ridicule you are only jealous that they either don't have the willpower to change or that they didn't think of it first! You can encourage them by showing that true enjoyment is worth a little extra work.

What happened to Winter?

2012-01-24T08:08:00.000-06:00

I spent so much time bracing for a freezing winter that I can't believe it's almost February already. We had snow in Little Rock in December, but I'm wondering if we are going to get any more this winter. It's strange that I think of the 40's F as warm. Strange...and wonderful. I'm able to enjoy the outdoors out of sheer stubbornness by conditioning myself to run even in cold. Fortunately for me, I don't have to try as hard as I would have last year.

According to weather news, it's warm because there's not enough precipitation to keep the ground cold. If snow doesn't fall, then the ground isn't shielded from the sun's heat. If the ground gets plenty of sun in the winter, then it stays warm enough to keep the atmosphere warm. With a warm atmosphere, precipitation that would be snow is just rain.

I would like a couple weeks of thoroughly cold weather just so I can trim my Crape Myrtle without fear of bug infestation. I also enjoy the challenge of walking my dog on icy streets. I did that last year before we learned to walk cooperatively, and it was an adventure. I have been putting off planting any seeds because I'm waiting for the "right time". I admit this is folly simply because of the wide range of plants that thrive in different climates. Spinach, for example, can be sown directly into snow. One thing holding me back is an experience last year in which I planted some seeds in my yard and that same night, the state was inundated with mass flooding. This year, I am taking my time and over planning rather than just making half-hearted attempts.

Cold Frame Construction

2012-01-21T17:41:00.000-06:00

My cold frame arrived on Tuesday, but I hit a snag when trying to assemble it. This particular cold frame is from the Palram brand, and just in case you find yourself buying one, I figured out a trick to operating their weird hardware. The tip of the screw used for the aluminium parts looks like a drill bit.

I had a problem getting it all the way into the aluminium pieces of the door frame. I had to use the screw to pre-drill all of those pieces because the slot was too tight for the tip. I found that I could pry the slot wider by wedging it open with the screwdriver.

All slots need to have all the screws in all the way and taken out before trying to actually assemble anything.

Take out the screw, and fit the side piece over the longer bar. It helps if you start it at an angle, but you can also use pliers to pinch the wedged open bar back to its original shape. Now you can put the screw in and leave it there. It won't be falling apart.

Here's the finished product. I put it next to a tree since the cold weather plants inside the cold frame can have extra shade during the summer.

At last, I was done, and glad of it. My hand now has a couple extra blisters from operating the manual screwdriver. The power drill did nothing because it automatically stops when the pressure gets too high. This was a construction of pure brute strength, along with a little bending of parts. When I was done, I was left with a big cardboard box to dispose of.

It seemed a waste to just throw it away, so instead I am using it to break down the grass and leaves under the cold frame outside. I cut it into four pieces and put a piece in each corner of the cold frame. Later I can use it for mulch by ripping it up some more and putting it on the ground around stems to keep moisture in and weeds out.