The Beauty Within

I have a dream...

2012-01-19T11:39:00.003-07:00

I have started a study over at Inspire to Action. I signed up to receive her free e-book and the first post I got was about Martin Luther King Jr. We all know his famous "I have a dream..." speech, and she encourages us to write down our dreams for our children.

I have a dream that my children will have hearts that are softened to Jesus.

I have a dream that my children will walk closely with their Lord and Savior.

I have a dream that my children will seek God's will and purpose for their life, and follow it with all that is in them.

I have a dream that my children with love the fatherless and the oppressed. That they will live their lives caring for them.

I have a dream that my children will deny themselves daily and take up their cross and follow Christ.

What are your dreams?

Adoption

2012-01-13T11:16:00.002-07:00

Please visit: www.CoppingerAdoption.blogspot.com

Pet Peeves about Adoption

2012-01-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of pet peeves. I feel like there are a lot of things that just drive me crazy. But today I realized there is just one. One thing that drives me so crazy I can't see straight. It's so bad that I literally have to take a breath and calm down before I punch someone. (Okay, I might not really punch someone but I feel like doing it.)

Here it is:
When I post about adoption on Facebook...I hate hearing "Don't forget there are children in our own backyard who need homes too." When I talk to others about our adoption and here "Why Haiti? Why not America? Kids here need families too."

It DRIVES ME CRAZY. It makes me so angry. I really just want to look at them and say "So what are you doing about the orphan crisis?" Maybe I should.

I guess we all feel defensive when someone subtly or not subtly challenges what we are doing.

But I think what people fail to realize is that adoption isn't just applying, paying for it and getting a kid. Adoption is like being pregnant. You wait with anticipation and expectation. You are excited about this child you don't know yet. You pray they are safe until you get to hold them in your arms.

Emotionally, adoption and pregnancy are very much the same. Comments telling me that I'm adopting from the wrong country is like telling me I shouldn't have gotten pregnant because there are kids who need families who are already born. Because just like people bond with babies while they are pregnant adoptive parents are emotionally bonding with their kids before they come home. You worry about them, love them, and pray that they are safe.

God has called ALL of us to care for the fatherless. That doesn't mean we are all called to adopt. For some that might be fostering, for some that might be supporting others who are adopting, for some it is adoption. And I know that in our case we prayed and God made it clear that Haiti is where are children are. Adopting from anywhere else would be a sin for us because it would be going against what God has told US (the Coppingers) to do.

Gratefulness

2012-01-06T10:18:00.001-07:00

I've realized over the past year how much I have to be grateful for. We started 2011 with the hope of a beautiful baby girl making her way in March, and a little fear that something would happen and we would lose her like we lost her brother.

Now it's a year later. Not only is this sweet little girl here, but she is healthy. She's perfect in every way. We've been battling illness at our house the past few months. We've had hand, foot and mouth twice, and bronchiolitis. As soon as one thing clears up it feels like she just gets something else. This week we went to the doctor and she has RSV, Bronchiolitis, and an ear infection. Giving breathing treatments and antibiotics seems overwhelming when you have a screaming baby who doesn't want it.

In these moments it's very easy for me to complain. It's easy for me to see how hard having a sick baby is. I'm sure mom's out there can agree. Sick babies are no picnic, but that doesn't mean my focus needs to be on how hard an frustrating it is.

I think back to a year ago when we were scared, anxious, frustrated about how our pregnancy was going. And I look at the blessing I have in my life now, and I realize that there are good things about having a sick baby...she snuggles with me. She's moving everywhere now, and when she gets worn down she wants mommy snuggles and it's so nice. I love her snuggles. When she's not sick she's exploring. She's very curious. She gets into all she can find, and then she looks at us and giggles. She enjoys life. She is my tiny blessing.

So I'm learning during this time of sickness to be grateful to have her here. I learning to be grateful for the sweet snuggles I get, and that this too shall pass, and she'll be on the go again soon.

There is just so much in life that it's easy to complain about, but there is always something to be grateful for in those times too.

Come ye Children

2012-01-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

One thing I really miss about teaching is the creativity I got to use to teach kids who were struggling to learn. The kids who had a really hard time because their educational foundation was a little shaky.

Now that I am not teaching, I am constantly feeling the need to fill this void in my life. I've always wondered what it would be like if I could have had access to those struggling kiddos before they got to school. If I could have had the chance to lay the foundation for their education. Would things have been different?

Paul and I started working in the nursery at Austin Stone Community Church when we found out we were pregnant with Julia. We started with the crawlers because I figured that would be easiest while pregnant. After Julia was born the couple that was coaching were getting close to having their sweet little boy and needed someone to sub for them. After praying about it we knew God was calling us to do this. They ended up deciding that they didn't want to come back to coaching so Paul and I have stayed in that position. Through lots of conversations with some friends and other leaders we realized there is a great need for a story time in the nursery. I know it seems overwhelming when we have kiddos who are beginning to HATE being away from their parents and are screaming, but kids LOVE structure so this is one opportunity to help have structure in those classrooms.

So since I'm a stay at home mom who has SOME extra time, and this is something I really want for Julia too...I volunteered to write the curriculum. I LOVE that the KidStuff team came up Six Basic Truths for the kiddos to really understand and let penetrate their hearts. So that's where I started. I took one story from the Bible for each truth to teach the little ones, and am coming up with activities for them to do (in the older classes...those kiddos that are walking). For the little ones (babies) we are just going to work on telling them the story and highlighting the Basic Truth for the month.

I know you might be thinking that they are so little, but we read "Come ye Children" by Charles Spurgeon and one of the points he makes is that we are doing an injustice to children when we think they are too young for God's truth. So we are starting with the babies at The Stone. We are going to tell them that God created EVERYTHING including them. We are going to tell them that they were born sinners in need of a Savior, and that Jesus is the Rescuer because even though they probably aren't going to look at us and say "I think I want to ask Jesus to be my Savior" at 8 weeks old...we are laying a foundation for them to know these truths about God as they grow up. And when they are old enough to admit they are a sinner and need Jesus to rescue them we will have followed Jesus' command to let the children come to Him by pointing them that way starting in the nursery.

So right now I'm writing. I'm writing about who God is in a way that little ones can understand, but as I do it penetrates my heart and God reminds me who He is.

It's a New Year!

2012-01-03T09:43:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking about my resolutions from last year. They were GREAT, but I also failed to realize how having a baby last year was going to make things a little more challenging.

Couponing seems like a great idea, but I have spent LOTS of time looking through coupons and I just don't buy that crap. I watched Extreme Couponing and I just thought to myself "why am I going to buy 40 boxes of cat litter when I don't have a cat just to get something else for free?" Seriously.

I did do some consignment shopping and got some GREAT deals on stuff for Julia that we needed like shoes! I got some for $2.50!! I was so stoked. We were also given a TON of clothes from our neighbors that helped a lot. I'm positive we have NOT spent as much on clothes for Julia as we could have.

Reading my Bible everyday is hard for me. I do GREAT some days and not so great others. I'm still working on that.

We did do better with out budget, and I started planning meals more...but that has fallen down on the priority list recently.

The other thing that I realized was that I make these lists of things I'm gonna do because it's a new year. I had 7 on my list last year, and that's a lot for me to feel like I have to check off daily before I can get to the other stuff I have to do. I read Jamie's blog, and loved her idea of having ONE big goal, but 12 things to work on throughout the year...ONE each month. What a FABULOUS idea!! So I'm gonna copy her format for this year. I think it will help me make changes that are hopefully more permanent.

BIG Goal: To become a HEALTHY Mama, Wife, and Friend!
1. Plan meals, Grocery Shop, and Cook! Yes, these were on my list last year, and even though we did better, there is TONS of room for improvement. This needs to become a habit because we either waste the food we buy or we don't have anything and then we eat out. And let's be honest. I don't need to be eating fast food. I need to be eating healthy food. I need to have the recipe and enter into Weight Watchers online and track it. I need to look at the recipes on Weight Watchers and use those. I need to use the recipes out of my Cooking Light Magazine. These are the things that are going to help me eat healthier, but also make healthy meals for my sweet baby who is eating real solid foods.

2. Read my Bible. I LOVE God's word. I LOVE that it challenges my heart, teaches me and gives me wisdom. But I fail miserably at doing it consistently. I'd much rather watch TV or look at Facebook. Who doesn't? But my Grandmother said something when we went to visit the other day that shook me to my core. She was talking about Free Will and our relationship with God. She said it's one thing to have a monkey on your shoulder who will say "I love you." It's another thing to have your child scream "Mommy" or "Daddy" when you walk in the door. The point is that I can say to God "I love you". I can say it E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y., but there is something different about me running to Him and being excited to see Him. To meet with Him. Parents you get this. You get that when you have been gone and your sweet little one sees you and screams your name out of pure joy to see you that it is different than them just sitting there saying "I love you" just to say it, but not really mean it. So this year I want to Fall back in love with my Savior. And February is a great month to start that!!

3. Exercise. Yes. This goal is on EVERYONE's list around the new year. It's the one we wall say we are gonna do and we join the gym, but 3 weeks later we have lost our motivation completely. That's not happening this year. Having a little one really changes your perspective on things. I have friends who have time outside with their kids EVERYDAY. Instead of watching a movie or TV all day they are outside going for walks with their kids. Exploring, teaching, learning, enjoying. We have a beautiful neighborhood. And Julia needs to get out and "Soak up some Vitamin D" as my Grandpa says. I need to as well. So does our poor dog. She gets more walks when we are out of town than when we are home because our pet sitter takes her. So as much as I probably need to lift weights and all that jazz I'm gonna start with walking. Everyday for as long as Julia will allow.

My other motivation for this is the "Chosen: Marathon for Adoption" in October. I have babies in Haiti waiting for their momma and dadda to come get them. We can start a team and raise money for our adoption. What better way to get healthy and raise money to bring my kiddos home is there?

4. Read. I like reading. I've always been a good reader. I've always enjoyed books, but I have lost some motivation as an adult. A lot of it is probably the dang TV. But I have parenting books I want to read, spiritual books I want to read, and fun books I want to read. I have a list. So I'm gonna start reading instead of watching TV.

5. Date my Husband. Yes, we go on date nights. 3 weeks a month we are dating each other. And we enjoy it. But I feel like I need to put more effort into it. I need plan something. Make it more centered on him and not so much of just being without the baby.

6. Nourish my Friendships. 2011 was a year where many of my friendships changed. I think it has all ended up being for the good, but some of it was easier than others. But this year I really want to plan play dates with other moms, dinner with other couples, and just hanging out. With our kiddos or without our kiddos. But really invest in those relationships. Nourish them because they are so valuable and precious.

7. Get Organized. My sister in law doesn't clean she organizes. Because she hates cleaning but loves organizing. I'm home during the day now, and I look around my house and realize that we have stuff that needs to go, or we need to find a home for it in our house. I watched an episode of "Hoarders" and was mortified by what I saw. One of my biggest fears is ending up like that so I want to start organizing so that I can have what I need around, a place for Julia to play and a comfortable, welcoming home to entertain our friends.

8. Serve the City. We LOVE our church. And there are many opportunities through our church to serve Austin. We don't have any reason to sit at home and say to ourselves "I'd really like to serve others, but I don't know where to start." We have a place to start, and there are needs all around us. We just need to make it a priority.

9. Sew. I think part of being emotionally healthy is having a hobby. We did some sewing for hostess gifts for my baby shower, and I really enjoyed it. I've been asked to make a couple of quilts for a friend and I'd LOVE to add some sewing projects to my list of things to raise money for our adoption.

10. Build memories with Julia. This seems a little weird to put on here, but I have vivid memories of stuff I did with my grandparents and parents growing up. Times that were special and I still cherish. I want Julia to grow up remembering Story Time, trips to special place like the zoo, going to the Nutcracker. I want to be build these memories so when she grows she will know she is loved because of the memories she had.

11. Garden. Another hobby...I've wanted to do this for awhile thanks to my friend Beth. She has beautiful plants growing and I've been inspired by her for awhile. I want to take time this year to make our backyard look a little more beautiful with some fresh herbs, some veggies, and LOTS of beautiful flowers.

12. Advent. I really wanted to do Advent with Julia this year, but just didn't find it feasible. I couldn't find anything I really liked. But this coming Christmas she will be closer to 2 and will be able to understand more of what is going on. It will still have to be simple, but I want her to LOVE Christmas because of Jesus. And I think Advent is a great way to start that.

So that's what I'm working on this year. I'm excited. I have A LOT to do today. I need to get busy!! I can't wait to see what all y'all are doing!!

Happy NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

A Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime

2011-12-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

Recently my mom told me that you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I've been pondering this statement for awhile now, and I just can't wrap my mind around it.

I've always held friendships close to my heart. If I was your friend I gave everything for you. That doesn't mean that we didn't have ups and downs, but I wasn't gonna give up on you. I wasn't gonna stop being your friend because of a disagreement.

However, I realized today that there are many friendships that I had growing up that I have romanticized. I expect things to be just like they were when we were little, or teenagers or even in college.

But that isn't true. We're all different. We've all changed. In reality, if we aren't willing to change with each other or accept the changes that others are making the season ends. Sometimes it's hard.

I have a hard time accepting that these friendships need to end. That it's okay if they do. I have a hard time letting go. I don't like losing people. Death is hard and scary for me, and honestly the only acceptable reason for a friendship to end. Even then if my friends who have passed go still come and hang out that would be my preference.

This has been a time of changing friendships for me. I'm learning that this is okay. Each friendship was for a reason. It taught me something about myself. It helped me become who God wanted me to be, but it ended for a reason. I think we sometimes want to keep our friends in the bubble of when and how we knew someone, and we don't fit in that bubble.

I do hope that I have friends that I will have for a lifetime. Those relationships are few and far between, but they are friendships that are precious because they are rare. If all friendships lasted for a lifetime we wouldn't value them as much.

Friends are needed. We were created to have relationships, and God is teaching me to value them and grow with them.

It's beautiful...

I have this little girl

2011-12-08T15:29:00.001-07:00

I have this little girl. This little girl that makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She makes my heart race with fear.

I will be honest. Sometimes my heart races because I'm afraid she has stopped breathing during nap time. Or she has learned to climb stairs. Or because she has fallen...again. I'm always afraid she is going to end up with a concussion. But this little girl is the biggest blessing in my life. She is brilliant. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. She is goofy, stubborn, mischievous, and adorable.

And as much as she has blessed my life and changed who I am; I am daily reminded that this is only possible because of who God is. He has blessed me with more than I can ever ask or imagine.

My fears and my worries are rooted in sin. Because of Jesus I do not have a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind. I'm so thankful that.

I'm so thankful for this little girl I have. And I'm mostly thankful for Jesus, and for him blessing me with her.

UPDATE

2011-12-01T22:04:00.001-07:00

I updated to adoption blog with pictures of some things I've been baking to raise money! Check it out and place an order today!!

www.CoppingerAdoption.blogspot.com

Adoption Blog

2011-11-07T22:15:00.001-07:00

We have an adoption blog!! Check it out!!

CoppingerAdoption.blogspot.com

One Year Ago Today

2011-10-31T08:33:00.001-06:00

A year ago today I was sitting in a hospital room waiting to see the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor at North Austin Medical Center. We had just been told that we had lost one of our twins, and no one knew why, but I needed to be admitted where my doctor could check things out. We were later told that it looked as if his placenta had detached from the uterine lining. We were told that these things just happen. There was nothing we could do to prevent it. It's a risk when you are pregnant with twins.

A year later, I still grieve. I still miss our sweet Owen, but I get to spend my days with the sweetest girl I know. Her daddy brought her in to snuggle this morning. She wasn't interested in snuggling. She wanted to play. Her joyful squeals and sweet smiles warm my heart. The way she masks her yawns makes me smile. Hearing her say "dada" is something we treasure in our hearts.

A year ago we were worried that we wouldn't have this sweet girl here. We were worried that we would lose her too.

But a year later we have experienced God's faithfulness on a daily basis, and are preparing to adopt two babies from Haiti.

And we are so grateful that He has brought us through the dessert.

God is so good!

2011-10-22T15:21:00.000-06:00

We decided last weekend to meet with an adoption agency this past Wednesday to start the process of adopting from Haiti. So Wednesday night came and we fell in love with the agency, and God confirmed this is the direction we should be heading.

We talked about all the different ways to finance adoption (because as you know it is EXPENSIVE), and we realized it is incredibly possible to do this. My sister had told me on Tuesday about her friend who wrote a book titled "Debt Free Adoption", and that lingered in the back of my head. Debt free...can we do this? A friend mentioned interest free loans and that sounded intriguing, but I just kept thinking about doing this whole thing debt free.

And God did something AMAZING! Paul went to pick up my seizure meds at Walgreens and called me. My first thought was "Why is he calling? Is everything okay?". Then he said to me "Did you know your meds are generic now?" "No, I didn't." Then he tells me they only cost $5!! $5!!!!! now for about 7 years now we have been paying $40 for these meds. That's A LOT of money. I had an appointment with my neurologist earlier that day, and she usually mentions stuff like that to me, and she hadn't. It was such a sweet blessing from God that we are saving $35 a month on my seizure meds now. $35 that is already in our budget that can now go to something like...ADOPTING!

God confirmed to me that Debt Free Adoption is the way He wants us to go. With something as little as $35 a month God is already providing a way to bring our children home.

On top of that, Thursday I started filling out our application. They ask for LOTS of information about finances. And we started talking about assets and liabilities. God started showing us more money that He had already provided for us to put towards our adoption. I talked to my mom, and they are going to give us money for birthdays and holidays. Now it may be $35, but God has already shown us that $35 can be A LOT and He is going to provide!

We are excited about what God is doing in our family. We're excited to see how He is going to provide so that it grows the way He has designed it to grow.

We are praying that our story will be one of hope and inspiration for those of you who have always wanted to adopt, but thought it cost too much. We want to show how God will provide for you when you are obedient to love the fatherless.

It's amazing!

Stay tuned for some ways you can jump on board and help out. One way will be through a Noonday Collection Trunk Show (family...be prepared to get jewelery for Christmas). Another will be through a t-shirt, and another through training and running the Chosen: Marathon for Adoption next October. God can use you in many ways to love the fatherless. We look forward to seeing how He is going to use you!

We're Getting Started

2011-10-17T21:12:00.003-06:00

After many referrals to different orphanages and adoption agencies we are finally getting started in the process to adopt our children. We have a meeting Wednesday evening with an agency to go over cost, applications, timelines, etc.

I'm a little giddy to be honest. I've wanted to adopt my whole life, and I know God has been calling our family to care for orphans we just didn't know when and where. We're excited.

I know that this process is going to be long, we've been told to expect it take 2 years. I know that once we bring our children home it isn't going to be a fairy tale, but a very real challenge. I know that it isn't going to be easy, but I do know that God is going to be with us through this process. I know that God knows which children will come into our home, where the money will come from, and how we will all adapt to one another. God has this all planned out and it is perfect, but not easy.

Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this process. We have a lot of decisions to make. So here is what you can be praying for now:

1) Wisdom about which agency to go through.

2) Wisdom about whether or not we should even go through an agency or just work through an orphanage to complete the adoption.

3) God's protection over our children while they wait for us. That they will know they are loved, cared for and desired by us. And they will know they won't be orphans for long.

4) God will provide the money for us to bring our children home.

Also, please keep our friends Jake and Krista in your prayers as they are in Uganda RIGHT NOW waiting for a judge to give them guardianship of their son. They have a court date Friday.

5 weeks, 18 weeks, 9 months, 1 year, 13 years, 30 years

2011-10-10T11:47:00.001-06:00

Saturday I attended the memorial service of my dear friend, Amy Brunson Schinzler. There were many tears, there were laughs, and there were sighs of relief.

Of course, everyone who knew Amy is devastated that she isn't here with us anymore. She made everyone who knew her smile, and she is one of the most inspirational people that I know. For a person who dealt with so much cancer, she came to know Christ in a deeper way. It had helped me to know Christ in a deeper way, and more grateful for trials I face. God's grace is shown in trials. He uses them to draw us to a deeper understanding of who He is, and how much He loves us.

I heard something at the memorial service that really hit my heart, and I have been pondering it since then. Bobby Pruitt said "To us 30 years doesn't seem long enough, but to Amy (now that she is in heaven) 30 years was too long."

That is so true. I think I struggle with eternity because I don't know what it will be like. I don't know what Heaven is really like because I haven't experienced it. But I believe that what the Bible says is true, and because of that I know that Heaven will be AMAZING! I know that I will know God in a deeper way than ever before because sin won't be hindering it.

So here is what God showed me through this. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks...that seemed too short to me, but to that baby it was too long. We lost Owen at 18 weeks. To me that was too short, but to Owen it was too long. A friend of my mom's lost her baby at 9 months, to us that was too short, but to that baby it was too long. My best friend died in a car accident in 8th grade, to us it was too short, but to her it was too long.

You see, when you have accepted Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, your sins are forgiven. Your eternity is going to be greater than you could ever ask or imagine. And the time you have on this earth may seem to short, but once in Heaven we will all know our time on Earth was too long because Christ is so much greater.

In Honor of Amy

2011-10-06T15:24:00.001-06:00

Most of my teenage years I had heard about Amy Brunson. My dear friend, Kim Goble, had known Amy for sometime, and I would spend time with Kim and hear all about the adventures she had with Amy. The first time I met Amy was the summer of 2002. We moved into a house with 5 other girls for a summer youth internship at HCBC. Amy and I ended up being roommates and that is where our friendship started.

Amy always made me laugh. She was the one who always had a smile on her face, and was cheerful. We had girls hang out nights at her parents house, and I felt like I became part of her family.

When I think of Amy I think of this verse:
"5 As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 6 For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. " 2 Timothy 4:5-8

I have not known another person who lived life so fully, who glorified God no matter her circumstances, who showed others who Christ was through suffering, and worried that she hadn't shown Christ to enough people even in her last days.

God has given us each a different portion. He used Amy mightily over the last 10 years in my life to point me to Him when I was suffering. I haven't endured anything like cancer. And the things I have endured don't even seem to compare. But today I am left wondering if the trials I have endured have pointed other to Christ the way Amy did.

I am grateful that Jesus conquered death. I am grateful that Jesus died on the cross so that if you believe in Him when you die you will go to Heaven. I'm grateful that this is not the end for Amy, but the beginning. I'm grateful that her suffering has ended, and I will see her again.

Amy will be missed. Several people have said that there is an Amy shaped hole left in our world and I agree. Life will be different without her.

I'm grateful that this verse is true:
"38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Sweet friend you are missed, but God has been glorified in your life and your work is done. You finished the race. Can't wait to see you in Heaven.

Haiti

2011-09-29T12:42:00.001-06:00

Haiti has been on our hearts for awhile now. We know and know of several people who have adopted from there. We know many of these people began the process before the earthquake. We know there are people out there who admire those people who adopted before the earthquake, and (I can't think of how to say this) think the rest of us who start the process now do it out of guilt.

I'm really not sure how to describe how they think. I've never had a conversation with them. I heard a guy on the radio say that it a family was admirable because they adopted prior to the earthquake. It made me feel like people who adopt after tragedies aren't admirable. They are. I think that God uses tragedies, like the earthquake in Haiti, to draw us to a need.

I'm going to be honest. God has been drawing my heart to adoption for awhile. Almost my whole life. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to adopt. I always thought I would adopt from China. I wouldn't marry Paul unless he was willing to adopt. We've researched it. We took classes to adopt from foster care before we got pregnant. About 6 weeks after Julia was born we met a sweet, precious friend, that was adopting from Haiti, and I told Paul we needed to do it. We have since prayed about it, and talked about it, and God confirmed that we need to adopt from Haiti.

She's beautiful!

Now, I'm being honest, I've always wanted an easy adoption process. I really wanted to go the easy route. I want a child to just fall into my lap. Wouldn't that be nice? But recently I told a friend that we were going to adopt from Haiti, and she said "Don't you have to be 35?" Well, she is right...ideally. Not only do you have to be 35, but they want you to be married for 10 years and have NO BIOLOGICAL children. Can I just say we don't meet any of these requirements. Neither one of us are 35, we've been married for 7 years, and yes we have a biological child.

I've been researching adoption for many years now. And I always get bummed when I see the requirements. I get discouraged, and I decide "well, I just can't adopt from there I guess."

But God has been teaching me about His power lately. And the fact of the matter is, God is bigger than Haitian Law. (That was a shocking realization for me.) God doesn't care how hold we are, how long we've been married, or how many biological children we have. God has 2 children in Haiti for us. He has 2 children in Haiti that He is preparing to be part of our family. He is preparing our hearts and our home for 2 Haitian children. He's preparing Julia for 2 Haitian siblings. And if He is already doing all of this work, why would I not trust that He will remove the road blocks for us to bring our children home?

I've seen God move mountains for friends who are adopting. I'm watching friends go through many road blocks in the adoption process, but I believe that God has put those there to teach them (and me) to trust His timing. God is bigger than the laws and requirements of any country, and I believe that if He calls you to adopt from a country, He will bring you through the entire process in His timing. In His PERFECT timing.

So we are adopting from Haiti. We have been in contact with a couple of orphanages in Haiti. We've been referred to an adoption agency to start the process. And we are praying our children that are there.

Will you pray with us and for us through this process?

Life

2011-09-27T17:29:00.002-06:00

Life has been so crazy! I had no idea how busy I would be with a little one at home. I feel like I never have time to get anything done. We are attending MOPS, and doing childcare at church one morning a week.

We are working really hard to get her on a sleep schedule. Dr. says that she is a big girl now and can make it through the night without waking up. That can be really hard on me. I hate to hear her cry, but I am getting to the point that I sleep through it so if she does cry Daddy gets up with her. I feel kind of bad, but most nights she wakes up at 5 AM which means she needs to eat anyway. However, we have been staying up late the last few nights...between 1 AM and 2 AM. So 5 AM is really early.

She also got sick for the 1st time with Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. That made it really hard for me to let her cry at 2 AM because I knew she wasn't feeling well. We are slowly healing though and she has been a trooper through it.

So here are a few milestones:
-J is holding her own bottle (mostly) now.
-We can get her to laugh, and she has a super cute laugh. And some times it even sounds silly, and I laugh at her.
-She is sorta crawling. It started with her burying her face in the ground, sticking her her hiney in the air, and then inch worming. Now she is actually army crawling and boy can she go! She's every where. I gotta keep an eye her!
-She is up to 16 lbs and 27 inches long.

She's a fun, gorgeous girl, and a blessing to this Mommy! Love her!!

Sewing Projects!

2011-08-25T22:58:00.000-06:00

Paul and I did some sewing projects as gifts for my baby shower hostesses. I should preface that Paul did a lot because I was 8 months pregnant and got tired...easily. I would wake up to him sewing and saying "I just finished purse number 3." It was AWESOME! I was bummed because I wanted to make it thinking it would be more special to them if I did, but come on...at 8 months pregnant I'm sure they were excited that I remembered to give them a gift.

I do want to say that the WONDERFULLY talented and AMAZING Beth Carroll is the reason any of this got done. I have been following her blog for awhile now, and she made this so simple for me. I was able to go on her site find tutorials, print them out, buy materials and sew. Most of the tutorials are hers, and if you want good tutorials she is the girl for you. I have tried my hand at sewing one other time. It was my freshman year in high school. I was taking Home Economics, and I aced that class every 6 weeks except one. The one where I had to sew. I never did finish that pair of shorts...

Anyway, all of the fabrics I used I bought at JoAnn's and I couldn't find any reference to who designed them. However, I did find some I loved. Enjoy these pictures!

Proof I worked: (My Grandma was a tremendous help and allowed us to bring her sewing machine to our house!!)

Proof Paul did A LOT of the work:

Clutch:

Phoebe Bag:
(The Black and White one we gave to my niece who was very excited to get a big girl purse!)

Diana Hobo:
(Similar Fabrics)

Krista Aprons:

I was also blessed enough to have some things made for me as gifts for Julia, and since I have been having so many friends that are having babies I decided to sew up some things as gifts for them. These were so easy, and turned out GREAT!!

Nursing Cover: (Top: Riley Blake's Sugar and Spice Blue Sugar Paisley Bottom: Same fabric from JoAnn's, but my friend had registered for a nursing cover in this pattern...PERFECT! )

Sling: Fabric is Riley Blake's Red Sugar and Spice-Sugar Main with Red Sugar Floral

Bibs and Burp Cloth: (I used scraps from the fabric I used to make the Sling and Nursing Cover)

WOW! That's A LOT of sewing for a girl who never finished those shorts in high school. Ms. Krueger would be proud of me!

Please visit Beth's website if you ever need inspiration or tutorials! She's AWESOME!!

WORST ROAD TRIP EVER!!

2011-06-27T13:58:00.000-06:00

Now that Julia is 3 1/2 months old we thought it was a good time to take our first trip to visit family and attend a friend's wedding. We thought it would be smooth sailing. We knew we would have to stop for feedings, but we expected that. Not this:

Friday: We left our house at 7:45 AM so we could go through Lakeway and drop off dinner for a friend who on bed rest. We expected my mom to be leaving Giddings at 9 AM so we would arrive in Waco around 11 AM and head to Ft. Worth to see my grandparents.My mom didn't leave until 10:36 AM. Julia slept from our house to Georgetown and then cried from Georgetown to Waco. We stopped to feed her and change her diaper, but she kept crying. We were in Waco before we knew it. We went to the mall to find a pair of dress pants for Paul since he's between sizes in his closet. We spent sometime at the mall, and then headed to meet my mom at the McDonald's just north of Waco. Julia enjoyed being out of the car and couldn't have been more upset when we put her back in. We headed to Ft. Worth, and had to stop 20 minutes outside of town to feed a screaming baby who didn't want a bottle. We finally got to my grandparents around 3 PM, and we thought all was right with the world. We had a fantastic visit, and left around 4:15 PM to head to Allen to stay with Paul's brother. Julia cried from Ft. Worth to Allen. I'm gonna blame it on the traffic. It was miserable, and frustrating. And we arrived at there house close to 7 PM. I HATE DALLAS TRAFFIC!

Saturday: We started off wonderfully. Jenny and I went to have some mommy time out, and get manis and pedis for her birthday. We got back, ate lunch and then we had to get ready to go to the wedding....In Arlington. The trip there was pretty uneventful, and the wedding was beautiful. Julia did great at the wedding and through the reception. We left around 6:40 PM, and expected an easy drive back to Allen. Guess who forgot to check what was going on in Arlington that day...US! There was a Ranger game and we got stuck in game traffic. We finally got back after 8 PM, and were able to eat. We missed the meal at the wedding because we needed to go, and our table hadn't been called to go through the buffet yet. We did get Torchy's Tacos!

Sunday: We enjoyed just hanging around the house and playing with the kiddos. We had fajitas for lunch and they were delicious. Before we were able to eat I mentioned that I was so hungry I was nauseous. I was eating and I still felt hungry. I had a banana and apple before we left. I was still hungry. I thought. We got stuck in traffic in downtown Dallas because of a wreck and I had to go to the bathroom. The longer it took us to find a place to stop...the more I noticed I was nauseous. We spent 45 minutes at a Starbucks as I ran back and forth to the bathroom. Nothing happened. I thought I was going to be fine, but we got south of Dallas to stop for gas and I just knew I was going to be sick. I went to the bathroom and it was locked. I banged on the door, and no one responded. The lady inside said it was unlocked. I lost it. I turned around, found a bush and threw up. We went to the McDonald's next door where that continued. We had to stop in Carl's Corner for yet another bathroom break. I was miserable. We bought some Pepto Bismol and I took it. It worked wonderfully. Then I found out that since I'm nursing I'm not supposed to take it. I was gonna have to pump and dump and Julia was getting bottles the rest of the night. All of that combined with drivers that weren't paying attention or driving 10 miles under the speed limit in the left lane made for a 6 hour trip home.

On top of that we left my pillow. ARGH!

I'm not sure when we will travel again, but it can't be much worse than this. I'm praying we learn how to travel with a little one. This was miserable...

Post Partum

2011-05-16T22:14:00.000-06:00

The past few weeks I've been struggling with anxiety, loneliness, frustration, and fear. I'm not sure why, and I'm wondering if some post partum depression is settling in.

I'm not sure what it feels like and how I'm supposed to know if that's what it is. All I know is that I feel like I've changed.

I know part of what I'm feeling is based on so much that is unknown. We don't know where Paul is going to be working or where Julia will go to daycare. So many of the things we thought we had mapped out have fallen through since she was born. Not the best timing.

If you know me at all, you know that I like to have things planned out. I feel settled and comfortable when that is how things are. This morning I was standing in the shower and I just had to admit that I don't trust God right now. It's so easy for me to say that's what I should do, but I don't. I don't trust that He will give Paul a job, find childcare for Julia, take care of our health insurance, etc. I worry.

Yesterday morning the sermon at church was about Jacob trusting that God would take him back to the land of his father. God made a promise to Jacob to be with him even when things were hard, and God did. But for some reason I find it hard to believe God's promises when I'm going through hard times. Why?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I don't know if post-partum depression has begun to sink in or if I'm just overwhelmed by all of the uncertainties in our lives right now, but your prayers are appreciated. Please pray for wisdom, and for clarity in how God is moving us right now.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T22:30:00.000-06:00

Today was my first Mother's Day and it was absolutely wonderful!!

It began with a surprise visit from Paul's brother, wife, and kids. They brought dinner, and meals for several days. I'm so excited! They are taking such good care of us.

I then was given an infant sling made by my dear sweet husband, and lots of snuggles from my sweet daughter. We had lunch with my grandparents, and took flowers to my mom's mom's grave, and my aunt's grave...AFTER wandering around in 98 degree heat for an hour looking for it. It was a sweet time for my mom, and I loved being able to do that for her.

Thank you Paul for making today so wonderful, and for planning a surprise visit from family. Today was very special for me. And thanks for our daughter!

A few thoughts...

2011-05-02T10:14:00.000-06:00

Upon hearing the news that the U.S. had successfully completed an operation that led to the demise of Osama bin Laden, I breathed a sigh of relief. All that we had worked for the past 10 years was over. We had avenged the lives that were taken on September 11, 2001. And then a wide array of emotions set in.

I'm not excited about his death.

I'm not celebrating.

I'm not devastated.

I'm not really even sad.

But I'm not relieved.

I've been trying to figure out how I feel, what I think, and what is right. I don't even know what right means right now.

I've been reading blog posts, tweets, and facebook statuses from people who are excited, proud, overjoyed, but also those who realize their brokenness and need for a Savior.

I have some thoughts for all of them. Hopefully, this will come across compassionate.

I do believe, as Christians, that the death of someone so evil should be a reality check for us. It should be a time that we realize that we are just as broken and evil without Christ. But as Christians we are no longer that evil. Our debt has been paid. We are redeemed, and we are no longer seen by God as evil.

I think, as Christians, we should be rejoicing that we have been chosen by God to be redeemed. This should be a time when we see how evil we once were, and rejoice that we have been cleansed by Jesus' blood.

However, bin Laden had rejected Christ. God allowed his heart to be hardened, and because of that he will not receive God's grace. He only gets God's justice.

I understand not wanting to celebrate when someone receives God's justice and eternity separated from Him. Maybe that's why I'm not celebrating his death, but I am celebrating my life in Christ.

But I also understand, that those who lost loved ones over the past 10 years are celebrating because justice has been served. I don't think anyone wants to experience justice, but I do think when someone as evil as bin Laden has killed so many without remorse, those left behind have closure in his death.

I am proud. I'm proud to live in a free country. A country that does fight for safety. A country where so many men and women CHOOSE to sacrifice their lives to keep the rest of us safe. I'm honored to live among these men and women.

I don't know how else to express my heart and my thoughts. I don't feel like I can fall on either side of the debate. I can't rejoice in bin Laden's death, but I also don't believe that his life deserved grace. He rejected grace. And all who reject grace receive justice.

Motherhood

2011-04-28T05:48:00.000-06:00

My life has been forever changed by the precious girl that is snoozing away as I write this. She gives the best snuggles, the sweetest smiles, and has the stinkiest gas.

Last week was rough for me. I'm not quite sure why. I think part of it was I realized how lonely it is to be a stay at home mom. I want nothing more than to do this forever, but last Tuesday was rough for me.

As we were getting ready for Bible Study I was so frustrated by how flabby my arms were that I just wanted to punch something. I honestly didn't want to go because I started thinking of how thin all of the girls are in our group and I became very self conscious. I've been cleared to exercise for 3 weeks now and I tried to start running, but I have to do it either before Paul leaves or after he gets home because of our stroller. On top of that the weather has been so horrendous that it's really too hot to be out in the middle of the day with a baby, and the pollen is killing me. I can't take munchkin to a gym because she has to be at least 8 weeks old, and frankly I'm frustrated by my lack of options. Not only am I frustrated but I am jealous that Paul gets his exercise everyday by riding his bike to and from work. He doesn't have to worry about whether or not he can take the baby he just gets to go.

On top of that I realized that I don't have many people to talk to during the day because most of my friends are at work. My friends who are moms and are at home are struggling with getting out of the house too. It's hard to decide to do it when you know your little one needs to be fed and needs a nap. You don't want to miss any of that, and so you decide to stay in and not reach out. Then you end up realizing that you just want to scream at your poor husband because he is out socializing and you are left to talk to this tiny thing that can't talk back. There is no interaction. And loneliness sets in.

We ended up at small group and our friends who had their baby 3 weeks after us, and we spent the evening talking about our struggles and getting wisdom from our friends who have been parents a little longer than us. I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't sure where to start with my feelings, and the more I talked the more I cried, and the more I realized that I'm trying to avoid something. Owen.

I didn't realize that missed him as much as I do. I didn't realize that even though my arms and life are full with this one sweet little girl that I still ache for my precious son.

I know my life would be completely different and more chaotic right now, but I dream of that chaos. I desperately desire that chaos because that means my son would be here, and I wouldn't be missing him.

My sweet angel girl is so precious to me, and I love being her mama. She makes me smile, and manages to do something everyday to remind that the blowouts and screaming are worth it.

I never knew that motherhood would be this rough. I never knew that I would be missing my son while holding my daughter. I also never knew that motherhood would be this joyful.

This precious girl has changed my life.

Now that I'm a mother...

2011-03-28T21:14:00.000-06:00

Now that I'm a mother, I see things differently...

Now that I'm a mother, my heart rejoices differently...

Now that I'm a mother, my heart hurts differently...

Now that I'm a mother, I get angry differently...

Human Trafficking.

Two words I have read over and over again throughout the past months. My sister has blogged about it. She has run to raise money to help fight it. I didn't get it. My friends have blogged about it, tweeted about it, called other to action about it...I didn't get it.

Two and half weeks ago I became a mother. I became a mother to a daughter who has a name. A daughter who means more to me than I ever expected. A daughter whom I love more than life itself. A life I can not imagine selling to someone else in order for me to be able to eat.

I'll be honest, I didn't ever pay much attention to what human trafficking was all about. I read the words and heard about these organizations that are fighting it, but I didn't get it. Then today I read a blog written by someone who has a t-shirt that simple states "she has a name". It was about why she likes this shirt and then it tells this story:
The story behind “she has a name”: There was a john (male paying for sex), a pimp, and a prostitute. The john asked the pimp what the girl’s name was. The pimp said, “She doesn’t have a name. She’s whoever you want her to be.”

These words broke my heart.

They broke my heart because I spent years thinking of the name I would choose for my daughter. Her name needed to have meaning. It needed to be special because she is special. Ultimately, her name was chosen because of my mom, grandmother, friend, Paul's grandmother, and Ruth from the Bible. Her name means something to me, her mother.

The thought of someone saying that who she is isn't important makes me crazy. She is important to me. Her name means something to me. Her life means something to me.

And the lives of these girls who are being trafficked all over the world mean something to someone. They are girls with names that were chosen just for them and they need to be remembered. They need to be valued.

Now that I'm a mother I see the urgency to spread information about what human trafficking is, who it effects and how to help. Because if it were my daughter I would be praying for someone to help Julia.

Here's some organizations leading the war against human trafficking:
www.AsOurOwn.org
www.Shehasaname.com
www.love146.org

How can you help?