Days of Our Nix

The journey...

2025-12-03T19:34:00.000-05:00

This year has been a rough one for me. I still have not completely wrapped my brain around the thought that my mother is gone. How MY Mommy fi dead? She really gone leave me, just soh? Those are the daily thoughts I grapple with. Sometimes I don't even allow myself to think about her. It's too much.

I've been keeping busy, but not necessarily doing the things that I know in my heart of hearts that I need to tackle. I need to purge. Things and People! Recently I went on a last minute trip for work and I was able to squeeze some time in to spend time with my dear friend. It is a week later and I didn't realize how much I needed that connection. We didn't do anything fancy. We didn't go for a drink or have any wine or anything at all really. We just sat on a couch for hours and talked. This connection also made me realize that I want and need more of that in my life. I don't want to keep surface "friends" in my life. I'm not at that stage anymore where the quantity is more desirable than the quality. I'm just not interested. I had a friendship end badly a few years ago and I never thought that would ever happen to me. After that experience, I felt another one coming to an end and I let it happen, willingly. I have two more that I have been considering more often than not, to wonder if this is where we get off the train. I'm not as dramatic though. I would never announce a departure. I don't see the purpose.

This past year some friends and family have lost some siblings and some parents. It's hard. I try to be supportive but I know people grieve differently and sometimes the way I grieve is not how you grieve. The way I want to be supported is not necessarily your want either. I still try and show up, I understand the grief in more intimate terms now. I never want my support to come across as performative. I've been on the receiving end of that and it's not a good feeling at all. I wasn't able to always show the support in the way that I would want, even though my heart was in the right place. It just didn't make sense logistically or financially for me at the time.

I also cannot believe that we're in December already. The year started off really, really slowly and then all of a sudden - December!

Also, I realized that I am not utilizing my Free Will as I could and should. I fall in the rut of routine and then sometimes something will strike me and I will think... OHHH but I don't really have to do it like this ALLLLL the time, or even at all. I need to work on my Free Will choices.

I've missed Blogging

2023-11-27T15:34:00.003-05:00

I've missed using this platform and went rather private. I have many plans for the new year. One of them includes upping my blogging game.

Stay tuned and watch this space!

RAK

2022-06-29T07:40:00.001-04:00

I just just read a story posted by a friend about his time of struggle where people rallied to help him without it being obvious or without him feeling less than, it reminded me of my story.

We had just moved into our own apartment a few months prior and one day out of the blue they closed the company that I worked at for good. I had no steady income and my savings were rapidly dwindling. My friend had a need for child care so I would watch her son while she went to work, but of course that was not enough to sustain a household. My friends tried to help where they could but everyone had their own struggles at the time. Everyone was trying to just make it to the next paycheck.

I truly feel that God looked after me during this time. One day we were walking to a Farmer's market close by to buy an onion to cook up the last canned meat we had at home and found money on the ground in the parking lot. It wasn't a whole lot of money, maybe $20 or so but it helped to feed us for the week. Another day we were driving somewhere and money started flying in front of us. Someone apparently had left their wallet or purse on the top of their car and was driving ahead of us and the money literally started flying out. We tried to catch up but the car literally disappeared. Again, not a lot of money but enough to keep us fed.

Which leads me to my friend. My friend called me and asked if she could take me for lunch, but first she had to stop at the grocery store because she wouldn't have time after work. Seemed believable because she had a high profile job at a school and often time got home late. As we browsed the aisles of Publix and she started taking up things she started asking me things like which brand do I prefer? I didn't think much of it and answered. What struck me was that she didn't really have a list but was just going along and picking up things, but thinking back what was she planning to do with the refrigerated items. We were talking the whole time so it wasn't very obvious to me what was happening. When we got to my apartment she took out the many bags of groceries and said they were mine. I still cry today when I think of it. Since then we have grown apart and she's gone on to marry but she will always hold a special place in my heart.

Now, after we all have gone through the pandemic and are still going through the post pandemic struggles I have to remind myself to give others grace. We are not all well. We have struggles. Some of our struggles have been made worse and some are just now coming to the forefront because we are not able to mask it as well as we once were. I have had other instances of true random kindness from strangers and dear friends and they don't go unnoticed. I appreciate them all and hope that I can be that friend (or stranger) to someone else.

RIP Aunt Jean

2021-04-07T17:44:00.003-04:00

It's come to that time in my life where my friends are losing their parents. I'm no stranger to this club as I lost my father when I was just 4 years old. However, losing a parent as a child and losing them as an adult is a different type of pain. None worse or better, it's just different. As a adult you mourn the person, as a child you mourn the loss of having the experience (even moreso when you get older). When I think of the near and dear friends I've had in my life I think about the three that I have known the longest. Natalie, Sophia and Serena.

We all became friends in kindergarten. I can't remember life before knowing them. Natalie, Serena and I later went off to the same high school together and even much later on Serena went to another university and then came to FIU for a short time. Sophia and I kept in touch all through high school and would still spend weekends and holidays together when she would come home from boarding school. Things got muddled during the college years.

This morning I got news that Serena's mom passed away after a valiant battle with Coronavirus. She fought as best as she could but her lungs were so damaged in the end that the prognosis was grim. We were still all hoping for a miracle. Along the way, we were all given glimmers of hope that she would pull through. She fought the odds on so many things along the way. Just like how I can't remember life before Serena... Aunt Jean was always a staple as well. She had four daughters and was a very active parent in all their lives. She managed to keep all the girls grounded in school, involved in activities and even kept up with all her children's friends. Don't think for a second that she had her hands full with her own kids and that she was lax. She couldn't be. Not only would she discipline her own children, if you were acting up Aunt Jean would discipline you too. All while involved in the family business, her church AND having a life herself. Looking back I don't know where she found the time.

While I haven't seen her in a very long time. She has left a long lasting impression on her children, her family, her friends and her various communities. We will miss her dearly.

RIP Jean Marie Lue.

Just do it!

2019-08-14T21:36:00.001-04:00

Like the famous sneaker slogan...

Lots of times, we have plans to do things, be better at doing things, trying new things and then life just gets in the way and we fall back into our old norm. Norm is comfortable, because it's what we know, we identify with "norm" as who we are... but it's not always a good thing.

Change doesn't just come overnight all the time. You can't just cancel out all those years of you just like that and expect it to stick. Sure I can try, but knowing me, I'm destined to fail at that even before I start. I have a friend who I admire and like to be around a lot (even though we haven't spent any time together in a while), one of the reasons I like her so much is that she's adventurous and spontaneous. She will have an idea and run with it. I have ideas all the time, but the running with it is the part that gets me. I keep saying "I don't have time for that" or "I'll do it later" and sure enough dust starts to gather on my ideas and I'm right back where I started.

Take this blog for instance, I have so many ideas and think about posting them all the time and then do nothing. So in me doing nothing, then nothing happens. How am I to be upset over that? I am the cause. The quickest way to bring about any change is to just start. Just do it. We can move mountains by just start doing rather than only thinking about it. We can apply this to almost every area of our lives. But also we have to have a positive attitude whilst going about it.

Being in the right mindset is everything. EV. RY. THING!!! You hear me?? Some days I will wake up happy and optimistic and the day is such a joy. Other days I will wake up sad and feeling hopeless, nothing has changed but my mindset and the day takes on a whole new turn. So in trying to bring about change, it starts with the mindset. Go into it feeling good and with positive thoughts and it will make all the difference in the world.

Also, this past year has shown me that surrounding yourself with like minded people can help tremendously as well. There is a group for just about anything you can think of and if there isn't one, then chances are you can start one and then other like minded people will join you. Go look on social media if you don't believe me. Instagram hashtags? Facebook groups? They are alllll there. It's just for you to make the effort. Try it and come back and tell me how it goes.

Year off...

2019-05-30T03:58:00.001-04:00

I've pretty much spent close to a year off my blog game. I had been meaning to post something, jotting down things here and there and still nothing. Did it make me feel better? Freer? NOPE! In fact I felt worse. I felt guilty most times and still managed to keep putting it off. The lesson here is to just start. Instead of procrastinating... just start.

This applies to almost anything. I actually did this same thing with the dishes. I had been looking at them for two whole days in the sink. Thinking that I should wash them, but didn't. The 15 minutes that it took to wash them was not worth the guilt I felt for those two days. If I had just sat down to do it on day 1, we wouldn't be here. But life is like that I guess, the worry... the guilt... the procrastination... and then the realization. It's all a part of the journey. The life cycle.

I have a craft project that I had mapped out and bought the supplies for and everything and I'm sure it would take a good ten minutes to complete, (if that much) and still we're here talking about it rather than doing it.

I'm getting better with friends though, when I think of someone I try to reach out. I don't always get to it though, but I have made effort. I am still trying to figure things out like everyone else. You think everyone else has life all figured out and this is so not the case. When you have deeper conversations with people you realize we're all on the struggle bus together in some way, shape or form.

So just like this post, I could have procrastinated some more, or just took the time and made it happen. What will you make happen today?

Your Village or Your Island.

2018-09-03T23:43:00.000-04:00

Your village is important. Not necessarily the one where you were born or where you were raised, but rather the village refers to your support system. The people you ALLOW to support you. The people you allow to know when you have a need. Having a need does not automatically mean financial need either, sometimes it simply means a need to be heard. The village supports you, supports your needs and you in turn do your part to support the members of your village, well that is how it SHOULD work. It doesn't always work that way though.

Sometimes it's hard letting even your closest friend know that you have a need. Any need. Having needs is hard! Especially in this age of social media where EVERYONE is doing great! Or so it seems. Having a need means that you are less than, no-one wants to be less than. So everyone needs a village, a village where they can freely voice their needs to ears that belong to real people that also have their own needs. People that won't judge you for having a need. People that won't call you... NEEDY!

Everyone has needs, but not everyone feels free enough to voice their needs. As part of a village it is also your responsibility to be accessible to other people in the village. To allow them to feel like themselves, to feel free. Support is so important and yet so easily overlooked. A simple call or message to ask if you're okay, it can go so far.

You can see and tell that there are people with no village. They feel isolated and very disconnected from society, almost like an island. While an island can sound intriguing at times, it can be very lonely and not good for your mental psyche. Don't get me wrong, people are annoying! You are not going to get along with everyone and agree with everything allll the time. This is normal, in fact it is healthy. It is healthy when it is handled in a mature and healthy manner, I should say. You shouldn't agree with everything everyone else says alllll the time. You own opinion isn't and shouldn't be so fluid.

It is important to choose your village wisely. It need not consist of loads of people, just a few genuine ones are fine. You'll find that you have an easier time to connect, regroup and recharge after meeting or talking to you village members. It doesn't have to be a formal meeting about needs either. By just connecting with someone else who you know supports you and has your back is life changing in itself, whether by pouring out your whole heart or just talking about a good show you saw on Netflix. The key is to make a connection.

It's up to you whether you choose to have an island or a village, but I highly recommend the village. Support may come in various forms and sometimes you may even have to teach people how it is exactly that you prefer to be supported. There is no shame in that. You have one life to live and it's best to make it a more enjoyable experience.

Epidural Steroid treatment and weight gain.

2018-05-16T22:12:00.000-04:00

Let's face it... I haven't been slim in yeeeaaaaaarrrrsss, if ever. I only say if ever because when you are young what you see as FAT is really your slim days. Well in my case that's how it worked out. I thought I was fat. My family was fat and so I just saw myself as fat too. Now that I look back on some of those pictures I realize that I wasn't skinny but I sure wasn't FAT either.

Over the last twenty years I started getting more and more sedentary until little to no activity. Then eventually came the bronchial problems and the quickest fix to help you breathe properly is a healthy dose of steroid treatment. You're breathing but yet you're also gaining weight. When faced with those two choices I have a greater need to breathe than to be slim. Breathing is important.

So the weight came with the breathing, slowly at first and then steadily. I would start to lose weight and then sure enough October would come and I wouldn't be able to breathe properly and we were right back on steroids. Along with the weight gain, I started becoming more insecure and antisocial. Eventually withdrawing from everyone basically altogether. I bought a treadmill and resolved to start exercising. In the midst of this, I developed an unhealthy relationship with a friend and things went downhill. Wayyyy down hill! And even after that relationship dissolved, the bad habits still lingered.

Last year I was in a car wreck. We were rear-ended and ultimately ended up with back pain from various causes. The course of treatment involved receiving epidural steroid injections (among other things). With every visit I could feel the weight piling on. Yet funny enough throughout all the many doctor's visits it literally became the elephant in the room. No-one mentioned it at all. It was only after my course of treatment ended and I realized where I was and that I also realized that it was never mentioned throughout the numerous visits.

I started to even wonder if I had been giving myself an excuse, that it was really just me gaining weight rapidly on my own. Sure I drank an above average amount of water and ate my veggies, but I also did eat potato chips and other junk occasionally too. I did an internet search and found out that many others also noticed an increase in their weight during and after receiving treatment. I remembered I saw a friend on Facebook visiting the same doctor I got treatment from and so I sent her a message asking if she had noticed any weight gain as well. I did not take it lightly at all because women don't like to be asked about weight GAIN.... usually weight loss is great... but gain?? Nope! Not so much. She was very forthcoming and admitted that she too had experienced weight gain.

The difference I have noticed so far is that usually when I undergo steroid treatments for breathing, over time I tend to shed what I'd gained. Granted it's still been just about 6 weeks since my last injection but my moon face is still very prevalent. I realize that it's not going to just go away on it's own. I'm going to have to put in some work to get rid of it. The first step is making a plan. It didn't take one day to gain the weight so it will not take one day to lose it all. That is the one thing I have to be mindful of.... when I don't see immediate results it's so easy to get discouraged. Plus if I don't make any changes then how and why would I expect to see any changes. Like anything... it's a process. Albeit a LOOOOOONNNGGGG one.

Tragedy too close to home.

2018-02-20T07:25:00.000-05:00

Every day when you watch the news something bad happens. It's inevitable. Someone gets shot, there is a deadly accident, a burglary and sometimes even a kidnapping. It's usually bad. It usually happens in another town, another city, another county and even another state. It happens! Shit happens! Sometimes they interrupt all your television shows to broadcast these tragedies and you may even become slightly annoyed that you didn't get to see the ending. The "whodunnit" of your show.

There was a school shooting. Oh No! I don't have any children but I feel for these parents that seem to be in utter panic clinging and waiting for any news on their children. Standing just beyond the police line waiting to hear the status of their child's life. Sad! Very sad! Then I went on Facebook to check in with my various groups. As soon as I logged in, the very first post in my newsfeed was a mother asking for prayers because although it had been a few hours she had no idea what was happening to her son. Someone I knew. He went to the school where the shooting happened. I had never heard of the school before, but like I said... I have no kids so it's not rare. I barely even know the name of the school down the street and I drive by it almost everyday. I Googled the name of the school.. Marjory Stoneman Douglas.. wait? what?? The school was less than 10 miles from where I live, where I sat, where I was watching it on tv. Less. Than. Ten. Miles!!!

I drove past the school regularly, the Walmart beside it used to be MY Walmart! My haven at 1a when I needed to grab a few things. When my mother would visit we would easily spend hours right there.

I was pressed to post that "my thoughts and prayers" were with the families. The idea seemed hollow. How can the thoughts and prayers from a complete stranger mean anything when all you want in the whole wide world is to hear that your son, daughter, husband, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, cousin, classmate, schoolmate, student, teacher is fine! Nothing to worry about, the media got it wrong, it was just a drill like the one they had had that very morning. Sorry for the inconvenience! But no, that didn't happen. It happened for the person I knew, she later posted that her son was home and fine. But was he fine though? Could anybody go through that and be...fine?

I saw a post that school would resume on Feb 27th. Those poor children, parents, teachers and administrators. Going back to school means facing the fear that it happened once and it could happen again. I won't get into politics in this post. This is not the time for that. Tragedies happen everyday though, right? Why should one be more horrific than another because it's closer in proximity to where you are.... because more people got killed in a senseless act. Everyday when one person loses someone senselessly it is a tragedy and one loss too much for that person. There it is... "that person", it should never be US... or someone we know.... that right there is the difference.

16 of the 17 Victims of the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Photo Cred: NBC News

The downfall of attending a blogging conference.

2018-01-23T04:02:00.001-05:00

Last year, after years of wishing and wanting to go to a blogging conference, not just any one I might add... I went to the Big Cahuna!! BlogHer2017!!! I mean up to last week I was watching tv and seeing people that presented at the conference. It was HUGE!!! It was also overwhelming and some things literally went over my head. But I hung in there and met great people and found new people to ~~stalk~~ follow on Twitter. I had an awesome experience. I was motivated and left there brimming with new ideas on what I wanted to do and how I wanted my blog to be. Then reality set in! Hard!

I wish I could have brought home everyone I met who shared their ideas with me, or who I learned something new from. I took notes yes, God yes I took notes! I have business cards and most people I can probably reach out to and they MIGHT probably respond. Unfortunately I'm probably even more overwhelmed now than I was when I first decided to go to BlogHer.

I don't know where to start. I know better now, so I should probably do better. Better planning, better posting, better writing, better positioning and better promoting. Yet, it is all very overwhelming. Where do I start? What if I do all of these things and I am no better off than when I first started? I can't get all those hits and views of all the people I met... even the smallest blogger still had somewhat of a network of people to draw from. Me? I have nobody. None of my friends are into blogging. It's still a foreign term when I do talk about blogging, so I don't. I end up with more unpublished posts than published ones these days. But this has to change, this fear of publishing!

So the downside of going to a professional blogging conference is that when you meet people and see that there are people out there that do this very well and make a very good living off of it and you measure your tiny little spot on the interwebs against theirs... You realize that you are nowhere!

But didn't they all start there too? Nowhere? Or very close to nowhere? Plus I didn't start blogging because of the potential financial return, I started blogging because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having a voice, an opinion and a place to share it.

So I'm back on my grind. Even if it's just posting now for me to read it again in a few months. I'm committed!

My Girls Trip (The Movie) experience!

2017-07-28T20:23:00.001-04:00

While attending BlogHer17 in Orlando I got a chance to see a pre-screening of the movie Girls Trip. I was by myself, but I sometimes go to the movies by myself so I didn't mind. The audience was very interactive. They sang, they started dancing and of course lots and lots of laughter. The movie was hilarious! I can't promise that it would win any Academy Awards for acting prowess or originality but it sure was funny!!! I think that it will do very well at the box office and of course that is where it probably matters most.

Girls Trip

When I was there in the conference room, I was sitting close to the back but I wasn't sure if I had brought my glasses as I had a huge tote bag filled with swag and would have to dig very deep to find it, so I opted to sit closer to the front. I ended up about 2 or three rows from the front.

I noticed one of the ushers standing at the front monitoring us to make sure that we didn't have any recording devices out. Every now and then he would start laughing and break out in a little dance too. He was an older man, later on I found out that he was 81 years old. As the movie ended and people were leaving towards the back of the room, I started gathering my bags and he sat down right in front of me. In keeping with the friendly theme of the conference I was quick to say Hello! He soon started telling me of his friend Pearl Bailey, the famous actress, and how segregation almost stifled her career back in the day. He told me about his day and that his colleague got him the gig to come to work that night, but he wasn't as young as he once was... we chatted a little while after and I asked him if I could take his picture before I left. He posed and said, "Make sure to text me the picture!" He then gave me his phone number. By the time I got home it was too late to send it, so I sent it the following morning. He called me back right away to say it was a pleasure meeting the night before and hope that I make it back home safely. Imagine my surprise when he called me almost a month later to say hello!

My new friend, Don.

Just last night, I rallied up 5 of my girlfriends and we all went to see the movie (again for me) and it was as funny if not funnier than the first time I saw it. I was a little surprised to see some guys there for an apparent "date night". I would not want my husband there as I fawned over Larenz Tate and Kofi Siriboe, but hey... different strokes. My friends all enjoyed it as well and laughed all the way throughout! I'm happy to see it doing so well.

Road Trippin' - First Leg

2017-07-18T22:59:00.001-04:00

I really must be crazy! Less than two weeks after #BlogHer17 and all it's fabulousness I planned to go on a road trip!

I have always wanted to drive to New York from Florida and make some stops along the way. My hubby has done it many, many times... but I haven't. I figure since this is my year of adventure that I would do it. The opportunity presented itself pretty quickly and so I started making preparations. I quickly realized that although the time seemed long that it would all pass by pretty quickly and since we were mainly going for work that we had to factor in rest time. I wanted to stop in Philadelphia and Washington but due to time constraints I quickly had to X those two off the list.

The evening of July 4th we made a quick detour to drop off my cousin's car to somewhere where she could easily get it as she too was out of town and usually we do the airport drop offs and pick ups. Having to do this detour enabled us to see more local fireworks along the highway. I was amazed at how many people did fireworks this year. It seems like most neighborhoods participated. After taking in the sights were on our way!

The first thing we spoke about was whether we would stop and overnight somewhere between here and Atlantic City. The Hubs decided that we shouldn't because it would be a waste of time and money since we would only be there for a few hours, if that. He said we could stop at a rest stop for a few hours if we needed to stop. We drove through Florida in the night only stopping for fuel and to stretch. He has had DVT in the past and knows the importance of stopping ever so often. We made it through Georgia and South Carolina before we needed to stop.... and by "we" I mean "he"... since he drove the entire way. In North Carolina we stopped at a rest stop for about an hour if that and dosed off before heading out again.

Richmond, VA

Baltimore, MD

We drove through Virginia, Washington, Maryland and Delaware before hitting New Jersey. It didn't take too long after stopping for gas (AGAIN!) to find the Boardwalk in Atlantic City. I imagine it once was very vibrant and teeming with scores of people. Don't get me wrong... there were quite a few people milling around but it was no summer day on South Beach, FL. Incidentally while we were there the famed casino, The Trump Taj Mahal, was having a public auction of their furnishings. I thought to go take a looksee but I thought the better of it.

Atlantic City

I'm sorry to say that I didn't even make it to the water's edge. I don't think I even went on the sand. The few locals I met there seemed very nice and hopeful that the economy there would pick up soon.
Also I realized the hard way that it was not as easy to find a keychain that said "Atlantic City" on it as one would expect. You DEFINITELY need to be in the more touristy areas to find it. After stopping at numerous gas stations and corner shops, I ended up just driving back to the Boardwalk and finding a store there. The pickings were slim, but you get what you get and you don't get upset! Right?

How to Prepare for BlogHer17

2017-06-22T08:14:00.000-04:00

In looking through some of my previous posts about BlogHer I can see that this conference has been a long time dream of mine to attend. This year IT IS HAPPENING, I AM GOING TO BLOGHER17!!! I'm so excited!! Can you tell? In preparing I have been reading all things Blog Conference related.

I have searched Google, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook to find any and all info on what to expect and how to prepare. However, I truly think that you cannot mentally prepare for this enough and somethings you just have to experience for yourself to TRULY understand it. That being said...this is what I've gathered...

1. Dress Comfortably but Appropriately.

You don't have to wear a power suit, but make some effort other than yoga pants and a tank top... and even saying that I still think that some people may still show up in yoga pants and a tank top. It is Florida after all and it is sweltering! Dark denim and a nice top, a maxi dress, something summery, whatever it is it still can reflect your own personal sense of style. As long as your style isn't "just woke up and still haven't showered" - well I don't think that that is the desired look.

2. Bring Business Cards!

Hello! It is a networking conference on so many levels. You get to meet fellow bloggers, sponsors and just people in general who are curious about you and what you do, this is the easiest way for them to keep in touch. Even if they don't want to contact you again, they can at least visit your blog of your various social media sites.

3. Clean up your Social Media.

I cannot stress this enough. Let's say you don't want to discuss your political views, or that you don't want people to know your marital status, or even that you still sleep with your pillow from middle school. Clean it up! Take those things off. Then also be more mindful in future of how and what you want to present to the world. In most cases, you tell the world how you want to be perceived through social media. Have a look at your outlets with fresh eyes and make sure that you are okay with what you have presented.

4. Make a plan and be prepared to break the plan as well.

Be sure to look at the many sessions and presentations and have an idea of what it is that you want to attend beforehand. When you get there you may hear of other events going on onsite that you would rather do instead. You may also meet other people who just want to have an extended lunch while a session you wanted to attend is going on. Be prepare to go rogue or vice versa.

and Finally:

5. Don't be afraid to say Hi!

via GIPHY

Remember that you are going to a conference with like minded people, some may have the same fears and weaknesses as yourself. In the end we are all there to learn something (hopefully), meet someone (hopefully) or even have a new follower or two. How will you achieve all of that with a sour face? No-one will want to be around you. Hi opens doors. Hi gets you IN. Once you are IN it's up to you to make the most of it. But you have to start somewhere... Hi is a good somewhere to start.

Book Club : Maybe I should start one?

2017-06-03T05:06:00.000-04:00

I've never joined a book club. I read. I love to read and I have always thought of joining one. I never have. My only experience with a book club is either reading about it or the one from the eyeglass commercial where the pink fairy is taking over everything.

I've joined MeetUp in the hope of interacting with a book club in my area. I've gotten all their newsletters and emails... but I haven't made that leap into bookclubdom just yet. I think I talked myself out of it. What if I don't like the book? What if I don't like the people? What if I don't finish the book? What if? What if? But what if I do! What if I enjoy the books? What if I meet a new friend? What if I enjoy the outing?

There are things you just don't know if you don't step out of your comfort zone and the truth is... my comfort zone isn't so comfortable these days. I have a pile of unfinished projects. A PILE!!!! So if I neglect the pile to indulge in a favorite past time.... there is guilt. Lots of guilt! BUT that doesn't mean that when I am NOT reading that they are getting tackled either. I digress.

I figure this summer I'll either have my very own book club of one and start with a list of books to read (remember the Summer reading list from school) or I'll make a huge effort and get my butt to a book club.

#BlogHer17

2017-05-11T19:57:00.001-04:00

I bit the bullet!
After years of contemplating and wishing and wondering and hoping.... I FINALLY decided to go to BlogHer2017!!

In past years I have wanted to go and even planned air travel and considered airbnb to go to various BlogHer locations. This year the conference is in Florida. I live in Florida. I was thinking if I had been willing to FLY and stay at a stranger's home (or a hotel) to attend the conference, then why wouldn't I be willing to drive (or be driven) a few hours and stay with friends or family to go to BlogHer this year?? Why not?

I missed the early bird deadline and figured that I could plan out how to pay the full conference fee over the next few months before the conference (or not). I saw that they had various codes on Twitter to save 10% and I'm a couponer so I'm up for any savings you can send my way.... but I still didn't fully make up my mind to go. I spoke with hubby, friends and my aunt. Would it be worth my while to go? My friend put it in perspective for me. She said, "Conferences are great! You meet people, you get hyped up and focused, but in the end you get out what you put in. Is it a great opportunity? YES!!! But if you're going to go in half-heartedly then expect a half-hearted outcome." I thought about it some more. It was still just a lingering thought it the back of my mind. Should I really go to Blogher?

Last week while looking through my email for important information I came across an email. For only one day, that very day, we could purchase tickets for the conference for 50% off!!!! SOLD!!!! I whipped out my card so quick and with my husband's urging I clicked "Register!" So BlogHer17.... see you there!!!

2016

2016-12-28T03:25:00.001-05:00

This past year definitely had it's fair share of challenges, but I have managed to pull through T minus 4 days! I think I could have been more grateful, more productive, more accessible, more healthful and more mindful of a lot of things. I think I let go of a lot of things that I enjoyed doing in the past citing that I didn't have the time when the truth is that now I have MORE time than I ever did back then when I did them. Prioritizing is important. I have to figure out the balance of making myself and who and what is important to me a priority.

I need to be open and honest with people on things that I do care about. When I am hurt or disappointed... say so... when I am elated or appreciative... say so just as readily as well. I think the forthcoming aspect comes with age. There are times when I can not fricking believe that I am over 40 years old... but the lessons that I have learned show the age. I think I blanked out on some of those years though because I'm not entirely sure how and when I got here... but the fact is that I am here. I'm not sure for how much longer or shorter that is... but I am here. The idea is to make the experience count. Count for something.

My aunt was here last week spending a few days with me. I was looking forward to her but not to her in my space. I felt she would have been disruptive to my way of doing things and being in my comfort zone and wouldn't you know... it was enjoyable. Yes we did butt heads on occasion as is the norm with our relationship, but we recovered and went on as usual without malice. That was reassuring to me.... that we could disagree and move on quickly. (For the record I still don't agree with her on what we disagreed about... but that is to be expected)

I went out a few times in the past two weeks to meet with friends and I must say that I haven't been doing that as much these days. I miss that. I hope to make the time to do more of it next year God's willing. I must remember this. Life is too short.

Restarting the 100 Happy Days Challenge!

2016-06-30T02:03:00.004-04:00

Why on Earth did I give up on such a great challenge. A challenge to find something that makes you happy for 100 days.... and I gave up! Giving up on Happy is like giving up on life! Because in my mind, Happiness is Life!

Life is funny you know, people measure their own happiness by where they think that they should be in life compared to other people. But you can be the most successful person career wise and wealth wise but yet still suck at life. Living life is about finding your own happiness, whatever that means for you. Some days finishing a huge project might be where your happiness is... and some days just finding the right Ambrosia apple just hits that happy spot for you. The older I get, the more grateful I get. More grateful for the small things, as well as the large and everything in between. Everything might not be on my schedule but things will work out some way, somehow! It's a journey!

Head and Shoulders Moisture Care Line

2015-05-05T01:18:00.000-04:00

I received the New Head and Shoulders Moisture Care Line for Textured Hair to try out. #Gotitfree

First of all, how did they know that I love Coconut scented shampoos?? I really love the way it smells, not medicinal like that dandruff shampoos of yesteryear. I coupon shop a lot and so I am not short of shampoo in any shape or form whatsoever, so for me to move this one up to the top of the pile to try, you know it must be something pretty special.

I loved the smell of it and also it left my hair feeling smooth and not like I just washed it with a medicated product. I think that it is too soon to say YAYYYY it works... I've only used it once so far. So I'll check back in in a few weeks and see if there has been any change to the feel of my hair, condition of my scalp... etc. Did I say that I love the way it smells??

In case you want to try it, here is what it looks like..

Postal Service

2014-12-17T03:57:00.001-05:00

Just when I'm about to say how good the postal services have been this holiday season, I come upon another snafu. A few months ago I go to check my mail at the apartment mail room, only to see that my box as well as that of about 20 other residents were vandalized. I called the non-emergency police and reported it to my complex office (they didn't even take me seriously). I was highly perturbed. Tonight now I see that I should have received a package on Saturday and got bupkis! I'm so mad.

Tomorrow I have to wait again almost all day and then meet up with my mail carrier to see where is my damn package!! GRRRRRR!!!!

Low tolerance

2014-08-11T03:58:00.000-04:00

My tolerance is low.
It's not good.
I lack empathy when my tolerance is low. I come off as being cold and abrupt.
But my tolerance is low.

I'm not saying that things cannot happen to people. In this life, anything is possible. Bad things can happen to good people all the time. The problem I have been having is to have empathy for people who contribute to the problem and then act surprised at the outcome, or when nothing happens. I know that I am just as guilty as the next person. I cause my problems too. I contribute negatively to my life every day.

BUT I don't bitch about it!

You know the friend you have that wants to lose weight! All she does is talk about her weight and how much she wants to lose. She says she eats healthy and exercises and isn't losing weight and doesn't know why... she wants to have surgery or something. Then you both go out for dinner and she's the one that orders an appetizer (like loaded baked potatoes), entree (anything and everything fried), dessert (with an extra scoop of ice cream) and a milk shake to wash it all down. Those are the ones I'm sick of!! I'm not saying don't eat what you want. Sure, eat! But don't bitch about it after!! You knew this from the minute you saw the menu, that it was going down. I'm less tolerant of these folks.

Not just the ones with weight... I'm talking about the ones in bad relationships as well. THE ONES that CONTRIBUTE to the BAD relationship, and then bitch about it. - Done!

100 Happy Days!

2014-05-14T04:03:00.003-04:00

I took the Challenge today here !
You should too! :)

Ipsy

2014-02-24T00:19:00.000-05:00

After months of looking and lusting after the cute cosmetic bags and loot every month sent out by the subscription service, Ipsy, I finally subscribed!

That's the good news! The bad news is that it is already 20 whole days into the month of February and I had yet to receive February's fare. I checked the tracking numbers everyday and sometimes I found them stalled in some strange state. Today it finally arrived! I have been watching lots of Youtube videos on makeup and got inspired to rekindle my love for all things makeup. It came with a nail polish, lip gloss, lashes, blush, a face mask and of course the official Ipsy Glam Bag.

I was so excited when I opened my bag I put on the nail polish that was included right away! Hey, it was nail polish day anyway!! I didn't apply a base coat or even a top coat for that matter, against alllll nail polish policies, but it held up nicely... and even had a glossy finish. I love all things purple so I was not mad about anything there at all.

I am soo looking forward to March's Ipsy bag! I'll let you know how it goes.

Where the hell did this year go??

2013-12-17T07:44:00.002-05:00

I remember thinking that I had soooooo many months until Black Friday.... then what the hell do you know... it came and went. Just. Like. That! Black Friday is my Christmas...and my husband's birthday and Christmas all in one. This year we didn't go crazy or anything. Just things that we needed and had been eyeing all year... not much though, but we're happy with what we got.

2013 took some good people away with it and it pains me to know that they will no longer be here in the physical form. I recently read that energy cannot be destroyed, it just changes and so I am somewhat comforted in knowing that their energy is still around, but I will miss them like crazy! I went to two funerals that I can remember this year and I really could have and should have gone to more, but I just couldn't.

Anyhow, if "life spare" 2014 is right around the bend and hopefully it brings with it some good news. I don't know how I've made it thus far, because there have been times when I definitely thought that the end was near. But I realize that at times when you look at the journey ahead it seems impossible, but step by step it is possible. Anything is possible. I hope to take on some giants this coming year and make some drastic changes. I am praying that it is also God's will to accommodate these changes. I will just have to step out on faith and see.

I also have to come to the harrowing realization that I am not as young as I think anymore as well. I had a health issue that I had been battling for a long time and I had had enough! I put on my big girl panties and went to see someone about it. I got medicine and treatment and within days I was much better. I couldn't believe it. Last year I had gone months and months suffering. This year when the same issue returned I was like HEEEEELLLLLLLLL NOOOOO... not going through that again. It's a huge reminder that I need to take care of myself better before small things turn into something bigger.

I got to see my godmother in July. I hadn't seen her in almost twenty years or thereabouts. That was a huge highlight for me this year. I went to New York to meet up with my mother and my cousins, so it was very unexpected and I was very grateful for that.

Looking forward to making more memories in 2014!!

Pre-Planning ain't so bad after all!

2013-09-17T10:29:00.002-04:00

Many, many months ago in a group chat on Facebook, Adam Levine came up in conversation. Someone mentioned that he would be in our area this year performing with his band Maroon 5. I'm one of those people that is afraid to plan too far in advance. Too many things could happen between now and then. I'll have an idea of what I want to do, but to go ahead and make a concrete plan... nope, not so much... and so what ends up happening is that I miss out on so many opportunities because who the hell wants to shell out $300-$500 to see Beyonce?? I mean, if I could afford it then maybe, but on my shoestring budget... not happening. So anyhow, thanks to these friends, they went ahead with the planning and the ticket purchasing... and wouldn't you believe it the date rolled around quickly! As luck would have it I was supposed to work in the evening but at the last minute I didn't have to go again.

I got to the venue and I was hooked. I knew it was going to be a great night. I mean, good laughs, great weather (meaning no rain... still a bit hot though) and to top it off a shirtless Adam Levine!!! Up to the very day before the concert, I could not breathe properly, I was coughing, runny nose, runny eyes.... the works! I took Vitamin B, C, D, zinc, Echinacea on top of medicine for my throat and the sneezing, eye drops and honey and I was good to go. I sang my heart out and didn't care if my pitch was off (IT WAS!!) While there I vowed to get out and do things like that much more. Things that I wouldn't ordinarily have done.

My Instagram pic of the night: Maroon 5

It's my birthday this month so this was the first leg of the celebrating. We'll see what I come up with next!

XOXO

Apologies all around!

2013-07-22T14:21:00.001-04:00

I apologize for my inconsistent blogging. Despite my best intentions it just hasn't been happening. I plan to change that though... again. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and air out all the dirty laundry that's been going on in my head. Good, bad and the ugly. Yikes! Watch out!