Raven Grimaldi

The Wise Man's Fantasy

2011-05-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Good morrow, gentle readers. As some of you know, I have eclectic tastes in fiction, but one rule remains clear: it must be well-written to make my recommended list. I have a particular love for historical fiction, and fantasy (although that word hardly does justice to these authors, as it has such pulp connotations) historical fiction is my favorite. Bookstores, e and otherwise, are clogged with horrid junk when you get to the Sci-fi/fantasy section and sorting through can be a nightmare of wasted time and money, so here's the top of the heap, inspired by HBO's fantastic rendering of "Game of Thrones":

The very thing. G.R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire - Game of Thrones and all the rest. GOT was first published back in the late 1990's and the the other three sporadically since, and the first time I sat down and read it, I was hooked, like no fantasy has hooked me since Lord of the Rings. I'd about given up on the genre, it was completely formulaic, uncreative, central casting characters and plots, churned up into a stew of bad writing. GRRM was a revelation. This is imagined historical fiction at its finest, unique characters who mix medieval/modern language, layers of subplots, action, intrigue all served up on a golden platter of imagination and sauced with passion, sex, blood and powertrips. The long-awaited HBO series has done justice to the books, and gotten it nearly 100% right as well. The only sour note is GRRM's notoriously slow writing, and we've been waiting for Book 5 for years now. Assassins have been dispatched, but cooler heads prevailed, and we have a publication date in July. This has happened before, however. GRRM is a tricky fellow.
While waiting, the field was rife with imitators, but none came close. So many writers make the mistake of trying to emulate a winner with little imagination and less talent, I won't even bother to name the worst because they don't deserve mention, simply view the titles at the bookstore (if you can find one) and there they are. Then, one day, I took a chance after reading the first two pages, on a book titled "The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss. Wow. Not only is he as good a writer, possibly better, than GRRM, he writes faster. Kvothe is a character unique in fiction, and the story of his adventures are just downright wonderful. Followed by "The Wise Man's Fear", this saga will be a trilogy, and I can't say enough about Rothfuss's lyrical writing.

Lastly, there's the wild card. "Kushiel's Dart" and the sequels from this book as well as two other series placed in the medieval alternative world of Terre d'Ange (think France) are the work of Jacqueline Carey's fevered imagination and she is a truly unique, talented writer as well. Phaedre no Delaney's adventures are those of a courtesan/spy, and these books are filled with action, intrigue, beauty and, a healthy dollop of BDSM, so beware, these are not for the faint-hearted or squeamish. That said, most of the stuff that will make readers squirm is in the first series, and not so much in the latter two. Richly imagined world with fascinating characters and plots, truly original. Well worth every minute. Keep in mind, as Stephen King once said, you don't have to be a serial killer to write about one, and reading about more esoteric sex won't necessarily have you jumping off the couch to the nearest dungeon, n'est pas?

So there you have it. I'm fairly sure (maybe) there are other good writers trying their hands at fantasy, but frankly I've not seen any. Most are rife with too much action, not enough character development, trite plots, copied (usually with maps of great detail) settings, and oh please, spare me - quests, or "she was the only one who could save the kingdoms, the bastard daughter of the king with an uncanny ability given to her by the fairies" hero/heroine.

Rule of thumb, if the cover/inside cover or blurbs have anything similar to the above, or a knight on a wild-eyed horse with a claymore, dragons, fire, sorcerers or elves, do yourself a favor and pass on by.

As for the writers on this page, if this is your cup of tea and you haven't read these, grab them, you'll be a happy reader for the rest of the year and then some. Also, you will be eligible for the GRRM I hate procrastinating writers club, populated by thousands, who lurk around his website and sigh a lot, vowing to never read him again, but knowing in their hearts they'll cave.

Winter is coming,
Raven

Fahrenheit 451: The Demise of the Bookstore and So Much More

2011-03-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

At first I was surprised. I parked and got within 3 feet of the doorway before I realized Bookstar was closed and empty. It seemed a bit surreal, I mean I'd just been there a few days before Christmas and this store had been open for years and years, the closest one to my house. Yes, it was a chain, but the independents have been few in this state, and a chain store is better than no bookstore at all.

Then came the news of the Borders closings, and I realized we were up against a much bigger debacle than I'd realized. Look what happened with Virgin and Wherehouse, said the little voice in my head. Wake up, lady. This touchy-feely have to hold the album - book - CD - DVD - magazine in my hand thing is going going gone. Don't you know it's the digital age? Everything's electronic, everything's instant, get a Kindle and stop hauling around cartons of books. Welcome to the 21st Century. Don't be a fuddy duddy, get hip, be cool, make sense. Who needs that stuff?

All of us, even though many of us don't know it. I have grown up in bookstores, all over America, and so have my children, and so many of my friends.

I simply can't imagine what life will be like if there's no more bookstores to walk into, browse through, touch the covers, read a couple of pages to be sure reader and writer are compatible, feel the thrill of seeing a book you know you're going to love, just sitting there waiting for you -- and if you hadn't walked in and seen it, you'd have never known it was out there. Bookstores are a treasure trove, a sanctuary, a place to go for solace as much as inspiration. Places that still are a small oasis of civility, with companionship and like-minded people who are in love with words.

I went into Borders during their closing sale and I found I couldn't buy anything. I wandered around the store, which in three days already looked shabby, uncared-for and rifled through. I picked up a book or two here and there but put them back down and ambled on. There were a lot of people that I usually don't see in the store, grabbing books and talking loudly. When I passed the children's section, my eye fell upon a copy of The Velveteen Rabbit, lying on the floor, its cover marred by a bootprint. I picked it up and sat it up on a high shelf, out of harm's way. It didn't deserve this. I found myself blinking back tears. None of us deserve this. I hurried out of the store and didn't look back.

What is termed "progress" is trampling my dreams. Yours, too.

Sadly, Raven

Soda Pop Sluts: Take Two

2010-05-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

In my book Unfrosted, I make no secret of my loathing for HFCS and processed food. However, in the interest of fair play, let's examine the latest goings-on regarding high fructose corn syrup. Sometimes it's hard to spot manipulation, by virtue of its definition, but for the truly paranoid like me, there's rumblings in the processed food industry. They're mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Their golden child, HFCS, has been beaten to a pulp by the current schoolyard heroes: foodies, chefs, organic farmers, nutritionists, Michael Pollan, me. When everyone from morning show hosts to network news and even Facebook pages tout the evils of HFCS, it's well known. Raven's definition of irrelevant and uninteresting is when news hits the mainstream media but at least it's put a spotlight on HFCS. So they're fighting back:

The Corn Refiners Association has poured more than $30 million into ads to prop up their baby. Unfortunately, more people have seen the parodies on youtube.com than the ads themselves: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYiEFu54o1E&feature=related . There's also a lot of scientists and nutritionists, even Marion Nestle, who wrote "What to Eat", who are saying there's no discernible difference between HFCS and sugar.

Then, ConAgra, possibly the biggest processed food producer in the world, along with Kraft, Pepsico and a host of others, are now making products with sugar, rather than HFCS, bending to market pressure. Hunt's ketchup, Garorade, Kraft salad dressing, Wheat Thins and many more are now reformulated and even though it costs them more, they aren't passing that cost on to consumers, according to Michael Locascio, ConAgra exec. (This is no time to dive into sugar tariffs and corn subsidies and why sugar costs more, Goldman Sachs, lobbyists, black hearts and gold bars, another post, perhaps.) Isn't it nice they care so much about their customers? Hmm. When the sharks climb into the boat, you have to look at what's in the water. In that sea of doubt, there's a couple of new clinical studies about HFCS. To wit:

When a person's liver is deciding what to do with glucose, it has options: use it for energy, convert it into triglycerides or store it as fat. A 2008 study by Elizabeth Parks at University of Texas SW Med Center and another by Peter Havel at UC Davis found that HFCS consumers showed an increase in intra-abdominal fat, the kind that embeds itself between tissues in organs, is less sensitive to insulin and creates elevated blood levels of lipids, or LDL, bad cholesterol. So much for ConAgra's kinder gentler reformulation.

That's enough research for me, and probably for you. It backs up what I've always said: eat natural stuff, even sugar. Yes, sugar is refined too, but not in the manner of high fructose corn syrup. When there's this much controversy, go back to the smoke and fire analogy. Don't eat HFCS and processed food!! As always, the caveat is the same however: knock off the sweet stuff period. Sugar and HFCS are the same when it comes to weight gain. Put down the Coke and pick up the water.

That's the end of Take Two, and there won't be a three on this one. Take care of yourself.

Raven

Soda Pop Sluts - An Unfrosted FairyTale

2010-05-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in the land of USA, the farmers were happy and productive. They were so productive, especially with the golden ears of corn they grew, that soon they surpassed even the king's wildest dreams of how much corn they could possibly grow. All the greatest wizards in the land put their heads together to figure out what was to be done with all that huge surplus of corn. Mounds of the stuff were molding away all over the land and it was expensive to ship, not to mention smelling bad.

Well, it didn't take too long. Corn can be made into syrup, specifically "high fructose corn syrup". The wizards then discovered HFCS, as they lovingly called their creation for short, can be put into almost anything that people eat, in place of sugar and more cheaply, too. It's especially wonderful for sodas, which the people loved.

Another group of wizards was involved in making food fast, packaged, processed and convenient. At first they started with simple stuff, but once they discovered HFCS, they put it just about everything they made, and discovered the people loved it just as much as the sodas they drank when they ate it.

There were a couple of wizards who kept droning on about nutrition and obesity and a responsibility towards the health of the people, but they were quietly and efficiently turned out of the kingdom by the court jesters who made advertisements. Nobody wants to listen to boring statistics when they're eating cheeseburgers, French fries and sugar-coated cereals, not to mention the great taste of Coke and Pepsi.

The king and his advisors gave lots of money to the farmers to keep growing way too much corn, (called subsidies) so the food processors could make HFCS and put it in lots and lots of foods, and those royal edicts continue to this very day.

So, in the land of USA even today, some thirty years later or so, a few people are richer, and everyone is happy, and...much fatter, spending more time going to doctors and worrying about their cholesterol and blood pressure. (Television and video games helped a lot with that too, cause it's really fun to sit on your ass, eat chips and dips and wash it down with gallons of HFCS sweetened soda. Hello worried populace on diets, and goodbye to playing outside.)

Since I wrote this in my book Unfrosted: Get Real about Food and Fitness, HFCS has become a buzzword for the American public, worried about obesity. I wanted to know what had changed, if anything, so I'm doing some research on the chemical breakdown of sweeteners in general, and HFCS in particular, checking clinical studies and public reaction. I'll post these findings soon, but don't worry, the wasp hasn't lost its sting. In the meanwhile, drink water, real lemonade, tea and uh..vodka.

Love, Raven

The Best Music, How You Find It and Why the Music Industry Sucks

2010-02-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

OK, the Olympics have inspired me. It's all about the best, isn't it? So in that vein, I have a few comments to make about the music "industry". I really hate that word. Creating music is an art, not an "industry". The very word sort of makes me nauseous, because it's about taking people's creative genius and boiling it down to how much money can be made from that, at the greatest profit. Right there, it's truly disgusting.

I guess I'm a musician myself, of a sort. I play piano, classically trained to only play other people's stuff, mostly dead European guys, pick at guitar and used to sing. My venue was smoky nightclubs that catered to folk, and I never cut a record or really wanted a career in the biz. Along the way, though, and through my son, I've learned a few things. The thing I've always known is, I know good when I hear it and that's never changed. The second thing I learned is that talent goes begging when it comes to the "industry". They don't care really how well you sing, or if your lyrics are amazing, or if the music you write is wonderful, they only care if they can make a buck off your ass. Think American Idol and if you have ever listened to Patti Smith, Daniel Johnston, or Jim White, you know I'm right.(I'll give you a list of more, but not today, this is about finding it for yourself. Almost every city has it, just look in the right places, and no, it's not the arena.)

So how do you hear good music? You go to clubs where those who are creating it, perform it. Get out there, listen to it, buy their CDs, and tell everyone you know about them. That's where it's being heard, and if you care about it, and want to hear more, you support it. Sometimes it's some dive where you'd never think of going, because that's all they could get, or a coffeehouse you usually go to during the day, or a college radio station somewhere that played something you loved at midnight. You want to hear more, make an effort. The best music I've heard in the last fifteen years has come from just these sources. Once in a great while, I read that the band or musician I loved has signed with a big label company, and I finally hear them on mainstream radio, or see them advertised in a big venue. Well, great. I hope they haven't had to compromise everything they started out believing in, or their music, to make that happen. Sadly, sometimes they have.

I don't want to ever see or hear any more Disney-backed half-assed cute at the moment teenage bands, Nickelback misogynistic crap, Britney and her ilk, Madonna (please retire, your tendons are grossing me out, not to mention your increasing desperation), or booty-based hip-hop junk. Let's make an effort to educate the masses, as overwhelming a task as that may be. Remember, one person CAN make difference. Educate your friends, teach your children, get out there. Play it, talk it, listen to it, and support it all you can. Yes, Kurt is dead, but let's make sure he didn't die in vain. There's so many talented musicians depending on you.

Yes, I'm kinder and gentler, but not dead, Raven

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

2010-01-23T21:21:00.000-08:00

I happily admit it. I'm a junkie for good crime/thriller/detective fiction. The good guys usually win, the bad guys lose, lots of action, excitement, occasional philosophy and suspense. How life should be, how you sometimes wish yours was. If you're a little picky you also get a bonus: some of the best writing ever published. There's a few that are standouts, and win my heart every time:

James Lee Burke is a just plain fantastic writer. His heroes are iconic, from the tortured New Orleans detective Dave Robicheaux and his alcoholic pal Clete Purcell, to Billy Bob Holland, ex-Texas Ranger turned lawyer. They are filled with rage, hungry for justice and afraid of nothing. Burke is simply one of the most lyrical writers out there and sees into the hidden chambers of the human heart, both good and evil, with a clairvoyant mirror.

Carl Hiaason is a columnist for the Miami Herald, and his imagination gets a boost from the fertile breeding ground of Florida's idiosyncratic characters and politics. Some of the funniest and scariest people on the planet show up in his books. My favorite is Skink, a runaway former Florida governor turned philosophical swamp rat, who tends to show up for a major or minor part in many of his books. Skink survives on his considerable wits and road kill, dispensing dinner, advice and occasionally, justice.

Charlie Huston, with a taste for chaos, is my new favorite. His trilogy which begins with "Caught Stealing" is the saga of Hank Thompson, a bartender whose life gets turned upside down when he agrees to watch his vacationing neighbor's cat. Never has a hero metamorphasized like Hank. Blood-soaked and killer funny.

There's more: James W. Hall, Robert Crais, Elmore Leonard, Tana French, Lee Child, Elizabeth George, I could go on for a while. There was one writer, though, that got me started on this journey: Robert B. Parker.

Sadly, Parker died last week. I'm sure he was in the middle of writing a new book at the time. His detective Spenser (like "The Faerie Queene" Spenser" as he was fond of telling people) was an amazing creation. He had it all: he was fearless, rugged, brilliant, dangerous, charming, a gourmet cook and had the coolest friends in the world, especially Hawk and Susan. My first foray into Parker's world was "Early Autumn" and that one hooked me forever. Spenser always gave a damn, and had heart and compassion. It wasn't just Spenser, either – there was Sunny Randall, Jesse Stone, and the Westerns. Great plots, great characters. But for me, Parker was the undisputed king of dialogue. Nobody wrote dialogue like Robert B. Parker. Whenever anybody asks me how to learn to write good dialogue, my answer is “Read Robert B. Parker. Then you’ll know.”
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the words, Parker. You were one of a kind and the best at what you did. I'll miss you a lot.

I've always thought that writers who created such wonderful hero archetype characters as Robicheaux and Spenser were channeling the very best of who they were and who they wanted to be into the characters whose exploits they wrote about. Probably just idealistic imaginings... but somehow I think it may be true. At least I want to think so.

Werewolves, Wild Tales & Writers, Oh My! : iPulpFiction.com

2010-01-18T12:43:00.000-08:00

Short stories are truly wonderful things. Little gems of literary creativity and wonder, they are vignettes of a writer's imagination on a small stage, an opportunity to showcase an idea or a few scenes that don't require the length of a novel to be appreciated. Lately, there's been a renaissance of the short story from publishers, and popularity among readers assures that this will continue. Among e-publishers, one website that stands out from the crowd is ipulpfiction.com. Their stories have a wide range: classic Mark Twain, noir detectives, romance, science fiction, dogs, mysteries, Westerns, and the supernatural - for adults and kids alike. Shameless plug: The "New Voices in Horror" section includes one of mine:

iPulp's experienced and professional staff know their stuff. They look for well-crafted tales and provide the same courteous and knowledgable services to mostly unknown writers as they do to published luminaries like Orson Scott Card and Ben Bova. I urge you to visit the site and see for yourself, it's a lot of fun. If you're a writer, think about submitting a story to them, it's a good opportunity. If you're a reader, you'll have a grand time and stock up on some great stories.

Regards, Raven

A New Year, A New Decade, A New Raven?

2010-01-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year y'all. 2010 just sounds positive, doesn't it? In keeping with that, I've been inspired to be more upbeat as well. I'm basically happy but a cynical sort who gets easily frustrated, but I think with a new decade and all, I want to accomplish more and the best way to do that is to be a more optimistic, cheerful and buoyant person. What's that weird sound...ah, sighs of relief. Hmm.

Don't get too excited, Pollyanna is dead and I still hate most songs in major keys. However, all angst-ridden alcoholic Hemingwayesque successes aside, I do think creativity is best nurtured when the creator is enthusiastic and cheerful. There will be days when this is an uphill battle but all effort will be made to turn sarcasm into wit and snarky comments into helpful suggestions. If you feel I'm sliding downhill, feel free to verbally push me into a more upright stance. A short text/note will do, I suggest QBB (Quit Being a Bitch).

There is more. This year I also vow to:
1. Finish my years-long apocalyptic novel.
2. Start the next one.
3. Write at least six more short stories.
4. Do more yoga, dance and go to the gym again.
Then there's the really hard ones:
5. Remember wine doesn't count as a fruit serving.
6. Wear clothes that aren't black occasionally.
7. Quit cutting my own hair.
8. Stay away from Macy's.
9. Walk the dogs more often.

10. Stop snarling at people who say "bless you".

Laissez les bons temps rouler, darlings, and merci to Ms. Wolf Aesthetic for the inspiration.

Regardez, the kinder gentler Raven.

O Brother Where Art Thou?

2009-12-06T12:53:00.001-08:00

You probably thought this blog was going to be about writing, and it will be, but I find it therapeutic to relieve my frustrations not simply with the quality of literature in America, but all things on the way to and from the reading of same. Case in point, shopping at Fry's, the largest grocery chain in Arizona, and closest to my house. I can't do this anymore, I'm going to have to venture a couple of miles further afield.
I've thought some about why this market is so creepy and annoying. -- always out of lemonade, refusal to stock local produce, decent pita bread, that sort of stuff but the after today it's finally dawned on me -- its customers, or frenzied ferrets on meth.
Some sense of civility is necessary to maintain a culture whose citizens don't push and shove each other, or worse, but Fry's parking lot and even inside the building, are microcosms of danger that come close to illustrating the possibility of the complete breakdown of society.
I always park at the far end of the parking lot, just to avoid them, but today even pulling into a lane to get there, it was a war. Some guy in an old Pinto had backed out to leave, when the cell-phone chatting airhead parked beside him did the same, without ever looking to see if anyone was there. I patiently watched this near disaster unfold, (there was some yelling but no collision, although airhead missed even me by an inch, pulling away in her unjustified indignation). Before I could move further, two more people backed out in front of me, narrowly missing each other and me as well. I finally parked at the end of the row, passing up those empty spots which by this time only signified chaos, and while walking toward the door, nearly got ran into three times, snarled at twice by these Mario Andrettis of the parking lot.
I'm pretty damn sure I didn't take my invisibility cloak with me today, nor did my car.
Inside, things weren't a lot better. People careened around corners pushing carts like Sherman tanks, snapping at their children and sighing in exasperation. I got out fast, without incident, and made it home, but I felt an obscure sense of somehow having narrowly escaped doom. There's an air pocket of nasty around that place that affects people's brains, like Stephen King's market in the Mist.
Which leads to this post, gentle readers. There's an attitude of uncivil behavior that's rampant in this country. It's worse and better in certain cities, but one thing I've noticed about Phoenix in particular is it's pretty high, from markets to how people drive. Scottsdale is a little better, probably because the socioeconomic level is higher, but that's a double-edged sword, because in most areas where that's true, the nouveau riche think it's all right to have a sense of entitlement when it comes to manners, i.e., like pigs at the "me first" feeding trough. Just because you're wearing Fendi doesn't mean you get to act like an asshole.
Unfortunately, people without ethics, manners, morals and any sensibility of same are the norm, and it's getting worse, because they're breeding children that are just like them. One of the main reasons I don't teach school anymore is because I can't tolerate the behavior of the children caused by the stupidity of the parents that are raising them. Pumping $$ into public education in this country is like throwing it down a rathole. Half the school instruction time is taken up with disciplinary problems and counter-measures for them.Teachers who stand up for themselves and insist on civil behavior don't last long, to the detriment of children who don't act like characters from Lord of the Flies, to say nothing of society in general.
It's a flood, and we're all caught up in it. So let's be kind to each other. Or, the next time somebody is appallingly rude to you (which will be tomorrow, most likely), do your part. Let them know. They may not appreciate it at the time, but maybe the next person they're face to face with will. Don't forget to duck, though and check for weapons. Just saying.Oh, yeah, and shop at Safeway.

Hollywood!

2009-11-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to go to the movies tonight. I checked the listings, and then I checked Rottentomatoes.com. No point in throwing money away, eh? Pretty dismal. We have New Moon. Teenage vampires/werewolves/virgins written by a Mormon who obviously has some issues with all three. 29% . Men Who Stare at Goats, well intentioned parapsychology and George Clooney, but off the mark, sort of like some of his directorial efforts. 54%. This Is It, Michael Jackson, 81%. Ok, I'm down with the King of Pop thing, but hey, he did like little boys, so I'm not enthralled, and this got high marks, which just goes to show people only care about sentimentality, one of the few things that gets the masses excited these days. It's allright, I mean just because you're a pedophile doesn't mean you can't be a good performer, but for me the music isn't all that good, you know? Moving on. The Blindside. Sandra Bullock taking in an orphan who turns out to be a football star? I think I've seen this one before. Radio? Please. 69%. A Christmas Carol, with Jim Carrey. This is crap. 56% Try DVD for the real thing. Precious, 91%. Ok, I have to look at this. Whoops. I'm sure it's a real heartbreaker but frankly I'm finding it difficult to identify with a 300 pound half-literate chick from the projects who's been on Oprah. The Oprah part is enough to send me packing.

Don't get excited, I'm not some hating sports-cartoon-racist-music monster. I'm just looking for a movie that makes me think or laugh and gives me a moment of awe, that I don't feel guilty about recommending later. Not happening. I think the "studios" are saving it up for December. Gosh, I hope so. When I think about the amounts of $$ these gems cost, I get nauseous. Hope everybody in Hollywood has a merry Christmas, but they aren't going to do it on my dime.

Say it with me now, "Waste your money, and everybody in Hollywood just made a buck or two off the brain-dead American public."

Yikes. Go to the video store, or the bookstore, even better.