A Writer's Life

All is vanity

2012-07-30T15:41:00.001-04:00

I am posting this Poets & Writers cover for no other reason than I'm on it. It's me, on the bottom right tip of the "W." Cheese!

Expectation is the first step towards resentment-- oh, love

2012-07-26T00:03:00.002-04:00

You’ve just saved yourself years of wasted time and energy if you take heed to the article's title. You don’t have to pay me. I love you. I give you this gift for free.

Now please don’t confuse expectation with standard. Standards are qualifications. We all have some and lack others. Let’s take ex-convicts for example. We’ve all made mistakes. But would you be interested in entering a relationship with someone who just did ten years in prison? Probably not. Would you be siring a possibility, however small, of meeting a person both beautiful and wise? Perhaps.

Gentlemen, would you ignore the internal qualities of a woman for external icing and be disappointed when you realized she is who you knew she was all along? How would you react?

Ladies, do you really expect your billionaire husband to be faithful? How will you act when you discover he’s not? Is your upgraded status in society and financial stability enough to keep you in your role?

Use your algebraic skills, oh educated ones, and figure out which equations you are and are not willing to be a part of.

It took a while for me to get here: there were the brace face, too skinny, watching all my peers dating while I didn’t years; the marrying the ex I didn’t love; and the decade and a half my senior entrepreneur after the divorce who I was basically with for financial gain and didn’t feel bad because I was faithful years. There are a few fundamental beliefs I’d held for a long time but most have dissolved with experience. Still, I hold one to be true and self evident: men are not capable of being faithful until they are very old in age. Sure they can be faithful a while, but the whole till death do us part thing? Maybe if he’s on his way to senior citizenship.

My father was a habitual cheater and my mother tolerated it. This is where my belief is rooted and the evidence supports my belief. And guess what? You probably don’t know it, but your father has cheated, too. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Here, have a hanky.

And what exactly constitutes cheating? The physical act, cybersex, pornography, regularly depending on someone else for emotional support?

Ladies, please accept the fact you are not men. In fact, appreciate it, enjoy it. You know why? Because we make the world go round. Everybody else is just a squirrel trying to get a nut.

Do be warned, though. I repeat, a warning for the ladies: you are not special. You are only as special as the women around you. You are never the most beautiful every single day so stop lying to yourself. Your man has and will fantasize about other women. Accept this as fact.

Gentlemen, a note: prostitution is the oldest profession for a reason. On that thought marinate.

But back to love.

Since my father was a poor example of love, especially with him being an only child and thereby very self-centered, I used my brothers as examples as to what constitutes a man and tried to upgrade from there. While my brothers protected me, respected me, and put me on a pedestal for the most part, that marriage at nineteen to an unqualified man I didn’t love, who I was just compatible with as a friend, didn’t last, though the responsibility of children has.

Children-- now that’s unconditional love. There are absolutely no conditions there.

You’re ugly? So what, you’re beautiful to me; I love you.

You’re not the brightest crayon in the box? Come on, honey, what could possibly prevent you from becoming an astronaut?

You make my eye twitch every time I look at your disrespectful ass? Oh, sweetheart, I’m just tired.

No matter what they do, how they drain emotions, finances—hell, your body; you’ve got to carry them for nine months and if you really love the little suckers, you breast feed them. And for what? Absolutely no guarantee of anything.

So, heck yeah, mothers guilt their children. That’s what we’re supposed to do. After all, we didn’t have to birth you. How would it have felt getting each part of you vacuumed out one by one? Not nice, huh?

Being in New York, I decided I’d reenter the dating world, being I’d sat on the bench back in Kansas knowing the place I was was not where I intended to be. I prepared my kids: “Can you all please get your stuff together so I can at least pretend I have a set of those sweet adorable kids who do great in school, are involved in a bunch of activities, host blogs on how to overcome peer pressure with 100,000 plus subscribers, can recite the glossary of medical terms, win national spelling bees and robotic competitions, are learning both French and Hebrew, as well as Latin; you know, semi-overachievers?”

I go on my first two dates—an account executive and a NYU professor. NYU professor is so smart my head swirls, but judging by his body odor and backpack I wonder if he’s really homeless. Ok, his website’s valid, but he’s a bit of an asshole. Insecure. Self-centered. Reminds me of my father. Next. You know why? Because insecurity leads to a constant need of validation and that validation can manifest into all sorts of not only hurtful, but dangerous behaviors. And I learned a long time ago people love according to the type of person they already are.

Now let me make it clear, there is a difference between validation and recognition. Recognition is an appreciated action and validation is a want by an individual who feels they need it in order to feel whole and sufficient as a person. Validation dependency equals a weak soul. And while love may be a skeleton key to hearts and sometimes minds, one person’s love cannot inform another’s love of self and therefore how they will receive or reciprocate what you are giving. Don’t get me wrong; some people do respond to treatment, but it’s usually after reflection from previous shuck ups. Others don’t, so if you want to play that game, don’t expect results. And make it worth your time and effort.

Account Executive is nice; he meets all my standards. I have no expectations. We hold hands and he blesses our meal before we eat. He puts me at ease. He plays some old music on the way home, tells me he bets I don’t know who it is. I guess Frank Sinatra. He says, “Close; he was a member of the Rat Pack.” I say the only other member of the rat pack I know is Sammy Davis Jr. He says bingo.

And back at home, tucked in bed, children sleep, I fall into a dream of Sammy’s words, “A love to last a million years.”

Movie Night: The Strange Thing About The Johnsons

2012-07-19T21:36:00.003-04:00

Most of you have probably seen it by now, but if not get the popcorn ready! It's only thirty minutes long, so you've got time.

The Strange Thing About The Johnsons is a short film by director Ari Aster. An AFI thesis project, The Strange Thing About The Johnsons is a riveting tale exploring an unfathomable taboo.

Oh, and in case that "The Strange Thing About The Johnsons is a riveting tale exploring an unfathomable taboo" line didn't provide you warning enough, here goes: VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Post Movie Viewing Chat

While Aster claims race was unimportant when casting the film, and that the African American cast is a result of him wanting to work with a close friend who has starred in all of his previous work (he played the son in this piece), he does state he was well aware using an African American cast would be potentially polarizing and more than likely would cause a stir. (Click here for full Ari Aster interview.)

My reaction of course was very "race based." Post view questions include:

"Have black men failed their sons so to the extent of creating a league of uncontrollable monsters? "

"Was the dad's role written uber-sensitive to overturn the traditional "brute" role given to Black men, or is this just commentary on the inability of Black men to "man up", thus leaving the battle to be fought and won, once again, by the Black woman?

Was the Black mother's head turning ways commentary on Black women's "enable a Black man nature"?

Very interesting and well made film.

An AFI Thesis Film. U.S. Copyright Law Section 107 Fair Use for criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research.

Opening your mind to prosperity

2012-07-17T17:21:00.000-04:00

Below are six supercharged affirmations from Catherine Ponder's book, Open Your Mind to Prosperity. I say these affirmations daily, and repeat them when the "chips are down." I've seen mountains moved and felt piping volcanoes cool and calm as a result. Never underestimate the power of words! Try saying them aloud at least once a day, and experience a difference in your life!

I now let go of worn out things, worn out conditions, and worn out relationships. Divine order is now established and maintained in me and in my world.

I now release and am released from everything and everybody that are no longer part of the divine plan for my life. Everything and everybody that are no longer part of the divine plan for my life now release me.

I am surrounded by divine substance and this divine substance now manifests for me in rich appropriate form.

God is my supply and my unlimited abundance of everything now.

Divine love is now working through me to adjust all the details of my life. Love transforms my life now.

I am receiving my highest good of mind, body and affairs now! My accumulated good of past and present now pours forth into my life as rich blessings. This is a time of divine fulfillment. I welcome my accumulated good now. I give thanks for divine restoration in mind, body and affairs.

Unmasking the esteemed

2012-07-15T14:17:00.001-04:00

Invariably appreciative of a good story, I’m sharing one of my all-time favorite music videos, Skeletons, by Stevie Wonder. A handful of wonderfully interwoven vignettes, Skeletons showcases the behaviors of “every day” people behind closed doors, masks of respectability removed.

And let there be light!

2012-07-12T21:50:00.000-04:00

A year ago I met a woman who would change my life by lending me prosperity teacher Catherine Ponder's book, The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity, a book that would lead to the dissolution of my deep rooted fear of wealth.

For years I would acquire a certain level of monetary success, only to spend (not circulate) until I was down to my last dime. I blamed it on a perhaps unhealthy love of things, finer things, but in reality, although the fact is I do like nice things, I spent rakishly because I was afraid being monetarily rich would ultimately lead me to becoming spiritually poor in the vein of the synoptic gospel verses, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Matthew 19:23-24.

I burned through money as if each dollar I held would lead to my destruction. I felt being rich was a sin, thus I literally terrorized my financial freedom until I was a slave to being broke.

I had my fair share of warnings; the chips were down the year I left Kansas for New York so I'd filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy and without a doubt that experience made me more cognizant of both short and long term financial planning. Still, because I understood the camel metaphor (not to mention the love of money is the root of all evil verses found at Timothy 1:6-10) I continued associating wealth with negative connotations. Thus, my success was stunted as a result of my limited vision.

But Catherine Ponder states in her book God WANTS us to prosper, and points to a blazing biblical fact—the prophets, often overcoming overwhelming odds, were all wealthy. Ponder relates the prophets were prosperous not because of the love of money but because the love of giving, and because they valued what resources they had. If we reflect on our personal lives as well as global societies, we quickly discern that what is not valued is lost. Why would I not value myself enough to accept the universe’s bountiful supply?

Why should I not feel entitled?

And why would I think it greedy to “own” a piece of land, when I have not the disillusion to ignore the land will no doubt own me longer than I shall stand on it?

And how could I forget the importance of words? “Jews” may have had their prosecutable moments, but they most certainly never forgot the “jew” in jewelry.

And how could I fail to recall the power of thoughts and images, when they preempt what leaves our lips?

And, mostly, how could I overlook the answer Jehovah gave to Moses’ inquiry of his name? “אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה, ʾehyeh ʾašer ʾehyeh; I Am that I Am or I Will Be What I Will Be”?

So, how about a toast to free will?

And while our childhood rhymes tell us words are powerless—“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me—” the entire young adult Harry Potter series reminds its readers of how words shape reality, how belief informs success, and how the wrong words and associations create negative energy. I am apt to believe the latter.

Some of my favorite affirmations

No matter what your mindset is, what you believe you are worth or what you can achieve, start forming concrete images of what you want, and begin saying the affirmations below (most found in Ponder’s The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity book) aloud.

“I am an irresistible magnet, with the power to attract into myself everything that I divinely desire, according to the thoughts, feelings, and mental pictures I constantly entertain and radiate. I am the center of my universe! I have the power to create whatever I wish. I attract whatever I radiate. I attract whatever I mentally choose and accept. I begin choosing and mentally accepting the highest and best in life. I now choose lavish abundance for myself and for all mankind. This is a rich, friendly universe and I dare to accept its riches and its hospitality and to enjoy them now!”

“There is a Divine solution to this situation. The Divine solution is the sublime solution. I give thanks that the sublime solution quickly appears now.”

“Rich, divine ideas now come to me and I am always unboundedly giving prosper and am blessed.”

Proverbs 23:7- As a man thinketh himself so is he.”

A little "midweek manna"

2012-07-11T12:09:00.001-04:00

The bi-racial phenomenon: the ascent of the Unites States’s “first Black president”

2012-07-10T15:23:00.000-04:00

Four short years ago, when President Obama started making waves as the potential democratic candidate for the 2008 presidential bid, I noticed a dearth in African American backing in my then neck of the woods (Kansas). African American and biracial co-workers declared, “I’m not voting for him because I don’t want to see another black man die.” Fellow African-American studies students and our professor claimed, “He won’t win; he and Hilary will divide the vote, John Edwards will sneak in, and one of the Republicans will take it.” But First Lady Michelle Obama at the time aptly predicted, “Black America will wake up and get it.”

Four years later, it’s hard to believe those sentiments (or, more precisely, fear) ever existed within the Black community. And four years later irony meets us with the Black community—namely men—not uncommonly among the president’s harshest critics. POTUS “is not doing enough for the Black community,” “cannot relate to the Black community because he is not Black/was raised by whites/is not of a black lineage rooted in slavery” regularly trend on Black blogs and forums. Of course, POTUS's President’s presidential tenure isn’t the first time the authenticity of his “blackness” has been questioned and concluded lacking; 2000 congressional opponent Bobby Rush (who beat Obama by more than two to one) said the then 38 year old University of Chicago lecturer “read about the civil rights protests and thinks he knows all about it,” and, “Went to Harvard and became an educated fool.”

But let us once again go back four years when fear of supporting a “Black” man was rampant because apparently some folk failed to realize the probability of those wanting to make change having already considered the prospect of becoming a sacrificial lamb—the fearful unable to initially recognize courage.

And while Black folk certainly buzzed about the then phenomenon, the presidential candidate’s mainstream “race factor” was somehow diluted perhaps because he is in fact “diluted.” President Obama possesses an enlightened-like flair that is privy to bi-racial individuals who not only come to terms with who they are, but conquer the rakings of a fringe existence and develop a global viewpoint. It is this fringe the nation experienced President Obama’s ascent—a feeling of both freedom and unfamiliarity, a feeling of new. His “race” was a ticking bomb that never quite exploded, even when detonators surrounded him (how is Rev. Wright anyhow?) although by all previous expectations and assumptions it should have. But, alas, in the vein of audacity President Obama has taught us the value of not being reactive, but proactive.

Back four years ago when I braved a blizzard in a Land Rover Discovery that was in much need of servicing (and I mean in much need of servicing) to see the then potential candidate speak in El Dorado, Kansas (not the blackest part of Kansas) on what was Kansas’s birthday, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but what I got was definitely unexpected.

I had a bit of trouble locating the event location, so I pulled into a commercial parking lot and hopped out to ask someone inside for directions. Admittedly I was nervous. Although I was born and raised in Kansas, most of my time was spent in Wichita, which is both the most diverse city and the largest city. In short, I had no idea exactly what “kind” of white people I’d be dealing with. Upon entering the medical building in which the parking lot belonged, I pressed my lips tensely in preparation of asking for directions, when the receptionist blurted out, “Are you going to see Obama?” I replied yes rather timidly, and she responded, “You’re so lucky,” while looking around at her co-workers, and the patients waiting in the room. One of the waiting patients responded, “Yes, he’s so cute!”

When first approaching the line upon arriving in El Dorado to hear Obama speak, I was both amazed at the diversity of the people. Since the auditorium overfilled rather quickly, a great number—seemingly the majority—of people were placed in an overflow room, a gym, in order to warm up and watch a live broadcast of Mr. Obama’s speech. As I sat on the turf floor, a Middle Eastern man sitting next to me said, “I never saw so many white people in Kansas come to support a black man.” I answered, “Unless it’s a basketball game.” He laughed. The woman he was with, a blonde lady, inquired perhaps someone was coming to the small gym to speak considering the microphone standing in front of the super large TV screen upfront. The Middle Eastern man answered, “No. We didn’t go through security checks.” I agreed. We sat there awhile, accepting the fact we were not going to see Barak Obama live. Several minutes later we were proved wrong when a gentleman in a navy suit and snow upon his head walked through a side door; the audience rushed towards him. He graciously spoke to us, the “overflow” audience in the gym, and shook hands before leaving to speak to those who made it into the auditorium. I commented to a white lady standing next to me I couldn’t believe he actually came into the old gym and she answered, “Well, it’s just so like him.”

Audacity to Hope is Contagious

What inspired me the most was the fact Obama’s audience was like the theme of his speech—setting differences aside to accomplish what the country needs to accomplish: an effective health care system, tax cuts for the people most adversely effected by current tax laws, self-sufficient production, energy mandates, immigration, education, and financial security for the elderly. The audience seemed to consist of every representative of America’s needs: older conservative whites in wool coats, young college students, some black and many white, church going black men and women in suites, and every type in between. The fact that Obama’s crowd was so diverse is telling to how articulate and universal he is. This fact, at least, is agreed upon by everyone. Still, it is clear American society, with the help of technology, is moving into a more universal perspective. The U.S., comparatively speaking, is windowless (do giants look out windows), however, we see the importance of a global economy (heck, we pay for it every day).

Perhaps the reason Obama, notwithstanding his diverse background, is acceptable to those who would have never imagined voting for a that type of guy as far back as eight years ago, is indeed we were down to the wire. So let’s accredit George W. Bush this: his policies drove the people to a place we hadn’t been in sometime—reality. And when YOUR issues are at bay (because let’s be honest, it is rarely “our”; everyone concerns themselves with their own interests first, in limbo of the sink or swim, you push aside the newly unimportant things that used to frame your viewpoint and decisions. And the great irony of it all is President Obama’s crucial ability to relate to diverse groups of people likely stems from at some point in time fitting in nowhere at all.

Billion Dollar Question

2012-07-01T16:00:00.002-04:00

Toby S. Jenkins’ article, “Mr. Nigger: The Challenges of Educating Black Males Within American Society”, is a thorough examination of the underachievement, lack of inclusion, and backward progression of African American men within American society and, particularly, within the educational arena. He explains how the oppression of African American males is deeply rooted within the power structure of America. This power structure includes an array of social, political, economical, psychological, and educational issues that encase the act of oppression while claiming to benefit blacks. Thus, we have a clear indication of Jenkins’ thesis by the title “Mr. Nigger” itself. That is, while rhetoric claims policy makers have the best interest of black males at heart, in actuality the black male is treated in a “niggardly” or lowly fashion.

The statistics Jenkins provides corroborate with the urgency the topic in which he writes. From high school matriculation rates to poverty levels, prison numbers to female headed households, the African American family appears to be doing something seriously wrong. Far from the “model minority”, foreigners such as Asians (who are in fact given the title “model minority”) passed African Americans in all indicative arenas of success years ago. How so? How can a minority group of people speaking a language not rooted in Latin quickly secure a relatively high position in English-speaking American society and African Americans, long time residences of the U.S., lager behind every other ethnic group? The easy answer is to imply a lack of ambition within the African American male community. However, since we live in society that, according to psychologist bell hooks, pays more attention to black males when they are violently acting out than when they are being positive contributors to society, it is clear society’s perception and expectations of black males plays a significant role in their underachievement.

Framing the Problem

While America was expeditiously emerging as world superpower and its citizens were establishing a legacy of wealth, African Americans were being stripped of citizenship and being chained into slavery. The stage was set: America would perpetually sing a song of freedom while building a nation upon the backs of forced labor. And while forced labor was not a new concept—Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans all maintained slaves that built the respectable monuments of each nation—the extent of inhumane practices was. There was the capture in Africa; the slave dungeons still standing on the coast of west Africa; the long ride across the Atlantic known as the Middle Passage where Africans were packed like sardines, left to linger in their own excretions; the breaking of will; and the introduction into a new life contextualized in the belief that Africans were less than human (at best, ¾ of a man).

The century following the emancipation of slaves was better for blacks, but still proved extremely oppressive and burdensome for African Americans. Imagine: on one hand we have a society of whites inheriting wealth and family contacts and on the other a society of black inheriting despair and poverty. Take into consideration participation in the educational arena; while America has more than a 300 year history of higher education, not more than 141 years ago it was illegal for blacks of any age to be taught to learn to read. Of course this deficit incurred by history has had a substantial generational impact on the African American community, as well as the family unit, and the individual.

Importance of Identity

Jenkins covers many variables in his article, however time and space only allow the covering of points I find most imperative in resolving the state of the African American male’s academic standing. One such point is identity. Jenkins quotes Booker T. Washington’s argument that the lack of strong ancestral knowledge among African Americans deprives the black child of a strong sense of self-efficacy. Concurring with both Jenkins and Washington, one only need look at the accomplishments of the “model minority”, Asians, and the strong cultural ties they maintain to their heritage. They have effectively perfected the art of assimilating while still maintain a strong sense of cultural pride. Since the identity of the Africans enslaved was annihilated by whites, it has been impossible to gage advancements within the African American community without making some sort of reference to whites. Because contempt is held, most understandably, by many black males, who are receive the brunt end of the social system, the expectation or goal can be to become unlike whites which, of course as dictated by the system, equals “success” as defined by economic and social power. Knowing black males do not hold the bulk of this power, many black men see “success” as unrealistic.

Adding to the dynamics of identity is pro-white imagery found in every facet of American life: American education is, at all levels, Eurocentric (somehow it is even forgotten Egypt is in Africa), Christianity has been whitewashed (who hasn’t read the verse describing Jesus’ skin and hair), and the lack of African and African American presence in contributory history lessons is all but absent save a Martin Luther King or Malcolm X lesson sprinkled into February curriculum for good measure. Seemingly, the misrepresentation of historical figures in the educational arena helps keep ignorance hot on the tips of many Americans’ conscious.

Implications and Solutions

Jenkins states that changing the current status of African Americans cannot be accomplished with a few intervention courses and teacher training. Since this is an issue that began hundreds of years ago, he calls for a complete destruction of the old and a building of the new. His question then becomes how might such a drastic change for a group that is still villianized by larger society. He asserts that for a real investment in black men to be made, society must begin to see them as a vital asset to society. Since slavery was the last time (excluding sports) Black men were directly tied to economic growth and were still ill-treated, it may unrealistic to expect society to take the plight of black men humanitarianly or seriously.

I believe the issue needs to be addressed within the African American male community; no one can craft solutions for a people except themselves. A sense of identity and pride permeating throughout the African American male community is only a small portion; the larger is the African American community holding Black males not only responsible for behavior, but to the same standard the Black community holds others. Waiting for non blacks to esteem and value Black when these attributes are lacking within the Black community is akin to waiting for permission. And those waiting for permission are and remain poor (different from being “broke.” And those positioned as such are indeed slaves.

Willie Lynch Redux; Reacting to P.W. Botha's "speech on annihilating Black people"

2012-06-27T14:46:00.003-04:00

This is a reaction paper; click here to read the text to which I am reacting.

Now that we are on the same page, let’s just acknowledge, wow, that was quite a read (although we know such speech never took place).

A part of me doesn't want to touch upon the textual points with a ten ft. pole. But I'll just say it: I'm angrier with Blacks as a people than anything stated in the great urban legend 1985 P.W. Botha speech.

It is stated, "By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence."

It is also mentioned the average Black person doesn't plan further than a year.

Extremely harsh and very critical, but can anyone deny in his words lie a certain amount of truth? While whites create technology, and continue manufacturing airplanes and spaceships, we continue to talk about perms, skin tone, and why my car costs more than my mama's house (because I still don't own one). We are experts at entertaining nonsense.

I have great difficulty understanding how Africa can be so resource rich, yet the poorest continent on the planet. Please don't say "the white man” or “colonialism." (Because Black men have a history of self-serving behavior predating colonialism, and less we not forget who invented slavery.) What about the Black man?

White folks are not playing in regards to phenotypically surviving; I guess the Caucus Mountains provided resilience and strategic skills we don't quite understand. A man who cannot protect his women, sons, daughters, and land is pretty useless. Botha obviously knows this is the case, otherwise he wouldn't have even mentioned impregnating militant Black women as a strategic tool.

I suppose white folks can't help but to believe in all their physically inferior glory, they are chosen to rule the world. They can turn a rock into a wealth mine while we're still trying to figure out why a billion Black men hate their mothers so much, and why authentic Black women are so underrepresented in media.

Eeerily similiar to the Williw Lynch letter (also fabricated), "Botha’s speech" offers a different lens in which to view race relations. The Willie Lynch Letter (I always felt was written by a Black "freedom fighter" in an effort to enlighten the walking dead) is useful in pushing Black folk to think about things that should have been thought about a long ago, such as effective long term planning, but it assumes the disunity among African Americans is a seed planted exclusively by whites when in reality Africans are/were tribal. Thus, it falls short; it embraces the god-like power Blacks assign to whites in general; that every negative within the Black community is from external factors--"the white devil."

The “beauty” of P.W". Botha’s speech" is we see white strategy while being forced to look internally at crucial weak points within the Black community. If I am manufacturing my own medicine, I do not need yours. If I am educating engineers who can advance society, I can compete globally and not bow to foreigners as if they are gods. If I can install pipelines, channel water supplies, and harvest food, I don't need your aid. If I produce my own weapons, my daughters and sons are safe. If I create and protect my own paradise, I have no reason to beg in yours. Powerful read, indeed.

And what of school privatization? A review of Glen Ford's criticism of Cory Booker

2012-05-22T08:27:00.001-04:00

The following is in response to this article written by Glen Ford.

"This opportunistic young man is comfortable in the company of people whose political ancestors hosed down and blew up Black children in Birmingham, but now express deep compassion for these same children." --Melodramatic much?

"What that was really about was capturing big entitlements from the state and federal government and divvying them up among their cronies or among the people within their organizations to protect and preserve their organizations. It was about distributing wealth."--CB "This guy is good, very good. He speaks two distinct languages - one to the people he wants to elect him mayor of Newark, the other to the financially endowed, whose mission in life is to resist redistribution of wealth to race-based groups that think the poor could use some entitlements."--I know how I interpreted the CB quote above. Doesn't the word entitlement usually apply to whites/the elite?

The Black Allicance for Educational Options come and resuce me! I have no faith in public schools, and I do not think the privitazation of education is necessarily a bad thing. I actually do not understand why so many Black people openly trust their children to be educated by a system that has generationally failed them. If you want your children to succeed, take them out of predominiately Black public schools. And the biggest problem with them is the parents, the "culture" of stupidity in the Black community, where being a good student is still "acting white."

"The BAEO board is a motley crew, brought together by Dr. Howard Fuller, the Black former Milwaukee Superintendent of Schools who resigned the post in 1995, crushed when teachers union-backed candidates captured four of five seats on the school board, frustrating his privatization plans. He's been seeking revenge, ever since, armed with Bradley's checks."

Are Black leaders SO afraid to privatize the education of Black youth? Really? Black leaders doubt their abilities that much, huh, where they must depend on "whitey"? I see.

Up for the challenge, anyone?

CB's school voucher associations are a bit disheartening, a tribe of Clarnece Thomas JRs and the like it seems. But the real questions is when will democrats support school vouchers? Options are always good. The BAEO's mission: "To increase access to high-quality educational options for Black children by actively supporting parental choice policies and programs that empower low-income and working-class Black families."

2012-03-09T16:32:00.000-05:00

By Interior Design

Iván Ilych was not that bad of a man, really. He didn’t beat his wife or his children. He worked every day, provided a home for his family and his children’s education was a fair priority. So what if he didn’t like to be home. How was he to cope with a constant nag? So he lived beyond his means. That’s no different than most good American citizens. I’ve met worse—plenty worse. And we all know everything is relative.

Perhaps The Death of Iván Ilych, with Iván's happiness declining as his material success rose, is a warning against capitalism, a tale of redemption through death, a biblical embrace of true riches coming with the crossing over. Iván was “done in” by his own guts, the same guts it took to reclaim his life, to leave his brother-in law’s home and obtain the specific salaried job he’d set out to snag. But it was not enough, as it is never enough; Tolstoy points out Iván’s new home was just one room too short and his pay some five hundred rubles too little. Perhaps the moral of the story coincides with a personal mantra of my own:”Don’t let your belly be your demise, leading you to the fiery pit.”

The death of Iván is no different than the death of a salesman, is no different than the death of you and I. We all die the same, regardless of greatness, however it is defined or perceived, be it number of twitter followers or number of antiques, real estate location or portfolio, or any of the other composites making up an image many find ideal.

Tolstoy’s tale echoes a message of the simple life being the realm of the godly and this may very well be true. How can one live for the spirit when obtaining worldly goods is one’s aim and thus their true master? Is this in fact the camel through the needle’s eye?
As simplistic in nature as these ideals are, they do not address the fact those living simply and godly bear the brunt of societal oppression, becoming the very foundation for the laying of bricks and stones that become great kingdoms, the earthly riches of which they themselves, backs broken, do not enjoy.

It is an old tale. Just as Solomon the wise one told us there is nothing new under the sun, he also related the wiser he became, the more depressed he was. Thus the simplicity Tolstoy esteems in his own tale is a movement in the old “ignorance is bliss vein.” Is this the tree of knowledge bearing the forbidden fruit?

Still, it is simple. We forget in our own vanity the line between wise and fool is thin and in our distorted self image believes it is we who draw the line. Solomon ultimately asks, “How does the wise man die?” then answers, “The same as a fool.” Perhaps the depression from wisdom tainting Solomon was rooted in the knowledge of our names, strivings and accomplishments being less than a speck in the great scheme of things. Our vanity, in the end, is irrelevant yet essential, for it is mere vanity that fuels but every function.

I adore this.

2012-03-07T23:04:00.000-05:00

2011-11-26T11:24:00.002-05:00

The Mask

2011-03-23T13:25:00.003-04:00

There is no scarcity of insight in Dostoevsky’s The Gambler, though a potent compressed line —“A real gentleman should not show excitement even if he loses his whole fortune”- reveals the thesis of not only the book, but life itself; that is, the mask required to succinctly navigate through life, around the bends of expectation, the perception of the masses, the attainment of definitive and dictated wealth will never subside, always existing in some form, it’s alpha the Sub-Saharan and West African types used in dances and social and religious events, the mask full of symbolic knowledge most often passed down from father to son, a sort of crown beyond the jewel—a crown of spiritualism. In the majority of African cultures, the person who wears the mask loses his or her identity, becoming the spirit represented by the mask itself.

And The Gambler is full of spiritualism. It is a “close to heart” tale (Dostoevsky an avid gambler, addicted to roulette—the same sport of his narrator, Alexei and the book a gamble in itself—deliver a novel of twelve or more signatures to F.T. Stellovksy within a crunch deadline or grant Stellovsky rights to publish all works without any compensation for nine years) his desire to shed his mask is revealed in lines such as, “It is most charming when people do not stand on ceremony with one another, but act openly and aboveboard” and “It is only among the French, and perhaps some other Europeans, that the code of manners is so well defined that one may have an air of the utmost dignity and yet be a man of no moral dignity whatsoever.” However, Dostoevsky’s character Alexei states plainly, “Roulette was made for Russians.” Thus, Dostoevsky, like everyone, kept a mask near at all times.

Artistically I am most impressed by Dostoevsky’s ability to authentically reveal character’s motivation without bastardizing them into “stock” roles. Such roles—the conventions of literary pursuits present—exist but not in a realm of dehumanizing its subjects. In addition, Dostoevsky’s insight into the “slave mentality” imbued within Russian culture is fascinating. Alexei’s dialogue, “Nevertheless we Russians need money, too and consequently we are glad and very eager to make use of such means as roulette, for instance, in which one can grow rich all at once” is a clear indicator of mis-prioritizing the sequences of success which, defined by scholar Carter G. Woodson, is a trait implicative of psychological slavery. The “living for the now” mentality endorsed by Alexei is of no shame to him; Alexei has removed his mask. He eloquently points out the unfavorable components of the Frenchman and General’s culture, asserting the virtues of said cultures sacrificial nature of humanity for slow material gain is in fact no more virtues than gambling. He ends is argument saying, “I don’t look upon myself as something subordinate to capital and necessary to it.” However, Alexei is not immune to covetousness; he states, “It is a matter of proportion. What is paltry to Rothschild is wealth to me.” He again places his mask firmly in place.

The daughter of a gambling man who squandered away wealth for rush, I recall a quote from my grandfather about my father delivered to me by my mother. Grandfather, a saving, no gambling, conservative type once said, “In ways, my son is more of a man than me.” An intriguing thought, I could not decipher it; my father was not dependable, not supportive, and, to this day, a man I am not close to. Many of the opportunities I’ve been granted have been made possible by the old grandfather who happens to share a birthday with his daughter-in-law, my m other. However, I know the meaning of his words. My father did not wear a mask. He attempted to impress no one. He married who he pleased, and neither his aspirations nor actions were dictated by the grain. Yet, such virtue is dead without long term planning. Perhaps the lesson learned is in four words uttered by Alexei in the latter part of a sentence: “save money like Jews.”

Pushkin’s Identity Amongst Nobility

2011-03-16T12:45:00.001-04:00

According to Professor of Russian Literature at SUNY Stony Brook Kaylie Jones, Aleksandr Pushkin, Russia’s literary founding father—consider him the Russian equivalent of Shakespeare-- was Black, as informed by Pushkin’s great-great grandfather’s Abyssinian heritage. Although familiar with this genealogical fact, I became intrigued by this concept and the perception such thought entails. Thus, I began to wonder how Black was defined within Russia at the time.

Although commonly described as swarthy with black hair, one could easily argue Pushkin looked more European than African and the simple fact is, Pushkin would not be considered Black in certain parts of the world, particularly in those places where Blackness is held in high esteem and such lineage closely guarded. In essence, he was no longer a son of his great-grandfather’s land; he was three generations removed with no other components to sustain his connection to it. The remainder of his lineage was Russian. Therefore it seems this definition is according to the American “1 drop rule.” This definition of Pushkin as dictated by his Abyssinian great-great grandfather sparked the question of whether Pushkin felt a connection to his Blackness—in essence, how much Blackness survived the watering down of his ancestor’s roots? Most of all I wondered, taking into account the myriad literature produced exploring the very topic if he had a longing to convene with Black people?

Pushkin’s great grandfather was brought to Russia a former slave of a Turkish Sultan as a gift to Peter the Great. Eventually he attained noble status. Though his claim to nobility could have been based upon his service, as well as his connection to Peter the Great, he chose to appeal based upon his father having ruled in his native land. Did this pride pass on to Pushkin? To find out, I dived into “The Negro of Peter the Great,” an incomplete novel written by Pushkin based upon the life of his great grandfather (Pushkin was murdered before its completion.) I didn’t receive much confirmation either way. While Pushkin clearly alluded to white Russians’ inability to see the humanity in Black individuals—socializing with Blacks was in the vein of spectacle and not mutual respect—“Why strive to unite the destiny of so tender and beautiful a being as yourself with the unhappy lot of a negro, a pitiful creature whom people scarcely deign to recognize as human”-- a repeat theme in multi-cultural authors’ works—he did not delve into the feelings of “the negro”. Instead, he tip-toed around the inner thoughts of said man, his own great grandfather, perhaps finding it difficult to dissect a character so akin or a topic so within. Or, quite simply, the lack of depth is a result of its state as an early draft and not a completed work. (Pushkin, pg 26)

However, there are hints of Pushkin’s self identity revealed in his personal letters and interests. For instance, in written correspondence to the tsar he stated, “I pride myself on what are called prejudices: I pride myself on being as good a gentleman as anybody…on my ancestors’ name, since it is the only legacy they have left of me.” He used words such as negr and arap to describe both himself and his family. Though later argued on occasion (especially in America) arap translates to Arab, in a letter of 1835 Pushkin explicitly notes arap is synonymous with negr and mulat (from mullatto.) Pushkin was obsessed with genealogy and referred to American slaves as “my brothers, the negroes (negry).” Therefore it appears Pushkin had the same longing for Blackness every other multi-ethnic literary great did. (Lounsbery pg 105)

An ending note from Russian poet Marina Tsvetaeva as translated by Sasha Dugdale:

“Shall we go to Patriarch’s Ponds today, or...?”

“The Pushkin Memorial!”

There were no patriarchs on the Patriarch’s Ponds.

What a strange and wonderful idea – to place a giant amongst children. A black giant, amongst white children. A strange and wonderful idea – to bring down on white children their black kinship.

Those who grew up in the shadow of the Pushkin Memorial will hardly prefer the white race, and I, so very clearly, prefer the black race. The Pushkin Memorial, anticipating what is to come, is a memorial against racism, to the equality of all races, to the supremacy of any race that might bring forth a genius. The Pushkin Memorial is a memorial to black blood poured into white blood, a memorial to the intermingling of bloods, just as rivers intermingle, a living memorial to the intermingling of bloods, and a conmingling of the most remote and the apparently most disjointed spirits of nations. The Pushkin Memorial is living proof of the base and moribund nature of racial theory, living proof of the opposite. Pushkin is the ‘fact’ which confounds all theory. Even before its own conception racism was thrown aside by Pushkin at the moment of his birth. No – even earlier than than – on the day of the marriage between the son of the Negro of Peter the Great, Osip Abramovich Gannibal, and Maria Alekseevna Pushkina. No, no, even earlier than that: on the unknown day, at the unknown hour when Peter turned his black, pale, joyous, terrible gaze on Ibragim, the Abyssinian boy. That gaze was a command to Pushkin to exist. So children growing up in the shadow of the Petersburg Bronze Horseman were also growing up in the shadow of a memorial against racism – and to genius.

What a strange and wonderful idea it was to make Ibragim’s great-grandson black. To cast him in iron as nature had cast his great-grandfather in black flesh. Black Pushkin is a symbol. It was a strange and wonderful idea to give Moscow, in the blackness of a statue, a scrap of Abyssinian sky. Because the Pushkin Memorial stands for certain ‘under the skies of my Africa’. What a strange and wonderful idea to give Moscow the sea under the feet of the poet, with his head bent, one foot forward, the hat removed from his head and held behind his back in a bow. For Pushkin stands not above the sandy boulevard, but above the Black Sea. Above a sea of unfettered natural force. Pushkin’s unfettered natural force.

Vogue Gallery

2011-03-10T18:25:00.000-05:00

Vogue Gallery

On Fathers and Sons...Scratching the Surface of Turgenev's Masterpiece

2011-03-10T17:53:00.001-05:00

And we will all be humbled, regardless of our imagined greatness, potential, or vested interests—be they objects, offspring, or obligation. Turgenev displays the nature of humanity in Fathers and Sons while revealing no true villains aside from nature itself. One might consider the mere matter of life a villain or perhaps even its piper, death. However, life being a matter of conglomerated moments and the winks of each character’s earthly experience—lying under stars, giving or accepting a rose, playing a piano—can hardly be determined villainous. The true villain is in fact perception which elects how one sees and thus experiences each gift of moment.

Turgenev covers ample themes—from women and independence to class and wealth to principles and love to living and dying—without stripping the humanity within his subjects. He instead moves out of the way of each character until they dance upon the pages, fearless of judgment. When Turgenev kills his driving character, Bazarov, he does so not because it is a necessary component of plot—his mentee concluded without such loss Bazarov was overly conceited and to the inheritance of his own lineage he would return—but to anchor not only Bazarov’s arrogant nature into the great equalizer of death but also his humble parents’ vanity over their son. Barzarov does not die having changed the world, rich or famous, as his father so desired. In the end his parents lose the object of their biggest obligation—the offspring in which much was sacrificed for in the hopes of son becoming something greater than they. In the end, they are left with what they have always had—each other within the institution their only son loathed.

As a writer I was specifically impressed with Turgenev’s transitional style. From plot to character introduction, he economizes back story into scenic paragraphs packed with golden nuggets. His open admittance to author limitation affects the narrator as a reliable source. He states plainly he does not know it all, which, because he lacks judgment, makes him a medium we trust and believe. Any random chapter is testament to his authoritative voice as an author—no pretense of superior perception, just a story of people being people.

Hopeful in New York

2011-03-02T01:33:00.000-05:00

Novel on the way, graduation in May, still no job; publishing world, how I await thee.

Sharing from Vogue.com

2011-02-25T21:32:00.000-05:00

Sharing from Vogue.com

Jealous Much?? Makeup look

2011-02-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

ECO STYLER MOROCCAN ARGAN OIL GEL ON NATURAL HAIR REVIEW

2011-02-01T12:53:00.000-05:00

Expand Your Shoe Collection!

2011-01-31T15:13:00.000-05:00

Great Lipsticks for brown skin Lipstick(s) 2010: Pinks

2011-01-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

Grace Jones Nightclubbing

2011-01-25T14:02:00.000-05:00