I'm The Best Kind Of Mess.

Numb

2018-12-21T17:38:00.000-08:00

cold and numb is really the only emotions that I am feeling right now. A bit distant with others and just well... cold and numb. it feels like inside my body is screaming from the inside, way past my nerves and into my blood.

I just keep thinking things could be worse, people are going through worse right now. But then my mind thinks well isn't that just a cop out. But it's true. My life is so weird at times. I feel like I am truman from the truman show

I feel it for others instead. it must feel like she's in a box room. A big boxed room where the people she loves are at the end. She runs to save them and as she is running the floors disappear and she can't jump across to save them. Sure she has support on the current flooring. But is that enough. does she pray that the floor will reappear.

Why do I feel so numb. Am I distancing myself from the ones who need me. I'm not running away. But at the same time I'm not really doing anything because I don't want to unbalance the situation. I don't want to create any worrys or problems because they care for me. Even if they are not problems for me. they might probably take them on...

I am strong but I'm numb. Drink isn't the solution, it never is. But the weird thing is. a quote from the truman show is. "You never had a camera inside my head"

I wish there was one. so I could feel something. It's not that I don't care. I do care. But I'm just concerned I am numb. I'm not burying my head in the sand.

Maybe I'm just preparing myself for the worst. That's the problem with me isn't it, Always seeing the glass half empty then half full. I dunno man..

Anyway I hope you all have a good Christmas and a happy New year.

Creative writing.

2017-11-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

Had a very good, strange emotional day. Had to do things out of my comfort zone this week and eat some humble pie. Feel releaved, okayish, happy and angry all in one. So I really need to write and let it all out into one big creative writing mess....

'I was a lesson I have learned. I was lost and concerned, battling away night and day hoping to change and wanting to say. I held the keys to my soul. I had to let my demons roll. Fighting, chatting and making things last. I pushed away and landed on smeard glass. I feel as if I have the will to learn. Why can't i just see that no one was concerned. Forgiven thrown around like such an easy word. Anger builds and trust is learned. I fight with myself. I love myself and it's true. I'm glad i lost the demon that played. My final songs of mistakes. I have a life worth living it is true. But my flaws are still clear. I can manage them and thats for sure. Pour me a river and cry me a fall. I'm done with hating after all. I'm forgiven and happy but angry still lasts. I can now finally let go about everything from my past......... one few words left to say. I have found my nights and my days. Eager falling. Lessons crawling. Beside me stopping. For once I'm not left for dead and my tears still fall. Let my guilt leave I'm finally free. So here I go.. just watch me.'

I haven't updated in a while.

2017-08-13T18:49:00.002-07:00

Yes it's true. If i was a parent and if this blog was a kid i would have social service's taking my child away. I think the last time i updated i was just about. Well not think. I know because i checked..

So what have i been doing since January? A whole lot to shorten the answer.

Lets see. Well.. i started my college courde to get my qualifications in a better state. And i passed my course. So my grades are a lot lot lot lot better. I have became more addicted to my xbox with games i love. I have a great relationship with my family. I've had to be there for people and gave decent advice. Me and kim are doing great and she is on the right track in life and i am so fucking proud of her.

Kim took me to a Buddhist monastery. The only one in western Europe. Where i loved it. Even without wifi and phone signal. I've been to England with Kim and friends... I am actually back again on friday.

I am out of the mental health system and they are happy with my mental health. I JUST show signs of borderline personality disorder and have completed my DBT course where i feel much better.

I am starting a new course on the 31st. An introduction to counciling and if all goes well i will do my cosca course where i become a full lisenced couincler and then i can go to university and become a dbt therapist. Wish me luck and strengh:)

Me and Kim have helped her brother and his girlfriend settle in to a new home... oh and driving is coming along just fine...

I'm the happiest i have ever been and life is fantastic. Life is truly what you make it.

One year ago Kim's teachers said she will never work with children. And failed her. A year later she passed and is qualifed as a teaching assistant. I am very proud of her and so happy for her.

The best part of the year is my niece Mila remembering my name and asking if i was daddy's friend LOL!

This week will be laundry and xbox week.

Also if you have time watch peep show on Netflix and give cry venom a listen.

One bad thing to happen is well. For those of you who don't know i suffer from mild cerbal palsy. My reactions and balance is shit. And well its causing me to have knee pain because of my body stance the muscle is always hurting. But im using crutches and they help. I used to be ashamed of my CP because that's how people made me feel. But now i couldn't care. Its the cards I've been handed. Sometimes i wonder what if the doctors gave me oxygen three seconds less. And didn't cause me to have it. What if it didn't damage my brain cells.. but there's always people worse off then you.

Anyway thanks for the read its 2 am. I gotts sleep. Nighhhhht

Fuckers.

Nerves are kicking in.

2017-01-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

So I'm not sure if I'm starting college this week or not. I know I'm to be in today at half eleven to talk about the course and what I want from it. But I'm so nervous for it. Like oh my god. I don't even know why. I have my idea's I guess it's normal to be nervous. Truth is I don't want to let myself or anyone down. I feel pressure defintley. I've been thinking all day how lucky I am to get free education in this country when England needs to pay for their education... I'm just going to go in with the best level head. I can't even sleep right now because of the nerves. I know I don't really have anything to worry about. My mouth is so dry haha! Oh well wish me luck please. Good luck Steven :) going to try and get some sleep now and won't let the nerves win.

Bad news.

2016-10-26T19:35:00.003-07:00

Yeah... my blogger app on my phone won't let me post anything... so I am on the site of blogger on my phone not being able to see what I am typing oh ! Now I can because it's a new..... I can't see again I was going to say a new sentence... and now I can see. Blogger, google you suck! So I am not being anti social... I am just trying to figure out how to update this thing.... I really can't believe dbt finishes for me in December.... Christmas is coming fast.. people don't know it. But we have been saving for Christmas... I have money and religiously (what does that even mean in this context) have put money away into it and well Christmas is sorted... just need to buy the presents... I have people in mind. I want to buy presents to show people I care and think of them. I hate when people refuse a present it's now about me it's about you. I do it to show I care... or the old fake line you shouldn't have.. no one ever means that you are happy you got a present. But you shouldn't be happy you got a present you should be happy that the person thought about you.. another reason I hate when people use money as a gift. No thought just a rush... I hate money by the way. Imagine a world without it. I dislike how people get so drunk at Christmas. Next time you go to the the shops look into people's basket or trolleys it's just booze booze booze. Oh well. I just like seeing people happy... I'm thinking of giving up drinking. People say you have to love yourself but how is getting so drunk loving your self? Or even a drop to feel merry? You get a buzz and aren't true to yourself. Maybe I should have a drink at Christmas and special events.. just to show others I care.. it breaks the awkward silence too... that's a good thing... driving is coming along well... I'm starting round abouts next week. Getting passports in January should be fun fun fun.. going to go now. Bye

Fuckers

DBT, Meditation, giving hope and a stranger on the bus.

2016-10-14T17:01:00.001-07:00

Forgive me for not being on my blogger for so long. The app I use on my iPhone keeps crashing and well I wanted to make a memory of today's events and look back on them as why I joined blogger in the first place LOL!

Anyway I went with Kim to her appointment. She is on the path to being where she wants to be. Which I will fully support her on that. Of course I will. We then went to a relaxation group and were doing mindfulness and meditation. This was Kim's first meditation and she said she enjoyed it. So I was happy for her to feel calm and at ease and also feel good about herself. I told her 'can you see why a do it now?!'

So we had a day ticket and could travel all around the lothians with this ticket so we did. I was talking to her and telling her she done well in the relaxation group. She said you must be so used to it with your dbt. And this random girl sitting near us asked if I was in dbt and had EUMD (BPD to you lovely North Americans) I answered her questions and tried to give her the best advice I could. I said stuff like "listen it will be hard you will want to give up and walk away but just keep paying attention keep doing your work, keep listening and be honest. Don't lie about anything in group and I promise you it will just click... " it did for me. She told me she is a new mum and is scared I tried my best to calm her and shook her hand.... I feel so lucky to have came through dbt ... I've done well. I end it on the 15th of Dec.... and see my one to one worker weekly then monthly .. and that's it... of course I'm scared of course I will cry.. but the thing is dbt was never to make friends or chat or whatever.. it was to make me better.. it has that only purpose and I've done it I am much better... I'm scared of slipping into old ways. It's natural. It would be weird if I wasn't... I'm just staying in the present .... don't think of my past learn from it.. the future? How can I focus on my future if I'm not focusing on the present to build towards it?

" I want happiness" remove I that is ego, remove want that's desire... happiness is free now"

I should really update this thing more often but this was just a wee post take remind ma self that I done something nice today. I felt good after words I could see the fear in her eyes... I had that fear but I was just honest to her. I didn't catch her name but I wish her all the luck in the world with her little family and her own path. Good luck buddie.. who knows I might see you when I leave in Dec :)

Blah blah blah

Night

Fuckers.

Ps sold my Xbox for £85 on eBay when in person a store was gonna offer me £35 for it all

What
A
Fucking
Kill.

Thanks mum, Kimmi and Sean for young the price ;)

Bored.

2016-10-07T11:06:00.001-07:00

Meh.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. Booooooooored....

Blogpost of the year yayyyy

Mila's big adventure.

2016-09-09T19:06:00.001-07:00

So Andrew, Kirsty and Mila are in Austrailia right now and my mum decided to send me some pictures of Mila enjoying herself in Austrailia

Mila had a little acceident so she had to get a cast. But she's not letting that effect her, she's having a blast and it's brillaint to see.

My favourite picture, she loves watermelon lol!

She loves her mini mouse :)

Mila and Mummy!

Can't wait to see her next week! So proud at how brave she has been she's a real inspiration! Love my little niece.

Damn.

2016-09-07T22:24:00.001-07:00

Wanting to go on holiday with Kim, flights are £130 (good) train is £30 all together (amazing) but hotel is like £600?! What the hell?! How can they do that? I bet when we actually arrive the prices will be lower.. They are wanting 85 a night...... In Edinburgh you get bed and breakfasts for like 25 a night... How can they justify that? This place is amazing but it's not a capital.... Then there's spending money, say £500/£600 and this place isn't even warm LOL! Oh well it will be a journey. Obviously keeping tight lipt about where it is.... (Haha kimmi you won't find out;) ) anyway good morning everyone it's 6 am and I have DBT and I'm excited. Well not really.... Haven't been meditating for ages now. I get guilty at myself... Kims away visiting her mum and dad in Ayrshire. I almost killed myself last night.... You see I have had the windows open because of the heat... So a nice big daddy long legs comes flying in and starts attacking my light bulb.... I spray it with spray killer. Sprayed far too fucking much. Couldn't breathe had to run out that room . Anyway I got a pillow and breathed into that over my nose and mouth and opened the living room window wider with the lights off... So I woke up had a nice dream about traveling and thought I would google prices on it.., trivago is a lot of shite.. Maybe we can just go. For three days instead of seven... Hmmm... But that's no fun. Three days isnae long enough. Fuck it il do it. I've always wanted to go there anyway :)

By the way. I have. Bone to pick with DBT. I've been told not to be judgemental and ignorant so I was speaking to someone two nights ago.. I can't really say too much info but basically he was being ignorant of other people's skills and I told him to stop being so judgemental and ignorant of other people. There are always going to be people higher then you. And you'll always be higher then some people. Like my mental health for example. It's bad at times we'll certainly improved over the years. And I can be bad at times (no ones perfect) but there will be someone out there with the same conditions as me but they could be one hundred times worse. Judging is so easy. I hate

Myself for judging too much. I mean we all judge but sometimes we do it too much don't we. I used to be really bad with judgements... Like oh my god... Anyway I need a hot shower and warm cup of coffee I hope my milk is in date. Fuck if it isn't. Have a nice day have a picture

What winning The Scottish Cup meant to me.

2016-09-05T03:29:00.001-07:00

So here is the deal, you do not have to have an interest in football to find this story interesting. you just have to believe in Faith. the 21st of May 2016 changed my life forever. Not only me but Kimmi's, My mother's life & My brothers lives. It is so hard to describe how i felt.

Well the night before i couldn't sleep, I wasn't nervous but excited but yet a sense of calmness came over me, i was not confident because if you have read my previous post, my team Hibernian had not won the Cup since the year 1902, 114 years, My team hibs for short had been in ten previous cup finals and had lost them all. they are one of the biggest clubs in Scotland, Winning the league in the 50's beating european 'BIG' teams, Winning the league cup, a smaller cup to the Scottish Cup...

To tell you this story you need to listen to Hibernian's roots, Hibs were created to bridge the gap between the Scottish and Irish, The irish came over to Edinburgh for a better life, they were starving and cold, they had no food, there was a place in Edinburgh Called The Cowgate, Little Ireland for short because so Many irish had stayed there, Including my own family when they first came to Scotland. So Hibernian (the roman name for Ireland) were formed in the year 1875. Folowing the years due to Hibernians irish herritage a local gypsy was NOT happy when the club decided to remove the Harp from the main stand and said "You will never win the Scottish cup ever again until the harp is restored on the main stand" she was angry because she felt we had turned our back on our heritage, down the years hibs have changed there badge, from a harp to a crown to a weird booze badge and to our current badge, the harp,ship and castle, the badge was placed on the main stand a few months before may the 21st, and look what happened....

So i have been to the last Scottish Cup final against a team called Celtic (selltick) we lost 3-0... not a good day, i had seen hibs lose to our arch rivals in the scottish cup final 5-1 ... again not a good day... but this time, i did not even think of the harp back on the stand, hibs had already bet rangers twice this season, they were nothing special.... the game

The Game, in the first three minutes hibs had scored, i don't know why but i thought it was a defender who ran and ran then scored.... i was just praying we could hold on and then... Rangers Scored to make it 1-1... well if we can go to penaltys who knows i remember thinking.... then they scored again, a wonder goal. I held kims hand as soon as it went in, sad, down, angry...I thought same old, same old, pay £50 for tickets and £40 train fair and fan stuff... kim told me when the second goal went in she thought about telling me i am not going to bother ever coming to the games again... then out of no where we got a corner, we scored ?! holy shit it is the defender again LOL? no it wasn't but i remember when the corner was taken, i prayed to my grandad " Please grandad, please just one goal, please" we had scored it was 2-2!!!!

Then in the last couple of minutes in the game BOOM, 114 years of pain, hurt, sadness, anger had just vanished.... gone, my grand parents were not even alive to see it, people had been living for 100 years and had not seen it... i remember we got the corner and thought again " Right grandad, i know i asked before, please, i will never pray asking for anything ever again, please just let this go in" it went in!!! I fell to my knees, i was crying, i was shaking, i could not believe what i had seen, all those years getting kicked in the balls, getting made fun off... i couldn't believe it... we had won

Then about 5 thousand hibs fan invaded the pitch with pure glee, kissing the ground, stealing the pitch turf... this is something i will never feel again, something kim said and i qoute" Im not even a football fan but what i felt nothing can ever compare to it" hibs could win the cup next year and it would be great but it would be nothing compared to winning it for the first time in 114 years....

I will post a few videos, enjoy them,

"Hibs have won the scottish cup"

POV from the Rangers end of the hibs fans going CRAZY! (favourite video)

It wasn't just a game of football, it was more then that, it was pure happiness........

It's 4am.

2016-09-02T20:55:00.001-07:00

In the middle of watching the movie 30 days of night... Because I like Alaska and cold country. I hate warm country. I swear I was an Eskimo in a past life. I love being cold. Is that weird?

Mums here, she's been here since Thursday night. So we have been drinking, smoking and laughing. Kim has really enjoyed it too... I can't stop thinking about the volunteering opertunity..

They want me to talk about my past with BPD and present. They want me to be honest, I would be the only male, which is rare since most males are in jail... Or just don't want to admit it... I could be an inspiration to help people. I could make a difference if I played this well... I would be so proud of myself... But I am scared, what if I fuck up? I'm not going to avoid this though..

I feel guilty because I haven't meditated in two weeks, I've been very judgemental towards myself. Nasty, not been kind to myself, it's good I'm recognising those bad feelings though...

I got my optigrill and by god it's amazing

It makes the best toasties ever. It cooks fish and meat from frozen too!

I've also been thinking. I want to skydive. Nah I really do, I want to try it but I want to make a go fund me to raise money for my sweet little Mila-Moo's condition. A lot of family's don't have the money to travel to England or afford the therapy for this.. I just want to do my bit for Mila but for her charity... I'm her uncle and I want to be a good uncle to her. So I'm going to look into it. I would honestly do it. I'd record it with a go pro or something. Would you support me?

Not going to lie to you blogger times are hard right now, money is low, tensions are high, depression is kicking in... Times are hard, I have support but ... Yeah.. But it's just one of those days where you feel sad... I wish I could talk about it more but yeah.. I'm not really wanting too? If I want to write down how I feel I write a note in my notes on my phone....

So, I am going to quick learning course to improve my English and maths. That's Monday and have a meeting to arrange that with Neil... Then I look towards college while volunteering.. Should be fu. Right?

I'm busy and my avoidance and judgementalness is getting pissed off at me being so busy and not feeling sorry for myself!

I keep a lot of shit to myself, apart from Kim I tell her everything. She's my woman. Anyway let's wrap it up fi here a dinni wantae gab in inglis.. Bahye

Fuckers.

Nutella pizza?!

2016-08-26T14:54:00.001-07:00

Best dessert I've ever had in my life

Wanting to write a blog but not sure what to write.

2016-08-24T08:35:00.001-07:00

So I'm sitting in my kitchen smoking a fag, oh the joy... I saw Joanne today, I have two moduals of DBT left. About 16 weeks to go and it will be a whole year of DBT.

Scary, I've came a long way but I still don't feel 100% fixed. I feel about 60 or 70. I am mindful of my emotions more, I try less to judge and try to think in wise mind. I think a lot more before I say stuff. I am more compassionate and understanding and truth is I feel better but fixed? No, I will never be fixed no one can be fixed. In life you have to be aware of how you are feeling and deal with your problems in healthy ways. Advice on relationships, friendships personal problems is great. It's good to talk I'm not saying bottle up your feelings but YOU are your adviser. You would go to a shop and ask the best way to wipe your ass

Okay bad example but you all know what I mean. Truth is I keep searching for this magical answer. I am Steven Perry I have these problems that problems. But maybe the problems I have had have been drifting into something bigger then I thought and that's scary.

It's okay to feel anxious or scared, one thing I have learned is to look at the facts of a situation before flying off the handle . Feeling those feelings are how we evolved and grew as human beings. It's okay to feel them. But we must understand that only us, can change. If you want it badly please do not depend on others to do your dirty work.

I am mindful of my past, I am mindful of my present and I am mindful of my future. I feel bad for my past, I feel anxious for my future. But my present? I just feel mindful and positive.

People and avoiding are a weakness of mine. The 'new' Steven is scared to et close. I can talk the talk and be old Stevie boy, the joker, the clown, but it's scary to get involved. I have tried being mindful of these feelings but hey, that's the thing meeting new people, going new places is scary. I have avoided meeting my brother for coffee, to talk about our situation. But do I need to talk about it? He might dislike me at times but that is the past not the present. If he dislikes me I can't change his opinion. I know a room full of people who dislike me, not everyone will like you in life, because of the worst and stupidest things. But I try to be mindful of that. Worrying and remembering the past won't help you move forward.

Imagine a world where no human was scared of their past? How dull would that be. A few people would die huh?

I've been in a relationship with Kim for four years now, four houses, three city's, two pets and one bedroom flat. That's scary, what's even more scary is even though I love her, committing to one person, committing to one career, committing to whatever is scary and but enjoyable...

I don't want to let anyone down, but again, the past is creeping up and well I know I say it a lot but I am mindful of that.

The reason for this post is because I want to remind myself I am trying, even if I feel down sometimes I look at the facts and ask why am I? I know why I am today. But some days I won't know why and that's okay. Sometimes I will feel happy and sing in the street and won't know why... Life is life, life is truly how you make it.

I'm not going to college, but I am staring it at a later date insead, it was a choice you see. Throw away DBT that I've been doing for six month and have another four months of. Or go to college and miss my DBT group on a Thursday. I told the college about this and they said I can start new from January. I'm also going to be volunteering soon, I went to an evang on Tuesday with Kim. They are looking for people with borderline personality disorder to help them kill the stigma and looking for people who know people with the illness. So me and Kim fit right in.

Why am I doing this? Because it's a good use of time, there are people that need help and it can be helpful for me to continue growing... So yeah I'm excited for that. Also excited for college, my life is going well and it's all down to me

Almost finished DBT and learned from it.

Going to college in January.

Learning to drive

My own flat

Long term relationship of four years

Became more mindful and spiritual.

Better relationship with my family

I see my niece often.

I have things going for me. I'm not sad really... If anything I'm strong, strong for the ones I need to be strong for.

Keep cheering me on. I'm doing good blog.

I hope you all are doing well

Remember to be mindful.

Thank you

Random creative writing moment number 183930

2016-08-10T19:48:00.001-07:00

Open windows - yes

Lights off - yes

Candle burning -yes

In bed - yes

Emotions running high - err maybe?

These all come from my head, all

At once. Let's start this, fuckers

***********

He walked outside not sure of alive, he went on walking with fear by his side. He stopped in the rain to tell his tale. About his life and how he de railed. Whispers from the puddles and screaming from the rails. He could tell that his life had went far from hail... Stones on going and going He walked along the busy roads feeling the cold air, feeling the the breeze and living away, following the lights to lead him above, above from the secrets burnt inside his head. You better run and tell everyone as well. I can't stall I'm

Blessed from hell. I wear a badge across my neck, I wear the truth that keeps me tick. Tock ticking tick rocking away. Keep me sane give me pills keep me calm drive me to hell. His secret came out would you like to know it. Sometimes he's just a lost boy looking for his mum. Strike that Infact I feel detached, I

Love you I hate you I need you I hear you I run from the truth like a bullet from a gun. Oh fuck it's getting serious this time and not even peace can calm my head a crazy little boy searching for his cell. The one nearest the living fucking hell. But he woke up. He wakes! He wakes inside his head. Was it his mis dealings that left him for dead. Bury me, change me, love me, hate you. Fuck you! I don't even know the story of the rain, when it crashes down near my flame. I feel the power of love, I hear my muse sing down from above. I can not run and I accept the past but please try and understand I can make it as a man. I'm worth more then you know and something will show... Tick tick tock... Feel me at ease I love to please. But confrontation is something so hard. I hate it I run away. I run away. I run away. You got your opinions on me but who knows maybe I'm the one who is truly free because in the past I didn't know. That 666 was for a group show. I gotta give up this hell. But it's so fun to follow these shadows down a living hole, down a living hell. I'm so happy yay! I feel sorrow as well. I'm so happy with life kinda sad but true who's knows .. Soon I could be like, um.. You?

****

My writings are to bet negativity out, to mindfully accept them. To notice they are there. You can't change having bad and good thoughts, it's okay to feel sad and happy. Sometimes we need to take our sadness out in lyrics, even happiness... This isn't a creative write by the way. I'm just trying to let you know I was sad when I wrote this but now happy because I fully accept that I was sad. Now I can listen to the rain with my candle.. Window open... And go to DBT at 9:50.

Good night blog

Love to all my followers

Even to the fuckers.

Another reason to be happy I get to see her today

I always buy her white chocolate buttons... I don't want her always eating them though.. Maybe I should buy her something else.. Milk chocolate buttons? I see Mila every Thursday and Friday now when she goes to spend time with granny (my mum..) she brings so much light to the dark sky's.. She's amazing..

Goodnight everyone

Fuckers.

Stranger things.

2016-07-25T14:18:00.001-07:00

Just finished watching the whole series.....

Not going to give anything away but...

Fuck!.

Great series, hope there is a second series.

Two sponsors for Brittle Bone Society.

2016-07-25T04:43:00.001-07:00

So this photo was taken a few weeks ago at my brothers house. He, my sister in law and Mila were just relaxing in the house. And they get a knock on the door...

Who was it?!

The bloody first minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon and an MP asking if they would vote for the Scottish National Party (the one I love and want indepdence of course) so Andrew said of course, he votes SNP anyway, and they came on and donates money to Andrews marathon he's doing to raise money for the Brittle Bones Society, Mila has new fans and support for her condition.

If you want to donate aswell to help family's get support and payment made for them please go to https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Andrew-Perry12 please read his story and Mila's please give as much as you can. The money does not go to Andrew or my family or even Mila it go's straight to the brittle bone society please visit www.brittlebone.org for more details.

Clear things up...

2016-07-09T06:11:00.001-07:00

My blog posts yesterday were my OPINION. They were NOT facts. So if anyone plays the kind of games I did not like please don't get annoyed. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or boring. Some people like cola some people prefer Pepsi... I am just one of those idiots that prefer Pepsi.... I actually do lol... I guess I was just frustraighted? If I like the look of a game. And the story line... I will give it a chance. I saw a good game called watch dogs.. That interested me.... So yeah.. Bye !!!

Fuckers

Wow

2016-07-08T17:12:00.001-07:00

http://www.digitiser2000.com/main-page/reality-is-overrated-why-modern-game-graphics-bore-me-by-mr-biffo

Wow

It's so damn hard...

2016-07-08T16:54:00.001-07:00

So I'm on a mission to find a video game that interests me, but most of the games out today just... I don't know are too good graphically... And well it bores me... My favourite game ever is crash bandicoot. I loved the game.... I normally play Fifa and have played black ops 2 and I liked the zombie mode and at times multiplayer... However the story mode,m.. It's like it's a boring action film... Action films don't interest me... I also hate med evil set time like Robin Hood which is boring... I don't know I already find it hard to concentrait on things... I would love to read books and be into video games... I just can't and I don't know why... I have an Xbox 360 I just play Fifa... It makes me upset at myself.... I guess it is all about trying new things... Asking people what they would recommend.... Ever wished you could just get interested in stuff... It's not even that I'm not motivated I am on game.co.uk and looking through the games list for Xbox and some of the stuff is just crap... Why are shooter games ten a penny... Whatever happend to spyro? Crash? I miss crash... Shooters are great but far too many. Or zombie games.... So many zombie games.... I just wish I could be interested. Keep concentraited... Feel gript.. Have fun playing games... Even Fifa is hard because I've been playing it all my life (seriously I have ) and well I want a game that has exploring, that is out of the box, magic and well fun. Not some boring cia agent gone bad because he didn't get his favourite cup of coffee and his bit on the side left him for a Muslim and all the cia agents are out to get him unless he returns their special gun... Wtf, I just created a best seller lol

I will keep you guys updated

Bye

Fuckers

What a birthday.

2016-07-01T18:04:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was my 25th birthday. I'm half way to 50 years old, holy fuck...... It was a special day. I have to admit I never expected it to go so well.

The day began with me getting a big bag of presents. I got my favourite stuff from Kimmi, my favourite chips, booze, chocolate, and a band t shirt and cd. She spent a bit of money on me which I feel bad lol

We then went to a Korean restaurant and we had a Korean bbq and you got to bbq it yourself!!!! How cool is that?

It was so cool. My friend wilfred suggested to get the bbq (he is Korean) so I did.

My dad gave me money in a card so I'm getting new shoes and jeans. I got a lovely blogpost and message from my bestie. I really felt cared for this birthday. Everyone made an effort. I love them all.

I'm a fan of Rick and morty the tv show and Kimmi's brother and his girlfriend drew me a picture how cool is it?

So here we go...

Thank you Dad, Kimmi, Joanna, Shannon, Sean for making my day special.

Enjoy the pictures

Fuckers

..... Oups lol

I'm sorry, we tried.

2016-06-23T20:45:00.001-07:00

The United Kingdom has left Europe. Scotland tried to save it. Yellow means remain in Europe and blue means leave Europe. The whole of Scotland voted to remain

I am very very worried.

But whatever fucking England wants we get. Scotland's leader said "if the Scottish people vote to remain and are taken out of Europe against their will it will trigger another referendum"

Sorry Europe, Scotland tried

Mila has got some news everyone...

2016-06-23T14:35:00.001-07:00

Exciting...

Voting on the EU referendum...

2016-06-22T18:26:00.001-07:00

Leave or stay?

My Facebook status says it all.

Plus I don't fancy having to have a visa to visit Europe.... Stay!!!!!

But as normal I garentee if we leave it will be like this...

Scotland votes to stay and England votes to leave.... So we will leave. God I hope not. I love Europe. I love European nations. I've been to Germany, Sweden and Greace and the people there were so nice. My best friend is from another eu nation... No way man, stay. United as one.

It only took me nine years but.

2016-06-17T03:48:00.001-07:00

I am now an official college student. I'm about to accept and that's it. My birthday is in two weeks (July 1st) and what a birthday present....

So what are my plans? well improve my grades, then decide what course after this I want to take... It only took me nine years but now I can say, I am a college student; happy early birthday to me woo! I couldn't have done it without Kimmi urging me on or DBT. I still have a lot to learn with DBT but it's changed my life.

I was once told by a person I will name nameless

"Steven, you can't go to college, what? Yes I can, I can and I want to. I know Steven but it would be too difficult for you, what? Are you sure you're not getting mixed up with university? No just leave it, it would be too difficult for you, you would get laughed at."

This was when I was 16, this was straight out of school when I was getting bullied to hell... No wonder it took me only nine years.

I'm excited.

Bye

Fuckers.

Hibernian FC : my team. Never forget your roots.

2016-06-16T05:23:00.001-07:00