All About Transparency

Voluntary Enslavement

2010-12-16T09:35:00.004-06:00

Life can be soooo stressful! I think about all the things that I have to do and how quickly it just becomes a routine part of my life; rushing around, getting things done, being a part of programs, going shopping, working...etc...

"But in the past, when you didn't know God, you were enslaved to things that by nature are not gods. But now, since you know God, or rather have become known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and bankrupt elemental forces. Do you want to be enslaved to them all over again?" Galatians 4:8-9

I wonder how much of my day, my life, is geared toward voluntary enslavement. I am not talking about debt but the things to which I place my time and energy toward that have NOTHING to do with furthering the kingdom of Heaven; nothing to do with growing closer to the Lord. Sure it's true we have to live our lives responsibly, cleaning house, cooking, taking care of our families but many of us take it beyond the necessity and make many of life's responsibilities the end pursuit. For instance, I keep my house clean but then I want it spotless, I want nice furniture, from a nice store, good quality, everything in its place. I want my family to be clothed but not just any cloths, nice clothes, designer, cute, the best... I want to be healthy, but not just physically fit and healthy I want to have the best "mom" body possible, great arms, abs, yes...butt-ox... the list goes on and on. Is that not some of what Paul is describing? Before we knew Christ, before we had a Redeemer, a purpose for living those things were our god. But they are not by nature a god at all. They are things! Nothing more! In the end they will not save me, they will not bring me eternal happiness, or worth. In all honesty, they do not bring me worth in the present. They can't because they have no power or soul. They did not create me. I have earthly and eternal worth because I have been created in the image of God, I have eternal security and happiness because I believe the Lord Jesus died on the cross for my sins and rose again. The only thing these "bankrupt elemental forces" do is occupy my thoughts, time and energy to the point that I am not using my body, time and money for a real god, the God, Jesus Christ!

Paul is not saying that we should go off the deep end and be irresponsible but he is reminding us, urging us to take a look at our lives and check to see if we are living them under voluntary enslavement to things that are not and will never be a god or are we voluntarily committing ourselves to the glory of a living, breathing, radical, committed, AWESOME God?! Just a thought!

Managing the Message

2010-11-22T09:24:00.004-06:00

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Why is this? If God has given us all of our talents and gifts then why is that he says it is in our weaknesses that his power is made perfect? Is it all about our weakness of pride? Taking credit for our strengths? Yet there are many times where we see God being glorified through an individual's strengths. How many times have we seen an incredible athlete give glory to God for his/her abilities and opportunities right on national television? We know quite a bit about Paul and he would have been one of the first to give the glory to God in accomplishments. So what is this all about?

Lets look back to 1st Corinthians 3:4-9a. The believers were immature and were following men based on their abilities and talents rather than realizing that everything that was being accomplished by them was because of the Lord and not of themselves.

"For whenever someone says, 'I'm with Paul, ' and another, 'I'm with Apollos, ' are you not [typical] men? So, what is Apollos? And what is Paul? They are servants through whom you believed, and each has the role the Lord has given. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth...For we are God's co-workers."

Paul then goes on in 1st Corinthians 4 to remind the readers that we have a message to give and we must be careful as "managers" to be faithful to the message. Not surprising that he immediately goes on in verse 6 to say that Paul and Apollos were careful that the message they gave was 'Nothing more than what is written'...because..."The purpose is that none of you will be inflated with pride in favor of one person over another. For who makes you so superior? What do you have that you didn't boast as if you hadn't received it?"

Again the believers were following people or "in favor" of people based on what they had or could do. Paul stresses this and is very sensitive to this because he knows that it is in our very nature to envy and desire what we do not possess. So in 2 Corinthians 12:5 Paul stresses, "I will boast about this person, but not about myself, except of my weaknesses. For if I want to boast, I will not be a fool, because I will be telling the truth. But I will spare you, so that no one can credit me with something beyond what he sees in me or hears from me, especially because of the extraordinary revelations." ...spare you... from what? How about from falling into the same trap that the church of Corinth was falling into by seeing the success of men as the "success of men" and not as solely being used by God for His glory alone.

Paul was not ignorant to the other issue and that is of self pride. "For who makes you so superior? What do you have that you didn't boast as if you hadn't received it" (1 Corinthians 1:9). He goes on in 2nd Corinthians 12:7b, "THEREFORE, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I must ask myself, "Am I being faithful to the message or am I overshadowing it with my own self-inflation and pride? Do those who see me in my strength see the strength as given by the Lord for the Lord's glory? Or do they see only me? If so I am not being faithful to the gospel of Christ." On the flip-side, "Am I immature? Do I see the strengths that men/women have and put them on a pedestal? Do I follow them without so much as seeing from whom and for whom the talents and gifts that they possess were given?"

"Much will be required of everyone who has been given much. And even more will be expected of the one who has been entrusted with more" (Luke 12:48).

We all have strengths that the Lord has chosen to give us but with those strengths come great responsibility to message of Christ. May we humble ourselves in the fear and admonition of the Lord, giving him all the glory and honor by using our strengths for Him and Him alone!

What's Your Scent?

2010-11-13T19:41:00.002-06:00

"But thanks be to God, who always puts us on display in Christ, and spreads through us in every place the scent of knowing Him. For to God we are the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing" (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

Have you ever had a hand-me-down and before you washed it you could smell it and know from which family it came? It is not that the family smells bad (well perhaps some may:-)) but they have a particular scent. We get a lot of wonderful cloths handed down from my sister since her children are all older. One day my son put on a shirt and said, "Hey, this smells like my cousins." Well, like our own earthy families we hold a scent that tells others to whom we belong.

When I first read verse 14 I thought, "oh, how poetic and beautiful." And then the reality hit me, "Do I actually give off the scent of knowing him?" This amazing responsibility was not written with a question but as a fact. Those who truly know him are to God..."the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." There is no room for another fragrance.

There is no lukewarm Christian, for God said, "He who is not with me is against me..." (Matthew 12:20). So just as I have to ask myself, everyone must answer the question...if I am letting off any other fragrance than that of the family of Christ, am I really a part of that family?

If...Then...Principle

2010-11-02T21:29:00.003-05:00

My Heavenly Maker is not one of simplicity. He is not a one time decision, or just a "help when I am in trouble". No, my God desires everything I am and have and wants nothing but my very best. However, He didn't leave me empty-handed. He gives me, a mere flawed and sinful mortal, clear instruction in how to attempt to live as a righteous reflection of his own flawless, sinless, perfect Self.

In Proverbs 2, Solomon shows the work and great commitment it takes to follow God.

...if you ACCEPT my words

...and STORE UP my commands within you

...LISTEN closely to wisdom

...DIRECT your heart to understanding

...CALL OUT to insight

...LIFT YOUR VOICE to understanding

...if you SEEK IT like silver

...and SEARCH for it like hidden treasure,

THEN...THEN... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!...

...THEN you will DISCOVER the knowledge of God

...For the Lord gives wisdom, from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

...He stores up success for the UPRIGHT

...He is a shield for those who LIVE WITH INTEGRITY

...protects the way of His LOYAL FOLLOWERS

THEN...THEN... YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!

-righteousness

-justices

-and integrity... FOR...

...WISDOM will enter your mind

...KNOWLEDGE will delight your heart

...DISCRETION will watch over you

...UNDERSTANDING will guard you

This Proverb is full of cries from the heart of Solomon to listen to the ways of the Lord. Yet he knows that it does not just stop at hearing. He knows that for the heart to be completely sold out to the Lord one must ACCEPT, STORE UP, LISTEN, DIRECT, CALL OUT, LIFT THE VOICE, SEEK AND SEARCH. There must be personal responsibility and effort taken on the part of each and everyone of us. When we choose to live this way, THEN...THEN WE WILL UNDERSTAND!

If I believe that I have been given a God who just blesses because he wants to and requires nothing of me then I am still living in my self-centered, ego-centric world and am in dire need of a great awakening! How often do I pray for the Lord to bless me in a certain area or take care of a particular need YET I am not pursuing, storing up, calling out or lifting up my voice to know him better? Oh God, that you would wake me up! That you would help me to, daily die to self, take up my cross and pursue you with everything that I am. Amen!

The Narrow Line

2010-10-19T11:54:00.004-05:00

How narrow the line is that separates giving the glory to God for our blessings and talents and personally taking the credit for our own success. I was thinking today about how Satan has seemed so strong in my life while putting together this book/curriculum on the Principles of Parenting. I was thinking how, here I am trying to honor the Lord with this book and yet so many things are attacking the progress and my own walk with the Lord. So what are they? Well, often I have thought that I am a good mom. I am organized, strong-willed, independent, mostly controlled, and consistent. I know my weaknesses too, however, in thinking about it this morning I realized that I have no problem kneeling before the Almighty God to ask Him for his help where I am weak. This comes very easy to me. Therefore, Satan knows that he will not win in this area. Then I asked myself another question, "how often do I go before the Lord and ask him for help in the areas that I am strong? How often do I quickly sway from giving him the glory to feeling good about myself? How often do I go from giving Him the credit to taking it upon myself?"

This is what I must die to. In 1 Corinthians 15:31, Paul states, "I affirm by the pride in you that I have in Christ Jesus our Lord: I die everyday!" Christ said the same thing, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23). I feel mostly like my cross is not filled with all the areas that I am weak but what weighs it down are all the areas where I am strong. I have to take up this cross and decide that it is NOT by my might; it is NOT by my strength but through Christ that I can do all things (Philippians 4:13). Jesus said, "apart from me you can do NOTHING" (John 15:5). Well then, how can I ever take credit for anything that I do? Everything is from the Lord. If apart from Him I can do nothing then I know that even my easiest task, my most common, natural action would be difficult, if not impossible, if the Lord did not allow it so. What am I thinking ever taking the credit for my strengths or talents. He allows them, he gives, and sure enough he can take them away! Satan doesn't have to work hard where we are weak, we already do a good enough job at not going to the Lord and looking to him to help us. But, Satan knows that often we will dishonor the Lord in our successes!

Oh Lord, thank you for your forgiveness that is already given. Help me to never take for granted from whom my strengths and talents come. Help me to use them to further your kingdom and NOT the expansion or glorification of my own ego!

Identity Amnesia

2010-04-11T14:33:00.002-05:00

I recently heard Paul Tripp say that "Identity amnesia always leads to identity replacement". I was completely floored by this amazing statement. How true it is that when I lose sight of who I am, and I would add from whom I come, I begin to search for some type of replacement. This statement was not gender specific but I would like to get "woman/mother" specific. I think that it can be very easy for us women and mothers to quickly lose our identity or should I say, replace our identities. For instance, how many times have I let my pride for what my husband does for our country cross the line and become part of myself? Or perhaps even more often I have placed my God-given blessed job of being a mother and wife as the core of who I am (my identity) forgetting that who I am is not rapped up in what I do, who I am married to, how many children I have or how well they behave but rather it is based on who is my creator.

So I venture back to the beginning:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you.
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139: 13-16)

David remembered from whom he came and this is a necessary step in understanding our identity. I was created by God. The next step is understanding for whom was I created.

¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

I love my husband and my children but I have to recognize that while my job is to take care of them they are not for whom I was created. When my husband does not like my cooking, or we are not seeing eye-to-eye, or I am unable to help him feel better after a bad day, it does not lessen who I am. When my children are miss behaving it does not reflect on who God created. No, these are behaviors and situations that are tools which give me opportunities to reflect God through his created being...me.

When I forget that I am a child of God, created in His image, for his purpose I then get caught up in trying to find myself. This only results in looking at what the world has to offer which always ends in more identity amnesia. It will never be complete. It can not because the world did not create me. How can any product find significance in itself. It always has to look to its creator.

Lord, I pray that as life is all around me and I live in this world that you will help me to remember that I am created by you and for your purposes. Nothing in this life will lessen my value and worth because they are not in me but in the fact that I am your creation and a child of God. AMEN!

³⁶For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen. (Romans 11:36)

The Struggle...A Choice and A Command

2010-03-29T09:40:00.003-05:00

Through life experiences, books, and the Word of God I have really been learning a lot about struggles. I have had to ask myself some pretty hard questions to really grasp what my own understanding of struggles is all about. Of course, I tend to thrive off self understanding to the point that I believe I start to confuse myself. Well, I am sure over time that will, hopefully get better.

At any rate, one of the hardest questions that I have had to ask is, "what or with whom do I believe is my biggest battle as a Christian in dealing with struggles?" The answer is "me". Over the last couple weeks these are the main points that I believe the Lord has led me to see as my direction in dealing with struggles:

1. My Perspective

2. Myself

3. My Responsibility

My Perspective

"Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

I am no scholar but Paul sounded like either he was at first drowning in despair over his affliction or it really was horrible and seemed like it was directly from Satan and there to do one thing in his life, "to torment [him]". I feel like this sometimes as well, I believe that is why I have children. If ever I felt like I was on top of the world and this amazing woman, I soon had babies and these babies grew up to be toddlers with their own mind and sin nature. Not that I am saying they are my "thorn in the flesh" but I would have to say that they do a good job of helping me manage my self exaltation. I love the Bible because there is no "frosting over" the humanity of those following the Lord. Paul's humanity is shown here as well, "I pleaded three times with the Lord to take it away from me." I am simply amazed that he ONLY tried three times. When I have a problem I know that my limit for pleading usually exceeds three. But he "pleaded" with the Lord. He was in pain; he wanted a way out. But it then says that God's answer was "no", "my grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness."

Ok, here is where a choice has to be made. Does Paul sulk and have self-pity over his affliction or does he change his focus. He changed his perspective. "Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Wow, he decided that focusing on the struggle rather on the Lord would be contrary to what God desires from him. When I focus on my struggle I put all my energy in overcoming it, which is beyond my power, and all attention is aimed in the direction of the affliction and no longer toward my redeemer.

Myself

Oh, how I love myself. If you are sitting there saying how conceited and self-centered I am then I suggest you too have the same problem that I have. I think that I am in complete control over my life and my circumstances. I want to control what my children see and hear everyday. I want to have control over the other children around mine so that they wont be mean to mine. I want to have control over the curriculum being taught in their school so that it will be "perfect". I want to have control over what we are eating so there are not too many calories or preservatives...oh, my goodness, if I were single I would not even think of dating myself. I woke the other morning and realized what a control-freak that I can be and said to myself, "Oh, my goodness I have to get control over my need for control!" Wow... That is just crazy. Then a struggle comes along and I think that I have the power within me to change it and/or overcome it...alone! Oh, what a delusion I live under to think that I am my own god. The problem is my heart. I say that I want the Lord to be the ruler of my heart but I want to control him once I "allow" him to be. That is still making me and my desires Lord of my life. Luke 12:22-34 says, "...Therefore I tell you, don't worry about your life, what you will eat; or about the body, what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they don't sow or reap; they don't have a storeroom or a barn; yet God feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than the birds? Can any of you add a cubit to his height by worrying? If then you're not able to do even a little thing, why worry about the rest? ...Don't keep striving for what you should eat and what you should drink, and don't be anxious. For the Gentile world eagerly seeks all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you. Don't be afraid, little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom. ...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

...where my treasure is, there my heart will be also...humm...I guess that would mean that one of the inventories I really need to do is check my desires; my treasures, and then I will see the real heart issue. I will be able to see who or what is ruler of my heart. I have to get over myself in get right with the Lord. Trust that he will take care of and be with me in the struggle.

My Responsibility

So what is my responsibility in the struggle. Well for one I have to acknowledge that the Lord knows me best. Paul also tells us that the reason our struggles come is so that we will be made "mature and complete, not lacking in anything" (James 1:4). So I have to recognize that my struggle is tailored specifically for me so that I may be complete and lack nothing. Wow, that recognition alone changes perspective for me. What one individual is going through would not mature me like it will them because it is tailored for them. God has a plan and he knows me best. Second, I have to recognize that I am a child of God so I have the power of the Holy Spirit in me. There is not a single struggle that I will go through alone. That being said, "...and if there is any other commandment--all are summed up by this: Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor. Love, therefore, is the fulfillment of the law. Besides this, knowing the time, it is already the hour for you to wake up from sleep, for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is nearly over, and the daylight is near, so let us discard the deeds of darkness and put on the full armor of light. Let us walk with decency, as in the daylight; not in carousing and drunkenness; not in sexual impurity and promiscuity; not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no plans to satisfy the fleshly desires" (Romans 13:9b-14). This passage tells us two things we have a choice to make and we have the power to do it. We have to choose to discard the deeds of darkness (in this case you could say the worldly way of dealing with the suffering) and the fleshly desires (my heart issue) and choose to put on the armor of light, the Lord Jesus Christ. Unfortunately when I became a Christian the desires of my heart didn't automatically update to the new "Christian" software where the I only long for the same things that Christ wants. It has to be a cognitive choice on my part. That is the hardest part. However, Paul would not have stated this passage if it were not possible. We are children of a living God. He loves us and has equipped up for this. Amen!?!

I am so grateful that in the midst of my tailor made struggles I can have assurance that he has my maturity and completeness at the forefront of his mind and he will not leave me empty handed to walk alone. No I have a redeemer who is there and want me to be successful even if the struggle is lifelong. I am not without hope; no, I am with a Savior!

What does the Bible say about fear?

2010-03-17T09:24:00.001-05:00

Question: "What does the Bible say about fear?"

Answer: The Bible mentions two specific types of fear. The first type is beneficial and is to be encouraged. The second type is a detriment and is to be overcome. The first type of fear is fear of the Lord. This type of fear does not necessarily mean to be afraid of something. Rather, it is a reverential awe of God; a reverence for His power and glory. However, it is also a proper respect for His wrath and anger. In other words, the fear of the Lord is a total acknowledgement of all that God is, which comes through knowing Him and His attributes.

Fear of the Lord brings with it many blessings and benefits. It is the beginning of wisdom and leads to good understanding (Psalm 111:10). Only fools despise wisdom and discipline (Proverbs 1:7). Furthermore, fear of the Lord leads to life, rest, peace, and contentment (Proverbs 19:23). It is the fountain of life (Proverbs 14:27) and provides a security and a place of safety for us (Proverbs 14:26).

Thus, one can see how fearing God should be encouraged. However, the second type of fear mentioned in the Bible is not beneficial at all. This is the “spirit of fear” mentioned in 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (NKJV). A spirit of fearfulness and timidity does not come from God.

However, sometimes we are afraid, sometimes this “spirit of fear” overcomes us, and to overcome it we need to trust in and love God completely. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). No one is perfect, and God knows this. That is why He has liberally sprinkled encouragement against fear throughout the Bible. Beginning in the book of Genesis and continuing throughout the book of Revelation, God reminds us to “Fear not.”

For example, Isaiah 41:10 encourages us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Often we fear the future and what will become of us. But Jesus reminds us that God cares for the birds of the air, so how much more will He provide for His children? “So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:31). Just these few verses cover many different types of fear. God tells us not to be afraid of being alone, of being too weak, of not being heard, and of lacking physical necessities. These admonishments continue throughout the Bible, covering the many different aspects of the “spirit of fear.”

In Psalm 56:11 the psalmist writes, “In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” This is an awesome testimony to the power of trusting in God. Regardless of what happens, the psalmist will trust in God because he knows and understands the power of God. The key to overcoming fear, then, is total and complete trust in God. Trusting God is a refusal to give in to fear. It is a turning to God even in the darkest times and trusting Him to make things right. This trust comes from knowing God and knowing that He is good. As Job said when he was experiencing some of the most difficult trials recorded in the Bible, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him” (Job 13:15 NKJV).

Once we have learned to put our trust in God, we will no longer be afraid of the things that come against us. We will be like the psalmist who said with confidence “…let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you” (Psalm 5:11).

Recommended Resource: How to Win Over Depression by Tim Lahaye.

The Delusion of My Struggle

2010-02-27T23:20:00.004-06:00

Goodness! The struggle this TDY just never seems to end. We are about three days out from Steve returning and it seems to me that the struggle with the children and life since he has been gone has just never subsided. Why? I have really asked myself why this has been such a difficult time. I have also come up with so many reasons. Many of them valid I am sure and then of course there are some crazy mom, female spiderweb all-over-the-place rationale as well. But really looking in to it I have to ask myself this one question: what were my expectations of this time in my life? See I truly believe that the majority or our issues stem from unmet expectations. Did I really think that this time was going to be a breeze? That while Steve was gone we were just going to have amazing care-free, easy going, amazingly fun bonding time together as a family? No problems what-so-ever? I think that I must have to an extent.

Here is the dilemma:

"²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4, NIV) .

Based on this verse I will face trials of many kinds. Therefore if there is not some kind of trial going on within a 6 week period then what can I say for my personal growth in the Lord? Either I am not being real about areas of my life and living in denial or perhaps I am not living my life in a way that allows God to work or be a part of it. Based on verse 4 perseverance must finish the work so that I can be mature and complete, not lacking in anything! Did I really think that I was done?

I think that the struggle has been that I have been fighting with my flesh, believing I somehow have my own righteousness; that I should not be having any struggle at all. Wow, what a delusion I have been living under! If I am ever going to really understand my needs then I will HAVE to abandon this crazy delusion of my own personal righteousness.

God has not allowed me to go through this struggle because he has some sick joke or is just pulling my strings around where ever he pleases; no, he has allowed this struggle because he loves me. And oh that I would not forget that because God is sovereign and I am a child of God with the Holy Spirit living in me, this struggle that I am going through is not my own. I am not alone in this struggle, it is also God's struggle.

Lord, tonight I am reminded of your amazing love for me that you would not allow life to be a breeze. You love me so much that you are constantly refining me to be more like you. You alone produce righteousness. Please never let me forget that true righteousness only comes at the END of myself.

Independence? Not the main thing!

2010-02-24T23:51:00.000-06:00

I have three young children, Victoria (7), Nicolas (6) and Madison (4). My husband is in the military and away at the present time. He has now been gone for almost 5 weeks. Not really that long but wow, this has been such a hard time for me. It seems like I have struggled more in these 5 weeks than I did the whole time that he was deployed. What does God want me to learn?

Nicolas was born 2 months pre-mature and he has always been the more difficult child. Not in the way that many would think. He is super loving. He is constantly telling me, his sisters and any other female that hath breath that we look beautiful or he likes what we are wearing or just wants to give us a hug. He is AWESOME at encouraging everyone. He has such an amazing spirit and just a joy to be around...most of the time. But ever since he was born he has cried, cried, cried. He has very low frustration tolerance and although he has gotten better there are definitely times where I feel like it gets the better of me. I love him to death but he is definitely my humility pill. When I am feeling like the number 1 best mother alive he helps bring down to earth where I am like every other mother out there.

Lately we have been dealing with him still struggling with some bathroom issues and not crying the very second something happens unexpectedly or when he can't do something he feels he should. As I have been doing the very things that I am sure I would be advising against in any counseling session (yelling, getting too angry, spanking out of anger rather than calming down first, saying whatever comes to mind without filtering it through my thought monitor) I began to pray and ask the Lord for help. I knew that I was reacting out of my own failure and brokenness rather than relying on the Lord and the Word of God. I remembered that I was not to be parenting in the moment but to parent for the future. Ok that was what I learned in school...what is that supposed to mean anyway?! What am I supposed to teach him? That if he poops his pants at school the kids are going to make fun of him and give him a bad nickname? Is that the future that we are talking about? No, I know that is not healthy. But what? Is it that he should learn some good breathing techniques so that he can learn to calm down, go in his little turtle shell, regain proper thoughts about the situation and then come out ready to face the world without crying? I guess all that is really great but the BIG picture is not that. I really believe that what God has wanted me to remember about my role as my children's mother is that INDEPENDENCE is not why the Lord has placed these three wonderful children in my life. No, He has not given me the chore of teaching my children to be amazingly independent adults but he has ordered me and given me the privilege of aiding my children in the process of transferring DEPENDENCE on Steve and myself to being completely DEPENDENT on Him. If in the process of all these struggles, our children see Him and learn to rely on Him at all times then we have done our job. But if all our children can say about us as parents when they are off doing their own thing is that we did a great job raising them to be independent, then...well, I dread the day.

Lord, I pray that you will help me to see the little moments that seem so frustrating as your opportunities given to me to teach your little ones to rely on you. Help me to go back to that place where I am not trying to be so ironically autonomous and self-sufficient but be completely transparent with my children that they would not see a mommy trying to be independent but dependent on you. Amen!

Proverbs 3:5(NIV)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...